Rewrite - Stephanie Rose(ang.)

Table of Contents REWRITE Dedication Soundtrack Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21

Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36 Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Epilogue Enjoy an excerpt of After You Acknowledgements About the Author Books by Stephanie Rose

Rewrite Copyright © 2017 by Stephanie Rose All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted on any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without written permission of the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review. This book is a work of fiction. Names, Characters, places, and incidents are either the product of the author’s imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locals is entirely coincidental. Except the original material written by the author, all songs, song titles, and lyrics contained in the book are the property of the respective songwriters and copyright holders. Cover Design: Najla Qamber Designs www.najlaqamberdesigns.com Photography: MaeIDesign & Photography www.maeidesign.com Models: Josh and Shauna Meyers

Interior Design and Formatting: Type A Formatting www.typeaformatting.com Editing: Mitzi Pummer Carroll  Proofreading: Marisa Nichols

Contents REWRITE Dedication Soundtrack Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15

Chapter 16 Chapter 17 Chapter 18 Chapter 19 Chapter 20 Chapter 21 Chapter 22 Chapter 23 Chapter 24 Chapter 25 Chapter 26 Chapter 27 Chapter 28 Chapter 29 Chapter 30 Chapter 31 Chapter 32 Chapter 33 Chapter 34 Chapter 35 Chapter 36

Chapter 37 Chapter 38 Chapter 39 Chapter 40 Epilogue Enjoy an excerpt of After You Acknowledgements About the Author Books by Stephanie Rose

To my close crew of friends who made this book possible. The talented women I met along this writing journey who took time out of their busy, multijob schedules to help me make this book something I’m proud of. Thank you for the latenight instant message gut checks, the incessant edits to the blurb, the read throughs, and the invaluable support you give me on a daily basis. I’m blessed to have you in my life.

“You have been my friend . . . That in itself is a tremendous thing.” —EB White.

Spotify Link I’ll Stand By You—The Pretenders, Bob Clearmountain From Where You Are—Lifehouse She Will Be Loved—Maroon 5 Story of My Life—One Direction Photograph—Ed Sheeran True Colors—Anna Kendrick, Justin Timberlake Something Just Like This—The Chainsmokers, Coldplay You & I—One Direction I Was Made For Loving You—Tori Kelly, Ed Sheeran Give Me Love—Ed Sheeran Feels Like Tonight—Daughtry Mr. Brightside—The Killers Everything—Lifehouse A Thousand Years—Christina Perri With or Without You—U2 Crazy Love—Van Morrison Perfect—Ed Sheeran

Brianna you meet the love of your life, it’s a day you’ll never forget. Your soul sings and your body hums, all because you “know.” That innate instinct telling you, you finally found your person. Maybe it’s a look of longing across a crowded bar. Or the gasped breath you take as you slide into your seat in class next to the man of your dreams. That thunderbolt could hit you anywhere, at any time. The lightning singes you to your core where you stand, and there’s no going back. The thunderbolt found me in Mrs. Ruiz’s kindergarten class. I met the love of my life when I was five years old. Before I knew about romance, lust, and words to love songs that are supposed to describe that “feeling.” All I knew was that Josh Falco was my everything. Maybe I didn’t know what to call it at the time, but from the beginning, it was love. THEY SAY WHEN

Believe it or not, I remembered the day I met Josh, even at that young age. Maybe not every little

detail. I remembered the twinge of dread in the pit of my stomach knowing the girls who picked on me so mercilessly that summer would be in my class. I was klutzy and chunky, an unfortunate combination that screamed “bully me!” Humiliation and intimidation are traumas you never forget, no matter how old you are. I learned early on that the mean people were everywhere and tended to always have control of the room. I remembered keeping my chin stuck to my chest most of the day, not wanting to find out if the giggles behind me were about me. Playtime was the best part of the day. When the kids scattered, I was still solo, but I found the most beautiful set of blocks. They were pink and purple and so pretty. I built my own princess castle, securing it with the crystal star block at the top. I pretended it was a moon or sun. My own little kingdom, until a fist made it come crashing down. “Baby girl blocks! Brianna’s a baby!” Vinny Parker, my next-door neighbor, cackled as I glared at him through my unshed tears. He didn’t discriminate. He was just a bully—plain and simple. It was the only fun I’d had all day, and the only time I smiled since I trudged into the classroom. My face burned as hot tears trickled down my cheeks. Why didn’t anyone want to be my friend? I couldn’t understand it. I buried my face in my hands and wished I could disappear.

A loud bang made my head jerk up. Vinny was rolling on the floor, sniffling as his hands wrapped around his middle. “He hit me!” Vinny’s nostrils flared. He pointed to the boy standing over us from where he still lay on the floor. I knew all about superheroes since my dad was a comic book geek, but I’d never seen one up close before. The boy who came to my rescue didn’t have a cape. His green eyes hid behind the floppy, dark curls on his head as he returned Vinny’s mean stare. Mrs. Ruiz ran over and pulled Vinny and the new boy away from each other, dragging them to the “thinking chairs” in the back of the room. Vinny hiccupped as his tears turned into an ugly cry. The other boy—Mrs. Ruiz called him Josh—didn’t utter a single sound. He didn’t look mad or mean or even sad that he’d gotten in trouble. At lunchtime, I sat alone on the far end of the table, unpacking the lunch Mom always gave me: a ham and cheese sandwich and two chocolate cupcakes with the white icing swirl at the top. They were my favorite ones. “Can I sit here?” Josh asked me in a whisper. Seeing him up close, I wondered where his lunchbox was or if his mom noticed the bottom of his jeans were dirty. I always got in trouble for that. “Okay.” I moved my Wonder Woman lunch box so he could sit. “Where’s your lunch?”

He shrugged. “I don’t have one.” He rubbed his belly, I guessed to cover up the growl he couldn’t muffle. I reached into the box and pulled out the foilcovered sandwich. “Do you want mine? I wasn’t going to eat it anyway.” His mouth twisted as he squinted at me. “You don’t want it?” I shook my head. “I only really wanted the cupcakes.” Josh laughed as he took the sandwich from my hand. My nose crinkled at the black under his fingernails. My mom always made me scrub my hands when I got them that dirty. “You only want cupcakes for lunch. That’s funny.” “I love cupcakes.” I glared at Josh with folded arms. “And I hate ham and cheese.” “Okay, Cupcake,” Josh said through a mouthful of cheese and meat. “My name is Brianna.” I stomped my foot under the table. “Why did you punch Vinny?” “Because he made you cry.” I let my arms go and unwrapped my first cupcake. “Where are your friends?” “I don’t have any friends,” he mumbled as he continued to chew. “I can be your friend.” I lifted my head all the way up and turned toward Josh.

He smiled at me for the first time. I was too young to have a heart pitter-patter in my chest, but I thought he was beautiful all the same. I’d never seen anyone smile with their whole face. I took a big chomp of my cupcake, making us both giggle when the cream inside smeared on my nose. “Sure . . . Cupcake.” He laughed again as he finished my sandwich. I glanced around the room, not caring anymore who was there. From that day on, it was only the two of us. As long as I had Josh, I didn’t need anyone else. I fell in love with Josh the minute he punched someone solely for making me cry; I just didn’t know it until I was much older. Right before I lost him.

Brianna ~ Thirteen years later I’m outside. Either come downstairs or I ring the bell. ME:

NOTHING SET A person

up for rejection like showing up unannounced. But if I’d texted before my arrival I’d get no response, so why should I have bothered? I was a hell of a lot braver on the short walk up the block from my house, all sorts of emotions fueling every step I took until I sprinted the last few feet. I planted myself on his bottom step until I heard the creak of the screen door opening. “Brianna, just go,” Josh snapped as he glared at me from his front door. I glared right back as I leveled my gaze. “No. I won’t ‘just go.’ After all these years, I deserve something. ‘Thanks for sticking by me.’ ‘Goodbye.’ ‘Go fuck yourself.’ We’ve been best friends since kindergarten and you’re leaving for boot camp—or so I heard—tomorrow. Respect me at least that much, won’t you?” Josh raked his hands over his face. “I’m doing you a favor.”

I stepped back and shook my head. “A favor? Throwing me aside like I’m no one is a favor? You’re real generous, Falco.” I folded my arms over my heaving chest. His jaw clenched as he trudged down the stairs. He stomped through his days with an ever-present chip on his shoulder, but the sour expression he gave everyone else couldn’t fool me. I saw beyond the hardened edges and malice that he did his best to put forth to everyone else. With me, he was just Josh. My best friend. The best friend who was leaving me forever without a word. “What about finishing high school? You can’t just leave!” But, in reality, he’d left a long time ago. He hadn’t been to school in three weeks and his locker was cleared out as if he was never coming back. Even before that, I hadn’t seen my Josh in months. The angry jerk who stood in front of me wasn’t my best friend, but I couldn’t stop hoping that he was still in there somewhere. “I did finish high school. Got my GED today.” He stuffed his hands into his pockets and gave me an annoyed shrug as if it was no big deal at all. Maybe to him, it wasn’t. I was the only one devastated in our now one-sided friendship. “Why didn’t you just stay to finish like the rest of us? What’s the rush?” My voice shrieked as panic filtered through my system. “I had one choice.” He let out a long sigh.

“Uncle Billy was able to get his old military buddy to agree to let me enlist as long as I got my GED and I tested clean. They both spoke to the judge for me, and he agreed, since I didn’t have a record. You know it’s better this way.” The glare in his eyes softened for only a moment when his gaze met mine. “Better this way? How could you say that?” “I’m poison, Brianna,” Josh whispered. “Just admit it.” “Stop saying that!” He ran his hands over his newly-shaved head. Gone were the black curls that fell over his face, the ones I had dreams of running my fingers through when he kissed me. “This is your chance. I’m not your burden anymore. You’re free of me, Cupcake. Finally.” “Free of you? Are you serious?” My shaking hands balled into fists at my sides. I was losing him for good, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I never wanted to be “free” of Josh. I loved him. Not just as my best friend. I loved him with my entire heart and soul, and now I was about to lose the little part of him that always belonged to only me since we were kids. I knew his loves, his fears, and why he’d been in a downward spiral that was now accelerating beyond his control. I was the only one he cried to in rare moments of weakness,

and the only one he laughed with on the few occasions he let his guard down. I never tried to save him, but I wouldn’t leave him. How could I? He was everything to me. Josh’s eyes met mine but then darted to the ground. “They searched my locker. It was this or jail.” “For weed? That’s stupid—” He bit his lip and looked everywhere but in my direction. “There was Molly in there, too.” My mouth fell open as I took a step back. “Why would you . . .” He cocked his head as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Don’t look at me like that, Bri. You know I don’t use that shit. Gio told me I could get a lot more for the hard stuff, and the old man is too behind on the mortgage. It was this or move into the Y.” “But your dad was supposed to get disability checks. Couldn’t he—” “No, Bri,” he clipped. “Even when they start coming in, it won’t be enough. We’re too behind, so either we pay or the bank forecloses on the house.” Josh sold drugs to help pay the bills. He hid it from me for months, but I knew. This was it. Devastation seeped into my veins. How was I supposed to function without Josh? Sure, he kept his distance from me more and more, but even when we weren’t together, we were. I couldn’t explain it. I

felt his presence around me. We used to joke that we had a best friends’ spidey-sense. When did the bond between us turn into a curse? “What about rehab or something—?” My desperate brain tried to come up with a solution— any solution. I was about to run inside and beg my parents to take him in—anything to make him stay. “I’m eighteen. All of those places are off the table. It’s done, Brianna. Let it go.” Let it go? Let Josh go? I didn’t know how to do that. I took in a deep breath and gazed at him. If he wanted to keep the asshole mask on until he left, I’d let him. I knew who was really behind it, no matter how much he huffed and sneered at me. “So, you aren’t even going to call me?” I crossed my arms and inched closer. “I doubt I can have a phone at boot camp.” Josh spit his words at me, but didn’t back away. “Then write me. You know, once they let you hold sharp objects again.” Josh looked away, but not before I caught the hint of a smile. “Still looking to torture me with more writing.” “Maybe.” A sad smile curved my lips. “You know you want to see how my book ends. Remember that summer I stayed at my grandparents’ upstate and we wrote every week? You probably couldn’t write every week, but

maybe sometimes . . .” I hated leaving Josh that summer, and he knew it. When I received that first letter in the mail, I ran my finger along the grooves his handwriting made into the paper and pretended that he wasn’t three hours away. I was overjoyed to still have a piece of him with me. I was as pathetic now as I was back then, but I still had to try. I kissed his cheek and let out a long sigh as everything about him filled my senses. I took in his strong jaw, just inches away from his full lips. He was my beautiful, troubled boy. I cupped his cheek and noted his sharp gasp as my hand drifted down his face. He bit his lip as his gaze softened. Our eyes locked as he tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. The air between us was heavy with love and regret. For one brief second, Josh allowed the fear and the hurt he buried deep inside to flash on his beautiful face. He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but it closed and flattened to a hard line. He planted a quick kiss on my forehead before he jerked away. “Look, I have to go.” He turned to walk back up his steps. I zoned in on the back of his head, and did my damnedest to pretend I’d see him tomorrow. I tried with everything I had not to feel the finality and sadness that grew with every step he took toward his door. Even though he was still in my line of sight, the distance between us was already miles

wide. He reached for his screen door and stilled. “Do us both a favor,” he called to me without turning around. “Just move on. Go to prom, go to college, have a good life without me around to ruin it for you.” He craned his head, the hard edges of his face softening for a moment as his eyes met mine. “Forget about me, Cupcake.”

Josh ~ Present day nervous; at least, not that I’d let anyone see. Not when I took on guys twice my size in school for saying shit about my father, not when I enlisted in the military to avoid jail, and not when training pushed my every limit and made me dread opening my eyes each day. But now, standing in front of the door of the only girl I ever loved, the one I hadn’t seen in almost ten years—that scared the shit out of me. I told her to forget about me, but she never did. Fuck knows I could never forget her. We wrote letters a few times a month for the years I was away. Just as we did for our entire lives, we told each other everything—but always seemed to skate around one detail. Was she with anyone? I never had the balls to come out and ask, and neither of us volunteered anything. I exhaled and wiped the sweat off my brow as my boots crunched the brittle yellow leaves leading to her door. If she was, she was. I wanted her to have a good life. She deserved that. She was sweet and innocent but always stuck up for my sorry ass and looked out for me since we I DIDN’T GET

were kids. At the end of every dark and terrible day, she was my bright spot. All these years later, that’s how I still thought of her. My light out of the darkness. This was always my plan. Once I finished active duty and served the rest of my time in the Army, I’d get on my own two feet, come back, and finally make her mine. As much as I wanted her to wait for me, I couldn’t make that request. I was a bastard of a kid, but not cruel, especially not to her. How could I be? Her goodbye embrace and kiss on my cheek got me through all these years. If she was taken, I’d have to hold on to that for a little longer —like forever. Jesus H, Josh. Pull your panties up and just knock on the damn door. “Just a minute!” Twenty-eight-year-old Brianna Morgan sounded as sweet as the seventeen-yearold version. I’d bet she was still as beautiful, too. I shut my eyes and wiped my sweaty tattooed hand on my black jeans. Could I get a fucking grip? I didn’t even know when the door opened. “Josh? Oh my God!” Brianna covered her mouth with her hands, her eyes growing saucer wide. “Is it . . .” I laughed to myself as she looked me up and down. She gulped as her jaw quivered. “Is it really you?” My eyes drank her in as I held in a sigh. Grown up Brianna Morgan wasn’t only beautiful, she was

breathtaking. “Hi, Cupcake.” Brianna threw her arms around my neck and tackled me with a hug. I wrapped my arms around her and lifted her up by the waist. I buried my head in her neck while she squealed. I was home—back home with my girl—and I didn’t want to put her down. The familiar vanilla scent filled my senses. Everything about her was always so damn sweet. I set her back on her feet, her glossy eyes roaming my face as she beamed at me. “But . . .” Brianna blinked and shook her head, as if she couldn’t believe what she was seeing. “I just heard from you last week. You didn’t say anything—” I kept my hands on her tiny waist. “I wanted to surprise you. Uncle Billy is opening that second shop after all, and he sent me back here to run it.” After the military, I worked for my uncle’s custom bike shop. I mentioned in my last letter he was tinkering with opening a store in New York, but I never said anything about possibly moving back to run it. “I can’t believe it.” Brianna framed my face, her shaky hands pressing into my cheeks as if she were afraid I would disappear again. Warmth flooded my chest at the joy on her face. “Come in.” She pulled me inside and shut the door behind me. I gazed around her apartment. She had a small

eat-in kitchen, a love seat instead of a couch in the middle of her living room, and my heart sank into my stomach when I met the gaze of the guy sitting on it. “I’m Scott.” He strutted over to me with an extended hand. “You must be Josh. The old best friend from the letters. Nice to finally meet you. I didn’t know people actually wrote letters anymore.” He snickered as he looked between us. I plastered on a big smile to hide my disappointment. I’d hoped, but hadn’t expected her to be alone. “That’s me. I guess we’re different.” I’d gotten so used to sending letters that it never occurred to me to switch to email like the rest of the twentyfirst century. Brianna suggested phone calls a few times, but I always made up an excuse. Hearing each other’s voices before we were ready, or before I was ready, would have done more harm than good to both of us. Letters kept us close in a special way but allowed me a comfortable distance. I could tell this guy wouldn’t understand that, and I didn’t feel the slightest need to explain. That was my piece of Brianna no one would touch. “Nice to meet you. I hope I didn’t interrupt your night—” “Not at all. I’m on my way to a business dinner, just dropped by to see my girl for a little bit beforehand.” Scott picked up Brianna’s hand and brought it to his lips. I didn’t miss the side glance he

gave me as he did it. It’d been a long time since the overwhelming urge to punch someone boiled in my gut. I hated the familiarity in the way he touched her. That should’ve been me she giggled at with a blush in her cheeks. She was my girl long before she was anyone else’s. Too bad I never told her. “Did I hear you call her Cupcake?” Scott tilted his head as he narrowed his eyes at us. Brianna smiled as she found my gaze. “Josh has called me that since kindergarten.” She tore her eyes away and brought them back to Scott. “When I was little, I loved cupcakes.” “Doesn’t every kid?” Scott squinted at her, still holding her hand. Not that it bothered me or anything. “In kindergarten, that’s all she would eat. Those little chocolate cakes with the white squiggles on the top. She gave me her real lunch and only ate the cupcake. It was our little secret, so I started calling her Cupcake, and it stuck.” She took care of me from the beginning, when I didn’t have a mother to pack me a real lunch for school. I probably loved her even then; I just didn’t know what the hell it was. Brianna was my center. But all these years later, I didn’t expect the pull toward her to be this powerful. “Well, I better go. You guys probably want to catch up.” Scott kissed Brianna’s lips before heading out the door, igniting a burn of jealousy.

Coming back into Brianna’s life as a caveman wasn’t my intention. I had no right, not after all these years, and definitely not after I withheld how I felt. Keeping it from her was the right thing to do, though, no matter how much it made me feel like shit right now. After Scott left, I followed Brianna as she crossed the living room. I dropped my gaze to her left hand and breathed a sigh of relief at the absence of a ring. “So . . .” She took in a deep breath and folded her hands under her chin, then turned to me once we were in her kitchen. “There’s so much I want to say . . . so much I want to tell you. I just . . . I feel like I’m dreaming.” A jolt ran through me as I squeezed her hand. I let my thumb drift back and forth over her wrist as the air stilled between us. A dichotomy of emotions flooded through me. I was so happy to see her, yet furious that I was too late. But, either way, I was in her life to stay. I intended to reclaim my best friend, even if she couldn’t be mine. “We have all night.” I pulled a seat out from her table and motioned for her to sit. “Or until you throw me out.” We both settled at the table and met each other’s gaze for a long minute. “No way. I can’t believe you’re back. And running your own business!” “Wait,” I raised my hands and shook my head.

“It’s Uncle Billy’s business. I’m just the manager.” Brianna sucked her teeth as she frowned at me. “You always loved cars and bikes. I remember that afternoon at your house when you took apart an engine just to see if you could put it back together.” I laughed and shook my head. “Almost had it, too. I got shit from the old man when his car wouldn’t start the next day, though. Always the bad seed.” “No.” Brianna’s face hardened as she glared at me. “You weren’t. In fact, don’t panic, but I think you’re a success story now.” Her mouth twisted in a smirk. I gasped an exaggerated breath and clutched my chest. “Bite your tongue. God forbid! Who am I, if I’m not the local troublemaker?” I laughed, but she frowned in response. Brianna leaned back in her chair and sighed. “You never were. Not to me. You had it rough and, yeah, got into some trouble.” “Some? Like the ocean has ‘some’ water in it?” I shook my head as I broke my gaze from hers. Even after all I put her through, she only saw the best in me. I couldn’t accept it back then, and I sure as shit didn’t deserve it now. She leaned over and rested her palm on my chest, over my heart. “This was always good. You could pretend with everyone else, but not with me. I’m proud of you.”

I reached up and rested my hand on hers as a lump formed in my throat. When I left, that was all I wanted. When I saw her again, I wanted her to see a man with his shit together, who’d be worthy of her. Those four words falling from her lips were like hitting a jackpot to me. Unfortunately, now she was someone else’s fortune. “Enough about me.” I pulled my hand away and rested my elbows on the table. “I want to hear about you. You’re a writer now, right?” “Copywriter.” Brianna corrected me with a bit of an eye roll. “Fairly big agency. I get to work on some cool stuff. The billboard on Jersey Turnpike, just before Route Seventeen, I wrote that headline. I take a picture every time we drive by.” “That’s pretty cool. You’re famous.” I nudged her shoulder and she rolled her eyes. “Yeah, okay. Welcome to my mansion. Ugh!” She slapped her forehead with her palm. “I am the worst hostess ever. I should make you something to eat. Or drink. You walked in and I . . .” “You forgot everything else?” I gave her a playful wink and loved the giggle I got in return. “Pizza would be good for me. We have a lot of time to catch up on. You can make special mac and cheese for me another night.” I snickered and let my gaze fall to the table. “It was your idea to mix Ritz crackers with blue

box mac and cheese, and you loved it.” Brianna stood from the table, her eyes narrowing into slits. Her chestnut hair was almost blonde now and cascaded off her shoulders in waves. The curves that nearly forced me to carry my book bag in front to hide the bulge in my pants were still spectacular, only now they were lean and toned. Same tiny waist, same perfect breasts, same cherry red lips turned down in a scowl when I teased her. It all drove me even crazier. Every inch of her was so damn beautiful. Keeping it in the best friend zone would be a shitload tougher than I imagined. I shifted in my seat, hoping she wouldn’t notice me adjusting myself under the table. “Sicilian still good?” Brianna smiled as she picked up the phone. “I have Coronas in the fridge, and a couple of limes, too.” I let out a sad chuckle and nodded, remembering our days at my house, watching sweet Brianna’s face crinkle in disgust when she took her first sip of beer. Coronas became her beer of underage choice at the time. At least that was one of her firsts that was all mine. Things happened the way they had to, but with her, I always wished they were different . . . better. “They said a half hour.” Brianna slid a bottle of beer in front of me, alongside three lime wedges on a tiny white plate. “I always thought you’d be writing books now.”

She shrugged. “I have a book done, actually— the first draft anyway. I just can’t find the guts to do anything with it.” I squinted at her as I took a sip from the beer bottle. “You’re kidding me, right? What happened to the one you made me read in school?” She let out a long sigh and nodded. “That’s the one. To this day, you’re the only one who’s seen it or even knows about it.” “Scott doesn’t know you like to write.” Since we were in grammar school, Brianna wrote constantly. Poems, riddles, we’d watch a show and she’d say, ‘What if it ended like this . . . ’ Granted, she annoyed the shit out of me sometimes, but her excitement was always adorable and infectious. I couldn’t see that not being a part of who she was anymore. “He’s more a corporate type of guy. Just started his own accounting firm with his brother. Writing, designing—he really doesn’t take it too seriously. He’d laugh his ass off if he knew about my book.” She shook her head with a sad laugh and took a long gulp of beer. “Where did you meet him? Have you guys been together long?” “We started dating only a couple of years ago, but we met in college. He used to tease me that my creative writing classes were ‘cute.’” She held her fingers up in air quotes. “He wouldn’t be interested

in reading my book.” “Are you guys . . . serious?” Trying to keep a casual tone while praying she said no was pretty fucking difficult. “Yeah, I guess so.” Brianna nodded as she took a sip of beer. Hmm. “Give it to me.” Brianna drew back in her chair. “What?” “The book. You tortured me with it in school; at least grant me the courtesy of seeing how it ends.” Brianna laughed and shook her head. “Josh, you don’t have to—” “I want to. I’ll give you my email address. Send it to me and I’ll start right away. And I don’t know Scott, but he’s wrong. It takes talent to put words together, to make people stop and pay attention. Whether it’s a billboard or a book, I think being able to do that is amazing.” Her cheeks flushed as she dropped her gaze to the floor. “Thank you.” You’re amazing is what I wanted to say. And if Scott didn’t think so, I was about to give him a run for his money.

Brianna sitting at my kitchen table. I pinched the inside of my thigh to check to see if it wasn’t a dream and covered my wince of pain with a smile as he filled me in on his life since he left. A decade ago, he asked me to forget him and told me to move on. It took years before I stopped going through the motions and gave it a try. Josh only existed on the written pages he sent me, and pining for someone who would never come back didn’t make sense—no matter how many years I spent alone because no one compared to the boy I lost. Now, here he was. Instead of the rotten scowl twisting his mouth, an easy smile spread across his lips as he filled me in on Falco Custom Cycles. He’d cleaned up his life but still looked every inch the bad boy. Tattoos covered his arms from his biceps to his wrists. His hair was buzzed short with a couple days of stubble covering his cheeks. But he had the same twinkling eyes and crooked smile as the five-year-old boy who stole my heart. “That’s a lot of tattoos.” I motioned to his JOSH FALCO WAS

decorated wrists with my beer bottle. He shrugged. “Yeah, they can be addicting. You get one, and before you know it, you have ten. Plus, the old man always hated tats. My little act of rebellion that ran amok.” He shrugged with a wry grin. “Where are you staying?” I rose from the table to clear the empty beer bottles. I’d downed the first one in an effort to get a handle on my nerves. “In Astoria. Staying in the old neighborhood . . .” Josh grimaced as he trailed off. “I’m not ready for that. Not that anyone would be all that thrilled to have me back.” He cringed as he reached for another slice of pizza out of the box on the table. “Screw them.” I pfttd as I sat back down. “I’m thrilled you’re back.” I leaned across the table and squeezed his hand. Josh slid his other hand over mine as a shy smile curved his lips. We still had that inexplicable connection, but it was a little different now. I’d known him all my life, but it was like we met for the first time tonight. I was breathless and jittery all at once. “Well, you’re all that matters.” He took my hand in both of his and rested his forehead against our joined fingers. “I am so sorry, Bri.” So many things were racing through my mind, but the one person who should have been there— my boyfriend—wasn’t even in the same zip code as

my haggard brain tried to make sense of what I was feeling. “Don’t,” I whispered, my gaze falling to my hand still in Josh’s but making no effort to pull away. “It was a long time ago—” “It doesn’t matter. I let my life go to shit and lost everything. If it wasn’t for Uncle Billy stepping in—” Josh dropped our hands to the table, but never let go. “You were the only one that stuck by me, through everything. I wanted to be a better man. For you.” He sighed as he let go and took a swig of beer. “Even when I was hundreds of miles away, you were still there.” I shrugged before tears pricked my eyelids. “You’re my best friend. There was nowhere else for me to be. I never would have left you, no matter what you did.” “I know,” he whispered as he placed the bottle back onto the table. Josh raised his eyebrows. “I’m still your best friend?” “Of course, you are. Why? I’m not yours?” In the blink of an eye, we regressed from twenty-eight to twelve. “Well, yeah, of course. But I figured you’d have done better as far as friends went after I was gone.” Josh laughed with a sad smile. “I wasn’t exactly nice to you before I left.” I shrugged. “You never scared me, Falco. I had friends, yes. More in college than high school.

Going away to college was a dream come true, even if it was only to a different borough.” Josh frowned as he rested his elbows on the table. “I didn’t want that. You went to the prom at least, right?” “If you’re still hungry, I can order another pizza.” I stood from my seat at the table and turned toward the refrigerator. “I think I still have cold cuts—” “Bri . . .” Josh growled as his jaw ticked. “Fine,” I groaned. “No. And I didn’t care. I didn’t want to buy a stupid dress for a night with stupid people I didn’t like. I went to my college formal, if that makes you feel better, and it was lovely. Happy?” “No.” Josh leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms. “When it got really tough, the only thing that gave me the slightest bit of comfort was that you were happy here—without me. Not always sticking up for me and the latest fight I was in or going after people whispering behind my back. I wanted you to have a good, normal life.” I inhaled a deep breath and folded my hands in front of me, lifting my gaze to meet his. He thought leaving was doing me a favor, but it took years to move forward from the devastation. A “good and normal life” wasn’t possible for me for a long time. “Seeing you here, like this. The way you and I used to be before things got—” My nose burned as

I blinked back tears. “That’s what makes me good and happy.” It was so many years ago, but talking about life with Josh as kids, and losing him, picked off a painful scab. Josh lifted his gaze as he took my hand and laced our fingers together again. “How about we make up for lost best friend time? Make sure I hold onto my title.” My heart fluttered as he arched an eyebrow. “I’d like that.” The smile on my face faded as our eyes locked. He had another title back then, one I never could admit to out loud. Memories trickled to the surface—the happy ones instead of the melancholy ones I usually dwelled on. He was my childhood love, and I had the best of him back. Love isn’t real when you’re that age, but the butterflies that took off in my stomach as I gazed at him now didn’t seem to know the difference.

Brianna have to get up?” Scott pulled me into his chest where we lay squished together on my love seat. His hand trailed down my back and settled on my ass before giving it a squeeze. I giggled and lifted my head. “We’ve been lounging around all day. Getting home late doesn’t mean we can sleep my birthday away.” Scott surprised me last night with a fancy birthday dinner he admitted he booked two months in advance. He’d been working 24/7 at the new company he started with his brother, and I’d spent more nights than I wanted to alone as of late. After so many canceled dates, I learned to think of all plans as soft unless he confirmed in the afternoon. All I wanted was a night with Scott and nothing but his undivided attention, and I couldn’t have cared less if we ate at McDonald’s. “Besides, Josh should be here with my cake any minute.” I raised an eyebrow. I wanted Josh and Scott to get to know each other, and my birthday seemed like the perfect opportunity. Scott’s reaction to my request had been lukewarm. “MMM . . . DO WE

He tried his best to appear aloof, but I knew better. Since Josh came back and we were spending time together, my boyfriend wasn’t exactly on board. He never outright said I couldn’t have a friendship with Josh, but he didn’t seem to understand it, either. “He seemed genuinely interested in getting to know you. I get this is probably weird for you—” “I . . .” He trailed off as he brushed my hair off my shoulder. “I’ve never believed a man and a woman can be just friends. Especially when the woman looks like you.” He snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me onto his lap. “Please,” I rolled my eyes. “I should have my mom show you pictures of me as a kid. I was a chunky, mousy mess.” He cupped my neck and tugged me closer. “I did see. Your mom showed me your eighth-grade graduation and sweet sixteen pictures. You were gorgeous and only got more beautiful as you got older. I can’t understand Josh spending all that time with you back then and never wanting more.” I didn’t know if Josh ever wanted more. Wanting more was my issue as a kid, but admitting that to Scott would torpedo our night before it even started. The knock at the door halted my response. I slid my hands to the back of Scott’s neck and pressed a long kiss to his lips, nipping his bottom lip as I pulled away. I chuckled at the growl escaping

his throat. “Be nice. It’s my birthday.” “I’m always nice, babe.” He slapped my ass as I rose from his lap. I strode to my door and laughed at the sight when it opened. Josh clutched a package wrapped in Wonder Woman paper under one arm and a bakery box in the other. A wry grin curved my lips. “How the hell did you find Wonder Woman paper?” “Wasn’t easy.” He winked before following me inside. Josh set the packages down on my couch and pulled me into a bear hug. “Happy birthday, Cupcake.” He gave me a loud kiss on the cheek before letting me go. “Hey, Scott.” Josh offered his hand as he strode over to Scott. “Nice to see you.” “You too,” he replied as he drew me to his side. I suspected Scott would be just this side of possessive tonight, but I understood where he came from. If a best friend who happened to be a woman breezed back into Scott’s life, I’d be a tad leery myself. But I would trust him and do my best to get used to it. I hoped tonight would put us on that path. “I think I outdid myself with the cake.” Josh’s mouth split into a huge grin as he handed me the string tied bakery box.

My eyes rolled as I turned to Scott. “He’s a little full of himself,” I said in a loud whisper as I threw a smirk at Josh. I took the box into my kitchen to cut the string off. I gaped at Josh when I lifted the top of the box. “You found a cupcake cake? Like, the whole thing?” It was an entire cake shaped like a Hostess chocolate cupcake. I clutched my chest in awe with one hand as I dug for a knife in the utensils drawer with the other. “Can one of you get the plates?” “It’s even got the cream in the middle. Now, now.” Josh grabbed my knife and he shook his head. “Presents before cake.” “Not with my girl,” Scott snickered. “It’s cake before everything.” My girl. Josh’s smile faded into a hard line. I ignored the gut feeling that this was hopeless and plastered on a smile. I glared at Josh as I tore the package open. “A Wonder Woman bike helmet? Are you serious?” Scott’s brow crinkled as he looked between us. “Bike helmet? You never had a bike for as long as I’ve known you.” Josh strutted over to me and took the box out of my hands. “That’s because Brianna doesn’t know how to ride a bike.” “Who doesn’t know how to ride a bike? That can’t be true. You never told me that.” Scott

scoffed from behind me. “No,” I sighed. “It is. My dad thought since I was so clumsy, getting me on a bike, other than the big hot wheels I had when I was four, was too dangerous. Josh tried to teach me, but I was too scared and embarrassed to have training wheels as a teenager.” I slapped the box into Josh’s chest and laughed. “Good one. Give it to someone else who actually owns a bike.” “You own a bike. It’s in my car. Every Saturday morning, I’m taking you to the bike track at the park until you learn.” A wide smile spread across his lips. I gaped and vehemently shook my head. “Um, no. You of all people know what a disaster that was. It was sad to learn how to ride a bike at fifteen. At twenty-nine, I don’t think there’s a word to describe quite how pathetic it is.” “She is pretty clumsy.” Scott motioned to me with his chin. “She could get hurt.” “I won’t let her get hurt,” Josh answered with a smile, despite the obvious clenching of his jaw. I eyed my new helmet—in adult size. “Again, where the hell did you find this?” He shrugged. “The Internet and free two-day shipping are beautiful things. C’mon, Cupcake.” He took my hand and squeezed. “You won’t fall, I promise. And no one will laugh at you with a

tatted-up punk holding the back of your bike.” I burst out laughing. “Okay. We’ll try once, and if I fall we’re done.” I poked a finger into his chest. “Got it, Falco?” A smirk slanted his lips. “Got it, Cupcake,” he whispered. I laughed until I turned to a dejected look on Scott’s face. “Hey, why don’t you come, too?” I rushed over to Scott. “You’ve seen me fall on my face enough times; now you can see me do it on wheels—” “It’s okay, babe. I’m usually at the office Saturday mornings, anyway. Have fun with your friend.” He looked between us before he kissed my cheek and strode back to the couch, hardly saying another peep for the rest of the evening. When Josh and I were together, the rest of the world faded away. I never had a reason to care about leaving anyone out—until now.

Brianna ~ Past on his open screen door before I pressed on the rusty handle to enter. Sneaking into Josh’s house was impossible as the shrill creak from the hinge drifted down the street to my house. The inside was barren, as usual. His living room looked like someone almost lived there, like a nofrills hotel room between guest visits; a TV, cable box, and faded plaid couch were surrounded by barren walls. It always made me sad that no one hung up a school picture of Josh. His mom left before I even met him, and his dad wasn’t a sentimental guy by any means. He spoke in grumbles and nods, giving his son enough to live on —barely—but Josh never liked to talk about him. He would close off whenever I’d ask. “Hey, Bri.” I craned my head to a familiar voice behind me. “Hey, Reid! Any clue as to why Josh invited us both here today?” Reid cocked an eyebrow as he peered around the room. “Your guess is as good as mine. Maybe he’ll enlighten us as to where he’s spending his “JOSH?” I KNOCKED

afternoons.” Reid snickered, but his eyes gave away his concern. He was Josh’s other best friend, although Josh always assured me I was number one. “Ah, there you are! Finally! Come on in, guys! I have a pre-Thanksgiving feast for my two best friends.” Josh beamed at both of us, and as per usual, any prior concern or coherent thought flew out of my head. That smile, those eyes. I was borderline obsessed, but too much of a chickenshit to do anything about it. I gave Reid a side glance when I noticed the spread on Josh’s table. Pizza, wings, three different kinds of soda, and a plate lined with pre-wrapped chocolate cupcakes made for an interesting combination. “Why do I feel like I’m at the Peanuts Thanksgiving? You got toast and popcorn cooking, too?” Reid nudged Josh with his elbow before reaching for a slice of pizza. Josh laughed and shoved his shoulder. “Just eat, asshole.” This wasn’t exactly a king’s feast, but this was the first time I saw anything but store brand cereal in this house. Most nights, Josh ate with me and my parents, but he hadn’t been over in two weeks. When I asked why, he said he had “stuff to do” and didn’t text me until after eleven every night. He was somewhere, with someone, but I never pressed.

We were best friends, not boyfriend and girlfriend, so I had no claim or right to ask. “I only have time for one slice. I got a job at Target for the holidays and need to get shit ready for Black Friday.” Reid took big bites and chewed quickly. “You should apply. All they want are warm bodies that can lift and move.” He lifted his arm to make a muscle and squeezed his bicep with his other hand. “I bet they’d still take scrawny ones like you.” Josh laughed and shook his head. “Thanks, but I already have something. I’ve been helping Gio out.” Reid stopped mid-chew and sat back in his seat. “Shit, man. Have you lost your mind getting in with that crew? His brother isn’t even allowed near school grounds anymore. Tell me you aren’t dealing.” “I’m not,” Josh clipped. “No one is paying me money in exchange for anything. I’m delivering; that’s all.” Reid threw his napkin and glowered across the table. “Calling it by a different name doesn’t mean shit. They catch you, they could throw you out of school. What happened to keeping your head down and moving out after graduation?” “I still can!” Josh’s face was red as he met Reid’s glare. “It’s just weed. I pass along a couple of dime bags at school, make some nighttime

deliveries, I get a few hundred per week. Stop making it a bigger deal than it is.” My stomach churned as I looked between them. A burning flared in my throat, but I couldn’t let myself cry. Reid was one hundred percent right. No good could ever come from doing any favors for Gio or any of the guys he hung out with. Delivering was the same as dealing. That’s why he was never around at night. While I felt a sliver of relief he wasn’t with a girl, a brick of dread weighed heavily in my gut. “It probably starts that way. You’re smarter than this, Falco. At least, I thought you were,” Reid huffed, before he pushed his chair away from the table. “I need to get to work. Thanks for the pizza.” He threw his paper plate in the trash and stalked toward the door, not gazing back at either one of us. He stilled before he crossed the threshold and craned his head. “Be careful, man. That’s all I’m gonna say. Happy Thanksgiving, Brianna.” The door slammed hard after Reid’s exit. I wrung my hands in my lap, my skin prickling from Josh’s stare. I thought of Gio and his brother, the stories I’d heard around school—the rumors of gang affiliations and worse. Episodes of my dad’s favorite crime shows raced through my mind, how all the drug-themed ones ended up with someone getting shot. But that wasn’t real life; just pretend, right? My Josh wouldn’t get hurt. He couldn’t get

hurt. My hands shook as I set them back on the table. I inhaled a shaky breath as I finally met his gaze. His emerald eyes were glassy. A sad smile ghosted his mouth as he motioned to the plate of cupcakes with his chin. “I bought those for you. You don’t even want one?” he whispered as he reached over and placed one of the wrapped cupcakes in front of me. “You didn’t have any pizza yet, but that’s all you really want, right?” I could only nod, terrified that any attempt to use my voice would end up with me a crying, blubbering mess. He heaved a long sigh as he rose from the table and crouched next to my chair, taking my hand in both of his and giving it a squeeze. “Please don’t worry about this. I know what I’m doing. And I need something more than just a few hours after school at minimum wage.” His eyes darted from mine and fell on our hands. We were always touchy friends. We kissed on the cheek, hugged more than we probably should have, even as little kids. This blurry line of affection wasn’t an issue with my girlfriends. Not that I had more than a couple. Josh was all I needed, and that was why I never told him how I really felt. If he didn’t feel the same way and it became awkward between us, I was terrified I’d lose him. “Dad isn’t doing so well. Workman’s comp isn’t

covering much. I used the money from Gio to pay the electric bill. I had a little extra, so I thought I’d . . .” He trailed off as he motioned toward the table. Josh’s father was severely injured when a ceiling beam fell and struck him in the head. He spent most of his days at home now, dizzy and even crankier since he was unable to work. I wasn’t sure where he was today and honestly didn’t care. I should’ve felt sorry for him, but I couldn’t. Instead of calling Josh’s Uncle Billy for help, now he was letting his teenage son provide for him. Even though he was never much of a father, I couldn’t believe he’d put this burden on Josh. “I get why Reid is pissed off. Are you mad at me, too?” I drew in a long breath through my nose. “Not mad, just worried. Josh, Reid is right. Those guys are trouble. Please promise me you’ll stop if it gets too dangerous.” Josh looked away and nodded. “I promise, Bri.” He wouldn’t look me in the eye, which to me meant he didn’t promise anything. Still—for him— I’d pretend. Thinking of the alternative was too terrifying. “So, it looks like it’s just us for this feast.” His lips quirked in a smile. “I’d hate to throw everything out . . .” He cocked his head, and I gave in. He was so damn beautiful. Those green eyes cut me in half every single time.

“Give me that cupcake.” I grabbed it off the plate, throwing him a scowl as I peeled the plastic wrapping off. Before I took that first glorious bite, I felt a pair of eyes burning into me. “Are you going to watch me eat?” I crinkled my nose. “That’s weird.” Josh burst out laughing and rose from his seat. He pressed a long kiss to my forehead, and I shut my eyes before leaning in. “You’re adorable and as constant as gravity.” I gasped when his hand glided to the nape of my neck. Was he going to kiss me? I wanted him to so damn badly my insides quivered. Sometimes when we touched, the air between us would thicken and I’d forget how to speak. Then, I’d spend the rest of the day trying to convince myself that it was only my imagination. But it always seemed real—this moment and so many others. I was about to cup his cheek when he removed his hand and backed away. My heart thundered in my ears as I rationalized another almost kiss into a hallucination. Our eyes locked for a long minute before his smile faded. “The guy you look at like you’re looking at that cupcake will be a lucky bastard.” I fell back in to my chair, breathless and wanting to scream, I’ve looked at you like that my whole life, idiot. When I could almost sense him wanting me back, I was tempted to tell him how I felt, but I could never find the guts to voice my

feelings. I loved him from the deepest part of my soul, but in silence.

Brianna “C’MON, CUPCAKE,” JOSH

encouraged from behind

me. “You can do it!” “Shut up, Josh!” I spat out as I gazed over my shoulder. His hearty laugh boomed from the back of the bike—my new beach cruiser bike, part three of my birthday gift. My exasperated breath escaped in a white puff of smoke. Of all the activities I wanted to do at eight o’clock on a Saturday morning, pedaling around a bike track while freezing my fleece-covered ass off didn’t even rank in the top ten thousand. “Hey now, no need to be nasty. You’re doing awesome.” Josh’s hand slid into the crook of my neck and gave the tense muscle a squeeze. I was almost pissed off enough that I didn’t register the jolt from his possibly too intimate touch. Almost. I dropped my foot to the ground and stopped pedaling. “Awesome? I’m an almost thirty-year-old woman learning how to ride a bike in public. There’s only so much gawking I could take. My learning how to ride a bike window closed. It’s too

late.” Josh strode to the front of the bike and put his hands on the handlebars. “Never too late, Cupcake. It’s never too late for anything.” His eyes bore into mine, and for a moment, I forgot I was so annoyed at him for dragging me here. I wished we could do a lot of things over, but that window was closed, too. All the time we were spending together and the old feelings it brought back confused me at times, but it didn’t change anything. I couldn’t let it change anything. “How about a break?” I pleaded and pointed to the still empty bleachers. At nine o’clock the joggers and power walkers would flood the track. A break now meant extra eyes and more humiliation later, but the five laps we already took had my quads on fire. I never thought I’d see the day I’d yearn for the elliptical machine at the gym. “Fine,” Josh sighed and held the bike steady as I climbed off. We wheeled it over to the bleachers and set the kickstand down before we sat. “This was sweet.” I patted Josh’s denimcovered leg. “Really. It’s nice remembering things we did when we were kids, but what do you say we go to the Freedom Diner for omelets on Saturdays instead of coming here? We did that when we were fifteen, too. Less dangerous.” I squinted, expecting Josh to laugh. His face fell as his eyes darted back to the track.

“I . . . dropped a lot of balls before I left. Let down a lot of people.” He turned to me with a sad smile. “Especially you. I hate that.” He glanced toward the overcast sky before shaking his head. “Stop.” I nudged his arm. “Me not knowing how to ride a bike is the product of an overprotective father and my klutzy nature. You didn’t let me down.” “I never should have let things get so far. Never should have lost myself, lost you. I guess you can’t really go back, right? No do-overs in life?” Josh shrugged and rested his elbows on his knees. The Josh I lost all those years ago was a boy—a scared, angry boy. My heart broke as I gazed at the man before me seeking redemption for who he was as a kid. “Maybe not a do-over, but it’s never too late to make things right. And it’s definitely not too late to come back to the people who love you.” I elbowed his side. “Now, stop whining.” He laughed and draped his arm around my shoulders before pressing a kiss to my temple. “I love you, Cupcake. Always did.” I leaned into his shoulder as my eyes clenched shut. I loved him since I was five years old, but for most of those years, it wasn’t merely a friendly type of love. I fought hard to blame my sudden feelings on adolescent hormones and the romanticized delusions of a teenage girl, but sitting

on those bleachers and leaning into his embrace, it was as if I was the one who was sent away all those years ago and finally came home. I shook off my feelings for the moment and straightened. It was dumb to lust after Josh then, and it was just plain wrong now. “You loved my ham and cheese sandwiches.” Josh’s chest rumbled with a laugh. Neither of us acknowledged my dodge, and I breathed out a temporary sigh of relief. I loved Scott, too, and the last thing I wanted to do was hurt him for the sake of an unrequited memory. “Omelets sound good. Hopefully Spiro doesn’t try to call the cops like the last time I ate there. Did they ever get a fifth table?” I burst out laughing and shook my head. “Maybe next week I can try riding without you holding the back of the bike?” Josh gaped at me and leaned back. “You want to try it by yourself?” “Yes,” I grumbled. “You bought the bike and all. I may as well try.” He beamed as he rose from the bench. “You got it.” We rolled the bike off the grounds toward the parking lot. “I finished, by the way.” My head spun around to meet Josh’s gaze. “Finished what?” “The book.” I froze in my tracks. “You did?”

Josh smiled and tapped my chin with his knuckle. “It’s good, Bri. Really good. Promise me you’ll do something with it.” My cheeks heated as my eyes darted from his. “We’ll see.” I shrugged, my cheeks hurting from the big smile he brought to my face. “I can’t believe you actually read it. You hated when I’d make you read in high school.” “No, I didn’t.” Josh lifted the bike and put it into the back of his truck. I rolled my eyes. “Please. You made fun of it all the time.” Josh strode to the passenger door and opened it for me to get in. “I teased you. You tease the ones you love.” His mouth split with a grin, and my heart did a pathetic leap in my chest. What I wouldn’t have given to hear the word “love” tumble from Josh’s lips not once, but twice all those years ago. “What boy likes romance? It didn’t exactly fall in line with the comics you and Reid used to devour every chance you got.” “It was no Batman, I grant you.” Josh’s chest rumbled with a hearty laugh. That was another thing different about the new Josh. He’d laugh with me or Reid as kids when we were alone, but it was always stiff. He always had something weighing on him heavily enough to hold back. Now, he had an easy smile and infectious laugh. I was happy the world finally saw the Josh I knew was always right

under the surface, even if it meant I had to share him now. “But it was a good story. And I loved that you only showed me. Like we had our own little club.” I let my mouth twist into a smirk before I stepped into the truck. “We still do.” A wide grin spread across his face before he shut the door. “Damn right, Cupcake.”

Brianna pretty good. The guys and I came here after work last week. You should’ve seen their sick Halloween decorations. Spooky shit.” Scott laughed over his shoulder as the hostess led us to a table. This wasn’t exactly the type of restaurant for conversation. I was hoping for a nice, quiet dinner since I hadn’t seen much of Scott the past few weeks. He’d been working late almost every night and had to cancel the last two dates we’d planned. “I’m surprised you found the time.” I sat down at the table and opened the leather covered menu, holding in a scowl at his admission that burning the midnight oil involved hanging out at the new Latin fusion restaurant. Starting his own business meant lots of extra socializing after hours, and even though I understood and supported him completely, loneliness and bitterness were hard emotions to keep buried. Every so often, they seeped out in a snarky comment that left me hating myself afterward. Scott picked up my hand and laced our fingers together. “We took out that new client I told you “THIS PLACE IS

about. You know I’d rather be out with my girl, right?” I nodded and squeezed his hand back. “Yes, of course. I just . . . miss you. That’s all.” “It will all be worth it in the end, babe. I promise.” Scott winked and dropped his gaze to the menu. “You’ve been working a lot, too. What campaign did you say you were on again?” “The children’s hospital.” Another not so great thing about having a boyfriend who was a new business owner was his lack of attention to anything I said. Scott nodded without looking as he called the waitress over to take our order. I folded my hands under my chin in an effort to hide my irritation. It wasn’t the first time he shrugged off what I did for a living, but for some reason—at this moment—it bothered me. A lot. After she left, he turned his attention back to his iPhone, his fingers quickly dancing across the keys on his screen. “Sorry, babe. I need to learn to shut off emails at six.” “This company is taking a lot out of you.” I cocked my head. He’d passed the point of workaholic months ago. “You work every single minute of the day.” A grin split his mouth as he shook his head. “It’s weird. It almost doesn’t seem like work to

me.” The glint in his eye tugged at my heart. “When it’s your dream and what you want to do, it’s different. Do you ever dream about doing anything?” “I wrote a book,” I blurted out to Scott’s puzzled expression. “A book?” Scott jerked back in his seat. “What, like a novel?” “Yes. I started it in high school and finished it during college.” All the inner turmoil at losing Josh fueled a good fifty thousand words in my spare time. They poured right out, and since then, collected over a decade’s worth of dust. I swallowed as I braced myself for the next revelation. “I . . . um . . . think I’d like to publish it.” For the first time since I’d known Scott, he was rendered speechless. He sat back in his chair, regarding me as though I just told him I had a pet unicorn. “You want to send it to a publisher?” “No, I’ll publish independently. I’ve been looking into it, and I think it’s doable. I just need an editor, and—” “You sure you want to do that, Bri?” Scott’s face twisted in a sort of disgust, regarding me as if I’d lost my mind. “I’m sure there’s a lot more entailed, and you’d open yourself up to all kinds of scrutiny.”

“Why, because it’s most likely crap?” My jaw clenched as I rested my elbows on the table. Scott reached across the table and rubbed my forearm. “No, I didn’t say that. But you’re a beginner, and I’m sure it’s a tough thing to get into. I just don’t want you to get hurt.” I grabbed a piece of bread and tore off the crust like I wanted to tear off Scott’s head. “When you started this company, I did nothing but support you. Even now, although it means being in a relationship with myself lately.” His mouth flattened to a hard line as he leaned back in his chair. “That’s not fair, Brianna. I told you if I did this, it would be a lot of long hours and work to get this going—” “Right.” I crossed my arms and leaned over the table. “But it’s your dream, what you want. I’d never belittle it or make you feel it’s a waste of time.” “I never said it was a waste of time, Bri. I just said it’s probably not as simple as you think. My company and you publishing a book isn’t a fair comparison. It’s not a sure thing; you can’t depend on that for a living.” I blinked back angry tears. Writing a novel, to me, was one of those aspirational, but nonattainable, items you see catalogued on bucket lists. Tasks a person would name along with climbing Everest or hitting the lotto. Regardless if it was two

hundred pages of garbage or not, it was an accomplishment I was proud of. I would’ve thought —or hoped—for a nod of recognition, or a “Hey, that’s pretty cool” from my boyfriend. “But your company is a sure thing? And that is worth the time, but my silly little book isn’t. A dream is a dream.” My nostrils flared as I gripped the edge of the red tablecloth. “Know what? I’m not feeling so well. I’ll get a cab home.” “Stop!” Scott pulled my arm as I rose from my seat and took my hand in both of his. “I’m sorry. You’re right. A dream is a dream, and if you want to do it, I’m behind you one-hundred percent, babe. Don’t go, please.” My anger dissipated as my eyes met Scott’s pleading baby blues. I plopped back into my seat and picked up my menu. “I love you,” he whispered. “I always wanted to sleep with an author. That’s my other dream I haven’t told you about.” He gave me a cheeky grin. A laugh escaped as I tried to hold the scowl on my face. “Very funny. You’re more than welcome to read it.” Scott laughed. “I doubt I’d have any useful input. But hey, go for it. I think it’s great.” He patted the back of my wrist. His gesture of support seemed a lot like a dismissal. I said nothing in reply as I swished my wine around in the glass. I hated that his reaction spread

a dark Eeyore cloud over the excitement I’d had. This was why I was so hesitant to tell a second person about the book. I had little doubt I’d get that kind of reaction almost every time. Josh asked to read it and pushed me to get it out there, even though the very thought terrified me, same as he insisted I could learn how to ride a bike. My best friend was much different than my boyfriend. As Scott rambled on, I tried to block out the intrusive wish that my boyfriend and best friend were the same person.

Josh right?” Brianna squeezed my shoulder as we pulled up in front of her house. I put my truck in park and let my eyes wander to my old house up the street. Whoever had it now at least cared about it enough to water the lawn. It was green instead of brown, the complete opposite of our accidental tumbleweed theme. “Yeah, I’m good. Just . . . weird to be back, you know?” I shrugged and let out a long sigh. She gave me a sad smile and rested her head on my shoulder. “You’re with people who care about you and are glad you’re back. There’s no need to feel like you’re trespassing in a neighborhood where you aren’t wanted. Shake it off, Falco.” She lifted her head and nudged my shoulder. “You sure your dad won’t throw me out of the house?” I chuckled. “He wasn’t too happy with me the last time I saw him.” “No, he won’t.” Her smile faded as she narrowed her eyes. “I’d never let him do that then —or now. You’re my best friend and I love you, so “ARE YOU ALL

man up and get out of the truck.” The corners of her mouth twitched. God, I loved this girl. All the time we were spending together lately was making it damn near impossible to keep holding it in. I picked up her hand and pressed a loud kiss to the inside of her wrist before I put it down. I held in a smile at the almost inaudible gasp that escaped her. She felt it, too; I knew she did. We were so much more than friends, but I respected the fact she was with someone else now—someone who didn’t appreciate or deserve her. But that was none of my business, even if it made my blood boil if I thought about it for more than two minutes. “Seriously, Bri. Are you sure your parents want to see me? They weren’t exactly sad to see me go ten years ago.” I grimaced as I glanced over her shoulder at the Morgans’ picture-perfect house. “No one wanted to see you go, Josh. They hated the fact that they couldn’t help you before things got too far. Now, come on,” she pushed while yanking our still joined hands. I broke away with a sigh and nodded. “Okay, Cupcake. Let’s go.” We climbed the outside steps and Brianna unlocked the front door. She turned to give me a quick raise of her brows before opening it. “Josh!” Mrs. Morgan ran toward us. “It’s so good to see you!” She draped her arms around me.

I stilled for a moment before hugging her back. Brianna’s mother’s warm welcome surprised me, and any words I could offer in reply lodged in the back of my throat. I thought for sure they’d bid me good fucking riddance the day I left for boot camp. The whole damn borough knew everything about me, all the trouble I’d gotten into and why I was sent away. She was still the same woman who baked me my own walnut-less batch of brownies when we were kids because of my nut allergy and fed me dinner all those nights. I wouldn’t have wanted someone like my troublemaking teenage self anywhere near my daughter. “Let me look at you. No more curls.” She frowned as she glided her hand over my buzzed hair. I chuckled and shook my head. “Nope. I had to get rid of them before I left, and I got used to it this short, I guess.” “Josh!” I turned to Mr. Morgan’s booming voice. “Good to see you, son!” He reached out to shake my hand, and I stood in place for a long minute before I took it. “I told you they’d be happy to see you,” Brianna whispered in my ear. I laughed and gave her a reluctant nod. It still felt surreal. I had disappointed everyone in this house and didn’t feel worthy of such a warm welcome back. “I didn’t think you’d be so happy to see me, to

be honest.” “We loved you,” Mr. Morgan grumbled. “It was that crowd you ran with that we didn’t like. And now you stopped. So, we’re good.” He slapped me on the back. “Want a beer? I’ll give you one instead of you and my daughter sneaking them from me.” I turned to Brianna’s widened eyes and we shared a silent laugh. He had us on that one. “Sure.” Brianna followed her mother into the kitchen, and I found a seat on the couch. Mr. Morgan hadn’t changed at all. I smiled at the grunts erupting out of his throat every time the Rangers missed a goal on the TV screen. “So, I hear you’re a business owner,” he said, while his eyes stayed glued to the action on the ice. “Well, sort of. I run my Uncle Billy’s New York shop. I’m in charge of everything, but he’s the owner.” “Hey, that’s all right, kid. Don’t downplay it.” He reached for the remote on the end table and swiveled his recliner in my direction. “My daughter has an extra pep in her step since you’ve been back. It’s nice to see.” The corners of his mouth curved into a quick smile before it faded. “Don’t break her heart again, got it?” I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it. I broke her heart, over and over, yet here

she still was. She reassured me many times that the awful way I acted toward her before I left didn’t matter, which only made the guilt worse. Having her back in my life eased an empty ache—empty because she wasn’t mine. I nodded before Mrs. Morgan called us in from the kitchen. We gathered around the dining room table, Mrs. Morgan insisting on making my plate before I sat down. “You’re getting the royal treatment, Josh.” Brianna’s father gave his wife a smirk. “The rest of us have to feed ourselves.” She rolled her eyes before turning back to me. “So, I hear business is good, Josh.” Mrs. Morgan slid into her seat next to me. “Is your father still in South Carolina?” “Yes, in an assisted living facility near Uncle Billy. He didn’t want to go at first, but he’s doing okay now.” My father and I had a better relationship now than when I left, but things were still tense between us. Uncle Billy stepped in where he wouldn’t and saved me. It was hard not to resent the shit out of him for not helping his own kid and putting me in that position to begin with, but the sting had dulled over the years. “So, I have some news,” Brianna piped in from the other side of where I sat. I exhaled at a welcome change in subject.

“Well, I never told you guys this, but I wrote a book. I didn’t plan on doing anything with it, but a friend of mine knew an editor with a good reputation and a reasonable rate, and I . . .” She grimaced as she traced the rim of her glass with her index finger. “I sent it to her yesterday.” My eyes widened as I fought the urge to bolt over to her and scoop her in my arms. “You did? That is awesome, Bri!” “A book?” Mr. Morgan asked. “Like, a full novel and everything?” “Yeah, Dad. The whole thing. I wasn’t going to send it, and it’s scary knowing she’s actually going to be reading it and pulling it apart.” She dropped her hand on my forearm. “But I figured if I didn’t break a leg when Josh taught me to ride a bike, this may not be so bad.” She grinned at me, and like the last time I sat at this table when I was seventeen, she took my fucking breath away. “It won’t be, Cupcake. You just watch. Remember us when you’re famous.” I chuckled, making her smile beam even brighter. “Yeah, yeah. We’ll see.” She dug her fork into a piece of pot roast and laughed. “That’s great, sweetheart,” Mrs. Morgan chimed in. “Very exciting!” “Getting famous so your old man can retire early would be great. How soon can the book go on sale?” Brianna’s father teased while beaming with

pride. “I’ll let you know, Dad.” She laughed before turning her gaze to mine. Mr. Morgan and I went back into the living room and turned the game back on while Brianna helped her mother with dessert. “Do you remember what you asked me at Brianna’s birthday party when you guys were in second grade?” He rested his chin on his hand and raised an eyebrow at me. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t—” “You asked me, if you made a lot of money, could you marry Brianna?” I moved to the edge of the couch cushion and rested my elbows on my knees. “I did?” I had to laugh. Even back then, I knew Brianna was a pipe dream. “Well, I think that’s a moot point now, don’t you think? I mean, Scott—” “Listen,” he interrupted as he leaned closer. “I’m older than when you last knew me, but I’m not blind.” He leaned forward to squeeze my shoulder. “Second chances and opportunities aren’t meant to be squandered just because they aren’t easy.” He cocked his head before a grin split his mouth. “I’ll be here when you ask me again.”

Brianna he been back now? And more importantly, how is Scott taking to having competition?” My friend Amanda chuckled as she motioned to the bartender for a refill of the bland happy hour white wine. “Almost two months now.” I swiveled on my bar stool to glance at the entrance. I asked Josh to meet us at the bar next to my office. Amanda worked in this area, too, and had been badgering me for weeks to meet the “guy behind the letters.” She was a college friend, so she wasn’t privy to Josh’s crash and burn or my miserable senior year. “And he’s not Scott’s competition. We’re close friends, nothing more than that.” A giggle escaped her as we finally got a drink refill. “We’re close friends, but . . . ’” she smarted as she gave me a once over. “I don’t remember meeting you anywhere and finding you perched on the edge of your seat awaiting my arrival. Plus, you work Josh into almost every conversation lately. Brianna Marie, I think you have a crush on your socalled ‘friend.’” Her lips twitched with a smirk as “HOW LONG HAS

she swallowed a gulp of wine. “That is not true. I just want to make sure he sees us.” I narrowed my eyes before they darted back to the door. “We’re the only two at the bar,” she snickered. “And we are seated directly in front of the door; this place isn’t exactly huge. How often do you see him lately?” “Not very often,” I shrugged as I swished my wine around in the glass. “A couple of times a week, maybe.” “And . . . you see Scott how often?” I snorted my wine. “Lately, just Saturday nights. During the week, he’s too busy. He goes over the books with Todd on Sundays. It’s a new business, I guess they have a lot to do.” The first few weeks of his sudden absence stung, especially when the only contact we had were short texts with long lags in between. I understood this was his baby and he wanted to give it his all, but I felt less like Scott’s girlfriend and more like a dusty plant—the kind that you keep out of obligation and water it whenever you happen to remember. “I know a lot of people who own their own business, and they at least give themselves a break once in a while.” Amanda leveled her gaze at me. She was never Scott’s biggest fan, so I didn’t expect her to cut him any slack.

“He’s an intense type of guy. You know that. When he used to work at Chamberlin, I could never pry his phone out of his hands.” “I remember.” Amanda nodded before turning back to me. “And if I recall correctly, you weren’t nearly as tolerant as you are now.” She sighed and leaned closer. “Don’t get mad at me, but do you think you’re so . . . understanding . . . this time because Josh is in the picture?” “No!” I replied a little too quickly and loudly. “I told you. We’re just friends.” “Okay, so if you don’t have a crush on Josh and he’s single, maybe you could set us up.” She cocked an eyebrow. “You said he’s covered in tattoos, and you know that’s my weakness.” “Um,” I stammered. “Sure . . . I guess if you—” I didn’t know how to answer that. They were both single. Amanda was pretty; Josh was gorgeous. Why wouldn’t I try to set them up? When I pictured them together, it sickened me so much I had to swallow the bile rising in the back of my throat. I sucked in a breath and tried to offer a coherent reply. Amanda raised her hand as soon as I tried to open my mouth. “That was a test. And you failed miserably.” She let out a long sigh while shaking her head. “Relax and start breathing again.” “No, I mean, it’s fine. I just meant—” A tap on my shoulder almost made me slip off the stool.

“Easy, Cupcake.” Josh smiled and kissed my cheek. I’d never seen him in office clothes. Josh still favored T-shirts and ripped jeans, but tonight he wore a plum button-down shirt tailored to his broad frame and black pants. He extended a hand to Amanda, the colorful lines of ink peeking out of his sleeve. Okay, so maybe I did I have a crush. When it came to Josh, I had years of practice in burying my feelings. And unlike riding a bike, that was something I knew I could pick right back up. I supposed Scott wasn’t the only one distracted lately. “Nice to meet you, Josh. Finally.” Amanda threw me a wink. Josh settled onto the stool next to me and ordered whatever beer was on tap. “So, Josh . . . you’ve known her all her life?” Josh brought the mug of beer to his lips and nodded before setting it down. “Since we were five years old. She fed me and I hung around, like an alley cat.” He nudged my shoulder with his. His full lips curved into a smile, and a wave of nostalgia washed over me. My happiest days growing up were always with Josh. Every good memory I had was somehow connected to him. His eyes fixed on me, the familiar bright green I knew so well. His smile widened as he gave my hand a squeeze. I took in a shaky breath and tried to shake off the jolt from his skin touching mine. The long talks, the teasing, the comfort of being in each

other’s presence—all of it was exactly the same as when we were young. Memories. That’s all it was. Amanda gave me a quick eye roll as she looked back and forth between us. “Since you have all that history together, hit me with the really embarrassing stuff and don’t hold back!” Josh threw his head back with a laugh. I didn’t think it was even a little sexy. Goddamn it. “Sorry to disappoint you. Other than a few falls on the ice, I don’t have any really good embarrassing stories to tell . . . Well, maybe that one Halloween.” “Don’t. You. Dare.” I leveled my eyes at him. “Perfect!” Amanda rubbed her hands together. “Now you have to tell me.” “One Halloween, I think we were . . . eleven or so. She was Wonder Woman and I was Superman. She wanted the . . .” He motioned across his chest with his index finger, “ . . . breast plate or whatever to be authentic. So, she stuffed rolled up anklet socks inside. The first house we went to, she yelled trick or treat . . . and the socks popped right out of her shirt and into Mrs. Cullen’s bucket of candy.” My cheeks heated as I dropped my head to my hands. Amanda cackled next to me. “C’mon, Cupcake.” He rubbed my back. “If it makes you feel any better, I don’t think you need the socks anymore.” I elbowed his side and more laughter erupted from them both.

“Nice, pick on the chubby klutz of the neighborhood.” I glowered at Josh but couldn’t help the twitch of my lips. Josh stopped laughing and shook his head. “You were never the chubby klutz. Don’t listen to her, Amanda. She was always beautiful—since the first day I met her.” Our eyes locked as the air thickened between us. Josh reached into his pocket, grimacing when he glanced at the screen on his phone. “Hey, this is Uncle Billy. I need to take this. Excuse me a second.” As Josh strode outside, I felt the weight of Amanda’s stare but refused to look her way. “Wow, Bri,” she whispered. “Wow what, Amanda? We’ve known each other our entire lives. It’s . . . easy between us.” “Do you realize he didn’t stop touching you since the moment he walked in? Squeezing your hand, arm around your shoulders. Do you notice the way he looks at you? How he called you beautiful just now? Even I had goose bumps. You need to figure shit out, Bri. And fast.” “Hey, babe!” I jumped at the sound of Scott’s voice behind me. I stiffened as he kissed my lips hello. “What are you doing here?” I breathed, dizzy from the surprise of seeing Scott and a weird sense of being caught doing something I wasn’t supposed

to be. “Todd booked drinks with another prospect after dinner tonight. He’s always scoping out this neighborhood for clients.” He nodded at Amanda. “Hey, Amanda. I forgot you guys were going out tonight. Small world.” “Sorry about that, ladies!” I turned to Josh’s deep timbre behind me. “We’re all still getting used to this new payroll sys—Scott, hey!” Scott’s face hardened as he reluctantly shook Josh’s hand. “Hi, Josh. I didn’t realize you were here.” He looked between Josh and Amanda and a strange recognition drifted across his face. “Is this a set up?” He laughed before turning back to me. “I was going to suggest that—” “No,” All three of us answered. The smile faded from Scott’s face, his mouth hardening to a flat line as his eyes met mine. “I had to take a call outside,” Josh explained. “Brianna wanted me to meet Amanda. She’s been trying to pull dirt from me, but I keep telling her I have nothing.” He cocked his head at Amanda and smiled. “I’ll move down so you can sit here—” “No, it’s fine. I have clients waiting for us. I should get back. Goodnight, Bri.” He gave me a quick, lukewarm kiss on my forehead. “I’ll call you later.” Scott stalked to the back of the bar and didn’t give any of us a second glance. “Is he mad that I’m out with you?” Josh asked

before he sat back down. “No, he’s just overworked and cranky.” I let out a long sigh. Overworked, cranky, and jealous. But not jealous enough to let Todd handle the meeting and spend the evening with me. I was overwhelmed with everything I was feeling—anger, hurt, confusion, guilt. It was an exhausting concoction. “Would you mind if I called it a night?” My tired eyes met Amanda’s. “I have an early meeting tomorrow.” “No problem, Bri. I get it.” She gave me a sad smile. “Get some rest. It was nice to meet you, Josh.” “You, too. C’mon, Cupcake. I’ll drive you home.” He stepped off the chair and reached for my hand. I glanced at it for a quick minute before I took it. This was what we did, but the touches meant more now. It all meant more now. And now, I had to figure out what to do about it.

Josh ~ Past his fingers in front of my face as we strode down the hallway to our chemistry class. “What?” I huffed. Agitation simmered in my gut. Reid droned on all the way from the school doors but I couldn’t repeat a single word he said if my life depended on it. “Okay, what the hell is with you today?” I picked up my pace and didn’t turn around. “Nothing. While you guys are worried about the sweetheart dance next week, I have real life problems to figure out.” I dropped into my seat and threw my book on the desk. A loud thump filled the room and all eyes drifted toward me. “You can still go. Are you that deep in Gio’s payroll that you can’t go to a school dance? It’s not like you don’t have someone to ask.” He snickered as he settled into the desk next to me. “Drop it, okay?” Everyone had questions—all the fucking time. When are you going to turn in these college applications? What are you doing every night for Gio? I needed everyone to slow “JOSH!” REID SNAPPED

their roll and stop nagging me, but that wasn’t the real reason I saw red everywhere I looked today. Anthony Colon asked Brianna to that dance. That stupid dance I said I didn’t have the time for. She hadn’t agreed, or she hadn’t as of the last time I spoke to her last night. Anthony wasn’t a bad guy, and I always caught the double take in Brianna’s direction from him when he thought no one was looking. He’d come to her door in a nice clean shirt and pants that weren’t ripped, and show her a night fit for a damn fairy tale—like the one she wrote about in the book she only showed to me. Fuck. The thought of his hands on my cupcake made a hot rage spark inside me, and I was ready to blow. “Brianna is going with Anthony,” I told Reid in an irritated whisper. “She is?” Reid’s eyes widened and shook his head. “Brianna is going out with Anthony? Since when?” “Since yesterday. I don’t know if she’s going out with him or whatever. She said he asked her after the basketball game last night.” I ripped the corner of my notebook as I tore through the pages. “And she said ‘yes’?” “No, she said she’d let him know.” I shrugged and focused on the blank chalkboard in front of me. Reid covered his mouth with his fist as his shoulders shook with laughter. “The two of you are the saddest people I ever met. She told you so you

could make a move, idiot.” “We’re best friends.” Were we even that anymore? I hardly saw her, but she ran through my mind all day, every day. I was miserable all the damn time because I missed her so much. “Please. You’ve been attached at the hip since I’ve known you. Well, you used to be. Brianna is alone a lot now, so I guess Anthony thought she was available.” “Could you shut the fuck up?” I swiveled my head to glare at Reid. He was right, I wasn’t around much anymore. Life was getting to school late, getting home after eleven, handing my dad the money I made for the day and hoping he used it for bills. He was so out of it lately, he never thought to ask where his seventeen-year-old son was getting over five hundred dollars a week. “Could you do something about the reason why you’re acting like someone pissed in your coffee?” Reid arched an eyebrow. “I’m not the one that’s gonna regret it when she starts dating that dude for real, all because you couldn’t take a hint. Or in this case, a hammer over the head.”

I shot a text to Gio as I jetted out of school. Could someone take over the run next Friday? I have something to do. ME:

Something to do? Do you think you get fucking vacation days? I need you Fridays. Either do it, or I find someone else, and you can get a job at Sully’s and see if that helps you make rent. GIO:

A supermarket job wouldn’t help us. I had to accept that this was life. If we didn’t want to end up on the street waiting for Dad’s disability checks to come through, I couldn’t get caught up in bullshit dances or other high school garbage. Just graduate, work, and keep going. I wouldn’t split on him—on us—like my mother did.

“Josh!” Brianna called behind me as I climbed the stairs leading to my stoop. It caused me physical pain to look at her. She was more beautiful with each passing day. Any guy would gladly eat out of the palm of her hand, and yet she still wasted her time with me. There was no reason for the two of us to have a shitty life. “Listen, I know you’ve been . . . working a lot, but my mom is making pot roast and I know how much you love it—” “I can’t, Brianna. Some of us have jobs and real shit to worry about.” I stayed stoic and didn’t react to her grimace. “You shouldn’t work every night. Why don’t

you come to the dance next Friday?” “I can’t, Brianna. Haven’t you been listening? Just go with Anthony. You need to branch out a little bit for a change; stop hovering, for Christ’s sake.” My heart squeezed as she winced and backed away. Making Brianna hate me was working. It’s what needed to happen, no matter how much it tore me apart. I wanted that pot roast dinner with her family. I wanted to slow dance with her in the gym and pull her body flush to mine and finally tell her how much she meant to me. But that couldn’t happen. Not in this life. “Wow. Well, Falco, when you pull the stick out of your ass, you know where to find me.” She turned and stomped down the street to her house. Despite myself, my eyes stayed glued to her as she ran away from me. The jobs Gio sent me on were becoming dangerous, and the longer I worked for him, the more I got sucked in. Colleges wouldn’t be breaking down my door once my luck ran out and I finally got caught. If I broke Brianna’s heart by pushing her away, at least there was solace in knowing she’d end up whole.

Brianna weeks, I saw Scott even less. He was always headed somewhere, as the holidays presented more “schmoozing opportunities.” The little communication I did have with him, he was always apologetic. I stopped believing the excuses or thinking this was anything close to temporary. As their client list grew, his free time would diminish. His company would always be his number one priority, and I either accepted it or moved on. The fact that time away from Scott didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would—or should—weighed on me, too. Josh went back to South Carolina to visit his uncle at Thanksgiving, and I hadn’t seen him in a week. I didn’t have to question whether I missed him, but I was grateful for the reprieve for just a little while. To make matters that much worse, today was the season’s first snowstorm. Snow in New York is supposed to be fun and magical—especially in December. When you commuted in from Queens to Manhattan for work, it was nothing more than a THE NEXT FEW

ginormous pain in the ass. Predicted snowfall wasn’t enough to shut down the subways so I could stay home in fluffy slippers and sip coffee all morning, but it was enough to slow everything down to a glacier’s pace and make the short walk to the train station treacherous, especially with my tendency to slip and fall on dry concrete. I somehow traipsed out of my building on time and let out a groan. Snow came down hard, frosting the sidewalks with ice. My ugly snow boots, with heels guaranteed by the store to not slip, didn’t stop me from skidding into a tree. I latched onto the icy trunk and managed to break my fall. A drop of sweat trickled from my brow under my wool hat as panic and fear set in. I hated fucking snow. “Hey, Cupcake! Need a ride?” I peeked out of the top flap of my hood at the large black monstrosity with obnoxious, oversized tires pulling up to the curb. Josh’s new truck was hard to miss, even in the white-out conditions. I crept over, saying a Hail Mary with every step that I didn’t wipe out into one of the growing snow drifts along the sidewalk. Josh stepped out and trudged to where I was stranded, extending his hand. He let out an exaggerated sigh. “You never could walk in the snow.” My face twisted in a scowl as he shook his knit

cap covered head. “This is snow and ice, and shut up.” I gingerly stepped into the patches of fresh snow that had more traction. “I think what you meant to say was, ‘Thank you, Josh. You’re my hero.’” Josh snickered as he held my hand and grabbed my arm. “Remember when we were kids, how I had to carry you over ice patches before you started to cry? I bet five more minutes and you would have teared up.” He lifted an eyebrow as I jumped in—well, as much as I could jump into a truck several feet off the ground. And the smug bastard was right. I had about five more minutes before the angry and scared tears flowed. The warmth of the heat through the vents and the soft leather seats brought out a long, relieved breath. I could live another day without cracking my head open on the ice—or at least another ten minutes until I arrived at the subway station. “Thank you. You’re a lifesaver.” I leaned over to kiss his cheek, but stiffened right after. Now that I was aware, any friendly touch between us seemed too intimate and wrong. Josh didn’t seem to mind my inappropriate gesture, though, as a wide grin spread across his face. “That’s much better. You know, if you got up just a little earlier . . . You used to get to school with seconds to spare. Still like to make it interesting, I

see.” “Nice truck. What happened, they didn’t have the big tires? Is that why you moved back, just to bust my chops?” I rolled my eyes as he laughed harder. “No, but that was an added perk, for sure. I have a potential new client near your office, and I knew, as usual, you’d be running late, so I timed it perfectly. How about a ride all the way into the city?” Josh’s truck was better suited for snow than one of the sanitation trucks that we trailed along the main road. “What would I do without you?” “Probably take a face plant into the snow, but someone would dig you out eventually.” Josh winked at me, and despite my best attempts to narrow my eyes at him, that wink made my insides melt faster than the snow dripping off the shoulders of my down coat.

“I love snow days!” Tanya chirped as she leaned back in her chair and stretched her arms over her head. We were assigned to work together when I first started at the agency. She was design and I was copy, but we formed a fast friendship that turned into a great partnership. “Yeah, sure,” I scoffed. “We’re one of four idiots who showed up at work today.”

“Five.” Scott appeared at my door with a Chipotle paper bag and a smile. My face dropped at the sight of him. He used to love to pop into my office since his accounting firm was only a couple of blocks away, but that was before he was too busy to even return a text during work hours. “Hey, Scott!” I rose from my chair to give him a hello kiss. “Burrito bowl?” “Of course.” He kissed my forehead. “I know my girl.” His lips curved into a smile as he squeezed my hand. A pang of guilt assaulted my gut as I squeezed back. I gazed into his hopeful baby blues and couldn’t help the grin across my cheeks. In spite of it all, I missed him. I missed us—the way we used to be. “We can have a private lunch since hardly anyone is here. Wimps stayed home for the most part.” I led Scott to our tiny break room and grabbed the bag from his hand. “I’m actually surprised you didn’t play the work from home card today. Ice terrifies you.” Scott laughed as he reached into the bag and set our food on the table. “Plus, they never shovel the subway steps in your neighborhood. You aren’t usually this brave,” he teased before handing me a fork. “I got a ride all the way in today, so it wasn’t so bad.” “You actually got a cab in this weather? That’s

impressive.” Scott’s eyes widened as he took a chomp out of his burrito. “I didn’t call a cab. Josh drove me to work.” Scott stopped chewing as his brow pinched. He didn’t like how much time I spent with Josh, although he never came out and told me. It wasn’t hard to pick up on his sour change in mood whenever Josh’s name came up. “At eight o’clock in the morning, Josh just happened to be in front of your building.” He gulped his food as he shook his head. “He was seeing a client in the city and thought I’d want a ride. Don’t make it into a bigger deal than it is.” Scott threw his napkin on the table and folded his arms as he sat back. “A client in Manhattan wanted to talk about getting a custom motorcycle during a snowstorm?” His eyes rolled before they came back to mine. “What are you saying?” I glared at Scott before chucking my fork on the table. His chest heaved as he leaned closer. “Since he’s been back, he’s everywhere. Texting you all the time, stopping by, and you eat it up. Same way you did with all those letters he sent you. Your fucking eyes lit up for a piece of paper more than they ever did for me.” His words trailed off as his gaze slid to the floor. This wasn’t like Scott. He was mellow and

easygoing to the point of grating on my nerves. His behavior now was a one-eighty from the aloof, workaholic boyfriend who treated me like an afterthought. That should have bothered me more than it did, and Scott had a great point. The Josh in the letters was out of sight, but never out of my mind. Now that he was back, he complicated everything that much more with his presence. Regardless of how he’d been acting or how I’d been reacting to it, to see Scott this unglued and upset made my insides twist with guilt. There was more between Josh and me—all along—and I wasn’t the only one who noticed. Whatever dangerous game I was playing with my heart, Scott didn’t deserve this. “That’s not true, Scott. He’s my best friend, that’s it. You know that.” Scott took in a deep breath and turned to me. His glossy eyes made me stumble even more. “I bet you don’t realize that when he’s around, you don’t notice anything or anyone else. He has a history with you that I . . . can’t seem to compete with. So, tell me, did I lose you, or were you never really mine to begin with?” My eyes clouded as I bit my lip. It was easy to reason that my closeness with Josh was due to Scott’s absence. If I kept at it long enough, I could almost believe it wasn’t my fault. Distance, neglect, who could blame me for my conflicting feelings?

But peering at Scott’s glassy eyes and feeling the desperation that radiated off him, regardless of how many dates he broke or how distracted he was as of late, my actions sickened me, and nothing physical had even happened yet. What I was doing—to both of them—was wrong. “Scott, I—” He scooted his chair closer to me and cradled my face before brushing my lips with his. “I love you. I really do. I know I’ve been a jerk the past few months getting this company started, but things will be different. I promise.” He threaded his fingers through my hair. “Don’t throw us away, Bri.” He rested his forehead against mine. “Let me make up for my mistakes.” He exhaled a long sigh and pulled me into his arms. They tightened around me as he buried his face into my neck. I love you, too was the right thing to say, but the words jumbled in my mouth, not feeling right. “Scott, but—” I stammered again before he pressed his finger to my lips. “How about I pick you up after work and we go home together? I’ll protect you from the ice.” A laugh escaped me despite the shit I felt like. “And tonight, it’s just you and me.” His hands framed my face. “No clients, no . . .” He trailed off, as if I didn’t know he was about to say, “No Josh.” This was what I wanted, right? Scott finally

paying attention to me—to us—but all it did was upset me. Maybe it was too little too late. Maybe I didn’t know how I felt about this sudden turnaround, or if it would even last. Deep down, I knew my confusion had nothing to do with where Scott was or where he wasn’t. It was who he wasn’t.

Brianna there?’ The irritation in Scott’s voice pulled me out of my trance. “I’m listening,” I lied. Truth was I hadn’t heard a word Scott said beyond ‘hello.’ He was at an accounting conference in Chicago, and ever since my ride from Josh in the snow, he’d been extra attentive. Physically present, not so much, but my phone blew up all day long with texts and phone calls. I guessed he was trying, but should it have been this hard to try? That wasn’t why my mind was a thousand miles away. Other than Josh’s daily good morning text yesterday, I hadn’t heard a peep from him. Maybe he was busy at the shop, but I couldn’t shake the feeling something was wrong. As Scott went on, I sent a couple of texts to Josh with no response. They were all marked delivered, but not read. I wanted Scott to wrap it up so I could call him and make sure he was all right, but actually saying that would have caused world war three across the time zones. “You sound tired; go get some sleep. I’ll stop by “BABE, ARE YOU

on Saturday when I get home.” “Um, sure, that sounds great,” I replied a little too quickly and cheerfully. “Are you sure you’re all right, Bri? You sound weird.” “Nope, all good. Just tired, like you said. We’ll talk tomorrow.” “Look, I’m sorry I’ve been traveling so much . . .” “It’s fine. Really. I’m just tired. Goodnight.” I winced after my abrupt goodbye, but I didn’t have it in me for that conversation yet again. We could talk in circles another time. I dialed Josh’s number and put the phone to my ear. Right before I thought the call would go to voicemail, a loud bang made me jump. “Cupcaaakkke,” Josh slurred into the phone. “Sorry, I guess I dropped the phone after I pressed accept. Or whatever the green button says.” The hysterical laughing on the other end gave me a chill. I’d never heard Josh that drunk. Sure, he liked a few beers here and there, but he never let himself get this inebriated. “Are you all right?” I whispered. “I’ve been texting you all day and you never responded.” “Aw, Bri. Did you miss me, baby?” Baby? “Where are you?” “Home. Drinking alone, toasting myself. I’m an heir, Bri!”

“An heir?” How drunk was he? “What the hell are you talking about?” “To an inheritance. Well, the woman called it a death benefit, but still.” My stomach dropped. “Death benefit. Who died, Josh?” “My mother. Last week. Guess I can’t go looking for her.” More maniacal laughter. “I’ll be there in fifteen minutes.” I ended the call and raced to my bedroom, throwing on a pair of yoga pants under my nightshirt and stepping into my sneakers. I grabbed my coat and flew out of my apartment to my car. I was right, this was awful. In all the years I’d known Josh, he’d spoken of his mother only a few times. He once told me that he thought she left because he was bad, that he disappointed her. He was only four years old, and it wore on him ever since. It broke my heart thinking of him trying to find her to show her what a great man he was, and now she was dead. It was her loss, not his, but he wouldn’t see it that way. I pulled up in front of his apartment and jetted up his front stairs. A gust of relief left my lungs when I heard the locks click. “There she is!” Josh lifted his beer bottle in my direction. “My beautiful best friend. Come in, Cupcake!” I followed him inside as he stumbled onto his couch. Locking the door behind me, I peeled off

my coat and draped it over the chair by his front door. “When did you find out?” I slid onto the couch next to him and took the bottle from his hand and set it on his tiny coffee table. Josh was only in a white tank and boxers. His glorious arms of muscle were covered in full sleeves of tattoos. My ogling was halted by the anguish on his beautiful face. How could anyone not love him? It seemed impossible to me. “Yesterday. Her power of attorney or whatever called me at work. I’m entitled to a ten-thousanddollar insurance policy as her only living child. Well, at least the only one on paper. Fuck knows if she had any more kids that she left. Or maybe she didn’t; maybe I was the only one she threw back.” He grabbed the bottle to take another long pull before I could yank it out of his hand. I rubbed his back before I could help myself. He needed comfort, so I’d deal with the inappropriateness of it later. “It was nice of her to list you as beneficiary, at least.” His chest shook with a sad laugh. “She didn’t list anyone. They found me because her name is on my birth certificate. I’m beneficiary by default, how fucking appropriate.” I curled my arm around his shoulder and grabbed his chin with my other hand to make him

look at me. “You were a child. The reason she left was her issue—not yours.” His glossy eyes met mine as he gave me a half nod, half shrug. “I wanted her to see me. I wanted her to see that I did okay. I fucked up, but I made it right. Not that she would have been proud or anything.” “Look at me.” I cupped his cheek. “You’re amazing. You’re a wonderful, smart, successful man, and it sucks for her that she had nothing to do with that. You did that all on your own.” His hand slid over my thigh and squeezed my knee. “I had you. I always wanted to be good for you. I wanted you to be proud of me.” His hazy gaze dropped to the carpet. “You mean everything to me, Cupcake.” The cracking in his voice killed me. “You should be mine, but I fucked that up, too.” I blinked away the shock. For the past couple of months, I’d struggled with my feelings for Josh and doing a horrible job hiding it from everyone— including my boyfriend. Never in a million years did I think Josh had the same problem. All that time of wanting Josh to want me, he finally admitted that he did. Instead of being thrilled, it terrified me. I kissed his cheek as his arms wrapped around me. My eyes clenched shut as his head dropped to my shoulder.

“I am proud. So, so proud. I love you.” I pressed a kiss to the top of his head. Best friend love. Sure, that’s what I meant. I could ignore that little confession. He was drunk and had no clue what he was saying. This game I was playing had gone from dangerous to treacherous. He peered up at me, his eyes hazy and sad, and it took everything in me not to put my lips on his. I wanted to kiss away the hurt and the pain, make him see who I always saw when I looked at him. Everything. He was everything. “I love you, too, Bri. I love you—” “Come on, let’s get you into bed,” I interrupted as I rose from the couch and grabbed both his hands to help him to stand. “Shh.” He put a finger to his lips as he gave me a wry smile. “Don’t tell Scott.” “Very funny.” I led him to his tiny bedroom and yanked the sheet down with one hand. “Get in, Falco.” He complied and plopped into bed. “It’s late, Bri. You should stay.” He scooted under the sheets and extended his hand to me. My hands shook as a cold sweat broke out over my skin. We used to nap together as kids, but sliding under those sheets next to him now meant something totally different. How good would it feel to climb into bed with Josh and feel those beautiful arms around me all night? The urge to kick off my

shoes and join him was so overwhelming it pulsated in my fingertips. “I’ll be fine.” I kissed his forehead. My lips couldn’t stay off him tonight, but I added that to the list of things to deny when I arrived back at my apartment. “I’ll call you in the morning, and you better answer.” I poked his chest before I turned to leave. “Yes, ma’am. Thank you, Cupcake,” he murmured before his eyes shut. I traipsed out of his apartment and stepped into my car. My hands were still shaking as I started the engine and pulled away. Whether he’d remember anything he said tonight was irrelevant. I loved Josh again. Who the hell was I kidding? I loved him still. I loved him always. It was a permanent affliction I’d never been able to shake, no matter how I tried or who I was with. Maybe I could attempt to deny it out loud, but after tonight, there was no way I could ever deny it to myself.

Brianna ~ Past bad idea, Bri,” Reid whispered to me as the bus pulled into the stop. I clutched the strap of my backpack with white knuckles as we stepped off into the seedy neighborhood. No one had the exact address for Gio’s house, but the ominous feeling in the pit of my stomach told me we were headed in the right direction. “Maybe,” I agreed as I continued down the street. “But, I just . . . need to see him. I’m worried, Reid.” Just today, in the girls’ bathroom, I’d heard two girls from my history class gush about the legendary parties that Gio had: drugs, girls, and what sounded like a fight club for money. I crouched in my stall long enough to overhear every sickening detail. I’d seen Josh with enough random bruises he refused to explain to fear that was true. In all the years I’d known Josh, he never completely shut me out before. Reid and I hadn’t heard a word from him in over a week. For months he’d become more and more agitated, getting into “THIS IS A

fist fights at school over nothing—when he bothered to show up. Josh was always a little troubled, but now he was just angry. He was so lost, and trying to figure out how to bring him back kept me awake most nights. Josh made it more than clear he wanted no part of us, yet I still couldn’t stay away. That either made me a dedicated friend or a stupid idiot. As I trudged up the desolate block toward the crowd gathered on the corner, I had to go with idiot. Cars were parked all over his overgrown lawn, and the air was pungent with the skunky smell of weed. My face scrunched up as I tried not to breathe in. Lights from joints glowed against the twilight, and three guys gathered around a couple dry humping on the hood of an SUV. “This is like one of those bad movies where you scream ‘run, you stupid asshole!’ at the screen. Brianna, let’s go,” Reid whispered as he grabbed my arm, but I yanked it away. “No! We got this far. I just need to see if he’s okay.” I bumped into something, or someone, as I backed away from Reid. “Well, aren’t you a pretty little thing,” a slimy voice behind me drawled. My head turned slowly, as my body trembled too much to make any sudden movements. His pants hung so low on his hips I could see the waistband of his red boxers. His short

beard was trimmed to a severe goatee, the thin lines around his mouth looked odd, but somehow sinister, like a cartoon villain. “My name is Gio.” My entire body stiffened as his boney hand wrapped around my wrist. “Why don’t you join the party inside? You can be my guest—” “Leave her alone,” Reid clipped as he pulled me back by my arm. Gio’s grin made my skin crawl as he looked between us. “Ah, I see. I’m not your type. You like ’em dark.” Reid’s grip on my arm tightened as he gave me a weary side glance. “Let’s go,” he mouthed to me as he tried to pull me away, but I wouldn’t budge. Not until I saw Josh. “What the hell are you guys doing here?” Josh rushed over to us, his face twisted in a disgusted scowl. “You shouldn’t be here!” Gio’s lips curved into a smile as he held up his hands. “Sorry, Falco. I didn’t know they were with you. Get back to your little friends.” “They aren’t my friends,” he told Gio while glaring at us. My heart shattered as my face heated. He was always with me. I sucked in my bottom lip so no one could see it quivering. Ten sets of eyes leered at the three of us. If I shed even one tear, I’d be eaten alive. I ran to Josh as he turned his back to the both

of us, grabbing his arm. “What’s the matter with you? Why are you here?” I yelled, trying as hard as I could to hide the crack in my voice. The only way to accomplish that was to somehow channel the hurt into anger. “Leave, Brianna!” he spat through gritted teeth and shook my arm away. I gazed into the green eyes I’d loved all my life and didn’t even recognize them. They were sunken in, surrounded by dark circles, as if he hadn’t slept in days. “What’s wrong with you?” I screamed back. “You never text or call or even come to school anymore.” “Because there’s no point. At least here I can make some money. I’ll go next week so the truant officer doesn’t break my balls again. You guys have no idea how it really is with your perfect little lives. I’m doing what I have to do; if you don’t like it, not my problem.” He gave us an angry shrug. “Not your problem? We’re your best friends, and now we’re disposable to you?” I shook my head, anger and devastation gathering into a lump in my throat. “Who are you?” “He’s part of Gio’s crew now, Bri.” Reid leveled his eyes at Josh as he strode toward him. “He doesn’t have any time for us. He’s all about his new friends. Isn’t that right?” Josh’s jaw tightened as he stared back at Reid. “I’m so sick of your self-righteous bullshit. You

guys don’t get it.” “Oh, I get it, Josh.” Reid let out a sad chuckle. “You’re one of them now. Old little friends mean nothing, right? And if we, and our bullshit, are that much of an inconvenience to you . . . I can’t speak for Brianna, but I’m done wasting my time.” They both fell silent for a long moment, and I prayed Josh would disagree, fight, say something, but he didn’t. Reid shook his head and stormed away. “C’mon, Bri. We can still make the next bus back,” Reid said over his shoulder. I wouldn’t listen and called out to the back of Josh’s head as he stalked back toward the house. I rushed toward him, tripping over a large branch by the curb. My body lurched forward and even though I broke my fall with my forearms, I swallowed a yelp of pain. Laughter boomed from across the lawn, and Josh’s head whipped around. I lifted my eyes and saw Gio holding his shaking belly as he gaped at me. What happened to the boy who punched a kid he didn’t even know because he made me cry? Why wasn’t he telling all these assholes to shut up and stop laughing at me? A hand grabbed my elbow and lifted me up to stand, but it wasn’t who I wanted. It wasn’t my superhero. He didn’t exist anymore. Josh kept walking, without giving either of us

another glance. The bus pulled up the second we got to the curb. I waited until I plopped into a seat before I let the sobs go free. I was only there for maybe fifteen minutes, but it was the worst fifteen minutes of my life. Josh was so entrenched in this horrible new world, there was no place for me in his life anymore. The tears streamed off my cheeks as my troubled mind tried to make sense of it all. “Brianna,” Reid whispered as he looped an arm around my shoulders. “I know you love him, but he’s gone. We tried. There’s nothing we can do.” I didn’t reply as I leaned into Reid’s chest and cried all the way back home.

Josh “THIS PLACE IS amazing,

Josh.” My chest swelled with pride as Brianna’s widened eyes darted around the shop. Maybe it wasn’t really my place, but Uncle Billy trusted me enough to run it on my own. I hired the employees, handled the books, and met with customers. He depended on me instead of waiting for me to fuck up. The local troublemaker came back and made good, but that wasn’t such an easy sell for everyone. Good thing I didn’t give a shit about everyone. The only opinion that ever mattered stood in front of me, beaming with pride. My mouth split in a wide grin. “Thanks. It’s getting there. Hoping things pick up a little after the holidays. No one wants a new bike when there’s an inch of ice on the ground.” I laughed until Brianna’s face fell. “Can I ask you something?” She slid into the chair in my office as her lips pursed. “Of course.” I leaned my hip against the edge of my desk and crossed my arms. “What’s up, Cupcake?”

“Did . . . did you really have a new client in Manhattan last week, when you drove me to work?” I took in a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Why would you ask that?” “Scott and I—” She shook her head and waved her hand. “It’s nothing. Don’t mind me.” “No.” I nudged her ankle with my foot. “Let me guess. Scott isn’t too happy about me hanging around so much.” I raised an eyebrow. Brianna reluctantly nodded. “It’s a guy thing, I guess.” She chuckled to herself. “They get territorial if someone else tries to play with their toys.” She laughed until she realized what she said and then covered her mouth with her eyes huge. She was so fucking cute I couldn’t stand it. “I didn’t mean play, I meant . . .” She dropped her head into her hands, and I couldn’t hold in a laugh anymore. “C’mon, Bri. I’m dying to know.” I peeled her fingers away from her face and crouched in front of her. “What did you mean? Scott thinks I want to play with you? Don’t tell him about the GI Joe and Barbie castle we made when we were kids. He’ll flip the fuck out.” Her cheeks flushed as she nudged my shoulder. I caught her hand and held it in both of mine. As our gazes locked, laughter stopped. There was no way in hell what I was feeling was only one-

sided. I doubted it ever was. We didn’t talk about it, but I remembered every moment of that night at my apartment. Brianna rushing over to take care of me, the tortured look on her face when I asked her to get into bed with me. It wasn’t my finest hour, but I needed her. My soul cried out for her that night and she came, like she always did. She may have ignored my wimpy confession, but when she said she loved me, I knew she didn’t mean as only her best friend. “Josh,” Brianna pleaded on a whisper. “Don’t, please.” “Don’t please what, Bri?” Feeling brazen, I tucked a piece of hair behind her ear and cupped her cheek. I ran my thumb along the delicate curve of her jaw. Her eyes fluttered, urging me on. “Don’t touch you?” I let my finger drift over her full bottom lip. “Don’t kiss you?” I whispered with a husky rasp. Our faces were so close, our lips brushed. Brianna’s mouth parted, and I uttered a curse under my breath. We were so damn close. All we had to do was close that distance. Her hand drifted up my shoulder and clutched the back of my neck. “Josh,” Brianna sighed as she rested her forehead against mine. “We . . . We can’t.” Her hand drifted down my jaw. Her hooded eyes and flushed cheeks disagreed with the words sputtering from her mouth. I caught her hand and pressed a

soft kiss to her palm. It trembled as she took in a quick gasp. “Yes, we can, Bri,” I whispered as I leaned in. “You’re so damn beautiful.” Shit, I almost tasted her. She stilled as I cupped her neck and inched closer. “Hey, boss!” Brianna jerked back and dropped her gaze to the floor. Fuck. One of my mechanics rushed in from the adjoining garage with greasy hands. “That part finally came in. Whelan’s bike sings now. Come on back and take a look.” I plastered on a smile and nodded. “Thanks, Lou. I’ll be there in five.” “Oh, um, hey . . .” Lou stammered as he glanced between Brianna and me. “I didn’t mean to interrupt anyth—” “You didn’t.” Brianna popped off the chair and grabbed her coat. Lou threw me an apologetic cringe before darting back into the garage. “I better go. This is a great place. I’m happy for you, Josh.” She gave me a quick peck on my cheek and turned to leave. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back, but she wouldn’t turn around. “We are not pretending that didn’t happen.” I turned her around to face me. Her eyes darted from my gaze, but I pulled her body flush to mine to make her look at me. “My timing is shitty and maybe it’s wrong—”

“Yeah.” She laughed. “Your timing is comical, actually. So, now that you’re ready, I should be, too, right? Doesn’t matter who we hurt along the way.” “I can’t change the past, Bri. I wish every day that I could, but what’s important is now. We could have everything, please.” I gritted my teeth as I resorted to begging. Brianna was within my grasp; there wasn’t a lot I wouldn’t do to finally make her mine. Her eyes swam with unshed tears as her hand feathered down my cheek. “Everything on your time. It didn’t matter if you told me to move on. I loved you so much that I waited for you anyway. Until I stopped.” Her hazel eyes locked with mine, and I wished like hell for a time machine. I thought being cruel was being kind, but all I did was hurt us both. A thousand apologies would never be enough to show how truly sorry I was. “You never understood what it was like for me to lose you. I’m not sure I could recover if I had to do it again.” Her shoulders drooped as she moped away. My eyes stayed glued to her back until she swiveled to meet my gaze. “The sad thing is, despite everything, I really would have waited forever. Too bad you never gave me the choice. In fact, weren’t your exact words to forget you?” A sad laugh tumbled from her lips as she walked through the door.

Maybe it was wrong to barge back into her life, but she was my life—and I would make damn sure we’d never lose each other again.

Josh been home for a while now, I couldn’t bring myself to see everyone. Granted, I’d led a pretty solitary life even before it all went to shit. There was my dad who, even with all his faults, did his best with a kid he was left to deal with on his own; Brianna, who stuck by my side for as long as I could remember, and Reid. He did all he could to stop me from getting into a bad crowd that would eventually lead to my downfall, and even though he hated the company I kept before I had to leave, he didn’t waver either—until the day I told him to stay away from me for good. Unlike Brianna, he was the best friend who listened. The school he worked at was within walking distance of the shop, and I finally grew the balls to pay him a visit. Assistant Principal Reid O’Connor was in for quite a shock this afternoon. The school secretary led me into his office, but he didn’t notice me walk in. His chair was swiveled around as he pounded on his keyboard. “Just a minute, I’ll be right with you.” He held up his index finger without turning around when I EVEN THOUGH I’D

knocked. “No worries, Mr. O’Connor. I’ve got all day.” My mouth twitched as he froze in his seat. His chair inched around as he faced me with saucer-wide dark eyes. “Ho-ly shit!” His chest jerked with a chuckle. “Do I know you?” I crossed my arms and leaned against the doorjamb. “I’m your run-of-the-mill hoodlum. You probably deal with my type all day long.” A smile spread across his cheeks as he rose from his seat. “I was wondering when you’d finally show yourself.” My smirk faded as I took a good look at Reid with his buzzed hair and glasses, dress shirt sleeves rolled up. I was sure he was the kind of assistant principal that had no problem getting his hands dirty and worked overtime to protect his students—maybe save them from the same life he lost one of his friends to. I was proud as hell and grateful he didn’t throw me out on sight. “Get your hoodlum ass over here.” Reid grabbed my hand and pulled me into a hug. It was a quick guy hug, but I exhaled the brick off my chest. Just like my other best friend, Reid was too good to me. I treated them both like shit, and I wouldn’t give me a second glance if I were either one of them. “Damn good to see you, Falco!” Reid pounded my back a second time.

“Sorry it took me so long. My shop is a couple of blocks away, but it took me a bit to grow some nerve.” I raised a brow and Reid shook his head. “I know.” He cocked his head. “Falco Custom Bikes. Pass it every day on my way to work. I was thinking about my own ambush visit soon. Brianna told me you were back a couple of months ago.” He snickered at me before he went back to his desk. “I figured you’d come in when you were ready. I’m just about done here; how about you take me on a tour of the shop, starting with the bar across the street?” “You got a deal.” I stood from the chair and followed Reid out of his office. “Goodnight, Ms. Frances!” he yelled behind him as we strode out of the school. “Ms. Frances?” My brows raised. “Secretary and everything?” “Yeah,” he scoffed. “I’m a big fish. What can I say? Complete with a semi-retired secretary who can’t work the computer. Let’s get a goddamn beer and you can start catching me up on your life.” We headed into Landmark Saloon and took two seats at the bar. “How many damn tattoos do you have? I know you wanted one when you turned eighteen, but Jesus, man. I hardly see any skin.” “I got a few when I was—away. The rest I collected here and there over the years.” I held out

my arms and rolled up my shirt sleeves. “Don’t be jealous, you know you wanted one, too. Does academic life make it a no go?” “No, just never found the right one, and it . . . didn’t feel right not going with you.” He shrugged, and his eyes darted back to his mug. “Listen, Reid, I’m sorry for—” He grabbed my shoulder and shook his head. “No need for sorry. You were in a bad way because you thought you had no choice. Now, you got yourself out, and I got my friend back. The way he used to be. All good, bro. Besides, you can’t see all those colors on my black ass. It would be a waste.” “You’re still an idiot.” I shook my head. “How many say ‘Brianna’?” Reid smirked around the rim of the glass before he set it down. “None say her name, asshole. But maybe one or two are for her.” My eyes darted from his. Fucker still saw right through me. “Still a sad sack when it comes to that girl?” He chuckled. “Now who’s still an idiot? She’s with that preppy dude now, though. Sam?” “Scott.” His name left a sour taste in my mouth. “Ah, yes.” Reid nodded. “I met him once. Nice enough, I guess. Happened to be in the same diner Missy and I were in one night. That’s my wife, who you’ll meet when you come to my house for dinner.” I let a smile curve my lips and nodded. If

anyone deserved a good life, it was Reid. “I’d love to meet Missy. See what poor soul got stuck with you.” “I’m amazing. You know it and I know it. I take it you met him, too?” “Yeah,” I sighed. “A few times. He works a lot so he’s really not around that much.” “I guess it’s you and Bri again, like peas and car-rots.” His voice dropped into a Southern twang. “Stop with the Forrest Gump bullshit.” My eyes narrowed into slits. “All right, listen. They’ve been going out a couple of years, and no ring. You got everything else back. How about you finally take what you really want?” “I can’t just take her. She has to want to go.” Reid slammed down his newly-filled mug and leveled his gaze on mine. “Are you serious right now? She’s been ready to go with you since I first knew her. I can say that with the utmost fucking certainty.” “‘Utmost fucking certainty?’” I repeated with a smile. “You say things like that to your students?” He waved his hand. “How many years did I have to watch the two of you pine from afar for each other, when you were in the same damn room? The two of you exhausted me.” He smirked around the glass rim as he took another sip. “I never should have let her go. I thought

leaving and telling her to forget me was the right thing to do, but—” “But nothing. Falco, it’s time. Take your girl, once and for all.”

“Hey, boss! Someone here to see you.” Lou peeked into my office door after I left Reid. A shitload of clarity was dumped into my lap and I had to figure out what to do with it. “Really?” I was surprised. We’d gotten a couple of new customers, but the weeks before Christmas were pretty dead. “Yeah, says his name’s Scott.” He shrugged. You’ve got to be kidding me. “Send him in.” “Hi, Josh.” Scott’s lips stretched into a tight smile as he strolled into my office and took a seat in front of my desk. I held back the twitch of my lips, remembering how Brianna and I almost kissed in that very spot last week. “Scott.” I nodded back. “You don’t strike me as the motorcycle type.” “I’m not. I’m here for personal reasons.” He crossed his legs and rested his hand on his knee. “Okay.” I leaned my elbows on my desk. “What can I do for you?” “Stay away from Brianna.” My eyes widened as I drew back in my chair. “That’s not up to you.”

Scott’s eyes narrowed into slits as he shifted in the chair. “You’re confusing her. She’s distracted.” “Maybe she’s distracted, but I don’t think she’s confused.” I leaned forward and rested my forearms on the surface of my desk as a smug smile spread across my face. “And neither do you.” He shook his head and leaned back. “You’re a piece of work. You come back after ten years and think you can just swoop right in. Bad enough you strung her along all that time.” “Strung her along? What the hell are you talking about?” His nostrils flared before he set his glare on me. “Those fucking letters,” he sneered. “She’d get one, and I’d lose her for a whole day. She’d ramble on about whatever crap you’d tell her. Since you’ve been back, it’s a hundred times worse.” The scowl faded on his face as his jaw tightened. “Why can’t you just leave her alone? I’ve shared her with you enough. It took me years to get her to agree to even go on a date with me. Guys fell at her feet in college, but she never gave any of them the time of day. Probably because of you. I don’t believe the best friends shit. I’ve seen the way you look at her, and it’s anything but friendly.” At any second I expected him to pop out of the chair and lay me out—or try to lay me out. It would be another fight he wouldn’t win. I dropped my elbows to the desk and rubbed

my eyes. “We’ve loved each other our entire lives. And you’re right.” I nodded and met Scott’s angry gaze. “We were always more than best friends. The timing was never right—” “And it’s still not. She belongs to someone else. Someone who’s loved her for years and can give her a hell of a lot more than you ever could.” “Then where have you been lately? You love her so much, why is she always alone?” I rose from my seat and made my way over to where he sat. He stood and came closer, his body stiff as he inched toward me. “Working. Yes, maybe too much, but that’s ending. You won’t take her away from me. I did some digging on you.” He folded his arms and raised a brow. “You were quite the bad fucking seed. Selling drugs, fighting. You really think you’re good enough for her?” I nodded. “On paper, it looks that way. I went into the military and they made a man out of me and eventually helped me get my life together. And no, I’m not good enough for her. But she still belongs with me. So, I’m not going anywhere. I think we’re done talking.” I nodded over to the door. He scoffed as his hands balled into fists. I kept my gaze on his, waiting for him to make a move. My calm demeanor pissed him off even more. “Does she know everything? All the shit you did that almost got you thrown in jail?” He laughed

as he stepped closer. “I’ll bet she doesn’t.” I burst out laughing. “Are you threatening me? I assure you, she knows it all. She stuck by my side until the day I left, no matter how hard I tried to push her away. You could lie.” I shrugged. “And embellish. She won’t believe you. But hey, do what you have to do.” Our gazes held for a moment before he turned to leave. Did he really think he could warn me away from Brianna? I chuckled to myself. The poor dude reeked of desperation, yet I couldn’t resist having the last word. “Hey, Scott.” He stopped without looking back. “I don’t blame you for playing dirty. I would, too, if I was about to lose her.” “Fuck you!” Scott spit out before slamming the door.

Brianna as she rubbed my shoulder. “This was supposed to be fun. Please pick up your bottom lip before you drag it all around the floor.” “What?” I scoffed as I straightened on the cushioned chair next to the bar. “I am having fun.” I stretched my lips into the biggest smile I could before causing pain and pressed my index fingers into my nonexistent dimples. “See?” We shared a giggle. “All right. I won’t press. You were quiet all through dinner—” “You invited Christal.” I lifted my brows. “She never came up for air from the time she sat down, except when the next round of drinks would come. Who could get a word in with her?” Christal was Amanda’s cousin. She meant no harm, but the girl never shut the hell up. I found it amusing when I wasn’t in this awful mood. Tonight, I wanted to take the bread basket and jam it down her throat. In addition to being a gabber, she was a flirt—or at least tried her best to be. Christal never let any of the poor men she zoned in on get a word “BRI . . .” AMANDA URGED

in edgewise. Amanda invited a group of us out for a holiday girls’ night out, but I wasn’t feeling it. I nodded at the appropriate times during conversation but didn’t really listen or pay attention to anyone. “Brianna, you need to stop torturing yourself,” Amanda whispered as the rest of our group ambled toward the dance floor. “The more you put it off, the more miserable you’re going to be. Enough.” “I’m not torturing myself.” I pulled down my skirt before I pushed off my seat. “I was . . . a little distracted for a bit, but now I’m fine.” I raked my hands through my hair and pulled at the collar of my sweater. I didn’t even believe my own lies anymore. Scott was just as absent as ever, but seeing him so hurt and upset made the guilt that crept up on me seem almost unbearable. I still spoke to Josh every day, and throughout the day, but I put a little distance between us since our almost kiss. The almost kiss that ran through my head over and over again. I’d close my eyes at night and feel his hand against my neck. I’d see his dark green eyes pinning me to my seat. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted that kiss more than I wanted air. Amanda tilted her head until I sat back down. I took in a long breath and brought my gaze to the ceiling as I let it out. “Scott doesn’t deserve this.”

She leaned in with her lips pursed. “You don’t deserve throwing away your own happiness for some fucked up sense of obligation.” “It’s not obligation. It’s just that . . .” As hard as I tried, I couldn’t complete that sentence. “You can’t admit how you really feel?” I bit my lip and shrugged. “You don’t know what it was like for me before Josh left. I loved him for as long as I could remember, and then he was gone. I can’t do this to myself again.” I dropped my head into my hands and groaned. Amanda scooted closer to me. “He was a kid. You both were. Things change, people grow up. It’s romantic when you think about it. What you guys have together is rare . . . and amazing. I saw it in less than five minutes. It—” “What if it destroys me?” “There she is!” A familiar baritone boomed from behind us. “Reid!” I pushed off my seat and gave him a hug. “What are you doing here?” “Missy likes the band that plays here on Saturdays. Not really my scene, but it’s the holidays and all, and she all but begged Josh to convince me to go out.” Reid pointed behind him with his thumb. Reid’s wife was a knockout with curves everywhere and long, jet-black hair. Spotting her in a crowd was easy, but my gaze slid to the man

seated next to her at the bar. He wore black pants and a denim shirt rolled up just enough to see his ink. I hadn’t seen Josh all week, and I missed him so much my body ached. Ached. I was so fucked, it was laughable. “Amanda, you remember my friend Reid?” She nodded a hello. “Let me say hi to Missy.” Reid led me by the hand to where they were sitting. “Brianna!” Missy squealed. “How are you?” She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. Missy was a hugger, and since she was almost six feet tall, her embraces choked at times. “I’m good. Nice to see you.” I didn’t turn around to the eyes I could feel glossing over my body. An arm snaked around my waist as warm lips pressed into the sensitive skin behind my ear. “Hi, Cupcake.” I swiveled my head and met Josh’s eyes. Still dark, still full of want I couldn’t give in to. “Hi, Josh,” I whispered. He smelled so damn good. His woodsy cologne mixed with the salty sweat that was always my Josh. Our eyes locked for a long minute as his hand lingered on my belly. Could he feel the butterflies ricocheting back and forth in my stomach against his palm? A buzz from my purse broke our gaze. I stepped away from Josh and reached into my bag to grab my phone.

I miss you, babe. Hope you’re having fun with the girls. SCOTT:

Damnit. The room became stifling, and I needed air. The pressure from both men in my life was suffocating me. “Is everything okay, Brianna?” Missy dropped a hand to my forearm. “Yeah. All good,” I chirped. “I’m going to the ladies’ room a minute. Excuse me.” I clicked my heels as fast as I could without falling on my ass. I rushed into the bathroom and ran my hand under the sink, letting the cold water run over it and brought it to the back of my neck. My throat burned, but why? Frustration? Josh crossed over the friend zone and hadn’t a care in the world. It was difficult not to resent him for leaving me there all those years, so obviously pining for him, but all he did was push me away. Even the letters he sent kept me at arm’s length. A real chance with Josh was all I’d ever wanted. What if things went wrong? I could lose him for good this time. The notion of not having him in my life at all was terrifying. I clutched the edge of the sink, trying to steady my rapid breaths. When I thought of the hold he still had on me—the hold he always had—it infuriated me so much my hands shook. I trudged out of the ladies’ room and scanned the crowd for my friends. Amanda was nowhere to

be found, but Reid and Missy were showing off on the dance floor. Josh was in the same seat by the bar, but now he had a friend with him. Christal. She threw her head back and laughed at something he said while tracing the lines of his tattoos with her index finger. His brow furrowed as he watched her ramble on. His shoulders shook with a laugh as she became more and more animated. My hands balled into fists at my sides. She had no right to burrow into his side like she was, even though Josh wasn’t giving her any encouragement. When his head craned around and met my angry gaze, I breathed through my nostrils as I willed myself to calm down. He. Was. Not. Mine. Christal and whoever else could touch him, play with his ink, and do whatever they wanted. No matter how much it ate me alive. I was losing my fucking mind. What I felt for Josh was doing exactly what I feared the most, breaking me until there was nothing left. “Hey.” Amanda grabbed my arm. She stood right next to her cousin, but I didn’t see her. My eyes zeroed in on Josh, and like Scott so astutely noticed, I didn’t see anything else. “Are you all right?” “No. I’m not feeling well. I’m going to catch a cab home. You guys have fun.” I turned when a strong hand wrapped around my bicep.

“No, Bri. If you don’t feel well, I’ll take you home.” Josh had stood from his seat and rushed over to me. I shook my head. “You’re here with Reid—” “We took separate cars. Come on, I’m parked across the street.” He took my hand and motioned to Reid that he was leaving. “I hope you feel better, sweetie.” Christal rubbed my shoulder as her blonde brow furrowed. Did she have to be so fucking nice? We made our way to Josh’s truck. I said nothing as he helped me into the cab and shut my door. “Do you think you’re going to throw up? I can get a bucket from the back—” “No, I’m fine. I’m just tired. It’s been a long few weeks.” I gave him a half smile before he started the engine. “I’ve got you, Cupcake.” He rubbed my thigh and kissed the top of my head. Yes, he sure did. And the more I fought against it, the more I realized there was nothing I could do about it.

Josh a single word since we stepped into the truck. Tension radiated off her entire body as she faced as far away from me as possible. I knew she was avoiding me. Our near kiss was too much for her to handle right now. I should’ve backed off and let her have her space, and I did for a few days. All we were doing was delaying the inevitable—whether she chose to admit it or not. “I’m sorry we had to leave so soon. I would have liked to meet more of your friends.” I glanced her way, and Brianna nodded in response, still not looking at me. “I saw Christal corner you at the bar.” Her voice was aloof but the ticking in her jaw said otherwise as she drew back into the seat. Sick, my ass. I noticed her glaring at me and Christal tonight. She stared daggers into Christal’s back every time she touched me. She could act as aloof as she wanted. I knew she fucking hated it. My cupcake was in a losing battle with herself. She was going to make herself really get sick if she BRIANNA HADN’T UTTERED

didn’t surrender soon. “Yeah,” I chuckled. “Chatty little thing.” Brianna nodded but wouldn’t look my way. “She is. I’m surprised she didn’t slip you her number,” she scoffed. “Oh, she did. In fact, she opened with that.” I fought a smile, picturing the wheels turning in her adorable little head. Brianna’s head whipped to mine. “She did?” “What’s wrong?” I asked with as much innocence as I could get away with. “You don’t like her?” “No,” she offered a bit too abruptly. “I mean, she’s fine, I guess. You can talk to whomever you want.” “So, if I take her out . . . you’d be okay with that?” I let Christal down easy and right away, but Brianna didn’t need to know that. The prick in me wanted to see how this played out. “Sure.” She shrugged as she turned away from me again. “Do what you want.” Her jaw clenched so hard, I thought she was going to chip a tooth as she focused on the Hudson River whizzing passed the car window. Since we were kids, she had the worst poker face. I always knew the second she was pissed off, and judging by how her chest heaved, she was about ready to blow. Traffic always bottlenecked around the same

exit. We inched until we came to a full stop. I slid my arm around her and leaned in. She stiffened, but unless she jumped out of the car onto the side of the highway, she had nowhere to go. I nuzzled her cheek. Fuck it, I was going for broke. “And if I . . . take her home. You’d be . . .” “Fine,” she breathed out, her voice a mix of fury and lust. “Like I just said, do what you want.” I laughed, victorious. “Cupcake,” I whispered as my lips grazed her cheek, “you are so full of shit.” Her eyes darted to mine. Our lips were so close, again. I’d only need to lean in a centimeter and my mouth would be on hers. My hand feathered down her cheek as I shook my head. “You don’t want me taking Christal home the same as I don’t want you going back to Scott.” I gripped the steering wheel as a sudden rage coursed through me. Yes, I was “the other guy” in this scenario, but Brianna had been mine since we were five years old as far as I was concerned. If only I wasn’t such an idiot and told her how I felt all those years ago, but I was done with “if onlys” and looking back. Now, there was only forward, forward to my future and to my home. This beautiful girl—woman now—was both. Her eyes filled with tears as she grabbed the back of my wrist. “Josh . . . I . . . I,” she stammered

before biting her lip. “I came back for you, Cupcake.” I tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “To finally make everything the way it always should’ve been.” Her eyes clenched shut as a tear escaped the corner of her eye. “But, I wasn’t supposed to wait. You keep forgetting that.” A sad chuckle passed her lips. My thumb swiped the next tear off her cheek before horns blared behind us. Traffic finally opened up, and the space in front of my truck was wide open. I exhaled as I stepped on the gas. The rest of the way home was smooth sailing in deafening silence. “Thanks for the ride home.” Her voice was a strained whisper as she reached for the door handle. “Wait.” She stilled without looking at me. “Come to my dinner tomorrow.” I didn’t miss the tiny flinch as she turned around. “What dinner?” “My uncle and I are having a company dinner at the new steakhouse on Fortieth for Christmas. Please come. Uncle Billy would love to see you, and I’d love having you there.” I reached for her hand and laced our fingers together. She squeezed my hand back but quickly

dropped it. “Sure. If you need a friend to come along, I’d love to go.” A grin split my mouth as I ignored her attempt at drawing a line in the sand. “I’ll pick you up tomorrow at around seven.” I pressed a kiss to her temple. “Thank you, Cupcake.” “You’re welcome.” She forced a tight smile as she climbed out of the cab and rushed into her building. I came home on a mission of redemption—to right all the wrongs, show everyone I’d made something of myself. But I never cared about everyone. I cared about her. I loved her. But I’d hurt her, too—more than I ever realized. I had a lifetime to make up for, and I intended to start as soon as possible.

Brianna “JUST A MINUTE!”

I called out as I fastened my

earrings. This was a bad idea. An awful idea. But I agreed because Josh wanted me there. His green eyes pleaded with me before I could jump out of his truck, and as usual, I couldn’t tell them no. Distance didn’t ever apply to Josh’s hold on me. I grabbed my coat, purse, and keys and jetted for my door. “Ten minutes early?” I scoffed. “Do you know me at—” My jaw dropped as I took in the sight in front of me. Josh was in a dark suit with a white shirt. Everything about him was gorgeous. My eyes glossed over him, and the rush of feelings gave me physical pain. I yearned for a man I wasn’t supposed to want. “Something wrong, Cupcake?” He leaned forward to press a chaste kiss to my cheek. My coat was half on as I shut my eyes. He smelled pretty damn good, too. This favor he asked felt more and more like a date as the seconds ticked by.

“No . . . I . . .” I stammered as his gazed pinned me to my stoop. “I feel underdressed now.” I smoothed my red sweater dress over my thighs. “Maybe I should go change?” “Don’t you dare. You’re beautiful just as you are, Cupcake.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “Ready?” He reached out his hand. It was a loaded question I didn’t have an answer for, but I slid my hand into his anyway. “You should have some kind of coat on. It’s freezing tonight.” I let out a nervous laugh as I followed him to his truck. Josh was one of the few people that didn’t make me nervous. I couldn’t process being so jumpy in his presence. “Aren’t you cold?” He held the door open and shook his head. “Not even a little.” The half-smile on his lips made my heart pound. This night was about to be a game changer, whether I wanted it to be or not.

“Thank you, everyone. This has been an amazing four months, and I think we’ll have a fantastic New Year!” Josh raised his glass of champagne and the rest of Falco Custom Bikes nodded and raised theirs in kind. It was surreal to gaze at him now, the self-assured, level-headed businessman. His muscular chest stretched the confines of his white button-down shirt as his ink peeked out from

beneath his open collar. My eyes traveled to the tattoos on his wrists. Why did I find those sexiest of all? His arms and—from what I could tell from the shirts he wore—most of his chest, were lined with multi-colored designs, but his wrists drove me crazy. My eyes darted to my plate, ashamed to be caught ogling my best friend’s hands. “If I may.” Josh’s Uncle Billy rose from the table. He gazed around the table at the handful of mechanics Josh employed at the small Queensbased shop and turned to his nephew with eyes full of pride. “To my nephew, the boy who turned his life around and became a success. No matter what happens, I’ll never be prouder of anyone than I am of you right now. To Josh.” Josh smiled at his uncle as his eyes glossed over. “Me neither,” I whispered as I dropped my hand to his forearm and squeezed. He covered my hand with his and met my gaze. “So, enough with the mushy bullshit.” The deep rumble of laughter from the guys filled the room. “Happy holidays and let’s eat!” The rooftop restaurant with its surrounding terrace had gorgeous views of the entire city. The red and green lights from the top of the Empire State Building illuminated the entire room. The crowd was small—only the workers with their spouses and his uncle. His uncle was returning

home the next day, and I invited Josh to spend Christmas with me and my family, although I was sure it would be awkward as all hell. Scott hated even the mention of Josh in his presence now, and I had the impression Josh wasn’t Scott’s biggest fan either. And, of course, there was the whole on-thebrink-of-having-an-affair-with-Josh thing that added to the surmounting tension. “Want to walk outside and see the view?” He nodded his scruffy chin to the outside terrace. I pursed my lips and shook my head. “It’s like twenty degrees, and you think it’s the middle of the summer.” “Oh, come on.” He stood and grabbed his suit jacket off the back of his chair. “Put this on. We won’t be out long. Seems a shame to be here and have no one go outside.” I sighed as he pulled me from my chair and dragged me out to the terrace. The subfreezing bite of air hit me before Josh could drape his jacket across my shoulders. Shivering, I rubbed my hands together as I made my way toward the railing. “It is beautiful out here. You should get a jacket.” I cursed myself for wearing a sweater dress with only a nylon barrier between my legs and the December chill. New York City was its most beautiful at night, especially during Christmas. It was a shame the buildings at Rockefeller Center covered the lights of the tree, but we had a great

view of the Fifth Avenue snowflake. “Geez, Cupcake. Is your blood that thin?” He snickered as he rubbed his hands up and down my arms, but my shivering didn’t cease. I wasn’t only shaking from the cold. My constant and lifelong pull to this beautiful boy, now a gorgeous man, was becoming too all-consuming to ignore. Being all alone, together, the air pulsed with it. “No, it’s just that cold. I don’t have muscles to keep me warm the way you do.” I narrowed my eyes at him and turned to focus on the view of the skyline, the stars, anything to distract me from what was making my body shake like a leaf. Josh wrapped his arms around me and kissed the back of my head. “My muscles keep me warm? I thought it was the pretty girl wearing my jacket.” “You’ve known me far too long to throw lines at me, Falco.” I turned my head and the heat of his gaze pinned me to the railing. “Your uncle is so proud of you.” “Just my uncle?” The sexy curl of his lip as he smirked at me was almost my undoing. “Me too . . . I’m . . . I’m proud of you, too,” I stammered, grasping at anything I could to direct us to an easier subject. “You’re a success.” Josh spun me around and pulled my body flush to his. I took in a sharp gasp as he threaded his fingers into my hair. “Not quite. I’ll be a success when I can call the woman I’ve loved my whole

life mine.” His eyes seared into mine, and I forgot how to breathe. My gaze landed on his lips as he framed my face in his hands, running his thumbs along my cheekbones. “Josh,” I whispered. “I told you. We can’t—” “We can, and I am. We’ve waited long enough.” His lips brushed mine, and I was lost. I always knew the second I got a taste, I would be powerless against him. My lips parted as I grabbed the back of Josh’s head to deepen the kiss. His tongue made long sweeps inside my mouth, as if he was dying of thirst and drinking in as much of me as he could. A needy mewl escaped my throat when he broke the kiss to catch his breath. His hooded eyes singed my skin, saying so many things I wasn’t ready to hear. I crashed my lips back to his and flung my arms around his neck. A lifetime of loving him and missing him poured out and into that kiss. My fingertips glided over his torso as his body trembled under my touch. Light caresses became frantic as he fisted my hair and I clutched the material of his shirt so hard I ripped off a button. Josh’s lips were new and familiar all at once. His scorching kisses were soothing, and my body burst with both excitement and peace. This was how it always should have been. I wished I could rewrite our story. I’d fix it so I’d never lose him in the first place, and we’d never hurt anyone on our way back to each other.

We pulled apart panting. A goofy smile spread on his lips before he pulled me into his chest. “I can’t come back from that. I don’t want to share your kisses with Scott or anyone else. They’re mine, like the rest of you.” Josh pulled back and tapped my chin. “Same as I’m all yours. I’ve been yours since we were kids. I didn’t deserve you then—and I probably still don’t.” “Josh, that’s not—” He laid his finger against my lips and shook his head. “But I love you. God, I love you so much.” His voice was husky as he cupped my cheek and drifted his thumb back and forth along my jaw. My eyes watered as my head spun. I’d waited my entire life to hear that from Josh. Not the “I love you, friend’” we threw back and forth all the time. Josh loved me. “You were my light, Bri,” he went on. “Then and now. I pushed you away because I thought you were better off, but I belong with you. Even in the darkest times, all the fights and shitty decisions, that’s the one thing I knew with absolute fucking certainty.” He chuckled to himself before he shook his head. A hazy smile spread across his face. “That was worth waiting a lifetime for.” Josh kissed my forehead and took my hand. “We should eat. We aren’t doing that well to waste a steak dinner. There’s even dessert, Cupcake.” He beamed at me, and it made my heart flutter

and break at the same time. I opened my mouth to say something, but Josh’s lips stole my breath and my words. Thank God we didn’t kiss when we were young. The near misses screwed with my head enough back then. No one would’ve compared after that, not that they ever did. We went back into the dining room and took our seats, but food was the last thing on my mind as I scraped my steak back and forth across my plate. The rest of the evening consisted of stilted conversation and side glances of longing. My lips burned from our kiss, our very first kiss that shouldn’t have taken this many years to happen. We didn’t speak as Josh drove me home. He pulled up in front of my building, neither of us looking in the other’s direction or saying a word. “Goodnight, Josh.” I reached for the door handle, but he pulled me back by my other arm and planted a closed-mouth, but lengthy kiss on my lips. Before I could help myself, I planted two more pecks on his lips. He gave me a sad smile as his finger drifted down my cheek. “Goodnight, Bri. Thanks for coming.” “You’re welcome,” I whispered as I stepped out of the truck. I ran upstairs to my apartment and changed into my favorite flannel pajamas. I usually saved them for sickness and sadness. Judging by the tears flowing down my cheeks and queasiness in my

belly, tonight qualified as both. Josh kissed me— both times—but my more than willing participation made me ill. All the same, I didn’t regret it. I needed to finally face what that meant. I dug my phone out of my bag and plugged it in. There were two missed calls and a voicemail from Scott. Hey babe. It feels like I haven’t heard your voice all week. I miss it. I miss you. It’s been a rough patch for us, but the New Year will be amazing. I promise. I’ll make up for all the attention I should’ve been paying to you. I love you, Brianna. I’ll call you tomorrow before we go to your parents’ house. Sweet dreams. Through the blur of tears, I checked the time of Scott’s call. A little over an hour ago, right around the time I was lip locked with Josh on the balcony. Oh God, what was I doing? I knew what I wanted to do. I knew what I should do. But I had no fucking clue what I was going to do. Happy holidays to me.

Josh “MERRY CHRISTMAS, JOSH!”

Mrs. Morgan flung her

arms around my neck. “Sorry I’m early. Thanks for having me,” I whispered and gazed into her warm brown eyes. “Hey, Josh.” Mr. Morgan came up behind her and offered his hand. “Merry Christmas! Glad you could make it.” “Me too; thank you for inviting me.” I wanted to say sorry my presence is going to make this night as uncomfortable as fuck for everyone, but I held my tongue. “Can I get you anything to drink?” Mrs. Morgan squeezed my shoulder. “I’ll get him a beer, Julie.” Brianna’s father gave me a wink before strolling into the kitchen. If I had to watch Brianna walk in on Scott’s arm, I’d need something to loosen me up. We’d kissed last night, and I hadn’t heard a peep from her since I dropped her off after dinner. After waiting a lifetime to feel her lips on mine, it was everything I knew it would be. Brianna was mine; she’d realize it and choose me. She had to. For my

own sanity, I prayed it was sooner rather than later, like before New Year’s. But I’d be patient and wouldn’t bash Scott’s face in for touching my girl tonight. “Hey everyone! Merry Christmas!” Scott’s voice bellowed in from the front doorway along with the frigid air. His wide grin faded as soon as he laid eyes on me. Brianna fidgeted with the buttons on her coat as she offered me a sheepish smile. “Hello, Josh. Brianna mentioned her parents invited you over tonight.” I let a smile stretch wide on my lips as I crossed the living room, snickering to myself at the tic in Scott’s jaw. “Hi, Scott.” I squeezed his hand as a smirk tugged at the corner of my mouth. He could visit my shop and threaten me all he wanted. I wasn’t going anywhere—and he knew it. Brianna’s eyes raked over me as she gave me a nervous smile. “Glad you came, Josh.” I strutted up to her and enveloped her in my arms. I felt Scott’s eyes burning into me and didn’t give a single shit. My lips found her forehead and left a long, lingering kiss that made her take in a sharp breath. “Me too, Cupcake,” I whispered into her silky hair before I brushed some off her shoulder. My gaze slid to hers and we both went silent. This was

stupid. Anyone within a ten-mile radius could recognize the attraction pulsating between us. Her hands grabbed my biceps as if she didn’t know whether to push me away or pull me closer. C’mon, Bri. Stop fighting me. “Hey, babe, what can I get you to drink?” Babe. Christmas Eve was shaping up to be nothing more than an all-night pissing contest. “Glass of wine would be great. Thanks, Scott.” Scott turned to pour a glass of Pinot, but not before giving me a quick scowl. Brianna crossed her arms over her chest as she went into the living room and sat on the far end of the couch next to her mother. I was crowding her right along with Scott, and I didn’t want that. I resolved to back off, if only for this evening. “It may snow tonight. I can’t remember the last white Christmas in New York,” Mrs. Morgan blurted out. I guessed the tension in the room didn’t only make the three of us this damn uncomfortable. “Can’t beat that, right?” “Oh, I think I can.” Scott’s mouth split in a large grin as he stalked to where Brianna sat on the couch. He reached into his back pocket and knelt on one knee before her. Oh. Fuck. No. “Help me make this the best Christmas we’ve ever had. Marry me, Bri.” Scott opened the box and rubbed Brianna’s knee. The color drained from her face at the same

time bile rose to the back of my throat. She couldn’t say yes. We didn’t get this far for her to get engaged right in fucking front of me on Christmas. “Scott . . . we never talked about this.” Her eyes darted from the ring to Scott to me, speared in place on her parents’ carpet as I awaited her answer along with Scott. Scott laughed and shrugged. “What’s there to discuss?” Brianna gazed over her shoulder at her parents. Her mother’s expression was undefinable, but judging by the tick in Mr. Morgan’s jaw, I assumed he was never asked for his daughter’s hand in marriage. “C’mon, Bri. Say you’ll marry me.” Scott rubbed her thigh, but instead of relaxing her, Brianna looked like she fell deeper into shock. “No.” The word tumbled from my lips before I could think about it. It was a firm no way in hell no. Four pairs of eyes turned their widened gazes to me. “No?” Scott laughed. “I don’t think I asked you.” “She doesn’t love you.” I turned to Brianna’s frozen stare. “Marrying Scott is a mistake, and you know it, Bri.” Brianna popped off the couch. “Josh, please—” Scott stood from the floor and came toward me

in a rage. “I told you. Stay the hell away from her.” “You told him to stay away from me? What?” Brianna’s head whipped around as she glared at Scott. “You had no right to do that. You’re not my parent who chooses who I do or don’t speak to!” she roared at Scott and got an eye roll in return. “Brianna, look what he’s doing right now. He uses your history together to play on your sympathies.” Scott looked me over with a snicker. “You’re the same lowlife you probably were when you and Brianna were kids. You’re just a lowlife with a job now. Stop kidding yourself that you’ve got some kind of a future with her.” I trudged up to Scott, snickering when he stepped in front of Brianna. You can’t keep me away from her, dude. Not you, not anyone. “I’m kidding myself? No one is buying the show you’re putting on tonight.” Brianna’s eyes met mine. She glared at me, but didn’t utter a single word of denial. I never wanted it to be this messy or become the same selfrighteous asshole that Scott was, but my gloves were off. I was fighting for the woman I loved and wasn’t backing down an inch. She pushed on Scott’s sweater covered chest and he stumbled back a step. “Stop it. Look, we need to talk about this—” “Talk about what?” I roared, feeling some of

the desperation I taunted Scott for. “You can’t kiss me then get engaged to him the next day!” Scott pushed past Brianna to lunge at me. “You kissed my fiancée? You fucking asshole!” Brianna’s dad stepped between us to push us apart. “The two of you need to get ahold of yourselves, for Christ’s sake,” Mr. Morgan roared as he gazed between us. “No, what you both need to do is leave. Now.” Brianna’s breath quickened as she glared at us both. “Babe, come on.” Scott reached for her arm, but she flinched it away. “Cupcake—” Brianna’s head jerked in my direction, murder in her eyes. The both of us fighting over her didn’t do anything but piss her off. “Fine. What I need to do is get the hell out of here. I’m sorry, Mom and Dad, but this . . . I can’t stay here. I’ll spend Christmas by my fucking self.” Brianna let out a long sigh as she wrapped her scarf around her neck and grabbed her purse. “Language, Brianna!” Mrs. Morgan gasped. “Sorry, Mom.” Brianna stormed out the door with Scott hot on her heels. I grabbed my jacket and ran out behind them. Scott screamed her name, but Brianna wouldn’t turn around. Sure enough, snow fell from the sky the second Brianna made it across the street. So much for a magical white Christmas.

“Stop and talk to me!” Scott bellowed as he caught up to Brianna and grabbed her arm. I stayed behind on her parents’ front porch, not having a clue how any of this would end up. I wanted her with me, and now she had no choice but to make a decision. “Now you want to talk? We talked about marriage once. Once! Over a year ago at Mia’s wedding. You called her husband a poor bastard and laughed. Not a word since. Now, you come to my parents’ house with a ring on Christmas, and it’s a foregone conclusion I’ll say yes? Why should you ask me how I feel about our future? You proposed because you felt cornered.” “Bri,” Scott pleaded as he raked his hands through his hair. “That’s not—” “And that isn’t something I’d ever say yes to. I’m not sure you’d have even thought about it if Josh wasn’t around.” She crossed her arms and tilted her head. “In fact, what would we be if Josh wasn’t in the picture? If you only want me because you think someone else does, it’s all pretty pointless, isn’t it?” Her voice dropped to a gravelly whisper. Scott’s hands fell to his sides in defeat. His gaze dropped to the frosting of new powder on the concrete. If he wanted to make a grand gesture, now was the time. He picked up his head and glared at Brianna.

“Pointless is exactly what I’d call this, Brianna.” My heart soared into my throat. Was this it? Was she finally mine? Brianna scowled at me from over Scott’s shoulder and stalked toward me. Not quite. We stood chest to chest as she leveled her eyes at me. “Do you know how long I loved you?” Her eyes narrowed to slits and filled with tears. “Do you? So long that I don’t remember not loving you! I just didn’t have a label for it until I was a teenager.” She sniffled even though her nostrils flared. “You were everything to me. I watched you spiral out of control, and it broke my heart. But what gutted me, what destroyed me, was when you told me to forget you.” “Cupcake—” Brianna lifted her hand and shook her head. She wasn’t done. “For almost a decade, letters were all I had from you. I saved each one like it was gold. Within those slips of paper over the years, you opened up and became my best friend again. The Josh I remembered. I was happy. But sad, too. Always sad because the boy I loved didn’t love me the same way. What choice did I have but to move on?” She shrugged. “I never really wanted you to move on—” “But you never said that, did you?” A humorless laugh fell from her lips. “I was supposed

to read your mind? Now, you’re here. With your hand holding and Cupcake and blinding kisses and it’s my dream come true. But on your time, when you felt you were ready. It didn’t matter where I was in my life. You figured I’d drop everything for Josh Falco because I’m that pathetic and needy, right?” She crossed her arms over her chest as if she were erecting a barrier between us. “No, Bri. Never. I just . . . never thought I deserved you.” “That was my choice to make. And, as usual, you took my choices away.” She pointed at Scott behind her with her thumb. “Just like he did. But that ends now.” Brianna gazed at me and then back to Scott. “I choose me. Merry Christmas to you both.” Brianna trekked across the snow-covered sidewalk, too enraged to remember she was afraid of icy streets. My eyes followed her until she disappeared around the corner. Scott jetted back into the house and slammed the screen door. I didn’t choose her. I loved her. There was no choice to make. We belonged together. And I wouldn’t leave her doorstep until I made her believe that.

Brianna ~ Past is going to be great for you!” Mom chirped as she threw more sunscreen into our cart. “This is just the time away you need before college starts!” With a smile plastered across my face, I nodded. Did I really want to be a camp counselor in upstate New York for six weeks this summer, battling mosquitos, various forms of wildlife, and snotty little preteens? Not particularly. But did I want to mope around my house the entire summer, tear up every time I glanced down the street at Josh’s now vacant house or dodge phone calls from the only two girlfriends I had in my senior class? That was a big hell no. The only time my eyes didn’t sting was during graduation. Girls around me sobbed as they clutched onto each other through the entire ceremony, whispers of “I can’t believe it’s over!” fluttering all around me. I sat in my cap and gown with a long, bored face. “Get me the hell out of here,” was the only phrase on my lips. High school without Josh was excruciating, so I embraced being “I THINK THIS

an introvert for the second half of my senior year. After Josh left, the questions about his departure were constant for a couple of months, the tales of what he did getting taller with each new friend wanting to show their “concern.” Is it true he used to fight for money for Gio? Is that why he got into so many fights at school, too? I heard they had orgies at Gio’s house. Did you ever *giggle* go with him? Weren’t you guys a thing? I heard Josh isn’t in the military; he’s serving time at Rikers Island—in solitary—because he’s so dangerous. Is that true? Eventually, fodder for gossip faded, and I was granted my wish of being left the hell alone. What I didn’t tell anyone was that I checked my mailbox every single day for a letter from Josh. After the way he acted before he left, a letter from him was as likely as snow in June, but I still kept up hope. It killed me not to know how he was doing. I hoped the time away cleared his head a little bit, although thinking of him in dog tags and a uniform was surreal. My mind would drift to what he was doing right now. I kept picturing the rain scene in Renaissance Man, a movie we watched over and over when life was a whole lot simpler. I needed to get out of my own head and stop staring at the four walls of my bedroom; hence my reason for heading to the country, away from my

mailbox and anything else that disappointed me. “Bri!” I recognized Reid’s voice behind me. He was one of the good guys and checked on me all the time. But, unlike me, he moved on. Sure, he’d manage to pull me out of my house for a slice of pizza every once in a while, but I never took him up on hanging out with the new group of friends he’d found. He’d had a happy rest of senior year, and I’d heard he was even nominated for prom king. Heard, since I wouldn’t step anywhere near our prom. Too many shattered hopes and unrequited dreams kept me from even considering entering that catering hall. Well that, and no one asked me. Even Anthony Colon stopped asking me out, not that I ever really considered taking him up on it. Everyone moved forward except me, why I felt leaving altogether was my only option. I’d found a college in another borough that no one in my high school was planning to attend. It was close enough to home and far from everyone else. I was the only teenager praying for summer to race by. “Hi, Reid. How are you?” “I’m good!” He folded his arms and nodded. “Hi, Mrs. Morgan. That’s a lot of sunscreen.” He peered into our cart as a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth. “Brianna is headed upstate next week. She’ll be outdoors all the time and burns easily. Oh wait, you need bug spray, too!” Mom shuffled to the end of

the aisle, abandoning our cart. “Upstate?” Reid’s lips pursed. “Camp counselor.” I gave him an exaggerated salute. “I figured a change in scenery before college would do me some good. New people, all that good stuff.” He gave me a slow nod. “I’m doing that, too, but at a day camp close by. I wish I would have known you wanted to do that, they had a lot of openings. Some of the guys from school . . .” He trailed off as he let out a chuckle. “But I guess that wouldn’t have appealed to you.” I couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, you guessed right. Not that I wouldn’t like to hang out with you, but it’s all still raw, I guess. Pathetic, aren’t I?” His face softened as he shook his head. “No, Bri. I just wish—I wish that you’d find someone worthy of all that loyalty. You deserve it.” I nudged his shoulder with mine. “You, too. Are you excited about NYU?” “Yeah, I am, actually. Knowing what my major is, I don’t need so many prerequisites as I figure it out.” “You already know what your major is?” I knew I wanted to write but hadn’t the faintest idea of how to translate that into a possible career. I figured that’s what college was for—to find myself. Well, to find myself away from anyone else I knew. “Education. Maybe guidance counselor. I

haven’t quite figured that part out yet. Maybe I could, I don’t know, help kids that are in trouble. I’ve seen what happens when they just get ignored.” And there went the familiar lump in my throat and burning in my nose at the mention of Josh. Maybe he didn’t say his name, but we both knew exactly who he meant. “I think that’s awesome, Reid.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. “Keep in touch, okay?” His chest shook with a laugh. “I’m the only one you won’t be able to shake.” “Have you,” I gulped before I continued. “Heard from Josh at all?” Since that awful night on Gio’s lawn, Reid and Josh hadn’t spoken a word to each other. “Brianna,” Reid sighed as he squeezed my shoulder. “You’re leaving to move on. I think you need to move on the whole way. I miss him, too. And I hope he’s okay, but that’s all on him now. Promise me you’ll at least try.” I bit my lip, my way of holding back the tears as I nodded. I could move across the country, and if I kept myself tethered to Josh, it would still follow me. Giving up on him seemed so final, but maybe it needed to happen. “I found it!” my mother sang as she came back to the cart. “I just saw your mother, Reid. We were

both saying it seems like yesterday you guys were all in middle school.” Her eyes watered. “Have a great summer, sweetie.” “I will, Mrs. Morgan. You, too!” Reid gave me a crooked smile before sauntering away to join his family. I trudged behind my mother through the rest of the store, Reid’s words echoing in my head. I’d put goodbye off long enough. Maybe he was right. I did owe it to myself. “Oh, look, honey. I haven’t bought these in a long time.” I lifted my gaze from the floor and spied my mother holding a box of my favorite cupcakes. This time, there was no stopping the deluge of tears falling from my eyes. It was almost like some sick kind of sign. Who knew my greatest life epiphanies would come in two separate aisles of Target? I shook my head and moped past Mom. “I don’t want them, Mom. Let’s go.”

“Hey, kiddo.” Dad knocked on my door with a stack of envelopes in his hand. “Looks like some college stuff came. I’ll leave this here.” He dropped the mail on my nightstand before giving me a sad smile. “Rough Target run, I heard.” I laughed despite myself. “You could say that.” He tapped my chin so I’d look up. “It may not

seem like it now, but things will get better. I promise you.” I forced another smile and nodded. “You’re right. It will. I’m looking forward to camp, Dad.” “You’re lying, but that’s the spirit.” He kissed my forehead before leaving my room. I grabbed the pile and sifted through the papers. A couple of forms from school, a few magazines, and a plain white envelope with familiar handwriting and a return address from South Carolina. My hands shook as I tore at the corners of the flap and pulled out the paper inside. Dear Bri, I’m sorry it took so long for me to write. I’m sorry about a lot of things, but I don’t think there’s enough ink in this pen to list them all. Boot camp is a bitch. I’m up way before dawn every day. I train in all kinds of weather, yes, just like Renaissance Man, and the food I eat is questionable, at best. But, in a weird way, the pain feels good. I let everything go to shit, and the fight to get it all back is hard, but it soothes me. Like living out a punishment. I think that makes me a masochist, is that the right word? You’re the writer, so I thought you would know. There are so many things I wish I had forgiveness for, but I would be an asshole to ask.

I hope you’ll still want to write to me, but if you don’t, I understand. No matter how I acted or what I did, don’t let what happened with me hold you back. You’ll always be my Cupcake. Josh I read the letter ten times before I folded it and put it back in the envelope. He was okay, and he sounded like my Josh, or at least a less angry Josh. The brick of worry I carried on my chest all this time lifted, and I exhaled a happy gust of air. A smile pulled at my cheeks as I thought about this summer and college in the fall. Josh was getting his life together, and it was time for me to do the same. I waited a whole ten minutes before I grabbed a piece of paper and pen and wrote him back. When you loved someone, I guessed there were no truly severed ties.

Brianna around the corner from my apartment building was an eyesore with its neon yellow signage and the rum posters with half-naked models, but by the grace of God, they were open— and had two bottles of wine with my name on them. All I needed was a straw. As my high heeled boots sank into the fresh patches of snow covering the sidewalk, anger burned my insides. I tried to pinpoint what upset me the most. Was it Scott, who brazenly proposed in front of my parents, expecting me to say yes? After I got into my apartment, I realized as I fumbled through my drawer for a corkscrew that he didn’t even ask me. “Marry me, Bri.” Like “Get me pepperoni, Bri.” A command, not a request. But Scott could have asked me on a carriage ride through Central Park—if they still had them—with violins and harps, and I still wouldn’t have said yes. A year ago, maybe. But not now. Because now, he wasn’t who I wanted to marry. I wanted to marry Josh Falco. Arrogant, annoying, sexy as hell with lips of sin Josh Falco. THE LIQUOR STORE

My best friend whom I’ve been in love with my entire life, who loved me back even though he was too big of a jerk to say so. He stayed away “for my own good.” He didn’t tell me “for my own good.” Maybe he should’ve consulted me on “my own good.” I yanked my Grinch nightshirt over my head and moped into my living room. I sipped my plastic cup of wine as I cuddled into the corner of my couch. Everything on TV right now was too damn happy. I wanted a continuous loop of my beloved Grinch while his heart was still two sizes too small. My phone buzzed on my end table, and I dropped my head into my hands. Josh had blown up my phone since I ran out of my parents’ house, but stopped about a half hour ago. Before I could help myself, I glanced at the screen. JOSH:

Look under your front door.

I groaned, but figured my Solo cup needed a refill anyway and trudged over to satisfy my misplaced curiosity. A white envelope peeked through under my door. It was the same kind of plain, no frills envelope Josh had mailed his letters in. Scott was right, those letters got more of a rise out of me than he ever did. Rage stirred in me once again, at how those letters were all Josh would give me of himself for all that time. I ripped the letter open and plopped in a seat at

my dining room table to read. You’re the writer, not me, so this probably isn’t all that good . . . but here goes. A boy meets a girl in kindergarten. She’s sweet and pretty and he wants to beat up anyone who makes her cry. And he does. She laughs and she gives him her lunch. They don’t know it yet, but they fall in love. For life. The boy grows up, and he’s trouble. Scary trouble. But the girl doesn’t leave him. Even though she should. It’s because of her he’s not in jail or maybe even dead. One day, he has to leave her, and he hates it. He wants to tell her how much he loves her and to wait for him, but he can’t do that. The best thing he could do is tell her to forget him. But she doesn’t. She writes him letters. Awesome, beautiful letters, and it’s like he never left her. He comes up with a plan to come back, but when he does, she isn’t alone. He’s devastated, but hopeful. They’re still in love, and it’s finally their time. They both just need to take it. I told you it sucked, but I think it gets the point across. I love you. I’m so sorry I never told you. Please forgive me. It wasn’t until my tears dotted the paper that I realized I was crying. I did fall in love with Josh for

life, but the more I thought about it, the more it pissed me off. I was right there—for years. Even though I loved Scott, it never compared to the way I loved Josh. No one would. I waited my entire fucking life for Josh to say he loved me back, and now that he was, resentment simmered in my gut at his timing. I opened my door and found Josh camped out on my front stoop. His elbows rested on his knees as he swiveled his head to meet my gaze. “Still mad at me, Cupcake?” He grimaced as he stood and traipsed toward my door. I let out a frustrated sigh and held my door open. “You don’t want me to answer that. Just come in.” “Okay, I’ll take that.” The twinkle in his green eyes made me want to kick him in his perfect teeth. I locked the door behind him and moped to my kitchen table. I settled into one of my chairs and motioned to the seat next to me. Josh sat down and scooted the chair closer. “You didn’t like my story even a little?” I shrugged and did my best not to look directly at him. He had a power over me, and I never hated it more than in that moment. He nodded and slid a crumpled piece of notebook paper across the table. I met his tentative gaze as I took it and unfolded the warn out edges. I recognized my teenage handwriting, and my heart

fell to the pit of my stomach when I read the first line. How did he . . . Where did he find this? “The poetry notebook that you kept,” he answered as if he was reading my thoughts. “One day at your house I flipped through it, and when I saw this, I tore it out and put it in my pocket. It’s been in my wallet ever since. “Green eyes that pin me in place. Sadness only I can see on his face. Lips that I see in my dreams. My best friend that I adore. I wish we could be so much more.” With each word he read aloud from memory, my shoulders slumped in embarrassment. My foray in poetry didn’t last very long and I never looked at that notebook again, why I didn’t realize someone swiped one of my poems—the one person I never wanted to read it. “God . . .” My voice croaked. “That’s so awful. Why would you keep this?” After a few beats, another realization barreled over me. I shot up, my chair crashing to the kitchen tiles as I stalked to Josh, my hands shaking as I fisted the paper. “You knew! You always knew! And you never said a damn thing—” Josh stood and put his finger over my lips. “Every day, I tried to tell you. And every day, I got confirmation from somewhere that you deserved better. The day I found this, I went home and tried to think up some grandiose speech to tell you I

loved you, and our power was shut off. Another day I was at your house and found a hole in my jeans. And not the cool kind. And I knew it was a long fucking time before I could buy new clothes.” A humorless laugh rumbled from his chest. “Because you didn’t have money you think I wouldn’t want you?” I threw the poem on the table and dropped my face to my hand. “Josh, that makes no sense. You never had to pretend with me.” “I always held you back. You had to feed me in kindergarten, for Christ’s sake. That’s why it took me so long to write. I knew you’d come with me anywhere, and I loved you even more for it, but I couldn’t do that to you.” Josh wrapped his arms around me and rested his forehead against mine. “Maybe I’m a little more selfish now. I still think I don’t deserve you, but I need you. We’ve loved each other since we were little. Maybe we didn’t say it, but we always knew. You’re my best friend and the love of my life. It’s time, Brianna. Why are we still fighting it?” I pushed my hands into his chest, swallowing the sobs that wouldn’t stop coming. “Why would you keep that stupid poem?” He took my face in his hands and swiped my tears with his thumbs. “When boot camp got tough and I wanted to quit, I’d read it. It was like a talisman, I guess. You loved me and deserved the

best from me, even if you weren’t mine. You took care of me all the time. I wanted you to see me again, on my own two feet—when I was the man you deserved.” “There was never a single second I didn’t belong to you,” I blurted out, my chest heaving as the waterworks hit their crescendo. “All I ever wanted was you,” I said, in a defeated whisper. “I know,” he whispered as his thumb brushed my bottom lip. “And you have me. You always did. I’m sorry about Scott. But I’ll never be sorry for fighting for you. It’s always been us, Cupcake. It’s exhausting to fight what’s meant to be. I’ve done it most of my life, and I’m ready to stop. How about you, Bri?” The corners of my mouth twitched as I nodded. Josh smiled, the beautiful beaming smile that lit up his entire face. I still saw it in my dreams. “You never could stay mad at me, Cupcake.” He smirked as he tightened his hold around my waist. “Just kiss me, you big jerk.” He cupped my neck and crashed his lips into mine. I flung my arms around him as all of me finally gave in. Josh was right. We were running from the inevitable, and it felt amazing to finally stop. “You always look sexy in Grinch shirts,” he murmured against my lips.

“This is it?” I clutched his biceps and pulled him closer. “We’re finally together?” “You’re damn right, we are. So, my letter didn’t suck?” A smirk twisted his mouth. I shook my head. “I loved your story. It was perfect.” Josh laughed. “Our story. You can fix it. Rewrite it so it’s good.” “I don’t need to rewrite anything. That’s our story.” I wiped another happy tear away with the back of my hand. “We just need a good ending.” “That’s the great thing about our story.” Josh cradled my face in his hands. “It doesn’t have one.”

Brianna the light assaulting me through my bedroom curtains. There was nothing but white outside my frosted window. I pushed myself up to get a better look and smiled at Josh’s sleepy groan. “Don’t get up yet. I’m comfortable.” He kissed my shoulder and looped his arm around my waist. “It’s nine o’clock already, sleepyhead. Merry Christmas.” Josh rolled me toward him and covered his mouth with mine. “Merry Christmas to you, too, Cupcake. Waking up next to you beats the hell out of any present.” He pecked my lips and drew me into his chest. “Even though we didn’t . . .” I played with the cotton hem of his T-shirt as I brought my eyes to his. He chuckled and kissed me again. “Last night was a big night. Lots of stuff came out, you and Scott . . . That,” he whispered and gave me a shrug. “That will come in time. You’re finally mine, so whenever you’re ready, I’m good with that.” He cupped the side of my face and ran his I SQUINTED AT

thumb along my jaw as he glanced over my shoulder. “It’s snowing pretty hard out there.” “Ugh, you aren’t going to start singing ‘Baby, it’s cold outside’ are you?” I yelped as he pulled me on top of him. He tickled my side until I couldn’t breathe and held my hands up in defeat. “How about I make us some breakfast and we watch Christmas movies all day?” Josh’s mouth split with a wide grin as he nodded. “I think The Godfather is on later.” “Perfect!” I giggled as he rolled us over and took my mouth in a passionate kiss. I whimpered into his mouth as his tongue slid across my bottom lip. I tore my lips away from Josh at the sound of my doorbell, laughing at his frustrated growl. “That’s my neighbor. She’s going to New Jersey for a week, and she said she’d stop by with her mail key.” I gave him a quick peck before I grabbed my robe and dashed to my door. “Sorry, Mary!” I called out before I opened the door. “Merry Christ—” My heart dropped into my stomach as I wrapped my robe tighter around me. “Merry Christmas, Bri,” Scott rasped as he leaned against the doorway. I was supposed to be joining him at his parents’ house today. Knowing

him, he told them all about his proposal plans and hadn’t mentioned to them that he’d be arriving alone. A twinge of guilt pinched my chest for a moment before memories of last night flooded back to the surface. Josh was as much of a jerk as he was, but he was still the one I wanted. I’d thought I made that clear until I looked into Scott’s unsure, but hopeful eyes. “Look,” Scott clipped as he pushed past me into my apartment. “Last night got out of hand. We don’t have to get married yet; we can wait for when you’re ready. But Josh, sorry, he’s nonnegotiable. I know you’ve been friends since you were kids, but he wants—” He trailed off as his eyes fell on Josh’s leather jacket draped over one of my dining room chairs. He let out a long sigh and shook his head. “He’s here. How did I not know that?” He would never believe that Josh spent the night in my bed and sex didn’t happen. But, as terrible as it was, I didn’t feel the need to explain. I was done pretending and dawdling between Josh and Scott. The last thing I wanted was to hurt him, but I couldn’t string him along any more than I already had. Staying with Scott would have been settling, and that wouldn’t have been fair to either of us. When his eyes found mine again, my body chilled from his icy glare. “Did you ever love me?” he scoffed as he

ambled toward me. “I knew I started out as a consolation prize, but I thought maybe you did.” I bit my lip as my throat burned. “I did. I do, but it’s been forced between us for so long. You know that. When Josh came back—” “When he came back, I didn’t have a chance. Wow, you didn’t even waste a second. Or was this going on all along? All that special ‘friend time.’” He brought his fingers up in air quotes. “Was that code for fucking your best friend?” “No, it hasn’t been going on all this time.” I struggled to keep my voice even, as fighting with him now was pointless. “I never meant to hurt you.” “Oh, give me a break, Brianna. He came back into town and getting into your pants was a given. All his little trips down memory lane with his Cupcake. If you want to live out your lifelong fantasy with that douchebag rather than a man who was trying to provide for you, that’s fine.” “I have a job. I don’t need you to provide for me. I needed you to love me and support me, and I’m not sure you ever really did that.” “Is this about the book?” He dropped his face into his hands as he laughed. “Let me guess, he read it and said how ah-mazing it was. How you should run to publish it. Blew a shitload of smoke up your ass before he put his dick between your legs. I never thought you were that easy, Brianna.”

“That’s fucking enough!” Josh bellowed before he stalked over to Scott. “You need to leave. Now. No one speaks to my girl like that. I don’t want to fight you, but one more word and you’ll be eating Christmas dinner without any teeth.” “Your girl?” he snickered. “Twenty-four hours ago, she was mine. What a difference a day makes.” Scott came over to me as I gripped the edge of my table. “I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.” He nudged his chin at Josh. “Merry Christmas.” He stomped through my door and shut it behind him. I brought my hand to my chest in an effort to calm my racing heart. Scott’s awful words stung because they were true. I’d hurt him because I was too frightened to be honest with myself. Rubbing the heels of my hands over my eyes, I tried to will away the burn in my throat. “Are you hungry?” I took off my robe and draped it over one of my kitchen chairs. “I think I have bread for French Toast.” I reached for my pan on the wall as Josh grabbed my wrist. “Stop.” Josh grabbed both my wrists and swiveled my body around to face him. “Talk to me. Are you all right?” “Fine,” I muttered, not wanting to look him in the eye. I pulled out of his grip and marched over to the fridge, feeling Josh’s stare cutting into my skin

as I reached for the eggs and bacon. I let the door close without turning around and let the mixing bowl bang on my counter louder than I wanted it to. “Sorry,” I whispered before noticing the ticking of Josh’s jaw. “What?” “You’re not . . .” His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down. “You’re not having second thoughts, are you?” I threw a loaf of bread at Josh’s head, and with a quick reflex, he caught it with one hand. “No, idiot. Of course, not. I love you, and as we established last night, that’s not front-page news. You need to leave my kitchen before I pelt you with eggs.” The smirk on Josh’s face only made me more irritated. He held up both hands in defeat before he crossed the length of my tiny kitchen. “I’m sorry, Cupcake.” “So am I.” I exhaled a long breath, trying to ignore the twisting of guilt in my stomach. He didn’t answer me, only leaned against my counter as I made angry French toast. “I deserved that.” I cracked an egg on the side of the bowl. “All of it.” Josh snaked his arm around my waist and kissed the back of my head. “No, you didn’t, Bri. He’s upset.” “He’s upset because of me.” I dumped the

shells in the trash and lifted my eyes to his. “I wanted you, and I couldn’t admit it to myself, so I hurt him. And I have to live with that.” “When?” My brow creased as I turned around. “When what? “When did you know you wanted me?” I dropped the whisk into the bowl and faced him. “When you rang my doorbell in September.” My lips pursed as I shook my head. “I tried to reason away my feelings, but I couldn’t pretend to not love you. Denying it made me just this side of batshit crazy. But you knew that, too. I can tell you when it started to . . . become impossible to ignore, I guess.” I crossed my arms and locked my gaze with his. “The night you met Amanda and me at the bar. She saw it. She noticed how we couldn’t stop touching each other and how we acted like no one else was even there. That’s when I realized it wasn’t just an old memory of a crush I was feeling for you, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise. Then the night you found out about your mother and I came over to check on you. When you finally told me how you felt, I was thrilled and scared out of my mind at the same time.” His hand slid to the nape of my neck. “That’s

when you pulled away, right?” “You have no idea how much I wanted to crawl into bed with you. As I said, I tried.” I gave him a slow nod. “But it didn’t work, did it?” I cupped his cheek and planted a quick kiss to his lips. “I’m fine. I just need to beat these eggs up for a little while.” Josh kissed my forehead before stepping out of the kitchen. As fast as I moved the whisk around the bowl, beating the eggs didn’t make me feel any less beaten, or rotten. An old slow song blared from Josh’s phone. My eyebrows raised as I lifted my head. “You own a motorcycle shop, and that’s your ring tone?” “Dance with me.” He held out his hand as a sweet smile curved his lips. “Dance with you? In my kitchen, in my pajamas, on Christmas morning?” Josh shrugged, sheepish and adorable. “I should’ve danced with you a long time ago. I should’ve taken you to that school dance, to prom. I should’ve been with you all along. I can’t go back, but—” He grabbed my hand and looped it around his neck. “I can dance with you now. How ‘bout it, Cupcake?” He cinched his arms around my waist and pulled my body flush to his. “You’re cute when you want to be, Falco.” I melted into his embrace as we swayed back and

forth. It didn’t seem ridiculous; it seemed . . . right. We were still two kids in love, but this time we didn’t have to hide it—from ourselves or each other. “And you’re gorgeous, all the time.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “I don’t have to share you with anyone or wait for the right time. Now, it’s just you.” His lips brushed my cheek and painted more kisses down my jaw. “And me.” Josh nipped his way down my neck as I fisted the material of the back of his T-shirt. My knees liquified as I struggled to stay upright. “It’s always been you,” he whispered in my ear. I grabbed his face and crashed my lips into his. His fingers tangled in my hair as his tongue swept along my bottom lip. I whimpered into his mouth before I pulled back. I smiled at Josh’s hooded eyes before burrowing into his chest. “I’m a little . . . nervous.” I lifted my eyes to his. Nervous was a gross understatement. It was as if our whole lives led up to this moment, making me feel thrilled and terrified at the same time. “Nervous? Around me? Why?” His hand feathered down my cheek. “Because it’s you.” My chest heaved as I tried to get a handle on my nerves. “Because I don’t want to disappoint you.” “Disappoint me?” He snickered and shook his

head. “There is no way in hell that you could ever disappoint me. Just you being here with me, knowing you’re mine. That’s enough. You’re the sexiest woman I’ve ever known, and I thought that even before I knew you could kiss like that.” His fingers glided along the straps of my tank top before pulling them down. His warm, wet mouth was back on me again, inching open-mouthed kisses across my shoulder and up toward the back of my ear, nipping at my lobe before sucking it into his mouth. “Josh,” I clutched the back of his head as he pulled my tank top down to my waist. He stood, his darkened gaze pinning me to the tiles on my kitchen floor. “Bri,” he rasped as he cupped my jaw. “Are you sure?” I didn’t say a word in reply as I lifted my top over my head and stepped out of my pajama pants. I cringed for a moment, remembering the snowflake panties I wore, but recovered quickly. I wanted this, I wanted him. We’d had enough delayed gratification to last us two lifetimes. Josh’s mouth fell open as his eyes glossed down my body. His lips moved as if he was about to speak, but a throaty croak was all that came out. “God, you’re so . . .” He trailed off as he ran his hands over my shoulders and down my chest, his thumbs brushing my pebbled nipples. I arched

my back and leaned into his touch. “You were afraid of disappointing me?” His voice dipped into a husky whisper. “I knew you’d be beautiful, but—shit, Brianna.” He grasped the back of my head and pulled my mouth to his in a hungry kiss. Chills ran up my spine at the feral look in Josh’s eyes as he lifted me by the waist and carried me into the bedroom. A wicked grin split his mouth as he pressed me into the mattress. “Snowflakes?” Josh hooked his thumbs into my panties and inched them down my legs. “I like Christmas panties,” I panted as he leaned over me. “Christmas is officially my favorite holiday. And you are my favorite present to unwrap.” His lips found mine again, but this time the kiss was slow and sensual, his tongue searching and exploring, leaving me breathless and quivering. “What about me? Don’t I get presents to unwrap?” My fingers searched for the hem of his Tshirt, and I broke our kiss long enough to yank it over his head. I gasped as my eyes drank him in. My shaky palms drifted across the ink on his muscular chest, the full sleeves of tattoos on his sculpted arms. He was a work of art, inside and out. His smile stretched as his hands skimmed my hips. “Like what you see, Brianna?” Josh chuckled

as I sat up to paint kisses across his collarbone over his shoulder. My lips painted a trail to his chest when something made me stop. “What’s that?” I traced the outline on his pec, over his heart. Josh shut his eyes as a shy smile curved his mouth. “It’s a cupcake.” He grabbed my finger and traced down the middle. “See, I even had them do the swirl on top. Just for you.” My nose burned as I sank my teeth into my bottom lip. “No more wasted time.” My voice cracked as my hands fumbled with the button on his jeans. “No more wasted time.” He unbuttoned his pants and pulled them off with his boxers in one swoop. I’d fantasized about a naked Josh from about age fourteen on, but I never gave much thought to how he’d look really naked. My eyes fell to his cock, long and smooth and hard, as drool pooled at the corner of my mouth. “If you keep looking at me like that, it’ll be over before it starts, Bri.” He kissed down my stomach and passed my navel right before he put his mouth on my clit. Stars flooded my vision as he sucked it into his mouth and slid two fingers deep inside. They curved and twisted until he found that sweet spot that, up until that moment, I’d thought was a myth. Tremors started in my spine and exploded all over my body. I screamed his name as

I rode out my high, my body responding to Josh in a way it never had for anyone else. He climbed up my body, his face flushed and chest heaving. “Holy shit, Bri.” He reached next to the bed for his pants, I assumed for his wallet, when I caught his wrist. “I’m on the pill, and clean. I trust you if you trust me.” “I’m good, and I trust you. Now get over here, baby.” He grabbed my thighs and pulled me toward him. I gasped as he slid inside me, groaning as he started to move. Josh hissed as he inched all the way in and out, his mouth crashing down on mine as his body quickened the pace. “I love you,” he whispered in my ear. “With every bone in my body, I love you.” Tears stung my eyes while my throat thickened, making it impossible to respond. “I’ve loved you for my entire life, and I never stopped. Not for a second.” I loved him my whole life, too. Loving Josh Falco was like breathing. I was born doing it and would die if I tried to stop. A second orgasm snuck up on me, tripping his. Josh shook in my arms before collapsing on my chest. “Wow,” I breathed and kissed his sweaty brow. “That was—”

“Incredible. Damn, Cupcake.” I burst out laughing. “Best Christmas ever.” Josh lay back and drew me into his side. “Best Christmas so far.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead. “We’re just getting started.”

Brianna a brow as she peered at me from across the diner booth. “How are things?” I squinted at her goofy expression. “Things are great. What’s that look for?” I pursed my lips as I squirted ketchup on my fries. “I haven’t seen you in a while. I guess you and Josh are, how should I say, making up for all that lost best friend time?” She snickered. “It hasn’t been that long,” I retorted through a mouthful of burger. “Bri.” She cocked her head to the side. “The last time we went out was before the holidays. You dumped Scott, got with Josh, and now it’s almost St. Patrick’s Day. Yeah, it’s been that long.” I winced as I met her gaze. “I’m sorry, I’m a lousy friend, aren’t I?” “I’m just teasing you.” She reached over the table and gave my hand a playful swat. “Still—” “Still nothing. I can’t be mad at you for holing up with the man you’ve loved your entire life and having daily amazing sex. I can hate you for it, but “SO . . .” AMANDA RAISED

not be mad.” A chuckle fell from my lips. Since Christmas Day, Josh and I hadn’t spent one night apart, and it was why I dreaded the long business trip I had to leave for in the morning. “What does make me mad—no ketchup. And our lovely waitress has fluttered by three times and still hasn’t noticed me calling her over.” Amanda huffed and threw her napkin on the table. “No ketchup bothers you that much?” I snickered and shook my head. “I like a lot of ketchup with my fries; you know this. And bad service irks me. I was a waitress for a long time, and every time I have to eat a naked French fry, her tip dissipates in my head.” She gave me an exaggerated glare. “Okay, cranky pants. I’ll steal a bottle from the counter.” I laughed and slid out of the booth. I crossed the checkered floor to the counter and scoured the surface for a bottle. I was about to reach for one at the far end when a tap on the shoulder made me jump. “Hi, Brianna.” I froze, my stomach dropping at the sound of a formerly familiar voice. My breath halted as I turned to lock eyes with Scott. Since he stormed out of my apartment on Christmas morning, I hadn’t heard a word from him. Not a call, not a text, nothing. Gazing at him

now, as he leaned his elbows onto the counter from where he sat on one of the stools, I wasn’t quite sure how to react. There was no other choice for me but Josh, no matter how long I’d tried to fight it. Still, when I peered at his pained blue eyes, I couldn’t help the twinge of—something. Guilt, nostalgia, or maybe I just missed him. Regardless of how we grew apart toward the end, I had good memories of Scott. Judging by his tentative stare, I’d bet he couldn’t recall anything good between us. “Hi, Scott,” I breathed out as my heart and lungs were pumping too fast for my voice to work. “You look good. How . . . How are you?” I stammered, not knowing where to take the conversation from there. “I’m good.” He swiveled the stool around, leaning back against the counter as he crossed his arms. “Business is good.” He nodded as he sucked in his bottom lip. “You look beautiful, like you always do.” Grabbing the ketchup bottle, I backed away from Scott, not wanting to entertain the misplaced guilt growing in my gut. I was with who I was supposed to be with, although I’d always hate that I hurt him. “I better get this back to Amanda before she flips. Have a good lun—” “I wanted to call you so many times.” He

sighed as he leveled his gaze at me. “I thought you’d have this out of your system by now.” The guilt expelled from my gut in a rush; in its place, utter annoyance. Even now, he didn’t take me seriously. “Scott, I’ve loved Josh since I was five years old. It was messy and for that I’ll always be sorry, but Josh will never be out of my system. We’re permanent.” He rolled his eyes at me. “Permanent?” He stood and inched over to me. “He’s been gone for almost ten years doing God knows what. With . . . who knows who. You dropped everything, dropped us, for a bad boy fantasy you know nothing about.” My hand balled into a fist at my side while I fought the overwhelming urge to clock him across his perfect face. “I know everything about Josh. You don’t know anything about us or what we have. Enjoy your meal.” I turned on my heels and stomped back to our table, my hands shaking with an influx of emotions I couldn’t identify. “Was that Scott you were just talking to?” Amanda whispered with widened eyes. “Yes, and he’s still the same. Still dedicated to his job—and still an asshole.” I fidgeted in my seat, trying to calm myself down. “Well, I could’ve told you that,” she chuckled. “What did he say?”

“Basically, he hinted that what we have isn’t real because I don’t really know what Josh was doing the entire time he was away.” I dropped the ketchup bottle in front of Amanda. I’d been clutching it in such a rage, I’d forgotten I was holding it. If I was honest with myself, the ‘who’ bothered me more than the ‘what.’ Her lips pursed as she unscrewed the cap. “And he got to you. You know that guy bleeds resentment right now and making you have doubts was exactly what he was trying to do.” “I know, but . . .” I trailed off. “But what? You guys are together now. What does that matter?” It didn’t, but it did. We were happy . . . now. Happier than I ever thought I could be, but it was hard sometimes not to resent the journey to get there, or the time we lost. “Stop worrying about the past, especially when you’re leaving your sex on legs boyfriend for two weeks.” I sputtered on a mouthful of food. “Did you just call Josh sex on legs?” She cringed as she sipped on her water. “Did that bother you?” “No, but never tell him that. His head would blow up like a balloon.” I snickered before my smile faded. “I have no clue what his life was like in all

those years. Who he was with . . .” I shrugged. It was ridiculous, but up until this point, I’d been afraid to ask. Amanda leaned forward on the table with narrowed eyes. “He’s been back since September, and you’ve been attached at the hip ever since. You never asked him?” “I know, I know.” I dropped my eyes to the table. “Didn’t you say that you guys used to play in the dirt together when you were little? Why are you so afraid to ask him?” I exhaled a long breath. “I get really upset thinking about all those years he stayed away because he thought I would be better off. I feel like we got cheated, if that makes sense. It’s stupid, but I’m not sure if I want to know or stay blissfully ignorant about it.” “Bri, you’re anything but blissful about it. You can ask . . . or imagine the worst and let it fester.” She shrugged. “Your choice.”

“Hey, beautiful!” Josh brushed his lips against mine as he strode through the door. Since I came home from lunch with Amanda, I’d done nothing but ‘fester.’ I needed to ask before my agitation morphed into an ulcer. “Can I ask you something?” I asked Josh before

he even got his jacket off. His eyes narrowed as he draped his jacket over my coat hook. “You just did, Cupcake.” He laughed as he sauntered over to me and tapped my chin with his knuckle. “You always do that, you know.” “Do what?” My brows pinched as Josh snickered at me. “Ask if you could ask something. It’s cute.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “One day, I’m going to say no and see what you do.” “I know I’m going to regret this, but when you were in the military, did you . . . go out a lot?” His lips twisted as he tapped his chin. “Define ‘out.’ Boot camp killed me, and the job they gave me after graduation wasn’t much better. Free time was scarce. By ‘out,’ do you mean girls?” His eyebrows raised. Through our letters, I knew everything he was doing, just not who he was seeing. Both of us conveniently left those parts out. I never told him about Scott, so it would stand to reason he didn’t tell me about any girls in his past. I had enough carnal knowledge of Josh to know he received some kind of education . . . somewhere. His face hardened after I shrugged a halfhearted yes. “I won’t lie, there were a few. But no girlfriends. I never wanted one. Happens when you’re hung up on someone back home.” He smiled

and kissed my forehead. I nudged his shoulder, surprised to feel an inkling of relief. As silly as it was, hearing that Josh had casual relationships felt a whole lot better than thinking he had steady girlfriends. “I guess you’re satisfied with that answer?” He cocked his head to the side. “I’m actually happy you met Scott; maybe we both needed to find out what was out there.” “You were happy I dated Scott?” A growl escaped Josh’s throat as he shook his head. Despite myself, I held in a laugh. “Not when you put it that way. We tried being apart and we couldn’t. The bumps in the road and the detours made the final destination that much sweeter.” He winked as he pulled me into his chest. I crossed my arms and crinkled my brow. “Since when are you so poetic?” “You bring it out in me.” He laughed until I stiffened in his arms. “What’s wrong, Cupcake?” “I guess I hate not knowing things about you.” I looked away before he cupped my chin and made me face him. “You know everything about me.” He tightened his embrace around me. “You’re the only one who does.” “Not always, Josh.” I broke out of his hold and stomped down the hall to my bathroom. I stripped off my clothes and stepped into my

shower, letting the water run before I stuck my head under the stream. I inhaled a deep breath, pulling at the muscles in my neck to loosen them up. When the heat softened my stiff shoulders, I jumped at the creak of the shower door. “You writers . . .” Josh tsked in my ear as his arm slid around my waist. My eyes clenched shut as his tongue traced along the shell of my ear. “Always in your head.” He wrapped his warm lips around my lobe, my knees melting into jelly when he sank his teeth into my sensitive flesh. I shrugged him off despite the mewl falling off my lips. “I’m not in my head; I’m fine.” “Right,” he whispered against my neck as his thumb traced around my rigid nipple. “Like I can’t tell in five seconds when something is bothering you.” “I’ll always hate that we lost all that time.” I lolled my neck to the side to give him better access. Even when I was mad at Josh, I could never resist him. That was a lifelong habit I was sure I’d never be able to break. “I wasn’t good enough for you back then.” Josh’s fingers tangled in my wet locks as he yanked my head back. His teeth grazed my shoulder blade before taking a nip. As his lips dove in deeper, his hand tightened in my hair. The pang in my gut that I’d had for most of this afternoon dulled as my attention drifted to the pounding between my legs.

“And I’m still not, but you’re still mine.” Josh cupped my cheek and turned my head toward his. “So, stop worrying about lost time. The only time that matters is right here and right now. There is no way in hell either of us are going anywhere,” he murmured against my lips. “Is that so?” A smirk twisted my mouth. “Damn fucking right, Cupcake.” His hooded eyes glossed down my wet body. “Now give me those lips.” His mouth covered mine in a searing kiss. His arm stayed draped around my waist, pinning me from behind as our lips got sloppy and needy. “Josh,” I sighed as his tongue glided over the seam of my lips. “What, baby?” My thighs clenched together as his hand slid between my legs. Magic circles from his calloused fingertips over my swollen bundle of nerves made it hard to stay in an upright position. My eyes fell to his hand and the muscles flexing in his forearm as he moved faster. Simply watching him touch me with those beautiful hands was enough to make me tip over the edge. His throaty laugh rumbled against my back. “You like my hands, Cupcake?” Josh pumped two fingers in and out as his thumb traced my clit. I held on to the towel bar as my vision faded. “I’ve been starved for you for years. That’s

what I was doing all that time,” he murmured as his other hand slid upward from my waist to my breast. My nipple pebbled against his fingers. “I’m still hungry, Cupcake.” I grabbed the back of his neck and kissed him hard, my body on fire from his touch and his words. His tongue took long draws inside my mouth, the same languid pace he always took as he moved inside me. “You’re almost ready to come, I can feel it. Let me have it, baby.” Josh sank his teeth into my shoulder as he spread my legs wider. “I . . . I . . . No, Josh.” I shook my head as I bucked my hips against him. He stilled behind me. “No?” “I want to come with you inside me. Please.” I reached behind and grabbed his cock. He was rock hard and pulsing in my hand as I tried to guide him where I wanted him. “Fuck, Brianna.” His head dropped to my back, his lips dragging sloppy kisses up to the nape of my neck. “Turn around and hold on.” I didn’t even make it all the way around before Josh picked me up by my waist and pinned me against the wall, entering me in one hard thrust. The intensity between us didn’t fade. If anything, it ignited more and more each time. Josh’s kisses were hungry and demanding, as if he was trying to devour every inch of me. I was already close, and

after only a few minutes, I clenched around him and screamed. “I love you. I love you so much,” Josh grunted as my orgasm ripped through me. “I love you, too.” My words came out in a barely audible whisper. He fisted my hair again as his hips moved harder and deeper. His body stiffened as he filled me. Even after he came, he was still hard and didn’t stop, only slowed to a sensual pace. “Marry me, Brianna,” he whispered as he shook in my arms. Wait. What? I stilled as he set me down on the shower floor. The first time I’d been given this command, I saw red. But it didn’t bother me this time, coming from the man I’d always wanted to hear it from. It was the timing, not the delivery making me hesitate. Did I want to marry him? Of course, I did—ever since I was little. But, we’d only been together—as more than best friends—for a few months. Sure, he was in my bed every night, but it was too soon. I scrubbed my hand down my face as I felt his eyes bore into me. “Josh,” I whispered as I cupped his cheek, running my thumb along the brown bristles on his jaw. “I . . .” “Yes.” He nodded with his eyes shut. “Yes, I know. I can’t explain it, Bri. It just came out. I

didn’t mean it—I mean, yeah, I meant it, but not— fuck.” He draped his hand over his eyes and shook his head. I laughed as I peeled his hand from his face. “I used to secretly write my name as Brianna Marie Falco all the time. I practiced how I’d make the ‘F.’” My eyes fell to his chest as my finger scripted an F over his pec. “It was the one notebook I managed to keep hidden from you.” “I’d love for you to be Brianna Marie Falco.” A wistful smile ghosted his face. “But—” “Someday.” I kissed his lips, nipping his bottom one as I pulled away. “Now, I have six hours before I leave for two weeks. We could pretend that’s my name, for tonight.” I wiggled my eyebrows and fell into his chest. Josh chuckled and ran his hands up and down my arms. “Yes, I need to get you into bed. And you could.” He stepped out of the shower and held open a towel for me to step into. The sadness in his eyes made my heart sink. “I could?” I asked as Josh wrapped the towel around me and enveloped me in his arms. “You could pretend, but I can’t.” He drifted the terrycloth down my wet cheek as a sad chuckle fell from his lips. “I want Brianna Marie Falco for real, but she’s worth the wait.”

Josh sighed as I turned onto the exit for LaGuardia Airport. “This is a big commercial, Bri. A week ago, you were thrilled.” “That’s before I found out we had to stay for the whole shooting.” She crossed her arms and gazed out the window. “My boss and her big idea to bring the creative team.” She huffed and shook her head. “Two weeks in San Francisco. It’s a little hard to feel sorry for you right now, Cupcake.” I smirked and squeezed the inside of her thigh. Her leg jerked against my hand. “I was just thinking how much I didn’t want to leave you for so long, but since you’re being an idiot, it just got easier.” I laughed as I pulled up to the American Airlines Terminal. I stretched my arm across her shoulders and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “Are you saying that you won’t miss me?’ “No.” She tried to scowl but couldn’t hide the twitch of her lips. “Not even a little.” “THIS BLOWS,” BRIANNA

“That’s a shame, Bri. Because I already miss the shit out of you.” I cupped her neck and pressed my lips against hers. “You’re right. This does blow.” I unlocked the doors and trudged to the back to fish her suitcase out of the cargo area. I lifted it onto the sidewalk and strode up to my girl for the quick goodbye the traffic cop was about to make me give her. Her eyes glossed over as she slid her arms around my neck. “I’m going to miss you so much. I love you.” She cupped my cheek and rested her forehead against mine. “You know that, right?” I nodded, wincing at the memory of my stupid ass proposing marriage while I was pounding her against her shower wall. We’d only been together for a few months, but we had more than just a childhood history. If Brianna would have said yes, I would’ve married her on the spot. That’s how sure I was. Maybe she wasn’t, but I’d wait. “I know, Cupcake. I love you, too. More than you could ever possibly know.” I backed her against the door of my truck with a scorching kiss. I’d gotten too used to her being part of every day— the best part, exactly as when we were kids. Two weeks without her would be fucking torture. I threaded my hands into her golden hair, smiling at the whimpers escaping her throat, when a loud traffic whistle blistered my ears. “Keep moving, sir.” His white gloved hands

motioned to the exit. I nodded and pecked Brianna’s lips twice before running back to the driver’s side. I shot one last glance her way as she stood on the sidewalk. She gave me a little wave before she rolled her suitcase inside. I stepped back into my truck, laughing at how pathetic we were. That hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach was all I needed to know about our future. Without Brianna, that’s exactly what I was —empty.

I kept myself busy at the shop after I dropped Brianna off and had drinks with Lou before heading home. I traipsed into my barren apartment and opened the fridge. Since I was never here, there was nothing other than a pack of Corona. I reached for one and popped the top off, missing her even more as I took my first swig. Reid was spot on when he said I was a sad sack when it came to that girl. I tore my shirt over my head and was about to climb into bed when an idea came to me. I grabbed my phone and took a selfie of my hand resting on top of my chest and shot it off to Brianna. Sometimes I’d catch her staring at my hands during dinner and crack up. I didn’t have a ‘favorite’ for Brianna. I loved all of her, although her tits and

long toned legs were pretty damn spectacular. I turned on the TV and waited for her return text that never came. ME:

Still working?

BRIANNA: ME:

No.

Did you get the picture I sent?

BRIANNA:

Yes.

Brianna never gave a short answer on anything, even texts. Something was off. I took that especially for you. All you can say is yes? ME:

BRIANNA: ME:

Where’s your other hand?

BRIANNA: ME:

I can’t text much with one hand.

Between my legs.

Bullshit. Show me.

Two minutes later a text came through, a photo of Brianna in my Rangers shirt, inched up enough so I could see the absence of anything underneath. Holy shit. Texting or sexting or whatever wasn’t going to cut it. I needed to see this. Brianna’s flushed face filled my screen after I dialed her number. “Hello?” Her breathless greeting and crooked

smile made me burst out laughing. “Brianna Marie, you are a filthy animal. And I fucking love it.” “I love your hands.” She bit her lip and squirmed on the bed. “I know you do, baby.” I was dizzy from the sudden loss of blood flow to my brain. Brianna was always my undoing, but watching her get herself off robbed me of all coherent thought. She sank her teeth into her bottom lip, and there was only us, even though we had an entire fucking country between us. “My hands love you right back.” “I didn’t get enough last night, Josh.” I leaned back on the bed, my eyes zooming in on her heaving chest, the camera drifted up and all I saw of the action below was her arm darting back and forth. “I didn’t, either. I’ll never get enough of you. Move the phone down. I want to see how wet my hands made that pussy.” A sexy grin stretched her lips before she moved the camera down to what I wanted to see. Her glistening hand moved back and forth, and my painfully hard erection strained against the waist band of my boxers. “You stole my shirt,” I scolded in a hoarse whisper. “I needed something that smelled like you.” She put the phone down and yanked the shirt over

her head. “Better?” “Jesus, Bri,” I growled. Those tits were glorious, all right. I wished I could dip my head right through the phone and suck one of those nipples into my mouth. When I did that and played with her clit at the same time, she went off like a grenade. “Take it out, Falco.” She nodded down at the tent in my shorts. “Yes, ma’am.” I grinned as I pulled at my boxers and let my dick free. I was so hard I could cut glass. I let my hand drift up and down, making sure Brianna had a bird’s-eye view of it all. I smiled at the hiss that fell from her lips. “The fact that all I want to do is suck you right now makes me a perv, doesn’t it?” I shook my head and bit my lip. How much would a red-eye to San Francisco cost? “No, it makes you awesome. Everything about you is amazing. That body, those lips. Every inch of you is fucking gorgeous. You’re all I’ve ever wanted. What I wouldn’t give to be balls deep in you right now.” “Keep doing that, Josh. I want to watch you.” Her voice drawled out in a whimper. I knew she was close, and I wanted nothing more than to see her fall apart. “I want to watch you, too, so go faster, Bri. Find my favorite little bump and go faster.”

Her legs stiffened as her hips bucked off the bed, her eyes shut tight as she rode her fingers. Two pumps up and down my throbbing cock with that beautiful sight in front of me made me come all over my chest. Brianna collapsed back onto the bed, a sleepy smile spread across her face. I reached for a couple of tissues and felt as light as a feather as I cleaned myself up. “So, I was thinking.” Her lips pursed after she pulled my shirt back over her head. “We said . . . someday . . . but it’s silly to pay two rents, right?” She shimmied under the blankets as a smirk twisted her mouth. “And I want to come home to you every night—now. So, I was thinking.” She shrugged. “Maybe you’d want to move in with me?” A slow grin lifted my cheeks. “I’ll talk to my landlord this week about breaking the lease. I’ll be packed by the time you get back.” I leaned in to get a better look at her beaming smile. “I’m all yours, Bri. However you want me.” “I want all of you, Falco. You should get a head start packing that apple and case of Corona.” We laughed before her face softened. “I love you, Josh.” “I love you, too. Now I really want you back home. This is going to be a long two weeks.” “The worst.” She blew me a kiss and settled on

her side. “Goodnight, beautiful.” I pressed a kiss to my finger and dragged it down the screen before I ended the call. Maybe she didn’t sign her name as Falco yet, but she belonged to me. Someday was today.

Josh “HEY, MR. O’CONNOR! Is school over

yet?” I smirked

as I peeked into Reid’s office. He shook his head and went back to the mountain of papers on his desk. “For most of the kids, maybe. Troublemakers cause a lot of paperwork. Give me five minutes.” He motioned to the chair in front of his desk. “Sit in the hot seat until I’m done. Should bring back some memories.” He raised a brow. “I would have waited at the shop if you still had work to do.” I slid into the chair and leaned back. “How big do you think my file was in senior year?” I chuckled. Reid snickered. “You probably killed a crap ton of trees. And no worries, I promised I’d keep you occupied while your cupcake was away. I know what a lost soul you are without her.” He folded his hands over his heart and let out an exaggerated sigh. My lips stretched. “I actually have some news.” Reid froze. “You actually had the balls to ask her to marry you? Wow, only took you a lifetime.

Congrats!” “No, idiot.” I winced on the inside, remembering my sloppy proposal, but I didn’t want to recant that—ever. “But close. Brianna asked me to move in.” “Hmph.” He nodded without looking at me. “Still impressive. When?” “When she gets back in a couple weeks. I don’t have much at my place, and I left a message with the landlord to see how to break the lease.” “Is that why you’re all ‘cat who ate the canary’ today?” “Maybe.” I shrugged with my smile still wide. “It feels good. It’s time, you know?” Maybe she put off getting married, but moving in was a huge deal —at least to me. I’d work on the rest when she was ready. “You think?” Reid laughed as he stuffed the last of the paperwork in a folder. “Yeah, yeah. Very funny.” “Mr. O’Connor?” An oddly familiar voice called from behind me. I turned to see a woman in what looked like a waitress uniform. She tucked a chocolate brown wisp of hair sticking out of her ponytail behind her ear as she rushed toward Reid’s desk. “Sorry, I’m late. There was trouble on the train.” Her head jerked with a double take when she met my gaze, the recognition hitting the both of us at the same time.

“Sara?” I blinked a couple of times before I rose from the chair. “Wow, it’s been a long time.” Asking how she’d been sounded ridiculous as I knew her for less that twenty-four hours the first and only time I’d met her. “Yeah, I guess it has.” She backed away, her already agitated expression kicking up a notch. “Look, I’ll just come back. I missed the appointment time and you seem busy.” “No, I can meet now.” Reid stood and turned to me. “Sorry, Josh, just give me—” “No problem. I’ll wait at the bar down the street. Take your time,” I answered with my eyes still on Sara. She was eying the window as if she was about to jump out of it. I hadn’t seen her since that weekend all those years ago. I remembered her as an easygoing girl with an infectious personality. This one was anything but easygoing. She breathed in and out on a huff as her jaw tightened. “Ah, Ms. Caldwell. I was just about to call you again.” An older woman who I assumed was a teacher knocked on Reid’s door holding a little girl’s hand. “One of the teachers had to go home sick, so we’re closing the after-school program an hour early. We called the parents to see if they could pick up their children. You were the only one we couldn’t reach.” “That’s because I was on the train with no cell service. Come on, Victoria.” She rushed over to

yank the girl’s hand away. She was shielding the girl from my view, blocking her face with her hand and pulling her into her hip. “Ms. Caldwell, I called you in here to ask you about the junior writer’s program.” Reid made his way toward Sara and handed her a paper. “Victoria is the best writer in her class, and I think she’d do well—” “With all due respect, Mr. O’Connor, I can’t afford another extracurricular activity.” “Well, we could work something out. Mrs. Logan said she excels in writing so much it would be a shame for her not to take part in it. I can help you—” “I don’t, we don’t need your help,” she clipped as she kept hold of her daughter’s hand. I tilted my head and caught a glimpse of the little girl’s face. She was beautiful: dark brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and the greenest eyes I’d ever seen other than my own. I always got teased as a kid for having hulk eyes since the color of my irises looked fake. Her gaze met mine for a second before it fell to the floor. I took a step around to get a better look at her face and my stomach dropped. My heart thundered in my ears as a math equation raced through my brain. I added in the last time I saw Sara compared to how old this little girl seemed to be, and the almost fake green eyes. But the kicker

was how Sara was itching to get away from me and wouldn’t allow me to get a good look at her daughter. I brought my hand to my chest as it tightened, ice pumping through my veins as a realization barreled over me. “And please don’t call me in here and make me miss two hours of work unless my kid is sick or in trouble. Thank you.” Sara bolted out the door with Victoria struggling to keep up the same swift pace. The little girl dropped a folder out of her hands and broke away from her mother to bend down to pick it up. I crossed the office in two large steps to get to it first. “Here you go,” I crooned in the softest voice I could muster while I studied her. I never believed in a sixth sense before that moment. My eyes darted from Victoria’s to Sara’s. Fury replaced the minor irritation she came in with. I leveled my gaze at her, as it was all the confirmation I needed. She jerked away, grabbing Victoria’s hand again and pulling her down the hallway. Reid groaned as he reached for his jacket. “It kills me when parents won’t help their kids. There’s more to helping them grow than just feeding them and sending them to school. You know her?” “Yeah, I do.” My hand raked down my face as shock filtered through my system. “Is she . . . married?’ She could just be a kid with green eyes; it wasn’t that weird. I prayed for a coincidence, even

though I was certain there wasn’t one. “No.” Reid shook his head. “Single parent, no real support system either. Why do you ask?” He ambled over to the door. “Because,” I took in a shaky breath. My lungs deflated as if I had the wind knocked out of me. “I think I’m Victoria’s father.” Reid gaped at me as his eyes went wide. “You think what?” he bellowed. “How? You haven’t been back for almost ten years. When did you—” “I came back once, about nine years ago for a day and a half. No one knew but my father and Uncle Billy.” I exhaled a long breath. “Can we please get a beer now?” I needed about ten to take the edge off. “Hell, yeah.” Reid slapped my shoulder and pushed me out the door. “And you’re going to start at the beginning.”

Josh ~ Past your uncle a drink?” Uncle Billy settled into a seat next to me at the bar, beckoning the bartender with the crook of his finger. “You’re of age now and all.” “Sure.” I laughed and dug my wallet out of my back pocket. “I think today is a celebration, right?” The hollow feeling in the pit of my stomach said otherwise. My father had been staying with Uncle Billy for a few months in Boston after our house went on sale. It was a bitch to get him to leave, but even when disability finally kicked in, it wouldn’t be enough to cover the mortgage. Although it killed him to do it, he let his kid brother take him in until he could find his own place. We finally had a taker and needed to pack the little belongings we had left. I took a weekend leave from the base to help Uncle Billy. Dad had said to throw the shit out and stayed behind, but Uncle Billy and I wanted to make sure he wasn’t discarding anything of personal value. Other than a few old pictures and mementos, we chucked the rest. My uncle decided a drink would do us both “HOW ABOUT BUYING

some good. “Depends on how you look at it, I suppose. My nephew can start his new job without worrying about his father, since he spent too much fucking time doing that his whole life.” He dropped a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “I will always regret not stepping in sooner. If I’d known what was going on . . .” I waved him off. “It’s fine. All’s well that ends well, right?” I forced a half-smile as my uncle ordered two beers for us. “Have you heard from your girl lately?” He asked as he took a sip from the mug. “I don’t have a girl, Uncle Billy. You must have me confused with another guy on the base.” A sad chuckle fell from my lips. “The sweet little thing that used to live on your block, Brianna?” Uncle Billy quirked his brow at me. “Brianna’s better off without me. She’s in college now and having a good time; at least that’s what her last letter said. We’re just friends.” The word felt rancid in my mouth. Friends. I couldn’t ask her to wait for me. Brianna’s friendship was more than I deserved from her, even though I’d always wanted more for us. I’d loved her my entire life, and that wasn’t a habit I’d ever break entirely. “All right, I better get going. I wish you would have come back to Boston and stayed with us.” He

set his mug down and threw a couple of bills on the bar. “That made no sense. The hotel I’m staying at is right by the airport, and my flight is at six o’clock tomorrow morning. I’ll have one more drink and get a cab.” Uncle Billy was driving everything back, except for one picture of my mother and me that we found in the back of my father’s closet. I wasn’t going to take it, but Uncle Billy insisted. It was hard not to wonder what life would have been like if she’d stuck around, but I didn’t let my mind linger there for too long. I rose from the stool and slapped his back. “See you at Christmas.” He pulled me into a hug. “I’m proud of you. You’re a good kid.” A laugh rumbled in my chest. “First time I’ve ever heard that.” “Maybe you can work for me after you’re done.” He tilted his head to the side. “The new shop in Charleston should be open by then. I’m done with shoveling snow in Boston every damn winter. Hopefully your dad will come, too. How about it?” I cocked my head to the side. “If you’re out of Red Sox country, I’ll totally think about it.” He grinned and shoved my shoulder. “Safe travels, Josh.” I sat back down and motioned for a refill. I

resolved to look forward, not back, since it was a bitch to shake the regret. Regret for not calling Uncle Billy and telling him what was going on, for getting in so deep with Gio, for hurting my best friend. The only way I could make up for it was to leave her alone. She went to college in the city. I could have easily met up with her, and I knew she’d still want to see me, despite everything. But seeing me would set her back. I loved her enough to keep my distance. “Hey, Pete. Could you change the station already?” The waitress whined from behind me. “Aren’t you getting off in a half hour anyway?” His mustache covered lips frowned as he strode away. She groaned and slid onto the stool next to me. “Tell him that world news is boring as hell and if he put the hockey game on, maybe this place would wake up a little bit.” It took a minute to register that she was speaking to me. I lifted my eyes from my half empty mug and met her pleading chocolate brown ones. “I’m not really paying any attention, and I would bet no one else is either.” “Exactly.” She put her hand on my forearm. “Because it’s boring. Who wants to watch the news?” “The news is important, Sara.” The bartender

called to her as he swiped a towel over the otherwise empty bar. “Maybe you’ll learn something.” “Right, because life isn’t depressing enough.” She shook her head. “I’m Sara; sorry for getting you in the middle of that.” I grinned and offered my hand. “Josh. No worries. Sorry you lost.” She shook my hand and offered a shrug. “It’s okay. He’s probably right. I shouldn’t try to turn this place into a sports bar. I’ve never seen you around here. Just moved?” “No, I used to live here, but now I live . . .” I trailed off, not able to answer that simple question. Where the hell did I live? I hadn’t been asked that question since I left for boot camp. The base set me up with an apartment, so I guessed there, but it didn’t feel like my home. Cleaning out my old house didn’t either. When did I become a nomad? “I’ve never seen anyone have to think about it.” Her full lips curved into a smile, and I couldn’t help smiling back. She was adorable, and as my eyes took in the rest of her, I realized she was pretty damn sexy, too. The tight black shirt and pants hugged all the right places, even with the white apron draped over her waist. “I used to live not too far from here. Now I live in South Carolina on an army base. I came in to do some family stuff, but I fly back in the morning.” I

grabbed the refilled mug and took a long sip, unsure why I was telling this girl my life story. “Ah, I thought I noticed the dog tags before.” She picked up the metal discs hanging around my neck and dangled it between her fingers. My deprived cock found the simple move inexplicably sexual. Since I left for boot camp, I didn’t date very often, but I wasn’t a monk. I hooked up with girls once in a while, as long as they understood what I had to offer them—nothing. All I had to give was a nice night where we’d part ways in the morning with no exchange of information. It was easy on the base, as the nearby town had a lot of tourists who weren’t looking for anything past one encounter. I guessed that was what I was now, a visitor with no plans to stay. If Sara understood that, and we were on the same page, what was the harm? I tried to shake off the sour feeling I’d had about it as being spooked from being in my old house and driving by Brianna’s as we made our way to the nearest bar. I’d pushed her to move on and would be a hypocrite if I didn’t at least try to do the same. “Finally,” she sighed. “Something not boring.” The sound on the TV was still off, but Prince William’s face flashed across the screen. “I love watching the Royal family. I took a history elective on the British monarchy last semester. I loved learning about them all: Princess

Diana and Prince Charles, even Queen Victoria. It’s like a real-life fairy tale.” “You should move to England, see if you can marry in.” I nudged her shoulder. “And leave all this?” She waved her hand around the bar. “Culinary school three days a week and work five, not in a million.” I laughed and nodded. “Very true.” When our gazes met, our smiles faded. “Listen, if you want to hang out for a half hour, we could go eat—or something. Where are you flying out of?” “LaGuardia. I have a room at a hotel right next to the airport.” “I live five minutes from there, I’d be happy to drive you back.” She raised both her hands. “I’m not a psycho, I promise.” “I didn’t think you were.” I brushed her chestnut hair off her shoulder and tried not to smile at her quick gasp. “I can hang around.” Her smile widened as she stood from the barstool and stuffed her order pad into her apron pocket. “See you in a half hour.” She turned to go, but I caught her arm. “Look, I don’t live here anymore, and I’m just . . . passing through. If you’re okay with that—” “You’re not the first guy only visiting here. I’m a big girl, and I don’t even need to know your last

name. We can see where the night takes us. No strings. Deal?” “Sure,” I whispered as I ran a finger down her reddened cheek before I pulled away. “See you in a half hour.”

Josh get this straight.” Reid put his hands on the bar after our third round. It took five minutes to tell the entire story but two more beers to be able to acknowledge it. “You came back to New York, met Sara and slept with her, and flew back to the base the next day. No exchange of numbers, so you never spoke again.” “Right,” I answered before downing the rest of my tepid beer. I slammed down the mug and crooked my finger at the bartender for another round. I kept expecting the shock to wear off, but all the alcohol was doing was agitating me even more. “And you think that Victoria is your daughter?” Reid said the words slowly. I wasn’t sure if he was attempting to process it all or was feeling as buzzed as I was. “No.” I nodded a thank you as a fresh mug of beer was placed in front of me. “I know. She has my fucking eyes. No one has my eyes. Not even anyone in my family. Well, at least the ones that I know and remember.” Memories of my mother “SO, LET ME

were fuzzier with each passing year. The one photo I had didn’t show her eye color. Now, I had to deal with knowing I abandoned my own kid. I didn’t know about her, but that didn’t change the fact that I was absent her entire life. The events of the day brought out years’ worth of resentment that I thought I’d buried a long time ago. “All right, I’m not supposed to be telling you any of this. What I’m about to say is off the record, got it?” Reid’s eyebrows shot up. I nodded before taking a long gulp. Maybe by round five, I’d calm down a bit. “Sara isn’t a bad parent, but she’s struggling. No grandparents in the picture to pick her daughter up from school, no one at school functions but her, when she could get off work. Victoria is a sweet kid. We published her poem in the school newspaper and her face lit up. Like she couldn’t believe it happened.” Reid exhaled in a rush as he shook his head. “She was so happy, it broke her English teacher’s heart, along with mine. That was why we tried so hard to get her into that writer’s program.” Poem. Writer. The words reminded me of another sweet little girl I knew. What would this do to her? To us? I downed the rest of my beer and raked my hands through my hair. My insides twisted as other memories came flooding back. My father tried in his own way, but

he gave me barely enough to live on. I never had a parent that took real joy in me or anything I did. I had Uncle Billy, but he didn’t live with us. If I’d spoken up, he would have taken me in without a second thought. I often wondered how different my life would have been. “But, I don’t know, Reid. I can’t just barge into her apartment and demand to be a part of her life. And Sara showed today she’s not interested in having anything to do with me. What the fuck do I do?” My heavy head fell into my hands. “I don’t know how to be a father. I barely just got my own shit together.” What if I ignored what I’d seen today? Pretend I never crossed paths with Sara or her daughter, move on with my life the way I’d planned to this morning. I could, if it wasn’t impossible. My hand dragged down my face as I let out a long sigh. There was no way I could walk away now that I knew or before I found out for sure. I had no idea how to be a parent, but if I was one, I wouldn’t let my kid grow up like me, thinking she didn’t matter enough for me to stick around. “If this turns out to be true, and you are Victoria’s biological father, what you do with that is up to you. But if any little girl needed a dad . . .” Reid dropped his hand to my shoulder. “It’s that one.”

Google was an amazing thing. Once you had a last name, in a couple of clicks you had an address. I stood in the lobby of Sara’s building in search of some answers. I couldn’t get a handle on all the emotions coursing through my veins. Shock was still a pretty big one. Anger was mixed up in there, too, even though we purposely didn’t trade last names or information, but she fiddled with my dog tags long enough that night to be able to read Falco on them. I searched the directory for Caldwell and my shaky finger stabbed the buzzer. I needed to get a hold of myself, but it felt like I stepped into the Twilight Zone ever since I traipsed into Reid’s office, totally fucking unaware one night almost nine years ago—a night that I had completely forgotten about—would change the entire course of my life. There was always the possibility I was wrong, but I wasn’t. The certainty I had that Victoria was mine was bone deep, and it scared the living shit out of me. Did I want kids? Sure, someday. When Brianna and I were ready. Brianna. I shook it off for the time being. Being abandoned by my mother when I was four years old fucked with my head on and off my entire life. It sickened me to think how the first eight years of this Victoria’s life, she grew up

thinking her father didn’t care, that she did something to make him leave. He did care. He does. He just didn’t know she existed. After rehashing the entire story to Reid, I didn’t have any kind of speech prepared beyond, “Is she mine?” I figured once I received my answer, I’d take it from there. “Yes?” Sara’s garbled voice echoed through the speaker. “It’s Josh. Can I come up?” I tried to keep the edge out of my voice. Drinking last night and sleeping it off most of the morning didn’t lessen the tension coursing through my system. “I don’t want anything from you. Pretend you never saw us,” she whispered into the intercom. Well, I guessed I had my answer. And she was insane if she thought I was going anywhere. “I’m not leaving, Sara. I can come up or you can come down here. Your choice.” The lobby door buzzed, and I pushed it open. I navigated my way to apartment 2F and rang the doorbell. Sara answered in a T-shirt and sweatpants. She leaned into the doorjamb, the door only opened halfway. Her chest rose as she took in a long breath, the agitation I’d seen earlier now replaced with sheer exhaustion. “So, I’m . . . I’m right?” I stuttered out. It was

one thing to have a strong feeling, but sitting on the cusp of finding out for sure made my chest constrict. She answered with a slow nod. “You’re right. She’s yours.” She wrapped her arm around her torso and raked her other hand down her face. “Look, I meant what I said. I don’t want you to feel obligated or whatever—” “Or whatever?” My tone came out louder than I wanted it to. “Sara,” I breathed out in an odd sounding plea. So much for figuring things out once I knew for sure. Yesterday, I was a lonely dude missing his girlfriend and meeting his friend for a beer. Now, I was someone’s father. My life got flipped off its axis and I was figuring this shit out as I went. “Why didn’t you find me?” She let out a hysterical laugh. “Find you? Are you kidding me? You made it loud and clear you were ‘just passing through,’ remember? No last names, no numbers.” “You’re full of shit.” I spit out through gritted teeth. “You read my last name off my dog tags and knew my base was in South Carolina.” “Sure . . .” She dragged out the word. “When I went to the free clinic and found out I was knocked up, I was supposed to get on a plane and travel to some army base in south bumble fuck to find Josh Falco and tell him he was the father of my unborn

child. Right. Sorry.” She shook her head, still not letting the door widen an inch. “What do you want from me, Josh?” “I want to know her. I’ll be honest, I’m still in shock and don’t know what the fuck I’m doing, but now that I know about her, I can’t ignore it. Please, Sara. Let me see her.” I softened my tone, hoping that would get me through. She pushed the door open but stepped in front of me before I could go inside. “I’ll say this once,” Sara whispered. “I’ll let you see her, but the second you flake and disappoint her, that’s it. Understand?” “Yes. Thank you, Sara.” She didn’t reply as I followed her into her living room. The white walls of her apartment were full of pictures. Victoria as a pudgy little baby all the way to what must have been her most recent school picture. My heart sank at all I’d missed. A photo of her in heavy makeup and a leotard rested on a side table. I picked it up and stared at it for a long moment. She was so beautiful, all the air drained out of my lungs. My daughter. I had a daughter. “Who is it, Mommy?” A little voice drifted from the hallway. Victoria looked between her mother and me with a furrowed brow. “You’re Mr. O’Connor’s friend. Why are you here?” “Josh is an old friend of Mommy’s, too,” Sara answered for me.

I knelt in front of her. “And your name is Victoria, right? Nice to see you again!” Now what the hell did I do? Shake my kid’s hand? She gave me a small smile, gazing at me like she somehow knew who I was. I ambled toward the couch and sat on the end. I took a quick glance around the room. Victoria plopped onto the floor as she watched some children’s show. Dolls and stuffed animals were spread along the carpet. “I’m guessing you like dolls, huh?” I was rewarded with a tiny giggle that made my chest squeeze. “This one is my favorite.” She jumped up off the floor and handed me a doll with long black hair and a crown. “Is this Wonder Woman?” She grinned. “Yes. She’s the best.” I held the doll in my hands, chuckling at the wild hair and tangled lasso around her middle. “I know someone else who loves Wonder Woman.” Someone who I prayed wouldn’t run for the hills when she came back from San Francisco. “In fact, I bought her a Wonder Woman bike helmet. Do you ride a bike?” Her eyes lit up. My eyes. “Yes, but I never found a Wonder Woman helmet before!” “You leave that to me.” My lips curved into a

smile. “I’ll have one next time I see you.” “You’re coming back?” Her head cocked to the side. This poor kid was probably as confused as I was the past couple of days. “Sure. Is that okay?” I looked between Sara and Victoria. “If that’s what you want.” Sara’s tone was colorless as she shrugged. My head craned to meet her gaze. “It’s what I want.” That was the first sure statement I’d made in the past twenty-four hours. I wanted to get to know everything about this little girl. I could never catch up on all I’d missed in her life, but I would make sure I was a fixture going forward. What that entailed, I had no clue, but staying away from her wasn’t an option. “I’ll come back and we can watch—baby Robin?” I squinted at the screen. “Teen Titans!” She laughed again. “I can buy you guys pizza and we could talk some more.” Sara gave me an emotionless nod. Reid said she had no support system, so maybe we all found each other at the right time. I stood from the couch. “All right, then, Friday it is.” Our gazes met, and warmth spread over my chest. I turned to leave when Victoria touched my arm. “Wait, I have a smaller one.” She pulled out a

Wonder Woman bobble head from her toy box in the corner. “For your friend.” My smile pulled wide. “My friend will love this. Thank you, Victoria.” Truth was, I didn’t know how my “friend” would take any of this. I only hoped she would stick by me like she always did—and this wasn’t the time I finally pushed her too far.

Josh extended for a few days as they rewrote scripts on site for the commercial. Even though I missed the hell out of her, I was happy for a little more time to figure out what the hell to say to her when she returned. Our lives were going to change, and I didn’t want to tell her that over the phone. This needed to be in person, and the delay in seeing each other meant we could still have that simple, wonderful life together we were looking forward to the day she left for a little while longer. I prayed we’d still have that life, and this little blip in the plan wouldn’t derail it altogether. I cringed when my phone buzzed with a FaceTime call. It was easier to pretend all was fine and the same without looking my girl in the eye. “Hey, Cupcake!” I smiled as I settled on my couch. Brianna’s beautiful face filled the screen, her long black lashes hooding her hazel eyes and full red lips stretched into a grin. Even this close up she was fucking gorgeous. Her excited gaze caused me physical pain. “Hey, Josh. God, I’m so ready to come home.” BRIANNA’S TRIP WAS

The camera view shook as she settled onto the bed in her hotel room. I’d talked to her in this position so many times. I memorized the grooves in the wood headboard behind her. “I’m so ready to have you home.” That wasn’t a lie. I wanted nothing more than to move in with her as we’d planned, but after she learned my new truth, I was afraid that plan was about to change. Her smile beamed brighter as she leaned back on the bed. “I wish I was with you instead of going to this boring dinner. Want to see my dress?” She arched an eyebrow as she cocked her head to the side. “Sure.” I forced another smile, but thanks to the shitty Wi-Fi in her room making our connection sputter, she didn’t notice. Brianna set the phone on the nightstand and backed away. The dress was black lace and hugged every amazing curve of her body perfectly. She twirled around and giggled as I pressed my hand into my tightened chest. It brought back memories of our senior year. Brianna would rush over to me with the same breathtaking smile, wanting nothing more than to be with me. I’d give her a scowl or a brush off in return, willing her away from me because she was better off. Now she was mine, and I still felt like I had to push her away. It killed me to see the pure happiness on her face and know I had to crush it.

“Well?” She crossed her arms and tapped her foot. “You’re beautiful. So beautiful, it hurts, Bri.” I cradled the phone in my hand and leaned closer to the screen. “Come home to me tomorrow, okay?” She laughed. “Nowhere else I’d rather be. I’ll meet you at our apartment after you get out of work.” I had a late client appointment I couldn’t reschedule, and I was ashamed at the relief I felt for a little more time before I had to face her. We’d be okay. We had to be. “I love you, Cupcake. I love you so much.” There was no mistaking the desperation in my voice. Brianna’s lips curved as her finger drifted down the screen. “I love you, too. See you at home.”

“Josh!” Victoria squealed as she ran to greet me at the door. Judging by Sara’s pursed lips as she held it open, she wasn’t as happy to see me. This was my fourth drop-in since we’d met. I’d already become versed in finding stupid excuses to stop by their apartment to see her. Maybe my guilty conscience was trying to atone for all those years she went without me. The smiles I was rewarded with made it well worth it. I saw so much of me in Victoria’s sweet face and—ironically enough—she

reminded me of Brianna when we were kids. Victoria was sweet and shy when you first met her, but I was great at making her laugh. I was falling head over heels for this little girl in a very short time, and if Brianna could somehow move past where she came from, I knew she would, too. “Hey, Victoria. Look what finally came!” I handed her the Wonder Woman helmet I’d promised on that first day I met her. “This is so awesome!” Victoria’s eyes widened as she yanked the box from my hand and rushed over to her mother. “Isn’t this great, Mommy? Josh remembered, even though you said he probably wouldn’t.” Sara’s almost apologetic gaze met mine. She hardly knew me. For that reason, I didn’t blame her for being cautious around me and encouraging Victoria to do the same. I still kind of blamed her for not finding me and telling me we had a daughter, but that was something I’d have to get past. Looking back, I really didn’t know what my reaction would have been as I was still getting my own life on track, but I’d like to think I would have done the right thing. Or, at least as much of the right thing as I was capable of at the time. “Can you stay for a movie?” Victoria folded her hands under her chin. Maybe I was growing on her, too. When I would get up to leave, she always tried to stall. I wasn’t sure if it was me or loneliness that

made her latch on so quickly. I had the feeling she didn’t see many friends outside of school. I raised my eyebrows at Sara. She gave me as reluctant nod and shrug. “I have things to do anyway and her homework is done. You can stay if you want.” Before I could thank her, she turned around and strode toward the hallway. “Josh, can I ask you a question?” Victoria asked, after she cued up the movie with the remote. “Sure. Ask away.” I stretched my arm along the back of the couch before she plopped next to me. “Are you my father?” My mouth went dry as I froze. I’d told Sara we’d ease her into it, and I would tell her once she got to know me a little better. It never occurred to me she would figure it out on her own. “Yes. I am. How did you know?” “I heard you and Mommy talking the last time you were here. I guess that’s why we have the same eyes. Everyone says they look fake.” “Tell me about it,” I sighed. “How come I never met you before?” I took in a deep breath, trying to word my answer carefully. “I . . . I didn’t know about you. It was lucky I found you in Mr. O’Connor’s office.” She nodded as her gaze drifted back to the screen. I was grateful to come into her life when she was still young. I hated missing her baby and

toddler days, but I managed to get to her before she was old enough to harbor any anger or resentment. “I like hanging out with you, Josh. You know the names of all the superheroes!” I looped my arm around her shoulder and squeezed. “I know a ton of other cool things. And I like hanging out with you, too.” I kissed her forehead. “A lot.” “Did your friend like the bobble head?” Victoria asked as she cuddled into my side. “I didn’t give it to her yet. She’s been away for work.” “Oh.” She nodded as she lay her head on my shoulder. “What’s her name?” “Brianna,” I answered with a smile as I rested my chin on her forehead. “She likes to write, too. I think you guys are going to get along great.” God, I hoped so.

Josh along with the key I inserted into Brianna’s front door. I had no idea how she would take all of this. It wasn’t only the fact that I had a child with another woman. My one night with Sara fell in line with everything about us that bothered Brianna so much. I was terrified that telling her would dredge up all the hurt and resentment I was hoping we put behind us. Why I stayed away from her for so long was a huge source of contention, and now I’d have to explain why I came back to New York and didn’t try to see her. I stayed away from Brianna for her own good. I stood by that even now. I couldn’t ruin her life any more than I already had. When I came back for her, I’d worked through all my shit and could treat her the way she deserved. But if I knew my girl, she wouldn’t see it that way. She never wanted to leave my side and hated that I kept us apart. “Finally!” Brianna charged toward me in a short, blue silk robe after I came through her door. She squealed and leapt into my arms, peppering my entire face with kisses. MY STOMACH TWISTED

I lifted her by the waist as her lips trailed down my neck and to the sensitive spot behind my ear. I let out a moan as I pulled her tighter. She felt so damn good. Her body melted into mine as I buried my face in her neck. “Welcome home,” I whispered against her lips before I took them in a hungry, desperate kiss. My tongue made long sweeps against hers, thirsting like hell for all of her. I couldn’t stop. I didn’t want to let her go or stop kissing her—or break her heart. In a minute, I’d have to do all three. My greedy hands slid down her back over the satin edge of her robe, caressing bare skin where her panties were supposed to be. Breathless and shocked in a great way, I pulled back from the kiss and raised a brow at my girlfriend. “Are you . . .” “Naked under here? Yep.” Her lips made a popping sound before coming back to mine. “You’re a FaceTime tease,” she murmured against my mouth. “I wasn’t wasting any time. Strip, Falco.” What I wouldn’t have given to hold off for just a little while. I could’ve buried myself inside her and showed her all the ways I loved her without saying a word. I could’ve run my hands over every delicious curve and tasted every inch. She was perfection, always. Even though I wanted her more

than anything, and my cock was in full agreement, it wasn’t right. Making love to her before telling her would only make it worse. I caught her hand as she grabbed the hem of my shirt. “Wait, baby.” I set her down, trying not to wince at the hurt drifting across her face. “Can we talk for a minute?” Her eyes measured me as I took her hand. “I’ll strip for you, Cupcake, I promise.” I brushed my lips against hers. “I just need to tell you something first.” This was already heading toward disaster. I figured I’d come in, we’d kiss hello and catch up, and I’d ease it into the conversation somehow. I didn’t think I would have to turn her down and explain why. Although, I guessed it didn’t matter when or how I told her. Easing in or blurting it out wouldn’t make it hurt any less. I grabbed her hand and pulled her toward the couch. With her fingers entwined with mine, I sucked in a breath and met her puzzled gaze. “About nine years ago, I came back to New York for a weekend. We finally had a buyer on the house, and Uncle Billy and I wanted to make sure we didn’t leave anything of personal value there. Dad didn’t give a shit, no surprise there.” I huffed out a nervous laugh. Brianna leaned forward with a crinkled brow. “You were here and didn’t tell me? Why? I would

have made sure I was home from school to see you.” I gripped her hand tighter and covered it with my other hand. “I had just gotten a letter from you, and you sounded so happy. Seeing me would have set you back. You can fight me if you want on that, but you know it’s the truth.” Brianna dropped her gaze and nodded slowly. Her chest jerked with a humorless chuckle. “All right. Fine.” Her tongue clicked, so it was anything but fine. Still, I continued. “I ended up at a bar alone. I was going to have a drink and head back to the hotel room I’d rented next to the airport since I had to leave for the base first thing in the morning. I . . .” Spit it out, Josh. “I started talking to the waitress there. It felt weird being back and clearing out the house so I guess I was in a weird head space. One thing lead to another and—” Brianna yanked her hand from mine and held it up. “Okay, I think I know where this story is headed. I don’t know why you feel the need to tell me, but I’ve heard enough.” Her eyes narrowed as she fidgeted on the couch. I hated thinking of her with Scott all those years so I understood her aversion. My lungs deflated as I prepared to lower the boom.

“Well, the waitress, Sara. I ran into her again.” Brianna’s eyes narrowed. “Ran into her?” “At PS Twenty-three, Reid’s school. I met him there one day because we were supposed to have a couple of beers that night. She was there with her daughter. She’s a second grader.” Her shoulders shrugged in annoyance. “Okay, so you ran into her at Reid’s school with her daughter.” She said each word slowly as her eyes pinned me to my seat on the couch. “I don’t understand why you’re telling me this—” And that’s when she figured it out. Her hand flew to her mouth as the color drained from her face. “Her daughter,” she gasped before her eyes squeezed shut. “She’s—” “Mine. Yes. I had no idea until that day. We knew each other for one night and didn’t exchange any information. Bri, I swear—” Her hands raked through her hair as she studied the floor. Her gaze was confused and pained, as if someone knocked the wind out of her. “Wh . . . What’s her name?” she stammered out. “Victoria.” I couldn’t help my grin. “She’s a beautiful little girl. She has my exact color green eyes; it’s how I figured it out.” “Your eyes are definitely different.” A wistful smile ghosted her face. “So . . . what now? Have

you seen her since?” “Yes. Sara isn’t the most amiable, but she’s been letting me stop by. Victoria’s a writer, like you. She’s even in a program at school.” Brianna’s eyes watered as she gave me an empty stare. “I hate all those years she spent thinking her father didn’t care, especially since I spent most of my life knowing my mother didn’t. And my dad, he tried, but . . . I want to give her all I didn’t have. Be a good parent, put her first. I’ve only known her a short time, but . . .” I leaned forward and tucked a lock of hair behind Brianna’s ear. Her eyes shut at the contact. “She’s really easy to love.” She reached up and gave my wrist a squeeze. “See? You’re a good dad already.” She pressed the heels of her palms into her thighs before rising from the couch. “I thought we’d go shopping. You can pick out some sheets, maybe a couple of pieces of furniture. Anything you want to make this place feel like yours.” She shot me a big smile that never made it to her eyes. “You still want me to move in?” I squinted my eyes, her actions not matching the words coming out of her mouth. “Yeah. I mean, it was a long time ago. It’s not like you cheated. A few years later, I was with Scott. I mean, we could have a kid, if you think about it.” Hysterical laughter bubbled out of her chest.

My jaw clenched, but I only nodded back. I came back to push Scott out of the way because she belonged with me, and now my half a fling was a permanent fixture in our lives. If she’d had kids with another man, semantics or not, I’d hate it— and I knew her well enough to know she hated it, too. “Well,” she breathed, her voice squeaky and too cheerful. “Let me get dressed and we can go.” Her mouth clenched in a forced smile. I pulled her toward me by the hand and pressed a light kiss to her palm. “I love you, Bri.” She smiled and nodded before rushing into the bedroom. My body sank into the couch with relief. Brianna was shocked, but she didn’t throw me out of her life. This was a lot for us to get used to, but she was still with me. Like she always was. I didn’t deserve her love or her loyalty, but was so fucking grateful I had it. I headed into the kitchen before stopping dead in my tracks at the sound of muffled sobs drifting from the bedroom. “Bri?” I tapped on the door as I inched it open. Brianna’s head jerked up from where it was laying in her hands. Her eyes were red and swollen and when her mouth fell open to speak, no words came out. I raced to the bed and sat beside her, crushing

her into my chest and rocking her back and forth. “I’m sorry, baby,” I pleaded into her hair. “So fucking sorry.” “It’s just . . .” She swallowed as she lifted her gaze to mine. “I’ve been afraid of this.” I squinted at her, unsure of what she meant. “Afraid of what, Bri?” “For ten years, we wrote to each other but I had no real clue about what your life was like. All I knew was that it killed me I wasn’t a part of it. I missed so much, we missed so much. I waited so long for it to be us, to have you to myself—as horrifically selfish as it sounds at the moment. And now . . .” She trailed off, wiping at her cheeks with the back of her hand. “You’re someone’s father.” I shook my head and reached for her. “Bri—” She held her hand up, pinning me with a look that showed it wasn’t up for discussion. “So, it’s something I have to get used to. And, I wanted to have your first baby. I’ve been dreaming about that for most of my life. Christopher Josh.” I laughed despite the stinging in my eyes. “You named him already?” She sniffled out a giggle. “He’d have your weird green eyes, too.” Her smile faded as she pushed off the bed. I stood and took a tentative step toward her. “Look, Bri. If you don’t want me to move in, let this all kind of sink—”

Her body whipped around as she leveled me with a murderous glare. “Again? You’re going to make us wait again?” She yelled before stalking toward me and jamming her finger into my chest. “You make me wait any longer or tell me it’s for my own good, I swear to God I’ll punch you right in the junk, Falco!” I laughed and pulled her toward me, giving her a soft kiss as she relaxed in my arms. “I love you, Brianna Marie. With all that I am and all that I have.” I lifted my shirt and placed her hand on the cupcake tattoo over my heart. “Forever, Cupcake.” My eyes roamed her body. “You’re . . . really naked under that robe?” She gave me an exhausted nod. “I am. I wanted to surprise you.” She peeled my hands away. “Rain check, I guess?” She shrugged and turned away before I caught her wrist. “Lay with me. I haven’t held you in weeks, and I really fucking need to right now.” I sat on the bed and held my hand out. “Please.” Brianna’s lips curved into a tiny smile as she crawled into bed next to me. Her head burrowed into my neck while I cinched my arms around her. “Josh,” her voice strained as she squirmed into my arms. “What’s wrong?” I stiffened and picked up my head. “You’re hurting me.” She rubbed her arm and

laughed. “I live here; I won’t bolt from the bed.” Her fingers threaded into my hair. “It’s getting longer. Are you trying to get the curls back?” Her lips twitched. “Curls are long gone, Cupcake.” I rested my chin on her shoulder. “But I thought I’d try it a little longer. Get away from the military buzz look.” I drifted my finger down her cheek and over her lips. “I’ve been a basket case trying to figure out how to tell you. I don’t know what I’d do if I ever lost . . .” I couldn’t find it in me to complete that sentence. Voicing my biggest fear made it all too real. “We’re okay?” I raised a tentative brow. She shut her eyes and nodded. “We will be.”

Brianna with me being here today?” It was a cool day in April, yet I was sweating bullets. I didn’t know the right way to approach meeting my boyfriend’s secret daughter. She was only a little girl, but I was terrified of what would happen if she didn’t like me. I could tell by the way Josh spoke about her that he was already smitten, and being a good father was the most important thing to him right now—maybe even more than me. But that was how it should’ve been. This little girl was without a dad for her entire life, and after the way Josh grew up, he wanted to make damn sure that changed. He had a huge protective heart, even when we were kids. That was why I loved him so much. It didn’t surprise me that he stepped up without a second thought. Still, it took me a couple of weeks before I mustered up the courage to ask to meet her. Josh made it clear he wouldn’t push and I could come with him when I was ready. Josh wrapped his arm around my shoulders as we entered Sara’s building. “I’m not sure she’s okay with me being here.” He chuckled as he “SARA IS . . . OKAY

pressed the intercom. “But I’m not going anywhere.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead and tightened his embrace around me. “And neither are you.” He pushed the door open once it buzzed and I followed him up the stairs to their apartment. I dug my hands into my jacket pockets to hide the shaking. The back of my neck prickled with heat; the first impression Victoria was about to get of me was face down in her hallway. “Cupcake,” Josh whispered as he pulled me back. “One of the reasons I loved her so fast is because she reminded me so much of you. You’re going to love her, and she’s going to love you.” His hand cupped my clammy cheek. “So, relax—or try to, okay?” I nodded and gave his lips a quick peck. “Okay.” I swallowed and motioned to their door. “Let’s go in.” A smile pulled at his cheeks before he rang their doorbell. Swift footsteps shuffled toward the other side of the door before the tick of the peephole. The door creaked open, and I came face to face with Victoria’s mother. “Josh,” Sara sighed while giving me a once over. “Like I said over the phone, I’m not sure I want you bringing strangers over to meet Victoria.” “Josh!” A little voice squealed from behind her before a little girl pummeled into Josh’s legs.

“Mommy didn’t say you were coming today!” A wide grin split his mouth as he returned her hug. “Hi, Victoria.” Josh kissed the top of her head before crouching down in front of her. She was tall for her age, but small compared to her father’s over six feet stature. “I wanted to bring my best friend over to meet you.” He turned his head and smiled at me. “This is Brianna. She’s the one who likes Wonder Woman, too.” “Hi, Brianna,” she greeted me with a little voice as she smiled. I looked between her and Josh and blinked. They shared the same eyes, button nose, and beautiful smile. Every single inch of her was her father, and a lump grew in my throat so large it almost suffocated me. “Hi, Victoria,” I chirped, hoping to disguise the crack in my voice. “Thank you for the bobble head. I put it on my desk at work. I love it.” Her smile grew wider. “I have more Wonder Woman stuff. Want to see it?” The pure joy on her face made my chest constrict. In less than five minutes, I saw how Josh fell in love so fast. “Come on in!” She grabbed my hand and pulled me inside. I locked my gaze with Sara’s. She was an attractive woman with long chestnut hair pulled into a high bun on her head. It was difficult to ignore the twinge of jealousy. Josh had no commitment to me when he hooked up with her, but it still burned me a little knowing she had a

baby with the man I always loved. “Hi, Sara. I’m Brianna. It’s nice to meet you.” I extended my hand, but she let it dangle between us. “Like I told you, Brianna is no stranger. She’s someone permanent in my life, so she’ll be permanent in Victoria’s, too.” Josh kept his tone light but squeezed my hand hard. Even though she kept their daughter a secret, Josh wanted to play by her rules. He also found a lawyer to put on a retainer, just in case. I hoped it never had to come to that. “Everything is in my room.” Victoria yanked my hand again as she led me down the short hallway. Sure enough, her bedroom was wall-to-wall Wonder Woman, just as mine had been. Well, until I got interested in boys. “I had a lot of these posters myself,” I noted as I glanced around her room. My eyes landed on the stack of notebooks in the corner. “Are those your school books?” I sat at the edge of her bed. “No.” She shook her head. “I write stuff in there. Mrs. Cooper in my writing program said you should always be writing something.” “Your dad—I mean, Josh—told me about that! You know . . .” I whispered and craned my head around the room. Victoria’s eyes grew wide as she prepared to receive my secret. “I did that, too. I loved to write ever since I was your age.”

“You wrote since you were eight?” I couldn’t help the smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. “I did. I used to make Josh read, but some stuff was just for me.” Her lips pursed as she crossed her arms. “I don’t want anyone reading anything I write.” “Why?” “Because people will laugh at me. I wrote a poem for the school newspaper and everyone laughed at me.” She dropped her gaze to the floor, and my heart broke. Josh was right. She really was me—or would’ve been me if I didn’t have a Josh. I took her hands and pulled her closer. “Anyone who laughs at you is just jealous. They wish they had a talent like you. And anything you write, I’d love to read it, and I would never, ever laugh at you.” Her green eyes lit up. She was such a beautiful girl. Warmth flooded my chest knowing that now she had a father who would fill that void and then some, because that’s what he did for me. She could forget about all the mean kids, exactly as I did. “So, besides write, what else do you like to do?” She gave me a big smile. “Dance! I’ve been dancing since I was a little girl.” I held in a laugh at her stern expression. “Wow, well that’s a long time.” “Victoria!” Sara’s shrill voice echoed down the

hallway. “You still have homework to finish.” She crinkled her nose at me. “Will you come back, too?” I gave her a determined nod. “You bet I will! Maybe we can do something fun next time—go see a movie?” “I’ve never been to a real movie theater before.” She looked away, and the vacant and solemn look in her eyes made me want to take her to every movie, buy every doll, and beat up every asshole kid for ever laughing at her. I sucked in a breath. One thing at a time. “Well, next time we come back, we’ll take you. If it’s okay with your mom, of course. There’s a new animated movie out that I wanted to see. It’s no Wonder Woman, but it looks fun. How does that sound?” “I think it sounds awesome.” Victoria and I jumped at the sound of Josh’s voice as he leaned against the doorjamb. “Even if I have to go see the new princess movie.” Victoria giggled as I pretended to glare at her father. “Don’t listen to him. I dragged him to a ton of girly cartoon movies and he secretly loved them all,” I said in a loud whisper before pushing off the bed. “Wait.” Victoria grabbed my wrist before I turned and handed me one of the smaller notebooks. “That’s all poems.” She cupped her

mouth as she spoke softly in my ear. “Don’t let anyone else see them.” I brought the book to my chest and shook my head. “No way. Thank you, Victoria. I can’t wait to read them later.” “You heard your mom. Homework.” He knelt in front of her and pressed a kiss to her cheek. “Maybe we can go on Friday.” She beamed and flung her arms around his neck. “I’ll work on your mom,” he whispered in her ear. For someone so afraid of not knowing how to be a father, Josh was a natural. “Bye, Josh. Bye, Brianna.” She gave us a little wave before we left her room. Sara waited for us by the door. I couldn’t tell if she was bored or trying really hard to act that way. I admired her for bringing up a child all on her own and understood the resistance to the new upheaval in the way she did things, but I hoped she’d see Victoria’s father in her life as a good thing . . . someday. “I’d like to take Victoria to the movies on Friday. We’ll go to an early show, and I’ll have her back early. It’s been a few weeks and she knows me well enough. Maybe I could spend more time with her than just a half hour here, forty-five minutes there.” Josh quirked an eyebrow. “Would that be all right with you?” A sour expression ghosted her face. “Well, you

already brought it up. Or she did.” Her face twisted in a scowl. “I guess I can’t say no. Early show and early home.” Josh raised his hands in submission. “Movie, quick dinner, and she’ll be home. Thank you, Sara.” “Thank you, Sara.” I forced a natural smile. She’d never like me, of that I was certain, but to make things easier I could be overly nice. “Fine.” She opened the door, which I took as our cue to leave. Josh and I nodded a goodbye and made our way to the lobby. Once we got outside, he enveloped me into his arms and took my mouth in a passionate kiss. “Have I ever told you how much I love you?” he murmured against my lips. I smoothed the collar of Josh’s jacket before grasping it and pulling him in for another kiss. “Maybe once or twice.” “Wasn’t I right?” A beaming smile lit up his face as he wrapped his arms around me. “She’s a great kid and she loved you on sight. Nothing to worry about, Cupcake.” I wasn’t so sure. Sara didn’t want us there and seemed to loath the closeness Josh and Victoria already shared. Me, I only made everything that much worse by my presence. Still, a smile tugged at my lips when I thought of the little girl I’d met tonight. I spent most of today pretty much a basket case, terrified of how I’d feel when I came face-to-

face with Josh’s child with someone else. My reaction confused and delighted me. “I think . . . I think I kind of love her.”

Josh how arcades always should have been.” I took a swig from my beer bottle as I watched Victoria play pinball. There was every game you could possibly think of: Skee-Ball, Pacman, table hockey—and a restaurant that served alcohol in the back. Brianna rolled her eyes from where she stood next to Victoria. “The last time we were in an arcade, we were in high school. Like it would have mattered.” I laughed, remembering the last time I stepped into an arcade with Brianna with surprising clarity. We were seventeen, and Reid and I were in a Mortal Kombat battle, but every time I tried to take the lead, the sight of Brianna’s painted-on tight denim shorts fucked up any concentration I’d had. Reid left victorious, and I left with the newly familiar ache of blue balls. “Hey, sweets, how about something to eat? Your mom will kill me if I take you home with blisters on your thumbs.” I peeled her hands away from the side buttons. “NOW THIS IS

“That was my highest score ever, Josh.” She pouted as the silver balls rolled into the gutter and moped toward the tables in the back. I was still “Josh,” not “Dad”—yet. She didn’t ask to call me that, and I wouldn’t pressure her. It was a title I was happy to work to earn. “Ah, but think how awesome you could be after you eat! You need some fuel.” Brianna tucked a piece of hair behind Victoria’s ear. My daughter shrugged and slid into a booth next to Brianna. My daughter. After three months, it still seemed surreal. At the same time, I couldn’t remember what life was like before her. All three of us just . . . fit together. In fact, at times I felt like the odd man out. Brianna and Victoria giggled like girlfriends with a secret I didn’t know whenever we were together, and I was never so happy to be ignored. We took her to all the fun ‘kid’ type places that I could possibly think of. It was as if Brianna and I were reliving our childhood through her eyes, and it brought me an odd type of peace. I loved going back to the old days of Brianna and me before everything went wrong. It almost erased all the bad memories that dwelled under the surface. I worried that Victoria’s very existence would be a constant reminder of how I failed Brianna, not by sleeping with her mother but separating us for so long. But to my surprise, instead of causing a rift between us, she brought us closer together.

This was the first time Sara let her stay the whole weekend with us. We cleaned out our tiny spare room and brought in a futon for her to sleep on. I hated that her room at our place was so small and wanted to look for somewhere bigger since I hoped she would stay with us more often. But, I tried not to get too ahead of myself and enjoy the moment—enjoy us—before I thought too far into the future. “So . . .” Brianna gave me a side glance as she dug something out of her purse. “I found something that I thought would make you laugh.” She handed Victoria a small picture. Her eyes widened as she gazed between us. “This is you and Josh?” “And Mr. O’Connor.” Brianna pointed to the edge of the photo. “Let me see that.” I scooted around the crescent-shaped booth to peer over Victoria’s shoulder. “Wow.” I chuckled. “Talk about blast from the past. We were, what? Ten?” “Something like that.” The corners of Brianna’s eyes crinkled as she studied the picture. “I actually didn’t like Mr. O’Connor that much back then.” Victoria’s eyes narrowed at Brianna. “Why? Was he mean?” Brianna shook her head. “No. Never. But Josh and I were best friends, and then he started saying he was his best friend, too.” Her eyes met mine as a

smile tugged at her lips. “I didn’t like that.” I reached across the back of the leather seat and squeezed Brianna’s shoulder. “But,” she went on, “Reid—I mean Mr. O’Connor—became my friend, too. In fact, he’s been a pretty awesome friend.” Her gaze turned wistful as she laughed to herself. “Now, you can tell him at school on Monday that you know what he looked like in the fourth grade.” Victoria chuckled before clasping her hands. “Can we have a big breakfast tomorrow?” “Breakfast? We didn’t even have dinner yet.” Brianna eyes widened, making another laugh bubble out of Victoria’s chest. “I know.” She shrugged before her cute little face scrunched up. “But I think I want French Toast.” “Bri makes awesome French Toast. I think I want that, too. And bacon.” I winked and Victoria burst out in giggles. “Okay, okay, you guys twisted my arm. But let’s eat now.” She opened the menu and set it in front of Vic, as if she’d done it a hundred times before. It was a little funny. To an outsider, we looked like a typical family. Even funnier, we felt a hell of a lot like one, too.

“I don’t think I can sleep in there.” I jerked awake when I noticed Victoria standing at the edge of my bed. “What’s wrong, sweets?” I croaked, half asleep. “The nightlight isn’t bright enough. I’m too scared,” she whispered as she came closer. “Aw, Vic.” I sat up and cupped her cheek. “There’s nothing to be afraid of. I promise. We’re right here.” “Hey,” Brianna whispered as she stirred next to me. “I can lay with you until you fall asleep, if you want.” She answered with a big nod and scurried to Brianna’s side of the bed. Brianna laughed through a yawn. “All right, girlie. I’ll show you there’s nothing to be scared about.” They trudged out of the room and I lay back down. I didn’t realize I fell back asleep until my eyes opened and found Brianna’s side of the bed empty. The neon green glow of the clock on her nightstand said four o’clock. I sat up and pushed off the bed, heading toward the spare room. When I creaked the door open, I found Brianna and Vic sharing the futon, both out cold. Brianna’s arm was wrapped around Victoria’s

waist, and Victoria’s head rested in the crook of Brianna’s arm. I leaned against the doorframe as I peered at them for a long minute. A smile pulled at my lips as I shook my head. My girls.

Josh wheeled vehicle mechanic in the army and helped my crew build new bikes all the time. Building my girlfriend a bookcase from scratch shouldn’t have taken me an entire fucking lifetime. I’d prepped the design and wood at the shop but waited to take it home to actually put the damn thing together. It took what seemed like forever to make sure every shelf, nail, and screw was perfect. Brianna self-published her book last week and insisted not to make a big deal out of it. To me, that was a huge deal. Even if she never wrote another book, she hoarded the ones she read all over the apartment. My cupcake deserved something huge and amazing for such an awesome accomplishment. How amazing this would be when all was said and done, who knew? But I’d work my ass off until it was as close as I could get it. I had the base built in the living room and was about to screw in the shelves. The whole place was a mess, but I didn’t have much space to work with. The bang of the door slamming made me jump. I’d taken off today to finish when she got home from I WAS A

work and didn’t expect her home so early. My surprise was ruined before it was even built. Before I could explain what I was doing, Brianna whizzed right passed me into our bedroom. She banged this door closed, too. A bad feeling traveled up the fibers of my spine. “Hey,” I called out as I knocked on the door. She didn’t expect me to be home either and didn’t say a word to me or even look in my direction. After five unanswered knocks, I pushed the door open and found her stuffing the contents of her dresser drawers into a duffel bag. “Bri, what’s going on? Where are you going?” Her eyes were red and swollen, looking everywhere but mine. My stomach churned as I watched my unglued woman grab random things around our bedroom and cram them into a little bag. It wasn’t the act of someone going on a short trip. She was leaving. It made no sense as this was her apartment, but the frantic way her gaze darted around the room and how she moved at warp speed said otherwise. “I . . . I need to get away.” Her jaw clenched as she attempted to pull the zipper across the overflow. “What?” I was too shocked to have any affect to my words. I needed her to explain before I grabbed her ankles to stop her. “I can’t stay here right now.” She yanked the

bag off the bed, almost falling backward from the jerky movements her agitated body was making. I would have found it comical if my life wasn’t falling apart. “Can’t stay here?” I choked out an angry laugh. “What the fuck is going on, Brianna? Something happened in between the time I made love to you this morning and what you’re saying now. I know you better than anyone, so let’s try again, only this time you tell me the truth.” I stepped in front of her to block her quick escape. “I’m staying at Amanda’s for a few days. I’ll call you.” I held her watery gaze and did a slow shake of my head. “You’re scaring me,” I whispered. “Because whatever is making you leave me has to be pretty fucking awful. You would never do it otherwise. Baby,” I crooned as I cupped her cheek. Her eyes clenched shut, as if my touch brought her pain. For a brief second, she tilted her head and leaned in. “Tell. Me.” “I need to leave. Get out of the way, Josh.” Her hands pushed into my chest, trying to get me to move. My jaw clenched as I shook my head. “No.” I wouldn’t budge an inch, not until she told me the truth. “Just let me go, please.” Huge tears streamed down her cheeks as she begged. I never cried and was about to bawl like a damn

baby. She was my reason and my purpose, even in the years we spent apart. Especially during those years, in fact. Life without Brianna? There was no real life for me without her as far as I was concerned. But I wasn’t getting any answers from her now, and being in my presence only seemed to upset her more. I kissed her cheek, studying the way her face crumpled into a sob when my lips touched her skin. “I’ll give you some time, but I won’t let you go.” I feasted on Brianna like a glutton every time we were together, still unable to shake the feeling that someday she’d wise up and leave. This was my greatest fear realized, but it made no sense. Twelve hours ago, we were happy and in love, and now she couldn’t stand the sight of me. Was this how she felt when I left? Watching me fall apart in front of her and not being able to do a damn thing about it? It was the worst kind of helplessness—the kind that makes you want to gnaw off a limb in frustration. I stepped aside to let her leave, my body weak as the air left my lungs. Without my cupcake, I couldn’t breathe. She rushed past me and out the door. I took in a shaky breath as my frazzled brain tried to make sense of what just happened. In fifteen minutes, my entire life imploded, and I had no idea why. I rubbed at the hollow ache in my chest where my

heart used to be. For the next two hours, I stared into space from the corner of the couch. I glanced around the room, at all the pictures we’d put up since I moved in. Some from when we were young; others as recent as last week. We were happy, truly and completely. What would make Brianna run away like that? Before today, I would have never thought anything would make her leave. Sure, she didn’t agree to marry me, but I knew that was due to bad timing and shitty delivery. What we had was real, the only real thing I ever could count on. Not having a clue what my next move should be or how to even function, I dialed Reid’s number. He was as shocked as I was when I told him she bolted from her own apartment because she needed space. “Nah, dude. That’s not her. She’d never leave you. And you gave her plenty of reasons to over the years.” I nodded at Reid even though he couldn’t see me. He was one-hundred percent right. She should have run from me years ago, but she never did. Not being able to count on that anymore brought a queasy feeling to the pit of my stomach. “I don’t know what to do. I’m worried. She wouldn’t do this.” “You’re right. I’m worried too, man. Can you get in contact with Amanda and see what’s going

on?” I groaned. “I shot her a text but no answer. It’s all I can do not to storm over there and break down the door.” “I can try to reach out. She won’t tell me if she didn’t tell you, but at least I could check on her.” I breathed a small sigh of relief. “Thank you,” I sighed into the phone. “Sure. I’m sorry, Josh.” “Yeah . . . me too, Reid. Thanks.” I ended the call when the landline started ringing. I lay back on the couch and covered my face with my hands. How pissed off would God be if I decided to pray right now? The most important person in my life was in trouble and she wouldn’t let me help her. The machine beeped before a woman’s voice boomed from the speaker. “Hi, Ms. Morgan. This is Cami from Dr. Bergman’s office. She wanted me to follow up about your treatment options and the number for counseling. Please give the office a call in the morning.” A brick dropped into my stomach as I stayed glued to the fuzzy fabric of the couch. Brianna was sick? She needed treatment options? Bile rose in the back of my throat as I pieced it all together, a parade of awful possibilities running through my head. Why did she need treatment and counseling? How bad was it? Goose

bumps prickled my skin as my blood ran cold. Did she really think I’d let her go if she was sick? I wasn’t letting her go—period. There was no way in hell she was pushing me away. She stood by me then; I was standing by her now. Whether she liked it or not. I grabbed my jacket and took the same swift path as Brianna out our front door. I wasn’t sure what the hell I was going to do, but I wasn’t coming back home without her.

Brianna knew the right thing to say.” Amanda slid next to me on her couch and passed me a fresh box of tissues. A sad chuckle fell from my lips as I plucked one and dabbed at my eyes. Not that tissues made a difference. The tears hadn’t had a chance to dry since my doctor’s appointment this afternoon. “There isn’t one. But thank you for wanting to try.” I squeezed her hand before bringing my knees to my chest. I’d gone from hysterical to catatonic. I wasn’t proud of the basket case I’d become over the last few hours, but I was too blindsided to prepare to be anything else. “I’m sure someone else wants to try.” Her eyebrows shot up. “Someone whose heart is probably breaking right now because he thinks you left him.” My lip quivered as I waved her away. There was no probably about it. Josh’s heart was broken, even though I was sure he didn’t believe me. My love for him was something I could never hide, the exact reason I bolted out of my apartment like a “I WISH I

crazy person. In my haste, I packed the most ridiculous things. I had bathing suits but no underwear and dressy heels but no sneakers. Maybe if I had some recovery time before I saw Josh, I would have had a different initial reaction. But still letting the news seep in and coming faceto-face with him so soon after, I panicked and couldn’t rush out fast enough. How would he ever in a million years believe I wanted to leave? The past few months were the happiest of my life because I had everything I ever yearned for. Even when I found out about Victoria, I fell in love with her just as hard. Thinking of her made me choke on another sob. I didn’t want her hurt by this either; the poor thing had been through enough. The ding of Amanda’s wimpy doorbell drifted into the living room followed by pounding. My head fell back on her couch cushions as my breathing quickened. I didn’t have to guess who was on the other side. “Look, Bri. I’m not going to tell you what to do or how to act, but you can’t fool Josh much longer. I’m actually surprised it took him this long to come here.” She dropped her hand on my shoulder and lowered her eyes to mine. “But making yourself go through this alone is dumb. You owe him the truth.” Amanda patted my back before traipsing toward the door.

“She’s still here, right?” Josh clipped as his heavy footsteps came closer. “In the living room,” Amanda replied from behind him. “I’m going into my bedroom to give you guys some privacy.” She strode past the couch, giving me a quick side glance before heading down her hallway. I inhaled a long breath as I lifted my eyes to Josh’s. With his reddened and glassy eyes, he looked as distraught as I was. I’d only left him a few hours ago, and he looked like he hadn’t slept in days. “Hey,” he breathed out as he stuffed his hands into his jean pockets. The devastation drifting over his face was too much to bear. When I left, he was angry—that I could handle. Sort of. I loathed upsetting him at all. In all the years I’d known him, I’d never seen him this broken. He sat on the couch beside me and took my hand in both of his. His lips on my wrist burned my skin. I couldn’t handle his kisses yet. And, after today, I didn’t deserve them. His elbows rested on his knees as he leaned his forehead on our joined hands. It ached to look at him, but I didn’t turn away, even when I saw the tear escape the corner of his eye. “Where is it?” he whispered, his voice so hoarse it was almost inaudible. My brows pinched together as I sat back.

“Where is what?” He sniffed as he scooted closer to me. “Brian at the shop, remember him? His wife had stage three breast cancer and they went to Sloan-Kettering and some cancer center in Arizona, and she’s fine now. I can take you there, too.” Cancer center? What was he talking about? I pushed toward the edge of the cushion and squinted my eyes. “Josh, what are you—” “I mean it. I’ll call Uncle Billy and take a leave from the shop.” “Josh!” I yelled, pulling my hand from his. “What are you talking about?” He exhaled a long breath as he rubbed the heels of his palms along his thighs. “The doctor’s office called this afternoon.” His eyes narrowed, anger seeping through his gaze. I froze, panicking at what he may know, although what he said still wasn’t anywhere close to coherent. “They said to call them about treatment options and the number for counseling. Jesus Christ, Brianna! Why didn’t you tell me? Why did you just walk out? Do you really think I’d let you go through this alone?” “Josh, wait.” I cradled his quivering jaw as my insides gutted from the consequences of my actions today. My split-second decision to cut Josh off

created a snowball of misunderstanding that led to the devastated man before me. I had enough shame filtering through my system to finally give it to him straight. “I don’t have cancer. I’m not sick. Babe, I’m so sorry you spent the last however many hours thinking that. I’m sorry for running today, too. It was a gut reaction I can’t explain, but I didn’t mean a single thing I said.” Relief ghosted across Josh’s face, but his glare didn’t waver. “I know that. Gut reaction to what?” “I can’t have children,” I blurted out. His mouth opened to reply, but he couldn’t form any words. “You can’t have . . . how do you know—” “I asked my doctor to switch my birth control since I thought what I was taking was screwing with my system. I was hot all the time and my period has been all over the place. They ordered some tests before giving me the new prescription and found that I had premature ovarian failure. It’s untreatable.” His eyes dropped to the carpet before lifting back to mine. “Is anything really untreatable? Lou’s wife had triplets after they saw a fertility doctor. We can go look into options when we’re read—” I cut him off with the shake of my head. “Even if we found the money for treatments, it would

have to be from an egg donor. I’ll never have a biological child of my own . . .” My voice cracked before I trailed off. “The treatments they were talking about were to ease the symptoms, and the number for counseling is to learn how to accept it.” I gazed at the ceiling, trying to halt the stream of tears that flowed most of the day. “You deserve better than this.” Josh’s brows pulled together as he leaned closer. “Now you’re back to not making sense. I deserve better than what?” “Me. Maybe it’s good that we were apart all those years and you found Sara. If you got stuck with me back then maybe you wouldn’t—” And that was the most painful part of it all. I’d asked the doctor how long I’d had this condition, if I always had it or did it only start when the symptoms did. She told me there was no way to know, but what if nine years ago I was still fine, and Josh asked to see me instead of going home with Sara? Victoria could be ours, and that “what if” cut through me like a knife. “Stuck with you?” He cupped his forehead and rubbed his temples. “Brianna, please stop this.” I still went on. Maybe he’d see after this sank in for a few hours and realize all he was giving up. “You’re a great dad. And I know how you hate missing so much of Victoria’s life. I can’t give you that. I can’t give you a baby. If you’re with me,

you’ll have to settle—” “Wait just a fucking minute, Cupcake.” I almost laughed at him calling me Cupcake through gritted teeth. “Being with you is not settling. It’s being the luckiest bastard in the world. There is not one single second that I’m anything but grateful I’m with you. What you told me just now changes not one damn thing. And you should know that.” I raked my hands through my hair. “You shouldn’t have to pick me over something you really want—” “You are what I really want! Really, Bri? We have to go over this?” He rose from his seat on the couch and knelt before me. “Do you remember that poem book you loved so much when we were little? It was by that guy, Finklestein?” “Shel Silverstein,” I whispered as I almost let my lips curve into a smile. “Where the Sidewalk Ends.” “Right.” He shrugged. “You used to make me read that Boa Constrictor poem over and over again. I think I read it a hundred times one day. You loved my cool sound effects.” He dipped his head and pressed a kiss to my knee. “But I didn’t care. Hearing you laugh so hard every time was worth it. In fact, making you laugh was the most important part of my day. You had the best smile, even when

it was missing your front teeth.” He tapped my chin and a laugh bubbled out through my tears. “You were a beautiful angel. My angel. I loved you then. I love you now. I loved you all the years in between.” He slid his arm under my legs and lifted me off the couch and onto his lap. “If we want kids, we’ll go about it a different way. I need you, before anything or anyone.” My hands drifted up his shoulders and met at the back of his neck. “That’s not all of it. Victoria . . .” And here came the waterworks again. “I’m afraid.” His head jerked back as his brows pinched. “Afraid of what?” “I’m afraid I’ll resent her. That I’ll look at her and all I’ll see is my stolen dream. And if I do, she’ll feel that and I don’t want . . .” He rested his finger on my lips. A smile curved his mouth as he shook his head. “Let me put that fear to rest right now. You love her, it’s obvious. Once you love someone, Brianna Marie, you don’t know how to stop. Trust me, I know.” He quirked an eyebrow. I nodded and buried my face into his neck. “You’re really mad at me, aren’t you?” Josh cradled my face and kissed my forehead. “Ohhhh, yeah.” He nodded as he lifted me up off the floor. “We’ll talk about it at home. Because you’re grabbing your bathing suits and high heels

and coming with me—where you belong.” A laugh broke out through my slowing tears as I burrowed my head into his chest. “Worst. Liar. Ever,” he whispered into my hair. I still had no clue what do with the hollow feeling in my stomach, or when I’d stop feeling this unexpected, bone-crushing sorrow. I decided to go along with what I did know. I wanted to go home.

Brianna quick glance around my kitchen. Everything looked exactly the same as when I’d made my hasty departure to Amanda’s yesterday. But somehow, it all seemed . . . different. Since I’d left the doctor’s office, I didn’t feel like I was in my own skin. I would never have a child of my own. Up until yesterday, having children wasn’t even something I remotely considered at this point in my life. I found out I couldn’t have any solely because I switched birth control. The irony of it all made me almost laugh. Even if we investigated other options, I couldn’t make a baby with Josh. I’d always imagined what our kids would look like, and Victoria came pretty close with Josh’s eyes and his cheeky grin. In my dreams, our child would look mostly like him, but there would be something of me in there. Now, there would be nothing. Even modern reproductive science couldn’t help me. In general, there wasn’t a word uglier than “untreatable.” It was that heinous word echoing in my troubled mind that made me run away from my I TOOK A

own apartment. That word also had me wiping my kitchen countertop at three o’clock in the morning, unable to sleep. The day’s events replayed in my dreams as a future I’d never have. Josh and I giggling as his hand rubbed my swollen belly. Apparently, my subconscious was a sadistic bitch who wanted to torture me. I was still smiling as my eyes popped open. My own hand drifted over my flat stomach, and I remembered everything in a horrid rush. I shot up and out of bed, my troubled mind refusing to stay docile, so here I was—cleaning in the middle of the night. I smoothed the streaks on the marble over and over again, unsure of what to do next. Josh startled me with his silent approach. I jumped when he smoothed my hair off my shoulder and planted an open-mouthed kiss to the nape of my neck. My eyes pinched shut as I leaned back into him. I couldn’t turn around. I kept wiping, although at a slower pace as his lips made a wet trail to my earlobe, taking a nip before sucking it into his mouth. I dropped the paper towel and lolled my head to the side. His hands drifted down my shoulders and pulled my T-shirt down to my elbows. He covered my neck in biting kisses, pulling at the delicate skin before running the tip of his tongue over it. His lips were warm and soft, yet relentless. Before I knew

it, they were everywhere—my jaw, my chin, grazing the corner of my mouth. My heart thundered in my ears as my breathing quickened. He cupped my breast over my shirt and traced my nipple through the thin cotton. “Josh,” I whimpered as his hand dropped between my legs. My core was soaked and swollen even though he was touching me through my clothes. I wanted him inside me—pounding into me, filling me, and making me forget. I needed to get lost in the man I loved without thinking of what I couldn’t give him. “Shh,” Josh whispered before his teeth sank into the sensitive flesh behind my ear. Bite, lick, kiss. It was an intoxicating pattern that left me panting and drenched. He spun me around and crashed his lips into mine. I was already aching for his mouth and kissed him back so hard our teeth scraped. His arms wrapped around me as he walked me backward out of the kitchen and into the bedroom, never breaking the kiss. I’d thought for a moment he offered this as a diversion, but the hungry gleam in his eyes said differently. He needed this as much as I did. Josh backed me into the bed until I fell back on the mattress. His hands went to work, pulling my pajama pants and panties off in one move. He reached behind his back and pulled off his shirt. I

gasped at the familiar sight of him. Josh was all muscle and ink—and mine. He grasped my wrist and pulled me to sit up. His emerald eyes bore into mine as he felt for the hem of my T-shirt and lifted it over my head. I swallowed a lump in my throat as my heart and mind raced. We were always chatty lovers, a side effect from knowing each other so well, I supposed. No sounds came from either of us, and the silence was so heavy I swore I could hear Josh’s rapid heartbeat along with mine. Our lovemaking had a current of desperation to it. I’m sorry. Don’t leave me again. Everything was still too raw to say out loud. Our bodies did the talking for us. Josh settled between my legs, his mouth finding mine again as he rubbed his hard cock against me. I whimpered as his hand slid between us, swirling over my soaked and swollen bundle of nerves. He slid two fingers inside, curving them as he inched in and out. My hips swayed, following his fingers and demanding more. My hands drifted down his torso and pulled down his boxers. Josh kicked them off without looking and entered me quick and hard. His eyes seared into mine as he started to move. One arm was snaked under my waist while his other hand cradled the back of my head. It was sweet and hot, gentle and rough. It was everything I wanted and exactly what I needed. A bead of sweat

dripped from Josh’s brow down my cheek. I needed more—harder, faster. My nails dug into his backside, hoping to make my point. A primal growl erupted from his throat as he granted my wish. Josh flipped us over, my legs straddling his hips while he was still inside me. “Take me.” His voice was hoarse as he sat up and cupped my neck. “All of me, Bri.” Tears stung my eyes as I kissed him again. I rocked against him slowly, feeling every delicious inch of him slide in and out. The intensity was palpable and overwhelming. Tremors started in my spine and spread to the lower half of my body as it clenched around him. Josh stiffened, dropping his head to my chest and shaking in my arms. He rolled us over so we were face-to-face again and tangled his fingers into my hair. I cradled his cheek as he drew me closer. “I love you,” he murmured against my lips. “Please don’t run like that again. We talk it out, whatever it is. No matter how bad.” He cuddled me into his chest and pressed a kiss to the top of my head. I nodded before turning to sit up. He pulled me back, tightening his embrace. “Um, Josh.” I attempted to squirm out of his hold. “I have to use the bathroom.” I raised my brows as I pushed on his chest. He settled into his pillow and shrugged. “I’m

not ready to let go yet. Sorry, you’ll have to wait.” I giggled and kissed his chin. The corners of his mouth twitched until a sadness washed over his face. “I’ve never been without you.” Josh’s voice cracked as he leaned his forehead against mine. “And thinking I was, even for that short time . . .” He trailed off and shook his head. “I think you took five years off my life yesterday, Cupcake.” My heart broke at his sad laugh. “I’m sorry.” My voice was a squeaky whisper, heavy with my own tears. I guessed I still had some in me after all. “You’ve loved me through a lot.” His hand drifted down my cheek. “I think it’s about time you start letting me return the favor.”

Brianna is in four songs or numbers or whatever.” Josh shrugged as he thumbed through the recital program. I laughed. “First time at a recital?” I raised a brow as I settled into the seat next to him. I scanned the hall for Sara but couldn’t find her. Since she wasn’t the one who invited us, I doubted she’d be happy we were there. The closer we got to Victoria, the more she bristled with irritation. She was lucky her daughter’s father was a man like Josh. I’d give anything if he could be my . . . I still couldn’t go there yet. Thinking about it sent my troubled mind into a tailspin. Victoria was a lovable little girl, and as long as Josh was in my life, she would be, too. I refused to cut them both off because of this new rotten deal life had just handed me. Tonight, I would smile big, wave at Victoria on stage, and shelf the self-pity for later. “Well, yes. All my cousins were boys. Other than you, Victoria is the only little girl I’ve been around.” He kissed my temple and chuckled. “And you didn’t dance.” “I THINK VIC

“Yes, I did.” I folded my arms and narrowed my eyes. “Miss Sonia’s dance studio, ballet and tap.” Josh dropped the program on his lap and sighed at me. “You did not. I was with you all the time back then, and I don’t remember you ever saying you were going to dance class.” “That’s because my career only lasted a week. The dance teacher yelled at me for being uncoordinated, and my dad pulled me out after cursing out the teacher. Although, I don’t think he stifled any big potential there.” I snickered and shook my head. My father would have kept me in a bubble if only he knew where he could buy one. “You guys are here early,” Sara noted as she took a seat in front of us. “Victoria will be happy to see you. That’s all I heard this morning. ‘Are Josh and Bri going to be there? Will they be able to see me’?” If she was trying to hide the scoffing and rolling of her eyes, she was doing a shit job. “Hi, Sara. Thanks for letting us come.” Josh’s tone was even as he ignored the cold shoulder from Sara that grew icier with every encounter. Sara nodded and turned her annoyed gaze to the stage. “Shhh, you have to sit still, the show is about to start,” a woman whispered behind me. I turned with a furrowed brow, but the command was for the little boy in her lap. He was so adorable, my fucked-up ovaries began to ache with regret. I

sighed at his chubby cheeks dotted with freckles and thick mane of chocolate brown hair. I guessed he was two or three. He reached his pudgy hand up to his mother’s cheek and turned her face to the front. “This little guy is probably too little to be here, but he needed to see his big sister. I’m sorry if he was kicking your chair.” She smiled and tightened her grip around his torso. My throat thickened at the sound of his giggle. I wrung my hands in my lap as I forced a watery smile. “Excuse me,” I breathed, not finding my voice, before I popped out of my chair and rushed out the door. When I made it out, I leaned against the wall and took in a deep breath. Each day, I was a little more of a discombobulated mess. New York City was full of children, so a chance encounter with one couldn’t shatter me like this. Maybe I would be able to handle it when it wasn’t so raw, but how do you move on from something that completely changes your life? I had the sinking feeling that I never fully would. Josh followed me, curling his arm around my waist before kissing my cheek. A tear escaped as I shut my eyes. “You know,” he whispered into my ear, “I have a crush on you.” A laugh escaped from my quivering lips. “Is that so?” My voice cracked as I swiped my cheek with the back of my hand.

“Yep. A lifelong, obsessive, all-consuming crush.” He turned me around and rested his forehead against mine. “You’re all I think about.” Josh caught another tear with his thumb. “I’m sorry.” I dropped my head into my hands and let out a long, frustrated sigh. “I need to deal with this without being a constant mess. I can’t react this way all the time.” “You feel what you feel; there’s no right way to act, Bri.” I burrowed my head into his chest, trying my damnedest to swallow the tears. “I can take you to counseling if you think it’ll make you feel better. I’d do anything to make you feel better, Cupcake.” He kissed the top of my head. “Maybe,” I choked out. “Right now, you’re the only counseling I want, babe.” I grabbed his hand and laced our fingers together. “Now, let’s go back inside. There’s a little girl we came to see.” We found our seats, and he rested our joined hands on his thigh for the entire performance. I noticed Victoria right away in a silver sequined tank top and black tutu. She tiptoed to the edge of the stage and lit up when she spotted us. With a grace I’d never have in my own lifetime, she ambled back and forth across the stage, dancing her little heart out. You’d never know she was such a shy girl outside of that costume. My chest swelled with so much pride that for an hour and a half, I forgot to be devastated. Maybe she wasn’t my

stolen dream. She was a piece of it that I wouldn’t be able to get otherwise. That made her a blessing. Victoria raced into Josh’s arms when she left the stage after the last performance. He lifted her up by the waist, and she flung her arms around his neck. “Did you see me? I saw you, but we’re not allowed to wave.” The simple happiness on her face squeezed my heart. “Yes! You did amazing! I never saw anything like it!” He beamed into the same green eyes as his. She giggled and looked over at me. “You really did!” I kissed her sweaty forehead. “I can’t wait to come back next year.” “Dance school tuition is going up.” Sara’s lips pursed. “We’ll have to see about next year. Come on, Victoria. It’s been a long day. Let’s go home.” “Wait.” Josh dropped a hand to her arm while still holding Victoria. “I can pay for whatever she needs. I owe you a ton of child support still anyway —” “I said we’ll see. This doesn’t concern you.” She took a step toward Josh but froze when she met his glare. “Vic?” He asked while still glowering at her mother. “Do you want to keep dancing?” He brought his gaze back to hers, and she replied with a sheepish nod. “Then, that’s what you’ll do. I’ll take you here

myself if your mom can’t.” He set her down on the floor and she moped back over to Sara. “Who do you think you are?” Sara seethed. “You have no right or say in any—” “I’m her father, and I have plenty of rights,” Josh whispered through gritted teeth. “I agreed to do things your way.” He stepped closer to her. “But do not push me. Understand?” Victoria looked between her parents with wide and uncertain eyes. I went over to her and crouched in front of her. “I’ll see you next weekend. This was the best show I’ve ever been to.” She gave me a small smile before wrapping her glitter covered arms around my neck. It was her father’s smile—the same one he’d given me that first day I handed him my ham and cheese sandwich. Loving this little girl was as effortless as loving Josh was, and I hoped she wouldn’t be pulled away from us out of spite.

Brianna we go first?” I asked Victoria, swinging our joined hands as we walked through the mall. Josh had an emergency at the shop and said that he’d be gone for most of the day. I offered to take Victoria out anywhere she wanted to go, and she chose shopping. This was the first time we were out together without Josh, but it didn’t seem weird at all. I didn’t know where to take an eight-year-old girl, since when I was eight years old I was watching Reid and Josh play video games instead of doing typical little girl stuff. I figured I’d follow her lead. “Could we eat lunch?” Her face scrunched up. “Can I have a burger and a shake? Mom never lets me have both at the same time.” “Mmm.” My lips pursed. “I think your mom probably has a good reason for that. We’ll have hamburgers and maybe we can get a shake later.” The last thing I needed was to get on Sara’s bad side any more than I already was. We found a burger place modeled after a fifties diner and slid into a booth. I ordered us “SO, WHERE SHOULD

cheeseburgers and fries—no shake—and did my best not to laugh at Victoria’s muffled groan. “Sorry it’s just us today, but hopefully Josh will be home by the time we get there later.” “It’s okay. I like hanging out with you.” She took a pensive slurp from her cup of water. “I’m sorry you’re stuck with me.” “I am not stuck with you. Why would you think that?” I tapped her hand so she’d lift her gaze to mine. “Every time I say your name in front of Mommy, she says that you only hang out with me because you have to.” I took in a deep breath through my nostrils to calm myself down enough to give this little girl an even response. I understood her resistance to us, but not at the expense of her daughter. “That’s not true. I love hanging out with you. See, I spent all my time with Josh when I was your age. He didn’t like doing girly stuff so I missed out on a lot. Now I get to do it all with you. Plus . . .” I leaned forward as if I were telling her a big secret. “I think you’re pretty awesome. So, no, I am absolutely not stuck with you. I love every minute.” A hint of a smile danced across her lips. “I think you’re pretty awesome, too. Was it weird being best friends with a boy?” I laughed and shook my head. “No, Josh and I just kinda clicked when we were little. I’m sure you

have friends like that.” She gave me a sad shrug. “I don’t get to see my friends outside school. Mom says she doesn’t have time to run me back and forth to playdates.” My heart cracked at the lack of fight this little girl had. She didn’t push or have a tantrum about it. She accepted things because she didn’t know the possibility of anything else. She’d been in our lives for a few months now, but only seeing her on the weekends didn’t always grant us the biggest glimpse into her life. The little revelations she would share from time to time would gut me. “You know, you could invite a friend to our apartment when you stay with us on weekends.” Her mouth dropped. “I could?” “Of course, you could! I think you have a birthday coming up, right? Well, we could take a few of your friends somewhere. You pick!” Victoria beamed at me, and I bit the inside of my cheek in a futile attempt not to cry. Sara wasn’t a bad mother, and she had it tough from what Josh had told me. But these little things were so important to kids. All the memories I had with Josh as a little girl meant everything to me. Even now. I didn’t want to overstep, but Victoria needed us— needed me. I’d get those memories for her, even if it got me into a little trouble. We finished lunch and ambled around the mall. I was terrified being around Victoria would upset

me, but it was the complete opposite. I loved answering her questions about Josh and how we grew up together. Maybe someday he’d tell her about the troubles he’d had, but for now she only knew the good parts of her father, and I was happy to share as much as I could. And, as I told her, being around a little girl really was wonderful. The circumstances around her entrance into our lives were moot points. She wasn’t a replacement for the child I’d never have; she was a little girl I was happy to be able to adore without regretting what was supposed to have been. Tiny pieces of my soul began to come back together. I wasn’t healed all the way—not by a long shot. But the joy from being with Victoria gave me hope that maybe I wouldn’t always be this broken. “Are you and Josh getting married?” she asked as we walked. I stopped, unsure how to answer. I thought yes . . . eventually. But since the day his proposal slipped out, Josh hadn’t uttered a peep about marriage. I had no doubts we were forever, with or without the piece of paper. Still, regret twisted in my gut. I feared my “not now” may have been heard as a “not ever.” “Maybe. Someday. But we’ll always be together, I can tell you that for sure. Why?” The corners of her mouth turned down. “When you get married, you won’t want me hanging

around anymore, right?” My eyes narrowed at Victoria. Sara couldn’t be that cruel to poison her mind like that, could she? I bent down so we were eye level and shook my head. “Whether Josh and I get married or not, we’ll always want you around. We love you. Both of us.” Her lips curved into a relieved smile as she looped her arms around my waist. “I love you, Bri.” She lifted her eyes to mine. “Don’t tell Josh, but this is the best day ever.” I chuckled and kissed her forehead. “I promise I won’t tell. Because it’s my best day ever, too. Now, let’s go get that shake.”

“This is so cool!” Victoria eyed the stuffed animal in her arms. Before we left, we passed one of those build your own teddy bear stores and wouldn’t you know it, they had a special edition Wonder Woman version. Victoria’s eyes were saucer-wide when she noticed, but she never asked. I pulled her by the hand inside and bought it on the spot. It was blue with white stars and came with a matching outfit— complete with lasso. If buying her this one gift was so much fun, I was giddy thinking about her birthday and Christmas this year. I parked in our driveway and dug my keys out of my purse. When I pressed the button on my

phone to see if I had any messages, it was dead. I guessed I was having too much fun to remember to check it—the true mark of an amazing day. “Anybody home?” I called out after I unlocked the door and pushed it open. “How dare you take my daughter out for the day and not even answer the phone!” I swiveled around to the rage in Sara’s voice. What was she doing here? “Easy, Sara.” Josh grumbled. “I only texted her a half hour ago, and she was probably driving. Maybe you should calm yourself.” He scolded and motioned with his head to Victoria. “We had no idea you wanted to pick her up early.” Poor thing was clutching her new toy and probably thinking she was in trouble. I dropped my hand to her shoulder and pulled her into my hip. “Well, I had no idea she was going to be with her alone.” Sara scowled at me. “This wasn’t our agreement.” “You want an agreement?” Josh huffed. “I can get one made, really fast.” He leveled his gaze on her as he stopped in front. “Unless that’s what you want . . . Calm. Down. I had to go to the shop for an emergency and Brianna took Victoria to the mall. No harm, no foul. Brianna isn’t a stranger,” he growled as his chest heaved. She stalked to us, her eyes narrowing at the blue bear in Victoria’s arms.

“What is this?” She pulled it away from Victoria and threw it on the couch. “What did I tell you about asking for things while you’re here? Let’s go!” “Wait just a minute!” Josh’s eyes darted from his daughter’s quivering lip to her mother’s reddened face. He stood before Sara with a rage that trapped even me where I stood. “She is my daughter. She can ask for anything she wants while she’s here. Brianna can buy her whatever she wants. You don’t have a say in that. I’ve been trying to take into consideration how hard you’ve had it over the years, but I won’t let you take anything away from her. She’s a kid, for God’s sake, Sara. Don’t you think she should get to act like one?” Sara’s nostrils flared as she said nothing in reply. She came up to me with a simmering hate in her eyes. “She is not your daughter, and she never will be.” Sara pointed a shaky finger at me. “Stop trying to act like her mother because you aren’t. My daughter, my rules, and that toy isn’t coming into my house. You can take it back.” She crossed her arms and dropped her eyes to Victoria, now crying with her hand over her face. I was too upset for her to register the stab in the gut from Sara reminding me I’m not Victoria’s—or anybody’s—mother. “Hey, don’t cry.” I knelt down and wiped the

tears from her eyes with my thumbs. Josh shot over to us and crouched on the other side of her as he rubbed her neck. “I . . . I didn’t ask for it, Mommy. I swear.” She looked over at her still seething mother. “I bought this for you because I wanted to.” I handed her the bear and cupped her cheek. “Because we had the best day ever, remember?” She gave me a slow nod as she held up the bear for me to take back. Josh pulled it out of her hand. “We aren’t taking this back. We’ll leave it here on your bed for when you come back next week. Don’t cry, sweets,” he crooned as he kissed her forehead. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” She sniffled and dropped her gaze to the carpet. “Say goodnight, Victoria.” Sara’s voice was small. Maybe she felt bad for upsetting her daughter with no other cause than her own bitterness and jealousy, but I had zero sympathy. She’d gone from being protective to downright cruel. The look Victoria gave us as she left was so heartbreaking it drained my lungs. I worried about all the horrid things Sara would say as they traveled back home. It seemed to be her mission to make Victoria hate us, and it was pissing her off that it wasn’t working. Josh squeezed my shoulders and kissed the

back of my head. “Are you okay, Cupcake?” “Yeah.” I waved him off as I broke away from his hold. “I’m sorry I let my phone die—” “Stop; she raced over here when I told her she was with you for the day, so she would’ve flown off the handle regardless.” He cocked his head to the side and cupped my cheek. “This isn’t your fault, either. Sara has issues that now she’ll have to deal with. I’m calling the lawyer tomorrow.” I cringed. It needed to happen, but I hated thinking of Victoria in the middle. “I want to lay down for a while.” I turned to head into my bedroom when Josh grabbed my wrist. “Bri,” he started before I held my hand up. “I just want to be alone right now, okay?” I kissed his cheek and made my way down the hallway. I shut the door behind me and plopped onto the bed, curling myself into a ball. What upset me more? Did it bother me more that Sara ruined such a great day for us, or that she reminded me that no matter how many mall trips I accompanied her on, or presents I bought her, Victoria would never really be mine. No child would be. I rolled over to face the window. The sun was setting and pink and purple hues shot across the sky. My mom and I used to sit on our stoop sometimes and pick out the shadows in the clouds

at dusk. It was a simple and fun pleasure only a child could experience. Spending time with Victoria today reminded me of that. My lips curved at the thought. No matter what my issues were, or whatever venom Sara wanted to throw at me, nothing could take that away. I let my eyes shut, chuckling into the pillow as the door creaked open. The bed dipped as a tattooed arm circled my waist and bristles of stubble scratched against my neck. “You don’t listen very well, do you?” I didn’t flip over as Josh cuddled into my back. He kissed my cheek and made a gurgling noise—the one I made him repeat over and over again at the end of Boa Constrictor when we were kids. I laughed despite myself and elbowed his ribs. “I heard you; I needed to make sure you were okay.” He planted a kiss to my shoulder. I turned around, letting a genuine smile stretch my lips. “Yes. I actually am.”

Josh one?” Brianna slid her laptop over to me and pointed at the listing at the top of the screen. “Not bad. Two bedrooms, use of the backyard, and hey, a balcony! Let’s go see that one!” Her brows pulled together as she leaned back against the dining room chair. “A balcony? That’s your main selling point? You know we have one already, right? “No, we don’t.” I snickered. “That’s not even a porch. And with all the crap you have stored out there, it’s not like we can go outside.” She rolled her eyes and grabbed the computer to keep scrolling. “You know, this is a big step. Us getting a new place together.” I wrapped one arm around her as her eyes stayed glued to her screen. “As opposed to you already living here?” She leaned her elbow on the table, resting her head against her hand. “That wasn’t a big deal?” I shrugged. “I’m a glorified squatter. You and me, picking out a place, signing a lease together.” I “WHAT ABOUT THIS

inched closer and planted an open-mouthed kiss to her neck. “It’s doing things to me, Cupcake,” I whispered in her ear as my lips made a wet trail across her shoulder. A moan escaped her, half lust and half frustration. We’d been at this most of the morning. I wasn’t kidding—having a place that was all ours right from the start was a huge deal to me. No memories of ex-boyfriends or time apart. It would be a brand-new start of our new life together. Now, if only I could grow the balls to give her the engagement ring in my top drawer, but one step at a time. “Doing things, huh?” She tilted her neck to give me more access. “Balconies turn you on?” I chuckled at her hoarse whisper. “You turn me on. But you, on a balcony? Holy fuck, baby.” I grabbed the back of her neck and took her mouth in a hungry kiss. She was so damn hot in her glasses and her blonde hair piled on top of her head in a messy bun. The pissed off, sexy librarian vibe traveled right to my dick, especially when a whimper escaped her. Brianna’s hand drifted down my chest but halted before the bulge in my sweatpants. “Stop,” she murmured against my lips before she pushed me away. “You’re distracting me. Tomorrow is the only day we have to visit places. Focus, babe. Instead of a balcony, let’s look for a

second bedroom that can fit an actual bed. Victoria’s feet dangle over the end of the futon when she sleeps over.” I kissed her temple and nodded. A new room for Victoria was one of the main reasons we were looking for a new apartment. Sara made an excuse as to why she couldn’t stay over this weekend, but I didn’t mind her games because I’d made a legal play of my own. In a day or two, she’d get papers petitioning the court to share custody of Victoria. I was done being the nice guy since the second I watched Sara berate my daughter for taking a gift from Brianna. It was more than just a stuffed animal that bothered Sara. Victoria liked being here as much as we wanted her here, and the closer we all became, the more it infuriated her mother. Maybe I came into my daughter’s life later than I should have, but I wasn’t going anywhere. Sara could accept that or find a lawyer. “Josh!” Sara’s voice bellowed through the door. The doorbell rang in between pounding. I guessed the mail came early. “I’ll go in the bedroom.” Brianna scooped up her computer and rose from the kitchen chair. I grabbed her arm and gave her a slow shake of my head. “No, you’re not. You’re staying right there. She’s not running you out of your own kitchen.” She frowned as her eyes stayed fixed on the

door. “My presence makes her angry, and I’m sure she’s angry enough.” She pecked my lips. “I’m not running. I’m walking, babe. It’s called picking your battles.” She winked before traipsing down the hall. “Coming,” I called as I trudged up to the door. For a small woman, Sara was getting in some good shots. The locks rattled for a moment before I clicked them open. “Custody papers?” She smacked the fat, white envelope into my chest. “Are you kidding me? Who do you think you are?” “I’m her father!” I yelled loud enough for Sara to take a step back. “All I wanted to do was get to know her and be a part of her life, and all you do is fight me at every single turn. Last weekend, I finally had enough. My daughter can stay at my apartment on weekends and she can accept a gift from either of us. She belongs with me just as much as she belongs with you. I’m not taking her away from you, but you aren’t keeping her from me. Or us. Not anymore.” She choked out a sad laugh as she strolled passed me, settling in the chair by the door. “Do you know what it’s like to have no one? I mean really have no one?” Her jaw clenched as she glared at me. “Do you have any idea how hard it’s been all these years on my own? To have no one to count on but myself to take care of Victoria? Even before I crossed paths with you that night, my

family thought of me as a screw-up. When I came home with the round belly as confirmation, they cut me off. I send them pictures of Victoria, but who knows if they even open them.” She shrugged as she raked her hand through her hair. I crossed my arms and said nothing in reply. I brought my eyes to hers and nodded, hoping that would urge her to continue. “I never got to have . . . fun with her, you know? I always had to work two jobs to make rent, but at least dance class was something extra I could get away with for a little while.” She sniffled and did a quick swipe of her cheek with the back of her hand. “Brianna gets to be fun. She gets to go to the arcade and the mall and have the ‘girl’ time.” She held her hands up in air quotes. “As petty as I probably sound, I hate the shit out of that.” Her voice croaked as her gaze dropped to the carpet. My chest pinched at the utter despair drifting across her face. Maybe my presence and offers of help screwed up the only normal she could give her daughter, and I’d never wanted that. “Well, now maybe you can.” I crouched in front of her. “I can afford to pay a lot more child support, I told you that. You wouldn’t have to work so many hours and could have a little fun with her sometimes. I don’t want to pull her away; I just want the chance to be a parent, too. I still don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” I chuckled.

“No, you do.” I was surprised to hear Sara answer. “Like I said, I’m not used to accepting help. At first, I was afraid you’d hurt her, stop coming around once the novelty wore off.” “Sara, I’d never—” “I know that now. But then another unexpected problem came up. I never thought I’d feel like I was competing for my own kid’s love. She asks for both of you all the time. I failed her in so many ways. Now she’s old enough to realize it.” Her voice cracked as her gaze fell. “You didn’t fail her. She’s a respectful, smart, wonderful little girl.” I put my hand over hers. “And that’s all because of you.” She sniffled and nodded. “Thank you. I just feel like I’m drowning. One low paying waitress job after another isn’t going to move us forward. I was offered an internship, but I can’t take it.” “Why can’t you take it? That sounds like a great opportunity.” Her chest rose as she took a deep breath. “I found a school that will take my culinary credits from nine years ago. I could work in a restaurant close by and live at school, but I can’t take Victoria, so I had to say no. It’s all the way upstate anyway.” She gave me a resigned shrug. “What if I took her?” The words flew out before I had a chance to think about them. Sara blinked as she leveled her gaze at me.

“Took her? No, I can’t just leave her. I’ll find something else, eventually.” “She could live with us. We could come visit you on vacations or you could stay here. Vic could stay in her school and in her dance class.” She bit her lip as if she was mulling it over but shook her head. “Listen,” I whispered. “I have a lot of years to make up for. I’d love for her to come live with us. I know a lot about second chances—they don’t come around very often.” “But, I can’t leave her,” she said more to herself than me as her eyes filled with more tears. “What kind of a mother would that make me if I left?” “A mother who was making her own life better so she could make hers better, too. You both deserve that. When do they want you there?” “Um, next month. I could move into student housing in a couple of weeks. If they let me say yes.” “Then, you better call them.” For the first time since I saw her again, a small grin spread her cheeks. “Okay, I’ll let you know. And either way, Victoria can stay with you on weekends. She loves you guys; it wouldn’t be right to keep her from you.” I grabbed the papers from her hands and threw

them into the garbage can by the door. “Thank you, Sara.” She turned to leave, but stopped in the doorway. “I always told Victoria her father was a nice guy. I’m happy I was right.” I locked the door behind her and rested my forehead against the wood. I’d been a father for a few months, but only moonlighted. Now, I’d be one full-time. Instead of panicking, I embraced it. In fact, I couldn’t wait. Brianna came up behind me and looped her arms around my waist. “How much did you hear?” “Enough to know we need to get a move on with these listings.” She kissed the back of my neck and led me back to the kitchen table by the hand. “I love you so damn much.” I exhaled a long sigh of relief. After spending most of my life with Brianna, moments like these made me wonder if she was even real. She smiled before pulling me in for a soft kiss. “Sara’s right. Victoria’s father is a really nice guy.”

Brianna so damn fast, I didn’t have any time to think, let alone breathe. I was both jumpy and dead tired. We were moving in a week, and Victoria would be moving with us. I was excited to have her, but something was weighing on me. Maybe it was knowing that she would be the only child we’d bring into our new home. Okay, I didn’t know that, but I couldn’t describe the state of my mind. One second I was making peace with my new situation and moving forward, the next I was angry and morose. The closer I became to having a real life with Josh, the more infuriated I was with what was taken away from us, well . . . taken away from me. Last night was the first solid night of sleep I’d had in I couldn’t remember how long. In fact, I woke up to remnants of a sexy dream instead of the usual torturous nightly thoughts that left me restless and hollow in the morning. When my eyes popped open, the throbbing between my legs had me half way to orgasm. My fuzzy vision came into focus on two tatted THINGS WERE MOVING

up arms wrapped around my thighs, spreading them wide. When soft lips wrapped around my clit and the glorious scratch of stubble scraped against my core, I was very pleasantly surprised my dream was reality. “Josh, what are you . . . ? Ahhh right there.” “You’re awake, finally.” He lifted his head from between my legs, a sly grin dancing across his wet lips. “I woke up, and you looked so fucking good, I wanted to eat you for breakfast. Now, where was I?” I reached down and grabbed the back of his head as I bucked my hips off the bed. I needed to come so badly, it ached. His hand slid up my torso and grabbed one of my breasts, rubbing his thumb over the nipple before giving it a hard pinch between his fingers. His lips and tongue were all over me, sucking faster and licking harder. I shut my eyes and wanted to soar, far away from Earth. My legs stiffened as the tingles that danced across my body became a blinding throb. I was chasing my breath when Josh climbed up the bed and drew me into his side. “You’re gorgeous when you come, did I ever tell you that?” His hand fisted in my hair as he crashed his mouth against mine. I could still taste myself, making me even crazier with want. I said nothing in reply before I pushed him back onto the mattress. I felt for the hem of his shirt and

inched it up to his neck. Before he could pull it over his head, my lips made a trail over his chest, nipping down his pecs then his abs. My tongue traced every inked line over the hard muscle, and even though I’d just had an orgasm, I felt the stirrings of another one. Josh was my drug, and I needed the high to numb the pain. “So good, baby . . .” Josh let out a sharp gasp when I yanked down the elastic of his sweatpants and took him in my mouth. I usually took my time, measuring out long licks and open-mouthed kisses up and down his length. This time, I was too ravenous for technique. I sucked him all the way to the back of my throat, ignoring the watering of my eyes when my gag reflex was tested. My eyes drifted up his body, the ripples of abs heaving up and down. “Bri, baby, I’m close,” he rasped as he fisted my hair. I let him go with a pop before I sat up to straddle his legs. I sank down on him and reveled in the faces he made along with the groans and grunts I’d heard moments before. He leaned forward and dropped his head to my chest, pulling my nipples with his teeth as I rode him faster. “That’s my girl,” Josh whispered. “Don’t stop, Bri.” He cupped my neck and kissed me. It was sloppy and desperate, but his tongue sliding against mine was exactly what I needed to fall over the

edge a second time. Groaning my name before he filled me, Josh clutched my hips as he shook from his release. I loved when his body quivered after, as if it took everything out of him. Our love was primal and raw, the kind of stuff people wrote about. I guessed if I was lucky enough to live the fairy tale, I had to sacrifice some of the happy ending. I slumped against him as he stayed inside me, my forehead resting on Josh’s sweaty brow. “That was a hell of a lot better than coffee, don’t you think?” I laughed as he buried his head into my neck and nibbled at sensitive skin behind my ear. I let my head fall to his shoulder and wrapped my arms around him. “Hey,” Josh tucked a damp lock of hair behind my ear. “Are you okay, Cupcake?” I nodded as I slowly climbed off the bed. “Better than coffee, for sure.” I smiled at Josh before he pulled me back. “You can talk to me. You know that, right? Above anything else, I’m still your best friend.” A chuckle escaped me. “Best friends? I’d say we were just a little more than friends, no?” I kept laughing but Josh’s smile faded. “You’re the most important person in my life, and I hate that you’re unhappy—even though you fight like hell to hide it. I’d give anything if you

weren’t.” He grabbed my hand and kissed the top of my wrist. “Some days are better than others.” I shrugged. “That’s all I can say right now. I’m going to take a quick shower and go to the coffee shop to get some writing done.” Sales went pretty well for my first novel; at least for an unknown debut author. An idea came to me for a part two, and I’d been plotting it out in between feeling sorry for myself. Maybe writing would bring me out of my funk? I was willing to give it a try. “Why can’t you stay here?” Josh’s voice was small as he kept hold of my hand. “I’ll be quiet.” “It’s not about being quiet. We’re in the midst of boxes and chaos. I think stepping away would help.” And not having to worry about him worrying about me sounded great, too. “All right, Cupcake.” He kissed my forehead and cupped my cheek. “Whatever you need.” I reached up to grab his wrist and turned my head to kiss his palm. “Thanks.” It was funny how life worked. When we were young, I always thought Josh and I could be so happy together if he only got out of his own head. Now the one trapped in her own thoughts was me, and I had no clue how to escape.

I settled at a table in the back of the shop and totally looked the part. Mac book opened, latte in hand, brooding expression. I was the mysterious writer I’d always dreamed I’d be. Only caveat, instead of pounding away at the keys and filling the empty page with words, I browsed Pinterest. I surveyed the new fall boots and different styles of Ombre highlights, somehow feeling soothed. It was a nice mind-numbing task, unlike Facebook or Instagram where a cute kid picture or a “Hey, I’m pregnant!” status popped up. “Look at you!” My head raised to Reid’s voice. “Official writer sitting in a coffee shop.” He laughed as he slid into the seat across from me at the table. “If you saw my screen, you wouldn’t think I was so official. Still run in the mornings?” I motioned to his track pants and damp T-shirt. “Yeah, I promised Missy I’d bring her a Nutella muffin from here before I went home. I don’t want to mess with her.” He chuckled, but the mirth quickly faded from his face. “Because she’s . . . pregnant, right?” I cocked my head as I lifted my cup to my lips. “I didn’t know you knew.” He regarded me with caution. I laughed to myself. I usually only got this look from Josh. “I ran into her at the gym last week and she told me all about it. Now she’s out of the first

trimester and she can tell everyone she sees, I believe were her words. I’m happy for you.” I reached over the table and squeezed his hand. “I should’ve called you to congratulate you. I’m sorry.” “Oh no, Bri, don’t be sorry. It’s just I didn’t—” “You didn’t want to tell me. I guess Josh told you?” He nodded. “The day you ran—he called me and we were both worried about you. I checked in the next morning, and—anyway, how are you holding up?” I shrugged as I drew back in the chair. “I go back and forth. For a little while I thought I was making progress, but now that we’re moving to a new place with Victoria . . . I guess I’m back to mourning what could have been. She’s the only child that will live with us. The third bedroom will just be storage.” My gaze fell to a woman with a double stroller waiting by the barista. I always pitied women who had to push one of those things, and now I had a twinge of jealousy. Nothing made sense lately. “You don’t know that. Family is so much more than only biology. I never met my biological father.” My eyes narrowed. “Mr. O’Connor isn’t your real father?” Reid burst out laughing. “Bri, he’s got dirty

blond hair and freckles. I don’t really think I look . . . Irish, do you?” “I don’t know, I remember in biology with that grid about blue eyes and brown hair and recessive genes or whatever, I thought you favored your mom.” “Yeah, I remember you passing that class by the skin of your teeth.” I kicked him under the table as he snickered. “My mom was young when she had me; they both were. She met my dad when I was three, and when they got married he adopted me and gave us both his name. Maybe I don’t share blood with that man, but he’s my father. The fact that you never knew otherwise should say something. There are a lot of different families, you just need to rethink your expectations. Look how quickly Victoria took to you. There are a ton of kids out there who need good homes. Before I committed to education, I tried social work for a bit. I still have contacts, too—when and if you guys are ever ready to talk about options.” “Thanks, Reid. Victoria is Josh’s clone; I’ll never have that. I guess it’s a silly thing to get upset about.” “No, it’s not. But there is more to being a parent than passing along DNA. My dad taught me everything. Just because your kid won’t have your nose doesn’t mean you won’t be their parent. Any child would be lucky to have you as a mother.”

Unexpected tears welled in my eyes and pissed me off. I’d managed to turn most of the sadness into resentment, but it seeped out every once in a while. “It’s stupid . . . it’s not like we were trying to have kids right now, it’s that . . .” I trailed off. “It’s a new reality you didn’t expect. And you won’t wake up one day and be totally fine with it. You may never be, but you can digest it one bite at a time, like my grandma used to say.” His lips twitched with a smile. “One bite at a time. I like that.” I leaned my elbows on the table. “You’re like that friend in the movies with all the answers. Even when we were kids.” Reid chuckled and rose from his seat. “As long as I’m not the black friend in all the horror movies who gets picked off first, I’m good with that.” He planted a kiss to my forehead. “I better get this home before the texts start. Do what makes you happy, Bri. You guys fought for a long time to be where you are right now. The other stuff . . .” he dropped a hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “It’ll work itself out.” I nodded as Reid strolled out the door. What made me happy was Josh. Being with Josh, coming home to Josh, figuring out my future with Josh— whatever it turned out to be. When all was said and done, I only wanted him. That was a constant since

I was a child. Now I had him, so what was I waiting for? Nothing. A smile curved my lips as I shut my computer closed and sauntered out the door. Maybe the sting of not being able to have Josh’s baby would always burn, but I had him. And he had me. It was time to make it all official.

Brianna My father turned his head as he raised his brows. “This kid has a gift.” He winked at me before turning back to the checkers board. He was playing against Victoria on our new coffee table, and unless my dad was losing his eyesight, he wouldn’t have missed the two crystal clear shots he had down the middle. Victoria giggled and clapped as I did when he would let me win. My father would be an awesome grandfather someday, if we figured out how. But gazing at him and Victoria, maybe he was already easing himself into the job. I laughed to myself and went back into the kitchen to put out the rest of the food. I planned a housewarming/Josh’s thirtieth birthday party in the matter of a couple of weeks. Having a kitchen that fit more than only me would take some getting used to. We kept it small and only invited my parents, his uncle, and Reid and his wife. We invited Josh’s dad, but he declined. I hoped someday he would attempt to try to do the right thing by his son, but that day wasn’t today. “YOU WON AGAIN!”

“So, Reid.” Uncle Billy slapped him on the back. “When are you getting a cycle? I bet Josh would give you a good price.” “How about never?” Missy shot her husband an angry glare as she ambled into the kitchen. “Bri, I can help you bring some stuff in.” She held out her hand as Josh snickered behind her. “Thanks, Missy.” I handed her two trays of food. “Just put these on one of the side tables in the living room.” “Guess that’s a no.” Josh chuckled as he reached into the fridge for a beer. Reid only shrugged. “Hey, I married up. I don’t make any attempts to rock that boat.” He followed Missy back into the living room. “This is a great place.” Uncle Billy came over to me and kissed my cheek. “Thank you,” he whispered. “For what, inviting you? Don’t be silly.” I touched his arm. “Thanks for being here on such short notice.” “No, for giving my nephew something to fight back for.” My throat thickened. I was already an emotional mess and didn’t want to start crying this soon. “He did the same for me.” I squeezed his hand and went back to the trays in the oven before I lost

it. Uncle Billy left the kitchen, and I was left alone with Josh’s puzzled stare. “Everything okay?” He crossed his arms and leaned against the wall. “Of course. I’m trying to get everything together and you’re in my way.” My lips pursed as I moved him out of the way. He leaned over and planted a kiss on my lips. “Just checking. You know, we haven’t christened the counter yet . . .” I pushed my hands against his chest. “And we aren’t now. We have company, you animal.” “I know . . . but it is my birthday, and if we could get Victoria to sleep after they leave . . .” He wiggled his eyebrows before biting my neck. A smile tugged at my lips. “Maybe.” He growled before pulling me in for another kiss. “I won at checkers three times in a row!” Victoria bounced into the kitchen. I giggled into Josh’s chest before turning toward her elated grin. “That’s awesome, Vic,” I told her. “And my dad is pretty good, so you must be a natural.” She nodded and climbed on one of the kitchen stools at the counter. “Okay, I’ll leave you girls alone.” Josh kissed the back of Victoria’s head before heading back

into the living room. “Think he’ll like my present?” We both had big plans for Josh’s birthday this year. The presents weren’t expensive, but they were priceless all the same. “Like? I think he’ll love it.” “What did you get him?” Her brow creased. “It’s a surprise. I’ll give mine to him later, but you can give him yours now, if you want.” “Deal!” She grabbed her card from the counter and raced into the living room. I took a deep breath, letting the air fill my lungs before I let it out. I knew he wouldn’t say no, but I wanted it to be perfect and say everything I needed to say. He deserved that; we both did. I pulled the box from my purse and laid it onto the counter before I strode into the living room. My plan was to give it to him after everyone went home. “Bri said I can give you my gift now.” Victoria pulled her father by the hand and led him to the couch. “Okay, I’m not one to refuse presents.” He looked over her shoulder at me. A sheepish smile spread across her face as she handed him his card. “Thanks, sweets.” He threw her a wink as he opened the envelope. It was a typical birthday card with big red balloons on the outside, but the inside

was his real present. The smile faded from his face as he bit his lip. “Don’t keep us in suspense,” Reid bellowed from the corner. “What is it?” “It’s a card. It says . . .” He locked eyes with Victoria before he continued. “‘To Dad, love Victoria.’” “Is that okay?” Her face scrunched up as she studied his face. His face broke out into a beaming smile as he nodded. “It’s more than okay. It’s awesome.” He pulled her into a bear hug as a tear escaped my eye. I guessed it was pointless to fight it today. “Okay!” Victoria swiveled her head from where she sat on Josh’s lap. “Why don’t you give him yours now?” I gazed around the room, my stomach twisting into a knot. The gift made me nervous enough, I didn’t want to have an audience to make it worse. “Let’s eat first.” I let out a relieved sigh as I was saved by the ding on the kitchen timer. “I’ll be right back.” I sauntered into the kitchen and scooped out the last tray in the oven. “Now I’m curious.” Josh’s silent approach behind me almost made me drop all the food onto the floor. I turned around with a scowl and a hand clutching my chest.

“Why do you like to sneak up on me like that?” His mouth twisted into a smirk. “I don’t do it all the time. You’re just extra jumpy tonight, so I couldn’t resist.” He pulled the oven mitt off my hand and backed me into the counter. “Is my present dirty?” “No,” I groaned. “Get back in the living room.” Ignoring me, he looped his arms around my waist and pulled me flush to his body. “Come on, Cupcake. Tell me.” I exhaled in defeat, motioning to the side counter. “The box behind you.” His eyebrows shot up as he scooped up the package and opened it, his face scrunching up in confusion. “Um, Bri, why is the bow on the inside of the box?” “Turn it around,” I whispered as I held his perplexed gaze. He narrowed his eyes as he did what he was told, looking at me and the card, then back again. “‘Ask me again.’ Ask you what?” I let my lips curve into a smile as I cupped his cheek. “Ask me to marry you, Josh.” His jaw went slack as his eyes grew saucer wide. “You want me to ask you to marry me? You want to marry me? Now?”

I laughed at his bewilderment as my thumb glided along his jaw. “I’ve loved you for my entire life. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, and you make me happier than I ever thought possible. Maybe it’s only a piece of paper, but I want to be yours in every single way.” I took his face in my hands and rested my forehead onto his. “Marry me, Falco,” I whispered. His breaths came quick as he grabbed my hand and pulled me into the living room. He led me to the couch, everyone’s puzzled eyes peering over us. “Just a minute.” He sprinted down the hallway into our bedroom. Victoria looked back at me with her nose crinkled. “Where is he going?” I shrugged, trying to figure that out myself. He charged back into the living room holding something in his hand. “What are you doing?’ I asked, now feeling a little exposed. “Taking back my thunder.” He knelt down on one knee in front of me and opened a black velvet box with a beautiful diamond ring set in a platinum band. “I’ve wanted to ask you to marry me hundreds of times. At first, I thought it was too soon, or the timing wasn’t right. You’re my best friend and my family, and I love you more than you could ever understand. A beautiful little girl gave me a

sandwich and made me the luckiest man on the planet.” I laughed through my tears as I cupped his cheek. He would never understand how much I loved him, either. Maybe the way we got here was messy, but the greatest love stories always were. “And, I’m asking you again.” He craned his head and glanced at my father. I spied him give Josh a nod. “Are they . . . ?” Victoria began to ask behind me. “Morons?” Reid answered. “Yep, always were.” Josh cleared his throat. “Brianna Marie, will you marry me?” “Well,” I sighed. “It’s sudden.” I couldn’t hide my smile as I nodded. “Yes.” Josh kissed me so hard I fell back on the couch. The clapping and cheering around us seemed far away. As usual, all I saw was Josh.

Josh the flowers?” I asked Reid as I tried in vain to buckle my damn cuff link. In the couple of months we managed to piece this wedding together, I was fine. Today, I woke up with a bad case of nerves. Everything had to be right today, and I drove everyone around me nuts in order to make that happen. First on the list: my best man. If Reid rolled his eyes at me one more time, they would fall right out of the sockets. “I was supposed to do that?” He tapped his chin with a smirk as he entered our dressing room in the back of the catering hall. “I run a school; I can handle picking up flowers. You’re a mess today. I just popped in on Brianna, and she’s calm as can be. I think her asking you to marry her first screwed up the natural order of things.” He chuckled as he set the box down on the table. “I can’t believe you’re this tense over three damn boutonnieres.” “I want everything to be perfect. She deserves that.” I let out a long sigh. I wasn’t sure why I was so damn tense, either. We purposely planned a small wedding to not have to deal with the stress of “DID YOU GET

planning. Today needed to be more than a formality to get a piece of paper, and for some reason, making sure of that was driving me and everyone around me up the wall. “She doesn’t want perfect, dude. She wants you.” He dropped a hand on my shoulder. “As long as you’re on the other end of that aisle, she couldn’t care less about a flower on your lapel.” Reid reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a letter. “This is for you. From your bride to be. I’ll go and count the pins on the flowers to make sure we have enough. If not, we’ll have to shut down the whole damn thing.” He chuckled at my annoyed glare before he picked up the box and headed out of the room. I laughed to myself and ripped open the letter once he left. Dear Josh, Now that we’re together, our letter days should probably be over, but I thought we could still bring one out on special occasions. My plan was to tell you all the things my letters should have said. I was going to tell you how much I loved you for every day of my life, and how I never stopped. But those things were said in person, like they should have been from the beginning.

I decided to tell you a story instead. Once upon a time, there was a knight. He wasn’t a white knight or a dark knight, just a knight fighting for what he believed in and for the people he loved. The fight got the best of him, and he pushed everyone away—including the lady that loved him—because he thought that was the only way he could save them. He never realized no one wanted to be saved, they only wanted him. When he finally came back for his lady, she didn’t go easily. In fact, there were a couple of times when she ran, too. For different reasons, but the same intentions. Once they were finally in the same place, they realized all the running they did never mattered. You can’t run from your heart and soul—because it always comes with you. It’s a little clunky and unedited, but my gift to you is the last piece I’ll ever write as Brianna Morgan. From now on, my words will belong to BM Falco. Cool authors need a pen name :) You may notice I didn’t say, “and they lived happily ever after.” That’s an ending. And, as you said, our story doesn’t have one. Love always, Brianna I chuckled as I folded the paper and stuffed it back into the envelope. She stole my thunder again. Brianna was my heart and soul and everything

good in my life. Maybe I was such a basket case about today because it seemed all too surreal to actually make her my wife. Marrying her was like winning the lottery but constantly checking your numbers because this had to be a mistake. There was no way in hell you could be this lucky. But she was so much more than a prize. She was the air in my lungs and the blood in my veins. My irritation was replaced with impatience. After waiting my entire life to marry Brianna, I didn’t want to do it for another second. A knock on the door broke me out of my trance. “Now you’re knocking? Give me a break, Reid.” I lifted my head and my jaw dropped open. The knock wasn’t Reid. “Hi, Josh.” My father stood in the doorway. I wasn’t sure how I felt seeing him. Happy that he actually made time for my wedding day? Maybe more surprised than happy. Angry that he never came up to see the new shop or his granddaughter? Yes, but I was used to his wishy-washy responses and actions. “Hi, Dad.” I stood, regarding him with wary eyes. I almost ruined myself to carry my father as a kid. I took care of him in a way he never took care of me, creating a lot of levels of bitterness. Helping him was what I thought was the right thing to do, and I didn’t regret my good intentions—regardless

if he appreciated it or not. “How are you feeling?” “I’m getting by.” He shrugged and ambled a bit closer, still moving slow, but he didn’t seem to be in any pain. “I just saw Brianna and Victoria. She looks so much like your mother, it’s a little spooky.” He choked out a nervous laugh. “You look good. Billy said the shop is doing great.” “I’m surprised to see you here,” I admitted. Even when I was still in Charleston on inactive duty and would help Uncle Billy at his shop, the only days I’d see him were on those rare occasions he’d come in to help out. No effort of socialization was made beyond good morning and goodnight. But that was my old man, he was always there— but he always wasn’t. He exhaled a long breath and dropped his gaze to the floor. “I never did right by you,” he said after lifting his eyes to mine. I’d never noticed before how dark they were, almost like charcoal. I guessed the hulk green color that Victoria and I had came from my mother. “I’m glad to see you happy. You always loved that girl, that much I remember.” His lips curved at the corners before they fell in a hard line. “I don’t deserve another chance, but I’d like to try. Maybe you can come down and visit and I could get to know Victoria a little bit.” I nodded. “She’s been asking about her

grandfather; she should know you. I’d be fine with that.” A smile ghosted his face for a moment. “I better get back. Things are about to start soon. Thanks, Josh.” An awkward silence fell over us. “Congratulations,” he finally said. “You’re welcome, and thank you.” He strolled back outside. That was the closest I’d ever get to an apology. If he would make good on getting to know his granddaughter, I honestly couldn’t say. I chose to believe the effort it took him to come here—effort I’d hardly ever seen from him—said something. Today wasn’t about him or my mother or even me. It was about the beautiful woman who loved me through everything and the life we were starting together. I couldn’t get to the other end of the aisle fast enough.

Brianna “Hey, everyone ready?” Reid knocked and inched the door open. I stood and flattened out my dress. It was a simple, sleeveless dress with lace at the shoulders. I took a quick glance at the clips in my hair in the mirror. I skipped the veil today, as this was supposed to be a simple kind of wedding and veils

made me think of cathedral weddings with long trains at the end of a huge, poufy dress. “We’re ready!” Amanda answered. Our bridal party was Reid, Amanda, and Victoria. Super small and in-and-out was our wedding theme—why it was so funny that Josh was nervous. I wasn’t at all, only excited. I waited a long time to be Josh’s wife, so any details didn’t matter as long as the ring on my finger and my new last name were in place. “Bri, can I put a little more on? Please?” I let Amanda put makeup on Victoria, and although she had a lot more on her face for her dance recital, I thought the pink lip gloss and blush were plenty. “Little more lip gloss and that’s it. You’re pretty enough.” I kissed her cheek before she scurried back to Amanda and puckered up. “All right, you made me wear the monkey suit. Let’s get this show on the road.” My dad burst into the room, and then it all hit me. My eyes stung as my bouquet shook in my hands. Panic set in for a moment that this was all only a dream. I’d wake up and all I’d have from Josh was his letter from last week. I gazed at my father and a shiny-lipped Victoria, both beaming at me. All the detours and bumps in the road really did make the final destination that much sweeter. “Okay.” I brushed my hair off my shoulder and slid my arm into Dad’s.

“Let’s go.”

An instrumental wedding march drifted from the speakers as I walked down the aisle with my father. Victoria ran ahead, throwing fistfuls of flower petals before saddling up at her father’s side. I chuckled at her excitement until my eyes locked with emerald green ones. Josh in a black tuxedo was almost too much for my system to bear. He was beautiful—and mine. Nothing would tear us apart. He was good enough, and I was good enough. The struggle, the shortcomings, and the unexpected turns didn’t matter. The love we were blessed with was too precious to throw away on technicality, and the both of us were committing today to never let that happen again. Josh’s glossy gaze held mine as he took my hand. “Hey, beautiful.” “Waiting long?” I whispered. A slow smile washed over his face. “Just my whole life.”

Brianna I’D NEVER FUNCTIONED on

this little sleep before. In fact, I couldn’t remember the last time I actually did sleep. I think I may have gotten five minutes yesterday morning, but the exhaustion left me in such a daze I wasn’t able to say for sure. “You’re a troublemaker,” I whispered in Chris’s ear before I kissed his chubby cheek. “Gorgeous, but a troublemaker all the same. Just like your daddy.” He was only a month old, but we thought he’d get his days and nights sorted by now. We swayed back and forth in the glider in his room, but the only one being soothed to sleep was me. “He’s still not asleep?” Josh laughed as he crept into the room. “You’d make a good frat boy.” Josh pressed his lips to his fuzzy forehead. Chris didn’t have a full head of hair yet, only brown little whips of hair that drifted over his scalp and forehead. Victoria said he looked like a troll. He had a much cuter face, but she wasn’t far off. “But even they sleep during the day, buddy.” Josh crouched next to us and kissed my shoulder as he kept his eyes on his son. “He has your nose, I

think.” I scoffed and leveled my gaze at Josh. “You know he doesn’t.” He shrugged. “He’s a momma’s boy, that’s for sure. That’s why he turned you into a zombie.” I couldn’t help but laugh. For years, anytime Josh mentioned the word ‘adoption,’ I shut him down quickly. We researched IVF with an egg donor, but couldn’t afford that for at least a couple of years. When an old co-worker of Reid’s told him about a pregnant teenager still in foster care looking to give her baby up for adoption and he suggested we meet with her, I refused at first. I was terrified to get attached to even an idea of a baby. My heart wanted to say yes, but my mind wouldn’t stop running awful possibilities. When the social worker brought us to meet with her, she was sweet but frightened. Before we left, she begged us to take her baby so he wouldn’t go into foster care like she did. We went through the motions and paperwork before the call came from the hospital. We had the option of watching the birth, but I couldn’t do it. If the baby was mine, I preferred to imagine a stork of some kind. I wasn’t sure I could watch someone else give birth and still think of the sweet little boy I saw in the sonogram picture as my son. The nurse put him in my arms, and his cute little face crumpled into a strong cry. It was the

second time in my life I fell so fast and hard for a boy. Christopher Josh Falco was all ours. “I have a surprise for you. I took a week off from the shop starting today.” He scooped Chris out of my arms. “So, we are going to catch up on ESPN and you are going to get some sleep.” “Really?” My tired eyes widened. “You’re sure?” My job at the ad agency was freelance now and I wrote full-time, but I took a leave from both when Chris came home. “Yes, very sure.” The baby stirred and whined in his arms. “Hey, where’s Daddy’s boy? We’re going to hang out this week and let your mom get some sleep.” He laid him on his shoulder, and my heart melted when Chris nuzzled into his neck. “See, we’re fine.” I rose from the glider and gave them both a kiss on the cheek. “His bottles are—” “I know where they are, Cupcake.” He rolled his eyes. “See, Christopher, this is what you call controlling. Say it with Daddy, con-troll—” I slapped his shoulder and kissed his lips. “Don’t get cute, Falco.” “I’m always cute, Falco.” Yes, he was. My eyes glossed over the tight black T-shirt my husband wore over his muscular torso, the sleeves stretching over his inked arms. Another reason why I was anxious to get Chris to

start sleeping at night. I couldn’t remember the last time I did that, either. I rushed to our bedroom and plopped on top of the bed. It didn’t matter that the sun glared through my window, my eyes drifted shut as I waited for sleep to finally take me. “Bri?” I let out a silent groan at the soft knocking at the door. “Hey, Vic, come in.” She was almost thirteen and already my height. My stepdaughter was a beautiful young woman, but at times still timid like a little girl. Sara moved back into the city after graduation and worked at a restaurant in Midtown Manhattan. Since she worked late nights, Victoria stayed with us during the week and with her mother on her nights off. “Want to take a nap with me?” I extended my arm. She laughed and climbed onto the bed next to me. “Dad said you’re trying to sleep, but I needed to talk to you.” “Okay.” I propped my head onto my elbow and noted her tentative stare. “Shoot.” “Can I, um, go to the movies tomorrow?” My eyes narrowed; she went to the movies with her friends all the time. “Who’s going? Do you need us to drive you?” Unless sleep deprivation was clouding my brain, I didn’t understand why she was so afraid to ask.

“No, Hunter’s mom is driving us, but he only asked me to go.” My eyebrows shot up. Now, I got it. “Dad is going to freak out, right? He won’t let me go. You know all those jokes he makes about getting a shotgun when I start dating.” I chuckled and looped my arm around her. “He’s kidding, Vic.” Mostly. “Hunter is a nice guy. If his mom is driving you and picking you up, I’m sure it’s fine. I’ll talk to him later. After I get some sleep and can actually talk in complete sentences.” “You’re the best, Bri.” She kissed my cheek and raced out of the bedroom. Ah, the circle of life. A new baby came into our lives as our other child grew up. I laughed into my pillow. Josh would totally freak out, and I couldn’t wait to watch.

My eyes fluttered open and landed on the clock. I was asleep for three whole hours and it was fucking glorious. “You up?” Josh whispered in the doorway. “And if I wasn’t?” I called back. “I just got Chris to sleep.” He set the video monitor on our nightstand and peeled off his shirt. “We can get naked, or we can argue, up to you.” I salivated at Josh’s naked torso. The muscles

and tattoos and those hands . . . Foreplay was completely unnecessary. “Maybe we can do both.” I quirked an eyebrow. “Ah, there’s my girl. I love the initiative but not sure how much time we have.” He climbed on top of me and pulled at the hem of my shirt. “Get this off.” I tore off my shirt and Josh yanked off my bra so fast he almost ripped it in half. He let out a growl before taking my mouth in a kiss that made my toes curl. My husband was that hot, and it had been that long. “Still like my hands, Cupcake?” His hands slid between my legs. I was already soaked and aching for him, and not knowing when we had to stop made me that much more impatient. “Yes,” I croaked. “Take your pants off and get inside me. Now.” “Your wish is my command.” Both of us didn’t even get our pants past our knees before he thrust inside me—hard, fast, and unrelenting with his lips still on mine. His sweet and gentle kisses as he moved deeper made my head spin. I’d never tipped over the edge so fast, but the time limit was a huge and unexpected turn-on. “The sexiest woman alive, and she’s all fucking mine.” My legs went stiff as the tremors burst over the

lower half of my body. Josh grabbed the headboard and fisted my hair as he came. We both collapsed on the bed and I burst out into giggles. “Waking up like this from every nap is totally worth staying up all night.” I kissed his lips as he drew me into his side. “Little guy is still out.” He glanced across the room at the monitor. “I kept staring at him today. I still can’t believe he’s ours.” He pressed a kiss to the top of my head. “I’ve been staring at him like that for a month. It’s not that he doesn’t feel like ours, because he totally does, but it’s . . .” I trailed off. “Too good to be true. I feel the same way when I look at you sometimes.” His hand drifted through my hair. “Please, after all these years?” I pursed my lips as I laid my head on his chest. “Especially after all these years.” His mouth curved as he crinkled his nose. “You could use a shower, though.” I swatted his chest as it rumbled with a laugh. “Didn’t seem to bother you just now. But you’re right, I’m going.” I sat up and swung my legs over the side of the bed. “Let me grab the monitor and I’ll come with you.” “Josh!” My head whipped around. “Victoria is

still awake.” He shrugged. “And she’s been on her phone for hours without looking up. Does she seem sneaky to you lately?” I held in a laugh as I shook my head. “Nope.” “Hey.” He grabbed my arm. “What do you know?” “Nothing.” I held my hands up. “Such a bad liar,” he sighed and shook his head. “Do you want to argue or get in the shower?” I crossed my arms and tapped my foot, unsure of how indignant I looked with my leggings around my ankles. Josh clicked his tongue. “Fine, you win this round, but—” Christopher’s piercing wail blasted from the monitor. Josh’s shoulders slumped as he glanced at his watch. “A half hour. Okay, noted for next time.” He pecked my lips and ran out of the room. I stepped into my shower, finally washing my hair after three long days. My eyes still felt heavy, but my heart was full and happy. When I dried off, I raced back onto the bed, hoping to catch a couple more hours of sleep. Before I drifted off, my eyes landed on the wooden box in the corner of my bedroom where I kept all almost ten years’-worth of Josh’s letters, plus the ones he gave me on special occasions. Cheesy?

Maybe. I could never throw a single one out, even when I wanted to hurl them at him in frustration. We fought hard for this life, but it was meant to be from the beginning, and I wouldn’t change a single line of our story. I don’t have any friends. I could be your friend. Sure . . . Cupcake. The End Turn the page for a preview of After You

Dear Ellie, No, it's not Valentine's Day yet. And yes, I always told you it was a crock of shit instigated by Hallmark to sell more cards. But this year, I'm not taking anything for granted—not even a made-up holiday. Because let's face it, these days the last

thing I say, very well could be . . . the last thing I say. I remember the first moment I saw you. Funny how it was a Valentine's Day dance. Evan thought it would be a good idea to go to St. Anne’s and try to meet new girls, even though he was panting after Paige day in and day out. So, we took the flyer from our cafeteria and showed up at your all-girls Catholic school dance like typical asshole teenagers. We leered at all the girls but never had the balls to talk to any of them. Then my eyes landed on the cutest little pixie—dressed head to toe in red, with red and white heart tights. Yes, I still remember the goddamn tights. For a bit of a thing, you had the longest and sexiest legs I'd ever seen—even if you did look like Punky Brewster. My cousin was always the annoying, hopeless romantic. Paige would insist with that blank, blissful look in her eyes that love, at first sight, could totally happen. I nodded and rolled my eyes at her like usual, but that night, when my eyes locked with yours, I knew. It was the thunderbolt my grandpa always told me about. He said you'll never know when it will hit you, but when it does, you’re done for. I can't wait to tell him he was absolutely right. From that moment on, you were mine. I waved off Evan and marched up to you. I tried to come up with a smooth line along the way, but as I

approached a slow smile spread across your beautiful face and all the words caught in my throat. You laughed and said, "What took you so long?" You had my number before I even spoke to you. Although we promised to always belong to each other, that's null and void once I'm in a plot at St. Raymond's Cemetery. I don't want you to be alone. If you meet someone you think you could love, do it. Go. It's not as if I'd be alive anymore. If I were, I'd be pretty pissed off, but I sure as hell know I won't be able to give you what a living human being can. Don't fight me. Just nod. Take a look at my Aunt Tess. Don't let me die thinking that's your future. You can't do that to me. I guess what I'm trying to say is: I love you. I love you more than I ever thought possible to love anyone. You lit up my every day, even in the darkest moments. I'll love you from wherever I'm going. You'll always be my Valentine. I didn't need a Hallmark card to tell you that. Love always, Jack

weddings. Even as a little kid playing flower girl at my Aunt Dawn’s wedding, I was all about love and romance. Ever since I could remember, I rated movies by romantic grand gestures and breathtaking kisses. So yes, I was a lifelong romantic. When I fell in love, even though I was only a teenager, it was cinematic perfection. For most of my life, I was lucky enough to live out my fairy tale—and it was beautiful. Until it was gone. Now . . . well . . . Now was different. When fate ripped away your perfectly scripted happily ever after, events like weddings were pretty much like everything else—hollow. When your prince was in a cemetery instead of right by your side, where he swore he’d always be, it made even the most romantic of souls cynical and bitter. But I had to shove that away today. Today, my two best friends were getting married. They fought like hell to get here, and I refused to be anything but elated for them both. I plastered on the biggest grin I could muster until my cheeks ached to give them the day they deserved. Even though Jack should have been Evan’s best man. Even though he should have shared a dance with the cousin he loved like a sister on the I’D ALWAYS LOVED

most important day of her life. At least he saw them fall in love. In fact, he predicted this day before anyone else did. My husband always worried about Paige and died content in knowing she had someone who loved her enough to overlook the “stupid shit she liked to pull.” I strolled down the long hallway to the dressing room they were calling the bridal suite today. Evan and Paige put their wedding together in a couple of weeks. The owner of the restaurant was a long-time customer of Taylor’s Flooring, the company Jack owned and left to Evan. Although it wasn’t the biggest of places, it had good food and a room with a dance floor. The wedding itself was more for show, as they were both perfectly happy trudging down to City Hall and saying vows in front of a judge. Paige’s mother wasn’t having any of that, but Evan refused to wait any longer to marry his “Daisy.” After an awful lupus flare had brought Paige to the ICU last year, Evan told me he was done wasting any more time. I was sure Jack’s death had a little to do with that, too. Since he was first diagnosed with leukemia, Jack’s favorite line used to be ‘live for today.’ I had a hard time abiding by that as, other than my son, there wasn’t anything about any day to live for. Since Jack’s funeral, I ‘got by’ more than I lived. “Paige?” I tapped on the door and inched it

open. Paige’s back was to me, her long blonde hair flowing down her shoulders in loose curls. Her folded hands were pressed against her lips as her elbows rested on the vanity. She turned her head, and her body jerked when she saw me standing there. “Geez, Ellie.” Paige’s emerald eyes were glassy as her lips tilted in a smile. “Those tiny feet make you a great ninja.” A tear escaped the corner of her eye, and she swiped it away as though she were adjusting her makeup. “Yeah, we little folk are sneaky. Are you okay?” Paige turned away from me as she nodded a little too quickly. “Fine. I guess this is all hitting me. I’m actually getting married, Ellie. After all this time, after all I put Evan through, it’s surreal to be this happy, you know?” Paige looked into the mirror and smoothed the tendrils of hair framing her face. Her lacy strapless dress hugged every curve perfectly. Evan would melt the second he laid eyes on her. “You sure that’s it?” I settled on the chair next to her and brushed the hair off her shoulder. “I . . . I can’t bother you with this, Ellie.” Paige reached for her lip gloss and tried in vain to coat her lips with a steady hand. I laughed to myself. I was Jack’s widow, but most definitely not the only person affected by his

loss. But since I was his wife, everyone thought my grief outranked theirs and were afraid to mourn him in front of me. I supposed if my son were older than a baby and remembered his father, they would treat him the same way. “Try me.” I propped my elbow on the vanity and rested my chin on my hand, lifting an eyebrow. Her chest heaved as she drew in a deep breath. “He’s supposed to be here! We did everything together! Communion, confirmation, every graduation, we shared the same birthday for Christ’s sake. This is the most important day of my life, and where the hell is Jack?” Paige pinched the bridge of her nose as a sad chuckle fell from her lips. “And the funny part is I’m actually mad at him for that. Like really pissed off, as if he died on purpose. I need fucking help.” Her jaw clenched as she shook her head. “I’m sorry, Ellie.” I nodded and put my arms around her shoulders. “You and Jack grew up like twins. Closer than any siblings I ever knew. Today is your wedding day. I’m so sorry he’s not here to celebrate with you because I know there is nothing he would have loved more than to see you marry Evan. He loved you so much, and you loved him. I’ll let you take the grief baton for the day.” Paige burst out into giggles and dropped her head to the table. I kissed the top of her head and pushed her back.

“Now stop! You don’t want to ruin your makeup.” “Ellie, I think they put this shit on with a roller. I’ll be scrubbing it off for days.” I laughed and rose from my seat. “I’ll go find Evan and your uncle and tell them you’re ready.” Paige picked up her bouquet of daisies and ran her fingers along the delicate petals. She nodded with a wistful smile. “I sure am.” I left Paige and sauntered down the hallway to the banquet room. Everyone was in place, including the jumpy groom pacing around the entrance. “Hey, Evan.” My eyes widened as I took in the sight of him. “You could seriously stop traffic in that tux.” Evan gave me a sheepish grin and shrugged. He had no clue how devastatingly handsome he was in just work clothes and a tool belt. In a black on black tuxedo that fit his body to perfection, he was outright stunning. I smiled, remembering the tall and lanky kid I first met in high school. He was a sweetheart even then, and after the tough life he had, I was delighted he finally got the girl he always wanted. “How’s my Daisy?” “She’s good. Excited to marry you. Sad about Jack not being here to see it.” I pursed my lips, and Evan gave me a sad nod. “She’s not the only one.” He let out a long sigh.

“Jack was always there, and I took for granted he always would be. But I think he’s here today. He told me he wouldn’t miss it.” I let out a sad chuckle. “He told me the same thing.” Evan’s lips ticked up in a smirk. “I may have proof.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a white piece of paper and handed it to me. “What’s this?” My brows pulled together as I spied Evan’s smile. “The owner gave us all the alcohol today for free, as a gift for all the work we’ve done for them over the years. Jack told me he would turn water into wine at our wedding, just like Jesus did. I’m reaching, but I’m taking this as confirmation that my best man is right by my side today.” A tear snuck up on me and rolled down my cheek. That was the kind of man Jack was. If there was any way he could be here today, he would. And turning water into wine would totally be his MO.

I almost lost it when Evan and Paige teared up at the first sight of each other as her uncle, Jack’s father, walked her down the aisle, and then again when Evan sang in her ear as they danced. They

were completely in love, and even though I was so happy they found their way back to each other, it made the loneliness I thought I’d gotten used to palpable and stifling. Sadness washed over me and left me strolling around in a haze. I needed to accept that that part of my life was over. Yes, I was only in my thirties, but I didn’t want anyone else but Jack—and couldn’t see how that would ever change. “C’mon, Mrs. Taylor! Time to cut a rug.” Jack grabbed my hand and twirled me around before pulling me flush to his chest. “Cut a rug? Did you join the Rat Pack?” I let a smirk twist my lips as he laughed in my ear. “There’s a new generation of timeless swagger —Harry Connick, Jr., Michael Buble, me. It’s rumored that Frank Sinatra was a distant cousin on our Italian side. You married into coolness.” I brought my eyes to his and shook my head, wrapping my arms around my new husband’s neck as we swayed back and forth. Cameras flashed in my peripheral vision. There was nowhere else to look except for Jack’s piercing blue eyes. “You’re so humble.” We stopped dancing as his heated gaze speared me in place on the dance floor. He dipped me for a long passionate kiss, causing a symphony of whistles and cat calls from our wedding guests. “I’m so lucky,” he murmured against my lips.

I grabbed my coat and strolled out to the courtyard in the back. White lights draped over the outer gates and twinkled against the darkness. In the warmer months, it would be beautiful to enjoy, but for right now in late January, it was cold and spooky. I settled myself on the cold concrete bench next to the glass door. As hard as I fought not to crumble, I was only human. At the end of the day, I was a girl who loved a boy her entire life, struggling to function in a world without him. “Friend of the bride or groom?” I jumped at the deep timbre of the voice beside me. I was so into my thoughts I didn’t hear anyone approach. “Um, both, I guess. Paige is family and Evan is a close friend.” I lifted my head to the man towering over me. The light was at his back, blocking the features on his face. “Mind if I sit?” He motioned to the empty space on the bench beside me. I shook my head and shrugged. “No, go right ahead.” He settled next to me, and I felt even smaller than usual. His large frame dwarfed mine. “Nick . . . I’m a college friend of Evan’s.” He extended his hand, and I raised my eyes to him as I took it. Even in the dim lighting, I could make out his warm but striking dark eyes. “Seeing him finally marry Paige was worth a trip from Florida for me.” I chuckled and nodded. “Ellie. Everyone seemed to know but her.”

Nick let out an exaggerated sigh. “If I had a dollar for every time I said ‘Just tell her,’ I’d be rich.” He shook his head and laughed. “So, what is a beautiful woman like you doing out in the cold all by herself?” He raised an eyebrow, then held his gaze on me as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. The light illuminated the strong planes of his jaw and full lips. Despite being in the throes of my personal pity party, I couldn’t help but like what I saw. I exhaled and stared at the ground. “I needed a little air, I guess.” I stuffed my hands under my folded arms, but it didn’t make one ounce of difference. I was freezing my lonely ass off. “You’re shivering. Know where it’s nice and warm?” Nick cocked his head. “Where?” I squinted my eyes and shrugged. “The bar inside. Have a drink with me?” He rose from the bench and extended his hand to me. I jerked away on instinct. It was on the tip of my tongue to say, ‘No thank you, I’m married,’ but . . . I wasn’t, was I? And I’d spent enough time feeling sorry for myself tonight. My toes were frozen inside my high heels, and an alcoholic beverage with an attractive man who didn’t regard me with pity in his eyes sounded lovely. “Sure.” I slipped my hand inside his and followed him inside. I craned my head around the

mostly empty restaurant. Evan and Paige were long gone, starting their lives together. I hoped the rest of their lives were longer than the one I had with Jack. I settled into a bar stool and dug into my purse. “I think the open bar ended when the bride and groom made a break for it.” Nick placed his hand over mine and shook his head. “Put your money away. On me, whatever you’d like.” His mouth split into a wide grin as he settled next to me. He was good-looking enough outside under the soft lights. Inside and up close, he was gorgeous. He raked his hands through his short black hair before sliding into the stool next to mine. The dark suit he wore clung to his large muscular frame. Light brown eyes with longer lashes than any man had a right to fixed on me, and I was ashamed to admit I enjoyed it. I pursed my lips and fought a smile. “Bailey’s on ice. Please.” His smile grew even wider as he nodded. “You got it.” He called the bartender over to order our drinks as my eyes fell to my folded hands. My engagement ring twinkled at me, and I covered it with my other hand as I turned to face Nick. “So, you said you lived in Florida?” “Yes. Not too far from Tampa. I still have family in the Bronx; they live in Castle Hill. I took a long weekend to visit everyone.” Nick placed my

drink in front of me, and I took a long sip from the thin black straw. “Thank you. That’s nice. They must be happy about that.” I stirred the white liquid as my eyes darted from his. For some reason, it made me uncomfortable to hold his gaze for too long. “They are. I try to visit as much as I can. My dad won’t admit it, but he hasn’t been feeling well lately, so I’ve been trying to visit more often. My grandmother will probably live to be a hundred.” Nick rolled his eyes and shook his head, making an unexpected laugh escape me. “You only met Evan in college?” “Yeah, two boys from the Bronx met in Philadelphia. He’s a great guy; I’m sure I don’t have to tell you.” I nodded as a smile tugged at my lips. Evan was one of the best people I knew. “He sure is.” We spent the next hour making small talk. Nick was charming and funny. It felt good to laugh and to not force a smile. My face ached from doing that for most of the night. “So.” Nick put down his whiskey sour as his eyes bored into mine. “Were you . . . here with anyone tonight?” I grimaced and looked away. “No. No, I wasn’t.” Nick let out a long sigh. “I’m being too forward and making you uncomfortable, aren’t I?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I’m enjoying your company. I’m not uncomfortable, really.” I gave Nick a big smile, ignoring the pang of guilt at being unfaithful. Jack had been gone for almost a year; there was no one to be faithful to. My head was aware, but my heart vehemently disagreed. Nick’s shoulders drooped with relief. “Good. You’re . . . really beautiful.” “Thank you,” I whispered as I sipped my creamy drink. The heat coming from Nick’s stare was making me squirm a bit. “Took me a while to work up the nerve to talk to you. I was sure you were with someone. How could you not be?” Nick’s voice dropped to a husky rasp as my eyes locked with his. I didn't know what to do with the sudden flip-flop in my belly from Nick’s words and undivided attention. It was time to put the brakes on whatever this was turning out to be. I took a deep breath and put my hands on the bar. “I was with someone, but not anymore. My husband died a little less than a year ago.” Nick straightened as his eyes grew wide. “Oh, shit. You’re Ellie, Jack’s wife?” I nodded. “Yes, I am.” The right answer would have been “Yes, I was,” but I didn’t know when I’d ever be able to refer to my marriage in the past tense. “I’m so sorry. I knew Jack. He came to visit

Evan a couple of times at school. Nice guy. Ballbuster, but a good guy.” I laughed as I tried to hide a rogue tear streaming down my cheek. “Thank you. Yes, that was my husband all right.” Nick rubbed the back of his head as he grimaced at me. “I feel like a jerk now.” I dropped my hand to Nick’s forearm and shook my head. “Stop that. You aren’t. If anything, you cheered me up.” “I . . . was actually about to ask you out to dinner. I’m here until next Tuesday, but . . .” I gave Nick a sad smile. “But . . . I’m sure your family wants to see you anyway. You wouldn’t want to waste time with me.” Nick’s face fell as he narrowed his eyes. “I’ve only known you for an hour, but I’m pretty sure any time with you would be worth it.” My cheeks heated as I rose from my seat. “That’s very sweet. I better go. I have a babysitter, but I’m sure they wouldn’t appreciate me staying out all night.” Nick stood from his seat and downed the rest of his drink. “Another night, then.” We both laughed. “Do you have a ride home?” “Yes, I’ll get my car from the valet and be home in half an hour.” “You’re okay to drive?” His brow furrowed in concern.

“I only had the one drink. It was really nice to meet you, Nick.” Nick gave me a wistful smile. “Jack was a lucky guy. Goodnight, Ellie.” “Goodnight, Nick.” I smiled and turned to make my way to the exit. Lucky? Right. Lucky would have meant Jack would have been here tonight, with all the people he loved the most. Nick grabbed my wrist. He pressed a lingering kiss on my cheek that made the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I stiffened and shut my eyes. I made my way out of the restaurant and handed my ticket to the valet. Unable to help myself, I swiveled my head and glanced back inside. I couldn’t tell if Nick was still sitting there or not. My car pulled up, and after handing the driver a couple of dollar bills, I drove off and headed home. Did I regret not agreeing to a dinner with Nick or thinking about going? I laughed to myself. In a week, he’d be on a plane back to Florida, and I’d be back to my comfortable life of solitude with my baby boy—no harm, no foul. A faint smile slanted my lips as I climbed the outside steps to my house. Whatever it was, it was a nice hour. The first thing that greeted me as I opened the door was Jack’s wailing. I dropped my coat and purse on one of my dining room chairs and sprinted down the hall to his room.

“Hey, Mrs. Ferguson. Is he okay?” Jack’s chubby face was red and soaked with tears. She bounced him up and down as she paced in front of his crib, but judging by the concern and exhaustion on her face; she’d been doing it for a while with no success. “He’s only been like this for half an hour. He woke up crying from a sound sleep. No fever and his diaper was more or less dry.” She tsked as she moved Jack to her other shoulder and rubbed his back. “I’m sorry for the trouble.” I scooped him out of her arms and laid him against my shoulder. He let out a couple of whimpers before his crying ceased. “He’s no trouble at all. Aw, see that? He just wanted his mommy.” Mrs. Ferguson kissed Jack’s temple. “I’ll let myself out and lock up. Have a good night.” I nodded as she made her way out the door. Settling into the rocker next to Jack’s crib, I cradled him closer to my chest. His blue eyes, the exact replicas of his father’s, dried up as he studied me. This was real life. Drinks with attractive men with gorgeous dark eyes weren’t on the docket for me— now or ever. All we had was each other, and that’s how it needed to stay. “It’s okay, Jack. You should’ve seen how pretty Aunt Paige looked. If you were a little older, you

could have carried the rings for Uncle Evan. Mommy and Daddy had a wedding like that, too.” My voice cracked despite the smile I forced across my face as I held my son’s gaze. “If Daddy was here, he’d probably make us laugh. Maybe offer you some brandy for your gums.” I chuckled as I shifted in the rocker and crossed my legs to lift Jack’s sweet little face closer to mine. “I wish he was here. We miss him so much, don’t we, baby?” A sob rolled out as I rocked my son back and forth. “We’re a team, sweetie pie. We have to stick together, you and me.” I nuzzled his cheek and kissed his forehead. “Without Daddy, that’s the way it has to be.”

FIVE YEARS LATER

a Scout? I know I am.” I laughed at the fake enthusiasm my friend Bianca whispered into my ear. “Be nice,” I snapped as we strolled into the school gym. “This is the first thing I’ve seen the guys this excited for in, maybe ever.” I tried getting my son into T-Ball, then soccer. Granted he was only six years old, but it was crystal clear sports were not his thing. Poor Evan dragged him to game after game until I finally said enough. Tiger Scouts started in first grade, and Jack Jr. was over the moon since the form came home in his folder. I had two years of solid experience as a Brownie when I was a kid and pretended that made me up for the challenge of being a Scout mom. “You were paying attention at the open house, right? We have to go camping—with bugs and animals and God knows what else.” She settled into a seat at one of the tables next to me as her son Dylan chatted with Jack. Dylan was also more of a grass-picker than ballplayer, but the boys made “READY TO BE

instant friends when they were teammates. Since most of the kids in his class were into sports, my son was often the odd man out. I breathed a heavy sigh of relief when he found a friend. Bianca was finalizing a divorce from a deadbeat and unstable husband. Both boys only knew their moms, but since they didn’t know any better, they didn’t seem to care. It was better in the long run for them both I supposed, but I hated that Jack never knew what a great father he had. “So, are you guys excited?” I asked the boys and got two boisterous nods in response. “I hope they have lots of worms when we go camping!” Dylan’s blue eyes lit up under his platinum blond brows. “I bet we see ants. Tons and tons of ants.” Jack beamed at me. Raising boys meant you had to make yourself well acquainted with all things disgusting. Bianca grimaced at me as she shook her head. “Hey there, Welcome to Tiger Scouts!” I turned to a deep voice beside me. I only saw the man’s back, but it was hard not to notice the black tattoos circling the olive skin of his muscular arms. His Scout shirt strained against his torso and his worn jeans molded to him perfectly. Not quite what I expected for a den leader. I had more of a Davy Crockett type in my head than sexy bad boy. My eyes ascended his body as he turned to me. I

looked away, hoping I didn’t get caught ogling. “Ellie?” His eyes narrowed. Specs of gray peppered the dark buzzed hair on his head and stubble on his baby face. “We met at Evan and Paige’s wedding.” “Nick!” I nodded as I finally realized who he was. It was hard to forget those eyes—warm and kind, and somehow even sexier with the crinkles in the corners when he smiled. “I had a feeling when I saw Jack Taylor on the roster.” He glanced at his watch and dropped his hand to my forearm. “I better get in the front and start the meeting. Let me know if you have any questions about anything.” He turned to the boys. “Wait until you see the awesome car we’re going to build for our first project tonight.” He raised his eyebrows as he strolled away. “We’re gonna build a car?” Jack’s eyes grew saucer-wide. “Cool!” Dylan reached for the pieces in front of Bianca before she swatted his hand away. “Okay, spill!” Bianca scooted her chair closer to me. “You know Nick Garcia?” “He’s a friend of Evan’s. I met him at Paige and Evan’s wedding. Counting our conversation just now, I’ve spent maybe an hour and ten minutes in the guy’s presence. I wouldn’t say I knew him.” “He knew you; that’s for sure. You didn’t overhear Susan and her little gaggle talking about

him the other day? The sexy fire lieutenant?” I rolled my eyes and huffed. “That’s who they were talking about? Jesus, an attractive man gets within fifty yards of this school, and the mothers turn into scavengers.” “So, you admit he’s attractive?” Bianca arched an eyebrow. “I’m not blind. He’s very good-looking, and from what I can tell, a decent guy. If the boys have fun, that’s all I care about.” Bianca huffed at me. “Right. Still on that dating ban I see.” I shut my eyes and exhaled. “You sound like Paige. I have a dating app on my phone. I just checked, and a couple of guys winked at me or whatever it is they do to contact you. And you should talk.” Bianca leaned her arms on the table as she squinted at me. “I’d like to embrace hating men for a few months, so I don’t take it out on the next poor bastard . . . Are you ever going to meet anyone who contacts you?” I picked up the logs and pegs laid out in front of Jack and me and wondered how the hell they would make a car. “No,” I replied without looking at her. Realizing my slip, I swallowed before meeting her narrowed eyes. “I mean, we’ll see.” Bianca pursed her red lips at me and shook her black wavy hair. “Just as I thought.”

My priority was my son. I would date when, and if, I was ready. No one knew that but me, so as far as I was concerned, it was none of anyone’s business. That included family and friends. Nick clapped to get everyone’s attention once he got to the front. His lips stretched into a wide smile, and were those dimples? I didn’t notice them at the bar that night all those years ago. Oh, for Christ’s sake. He was a fireman, with a body like that, and had dimples? For a moment, I didn’t blame the school mothers for drooling all over themselves. Never mind panties dropping; in his presence, they probably disintegrated. “Hi, everyone. My name is Nick, and I’ll be the Tiger Scout den leader this year. I have a lot of cool plans for us, but we’ll start with this little project. I know there are a lot of weird pieces in front of you, but when I explain how to put it all together, you’ll be shocked at how easy it is.” Nick’s eyes found mine, and I laughed. He addressed the room, but his gaze kept coming back to mine. Was he flirting with me? How the hell did I flirt back? Shit, I couldn’t do that. He was Evan’s friend and Jack’s den leader. Our little moment was in the past, and that’s where it needed to stay. “He’s staring at you. Stop holding back on me, Ellie,” Bianca whispered in my ear. I rolled my eyes as I turned back to her. “Like I told you, I had a drink with him five years ago. He

asked me out to dinner, and I said no. I’d just lost Jack.” “Well, the universe is giving you a do-over.” Bianca tipped her chin in Nick’s direction. I huffed at Bianca and tried in vain to follow along with Nick’s instructions. A do-over? Just because I noticed him a little—okay, a lot—didn’t mean a thing. Fate took away the first best thing that ever happened to me. I had serious doubts it would ever make it right.

“This car is awesome! Let’s race!” Jack dropped to the floor along with Dylan, but I pulled him up by the arm. “Time to get home, guys. You can race tomorrow.” The boys groaned in response as we left the gym. Jack seemed to love Scouts and I was thrilled, and proud of myself that I could keep up with Nick. I was so happy my son found a group activity that maybe I didn’t have to drag him to, I had to fight the urge to skip to my car. “Hey, guys! How’d you like our first meeting?” Nick sauntered over to us, now in a black T-shirt that showcased his entire torso. I didn’t notice the cotton on his short sleeves stretching to accommodate his inked biceps one bit.

“It was great!” Dylan exclaimed, still trying to get on the sidewalk to play. “I thought so, too.” Bianca nodded at Nick. “Well, time to get this little guy home. Goodnight, Ellie. Speak to you tomorrow.” With a side smirk and wink I prayed Nick didn’t see, she took Dylan by the hand and strode away. “Small world, isn’t it?” I let out a nervous laugh. “When did you move back again?” I struggled to think of small talk as Nick’s steps kept in stride with mine on the way to my car. “I came back to New York about a year ago. I was working out of Queens and going back and forth to my family here, but I finally got transferred to a firehouse in the Bronx.” Nick scratched the back of his head as a moment of uncomfortable silence passed between us. “So, Evan’s going to be a dad again?” “Yep, a nervous one.” I chuckled. “Paige is actually sick of being doted over.” Nick chuckled as I opened my car door and strapped Jack into his seat. My eyes darted across his chest and quickly rerouted to his eyes. What the hell was wrong with me? “Didn’t want to wear your Scout shirt home?” I nodded to his new black T-shirt and couldn’t help the twist of a smirk on my lips. Nick laughed. “I stepped into the bathroom to change. The guys at the firehouse love to bust my

chops for doing this.” “What other stuff are we gonna make?” Jack called from the backseat, keeping a tight grip on his project. Nick’s chest rumbled with a hearty laugh that I didn’t find even a little sexy. “I love the enthusiasm, buddy. Lots of stuff. And we’ll be going hiking and camping, too.” “I can’t wait to go camping!” Jack beamed at Nick. “I bet there are spiders and ants.” Shaking my head, I draped my hand over my eyes. “I’m sure there are, kiddo.” Nick snickered at me as I cringed. “You put that car together like a champ. Faster than most of the dads in there, that’s for sure.” Nick raised an impressed eyebrow at me. I let out a deep sigh. “Yeah, I do a lot to keep ahead of most of the dads. That way, my son doesn’t miss out on anything.” Nick nodded. “So, it’s just you—” “Yep, just me and Jack.” I shut the back door and turned back to Nick. “Sorry, I couldn’t place you at first. I’m surprised you recognized me.” “Well.” Nick stepped closer to me and offered a sheepish grin. “Like I said that night, you’re beautiful.” Nick gave me a generous glimpse of his dimples as my cheeks heated from the compliment. “Have a good night,” he said, before traipsing away.

I sat in the driver’s seat and started the engine, reeling at how forward he was. Or maybe he wasn’t; maybe I was just an awkward mess around men in general. I turned him down five years ago, and he’d said, “Another night, then.” It wasn’t another night yet because I was still stuck in the same sad life.

few months, I’ve been calling Josh and Brianna’s full story my Olympus, and I wasn’t exaggerating. It may have been the toughest, and you aren’t supposed to say this about your books since they’re like your kids, but it’s the book I’m the most proud of. To my husband and son, this endeavor took a lot of time away from the both of you, but you always support me regardless (even though my son asks each day am I done editing now). Everything I do is for the both of you. My betas: Laura, Ella, Shannon, Bianca, Joanna, Lara, Christine, and Lisa, your feedback and love for Josh made this story what it is. Each one of you brings a different kind of keen eye, and filled the holes I was too entrenched in the story to see. Thank you so much for all your help, friendship, and support. Josh is happy he was unanimously voted favorite SR hero by all of you. Laura, sister, thank you for the incessant mile long PMs it took me to figure this story out. Also, thank you for holding back the Tony Stark gifs. Barb, I probably wouldn’t be able to tie my shoes without you much less write a book. Thank you for the thousands of daily texts, endless gif FOR THE PAST

parades, and putting me in my place when I need it. I hate the distance between NY and Kansas but for us, that’s inconsequential. Jaimee and Amanda, my hot nurse, talented AF friends who make time for me, my books, and my silliness. I look up to and love the hell out of both of you. Thank you for taking the time to read and calm my crazy nerves. Mia, my friend and constant cheerleader. This industry is much more tolerable with you in my lane. Thank you for reading and loving Josh. Kristy, you loving this book was the equivalent of ten five-star reviews. Thank you for taking the time to give Rewrite a final once over. Autumn, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to read Josh. Knowing you loved him so much makes my year. Kaitie, thank you for being the very final pass and making Josh squeaky clean (typo wise anyway haha) before he gets released into the world. You’re a wonderful and kind soul. Mila, my brilliant and kind friend who took the time out of her busy schedule to be an extra proof. Thank you for always being so amazing. My amazing author friends who support me each and every day. I’ve found so many awesome friends in this journey and appreciate each and every one of you. (Kennedy, time for you to hold the paper bag for me now.)

Najla Qamber, the insanely talented and patient woman who fashioned the most beautiful cover I’ve ever seen out of my stick figure rendering. Every cover I say this is my favorite—and mean it —but this one blows me away. Thank you so much for all your beautiful work. Christine from Type A Formatting, a rock star who possesses as much patience as she does talent. Thank you for packaging my words so beautifully. Mitzi, you edited the hell out of this book while gushing how much you loved it. You are a true professional in every sense of the word. Thank you for all your hard work in helping make Josh and his cupcake shine. Marisa, your awesome proofing eye for detail and funny as hell side comments were amazing. Mary Ruth, thank you for all the beautiful teasers and for being such a wonderful, kind soul. You’re a genius and one day you’ll believe all of us when we insist. To Give Me Books and Panda & Boodle, thank you for setting up amazing release events. My beloved Rose Garden, my favorite place on social media, we’ve grown but stayed the same and I love that. Thank you for all the endless support you’ve always given me. I love all of you! Jenn Holter, the world’s best PA, thank you for all that you do for me. I truly could not function without you in my life and I’m grateful to you each

and every day. I love you to pieces and am never letting you leave me. Finally, to all the readers and bloggers who took a chance on a girl from the Bronx who wanted to write. I always said if ten people who weren’t related to me bought my book, I’d consider it a success. This kind of support was unimaginable. I owe all of you my best with every book, and pray I deliver. I’m grateful for every review, share, and post. Thank you for giving Josh and Brianna a chance. As long as your heart is still beating, your story isn’t over. It’s never too late to rewrite.

up loving words and making up stories. Being able to share them with readers is her dream come true. This lifelong Bronx girl loves Starbucks, wine and 80s rock. Her voice often gets mistaken for a Mob Wives trailer. She married her prom date and has a sevenyear-old LEGO obsessed son. She believes there is nothing sexier than a good guy who loves with all his heart, and has made it her mission to bring as many as she can to the page. Follow her everywhere, she loves hearing from readers! STEPHANIE ROSE GREW

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Always You Only You Always Us Finding Me After You Intimate Strangers ~ St. Helena Vineyard Kindle World Novella