Rock-A-Bye Baby (A BWWM Pregnan - Vivian Ward

Rock-a-Bye Baby

Rock-a-Bye Baby By Vivian Ward Copyright 2016 Vivian Ward All Rights Reserved This book is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real people, places, or events is strictly

coincidental. This book may not be reproduced or distributed in any format without the expressed written permission of the author. Exception is made in the case of brief quotations used in published reviews.

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-Vivian Ward

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Table of Contents Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Chapter 11 Chapter 12 Chapter 13 Chapter 14 Chapter 15 Epilogue Two Free Bonus Novels Skin Deep True Colors

Prologue I know that Corbin has a concert tour coming up, but I don’t want him to go. He hasn’t traveled in almost a year, and I’ve loved being able to spend time with him so much. It’s nice to have someone to cuddle up to at night and wake up with in the morning. I never want it to end. He knows it’s been bothering me lately and even though he isn’t scheduled to leave for almost an entire month, he has a very special weekend planned for us because my birthday is coming up. My birthday is

actually the day before he leaves, but he’ll be busy, so we’re celebrating now. “Are you ready?” he asks as he sprays on some of his cologne. “Almost. Let me switch out my purses real quick and then we can leave.” As he walks past me, I can smell his rich scent and drink in the fragrance of his cologne. It’s my favorite; the one that I bought him for our last anniversary. I finish changing out my pocketbook and leave the bedroom, heading downstairs to the living room. “You look so good,” he kisses my forehead. “Come on, bae.”

We make our way down to the John Hancock Building to dine on the 95th floor at the restaurant before heading up to the Signature Lounge on the 96th floor. As we sip on drinks— mine is non-alcoholic, of course—I admire the magnificent view of the city from the tall sky rise building. After a romantic dinner and evening gazing at the city’s skyline, he says he has a surprise for me. In my opinion, we’ve already shared one of the most perfect evenings together in my life. “What? Where are we going next?” I ask. I didn’t know that he had anything else planned.

“You let me worry about that. I want to make your birthday date special for you since I won’t be home to celebrate with you, and this is your last one without kids.” He glides his hand over my baby bump. “You know that I love you, and I hate being away for something like that, but I have to go on tour.” “Yeah, I know. Your tour.” I roll my eyes. Why does he have to bring that up when we’re having such a great time together? I could go an eternity without ever hearing about another concert venue. He knows that he doesn’t have to go, but he’s going anyway.

“Hey,” his fingertips barely touch my chin as he brings my eyes up to meet his. “Let’s not go there. I love you, and we’re having a good time. I’m sorry. I should have never brought it up.” As he begins driving, I have no idea where we’re going. I do know that we are not going home when we get on the highway going the opposite direction that we need to go. “Where are we going?” “You’ll see. We will be there in a few minutes.” About ten minutes pass by, and

now we are getting off an exit ramp near Magnificent Mile. I patiently wait to see where we are going even though it’s driving me nuts to anticipate what he has planned. A few minutes off the highway, he begins driving through a residential area. Confused, I think we are lost. “Bae, I think you made a wrong turn somewhere. We’re in a neighborhood.” “I know,” he smiles. For a moment, I think maybe my birthday surprise is a new house. But he wouldn’t do that without consulting me, would he? I remember making him insane as we hunted for the right place to live when we moved into the house we are at now. Surely he didn’t forget that. How

could he? Another two blocks and he pulls over to the side of the road, beaming with pride. “We’re here.” “We’re where?” I look around. What the hell is he talking about? “I rented this for us so we could have a romantic weekend get-away. It’s a townhouse with large bedrooms, a fancy spiral staircase and an accessible rooftop where we can go and admire the beautiful night sky. There’s also a private hot tub with plenty of jets in the master suite and a large, heated shower room with glass doors. The marble

floors have hand-painted designs and the crown molding is carved by hand.” I smile. “Are you kidding me? For real?” “For real, and there’s a surprise inside for my special lady.” He helps me out of the car and takes me inside. Everything is just as he has described it and it’s so beautiful that I wish he had bought it instead of renting it for the weekend. The view is amazing, and I never want to leave. “Follow me,” he says, leading me up the spiral staircase that features glass walls with a golden handrail. This place screams elegant.

I follow him to the second floor where he makes me close my eyes outside of the master suite even though the door is closed. “Okay, stay here while I turn on the lights because I want to see your face when you open your eyes. No peeking!” “Okay, hurry up!” It’s killing me to wait. As splendid as everything has been so far, I can only imagine what the master suite looks like and what’s in there. “I’m coming for you but don’t open them yet.” He grabs my hand and leads me into the bedroom. “Now, open your eyes.”

I open them, but it takes a second to adjust to the light. I am looking at the most romantic setting I have ever seen. He spread rose petals all over the bed and floor, lit candles on the dresser and on both sides of our bed and had a plate of desserts waiting for us. “When did you do have time to do all this?” I ask, genuinely surprised. I don’t even know when he would have had time to do all of this. As far as I know, he’s either been at home with me or at the studio with his crew. “I have my ways. Come here,” he pats the bed as he spreads out across it. “Let me pamper you.”

I lay next to him and slowly begin tracing my finger along his collar bone as he picks up a chocolate covered strawberry from the plate and begins to feed it to me. Before long, we stop with the desserts because we are too busy ravaging each other. One thing leads to the next, and suddenly, there’s nothing more than crumpled clothes on the floor and a thin, white sheet between our bodies, but before we make love, he stops and lights the fireplace near the foot of our bed. In front of the crackling fire, we resume kissing again until I climb on top of him and slowly lower myself onto him. Taking him all the way inside of me, I begin to make love to him

as the white sheets hug my back, holding in the warmth of the fire. My long, soft hair drops down in front of his face as I bend over to kiss him while I continue making love to him. He brushes the hair away from my face with his hand and bites my lip before I can kiss him. I sit up, making my back straight as a board and bend my legs so that I’m no longer resting on my knees, but on my feet instead. Gently, I lift myself off of him just enough to expose the length of his manhood and slide back down, letting him sink into me as his shaft disappears inside of me. Unable to take much of my teasing, he carefully rolls me over and gets behind me. He swiftly

spreads my knees apart with his leg and enters me from behind as he grabs onto my hips. I look back and can see his fingertips digging into my skin as he salaciously takes what is his—what belongs to him. The soft glow of the white-hot fire illuminates his skin, making the muscles of his biceps and every ripple in his abs appear even more defined as a low, throaty growl escapes his lips. I can feel him swelling inside of me as he reaches his final climax, pushing me over the edge with him. Grabbing fistfuls of the bedsheets, I push myself against him, not letting a single drop of his seed go to waste as I take him all the way in.

Nestled in his arms as I fall asleep, I think about how lucky I am. I love this man so much; probably more than I have any right to, but he treats me like a queen. He might travel a lot, but I know that when push comes to shove, he always has my back and would do anything for me—and for our baby that I’m carrying. We are the most important things in his life, and he shows me that in multiple ways every day. I have never doubted his love though I have doubted his priorities from time to time.

Chapter 1: Trinity Hanging up the phone with Corbin I decide that the baby needs a snack. Okay fine, I need the snack but only because I know the baby will enjoy it. It’s definitely not because I’m craving it. Being almost seven months pregnant makes you feel famished. It doesn’t matter if you just finished a meal or not because you’re still hungry. Walking into the kitchen, I flip on the light before I make my way over to the junk food cabinet and start scavenging for something to snack on. I’m not even sure

what I want. I just know that I want something. Nothing in the cabinet looks particularly appetizing. I walk over to the fridge and start rifling around for something better. Nope, nothing in here either. I go back over to the cabinet to re-examine it. My eyes dart back and forth before I finally find something that sounds good. “S’mores it is,” I say as I pull the box of graham crackers out of the cabinet and fish out the marshmallows. I just bought a package of chocolate bars, but they aren’t in the cabinet with the rest of the food that I’ll probably regret eating after the baby is

born. Where the hell did I put those damn things? I must have gone through every cabinet and drawer in the kitchen before I finally remember what I did with them. Oh, that’s right. I took them to bed with me last night! Walking upstairs, I go into our bedroom and retrieve them off of the nightstand next to my side of the bed. Looking at Corbin’s lonely, untouched side of the bed makes me miss him even more. I’d like to have him home with me. I think I want him home more than anything right now because of what’s been going on with the mail. It would make me feel safer and sleep better if he were here to protect me. I know we have an alarm system but whoever is behind the mail scheme

knows how to mess with your mind; or rather, my mind. It wouldn’t be so bad if I weren’t alone or if I weren’t so damn big and pregnant. If I had to break into a sprint to save my life, I’d be wheezing and puffing with the size of my stomach that I’m carrying around. I’d probably be more likely to die from an asthma attack or asphyxiation than anything else. It started about a month ago, shortly after Corbs left to go on tour with his crew. I guess he was away for about three weeks when a piece of fan mail came to the house. When I saw what it was, I was a little taken aback that someone had found our private address but his manager said some fans are

determined to interact with a star so they’ll go the extra mile to find out where that star lives. That explanation made perfect sense, and Corbin said to open it, so I did. It wasn’t anything special, just a hand-written letter that talked about how great his last performance was. I assumed it was someone who had gone to a concert on his current tour. The next thing that came to the house, a few days later, was a teddy bear. Now you may be thinking: a teddy bear? It isn’t as harmless as you think because I didn’t think it was at first, either. Initially, I thought it must have come as a free gift with an online order or something that I had purchased, but it wasn’t. A strange feeling told me

that I should double check, so I did. Nothing that I had ordered came with any free gifts, and I certainly didn’t order this teddy bear. It is kind of ugly, to be honest. I asked Corbs if he had it sent to the house but he insisted that it wasn’t him. Okay, so a fan letter and a teddy bear, what’s so bad about that? Nothing, until last week when I received pictures of him in the mail. There were two pictures of him: one at a concert that he had put on that night while he was on stage and the other was a picture of him, the same night, backstage—where no one is allowed. How did someone get back there to take his picture? We’re

still trying to figure that one out. His manager said that security assured him that nobody had passed through them or even attempted to go backstage. As bad as all of this sounds, it isn’t even the icing on the cake. That didn’t come until yesterday, but I had forgotten to check the mail until today. There was another unmarked package, this one was quite a bit smaller than the package with the teddy bear, and it contained a pair of his boxers. I know they were his boxers because I had bought him a few extra pair right before he left for his tour. I know that he has never cheated and will never cheat on me. There had been plenty of his shows and concerts

that I went to before we ever dreamed of having a baby where women were lined up begging for him to autograph their boobs or sexy, flat abs. I’ve also seen women scrambling to get to him when he’s been on TV, I’ve read about it online, and I have seen it in videos on the Internet. He has never taken up any woman on her offerings—which is not something I can say for the rest of his crew. Out of the five of them, the only one who cheats on women is Peanut. He’ll get a girlfriend, stay faithful for about a month or so and then he’ll start finding new girls to bang. The rest of his crew refuses to commit to a relationship, but I think it’s better that way—at least for them. Even though Corbs has never

cheated on me, I think it suffices to say that it’s normal for a woman in my place to worry sometimes. I’d be a fool to think the temptation of having a new, sexy woman wouldn’t be enticing for him, especially with the way he laughs, smiles and flaunts himself. I know that part of it is him playing into the persona that most superstars find themselves in, but it doesn’t make me feel any better. So how did I get his underwear in the mail? My Spidey senses tell me that he has a super fan, or stalker, who is doing everything in his or her power to try to get close to him. I think what hurts me the most about this tour is that when we started

trying to conceive this baby, he said that he would call it quits and start staying at home more. Obviously, that promise went right out the door as soon as his crew called and said their manager had booked several concert venues for them. Before I got pregnant, he did three concert tours. Two of them were a yearlong tour, and the other one was a sixmonth tour. I hate being away from him for long periods of time, especially since we’ve been together for so long. We are high school sweethearts who started dating in the tenth grade. I’ve always supported him and his music career—even when some of his friends and family laughed at him and told him that he’d never make it. I knew he would

because I’ve always believed in him. I saw the talent and drive that he had even way back then. Before either of us were old enough to drive, we used to catch a bus to go to rap battles in downtown Chicago. I knew he was serious about pursuing his rap career when he started applying for jobs on the day of his sixteenth birthday so that he could pay his way into battles. Sometimes when we showed up to the rap battles, they wouldn’t even let him enter. Depending on the place where we went, some of them would let him in but only if he paid a double entry fee. I know a lot of those guys pocketed the extra money, but he

did what he had to so he could perform and compete. Corbin has always been dedicated to his career, even when we were just kids. That’s part of what made me believe in him so much. I knew he had it in his blood to do what it took to make it. Most of his friends and family laughed at him. They used to say things like, “Have you ever seen a white boy win a battle before?” or “Is it white boy battle night?”. I know that sometimes it put his spirit down, but he never gave up. Because of his determination and refusal to give up, I wouldn’t give up on him either. I helped build him up to what he’s become since day one. He’s admitted to me before that he sometimes does take me for granted because I’ve

always been there for him, but with me being pregnant it’s just too emotionally stressful. Yes, I know I shouldn’t let all these hormones coursing through my veins get the best of me, but I hoped he wouldn’t tour during my pregnancy. I think it’s essential for him to be here for all of the important milestones of pregnancy. Something else that upsets me about his work is that even when he is home, he’s not ‘here’. He likes to lock himself in his study and write lyrics. I would say that he works on writing new songs about three or four days a week, and when he goes in there, he works for a long time. If I had to guess, I would

venture to say that he probably writes at least 20 hours per week. Sometimes when he’s in there working, I’ll take him something to eat, and it’s like he barely notices me. When he’s not there writing, he’s gone at the studio working on recordings. It’s like his job is never ending. Over the years, it’s gotten to the point where I don’t even ask him where he’s going anymore because I already know the answer: the studio. As much as I’ve always appreciated his hard work, I wish he would have given it a rest to spend more one-on-one time with me before the baby is born. That’s the thing, though, even though he is dedicated to his work, I wouldn’t quite call him a workaholic. We have had lots of

moments since I found out that I was pregnant where he focused all of his attention on me. He’s made plenty of money that we could live off what’s in our bank account for the rest of our lives, but the problem is that he craves the fame and attention. We already own a nice house in the most beautiful neighborhood that Chicago has to offer, closets filled to the brim with designer clothes and kicks, and we each have pimped out rides. Lord knows there’s plenty of money in the savings, checking and investment accounts. What more could we ask for? Neither the baby nor I could ever want for anything, except for one thing: him.

Waiting for my S’mores to finish in the microwave, I pour myself a glass of milk and grab a few paper towels off the roll. Almost simultaneously, my cell phone starts to ring as the microwave begins to beep. I glance at the microwave and then look down at my cell phone. I see that it’s my cousin Candace calling and decide to answer it. We are best friends, and she is like my sister since I don’t have one; I’m an only child. “Hello?” “Hey, girl. What are you up to?” she asks.

“I was about to have a snack and go to bed. Why are you calling so late?” I glance at the clock on the wall and realize that it’s almost 1 AM. “You know how I am. I couldn’t sleep, and I started thinking. We should go shopping for some more baby stuff tomorrow.” “Why? I have a lot of what I need. If we keep shopping like this, I won’t need a baby shower.” “I know, but you know how much I love babies, and since I haven’t found Mr. Right, I figure I can live vicariously

through you,” she says. “Let me see what I have going on tomorrow. My mom wanted us to have lunch together in the afternoon. Maybe I’ll call her and see if you can come with us. I’m sure she won’t mind.” “That’s not nearly as fun as shopping,” she sighs. “What time is she expecting you?” “She said she wanted to have a late lunch. Maybe around one or two?” “I can do that. Call me and let me know which time for sure so I know.”

“Okay, I’ll do that, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Good night.” “Good night.” My hands are a sticky mess, and I can’t grab the phone to hit the end button. I cradle it with my head and shoulder as I use my wrists to set it on the table, hoping I don’t drop it before it makes it to the table. Once I have the phone situation taken care of, I walk over to the sink and use the back of my hand to flip the faucet on. After allowing a minute to let the water warm up, I pump a dollop of soap into my hands and start washing the sticky goo into the sink. I hope this baby doesn’t inherit my messy traits. If

that happens, I’ll be doing nothing but cleaning 24/7. Now I feel bad for my mom because I’m starting to realize what she dealt with when I was growing up. I hope I can be a good mom to this little girl that is due in August. Suddenly, I grasp how far away that actually is. I only have thirteen weeks until I’m due. Thirteen short weeks to figure out how to become a good mother. It’s not far away at all! At least, it is far enough away that I can start gathering tips from my mom and grandma until she’s born. I finish drinking the last of my milk and put my dirty dishes in the dishwasher before I go upstairs to go to sleep. As I walk into the living room, I

remember that I left my cell phone on the kitchen table. As much as I don’t want to, I go back in to grab it in case my mom or cousin call me in the morning before I wake up. Flipping off the kitchen light, I start making my way back through the dark living room where only the soft glow of the television gives me just enough light to make my way through the room. Mid-way through the living room, I stop as I think I hear a noise. Standing still, I listen closely to what I think I heard. After waiting a few seconds, I don’t hear anything. Shrugging my shoulders, I figure it must be a sound from something on the TV and continue

walking through the living room. With everything going on, I’ve been on edge. Get a grip, Trinity. The soft pads of my feet can’t wait to get under the covers that are awaiting me upstairs and get off of this cold wood floor. I wish this house had more carpet. Passing the front door, I hear the noise again. This time, I stop and listen. The noise is soft, yet continuous. What is that? My eyes glimpse down at the door knob, and that’s when I see it slowly trying to turn. Shit! Did I lock it? Are they going to get in? I think I set the alarm system. I did, didn’t I? Frozen in fear, I become paralyzed as a deafening, loud noise pierces my ears.

Chapter 2: Corbin Walking off the stage, our manager stops us and asks if we want to go to an after-party. We were invited to an exclusive club with the finest women. All of my guys immediately say yes and before I can answer, the plans have already been set in motion. Thinking about T, I pull my cell phone out of my pocket and see that it’s almost 1 AM. For a minute, I think about calling her to see if she’s awake so I can tell her what our plans are in case she needs to get a hold of me but decide against it.

Knowing her, she probably just fell asleep, and she might kill me if I call and wake her up. That girl loves her sleep and disturbing her is out of the question. She always keeps her text alert volume turned down, though, so I opt to send her a text message instead. T, we’re heading out to an afterparty, but you can call me if you need anything. I love you bae. Sleep tight. My crew and I exit the building out the back door, away from all the fans, and hop on our tour bus with our manager. He instructs our driver to take us to this exclusive after-party club for celebrities in Atlanta called the

Diamond Club. On our way there, the guys talk about how many girls they plan on bringing back onto the bus and give each other shit. I glance down at my phone to see if T has texted me back, but I have no new notifications. I was right. She must be asleep. Honestly, I’m kind of glad that she didn’t text back. She needs to get more rest while she’s pregnant. I know that she has never been much of a sleeper, but it seems like she only sleeps about six hours a night. That can’t be good for the baby, and since I’ve been away on tour, she has only been sleeping for about four hours a night. It seems like every time I look at my phone she either sent me a message or was posting on her Facebook account.

I think part of her not sleeping has to do with worrying about me while I’m away on tour. I know when Trinity gets upset over things, she doesn’t let them go, but in all seriousness, she doesn’t have anything to be worried about. I would never cheat on her or disrespect my woman like that. She’s so strong-minded and opinionated, and never has a problem saying what she thinks. T will tell it to you straight, whether it’s something you want to hear or not. There’s been a few times in my career when she told me how it was, and I might not have liked to hear it at the time, but it was exactly what I needed.

She’s stubborn as all hell, but I love that woman. That’s one of the main reasons why I got with her when we were in high school. For the last nine years, T has always been by my side and backed me when no one else would. She’ll never know how grateful I am to her for sticking by my side all these years. And I know that I should treat her better—not that I treat her badly—but I should be there for her more. After all, she’s always been there for me, but sometimes I have to travel, go on tours and perform at special appearances. That’s about the only thing that we don’t see eye to eye on. She doesn’t agree with me on

traveling and performing but without my fans, I wouldn’t be where I am today. It’s important that I keep those fans and make sure they’re happy while I continue to grow my fan base at the same time. I’m also worried that I might not be able to travel as much or do as many tours once the baby is born. When she gets here, I don’t know if I’ll be able to leave as I have in the past. I’m sure Trinity will need my help, and I am positive that my baby girl will want me around. With the history that T and I have, I just want to give her and our family the best future I can. She is my world, and I cherish her in so many ways. I can still remember our first time together like it

was yesterday. I was her first, and she was so scared and nervous. We planned this romantic weekend one day when my parents were supposed to be going out of town. I had been working at a local fast food joint so I had some cash, and we were going to order some pizza, watch some chick flicks and make love before she went home. Things fell through before the weekend even came, and my parents didn’t go out of town. I think that she was relieved, but she’ll never admit it. I didn’t take her virginity until our junior year when we went to prom. The funny thing is, we had talked about not doing it on prom night because we didn’t want to be like everyone else.

There was this party after the prom that we went to; I think one of her friends invited us, but I might be wrong. Alcohol was being served to everyone as soon as they showed up, and we were no different. Liquor and weed were floating around like a cloud on a rainy day. After a few drinks, we were both tipsy, one thing led to another and before we knew it, we were both naked. Luckily for us, she had been on the pill since the end of our sophomore year so we didn’t have to worry about protection. I think it worked out better for both of us that we were a little drunk because it made it less awkward for both of us. As crazy as this sounds, I’ve always known that she is the girl for me.

If I were to lose half of my fans, it could be devastating to my career. I mean, what would happen if I didn’t sell out my shows or if I weren’t a headliner? Our record label could drop us, or we could be forced to go back to opening for other bands or worse, go back to performing at night clubs. That’s actually how we got our big break. I’d been sending out copies of my crew’s work to different record companies while performing at various bars, clubs and doing rap battles. One night, we got our big break when Big Poppa Pun turned out at a club in Chi-Town and listened to us. After our turn on the mic, he came backstage to meet us. We met up

a few more times and worked together in the studio before he finally introduced me to Top Chart Records. About a month later, my crew and I flew out to Los Angeles to sign a deal, and we’ve been working with our record label ever since that day. Part of the reason that I work so hard is that I don’t want to lose everything my crew has worked for. We started working on our name and image over a decade ago, and I can’t imagine starting over from scratch again. Granted, we didn’t start out as a group of five, but that’s what we are today. Originally, I did battles by myself. Everyone booed through my first few

battles until one day when a DJ shut down the crowd to let me do my thing. I didn’t earn the respect of everyone right off the bat. It took a couple of years of battling to do that and get people to listen to me. Not long after I graduated from high school, I started finishing in second and third place in the battles. Before my 20th birthday, I finally won first place. By that time, I had everyone convinced that I was someone worth listening to and began developing a fan base. That was the beginning of my career. I had finally earned enough respect and street cred that people were listening to me and came to watch me

battle. Eventually, I started forming a crew, writing lyrics and practiced in the studio. It’s been a long, bumpy road but it’s been worth it. And throughout that whole fiasco, T has always been supportive of me. Yes, I know that sometimes I take her for granted, but aside from loving the fame, I love making sure she’s completely taken care of. She’s my goddess, my princess. When I touch her, I feel our souls connect. I couldn’t live without her. She’s the air that I breathe. Our tour bus came to an abrupt halt, throwing us forward out of our seats.

“Damn bro! You know how to drive or what?” “Sorry,” the nervous guy says. “I’ve been up for a while, and I’m tired. I think I’ll catch a nap while you guys are inside.” “You better, gramps. If you wreck our tour bus, you’ll have to push it home while we all ride inside,” Blue says, giving the guy shit. “Chill, Blue. Don’t be talking to your elders like that,” I hiss. “Man, what’s wrong with you?” I slap his hat off his head. “Show him some respect.”

We step off the bus, and the welcoming, warm summer breeze hits our faces in the night air. I look around and take in my surroundings. I like it here in Atlanta. It’s definitely not Chicago, but it feels more like home than it did when we were in Texas last month. Texas was so hot and dry that you could hardly breathe, and it seemed like there were fire ants everywhere. There were also too many damn cowboys for my liking and everywhere you went; they wanted to line dance. Atlanta is more like home with plenty of city life and things to do without the square dancers and cowboy boots. Looking around, I see tall skyscrapers and everything is busy and lit up, just like Chi-Town.

Inside the club, I order a drink— gin and tonic—and find a private booth to kick back in. It has been a long night and unlike the guys, I need a minute to myself. They are all single, except for Peanut, but that won’t stop him. Even though T and I aren’t married yet, it feels like we have been for years. I’m not sure why we have never tied the knot. Maybe because I haven’t asked her? I don’t know. She has brought it up a few times in the past that we should get married, but it was more of an “in case anything ever happens to me” kind of situation. Now her mother, on the other hand, is a different story. Anytime we go to her house, she’s always asking when I’m

going to marry her baby. She has pushed the subject a lot. I don’t know if it’s because it bothers her or it bothers Trinity, but she is very opinionated about the subject. Her dad has never said much. He isn’t the type to talk much and communicates more with his eyes and facial expressions. I know when we were younger, he wasn’t a fan of me. T said that her father thought she was dating a bum, someone that she would end up supporting. Like everyone else, he didn’t believe that a white guy could make it as a rapper and looked down upon me. I think he started seeing me in a different light when I signed my first

record deal and started going places. Sitting at the table sipping my drink, my eyes start to feel heavy. I think the alcohol mixed with the time isn’t in my favor tonight after a long performance. I wonder what time it is? We’ve probably been here for at least two hours, right? I reach into my pocket, but I can’t find my phone. I dig my hand inside my other pocket, and it’s not there either. Shit. Where’s my phone? It must have fallen out of my pocket when that bus driver slammed on the brakes and sent us all flying out of our seats.

§

“Dr. Parish, I can’t get a hold of the boyfriend. Has her cousin made it here yet?” I look around the corner, glancing down at waiting room from my nurse’s station as he walks by. “No, Dana, not that I know of. Have you tried going through any more of the contacts on her cell phone? Or does she have any existing records here

with any family information that you can find?” “I’m sorry, doctor. The paramedics were only able to scroll through the phone and get the two names she gave them on her way here before they had to start resuscitating her. Gary said that the screen on the phone locked and that was all the information they could get from it before they arrived here.” “And have you looked for her in the system? Any previous medical records on file?” “I’ll ask Eric. He said he would

look into it, but I haven’t seen him. Maybe he went down to medical records to find a hard copy of them? I’ll page him now.” Picking up the receiver, Dr. Parish made his way back down the hall to Ms. Greene. “Eric Daugherty, please dial nurse’s extension 1134. Eric Daugherty, extension 1134, please.” I hope her family gets here soon, and I wish we were able to get more than one number, especially since she said it was only a cousin. The parents are always preferential in cases like this, but things don’t always go the way you would like them to. Why isn’t Eric calling me back? Looking at the clock on the wall, I

paged him nearly four minutes ago. With as many phones as we have in the hospital, you’d think he could find one and dial my desk to see what I want. Waiting near the phone for him to call back, the elevator door slowly slides open as a frantic young woman runs out of it. My eyes bulge as I think she is going to run right into my desk and charge into me. I put my hands in front of me to stop her and protect myself in case I don’t succeed, “Can I help you, ma’am?” “I’m here for Trinity Greene. I’m her cousin Candace,” she says breathlessly. It is obvious that she must have run from her car to the building and

then to my desk. “Oh, God, is she okay?” Unsure of how to answer her, I blankly stare at her. I open my mouth, but the words won’t come out. “Uh, she,” I stop myself. Should I tell her now? Right here? No, take her to a private room. Don’t do this in public Dana. You don’t know how she’ll take the news. “I’m sorry, you said Candace, right?” “Yes, where is my cousin? Where’s T? I have to see her now!” “Ma’am, could you follow me into that room, please?” “Oh, Lord. Please God, no!” she

cries. “Tell me she’s alive. Tell me she’s okay!” “Candace, please. This isn’t the place,” I say softly. “Follow me. We can talk in there,” I point to the room I want her to go in.

Chapter 3: Trinity The loud blast made me deaf for a few minutes. I can’t hear, and everything is fuzzy. It’s funny how warm I feel. I look up and see a woman standing over me, but I don’t know who she is. Who is that? Why is she in my house? What did she do to me? I know that I’m lying on the cold hard floor because I can feel it on my shoulders and the back of my head. The weird thing is that my back and butt feel warm. What the hell is going on? Slowly, in a stupor, I reach

down with my hands because I can’t feel my legs. My hands feel something. It’s wet, warm and thick. The woman standing before me looks like she’s screaming but I can’t hear her. Who the hell is she? From where I’m at, I can tell she’s white, has long brown hair that’s sort of wavy and she’s wearing black pants with a dark colored hoodie. She starts backing out of the house, leaving through the front door that just popped open only seconds ago and allowed the woman to enter my house. Why is she in my house and why is she leaving? I’m feeling dizzy and drowsy. I bring my hand in front of my face. It’s covered in crimson blood, and

I can feel the warmness of it running down the length of my arm as my hand collapses on the floor, lying in the pool of blood that I just removed it from only seconds ago. My eyes flutter shut, and everything goes dark. I can’t hear a thing because the loud blast is still ringing in my ears. Am I going to be okay? I feel so disoriented, everything is spinning, and I can’t open my eyes because it takes too much energy. My body feels like it’s drunk; that feeling that you get where you can’t move anything, your limbs feel too heavy to lift, and everything uses more energy than it would take to pick up a car. That’s what I feel like right now.

When is this going to stop? I can’t stop asking myself what happened and what did she do to me. My cell phone. I had it in my hand. Where is it? I try to feel around for it with my hand, but I can’t find it. Moving my arm takes even more energy than opening my eyes, and I finally give up searching for it. With my hands covered in blood, I doubt I would be able to work my touch screen properly anyway. Is my baby okay? I can’t tell if she’s moving or not because everything feels hot and numb. I’m scared, and I want to scream but I can’t. I open my mouth, but the sound never comes out of me that I hope will summons for help. I

feel myself fading away, leaving reality. No, Trinity. You have to stay with it. Don’t go to sleep. I try to fight it, but it’s useless. My head is spinning in a haze, and I’m gradually becoming unaware of my surroundings and what’s happening. Stay with it, T. Don’t let go. Dear God, help me, please. “Ma’am? Miss, can you hear me? Squeeze my fingers if you can hear me.” Who is this? Never mind who it is. I can hear! I attempt to open my eyes, and I feel my eyelids move ever so slowly, only lifting half way. There’s a man hovering over me as he yells over his shoulder. The lights are on. Strange,

I didn’t turn them on. I notice that he’s wearing all blue. He looks friendly. “Ma’am, my name is Gary. I’m with Cook County Ambulance. If you can hear me, squeeze my hand.” I squeeze his hand using every ounce of energy that I can muster, hoping it’s enough that he can even feel it. It’s getting too hard to keep my eyes open. They begin to flutter shut. “Ma’am, stay with us. Keep your eyes open, okay? Can you tell me your name?” My mouth opens as I gasp for air and struggle to make an audible noise. “Trinity.” I look around, taking another staggering breath. The pain in my body

has become so bad that numbness is setting in. “Greene.” “Good. Okay, Trinity, do you know who shot you?” I may have been dizzy and in a haze but hearing the words “who shot you” sent a wave a panic through my body. Oh my God! Is the baby okay? Did it hit the baby? Everything from my waist down is numb from the intense pain and pressure that I’m feeling. I shake my head as I start to cry. I want to scream, but I don’t have it in me. “Help me get her on the stretcher,” he says to someone standing

behind him. I see a tall, bald man wearing similar clothing. “Be careful, the slug is in her right hip,” he says, still talking to the man. He turns his attention back to me. “Trinity, we’re going to move you onto the stretcher. Hold as still as you possibly can. We don’t want to cause more damage than what’s already been done.” I nod my head. Don’t worry. I haven’t been able to move a muscle ever since she shot me. My breathing is becoming shallow, and I can barely suck in any air. Jesus, please let me breathe. The baby and I will both die without oxygen. The two men gently turn me onto my left side as they slide the board

beneath my body. When I’m on my side, I see a third man. He’s a cop, holding his radio in his hand as he talks into it. “Here’s her cell phone,” the EMT says, picking it up off the floor. “We can bring it with us.” “I’ll take that,” the cop replies. As the two paramedics wheel me out to the ambulance, the cop follows closely behind them. “I’m going to need to ride with her. I need to ask her questions while she’s awake and able to answer them.” He climbs into the ambulance and takes a seat on the bench to my left. Only

one of the paramedics is back here with us; the other one is the driver. As soon as the door shuts, the older, heavier paramedic, Gary, starts hooking me up to everything imaginable inside the cab of the ambulance as it takes off. The sirens sound loud and obnoxious, making it near impossible to hear anything they’re saying to me. “Is this your cell phone?” Gary held it closer to my face so I could see as he spoke directly into my ear. I nod and whisper, “Yes.” “Can you tell me the passcode to unlock it? We need to access your

family’s contact information: names, phone numbers, anything you have.” It’s so hard to breathe. The movement of the ambulance is making me nauseous, and I want to throw up, but I know I don’t even have the strength to do it. Feeling like I’m about to pass out, I know I need to give him the code—and fast! “The code is 0228.” “Ms. Greene,” the cop interrupts. “Can you tell me any details about who shot you or what happened?” I look at him and shake my head. I have no clue who did this. There’s nothing that I can tell him to help him

do his job if I die. My mind races, thinking about the baby. I can’t tell if she’s moving or not because I’m so numb. What if I die? Or what if she dies, or is dead? “Do you know if it was a man or a woman? How many there were? What did they want? Why were you shot? Anything at all?” “Stop barraging her with questions!” the paramedic shouts at the cop. He tries the code, but it doesn’t work. “Are you sure that’s the code?” I nod, he tries it again. Smiling he says, “I guess my latex gloves hit a wrong number the first time. I need the names of

at least two people in your phone that you would like us to call.” I take a deep breath because I know I’m going to need it. It hurts like hell, but I have to do it. “My boyfriend,” I pause. This is taking a lot more out of me than I realized it would. “Corbin Kimmel.” I could feel myself starting to fade away. Struggling to stay awake, I say the next thing that pops into my mind. “It was a woman,” I manage to say, gasping for air. My eyes are getting so heavy. I don’t think I can do this much longer. It feels like every ounce of blood in my body has run down a drain, and there’s nothing left inside of me.

“Stay with us, Trinity. You can’t go to sleep.” He scribbled something down on a piece of paper. “Okay, we have Corbin’s number. Who else should we call?” I could hear him, but I couldn’t answer him. It is taking more energy than I can muster to continue talking. “Come on, damn it! Stay with me! Who else? A family member?” He grabs my arm, shaking it to keep me conscious as he shouts angry demands at me. “Candace,” I say. Within seconds of saying her name, I can hear the monitors starting to go off that are behind my head. He starts shouting at me and then the driver before he asks the

cop to help him. The speed of the ambulance increases and then I drift into a deep, peaceful sleep. Nothing hurts anymore. I feel no pain and for once, I’m okay with that.

Chapter 4: Corbin I didn’t think we were ever going to leave the club. As tired as I am, I was ready to leave over an hour ago, but nobody else was ready to go. Now that we are finally back on our tour bus, I can start to relax. I don’t even know what time it is, but all I know is that I am exhausted. Getting up early to make sure everything is set up correctly before the concert, having dinner before going on stage, performing for almost two hours and then going to a club turned into an 18-hour day. I’m not old, but I feel like

I’m too old to be doing this shit. If I’m going to be a father in a couple of months, I can’t be staying out late like I did tonight—and the truth is, I didn’t even want to stay out this late. Speaking of late, I wonder what time it is? I was bored as hell without my cell phone in the club. No games to play, no Internet to surf, nothing. I start searching for my phone in the area where I was sitting when we first came to the club before the bus driver damn near through us out the windows when he almost crashed the bus while parking. It isn’t anywhere near where I was sitting. I start looking into the direction that I went flying in. After climbing

around on the dirty floor—thanks to my crew for partying on the bus on the way to the club—I find my phone wedged under B.J.’s bed, next to his stinky socks and shirt. I like him and all but as weird as he is, you’d think the only normal thing he could do is at least wash his clothes more often. “Bro, you need to wash your shit man. It smells like sweat mixed with sewer stench up under your bed,” I say to him as I wave my hand in an attempt to fan away his stench. “Man, dude, whatever. My clothes don’t stink. They smell good. Maybe it’s your breath.”

“I got your breath right here,” I say grabbing my crotch. Maybe next time his goofy ass wanders off, he could find a laundromat. I flop onto my bed and realize that my phone is dead. Damn. I need to get a new phone. This battery has been giving me problems for the last few weeks. I plug my phone into the charger and get up to grab a soda from the fridge. Every night before I go to bed I like to check my email, text messages and read the local Chicago news. Sipping on my soda, I start powering my phone back on. I hate that it takes like 12 minutes while I watch circles as everything

loads for my phone to come on. I look over at my boy Miami who is passed out snoring on his bed. We call him Miami because he’s from Florida and we like to give him shit because he’s a Jaguar’s fan. How he follows a team that never wins is beyond me. As drunk as he got inside the club tonight, I’m surprised that we didn’t have to carry him to the tour bus. He always drinks more than he can handle. Miami is the type of person that he always has to be the big dog; he wants to outdo everyone but most of the time his mouth gets him in trouble. He’s a good guy, though. We’ve been tight ever since the day I met him. Blue is busy talking to some girl

on the phone that he met at the club. He couldn’t get her to come back to the tour bus, so now he’s busy trying to hit her up and maybe go back to her place. The problem with Blue is that he gets it in his head that he wants one chick for the night and goes after her hardcore. It wouldn’t matter that four other girls were trying to get with him; if he’s got tunnel vision on for that one honey, that’s who he’s going after. He’ll pass on all the other girls. I love him, though. He got his nickname, Blue, because his favorite color is blue and he’s from St. Louis and love the St. Louis Blue’s hockey team. We grew up together and have been best friends since we were in the fourth grade. He’s like a brother to me, and we’ve always had

each other’s backs. I look over at B.J.’s bed, and he’s not there anymore. No telling with him where he might have gone. He’s a bit of a loose cannon and likes to do his own thing. B. J. stands for Brian James, but he hates being called Brian because that was his dad’s name. He calls his dad Bozo, like Bozo the Clown, because he was a bum and never worked. I met him about three years ago when his crew split up, and he was looking for a new crew to fit in with, and that’s when he met me. He’s all right; none of us has ever had any problems with him or anything like that. We’re not as close as I am with my other crew members, but

we’ll get there. He just needs to wash his clothes a little more often and not be so weird. Is my phone still booting up? I have to get this battery replaced! Peanut walks up to me and says, “Hey man, you care if I take off for the night?” I know what this cat’s up to. Peanut got his nickname because he’s allergic to peanuts and we’ve always tormented him about it. We’ve been friends since we were in high school after his family moved to Chi-Town. He’s originally from Memphis. Even though he’s married to Sharon, he’ll sleep with anything that has a wet spot—

and the bigger the wet spot, the better. He likes his women on the thick side. You can say he likes BBW’s— specifically the ones that are large and in charge, which is the complete opposite of him. He’s a scrawny old cat. “Yeah, go ahead. What time will you be back tomorrow? We have that signing at 3 PM at the Emerald Kingdom.” “I’ll be back before then. Don’t you worry. See you later, bro,” we bump fists as he walks down the aisle of the bus. I glance down at my phone and

notice that it finally powered itself back on. First thing tomorrow, I’m getting a new phone. While all the icons are loading up, I check my email, social media accounts and just as I’m about to see if I have any text messages, a small envelope icon appears at the top of my screen indicating a voice message. There are no text messages. I wonder who left me a voicemail? Oh God, I hope T didn’t go into labor or something. I press and hold the number 1 on my phone to dial my voicemail and enter my passcode to listen to the message. My mouth falls open, and chills shiver down my spine as I listen to it.

“Hello, Mr. Kimmel, this is Registered Nurse Dana Ellis at East Valley Hospital. Your girlfriend Trinity Greene was brought in by ambulance after being shot in the hip. She’s in a dire situation, and we need you to call us immediately. You can reach me at (555) 876-4100, and my extension is 1134. Again, my name is Dana Ellis.” You don’t know fear and panic until it slaps you in the face, leaving a stinging bite that lingers as your heart sinks, and every breath of air gets sucked out of you. My mind races to a million different scenarios as I try to communicate to everyone on the bus about what’s going on. “Oh my God!” I

scream as I punch the wall. “I need a pen and some paper!” “What’s going on, Corbs?” Blue asks hands me a marker to write with. “T! She was shot in the hip!” I grab my phone, struggling to get back into my voicemail so I can write down the number to the hospital, along with the woman’s name. What was her name? I begin punching in my pass code one more time. Was it Dawn? No, shit. It was um. I press nine to listen to my saved messages. Was it Deena? The message starts replaying. Dana! It was Dana! I scribble down the number and write her name and extension on a small

sheet of paper that Blue scrounged up. “What are you going to do, man? You gotta go be with her,” B.J. shows back up out of nowhere but hasn’t missed a beat. “I’m calling right now,” I say, dialing the numbers. “Be quiet.” The phone rings and I hear the generic recording pick up as I impatiently wait to hear the options to dial the extension. Why does every god damned phone operator speak like she’s about to fall asleep? C’mon, hurry up! Finally! “If you know your party’s extension, please dial 1 and then the

four-digit extension number.” Sweet Jesus! She finally got to it! I punch 1 and then dial 1134 to get to the nurse that called me. It rings once. Come on. Pick up. It rings a second time. Oh, come on! Don’t do this. Please be at your desk. A third ring. Damn it! Right to voicemail. Here we go. On the fourth ring, a breathless woman finally picks up only seconds before it goes to her voicemail. “East Valley Hospital, this is Dana Ellis. How may I help you?” “This is Corbin Kimmel. I’m Trinity Greene’s boyfriend. You called and left me a message?”

“Oh, yes! Corbin, her cousin Candace is here. Are you on your way?” “I’m in Atlanta, Georgia. How is she?” “She’s in critical condition right now. The doctors are doing everything they can to save her. We’re still trying to contact her parents, as we need someone who can sign a consent form.” “A consent form? For what?” “I think it’d be better if we told you in person.” “Is she going to live?” I shout into

the phone. I just want to know something —anything. “Mr. Kimmel, we’re doing everything we can for her right now. I will let her cousin know that you called.” “Wait! Tell me, is my baby okay?” “I’m sorry. I have to go. When the rest of the family gets here, I’ll have someone call you.” The line goes dead. How can she just hang up on me like that? That’s my girl, and that’s my baby! I look up at the sky, praying to God not to let anything

happen to either one of them as I fight back my tears. Crying is a sign of weakness, and I’m not about to show anyone that side of me. “What did they say?” the guys ask. “They said they won’t tell me anything over the phone, but they’ll be sure to let her family know that I called.” I kick the chairs that are in front of me and send them flying down to the other end of the bus as I punch the air. Fear, anger and rage surge through me as my adrenaline starts to pump. I want to hurt someone, but who? The person who did this, that’s who! Who the fuck did

this to my girl? I’ll kill them myself! How did this even happen? When I talked to her hours ago, she said she was going to fix a snack and go to bed soon. Where did she even get shot? Did she leave the house? Was someone trying to mug her? Did they hurt her or the baby before they shot her? “Bro, Corbs,” Blue put his hand on my shoulder. “Go man. Be with your girl. Your family’s more important than this tour. You can—” “I know what I can do! I know my family’s more important! You think I don’t know that?” I break down. I can’t help it. It feels like a small piece of me

just died; maybe small enough to be the part that was the baby. The guys gather around me and embrace me. “Excuse me,” the bus driver speaks up. “I might be able to help.” We all turn our heads and look at him. “The company that I contract for, they have an agreement with all the major car rental places. I bet I can get you a car right now if I call in.” “What are you waiting for?” B.J. shouts at him. “Call someone and get a car here now!” “No,” I stop them. “It’ll take me forever to get from Atlanta to Chicago if

I drive. Call me a cab and I’ll go to the airport.” “What if they don’t have any flights?” the bus driver asks. “Do you know who I am? I can have anything I want. I have all the money in the world to get from here to Chicago, even if that means hiring a private jet.” The bus driver heads back to his seat as I use my phone to search for flights. Damn. What time is it? The time on my phone says it’s 4:30 AM. I find Standard Airline’s website and start looking up flights as the bus driver hangs

up with the cab company. Scrolling through their flight listings, the first one they have that is going to Chicago isn’t until 6 PM. Shit, that’s not going to work. I search for more airlines in the Atlanta area and find Bourke Airlines. Their website doesn’t have any flights going to Chicago at all. “Oh my God!” I slam my phone down as cursing ensues. “What, bro? What do you need? We’ll help you with anything.” “There aren’t any flights from here to Chicago until six o’ clock tonight. How am I supposed to get there?”

“Like you said, we’ll hire a private jet. Let’s start looking them up. Don’t sweat it, man.” I pick up my phone to start searching private pilots. Even though I had suggested it a few minutes ago, I had already forgotten. “Are you fucking kidding me?” “What?” Blue asks. “Ah man, I shattered my phone! Damn it! Why does this shit always have to happen to me?” “Corbs, chill out. We’re going to

get you there. Hold on, bro.” He starts writing something on a piece of paper. “And you can take my phone with you when you go. You need it more than I do.” “Thanks, man. I owe you one.” The cab driver pulls up right as Blue starts talking to a man about getting me a private flight back home. I see the bus driver going out to tell him to wait a minute as he points his finger in the air, signaling him to hold on. When my attention turns back to Blue, he’s smiling and nodding as he scribbles something down.

“Yes, thank you very much. We appreciate it, and I’ll make that payment right now,” he hangs up the phone and hands it to me. “What’s going on?” I ask. “Here bro,” I take the phone that he’s handing to me. “I managed to get you a private flight to Chicago, but you have to hurry. Here’s the address where you need to be, and I’ll get my laptop and put it on our credit card,” he hands me a Burger King receipt. “Don’t worry about a thing man. We got this!” he put his arm around me and patted my back. “What’s

this

Burger

King

receipt?” “Flip it over, the address is on the back. It’s all I had,” he shrugs. “Thanks, I owe you big time.” I step off the bus with Blue’s phone in my hand and take a deep breath. My mind can’t concentrate on anything and is completely fried. The impatient cabbie honks at me, urging me to get in. I hop in the cab and read him the address on the back of the receipt. “1235 North please—and hurry.”

Starling

Road,

It feels like it’s taking forever to get to this private airport. I’m starting to wonder if this guy even knows where he’s going. He seems clueless and now isn’t the best time to test my temper because right now my tank is on empty and I have no patience with me. I lean forward, into the front seat. “Do you know where this place is?” I try to sound calm, but it doesn’t work out well. “Yes, it’s on the outskirts of town. The address you have given me is to a private airport. They need a lot of land to take off and land their airplanes. We should be approaching it in about 15

minutes.” He looks back at me in his mirror. “You seem impatient. Is everything okay?” “No, it’s not okay.” I try to swallow, but my mouth is so dry. “My pregnant girlfriend was shot tonight, and I have to get to her. They wouldn’t tell me how she, or the baby, is doing.” “I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll try to hurry faster.” His foot about damn near pushes the accelerator into the pavement as hard as he presses. My head lurches back as he turns and smiles. “See? Is this better?” “Yes, thank you.”

Thanks to Mario Andretti, we get to the airport in plenty of time to meet with the pilot who is flying me to Chicago. When I see him, I start to have doubts as to whether or not I should get into the plane with him, but I don’t have a choice. He looks too young to know how to fly a plane. Looking at him, the first thing that comes to mind is that he looks like Leonardo Di’Caprio from Catch Me If You Can. “Are you sure you know what you’re doing?” I ask before I get in the jet. “I’ve had my license for over two

years. If you don’t want to ride, that’s fine with me, but you’re still paying for the flight. It’s our company policy,” he winks at me. Right, like I have a choice. I have to get to Trinity. I climb in the jet and begin to fasten my seatbelt as he announces that we will take off in a few minutes. Dear God, please don’t let him kill us and please get me to Chicago fast! Keep my girls safe. I love them with all my heart. A small Asian woman steps out from behind the area where the pilot is sitting, wearing a pleasant smile on her face. “Sir, my name is Katrina. Let me

know if I can get you anything to make your flight more comfortable.” “Thanks. Can I have a water?” I grab the water bottle from her, and it almost slips through my hands. I didn’t realize how sweaty and shaky I am. I can’t stop thinking about how bad things must be at the hospital, especially since the nurse refused to tell me anything over the phone. I look down at Blue’s phone and realize that it’s basically useless. I don’t have anyone’s phone number memorized because everything is saved in my contacts on my phone. No matter how much I want to, I can’t call anyone except the hospital

who refuses to tell me anything. The nurse said she would tell T’s family that I called, but now that I smashed my phone, they don’t have a way to call me back. During the flight, the sweet attendant asks me at least three or four times if I need anything. I think she can tell that something is wrong. The last thing that I want right now is something to eat, watch or read. Each time she asks, I politely declined and silently pray that the jet will land soon. My prayer was finally answered when I heard him announce that we were getting ready to land in ten minutes. I quickly use Blue’s phone to call a cab to pick me

up from the airport where we are landing so that it will be ready as soon as I step off the plane. Stepping out into the cool morning air, my stomach feels queasy, and I think for a second that I might get sick. My whole body feels shaky; my eyes sting, and it feels like I have sand in them from being so tired but rest will have to come later. The most important person in the world to me is lying in a hospital bed at East Valley Hospital, and the only thing that matters is being by her side—by both of their sides. How could I be so selfish? I should have listened to her and stayed home instead of going on this tour. Everything is my fault, and right

now I hate myself for it. “East Valley Hospital,” I announce to the cab driver as I sit in the cab. “And please hurry. My pregnant girlfriend was shot, and I don’t know if she’s going to make it.”

Chapter 5: Trinity “We’re waiting for your parents to get here, Trinity,” the nurse says to me as I lie barely conscious in my bed. She seems nice, but I can tell that something is wrong when I look at her. Every time she looks at me her, the wrinkle in her forehead becomes a little deeper and her brows furrow. She’s older than me; I’d say probably in her late 40’s with straight brown hair and green eyes. By the way she is reacting to me, I can tell that she has been a nurse for a long time. She’s able to keep her wits about her,

and it’s like I’m just another patient coming into the E.R. with a broken arm from a roof fall. I watch her fuss over my IV lines as she checks the bags of solution hanging from the steel rod pole that’s beside my bed. When I look over to my left, I see numerous pieces of equipment that I’m hooked up to. I can’t tell if they have given me drugs or not because I already felt numb before the ambulance picked me up and I still feel that way. I hear a knock at the door and watch a young white man poke his head through the crack. He looks squeamish. It’s obvious that he hasn’t worked here nearly as long as my nurse. His spiked

blond hair is dyed as I can see that his roots are dark brown. “Dana? There are two people in the waiting room who say they are Trinity’s parents. I told them I would get you.” “Thank you. I’ll be right there.” She smiles at me, but I can see it in her eyes that something isn’t right. Her eyes are filled with sorrow. She turns to walk out, but I grab her hand and stop her. “Is my—,” I have to catch my breath. Why does it hurt so bad to breathe? I gasp for another breath of air. “Baby okay?”

“Trinity, your condition is very critical. We need to operate, but the operation has a few heavy risks. Right now we are waiting for you to consult with your parents before we get out the consent forms.” “Why? I can—” there goes my breathing again. Everything feels so woozy. You would think with all the medicines dripping into my IV that at least one of them would make me feel a little better. I don’t complain, though. The only thing that is important to me is that the baby and I are both going to be okay.

“I know, under normal circumstances you could sign your own consent form but with the medications we have you on for pain and in the condition that you’re in, the doctor has asked that you discuss the risks with your family before signing anything. I’ll send them in to talk to you, but we don’t have much time. You were shot almost three hours ago. I don’t know how much longer we can keep you in the condition you’re in. One wrong move on your part or ours, or if that bullet slips, you could die in seconds.” “What risks?” I ask. The tone of her voice is scaring me. Only a moment ago, I thought she was this calm,

collected nurse that nothing bothered, but now? Now she seems too eager to get the ball rolling on things. I know she means business and isn’t waiting around. “Let me bring your parents in so you can all hear this at one time.” She wastes no time leaving the room as she swings the door open and charges down the hall in a brisk walk. After she leaves my room, I look around and notice that I’m in an emergency room. My eyes fixate on one monitor in particular, but I don’t know what any of the numbers or graphs mean. I listen to the dull beep of the machines until my door opens again. My parents

follow the nurse into my room. “Baby! Are you okay?” my mom runs her hand over my forehead just like she used to when I was a child. Tears are flowing down her cheeks as my dad holds her in his arms. “Here’s the situation,” the nurse begins. I try to focus hard, but it’s damn near impossible. “We don’t know the size caliber of the bullet that you were shot with at the moment. We can find that information out after surgery is over. The problem is that the bullet is lodged in your hip bone. Fortunately, it did not penetrate your body any farther because if it did, it’s in perfect line with the

baby’s heart. We need to operate to remove the bullet, and there’s a high probability that you’ll have to have pins and rods inserted into your hip to help the bone heal itself back together.” “What are the risks in doing that?” my dad asks the nurse. “Unfortunately, when we deliver the anesthesia, it will affect the baby. It can cause fetal respiratory acidosis, decreased uterine blood flow and uterine vasoconstriction. Now, what—” “Can you put those terms in plain English?” my mother interrupts her.

“Suzette,” my dad grabs her arm. “Rocky, don’t,” my mom yanks her arm away from my father. I feel bad. This is all my fault. Everything is my fault. If I hadn't gotten shot, none of this would be happening right now. The worst part is I don’t even know who shot me or why. All I know is that there was a white woman dressed in dark clothes. I have no idea why she was there or what she wanted. The police pressed me for any information I could give them, but I don’t have much more to give them than what I know. “Sorry. The baby’s lungs can stop working and there will not be enough

blood flow going to the baby to sustain life during the surgery.” My mom gasps as she covers her mouth and buries her head into my dad’s chest. “This means,” the nurse continues, “we will have to take the baby before we operate. It’s the best chance the baby has at surviving. We can put the baby on machines to help it breathe and live.” My dad sighs as he looks at me with teary eyes. “How far along is she? And how good of a chance does the baby have at survival?” he asks the nurse. “She’s 27 weeks pregnant, just a week shy of being seven months. We won’t know the baby’s odds until we do

it. Right now, the odds that the baby will live are small, but we have to do the operation.” “Then why are you even asking her to sign a consent form when she doesn’t have a say in it?” my mom shrieks at the nurse. Her face is tearstained, and she’s gasping between breaths as she tries to calm herself. With being so weak, all I can do is lie here and listen. I can’t thank God enough for my parents being my advocates today, but I wish Corbs is here. Where is he? Does he even know? “It’s standard procedure, but we don’t have much time. She needs surgery

now,” she says to my parents as she glances at me. “You want her to sign a piece of paper so when you kill her baby, she can’t sue you. Isn’t that right?” My poor mom, she can’t stop yelling. “I’ll sign,” I say with every ounce of energy that I have. I know that my options are limited, and right now if I don’t have this surgery, both of us could die. The nurse told me that they had already given me blood because I’ve lost so much. There’s no way that the baby or I can go on like this much longer. As I silently

pray for the Lord to watch over the baby and me during the operation, I also beg him to let Corbin make it to the hospital in time. I don’t want him to miss the birth of our child, and right now I need him more than anything. He has always been my rock, and he needs to be here to keep me anchored to the ground. I hate that he’s not here for me to consult. While my mom is staring at me with tears streaming down her face, I motion for her to come to me so I can whisper to her. She leans close to me as I begin to murmur into her ear. “Where’s Corbs?” “I don’t know baby. The nurse

said she left a message for him on his phone, and he called earlier. I’m sure he’s on his way here,” she purses her lips. She doesn’t even try to hide her disdain for him. I know that she’s upset that he isn’t here. She was in agreement with me that he should have stayed home instead of going on this tour, but she won’t show her feelings about him right now. My mom’s not that kind of woman. The nurse brings me the consent form and hands me a pen. My parents nod at me, telling me to sign the paper. I peer down at my stomach and take one last glimpse of the baby while I know she’s still alive and silently ask God to take care of her

again. I scribble my name though it does not look like my normal handwriting. I don’t have it in me to form all of the letters in my name. “I’ll let the doctor know, and we’ll get started immediately.” She looks at my parents, “You might want to say your goodbye’s now until after surgery. We already have an operating room waiting for her.” My parents take turns kissing my cheek. I know my dad is keeping my mom from losing it in front of me, and somehow, it’s helping me stay strong too. If I cry now, my mom will lose it, and I don’t want to do that to her.

Fighting back the tears, a small wave of relief finally washes over me when the nurses and the doctor come into the room to start unhooking me from the monitors to take me to surgery. My parents disappear in the room of people before they start wheeling me down to the operating room. I’m so scared. My body begins to shake as I listen to them toss around medical terminology that only someone with an eight-year degree would understand. A tall man with gray hair and a round middle walks behind me and leans over me. We’re looking at each other upside down as my teeth start to chatter.

“Are you cold?” he cocks his eyebrow. I nod my head. It’s too cold to talk. “Nurse, can you get her another blanket? She’s shaking.” He turns his attention back to me. “I’m Dr. Edwards, your anesthesiologist. I’m going to place a device over your mouth and nose that will administer the medicine for you during your surgery. It will put you under so that you won’t feel anything and I’ll stay with you during the entire procedure. Are you allergic to any drugs?” I shake my head no. The nurse lays another blanket across my body; this one is warm and feels so good. Dr.

Parish walks in with his hands in the air, and one of the nurses runs over to him with sterile gloves, slipping them onto his hands one at a time. After she ties a mask over his face, he walks up to my bed. “Trinity, we are going to get started now.” I nod my head. Within seconds, Dr. Edwards places a triangular mask over my mouth and nose. “Count backwards from 10 to 1 in your head.” Please let her live. Let both of us be okay. Ten, nine, I hope this works. Eight. Dear God, if I thought I was

dizzy before, it’s gotten much…..

Chapter 6: Corbin I jump out the cab and run inside the hospital. Searching for a familiar face, I look inside the waiting room that’s off the lobby of the emergency room. Her parents are sitting next to each other facing her cousin Candace. Darting in the direction of the waiting room, I nearly bump into two orderlies who are wheeling a patient down the hall. “Sorry,” I say and duck into the waiting room out of breath. “Where is

she? Is she okay?” Her family looks at me as though I have sprouted multiple heads. “They said they were taking her back to surgery and asked her mom and dad to leave the room before they wheeled her into the operating room,” Candace says to me, breaking the silence since her parents won’t answer me. I look at her parents. Her mom is crying, and her dad’s face is stonewalling me as he gives me the stink eye. I know they have to be mad at me, but I didn’t do anything. I got here as fast as I could. “How long ago?” I ask Candace since she seems to be the only one

willing to talk to me. “Maybe four or five minutes ago.” I put my hands behind my head. “Damn!” I say, bending over and smacking my knee. “I wanted to see her before they took her back. Tell me everything. Tell me what happened, how she got shot, what the doctors are saying, everything. Don’t leave anything out.” Candace starts slowly filling me in on all the details, starting with how she had just talked to her on the phone right before the shooting. I listen to the horrifying details about how the bullet is lodged in her hip bone and only missed

the baby’s heart by inches. The worst part is her telling me that they are delivering our baby girl more than two months early. They’re probably doing it right now as we speak. My gut drops, my palms are sweaty, my knees are weak, and I feel like I’m going to vomit. I’m going to be a father within minutes if I’m not already. She’s too early to be born. We don’t even have her name picked out. I float to the floor as slide down the wall. I need a minute to catch my breath, gather my thoughts and figure out the next move. All I can do is sit here and wait, but I can’t. I wish I could go back and assist with the surgery to make sure they are doing everything they can for her, but I know that’s impossible too.

She begged me and argued with me not to leave. T even said, “What if something happens while you’re gone?” and I blew her off. I told her nothing would happen, and now this. If I would have been home, I could have stopped all of this from happening. She probably hates me right now. I bet she was thinking, “I told you so,” before they took her back to surgery. Both of her parents are glaring at me as if I’m the devil himself. I can’t sit here while they’re taking my baby and operating on my girl. The room feels like it’s suffocating me and I can’t breathe. “Walk with me,” I say to her

cousin. “What if they come back with news about her or the baby?” “We’ll only be gone a minute. I promise.” She follows me out into the hall, and we start walking around the windows of the waiting room, forming a perfect L with the path that we’re following. Once I have her alone, I’m able to ask her more questions without the death glare from her mom and dad. “Have you gotten to see her since the shooting?” I ask.

“No, they would only let the immediate family go back. Even when I was the only family here, they still wouldn’t let me see her. They waited until Rocky and Suzette were here before they let anyone go back.” “Man. I know she has to be blaming me, and she’s right. It is all my fault. I couldn’t—” “Corbin, don’t even go there. We don’t know why the girl shot her. Don’t blame yourself. As much as you love T, everyone knows you would never do anything to harm her.”

“No. Damn it! I should have been there. For once, I should have listened to her. God, why did I have to leave her while she was pregnant?” A lump forms in my throat as I think about our tiny baby girl being taken from her momma’s belly. “Corbs, it’s okay. You have to chill. She’s going to need you to stay calm and support her. You can’t be losing your shit like this. Get a grip.” “I know. You’re right,” I take a deep breath. “Give me a minute before we go back in the waiting room.” As we sit in the hall, people pass

by staring at us—mainly me. I want to punch them. I want to scream, kick something or do anything. How could it be after all this time this shit is happening to me? I want to tell her I love her and miss her, just kiss her one more time but I can’t. Not now. It’s too late. I made my choice, and now I have to live with it. While we continue sitting in the hall, Candace says something that slaps me with guilt. “They think it might have been a robbery went wrong or possibly a fan since it was a woman.” Before I can even open my mouth, a tall, slender nurse runs down the hall and dashes into the waiting room. Candace and I look at each other before

jumping to our feet and run in there after her. It’s T’s nurse, and she is starting to give Rocky and Suzette an update on Trinity. “We have delivered the baby. The doctor is working on trying to fuse Trinity’s hip together now.” “How is she?” Candace cuts in before any of us has a chance. “Her vitals dipped while we were performing the c-section, but we have her stabilized now. She’s lost a lot of blood, and we have given her three pints since she came into the hospital. The doctor hopes to have her surgery

complete in a few hours.” “What about the baby?” I ask. I’m almost afraid to know what she has to say. So afraid, in fact, that I hope she doesn’t have an answer. She looks at me with her head cocked to the side as if I don’t belong with T’s family. She looks at them and then back to me. “I’m Trinity’s boyfriend Corbin. The baby is mine.” “The baby is in very critical condition. We will monitor her very closely, but I must warn you that if her condition worsens, we will have to have her airlifted to another hospital.” She looks around at the family. “One that

specializes in perinatal care.” “Can we see her?” I interrupt before she can say anything else that I don’t want to hear. “You can see her, but you cannot hold her or touch her. She’s in a special chamber, and you must know that she doesn’t look like a full-term baby. Her skin is very translucent, she is very tiny, and there are quite a bit of tubes that she is hooked up to.” “I don’t care. I want to see my baby.” T’s parent stand from their seats, uniting with me in wanting to see the baby.

“I have to get back in surgery, but I will send someone to take you to see her.” I sigh. I’m scared, excited, nervous, happy and sad all at the same time. Before any of this happened, I thought I would be so happy the day my daughter was born, but now I’m terrified of meeting her. I look over at Suzette and Rocky. They stare back with a look of disgust, sadness, and disappointment in their eyes. “You could have at least called and said you were on your way,” Suzette snaps at me. “T was asking for you

before they carted her off to surgery. I had to look into my baby’s eyes and smooth things over for you and that is not all right.” “Rocky, Suzette,” I look both of her parents in the eye, “believe me, I wanted to. I did, but I broke my phone. Blue gave me his phone when I left to come here. I don’t have anyone’s phone number memorized, or I would have.” The look of disgust on her face turns into hatred. “Seriously. Look,” I hold up the phone and turn on the backlight. There’s a picture of him and his nephew sitting on his porch steps as the screen saver. “I feel terrible for not making it before they took her back. Candace says I only

missed it by minutes,” I try to defend myself. “Those minutes were what mattered most to her,” she hisses. “And if you weren’t so greedy with the fame, you could have been at home with our baby, protecting her like a man should.” “I’ve had—” “I’m sorry,” a nurse steps into the waiting room. “Are you Trinity Greene’s family?” We all say, “Yes,” in unison. “My name is Sonya from the neonatal unit. I can take you to see the Greene baby, but only one person at a time can go in.”

Inside the neonatal unit, we all have to scrub up, put on a sterile hospital gown and slip on caps over our hair. Once we are all ready, the nurse says one of us can go in. I look at her parents and her father nods at me. Following the nurse, I take a deep breath to prepare myself for what I’m about to see. I can only imagine what she must look like after the way the other nurse described her. When we are closer to the chamber she is in, I see monitors galore that are feeding tiny tubes inside the incubator they have her in. For a moment, I don’t know if I’ll be able to look at her. My heart drops as I see her tiny body lying there. The diaper they

have her in looks enormous on her as it floats a good three inches above her body. The nurse walks away, standing on the opposite side of the room as I stare at my miniature baby. She doesn’t look real. I wish I can hold her, but it’s obvious from looking at her that she’s not even strong enough to be held. A single tear falls down my cheek. I wipe it away before anyone can see. The nurse is busy filling out papers on a clipboard. I lean in as close as I can to the chamber and whisper to her. “Hey, baby girl. Don’t worry, daddy’s here. I can’t hold you right now,

but I’ll be here all through the night. Your mommy’s going to be so happy when she sees you. Daddy loves you.” “We need to let another family member come in now. I’m sorry. What’s your name? I’ll add it to the chart.” “Corbin Kimmel. I’m the baby’s father.” “Oh? Oh. Okay, Mr. Kimmel.” She scribbles something into the chart. “We can go out to the lobby now so that I can bring back someone else. The baby needs her rest, so we need to keep the visits short.”

It takes everything I have not to cry when we walk out of that room. I never thought I could love something so tiny, but she stole my heart the moment I saw her. She might be skinny, transparent and tubes coming out of her but she’s gorgeous. I start taking off my gown and hair net as we get into the neonatal waiting area. T’s mom goes next and sees the baby. When she returns, she has a full stream of tears trailing her face. Rocky goes next, and then Candace. When Candace comes back out, we all head back to the waiting room to await the news of Trinity’s surgery. I can’t wait to see her and apologize. All I want to do is kiss her and tell her how

much I love her. I know I fucked up bad, and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to make it up to her, but I’ll spend every day of the rest of my life trying. She didn’t do anything to deserve any of this. While we wait, I call the crew and give them an update on the baby and tell them what I know about T’s condition so far. Just as I promise to call them back with updates, the tall brunette nurse starts walking toward the waiting room. I can see her through the glass window. “Hey, bro, I gotta go. Her nurse is coming back.” The entire family stands to greet her as she approaches us. “Trinity is finally out of surgery.

Everything went well, and she is in recovery. She’ll be there for a couple of hours until the anesthesia wears off. Once she is awake and alert, we can move her into a regular room where she’ll stay for the rest of her hospital time.” “When can we see her?” I ask. “It will be after we move her into her permanent room, and the nurses get her set up there. I’d say about three or four hours? I’ll ask them to page you when she’s ready.”

Chapter 7: Trinity I feel like a dump truck ran me over, backed up three or four times and ran me over again. I look around the room and see that I’m here by myself, but it doesn’t look like a regular room. Now that my eyes are focusing, I see it’s more like a curtain that’s pulled around me, connected to the ceiling. I try to call out for the nurse, but my throat is so raw and dry that I start to cough. Oh, that hurts. I try not to cough anymore because it feels like if I do it again, my body might break. I hear the curtain

being pulled open. All I want to know is where my baby is and how she is doing. That’s the only thing I’m worried about, but right now, I can’t do anything with this cough. Why is it so bad? “Ms. Greene? How are you feeling?” My coughing fit continues to ensue. I’m sure that I’m going to die right now. “Let me grab you some ice chips,” she says and leaves me. Please stop coughing! I can’t stop no matter how hard I try. My throat is on fire. It feels like they dumped gritty sand down it and used a blow dryer to make sure every last piece of it went down. “Here you go,” she hands me a spoonful of ice chips.

I greedily shove them into my mouth as she warns me not to have too much as it could make me nauseous. Right now I’ll do anything to stop this coughing fit before it kills me and put this fire out in my throat. After several spoonfuls, the coughing and burning subside. “Better now?” the nurse asks. She has an old, familiar face and is very friendly. In a way, she reminds me of my grandma, Lucinda. I nod my head and funnel one last spoonful of ice chips into my mouth before she takes them away from me. She begins taking my vitals and records her findings. “How is your pain

level?” “A ten,” I answer. I’m not lying. “Can you tell me your name and where you’re at?” “Yes, Trinity Greene and I’m at the hospital,” I wince in pain as I try to sit up in the bed. I don’t feel much better than I did earlier, but at least I can breathe better now. “What hospital?” “East Valley. Where’s my baby?” “She is in the neonatal unit.”

Oh my God. Thank you, sweet Jesus! “Is she okay?” I was almost afraid to ask because I didn’t want to hear that she didn’t make it. I’m so glad she is alive. “The last I knew, she was in critical condition, but I’m not a nurse in that unit so I can’t say for sure.” She increased one of the drips that was running into the tube in my arm. I watch the liquid begin to drip faster as it goes down the tube. “Once we move you out of recovery, your family can see you. I’m sure they’ll have an update for you.” Is this woman off her rocker? “I

can’t wait until I’m out of recovery. I need to know now.” We lock eyes, and I can tell that she’s studying me. She realizes that I’m not backing down or giving up. Her eyes roll in the back of her head. “I’ll get one of the neonatal nurses to see if they can speak with you.” She sounds so annoyed with me. If I weren't bound to this hospital bed right now, I would have knocked her eyes right out of her head. I was wrong—way wrong—I guess her looks are deceiving because she is far from being very friendly. Who does that? You don’t roll your eyes when someone asks

how their baby is in a situation like this. The cup of ice chips is on a stand right next to my bed and just barely out of reach. She probably did that on purpose —put the ice chips out of my reach. I try to grab the cup anyway. My throat still feels like a dry, sandy desert. As I stretch my arm out, a pain shoots through my hip and stops me instantly. “Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow,” I grip the railing of the bed as hard as I can. It feels like someone is stabbing me where I was shot. Damn, that’s sore! I don’t dare try that again. Miserable, I wait until someone comes back. Twenty minutes later, a young nurse with short red hair comes into my

recovery room. “Ms. Greene? I’m Lindsay from the neonatal unit, and I’m your daughter’s nurse until this evening at shift change. They said you were asking about her?” “Yes, please,” my voice strained. “Can you please hand me that cup?” She passes me the cup, and I immediately put the ice chips in my mouth. The nurse gives me all the details about my daughter’s condition and how she is doing. It doesn’t seem real. How can this be happening to me? I had such a good pregnancy, went to all of my doctor appointments and took such good care of both of us. That woman ruined it

all. She ruined everything. I was supposed to have a happy, healthy delivery, and Corbin was supposed to be there. She took it all away from me. “Can I see her?” I meekly ask. I’m not sure if it’s even physically possible for me to see her. “That’s a question you might want to ask your doctor.” Before I can ask her who my doctor even is, another nurse comes into my makeshift tent area. “We’re ready to move her.” “What room will you be putting

her in?” the neonatal nurse asks. “Um, looks like room 312,” she glances down at her chart. “Are you finished here?” “Yes, I’ll let the night shift know where you’re putting mom at,” she smiles at me. “Hope you heal well.” The rude nurse comes back into my tent area with the other recovery nurse. I don’t speak to her because I know that if I do, things might not go well for me during the rest of my hospital stay. The two nurses each grab an end of my bed and begin wheeling me down the hall, past the nurse’s station,

and into a private room. When I get in there, I see Corbin sitting in the corner of my room in a chair. “Bae, I’m so sorry,” he says as they lock the wheels on my bed, making his way over to me. The helpful nurse leaves, and now it’s just me, Corbs and the rude nurse. “Are you okay?” “Step back,” the nurse says to him as she hooks my monitors up. I hold my finger up, signaling to Corbin that he should wait. As she starts walking out the door, I hold my hand up to prevent him from talking until she’s out of sight. “Shut the door.”

“What?” “Shut the door,” I say. He gets up and walks over to the door, closing it softly until it clicks. “Why did you want me to do that?” “Nurse friendly over there is rude as hell. Have you seen the baby?” Right now the only thing I care about is that baby. I want to see and hold her so bad. He nods, but his face is sad. It’s not the usual, “Hey I just seen my newborn daughter,” kind of face that I expected. His expression is solemn. I

stare at him, demanding to know what he’s thinking. He clears his throat. “She’s not doing well. They have her hooked up to everything imaginable and she’s so tiny. She doesn’t even look like a real baby, T. God, I’m so sorry.” “But she’s alive, right?” I ask as he’s leaning over, hugging me. “Yeah, I mean she’s alive, but,” his voice breaks off. I can see a lump in his throat as he swallows. “This is all my fault.” “Let’s not talk about whose fault it is. If we do that, you might end up in the hospital. I told you not to go on that tour.

I begged you to stay with us. What is it with you Corbs? Are you that hungry for fame that you risked it all for a few more shows? God, you’re pathetic.” I don’t want to argue or yell at him, but I can’t help it. What is a mother supposed to do in a situation like this? My baby’s life is at risk because of his greed. “Trinity, you don’t have to tell me. I know. Believe me, I know I fucked up this time. I hate myself for it, but right now it is what it is. We have to stay strong for her, and for you. Are you okay?” I shrug my shoulders and start to feel bad when I hear the sincerity in his

voice. “I heard the nurses talking to the doctor, and he said that I would have to do physical therapy. It might take months for me to walk on my own again.” “Bae, I’m so sorry. When I heard the news, I flipped out. I hired a private jet to fly me here because there were no flights from Atlanta to Chicago.” He looks at the clock on the wall. “Well, not until now anyway. Please forgive me. I know I screwed this one up. I messed up big time.” “Yeah you did,” I look around. “Where are my parents? Do they know that I’m out of surgery? Does Candace know?”

“Yes, they’re here right now. The nurse told us you would be in recovery a lot longer than you were. They all went to the cafeteria to grab something to eat, but I wanted to wait here for you.” He kisses my hand. “Is she really that bad off? What does she look like?” I ask. It’s not fair that I have to ask what my baby looks like. Under normal circumstances, I would have seen her the minute she was born and would have gotten to hold her. He describes her to me in great detail. My stomach turns, and I feel sick as I think about her being hooked up to a

feeding tube, breathing machine, various IVs, and being stored in a piece of plastic. Nobody can touch her. No human interaction except for the nurses when they change her diaper or check her tubes. That’s no kind of life to live. My baby deserves better than that. I break down and begin to cry. Corbin holds me in his arms as he stands beside my bed. “I know baby. Don’t cry, everything is going to be all right. We’ve got enough money in the world to do whatever she might need to be done. We’ll get through this.” “I know, Corbin, but that’s my baby in there. I can’t even hold her or

touch her.” My crying turns into loud sobs, “And because I can’t walk, I can’t even see her!” “Shhh,” he brushes my hair out of my face. A knock on the door startles us. “Trinity? I’m Dr. Radcliff,” he walks around the bed and shakes our hands. “I’ll be your doctor from now until you leave. How are you feeling? The nurse said your pain level was high, so she adjusted your meds. Do they seem to be working?” “A little.” I study him as he checks on all the bags hanging from the pole above my bed and records the

monitor readings in my chart. “Dr. Radcliff? When can I see my baby?” He frowns. Oh, that can’t be a good sign. “That depends. You won’t be able to walk for some time so you going to the neonatal unit is out of the question for right now.” He looks at Corbin. “Are you the father?” They shake hands, “Yes, Corbin Kimmel.” “Excuse me, did you say Corbin Kimmel? The rapper Corbin Kimmel?” “The one and only,” he smiles. Spare me.

“We may be able to arrange for you to go down to the neonatal unit, but it will be tricky. I can tell you it won’t be for at least a few days. We want to make sure that your surgical site doesn’t get infected and that your pain level stays within a tolerable range. I’ll have the nurse come in and check on you in a little while.” “A few days? I can’t wait a few days to see her. There has to be something we can figure out,” I protest. “We’ll see. I have to get to my next patient. If you need anything, just push that button on the remote. It will

page your nurse.” I watch in disbelief as he walks out of my room. Corbin sits beside my bed and pulls his chair close. “T, I’ve been thinking about things. You remember that talk we had before I left?” We had lots of talks, but I’m not sure which one he is referring to. “The one where we talked about me staying home and not traveling and going on tours?” I nod. Now I know what he’s talking about. “That is the only thing I’ve been thinking about all day while I was trying to get here and while you were in surgery. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much you and the baby mean to me. I’m not going to tour like this anymore. You were right, and I

was wrong.” “If you think I’m going to believe you right now, you’re crazy. You’ve promised to stop going on tours and special performances before so what makes you think I believe you now? I don’t!” He gets on his knee and takes my hand in his. “Bae, I’m sorry. I know I can’t say anything else to change things or make them better, but you have my word.” He sweeps a braided lock of hair away from my face as he kisses my forehead. “If I could go back, I would have never left. You were right, and I realize what matters most to me. It’s you

and our baby girl.” “Whatever, Corbin. I don’t want to hear it right now. I know you’re sorry. I get that, but our baby might not live because of you. How can I forgive you for that?” “T, it’s not like I’m the one who pulled the trigger. I feel guilty for everything, and I’m willing to take full responsibility.” I turn my head away from him, cutting him off as I bite my lip to keep from crying. The truth is, I want to forgive him but I can’t. Not right now. After I begged him not to go and he

refused to listen, I can’t just say, ‘Okay, I forgive you.' Yes, there is no doubt in my mind that he loves and maybe this is his wake up call, but an old dog doesn’t learn new tricks overnight. When I first found out that I was pregnant, he told me that I didn’t have to worry about any tours for a while. A long time. Then he started getting that itch; you know the one where he just has to have girls shaking their booty at him while he raps on stage? Yep, that one. The one that put the baby’s life and my life in danger. “Please, bae, look at me.” He grabs my chin and turns my head towards him. “I promise. This family means more to me than anything.” I

refuse to answer him. Talking will make me break down. I swallow the dry lump in my throat and bite the inside of my cheek before taking a deep breath to calm myself. “I want to see her,” I say. “T, you know you can’t walk, and she’s in a plastic chamber with everything hooked up to her. It’s not possible.” “You make it possible,” I snap. “You say you love us so much, right? Then find a way to let me see my daughter. If she—” I can’t even say the words. I turn my head and focus on a

floor tile that has a black scuff mark, hoping it will divert my attention. It doesn’t work. Tears start welling up in my eyes. “If she doesn’t make it, I want to see her while she is alive.” The look on his face is that of defeat. His shoulders slump forward, and he slowly makes his way toward the door of my room. He places his hand on it, staring at me for a moment before he slips out. “I’ll talk to the nurse.” Even though I might be making impossible demands, I want to see him try. It would literally crush my heart if I didn’t get to see her if something does happen to her. She deserves to meet me,

and I deserve to get to know what she looks like. I also want him to prove to me that he will change. I’ve been hearing the words long enough now that it’s time to put them into action. Our relationship won’t survive if he can’t do it. This is the last straw. If he truly wants to be a family man, he’ll start right now, right here today. No more excuses and no more ‘I’m sorry’. I need him to show me that we can move forward because if we can’t, I don’t know what to believe anymore. Only moments after he leaves, my family walks through the door. My mom looks like she’s been crying and my dad’s eyes are filled with worry.

Candace strolls in right behind them as she wipes tears from her cheeks. I offer a weak smile, enough to let my parents know that I’m okay. My hip still hurts like hell, but I don’t want them to worry, so I’m putting on my happy face. “Hey, mom. Hey, dad.” I reach my hand up to hold my mom’s hand. “Hey, Candace. Thanks for coming.” “You know I wouldn’t stay at home for something like this,” my mom kisses my cheek. “Why did you tell them to call Candace instead of us?” “Not now, Suzette,” my dad interrupts.

“No, it’s okay,” I say. “I don’t know. Maybe because she was the last person I had talked to? I’m not sure.” My dad smiles at me and nods as he shrugs his shoulders. We all know how mom can be when she’s upset. She always wants to be the first person to be notified, and I wouldn’t have had a problem giving them her name, but I was so out of it when they took me away in the ambulance. I guess my mind wasn’t working right. “Have you seen the baby?” I ask them. “Yes, we all went to the neonatal unit and saw her. She’s very tiny,” Candace says. “They made us put

special gowns on before we could even get near the incubator.” She looks around the room. “Where’s Corbs?” Candace asks. “You know if he hadn’t been away on his concert tour,” my mom cuts in before I can answer Candace, “he could have protected you. How can a grown man be so irresponsible? It’s not like he’s a teenager anymore, Trinity. Once you start a family, you have responsibilities. He can’t abandon the two of you like this. What if you would have died?” I know she is right, but I can’t tell her that. Not now. It will go straight to

her head, and she’ll start harping on him, but the truth is I want to let her know that I agree with her. I decide to keep my mouth shut for his sake. There is no reason to make matters worse than they already are. The last thing I want to do is listen to everyone fight. “I told him that I want to see the baby so he went to find a nurse to figure out how we can make that possible, “I finally answer my cousin’s question. “Does she look okay?” They all look at each other before they answer me. I know that’s a bad sign. Why don’t they just tell me? “She’s, uh, she doesn’t look normal. I mean, like she’s formed correctly in regards to her facial features, ears, fingers, and things

like that but she looks like a fake baby doll.” Well, that sounds exactly how Corbin described her too. I don’t know if I can handle seeing her like that. Babies are supposed to be chunky, happy and healthy. That’s how I pictured mine to be anyway. Everyone turns their attention to the door as we hear talking, and it starts to swing open.

Chapter 8: Corbin The nurse doesn’t want to take Trinity to see the baby because it will be too difficult but I am not going to give her any other options. T said that I had to prove myself to her, and that’s exactly what I plan on doing. I truly hope that she knows I mean everything I have told her tonight. She is my soul mate and my best friend. Trinity is a big part of the reason I’m where I am today—because she never gave up on me. Well, I’m not giving up on her or my daughter, and I will show her the same dedication that

she has always shown me. The past 24 hours have opened my eyes and shown me a new light that I didn’t see before. I am man enough to admit that I did take her for granted, but things don’t have to stay that way. For once in my life, I’m going to show her that I love her instead of just telling her. I am going to make a change. Not only for myself but for my family. We might have the finer things in life, but that doesn’t buy or prove your love for someone. It only shows money—the money that I neglected her and my family for—and I don’t know how I became so damned materialistic. Even with a fat bank account, T has kept it real. She’s

never once cared how much money we did or didn’t have. Before I made it big, we used to live on next to nothing. I remember one Valentine’s Day that I felt bad because I wasn’t going to be able to get her anything. She knew we didn’t have any money, and she didn’t care, but I did. I cared a lot. That Valentine’s Day I happened to be off work—it was my only night off that week, which was near impossible because, at the time, I worked two jobs. I had to work two jobs so I could put food on the table and make sure I paid my fair share of the bills while still paying my way into rap battles. I borrowed some money from my

old man, brought some Chinese food home and had it all ready for when she came home from work and set it up on our coffee table. I found some candles that she had and lit them as I waited for her to walk in. After we had our dinner, I told her I had a present for her. She looked at me in surprise because she knew we didn’t have any money. I went into our bedroom and came out with a single red rose and a DVD of The Body Guard. She’s always loved Whitney Houston whether she was acting or singing. We snuggled up on the couch, watching one of her all-timefavorite movies and I did nothing but hold her. After our movie, I carried her

into the bedroom and made her queen for a night. I started with a full-body massage after I removed all of her clothes, rubbing her down from head to toe, and then I began trailing kisses down her neck as I delicately caressed her back. I flipped her onto her back and cupped her breasts with my hands. Using the tip of my tongue, I swirled around her erect nipples. In the soft glow of the moonlight, I could see goosebumps prickle along her creamy cocoa skin. Eager to make her squirm, I sucked each of her nipples until they were long and hard before sliding my tongue down her torso, stopping to nibble on her curvy

hips. She has a tickle spot on each of her hips bones, and when I hit it just right, it makes her jump and squeal like a giddy school girl. I adore her when she does that. Right as I was going for the sweet spot on her hip, I looked up and made eye contact with her. She wanted to tell me no, but I was too fast. “Squeeeee!” she bit her lip as she raised her hips off the bed. I grinned up at her, still staring into her eyes as my lips continued moving south. With her legs splayed wide open, granting me full access to her glistening mound, I could see how excited she was. Even though I’d barely

touched her, she was ready to go, but I wasn’t giving it to her that easily. I took my time and began to eat her nice and slow, savoring the taste of her on the tip of my tongue as I slowly swirled it around her clit. Tracing the letters of the alphabet on top of her love button, she started moaning and arching her back as she wrapped her legs around me. Sinking my fingers into her, I teased her G-spot by motioning my fingers in a ‘come here’ motion once they were deep inside of her. After a few strokes with my fingers, I took her clit in my mouth and sucked on it as I continued working her G-spot with my fingertips. Her eyes rolled into the back of

her head as she grabbed the sheets, twisting handfuls of the soft fabric in her fist while she came all over my face. I felt her pussy tighten and pulsate around my fingers as she came. When she was finished, she lie there gasping and panting, still holding the crumpled sheets in her fists. I gave her a moment to recover before sliding my drenched fingers out of her and inserting my cock inside of her. After fucking her with my tongue, I was so turned on that my aching dick throbbed and jerked at the thought of entering her. She was so wet from the orgasm that she had just had that I was able to slide right in and begin making love to

her. We melded together, forming a perfect pair as I worked myself in and out of her, kissing and biting her neck along the way. She wrapped her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist as I lifted her off the bed and flipped her on top of me. There’s nothing sexier than the sight of her riding me. I love watching her breasts bounce with each thrust that she takes. We continued making love until she sat up, straight as a board, and reached behind her. I felt her soft, petite hands encompass my boys before she started playing with them as she continued to ride me. Watching the rise and fall of her breasts as my cock slid in and out of her

while she played with me was too much; it was sensory overload. I didn’t want to cum that fast and tried to stop myself but with the taste of her still fresh on my lips, the smell of sex filling the room all around us and the way she tantalized me, I couldn’t help myself. My balls tightened as my cock pumped her full of my seed. She sat up and laid straight back, falling between my legs. With her thighs spread apart, I could see my white cum pooling at her vaginal entrance. It was hot seeing my cum drip out of her. Grinning at her, I slid my finger inside of her, pushing my cum back into her. As I watched my thick white cum disappear inside of her, I pushed it

deeper into her and started fingering her. She could feel my warm seed ascending into her as my finger massaged her Gspot once again. Instantly, she became wet all over again as I buried my face in her mound once more, tasting our sex as I continued to work my cum back inside of her. Within minutes—and I do mean, literally, within minutes—she started squirting. My dick jumped as my eyes bulged. Her squirting was even hotter than seeing my load seeping out of her. I pushed her down flat on her back, climbed on top of her and let my inner beast take over. Using my knees, I pushed her legs apart and entered her. As I started taking her fast and hard, I

watched her breasts bounce as her mouth popped open and formed the perfect ‘O’. This time, I thought I’d last longer, but as I fucked her senselessly, it felt better by the second. I doubt I even lasted ten minutes as I pictured the cream pie that I’d given her, how hard she came and squirted, and how good she felt right that moment. That’s the part about us that I miss the most. I want that back, and I want to make my family happy. I’m through with screwing up. This has to be the worst that’s ever happened from any of my mistakes. As the nurse continues making up excuses as to why T can’t see the baby, I start telling her how it is.

“You listen to me. That woman in there,” I point towards her door. “She loves that baby more than anything in the world, and she’s scared to death. She wants to see her daughter. We don’t know if the baby is going to live. How can you even think about taking what might be the only opportunity away from a mother to see her baby alive? You want her to wait? What if the baby dies? How would you feel with that on your shoulders?” “Mr. Kimmel, with all due respect I think that—” Another

nurse

sitting

nearby

listening in on the conversation pipes up. “I will call down to the neonatal unit and see what we can do.” The nurse who had been reluctant to help me purses her lips at the helpful nurse before huffing and walking away. I smile at her, “Thanks,” I say. “You’re Corbin Kimmel, aren’t you?” she smiles at me. She knows exactly who I am. “The one and only.” I glance at her badge. “And your name is Kim?” She blushes, “Yes. I’ll see what I can do to let your…”

“My girlfriend,” I fill in the missing word for her. “Yes, your girlfriend. Of course. I’ll try to arrange a visit with the baby for your girlfriend.” She picks up the phone and makes a call. I stand at the counter waiting to see what she finds out. She hangs up from the call she’s on and begins dialing again. Judging from the first conversation, I bet she was talking to T’s doctor, and now she’s on the phone with the neonatal unit. I continue to listen in, hoping she can work something out.

“All set, but this won’t be easy,” she warns. “What’s the plan?” I ask as we start walking towards Trinity’s room. “She won’t be able to touch the baby, but you already knew that because nobody is allowed to right now. Is your girlfriend aware of that?” “Honestly? I don’t know, but I think for now she would settle on just seeing…” shit, we still haven’t named her, “the baby.” As we walk into her hospital room, I see that her family had joined

her while I was at the nurse’s station. Hopefully, they’ll see this and realize that I’m not the monster they think I am. T looks at the nurse and then at me, hoping I have a good answer. Her eyes are pleading with me to give her some good news. “Bae? They say you can see the baby.” She sighs and smiles in relief. “Really?” she asks. “Yes, but there are some rules that we need to make you aware of.” The nurse pauses as T looks at her. “First, you cannot hold the baby, second, you

cannot get out of your hospital bed and third, you have to put on sterile wear.” “I can see her but not hold her? Why do I even have to put on different clothes then? Do you know how much pain I’m in?” “I’m sorry, but those are the rules set forth by your doctor and the neonatal unit. It’s to help prevent the transmission of germs, diseases and other harmful airborne illnesses that could affect the baby. Do you agree to the terms or not?” This nurse isn’t playing, and T knows it. She studies her face for a moment before finally answering, “Yeah,

I got it.” “Great, I’ll have one of the other floor nurses give me a hand, and we’ll get you ready to go down there. Has your family warned you that she might not look how you expect her to?” “Yes, they told me. Can we hurry this up? I have no clue what my baby girl looks like because they took her when they put me under to remove the bullet from my hip. Everyone except me—the person who carried her and gave birth to her—has seen her and it’s about time that I get to see her.” I know that Trinity is hurting—

both physically and emotionally—from the traumatic events surrounding our current circumstance. If I could take all the hurt from her heart, and her hip, I would do it in a second. Offering a weak smile, I kiss her on the cheek and whisper, “I told you I would make things happen.” Within a few minutes, another nurse comes in and begins helping nurse Kim with T’s IVs and getting her situated in the sterile gown and hat to see the baby. I can tell that she is nervous and scared. She is expecting the worst, and I don’t blame her. She has a good heart, and she’s such a caring person. I just pray to God that our baby will live a

normal, healthy life and that T will forgive me for everything. I know that she will make an excellent mother, and all I want is to see her and our daughter happy together.

Chapter 9: Trinity I want to believe Corbs and everything he says, I really do. He is a good man, and I know that he loves us. When he said that he means it this time, something was different in his voice. His eyes were apologetic and the way he said it moved me. Sometimes you have to give a person the benefit of the doubt and right now, I’m willing to do that. If our relationship means half as much to him as it does to me, then there’s no doubt that he would do anything to keep it going strong.

When he spoke with the nurses about letting me see the baby, I didn’t think he would be able to pull it off, but he did. My guess is that it was not an easy task with me being in the condition I’m in and especially with the condition the baby is in. As they wheel me down the hall to see her, I feel a lump forming in my throat. All I can do is keep telling myself, “Don’t cry, Trinity. You have to stay strong for your baby.” Even as I repeat these words in my head, I can feel my eyes beginning to water. Why did this have to happen to my baby? Is it some sort of punishment? Did I do something wrong? What could I

have done to deserve this? What did she do to deserve this? Guilt washes over me as my stomach begins to turn. Maybe it is churning because of the pain meds, but my gut tells me that it’s out of guilt, worry, sadness, and love. Please, God, watch over her. We go through a set of double doors that read, “Restricted Area: No Entry Unless Authorized.” My teeth start to chatter as my nerves kick up another notch. How can I be this nervous going to see my baby? The two nurses stop my bed in front of a glass window where there is an incubator inside a small enclosed room. I look up at Corbin, hoping he can give me some comfort since he has

already seen her and knows what to expect. The two nurses begin chatting with a third nurse; she is sitting behind the circular desk which I assume is the nurse’s station for this unit. Corbin places his hand on my shoulder. “You’ll fall in love with her the minute you see her,” he whispers. Our eyes lock as he delivers a glimpse of hope to me. “Trust me, I did. She looks just like you.” The nurse stands from behind the counter and walks past the foot of my bed as I remain in the hallway with Corbin by my side. I’m so grateful that he’s here, especially now while I meet

our daughter for the first time. His support means so much to me. My nurse and the nurse from behind the desk walks into the room where the incubator is and begin slowly pushing the plastic dome near the glass window. This is it. I’m going to see her for the first time. I can feel myself becoming excited at the fact that I’m actually going to see my baby. The same baby that I have felt kicking and moving inside of me for months now. The one I couldn’t wait to meet since the day I found out that she existed. They stop with the baby just inches away from the glass window. I look down into the incubator and see a

tiny baby with very light skin. While I was so excited only seconds ago to meet my baby girl, a sudden pain of sadness hits me like an iron hammer. Even though I’m looking right at her, it’s through inches of glass and plastic. I can’t hold her, touch her, kiss her or smell her. All I can do is stare at a sickly looking baby. A baby that I can’t help; I can’t do anything for her other than pray. She’s in God’s hands now, and it’s all up to him. Corbin wraps his arms around me and holds me as I sob into his chest. If she weren’t alive right now, I wouldn’t believe there is a God, but something stopped that bullet from penetrating past my hip bone and something, or someone,

is keeping her alive. As he pulls me close to him and hugs me tight, I can hear his heartbeat, and I am reminded that he is my strength, he is my rock. We share a deep bond that most others can only hope for. Somehow, that tiny baby who is only inches away, yet so far in another galaxy, is holding us together like glue. “I think we should get you back to your room,” my nurse speaks up. “The doctor didn’t want us to take you out of your room, let alone have you all upset. Come on now,” she softly grips my shoulder as she guides me back to my pillow. Looking into Corbin’s eyes, I see

the same pain and sorrow that I feel. The same hopelessness that is in the pit of my stomach is also in the pit of his. We begin making our journey back down the hall through the double doors that will eventually lead me back to my room. While my heart may be pumping blood inside my body, I know I left it back there in that tiny plastic dome. Tears continue streaming down my cheeks as I wonder if she’ll live through this horrific ordeal. The next morning when I awake, the sun is beaming into my room through the white blinds. My hip is on fire; the pain is shooting up my side and down my leg. I push the call button for the

nurse. Drugs. I need more drugs. It’s hard to say, but I think I’m in more pain than when I was shot. As I wait for her to come in the room, I look around and notice that Corbin isn’t here. I’m not sure when he left. I never heard him leave. Maybe he went to the cafeteria to get some breakfast or maybe he went home to get a change of clothes. My nurse comes in and says she’ll ask the doctor if they can increase my pain medication. I hope they can because I’m going to go crazy if they can’t. The pain is unbearable. A few minutes later, a small elderly woman knocks on my door and brings in a tray of hospital food. It smells horrible, but I thank her

as she leaves, smiling as she bows out of my room. Lifting the lid of the tray, I see they whipped up something that is supposed to resemble scrambled eggs, two limp pieces of bacon that appear undercooked and a piece of toast with unsweetened tea. I slide the tray away before it makes me barf all over my bedsheets. “Ms. Greene?” my nurse comes back in. “Dr. Radcliff says that we can increase your pain meds just a little so I’ll go ahead and give you some right now.” She glances over at my tray of food that I had rejected. “You do need to eat. It will help keep up your strength, and it will help prevent you from

becoming nauseous. It’s not a good idea to take pain meds on an empty stomach.” “I know, but it doesn’t look good. I promise I’ll try to eat some of it though,” I lie. There is no way I’m eating that mess, but if saying it will get me more pain meds, I will do that. Hopefully, Corbs will bring me some food back when he comes in. After she delivers another dose of pain medication, I thank her before she leaves. Once she is out of sight, I pick up the phone beside my bed and dial the neonatal unit to check on the baby. I need to name her. That’s something else that we’ll have to talk about once he

gets back. Her nurse informs me that her vitals are all still the same. I ask whether or not that’s a good thing. “It means there is no change, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing,” she reassures me. “As long as she doesn’t get worse, we’re happy. Staying the same offers a better chance of recovery. We’ll let you know if anything changes, Ms. Greene.” Bored, I start flipping through the channels on the TV. I wish he had his cell phone so I could call him. Maybe that’s where he went—to get a new phone? The pain medicine starts to hit me like a ton of bricks. It is nearly

impossible to keep my eyes open, and my body feels so heavy. Yep, that’s the dose I was looking for. Whatever dose the nurse gave me is my sweet spot because right now, I feel no pain, and I’m so grateful. The sharp stinging shock of pain that ran a good portion of my body is now a dull, aching throb right at the wound site. I slowly drift to sleep as the sound from the television becomes a blurry background noise. A noise startles me out of my sleep. Waking up, I realize it was more of a short nap than anything but the pain isn’t as bad as it was when I first woke up this morning. I open my eyes and see Corbs sitting next to me in the chair

beside my bed and my breakfast tray is gone from my stand. Instead, there is a beautiful bouquet of roses with a card in it. Smiling, I ask him to hand me the card so I can read it. He hands it to me with a bashful look on his face. Bae, You are my world and without you, my existence would mean nothing. I love you more and more each day. My goal is that I hope to make you fall in love with me all over again every day for the rest of our lives together. Love, Corbs

“Aww, come here baby,” I put my arms in the air as best I can to give him a hug. “The roses are beautiful.” “They made me think of you when I saw them.” I cock my head as if I don’t believe him. “How am I doing?” “Doing what?” He drops his head as if I’m killing him. “Oh, you mean how are you making up?” I put my hand to my chin as though I’m in deep thought. “I would say you’re making a good start.” “I have another surprise for you.” He bends down and gets into a cabinet beside the bed. “I have food for you,” he holds up a bag of tacos.

“Oh! I’m starving. Are they still warm or can you heat them up for me? They probably have microwaves in the cafeteria or something.” “Yeah, I’ll heat them up for you bae.” He kisses me on the head before he walks out of the room. Even though he is being sweet, I get the feeling that something is off. Something is not right, but I can’t put my finger on it. He still seems genuine in his words and actions. Thinking about what could be going on with him, he pops back in the room with my heated food. “That was fast.”

“The nurse let me use their microwave. You need extra sauce?” he reaches his hand into the bag. “No,” I start to take a bite of food. “Bae, what’s wrong? You seem….off?” “Nothing.” “Don’t give me that Corbs. We’ve been together long enough that I know when you’re hiding something. Tell me what it is.” Suddenly, my stomach drops. “Is it something about the baby?” “No. Fine, I’ll tell you.” He sits in the chair and rings his hands as he

stretches out his back. “While I was out, I called to check in with my crew and let them know how you were doing—and how the baby is doing.” He pauses. “And?” “We got into it.” “Why?” I ask. I can’t imagine what they would argue about. They’re all like best friends, more like brothers actually. “I told them that I wasn’t going to tour anymore.” He breaks eye contact with me as he draws in a deep breath and looks out the window. “They called

me a quitter and said they’re going to replace me. When I told them that I started the band, and C-M.O.B. wouldn’t exist without me, they said they saw the writing on the wall as soon as you got knocked up. They said it was only a matter of time.” “Corbs, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” While I want him to myself, I also don’t want to see him lose something that is so important to him either. I am at a loss for words and don’t know what to say to him. I can’t lie. Part of me is happy that he’s going to stay home with the baby and me, but I’m sad for him, too. He’s always prided himself on forming his crew. “You know you can still write

lyrics for them.” He looks at me as if I have just slapped him in the face. “Or you can write for other bands.” “You don’t get it. It’s like—” “Trinity,” my nurse pops her head in, “I’m sorry, it’s your baby. They just called a NICU code blue for her!” “What? What does that mean?” Corbin jumps to his feet. “The baby isn’t breathing. I am heading that way.” “I’m coming!” he follows her out the door, leaving me lying here helpless.

An extreme panic washes over me, and suddenly, it’s difficult to breathe. Between the lump in my throat, my dry mouth and the fact that I feel like I’m going to hyperventilate, I push the call button on my remote control. My hands are shaking beyond control as negative thoughts run rampant through my mind while I try to pray for her. The other nurse on duty comes into my room and rushes to my side. “Are you okay? You don’t look good,” she places a nasal cannula on me and turns on the oxygen. “Lie back,” she guides me back to the padded mattress.

“My baby! Oh my God! How is she? What’s wrong? What happened?” “I’m not sure. Kim went to check, and I’m sure she’ll come back as soon as she knows something. Right now we have to take care of you. Take in deep breaths through your nose and breathe out of your mouth.” “Can you call down there?” I ask, hoping she can. “Honey, if a code ever gets called on a floor, the last thing anyone is worried about is answering a phone.” She looks at me with a sympathetic smile. “I’m sure they’re working on her,

doing the best they can. I’ll let you know as soon as I find something out.” I start to talk, but none of my words make any sense. It’s all incoherent babble. I can’t even understand myself so I know there’s no way she can make out what I’m saying. Remembering what she said, I take in a deep breath and try to slow down. The problem is, I’m so scared that I can’t even think straight. When I saw her yesterday, she was so dainty and sick. If something severe enough has happened to make them call a code, she honestly might not live. I hope she is strong enough, but physically, I don’t think she is. She doesn’t know what it’s like to

fight. “Please, can you just go down there and find out?” I beg. “I can’t leave my post! Do you know—” she stops mid-sentence and purses her lips as she looks at me, studying my worried face. She sighs as she rolls her eyes, “Fine,” she throws her hands in the air. “I can’t leave my post for long, but I will sneak down there to find out what’s going on.” My eyes light up with a bit of hope, “Really? Thank you! Thank you so much!” I realize I’ve never taken the time to learn this nurse’s name and look

at her badge. “I appreciate it, Rose.” She disappears out of my room just like Kim and Corbin did about twenty minutes ago. What could be taking them so long? Is she that sick? My stomach begins to churn, and a sharp pain shoots through both of my eyes. It feels like a migraine coming on, but I could not care less about a migraine. My baby girl is…what? She’s what T? I glimpse up at the clock and see that Rose left nearly five minutes ago. She said she couldn’t be gone long since she was the only nurse at the nurse’s station since Kim left with Corbin. Where could she have possibly gone? Maybe she’s helping them work on the baby?

Chapter 10: Corbin When it rains, it pours. That’s the saying anyway. My woman thinks I abandoned her and our child, my crew thinks I up and left them, and now our baby is barely surviving on life support. What’s a man supposed to do with that? I wish I could change it all; take it all back. I’m at a crossroads right now, and the only person who has ever comforted me is lying in a bed on the other side of this wall, waiting to find out what

happened to our daughter. How am I supposed to walk in there and face her? As I sit here leaning against the wall, I keep praying to God to give me the strength to go in there and tell her about the baby. I can’t hurt her anymore. I’ve done enough. I don’t want to be the messenger of bad news. She blames me for all of this—and she has every right to —even though she is trying to put on a happy face. Lord knows I don’t want to see her reaction to when I tell her that the baby crashed and the next 24 hours will be critical. The doctors aren’t sure if she’s going to make it or not. I have so much on my plate right now, but no

matter how full it is, I can’t imagine what she’s feeling right now. As bad as I’m feeling about the baby, she has to be a hundred times worse than I because she’s the one who carried her and gave birth to her. The nurse offered to go in and tell her what happened with the baby, but she needs to hear it from me. I hate keeping her waiting, and I know I can’t hide out here much longer. It’s also not fair to keep her in the dark, wondering and guessing if the baby is alive or not. God, help me tell her. I draw in a deep breath of air, exhale, and walk into the room. Her eyes dart in my direction as she sits up, eager to hear what I have to

say. I want to offer her a smile, even if it’s a faint one to let her know it’s okay but I can’t do it because things are not okay. She picks up on it right away as her big doe eyes begin to water. I walk over to the side of her bed and take her hand in mine as I search for the right words to say to her. “She’s alive,” I, at least, wanted to make that clear up front so she isn’t worried as much. “But there are some complications.” “What happened? How is she doing?” “Something happened, the doctors

aren’t sure what it is, but the baby crashed. They resuscitated her and right now, she is struggling on the machines.” She gasps. “What does that mean?” Her eyes are pleading for a miracle, begging for me to tell her some good news. “They say the next 24 hours are critical. We don’t know if she’ll live or not.” “Get out of here! Get out of my room!” Her sad, worried face becomes angry. For a moment as I look into her eyes, I almost think she hates me. And if she does? I wouldn’t blame her because

I hate myself too right now. It breaks my heart to see her like this. “Trinity, I know—” “No, Corbin! You don’t know anything. Get out of my room. I can’t do this now.” “You hate me, don’t you?” “Let’s just say that we’re all here because of you. My baby might not live because you’re a selfish asshole. Your fame is more important than your family.” “You can’t say that T. It’s not

fair.” “Oh yeah? Have you even talked to the police? Do you know what they’re speculating?” “No?” What is she talking about? They don’t think I did it, do they? “If you were a decent human being, you would have talked to them to see if they were any closer to catching the person who did this. They think it is one of your fans.” “One of my fans? You mean it wasn’t a robbery gone bad? Why do they

think that?” “If you want to know, talk to them yourself! I’m not their messenger.” She turns her face away from me, staring through the blinds, as she crosses her arms and looks out the window. I open my mouth to speak but decide things will be better if I keep my mouth shut. It’s best that I leave her alone and let her be. Instead, I turn and walk back out of the room. I never expected her to take the news well, but I had no idea she would react this way. She obviously has more pent up resentment against me than I realized. I head down to the lobby and walk out to the parking lot. Before I get

in and drive away, I take one last look at her window. Staring up at her window, I notice the sun is beginning to set, and the sky has a beautiful pink and orange hue; a perfect blend. I slide my phone out of my pocket to see what time it is. Almost 4:30 PM. I bet I can make it down to the police station before they close and talk to them. Her comment made me curious about why they thought it was a fan. I had assumed it was a robbery gone wrong like Candace had suggested; there has to be some part of the story that I missed or didn’t understand. When I walk into the police

station, I explain what happened at my house and ask who I can talk to. The young woman behind the counter asks me to wait in a group of chairs near the front entrance while she sees if the detective working my case can help me. Looking at the beautiful sunset beginning to cloak the city through the glass doors, it seems impossible to believe that my other half and our daughter are both lying in the hospital recovering from life-threatening injuries, and I’m sitting inside a police station. Not even three nights ago I was on stage performing, having a great time with my crew before all of this happened. “Mr. Kimmel?” a deep man’s

voice calls my name. I turn and look in the direction it came from. “Yes,” I stand up. This must be the detective working the case. He’s a bit older, probably mid-50’s, with gray hair that is balding in the front. His hardened face has plenty of wrinkles—most likely due to years of working difficult cases— but he seems friendly enough. I extend my hand, “Nice to meet you.” “I’m Detective Paul Evans. Follow me.” As we begin making our way to his desk, he informs me that I almost missed him as he is on his way out. I get the feeling that maybe he isn’t as friendly as I initially thought. “So

how can I help you?” I sit down after he gestures for me to have a seat. “My house was broken into a few nights ago, and my pregnant girlfriend was shot. They had to operate on her hip to remove the bullet and, as a result, they had to take the baby early. We don’t know if our daughter is going to make it or not.” “I’m sorry to hear that,” he rubs his mustache. “What do you need from me?” “Sorry, I was hoping that maybe you could tell me if you had any leads on it or what is going on with the case in

general. My girl, Trinity, is pretty pissed at me so we’re not talking much at the moment but she did mention that you thought maybe it was a fan?” “That’s one possibility that we’re exploring. There are a number of motives why someone would shoot a pregnant woman,” he eyes me suspiciously. “Mr. Kimmel? Are you having an affair or seeing anyone else?” “What? No! I would never do that to T.” I know what this guy’s thinking and I can tell you right now, he’s dead wrong. “Why would you say something like that?”

“Usually, the only person who would shoot a pregnant woman is an angry or jealous girlfriend or wife, or the significant other. We have already confirmed that you were not in Chicago on the night of the incident and know that you were in Atlanta.” “Look, I love Trinity. I love her with all my heart and soul. I would never do anything that would hurt her in any way—not emotionally, not physically and not spiritually. Now, if it were a fan, how would you track that? Do you know about the things that have come in the mail?” “What has come in the mail?”

“Trinity didn’t mention it?” “Mr. Kimmel, your girlfriend was barely conscious on the night of the shooting and considering she was in surgery and had her premature baby ripped from her body, we thought it would be appropriate to give the lady a few days to recover. Now, please, why don’t you tell me about the mail since you’re not physically and emotionally scarred like her.” He smiles a cocky smile as he crosses his legs and rests his hands on his knee. He sure has a way of making me look and feel like a pompous ass.

“Yeah, while I was gone on tour, Trinity said she had gotten some weird things in the mail. At first, it was just a letter, but she was pretty freaked out about it. I talked to my manager, and he said that sometimes fans will go the extra mile to find out where you live and that if it were only a letter, he wouldn’t worry about it so I didn’t and told Trinity the same thing.” “What did the letter say?” the detective asks. Stumped, I feel stupid when I answer him. “I can’t remember, but—” “Uh-huh,” he scribbles something

down on his notepad, “what exactly do you remember?” “I know she got a teddy bear in the mail one day, some of my boxers and something else. I can’t remember everything that came in the mail, Detective Evans. It’s not like I was there to see it myself.” “Right, right, because you were away on tour. Got ya,” he winks. Personally, I don’t like his smart ass attitude. He’s making me feel like I’m the criminal or as if I did this. “Oh, don’t give me that. You know I was away, and you also know it

was a female. Do I look like I have tits to you?” I raised my shirt, flashing him my smooth chest. “Cut to the chase and let’s find out who did this. I want to help and put away whoever did this to my family.” He rocks back in his chair, raising the front legs off the floor as he continues to suspiciously eye me. “Well,” he sticks his thumbs into his suspenders. The same suspenders I want to give him a super wedgie with. He licks the front of his teeth and makes a hissing sound. “Here’s what I need you to do, Corbin.” He leans forward as if he’s telling me his darkest secret and lowers his voice. “Go to your house, get

the letter, stuffed animal and anything else that you can find, and bring it back here.” “Why? What does that do?” He chuckles. “It lets me do my job. I’ll see if we can lift some fingerprints off the letter or envelope and we can also look for hair samples or other evidence of DNA.” “And then what?” “We will see if we have a match.” “That’s it? What if you don’t have a match?”

“Then we start from square one. You just be a good lad and fetch me the things I need.” “Okay, I’ll go home and do that now.” I stand up and start to walk away. “But if and when you find the person who did this, I want to see her. I want to know why she would hurt my pregnant girlfriend.” “To be honest with you, we think the intruder was spooked by seeing your girlfriend in the house, but that’s pure speculation.” “Why do you think that?”

“If someone were trying to kill her, they wouldn’t have left her alive to tell who did it.” I nod and walk out with the detective in tow behind me. He bid me a good day as he got in his car and drove home for the evening. By now T has to have calmed down, right? I left the hospital almost an hour ago. I’m going to head up there to check on her and the baby. No matter how mad she might be at me, it doesn’t change how much I love her. As I’m driving to the hospital, I get caught in traffic. Damn. I should have gone to the house instead to start gathering some of the things I know the

fan girl sent.

Chapter 11: Trinity Knowing that our baby might not live through the next 24 hours pushed me over the edge when I heard the news. I shouldn’t have blown up at Corbs like I did, but I couldn’t help it. My mind keeps tormenting me as it goes back and forth between forgiving him and being angry with him. The last thing he would ever do is hurt the baby or me, but it’s easy to blame him since this might have all happened because of him and his

fame. His greedy fame. The nurse at the neonatal unit is probably ready to choke me. I’ve been calling down there almost every hour on the hour to see if she’s gotten any better. I’m tired of calling her the “GreeneKimmel baby.” We need to name her, but I want to wait until he comes back. Any time we’ve ever fought, it has never lasted long. I think the longest we’ve ever fought or been angry at each other was for about four days. I remember it like it was yesterday, and to be honest, this is kind of why I get mad at him for still choosing his fame over me. My family was having a family reunion, and it wasn’t just any family reunion. When I

was little, we used to have a family reunion every year—in September— until grandma passed away. After she had a massive heart attack, nobody organized a reunion for almost ten years. Around the same time, Big Poppa Pun had just discovered Corbin, and he was traveling back and forth from ChiTown to Los Angeles. He spoke with Big Poppa and made sure that they weren’t doing anything that weekend in September so that he could come to my family reunion. He said, “Nope, you’re free to do whatever.”, Which wasn’t exactly the case. While they didn’t have any recording sessions scheduled, Top Chart Records decided to sign him and

wanted him to come to L.A. for two weeks. He had promised me that he would come to this reunion to meet my family. I reminded him that he promised me, but it didn’t matter. We fought like cats and dogs leading up to it and then one night, the night before he was due to leave, he snuck out in the middle of the night! I woke up and couldn’t find his ass anywhere. After calling his cell phone for almost two hours, he finally answered and told me that he had changed his flight and was at the airport, getting ready to board the plane. I thought my ears were deceiving me until I heard them announcing his flight in the background. I was so angry at him that I hung up on him. He tried calling me for

days after he got there, but I refused to answer my phone. Like I said, it only lasted about four days because I started feeling guilty. I knew how excited he was, and I hated to ruin his big break for him, even though it meant skipping out on my family reunion and standing me up. The thing that hurt me the most about it was the fact that he snuck out in the middle of the night. I thought it was cowardly and selfish, and I deserved better than that. With him being a grown ass man, he could have at least told me that he changed his flight to leave sooner and that he was going to go a day early. After a few days, I finally broke down and

answered his call. He was so happy and proud of himself. He talked about how much money he was going to earn from his new record deal and told me how he couldn’t wait to come home to celebrate with me. That was the beginning of the end. The end of us constantly struggling because he had finally achieved his dream. When he came home, we threw a big party and invited everyone we knew. It’s times like that when I remember how far we’ve come, how much he means to me and how much we love each other, which makes it so hard to stay mad at him. Drawing closer to visiting hours being over, I figure he is waiting to come

back until morning. I pick up the phone to make another call down to the neonatal unit and just as the nurse answers the phone, Corbs comes strolling into my room. After I’ve had my hourly update with no new changes, I sadly hang up the phone. “How is she doing?” he asks, overhearing my conversation with the NICU nurse. “Same.” I look at him, wanting to apologize but for what? For blaming him? For throwing him out of my room? Where do I start? “We need to—” Before I can finish my sentence,

he grabs my face and presses his lips firmly against mine as he kisses me. We kiss for several minutes before he finally lets go. “Shh,” he holds his finger up to his lips, signaling me to be quiet. “Before we start—before you start—I need to say a few things.” He makes sure he has my full attention before continuing, and he does. “I realized something, T. We haven’t fought like this in ages. I can’t even remember the last time you stayed mad at me.” I do. “But I want to start over. We need a new start; our family needs a new start, and I’m willing to give it a go. Today, after I left the hospital, I went to the police station and on my way back here I got caught in traffic. As I sat in my car, I got to

thinking about things. You’ve always had my back—in good times and in bad. My crew, my boys? Nah, they only had my back when it was good for them and good for C-M.O.B. and that’s not how a good relationship works. You taught me that.” “What are you saying?” “I’m begging for your forgiveness and a chance to start over fresh. It’s obvious that you’re holding things against me, and I don’t blame you, but you have to give me another chance to show you that I can do better. You and that little girl in there both deserve better.”

“Oh, Corbs,” I lay my head on his chest as he sits on the edge of my bed. “I want to believe you; I do. Please, if I give you another chance, don’t hurt me.” “Baby, you don’t have to worry about me hurting you. From now on, I’ll protect you so when you think you’re falling don’t be scared because I’ll be there to catch you.” Wiping the tears from my eyes, I lean forward and hug him tightly. This is what I was talking about. He is my rock, and he knows how to keep me grounded. This is what I’ve needed from him. “Bae,” I sniffle and wipe

away more tears, “we need to name the baby. I’m tired of calling her ‘baby,'” we both laugh. “You name her. I know that you had a few names picked out that you liked better than the names I had so you choose whatever will make you happy.” “And you’re okay with it? You’re not going to hold it against me later? Because if you are, I’m not even playing that game.” “No, bae, you name her. You deserve to at least pick out her name. Whatever you want.”

“I really like the name, Tatiana. Are you down with that?” “Yeah, we can name her Tatiana. What’s her middle name going to be?” “How about…” I think for a minute, “Tatiana Madison? Do you like that?” “Sounds good to me. Do you want me to see if we can get the nurse to take you down to the NICU to see her? We can tell them her name so they can put it on her bed and we can at least get the birth certificate filled out.” Corbin returns to my room and

tells me that he got one of the nurses to agree to help him take me down to the neonatal unit. I can’t help but gloat as we wait for her to come in. She’s still not out of the woods yet as far as her critical condition goes, but I’m happy to get to see her again and can’t wait to tell them her new name. We pass through the double doors and within minutes, I’m staring down at my tiny angel. Even with everything hooked up to her tiny, frail body she still looks beautiful. I watch the nurse behind the glass place a new card in the pouch on the side of her incubator. “We better get you back to your room. Visiting hours are over in twenty

minutes, so we can’t have him wandering the halls. Is he going to stay the night with you in your room?” “Yes, I am,” he speaks up. As he gets settled in on the pullout sofa that’s in front of the windows, I grab the birth certificate form and begin filling it out. Everything is sailing along smoothly until I have to write the baby’s name on the form. I stop and look up at Corbin, unsure how I should word my question without offending him. “What?” he looks at me, feeling my eyes on him.

“I need to ask you something, but I don’t know how to say this.” “Then just say it, bae. You know you can say anything to me. What is it?” “I have to know something, and you know I’ve never pushed you on this before.” He looks at me with confusion in his eyes. “What should I put for her last name? We’re not married so I don’t want her to have your last name.” “You think she should have your last name instead of mine?” “Corbs, if we’re not married, I have no guarantee that we’re going to

stay together. I don’t want to be like some of my girlfriends who named their baby after the daddy but never got married. I know for them it was a personal choice, but I feel that if we’re not married or not going to get married, the baby should have my name.” “So, are you asking me if we’re going to get married one day or are you asking me if I’m okay with you giving her your last name? I’m not sure what you’re asking me here.” “Are we going to get married one day? We’ve been together for over nine years, and I’ve never pushed it, but you’ve also never asked. So before I do

this and file an official document—one that will be used for school, jobs, a drivers license, insurance and everything else—are we ever going to get married?” “Bae, I’m sorry. I never really thought about it, I guess. I mean, you’re right. You don’t ever really bring that kind of stuff up, but I think she should have my name.” “Whatever.” “T,” he grabs my hand, “I told you that you could name her, so you do whatever you want, but I will marry you in a heartbeat. Believe that.”

As we sit in silence until I go back to filling out the paperwork, he interrupts me. “Bae? I have a question for you.” I raise my eyebrows, waiting to see what he wants. “Can you make me a list of all the things that came in the mail that might be from the stalker fan? And can you tell me where everything is? The police want me to bring it to the police station.” “Why?” “The detective said he was going to send it off to see if they could find any fingerprints, hairs or other DNA

evidence on it.” “What are they going to do with it? The evidence, I mean.” “He said they’d run it through their database if they collected any samples to see if it matches anyone in the system otherwise, it would sit in the system until they find a match.” “Yeah, I’ll make you a list and write down where everything is. When are you going to take it to them?” “Tomorrow, if I can. He acted real sketchy like he thinks I have something to do with it, so I want him to

see that I’m cooperative.” “I seriously doubt if he thinks you had anything to do with this,” I roll my eyes. “You’re always so paranoid.” “No, for real but either way, I want to take him what he needs because no matter what, I want whoever did this to you behind bars. Man or woman, I don’t care.” We both must have drifted off to sleep shortly after 11 PM, and the only reason I know that is because I was so sleepy while watching the news. As I wipe the sleep out of my eyes, I notice that it’s still dark outside. I don’t want to

turn on the light and wake him up to check the time, so I hit the button on the remote to pull up the guide. It’s not even 6 AM yet? I thought for sure that it would be later than that. I pick up the phone and call down to the NICU to check on Tatiana. It’s nice that she finally has a name. On the second ring, the nurse answers and tells me the best news I’ve heard in days. She says that Tatiana’s vitals are slowly improving and have been since shortly after midnight. I can hardly contain myself as she tells me how well she’s doing. My excitement wakes up Corbs. The poor guy, he’s so tired and confused that he doesn’t know what is going on so he jumps to his feet, alarmed. I put my hand

on his arm as I smile proudly and hang up with the nurse. “Bae, she said that Tatiana’s doing better! She said that her condition has slowly been improving for the last few hours! Can you believe it?” He grabs his chest, “I thought you were going to tell me something bad. You can’t be doing that, T!” He sighs in relief. “After shift change with the nurses, do you want to see her again if they’ll let you?” “Yeah, I want to see my baby girl. I’m so excited, Corbs! Maybe giving her a name was all she needed to pull her

through the night.” “Uh-huh, that’s it,” he laughs and hugs me. We impatiently wait for shift change to see if the next nurse on duty will help take me down there. I know they don’t like doing it because it’s so hard to maneuver a bed up and down the hall, especially when I can’t even hold the baby but I like looking at her. No matter how skinny, wrinkly and sickly she looks, she’s gorgeous in my eyes. When the morning nurse finally comes in, I start asking her if she can take me down to the NICU.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Greene, but Dr. Radcliff is coming by this morning to see you. You’ll have to stay in your room, so you’re here when he comes by to check on you and go over your treatment plan.” “My treatment plan? I was shot four days ago.” I know I have never been in a situation like this before, but it seems so fast. “Dr. Radcliff will discuss things with you when he comes in. He’ll be in soon.” I look at Corbs in disbelief. Apparently, he is thinking the same thing because we both have similar looks on

our face. “What are you going to say to him?” he asks. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll see what he has to say. He’s the doctor so I’m sure he’ll know better than either of us would.” I pause to listen to what they are saying on TV and realize it’s nothing important. “Maybe getting into physical therapy sooner rather than later will be better for me. Like if you don’t exercise, your muscles eventually get tight over time, making it harder to work out the next time you exercise so maybe injuries are the same way?” “Maybe. Are you excited to see Tatiana since she seems to be doing

better?” “Yes,” I smile, thinking about our baby girl. “I can’t wait for her to get off of all the tubes so we can see her without all those things hooked up to her.” “Tell me about it.”

Chapter 12: Corbin While Trinity waits for Dr. Radcliff to go over her treatment plan, I figure my time is best spent running back to the house to gather everything that the fangirl sent in the mail. Before leaving the hospital, she made me a list of everything that came and where she put it. Walking in the door, I see that we have messages on the answering machine. Figuring it is my manager, I press the play button as I listen from the

kitchen while I grab a drink from the fridge and a bag to put everything in. With the messages playing in the background, I hear one that catches my attention. “I just want to say that I’m sorry, and I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I hope you can forgive me.” No, I didn’t hear what I think I did, did I? I walk back into the living room and replay the message. The same message replays. I can’t believe what I’m hearing. Chills run down my spine as I think about how she might have gotten our phone number. What else does she know about my family and me?

Eager to get out of the house, I grab the items on the list that T wrote for me and start making my way out of the house so I can get down to the police station and tell them about this message while I deliver everything. Whoever this chick is, she’s a super stalker. Even though I’m a grown man, I can’t shake the feeling that I’m not alone in the house and lock up as quickly as possible. Detective Evans is standing by a copy machine as I walk into the police station. He recognizes me and waves me over to him before returning to his desk. I join him and begin telling him about the message on the home answering machine.

“Do you still have it? I’d like to listen to it, and we can also run a check on your landline to see what number called at that time.” “No, I didn’t erase it, and our phone service is through the cable company, so everything is digitized.” “Excellent. Is that everything that was mailed to your house?” he points to the bag I carried in with me. “All of it. Trinity made me a list, and this is everything that she told me about.”

“How is she doing?” “Trinity? She’s doing better, but she complains that her hip hurts her quite a bit. I think her biggest complaint is not being able to hold the baby yet.” “I have to admit; I’m surprised that they both lived through it. Let your girlfriend know that we may send someone to talk to her—a female detective—if we have any follow-up questions about the items you’ve brought in today.” “Why a female detective? Why not you?”

“Corbin,” he puts his hand on my shoulder, turning to walk me out of the building, “the number one rule is always to make your victim feel safe and comfortable. The last thing she needs is an old, weathered man like me barraging her with questions. We can send a female, one with a little bedside manner, who can talk woman-to-woman.” “Hmm, okay. Do anything for that message?”

you

need

“Yes, we will need your pin number or password to access your voicemail system. You can change your passcode after we are finished if you’d like. One of our techs can get started on

it today.” Scribbling down the address, I leave the police station a few minutes later. I hope there’s evidence on some of that stuff, and they can find whoever caused all of this to happen. Driving back to the hospital, I start thinking about what T’s doctor will have to say. I hope her recovery time, physical therapy or whatever she has to do isn’t too long. There’s nothing more that I hate than seeing her struggle or in pain. Walking into her room, I quietly shuffle behind the doctor and take a seat next to her in the chair beside her bed and listen to what he is saying to her. It’s

apparent that I have already missed quite a bit of the conversation. “When I discharge you, I want you to contact this physical therapist,” he writes a name and phone number on a prescription pad and hands it to her. “She is one of the best in Chicago. Her name is Stacy Cooper, and she has been doing physical therapy for her entire career. I have confidence that she will have you regain full range of motion in your hip area and help you with any difficulties as a result of the injury. Do you have any other questions for me?” “How long will I need physical therapy?” she asks.

“That’s hard to say. Maybe six months, possibly a year? Maybe longer?” “Longer?” she gasps. I grab her hand to show I’m here for her no matter how long it takes her to recover. She looks at me with teary eyes. “How long it takes you to recover depends on how motivated you are to help yourself and how determined you are to walk normally again. You give her a call, and she will help you in any way she can.” “Thank you, Dr. Radcliff,” I

intervene. I can tell that she’s in shock, and she might cry at a moment’s notice. He nods, “Let me know if you have other questions. I have to get onto my next patient.” After he shuts the door, I turn to her. “Bae, don’t worry. I’ll be here to support you and help you take care of the baby. I’m home now, remember?” “Yeah, I know.” By the way she purses her lips, I can tell that she isn’t sincere and still has lingering doubts. I don’t blame her, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. One of these days I’ll be able to show her—

and myself—that I can do this. I can’t lie. It’s going to be hard on me to sit at home with her and a baby. I’m so used to going out on the road to perform and make appearances. It’s going to slow me down, but that’s what you have to do when you start a family. Rapping has been in my blood since I was a little boy. We were poor when I was growing up, and I used to sweep hair at the barber shop. I would save up my money to buy magazines from the corner store and use push-pins to hang pictures of my favorite artists on my walls. Back in the day, some of my favorite artists were Domino, Snoop Dogg, Dr. Dre, OutKast and 69 Boyz. You couldn’t walk into my room without seeing their faces.

My family wasn’t supportive of me, and my parents always told me to turn that noise down any time I’d start playing music on my boom box in my room. Rap was, and still is, my life. Battling was a way of letting things go and communicating with others. It provided an outlet for me that I couldn’t find anywhere else. I didn’t have a lot of friends in school because everyone said I was the white boy who thought he was black. Most of them used to call me a wigger, but that didn’t bother me. I’d rather be that than stuck in a bubble like them. Those kids didn’t have a dream, but I did. I could see it, smell it and taste it. Things changed once I started earning

respect from everyone. People on the streets used to say, “There goes Corbs. ‘Sup C-Dogg?”. Everyone knew my name, and once I finally made it big, I was like a wolf. A wolf who’d had his first taste of raw meat; his first taste of blood, and I wanted more. The only way a wolf can satisfy that craving is to kill again and get another piece of flesh. Rapping was the same way for me and has been ever since I got a taste of my first concert. Will it be hard to quit? You’re damn right. I know that my boys were upset with me when I told them I was going to become a family man and stop touring, but they’ll get over it. We go way back

and have a lot of memories. I know that when they start having families of their own, they’ll understand where I’m coming from but until then they’ll have to live with how things are. I haven’t stopped thinking about them ever since I left in the middle of our tour and, even more so, after I spoke to them on the phone. I’ll have to keep reminding myself that this is what’s best for my family, and for mine and T’s relationship. As long as I think of it like that and put my family and love life first, I should be okay. Needing a minute to myself, I tell her that I’m going to walk down to the neonatal unit to see Tatiana. Instead of

answering, she nods her head and pretends to watch television. It has been so hard to talk to her ever since everything happened. Sometimes she’s hot and cold. It’s almost impossible to tell how she is going to react to things when I talk to her or tell her something. When I get to the nursery Tatiana is fast asleep, but the nurse on duty says she is doing great. I like hearing that she’s getting a little stronger each day. More importantly, I can’t wait until she’s off of everything so we can hold her and play with her. Staring down in her incubator, I can tell that she has her mother’s beautiful eyes and high cheek bones. It would be a blessing if she were her mom’s doppelganger because she’s the

most breathtaking woman I have ever met. I lucked out with her. Standing on the outside of the glass, my cell phone begins to ring. I hesitate for a moment when I see it’s Miami. “Hello?” I finally answer. “Hey bro, are you busy?” “Kind of. What’s up?” I begin walking down the hallway, away from the neonatal unit. “Man, we need you to come back on this tour. Fans are pissed that you’re

not with us and are booing as soon as we get on stage. This ain’t even funny! Can you catch a plane to Detroit and meet us at our hotel by tomorrow night?” “Can’t you do Detroit without me? It’s the second-to-last concert on the tour. You guys are supposed to go to Detroit and then Philly, right?” “Right, Detroit and then Philly, but we need you. They almost rioted at the last two concerts. You’re the lead singer, and they expect you to be there. How are Trinity and your daughter doing?” “They’re fine, but I can’t leave. I

promised T, and if I break that promise, she might break me.” “C’mon, you have to come. If you don’t come, we’re thinking about cutting the tour short. We’ve already taken a vote, and the guys are all for it. Will you just talk to her and get your ass on a plane?” I sigh. What am I supposed to do? We booked this tour before any of this happened and the fans are going nuts that I’m not there. What lead singer abandons his tour? “Let me talk to her,” I drop my head. I can already feel the noose beginning to tighten. She’s gonna hang my ass for this one—for even thinking

about asking, let alone talking about going. “Thanks, man. I’ll text you the hotel details because we had to go to a different hotel than we originally planned.” “Yeah, don’t mention it.” I run my hand over my face as I try to think of a way to talk to T and see what she has to say about me going to these last two concerts. The last two concerts that were booked a long time ago, that were sold out and that my fans expect me at. How can I even ask her in her condition? I hate this shit. Why do I

always have all the luck? I walk back into her hospital room and find her staring out the blinds. When I say her name and she looks at me, she looks angry. Oh, God. Did they call and talk to her before I could? If she already knows what I’m going to ask, she’s pissed. “What’s wrong, bae?” I ask just in case she doesn’t know. “I saw the therapist. She stopped by,” she glances down at her feet that are covered with the white hospital blankets. “She says that I’ll have to start doing therapy right away, and she gave me exercises to do on my own multiple

times a day while I’m at home.” “That’s good, right? What does right away mean?” I ask. “They’re discharging me tomorrow. It would have been discharged sooner, but they let me stay because of my c-section. Physical therapy starts next week.” “Tomorrow?” Shit. This is not good. “Yeah, and I see her starting on Tuesday. She wants to see me Tuesday and Thursday of next week to assess what I can and can’t do, and then she’ll

decide if I’ll start going three times a week instead.” “That’s a lot of appointments.” I bite my lip, thinking of how I can be here for her while still finishing up these last two concerts. “Yeah. What’s wrong? I can tell you’re thinking about something over there.” “Nothing is wrong. It’s just that Miami called and he—” “Damn it, Corbs! You better not even say that you’re going back on the tour! Don’t. You. Dare.”

“T, you don’t understand. The fans have—” “Get out of my room now! If you want to go with your boys, then go ahead but don’t come back. You promised me. See! I knew that I shouldn’t have believed you! I’m such a damn fool.” She starts crying and all I want to do is wrap my arms around her and tell her I’m sorry. I start to make my way over to her, but she won’t even let me get close to her. “I said go! I can’t even stand to look at you right now. Get out!” Her yelling at me causes her nurse to come in. She looks at both of us and

sees that T is crying. She looks me dead in the eyes and says, “I’m sorry, can you please leave?” “Yeah. I was just on my way out.”

Chapter 13: Trinity The last two months of physical therapy have been excruciatingly painful, but I can finally walk without a limp. Well, without much of a limp. It’s still there a little. People who don’t know me can’t tell that I have it but I know it’s there. I have worked so hard, and I’m glad to see that it has paid off. My physical therapist, Stacy Cooper, has supported me in ways unimaginable. She is such an encouraging, enthusiastic

person. Dr. Radcliff wasn’t wrong when he said she is the best in the field, and I see why. It’s nice to be able to take care of myself and not have to rely on anyone. I still remember when the doctor and physical therapist told me that I would need so much therapy. My cousin Candace said she would help me a lot— and she did—but I don’t like relying on people to do things for me. She has had my back, as usual, and has been one of my biggest supporters—right next to Corbin. The two of them have fought over who was going to be able to do what for me. It has been fun to watch them argue over who is going to help me onto the couch, get in the car or go

grocery shopping with me. A few times it got so bad that I had to tell both of them to shut up and pick one to take to the store with me because they were driving me crazy. Right before I got out of the hospital, I seriously doubted that he would stay home with me like he promised, but he did. He did everything exactly like he said he would. I was worried when his crew called and asked him to come back to finish the tour with him. It was blatantly obvious that he had an itch that he wanted to scratch. I know that I initially blew up on him about it, but it was easy for me to assume that he would just up and leave. He had done it

before, so there was nothing stopping him from doing it again. After I had calmed down, he brought it back up to me, but I did something different. I listened instead of jumping the gun. We talked things through and I understood why he wanted to go so badly, but he was sensitive to my needs—and Tatiana’s needs as well—and stayed home to continue being with his family. I have been so proud of him. I know it is hard for him, but he has risen to the challenge of becoming a family man quite nicely. What’s even better is how much I have enjoyed having him around. While he may fight with Candace, it is wonderful to have him by

my side. I also feel much safer at home. When I first came home from the hospital, I was terrified. Thoughts always raced through my mind about that night and if the woman would ever come back. What would she do to me? Would she finish the job and kill me? Would she hurt me again? And the most important question burning in my mind: why was she here in the first place? I still don’t know or understand what her intentions were that night. I don’t think she came here to kill me. If she had come to do that, she would have done it. She had already shot me once, so I don’t think that was her motive that evening. Tatiana

has

been

making

remarkable progress. Even though she’s still in the hospital, her doctor took her off of the breathing machine two days ago, and she has been doing excellent without it. Not one problem at all. She is finally starting to fill out and look more like a baby, too. She is still on the feeding tube, but her nurse told me today that she should come off of it by the end of the week. It will be so nice to finally feed her a bottle for once! She is almost three months old, and I have never fed her. I know Corbs can’t wait either. That little girl has her daddy wrapped around her finger and wound so tight that she’ll be able to get away with anything she wants when it comes to him. I’ll have to rope the two of them back in to make

sure that doesn’t happen. If things go the way her doctor thinks they will, we should be able to bring her home early next week. Having her sleeping in her crib in the next room will be incredible. I have wanted her in that tiny white crib since the day I bought it. I sent Corbin out to the store to buy a few things for the house while I start dinner. Since I have been out of commission, he has had to do a lot of the cooking, so I’m making one of his favorites tonight: fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy. He loves to eat it, but can’t cook it to save his life. When he was doing the cooking, we dined on fancy things like fast food,

tacos, or frozen food. Now that I’m back in the driver's seat in the kitchen, we’re having actual food. I grab a dish towel and start to dry my hands as I put the last piece of breaded chicken into the hot oil just when the phone begins to ring. Oh, what does he want now? He has only called twice since he left almost twenty minutes ago. Surely, he has to be on his way back home by now. I roll my eyes as I press the ‘Talk’ button on the cordless phone. “Hello?” I try not to sound too annoyed. “Ms. Greene?” My eyebrows furrow as this semi-familiar voice

piques my interest. “This is Detective Paul Evans. Do you have a minute to speak with me?” Surprised to hear from him, I nearly dropped the phone as I switch from cradling it on my shoulder to holding it with my hand. “Yes, I can talk right now.” “Normally, I would ask that you and your boyfriend come down to the station, but given your condition, we can do this over the phone. Corbin had brought us some samples, and we obtained a voice recording that he told us about that was on the answering machine.” That’s odd. He never told me

about any messages on the answering machine. “Your samples paid off. We have a hit.” “You have a hit? What does that mean?” I wish he were home right now. “The lab was able to collect forensic evidence off of some of the items that you received in the mail. Of course, some of your DNA was also on the evidence which we threw out, but your attacker left some behind. The lab techs were able to collect saliva from two of the envelopes, a hair off of the teddy bear and a partial fingerprint on one of the pictures.”

“What does that mean?” I can’t wait for him to spill it! This sounds like it’s going somewhere; like he has some information. “We ran those things through our system and cross-referenced them with known samples and we have a match on the suspect.” “That’s great! So can you or did you arrest her?” “Not so fast. This is where the tricky part comes in. For this, we will need you to come in.” “Okay…” I can only imagine

what he is going to say. This part doesn’t sound too promising. “Having her DNA match samples that you received in the mail doesn’t make her the shooter. What I need you to do is come down to the station—when you can, whatever is convenient for you —and we will ask you to look at a lineup to determine if you can pick out your attacker. Do you think you can do that?” I slump forward as I lean against the wall. “I don’t know. I mean…” How do I say this? “It was dark, and it was months ago, and everything was—”

“Ms. Greene, there’s no pressure. If you remember her, that’s great! If you don’t, it will require some extra work on our part to ensure that we have the right person, but it can be done. It just takes longer.” “I can come down tomorrow if that’s okay.” “Sure, that will be fine. I’ll be here from eight to four. Have a good evening.” Pressing the ‘Off’ button on the phone, all I can do is sigh in relief. They found her! They really found her! But what if I can’t identify her in the lineup

photos? That will be the hard part. I remember so little from that night, and seeing her face? I didn’t get that good of a look at her. It was so dark outside, and in the house, and when it happened I was so dumbfounded that I didn’t think to study her facial features. All I know is that it was a white woman wearing dark clothing. That much I can remember. Eager to tell him what I had learned, I call his cell phone to tell him the good news. Suddenly, I hear his cell phone ringing from in the living room. “Are you calling me, bae? I’m home.” I can hear him in the living room as he sets his keys on the table.

“Yeah,” I walk into the living room so I can see his face when he hears the news I have for him. “You’ll never guess who called.” “Who?” “That detective who is working the case! He said that we might have the lady who did it.” For some reason, he doesn’t look as near excited as I am, or as much as I think he should be. “He thinks we might have her? What does that mean? “As we put away the groceries together, I explain the conversation that I had with the detective and what we have to do next. “So

basically, the DNA evidence doesn’t prove shit, does it?” “Well yes, it proves that she was stalking you.” “No, it proves that she mailed things to our house. It doesn’t prove that she nearly killed you, and so what if you pick her up out of a photo lineup. What does that do?” “If I can identify her, that gives them probable cause to detain her. They can interrogate her and try to get her to confess. At the very least, my identifying her might help them get a judge to grant a search warrant to look for the gun.”

“When do we have to go?” “I told him we could come down tomorrow.” “Do you think you can pick her out?” I shake my head, “I don’t know. It was so dark, I was so out of it and shocked, you know?” “I’m here for you, bae,” he put his arm around me, squeezing my shoulders as he hugs me. “No matter what, I’m here to protect you. Nobody will get past me to hurt you.”

Getting out of bed to use the bathroom before I take my shower, I accidentally wake him up. Since the sun isn’t up yet, I try to be careful but apparently I wasn’t quiet enough. He scares me as I go back into the bedroom to get clothes when he starts talking from out of nowhere. I jump and grab my chest as I stumble. “You scared me!” I say, trying to catch my breath. I look at the clock and see that it is only 5:45 AM. “Why are you up so early?” “Who can sleep with you talking in your sleep all night and fighting with

the air? I’ve been awake for a long time.” “I was talking in my sleep? And what do you mean fighting with the air?” “You must have been having nightmares. All I know is you kept mumbling something—I don’t know what—and you were throwing punches like someone was attacking you. Are you sure you want to go through with this and look at her mugshot?” “If this were just for me, I wouldn’t do it, but this involves Tatiana whom will be home soon. I’m not going to let her try to hurt us twice.”

I take a long, steamy shower hoping that the hot water will wash away my fear. What am I so scared of? Looking at her picture can’t hurt me. She won’t even know that I identified her—if I can pick her out of the pictures. When I get out of the shower, I see that Corbs is ready to go. Driving down to the police station was the easy part because as soon as I walk into that front entrance and we are standing at the thick glass asking for the detective, I feel my stomach drop. My stomach threatens to expel any bile that might be in it, and it feels like an elephant is sitting on my chest, constricting my airways, making it impossible to breathe. I break out in a

cold sweat and can feel the underarms of my blouse becoming cool and damp. The detective walks up front to retrieve us from the front lobby, and we follow him into a small room. We sit at a wooden table that was presumably once used for office meetings as it can easily fit at least eight people. The detective takes his seat at the head of the table while we sit along the side of the table with me sitting closest to him. He removes a small digital audio recorder from his breast pocket and places it on the table, nodding and arching his eyebrow to signify that he’s going to record us. We both nod in unison and he presses the

small button on the side of the device to begin our session. He starts off by asking me to recall the events of that evening, which I didn’t think would be that hard until I started doing it. By the time we finish that portion of the interview, I feel as though I just relived the whole night everything happened. Rehashing the night of events that swung everything into full motion has me trembling all over. Corbin rubs my back in an attempt to calm me down, but it’s of little comfort. “Trinity, I’m going to show you a lineup, and if you see your attacker, I would like for you to pick her out. Do you think you can do that right now?”

I nod, and he slides the pictures over to me. Even though I said yes, I don’t know if I can even bring myself to look at them. My eyes are fixated at the top of the paper where it says, “Cook County Sheriff’s Department.” Finally, I close my eyes and ask God for the strength to look through the lineup as I take a deep breath. Slowly, I exhale and open my eyes. I look at the pictures, one by one as I try to remember what her face looked like that night as she towered over me while I lay on the floor. There are only two rows of pictures; four in each row. Only eight little faces but they are the most terrifying faces I have ever had to look

at because one of them is my attacker; the others are just hardened criminals. None of the women in the top row look even vaguely familiar. Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to get through the first row. I train my eyes on the second row. “That’s her,” I point to the third picture in the bottom row. “I remember her face.” Corbin and the detective both look at me. “Are you sure, Trinity? Maybe you should have another look,” Corbs suggests. “No, that’s her. I remember her. I’ll never forget her eyes and brown

hair.” “That’s fine,” Detective Evans assures me as he begins to scribble down information. Almost too terrified to know, the words escape my lips before I can stop them. “What is her name?” “Trinity. You don’t want—” “No, I do want to know her name,” I interrupt Corbin. “I want to know who almost killed our daughter and me. What is her name, Detective Evans?”

“Her name is Brandy Harris.” “Where does she live?” I ask. “Trinity! That’s enough. You don’t need to know all of this information. It will drive you crazy, and you’ll just let it consume you. Stop it, now.” “You won’t have to worry about her. She lives in Texas.” “In Texas? Then why was she trying to break into my house?” Corbin asks, shocked by what the detective said. “That’s something we’ll have to figure out once we bring her into

custody. Since you identified her, we can ask the judge for an arrest warrant and expedite her to Chicago. Thank you for your cooperation, Ms. Greene.” Leaving the police station, it feels as though a weight has been lifted off my chest and I can finally breathe again. Brandy Harris. It’s crazy how she lives so far away, yet she was here. “Let’s see Tatiana. I want to let her know that mommy got the bad lady.” We can’t stop discussing her and speculating what her motives were the whole way to the hospital. Once we are inside, the nurse gives us the best news we have ever heard in our lives—aside

from when they said she was going to live. “Do you know what Sunday is?” the NICU nurse asks us as we coo over Tatiana. I think for a minute, “No? What is it?” “It’s the day that our head doctor has approved her to go home!” My heart drops as a knot forms in my throat. I can hardly speak as thoughts race through my mind. I’m finally going to be a real mom! Oh my God! She is going to sleep in her crib just feet away

from me in our own home! “Are you kidding?” tears begin to trickle from my eye. She nods and grins. I look up at Corbin, and he’s gloating, smiling as big as ever as he strokes her tiny fingers. “Yes, Dr. Murphy says as long as she continues doing well, she will release her on Sunday. I wanted to call you and tell you, but I couldn’t do that. As long as you two have waited, I wanted to see your faces light up.” She looks down in Tatiana’s bassinet, “I’m sure going to miss this sweet girl. She has kept me lots of company these last few months.” I couldn’t help but reach out and

hug her. Hearing that I can bring my baby girl home is so emotionally overwhelming. “Thank you!”

Chapter 14: Corbin Ever since T learned that we could bring Tatiana home today, she hasn’t stopped cleaning. She came home that night and called everyone from both sides of our family. I’m a little reluctant to see her parents today since the last time I saw them they blamed me for everything, but hopefully, they’ve gotten over things. I’ve been working hard to prove to T that I’m here for good. I’m in this for the long haul, and maybe they’ll

be able to see that, too. Tatiana is 17 weeks old; well, she will be in three more days. I could have easily gone on that tour, but I didn’t. Being here for my girls is more important than my band. I adore these two angels, and I will do whatever it takes to make sure they are both happy. “Okay, let’s get to the hospital. I can’t wait to bring my baby home!” she says as she grabs the diaper bag. It’s packed with clothes and diapers bulging out of the zippers, threatening to split the bag in two. “How much do you have packed there? The hospital is only fifteen

minutes away. Are we going somewhere before we come home?” “Shush. I’m making sure I have everything she might need. What if she spits up before we bring her home? I want everyone to see her as beautifully as I do.” “They will. You know why?” she purses her lips and puts her hand on her hip. “Because she’s as gorgeous as her momma. She looks just like you.” “Aww, you’re so sweet.” She gives me a hug. “Okay, now let’s go.” We are only home with the baby

for about ten minutes before everyone starts showing up. The first people to ring the doorbell are her parents. Her father is cordial to me, but her mother is a different story. She’s very uptight and won’t even look at me. I can tell that she still hasn’t forgiven me for going away on tour when Trinity got shot. Things begin to cool down after some of my family arrives, and her cousin Candace shows up. The party is in full swing, and everyone is having a great time talking and laughing until I shut it down. “Everyone, can I have your attention? I don’t mean to be rude, but everyone needs to listen to what I have to say. This is important, and I’d like

everyone to hear it.” I glance over at her and see that she has the most confused expression on her face that I have ever seen. Her mother looks as though she’s going to snap and kill me. “Corbin, what are you doing?” she whispers to me. I detect a note of hostility in her voice. Now T looks like she might kill me as everyone stares at us. Tatiana doesn’t mind; she’s happily staring up at her mom. I reach into my pocket and pull out a tiny box before I get down on bended knee in front of both of our families. “I know you didn’t want me to work anymore. Look around us,” I wave

my arm around the room, “we have everything we need. Everything we could ever want, but I won’t lie. I have been working; at night when you’re sleeping.” “Get up,” she whispers under her breath. “What are you doing?” she covers her mouth. I think she knows what’s coming. I smile at her, then look at her parents before I focus all of my attention on her. Two of my friends, Jimmy, and Melvin part their way through our group of family and friends so they can do my beatboxing. I let them begin and wait for my cue to join them.

“Trinity Greene, you’re the girl of my dreams, and I want to make you my queen. By all means, say yes to this ring and let me be your king. We’ll make beautiful offspring and, know that this is the real thing. I want you to be my wife for the rest of my life. Will you marry me, please?” I hold up the open ring box and wait for her answer. Her hand covers her mouth as I render her speechless. She nods her head and starts crying as everyone cheers while I slide the engagement ring on her finger. After a couple of moments, she finally says yes and tells me that she loves me as she hugs me tightly, almost

smashing the baby between us. “You are the best man a woman could ask for Corbin Kimmel!” After the party returns to its previous state, I watch as T shows off her ring to everyone while my boys and I hang back. Her mother approaches me not long before everyone leaves and asks to see me in the kitchen. “Sure, Suzette.” I look at my boys and shrug my shoulders before I follow her into the kitchen. Once we’re away from everyone, her mom grabs my hand and looks into

my eyes. “Corbin, I know that we have always felt indifferent about you. You know better than anyone that I have always hated you traveling just as much as Trinity, but today you made me proud. Yes, I’ve given you the cold shoulder many times, but that is only because I have always had Trinity’s best interest in mind. Since Tatiana was born, you have shown me that you’ll stick by my daughter’s side and take care of her. That’s all any mother could ever ask for or want for their daughter. You have my blessing to marry her.” “Thank you, Suzette. That means a lot to me, especially coming from you.” I give her a hug. “And you’re right about

us not always seeing eye to eye, but I am here for her and will never leave her side again. You have my word on that.” After the party is over, I pull T onto the couch and into my lap as I wrap my arm around her. “Come here, bae. Let me see you for a minute.” She can’t wipe the smile off her face, and I love seeing her like this. “You like your ring?” I push her braids back from her cheek so I can see her better. She holds up her hand, admiring her ring. “It’s so beautiful.” As she stares at it, a puzzled look spreads across her face. “How did you know that I like princess-cut diamonds?”

“I pay attention to you a lot more than you realize, bae.” Having Tatiana home has changed our lifestyle. It doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is; that little girl has both of us wrapped around her tiny pinky finger. The worst part is that she has me wrapped so tightly that I’d probably let her get away with just about anything— as long as she’s not trying to grow up because that’s not allowed. She has been home for almost six months now and the time has flown by. Tomorrow will mark an important milestone in our lives. T will have to face the woman who shot her and caused her to have Tatiana

thirteen weeks early. Those first few months of her life were rough, and we didn’t think that she was going to make it, but she pulled through it just fine. Now she’s a thriving baby, as strong as ever and happy as can be. Her one-year birthday is only six weeks away. “Bae, can you shut the light off? I want to make sure I get plenty of sleep for the sentencing hearing tomorrow.” I shut the light off for her as I think about how things will go in the courtroom when she sees her for the first time since the night it all started. The coward took the easy way out and pled guilty to a lesser charge. With all of the

media attention the case has gotten, the prosecutor didn’t bother talking to T before making the plea deal with the defense attorney. She was completely caught by surprise when she learned that Brandy had accepted a plea deal with lesser charges. We were both furious with the prosecution, but it was out of our hands. Of course, we could have had our lawyer fight with the state about the lesser charges, but I didn’t want to put Trinity through that. Initially, they were charging her with attempted murder, but the charges were dropped to assault with a deadly weapon to avoid media attention. When her public defense attorney first found out about the plea deal, he jumped on it right away so that

his client could serve the least amount of time possible. T has been looking forward to giving her victim’s statement ever since they day we found out about the deal. She says that her hopes are that the judge will take her thoughts and feelings into consideration when he hands down the sentence. T wasted no time getting up and ready as soon as the alarm clock went off. There is no way I can jump out of bed like her, but I did get up and get Tatiana out of her crib to feed her. As I watch her devour a bowl of apple cinnamon oatmeal, I also watch T lose her mind as she power walks through the house packing a diaper bag. Candace is

taking the baby today so that I can go with her for support as she says her final words to the judge this afternoon. It pisses me off that she’s getting off the hook for what she did to my family, but I’m most thankful that they at least found out who did it so that she never got away with it. “Slow down, bae. I can help pack her bag as soon as she finishes eating.” “Are you kidding me? There is no way that I can sit down. My nerves are shot, and I need to keep myself busy.” “Bae,” I put my arms around her waist as she packs all of the baby bottles

into the diaper bag. “I got your back. You don’t have to worry about anything. Take a deep breath and chill. You can’t let yourself get all worked up like this.” “I know, but this is the first time I’ll see her in person since the attack, and probably the last. I want her to remember my face and my voice. I want her to listen to the words that I have to say about her and how she changed my life, and my daughter’s life.” She pushes my arms away and turns to face me. “You know, if you think about it, essentially she chose my daughter’s birthday! She chose when I was going to have my baby. She chose everything. I lost control of my life that night, and I

can’t wait for her to hear what I’m going to say to her.” The doorbell rings, and it’s Candace coming to pick up the baby. I help her strap her into the backseat of her car and hand her the diaper bag before her and Tatiana drives off for a day of fun while her mom and I face our demons of the past today in court. “You think she’s going to be okay?” Candace asks before she gets in the car. “I think she’s gonna flip her shit, but that’ all right because I’m going to be there with her, supporting her the entire time.”

“You’re a good guy, Corbs. I wish there were more of you around. I need me a good man.” “You’ll find him one day. You just have to be patient.” I wave as they drive away. When they’re out of sight, I go back inside and begin getting myself ready. I find T in the bathroom, hogging the counter as she does her hair. “You look beautiful,” I compliment her. “I’m not going for beautiful. I’m going for dangerous. I want her to be intimidated by me like I was her that night. The difference is that I’m doing

my battle through the legal system whereas she takes matters into her own hands.” In the courtroom, we sit with our attorney in the gallery behind the state’s prosecution table. On the other side of the courtroom is the public defender who is representing T’s attacker. Right before the sentencing hearing is about to begin, a bailiff brings her into the courtroom and walks her to the table to be seated beside her defense lawyer. She is wearing an orange jumpsuit with Jesus sandals and has her thin, wispy brown hair pulled back in a ponytail. As she walks across the room, she refuses to look at us. She keeps her face down,

chin against her chest and sits without making eye contact with anyone— including her attorney. A few moments later the judge walks in, and court gets underway. T can hardly contain herself until it’s time for her to give her victim’s statement. When they call her to stand and deliver her statement, her voice becomes unstable, and I can tell that she has a hard time reading from the letter that she prepared. The same letter that she has been working on for the past month. I feel bad for her, but this is something that I cannot help her with or do for her. All I can do is watch and hope that she has the strength to say and do what matters to her, and make her aware of my presence to help her feel

more comfortable. “My life changed the night of May fifth when I was shot and wounded, which caused me to deliver,” she stops and takes a deep breath. I know it’s hard for her to do this, and I hate watching her struggle to do something that is so important to her. “My baby early. I was only 27 weeks pregnant, and when they had to cut her out of me, we didn’t know if she was going to live through the night, the next day or even the next week.” Tears start freely streaming down both of her cheeks as she wipes the corner of her eyes with a tissue that she brought. “My baby, Tatiana Madison, looked like a medical experiment. Her pale,

translucent skin clung to her tiny, frail bones that were barely formed and she hardly weighed two pounds. I ask that you receive the maximum sentence that the law allows. I will never understand how a person could harm someone, especially a defenseless pregnant woman at that!” She looks at the judge and says, “Why? I want to know why she —or anyone—would do such a thing! WHY?” I take her hand inside mine after she sits back down. My heart dropped when I heard her read that piece of paper, and I wish I could have read it for her so that she didn’t have to do that. Next, they allow Brandy to deliver her

defendant’s statement. She scoots the chair back and stands where she was seated. Her wrists and feet are shackled, preventing her from moving freely. T closes her eyes, unable to even look at the woman who almost took her and Tatiana’s lives, but not me. I stare a hole straight through her. I want her to feel my eyes burning through the back of her. She clears her throat before groveling to the judge. “What I did was wrong, and I know that. My intentions were never to hurt Miss Greene or her unborn baby. That night was completely out of character for me, and I would never hurt or kill another person—not another

woman nor a baby. The night that everything happened, I didn’t even know that Miss Greene existed. I had looked Corbin up on the Internet and researched him. As a super fan, all I wanted to do was get close to him. I thought, that since I didn’t find anything about a wife or anything, that I could sneak into his house and just sleep on his bed for a night, smell his clothes and check out his house. I’m not a burglar or anything, and I’m not a violent person. I’m not even sure how to pick a lock, which is why I had brought the gun. I thought I could just shoot the lock off the front door. I didn’t know that someone would be on the other side of it. He had been on tour for weeks and wasn’t expected to be home

for a while. I know, because I checked out his concert venue and knew his schedule. I even had it memorized. I hope that they can forgive me one day, and who knows, maybe I can even babysit since their daughter lived through it. I feel bad for everything that happened and if I wasn’t so scared— seeing the blood kind of freaked me out after the bullet hit her—I would have tried to help her. Really, I would.” T and I look at each other as the ding-dong stood there rattling off the rest of her statement to the judge. It’s quite clear this girl has some sort of mental problem. The judge listened to the closing statement of the prosecution and

delivered his sentence. Since she pled guilty to a class four felony under the Illinois law, she could receive one to three years in prison. The judge gave her a two-year sentence with credit for time already served in the county jail. My hope is that when she is released, she will go back to Texas where she’s from, and we will never have to see her again. By the sounds of her, though, I’m not so sure. I mean, she did offer to babysit and all, but I think we’ll pass on that opportunity. “Does it feel good to have this all behind us now?” I ask as we fasten our seat belts before heading home.

“Eh, it’s okay. I mean, it’s like she did all this crazy stuff, could have killed two people and then she apologized because she didn’t know better? And then what really chaps my ass is the fact that she was allowed to plea to a lesser charge and didn’t even receive the maximum penalty.” “I think the judge did that because he realizes she does have mental problems? I don’t know, though. It’s hard to say why anyone does what they do, but I’m glad that it’s over. Maybe now we can move forward.” “Yeah.”

“You always said that you couldn’t focus on our wedding because of you were worried about her coming back to do something else. Now that she’s locked away for the next year and a half, maybe I can finally marry you.” “You’re right. I think I will start planning that wedding. We need to get on with our lives, and it’s time we do it.”

Chapter 15: Trinity The past year has been exciting, nerve-racking and I have anticipated every moment of this day, but now that it’s finally here it seems surreal. Believe me when I say that I have put every bead of sweat and blood into planning this wedding because I have. Candace—my maid of honor—has helped me plan every detail down to the minute. This wedding couldn’t have been any more planned unless I physically seated each

person myself. I love that girl. She has been so patient and kind to me. If I were helping me plan my wedding, I would’ve slapped myself, thrown the clipboard across the room and said, “Get over it already!” but not Candace. Nope, she stuck by my side and made sure that everything is exactly how I want things. I almost had a heart attack last week when we happened to stop by the floral shop who is handling the flowers for my wedding. My color theme is purple and gold, and the florist was supposed to make purple and gold roses. We were out and about, picking up some things for the wedding, and decided to stop and check in on the floral arrangements. Somehow my order had gotten mixed up

with a different wedding, and they made all of my arrangements as purple and gold daisies. I nearly fainted when I saw the mistake because when I placed the order, she said she would have a difficult time getting the amount of flowers that I needed, but she would make it happen. Here we were a week out from the wedding, and they were all wrong. Fortunately, she was able to order enough roses from various shops and had them shipped to her, and she hired a few temporary people to put my flowers together. As I pin my hairpiece to my head, I feel like Cinderella as the veil floats down over my face. I take one last look

at myself in the mirror before I take my place and listen for my cue to begin walking down the aisle. While my father and I stand outside the grand church entrance, I look up at him as he takes my arm. We only have a few moments before we have to start our walk, and I can see his watery eyes beaming at me. “I love you, daddy.” I get on my tiptoes, lean over and kiss his cheek. “You look so pretty today, and I’m so proud of you. You’re not my little girl anymore, but you have grown into a beautiful young woman. I love you.” A few seconds later, we hear my

cue. My dad begins walking me down the aisle while everyone stands as they turn to face me. I smile at all of our friends and family, making my way to my Prince Charming as he stands there with his entire crew behind him as his best men. Candace is eagerly grinning at me as she knows how excited I have been for this day to come. Lined up behind my cousin, all of my bridesmaids look stunning. We utilized Tatiana as our flower girl even though she is only two because I wanted to incorporate her into our wedding. My mom and cousin helped me pick out an elegant white gown with sparkled sequins across the chest and a sheer, blooming skirt to accentuate her princess-like appearance.

I can see her sitting with my mom and Corbin’s parents. Smiling at her, I wink which she takes as a signal to join me as I’m walking down the aisle. My mom gives a small chase to her before grabbing her arm and guiding her back to her seat. My dad and I finally reach the altar where Corbs is gleaming at me. As my Daddy hands me off to him, he whispers to me how beautiful I look. The minister begins the ceremony and gets the wedding underway. If I thought my nerves were on edge as I walked down the aisle, they were nothing compared to when it came time to read our vows. I am so thankful that Candace

is holding the sheet of paper that I wrote mine on because if I had to hold them this entire time, they would be covered in sweat and smudged. She hands me the sheet of paper right before Corbin says his vows first. “Trinity, we have a long history together. One where you have always supported and encouraged me, and I will always be grateful for that. From this day forward, I promise to be the one who is always there for you, supporting and encouraging you in the same ways that you did for me. I promise to love, cherish and honor you until the day I die. I love you.”

The silence of the church is intimidating. I look out at our guests and weakly smile at them as I clear my throat. I begin reading my vows, hoping that I don’t mess up the words that I have written down. “Corbin, I always knew that you were the one. I fell in love with you not long after we met, all those years ago in high school. You mean the world to me and I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. For the rest of our time on Earth, I promise to love and honor you and cherish the commitment that we have made to each other today. I love you.” The minister wraps up the rest of

the ceremony and then we kiss before we begin making our way down the aisle. When we come out of the church, all of our guests are lined up outside, blowing bubbles at us as we make our way through the parted crowd. A shiny black limo is waiting at the curb to whisk us away to the reception in downtown Chicago. Both of us wanted a sleek, modern reception, so we opted to go with having ours at the Highline Bar. When we visited potential venues, I fell in love with their hardwood floors, cozy appearance, and their food was delicious. The chef prepared several samples of appetizers and main course meals that we could choose from which made my mouth water, and left me

looking forward to going back for fullsize portions on our wedding day. In the limo, we pop open a bottle of champagne and pour a glass before toasting to the rest of eternity with one another. The cool, crisp bubbles tingle inside my mouth as they dance on my tongue. “That was one hell of a wedding if you ask me,” he nods and winks at me. “Thanks. I planned and prepped for so much of it that I was worried something would go wrong because I might have forgotten something.” “It was gorgeous, just like you. You did a great job.” He leans over and

kisses me. Before I know it, he is kissing me passionately as he pins me down on the seat of the limo. “We are going to mess up my dress,” I say, panting even though I’m hot and ready to go. “Looking at you in this dress is…” he kisses my neck, “fucking hot. I want you right now.” He continues kissing my neck and makes his way down to the top of my breasts as he wraps his hands around my waist. “Bae, you’re going to mess up my dress,” I put up a light protest. The truth is, I want him just as bad. He looks

badass in his tux and the way he’s ravaging my body, I don’t want him to stop. “I wouldn’t worry about the dress. I’d be more worried about your panties.” He dips his head beneath the fabric of my dress and pushes my thighs apart with his hands. I can feel my lace panties rolling down my legs as he removes them. What I wasn’t expecting was watching him come up for a breath of air with them clinging to his teeth as he growls. The sight of him taking my panties off with his teeth made me wet instantly. He disappears back under my dress as my

legs are splayed wide open and I feel his tongue delicately sliding up and down the length of inner pussy before his tongue begins tracing small, quick circles around my clit. I gulp down the rest of my champagne and toss the glass to the side before I pull my dress up so that I can watch him. His tuxedo jacket is getting in his way, so he stops for a moment and takes it off, along with his shirt before he dives back down between my legs and continues going to town as he eats my pussy. I can’t stand it another minute and desperately want him. “Please,” I gasp, “I need you inside of me.”

He stops for just a moment as he takes his pants off and there is something so hot about watching him pull his belt through the loops of his pants and toss it onto the floor with the rest of his crumpled clothes. He slides his pants off, climbs back on top of me and slips himself inside of me. Evidently, I’m not the only one completely turned on by the sight of someone wearing their wedding attire because he is rock hard. He begins working his thick cock in and out of me as he trails kisses along my neck until he reaches my lips. Before he kisses me, he bites my lip and waits for my mouth to pop open before he slips his tongue inside. The vehicle begins to slow on the

freeway, and the abrupt breaking throws us on the floor of the limo. I get on top of him and start riding his dick as my dress drapes his body, concealing my legs. He grabs my naked shoulders with his big hands and presses my body down onto his, pushing us even closer together as I grind down on his manhood. We feel the limo come to a complete stop, and we both know we don’t have much time. Our eyes widen at the thought of getting caught because the reception is only ten minutes off the highway. We have to make it quick. I start working it double-time and begin fucking his brains out. Both of us can feel the limo shaking and rocking—

and there’s absolutely no way the limo driver can’t feel it because I’m damned sure that we’re going to break the shocks on the rear end. As I ride him fast and hard, I can feel his cock beginning to swell inside of me. He starts pumping a thick load of his cum inside of me as he growls in my ear. The sheer feeling of him cumming inside of me and watching him get off pushes me over the edge. I spread my legs as far as I can and grind down onto him, pushing him deep inside of me as I fuck him hard. Within seconds, I begin cumming with him as his semen continues flooding me. Spent, I collapse on the floor next to him as he frantically redresses himself before the limo reaches the reception. I fish my

panties out of the leather seat and slide them back on, but it’s completely useless because the delicate fabric won’t hold up to the wetness that is dripping out of me. “What’s wrong?” he asks as he races to button his shirt. “I need to wipe off, and there’s nothing in here that I can use. You’re… dripping out of me.” He pauses for a second as he thinks, looking around the limo. “Shit.” He tosses me his boxers, “Here, use these to wipe yourself off.”

“What?” I stare at him in disbelief as I clutch his boxers. “What are you going to wear?” “I’ll go commando. This is your big day, and I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable or ruining your dress. Just wipe off with them and we’ll toss them under the seat so the driver doesn’t see them.” “But he’s going to find them—or someone will—when they clean out the limo!” He looks out the window. “Look, we only have about 3 or 4 minutes. If you’re going to clean up, now would be

the time.” He slips on his slacks and zips them up. Not wanting to be nasty all night, I quickly wipe off with his boxers and toss them into the bench seat before sitting down. A few moments later, the limo stops, and the driver opens our door. Embarrassed that he’s going to find the dirty underwear, I blush and avoid eye contact at all costs as I thank him and make my way inside to the reception. Grateful that the guests aren’t supposed to arrive for at least another half an hour, I make my way into the lady’s room and freshen myself up and tuck my hair back into place. After I leave the restroom, I stroll around the

tables to make sure everything is set up appropriately. I can’t believe how perfect everything looks, and I can smell the food as the caterers begin to set everything up in warming trays. I’m starved and can hardly wait to eat. One by one, the guests begin piling in and taking their seats. Within an hour of the first guest arriving, the hall is completely packed, and everyone is laughing and enjoying one another’s company. All of our bridal party joins us at our head table, and I can’t wait for the party to get started. Once the staff has had the opportunity to serve everyone, Cornell, which is Blue, calls everyone’s attention to make a toast to us. I was so

nervous that he was going to say something completely inappropriate, which would be well within his character, but he didn’t. I was pleasantly surprised by how thoughtful his toast was. Finally, the moment I had been waiting for since the day I started planning the reception had come. It is time for the bride and groom’s sweetheart dance. I almost cry as we dance to Angel of Mine by Monica. It’s one of my favorite songs and it truly describes our relationship because, just as my vows said, I knew from the first time I saw him. Even though he wasn’t with me the night that I got shot, he has

always watched over me, and I know that he will continue to. He is my soul mate and my other half. As our song concludes, everyone claps and cheers before the dance floor opens to the rest of the party. We partied well into the night with all of our guests before crawling into the limo—thank God a different one than had dropped us off— who took us to the airport. I had arranged for my parents to keep Tatiana while we go on a ten-day cruise for our honeymoon. We are flying down to Florida and boarding the ship in Miami and not coming back until after we tour the Bahamian Waters and make several stops along the way.

“The reception was nice, wasn’t it?” I ask him as I snuggle against him on the way to the airport. “Very. I had a good time. Did you?” “Yes, and I was surprised to see Tatiana wiped out by 8:30. It’s a good thing that my parents are used to going to bed around that time, so they were ready to go anyway.” We took our seats on the flight, where I doze off until we reach Florida. While our flight lasted three hours and I slept almost every second that I was on the plane, I feel like I have only slept for

about thirty minutes. I am so tired until it is time to board the ship. Something about the salty ocean air and warm breeze on my face perks me right back up, and I am ready to go. It is like I caught a second wind. “Come on, bae. I can’t wait to get on the ship!” I grab his arm and drag him along with me. “Where did you get all this energy from?” “Come on! I want to see our room. It’s supposed to be the nicest suite they have on any of their cruise ships.”

When we get to the room, I insert the key card. The door clicks, and I turn the handle. Our room is breathtaking! A huge walk-out balcony is on the far side of our room with beautiful white curtains which allow the sunlight to cascade through the large room. There is also a set of black-out curtains that we can pull shut so we can sleep in the mornings that are neatly tucked back. We place our bags on the king size bed and take note of how gorgeous our room is before walking out onto the balcony. From there, we have a spectacular view of the ocean and everything going on around us. With Corbin always working and traveling before, we never took the opportunity to do things like this which

makes me realize how much we have both missed out on. But instead of being sad and regretting the past, I smile and think of all the things that we will be able to do from here on out. This is the beginning of the rest of our lives together. He wraps his arms around me as we wave goodbye to all the people on land as the ship sets sail into the sea.

Epilogue It has been four wonderful, glorious years since he promised me that he would stop touring, and he has never broken that promise once. His crew found a new lead vocalist to take his spot and life couldn’t be better. Tatiana and I have enjoyed having him home with us, and we are grateful that he worked so hard previously that he is now able to do this with us. He adores that little girl, and sometimes they get into trouble together. I could never have asked for a better father than him. It

doesn’t matter what he is doing when she asks him to do something with her. He drops anything for her, and they have a great time together. We were starting to get cramped in our house in Chi-Town and wanted to get away from the city to start living our life together as a family. Shortly after we got married, we hired a developer to build us a house in the suburbs outside of Chicago. We bought a decent sized piece of land— about 3.5 acres—and had a 4,000 square foot house built. I wanted to make sure that our house would have plenty of space to allow us to grow as a family because we decided that we both want to have more children. Our new house

will allow us to do that since it has five bedrooms with five full bathrooms and an incredible over-sized living room. We’ll never run out of anything to do since we have so much land and an inground swimming pool as well as a theater in the basement. When we have adults over, there is also a full-sized wet bar and game room next to the theater room, but right now I can’t enjoy the wet bar since we are expecting baby number two. Not long after the developer started to build our house, we discussed having more children. I didn’t want to wait until Tatiana was too old before having another baby, so we began trying.

I didn’t get pregnant for the first year that we were trying, but the doctor thinks it was because my body was trying to adjust after having been on the birth control shot for so long. When we told Tatiana that we were having another baby, she was stoked to hear the news. I found out last month that we’re having another girl, which made her even more excited because she asked for a little sister when we told her that she was going to be a big sister. Corbin is still hoping for a boy, and maybe he’ll get one one of these days. I just finished getting the nursery all set up for her and unlike my pregnancy with Tatiana, I didn’t waste any time. I’ve realized that you don’t always have all the time that

you think you do, and things can happen early. Speaking of that, the crazy woman, Brandy Harris, who shot me, did her time in jail and was released early for good behavior. She was released right around the time that we got married, but I didn’t find out until about six months after our wedding when I saw an article on the Internet. I was scrolling through my news feed when I thought I saw a familiar face. Stopping, I scrolled back up to see if I saw what I thought was her. It was! Apparently, she took to stalking another rapper when she was released from jail but this time things went south with him real quick. I

clicked on the article and saw that he was married, and his wife was pregnant with their kid. She broke into the house while he was away and tied her up before throwing her in the trunk. Once she had her where she wanted her, she ended up driving the car over a bridge after she jumped out of it. The wife ended up drowning, and authorities say the only reason they were able to find her is because her body was secure in the vehicle. When he came back from traveling, he reported his wife and the family vehicle missing. There was no activity on any of the credit cards, and no money had been withdrawn from the bank. A search and rescue team was deployed to help find the missing

pregnant woman after a tip came in that prompted police to drag a river about twenty minutes from their house. When they started doing that, they found the white SUV stuck in the muddy riverbed. It took nearly two days to recover the vehicle, and when they opened the trunk, they found her pregnant body. When they first found her, they didn’t initially know who did it or have a motive since nothing had been stolen or taken. The police didn’t put things together until she started feeling guilty and confessed to one of her family members, who ended up turning her in. When they arrested her, she told them the gory details of the events of that night

and said that she didn’t know how she was ever going to have a chance of dating the star if he was married. Unfortunately, the girl didn’t realize the wife was pregnant because she was only a few weeks along—she had only found out about a month before her murder that she was expecting. Given her history and mental capacity, she ended up being sent to a mental asylum for treatment rather than putting her back in prison. I’m glad that she didn’t even know I existed, or I might not be here today to tell everyone my story or watch my baby grow up into a beautiful little girl. Tatiana is strong, smart, pretty and bold. That little girl doesn’t understand

the meaning of no and she has no problem speaking her mind. I guess you could say that she is just like her mother. Every day that I watch her play and run through the yard, I’m so grateful that I have her in my life. It’s amazing how she went from a tiny, frail baby who almost died to a thriving, bossy, brainiac who is too smart for her own good. She spends a lot of her time with her daddy, learning how to play different instruments. It’s obvious that she inherited her daddy’s singing abilities because that little girl has a set of lungs on her that I’ve never seen before. We go to church every Sunday, and she’s part of the choir. You can definitely say that she sticks out like a sore thumb against the rest of the little

girls. She gets up there and demands the attention of the audience as her powerful voice surpasses the voices of the other girls in her age group. My cousin Candace found her true love about a year ago, and even though I’m busy with my life and handling my own pregnancy, I’m in the process of planning her baby shower. She is having a boy, and she’s due in just a little under three months. She’s excited to finally have found the right guy for her, and she is so happy that she is going to be a mom. I know she’ll be a good mother because I’ve seen how she is with Tatiana. She treats her like she’s her own and includes her in everything that she

does. She even let her pick out the outfit that he is coming home in after she has him. They decided to name him Isiah after Candace’s late father. I’m happy for her because she has waited so long to have a good man and a family of her own that she deserves it. I kept telling her that the right man would come along, but she never believed me until one day when she ran into him—literally. They were walking through the supermarket, and she ran into the back of him with her cart. She tore a chunk of skin off the back of his heel and to make it up to him; she offered to take him out to dinner. He wouldn’t agree at first, but she wouldn’t leave him alone about it because she felt so bad. He finally agreed, but when the

check came, he paid the bill. He told her a true gentleman never lets the woman pay. Ever since that first date, the two of them have been inseparable. Corbin and her boyfriend hang out a lot, which is good. It keeps him busy and out of trouble. They’ve become very close friends. Terrell, her boyfriend, is a freelance web developer, so he works from home and, for the most part, has a pretty open schedule. It’s nice that he can set his own hours and work on his own time because that means they can hang out when they want and go to sporting events whenever there’s a game in Chicago. I haven’t said anything to my cousin yet, but Corbs told me that Terrell

is going to propose to her soon. I’m so excited for her. It’s been hard not to tell her, but I promised him that I’d keep a lid on it which is more difficult than I thought it would be. I can’t wait for him to do it because she’ll be so happy. I know she will say yes, and then I can help her plan her dream wedding like she helped me.

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Skin Deep

Skin Deep By Vivian Ward Copyright 2016 Vivian Ward All Rights Reserved This book is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real people, places, or events is strictly

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Table of Contents: Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen Epilogue

Chapter 1 When Thomas came in, he looked exhausted. I did everything I could to make his evening comforting and relaxing, but I knew something was troubling him. As we laid in bed that night, I asked him what was wrong. “What isn’t wrong?” he sighed. “Pincetti Properties came out and talked to me today while I was out chopping timber and made me an offer.” “An offer? What did he have to

say?” I asked my husband. “Actually, it was him and the Mayor. I swear, if it weren’t for Pincetti lining the Mayor’s pockets with his eminent domain development, none of this would be going on.” “Oh, this doesn’t sound right.” “No, it’s not,” he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “They’re trying to force us to sell before the city council approves the eminent domain. I gotta hand it to ‘em, they know what they’re doing.” “What was the offer?”

“Pincetti offered to pay us $175,000 for all the acreage, including the house and barn. I told him it wasn’t enough, but he disagreed. He said that in order for them to build the new apartment complex and strip mall, he’d have to clear all the timber. According to him, it would cost quite a bit to do all 80 acres, which lowers the value of our property.” “That’s crazy! Our property is invaluable!” I protested. “Yep, I know, but you can’t tell the suits that. This town’s been stuck in the past for the last 75 years, but money

talks. And Pincetti’s got enough of it that it talks to everyone” “What are we going to do, Thomas? I don’t want to sell everything and have to move.” “Me neither. My family’s lived here for five generations. We’ve been supplying the entire town with firewood for the last 100 years. It’s all I know how to do.” “If they forced us to sell, what would we do? Where would we go?” I was coming to the realization that the eminent domain would pass, forcing us out of our family home and business.

“I don’t know, sugar. The town’s so racist that I can’t foresee any of the white folks giving me a job. We’d have to leave the city.” “That’s good ‘ole Nevada, Missouri, for you,” I sighed. “We’d have to move to a bigger city for you to find work. Have you thought about what type of work you’d be interested in if push comes to shove and we have to start over?” “Yeah, but I don’t know if I’d be able to find a job that pays enough to support you and Natalie. Cutting timber, running the pecan grove and supplying

chicken eggs barely cuts it here—and the cost of living here is considerably cheaper than a bigger city.” “You’re pretty handy. What about a construction job? Or even working in a factory?” “They usually want a high school diploma or GED; both of which I can’t produce.” I studied him as he talked. His lanky body looked worn out and his eyes looked weary. “We’ll figure it out together. The reverend’s wife told me that the eminent

domain isn’t supposed to pass until next year, that should help buy us some time,” I tried to reassure him. “Can you imagine if we had to move to a bigger city with Natalie? This acreage and farm life is all she knows. She’d be lost in a big city,” he said. “I know. All we can do is cross that bridge when we get there. Right now, we need to focus on doing what we’ve always done.” “That’s one good thing about this town always wanting to keep old money in it. No other businesses have been able to set up shop here—until now,

apparently. Most of the town hasn’t been able to afford to upgrade to central heat so they have to rely on their wood burning stoves for the winter.” “Amen to that,” I laid back on my pillow. “Let’s try to get some rest, we’ve got a long day ahead of us tomorrow.” “Love you, sugar,” he kissed me goodnight. “Love you, too.”

§

As Judy fell asleep next to me, I couldn’t help thinking about our future. What would I do if we really had to sell the acreage? How would I support my wife and daughter? It’s a man’s job to take care of his family! I refuse to let my wife work just because I don’t have a piece of paper that says I’m qualified to work at some job. Besides, she can’t work. Someone has to stay home to take

care of Natalie. Those deaf schools costs a lot of money, and we can’t afford to send her to one as it is now. It also wouldn’t make sense for Judy to get a job, only to hand her paycheck over to a caregiver for Nat. While I’m grateful that my family laid down roots here, with the help of Reverend Lockridge all those years ago, I also feel like it was a curse. What if I’d grown up somewhere else? I’d probably have other job skills that are more useful, but then I probably wouldn’t have such a beautiful wife and daughter. There’s no way I’ll give up my family’s land and business without a fight. This has been home to the Clay’s

for the last five generations, and home to my family since Judy and I got married. With Natalie being deaf, she can’t communicate normally with others. Playing in these fields while we run the timber business and pecan grove is all she knows. I don’t know what she’d do in a big city. At least she has a sense of community in our church. Our family has had close ties with the First Christian Church for as far back as I can remember; they’re like a second family. Natalie’s so close with the youth leaders and Reverend Piccard that I can’t bear to see her lose the ones she loves so much if we have to move to a bigger city. With

the FCC being predominately black, she has a sense of belonging and has grown up with the other children of the church since she was a baby. Starting over with a new church and community would devastate her. The rest of the members of the church wouldn’t be affected by the eminent domain bill as much as my family. Most of them live far enough out of town that they would be able to keep their farmland and livestock. I wish I could say the same for my family. As I watched my wife sleep, it pained me to imagine what her life would be like without her fellow sisters whom she’s grown to love. Nothing makes my wife happier than a good old-

fashioned potluck after a Sunday service. From time to time, she and the other women get together and swap recipes, exchange hand-me-downs and let the kids play. Ripping her out of the community would devastate her as well. They need a sense of security, comfort, and support. I’m not sure moving to a big city would offer them that.

§

I was already busy cooking breakfast by the time Thomas climbed out of bed and started down the hall toward the kitchen. I swear he has the loudest footsteps a person’s ever had. Natalie was busy working on a painting in her room before we headed out for the day. Life was good; I just didn’t know how long it would last. “Are you and Nat coming with me today?” my husband asked as he sat down and poured himself a cup of coffee.

“We sure are, but I have to be honest with you. I didn’t sleep well last night. I kept tossing and turning. I’m not sure how much help I’ll be today.” “I know you were,” he peered over his coffee mug as he grinned at me. “You woke me up a few times, but that’s okay. We can make it a short day on the timber if you want and focus more on the pecan grove.” “Natalie will love that.” “Where around.

is

she?”

he

looked

“In her room. She’s working hard on a painting that she wants to make for you. I snuck a peak at it and it’s really good.” “That little girl has more talent in her pinky finger than I do in my entire body,” he laughed. “She must get it from her mother.” “Breakfast is almost ready. After we eat, I’ll have Natalie slip on some work clothes while I get changed. Do you have the wheelbarrows and everything ready to go?” “No, I’ll do that while my two favorite ladies in the whole world get

ready,” he sipped his coffee. “And Judy, don’t worry so much about what we talked about last night. We’ll figure something out and make everything work.” “I know we will,” I offered a faint smile. “You know, I heard that the Almanac is calling for an early and frigid winter season this year. Don’t know if it’s true, but if it is, it would be a blessing.” “That would be nice. We could really clean up if it is. There is a real threat that this could be our last winter in this house if the eminent domain gets pushed through next year.”

I gasped, “Do you really think we’d have to leave that soon?” While I believed his words to be true, it scared the hell out of me. “Maybe. I can’t say for sure, but you never know.” At the end of breakfast, I got Natalie’s attention and signed to her to get ready. When I told her that we were doing some work in the pecan grove, her face lit up as she hurried off to her room to get dressed. Thomas headed out to the barn while I cleared the table and slipped into one of my old work dresses.

“Judy? Are you two ready?” my husband called as I tried to pin my hair back. “Almost, but I need to check on Natalie.” Walking into Natalie’s room, I discovered that she never even bothered getting dressed. Instead, she was fervently working on the painting for her daddy. Before I interrupted her, I stood behind her admiring her work. That girl has some rich talent! It was an elaborate piece of work featuring her father cutting down the timber while she played in the field next to it. The detail in her artwork was so exuberant that it

was breathtaking. I tapped her on the shoulder and began signing to her. “Natalie, that is beautiful! Is that for your daddy’s birthday?” She nodded her head and signed, “Yes, it is. Do you think he’ll like it?” “He’ll love it! You can finish it later, though. Right now he’s waiting for us to help him. We need to get dressed and get out there before he comes in and sees his surprise.” Worried that I might be right, she turned her painting around and started to get herself ready. I headed outside and

told Thomas that his little Picasso was almost finished dressing herself. “She’s a sweet girl, Judy. We did well.” “Yes, we did! You’ll be so stunned when you see what she’s making you.” The three of us hopped in the cab of the Mack dump truck and headed out to cut some timber before making our way over to the pecan grove. Thomas’s father, Marcus, acquired our work truck when he used to work in the fields cutting timber. Before that, he used horses to pull a wagon. The owner of a

local hauling company was getting rid of it, but Marcus saw an opportunity. Every time Thomas has told me this story, his face lights up, so I have it memorized. Marcus knew that the truck needed work, but he could fix anything. If you would’ve met him on the side of the road, you would’ve swore he was a mechanic and not a lumberjack. He talked the man into giving him the truck in exchange for free firewood for the winter. The Mack dump truck needed more repairs than he’d anticipated, but Marcus jumped on the opportunity to do the repairs himself and sell the horses. The truck has been servicing our family for two generations now. I’m shocked that it still runs, but Thomas does a good

job keeping it maintained. Today’s focus was on clearing out a small section of timber next to the barn. I slid my hands into the gloves while Thomas helped me wrap the rope around the tree and secure it on the first one before we started cutting it down. Once I was in position, he fired up the chainsaw and before I knew it, sawdust was flying everywhere. Luckily, we only had to cut down six trees before we headed over to tend the pecan grove. Natalie couldn’t wait for us to start collecting the pecans. As soon as the last tree was on the truck, she hopped into the cab and was ready to go.

Thomas drove us over to the grove as we bounced along in the truck. As soon as we got there, Nat practically climbed over me to get out of the cab. Grabbing the wheelbarrow, she went to work right away, picking up as many pecans as she could. She and I raced to see who could collect the most the fastest. The whole time we were running and tripping over our own feet, she laughed and giggled until her wheelbarrow was filled up. “I win,” she signed to me. “I see that! I think you must have cheated,” I teased her.

By the end of the day, I was exhausted but I still had to make dinner. While I was busy getting supper started, Natalie helped Thomas put everything away in the barn before they washed up. She loved helping her father work outside. As soon as she was finished eating, she went right back to her painting. Even though she was unable to form words to speak, she expressed herself in a multitude of other ways through her drawings and paintings; which were priceless.

Chapter 2 The Almanac was proving true for a brutally cold winter. Last year’s weather was rather mild, leaving quite a bit of firewood left over. It was only a week before Thanksgiving and we’d already burned all of last year’s wood and started making a hefty dent in the wood Thomas had just cut. Orders were coming in faster than he could keep up with them. Most of the town was either out of or low on firewood. The biting cold winds were rampant, causing Thomas to work shorter hours, which

only impeded his work. When he came in, I’d nearly finished making a pot of stew to warm him up. “You look like you’re on the verge of freezing to death,” I commented as I grabbed the ladle to stir the stew. “Oh, Judy, it’s been ruthless out there today. The winds have been blowing about twenty miles-per-hour and the high was 17. When I watched TV at lunch, they said that with the wind chill, it would feel like it was three degrees outside. I think this might be the worst winter we’ve had in years.” “I have some clothes sitting next

to the wood burning stove, they should be plenty warm for you. Why don’t you go change while I get Nat so we can have dinner?” “Sounds good to me,” he said blowing warm air into his hands in an attempt to bend his fingers. Sitting down at the dinner table, I couldn’t help but feel sorry that I’d not been able to help him lately. It was too cold to take Natalie outside for long hours with the wind chill as low as it had been. “Thomas,” I started, “you’re never going to get all of those orders cut

in time. Why don’t you let me help you tomorrow?” “Judy, you know I can’t have you and Natalie out there when the temps are so frigid. One or both of you will end up with pneumonia. I can’t let you do that,” he shook his head. “I was thinking about it today when you were out cutting the timber. What if we only came to help you after lunch?” I negotiated. “By then the sun will have been up for several hours, so it shouldn’t be as cold.” “That’s not a good idea. Hell, even after lunch today, I was still

freezing—and that’s wearing two layers of clothes while manhandling a chainsaw and lifting trees onto the truck. The wind’s been so brisk that I can barely stand it. Neither one of you will be able to bear the brunt of that kind of coldness.” “I know, babe, but if we don’t fill these orders for the town, the locals might go out to find another source of firewood from someone else. Fort Scott is only a 30-minute drive. Don’t you think the locals would make a short drive like that to get firewood? You said yourself that this is probably our last winter here. I think we should try to make it count.”

“Judy, you know I love you, but I can’t jeopardize you and my only daughter. I plan on working longer days to keep up, and maybe even work through some of the weekends until I can finally breathe again. Let’s face it. It’s only going to get colder out there with each passing day. The faster I get the wood cut, the quicker I can stay in a warm house and enjoy the winter with my family.” “We love you, too. I hate seeing you suffer out there like that. Let me come help you for a few hours after lunch tomorrow.” He opened his mouth to say something, but I held up my finger,

“Ah-ah! Hear me out before you anything. We can keep Nat inside truck with the engine running so stays warm, and if I get too cold, I join her.”

say the she can

He thought about it for a moment, “Only for a few hours and I don’t want you two getting sick. The last thing we can afford is a doctor bill. You have to promise me that as soon as you start getting too cold, you’ll get back in the heat with Nat.” “Good, I’ll make sure we’re both ready as soon as we finish up lunch.” He really does need my help.

With the temperatures as low as they have been, we can actually make some bank this winter. Hopefully, it’ll be enough to carry us over until spring and let us stash a little extra. “Judy, I wanted to tell you something.” “What’s that?” I asked as I washed dishes. “Reverend Piccard stopped by today while I was loading up the timber in the back of the truck before I came home. He told me something that I need to share with you,” his voice trailed off.

“What, Thomas?” Now he’s got me worried. “He said that he heard the eminent domain bill will pass next year. Pincetti Properties has the investments necessary and all of the city council is on board with it. It would take a miracle to stop it.” It felt like a sharp knife went through my heart as my mouth hung open. Judging by the look on his face, he felt it, too. “Is this really happening? We’re really going to lose everything, aren’t we?”

“I’m afraid so, darling. That’s probably the only reason I agreed to let you help me tomorrow. We’ve gotta step it up this season, or we’re done. I won’t have enough to pay for the bills in the spring and we won’t have the money to move.” Lying in bed that night, the only thing I could think about was losing our home. I stared at the ceiling as I listened to my tired husband snore. I wonder how many more nights I’ll get to look at this ceiling, these walls, and our home. Poor Natalie. She’ll be lost in a world she doesn’t know. I willed myself not to cry, but I couldn’t help it. Oh, God.

What are we going to do for a house and a newer car? There’s no way our old Buick can handle driving back and forth to a big city. It’s on its last leg as it is. How in the world are we going to look at places to live? Will it even last long enough for Thomas to put in job applications once we get there? My head was swimming with doubt and worry. At some point, I fell asleep. I couldn’t tell you exactly when, but the rooster crowing woke me up long before I was ready to get up. Restless from the night before, I crawled out of bed and started making breakfast. If we were going to go out with him today, I needed to make sure I had everything

ready. While the freezing temps didn’t help, it also didn’t make it any better that the days were getting shorter. With limited daylight, Thomas could only cut so much timber before calling it a day. The coffee was percolating and the eggs were sizzling in the pan as Thomas made his way into the kitchen. “Morning beautiful,” he wrapped his arms around me as he kissed my neck. “Where’s Nat?” “She’s still in bed. I’ll go wake her in a minute. Did you sleep all right?” “No. You?”

“Huh-uh. I tossed and turned all night.” “I know. I felt you,” he hugged me before he poured himself a cup of coffee. “Do you want me to go wake her up?” “Oh, no! I almost forgot. Happy birthday, babe! I’ll go get her so you don’t ruin her surprise.” “Thank you.” Opening Natalie’s door, I could see that she was still fast asleep. I don’t know how that child sleeps like that. One leg was draped across the bed

while the other was hanging completely off the other side. Her arms were in a knot wrapped around her pillow and her face was turned sideways as she slept on her stomach. It looked like she could fall out of the bed any minute, but that’s how she sleeps. I walked over to the edge of her bed and rubbed her back until her little hazel eyes popped open. “Good morning,” I signed. “Today is your daddy’s birthday! Do you want to give him his present that you’ve been working on?” She jumped out of bed, smiling as wide as the horizon and ripped the painting off her easel as she nodded.

Dancing down the hall, she made her way to the kitchen where she promptly stashed the painting behind her back. “Natalie has something she wants to give you, dad,” I signed for her as I spoke the words to my husband. “She does?” he signed back. “What does my special girl have for me?” Natalie proudly presented the painting. Thomas smiled as he examined it. “Wow! You have some incredible talent! Is that you playing while I cut

down timber?” She nodded her head. “And what’s this? A dog?” “Yes,” she signed. “Natalie, you know how I feel about animals. We can’t have a dog.” “I know, but I can hope,” she signed. “All right, I guess I better get a move on. I’ll come home for lunch around 10:30 or so.”

“See you then,” I kissed him goodbye. With him gone for the day, I started my regular morning chores of cleaning the house and preparing lunch. I hated to think of our lives any differently, but according to the talk of the town, it was happening whether I liked it or not. Lunch time came too fast. I’d barely pulled the food from the stove as Thomas kicked his boots off at the front door. “Honey! Your face looks like it’s frozen!” I said as I helped him get out of his cold clothes. “Here, let me set these by the fire for you.”

I returned with a warm sweatshirt and a blanket. “Have a seat while I make your plate and get warmed up. Nat’s super excited to go out today.” “Did you explain to her that she has to sit in the truck since it’s so cold out?” “Yeah, but she doesn’t care. She just wants to get out of the house. She’s been working on puppets for this Sunday’s puppet show for her youth group and she’s going to bring them with her.” “Oh, she’s got another project,

huh?” “I’m going to go get her for lunch so we can get a move on,” I sat his plate in front of him as I dashed down the hall. After lunch, Natalie cleared her dishes from the table and ran out to the truck. I fetched Thomas’s work clothes from the fireplace before I bundled up to go out with him. As he drove through the acreage, the three of us bounced along inside the cab of the Mack truck. We drove to the far edge of the property to clear some of those trees since they were the biggest. With having me there to help, Thomas wanted to get the most out of this haul as he possibly could.

Before we got out of the truck, I instructed Natalie to stay inside and work on her puppets. “And don’t touch anything,” I warned her before getting out of the cab. “I won’t momma,” she signed. “I’ll work on these.” For eight years old, she was so mature. “Okay, baby. If you need anything, honk the horn.” Thomas and I climbed out of the cab. He handed me the rope as he got out his chainsaw and put on his gloves. I was already bundled; there’s no way I

could ever handle the cold as he does. Once he had the ropes placed on the tree, he let me take them before he fired up the chainsaw and started cutting. I glanced over at the truck to make sure Natalie was still content in the truck. The rope began slipping through my gloves as I lost my grip. “Thomas!” I called out to him. “Thomas, I can’t…the rope is slipping!” He’d already cut through the thickest part of the tree; unable to hear me over the chainsaw, he continued cutting. “Thomas!” I shouted.

I watched in slow, horrifying motion as the tree started to fall in the wrong direction. It was going straight towards him. My mouth opened, but the words wouldn’t come out. I looked on in terror as he noticed the rope was out of my hands and the tree was coming straight at him. “Thomas!” I managed to shout. He looked up in shock as the tree came at him. Too late to move out of the way, he was struck to the ground with the thick, oversized tree landing right on top of him.

“Thomas! Oh God, help him!” I screamed. There was nothing I could do for him. The tree must’ve weighed a few hundred pounds at least and was wider than both of us combined. I ran to the truck as fast as I could, tripping over tree branches as I went. When the door popped open and Natalie saw it was me, she looked around for her dad. Her eyes instantly darted to the area where we were working, where her dad was now laying there motionless. I covered her eyes as I put the truck in gear and began driving back to the house. It took an eternity to get there as Natalie and I rigorously bounced around in the cab as

I hurried to get home. Once we were at the house, I lurched out of the truck and ran inside to call for help. My frozen fingers frantically dialed 911 as I cried. “9-1-1, what is your emergency?” the operator asked. “It’s my husband! A tree fell on him and I think he’s…Oh god! Please send help!” “What is the address, ma’am?” “It’s 34 County Road 1185!” I cried hysterically into the phone. “But he’s…he’s in the back,” sobbing so hard I could barely get the words out.

“He’s in the back?” “He’s a lumberjack and we were cutting down timber for firewood. He’s out in the woods.” “What is your name, ma’am?” “Judy Clay. My husband is Thomas Clay. Oh, please, send help!” “I’ve already dispatched EMS Mrs. Clay. I need you to stay on the line with me,” she insisted. “I can’t! My daughter’s out in the truck. She’s only eight-years-old, and

she’s deaf! I have to go get her!” “Mrs. Clay, go get your daughter but do not hang up the phone. I’ll wait on the line for you.” I threw the phone down on the table and made my way out to the truck. The harsh, frigid winds took my breath away when it hit my lungs. “Natalie, get out of the truck and come inside,” I signed as fast as I could. “Why?” she asked. “There was an accident and I’m on the phone getting help. Come inside!”

Natalie climbed out of the cab and we ran inside. I picked up the phone. “I’m back! Are they almost here yet?” “It’ll be a few moments ma’am. Let me know when you can hear the sirens. Once you can hear them, we’ll hang up and you can take them to your husband.” A few moments later, I could hear the faint sounds of sirens. “I think I hear them!” “They just radioed in and said

they’re about a mile from your house, Mrs. Clay. We can hang up now.” I dropped the phone, signaled to Natalie to stay inside and ran out in the yard. I could hear them, but I couldn’t see them yet. Walking to the edge of our driveway, I looked down the road. A small white vehicle with flashing lights began to emerge. My heart was racing a mile a minute. Thrashing my arms about, I signaled them to our house. When they pulled in, one of the men got out of the truck and asked me where Thomas was. “He’s at the far west corner of the property. I’ll take you there!”

The man helped me inside the ambulance as I pointed in the direction we needed to go. Riding in the ambulance wasn’t any smoother than in the Mack truck. Our bodies bounced and jiggled around as we drove through the thick, wooded timber. “He’s back there! Over that way!” The driver turned the wheel and slowed as he pulled up to the scene of the accident. He immediately got on the radio and asked for assistance from the fire department. “What’s going on? Can’t you help him?” I demanded.

“Ma’am, there’s a tree on top of him. We don’t have the tools to remove it.” “You can’t just leave him!” I was growing more hysterical by the moment. “Calm down, ma’am. We’ll go assess his vitals right now,” he grabbed his bag as he and his partner exited the ambulance. They walked up to him and began calling his name, but I couldn’t tell if he was responsive. The engine was too loud and the cold air made the windows frost over. Both men knelt beside my

husband; one of them began CPR while the other assisted him. For twenty long minutes, they continued to work on him. The fire department arrived with equipment to remove the tree. Please, please let him be all right. Please, Dear God, watch over him and keep him safe. The firemen grabbed the chainsaw that Thomas had dropped to cut it into smaller pieces before removing the tree as the men continued to work on my husband. After several minutes, they quit performing CPR on Thomas and one of the EMS drivers came to the ambulance to retrieve a stretcher.

“Is he okay? Is he going to make it?” “I’m sorry ma’am,” he grimly replied. “Sorry? For what?” He looked on as he carried the stretcher over to Thomas and the men lifted him onto it. Before they brought him back to the ambulance, the ambulance driver asked me to ride back to the house with the firemen. “No! No! I want to be with my husband. I want to be next to his side,” I pleaded with him. There was no way I

was leaving him. His co-driver nodded, granting me permission to ride in the back of the truck. Hysteria sat in as they loaded his body into the ambulance. I glimpsed down at him and lost it when the realization had set in that my Thomas was gone.

Chapter 3 The families from our church heard of Thomas’s death and began showing up at the house one by one, offering their condolences and warm foods for Natalie and me to dine on. Word spreads faster than wildfire through a town this size. Natalie was so devastated that she refused to come out of her room; she hadn’t eaten in days. Every time I went to her room to offer her food or comfort, she shied away from me and continued sobbing into her pillow. The night of the accident, she

took the picture she’d painted for him and kept it by her bed. It was the only thing she’d look at. I think she found comfort in knowing she’d given it to him on his birthday—and the day he died. He loved it so much and was so proud of her when he saw how hard she’d worked on it. Reverend Piccard was well aware of our bleak financial situation and offered to hold the funeral at the chapel. I graciously accepted since the local funeral home, Merritt’s, was asking an arm and a leg to rent their chapel. In efforts to help pay for his final expenses, the church sent out a bulletin to take up collections for our family in

our time of need. Much to my surprise, many of the white families in the community also donated to the cause. Word definitely gets around quickly when you live in such a small town. Jeffrey Pincetti, the mastermind behind the eminent domain wasted no time stopping by either. I was sitting in the kitchen on a Saturday afternoon, about a week after we buried Thomas when I heard a knock at the door. When I opened it, I wasn’t sure who he was since I’d never seen the man before. “Mrs. Clay?” “Yes? Can I help you?” I looked

out into the driveway and noticed an expensive Corvette parked behind my Buick. “My name’s Jeffrey Pincetti— Pincetti Properties,” he extended his hand. “I’m sorry to hear about your husband, Thomas. I’m sure it was a tragedy to lose him.” The bitterly cold wind threatened to frost over the entire inside of the house. “Yes, it was. Thank you. Would you like to come in out of the cold?” “I’d appreciate it,” he said as he stepped into the house and released his grip on his coat that he’d been holding

shut. “Please, have a seat. Would you like some coffee?” “That would be great. Cream and sugar, please.” I had poured his coffee before I joined him at the table. “How did you hear about the accident?” Curiosity had gotten the best of me. “Word travels fast, Mrs. Clay,” he sipped his coffee. “Actually, if you don’t mind, I’d like to discuss something with

you.” Oh, maybe he’ll let us keep our house. Please, God, let him tell me we can stay here. “As you may know, I’ve talked to your husband in the past about selling your property in order to build an apartment complex and shopping mall for the community.” I nodded, “Yes, he did mention that to me before he passed away.” “I’d like to make you an offer for your land.”

I held my hand up cutting him off. “Mr. Pincetti, I…” “Please, call me Jeff. There’s no need to be so formal,” he politely smiled at me. “Jeff, right now, I can’t deal with that. It’s been so hard for my daughter and me losing Thomas.” “Judy—if I may—I’m aware that funeral and burial costs are quite expensive. I know that your family was in need based on the bulletins your church posted all over town. I came here today to help you and your daughter.”

“With what?” I couldn’t imagine him wanting to help us out if he was still willing to take our home. Why did he care anyway? “I’d like to offer you $110,000 for your property. That includes the acreage, your home, and the barn. I know that in a situation like this, that money could really help you in such a time of need.” My jaw dropped. Is he serious? “Mr. Pincetti, I know…” “Please, Judy, call me Jeff.” “Jeff!” I could feel the heat radiating from my face as I tried to

control my temper. “Do not attempt to come and insult me in my own home, especially after I just lost my husband!” “Judy,” he grinned, “I’m merely trying to help. Don’t you want the best for you and your son? Don’t tell me that you don’t need the money.” “I don’t have a son! I have a daughter, and her name’s Natalie! And let me tell you something else,” my blood was boiling. “Natalie has special needs. She’s deaf, and I know that my husband turned down a $175,000 offer. I’m not sure why you’re trying to come in here and low ball me, but it won’t work!”

“Situations, needs and circumstances change, Judy. I apologize if you think I was insulting you.” “Show yourself out, Mr. Pincetti!” I turned on my heel and stomped down the hall to my bedroom. A few moments later I heard the front door close as he left. What did I do to deserve this? First we were looking at losing everything we’ve ever had and being forced to start all over, then I lose my husband and I’m still looking at starting all over. Now this pompous ass comes in here and adds salt to the wound? I began crying uncontrollably.

Christmas was only a few weeks away and I barely had any money. While I would’ve loved to take him up on the offer, I couldn’t. Not only would I be selling us out by being forced out of our home early, I also knew that he’d offered much more money in the past. That man was bold, and I couldn’t believe my Thomas had only been in the ground a week before that shark came in here trying to sink his teeth into me. Shortly after Thomas passed away, I started crocheting blankets and taking them up to the local flea market to sell in order to pay the bills and buy Natalie a few things for Christmas. In addition to the blankets, I bagged up all

the pecans that we’d collected and sold them too. The money was slowly adding up, but at least I had some coming in without having to leave the house to work. There’s no way on God’s green earth that I could ever leave Natalie home alone or send her to someone else’s house for them to take care of her. Not too long after Mr. Pincetti’s visit, the house was vandalized. It was only a few days before Christmas when I entered the brutal, frostbiting Missouri winds to check the mail and saw someone had dumped several bags of trash all over the front lawn. Initially, I thought a dog or wild animal had gotten into our trash and dragged it all over the

yard, but that wasn’t the case. My trash was still in the receptacle, and I use white trash bags; these were black. The trash was spewed all over from one of the yard to the other. I spent almost an hour picking up all the trash out of the yard. The last thing I wanted was for Natalie to what had happened. When it rains, it pours. Maybe moving out of here would be the best thing for Natalie and me, but I hate to leave Thomas’s legacy behind. He’d worked so hard to give us what we had; I couldn’t turn my back on all of it now. At least, not without a fight. Our church was doing what they could to help us get by, but it wasn’t enough. I hated taking

handouts; Thomas would’ve never accepted anyone’s help—financially. But here I was, receiving help with our light bill, phone bill and groceries. Tears started welling up in my eyes as I thought about things. We were supposed to have such a great winter this year. This winter would’ve allowed us to make more money than any of the last five winters, and we were going to put some of it into savings. All of that’s gone now. All I have are these blankets, pecans and the chicken eggs to keep money coming in. One thing that I did have to my advantage is that before Thomas died, he made sure that there was enough wood

for our house for the winter. He always cut ours before filling other orders so if he came down with the cold or got sick, he never had to worry about going out to work or sending me to pick some up. That alone saved me hundreds of dollars, if not at least a thousand dollars. The day before Christmas Eve, I went back to the flea market to check on my sales. They’d gone through the roof! All of the bags of pecans were gone and I only had three blankets left. If my calculations were correct, there was nearly $250 waiting for me at the register from my sales. Oh, thank God! I will be able to buy Natalie a few lovely gifts. I took the ticket from my booth and

headed to the register for a payout from my stand. The petite brunette that runs the flea market smiled when she saw me approaching her. “Well, hello, Mrs. Clay! How are you doing today?” “Good,” I handed her my ticket. “I can’t complain, my booth’s almost empty! Looks like my sales have been booming,” I smiled, grateful that I’d sold so much. “I know! The weather’s been so cold that they’ve been flying off the shelves back there. Everyone loves your patterns; they’re unique.”

“Oh, that’s so good to hear! Thank you,” I smiled at her. “You’re welcome,” she counted the money back to me. “And here’s one, two and forty-six, fifty.” “Wow, I can’t believe it! $246.50! I’ll be able to have such a good Christmas with my daughter,” I could hardly contain myself. “Mrs. Clay?” “Yeah?” “There were some women in here

that would love to buy more of your blankets for the nursing home in town. Do you know how many you could make and how long it would take? They asked me to ask you.” “I could have probably do two a week for them. How fast did they want them and how many?” “They said about a dozen or so, and they’d be willing to pay extra for them.” “Do you have a pen?” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. To say I was excited would be an understatement. “I’ll have you write down my number so

they can reach me and we can coordinate an order that way.” After I wrote down my number, the brunette placed it inside the register and promised to give it to the ladies as soon as they came back in. Things were finally starting to look up. When I left the flea market, I took Natalie to church for her youth group meeting and left to do some holiday shopping. I still needed to buy everything for our Christmas dinner, but I would have plenty left over to get her some nice gifts. This was the first youth group meeting she would be attending since her father passed away. As I dropped her off, I told the youth leader that if Natalie started having any

problems to call Mrs. Jenkins. Mary was a longtime friend of the family and knew a little sign language, and I trusted her with my daughter more than anyone else from the church. With my cash in tow, I headed to the store and was able to score Natalie a small fortune in art supplies. The last thing she’d painted was the picture for her dad; I wanted her to start drawing and painting again. Maybe this will be just the push she needs. I didn’t want to see her talent go to waste and didn’t spare a penny when it came to her presents. Drained from my rushed shopping trip, I headed back to the church as her youth group meeting was

drawing to a close. For the first time in a month, I saw my beautiful Natalie smiling. She walked out of the classroom with a precious baby doll that one of the other children had given her. “Momma, look what I got today,” she signed with excitement. “Your baby is so beautiful. What’s her name?” She thought for a moment before signing back to me. “I think I’ll call her Tammy.” My eyes did a double-take as she signed the letters. “Tommy?”

“No, T-a-m-m-y,” she spelled back to me. “She’s a girl, but her name is close to daddy’s name.” “Oh, baby, I bet your father’s looking down from heaven smiling at you right now,” I hugged her. We maintained our usual Christmas Eve ritual even though her daddy wouldn’t be there. I thought it was very important to keep things as normal as possible. She helped me bake cookies for Santa and prepare some of our food for our Christmas dinner. Before the end of the night, I handed her her Christmas Eve box. It was filled with popcorn, hot

cocoa, a new pair of pajamas, and a coloring book with brand new crayons. This was a tradition that Thomas and I had started with her since she was big enough to understand the concept. She’d slip into her new pajamas while I popped the popcorn and made the hot cocoa, and then we’d stay up late coloring pictures for Santa and his reindeer. On Christmas morning, Natalie slept in as I baked cinnamon rolls for our breakfast. Baking cinnamon rolls for breakfast was something we’d done ever since Thomas and I had gotten married. It was one of his favorite meals. After I pulled them out of the oven and spread

the icing on them, I went into Natalie’s room and woke her up. “Come on sleepy head, it’s Christmas morning,” I hugged her as she rubbed her eyes. “Did Santa come?” she asked as she put on her slippers. “He did! You should see all the presents,” I told her. “Come on, let’s see what you got.” Natalie followed me out to the living room. Her eyes lit up as she looked at the gifts under the tree. The house had a frigid chill to it that

morning. “Let me throw some more wood on the fire before you open all these presents,” I signed to her. She could hardly wait for me to stir the firewood around and sit next to her. I watched her tear into the gifts one by one until they were all unwrapped. She was so excited to receive new coloring books, watercolors, paints, canvases and her big present—a brand new easel. The one she’d been using was partially broken but we only paid three dollars for it at a yard sale. It made my day to see her that excited in such a long time.

“Come on, let’s go eat our cinnamon rolls before you start any new projects.” Natalie eagerly followed me into the kitchen and made herself a cup of hot cocoa while I plated our food and poured myself a cup of coffee. “I know daddy’s not here, but this is a great Christmas. I love you mom!” “Aww, Nat, I love you, too. I’m sorry your daddy can’t be here, but I know he’s watching you from heaven, and have each other and that’s all that matters right now.”

Chapter 4 The women from the flea market had called me and loved my work so much that they were willing to pay double for my Afghans, and placed an even bigger order than they had originally anticipated. In addition to that, I was still making a pretty penny off the blankets that I was still selling at the flea market since the winter had been so harsh. I had so much work cut out for me that I had to spend a few days teaching Natalie how to make Afghans and enlist her help. Including her on my crafts

seemed to help lift her spirits even more. She’d finally left the withdrawal phase and was beginning to move on. She was now eating regularly and had begun to partake in more activities within her church youth group. With Valentine’s Day coming up, I decided to branch out my crocheting skills and started to make stuffed animals to sell for the holiday. Natalie loved making “Love Bugs” and giant red heart-shaped pillows to sell in our booth. Thomas was right about her being so talented. I would’ve never been able to do the things she does at her age when I was that young. Everyday that I watched her, I became more amazed

with her talents. The week of Valentine’s Day, Nat and I were busy ramping up on our holiday crafts to sell at our booth when I saw a car pull into the driveway. A dark colored BMW parked next to my powder blue Buick. Craning my neck to see who it was, I leaned over in the chair and saw it was him again. Ugh, can this man not understand English? I got out of my chair and walked over to the door before he had a chance to knock, and opened it. “Hello, Ms. Clay,” Mr. Pincetti greeted me with an overly exaggerated smile.

“Mr. Pincetti,” I replied as I nodded at him. He pulled his arm from behind his back and presented me with a bouquet of flowers. “Judy, I wanted to come by to apologize for my previous behavior. I’ve had some time to reflect, and I can see how you perceived my earlier visit.” “Uh-huh, thank you.” Where’s he going with this? I know he’s got something up his sleeve. “And you came by today only to apologize?”

“Well that, and I wanted to make you aware of some upcoming city council matters. May I come in please?” “Be my guest,” I said against my better judgment. When he walked in the living room, Natalie looked at him and then to me. Confused, she started signing to me, asking who he was. I quickly signed back to her that he was a businessman and he needed to speak to me about something important. As we sat down in the kitchen, he noted that we were using sign language. “Your daughter can sign pretty

fast,” he complimented. “I guess you would too if you’ve been deaf all your life,” my words sounded bitter. “What would you like to tell me about the city council?” “Listen, Judy, I’m not here to waste your time. I can promise you that, but I wanted to stop by to remind you that the city council will have their official vote for the eminent domain in the next couple of months.” “Yes, I’ve heard. The reverend has been keeping me informed.” “Then you must know that it will

inevitably pass, and you will likely lose your home when that happens.” “Get to it,” I snapped. “I came by to offer you more money for your house. Since our last visit, a few things have come to light and…” “What things?” I was tired of doing his dance. The last time he was here, he hadn’t exactly left me with a warm, fuzzy impression of himself. “I don’t know how to say this, but I didn’t realize that you had a child with special needs. And I also didn’t

understand the severity of your situation. I’d like to offer you $160,000 for the property.” “Jeff, if I were to sell this house and land, I’ll have to move. It’s just not something that we’re prepared to do. You also can’t expect me to sell everything only months after my husband’s passed away. Our entire family’s history is in this house.” “I know it’s hard for you, Judy, but think of what you could do with $160,000 for you and your daughter.” And there it is. He’s giving me just enough rope to hang myself with.

It’s also not nearly as much as he offered my husband. Sure, I could do a lot with that kind of money, but it wasn’t only about the money. It would be an enormous adjustment for Natalie and me. At least right now, I have my booth at the flea market where I can sell blankets and crafts, and I have my chicken coops so I can sell eggs. The pecan grove yields quite a bit in the fall; if I move to the city, I won’t have any of these things. And the cost of living is much higher in the Kansas City, Joplin or Springfield areas. “Judy? Did you hear what I said?” he broke the silence as I contemplated all of these things.

“Yes, I heard you. Loud and clear. I don’t have an answer for you right now. Neither one of us can predict the future, Mr. Pincetti—I mean Jeff—nor am I ready to move just yet.” “You're aware that if you continue to refuse my offers that you’ll be forced to accept whatever the eminent domain decides your property is worth. I think my offers have been quite generous,” he cocked his head and raised his brow, as if he expected me to agree with him. “Jeff, I’m sure your intentions are good—for yourself, but I’m not selling out my family. Do you have any idea

what I’d do with my daughter if I moved away from the only community we’ve ever known? Who would take care of her while I worked at a full-time job to support us?” I could feel a well of emotions building within me as I let my rage continue. “How would she communicate with others? Not everybody knows sign language to speak toher, and…” I broke down. I couldn’t go on talking, it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and I couldn’t breathe.

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It was quite apparent that I’d upset her a great deal as she began hyperventilating. I spotted a paper bag on the kitchen counter. When I picked it up, it was filled with apples; I dumped them on the table. “Here Judy, breathe into this,” I held out the paper bag. She took it out of my hand and breathed in long, deep breaths for a few

minutes until she started to calm down. “Are you okay? I didn’t mean to upset you so badly,” I apologized. Suddenly, I felt like an ass. “Fine, just give me a minute,” she replied, trying to compose herself. For the first time, it hit me. I finally understood what was at stake for her and her daughter. She’ll be starting a new life in a new area and won’t have any support. She’ll have everything ripped away from her at once; completely stripped of everyone she’s ever known.

“Judy,” I put my hand on her shoulder as she continued cleansing breaths to calm herself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize…” “I know,” she interrupted me as she looked into my eyes. “Nobody understands. And I’m well aware that the vote’s going to pass with the city council. I was only hoping that I could wait it out before I had to break the news to Natalie and leave everything we’ve ever known.” “You might not believe this, but I’m sorry. However, you must be aware that if and when the eminent domain passes, you might have to take much less

for your offering.”

property than what I’m

“No, I’m very well aware of it,” she started crying. “I’m sure you have a family. What would you do if your daddy passed away and someone tried taking everything he ever knew or loved away from you? That’s the situation I’m in right now.” “Can I ask how you’re making a living now? I know your husband used to cut down timber to sell for firewood, but as cold as it’s been this year, there’s no way you’re still making money on any work he did before he died.”

True, it was none of my business, but I was curious. It was obvious there was no savings, life insurance policy or other safeguards to ensure his family was taken care of in the event that anything ever happened. So how was this woman taking care of her and her daughter months after her husband was gone? “I’ve been making blankets and crafts, and selling them at the flea market. Natalie helps me quite a bit. We also sold all of the pecans that we harvested in the fall, and we have a chicken coop that we get eggs from.” They’re practically living on

nothing! “How are you paying the bills on that?” “It’s been hard, but we’re used to living on not much. Thomas always taught us how to live frugally; not to squander money. And the church helps with some of the extras that we can’t afford. Our community is so important to us,” her voice cracked as she mustered the courage not to cry again. “Judy, I want to say this up front. If you or Natalie need anything, you call me. I don’t care what it is,” I slipped her my card. “I’m going to check in on you

periodically, so you might as well get used to seeing my face.” “Ok, Jeff,” she finally cracked a smile. “I’ll call you if we need anything, but I’m sure our church will come through for us. God always ensures your needs are met and your heart is full.”

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After Jeff left, I felt a little more at ease. I grabbed a vase from under the counter and placed the bouquet of flowers inside it. He didn’t have to bring me flowers, though it was nice. His attitude changed drastically before he left. Maybe there was a fiber of his being that actually cared about people instead of making a quick buck. And at least he got my daughter’s name right by calling her Natalie instead of referring to her as my son; although he’d never seen her before he assumed it was a boy so it was an easy mistake to think my child might have been a male.

With no time to spare, I got back to making Afghans and starting dinner. Most everyone had stopped bringing dishes to the house a few weeks ago, so I was back to cooking. After Nat and I ate some chili for dinner, she took a bath and got settled for bed. She must’ve been tired because it didn’t take her long to doze off. And fortunately, I slept like a baby for the first time in months as I snuggled into my cozy bed. The forecast was calling for snow, but the house was nice and warm. When I woke up, I looked outside to see if it had started snowing yet. While the ground still appeared frostbitten, there was no snow, but I saw

that someone had vandalized my yard once again. There was toilet paper hanging from every tree branch and bush, and it was wrapped around my car and porch railing. Who keeps doing this? I was furious that I had to clean yet another mess! If Jeff wouldn’t have been so nice while he were here yesterday, I would’ve sworn he had something to do with it. It dawned on me that it only seems to happen after he’s paid us a visit. I have to get it all down before the snow comes or it’ll turn into wet globs of paper everywhere and then I’ll have to scrape it off everything.I threw on some sweats and ran outside just in time to clean it all off before the snow started falling. Natalie was still fast

asleep and had no clue about the vandalism, and I wanted to keep it that way. After I made it back inside, I warmed myself in front of the wood burning stove before I woke her up so we could watch the snow fall together.

Chapter 5 I was so glad that we were finally having a break in the weather around mid-April. With our upcoming church’s Easter celebration coming up, Natalie and I had been helping with making some of the decorations. Since the weather had warmed up, we were sitting outside painting wooden boards that some of the men had cut in the shape of bunnies when a car pulled in the driveway. The reflection of the sun beaming off the silver trim caught Natalie’s eye causing her to look up. I

placed my hand over my brow to block the sunlight and saw that it was Mayor Goodwin. “Afternoon, Ms. Clay,” he tipped his hat. “How are you this fine day?” “Good,” I replied, surprised to see him paying us a visit. As far as I could remember, this was the first time he’d ever been to our house. “What are you two ladies working on?” he asked as he walked up to the house. “We’ve been painting decorations for the church’s Easter party this

weekend,” I wiped my hand on my apron. “What brings you to this part of town?” “They look lovely,” he admired Nat’s artwork before he looked over at me. “I came to talk to you about the development. I’m assuming you’ve talked to Mr. Pincetti?” “Yes, he’s paid me a couple of visits,” I swallowed. If I’m going to start being assertive towards men, now is the time. “But as I’ve told him, I refuse to leave my family’s heritage behind until I’m absolutely forced to.” “Why, Ms. Clay? Wouldn’t you

like to leave here and start over fresh? Surely this place must remind you of your husband’s death, especially since you were the cause of the accident.” His words pierced me like a knife; I cringed. There wasn’t a day that went by that I blamed myself for his death. Most nights I cried myself to sleep and asked Thomas to forgive me for what I did to him. And the mayor certainly didn’t need to come here pointing fingers at anyone. “What is the purpose of your visit Mayor Goodwin?” “Now Ms. Clay, I know you’re a wise woman,” he rubbed his beard. “Mr. Pincetti has been more than generous

with the offers he’s made in regards to your property. I’d advise you to take one of them before it’s too late.” What in God’s green creation is he talking about? “I’m sorry, Mayor, I’m not following you.” “It’s no secret that the town will pass the development. There’s only a small window of time that you have until that happens. Once the eminent domain passes and Pincetti Properties has the authorization it needs, you’ll be forced to take whatever the bottom dollar is for your property.” “Mayor Goodwin, I don’t know

how to say this, but our property is invaluable. Your guilt trips won’t work on me. You have a nice day, sir,” I turned to rejoin Natalie who was still working on her wooden bunny. “Ms. Clay, when this is all said and done, you might be lucky to receive a hundred grand for this house. That kind of money won’t go as far as what Mr. Pincetti has offered you in the past. I strongly recommend you take him up on his proposal before you find yourself between a rock and a hard spot that you can’t weasel out of,” he said as he headed back to his luxury car. I watched as he got in and drove

off. Who the hell does he think he is? He can’t just waltz in here and act like he’s so high and mighty. What if he is right, though? If the most I might get at the end of all this is $100,000, it won’t last as long. Natalie glanced over at me with her brows furrowed as she tried to figure out what was going on. It was getting harder and harder to hide my feelings these days. Fear, anger, sadness, depression and regret coursed through my body every waking moment. “I'm all right, baby,” I signed. “Your painting looks gorgeous. Maybe mine will turn out as pretty as yours.” She smiled as she put the finishing

touches of the bunny’s whiskers on its face. We left the wooden decorations out in the yard to dry before we went inside to change our clothes to go to the grocery store. Natalie had volunteered us to bring baked goods to the Easter party, and she insisted on bringing at least a few dozen cookies, a cake and a homemade apple pie.

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“Natalie, slow down,” I signed to her as she randomly tossed cookie dough and baking supplies inside the cart. “Momma only has so much money, babe. We have to count everything.” Telling an eight-year-old who’s excited about baking Easter goods for her church party to slow down is like telling a puppy to sit still for a treat. Since the weather was warming up a bit, my blanket sales had slowed to a crawl at the flea market and we’d sold almost every bag of pecans that we had for sale.

Money was barely trickling in and I was relying more and more on the church for help with paying our utilities. I can’t stand being broke! When Thomas was alive, we never lived above our means, but at least we could easily afford the basics such as food and utilities. It’s never been in my nature to take handouts, but since he passed away, I didn’t really have much of a choice in the matter. Fishing a pen and paper out of my purse, I began writing down how much everything was; keeping a running total as we went. Why is it that it seems like everything’s so high when you don’t have much to spend? Did they raise the prices on everything? With only forty

dollars to shop with, we were on a tight budget. Poor Natalie wanted to buy sprinkles to decorate the cookies. “I’m sorry Nat, but we can’t buy those today,” I told her as I placed them back on the shelf. She nodded, but I could tell by the frown on her face that she was saddened by not decorating the cookies. Oh, to be eight-years-old again. I tapped her on the shoulder. “You can get the sprinkles,” I said as I conspicuously took the fabric softener out of the cart and hid the bottle on the shelf.

Her hazel eyes lit up as she reached for the jar of sprinkles and sat them inside the cart. “Thank you, Momma,” she signed. “You’re welcome,” I told her as I scratched out the price of the fabric softener and recalculated our running total with the sprinkles. Our shopping trip was taking forever since I had to account for every penny that we were spending. Money had become so tight that I’d started searching the ground for change anywhere I went. All that was left to do was pick up a box of corn muffin mix

and a can of biscuits for our chicken and dumplings for dinner later on. “Judy?” I heard a man call my name. I turned around to see who it was. “Hello, Jeff,” I answered as he walked towards me. “Looks like you’re going to be doing a lot of baking,” he commented as he glanced down in the cart. “Yes, it’s for the church’s Easter celebration this weekend,” I tried hiding my sheet of paper with my running total on it.

He looked down at the sheet and saw what it was. My face flushed with embarrassment and shame. “What’s for dinner tonight?” he asked. “Chicken and dumplings with corn muffins,” I sheepishly replied. There was no way I could look him in the eyes. This man probably never had to keep track of money—not even as a kid. Here I was, this full grown woman, keeping tabs down to the penny. He followed me around the grocery store as I picked up my last few items and stood behind us in checkout as

we continued talking. “Why don’t you let me help you out today?” he asked as I put my items on the conveyer belt. “Help me with what?” “Let me pay for your groceries… and buy you dinner tonight.” God, was I that much of a charity case that he’d offered to buy our food? “No, I couldn’t let you do that, but thank you for the offer.” “Which part?”

“Huh?” “Which part can’t you do? Let me pay for your groceries, or take you out for dinner?” “Both,” I said, shocked. Is he serious? “Come on, Judy. You don’t have that much in your cart. It’ll be my pleasure. And as for dinner, I’d love to have you and your daughter join me tonight.” “Why are you doing this?” “Doing what?”

“Trying to pay for my things and take me out to dinner? If this is some coy to try to talk me out of my property, I won’t have any of it.” “Judy,” he laughed. “It’s nothing like that. I thought it would be nice to help you. You and your daughter have been through so much, and I’ve been…a jackass.” At least he was admitting it. “I don’t think so. You already tried to apologize with the flowers. Remember?” “I insist,” he looked at the cashier.

“Please ring up our groceries together. This is on me today.” “Jeff,” I started to speak up. “Judy,” he interrupted me, “let me do this for you. It’s the least I can do.” He walked over next to me and said in a hushed tone, “I saw your list and how you were keeping track of everything. I’d been watching you for a while before I came over to you. I’m paying for these today.” “I don’t take handouts” I said under my breath. “Then repay me by keeping me

company over dinner tonight.” I looked at him and rolled my eyes. “What? It gets lonely eating by yourself every night,” he shrugged. The bagger placed my groceries back into my shopping cart as Jeff paid the cashier and walked out of the store next to Natalie and me. “I’ll pick you up around 6,” he said as he followed me to the car. Oh, boy. “Six will be fine,” I sat the groceries in the trunk as Natalie

made her way inside the car. “Great, I knew you’d come around,” he winked. “Wear something nice. I’m taking you two someplace special.”

§

After the groceries were put away, I explained to Natalie that we would do all of our baking the next day. “Why?” she signed. “Because a friend of mine wants to take us out to dinner tonight, and we won’t have time to do it all. We’ll work on it tomorrow. I promise.” “Is it that man from the store?” she asked. I nodded. “Yes, and I want you to put on your Sunday best. He’s taking us to a very nice restaurant.”

Disappointed that we weren’t baking, she sulked back to her room as she began to get dressed for the evening. I headed into my bedroom to find something suitable to wear. While I didn’t care to impress him too much, I didn’t want to be embarrassed by underdressing at the restaurant. Following the advice I’d given Natalie, I also opted for my Sunday best before I neatly combed my hair back. It had been ages since I’d gotten so done up. Ever since Thomas passed away, I didn’t feel it was necessary to care about my appearance. At 6 PM sharp, Jeff was at the front door, driving yet another vehicle. This time it was a charcoal SUV. This man must have a car to match every suit he

owns.

§

“Evening,” I said as she opened the door. “Are the two of you ready? I made reservations for 7:00.” “Let me go check on Natalie.

Come in,” she invited me inside. A few moments later, she emerged down the hallway with her daughter in tow. “You said you made reservations for 7? Where are we going?” “You’ll see when we get there,” I smiled at her. She didn’t look amused. “I’m only kidding. I’ll explain on the way there, but we need to get moving so we’re not late.” During the drive to the restaurant, Judy was quiet as she peered out the window. I couldn’t help but notice that

she was likely wearing her best dress, which was a little dated and fraying at the edges. “The two of you look beautiful this evening,” I complimented her. “Thank you. going?”

Where

are

we

“There’s a restaurant that a business partner of mine owns about an hour from here. I figured we could go there, enjoy the food and get better acquainted.” As I looked in the rearview mirror, I saw that Natalie had a sour

look on her face as we drove down the highway. “Is there something wrong?” I asked. “What? Why?” “Your daughter. She doesn’t look too happy.” Judy glanced in the backseat and signed something to her daughter. They continued signing for a few moments before she finally turned around. “Everything okay?”

“Yes,” she smiled. At the restaurant, Natalie’s behavior grew increasingly more annoyed. Originally, I’d thought maybe she was hungry and wanted dinner, but as the night wore on, it was apparent that wasn’t the case. I watched as her and Judy signed to each other throughout most of the meal. Natalie’s signing appeared hostile as Judy frantically conversed with her. “What are you two saying?” I finally asked. “She’s not happy that we’re here. She thinks we’re on a date, and she says

it’s too soon to date anyone. I told her that we’re only friends, but she doesn’t understand.” “Can I ask why she is deaf? Was she born that way?” “We think so. When she was near the age when most babies begin to talk, we couldn’t get her to say momma or dada. She was almost a year old before we made an appointment to take her to see the doctor.” “What did he say?” “Initially he said that some babies have slow speech development, but we

scheduled a follow-up appointment when she was 15 months old. When she still wasn’t speaking, he performed auditory testing and determined that she was deaf.” “It’s a shame that she’s never been able to hear.” “I know, but God still gave me the best gift any woman could ask for. My Nat is an angel from up above.” “Can she read lips?” “No, she doesn’t know how to do that. They generally teach that at deaf schools, but her father and I could never

afford to send her to one so she only knows how to sign. I home school her so she knows basic skills like reading, writing and math.” “Can you tell her something for me? Tell her that I said we’re only friends and that I just wanted some company for dinner tonight.” Judy started signing to her daughter again, but she only seemed to grow angrier. “She said that’s not true and she doesn’t like me taking her on dates.” “Oh, man,” I sighed. “Maybe

she’ll lighten up before the evening’s over. I’m sorry if I’ve caused any problems between the two of you.” “Don’t apologize. I know you have good intentions, or so I think.” As the night wore on, Judy told me a lot about her life. It was fascinating how talented she was, and her daughter, too. I could definitely see where Natalie picked up her abilities from. The evening was smooth and relaxed, except for Natalie. It was obvious that she was protective of her mom. Listening to Judy talk, I came to the realization that she had an old soul; well beyond her years. She was a beautiful woman—inside and

out. Thomas was a very lucky man. If I could be half as lucky, I’d be the happiest man on earth. On the way home, I made a confession to Judy. “I’d like to take the two of you out again, and hopefully make Natalie happy. I know she didn’t have much fun tonight, but I’d like to take her someplace where she could enjoy herself.” “Jeff, I know you mean no harm, but I don’t think that’s something she’d be up to. It was sweet of you to take us out to dinner. The food was fantastic,

and I had a good time.” “Do you and Natalie go to church every Sunday?” “Why do you ask?” she sounded suspect. “It seems like you’re heavily involved in your fellowship. I could only assume that you go regularly.” “We worship the Lord every day, not just Sunday’s,” she replied with a smile. “Would it be all right if I came to church with you two this Sunday?”

It was obvious that my question caught her off guard. “I…no, that would be a bad idea,” she appeared confused at first before telling me no. “Why?” “Jeff, haven’t you noticed how segregated this town is? Our church is predominately black. You should attend one of the white churches if you’d like to praise God.” “Would your church take offense to me coming to a service?”

“My church? No, my church wouldn’t mind, but you’d receive a lot of backlash from the whites in this town.” “I don’t care what others think. Do you?” “If I took you to that church, do you know what the repercussions would be? We’d be looked down upon in the worst way possible in the eyes of the town. And again, it wouldn’t be my church members, it would be people of your color.” “You let me handle that problem if

and when it arises. Judy, despite what you think, I’m not a bad guy.” “Oh? I don’t know if I’d say that.” “Why do you mean?” “You trying to come in and low ball me on the house after my husband died. That was a pretty cheap thing to do, and the comments you made. You didn’t have to be so…” “Such a jerk?” “Yeah, a jerk.” “I can’t apologize enough for that,

Judy. I’m sorry. Now about this Sunday, can I come with you?” “Service begins at 9 AM, but I have to be there early to help set up,” she said reluctantly. “I’ll be here at 8,” I said as I pulled into her driveway. “If you’re late, I’ll leave without you,” she warned as she and Natalie made it inside. “And Jeff? Thank you again for the dinner, it was very nice.”

§

After my non-date with Jeff, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. We’d had such a good time at dinner, and he was very patient with Natalie and her nonsense. Most men would’ve gotten angry over her behavior, but he surprised me quite a bit. I could already hear the talk of the town after he attends church with me this Sunday. It’s a shame. In the eyes of the Lord, we’re

all the same, but not in the eyes of the people. I must admit, Jeff is punctual. When Sunday rolled around, he wasn’t a second late to pick Nat and me up for service. This time, he was driving the SUV again. “I just need to carry a couple of more things,” I told him as I sat the cookie trays in the car. “Here, let me help you,” he insisted and followed me inside the house. I handed him the pie, leaving me

only the cake to carry. “I have to get Nat real quick. We’ll be right out.” While Natalie wasn’t happy that Jeff was joining us, she was excited to partake in the Easter activities. She raced out of the car as fast as she could to join her youth class while Jeff helped me carry things inside. Everyone turned and stared as he made his way in behind me. The First Christian Church wasn’t racist, but a white man had never once attended a service there in all the church’s history. After introducing him to everyone, the service got underway as we opened our Bibles and praised God for the glorious day. When church was over, Jeff offered to come inside the

house for a little while, but I declined. Natalie was having a great day and I wanted to spend some quality time together. Drifting off to sleep that night, I heard something—or someone. I was so sleepy that it was hard to tell. Listening more carefully, I still couldn’t tell what I was hearing. Our outside light had burned out a week ago and I hadn’t had the chance to change it. Peering out into the dark, I could see someone. It was a man, of medium build, and he was doing something to my house. Lifting the window, I yelled out to him, “Hey! What are you doing?”

Chapter 6 The morning after scaring away whoever was in my yard, I went outside when the sun was up to see what they’d done. After seeing that man near the house, I didn’t sleep well. All I could do was toss and turn while I woke up intermittently. I even got out of bed a few times to look out the window to make sure whoever it was didn’t come back. I wasn’t sure, but it looked like there was only one person. I wondered all night if they’d return, and if they did, would they bring back more people. Were they

trying to break in? Did they want to hurt Nat and me? Or was the creep going to do more vandalism to our home? Thomas and I never had any enemies so I couldn’t imagine who’d be tormenting us. The only problem we’d ever had with anyone was when Pincetti Properties came in, trying to buy us out before the eminent domain actually passed. But even then, it wasn’t what you would call “beef”, and Jeff had recently been very perceptive to Nat and me. I’d once wondered if he wasn’t behind the vandalism, but with his recent actions, I seriously doubted that he was. I went to Natalie’s room to check on her before going outside. The few

times I’d gotten up in the middle of the night, I’d checked on her and she was out like a light. Opening her door, I found her splayed out across her bed, with one leg hanging off the side as usual. One of these days that child’s going to fall onto the floor, flat on her face. Smiling at her peacefully sleeping, I closed the door behind me and went outside. What I saw stunned me as I looked at the side of the house. My jaw dropped as tears trickled down my cheek when I saw “Nigger” spray painted on the side of the house that faced the road. Why would anyone do that? Embarrassed, shocked and frightened, I ran back inside.

Natalie and I were supposed to plant our vegetable garden that afternoon. There’s no way I could take her out there with the house looking like that. She would begin asking questions, and I didn’t want to scare her. It angered me that anyone would do this. Yes, our town is deeply segregated by color, but my husband and I have ran a respectable business for the last 12 years. We’ve been supplying the whole community— black and white—firewood, and have never once refused to help someone. There were plenty of times Thomas would spot a family wood for the winter with the promise to pay him back. Most of the time he was paid back, but there were a few times the families couldn’t

afford to. It didn’t matter though, Thomas would never refuse wood to someone simply because they owed him money or didn’t have the ability to pay him on the spot. I couldn’t imagine who would be so hateful that they would want to victimize my daughter and me. She would be awake soon. I had to come up with an excuse why we couldn’t make our garden. I also had to figure out a way to pay to have the house painted to cover up the spray paint. It was nearly 8 AM; I put on a pot of coffee and started to make breakfast. As I was cracking the eggs, the phone began to ring.

“Hello?” I cradled the phone on my shoulder as I put the skillet on the burner. “Judy? Are you busy?” “Hello to you, too, Jeff. I was making breakfast, but I have a minute.” “Something happened last night, and I…I don’t know if I should tell you about it.” What? How did he know about the house? “What are you talking about?” “I was getting ready for bed when

my phone rang. When I answered it, I heard someone breathing…heavily. I said hello a few times and then they said something that I was shocked by.” “What did they say? Who was it?” “I don’t know. Whoever it was blocked their number, but right before I hung up, they said something,” his voice became hushed. “They called me a nigger lover. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t say the n-word to you, but that’s what they said.” “Did they say anything else?” “They said, ‘You nigger lover,

you need to stick to your own kind, you sick bastard’. I asked who it was, but they wouldn’t answer. They kept breathing heavily into the phone.” “Oh, my. Did you happen to recognize the voice?” “No, I couldn’t make out who it was. They had the phone covered with something…like a rag, or maybe their hand.” “That’s interesting,” I said as I got a mug from the cupboard. “Interesting? That’s all you have to say?” he sounded shocked.

“I think you should come by—if you can, I mean. I’ve got something to show you; although, I don’t know if I’ll have to point it out to you once you get here.” “Let me get dressed. I’ll be there in about an hour, is that okay?” “That’s fine. Would you like some breakfast? I’m already cooking. I can throw on a little extra for you if you’d like.” “That’d be great. See you in a bit.”

Whoever this is isn’t just targeting me. From the sound of things, it seemed like they were targeting us. But why would someone call Jeff and say such a thing? Everyone in town seemed to love him, from what I could tell anyway. A lot of people were excited about the development. Even Mayor Goodwin promised the community that the eminent domain would bring a lot of jobs and new houses to the town. As far as I knew, the whole area was on board with the plan. Well, everyone except my family. Our family were the only ones who would be grossly affected and be put out, but that’s because most of the development would run through our property. I whipped up

some more eggs and some pancakes before Jeff arrived. As I was getting plates out of the cabinet, I heard his car door. Luckily, Nat was still fast asleep so I could join him outside to discuss what happened to the side of the house. “Did you see it?” I asked, making my way out the front door. He shook his head, “Yeah that looks awful.” “Come on inside. I don’t want Natalie waking up and coming out here to see it.” “We can talk in a minute,” I

explained as we walked inside. “I have to go wake Nat up for breakfast.” I went down the hall into Natalie’s room and found her in the same position she was in earlier. Shaking her shoulder, she stirred from her sleep. “Good morning,” I smiled at her. “It’s time for breakfast.” “Okay, I’ll be right there,” she signed back, wiping the sleep from her eyes. Walking back into the kitchen, I found Jeff making his coffee.

“Oh, here, let me do that,” I tried to help him. “No, I got it. Did you wake up Natalie?” “Yes, she’ll be ready to eat in a minute,” I began making the plates. “Who do you think is behind this?” “I don’t know, but I’d venture to say that it’s someone who doesn’t like interracial dating.” Dating? Hm, I didn’t know he liked me that much. “Jeff, I have something to tell you…”

He put his hand up to stop me. “Judy, you don’t have to say anything. Maybe I shouldn’t have presumed we were dating. I apologize. It’s just that… ever since I met you and Natalie, and started to get to know you, I’ve been so drawn to you. You have such a beautiful soul, and Natalie…I know she’s tough, but she’ll come around—if you…” “Jeff, stop. That’s not what I was talking about. We can talk about that in a minute. I didn’t say anything to you before, but this isn’t the first time that something like this has happened to me.” “How did you and Thomas deal with it? And who was it?”

“No, this is new. Things didn’t start happening until after he died…after I turned down your offer.” I looked down at my plate, feeling shame and guilt. “I thought it was you.” “Me?” he was obviously stunned. “Why would I do anything to you? What happened?” Natalie walked in the room, and by the looks of her face, she wasn’t happy that Jeff was there. “I made your plate,” I signed to her. She gave me a death stare. “Jeff is only here for a few minutes. He had to

stop by for something important.” Natalie rolled her eyes at me as she took her seat. “And don’t you give me attitude.” “I take it she’s having a bad morning?” Jeff asked. “She doesn’t know She’s upset that you’re here.”

anything.

“Should I go?” “No, it’s fine. Anyway, you were asking what happened. One morning, I went outside and found trash thrown all over the lawn. At first, I thought maybe a dog had gotten into the bins, but I saw

my trash was untouched, and the bags in my yard were a different color than what I use. Not long after that, someone TP’d my entire yard the morning that they were calling for snow. I had to run outside in the freezing cold and take it all down before the bad weather came and matted the toilet paper to everything.” “Did you see who did it?” he asked as he tore into his pancakes. “No, they did it while I was sleeping, but last night was different. I saw someone but I couldn’t tell who it was.”

“What were they doing?” “I don’t know. All I could make out was someone—a guy, I think. He must’ve already spray painted the house, I guess. I yelled at him and he took off.” “What’d you say?” “I got his attention and asked what he was doing. He didn’t answer, though.” “And you couldn’t tell who it was?” “No, I’m ‘fraid not.”

“I still don’t understand why you’d think I’d be behind stuff like that. It’s so…childish.” “Well, it seemed to happen after you’d pay me a visit and I’d refuse an offer. I figured maybe it was your way of retaliation for me not taking the money and getting out of here. Now, I’m not so sure who it is.” “For the record, to set things straight between us, I would never do something like that. I know I can be a pain in the ass, and I can be a bit… persuasive, but I’d never stoop to childish acts or racial slurs. Hell, I felt guilty for saying the n-word to you over

the phone.” “I’m sorry for thinking you were behind all this, but if you’re not doing this, who is?” “I don’t know,” he thought for a minute. “Did you tell anyone about us having dinner or when I’d stopped by?” Now I had to think back. “Not that I can remember.” “And did anyone say anything bad about me coming to service with you on Sunday?” “No. I mean, some of the members

were a little…surprised to see a white man attending our service, but my congregation isn’t racist. They’d never shun away someone trying to get closer to God, regardless of color.” Jeff looked as though he was in deep thought. “I don’t think it’s anyone from your church or any of your friends. It has to be someone from the city; someone who really wants you out.” “That’s why I thought it was you! I’ve been saying and thinking this all along.” “So we’ve got to figure out who, from the city, would want you gone more

than me. Because Judy, I promise, I had nothing to do with any of those things. I also didn’t prank myself,” he joked. Natalie had finished eating and was heading for her room. “Where are you going?” I stopped her. “To get dressed so we can plant our garden,” she replied. “I think we’ll have to wait. It’s supposed to rain,” I lied. I hated lying to her, it was something I’d never done before. She glanced out the window.

“It doesn’t look like it.” “A storm front is supposed to roll in fast this afternoon. The news said we were under warning for a flash flood. I think we better wait a few days.” Her facial expression turned to anger before she stomped down the hall. “What was that all about?” Jeff asked. “She wanted to go plant our garden, but I told her we can’t.” I looked down at the floor, “I did something I’ve never done before. I lied to her.”

“What’d you tell her?” “That it’s supposed to rain and we’d have to wait a few days. I can’t let her go outside and see the house spray painted. She’ll ask questions and I don’t want to scare her. As soon as I figure out a way to get the house painted to cover it up, I’ll take her out there.” “Let me make some calls. I can probably have a crew here today or tomorrow.” “No, Jeff, I can’t come up with the money that soon,” I told him. “I’ll take care of the expenses. I

feel like it’s my fault and I insist on helping you out.” “It’s not your responsibility. I’m going to ask the church if a few people can come over with ladders to help paint.” “No, I want to keep this quiet. If word gets out that you’re being vandalized, it might give others the idea to join in on it. When I was at city hall the other day, I overheard a man who was applying for a business license to start his own company. He said he does painting, tuck pointing and the like. I’ll ask the clerk what his name is and see if he’s available.”

“Thank you, Jeff. You don’t have to do this, but I really appreciate it.” “It’s no problem at all,” he looked deep into my eyes. “Now, I’d like to talk about us.” Us? I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about us. “That’s not necessary.” “Yes, Judy, it is. When I first met you, I have to admit, I only saw you as a challenge.” “A challenge?” “Yes, I saw you as a challenge;

someone in the way of my development in this town. But as I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve become very attracted to you. You’re gorgeous—inside and out.” I could feel myself blushing. “Flattery will get you nowhere,” I laughed. “Hear me out. I’m not flattering you. I’m being quite honest. Now I know that Natalie has been…difficult to say the least, but she’s a gem. She’s very smart and pretty like her mom and from what I’ve heard, she’s quite talented.” “From what you’ve heard?” Who’s talked to him about Natalie?

“Yes. I don’t know if you realize this or not, but ninety percent of the time, you’re bragging about her abilities. She’s a great kid.” “Thank you,” my face was heating up. If it wasn’t already red, it would be soon. “Judy, what I’m trying to say is that I’d like to date you exclusively.” “I don’t think that’s wise. Look at what’s already happening to us. If this is only the start, I can only imagine things getting much worse.”

“See, that’s the difference between other men and me. I don’t care what the other people say, and I’m not intimidated by their actions. Judy, I promise, I will keep you and Natalie safe. You’ll never have to worry about anything.” I studied his face. He meant what he was saying. This tall, well-built, handsome man wanted to take care of us. And what he was saying was true. Jeff wasn’t your typical guy and he wasn’t easily intimidated. But I was. I was raised, and lived in, a society where blacks often lived in fear. Around this area, the white people outnumbered the colored people by far. And if one of the

white families didn’t like you or had beef with you, your family paid the price. In my small town, you learned to stay on your side of the tracks, or suffer the consequences. Those were the consequences Natalie and I were experiencing now. I should’ve known better than to get involved with a white man, especially one of his social status, but I couldn’t help myself. When I’d first met him, I was repulsed by him. He’d shown me an entirely different side of him; one that was the polar opposite of the front he puts on. And then there was Natalie. She wasn’t fond of me being with another man. The night we went out for dinner, she was….unsettled, and on the verge of a meltdown. She, unlike the

rest of the town folks, could be handled; though, Jeff already knew that she was a challenge, just like the racial divide in the community. He was ready and willing to take it all on, head first. “Where do we start?” I asked. “First let’s get the house repainted, and second, let’s work together to figure out who’s behind all of this.” “What will we do if, and when, we find out?” “I’ll make sure they’re dealt with accordingly. I think you’ve

underestimated my power and authority. In the past, I may not have been a part of this community, but I’m here now. And that’s what matters the most.” “Thank you, Jeff.” “For what?” “Restoring my faith in humanity, and making me believe that everything doesn’t have to be divided by color.” He smiled at me. “Judy, there’s one code I’ve always lived by and that’s to never take shit from anyone.” “Sounds like a pretty good code,”

I sat next to him. “I need to go check on Natalie for a minute. She was pretty upset about not planting the garden today. Will you wait here for me?” “Sure,” he paused. “Judy? I just thought of something.” “What? Do you know who did it?” “No, but I was thinking. We both know that the city council is going to vote yes on the development in the next couple of months. When they do, you and I both know that you’ll lose your house.” “What’s your point?”

“You might not be able to harvest your garden at the end of summer.” I slumped down in the chair. “I hadn’t thought of that. Oh, she’s really going to be upset if we don’t plant it at all. We do it every year,” I looked up at him. “It was something Thomas and I started before she was born. It always helped us save so much money on groceries.” “That was my point exactly. Why don’t you and her come to my house to plant a garden? I have a huge backyard and I can get all the supplies you need. Maybe she can even grow me some

tomatoes,” he laughed. “Are you sure?” I couldn’t believe the generosity of this man. For someone who wanted this eminent domain to pass no matter the cost or sacrifice of my family a few months ago, he’d done a complete turn around. “Absolutely, and when you ladies are finished gardening, you’re more than welcome to take a dip in the pool,” he put his hand over mine. Wow. This was the first time I’d been touched by another man since Thomas passed away. And it was his first time ever touching my skin. It felt

good. Guilt coursed through my veins as I thought about Thomas. What would he say if he knew another man touched me? What would he think about me liking it? I slid my hand from underneath his. “That’s really sweet of you. I’m sure she’d love it. I’ll bring her in here so we can tell her together.” I could feel his eyes on me as I walked down the hall to Nat’s room. On the outside I was smiling, but I had a whole other set of emotions and thoughts on the inside. She was busy drawing when I walked into her room. I studied her paper and noticed she was sketching the area where her dad died. I tapped

her shoulder. Startled, she turned around and looked at me as she jumped. “Sorry,” I signed. “Jeff and I would like to talk to you. Can you come in the kitchen, please?” “No.” Confused, I looked at her before she went on. “He can’t talk to me. He doesn’t even know sign language. What do you want?” “Natalie, that isn’t nice. You come out to the table. I’m not going to tell you again. Jeff has some good news for us.” She stood up, rolled her shoulders forward and pouted her way into the

kitchen before she plopped down in the chair. “What’s wrong with her?” Jeff asked, apparently keen on the fact that something was wrong. “She’s upset because I told her that we wanted to talk to her and I made her come in here.” “But why is she upset? She really hates me, doesn’t she?” “I don’t think she hates you. She said that you can’t talk to her because you don’t know sign language. I think she’s bitter that you’ve been hanging

around so much and we’ve been doing a lot together. She probably thinks you’re trying to replace her dad.” “I would never try to replace her father. He was a wonderful man who loved her more than anything on the planet. There’s no way I could ever compete with him.” I began signing to Natalie, repeating the words Jeff had said. She shrugged her shoulders. “That’s not good,” he commented. “Tell her about the garden and the pool. Maybe that’ll cheer her up.”

“Natalie, look at me,” I grabbed her chin, lifting her eyes to meet mine. “Jeff said that we probably won’t be able to harvest the garden because they’ll start tearing everything down for the new apartments and shopping center.” She threw her hands in the air out of frustration and started signing. “Then what’s the point of even planting it?” “That’s what we wanted to talk to you about. Jeff said we can plant a garden in his backyard. He says it’s plenty big for a garden, and he’s got a swimming pool. We have permission to swim in it any time we’re over there.”

“Really?” her grim facial expression seemed to lift a bit. “We can swim anytime we want?” “Yes, but he wants you to do something for him. He wanted to know if you’ll grow him a tomato plant. Will you do that?” She frantically nodded her head and jumped out of the chair before she ran back to her room. “Where’s she going?” “Um, I think she’s getting her stuff ready to go to your house.”

We both laughed for a minute. “Natalie will come around. She’s a great kid. You and Thomas did well,” he commented. “Thanks. But I must warn you, she was most excited about going swimming at your house. I think we’ll be there a little more than you expected.” “That’s fine by me. I love spending time with the two of you.” He stood up and hugged me. I drank in the smell of his cologne. It was rich, clean and smelled delicious. His solid arms were wrapped firmly around me, and to be honest, I never wanted it to stop.

Chapter 7 Natalie and I had a wonderful time planting our garden at Jeff’s house. I couldn’t believe how big his house and yard were. Judging by how well manicured his front and backyard were, I’d bet he hired a grounds man to keep it up. When we got there, I suggested a small patch over at the far left side of the pool, near the shrubs. Jeff helped us carry all of our supplies into the gardening shed and asked his maid to make us all drinks. Much to my surprise, he wasn’t afraid to get dirty. He helped

Natalie and me until dinner that evening, and thanks to him, we were able to finish planting everything in one day. His maid prepared a delicious meal for us, which we ate before we headed back home. We were still working on trying to figure out who’d been vandalizing my home and who’d made the phone call to him. Jeff hired the contractor from city hall, who completed covering up the spray painted portion of our house. Relieved that I could finally take Natalie outside to play, we were enjoying a relaxing Monday afternoon in the front yard. As we were sitting under the shade trees, I heard the phone ring inside the house.

“I have to get the phone,” I signed to Nat as I scurried out of my chair. “Judy, are you busy?” Jeff asked as I answered the phone. “No, we were sitting outside. What are you doing?” “I’m on my way back from lunch. My morning was filled with going over business proposals and plans, but I had a question for you.” “What is it?” “I was wondering if you would

start teaching me sign language. Natalie said I couldn’t talk to her because I didn’t know how, and I got to thinking about it. She’s right, I should be able to communicate with her. Will you teach me?” Speechless, I was unable to answer him for a moment. “Judy?” “Yes, sorry, I’m here. Sure, I’ll teach you, but there’s a lot to learn. You won’t be able to really talk to her or hold a conversation with her until you learn most of the basics, which will be time consuming.”

“I figured as much. Listen, I don’t have much time, but I was thinking that maybe I could come over in the evenings after she’s in bed so you can teach me. I want it to be a surprise to her.” “Oh, she’ll love that! Yes, I’ll teach you. When did you want to come over?” “I’ll come over tonight.” “Okay, I’ll put on a pot of coffee and make sure the outside light is on.” I made sure I got that outside light fixed after I caught the guy in my yard the

night my house was spray painted. Someone obviously had it out to terrorize us, and I was taking every precaution that I could. Hopefully it would deter whoever was behind everything, or it would help me catch who was doing it if I could see them. That night when Jeff came over, Natalie had only been in bed for about ten minutes, but she didn’t normally get out of bed once she was down for the night. “Where do we start?” he asked, eager to learn. I must admit, his heart’s in the right place. Maybe this will show Natalie how much he cares about us.

Learning sign language isn’t as easy as you’d think. The slightest hand gesture can change the entire meaning of something you thought you’d said, which could be bad depending on what you signed. “We’ll start with the basics. First, you’ll need to learn the alphabet. It’ll come in handy later on, I promise.” Jeff and I practiced the beginning of the alphabet. He was a quick learner, but it was memorizing everything that would take time. After working on it for an hour and a half, he was ready for a break—and I was, too. When we learned the alphabet when she was much

smaller, we had a professional teacher that the church helped us find. She was amazing and taught our entire family how to sign. The instructor also taught some of the church member’s basic sign language so they would know when Nat needed to use the restroom or ask for a drink. “Want some coffee?” I asked. “I’d love some. Can you pump it straight into my veins?” he joked. “I’m so tired.” “Long day?” “Yeah, super long.”

We made some small talk for a little while, until we realized it was almost midnight. No wonder we were so tired! “I better head out of here so I make it home in one piece,” he announced as he stood up and stretched. “Okay, be careful driving. Are you coming back over tomorrow evening?” “Actually, if it’s all right with you, I can join you two for dinner and we can work on more sign language after she goes to bed.”

“It’s a date,” I grinned at him. I stood in the front door as I watched him hop into his truck and drive off. This man has more cars than I do underwear. He drives something new or different almost every time he shows up. It’s been nice having him around, though. He’s good company and he’s really trying to work on his relationship with Natalie. Why do I feel so guilty about seeing him? Thomas has only been gone for five months. I shouldn’t be dating— that’s probably why I feel so guilty. But on the other hand, the last five months have been so lonely. Without Nat in my life, I would’ve gone mad by now.

Turning off the lights as I went through the house, I stopped in the kitchen to shut off the coffee pot before I went to bed. As exhausted as I was, I couldn’t fall asleep—probably due to all the caffeine. My mind kept going back and forth between Thomas and Jeff. Sleep had finally won its battle after a while. I was out like a light until the kitchen phone started ringing. My eyes barely opened enough to read the clock as I slipped on my robe and headed for the kitchen. It was 3:30 AM. Who would be calling at this time of night? I rubbed my eyes as I picked up the receiver.

“Hello?” my voice croaked. Man, I sound rough. I heard a man breathing heavily into the phone. I said hello once more. Suddenly, my eyes popped open as I realized this was the same kind of phone call Jeff had told me he’d received. “You bitch,” he hissed, “You need to stick with your own kind.” “Who is this?” I demanded as I listened to the man huffed into the phone. “Someone who knows you don’t mix races, and someone who knows where you live. You better get out of

town before we getch’ya." Before I could utter a word, the phone went silent. I stood in the kitchen dumbfounded and panicked. Who is this? And are they watching me? Glad that I’d left all the lights off, I tiptoed from window to window peering outside. Even though I didn’t see anyone, I was still unnerved. I went back to bed, but I didn’t sleep well. It must’ve taken me at least an hour to fall back asleep. As I tossed and turned in bed, I wondered if it was the same person who’d called Jeff. It had to be, but what did they want? Apparently, they were trying to shake us.

The next day I was a complete wreck. Anytime the phone rang or saw someone approaching the house, I jumped. Luckily, it was only the ladies of the church calling and the mailman dropping off the mail. Jeff called around lunchtime to check in, making sure our plans were still on for him to come over that evening. “Jeff, I got a phone call last night. It was just like the one you got,” I confided in him. “What did they say?” “They basically told me that I needed to stick to my own kind and get

out of here.” “I’m so sorry Judy. I don’t even know what to say.” “It’s not your fault. It’s this damn town.” “Listen, I’ve got to run but I’ll see you tonight.” “Okay. If you want to come over for dinner, I’m making a ham with mashed potatoes and homemade bread.” “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he said before he hung up.

Dinner was excellent. Natalie wasn’t as rude as she had been, but she wasn’t exactly friendly with him either. I guess she was getting used to the idea of him being around; although, she wasn’t comfortable with it. After dinner, she retreated back to her room, which was typical these days. “Judy, you know the vote’s going through within the next few weeks,” Jeff began as I cleared the dinner table. “I know,” I sighed. “I didn’t just come over here tonight to have dinner and learn more sign language.”

I turned to face him. Oh, God, what’s he trying to say. “Oh?” “Before we get started on that, I want to make you a new offer on the house and property.” “Jeff, don’t…” “No, Judy. Hear me out,” he stopped me mid-sentence. “I want to offer you two-hundred thousand. It’s as high as I can go.” Wow! I was taken aback. Speechless, I stared at him in shock.

“I know that all of this is worth much more to you,” he waved his hand as he glanced around the house and out the window. “But it’s more than it’s really worth, and you’re not going to get more for it any other way.” “Why are you doing this? You never offered this much, not even when Thomas was alive.” “When an investor comes into a town like this to set up eminent domain, they always low-ball everyone right off the bat. Let’s be honest, nobody wants to pay the full worth of something. And I’m guilty of that, but I want you and Natalie to buy a decent house and better

transportation. This amount should cover that and still leave you a little room to wiggle for your daily living expenses until you can get on your feet.” “I appreciate what you’re trying to do here, but it’s not just the money. This is Thomas’s legacy. Our family history is on this land. Investor or not, I don’t think that’s something that you’ll ever understand.” “I can accept that. But I wish you would see what it is that I’m trying to do for you. I only ask that you think about it, but you’ll need to accept my offer before it gets voted through. Once the vote passes, you’ll be forced to take the

bottom dollar.” “I’m well aware. Mayor Goodwin paid me a visit recently and informed me of all this already.” “He did? When did he do that?” “Not too long ago. He stopped by one day out of the blue while Nat and I were hanging out in the front yard.” “Hmm,” Jeff seemed to be in deep thought. “Well, are we going to get crackin’ on that sign language? You know I live to impress,” he flashed his brilliant white smile at me.

“Follow me,” I said as I finished wiping down the table. “We’ll finish the rest of the alphabet before I teach you basic signs like hello and goodbye.” While we worked on sign language, Jeff seemed to be distant. It was like his mind was preoccupied. We didn’t make it through learning typicalsigns like I wanted to, but we did finish going over the rest of the alphabet. I could hardly wait for Nat to see how hard he’d worked to communicate with her.

§

I’d been thinking a lot about Jeff’s latest offer on the house. The meeting to pass the development was only two weeks away, and I was running out of time. I know I should accept it. I’d be a fool not to. But every time I thought about saying yes to his offer, I felt like I was betraying Thomas more than I already had. Things would be a lot easier if this development plan fell

through, but I knew that would never happen. A shopping mall and new apartments in Nevada? The town would never vote that down unless it were a cold day in hell. Our community had been wanting something like this for years. The closest drive to having anything like that was an hour away in Joplin. Jeff called and said he was on his way over. He seemed excited, but wouldn’t tell me why. Natalie and I had been at his house that afternoon tending to our vegetable garden; he acted normal then so I couldn’t imagine what his new excitement was about. I was making dinner when I heard him pull into the

driveway. A few moments later, he was coming through the front door calling my name. “In here,” I said as I washed my hands. He came through the door bearing a grin that was plastered on his face as he held his arms behind his back. “What do you have back there?” I asked as I tried to peek around him. “A surprise for Nat. Where is she?” “Out back, I’ll get her.”

When we returned to the kitchen, Jeff hadn’t moved a muscle. She unenthusiastically looked at him. “What’s wrong?” he asked. “She didn’t want to come in. She was sitting in the grass sketching a bird’s nest that she spotted.” “Maybe this will make her happy!” he held out an overstuffed gift bag with tissue paper flowing over the top. Natalie’s face lit up as she took the bag from him. Her eyes danced as

she ripped through the bag. “Is that a professional art set?” I asked him in disbelief. “Yes, it is,” he wore a proud smile. “You probably didn’t realize this, but I’ve been sneaking peeks at her artwork, and this girl has some amazing talents! I wanted her to use them to the best of her ability.” “Thank you!” she signed as she hugged her new art supplies. “They’re very nice.” I told him what she said and he stunned her when he signed back to her,

“You’re welcome.” She spun on her heel, turning to face me and asked, “He learned how to sign?” I nodded my head as I repeated her words to Jeff. “Yes, he wanted to be able to talk to you. He’s been working very hard to learn, and we’re still working on it.” My eyes watched in amazement as she leapt into his arms and squeezed him tightly. “Can I take these outside?” she asked. “Yes, but be careful not to lose

them,” I warned her. She dashed out the back door and ran back to where she’d been sitting. We watched her through the window as she tore off her old sketch and started a new one with all the different shading pencils and colors that she’d just opened. “That was nice,” I turned and smiled at Jeff. “You didn’t have to do that.” “I know, but I wanted to. You have no idea how much you and that girl mean to me.” I did something I never thought I’d

do and wrapped my arms around him. Normally he was the one always making the moves, but not this time. I was so proud of him. We held each other for what seemed like an eternity. The boiling water bubbled over on the stove as he embraced me, but I didn’t care. Everything was falling into place. Oh my God! I think I’m falling in love with this man! “You mean a great deal to us too, you know?” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. “I think you might need to stir that,” he pointed over to the stove.

“Yeah, I think so.” That night at dinner, Natalie was eager to know what Jeff had learned. She laughed at him when he mis-signed a few words, but she still knew what he meant. They were finally starting to get to know each other, and she seemed at ease with him. Maybe that’s what she needed. Him taking the time to learn how to communicate with her to prove to her that he was a good man. I watched as the two of them tried to communicate with each other. It was odd watching her laugh with him as he spelled out almost every word, but it felt so good. Natalie told me that she wanted to help teach him more words so he

would get better. “I think I’d like that,” Jeff said as he tried to sign it to her. For the first time in ages, she didn’t retreat to her room that night. Instead, she helped me clear the table and wash the dishes as the three of us hung out in the kitchen. When the chores were done, she sat back down at the table and started signing to Jeff, but he didn’t know what she was saying. “She said she’s going to draw a sketch of you,” I explained her movements to him.

“Tell her to make sure she gets my good side,” he teased. I signed what he said to Natalie, but said out loud to him, “Every side of you is a good side.” It was near ten o’clock before Natalie was exhausted. Sitting at the table rubbing her eyes, I told her that she should probably get to bed. “Wait,” Jeff stopped her from leaving. “I was wondering if you two could do me a favor.” Nat and I stared at him, wondering what we could do for him.

“Could you two give me a ride home tonight?” I cocked my head to the side as my eyebrows raised, “What are you talking about? You drove yourself here, remember?” “Yes, I did. I drove myself here in your car.” “What? My car’s been parked out front all day.” “Your old one has.” My old one? What the… “Oh, my

God, Jeff! Did you buy me a new car?” I walked over to the living room window to look outside. “Yes, I did. I want you and Natalie to have a nice, reliable car. That old Buick of yours sounds like it’s about on its last leg.” I looked outside in awe. Nobody I’d ever known has bought a brand new car! “So, are you going to give me a ride home?” he persisted. Natalie jumped up and down. Suddenly her energy was back, and she

was ready to go for a spin. She hopped from one foot to the other as she pleaded to go for a ride. “I can’t believe you did this,” I was still flabbergasted. “Judy, I want the best things in life for you and Natalie.” Tears of happiness ran down my cheeks as I thanked him. “Jeff, I…I don’t know what to say.” “Say you’ll drive me home,” he joked. “Oh, right. Let me put on my

shoes.”

Chapter 8 Ever since Jeff bought us that new car, Natalie’s been on a mission to go places. She loved riding up front looking at all the latest gadgets the car had to offer. I must admit, I admired the car right along with her. With no reason to keep the Buick, I sold it to a family from my church who desperately needed a second vehicle. Everything was going well until I had to go outside one morning when we were baking. Natalie and I had been in the kitchen kneading dough to make fresh bread when I took a

break to check the mail. As I made my way to the front door, I glanced out the window and saw that someone had keyed my car. When I opened the front door and walked out to look at it, I was shaken. Someone had etched the words ‘Welfare Monkey’ on all sides of the car. Shocked and embarrassed, I slumped down on the porch and started to cry. Not only was it hateful, but it hurt me in more ways than I could count. That was a beautiful, brand new gift from a man who appreciated me; one who wanted us to have nicer things in life. I’d also never been on any public assistance in my entire existence. As I broke down on the

porch, I realized that Nat might come looking for me. I stood up, wiped the tears from my eyes and went back inside after I put on my best poker face. Despite my efforts, she knew something was wrong. “What’s wrong mommy?” she asked as I walked back into the kitchen. “Oh, I stubbed my toe and it hurt.” “Are you okay?” she signed back to me. “Yes, I'm okay but I don’t think I’ll be able to drive today.” Yeah, that should work.

She frowned at me, “Maybe in a little bit? I want to go to our garden.” “I don’t know Nat, we’ll have to see how it feels later.” I hated lying to her—again! This was getting ridiculous. These events were quickly escalating as the weeks went by. I called Jeff on his lunch break to tell him what had happened. “What?” doing this!?”

he

shouted.

“Who’s

“I don’t know, but whoever it is, their acts of vandalism are becoming

increasingly aggressive. I’m scared, Jeff.” “Do you want me to put in a surveillance system? I can have that contractor come back over to do it. I’m sure he’ll know how, and I’ll pay for everything.” “No, Jeff, I don’t want you to do that.” “Judy, I want you and Natalie to be safe. Who knows what this person, or people, are capable of. Your safety is more important than the almighty dollar.” “But Jeff, the eminent domain is

supposed to go through next week. I don’t know how long we’ll have once it passes to live here. I’d hate to waste your money.” “Judy,” he paused for a minute. “Hold on, I’m getting another call.” I sat in silence as he switched over to the other line. When he comes back on the line, I’m going to ask him how long we can actually live here. While I didn’t want him going out of his way to set up a surveillance camera, it would be nice. “I’m back. Are you there?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m still here.” “That was Mayor Goodwin. He needs me to come down to city hall to sign off on some papers. I’ve got to go, and we’ll talk more about this tonight.” “Okay, have a good day,” I said as he rushed off the phone. Needing to vent my anger, fear and frustration, I called my friend Ann from church. She was usually pretty good at calming me down and I knew that I could count on her to keep things to herself.

“Hello?” her husband answered the phone. “Hi, this is Judy. Can I talk to Ann, please?” “Well hello, Judy. I’ll call her to the phone. Give me a second,” I heard him call her name. “Hello?” she answered. “Ann, it’s Judy. Do you have a minute?” “I sure do. What’s going on? You sound upset.”

“I’ve got to tell someone this,” I started. “What I’m about to tell you cannot leave this conversation. I don’t want anyone to know what’s going on.” “This sounds pretty serious, and you know I don’t have loose lips.” “I know, but this is something that could….well, I don’t know. Let me start by giving you the backstory.” “I’m listening,” she encouraged me to continue. I began by reminding her about the eminent domain and the sale of my property, and then explained how Jeff

had been trying to buy us out before Thomas died. Once she was up to speed on all that, I started telling her about the vandalism and how it’s progressed. “But I don’t understand. Why would anyone want to dump trash all over your hard and TP your house and yard?” “I think they did those things only to be ignorant, but then it got much worse. Next, they spray painted the nword on my house and today, they keyed my car.” “That’s terrible, Judy. I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this. Do

you have any idea who’s doing all of this?” “No, and that’s why I need you to keep this quiet. The only other person I’ve told is Jeff, and he had some solid advice to keep things on the down-low. He said that if word got out about what’s been going on, it might give others the idea to chime in and do the same thing. He’s also been caught in the crossfire.” “Really?” she sounded surprised. “What’s been going on with him?” “He received a nasty phone call from a man telling him to stick to his own race. You know, the typical

threats.” “Girl, that’s crazy. He has a good point about keeping everything quiet. You know how them copy cats can be. So what are you doing to keep safe? Has he been staying with you?” “The first thing he did was get a contractor over here to paint the graffiti on the house. While the man was here, I had him fix my outside light that blew out so now I can at least see someone in the yard. Jeff mentioned putting in a surveillance system, but I don’t know if I want to do all that.” “Why not? You’d be crazy not to.

Judy, it’s not just you who’s in danger. You have to think of Nat, and she’s much more vulnerable since she’s deaf. She’d never hear an intruder coming into her room.” “I’m pretty good at getting up and going into her room to check on her at night, so I’m not too worried about that. And I’m not telling you all of this because I want to scare you. I just needed to vent. I called Jeff but he can’t come over until later. He said he has to meet with the mayor to sign off on some papers or something.” “You know you can always call me to talk, no matter what time of day or

night. We go way back, Judy. I think of you as a sister. Is there anything we can do to help you right now?” “I don’t think so. And like I said, I don’t want anyone to know what’s going on. It’s best that I deal with this alone so word doesn’t get out.” “I have an idea! Why don’t you stay with someone from the church? Or even at the church? If you’d like, we have plenty of room for you and Nat to come stay here.” “Oh, I couldn’t put you out like that Ann. Besides, I don’t want this creep to know that he scares me. It’s

better if I stay put,” a thought popped into my mind. “God, could you imagine if I left the house and they burned it down knowing that it was vacant?” “Or what if they burned it down anyway? Judy, I’m worried about you two. You can’t stay there. It’s not safe.” “We’ll figure something out. Jeff’s supposed to come over in a bit to look at my car and we’ll come up with something then.” “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call,” she reassured me. “Will do, but I better get off here.

I’ve got a lot of chores to get finished before Jeff gets here later this afternoon.” I didn’t feel much better after hanging up with Ann like I’d hoped I would. She made plenty of valid points, but I couldn’t walk away from our home. Now she had me paranoid the creep would come back and try to burn the house down while we were sleeping or something. If Thomas were here, he’d sit up a post in the front yard with a six pack and a shotgun. But I wasn’t brave enough to do that, nor did I have the energy. It was difficult taking care of Nat by myself while handling all the chores and finances.

“Can we go now?” Nat signed as she popped into the kitchen. “No,” I stayed in the chair as I pretended to rub my toe. “It hurts pretty badly. I think I might have broken it. I’m sorry baby, but I think we’ll have to stay home today.” “Can’t you drive with the other foot?” she asked. Laughing, I replied, “No, I can’t. You have to drive with your right foot. It’s against the law to drive with the left one.”

“Fine, I’m going drawing,” she pouted.

back

to

I felt horrible for lying to her, but what else could I do?

Chapter 9 I thought long and hard all day about all the events that had been taking place and what steps I should take. Pacing the house, I anxiously waited for Jeff to come over when he was finished signing papers with the mayor. My hands were sore from twisting and ringing them all day as I thought about what I needed to do. I couldn’t let this continue to go on; not with the way things were escalating. Jeff’s car door slamming shut startled me, causing me to jump as I stood near the couch. I watched him

from the living room window as he surveyed the damage to my car. “That looks very…disturbing,” he said as he walked onto the porch. “Tell me about it. Jeff, I can’t drive the car like that, and I…” “Slow down,” he stopped me as I started babbling. “We’ll have it sanded and painted, it’s not a big deal. I’m just glad you two are okay.” “That’s not the point. I’ve been driving myself crazy with this all day. It started off with small things like trash being scattered on the lawn, toilet paper

covering my house but then my house was vandalized with spray paint, I got that disturbing call and now this. I called a friend from church and was telling her about everything, and she suggested I stay with her or someone from the church until things settle down.” He reached out, taking my hand in his. I could feel my heart; it felt like it was going to come right out of my chest, and my pulse pounded against my ear drums. “Judy, we’re going to get through this together,” he tried reassuring me. “Now, I’ve put a lot of thought

into this. As much as I hate to do it, I’ll accept the offer for the house. But I was wondering if you could do something for me.” “Name it,” he said, finally taking me seriously. “I want to keep it secret. I don’t want anyone knowing that I’ve accepted the offer on the house until the absolute last minute. I’d like us to stay here for as long as possible until I can find a new home that’s suitable for us.” “I can do that. I’ll have my secretary draft the papers and ask my attorney to notarize them. That way we

have proof that you accepted the offer before the development officially passes. You’re really shaken by this, aren’t you?” “Nat is the most important person in my life, and I have to do what I can to protect her. But I need you to help protect us.” “I’ll always protect you two,” he kissed my cheek. “I know you were against surveillance cameras, but what about a dog? You could keep it outside so if someone came to the house, it could bark to alert you and attack whoever it is. If the dog gets the person, it might be the only way we can catch who’s doing

this.” “We’ve never allowed Natalie to have a dog. It was a rule that Thomas had,” I bit my lip as I thought about it. He did have a point. It could be a pet as well as protection. “What kind did you have in mind?” “A German shepherd, or something similar. They’re very loyal and protective…plus I know a guy who raises them and trains them. He’s got a few ready if you and Natalie want to go take a look at them.” “Okay. When can we go?”

“Today if you’d like. I called him after I spoke to you, and he said he has two males and one female ready to go.” “Let me get her and then we can go. I’m sure she’ll be excited.” I’d never seen my daughter get dressed faster than she did when I told her we were going to go get a dog. Jeff pulled my car out of the driveway and backed it in so the words wouldn’t be visible from Nat’s view when she came outside. The man with the dogs was about an hour away, giving us ample opportunity to talk in the car. “What’s wrong?” Jeff asked as

we drove down the highway. “I can tell something’s bothering you.” “It’s stupid, you don’t want to know.” “Actually, I do; that’s why I asked.” “I’m afraid that once we sign off on this deal, our relationship will be over. We’ve become very attached to you,” I admitted. “What?” he laughed. “Judy, you may not know this, but I’m in this for the long haul. I never want things to end between us,” he smiled his gorgeous

smile at me. The one that could make my heart melt. “I have a confession to make,” I took a deep breath as he looked over at me. I exhaled slowly. “I think I’m falling in love with you, Jeffrey Pincetti.” His smile never faded. He looked into my eyes with his warm blue eyes and said, “Judy Clay, I love you, too.” He grabbed my hand and kissed it. The rest of the ride was silent as we held hands driving down the highway. Natalie jumped out of the car as soon as we were at the man’s house with the dogs. He lived on a large piece of

land where the dogs had plenty of room to run. It looked as though he had an obstacle course set up for training the dogs; it was quite impressive. The older gentleman walked out on his porch wearing a weathered pair of blue jeans, a plaid shirt, cowboy boots and a straw hat. As I walked closer to him, I also noticed the black suspenders he wore to keep his pants up. “Afternoon Mr. Pincetti,” the man tipped his hat, “and ma’am.” “How are you?” I asked as I shook his hand. “Fine, just fine. Mr. Pincetti said

that you’re lookin’ to buy a dog?” “Yes, that’s correct. Could we see them please?” “Yep. How are you little girl?” he bent over, eye level with Natalie as he spoke to her. He stood in her face for a few seconds and said, “What’s wrong with her? She ain’t much for talkin’?” “She’s deaf, Mr. Norman,” Jeff came to her defense before I could speak a word. “Oh, I’m sorry,” he smiled at Nat and patted her on the back. “Well, come on. I’ve got them in their pens out back.”

We followed the old man behind his house. The dogs started barking and growling the second they saw us. “Ruhig!” he snapped at the dogs. They instantly sat and became silent. “Bleip,” he said to the dogs. “So ist brave.” We watched in amazement as their behavior changed. “Go on, you can pet them. I told them to settle down.” We looked at him in confusion. “They only know German commands. This one’s name is Heidi,” he pointed at the female. “And this is

Rocky and over there is Ninja.” The dogs were all so well behaved. Natalie was leery of petting them at first, but when she saw Jeff reach out to pet the dogs, she followed his lead. After taking each dog out of their pen and interacting with it, Nat had her heart set on Rocky. “You’ll need to learn the German commands. That’s what they know. If you try to tell them to ‘sit’, they won’t do it because they won’t recognize that word. You’ll have to say ‘sitz’, which is what they know.” No sooner than he said it, the dog sat on command.

“They’re very obedient,” I complimented the man. It was obvious that he took great pride in training these dogs. “Hold on a minute, I’ll go get something for you so you can communicate with him.” The man disappeared inside the house and came out with a sheet of paper. “Here, these are the words they know and what they mean. Over here to the side,” he pointed, “is how to pronounce them.” “Thank you! I’m sure that’ll come in very handy. We’ll have to study this,”

I said to Jeff. “Mr. Norman, thank you so much for letting us have this beautiful dog. I’m sure he’ll like his new home.” We took our new German shepherd out to the car as Jeff paid the man. On our way out to the car, I explained to Natalie that I would have to be the one to command the dog since she couldn’t speak and he didn’t know sign language. As they climbed into the backseat, I told the dog, “Platz.” It was the German word for ‘down’. He laid across the back seat, resting his head on Nat’s lap. A grin from ear to ear told me that she was happy. “You know, it’s a shame she’s

going to be gone all next week. She’ll have to bond with our new guard dog after she comes back.” “Where’s she going?” “The church is having a camp next week. She’ll leave on Sunday and come back the following Saturday.” “You hadn’t mentioned it before. Does she normally go to them?” “Oh, yes! She loves them and does nothing but talk about them for at least a month after she comes home.” “I guess it’ll give you some time

to get acquainted with the German commands and give us some time alone,” he winked at me. “That reminds me,” I started. “I know that you have the internet at your house. Would it be possible for me to come over there to look for a new house? The cable company refuses to run their fiber optic lines out in the country. They say it wouldn’t be profitable because they wouldn’t have enough customers.” “Judy, you don’t have to explain anything to me. You’re more than welcome to come over to use the computer.”

“Great, and one more thing,” I smiled at him. “Could you teach me how to use it?” We both got a good laugh out of that. “Yes, I’ll show you. It’s real easy.”

§

As usual, I was right. Nat was sad to leave for camp that following Sunday; she wanted to spend more time getting to know Rocky. I assured her that I’d give him extra love from her before she climbed into the church van to head out into the wilderness for the week. Jeff and I had plans to get together at his place later that evening so he could give me a crash course on the internet. I had called him before I left to let him know that I was on my way. “Are you hungry?” he asked. “You have no idea! I’m starving.

After lunch, Nat and I rushed around getting her things packed and then I spent a couple of hours hanging out at the church, talking to some of the other women.” “Chinese food sound good to you?” “Yes, it sounds delicious! I should be there in about twenty minutes. Do you want me to pick it up?” “I’ll order it for delivery.” I was so glad that Jeff had my car repainted. It was embarrassing just having it sit in the driveway. There was

no way I would ever drive it around town with the words that had been written on it. Before I headed to Jeff’s, I went out to the backyard to give Rocky fresh food and water. When I arrived at his house, he already had the table set and was waiting for me. “The food should be here soon,” he greeted me with a kiss. “Thank God, I’m starving.” While eating dinner, we talked about what areas I was interested in and what type of houses. Honestly, I hadn’t

put a ton of thought into it. “I don’t know. Maybe Kansas City or Springfield.” “That’s so far away from here. Are you sure you want to move that far?” “If I want to be able to find a job and support us, I don’t really have a choice.” Getting logged onto the computer was the easy part. I had no idea how to do searches. Jeff explained the basics and helped me get on a few different websites. As he leaned over me to type, I couldn’t help but smell his cologne.

The delicious scent filled my nostrils and sent tingles through my body. He pulled up a page with 20 houses per page, giving me a lot to look at. As I scrolled through the second page of listings, he leaned in and nuzzled his stubbly cheek against my neck, lightly scratching it. I rolled my head over to the side, leaving my neck completely exposed to him. He turned his face and planted kisses along the lobe of my ear, the length of my neck and made his way down to my shoulder. It seemed as though it had been ages since I’d been intimate with a man. Almost six months to be exact, and it felt good. I turned to face him. His soft lips

found mine as he kissed me passionately. After a few minutes of kissing him, his tongue started to explore my mouth. I was like putty in his hands, which were now wrapped around my waist. While we continued kissing, his hands wandered up the front of my shirt as he squeezed my breasts. I moaned softly in his ear, which set him on fire. He pulled me out of the chair and started tearing my clothes off me. His aggressiveness was hypnotizing as I allowed him to strip me down to my bra and panties. Standing before him, he stopped to take in my view. “Absolutely

incredible,”

he

growled. Moving in to kiss my breasts, his hands reached around my back where he unfastened my bra. The sexual urges within me began to awaken; a deep spark was building within me. I wanted this man, and I wanted him to have me. “Take me, Jeff,” I panted as he slid my bra straps off my shoulders. In one swift motion, he picked me up and carried me into his bedroom before he threw me down on the bed. “Come here,” his tone had changed. I’d never seen him this…

driven. Before I could move a muscle, he grabbed my hips and pulled me to the edge of the mattress and promptly stripped me of my panties. I watched in magnificent delight as his broad shoulders spread my thighs apart and his head went between my legs. His tongue lashed out at me with animalistic qualities. As he feasted upon my slit, my back arched in sheer pleasure. I gasped as his tongue skillfully and avidly sucked and bit my hot box. His dense hands were fixated on my inner thighs, preventing me from ever closing my legs if I dare tried. As he brought me to orgasm, I could feel myself melting into

the mattress. I attempted to squeeze my legs closed as he lapped my oversensitized clit, but he wouldn’t have any part of it. Begging for mercy, I pleaded with him to stop. For a moment, his head popped up as he grinned at me; his face covered in my juices. “Oh, no you don’t. I’ve been waiting for this for a long time,” he said as his head darted between my legs and he took his rightful place. His warm breath was intensified against my flesh as my sweet nectar continued coating his face. After a few minutes, he finally came back up and kissed me with my savory juices still on

his lips. Turned on more than ever, I greedily reached down and started undoing his pants. Damn belts! He couldn’t get out of them fast enough as we worked together to take them off. Pushing me back onto the bed, he climbed on top of me and used his knee to push my legs apart as he sunk his member into me. Oh, God, did it feel good. Longing for sexual pleasure, I relished at the moment as he impaled me with his thick, insatiable cock. Driving his shaft deeper inside of me with swift momentum, I dug my nails deep into his back. A loud growl escaped his lips as he plunged into me even harder. He crammed every bit of his

eight-and-a-half inch cock into my dripping slit as his oversized hands dug into my shoulders, burying himself deeper against my womb. His solidly built biceps flexed as he pounded into me. Delivering breathtaking lunges, he brought me to another mind-blowing orgasm. My body convulsed as my womanhood gripped onto his hearty shaft with intense force. As he quickened his pace, his balls steadily slapped into me. Within moments, he was biting my shoulder as his cock swelled and his sac tightened. I could feel his hot, thick cum spurting against my womb as he drained his balls into me. Hot, spent and shaky, he collapsed

next to me on the bed as he took me into his arms and stroked my hair. Neither of us bothered to move a muscle in any attempt to clean up afterwards. I could feel the wetness of his seed trickling down my thighs as we cuddled. “That was incredible,” he said as he kissed my forehead. “Yes it was.” “Here,” he tossed me one of his shirts. “Let’s get something to drink. I don’t know about you, but my mouth feels like the desert.” Sitting at the breakfast bar in his

kitchen, he poured each of us a glass of wine. While we were talking, I came to the realization that I’d just slept with another man. Thomas had been my one and only, but it felt so right. Being in his arms reminded me how lucky I truly was. After a few glasses of wine, I was feeling tipsy. It had been at least a year or two since I’d drank any alcohol. Being the lightweight that I was, Jeff carried me upstairs and put me to bed. The sun was beaming through the sheer curtains of his bedroom windows. I rolled over and saw he was already out of bed. “Jeff?” I called out to him.

“In here,” he walked out of the bathroom while brushing his teeth. “I was wondering where you went. What time is it?” He looked at his watch, “Almost eight.” “Guess I better get a move on, then. You’ve got to get to work and I need to go check on Rocky.” “How’s everything going with the new dog?” he asked after he rinsed out his mouth.

“Pretty good. I’m still working on learning the German commands. The sheet that man gave us is really coming in handy. There’s no way I’d be able to communicate with the dog if it weren’t for that.” “That’s good. If you want, we can meet back up for dinner tonight…unless you like sitting at home by yourself,” he teased. “Actually, I have some things to do around the house.” “I’ll call you tonight,” he put on his suit jacket. “And we’ll see what you’re up to. Maybe I’ll come stay the

night at your house and protect you.” “Right,” I made a face at him. “Yeah, call me later on but I probably won’t be able to have dinner with you. I promised Ann from the church that I’d go through some of Nat’s old clothes. Her daughter’s a year younger than Natalie so I go through her clothes once or twice a year and give her what Nat can’t wear anymore.” “All right. I’ll call you this evening.”

§

After running errands and stopping for lunch, I headed home to feed Rocky and get started on Natalie’s closet. Rocky was super excited to get fresh food and water. I must admit, he seems like a good dog. The man who trained him did an excellent job. I spent a little time out in the yard working with him on the German commands; the simple ones like sit, stay and fetch.

Spending more time than I should have with the dog, I realized it was beginning to get late. I head inside to Nat’s room to finally get started on her closet. As much as I loved getting rid of stuff, I hated going through everything and making a big mess as I dragged it all out. It was nearly 7:30 before my back felt like it was going to break from bending over in her closet while I went through boxes. Taking a much needed break from work, I thought it would be nice to take the dog for a walk. The man who’d trained him said that Rocky liked to go for walks, and it would also allow us more bonding time. I grabbed his leash and went into the backyard. As

soon as he spotted it, his tail started wagging out of control while he went into a sitting position. It was evident that he was trained to do that since most dogs run around in excitement when they see their leash. “Komm,” I tried in my best German accent. Rocky trotted up to me as he patiently waited for me to hook his leash to his collar. Pleased with his behavior, I gave him a gentle tug as I ordered him to come again. We made our way out of the gate and headed down the dimly lit country road. The fresh air filled my lungs as I drew in a deep breath. I’m

sure going to miss walking around here. All the beautiful trees and small creeks would be scarce in a bigger city. I hated leaving it all behind but there was no turning back. I’d already accepted the offer from Jeff on the house and even if I hadn’t, the city was going to force me to move due to the development. And if that weren't enough, the amount of vandalism would be sufficient to make anyone want to run. Rocky was busy exploring his new surroundings as we walked down the gravel road. As we were walking around a curve in the road, I heard movement coming from the woods. Rocky must’ve heard it too judging by

the way his ears shot up and he looked in the same direction as I was. I pulled on his leash to slow him figuring it was a deer in the woods and didn’t want him to try to take off after it. Slowly, I saw someone emerging from the woods; it was a man. A heavy-set man, about medium height but I couldn’t tell who it was. “Hello?” I called into the woods. When I didn’t receive an answer, I tried calling out again. Spooked by the man’s creepy movements, I tugged on Rocky’s leash once again to turn him around to head back home. Right as I was trying to get him to turn around, the

man jumped out of the heavily forested woods. Rocky’s size and strength was too much for me to control. His leash slipped through my hands as I was knocked to the ground from the resistance of pulling on him. The man wasted no time ambushing me. I laid on the ground, weighted down by him, as he struck me in the face. Trying to fight back, I called out to Rocky, but he’d taken off running into the woods. Scratching and kicking, the man continued delivering painful blows to my face. “Stop! Stop it!” I spat out blood with each word. “Who are you?”

The sick thuds of flesh hitting flesh seemed to echo in my ears as he continued punching me in the face. He delivered a shot to my nose that broke it as I heard the bone break in my face. I put my hands in front of my face in an attempt to block anymore strikes from the attacker, but he was too powerful. All I could do was lay there and take the beating. Going in and out of consciousness, I tried to get a good look at him. He was wearing a black morph suit that covered his face. I attempted to study his hands and the parts of his arms that were visible beneath the suit. Looking for a scar, mark or jewelry— anything that might help identify him later, I noticed that his nails were thick,

yellow and apparently chewed on. He had no jewelry, scars or tattoos that I could see. I could tell that he was white, but other than that, I couldn’t tell much of anything else. He remained silent during the attack as I pleaded with him to stop. With one final blow, he punched me in the ribs, knocking the wind out of me. I laid on the ground in a fetal position, breathless and bloody as I passed out. When I came to, I had no clue how long I’d been blacked out. It was still dark out and the moon was high in the sky. I tried to get up, but I couldn’t. My ribs hurt beyond belief and my face was in excruciating pain. Thick clots of blood clumped in my nose, making it

near impossible to breathe through my nose, forcing me to breathe through my mouth. Each time I swallowed, I tasted blood. The metallic iron taste nauseated me, causing me to throw up as I remained in a ball on the side of the road. About a half hour after I’d woke up, I finally managed to get on my feet and start walking home. I had no clue where Rocky was, but he was nowhere in sight. Maybe he ran off into the woods, or maybe whoever did this took him. Our short 15 minute walk to where I was attacked took me almost 45 minutes to walk back home from in my broken condition. Holding my ribs as I

walked down the dark road, I kept looking around to make sure I wasn’t being watched. I was terrified that my attacker was still out there, waiting to strike again. Approaching my house, I saw lights in my driveway. Two sets of lights to be exact. I narrowed my swollen eyes as I strained trying to see who was at my house. Oh God, what if it’s him? What if he’s got someone at my house waiting for me to come home? I felt my pocket hoping that I had my keys with me so I could get away without them knowing I was there. Oh, thank you, Jesus. My keys were in my pocket. I was going to jump in the car and go as soon as I got to the driveway.

Chapter 10 “Judy!” Jeff yelled as he saw me hobbling up to the house. He rushed down the driveway coming to my aid. I was so happy when I saw him; I knew I was safe. He ran by my side as he wrapped his arm around me and helped me up to the house. As we walked up the driveway, I saw the other car was a police car. “What are they doing here?” I whispered.

“What happened to you?” he cupped my chin with his hand to get a better look at my face. “Some guy attacked me,” I muttered. I could feel some of my teeth were broken as my tongue scraped their rough, jagged edges. “Who did this to you, Judy? Tell me who it was!” I could see the rage building within him. “Where’s the officer?” “In the house. Judy! You have to tell me who did this to you. Now,” he

demanded. “I don’t know. And I don’t want the police involved. Everything around here gets published in the paper. I want to go inside and be left alone. Make him leave.” “You have to tell them what happened to you. What if Natalie would’ve been home? What if this would’ve happened to both of you?” “Please, Jeff, make him leave.” “No, we’re telling what happened. Someone’s going to pay for this. We’re going to figure this out

together.” “But the city council is supposed to vote on the eminent domain tomorrow. I don’t want this being brought up when they announce it to the town. We both know this only happened because of it,” I eyeballed him. “I know it’s my fault. I caused all of this. I’m so sorry, Judy, but we have to let the authorities know. Someone needs to do time for what they did to you.” “All right,” I sighed. “But I don’t want to do this.”

“Officer Fitzgerald!” Jeff called to the officer inside the house. “I found her, she’s out here.” A cop in his mid-twenties walked out of my house as he radioed in to let them know I’d been found. As he walked outside and took a glimpse at me, his jaw dropped. “Ms. Clay? Do you need me to call an ambulance?” the concerned officer asked me. “No, that won’t be necessary.” “Yes, she would ambulance,” Jeff insisted.

like

an

“I don’t have whispered to him.

insurance,”

I

“Then I’ll pay the bill. Judy, we have to get you looked at. Your face is swollen three times its normal size and your eyes are nearly shut. You’ve got globs of blood dried on your face and your nose looks like it’s broken.” The officer called in for an ambulance. “Ms. Clay, can you tell me what happened to you tonight?” “I’m sorry, may I have a drink of water first? I’d like to rinse this metallic taste out of my mouth. It’s making me

sick to my stomach.” “Of course. Why don’t we go inside, get you a drink and take a report?” he suggested. Jeff helped me into the house as the officer started bombarding me with questions. After rinsing my mouth, I took a seat at the table while in agonizing pain. Maybe that ambulance will do me some good. My memory was fuzzy as I tried to recall what I remembered from the attack. Before I could explain what happened, the ambulance was pulling into the driveway. I recognized the paramedics as soon as I saw them; they were the same men who came the day

Thomas was killed. “Mrs. Clay,” one of the EMS responders nodded at me. “Can you tell me what happened tonight?” he asked as he prepared the gurney for me. “She was severely beaten by a man who’d been hiding in the woods,” Jeff intervened as he stood by my side. “Do you know who did this?” the paramedic asked, firmly directing his question to only me as he slipped on a pair of gloves. “No, I don’t.”

§

It was apparent that Judy was distraught from her attack. When I tried calling her numerous times and she didn’t answer, I became worried about her. After arriving at her house and seeing her car there, but no response after knocking, I decided to let myself in.

The fact that she and the dog were both gone is what alarmed me the most. I waited inside the house for over an hour with no signs that she was returning, and that’s when I called the police. Her face was a mangled bloody mess. Bruises were already setting in along her cheekbone and around her eyes and nose. Whoever did this had deliberately planned this attack based on the description of what he was wearing. I watched in agony as Judy tried to recount what happened to her at the hospital. It was evident that the attack shook her, and her memory was hazy. Anytime someone entered the room, her head darted in the direction of the door

as she jumped. She’d tuck her knees back into her chest as soon as she realized it was only one of the nurses or the doctor coming to check on her. It seemed as though she had a memory lapse. She had trouble giving the authorities a timeline of the attack and how long she laid in the road. At times her speech was incoherent and garbled as though she couldn’t focus on her thoughts. The doctor ruled it necessary to keep her overnight for observation. She suffered a broken nose and a slight fracture of her face where she’d been beaten. It was still unclear the extent of any brain trauma that may have occurred.

She’d complained that her ribs hurt and had difficulty breathing, but the x-ray revealed there were no broken bones in her rib cage. The doctor determined that she must have had deep bone bruising, which would feel like a broken bone, he explained. When they told Judy she’d have to stay overnight, she began hyperventilating and experienced tremors in her hands and fingers while copious amounts of sweat beaded on her brow. To help her relax and get some rest, the nurse brought her a sedative to help her sleep. I stayed in her room with her the entire night. Even in her sleep, she was completely terrorized by the man who’d attacked her. She would moan and weep while begging him to

stop as she fought her invisible attacker. It was unbearable to watch. Several times, I woke her to tell her she was safe and that I was right by her side. When Judy woke up in the morning, she complained of an excruciating headache and nausea. I called for her nurse right away. She came within a few moments and used her flashlight pen to examine Judy’s eyes as she took her vitals. “Dr. Jordan said you likely have a concussion and judging by the size of your pupils, I’d say he’s right. The sedative that we gave you last night might be upsetting your stomach this

morning. I’ll order you anti-nausea medication and we’ll get you something for that headache. Do you feel like eating?” Judy stared at her with a blank expression as if the words didn’t register with her. “Are you hungry?” I asked her. She blinked her eyes as she looked at me. It was almost as if she’d been in a trance. “I’ll have some toast and coffee,” she replied. “We’ll send that right in,” the nurse said. “Mr. Pincetti, please call us

if she needs anything else.” After the door had closed behind the nurse, I grabbed Judy’s hand as I sat next to her on the bed. “You’re safe. I’m here now and I’m going to take care of you.” “I need to be alone. When I get out of here, if you can take me home, I’ll…” “No, Judy. That’s the worst thing you could do. You don’t want to be alone. You need all the support you can get right now.”

“I need to figure out where Nat and I are going to live and get her old clothes packed up for Ann. I never finished doing that last night. We won’t have much longer in the house.” Her demeanor did a complete 180. Suddenly, she seemed distant and withdrawn. It seemed as though she was trying to occupy herself; almost as if the attack never happened. “Hey, we can get you some help packing and going through things. You’re not even sure where you’re going to live.” “Jeff, all I know now is that I

need to get out of this town, and fast. It’ll be over my dead body before I ever let anything like this happen to Natalie.” The nurse came back in the room with her meds and informed us that the doctor would be in shortly to check on Judy. If all was well, he’d likely release her and let us go. I asked the nurse if I could speak to her for a moment out in the hall. “What would you like to discuss, Mr. Pincetti?” the nurse asked once we were in the hall. “Is she okay? I mean, she’s acting…different. She’s jumpy, fidgety,

distant, withdrawn and not her usual self at all.” “Mr. Pincetti, when you’ve been a victim of a violent beating like she has, those things are normal. Give her some time, and a little space. She needs to know people are there for her without everyone crowding her.” “How soon will the doctor be in?” “He’s at lunch right now, but he should come in to check on her afterward.” I went back in the room to sit with

Judy. As I opened the door, she jumped off of her bed. “Hey, it’s only me,” I reassured her when she jumped on her bed. As we waited for the doctor, I thought about the dog. “Judy? Where was Rocky when all of this happened? You said you were taking him for a walk. Where did he go?” “I don’t know. His leash slipped out of my hand and he took off running. My guess is he’s somewhere in the woods around the house.” We had waited for about an hour

before the doctor came in to reevaluate her condition. Once he examined her and reviewed her latest testing, he gave her the all-clear to go home with a set of instructions to follow. During the drive home, she was quiet; more so than usual. “Is there anything I can do to make you feel safer?” I finally broke the silence. “No, I don’t think so.” “You know you have to talk about it sooner or later, and we’re going to find the guy who did this to you. Can you remember anything about him?”

“He was heavy set. I remember his weight preventing me from moving with him on top of me while his fist pummeled my face.” “Anything else?” “He was white.” “Is that all?” I sounded more annoyed than I meant to. “Yeah, that’s all,” she said with a sarcastic reply. “I’m sorry, honey. It’s just that I want to catch the guy that did this to you and make him pay.”

When we arrived at her house, I helped her inside and made sure no one was hiding in any of the rooms. After I had checked the house, I went out to the backyard to see if the dog had returned. There were no signs of the dog. “Judy, where is that paper with all the German commands? I’m going to see if I can find Rocky and bring him home. Something must’ve spooked him, making him run off like that.” “It’s on the counter, but I don’t know what good he is if he gets spooked,” she snapped.

“I’ll go find him.” I started walking the area surrounding the house as I called his name. Listening carefully, I didn’t hear a thing. I glanced down at the paper and started yelling, “Here” and “Come” in the German commands. My efforts weren’t paying off. I began walking further away from the house into the dense timber that never got cut down the previous winter. As I approached a small creek, I could hear rustling noises. I spotted him and called his name. He looked at me, apparently confused at first, but he eventually recognized me and ran towards me. His leash was still on him. I grabbed a hold of it and led

him back to the house. After locking him in the backyard, I went inside to tell Judy the good news. “I found the dog. He was by a small creek. I put him in the backyard and closed the gate.” “That’s good,” she mumbled. “All right, I need to get out of here,” I told her, remembering what the nurse said. “But I’m only a phone call away if you need anything.” “Okay,” she said as she made herself a glass of water. “I’ll talk to you later.”

§

I know Jeff means well, but I can’t stop thinking about my attack. For some reason, I was unable to recall much information about the man who assaulted me when I was asked about him. It’s strange though, I could

remember that during the attack I tried to memorize things about the man, but I couldn’t remember anything since I’d woke up after I blacked out on the side of the road. I kept trying to replay everything in my head—as painful as that was—but nothing jogged my memory. Jeff was more than accommodating to me, and even though he was right by my side, I felt isolated. I was scared to death the man would come back for me once he found out I’d talked to police. Trying to get my mind off things, I headed to Nat’s room and began going through her old clothes. As I was working, I had an idea. Maybe if we get

out of here and move far enough away, we could start over. A real fresh start where we wouldn’t know anyone. Maybe somewhere cold. I could sell a lot of Afghans there and make plenty of money. It might mean that I wouldn’t have to leave Nat to go work at a full-time job somewhere. As I continued packing clothes for Ann’s daughter, it hit me. We could move to Wisconsin, near the Canadian border. The winters are long and cold there. It was perfect. The phone startled me when it started ringing from the kitchen, breaking my thoughts about Wisconsin.

“Hello?” “How’s it going?” Jeff asked. “Good. I was packing up clothes and going through some of Nat’s old boxes in her closet.” “I was hoping you’d like some company for dinner tonight. We can eat at my place, or I can come over there. Whichever you’d prefer,” he suggested. “That would be nice. Let’s have dinner at your place. I don’t like being here alone,” I admitted. I kept finding myself glancing out windows and

listening for any hint that someone might be in the house or out in the yard. “Do you want me to swing by when I leave the office to pick you up?” “That would be great. What time will you get out of there?” “In about an hour or so,” he paused. “Are you sure you’re all right?” “No,” I sighed. “I’m really not. I’m so scared he’s going to come back to get me,” I confessed as I looked in the backyard. Rocky was sunbathing near his food dishes.

“We’re going to find who did this to you. You know that, right?” “Yeah,” I lied. There’s no way they’re going to figure out who’s doing all of this. He’s already done so much and he’s still out there. “I’ll see you in a bit.” When we hung up, I went out to check on Rocky. He didn’t have a scratch on him. I guess the attacker didn’t want anything to do with the dog; I was his target. After I refilled his food and gave him fresh water for the evening, I went back inside and locked the doors. Nearly finished with Nat’s

closet, I heard a car door. I jumped and peeked out the window; it was Jeff. I grabbed my purse and headed outside. While we were eating dinner that night, I asked him if I could use his computer again to search for houses. “Sure. Do you have an idea of where you want to live yet?” “Actually, I thought about that while I was cleaning out the closet. I thought that Wisconsin would be a good place for us to start over. I make a lot of money off my Afghans here, and the winters are longer and much colder there. It would mean that I wouldn’t have

to work a full-time job and leave Nat in someone else’s care.” “Wisconsin?” He aback. “Why so far?”

was

taken

“Right now, I want to get as far away as possible. It’s just an idea,” I shrugged. “I wanted to see what areas there are to live in and what their housing market is like.” “Judy, that’s so far away. You realize that our relationship would be impossible if you moved there.” I hadn’t thought of that. My primary concern was to get away from

Nevada, and I didn’t feel like it would be wise to move to Kansas City or Springfield. I wanted to live in a rural area where I wouldn’t have so much to worry about. “No, I guess it didn’t cross my mind.”

§

It scared the hell out of me at the thought of losing Judy and Natalie. They’d become such a big part of my life, I never pictured them leaving. To oblige her, I helped her get onto the internet to research various areas in Wisconsin and the housing in those areas, but the truth was I wasn’t ready to let her go. I wasn’t willing to let her go. I painfully watched her eye houses that she might potentially be interested in. Imagining what my life would be like without them felt like someone drove a stake right through my heart. Before they came into my life, I was single and on top of the world. But I was also lonely

and isolated. There was no one to come home to, no one to have dinner with and no one to draw beautiful pictures for me. “Judy, I can’t let you move to Wisconsin,” I blurted in the middle of her search. “You can’t leave. I won’t let you.” “What are you talking about?” “I’m saying there’s no way I’m letting you or that little girl walk out of my life. You two are my whole world. We’ve been through so much together, and I vow that I will find who’s been doing all of this and they will be dealt with.”

“But Jeff, you and I both know that I can’t raise Natalie alone here. If I move to a neighboring city, I’d have to get a full-time job and leave Nat in someone else’s care. That’s not something that I’m willing to do.” “Then come live with me. Let’s get married. I love you, Judy,” I got on my knee. “I’ve never loved a woman the way I love you. And Natalie owns such a big piece of my heart, she’s like my own daughter.”

§

My head was spinning. Did he just propose to me? I stared at him, trying to wrap my head around the words that had come out of his mouth. “I…I don’t know what to say,” I stumbled, trying to find the right words. “You don’t have to say anything. Tell me that you’ll move in with me and

let me take care of you. We can be a family.” “Are you crazy? Look at what’s already happened since we started dating. Do you know what would happen if we got married and moved in together?” “Yes, I do. I’ll take care of you and Natalie, and no one will ever hurt you again. I promise.” “I need time, Jeff. Thomas hasn’t even been gone a year and you’re asking me to marry you and start a new family.” “I know what it looks and sounds

like, but I love you. You know I’m not the groveling type, don’t make me regret asking you.” “Can you imagine what people would say when you walk into announce the development and I’m on your arm?” “I don’t care. They’d say I was the luckiest man in Missouri.”

Chapter 11 I drove to church on Saturday evening to pick up Natalie from her church camp. As I waited with the other members, everyone asked what had happened to my face. I’d hoped that I wore enough makeup to cover the bruising, but apparently I hadn’t. Most of the members had already heard the horrific tale of how I’d been ambushed while taking the dog for a walk, but the others were gawking at me. Embarrassed and ready to be left alone, I offered a short explanation that I’d

been jumped in the woods near my house and excused myself to the ladies’ room. The church bus arrived while I was hiding and sulking in the stall of the women’s restroom. As I went outside to get Natalie, she was running towards me to show me her new rock collection that she’d picked up while away at camp. Her footsteps came to a halt when she saw my face. “What happened, momma?” she signed as she stared at my bruised face. “I’ll explain later. Let’s go home. You can show me your rock collection when we get in the car if you’d like.”

She stared at me the entire ride home. I could only imagine what was going through her little mind. What am I going to tell her? I don’t want to scare her. I decided that I’d tell her the truth. Some man attacked me, but I wouldn’t tell her that it happened near the house. I didn’t want her to be scared while playing in the yard, but I already knew I had to keep a close eye on her. She couldn’t wander off like she normally did and roam the property. It wasn’t safe. After we had gone inside, I told her the story of how some man attacked me and that I was okay, just a little

bruised up. She sympathetically touched my face as she said she was sorry I got hurt. Children are so beautiful and innocent. “Can I go see Rocky?” she asked. “Yes, but stay in the backyard.” I watched her from the kitchen window as she sat on the porch petting Rocky. She seemed jubilant that she finally had a dog. As I watched her play, I thought of what Jeff had said to me. I still can’t believe he wants to get married, especially after everything that’s happened. Someone in the community is making it quite clear that

they want me gone, and they don’t like interracial relationships. Even though we live in the country, we’re still within ‘city limits’. All of the other colored families live in the country, out of sight and out of mind for all the white folk. Of course, it didn’t help that not only was our address considered still within the city limits, but our property was also what stood in the way of the development. And then there was the fact that Thomas hasn’t even been gone for a year. Could I really move on that fast? I couldn’t believe I’d slept with Jeff, but I’ll be damned if it didn’t feel delightful to have a man’s warm hands on my body, wanting me and loving me.

At dinner time, I went outside with Natalie and told her it was time to come in to eat. She was eager to have a home cooked meal. They’d feasted on campfire hot dogs, roasted marshmallows, cold sandwiches and pop tarts for an entire week. No sooner than I sat her plate in front of her, she was scarfing down her fried chicken and mashed potatoes. I’d just sat down to eat with her when the phone rang. “Hello?” “Hey babe, are you busy?” “I was about to eat. Why? Where are you?”

“I’m coming over. I have some exciting news I want to share with you. Did you pick up Natalie yet?” “Yes, she’s eating dinner right now. What’s so important?” “I’ll be there in about 20 minutes. I’ll tell you then.” After we had hung up, I made Jeff a plate and sat down to eat with Nat. She was already on her second plate. “You must have been starving,” I signed to her as she greedily gulped down her food.

She nodded her head, “Yes, I’m so hungry. This is excellent, mom.” I smiled. That little girl has always loved my cooking and she’s never been a picky eater. After she was through with her second plate, she scraped it and put it in the sink. “May I go to my room to draw? I want to make you a picture of camp.” “Yes, that’s fine. Jeff is coming over soon. You can show him when he gets here.” When Jeff came in, he was

carrying a large manila folder. “What’s that?” I asked pointing to the folder. “This, my dear, is our future,” he began to open it and show me the contents. “These are the documents that the development went through and the date that we’ll make a public announcement in the town square to the entire city. I’d like for you to join me and be my guest to the event.” “I don’t know, Jeff. It’s not a very good idea. What if the town’s not very receptive to me being your date?”

“Judy, I think you’ve failed to see that I don’t care who’s receptive to what I do, think or like. If anything happens, police will be there, and I’ll be there to protect you. This is important to me. Please, come with me.” His ocean-blue eyes were begging me to join him. “Okay, I’ll come. When is it?” “Tomorrow afternoon at 4 PM. And Natalie will have a great time. They’re having free popcorn, soda, and hot dogs.” I laughed, “I think she’s all hot

dogged out. That’s pretty much all they ate at camp last week. You should’ve seen her wolf down her food.” “Oh, well she can have popcorn, then. Where is she anyway?” “In her room drawing a picture from camp. She wants to show you when she’s done.” “She’s a sweet girl, kind of like her mom,” he held me in his arms. “Have you given any more thought of what we talked about when you were at my house?” “What?”

“Us getting married and you two coming to live with me.” “I’ve thought about it, but I’m scared, Jeff.” “What are you scared of? You know I’ll take care of you two and you’ll be safe.” “It’s not just that. I feel guilty… about Thomas.” He kissed my cheek as he took my hand in his. “Judy, he would want you two to be happy and well-cared for. I promise that those are my intentions.”

Before I could reply, Natalie walked into the kitchen, proudly displaying her sketch of what their camp looked like. It looked so realistic and professional; her talent was actually developing. “Is this your campsite?” I asked as I studied the picture. There were logs placed strategically around a campfire that was surrounded by big rocks. “Yes, but I haven’t drawn the people or colored it yet. I wanted to show you what I’ve done so far. Is it good?” she asked.

“That’s amazing!” Jeff signed to her. Natalie grinned as he praised her for her hard work. She was so happy that he’d learned how to sign so he’d be able to talk to her. “I’m going to go work on it some more. I’ll show you the people when I have them drawn.” “Okay, have fun,” I told her as she skipped down the hall back to her room. Jeff stayed to eat his plate of dinner and hang out for a little while as we watched TV. He helped me put Nat to

bed and then he headed out for the night. Even after my head hit the pillow, I couldn’t stop thinking about what he said. I prayed to God, asking him to help guide me in the right direction before I talked to Thomas. Thomas, I know you’re watching over us from heaven. I’m sure you’ve seen Nat and me with Jeff. I know he’s not someone you’d ever picture me with, but he’s such a good man. Granted, I would’ve never thought that about him at first, especially after you passed away and I had to deal with him directly instead of you. He’s actually helped Nat and me in ways that I can’t even begin to thank him for. I’ve fallen

in love with him, Thomas, but I’m scared. I don’t want to betray you. Please give me a sign that it’s all right to move on. I need your blessing. I miss you and love you. Shortly after I prayed for things, I fell fast asleep. For the first time since I was attacked, I slept hard. I was surprised when I woke up to find Nat in the kitchen helping herself to a bowl of cereal. She hadn't even tried to wake me up. “Good morning, baby. Do you want some eggs?” “No, thank you. I made myself

cereal so you could sleep. You looked exhausted,” she signed to me. “I was drained,” I admitted to her. “I guess I slept better knowing you were home. We have to go to the town square today with Jeff this afternoon. You should wear that white dress with the ruffled skirt.” “Why? What are we going there for?” “They’re announcing the development to the town today. It officially passed yesterday. We’ll have to start packing soon to move out of here,” I frowned at her.

“But this is daddy’s house. We can’t leave. I don’t want to.” “Neither do I baby, but we can’t stay. They’re clearing everything,” I waved my hand around the room, “to make room for the apartments and shopping center.” She frowned and put her spoon into her cereal bowl as her shoulders slumped forward. Her face looked so sad, defeated. “Hey, don’t be sorry baby. We’re going to move into a beautiful place. I promise. And you’ll make lots of new

friends and everything.” “Can I go draw?” she asked. I told her she could before she disappeared down the hall to her room. Clearing the breakfast table, I called Jeff to let him know we’d be there and asked him if we could have dinner afterward. “I was going to ask you the same thing,” he laughed. “Yeah, that sounds good. I’ll see you this afternoon.”

§

We arrived at the town square to make the big announcement to the town. Everybody was there, including the mayor, police, all the business owners and almost all the residents of the city. Jeff met Nat and me by the ice cream shop, Super Scoops, and brought us to the podium where he was making the announcement.

“What’s wrong?” he asked me. “I’m so nervous. I don’t know why; maybe because I’ve not wanted to be around people since…you know.” “It’s fine. This is a safe place. See, there’s police on each side of the podium,” he pointed, “and I’m right here. Nothing’s going to happen.” “I know, I’m just being silly I guess.” He placed his hand in the small of my back, leading us to the podium in front of the large crowd. As we approached the microphone, he

introduced us to everyone. “And this is Officer Tungston,” he said as I shook the officer’s hand. “This is the city councilman, Scott Jones,” I shook his hand, “And of course, you know Mayor Goodwin.” As I reached out to shake the mayor’s hand, I became startled and drew my hand back. I remembered! I remembered what I hadn’t been able to remember since I woke up after the attack. He had thick, yellow, chewed-up fingernails just like my attacker. As I stood back staring at him, I noticed how heavy he was. His gut protruded through the front of his blazer; every button on

his shirt threatened to pop off at a moment’s notice. It was him! I covered my mouth as I ran away, grabbing Nat’s hand dragging her along with me in the process. Jeff called after us, but I wasn’t stopping until I knew we were safe. Out of breath and well past Super Scoops, I stopped and tried to draw in deep breaths as I was bent over with my hands on my knees. Bewildered, Nat looked at me with a concerned look on her face. “What’s wrong mom? What is it?” I looked up and saw Jeff running towards us as he continued calling my

name. As I tried to take cleansing breaths, a surge of adrenaline coursed through my veins as my mind went into replay mode. Flashbacks of the attack plagued my mind, causing an anxiety attack. Jeff put his hand on my back in an attempt to calm me down. “Hey, calm down. Deep breaths. Breathe in and breathe out,” he said holding my hair away from my face as he fanned air in my direction. “What happened back there?” I leaned against the brick wall as onlookers stared at me like I was a crazy woman. A small crowd was beginning to gather, but Jeff made them leave.

“I remembered something from my attack,” I said still trying to draw in deep breaths. “The night that I was ambushed, I remembered trying to memorize things about the man, but I couldn’t remember much other than he was overweight and white. But when I shook Mayor Goodwin’s hand, I saw his nails. He was the one that attacked me,” I looked around to see if anyone had overheard me. “What? Are you serious? How do you know for sure it was him?” “His hands. You don’t forget what the hand looks like that beat your face

repeatedly until you black out.” “Are you one hundred percent sure it was him?” “Yes,” I shook my head. “I know it was him. I don’t know how I didn’t realize it was him sooner. I’m such a fool!” I broke down. “You’re not a fool, Judy. There’s nothing that would’ve indicated to you that he’d done it. I’m going to summons one of the officers over here. I’ll be right back, and don’t move a muscle.” I watched Jeff walk through the crowd as he approached one of the

officers. Within minutes, they were walking back towards me as Natalie cajoled me while we waited near the curb. “Ms. Clay, I’m officer Nottingham. Mr. Pincetti said that you were attacked earlier last week, and you recognized the man who did it?” “Yes, but…oh, God,” loud sobs escaped my mouth. “I don’t want to cause a scene right here, not now.” “It’s important that you tell me who you believe attacked you, Ms. Clay,” he took out a pen and notepad from his breast pocket as he got into

position to write. I looked around, making sure no one was within an earshot and whispered, “It was Mayor Goodwin.” The officer looked stunned. “I’m sorry, ma’am, can you repeat that?” “You heard me the first time. The look on your face told me you did. What’s going to happen?” “Ma’am, is there any way you can prove that he attacked you? That’s a farreaching accusation to say the mayor of Nevada attacked you.”

I thought for a moment. How in the hell am I going to prove the mayor did this to me? I know he did it. Then it clicked. “During the attack, he was on top of me—punching my face. When I was trying to defend myself, I scratched him behind his left ear. I’m sure I got him good too because I had blood on my hands from it.” The officer looked at Jeff to see if I was serious. Jeff nodded, “If she says it happened, I believe her. She’s got no reason to lie.” “I need to ask that you stay right here until I return,” the officer said as he tucked his notepad and pen back into his

shirt pocket. We watched as he walked away and talked into the radio on his shoulder. The mayor was visible from where we were standing. Three officers approached him, led him away from the podium and cuffed him when they got near the corner before they brought him over to us. “What? This is ridiculous,” the mayor protested. “I’d never hurt anyone, especially a woman!” When the cops brought him over to their cruisers that were parked nearby, Officer Nottingham stopped them before

they put him in the backseat of the squad car. I watched him check behind Mayor Goodwin’s left ear before he gave an affirmative nod. Officer Nottingham walked back over to us and said, “Ms. Clay, you were correct. He does have a deep scratch behind his left ear. I don’t know if that’s enough to charge him with anything, though. My colleague is taking him down to the station for questioning. We’ll need you to come down to the office this evening to give another statement.” “Will I have to see him?” I asked. “No, he’ll be in holding. We’ll

have you give your statement in an interview room with one of the detectives. Mr. Pincetti, you’re more than welcome to accompany her down to the station if you’d like.” “Thank you,” Jeff replied. He turned his attention back to me. “I know you’re shaken up a bit right now, but I need to get back to the crowd to make the announcement. If you want to come with me, you’re more than welcome to; but if you don’t, I’ll understand.” I wiped my tear-stained cheeks. “No, I’ll come with you. This is a big day for you. You’re making changes that the town hasn’t had in ages, and I want

to be right by your side.” Jeff led us back in front of the large crowd. With Nat and me by his side, he proudly announced the development of Nevada Heights. Everyone from the town cheered and clapped. The air was charged with excitement and celebration. After he had made the announcement, the high school marching band made their debut as the cheerleaders followed behind them, releasing balloons in the air.

§

At the police station, one of the clerks led me to a small room that said ‘Interview Room’ on the door. Jeff waited with Nat in the lobby as I stared at the cold, drab walls of the room while I waited for someone to take my statement. A few moments later, a woman officer walked in with a pad of paper and introduced herself.

“Hello, Ms. Clay. I’m Officer Brooks and I’m here to take your statement about your attacker. Detective Torre has already left for the day so she asked that I record your statement.” “Okay. What do you need me to tell you?” “Would you like some water or coffee before we begin?” “No, thank you. I’d like to get out of here as soon as possible. My daughter and…boyfriend are waiting for me in the lobby.” “All right. I’ll begin by turning on

the recorder and we’ll go from there.” She sat a small black audio recorder in the center of the table and turned it on. “This is Officer Jody Brooks and today is August 26th, 1998. I am interviewing Judy Clay about an assault against her that took place a little over a week ago. Ms. Clay, do I have your permission to record your statement regarding the attack that happened to you on or about August 18th, 1998?” “Yes, you have my permission.” As the interview wore on, I

started to regret not taking her up on her offer for something to drink. Reliving the attack and having a face and a name to put to the man who caused me so much harm sent a wave of emotions through me that I wasn’t ready to deal with yet. She stopped mid-interview to get me a plastic cup of water. After I had recollected my thoughts, she turned the voice recorder back on and continued with the interview. An hour and a half later, I was a wobbly mess and ready to get out of there. The final stage of the interview that she had me complete was picking his mug shot out of a lineup. I pointed to Mayor Goodwin. Relief washed over me as the thought occurred to me that my attacker was behind bars. I

was safe tonight. Jeff and Natalie were patiently waiting in the lobby when I came out of the interview room. She came running up to me as she threw her arms around me, squeezing me tight. I’d never felt so good in my entire life. My attacker was behind bars, I had my baby and I had a good man who stood behind me no matter what. When we left the police station, we went to a nearby restaurant to grab a bite to eat. After dinner, Jeff drove us home and stayed until Natalie was asleep. He kissed me goodnight and went home with the promise of coming over for breakfast in the morning.

§

I was startled from my sleep when I heard pounding on the front door. Still hazy and disoriented from my deep sleep, I threw on a robe and went to see who was outside. A sigh of relief escaped my lips when I realized it was Jeff. I glanced at the living room clock

as I unlocked the door. It was almost 8:30; I couldn’t believe I’d slept that late. “Hey sleepy head,” he kissed me as he came inside. “I tried calling you but you didn’t answer,” he looked me over. “I guess I know why now,” he teased. “Yesterday wore me out. I’ll go start some coffee and we can wake Nat up. I’m surprised she’s still sleeping, too.” Jeff followed me into the kitchen and then into Nat’s room to help me wake her up. She smiled when she

opened her eyes and saw both of us standing over her. “Good morning,” she signed as she stretched out on her bed. “Morning, baby. Are you hungry for some breakfast?” I asked as she got out of bed. “Will you make pancakes?” she asked. “Sure will! Anything my baby wants.” I turned to Jeff, “Pancakes sound good to you?” “They sound great.”

Jeff and Nat followed me into the kitchen as I took a skillet out of the cupboard and started to collect all the ingredients to make breakfast. They sat at the table, trying to communicate, but Nat kept laughing at Jeff as he missigned quite a bit. “He’s still getting used to it, baby,” I stuck up for him. He grinned at me and thanked me for being in his corner. As I sat down at the table to eat with them, Jeff was having a hard time making out what Nat was trying to tell him. I watched as she continued signing, and my jaw dropped

when I realized what she was attempting to tell him. I spoke the words out loud to Jeff as I interpreted her sign language to him. “Last night,” she started. “I had a dream. My daddy was in it, and he said that you’re a good man.” I looked at Jeff, who was grinning like a fool. “He said that he misses us, but he knows how much you love us. My Daddy said it was okay for us to love you, too. He says you make my mommy very happy.” “That sounds like a good dream,” Jeff smiled at her as he dug into his breakfast.

“Jeff! You have no idea what her dream means,” I was flabbergasted. “What? Her dad talked to her in a dream,” he shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly. “Yeah, but it was what she said he told her. I didn’t tell anyone this, but I prayed to God and asked him to help guide me and asked Thomas to give me a sign that it was all right to move on.” “Yeah?” “That’s it! That’s the sign!” “What? That she said you’re

happy?” “No, he said we should love you, too. Jeff, he’s speaking from the grave to Natalie and giving me permission to move on and marry you.”

Chapter 12 A court date was scheduled for Mayor Goodwin’s plea and sentencing. We were only two days away from it, and I was a ball of nerves. We’d hired a lawyer to represent me, and he informed me that I may be called upon to testify. The last thing I wanted to do was get on the stand and give testimony in front of him. It was bad enough that I had to be in the same room as him, but I certainly didn’t want to come face to face with him while I relived the assault.

“What are you going to do if you have to get up on the stand?” Jeff asked as we were discussing the upcoming court date. “I don’t know. I hope to God I don’t have to. That man is pure evil.” “But won’t you feel better once he’s behind bars for good?” “In a way I will, but I won’t be at the same time.” He cocked his head to the side as if I didn’t make any sense. “What I mean is that I’ll be glad once I know he can no longer hurt me, but I hate to see anyone locked up like an animal.”

“Judy, he is an animal. He deserves to get locked up, and whatever else might happen to him, for what he did to you.” “I know that, but two wrongs don’t make a right,” I said to him. “That’s your church-talk talking. It’s not wrong to put a criminal behind bars. Doesn’t the Bible say something in there about punishing others?” I shook my head, “Jeff, I know you’ve gone to a lot of Sunday services with me, but you still have a lot of learning to do. You know, they have a men’s Bible study that meets on

Thursday nights if you’re interested.” “I don’t know about all that,” he became defensive. “Why? Don’t you want to learn more about God and grow closer to Him?” “I do, but…I don’t want to sound like everyone else, but it’s one thing when I go with you. I don’t think the men would like a white man coming along to their weekly group meets.” “Are you crazy? Everyone from the church loves you! And it’s a little weird that you’re the one worried about

going to my church. I thought you were some tough guy, and everyone is the same.” “Judy, we are the same. I just didn’t think the black men would like a white guy coming to a private meeting that they have, but if you don’t think they’ll mind, maybe I’ll go.” “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not a private meeting; anyone is welcome to it. Black or white. Doesn’t matter. The members of our church only see people of faith.” On the day of the court hearing, we took Nat over to Ann’s house so the

kids could play. In no way did I want my daughter in that courtroom. Jeff picked us up early so we could get to the courthouse before any of the media started lining up outside. My case had gained quite a bit of popularity since everything came out on the local news. No public official in our area had ever been charged with such a heinous crime. We ducked into the courthouse without a hitch and met with the attorney. Mr. Gibbs was a quiet older man with a receding hairline. He didn’t speak much but when he did, his voice boomed and commanded attention. I liked him a lot and was hopeful that he’d serve my case the justice it deserved. While it

was true that I didn’t want Mayor Goodwin locked up, I also didn’t want him on the streets either. We waited in the courtroom for almost an hour before the bailiff entered with Mayor Goodwin chained in shackles, sporting an orange county jumpsuit and a pair of flip flops. I almost felt sorry for him for a moment —almost. A few minutes after he sat down, his attorney appeared beside him as they went over the case. The pews in the courtroom began to fill as many of the people in the town were interested in hearing the case. Some were there to support the mayor, but to my surprise, most were there to support me. Almost half of my church

congregation took seats directly behind me, and many of the white families who came waved and smiled at me. I’d never felt so supported in my entire life. It’s amazing how much the community is standing behind me. My sense of pride helped me hold back the lump that was forming in my throat as I willed myself not to cry. After everyone had been seated, the bailiff asked us to all rise before the judge entered the room. As the proceeding went underway, I found it difficult to breathe. I started to sweat profusely as I dwelled on the worst-case scenarios. What if he gets up there and claims he didn’t attack me? What if

everyone believes him instead of me? It was difficult to pay attention to what was going on around me in the courtroom as negative thoughts continued to cloud my thoughts. I felt like everyone was judging me and watching me, even though a moment ago, I’d just felt as though most everyone was on my side. I wanted to climb under the table and hide until it was over. Maybe some of them were pretending to support me when they’re actually here for him? When they called Mayor Goodwin to take the stand, my eyes darted to the floor as I bit the inside of my cheek. There was no way I could

look at him, not after what he’d done to me. “Are you doing okay?” Mr. Gibbs whispered to me. I shrugged as I kept my eyes fixed on the wooden floor beneath my feet. My hands felt like ice and my stomach felt heavy. I thought I was going to pass out or vomit. Mr. Gibbs poured me a glass of water as the defense attorney began to question Mayor Goodwin. “Mayor Goodwin, can you tell the court where you were on or about the said night of the attack against Ms. Clay?”

“I can’t recall my exact whereabouts on that specific day. Around that time, I’d been running a lot of errands and going all over town to try to legalize the eminent domain petition and having various luncheons and dinners with some of the investors.” “So it’s possible that you were out with a business associate on the night in question?” his defense attorney asked. “Yes, it is,” the mayor’s face lit up. That weasel! Don’t give him any bright ideas. “And can you tell the courtroom

about your relationship with Ms. Clay?” “Yes, she and her late husband, Thomas, supplied firewood for the town for the last 15 years or so. Before that, Thomas’s father and grandfather ran the company. I only know Ms. Clay on a professional level.” “So you’d have no personal reasons to attack her?” “No,” he shook his head, “I do not.” Some of the men and women in the audience gasped as he claimed his innocence. In shock, I turned around to

look at them. They actually are on my side! “Order! Order in the courtroom,” the judge slammed his gavel. “Your Honor,” Mr. Gibbs spoke up, “I’d like to cross-examine the respondent.” The judge asked the defense attorney if he had any further questions for his client before allowing my attorney to proceed. Mr. Gibbs stood tall as he cleared his throat and straightened his tie on his way up to the witness stand.

“Mayor Goodwin, I would like to remind you that you are under oath today.” “Yes, I’m aware.” “Good. Now you said that you can’t recall where you were on the night of the attack, is that correct?” “Yes, that’s correct.” “So it’s plausible to say that you could have been near the Clay’s property that night?” “I, um…I…”

“And isn’t it also possible that even though you never had a personal relationship with Ms. Clay, you did have a business vendetta that would have motivated you to attack the victim?” “I object!” intervened.

his

attorney

“Objection overruled.” “Mayor Goodwin, did you assault Ms. Clay?” The courtroom fell silent as everyone listened for his response. He looked around the courtroom

as he snarled his upper lip, “The only crime I’m guilty of is protecting my town.” Mr. Gibbs walked back to the prosecution table and picked up a copy of my police report. “Let the record show that my client recognized the hands of her attacker,” he paraded my statement in front of the crowded courtroom. “While the assailant wore a black body suit with a masked face, she identified her attacker as Mayor Goodwin.” I noticed the defense attorney sitting at his table with his hands massaging his temples as my lawyer

continued. “I will ask you again. Mayor Goodwin, did you or did you not attack my client? Sending her to the emergency room with a broken nose, busted teeth, a cranial fracture, and bruised ribs?” His eyes glassed over as if he were possessed; a wicked expression cast over his face. “All I wanted was to keep this town free of niggers and make it grow!” his voice roared across the courtroom. Everyone gasped again as they began talking amongst themselves. The judge called for order in the courtroom as he hammered his gavel repeatedly. When everyone settled down and the

judge had order within the room, he dished out the mayor’s punishment. “Mayor Goodwin, I sentence you to one year in the county jail with three years’ probation upon successful complete of your sentence. You will also pay all of the victim’s medical bills that were a result of the attack.” The mayor spit on the floor of the courtroom as he listened to the judge hash out the terms of his sentence. “And furthermore,” the judge continued, “I hereby order you to pay Ms. Judy Clay for pain and suffering in the amount of $50,000. The court is

adjourned!” After the judge had pounded his gavel, the courtroom was filled with cheering and clapping as the bailiff walked the mayor out of the room. My mouth fell open as my ears deceived me. Did he really just say what I think he said? He admitted to doing it and is going to jail? Jeff reached over and wrapped his arms around me as Mr. Gibbs patted my back. Members of the church came by to congratulate me as they made their way out. Speechless, I smiled with wide eyes as the surreal moment took me by surprise. “Come on, let’s get out of here,”

Jeff said to me as he grabbed my arm and led me out of the courtroom. “I think we’ve got some celebrating to do.” Mr. Gibbs had stopped us before we made it out of the courthouse. “Ms. Clay, it was a pleasure representing you in this case. To be honest, we didn’t have enough evidence to convict him, but his hatred for your race sealed his fate. I think Mayor Goodwin is exactly where he belongs.” “Thank you so much, Mr. Gibbs,” I shook his hand. “I was grateful that I didn’t have to take the stand.” “Like I said, his hatred is what got

him. If he would’ve denied everything, he may have walked away a free man but he couldn’t do it.” “I’m happy knowing that everyone believed that I was right and that I was telling the truth. At one point, I thought I was going to vomit as we were sitting there.” “You did an excellent job.” He reached into the breast pocket of his pinstriped suit, “Here are some of my business cards. Feel free to pass them along.”

§

We went back to Ann’s house to pick up Nat after court was over before we headed to Jeff’s house for a celebration dinner. As we were sitting down to eat, I noticed that he was acting strangely. “Excuse me, I have to go check on something,” he said.

When he returned, he was carrying two glasses of Champaign. Handing me my drink, he got down on one knee. “Judy, I love you and Natalie with every fiber of my being. Will you please be my wife?” My eyes widened in shock as he dug into his pocket and opened a ring box. It was the most beautiful ring I’d ever seen. I looked over at Natalie, who was equally stunned. Smiling at me, she nodded her head. “Yes, I will,” he slipped the ring on my finger and kissed me.

“Now we still have one thing left to settle,” he started. “Natalie will need to pick out which room she wants before you two move in.” I signed what he’d said to her. Her eyes lit up with excitement and delight as she dashed away from the kitchen table. We followed her and watched as she went from room to room. After examining every room, she went back to them once more. “Which one would you like?” Jeff signed to her. “I don’t know. I really like this

room,” she pointed to her left, “but I also like that room,” she looked down the hallway. “Hmmm,” he scratched his chin. “Why don’t you take both of them? We can make one of them your bedroom and the other one your art room.” She jumped up and down at the idea of having two rooms all to herself. “I’d really like that,” she said as she spun around in the hallway. We headed back downstairs to finish the rest of our dinner while we discussed our future.

“You really made her happy,” I told him. “She deserves to have her own art room as talented as she is. We need to talk about when you’re moving in. What do you think?” “Yeah,” I sighed. “I hate to leave our house, though. But the truth is, we only have about two months left in there anyway. Right?” “Yep, two months, but you take your time. There’s no rush on things. I understand what you’re giving up.” “You mean gave up,” I corrected

him. “But I didn’t have a choice in the matter, not with the development. But I did have a choice with you, and I’m glad I made the right one.” As we cleaned up the kitchen, we reminisced about our first meetings. “I thought you were such a jackass.” “Judy! I’ve never heard you talk like that,” he laughed. “Well, it’s true! You were so arrogant and…distant, but I’ve gotten to know an entirely different side of you. And I like that side.”

“I’m glad you do!” “Let’s call it a night. I’ve had a very tiring day,” I said to him as I put the last of the dishes into the dishwasher. “Yeah, I’m pretty beat myself.”

Chapter 13 The following Sunday after service, our church had a potluck luncheon in the basement. Everyone brought their favorite signature dishes in honor of our new engagement. All of the women flocked to see my engagement ring after the service was over before we headed to the basement. While they were busy boasting over my ring, I glanced over at Jeff, who was being congratulated by all of the men. Nat and the other children scarfed down their meals before running outside to play. By

the end of the afternoon, we were all wore out and ready to go home. “Everyone seems excited that we’re going to get married,” he smiled at me. “I know. They’re very supportive —that’s one of my favorite things about our fellowship. We’re one big family.” “I’m glad they like me. I’ve actually grown quite fond of them, too.” As we got on the highway, he turned and looked at me. “What?”

“I’m still waiting to hear when you’re going to move in. I know you still have a little time left in the house, but I want you two living with me. I want us to start our life together.” “Well, I wasn’t going to tell you this, but I discussed that with some of the women as we were setting up the potluck before service. They said any time I’m ready to move, they’ll all pitch in and help.” “That’s awesome,” he gloated. “You know Mary?”

“Um, she’s the one with the two young boys, right?” “Uh-huh, well her husband, Sam, owns a moving company. She said her husband could let us use one of his trucks so we wouldn’t have to rent one.” “Let me get this straight. Your church is going to let you use some of their moving trucks and they’re all going to pitch in to help with the move…what do they want in return?” “Nothing.” “Why?”

“Why are you so suspicious of everyone?” I laughed. “Thomas’s great grandfather helped Reverend Lockridge found our church many, many years ago. His family has deep roots in First Christian Church. I told you, we’re all one big family.” “That’s the best family I’ve ever heard of. I’m so excited,” he reveled. “So, have you given any thought as to when you’re going to be ready to move?” “I thought about it, and I think I’ll start packing this week. It’ll take me a while though because I have so much to go through. I’m hoping that maybe I’ll be

ready within a couple of weeks.” He took my hand in his as we exited the highway and kissed it. “Judy, you make me the happiest man alive!”

§

Packing was the easy part as far

as I was concerned. I was so glad that the men from the church were helping with the move. There were boxes stacked from the floor to the ceiling in almost every room. I didn’t think I’d ever finish going through everything, and the sad part is that I tossed a bunch of stuff. On moving day, there was an assembly of men carrying box after box out to the truck. It was the end of August and hotter than any summer we’d had in a while. I made sure there was a steady supply of lemonade as the men made their way in and out of the house. They were so thirsty that I had to unpack a box to get out a third pitcher. Once the truck was loaded up,

everyone headed to Jeff’s house to help unload it. When we pulled up to the house, there was nowhere to park in front of the house. The driveway was filled with white vans. I got out of the car and went inside to see what they were doing at the house. Jeff was talking to a group of people in the kitchen. As I made my way in there, I saw they were wearing red uniform shirts and black pants. When he noticed I was standing behind him, he dismissed them and turned around to greet me. “You were quicker than I thought you’d be.” “What are all of these people

doing here? They’ve got the moving van out front with nowhere to park so we can unload it. What’s going on?” “I hired a catering company to feed everyone tonight. I’ll go ask them to move their vans. I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be here so soon. They’re still setting up.” While he went out back, I headed up front to let everyone know the vans would be out of our way in a few minutes. They were excited to hear that Jeff had hired a caterer for dinner. Most of them hadn’t eaten since breakfast and were starving.

That night, everyone enjoyed a delicious chicken dinner with all the extras catered by one of the best catering companies in town. He even went out of his way and hired a band, which everyone loved. By 11:00, all of our guests began heading out as the cleaning crew took care of everything.

§

For the first time in her life, Natalie started school at the end of fall. With the help of Jeff, we enrolled her in a school for the deaf. She absolutely loved it. Before the school year started, we took her to tour the school. She was a bit apprehensive as we visited with the teachers and met the principal, but now she was happy to be there. Every day when she came home, she told us how she’d made another new friend. Eager to please her teachers, she flourished in her studies. The only set back she had was not attending school there the first few years of her life so she had a lot of catching up to do when it came to

making friends and knowing everyone. She had a ‘sky’s the limit’ kind of attitude and challenged herself every afternoon to study her books. And just like me, she loved reading. Her tiny brain absorbed all the information she read and she loved reciting things she’d learned. The school was about a 45-minute commute, which meant I had to drive her back and forth each day, but it was well worth it. It meant so much to her to have a whole different community that she could communicate and interact with. I’d never seen my baby girl smile so much in her entire life. She even became more confident about being around others,

which really showed when we went to church every Sunday. Her Sunday school teachers noticed that she was asserting herself more and becoming more involved in activities; something she’d rarely done in the past. It was incredible to watch her self-confidence skyrocket. One thing that neither of us had thought about was the school teaching her how to read lips. We’d always been able to talk about things freely in front of her since she was deaf, but we quickly found out that was no longer possible. It was near Christmas time when Jeff realized she could read lips and brought it to my attention. At the time, he wouldn’t tell me the exact reason he

knew, but he made it very clear that we couldn’t discuss presents in front of her. “How do you know she can read lips?” I asked as I put dinner in the oven. “I was on the phone today, ordering you a Christmas gift, and when I hung up, she knew what I’d said.” “What did you get me?” I teased him. “You’ll find out on Christmas Day unless she tells you first.” “Oh, don’t worry. She can keep a secret. So what did she say when you got

off the phone?” “I hung up the phone and started to pour some coffee when she told me that you’re going to like your present. I asked her what she was talking about, and she said that you’d like what I had just ordered for you.” “And she knew what it was?” “Yes, she knew what the gift was and who I’d been talking to. After talking to her for a few minutes, I asked if she had started to learn how to read lips and she slowly nodded her head with a goofy grin plastered across her face,” he laughed.

“Yep, that sounds like her all right. Did you tell her she has to keep it a secret? And did you ask her why she didn’t tell us that she could read lips?” “I did! And she said she wanted to surprise us.” “Mmmhmm, I bet she wanted to surprise us all right. Surprise us that she could figure out all of her gifts. I’ll be right back,” I started making my way out of the kitchen. “Where are you going? You can’t ask her what I ordered you.”

“No, I’m not going to do that. But I want to know how long she’s been able to do it. I’ve been talking on the phone with some of the ladies from church about gifts and the upcoming Christmas party. I want to know how much she knows.” “I’m coming with you,” followed me.

he

She was busy in her art room drawing her little heart out. I tapped her on the shoulder and waited for her to turn around. “Nat, Jeff says you know how to read lips. Is that right?” I signed to her.

That goofy grin he’d described spread across her cheeks as she shook her head yes. “Yes, momma, I can read lips. They’ve been teaching us how to do it in school. Isn’t it neat?” “How well can you read lips?” This time, I asked the question out loud instead of signing it. “I’m not great at it yet, but I can figure out most stuff,” she signed. My jaw dropped. She actually can read lips! I was excited for her. It

would open another door of communication for her that she’d never had before. “I’ve been on the phone a lot lately with members of the church, talking about presents and the party. Do you know the things I’ve been saying?” “I know that the party will be the Sunday before Christmas and that you and some of the other moms will be shopping for our presents the Saturday before the party. But I have a question.” “What?” I asked her. “Why are you shopping for the

presents? Isn’t Santa bringing them to church?” I looked at Jeff. Crap! I had to think fast. “Well honey, Santa will be busy in the North Pole. He and his elves will be busy making toys to deliver on Christmas Eve. Once they’ve got all the toys made, they have to wrap everything and pack the sleigh. Santa won’t make it in time for our party that’s before Christmas.” She thought about it for a moment. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Whew! We dodged that bullet. “I want to talk to you about reading lips. It’s not nice to do when someone’s trying to have a private conversation with someone else, especially two grownups.” “Ok, I’m sorry. I won’t do it again.” As Jeff and I made our way back down to the kitchen, we laughed about how crazy it was that she was learning everything so fast. “She almost busted you on the Santa thing.”

“I know! I bet she didn’t tell us so that she could figure out some of her presents. She’s a lot smarter than she looks,” I joked. “We’ll have to be extra careful about talking around her. All these years, I’ve taken for granted that she can’t hear. It’s always been so easy to say whatever we needed to say and never have to worry about her hearing us.” “I think it’s great that she can do that, though. She’s a very smart girl. I’m so proud of her. The way she’s adapting at the new school and how well she’s doing in her classes….it’s crazy.” “That’s Nat for you.”

§ Shortly after the holidays, we began planning our wedding. It was much simpler when Thomas and I got married. I wore my mother’s wedding dress and we had a small ceremony at the church with only our closest friends and family. After our wedding, everyone headed back to our place to have a small

family get-together and called it a night. Jeff had an entirely different idea of what our wedding should look like. He wanted a big wedding with everyone we knew, complete with a band and a huge reception. I only wanted flowers and a small cake, but he insisted that we go all out. During the months of planning, I consulted with various flower companies, bands, and a few different bakeries. As I interviewed the bands, a revelation came to mind. I should have the church choir sing for me as I walk down the aisle and save the band for the reception. It would mean so much to the choir to let them do that. I asked

Melinda, the head of the church choir if she would be able to coordinate music for before and during the ceremony. She was thrilled and immediately accepted. Melinda didn’t waste any time getting the choir together to practice songs for my big day. With everything seamlessly coming together, our wedding was going to go off without a hitch. I had every detail planned out from the tuxes and bridesmaid dresses to the cake, flowers, food, music, and decorations. Natalie and some of the women from church accompanied me to the bridal shop as I tried on various dresses. When I found the dress that was perfect for me, I

started to cry as the women gasped when they saw me in it. I tucked the dress away in the spare closet of Nat’s art room to keep Jeff from seeing it before the big day. If I even got half the response from him as I did from the women when they saw me in it for the first time, I’d be the happiest bride in the world.

Chapter 14 Ann and Nat finished helping me into my wedding dress after I’d finished my makeup. I stared at myself in the fulllength mirror in the church dressing room. My palms became sweaty as I thought of becoming Mrs. Pincetti. “What’s wrong momma?” “Nothing honey. I’m excited is all. Come on, let’s go get in our places. The choir will be starting soon.”

Everyone took their positions as the choir began singing. Melinda did a fantastic job of getting everyone together to practice the songs and they sounded angelic as they sang. Every church pew was filled with members of the church, friends from the community and all of our relatives. It was bittersweet. The last time I’d walked down a church aisle to say, “I do” was when I married Thomas. This time I was marrying a man of different cloth, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. It was a new beginning for my life. When the choir began singing “Here Comes the Bride,” everyone stood as I started making my way to the

alter. Jeff stood tall and proud in his black tuxedo. His eyes lit up as he watched me walk towards him. “You look beautiful,” he whispered as I took my place next to him. “Thank you,” I smiled. Reverend Piccard started the ceremony when our guests took their seats. Nat stood next to me as my maid of honor, smiling the whole time. When it came time to do our vows, Jeff surprised me when he’d announced he’d written his own.

“Judy, from the day I met you, I knew you were different. As I came to know you and Natalie better, I realized that I wanted you in my life, permanently. You two are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, and I promise to love, cherish and protect you until the day I die.” “Do you, Judy, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” Reverend Piccard asked. “I do.” “And do you have vows that you’d like to recite?”

Oh, dear God, help me find the right words. I hadn’t prepared any vows; it wasn’t something we had planned nor talked about. “Yes, I do,” I turned to Jeff. “Jeff, you are the kindest, warmest man I could’ve ever hoped to meet. You’ve shown me that I can trust, depend on and confide in you; I couldn’t ask for more. I promise to love, honor and devote myself to you.” “And do you, Jeffrey, take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?” “I do.”

As Reverend Piccard concluded the ceremony, everyone stood to cheer us on and clap as we sealed the wedding with a kiss. All of our guests lined up outside to blow bubbles and release balloons in honor of our marriage. A white limo awaited us at the bottom of the church steps. We climbed inside before the driver took us to the reception. Our reception was held at the country club where Jeff was co-owner. It was beautifully decorated with pink, blue and purple flowers everywhere. All of the tables had light yellow tablecloths with imitation diamonds loosely placed around each centerpiece. The bride and groom table was decked out in a crisp,

white linen tablecloth with a beautiful centerpiece, candles, and Champaign glasses. Our four-tier wedding cake sat to the right of the table on a stand acting as the cake’s pedestal. The band played the best music all night as our guests enjoyed the dance floor. When they played our song, Jeff grabbed my hand and led me out to the center of the floor. I felt like a princess on my wedding night. Ann took Nat home with her when she left the reception so Jeff and I could start our honeymoon. We were spending two weeks traveling various islands while enjoying the finest foods and wines you could ask for. Right before the last of our

guests had left, we cut out of the reception to catch our plane. We had a 2 AM flight to catch to take us to our first destination: Bali. On our way out of town, we drove through the country, going right past my old house—or what used to be. It had already been torn down and most of the timber had been cleared out to make room for the development. Looking at it made me sad, but as I glanced to my right, I could still see some of the old pecan trees that had existed long before I ever met Thomas. “You okay?” Jeff asked as he saw me taking in the absence of what used to

be my past. “Yeah, I’m good. It’s kind of sad to see everything gone, but I see the old pecan trees still standing tall,” I smiled at him. “It’s funny you mention that. The construction crew said they wanted to wait to take them down until fall. Apparently, your pecan grove is the source for local pecans and the guys asked if they could harvest one more season of them before they were wiped out.” “Really?” I gloated. That land may have been a poor land, but my

memories there were richer than any amount of money in the world. “That makes me feel good.” “I’m glad,” he reached over to hold my hand. “Are you ready to get away for the first time ever?” “You have no idea how excited I am. We’ve never vacationed anywhere other than the woods, and even then, the last time we did, it was two summers before…the accident.” He kissed my hand, “Well, this time it’ll be the exact opposite of what you’re used to. You’ll be waited on hand and foot and we’ll soak our bodies in the

warm sunlight in a beautiful pool. Afterward, we’ll enjoy deep tissue massages on the most comfortable tables you could imagine while viewing the white sandy beaches.” As he was describing everything, all I could envision was the warm sun hitting my skin as I sank my toes into the sand and watched the water dance in front of me. Excited to go, I asked him if he’d ever been to any of the islands that we were about to visit for our honeymoon. “No, not all of them. The only one that I’ve been to is Barbados, and it is beautiful there. I know for a fact that

you’ll really like that one. As for the others, we’ll have to rely on your judgment of the pictures, so if it sucks, it’s your fault,” he teased. “Oh, we’ll have a great time.” “I know. We always have a great time anywhere we go together. You have that effect on me,” he squeezed my hand as he continued to hold it. When we got to the airport, we checked our luggage and headed through security. My stomach began to churn as I thought about getting on the plane. As much as I wanted to go on my honeymoon, I didn’t want to fly. I could

feel my body temperature rising, yet my hands and face were breaking out in a cold sweat. “Are you feeling okay?” “No, I’m not. The closer we are to getting on that plane, the sicker I feel.” “Haven’t you flown before?” “No,” I grabbed my stomach. “Excuse me, I’m going to head into the restroom.” After I had vomited in the toilet, I wetted a paper towel with cool water and blotted my face with it. It seemed to

help a bit, but I still felt queasy. I recomposed myself and went to the waiting area and took my seat next to my new husband. It still feels strange saying, my new husband. Before I knew it, they were calling our flight to board. I held his hand as we headed toward the terminal. “If you need anything, or feel like you’re going to get sick, let me know. But nothing bad is going to happen if that’s what you’re worried about. In fact, you’re less likely to get in a plane accident than a car crash.” “Thanks, but it doesn’t help me feel any better,” I said as I held my

stomach and tried to occupy my mind with images of the beaches we were about to see.

§

When our flight landed in Bali, I was so relieved. We’d made it there in one piece and the sight of everything

was breathtaking. I’d never seen water so crystal blue, and so clean. In Nevada, the country was dirty and murky. Everything in sight was old, worn and weathered where I came from, but not here. Everything appeared brand new, sparkled and was unforgettable. We hailed a cab to take us to our resort; I could hardly wait to get there. The main city was filled with numerous shops that offered handmade crafts, island souvenirs, jewelry and other local novelties. The hotel was stunning. With 18 floors, it stood tall in the sky in contrast to everything else on the island I’d seen.

The white building was complemented with gold trim—all of which seemed to shimmer in the sunlight. When we checked into our room, I was shocked to see such an elegant setting. The sliding glass doors led to a balcony which overlooked an enormous in ground pool that sat next to the ocean. Everything seemed surreal as I took it all in. I must be dreaming. Jeff walked behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist as he nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck. “It’s gorgeous, isn’t it?” “Oh, this is beautiful!” I spun

around and kissed him. Even though it was nearly 3 PM when we arrived and we still had the rest of the day ahead of us, it didn’t stop us from consummating our marriage. Before I could unzip the first suit case, he started kissing my neck as he threw me down on the bed. He lifted my skirt and began removing my panties as he sank his teeth onto my neck. Moving to my breasts, he ravaged his way down my body until he reached my sweet spot, which had been heating up since the moment he climbed on top of me. Yearning for his touch, I thrust my

hips into the air allowing him full access. His warm, skillful tongue stroked my clit as he began going down on me. Overwhelmed by the sensation, I grabbed fistfuls of the sheets and pulled on them as he plunged his fingers deep inside of me. His animalistic instincts took over as he continued to feast on my slit. I started cumming all over his face and tried to shut my legs but his oversized hands continued to push my thighs apart to relish in my sweet nectar. “Please,” I panted. My clit was overly sensitive, causing each lash of his tongue to send tingles jolting through my body.

He raised himself onto his knees at the edge of the bed as he pulled off his black leather belt and ripped off his pants. It was obvious that he could hardly contain himself, and judging by his hard cock, I could see why. It sprang free as soon as he released it. I watched in delight as he grabbed his member by the base and pushed it inside of me. “You feel so good,” he said as he thrust himself into me. “Deeper,” I wrapped my legs around his waist.

His strongly built arms enveloped me as he lunged himself into me. Every last inch of his thick shaft filled me completely. His intense sexual appetite dominated me as he flipped me onto my stomach and took me from behind. Clutching the pillows and using them for leverage, he ravenously shoved himself deeper and harder inside me than he ever had before. I was so turned on that I could feel my moistness on the bed sheets, which also provided him ample lubrication to glide in and out of me with ease. As I was about to cum again, he reached around and pinched my nipples while he pounded into me. The feel of his touch awakened something deep

inside me, causing me to cum hard. “That’s it baby, cum for me,” he said as he fervently bucked his hips, allowing his cock to stimulate my G-spot repeatedly. I could feel myself tightening around his shaft as the sweat beaded on my brow. The euphoric surge of my orgasm left me breathless, but it didn’t slow him down a bit. At that moment, his hands clamped down onto my hips as he forcefully gouged himself into me. Within moments, I could feel his cum spurting inside of me, streaming out in hot molten jets. Satisfied with our

afternoon romp, he collapsed on top of me. We laid there, a stack of sweaty bodies until we both recomposed ourselves. “Wow! What got into you?” I asked as his seed threatened to trickle out of me. “It’s our wedding night,” he gloated. “It’s three in the afternoon. We got married yesterday,” I reached for a tshirt to wipe up with.

“As far as I’m concerned, we haven’t been to bed yet so it’s still the same day to me,” he smiled. “I guess you have a point.” “Are you hungry yet?” “Starving to death! What are we going to eat?” “I thought we’d have a nice lunch out by the ocean, unless you want to go for a round two,” he teased. The rest of our honeymoon was

filled with touring the islands, snorkeling, shopping, dining out on the most delicious food in the world and enjoying alone time together. When it was time to go home, I didn’t want it to end. “I miss Nat, but I wish we didn’t have to go home,” I admitted to him. “We’ve had a really great time,” he wrapped his arm around me. “And we can do this again. Maybe next time we can bring her so she can see what it’s like.” “She’s really going to like the

souvenirs I bought for her.” “Yeah, I think the bracelet will be her favorite, but she might like those paint brushes you found.”

§

Once we were back home, I forgot how much I missed it. Nat was elated with the gifts we brought back for her, and Jeff was right: she loved the bracelet the most. Though, I had a surprise of my own for the two of them. I waited to give it to them until we’d been back home for almost two weeks. “What’s the special occasion?” Jeff asked as he came in from work and smelled dinner cooking in the oven. “I thought I’d make one of your favorites. Come in the kitchen, I have something for you.”

Nat was sitting at the table, sketching a picture of one of her teachers when we walked in. “Have a seat,” I told him as I got her attention. I walked over to the junk drawer in the kitchen and pulled out a sheet of paper. “When we were on our honeymoon, I wanted to tell you then, but I thought it’d be better to wait until we were back home.”

“What is it?” The anticipation was killing him. I turned the sheet of paper around so they could see what I was holding up in front of them. Jeff looked it over for a few minutes before his eyes lit up. “Wait, is that from Dr. Whitnell? Is that what I think it is?” I slowly nodded my head. Natalie was still trying to catch on to what it said. “I’m pregnant!” I announced.

She looked up at me in shock and excitement. Ironically, it matched his expression perfectly. “I’m going to have a brother or sister?” she asked. “Yes, you are. We’re going to have a mini Pincetti running around the house, and if it’s anything like you,” I pointed to Jeff, “we’ll have a Min Pin on the loose!” He picked me up and spun me around the kitchen. “Oh, Judy, that’s such great news! You knew on our

honeymoon?” “Yeah, when we were at the airport and I felt jittery and nauseous; it didn’t feel right. And when I threw up out of nowhere at the airport, I had a feeling. I snuck into the pharmacy in Bali and took a home pregnancy test, but I didn’t want to tell you until a doctor confirmed it.” “Judy Pincetti, you make me the happiest man alive. I can’t believe we’re going to have a baby!” From that day on, all Nat did was draw pictures and sketches of babies—

when she wasn’t working on making baby blankets for her new brother or sister. I think she was more excited than we were! And when the time came, I knew she’d make a wonderful big sister. When we told everyone at the church, they held a potluck in our honor as all the members celebrated the new edition. “You know, it’s been so long since you had a baby,” Ann told me. “We’re going to have to throw you a baby shower.” “Oh, you don’t have to do that.” “I insist! As much as you’ve

helped us out over the years, it’s the least we can do.”

Epilogue The summer before Natalie started high school, we took a much needed family vacation to Disney World. Jeff had been working so much that he’d hardly been able to spend much time with the family. He was busy venturing into new possible developments and exploring his options with corporate building spaces. Nevada’s development was thriving, which was excellent for the community. It brought a multitude of new jobs and gave several business owners the store fronts they needed to

set up shop. Mayor Goodwin successfully completed his sentencing and was banned from being a city official ever again. When he was released, he was placed on house arrest. With good behavior after six months, his house arrest was suspended upon successful completion of his probation. He was now working as a shoe salesman in the Town Square, and from what I heard he hated every minute of it. My fellow church members were sure to give him an extremely hard time when they went in trying on shoes. As for me, I was busy being a

stay-at-home mom, taking care of the kids and helping Jeff here and there when needed. Tyler—or as we called him, ‘Lil’ Ty’—doted on his big sister, following her around and imitating her. He loved to draw as much as she did, though his skills weren’t as developed as hers. But to me, those tiny drawings meant everything in the world to me. Only one more year at home with him, and then he’d be starting pre-school before moving onto kindergarten. He was a bright kid, and a joy to be around. The week of our family vacation, I spent what seemed like every waking moment packing suit cases and arranging our trip. I wanted the kids to experience

the ocean while we were in Florida and see some of the wonders of nature that we didn’t have here in Missouri. The day before we were due to head out, I loaded up the van with most of our luggage so we only had to worry about our last minute bags and pillows. “Okay everyone, after breakfast, get dressed, brush your teeth and get ready to head to Disney World!” I announced as I sat breakfast on the table. “I can’t wait to go, mom! I’m so excited!” Natalie said as she shoveled her food into her mouth at lightning speed.

A couple of years after she’d been at the KC School for Deaf, she became so fluent at reading lips that they wondered if she didn’t have a slight ability to read lips. At their recommendation, I took her to a specialist who performed the latest technological testing on her and determined that she might benefit from a cochlear implant. We were reluctant to go through with the surgery at first, but she said she wanted a chance to hear more than anything in the world. After persuading us, we agreed and scheduled the surgery. With the grace of God, it did work and she could hear; though, it wasn’t as good as natural hearing, she could hear noise, music and words.

She’d been actively working with a speech pathologist to help her pronounce words since she struggled with producing the sounds since she’d never heard them before. “Me too!” Ty shouted as his cereal dribbled off his spoon. “Well, after you’re done, do what your mother said. I’ve got a couple of things I want to check on before we go, but as soon as she says it’s okay, we’ll leave.” While I chased the kids around the house making sure they were getting ready, Jeff went out to check the oil and

tire pressure in the van before we left for Florida. After a long hour, all of us were finally settled in the van, safely buckled and signing songs as we merged onto the highway. If you would’ve told me that this would’ve been my life 15 years ago, I would’ve said you were crazy. But the sweet reality is that this is my life now, and I love every minute of it. Natalie and I still visit her daddy’s grave on his birthday and Father’s Day, and there’s not a minute that goes by that we don’t miss him, but we’re happy where we are. Without Jeff, we might not have ever known there was a possibility that she could hear. With the advancements in

technology, it wasn’t possible when she was younger. And without my amazing husband, I wouldn’t have our precious son who looked just like his daddy. That’s the end of that story! But there’s still one more story. Turn the page and enjoy!

True Colors

True Colors By Vivian Ward Copyright 2016 Vivian Ward All Rights Reserved This book is a work of fiction. Any similarity to real people, places, or events is strictly

coincidental. This book may not be reproduced or distributed in any format without the expressed written permission of the author. Exception is made in the case of brief quotations used in published reviews.

Find me on my website: www.authorvivianward.com Or like me on Facebook! www.facebook.com/authorvivi Even though I am the copyright holder of the book you are about to read, this ebook is free of DRM restrictions. This means that you can read it on any device you want. You took a chance on me and paid for this story so you deserve to enjoy it on any device you own. I appreciate you choosing to read my book and I sincerely thank you for

supporting an independent author.

-Vivian Ward

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Table of Contents Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

Chapter 11 Epilogue

Prologue

My name is Charlotte Peterson and I’m a 16-year-old girl from the small city of Hazlehurst, Mississippi. I’m just your typical African-American teenage girl. The life I live is simple, and I like it that way. While most of the girls in my class spend the weekends partying, I spend mine being as active as possible in the youth group at my church. I’m not a goody-two-shoes by any means, but I prefer to stay as far away from drama as I possibly can.

When I was little, everyone thought that I was part of the perfect family. My father worked at the Nissan plant in Canton while my mother stayed at home to make sure I was cared for. From the outside looking in, it seemed as though we were part of the perfect AllAmerican fantasy. From the inside, however, things were anything but happy. When I was four, my father began having an affair with a white woman he met at his work; she was a seasonal temp. He always claimed that he fell in love with her from the moment he saw her. Of course, this was only his claim after he was caught cheating. Still, my mother wanted to work things out with him and try save our family. She did

everything she could to work past their issues and keep our family together. She tried to give him more attention, she dragged him to marriage counseling sessions and did everything in her power to save their marriage. In the end, he couldn’t keep his hands off the other woman and, the day after my seventh birthday, he packed his bags and left the house in the middle of the night. That was the last contact I had with my father. “Can’t those white folks leave well enough alone?” I heard my mother saying over the phone. “They’ve already come down here and took most of the good paying jobs. Now they wanna take our men too?”

I was surprised to hear my mom saying those things. She’s always told me that we should get along with everyone, regardless of the color of their skin. That’s easy to say when the city we lived in was predominately black families. When I really think about it, the only time I spent much time with white kids my age was during school but most of the time, they kept to themselves. After my daddy left, it was just me and my mother. As much as I hated the fact that my dad had walked out on us, I enjoyed all the time I got to spend with my mom. Since she had been a stayat-home mom, there was no income to

fall back on. She also had no formal job skills, nor education to help find work. Things that my mom used to take for granted like paying the electric bill or buying groceries now became increasingly difficult. Not knowing where else to turn, my mom and I began going to a Southern Baptist church. Just like our neighborhood, the church was known as a black church. At first, we went because they offered free meals for those in need after the services, but soon we were spending so much time there because the people there had become our new family. I loved everyone I met at church, from the kids my own age to all of the

older people in the congregation. The pastor, a man named Dwayne Gibson, took a particular interest in us. He wanted to know our story and we were all too happy to tell him. Pastor Gibson took a keen interest in my mom. He gave her a part-time job answering the telephone and filing papers for the church. Eventually, he offered her an official job as the secretary, which she eagerly accepted. It was only part-time work and it didn’t pay much, but it was better than nothing. She hoped that with the experience the job provided, it would help her land a full-time secretarial job earning more money elsewhere as we got back on our feet. He helped get her into a program that

allowed her to go back to school at very little cost so she could achieve her dream of working in the medical field. It wasn’t long before his interest blossomed into romantic feelings towards my mom. Pastor Gibson asked my mother out on a date and, although she wasn’t sure if she was ready to start dating again, she graciously accepted. The two of them became almost inseparable. All of her time that was being spent with me was now being spent with her new boyfriend. After several years of dating, Pastor Gibson asked my mom to marry him, promising to give her the life that she deserved. She, of course, believed it and relished that her happily ever after was

beginning. If only things could be that easy. None of these things were easy on me. My mom was truly my best friend, the one person that I could talk to about absolutely anything. Now, aside from some friends at school who wouldn’t understand, I didn’t have anyone to spill my emotions out to. Once I found out that my life was about to change in a huge way, I began keeping a diary in an attempt to make myself feel better.

§

Diary Entry – July 12th I never thought I would actually keep a diary. Sure, I’ve had several friends who have kept one but I’ve always felt it was never for me. If diaries are anything like you see on television or in the movies, the words you write should be full of drama and intrigue. It should be a place for a girl to write down her deepest secrets. The kind of things that you couldn’t imagine telling anyone other than the diary itself. On every single show I’ve ever seen that involved a journal, the authors fill the book with tales of their

lurid activities. Things like how many boys they had made out with that week or how they finally let their boyfriend get to second base. How could I compete with that? What in the world would I write about? My life has never been interesting enough to write even one diary entry, let alone fill the whole thing. Unfortunately, that is all about to change. The truth is, I really don’t have anyone that I can talk to about the things going on in my life at the moment. One of the youth group message boards that I belong to gave me the suggestion to start a diary and use it as a form of therapy. They told

me to act like the paper was another person and just pour out my feelings. I was assured it would make me feel better. I figured I have nothing else left to lose so why not give it a shot? So here it is, my first official diary entry. They say the hardest place you ever have to leave is home. I never fully understood what this statement meant until about six weeks ago. I was sitting in my room listening to music when my mom knocked on my door, asking if I had a minute to talk to her. I found this to be strange since she didn’t seem to have much time for me since she had gotten married in January. Her new husband, the great Pastor Dwayne

Gibson, became the primary focus of her life, leaving me to be little more than just background noise. Of course, if you ever brought this up to her, she would deny it, saying she loves me just as much now as she always has. That may be true. She may love me just as much, but she doesn’t pay attention to me like she used to. I knew that if she weremaking the effort to come into my room to talk to me, it couldn’t be about anything good. I’ve been replaying the conversation in my head ever since.

§

“Sweetie, I really need to talk to you. Is this a good time?” my mother, Francine, asked meekly as she waited for me to take my headphones out of my ears. When she didn’t get a response, she walked into the room and tapped me on the shoulder, causing me to jump, flailing my arms like I was trying to fly. Momma couldn’t help but laugh. “Momma! You scared the crap out

of me!” I said, removing my earbuds and trying to regain my composure. “What’s up?” “There’s something very important I need to speak to you about. Is this a good time?” “It’s as good a time as any, I suppose. What’s going on?” She sat on the edge of my bed in silence for a few moments, trying to find the right words to say what she needed to say. She took a deep breath and began to speak. “There really is no easy way to

tell you this, Char. Dwayne just got a call from one of his friends. Do you remember Pastor Lynch? I think he was your youth pastor when we first started going to church.” “Yeah, I remember him. Did something happen? Is he okay?” “Oh yes, yes, he is perfectly fine. When he left a few years ago, it was because he had the opportunity to take a new position with a much larger church in Tennessee.” “That’s cool. I’ve always wondered what happened to him.”

“He’s actually retiring. Apparently the big city was a little too much for him to handle so he’s moving back here. He was calling to offer Dwayne an enormous opportunity. That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.” I didn’t know exactly where the conversation was heading, but I was already sure that I wouldn’t like it. “What kind of opportunity?” I asked. “He’s going to take over Pastor Young’s position. We’re going to move to Nashville!”

§

I can still see the huge smile plastered across her face as she told me the news. She was genuinely excited. I, on the other hand, was mortified. This town is all that I know. My friends, my school, my church, they’re all I’ve known since my dad left. They have all become part of my daily routine and

now that is being ripped away from me unceremoniously.

§

“What do you mean we’re moving to Nashville? How come nobody ran this by me?” I asked in disbelief. “It was a decision that had to be

made almost on the spot. Dwayne talked to me and I gave him the okay. I think it’s an excellent opportunity for us all to experience new things together as a family. It can be like we’re starting over, a fresh slate.” “Maybe I don’t want to start over! Did you ever think about that? Just once, it would be nice if you would ask me what I thought before making these big decisions but, once again, that’s just too much to ask.” “Charlotte, you shouldn’t be like that.” “Shouldn’t

I?

Shouldn’t

I

momma? Ever since you met Dwayne, I’ve been little more than an afterthought to you. You say we’re a family, but you never pay any attention to me. Dwayne certainly doesn’t pay much attention to me. It’s just me, sitting here listening to music by myself most of the time.” “Honey, I know you’re upset, but I really think that once we arrive and get all settled in, you’ll be happier there. It’s a big city so there’s a ton of things to do and plenty of new opportunities that you’ll never get to experience here. We’re trying to give you a better life.” “Are you? Are you really? It seems to me the only thing you’re

attempting to do is whatever Dwayne wants to do. You know what? There’s not even any point in arguing about this. You guys already have your mind made up anyway. When do we leave?” “Dwayne and I will go to Tennessee for a couple days at the end of June to finalize things. We’ll be moving, hopefully, in the middle of July. I don’t quite know the dates yet, but I will let you know.” “The middle of July? Why are we leaving so early?” “Pastor Lynch said school starts about three weeks earlier in Nashville

than it does here. I figured we can get you there a little early. Maybe you can make some friends so your first day of school won’t be so scary.”

§

So it looks like my destiny is set. I’m moving to Nashville, Tennessee. Since that conversation took place, I’ve

researched Nashville quite a bit. It is known as the country music capital of the world. It’s the home of The Grand Ole Opry, The Opryland Resort, and Opryland USA. There’s also the Country Music Hall of Fame and the historic Ryman Auditorium, which is known for, you guessed it, country music concerts. There is definitely a theme developing here. It looks like a country music lover’s dream city. The biggest problem is that I can’t stand country music. There isn’t necessarily anything wrong with the music and I have nothing against the singers themselves. It’s just that when my daddy started cheating on my mom, he started listening to it. Apparently, it

was what the new girl liked so he acquired a taste for it over time. Now I cringe anytime I hear country music. It’s just an associative thing in my mind, I guess. So I’ve had about a month and a half to think about the conversation I had with my mom. As much as I try to change my own mind, I just can’t get excited about the prospect of moving. I know it’s going to be hard starting my senior year in a new high school. I don’t have a ton of friends here in Mississippi, but the ones I do have, I’ve had since I was very young and we’re all close. We spent our entire junior year talking about what college we

were going to attend. A couple of my friends had plans on going to school on the West Coast, but the majority of us planned on staying in Mississippi and attending The University of Mississippi. I’ve been planning on going to Ole’ Miss for as long as I can remember. Of course, moving doesn’t have to mean I have to change all of my plans. I know I don’t have a choice as far as moving to Nashville goes, but that doesn’t mean I have no control over my future. I won’t have any ties to Tennessee, with the exception of my mother and Dwayne, so it won’t be a big deal to leave the state once I’m

done with high school. I can still apply to Ole’ Miss just like all of my friends. All I have to do is make it through one year in Tennessee, and then I’m free. Actually, it’s not even going to be a full year. It will be more like ten months or something like that. Regardless, I’m sure the time will fly by and then I’ll be back home with all my friends. Maybe we can convince the people who make the dorm room assignments to let me and one of my friends share a dorm room. I’ve always been creeped out by the idea of sharing a dorm room with someone I don’t know. Better yet, maybe all of my friends and I can get part-time jobs and get a full-sized apartment together. If we got a three

bedroom and slept two in each room, we could have six of us living together. We would have so much fun! That was an excellent glimpse into my potential future. Writing it made me feel better about the way things could turn out for me but now the dread is setting back in. Whether I like it or not, there will be a moving truck pulling up in front of my house in three days. On the same night, I’ll be sleeping in a new room, in a new house, in a new city. I’ll just keep telling myself the same thing over and over. You only have to make it through one more year of school, Charlotte. Just one more year and you can do whatever

you want to do!

1 Diary Entry – July 16th So, we’ve barely been in Nashville for twenty-four hours and I am already being dragged into some kind of function at the new church. It’s not that I mind going to church. I plan on spending quite a bit of time there. If they have programs like they did back in Mississippi, I’ll take part in the youth programs; mentoring and a

bunch of other things. The problem with today is that I’m just not ready. I’ve spent the last 16 years of my life in one place and I’m not prepared for what’s to come here in Tennessee. Everyone I’ve talked to back home told me the same thing. They all said to just give it some time and I may fall in love with the city. So far, that’s looking pretty doubtful. As I suspected, you can’t walk more than a few feet before running into something country-music related. There is country music-themed restaurants, shops, and even gas stations. I expected to turn on the radio to find every station filled with the twangy voices of George Jones, Merle Haggard, Hank Williams and Dolly

Parton. These were all my dad’s favorite country music artists. I still have no idea what he saw in the music. How many times can you listen to a song about crying into your beer or a song about your wife leaving you but you still got your dog? Gag me. Actually, this entire city seems crazy to me. Everything appears to move at lightning speed. There’s so much traffic and the people appear to have no manners or common courtesy. They don’t think twice about cutting you off, whether that’s when driving or in the middle of a grocery store. I don’t want to say that they are intentionally rude as this is probably just the way

things are around here. Maybe I’ll get used to it eventually but it’s not looking good so far.

§

“Charlotte, we’re going to need you to be ready to go by 4:30 so that we can be at the church by 5:00,” my mother said, peeking her head into my bedroom

door. “Momma, it’s not even noon yet. I’m not sure how long you think it takes me to get ready but a nearly five-hour notice isn’t necessary.” “I know sweetie, but this is a crucial day for Dwayne. Pastor Lynch set up this big meet and greet for us so everyone could meet the new Pastor and his family. He just wants everything to go smoothly.” “Everything will be fine mother. I’ll be ready with plenty of time to spare.”

I can’t stand the way my mother treats me like a child. I know that I am a kid in the technical sense of the word, but she still wants to act like she did when I was in first grade. I’ve read somewhere that parents don’t do this on purpose. They see us growing up right in front of them but in their minds, we’re still the little kids we’ve always been. I knew I had plenty of time so I figured I would jump on the computer for a while to check in with some of my friends from back home. While my friends and I were having a group chat, I got an email from Pamela Barnes. Not recognizing the name, I figured that it was the typical

spam that I always got. In fact, the only reason I opened it was because of the .k12 domain. The email was from Pine Hills High School, the school I would be attending. It included a pretty basic introduction to the school that included my class schedule. I thought this was a little odd because I didn’t have the chance to pick any of my electives. Instead, all of my classes had been picked for me. Later in the email, it was explained that this was because the students chose their classes at the end of their junior year and these were the classes that had spots left. While that wasn’t an ideal situation, all the classes that I had to take in order to graduate were there so I would just deal with it.

By the time I was done messing around on the computer, it was about 2:30 in the afternoon. I still had plenty of time to spare so I took a quick shower and went into the closet to get dressed. As I was picking out my clothes, I heard the meteorologist on the radio say that it was 92 degrees outside but the heat index of just over 100. In other words, it was hot. Sweltering. I grabbed a tank top from my closet and a pair of shorts out of my top drawer and threw them on. Since I wasn’t sure if there was going to be any food at the church gathering, I went downstairs to grab a snack before we left. As I was rifling

through the pantry, Dwayne walked in behind me, clearing his throat to get my attention. “That’s not what you’re planning to wear to the meet and greet is it?” he asked me in a very condescending tone. “Yeah, I’m wearing shorts and a tank top. It’s hot outside. What’s the problem?” “Don’t you think that outfit is a little revealing to wear in the Lord’s house?” “Not really. What’s revealing about it? My shorts come halfway down

my thighs and my tank top is cut pretty high. The only thing I’m revealing are arms, knees, and shins. Besides, it’s not like we’re actually going to church. Mom even said that there’s a separate area of the building that we’re all going to be in.” “Even so, I’d like you to wear something more decent. Have some respect for the people who might not want to see that kind of thing.” My mother walked into the room as the conversation was winding down, but she didn’t bother standing up for me. She never does. I’m almost always in the wrong when Dwayne has something to

say. I looked at him, rolled my eyes and went back up to my room. There was no way I was going to change my clothes, especially after the way he had just talked to me. If he was going to be embarrassed by the clothes I was wearing, then so be it. Shortly before it was time to leave, my mom came up to my room to talk to me. “Sweetie, you know Dwayne didn’t mean anything by what he said earlier. It’s just that we’re going to church and he doesn’t want anyone to have the wrong impression of you.”

“Well, what exactly does he think I’m going to do in my shorts and tank top mom? Does he think I’m going to strip down to my panties, jump up on the table and do a dirty dance in front of the new congregation?” “Oh, you know that he’s just being cautious dear. He’s nervous about meeting all the new people today and he really isn’t used to being around teenagers, especially a teenage girl.” “That’s still no excuse for him to talk to me that way. I’m 17 years old. I’m hardly a little kid anymore. In the entire time you guys have been together, have I ever once behaved as anything

less than a responsible young adult?” “No, you are absolutely right. You just have to remember that this is all still very new to him. I’ll talk to him.” When she left the room, I knew that she had no intention of saying anything to him. If I had to guess, I would bet that he sent her up into my room to see if I had changed my clothes. When she saw that I hadn’t, she felt the need to have a chat with me. A very unnecessary conversation, I wish that she would go to bat for me for once and tell her new husband that I’m a good kid and that he doesn’t have anything to worry about.

Dwayne seemed to be pouting during the drive to the church. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise because this was his typical behavior when he didn’t get his way. I always thought it was a strange behavior for a Pastor but what did I know? What’s worse was watching my mother coddle him. I’ve said things to her about it before, but she always acts like I’m crazy so I gave up long ago. When we finally pulled up to the church, the first thing I noticed was how much bigger it was than the one we attended back home. In fact, we used to make fun of those kinds of churches,

referring to them as mega churches. We always said they probably had gift shops and coffee houses on-site. While it didn’t have anything like that, it did have a daycare center and a conference area with a kitchen. The entire building was very fancy and I felt completely out of place, especially when I saw that everyone else was dressed much nicer than me. When we walked in, everyone rushed up to Dwayne, eager to introduce themselves and explain what their role in the church had been under Pastor Lynch. You would have thought that he was the new boss of a company or something. The amount of epic brown

nosing that was taking place was sickening. Dwayne was apparently getting a kick out of it, allowing my mother and me to fall into the background. Eventually, he called my mom up and started to introduce her. I was an afterthought as usual. That was fine with me, though. I was never one for the spotlight anyway. I just took a seat and watched everything from a distance. A little bit after 7:00, I felt a tap on my shoulder. When I turned around, there was a boy and a girl that looked about my age standing behind me. “Hi. I’m Nicole Bishop and this is my brother Allen. I don’t think we’ve

seen you around here before.” “No, no you haven’t. I’m Charlotte Peterson and I just moved into town. My stepdad is the new Pastor.” “Oh, well it’s nice to meet you! Are you going to be taking part in our youth group?” “Yeah, I was planning on it. I was actually the youth group leader back in Mississippi.” “Oh, that’s nice. I’m the youth group leader here. Just sit tight and when everyone arrives, I’ll come back and get you.”

Nicole whispered something to her brother before scampering off into another section of the room to begin setting up chairs. She seemed to get defensive when I mentioned that I led the youth group back home. I guess she thought I was going to try to come in and take over just because my stepdad is the new Pastor. Little does she know, I don’t want to be here at all. I’m just trying to make the best of a bad situation. I’m sure that she’ll see that as she gets to know me. After a little while, more and more people started making their way into the church. Some introduced

themselves to me, but most just looked in my direction and made their way over to Nicole. I could tell that they were talking about me to her because they kept glancing in my direction. I just looked away and pretended like I didn’t notice. On one occasion, Allen came up behind me and started talking to me, startling me in the process. “Hey,” he said. “Oh my gosh,” I said in response. “I didn’t see you there. You scared me.” “Sorry about that. I just didn’t get a chance to properly introduce myself earlier. I’m Allen.” He held out his hand.

“It’s nice to meet you, Allen. I’m Charlotte.” I extended my hand as well, shaking his. “Look, I’m sorry about my sister. She can be really uptight sometimes. She means well, though. She’s under a lot of stress to make sure tonight goes smoothly.” “I understand. My mother has me under strict instructions to behave myself as well.” “I’m sure she does. So how old are you?”

“I’m 17. I’ll be 18 in a couple months. You?” “I’m 17. About to start my senior year.” “Me too. Guess I’ve met the first person in my graduating class.” “Yeah, there’s a bunch of us here. There’s a horde of cliques around school but once you get to know people, you should be okay. I’ll have to introduce you to my friends.” “I’d like that. So what is there to do for fun around here?”

“Well, I’m the quarterback of the football team. Do you like football?” “No, not really. Sports aren’t my thing.” “Oh, that sucks. Other than that, we just go to parties and things like that.” His phone started to ring. “I have to take this. I’ll talk to you later.”

§

Diary Entry - July 17 Dear diary, that’s how you’re supposed to start these things right? I still don’t know if I’ll ever get used to writing my feelings down in a book. Anyway, last night we did the whole meet and greet thing with the new church. I figured it was a way for us to the meet the new congregation, but I can honestly say that I have no clue

who most of the people there were. Most of the members walked right past me and made their way over to mom and Dwayne. Of course, neither of them bothered to introduce me to anyone, and I’m sure many of them will be surprised to learn that I exist one of these days. The new church sure is a lot different than our church in Mississippi. I was surprised to see how many white folks were there. I’d say they made up the majority of the people there. That’s not a bad thing, it’s just different. I felt out of my element. As far as the size of the church, it’s gigantic. If I had to compare it to

something, I’d say it reminds me of the churches that you used to see the old televangelists operate out of. I used to watch them every Saturday night with my granny. They’d be on television yelling about how the Lord would heal the blind and cure the sick if you would just send in your monthly donation of twenty dollars or whatever it was. I was always in awe of those shows, completely oblivious to the fact that all of those donations were just being used to line the wallets of the preachers. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that’s what every church does, but this church reminded me of one of them. Anyway, I met a few people from

the youth group last night. Nicole Bishop, the youth leader, is going to be a junior this year. She seemed nice enough I guess. I don’t know, it seemed kind of forced to me. I’ve never been a very good judge of that kind of thing, but it just seemed that her niceness was sort of fake. I could be wrong and I’m always willing to give people a chance. I’m sure that as I get to know her, I’ll get a feel for the real her and we’ll get along just fine. Nicole’s brother Allen is another story. I’m not sure what to think about him. At the beginning of the night, I thought he was very nice. He approached me and was very polite. In

fact, he was the perfect gentleman. He wasn’t trying to hit on me or anything. He was asking me about myself and what I liked to do. Just regular stuff like that. Everything was fine until his cell phone rang. I’m not normally one to be nosy, but he started acting really weird once he looked down at his phone. When he went off into the corner to take the call, I made sure to stay within listening distance. The meet and greet was a popular topic of his conversation, more specifically, how they were going to sneak out and bail on the meet and greet so they could party while their parents were busy. A little later into the

conversation, I heard him promising to fill the person in on the hot, sexy black girl he had just met in the church. When he saw me standing there, and realized that I had heard every word he said, his face turned white as a ghost. I expected some kind of explanation. Maybe he would tell me that it wasn’t what it sounded like. Instead, he shrugged his shoulders and walked away like it wasn’t a big deal. Things certainly operate a lot differently around here. School will be starting in a few weeks and I’m beginning to get anxious about it. I’m trying to stay positive but if the interactions I’ve had with people so far are any indication of what I can expect, well, let’s just say

I’m not expecting much.

2 Diary Entry – August 11 I’ve got a few minutes before I have to leave for school so I figured I would write a little about how my first week has gone. First, let me just say that I can’t stand the sound of my alarm clock. I’m not a morning person anyway, but the repeated buzzing from that thing makes me want to grab it and throw it out the window. Anyway, the fact that it’s Friday makes today not so

bad. That means that I’ve almost survived the first full week at my new school, although it has not gone nearly as smoothly as I would have liked it to. Back in Mississippi, it was easy to make friends but that’s not the case here. The only friends that I have here are Nicole and Allen, and I’m not even really sure what to think about them. I mean, Nicole has me sit at her table at lunch and everything, but when she talks to me, it seems like she’s talking down to me. Everything she says has a demeaning tone and I just don’t know what to make of it. Her brother is another story. I’m not sure what his agenda is. He’s friendly when he’s by himself but if his football friends are

around, he turns into a jerk. I don’t know, maybe that’s just how boys are. There’s something else that’s been happening too. I’ve seen it since the beginning. The first time I walked through the front doors of the school, everyone stopped what they were doing and all eyes were on me. Shortly after that, the whispers started. That’s her. There she is. Apparently I had some kind of reputation that had preceded me, although I have no clue what kind of reputation that might be. I don’t know if it’s because I’m the new girl or because my stepdad’s the new Pastor, but I hope it stops soon. It may even be because I’m black. Since my grades

were so good back home, I don’t go to the regular city school. I go to what is called a magnet school to get me ready for college. Unfortunately, the school is made up of mostly white students and teachers. As if I didn’t already feel out of place, the whispers and staring makes it so much worse.

§

As I was pulling into the parking lot at my high school, I realized how much I missed walking to school. Back in Mississippi, the school district was small enough that you could walk to school no matter where you lived. That’s not the case here. According to Google Maps, my house is 5.4 miles away from school. That would be a brutal walk to and from school every day. I know, my parents probably walked eight miles to and from school, in the snow, uphill both ways. I have a car so I’m not going to do that. Still, there was something relaxing about my old ten-minute walk to and from school. In the morning, you were able to prepare your mind for the day

ahead and in the afternoon, you were able to de-stress and use the walk as a way to relax. I found a parking spot and walked into the building. As expected, the stares and whispers started almost immediately. I put my head down and walked toward my locker, pretending not to notice when in reality, I was straining to try to hear what everyone was saying about me. I had no clue what I could have done to get all of this negative attention. The more I thought about it, the more upset I started to get. I kept telling myself not to cry. Never let anyone see you cry. The worst thing that could happen is for anyone to view you as

weak. If I could make it to my locker, grab my books and get into my first-hour classroom, I’d be okay. Right as I was turning the corner to go into the hallway where my locker is located, someone grabbed my arm and pulled me outside through an emergency exit door. My initial thought was that someone was about to beat me up. “What’s morning?”

the

big

hurry

this

It was Melissa Frazier. From what I had been able to gather, she was the resident bad girl of the school. She had a notorious reputation for being the party girl. Melissa loved drinking,

experimenting with drugs and having sex. Basically, she was the opposite of me. Of course, I’ve never witnessed her doing any of these things so they could simply be all rumors so I wasn’t going to judge her. During the entire first week of school, she hadn’t so much as looked in my direction, much less talked to me, so I was surprised that she had just pulled me outside. In fact, I was more than surprised. I was stunned, and I had to try to come to terms with what was happening. “I’m sorry, what?” was the only reply I was able to come up with. “I asked you why you were in

such a big hurry this morning. Class doesn’t start for at least another ten minutes. You looked like you were about to break into a full sprint. You can’t be in that big of a hurry to get to class early can you? You’re the new girl so things are going to be hard enough for you already. You don’t want to be the new girl that gets to class ten minutes early do you?” “I’m not sure what difference it makes. Everyone is already whispering and talking about me whenever I walk by them.” “Ah, yes. Perfect Peterson. I’ve heard it,” a sly smile spread across her

face. “Perfect Peterson? That’s what they’re saying? Why are they saying that?” “You’re the Pastor’s daughter. Why wouldn’t they say that?” “Stepdaughter. I’m the Pastor’s stepdaughter.” “Whatever, it doesn’t matter. That’s a reputation that you’re going to have to work yourself out of.” “What? I don’t know what that means.”

“Stick with me I can teach you. Anyway, how do you like that Environmental Science class?” she asked as she lit up a cigarette, blowing a ring of smoke into the air. “It’s okay I guess. I have to say, I’m a bit surprised to see you in a class like that, with the way you are polluting your lungs right now,” I joked. “I’m not an idiot. I care about the environment, and the best thing humans can do for it is take themselves out of the picture.” “Well, I should really be getting

back inside,” I tried to walk away. “No, wait, there is something I wanted to talk you about. You’re friends with Nicole Bishop, right?” “Yeah. I mean, I guess you could say that. We aren’t close friends or anything. We are more like acquaintances than anything else.” “I see. Well, you might want to keep an eye on her.” She took another drag of her cigarette. “I wouldn’t trust her any further than I could throw her.” “Oh, I don’t know. She seems all right.”

“Really? I’ve seen that you hang out with her at lunch. How does she talk to you? No, no, no, let me guess. When you are by yourselves, she is as nice as can be but when you get around her other friends, she’s a huge smart-ass and all the jokes are at your expense. Does that sound about right?” “Well, yeah, but…” “I’m telling you, I know all about that girl. We used to be very good friends. Nicole is a compulsive liar and will tell people whatever they want to hear to get what she wants.”

“What? But that just doesn’t seem like her. She’s a youth group leader at the church for crying out loud.” Melissa began laughing. “Come on Melissa, this isn’t funny.” “I know, I know. I don’t mean to laugh, but you’re just so naive. You can’t see what’s right in front of your face. That girl is nothing more than a snake in the grass. The truth is, she USED to be the sweet, good girl that she wants everyone to believe that she is, but the truth is that she’s just a good girl gone sad.”

“Good girl gone sad? What is that?” “That means pathetic. She’s pathetic. She has always wanted to be the fun girl. When that failed, she found religion.” “Hey!” I said, offended. “I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. In fact, the kind of religion that she’s found is probably a lot different than yours. I would describe hers more as self-righteousness than righteousness. She always has an agenda, and I have it on very good

authority that all of these whispers in the hall are the result of rumors that she started. Of course, you didn’t hear that from me. Anyway, we better get back inside class is about to start.” As we walked back into the building, my mind was on the conversation we had just had. Since I was distracted, I walked right into Curtis Kennedy, the star running back of the football team. “Walk much?” “Um, sorry,” I said, obviously flustered.

“Maybe you should watch where you’re going.” “Why don’t you save it, Curtis?” Melissa said, coming to my rescue. “Charlotte, why don’t you come sit with me at lunch today. I’ve got some other stuff I want to talk to you about.”

§

Diary Entry – August 12 My entire day at school has been a whirlwind of emotions. I am pretty sure I made a new friend yesterday, even though she is the last person I ever thought I would be hanging out with. Melissa is one of the cool girls in school and is exactly the type who would usually act as though I didn’t exist. She didn’t do that though, and I am very grateful for that. Apparently I didn’t have any real friends at this school. Melissa let me know that all of the whispers going around school are because of rumors that Nicole started about me. I really don’t know what she

has against me. I’ve been nice to her since the day I met her, but I guess what Melissa has told me makes sense. I sat with Melissa at lunch today and when I looked up at Nicole’s table, it was clear to me that they were all making snide comments about me. They were all laughing and snickering. Melissa could tell that it was bothering me. Her advice was to ignore them. I feel like such a fool. I thought maybe I could just come into this city, be nice and make friends. Why is that so hard? Why does everyone want to be mean and hateful around here? Just thinking about it makes me so angry. I’m glad it’s the weekend so I can get a break

from the drama, but I know that I just have to go back on Monday and do it all over again. I just hope the whispering stops. I wish all the people whispering could come to me and ask me about whatever it is that they heard so I could tell them the truth. Of course, people won’t do that. A good story is always better than the boring truth. On top of all the whispering, there’s this guy that has the locker right next to mine. His name is Curtis and he is always ragging on me. I don’t know if he is teasing or just being mean. He’s a football player and I’ve watched him to see if he acts like that to all the

girls. It seems like he’s singled me out. I’m not really sure what to make of it. Melissa says he’s flirting with me, but I think she’s crazy. I’m pretty sure that tormenting the girl you like ends in kindergarten or first grade. I don’t know, I could be wrong. I mean, he is kind of attractive I guess. It’s not like it matters anyway. I’m “Perfect Peterson.” Who would want to date me? He’s also a white guy. While I could care less about what color a person is, I know that my mom and Dwayne would freak out if I ever started dating a white guy. Momma says that you can’t trust them because they’re always trying to take what isn’t theirs. I think she needs to get over the

fact that daddy left for a white girl. If it wouldn’t have been her, it would have been someone else. Maybe it would have been another black woman. Would she hate our own race at that point? I know what happened to her has to hurt but she has to get past it and move on.

§

You would think that almost a month into the school year that the whispers and rumors would die down but they didn’t. If anything, the gossip only continued to grow. Walking the halls, I heard new stories about myself on a daily basis. My absolute favorite rumors to overhear are the ones where I learn the names of the guys that I supposedly made out with at the church. Of course, none of these rumors were true and half of the names are boys I don’t even know. That doesn’t stop most people from accepting them as truth. Through all of the lies and whispers, Melissa has been there by my side. She is the first person to tell

someone off if they dare say something within earshot of her. One particular morning, I was getting my books from my locker when Curtis came strolling up, complete with the smug look that he always has plastered across his face. “Hey, Perfect Peterson. What’s up?” “That’s not my name.” “Right, sorry. Listen, I heard you might have an opening for a make out session at the church. I just wanted to let you know that I am available and more than willing.”

I was about to turn and walk away, not ready to deal with the situation, but Melissa had just turned the corner and heard every word that he said. “What did you just say to her Curtis?” “Nothing.” “Come on tough guy, what did you say?” “I was just playing around. It’s not a big deal.” “Look douche, it might be no big

deal to you but she’s been dealing with this crap since she got here. She has to deal with it from everyone around here. She doesn’t need it from you, too. Why don’t you just leave her alone, or I will make it my mission to make you suffer!” Curtis glared at her, trying to figure out if she was serious or not. I could tell by her body language that she was. Eventually, he took a couple of steps backward before turning around and walking off. Melissa’s stern look quickly turned to a smile. “See, you just gotta know how to talk to these dumb jocks in a language they understand,” she smirked.

I shook my head in amazement. Never in a million years would I have been able to talk to someone like that. I was very impressed. In class that morning, our environmental science teacher decided to assign us a project in which we would calculate the amount of natural resources that we use in a year. We were told to pair up with a partner and Melissa instantly jumped over to my table. “Looks like we’re going to be partners,” she said. “Looks that way.”

“You wanna do this at my place of yours?” “We should probably do this at my place. My mom doesn’t really like me to leave the house on school nights,” I explained. “Okay, your place it is. I can’t wait. I’ve got some superb gossip for you!” “Why do I get the feeling we won’t be getting much work done?”

tell

“Oh, you can do the work while I you the gossip. That’s what

teamwork is.”

§

Diary Entry – September 4 Melissa is coming over to work on our project tonight. When I told my mother, she insisted that she stay for dinner as well. My mom always wants

to meet my friends for some reason. This makes me nervous, though. Melissa is not like any of the friends I’ve ever had back home. She is loud, blunt and crude. She isn’t afraid to say what’s on her mind and if she doesn’t agree with something you say, she won’t think twice about telling you. As much as I appreciate that about her, Dwayne wouldn’t take too kindly to that. He likes his yes men and yes women. He likes people who tell him what he wants to hear. I am praying that dinner goes well and that no controversial topics are brought up. Melissa is the only friend I have here and I don’t know what I would do if my mom or Dwayne ruined that for me. I’ll

just have to wait and see what happens while hoping for the best.

§

I felt like I was holding my breath throughout our entire dinner. Every time my mom asked her about her family or Dwayne asked her about what she liked to do for fun, I expected her to come

back with a sarcastic response. Instead, I saw a side of Melissa that I never seen at school. This Melissa smiled and answered questions in the politest manner. I also heard her say please and thank you. When dinner was over, she helped my mom clear the table. She even offered to help wash the dishes. When my mom declined her help, she stuck around to help dry them while discussing what life was like in Mississippi. By the time dinner was done and it was time to start our project, my mom and Dwayne adored her. I was wondering if aliens had abducted the real Melissa and replaced her with this look-a-like. When she was done with her

masquerade, she came up into my room. “That was a quite a show down there.” “Oh, did you like that?” she asked as she took a bow. “Very much so. I’ve seen worse acting in some movies that I've watched.” “Well, I figure it’s important that my friend’s parents like me. If that means I have to turn up the charm, then so be it. You act like I’m some miserable troll or something.”

“No, that’s not what I meant. It’s just that your lovable sarcasm didn’t even make an appearance at dinner.” “Aren’t you funny? Now let’s get started on this project.” We worked on the project for about an hour or so before deciding to take a break. During that break, we did what any high school girl would do. We stalked the Facebook pages of all the boys in our classes. “So which guys are you into?” Melissa asked, fluttering her eyelids. “Me? I’m not into anyone. With

all the stuff about me going around the school, I can’t afford to be interested in anybody. It wouldn’t be fair to me, and it especially wouldn’t be fair to him.” “Oh that’s right, Perfect Peterson CAN’T be interested in anyone. Of course not. OF COURSE NOT!” “Don’t call me Perfect Peterson!” “Oh calm down, you know I’m just playing. For real, though, with you being all religious and stuff, you’re probably a virgin aren’t you?” “Well, yeah. I am.”

“I knew it! That’s a shame too. With that cute little body of yours. You’re too damn beautiful to be a virgin. And let me guess, you are saving yourself for marriage too. Am I right? Go on, tell me I’m right.” “No, I mean, you’re kind of right but not exactly. I’m not necessarily waiting for marriage, but I am waiting until I know that I’m with the right person. I’ve seen what can happen when you try to make things work with the wrong person and nothing good ever comes from it.” “I see. I can respect that. Was there anyone in Mississippi that could

have been the one?” “I don’t know, maybe. I didn’t actually date a whole lot. Once my dad took off, I felt like it was my responsibility to be there for my mom. The two of us were basically inseparable. It’s really hard to get to know any guys when you’re stuck up your moms butt all the time.” “I can see how that might be a turn-on for some of the kinkier guys,” Stacie said as she made a seductive look with her eyes. “That’s disgusting, Stacie.”

“I know. I know. I shouldn’t joke like that. Seriously, though, we’ve got to find you a man. It might make a difference in how you’re perceived.” “You already know what people think about me, Melissa. Having a boyfriend would only add fuel to the fire. It’s the last thing I need. Besides, who would I date anyway?” “Hmmm, well, you do seem to be pretty chummy with Curtis lately.” “Really? Curtis? That guy takes every opportunity he can to make fun of me. If we were in grade school and I was wearing pigtails, I’m sure he would

grab them in front of everyone. That level of maturity just makes me swoon! Blech.” “I don’t know about that. I think you could do a lot worse.” Melissa fell back onto the bed and pretended to fall asleep while trying in vain to hold in her laughter. “Speaking of Curtis, did you see what that goofy friend of his was doing at lunch today?” I asked her. “Which goofy friend? Most of his friends are goofy.”

“Allen, who else? Those two should be attached at the hip. He snuck into the music room after the teacher left and stole one of the trombones. He brought it out into the cafeteria and started marching around while playing it. Some of his stupid football buddies were even marching behind him. It was hilarious. You know, you wouldn’t have seen it because you weren’t at lunch today. Where were you anyway?” “I had to stay after class. Sorry I missed that. Anyway, I think I better go. I’ll see you at school tomorrow,” she said as she grabbed her things and left.

§

Diary Entry – September 5 I’m getting pretty good at writing these diary entries in the morning before school. I wanted to do this last night, but Melissa stayed a lot longer than we had planned and I was super tired by the time she left. So that was what girl talk was all about, huh?

It was very interesting to say the least. All of the gossiping is very new to me. It wasn’t something we did in Mississippi, probably because it was such a small town and everyone already knew everyone else’s business. There are a couple of things that are sticking out to me from our conversation last night. First of all, I am wondering why she kept bringing up Curtis. Does she know something I don’t know? Did someone say something to her? I’m sure I’m being ridiculous, but I don’t know. She just talks about him a LOT when we’re together. Another thing that I think is weird is that she didn’t seem interested

in talking about what Allen did in the cafeteria. Here is Melissa, the school’s resident snark-talker and she had nothing to say about Allen stealing an instrument and marching around during lunch? It’s not even so much that she had nothing to say but her whole demeanor just changed when I said his name. She went from laughing and being in a great mood to getting this serious look on her face and having to leave. I don’t know quite what is going on but something smells fishy and I’m going to get to the bottom of it. Wow, that sounded like a total cliché. I better stop writing now before I become one of those girls that everyone hates. Oh wait, I already am

that girl. Oh well.

3 Diary Entry – October 27 Autumn is my favorite season of them all. Fall is one of the few things that Mississippi and Tennessee have in common. There are so many things that I love about the season. First of all, I think the word autumn is by far the best word to describe a season. Seriously, is there a more beautiful word? The leaves on the trees change into beautiful shades of brown, orange and

yellow. Everywhere you look makes it look like you are inside a gorgeous oil painting. The foods are better in the fall because there is pumpkin-flavored everything, not to mention candy corn and caramel apples right around the corner. Another thing I like about fall is the way it smells after it rains. Everyone I know says it smells the best after a spring rain, but I disagree. The smell of an autumn rain is unique and I love it. There’s also the crisp, cool air, which means it’s time to get out the sweaters (but not necessarily the ones granny sends for Christmas every year). Along with the fresh air comes hot beverages from the coffee shops (once again, pumpkin-flavored) and

apple cider at home. There are so many other things that I love about the season. I could literally write all day, but then I wouldn’t be able to actually go out and enjoy it. Anyway, I know I haven’t written much. I’ve been really busy with school and hanging out with Melissa. Homecoming was last week. Of course, I didn’t have a date but that didn’t stop me from going and having a good time. Well, that’s not entirely accurate. I was perfectly content with staying at home and having a marathon of some show on Netflix, but Melissa convinced me to go with her. It wasn’t like a date or anything like that. We were just two

dateless girls looking for something to do. Homecoming was actually stretched out across Friday and Saturday night. Friday night was the big football game against Antioch High School. I had no clue what was going on during the game, but I know that we won. Melissa was cracking me up all night. She caught Allen’s attention when he was standing on the sidelines and the two of them took turns making faces at each other. Curtis came over and joined in as well. Before all was said and done, I got in on the action. I was laughing so hard that I thought I was going to pee my pants. It was great

and it allowed me to forget about the never-ending rumors for a while. The next night was the actual dance. I didn’t have a dress so Melissa took me over to her house to dress me up. I can honestly say that my mom would have never allowed me to leave the house in the dress that she picked for me. I figured the dance would be tedious, but it wasn’t. Melissa dragged me out to the center of the floor and made me dance, regardless of the fact that the music choices were horrid. I danced so hard that I was out of breath so Melissa took us over to the punch bowl and poured me a cup. As I was drinking it, she showed me a flask and

told me that she had poured the whole thing into the punch, causing me to spit all of the punch back into the bowl. She started laughing which made me begin to laugh. After that, someone came over and made a cup of punch, which made us laugh even more. I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. For the first time since I moved to Nashville, I felt like I belonged. I had a blast and wasn’t homesick. I’m sure it won’t last but even if it was temporary, it was much needed and I am very grateful to Melissa for pulling me out of my shell and showing me how to have a little fun.

§

“Charlotte, you and I are going to have the time of our lives on Saturday,” Melissa exclaimed, excitedly grabbing onto my shirt as she skipped down the hallway. “We are? What exactly are we doing?”

“We are going to a huge Halloween party! It’s invite only and I’ve got both of us on the guest list. It’s going to be great!” “I don’t think so Melissa. You know I don’t do parties. I’m sure you’ll have a good time for both of us, though.” “But you went to homecoming! Come on, it’ll be fun.” “Homecoming is not the same thing as a party. Besides, you know that I’m not allowed to go to parties. Even if I was, I don’t fit in with those types of crowds.”

“Oh come on, don’t be so uptight. I bet I can talk to your mom and tell her that you’re gonna be at my place. She loves me, remember? Besides, I was kind of hoping that you could come with me. I don’t plan on drinking or anything but, just in case I did, it would be nice to have my best friend there as my designated driver.” Wow, I was her best friend? That was news to me. I’d always thought I was a pity case for her. It made me feel a little relieved that I was beginning to develop a meaningful friendship with one of the coolest girls in school. “It will never work. My mom can

see right through stuff like that. I’ll let you give it a shot. If you can convince her that I’ll be at your place, I’ll go as your designated driver but only on a couple of conditions.” “Here we go. What are they?” she asked rolling her eyes. “First of all, there can be no drugs and second, we have to be back home by midnight. Deal?” “Deal!”

§

Diary Entry – October 30 I can’t believe it actually worked. My mom is like a human lie detector, but she believed every word coming out of Melissa’s mouth. Now I have no choice but to go to this stupid Halloween party tonight. I hate parties. I haven’t enjoyed parties since I went to my cousins 9th birthday at the McDonald’s Play Land when Billy

Landers pulled my dress up and showed the whole party my underpants. I shudder at the thought of something similar happening at a high school party. You know, it occurs to me that I don’t even know where this party is. I’m sure Melissa knows. If it’s anything like the parties I see in the movies, it’s probably being held by one of the football players. I just hope that there isn’t a lot of drinking. I wonder if there will be a special area where all of us designated drivers will gather. Maybe we can all sit around drinking sodas and talk while we make fun of our friends for making huge fools of themselves. That would make the night not suck so much. Of course, Melissa is

making me go back to her place to find something to wear because nothing in my closet is suitable for wearing to a party. Those are her words, not mine. I am fine wearing a pair of jeans and a tshirt. When I told Melissa that, she just laughed at me and told me not to be ridiculous. I hear that a lot from her. Anyway, we’re going to take her car to the party and I’m going to drive it back if she has anything to drink so I’m just waiting for her to pick me up. If anything interesting happens, I’m sure I’ll write about it tomorrow.

§

“I still don’t understand why I have to get all made up to go to a party I don’t even want to be at in the first place,” I whined to Melissa as she rummaged through her closet trying to find something to wear. “Because, these parties determine where you fall on the social ladders. You want to look your best.”

“I already know where I fall on the social ladder. I might as well be comfortable sitting on that rung.” “But wouldn’t you like to change where you stand? Attending the right parties and looking hot doing it might change some people’s minds about you. Remember, you don’t have to change everyone’s minds. You just have to change to minds of the people that matter. Here, put this on.” She threw me a short skirt and a low-cut blouse; I reluctantly went into the bathroom to get dressed. When I came out, she was on the computer getting the address.

“You ready to go?” she asked. “As ready as I’m gonna be. We should probably head out before I change my mind. I really don’t feel comfortable wearing this,” I said as I awkwardly tried to cover my cleavage. We told her parents goodbye and out the door we went. Coincidentally, her parents thought that she would be spending the night at my house. Lucky for Melissa, her parents were leaving for the weekend so she wouldn’t get caught when we got back later that evening. We jumped in the car for what I

figured would be a relatively short car ride. I was surprised when she jumped on 65-North. “Melissa, do you know where we’re going?” “Yep, we’ll be there in about 20 minutes or so.” That answer took me by surprise. I didn’t expect to be in the car for longer than ten minutes. The only thing I could think of was that the party must be being thrown by someone who goes to a different school. I wasn’t aware that Melissa knew anyone from another school, but she didn’t necessarily have

to. There are plenty of people in our school that know people from all over. Plus, with social media, news of a party could easily spread from one school to another. As we were driving about 75 miles an hour down the highway, Melissa pulled out her phone and started to text with someone. “Hey Melissa, don’t text and drive! Who is so important that you have to text them right at this very minute?” “I’m not texting with anybody. I’m just checking the directions to making sure I know where we’re going. I would say that’s pretty important. Wouldn’t you agree?”

“Here, let me do that!” I said as I reached to grab her phone. “No, it’s fine. I got what I needed —look! I’m putting it away now, mom.” “Thank you.” I was satisfied that her attention was now back on the road. So satisfied that I didn’t feel the need to tell her that I knew that maps didn’t look anything like text bubbles. Once we had been on the road for a half-hour, I started to question whether or not we were close. Melissa kept promising me that we were almost there. I got even more concerned when

we crossed over the Kentucky state line. Again, she assured me that she knew exactly where we were going. Finally, after an hour of driving, we pulled off at the Bowling Green exit. Right away, something didn’t feel right. Nothing had even happened yet and I was already regretting letting her talk me into coming. We drove down dark, unlit back roads until we reached a business district. I assumed we were lost when the business district turned into a bunch of run-down buildings. My jaw dropped when I saw a parking lot full of cars in front of an old, abandoned warehouse. “Melissa, please tell me this isn’t

where the party is.” “What? You’ve never been to a rave before?” she questioned in disbelief. “Is that supposed to be a serious question?” I pointedly asked her. Of course I’ve never been to a rave before but I have seen plenty of depictions of raves on television and in movies. The one constant that I see is an insane consumption of alcohol and copious amounts of drug use. I wanted no part of it. We were still at least 100 feet from the front of the building and I could already smell the marijuana. A

thick cloud of smoke hung low to the ground. Not only that but there were tons of people outside all carrying red cups of God only knows what and the music was so loud that I could feel it in my feet. I didn’t do well in these kinds of situations and I’ve told Melissa this on many occasions. I don’t know why she would insist on me coming to something like this. I’d like to believe that she didn’t know exactly what kind of party it was going to be but how could she not? Maybe this is her way of trying to get me to come out of my shell. If it is, it’s not the right way to do it. “I don’t think I can do this,” I began heading back to the car.

“You don’t have anything to worry about Charlotte,” she grabbed my arm, dragging me along with her. “Stick with me and you’ll be okay. Trust me.” Trust me. Two words that are supposed to make you feel all warm and cozy but actually come back to haunt you more often than not. This was one of those occasions. We were barely there five minutes before Melissa disappeared. This is just great, I thought. There I was in this strange place and I didn’t know a single person. The music was way too loud. There was too much drinking, too much drug use and I felt like a complete and total wallflower.

There was no way that I was going to have any fun at all. I wanted to turn around and leave, but I couldn’t do that because I didn’t have my car. I wondered if Melissa had us bring her car on purpose. I’m sure she knew that I wouldn’t want to stay in a place like that once we got there. Even if I did have my car, I would have stayed. What kind of friend would I have been had I left? I promised Melissa that I would be her designated driver and I was going to make sure she got home safe. I didn’t know what to do so I laid low, avoiding everyone else. The party seemed to focus at the center of the warehouse. People were dancing as

glow sticks flashed and flickered before my eyes. I stayed along the walls hoping I could avoid interaction with anyone. Eventually, I caught back up with Melissa while she was going outside to have a smoke. “Oh, there you are,” she said to me. “What do you mean by that?” I replied, obviously annoyed. “You can’t tell me you’ve been looking for me. You ditched me the moment we got here.” “I know. I’m sorry. I’m not being a very good friend. I saw someone I knew and he had some weed. I couldn’t

pass up some free weed.” “I thought we agreed that if I brought you here, you weren’t going to do any drugs.” “I agreed to that?” she said as she flicked her lighter and fired up a cigarette. “Huh, weird.” “That’s not funny, Melissa. Maybe we should just go.” “I already told you I’m sorry,” she said as she blew smoke rings. “Let’s just hang out a little bit longer. Why don’t you at least try to have fun? Would that kill you?”

Just then, some strange guy came up right next to us and started talking. We thought he was talking to us so we asked him what he was saying. It turned out he was talking to himself. “What in the world is he on?” I asked Melissa, my eyes following him to see where he was going. “I don’t know, but it looks like whatever it is, it’s really good. You want me to ask him where he got it so I can get some for you?” “You know better than that,” I shot a dirty look in her direction.

Suddenly, the loud music that was pumping through the air turned silent and there was a ton of yelling coming from inside the warehouse. I heard voices yelling for people to get out. I was sure that it was the police and they were raiding the party because of underage drinking and drug use. What was I going to tell my parents? How would I ever convince them that I was there for Melissa and that I had no intentions of doing anything? Would they even believe me based on how perfect they thought Melissa was? As I was contemplating what I thought was the end of my free life

because I was sure to be grounded until I was dead, our high school football team came bursting through the doors. “All the dudes, out of here!” they yelled, running the males out of the party, presumably to have all the girls to themselves. I was astounded by how compliant all the guys were. I guess with all the drugs they were on, they just didn’t care. That, or they thought they’d get beat up if they didn’t oblige. Allen came up to me and had an almost disgusted look on his face. “Look who it is. I have to say that I’m quite amazed to see you here. This is

a private party now. I’m sorry Perfect Peterson, but you’re gonna have to see your way out.” Melissa stepped in front of me, once again coming to my aid. “Come on Allen, we’re just having a good time,” she said in my defense. Throwing her cigarette but onto the ground, she snuffed it out with the ball of her foot. “Sorry, party girls only for the rest of the night. Lame girls and all guys must go!” “Allen,

she’s

my

designated

driver, she drove my car here. How else am I supposed to get it home?” she pushed her arms together, making her cleavage appear larger as she batted her eyelashes. “Okay, fine, she can stay but she better not drag this party down!” I wanted to say “Hello, I’m right here,” but he already knew that. He just didn’t care. Why would he? He already said it himself. I’m Perfect Peterson, the goody two shoes. You know, I could have shown him if I wanted to. It would have been so easy for me to walk inside, grab a beer and just start drinking with the rest of them. What would they all

have thought of me then? Of course, I’ll never know because I don’t have it in me. Sometimes I wish I did but I just don’t. “I don’t want to get in anybody’s way out here. I’m back inside to find a place to sit,” I said to Melissa. “You don’t have to do that,” she grabbed my arm, stopping me in my tracks. I was really getting sick of her doing that. “Stay out here with us. It’ll be fun.” Allen started to laugh. “It’s okay, I don’t want to drag

your fun down. I have my tablet in my purse. I’ll just try to find someplace out of the way to sit down. Come and find me when you’re ready to go home. Just try not to make it too long, ok?” “I’ll keep her out as late as I want,” Allen said with a goofy smile on his face as he looked at Melissa. Melissa smacked him on the shoulder and told him to shut up. “I won’t be much longer. A couple more drinks and I’ll be ready to go. I promise,” she added, tilting her red solo cup up in the air as she downed her drink.

Holding onto my purse straps, I walked back into the warehouse. It was still dark inside, but at least the loud house music was no longer playing. It was replaced with much better current rock and pop music. It didn’t matter, though, I could still feel the bass in my bones and hear the ringing in my ears. That sound wouldn’t entirely go away for days. I was feeling my way along a wall looking for someplace to sit down when I came across a door. I felt for the handle, gave it a quick turn and it opened right up. The room on the other side of the door must have been used as the break room when the building was used as a factory.

The break room was on the back end of the building where it was completely dark. There was a single streetlight right outside the window that illuminated the room, allowing me to close the door and have the privacy I was looking for. As I scanned the room looking for a place to sit, I saw a couple of tables and counters. In the far corner sat a black leather couch, which looked pretty inviting at that time. I walked over to it and realized that it had seen better days. The old beat up couch displayed rips and tears; some of them were quite deep. I imagined what it must have done to receive such abuse. My mind pictured vengeful employees taking whacks and jabs at it on their way out of the building

on their last day as they punched their times cards on the way out. I’m sure the reality is not nearly as exciting, but my version makes for a much better story. I settled in on the couch, pulled out my tablet and started to read. I was about halfway into “New Moon”, the second book in the Twilight series. Initially, I never intended to read the books. I always scoffed whenever someone mentioned them. I would never fall into that trap, I told myself. Eventually, the whole Team Edward vs. Team Jacob thing piqued my curiosity and made me check out a few pages, you know, just to see what the book was about. The next thing I knew, I was about

100 pages in and couldn’t stop. I was addicted and there was no turning back. To this day, I’ve never told a soul that I read those books and I don’t have any intentions of ever doing so. I do, however, have all the intentions in the world of reading the rest of the series. I was enjoying the quiet that the room offered. Every so often, they’d turn a song up or a random drunk person would come screaming down the hall but they were quickly gone. With my tablet, it was easy to get lost in another world and forget about where I actually was.

§

Outside of the warehouse, some of the football players had congregated with Melissa when Curtis showed up to talk to Allen. “Oh my God, Curtis, you will never believe who was just here.” Allen announced. “Who?”

“No dude, you gotta guess.” “Umm, I don’t know. Guy or girl?” “It’s a chick. You’re never gonna guess dude.” “Jessica? Angie? I don’t know man, just tell me!” “Okay, okay. About twenty minutes ago, standing right where you are right now, I was just talking to Perfect Peterson,” Allen declared. “No, you weren’t, she doesn’t come to parties,” Curtis accused his

friend of lying. “I swear on my grandmother’s grave. She came with Melissa.” Curtis’s jaw dropped as he tried to process the fact that Perfect Peterson was there. If she was, where was she? Charlotte was the last person he would ever expect to find out had been at a party. He turned to look at Melissa. “So what happened? Did the party get to be too much for her? Did she end up ditching you?” he asked. “No. No, she didn’t ditch me. Charlotte wouldn’t do that,” Melissa

contended. “Oh yeah? It looks like you got ditched to me,” he teased. “I didn’t get ditched. She’s still here. She’s inside somewhere. She’s not really a partier so she was trying to get away from all the action.” “She’s here now?” he asked in disbelief. “Yeah. I don’t know where exactly but she’s in the building somewhere.” “Sweet, I’m gonna go find her.”

“Curtis, why don’t you leave her alone? You already mess with her all the time at school. Leave her alone.” “Relax, I’m just going to talk to her. I want to see what’s really going on in that mind of hers,” he said as he headed inside.

§

With that, he came into the building in search of me. From what I would later learn, I wasn’t an easy person to find. He looked for me for almost 15 minutes before he finally came to the break room door. He opened the door and slid inside quietly. So quietly, in fact, that I had no clue that he was even in the room. He made his way over to me stealthily and placed one hand on my shoulder, causing me to jump what felt like ten feet up into the air. “Well, well, well. Do my eyes deceive me? Is Charlotte Peterson really

at a party? That’s something I never thought I would see,” he taunted. “Yeah, well, I guess you’ve seen it. I’m here with Melissa,” I said, urging him to leave. “I know you are. I’ve already talked to her. I’m wondering if you know what a party is.” “Yeah, I know what a party is,” I said with a smug look on my face. “Yeah? You don’t look like you’re having a very good time.” “No, I’m not really. I’m just

sitting in here reading a book on my tablet trying to stay away from all the craziness out there. I told Melissa that I’d drive so I’m just waiting for her.” “That’s very nice. Of course, that’s not very surprising I suppose. That’s just who you are. You’re the sweet girl. Nothing more, nothing less.” What exactly was he trying to say? And was he being nice? If I didn’t know better, I would say he was flirting with me. Not that I had a lot of experience with boys flirting with me, but this didn’t feel like the usual mean guy that I always dealt with at school. He didn’t even call me Perfect Peterson.

That is very out of character for him. I decided that I was going to play along. If he was flirting, it felt nice to have someone actually interested in me for a change. “You don’t actually know a thing about me. No one does. Nobody at our school has taken the time to get to know anything about me at all. I’m not always nice. People just think I am.” “Right. You’re a pure rebel. Charlotte the rebel. That’s what you are.” I could tell that he was teasing me. I liked this Curtis much better than

the bully he was at school. “Shut up Curtis,” I said, giving him a playful shove. “Why don’t you make me?” he replied, grinning with a sweet smile that I had never seen before. “I’m a mean girl, you don’t even know,” I said, trying my best to give a mean-girl face. “Sure you are. I doubt you have a mean bone in your body.” “Shut up!”

“You sure you don’t want to make me? Take a little walk on the wild side?” he arched his eyebrows. I knew he was challenging me and, I don’t know what came over me, but I accepted his challenge by leaning over and kissing him. It was the real deal, not a little peck. It was a long, passionate kiss. It felt like we kissed forever. When I finally broke the kiss to come up for air, he had a look of shock on his face. He couldn’t believe that I had kissed him like that. He smiled at me, which caused me to smile back at him. This time, he came in and kissed me again. We had kissed for quite a while before things really started to get heated.

He tried to move his hand toward my breast, but I pushed it away. He tried again but this time, I purposefully shoved it away. I thought he had given up when he surprised me with a slick move that I didn’t see coming. Before I knew it, he had handfuls of both of my breasts. I pushed him away as hard as I could and jumped up off the couch, grabbing my purse and tablet. “What’s your problem? I thought we were just having a little fun,” he said, hoping I’d come back. “I’m not like that. I don’t do things like that Curtis. I’m not one of your – girls!” I yelled at the top of my lungs,

trying to fight off tears. I was shaken and knew that I needed to get out of there before I lost it. I ran out of the warehouse, pushed my way through the wall of football players, grabbed Melissa by the arm and drug her away from the party. “What’s going on?” she asked. “It’s time to go! I’ll explain everything in the car.”

§

Diary Entry – October 31 4:30 am. That’s what time it is right now. That’s what time I had to sneak into my house even though I told my mom that I was going to be spending the night at Melissa’s house. Luckily, there is a church event at 7:00 in the morning so they won’t know I’m home, but I couldn’t stay there. I am so mad, frustrated, hurt, and scared. I am

all those things and more. Actually, I don’t even know what I am. I just know that I am feeling a whole range of emotions and I don’t know how to deal with them. Maybe if I could still talk to my mom like I used to, I wouldn’t have that problem. I can’t believe Melissa would drag me to a party like that. I feel so taken advantage of. There is no way that she didn’t know exactly what she was doing. She let me lie to my mother to take us to a rave an hour away. A rave that could have been easily shut down by the cops. And she’d told me it was only 20 minutes away, not 60! Not only that, she told me that we would be

back by midnight. Obviously that didn’t happen. I’m not sure why she would do this to me. Is a ride to a stupid party more important than our friendship? I’ll have to talk to her to find out where her mind was. I’m kicking myself for letting my guard down around Curtis. What was I thinking? I feel so stupid. Why did I think that he could actually like me? Guys like him don’t like girls like me. I should know that by now. Jocks want the easy girls; something I’m not. Maybe he thought that I had been drinking and he might get lucky. I was at the party after all. That’s a pretty crappy way of thinking. The thing that

upsets me the most is that I actually felt like we had a connection. We were laughing and joking. He seemed like a different person than I ever see at school. It was a person that I actually liked. Does that person even exist? It doesn’t seem like it. I wish he wouldn’t have done what he did. I was not sending mixed signals. I pushed his hand away on two separate occasions. I wasn’t going to change my mind on his third try. I feel violated. I guess he thinks he can just do whatever he wants. At that moment, I felt scared and that’s not fair. No girl should ever be in a situation in which they are scared like that. Of course, if Melissa wouldn’t have drug me to that stupid party, none

of this would have ever happened. I think I’m going to have to reevaluate the people I let into my life. Maybe I’ll be better off not letting anyone in. I’ll sleep on it. Maybe it will all come into focus tomorrow.

4 Halloween. I remember looking forward Halloween every year when I was little. Even though it was just my mom and me, she did everything she could to make sure I had the best time possible. I wasn’t able to buy the elaborate costumes that some of my friends had because we just didn’t have the money, but that didn’t stop my mom from working her fingers to the bone to make me one. She never told me what she was making, which always made me

nervous. I have a feeling that she didn’t even know what she was making when she started. The end result was always the same, though. One year, I was a beautiful princess in a gorgeous powder blue hand-sewn ball gown complete with tiara and scepter. The next year, I was a scary witch with a pointy hat, long nose, and big hairy mole. The costumes may not have been expensive, but they were amazing. I know I would never be able to make my children costumes like that. My mom’s a very talented woman. Even as I got older, Halloween continued to be my favorite holiday of them all. I think part of it has to do with my autumn obsession. After all,

pumpkins are the signature of Halloween! My mom and I still celebrated, although it was in a much different way. Instead of making costumes, we took pride in decorating our yard in scary, creative ways. We would take cardboard boxes and turn them into coffins and lay them out all over the yard. We would fray string and hang it all over the porch like spider webs. We always decorated one elaborate pumpkin and displayed it in the same place, right on top of our central air conditioner unit in front of the house. I know that might sound like a strange spot, but it worked. One year, I

was in the garage looking for the cauldron to serve candy in when I came across a set of two-way intercoms. I plugged them in to see if they worked and much to my surprise, they did. These intercoms gave me an idea. Since the central air unit was right outside my bedroom window, I could put one of the intercom units in my room and the other behind the air conditioner. As kids walked up to trick or treat, I could talk through the intercom and they would think the pumpkin was talking to them. I told my mom about my idea and she looked at me like I was crazy. She said that nobody was going to fall for that. Still, I felt like it would be a good gag and I was going to go for it. It worked

much better than I expected. As kids walked past the pumpkin, I would hit the button inside and say things like “Hey, where are you going?” or “Hey kid, what do you have in that basket?” Every time, the child would stop dead in their tracks and stare at the pumpkin. Several of the kids actually came over and had full conversations with me. The best was a little girl dressed up like a ballerina that I talked into giving the pumpkin a kiss. It was awesome. I ran and got my mom and she couldn’t believe it. She put the cauldron of candy on the porch and we spent the rest of the night in my room talking to the trick-or-treaters through the pumpkin,

laughing through tears the entire evening. The next morning when we went outside, the pumpkin was gone. Apparently some kid honestly believed that they had found a magical talking pumpkin and wanted to have him all to themselves. I can only imagine the disappointment when the pumpkin never said another word to them. He was probably upset about being kidnapped from his home. Yep, Halloween used to be one of my favorite days of the year, but I wonder if I’ll ever feel that way again. After everything that happened at the Halloween party, I can’t help but feel that it will now be tarnished whenever I think about it. I was just glad it was the

weekend so I didn’t have to deal with any of it. I had two full days of peace before I had to see Melissa, Curtis or anyone else who knew I was at that party. I hoped that what happened at the party stayed there. Aside from a few people from school and the football team, I didn’t see anyone else there that I recognized. That doesn’t mean that there wasn’t anyone else there. The place was packed and I didn’t go actively seeking out other people but as far as I could tell, that was it. Even though it was the weekend and I should have had a break from everything, that isn’t at all what actually happened. It took me forever to fall

asleep and when I finally did, my sleep wasn’t good. I tossed and turned, replaying the night’s event in my head. I decided to give up around 10:00 AM and got up for the day. After I had made myself some breakfast, I jumped on my tablet and finished my book (I have to finish quickly so I can move on to Eclipse. Bella is waiting.) Before going onto Amazon to buy the next book in the Twilight series, I decided to hop on Facebook. Immediately, I was met with a private message from Melissa. Hi Charlotte, You’re not answering your phone. Are you mad at me? I hope

you’re not mad at me. Anyway, I really need to talk to you. It’s super important. Call me ASAP. Love ya! Am I mad at her? She hopes I’m not mad at her? Was she even there? Was she so trashed that she doesn’t even remember what took place? Of course I was mad at her. I wasn’t answering her calls because my phone was turned off and I wasn’t planning on turning it back on for the whole weekend. If she wanted to talk to me, it could wait until Monday morning and if my parents needed to reach me, they could call me on the house phone. Yes, the house phone. We were one of approximately 18 families who still had a house phone in the city of

Nashville. I was about to log off of Facebook so I could go buy my eBook when a notification popped up that I had a new friend request. I hadn’t had a new friend request in ages so I found it to be quite strange. When I clicked on the icon, I couldn’t believe my eyes. You have 1 new friend request from Curtis Kennedy I sat there staring at my computer screen trying to figure out what was going on. Everything that was happening was strange and nothing felt right. Why was wanting to be my friend on

Facebook? Why now? Was he hoping that he had a chance to continue what had happened the night before and maybe make it a little further? I decided that it wasn’t a good idea and hit the decline button. I didn’t have anything to say to him anyway. I continued on to Amazon, bought my book and spent the rest of the afternoon reading. That afternoon, my mom and Dwayne brought home a pizza for me, and I was so grateful. I had been so aggravated and thinking about everything that I had forgotten to eat. I quickly scarfed down three pieces before going back into my room to read. I barely made it a half hour before I crashed out.

I slept through dinner and all the way to breakfast the next morning. When my mom asked me about why I had been so tired, I told her it was because Melissa and I had stayed up all night talking the night before and I didn’t get any sleep. She was satisfied with my answer and we went about our day. At church that morning, Nicole refused to speak to me. Each time I tried approaching her, she intentionally found someone to start talking to and moved away from me. I thought it was odd, but sometimes she can be strange so I thought nothing of it. I ended up going into the normal services that day, staying away from youth group. When I got

home, I logged onto my computer and was once again met with a message from Melissa. OMG Charlotte, I know you read my last message. It says you saw it. Right there at the bottom. It’s timestamped and everything. So why are you ignoring me? I guess you are mad at me. I would really like to talk to you before school tomorrow. I think you should give me a call. Even if it’s just for a second. I thought about replying to her and telling her that I wasn’t interested in talking at that moment and would speak to her at school the next day. I decided

against it because that would defeat the purpose of not responding to her in the first place. She already knew that I was upset and she was going to have to wait until I was ready to deal with her. Almost like it was straight out of a movie script, a friend request popped up as I was going to click the sign-out button. Once again, it was from Curtis. I guess he wasn’t very good at taking a hint either. Maybe he had forgotten that he had tried to friend me the day before. That was doubtful. He may have been a jock, but he wasn’t that dense. I declined the request once again and signed off, relegating the rest of my day to the world of sparkly vampires and escaping the dread of the day to come.

The next morning came and I knew it was the morning of truth. There would be no more avoiding confrontations, no matter how much I wanted to. I knew that I would have to face Melissa, but I hoped that everything else would be swept under the rug. I knew that wasn’t the case almost as soon as I got out of my car. The regular whispers had been replaced with people talking loudly. They no longer cared if I heard them judging me. As I started to walk into the building, Allen stepped in front of me. “So how was it?” he asked me.

“How was what?” “You know exactly what I’m talking about. I heard you showed Curtis one hell of a good time,” he laughed with his dumb grin plastered on his face. “Yeah, we kissed. So what?” “Kissed? Is that what you call it now? From what I hear, there was a whole lot more than kissing going on in that room!” “I don’t know what you heard or who told you, but that’s all that happened and now I really wish that it hadn’t.”

I was trying to keep my cool but inside I was fuming. The only people who had any idea what had happened in that room were Curtis and me; and of course, I filled Melissa in. I certainly hadn’t made up these lies, and Melissa wouldn’t sell me out so that only left one person. As people walked past me on their way into the building, they weren’t shy with their insults. I was called a slut, a whore, and a whole bunch of other creative names. By the time Curtis came walking by, I was fed up. I grabbed him by the arm and pulled him to the side of the parking lot. “What are you telling people?” I hissed at him.

“About what?” “You know what! What did you tell people happened between us?” I demanded. “I’m not telling anyone anything,” he said, dumbfounded. “I haven’t said a word to anybody.” “No? Can you explain why Allen just came up to me and basically announced that you and I had sex in front of everyone?” “What? Why would he say that?”

“I guess because that’s probably what you told him!” “No! I swear anything!”

I didn’t say

“Curtis Kennedy, you are a liar, a creep, and I regret the fact that I kissed you. Don’t try to talk to me, don’t look at me, and for God’s sake, please stop friending me on Facebook!” He started to say something else, but I wanted none of it. I turned and started racing toward the school. I was moving too fast for it to be a walk but too slow to be a run. Right before I made it to the doors, Melissa appeared in front

of me. “Hey, you didn’t return any of my messages. What’s up?” she asked blocking the walkway so I couldn’t pass her. “I just needed some time to reflect on everything that happened. Between you dragging me out to a party in the middle of nowhere and what happened with Curtis, I just don’t know what to think anymore. I really thought you and I were friends.” “We are friends,” she insisted. “Are we really? Because that’s

not how you treat a friend. That’s not how you ever treat a friend. If you want the truth, I didn’t respond because I’m so angry. I don’t have any friends at this school. Just you. You’re the only one. If I can’t trust you, I have no one else to turn to,” I exasperated. “Charlotte, look, I was just trying to get in touch with you so I could apologize to you. I know things got out of hand, but I didn’t mean for them to. I had no intention of staying as late as we did. When I drink, I lose track of time. I feel awful about it and I want you to know that I’m sorry,” she said sympathetically.

Hearing her say that she was sorry took an enormous weight off of me. I knew that sorry was not a word that she typically used so it meant something when it came out of her mouth. “Thank you for saying that. I forgive you, but I don’t think I’m going to be going to any more parties with you for a while.” “Fair enough, want to walk to class together?” “Sure thing.” Standing right behind us, listening to our entire conversation was Nicole.

She was glaring at me with a look of hate and anger on her face. Actually, she was giving the look to both of us. “Can I help you?” Melissa said. “Word is getting around that the two of you were really slutting it up this weekend,” Nicole replied. I started to say something to defend myself, but Melissa didn’t miss a beat. “What business is it of yours? Are you jealous or something?” Melissa asked sarcastically. “You know Melissa, you can’t make any of the guys in your life happy,

can you? So you don’t want to let them be happy, either.” Melissa glared at her, her face red and eyes bulging. “What does that mean?” I asked. “It’s not my story to tell,” Nicole replied before storming off. “What is she talking about?” I asked Melissa. “I have no idea. I think that chick has drunk too much of the communion wine. She might be a little bit crazy. Come on, let’s get to class.”

§

Diary Entry – November 2 So many mean people in school today. I don’t know what Curtis told everyone but he and I both know that it isn’t true. Of course, I can tell everyone that until I’m blue in the face, but that wouldn’t make a difference. He’s a jock and he has a certain reputation. Any woman who is in a room alone with him

must submit and give herself to him. Obviously. That’s just the way things have to be. I’ve been dealing with the whispers since the day I got to this school, but this is different. This is just vengeful and hateful. Is he really that mad that I didn’t let him cop a cheap feel? Did I actually strike that big of a blow to his masculine jock ego? He’ll get over it, but I doubt my reputation will ever improve. Good thing I won’t be here long. I’ve got my college applications squared away and I’m counting down the days until I am back in Mississippi. Back where I have REAL friends that care about me. Speaking of friends, I thought it

was really cool of Melissa to apologize to me. The conversation that she had with Nicole left me a little bit shaken for some reason. I wonder what Nicole meant about Melissa keeping the guys in her life happy. As far as I know, she doesn’t have any guys in her life. I know Melissa said that she had no idea what Nicole was talking about, but I don’t know if I believe that. I think there’s more to the story than that. I’ll probably never know what it is so I won’t dwell on it, but I think something is definitely going on that I don’t know about.

5 “When things are bad, we take comfort in the thought that they could always get worse. And when they are worse, we find hope in the thought that things are so bad, they have to get better.” I don’t know who wrote it, but this has always been one of my favorite quotes and it fit my life perfectly. It says that no matter how bad things get, you can always look forward to things

getting better. I had hoped that with each passing day, things would start to be forgotten. Unfortunately, that doesn’t happen in high school. I made the mistake of letting the taunts get a rise out of me, which only made everything worse. Like a good friend, Melissa has stood by my side through everything. It’s nice to have one person that I can talk to that can see what I’m going through on a daily basis. Sure, I talk to my friends in Mississippi but I never wanted to let any of them in on the problems I was having. As far as they were concerned, life was good but I was looking forward to coming back home for college.

Curtis still wasn’t leaving me alone, but at least his attempts at adding me as a friend on Facebook had ceased. He tried stopping me in the hall to plead his case. He was adamant that he didn’t spread the lies around school. I asked him what he had done to stop them. He said that he’d told many people that nothing happened, but it didn’t matter. People were going to believe whatever made a better story and it didn’t matter whether or not it was true. That was not a good enough answer for me. It still didn’t excuse the fact that he and I were the only two people in the room that night. He had to tell somebody something for the rumors to start in the

first place. It didn’t matter that he swore that he didn’t. It wasn’t possible. Winter break couldn’t come soon enough and I was so relieved when it did. The holidays would give me a twoweek break from the torment and allow me to relax and have some fun with my friend. Melissa and I were already planning things to do. The first Friday after the break started, she was coming over and stay the night. My mom and Dwayne had initially asked me to come to the church to help with a lock-in the youth group was holding, but Nicole was going to be there and I wanted no part of that. I didn’t tell them that, of course, so I just told them that Melissa and I had

already made plans. We would have the entire house to ourselves and we would take full advantage of it by watching movies on the big screen in the living room and eating pizza and ice cream until our stomachs hurt. Melissa couldn’t decide on what she wanted to watch so I made the decision for her. That’s right, we watched the Twilight trilogy. The books just weren’t enough for me. She protested a lot, but I think that it was all for show because she was very into the movies from the opening credits. We stayed up way too late and ended up sleeping in. By the time we got up, my mom and Dwayne were already awake. We both greeted them as we walked down the stairs.

“Hey guys, how was the lock-in?” I asked. “It was good. Spending the night with a bunch of kids that aren’t yours is very interesting. I’m just thankful that we had so many parent volunteers to help out. I was actually talking to a couple of the parishioners and I have a couple of things that I’d like to speak to you about.” Dwayne replied. “Sure, what’s up?” “This isn’t the best time. Your mother and I would like to talk to you after your friend leaves. Come and see

us as soon as she’s gone,” he said with authority. They didn’t say that Melissa had to leave right at that moment, but that was the vibe that they were giving off. I walked Melissa up to my room so she could gather her things and noticed the look of concern on her face. “You look worried,” I said to her. “Yeah, aren’t you worried? Things don’t look good down there.” “He always gets like that. It’s probably something minor that has been blown out of proportion in his mind.

He’ll tell me what it is, I’ll tell him why he’s blowing up over nothing and that will be it.” I tried to answer as calmly as I could, but the truth was that something wasn’t right. There was something smug about the tone of his voice that had me worried. It was one of those “I know something you don’t know,” kind of tones. Whatever it was, I wanted to get it over with. I walked Melissa to the door, said goodbye and the made my way to the kitchen where my mom and Dwayne were drinking coffee. “What did you guys want to talk to me about?”

“You were quite the topic of discussion last night, young lady.” “I was? Why would anyone want to talk about me?” I tried acting dumbfounded. “From what I understand, you’ve been running with a bad crowd lately. I hear that your behavior outside of school has been questionable at best,” he said grimly. “I don’t know what you’re hearing, but I’ve not done anything wrong,” I protested.

“No? Why don’t you tell me about this party in Kentucky? I hear it was a real hoot.” “Yeah, it was a blast,” I said sarcastically, “but I didn’t do anything wrong.” “Everyone was telling me that they learned there were all kinds of things happening at that party that there shouldn’t have been. I’m hearing a lot about you and some white boy. You wanna tell me what that’s all about?” “You know what, I’ll tell you the truth. There were a lot of things going on that shouldn’t have been happening.

People were drinking and there was drug use, but I didn’t take part in any of it. I was just there as a ride and I made sure my friend and I made it home safely. That was it.” “That’s just great! So you think it’s okay to go and do whatever you want as long as you and your friend get home safely.” His voice was growing louder, making it was clear he was getting angry. “I didn’t say it was okay and to be honest, I didn’t know what kind of party it was going to be before I went.”

“I just can’t believe that you would put yourself in this type of situation. Do you know what this makes me look like? I’m the Pastor and my stepdaughter is out running the street doing God knows what. Do you have any idea how this makes the church look? How it makes me look? It makes me look like a fool that doesn’t know what’s going on under his own roof. That’s what it makes me look like!” I looked over to my mother to see if she was going to jump in to defend me but as usual, she was just standing over her husband’s shoulder taking his side. Although I was already getting angry, this only served to infuriate me. For the

first time since they were married, I decided it was time to speak my mind. “You! Everything is always about you! You’ve built your fellowship on redemption based on the fact that you used to be a heavy drug user, and that somehow gives you the right to sit in judgment of me and try to tell me what I’ve done wrong?” I ascertained. “What I’ve done is long in the past. Christ has made me a new man!” “Christ wandered in the desert for 40 days and it wasn’t because he was trying to avoid temptation! I’m responsible enough to make my own

decisions and I’ve not. Done. Anything. Wrong!” I yelled at him. “Honey…” my mom tried to jump in, but it was too late. I didn’t want to hear anything she said at that point. “Mother, you’ve trusted my judgment my whole life. When it was just you and me, you made sure I was raised to do what’s right for myself and for others, and now you’re just going to stand there and let him accuse me like this?” “Charlotte, you don’t talk to your mother like that!” Dwayne interjected.

“No, you don’t speak to me like that! You’re not my dad. He left a long time ago. You’ve never taken any interest in me at all, so why now? Why try taking an interest when you think I’m doing something wrong? Oh, that’s right because it might smear your perfect image. Well, guess what, Dwayne?” I looked him directly in the eye. “You’re not perfect! I’ve treated you with the utmost respect since you’ve come into our lives and you’ve never done anything to repay the favor. I’m not going to stand here and let you accuse me of doing things I didn’t do. I’m a good girl. I always have been and if you can’t see that, then you obviously don’t know me at all.”

I stood up from the table and walked back up to my room. I expected Dwayne to try to stop me, but he didn’t He just let me go. I closed my door, jumped onto my bed and started crying. I was so sick of everything. Your home is supposed to be a safe haven, but I felt like I was being attacked just like I was every day at school. I was fed up. Once I calmed myself down, I watched television for the rest of the afternoon. We ate dinner in silence before I showered, put on my pajamas and climbed into bed for the night. I was hoping to sleep away the events of the day, but that wouldn’t be possible

because sleep wouldn’t come. I had way too much on my mind and couldn’t get my mind to shut off. After what Dwayne had said to me, my mind drifted to everything I had been taught at church. The first thing that stuck out to me was the teachings of Jesus and his temptations, specifically verses in the book of Matthew. Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, tell these stones to become bread.” Jesus answered, “It is written: Man shall not live on bread alone, but

on every word that comes from the mouth of God.” Then the devil took him to the holy city and had him stand on the highest point of the temple. “If you are the Son of God,” he said, “throw yourself down.” For it is written: “He will command his angels concerning you, and they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.” Jesus answered him, “It is also written: Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendor. “All this I will give

you,” he said, “if you will bow down and worship me,” Jesus said to him, “away from me, Satan! For it is written: Worship the Lord Your God, and serve him only.” Then the devil left him, and angels came and attended him. Christ himself taught that even he had to face temptation when he was one with this world. At the party, I was met with plenty of temptation. I had access to alcohol and drugs, both of which I declined. I could have also had a very physical encounter but, once again, I used my better judgment. Besides, who was he to judge the people I choose to associate with? As a Pastor, he should

know that Jesus himself associated himself with people that others deemed undesirable. I learned all about that when my youth group was studying the book of Mark. As he passed, he saw Levi, the son of Alphaeus sitting in the tax booth and he said to him, “Follow me!” And he got up and followed him. And it happened that he was reclining at the table in his house, and many tax collectors and sinners were dining with Jesus and His disciples; for there were many of them and they were following Him. When the scribes of the Phairisees saw that He was eating with the sinners and the tax collectors, they

said to His disciples, “Why is He eating and drinking with tax collectors and sinners?” And hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.” If you ask me, Dwayne was being very hypocritical, but that was something I had come to expect from him. I mean, the man abused drugs for many years before being forced to straighten up. After the drugs were gone, he turned his life to God. Sometimes I wonder how much of that is an act just so he gets to be the center of attention. I have never seen one man who loves the spotlight as

much as him. The longer I laid there, the more I wondered what I could do to be more Christ-like in my own life. Those thoughts made me think about Curtis for some reason. It immediately occurred to me that if Dwayne had heard all of these rumors at church, it was very likely that Curtis hadn’t started them at all since he has never gone to our church. The next morning, after finally sleeping off and on for a few hours, I called Melissa and asked her if she could come over. Of course, she was more than willing to because she was dying to know what had happened after she left. I had her wait until my mom and Dwayne had left for the day before she

came by. As soon as she got there, she started in on me. “So what happened? What did they nail you for?” “They didn’t nail me for anything, but they know about the party,” I cocked an eyebrow to see what she thought. “What?” she gasped. “How did they find out about that?” “Apparently lots of the parent volunteers were talking about it at the youth lock-in.” “Oh crap, I hope nobody tells my

parents.” “I’m pretty sure that you’re safe if you haven’t heard anything by now. It’s worse than that, though, Dwayne confronted me about the rumors about what happened between Curtis and me,” I began twisting a ring on my finger as I told her the story. “WHAT? I don’t see how that’s even possible.” “Neither do I. I haven’t told anyone but you, and I know you wouldn’t tell anyone.” “Oh girl, you know you don’t

have to worry about me spreading that garbage.” “That’s why I love you. Anyway, that’s not why I wanted you to come over today. I wanted to talk to you about something.” “Okay… what about?” “Curtis.” “Curtis?” she asked, twisting her face in confusion. “Yeah, Curtis.” “Um, okay. Why do you want to

talk about him?” “I kind of had a revelation about him last night. There’s no way he could have spread that rumor to the people at church. I don’t know how it got out, but I can’t see any way that it was him. I know that you’ve gone to school with him since you guys were little kids. I wanted to know his story.” “I’m confused. I thought you couldn’t stand him,” Melissa said. “I can’t. Well, I couldn’t. Honestly, I don’t even know anymore. All I know is that he was a jerk that night at that party. I also know that I believe

the person I’ve seen trying to apologize to me every day seems to be a different person. Maybe even a person that nobody else knows. I was wondering what you know about him,” I asked her pointedly. “All right, I’m not really sure where to start. Yeah, I’ve known him for a long time but I don’t really know him all that well. I can tell you that the Curtis you know is mostly an act. He acts like an ultimate ladies’ man, but he’s scared to death to actually get close to anyone. Apparently his mom got pregnant by a dope addict so she took off before the guy could find out that she was pregnant. He’s been raised by a single mom his

whole life and he’s never had a male figure there, you know, to teach a guy how to talk to girls and all that.” “I see,” things were beginning to come into focus. “It’s really sad when you think about it. For all we know, there’s a really good person under the tough guy image. It’s a shame he won’t ever let anyone else see it.” “Wow, that’s a sad story. Okay, enough about that. Let’s get out of here. I haven’t been sledding in forever. Take me to the best spot!”

“Sledding? Seriously?” “Shut up, it will be fun. I’ve even got a sled for you. Let’s go.”

§

Diary Entry – December 27 OMG, sledding was so much fun!

I don’t think I’ve seen Melissa laugh so much since the first time I’ve met her. It was a blast and it was nice to act like a kid for a change. Dwayne still isn’t talking to me and I’m perfectly fine with that. I’m tired of him always getting to win. Of course, with the exception of doing some approved things with Melissa, I’m pretty much grounded. It’s not like I have a life outside of school anyway, so I’m not missing much. I’m really glad to have learned more about Curtis today. I really don’t believe that he is the reason these rumors are being started. With that

said, I have no idea who started them. No one else could know. I’m so torn on the whole thing. It seems like Curtis had a really rough childhood. It’s one that I can relate to. He never got to know his dad and I had one that ran out on me. In the end, we were both raised by single mothers and I know from experience that it is never easy. Part of me wants to reach out to him and let him know that I understand but at the same time, I don’t want him to know that we were gossiping about his troubled past. Who wants people sitting around discussing things like that behind their backs? I know I wouldn’t like it. Still, I feel like I need to reach out to him, at least as a friend. To let

him know that I accept his apology and believe him when he says he didn’t start these rumors. That would be a hard conversation to have in person. Maybe I should send him a friend request so I can have the conversation with him over a private message. How ironic would it be if he declined my friend request just like I have done with his? I don’t know what it is but all of a sudden I feel like I need to be there for him. They say everything happens for a reason. I believe I just discovered my reason for leaving Mississippi to move to Tennessee.

6 The day before school started back up, I decided to go into the youth group to make one last attempt to patch things up with Nicole. There was no point in continuing a feud that was entirely one-sided, especially when I didn’t have any idea what the feud was about in the first place. Besides, I really wanted to work with the younger kids in the youth group for the remainder of the time I was in Tennessee and that wasn’t going to be possible as long as she was

giving me the silent treatment. I made sure to get there early so I was there when she arrived. That way, we would have the place mostly to ourselves and be able to have a (hopefully) civil, private, one-on-one conversation. I was sitting at one of the tables when she walked in the room. As soon as she saw me, she gave a visible eye roll and tried to scurry off to one of the rooms that hosted the youth groups. “Nicole, could you come here, please?” “Just a second, I have to set some things up in here first,” she tried

avoiding me. I knew what she was doing. She was trying to kill time until other people started to arrive so she could use them as a diversion to avoid talking to me. “It’s fine, I’ll just come with you,” I offered. “Okay, whatever you want,” she sounded obviously annoyed. I got up and went into the room that she had just walked into. “Listen, Nicole, I really don’t know what I did to get off on the wrong

foot with you. Whatever it is, I want to talk about it. I figure if we can get it out in the open, we can discuss it, squash it and move on.” “I don’t think so. I really don’t want to do this right now.” There was that avoidance thing again. I was the one starting to become annoyed. “If not now, when? I’ve been trying to talk to you about this for weeks, but you always grab someone and act like you’re too busy to talk to me. I just want this to end. Don’t you? I’m not saying we have to be friends; I just don’t

want there to be any bad blood at school or at church.” “You know, you’re right. We should just lay it all out there. Give me just a minute to grab the materials for the youth group projects out of my car and we’ll talk until the kids start to get here,” she was suddenly nice. “Okay, sounds good to me.” I was glad that she finally agreed. I couldn’t wait to squash things between the two of us. She walked out the door and to her car. After I had been sitting there for about five minutes, I went out to the parking lot only to find that her car

was gone. I waited and waited, but she never came back. I ended up taking care of the youth groups that day and nothing got settled at all.

§ Diary Entry – January 2 I can’t believe what Nicole pulled on me today. All I wanted to do

was talk things out. That’s it. Just a civil conversation between two girls who should be able to talk out their differences. Instead, she wanted to act like a child and run away. I wanted to take care of things of private. I didn’t want anyone else to have to witness our conversation, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to be possible. Tomorrow in school, she WILL talk to me. LOL, look at me writing like I’m a tough girl. I have no idea what I would do if she actually tried to fight me. I’ve never been in a fight in my life. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m so angry with her. Why can’t she be more mature about the whole thing? Why does it have to end up being me chasing her

down at school to try to hash everything out? This whole thing is starting to become exhausting and I’m beginning to wonder if it’s even worth it. I’ll guess I’ll find out in the end.

§ The next day at school, Nicole did a commendable job of avoiding me. She did such a good job, in fact, that I didn’t

even think she was in school that day. I usually saw her at least five times before lunch so when I saw her walking to the cafeteria, I knew that she had made herself scarce on purpose. That only served to make me madder than I already was. “There she is,” Melissa said. “I see her. It’s time to put a stop to this crap once and for all,” I hissed. I was tired of this nonsense. I came around the corner and caught her before she could go into the cafeteria. She looked for an out, but there wasn’t one because Melissa had

moved behind her. She backed up until she was up against the wall. I literally had her backed into a corner. Go me! “Why do we have to do things like this Nicole?” I got in her face and rested one hand on the wall to the side of her head. “I tried to talk to you yesterday and you just got in your car and drove away. I wanted to do this privately, but I just don’t care anymore. I’m tired of the way you’ve been treating me and it has to stop now!” “I’ll tell you what my problem is. I hate you, Charlotte!” she began getting in my face now, causing me to back up. “I can’t stand you! I wish you would

have just stayed your black ass in your little Mississippi town and never came here! That’s why I started the whole Perfect Peterson persona. That’s why I started all of the rumors after the party. That’s why I’ve done all of it!” “You’re the one who started all of that?” She was the last person I’d suspected of doing something so dirty and childish. “Do you know what you’ve put me through? How did you even know about the party anyway?” A smug smile began to spread across Nicole’s face. “Allen went looking for Curtis

and saw you guys in a room together. He saw the two of you kissing.” “Right! That’s what we were doing. We were kissing. WE. WERE. JUST. KISSING. Why did you have to start rumors saying I did any more than that when I didn’t? How does that benefit you at all? Or are you just so miserable that you have to bring others down to your level?” “You know what? Everything was fine before you got here. I’ve been the leader of the youth group for a long time, you know, and here you come, the daughter of the Pastor. How long were you planning to be here before you took

it over?” “Is that what this is about? The youth group? Are you crazy? I didn’t have any intention of taking your spot. I just wanted to be included in something. I just like working with the kids. I just wanted YOU to assign me something to do. That makes YOU the leader.” “It’s not just that, it’s Curtis too! He’s been Allen’s best friend since they were kids. We were always at each other’s houses. We practically grew up together. Curtis has always said that Allen and I are the brother and sister he never had. I’ve always been close to him. I’ve always had a thing for him.

I’ve always wanted more with him and then the exotic black girl comes along and ruins everything!” she finally confessed. Things were starting to get heated. The people in the cafeteria were beginning to look over to find out what was happening. Allen and Curtis heard their names as well and made their way over. “What’s going on?” Curtis asked. “It’s nothing. Charlotte and Melissa here just have me cornered and won’t let me leave,” Nicole snitched.

“Okay look, this is all stupid. Charlotte, I’ve known that Nicole has had a thing for me for years. It was cute when we were younger, but I’ve made it clear for years that I’m just not into her like that.” He turned his head to Nicole and said, “Nicole, I’m not into you like that. How many times do I have to say it? When you came into high school, I ignored you. I made fun of you. I mocked you. I spurned you. I did everything I could think of to get you to leave me alone, get over me and move on with your life. Instead, you choose to play petty social games and try to start problems with everyone.” It was almost as if he was saying

these things for my benefit. I was actually kind of flattered, though, I wasn’t holding my breath either. “It’s not even like that Curtis,” Nicole tried to defend herself. “But it is! It is like that Nicole! I really like Charlotte. I mean, I REALLY like her. I’ve been trying to tell her since we spent some time together at the party where NOTHING HAPPENED. Did you hear that everyone? NOTHING HAPPENED BETWEEN CHARLOTTE AND ME AT THE PARTY,” he shouted at the cafeteria so everyone on third lunch could hear him. He turned back to Nicole, “And you know what else? I

have a right to feel that way. I have a right to like her even if she doesn’t like me back.” This time, he turned his attention to me, “Charlotte, I’m sorry about what I tried to pull at the party, but that’s not who I am. What you see every day at school is not who I am. I’d like to show you the real me. If you’re ever willing to give me the chance, I’d love to show you what kind of man I am inside.” I was speechless. I couldn’t answer him. All I could do was stare at him with my mouth gaping open, my cheeks flushed. It was the last thing I expected from anyone, especially him. I was blown away. He turned his attention

back to Nicole. “Nicole, do you realize that your brother told you what he saw in secret? He had no idea you were going to start all of these rumors. Until a few minutes ago, he still thought I started them. Are you aware that the way you’ve been acting has completely ruined the relationship you used to have with your brother?” “What? No, it hasn’t. relationship is fine,” she said.

Our

“Are you serious? Your relationship is not fine. It is completely trashed. It’s really sad that you can’t see

it, but it’s true. You’d have to ask him, but I’d say it’s getting pretty close to the point of being irreparable.” “Allen, is this true?” Nicole asked. “Really? You really don’t know? Yeah, it’s true. How could you not have seen it? We used to spend all of our time together and now I barely speak to you. I can’t tell you anything because I’m afraid you’ll blab it to all your friends. I can’t trust you and I can’t stand to be around you!” Allen said to his sister. “I just thought we didn’t spend time together because I was busy with

church and you were busy with football,” her eyes pleaded with him. “You are driving me crazy right now. How can you not see what is right in front of you? I am telling you how it is and you are still in denial. How is that possible? I don’t tell you anything anymore because of your big mouth. Hell, Melissa and I have been dating for months and haven’t told you because we didn’t want all the drama that would have come with it. In fact, we didn’t tell anyone because we were afraid that it might get back to you,” he added. I looked at Melissa and it was clear that she was caught off guard by

having her relationship outed by Allen. After a couple of seconds, she shrugged and smiled. Before anything else could be a said, a teacher came over and broke up our little conversation. I had already learned everything I needed to know.

§

Diary Entry – January 3

I’m so glad I decided to make Nicole talk to me today. I learned a lot about her character and I now know that it’s pointless to try to get along with her any longer. She is exactly the type of person that I would never want to associate with. If I really wanted to be malicious, I could out her to the church and tell everyone what kind of person their youth group leader really is. I’m not going to do that, though. I’m going to turn the other cheek. All of the kids seem to really like her and from what I can tell, she appears to treat them well and that’s all that matters in those situations.

I could barely believe my ears when Curtis said he liked me. I mean, not just said it, but said it front of everyone. Everyone could hear him say he liked me!!!! All this time, I’ve thought I was some conquest that he was trying to conquer, but I think he really, genuinely likes me. When he told me that he wanted me to get to know the real him, I thought I was going to faint. What girl wouldn’t swoon when the hunk at school says something like that to her? I think the part I liked most was how he came into the argument to take my side. That’s the knight in shining armor that you always read about and I have one in real life. That’s so cool!

I couldn’t believe that Allen has such problems with his sister. Sure, I never really see them talk at school but they run with very different crowds. It’s comforting to know that other families can be dysfunctional too. That sounded really morbid. I don’t mean that I’m happy things are that way for them, just that sometimes it’s nice to know that you’re not alone. I have to say, I was pretty shocked to find out that Allen and Melissa had not only been dating, but dating exclusively for several months. She had never said a word to me but looking back, I can see the signs. He

always came up and talked to her at different times when we were at school. At the party, Melissa was the first person he found and they were still together when I dragged her out. I asked her about it after school and she told me that she felt bad for not telling me. She made a promise to Allen that they would keep their relationship a secret until he was ready to make it public. With that said, she seemed pretty excited that Allen said what he said. It made her feel wanted and claimed. She told me she loves him. They even held hands as they were walking to their cars. It’s kind of interesting to see a different side to these people. It’s always been said that

you should never judge a book by its cover. I’m starting to understand what that quote meant.

7

The next few days at school were pretty quiet. Almost at once, all of the rumors and whispers stopped. They stopped just like that. It was as if someone snapped their finger and it was over. It was nice to be able to walk through the hallways without being tormented by everyone about a bunch of stuff that wasn’t true. It was nice to see Curtis in a different light each day at school. We said hello each day at our lockers, but that was about it. I had so much that I

wanted to say to him, but I was scared. I was so afraid that I would say the wrong thing and ruin it all. I don’t know why I felt that way. He had already expressed his feelings for me. Still, each time I started to say something to him, I lost my nerve. I was sure that he thought I didn’t like him. He probably felt like a fool for saying what he said. Why couldn’t I just tell him what my heart was feeling? Why did my brain have to be so weak? Even though the rumors about me had come to a stop at school, they were apparently all the adults from church could talk about. It drove Dwayne insane. To protect his image and make an example out of me, he made sure to keep

me locked up like a prisoner. The only person I was able to associate with was Melissa, and that was only because my mom and Dwayne loved her. It’s kind of ironic when you think about it. I never would have gone to a party like that had it not been for Melissa but that doesn’t matter. They seem to trust her more than me. As messed up as the situation was, at least being able to do things with her broke the monotony of sitting in my room all the time. On Saturday morning, Melissa was at my house before I even got out of bed. I felt someone tapping my leg and opened my eyes to see her standing over me like some kind of deranged stalker.

“Rise and shine,” she said, way too cheerful for morning. “What time is it?” I asked. “It’s about 9:30. Get up, get showered and get dressed. We’re out of here!” “What? I can’t go anywhere. I’m grounded. I’m lucky you’re still allowed to come over,” I sat up, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. “I’ve already cleared it with your mom. You and I are going to have brunch. Come on! Get up!”

Groggily, I climbed out of bed and headed for the bathroom. As I grabbed my towel and washcloth, I wondered why Melissa was at my house so early. I know she said we were going to brunch, but she’s never out of bed before noon on the weekends. That kind of thing wasn’t like her at all. “So what’s gotten into you all of a sudden?” I yelled out to her from inside the shower. “What do you mean? Can’t a girl take her best friend to brunch every once in a while?”

“I guess so, but brunch just doesn’t sound like something you would do voluntarily, let alone suggest.” “Yeah, I know. It’s just that you’ve had such a rough time lately, I thought it might be nice to get you out of the house to enjoy some girl time. I hope you don’t mind that I came over and woke you up for it,” she said almost apologetically. “No, I don’t mind. It will be nice to see the outside of this house for something other than school,” I said, rinsing the shampoo out of my hair before I turned off the water. “That’s what I thought. Figured

I’d get you out of this house for a while and away from that stepdad of yours, even if it’s only for a few hours.” “Well, I appreciate it very much. Who’s driving?” I asked as I dried off and began getting dressed. “I’ll drive. I’m not sure if you’d know where we’re going.” I told my mother goodbye and she instructed me to be home in no more than three hours. She was already sticking her neck out there by letting me go in the first place, according to her. The truth is, she had wanted me back at least an hour before Dwayne was scheduled to be

home. That way she would get to play the good mom to me and still be part of the united front with her husband. We pulled up to a restaurant that was a little nicer than I was expecting. “Are you sure I’m dressed for this?” I asked Melissa. “You’re fine. I know this is a nicer place but when it comes to brunch, everything is entirely casual. Now hurry up, let’s get inside before the rush arrives,” she said bolting out of the driver’s seat. We went inside and were quickly

seated by the hostess. Directly behind us was a beautiful buffet of some of the most mouth-watering foods I have ever seen. There were sausages, bacon, eggs, an omelet station, biscuits, gravy, chicken, prime rib and anything else you could imagine. As I was looking over the offerings, I couldn’t help but notice that Melissa seemed distracted. She kept poking her head over me and looking out the window. I thought that maybe it was just something she was doing while waiting in the buffet line but it wasn’t. She continued her behavior even after we had sat back down at the table. Midbite, she jumped up. “I have to run to the bathroom. I’ll

be right back,” Melissa said, jumping up from the table. “Is everything okay? Do you need me to come with you?” I asked. “No, I’m okay. I’ll be right back. Stay here and wait for me.” I did as she asked and watched her power walk her way into the restroom. About two minutes later, I looked up at the front door and couldn’t believe my eyes. Curtis had just walked in. He stood in the doorway for a moment talking to the hostess before scanning the dining room. When he saw me, he walked over to my table.

“Hey Charlotte, how are you this morning?” “I’m good Curtis, how are you?” “I’m feeling okay. Kind of surprised to see you here. This doesn’t really seem like your type of place.” “Mine? This place doesn’t exactly scream Curtis Kennedy either,” I teased. “That’s true. So what’s going on? You here with your mom?” “No, Melissa just popped into my room this morning making me get out of

bed way earlier than I wanted to because she was in a huge hurry to come and eat brunch. As you know, Melissa usually gets what she wants so here I am.” Curtis didn’t reply to me. He stood there, looking at the ground. His face had turned a slight shade of pink. “Are you okay?” I asked “Oh boy, this is awkward.” “What is?” I laughed. “Well, I got a call from Melissa this morning telling me that she needed to talk to me about some things going on

between her and Allen. She asked if we could meet here for brunch to talk about it, just her and I,” he explained. At that moment, I turned to look out into the parking lot and saw Melissa’s car driving away. This had been a setup. “That little sneak,” I laughed. “Yeah, wow, this is all kinds of weird, huh?” “I don’t think weird is the right word to describe it. Well, we’re both here so you might as well have a seat and join me for some food,” I suggested.

We ate in silence for almost ten minutes as I tried to build up the nerve to talk to him about everything that had been on my mind. I kept going back and forth with myself, attempting to figure out if I was making a huge mistake or not. Finally, I figured screw it. There was no better time to make it happen. We were in a private place with no one to interrupt us. I was just going to go for it. “You know; I’ve been thinking a lot about what you said the other day at school. I have to say I was very surprised to see you sticking up for me. I just wanted to thank you for that,” I said, sipping my orange juice.

“It’s no problem. That girl has been nothing but trouble for me since she came into the high school and I told her that there would never be anything between us. All these things you hear about me at school. I know you’ve heard them. The fact that I’m a skirt chaser who would never settle down or the fact that I treat girls badly. These aren’t actually facts at all. They were all started by Nicole. At first, I protested, telling everyone the rumors weren’t true. Unfortunately, they stuck and that’s just how I was known. I figured if that’s how people are going to view me, then that was how I was going to act. I never dated multiple girls or anything like that,

although there are many lies that go around that are taken as truth. What I did do was start treating people badly, with you being one of them and I’m really sorry about that,” he admitted. “You don’t have to be sorry,” I told him. “But thank you for saying it anyway. I feel like I need to apologize to you as well. I’ve known what it was like for people to talk about me behind my back from the day I walked into the school. I’ve known what it’s like to have rumors spread around about me that weren’t true. I feel so bad that I fell for the lies that were responsible for your reputation in the first place. I’m really sorry about that.”

“You didn’t know, but your apology is accepted anyway.” “Good. You know, Curtis, I really think you’re a great guy, what I know about you anyway,” I added, taking a bite of my pancakes. “I’ll stop you right there Charlotte. I don’t want you to think that just because I opened up and decided to tell the truth about what I was feeling about you that I expect anything from you. You really don’t have to put on an act for me. It isn’t necessary. I meant everything I said to Nicole about you and I understand that you don’t

necessarily feel the same way, especially after everything that’s happened. It’s okay. I’ve come to terms with the fact that the things I’m feeling are probably one sided. I’ll learn to deal with it.” Somebody was fishing for a compliment, I thought. “That’s where you might be surprised. I had actually made the decision to approach you while we were off school for winter break. I just couldn’t muster up the courage to actually do so. I know it sounds so stupid, but I felt like a little girl. You’re kind of intimidating you know.”

“You made the decision to approach me? What does that mean exactly? Why did you want to approach me?” I watched him shove what looked like two eggs in his mouth at once. Football players sure can eat! “Since, we’re being honest, while we were on vacation, I talked to Melissa about you. I told her that I couldn’t get past the feeling that you weren’t actually the person behind the rumors. I told her that I had a feeling that there was more to you than what I see on a daily basis. She pretty much told me I was right and

told me quite a bit about your backstory. It was something that I was able to relate to.” “Okay, so you got to know some of my story, which I will have to ask you what you learned in a bit. But if it made you feel more at ease about me, why didn’t you come and talk to me?” “Because I was scared at first. As the days went on, I started building up my strength and eventually came up with a plan. I was going to confront Nicole first and after I had settled those differences, that’s when I was going to come and talk to you.”

“Do you want to know a secret?” Curtis asked. “Sure.” “I’m glad that I’m hearing this. I’m just wondering why you never actually talked to me. Why did it come down to your friend setting us up and trapping us here at brunch to make sure we had a conversation?” “When I formed my plan, I didn’t count on you coming into the conversation with Nicole and announcing to the school that you liked me. That put a bit of a wrench in my plans. I felt like a silly little schoolgirl

with a crush.” “Is that not what you are?” he said playfully. I glanced down at my watch. “Oh shoot, I can’t believe how long we’ve been here. I’m supposed to be home in about twenty minutes. You haven’t seen Melissa pull back in have you?” “No, but I can give you a ride home if you’d like. It would allow us to talk more.” “I like that idea. Are you ready to go?”

“Yep, let’s go!” he said as he pulled out his wallet and left the money for our meal on the table along with a generous tip.

§

Diary Entry – January 8 I can’t believe how slick Melissa was this morning. Never in a million years would I have thought that she would take me out to a restaurant only to have also invited Curtis. Okay, that

part actually seems plausible. The part that gets me is that she left me there. I had no choice but to sit there and talk to him. I can’t say that I’m mad at her, though. I’m actually pretty happy with the way things turned out. When I got home and logged into my Facebook page, there was a private message from Melissa waiting for me. It had a winky face and a message to call her later. I couldn’t help but laugh when I saw it. The ride home from brunch was incredible. It’s hard to believe that a week ago, the two of us didn’t even like each other. There is a connection between the two of us that’s undeniable. You know how people start dating and

they say they feel like they’ve known their partner their entire lives? I used to laugh at those people and tell them they were ridiculous, but now I understand what they mean. Curtis is so easy to talk to and our backgrounds are so similar. He told me the stories of his childhood, which were the exact stories that Melissa told me. Still, I hung on his every word, acting like I was hearing them for the first time ever. When we pulled up in front of my house, he even got out of his truck and opened my door for me. I gave him a hug and went to walk inside when he pulled me in and gave me a kiss. Not a sexual, intense kiss like the night of the party. This kiss was sweet and had

actual feelings behind it. It was nice. I hated for it to end but it was nice to have something to look forward to.

§

I felt like I was on cloud nine as I walked into the house and ascended the stairs to my room. I had been home about ten minutes when I started typing out a long, informative message to Melissa. Right as I was beginning to type, a friend request popped up on my notification bar. It was Curtis. This time I accepted

the request instantly. We spent the entire afternoon sending messages back and forth to one another. He told me more about his mom and his family life. He told me about his hobbies, even the ones that he wouldn’t dare tell any of his football buddies (like the fact that he was in gymnastics until he was 8 years old.) What really made my heart flutter was when he started asking questions about me. He wanted to know everything there was to know about me. He asked me about my childhood and my father leaving. More than just wanting to know the details, he wanted to know how my dad leaving made me feel. He told me that it was hard to deal with not having a father in his life. His mom tried her best,

but there were some times when a mom can’t be substituted for a dad. He would have loved to have someone there to talk to when he started to like girls or to teach him how to shave. At times like those, having a man around would have been invaluable. I was amazed by how sensitive he really was. It was a side of himself that he never let anyone see. He was considered to be a tough guy and didn’t want anyone to know what he was feeling underneath all of his layers. It was his defense mechanism and I understood it all too well. While I used to dread waking up

to go to school, I began looking forward to my alarm clock going off every morning. Since I was grounded, I wasn’t able to spend any time with him outside of school so the weekdays became our haven. We walked the halls together, ate our lunch together, and spent every second in between classes together. I loved the attention he was giving me and everyone around us could see the change in him. Almost overnight, the walls that he had built up around himself had come crumbling down—at least with me anyway. His bad-boy persona was quickly being replaced by an average teenage high school guy. It was nice to finally see him not have to worry about being the stereotypical jock that

everyone expected him to be. I got home one afternoon and had a notification on Facebook. Curtis had tagged himself as being in a relationship with me and the notification was asking if I would accept. Now, he and I had not formally discussed whether or not we were going to be a couple in a committed relationship. If this was his way of asking me, I wasn’t about to say no. I clicked yes and went back to my home page, which now read: Charlotte Peterson Lives in Nashville, TN From: Linden, OH Relationship Status:

In

a

Relationship with Curtis Kennedy I was so happy that we had become what is known as Facebook official. As much as I wanted to shout from the rooftops that I had a boyfriend, I decided to keep it relatively quiet. Since I was in enough trouble as it was, I made it a point to keep my relationship a secret from my mother and Dwayne. I was afraid that I would end up being grounded even longer just so Dwayne could spite me if they found out. Almost every day, I got a lecture about how my disrespectful behavior needs to improve if I ever wanted to be able to do anything again.

Since Curtis and I weren’t able to see much of each other, we spent a lot of our time talking on the phone, texting or writing to each other via Facebook private messenger. We talked about a lot of the usual things that a new couple getting to know each other talks about. I was afraid to bring up the fact that I would probably be returning to Mississippi for college but was surprised when he told me that he had met with a recruiter from Mississippi State earlier in the year and he was expecting them to offer him a football scholarship. Maybe if things worked out, we wouldn’t be going to school very far apart.

It was nice having someone that I could share my thoughts with. Aside from Melissa, Curtis was the only person that I felt comfortable completely opening up to. He had told me all about his past and I returned the favor. I told him how I felt growing up as the only child of a single parent and my feelings were surprisingly similar to his. He told me about how his friendship with Allen was born out of necessity because his mom had to work two, sometimes three jobs just to support them. This meant she wasn’t home at night very often.

§

Diary Entry – January 14 This has been quite a week. Sometimes I wake up in the morning wondering if it’s actually happening. Are Curtis and I actually a couple? How did all of this happen in what seemed like a blink of an eye? I’m not sure, but I am so glad it did. I’m loving the fact that he is willing to peel back his layers and show me the real him. The parts of him that are vulnerable and the parts of him that cause him pain. For someone to think so much of you that they are willing to pour their

heart out just so you can get to know them means so much to me. I like him a lot. I could see myself falling for him. I just wish there was a way that we could spend more time with him outside of school. He tells me every day that he wishes he could take me out to a movie or a restaurant. He tells me that he just wants to spend time with me walking around the mall as he holds my hand and shows me off to everyone. The real Curtis is so sweet and I can’t get enough of him. At some point, I’m going to have to tell my mom about him. She’s always so protective of me and hates the idea of me dating. It used

to make me so mad, but I understand. When I get older, I will probably feel the same way if some boy comes to my door trying to take my daughter out. Still, I want things to progress, and the only way that’s ever going to happen is if I just suck it up and tell my mom that I have a boyfriend.

8

Two months into our relationship, everything was going great. When Melissa and I walked into school, Curtis was waiting for me with two red roses. “Happy two-month anniversary.” He said as he handed me the flowers and gave me a kiss on the cheek. On our onemonth anniversary, he had given me a single red rose. I was starting to see how the pattern was going to work. I brought the roses up to my nose to smell them. They smelled sweet like some of my favorite perfume.

“Thank you, sweetie, I love them. I didn’t get you anything, though,” I said as I made a pouty face. “That’s fine with me babe, just being with you in a gift enough for me.” “Okay, okay, that’s enough of the yucky romantic stuff, move along children,” Melissa said. “I’ll see you after first hour,” I said as I waved goodbye to Curtis in the hallway and made my way to my locker. The school day went on as normal. I saw my boyfriend between

each of my classes and I sat with him, Melissa and Allen at lunch. I looked over to the table where I used to sit and saw Nicole sitting alone eating her lunch. For a moment, I felt sorry for her. I had even contemplated approaching her and asking her if she would like to have lunch with us. It would have been a very nice way to bury the hatchet and allow everyone to heal. I thought better of it when she looked up at me and gave me the middle finger. That’s exactly the way you’d expect the leader of your youth group to act. I rolled my eyes. At the end of the day, Melissa and I were standing next to our cars talking. Most of the other students had already

gone home for the day. “I can’t believe you and Curtis have been dating for two months and he still hasn’t been able to take you out on a date.” “I know. He’s been great about it, though. He hasn’t complained about it once. He just tells me that it will make our first actual date that much better.” “Yuck. You guys are so mushy. All that icky love stuff!” “Oh shut up Melissa. You and Allen are just as much in love as Curtis and I.”

“No way. You can’t prove it!” We both stood in the parking lot for about twenty minutes joking back and forth with one another before I left to go home. I wasn’t allowed to get home any later than one hour after school let out. This allowed me to stay late in case I needed to complete a project or assignment but didn’t give me enough time to actually go and do anything fun. Driving home, I let my mind wander to Curtis. I thought it was awesome that he was so patient with me. He knew it wasn’t my fault that my stepdad had grounded me for an

unspecified amount of time. Still, how long could I expect him to be patient? How long could I expect him to wait to actually be able to spend time with me before he got tired of waiting? I thought about going to my mom on several occasions and letting her know that I had met a great guy. I thought that maybe if I told her, she could talk to Dwayne and get him to loosen the reigns a little. I quickly realized that it was wishful thinking. She had never taken my side when it came to anything involving him and I doubted that she would ever be willing to risk upsetting him by siding with me. Later than evening, Melissa called

me to let me know that she had just received an email from her Earth Sciences teacher. Apparently their class were going to be taking a weekend trip to Percy Priest Lake to collect some water samples for a school project in two weeks. They would be leaving right after school Friday and coming back late Saturday morning. But why was she telling me this? I didn’t even take Earth Sciences. “We need partners to help us with this project,” she told me. “And the partner doesn’t have to be in the same class.” “I’m sorry Melissa, but if you’re

asking me to go to Percy Priest Lake as your partner, I’m going to have to decline. That doesn’t really sound like my thing.” “You don’t get it do you?” “Get what?” “This project will get you out of your house from Friday until Saturday.” “Okay?” “Ugh, let me spell this out for you. You’re not really going to be going to the lake with me. You’re going to take the opportunity to do something with Curtis.

You’ll get to have your first date!” “That sounds nice, really nice, but it does leave one problem. Where in the heck am I supposed to go once the date is over?” “I have no clue. I’m sure you’ll figure something out.” I sat thinking about what Melissa had proposed to me. It would be really nice to be able to go on a real date with Curtis. It would be our very first one. Unfortunately, that would mean I would have to lie to my mom and Dwayne. It also meant I would likely have to sneak into my house after my parents went to

sleep, a feat that wouldn’t be very easy to do considering my room is on the second floor. I jumped onto Facebook and started chatting with Curtis. Charlotte Peterson: Hey sweetie, what’s up? Curtis Kennedy: Hi babe. Not much. Just got done studying for trig. Charlotte Peterson: That sounds like a LOT of fun! lol. Listen, I wanted to talk to you about something. Melissa called and said that her Earth Sciences class is taking an overnight trip to Percy Priest Lake two weeks from Friday. She said that I should tell my

mom I’m going with her and use the trip as a cover so you and I can go on our first date. Curtis Kennedy: Interesting. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t intrigued by the idea. I would love to finally be able to take you out. Charlotte Peterson: I know. I would love it too, but there’s just one problem. What am I supposed to do when the date is over? My room is on the second floor so it would be very hard to sneak in. Even if I was able to, my room is directly above my mom and stepdad’s room. They would hear me walking around when I’m not supposed

to be home. Curtis Kennedy: You know, my mom works the late shifts on Fridays and always sleeps in late on Saturday. You could crash at my place. She would never know. Charlotte Peterson: I don’t know. Let me think about it and figure out what I’m going to do. I’ll talk to you later. Love you. Curtis Kennedy: Love you too. I was very conflicted. On one hand, I had been dreaming of being able to go to dinner or a movie or mini

golfing or anything with my boyfriend. On the other hand, there was no way I was ready to be spending the night with him. Still, I couldn’t help but worry about what would happen if I didn’t get to spend time with him soon. Not time like we have at school but real quality one-on-one time. Still, I had morals. What kind of girl would I be if I spent the night with a boy that I had been dating for two months? I had no idea what to do. At school, I talked to Melissa about the arrangement that Curtis had suggested to me. Her face lit up like a Christmas tree.

“That’s the best idea! It’s a billion times better than anything I’ve been able to come up with,” she said. “I know. I mean, it sounds nice and all but I don’t know if I can do it. I’m just not that kind of girl. I can’t just go and sleepover at a guy’s house. I don’t care if I’m dating him or not.” “You don’t have to decide now, but you’ll have to figure it out soon. The trip is coming up.” Just then, Curtis came walking around the corner. As always, Allen was by his side.

“Hey girls, what are you gossiping about this morning?” Curtis asked. “Oh, we’re just discussing the Percy Priest Lake trip,” I replied, not wanting to let anything that could possibly get back to Nicole slip out of my mouth. “Yeah, I was thinking about that trip. I think you should go. It will probably be a lot of fun.” He was grinning the slyest grin and I replied by shooting him a death stare. I didn’t want to tip my hat at all, even in a joking manner. If it was

something I was going to do, I had to make sure it would never get back to my mom or stepdad. Little did I know that my decision was going to get an assist from Melissa. It was shortly before dinner and I had just finished up my homework when my mom called for me to come downstairs. Apparently Melissa had called and told her all about the trip. She said that she knew I was grounded but wanted to know if it would be okay if I came with her to be her partner. She assured my mother that the trip was for educational purposes only and gave her word that she would not allow me to have any fun for as long as I was

grounded. I’m sure my mom got a real chuckle out of that corny line. Long story short, my mom agreed to let me go on the trip. As I said, she loves Melissa. After my mom had told me the news, I was speechless. I still wasn’t sure that I even wanted to go through with it. I had to go somewhere or do something. I didn’t know whether to be furious with Melissa for making the decision for me or happy with her for pushing toward the decision that I was probably too scared to make otherwise. I was going to tell Curtis the news on messenger, but I thought it would be better to tell him in person. That way I

could examine his reaction and see if he had any ulterior motives that I should be aware of. When I saw him at school, I told him that I was going to be taking him up on his offer to take me out and the stay at his place for the night. Much to my surprise, he seemed very nervous. He was beginning to sweat and he was having trouble forming a sentence. “Really? Are you sure that’s what you want?” he stuttered. “Yeah, I really want to be able to spend time with you on our date. The spending the night part is what makes me nervous,” I began twisting my ring around my finger as I bit my lip waiting

for his reaction. “Good. So we’re going to go on a date. A real, actual date. What would you like to do?” Great, he put the ball in my court! “I don’t know. You’re the man. I’m sure you’ll think of something. I would like it if we did something a little bit farther away. That way there won’t be a likelihood of running into anyone from my church. The rumors may have died down at school, but it doesn’t work that way in the house of the Lord. The last thing I need is for someone to see me out with you when I’m supposed to

be out of town. As soon as word got back to Dwayne, I would be done for.” “Okay, I’ll make the plans. It’s gonna be great!” The following days seemed to creep by. I was both excited and nervous at the same time. I was excited because I was finally going to get to go out with my guy but nervous because if I got caught, I was done for. When the day finally came, the excitement was gone and was replaced with all nerves. When I got up that morning, I felt like I was going to vomit. I didn’t know what I had gotten myself into, but I knew it was too late to back out.

After school, Curtis and I stood by his car watching Melissa and the rest of her Earth Sciences class board the bus to the lake. Before jumping on, she ran over to me and gave me a big hug, telling me not to do anything she wouldn’t do. That wasn’t a problem because I was trying to stay away from most of the stuff she did. I promised her that I wouldn’t and told her goodbye, promising to give her an update as soon as she got back. When the bus pulled off, we got into Curtis’s car and were off to begin our date. “So where are you taking me?” I asked as I rolled my window down.

“It’s a surprise, but it’s going to be fun. Are you hungry?” “Starving.” “That’s what I wanted to hear,” he smiled at me. “There’s nothing like a girl who loves a salad bar.” “What?” I wasn’t sure what to think of his comment. “Guys hate it when girls say they’re not hungry and nibble on lettuce. It’s a good thing that you feel comfortable enough around me to eat,” a wicked grin spread across his face as he

looked at me. “Plus, I like my women with a little meat on their bones,” he winked. We drove for a while, pulling up in front of a restaurant called Etch. I had never heard of it, but it was quite the place. It was definitely an upscale restaurant but not so high-class that we couldn’t go in with the way we were dressed. He had made a reservation for us so we got seated right away. The menu was chock full of interesting items that I had never tried before. Curtis looked a little intimidated by it as well. Over the course of the next ninety minutes, I had the best meal of my life. I enjoyed new flavor combinations that I

didn’t even know existed. I sampled the cold peach and potato soup before moving onto the summer salad. My main course consisted of a lamb loin with a cherry glaze. It was delicious. Curtis seemed to enjoy his meal of roasted cauliflower, charcuterie salad, and roasted pork loin. After dinner, he took me out for a fun evening. We started out by playing miniature golf before bowling a couple of games at a bowling alley about a halfhour away from home. Finally, we stopped by the video store to pick up a couple of movies for the night. It was weird being back inside of a video store. We had one back home, but all of

the video stores in Nashville seemed to have been replaced by Redbox machines. It was nice to walk into a store and actually browse the available DVD selection. With our movies picked out, we made the drive back to his place. I was starting to feel nervous as this would be my first time spending the night with a guy. Was he going to try anything? Was he expecting me to do something just because I was spending the night? I didn’t know what to expect and it was scary for me. When we pulled up in front of his house, it was obvious that Curtis was a little embarrassed.

“I know it’s not much to look at, but it’s my home. My mom does the best she can. She’s always said that a roof over your head is the most important thing,” he explained. “I think it’s lovely,” I said. “It’s small and cozy, just the way I like it.” Inside, the house was a bit on the dark and dreary side. His mom obviously tried to do what she could to make it as homely as possible, but I can imagine that being hard on a very tight budget. The living room was filled with pictures of Curtis from various ages from his baby picture to what I assumed was his junior year photograph. The

kitchen was decorated with a variety of odds and ends that most likely came from thrift shops. The plates and cups in the cabinets were all mismatched. Curtis may have been embarrassed by it, but he didn’t need to be. The entire house reminded me very much of the house I used to live in. The house where my mother raised me by herself. To me, the house had a charm to it that others couldn’t see. Curtis came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “I can’t believe you’re in my house,” he said.

“I know; I can’t believe we finally get to spend some alone time together. It’s been really nice.” “I just want you to know that I’m glad you’re here.” “There’s no other place I’d rather be,” I turned my head, smiling up at him. “Good. Let’s go watch a movie.” He told me that the only DVD player in the house was in his room. At first I thought that it was just a slick move to get me to go to his room with him but it wasn’t. It really was the only one in the house. He got the movie all set

up before going back to the kitchen to make us some popcorn. When he came back, we watched one of the funniest movies I had ever seen. It was nice to be able to sit and laugh, leaving all my cares and worries outside, at least for one night. When the movie was over, we both decided that we were tired and ready to get some sleep. I got under the blanket and snuggled up next to him, with my forehead resting against his. I gave him a kiss and he gave me one back. Our playful pecks soon turned into more passionate kisses. Before I knew it, we were in a full-blown make out session. Curtis’s a great kisser. A little

too good if you ask me. I could kiss his lips all day and never get tired of them. The more we kissed, the more nervous I began to get until I finally stopped him. “Curtis, I don’t want to ruin a great night, but I just want you to know that I’m not ready to go any further than kissing. I love you very much, I really do, but I’m just not ready.” “Babe, I know. I’m not trying to get you to do anything you don’t want to do. The time will come when it comes. I’m just so glad we’re together. Come here and lay your head on my chest. Let’s get some sleep.”

He laid down on his back and I wrapped my arm around him, placing my head on his chest. I closed my eyes as he began to run his fingers through my hair. Being there with him felt so right. It was as if I was where I was supposed to be. I smiled at the thought and drifted off to sleep. The next morning, I woke up before Curtis. I couldn’t stand for him to see me with my hair trashed and my raccoon eyes from sleeping with my makeup on. I grabbed my bag and crept into his bathroom where I brushed my teeth and combed my hair before washing my face and reapplying my makeup. I wanted to look as beautiful as

I possibly could for him. I remembered him telling me that he liked coffee so I thought it would be nice to surprise him by sneaking off into the kitchen and brewing a pot. I almost jumped out of my skin when I walked into the kitchen only to find Curtis’s mom sitting at the table. “Oh, hello,” I said, completely embarrassed that I had just been busted sneaking out of her son's room. “Hello dear,” she replied, seeming completely oblivious to what was going on. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was frozen in place. Fortunately, Curtis must have realized I was no longer in bed and had come

looking for me. “Hey babe, why don’t you come back t-, oh crap, hi mom. What are you doing up?” Curtis said, his face turning red with embarrassment. “Couldn’t sleep. Had a hard night at work. So what’s going on?” “Okay, yeah, mom, this is my girlfriend, Charlotte. She needed a place to crash last night so I let her stay here. I hope that’s okay.” “That’s fine honey. So, Charlotte huh? It’s nice to meet you. My name’s Shayla.”

“It’s very nice to meet you.” “Same to you. I’ve heard an awful lot about you here lately.” “All of it good, I hope,” I smiled sweetly, even though I felt like a piece of trash for creeping out of her son’s bed. “Most definitely. My son is crazy about you.” I looked over at Curtis to find him staring at his feet with a big, embarrassed smile plastered across his face. He wasn’t used to this kind of thing and it was obvious.

“Okay mom, that’s enough of that.” Curtis joked. “I have to get her back home. I’ll be back in just a bit.” As soon as Curtis and I got in the car, we both started laughing hysterically. I didn’t expect to encounter his mom in the kitchen and I really didn’t expect her to be so nonchalant about the fact that I had just spent the night in her house. Instead of taking me home, Curtis took me to Melissa’s house. She had gotten home about an hour earlier so it wouldn’t look suspicious if she drove me home. I gave my boyfriend a kiss goodbye and jumped in the car with Melissa.

On the way to my house, Melissa grilled me for all the details of the night. I told her it was very nice. I couldn’t believe what a gentleman he was. I even told her about my little encounter with Curtis’s mom. She was happy that things went so well for me. We pulled up in front of my house and I saw Dwayne pull back the curtains, watching me. I told Melissa I would fill her in on the rest later and went inside. The end of a perfect night.

§

Diary Entry – March 28 Wow, what a night! I feel like I’m on cloud nine. Seriously, I can’t stop smiling. Everything about the evening was incredible. From the food to the cuddling, I loved it all and can’t wait to do it again. It’s still so hard to believe that my boyfriend is the same Curtis Kennedy that I met when I first came to the school. What a night and day difference getting to know someone can make in how you view them. I’m a little weirded out by the interaction I had with Curtis’s mom. It

seemed odd to me that she didn’t mind the fact that I had just walked out of her son’s bedroom and into her kitchen. I know that if my mom caught him coming out of my room, there would be a lot of questions. There would probably also be a lot of yelling and screaming. I hope that her attitude wasn’t the result of girls regularly coming in and out of his room. Speaking of mothers, I want so badly to be able to talk to mine to tell her all about my wonderful boyfriend. I miss the way I used to be able to talk to her about anything. She has made attempts to speak with me lately. She tells me that she really wants to make

our relationship stronger. I’ve told her over and over that the only way that can happen is if she’s willing to take my side every once in a while, especially when she knows I’m in the right. Maybe I’ll make another attempt at making amends with her. I’d love to tell her all about Curtis. I think she would be proud of me for picking one of the good ones.

9

After spending the night with my boyfriend, the rest of Saturday and the entirety of Sunday crept by slowly. Even though we were already serious about one another, I felt like our relationship took a huge step forward. I mean, I had met his mother…and spent the night with him. That usually doesn’t happen for quite a while into a relationship. Of course, meeting her wasn’t part of the original plan but that didn’t matter. All that mattered is that it had happened. Not only that but when he introduced me, he introduced me as his girlfriend. Not just

Charlotte but his girlfriend, Charlotte. He said it in a way that said he was proud of me. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about the conversation, I couldn’t wait to get to school to give him the biggest hug. My mom had been acting very strange lately. I think she was beginning to come to the realization that she and I were no longer close like we used to be. Whereas I was used to her sitting downstairs with Dwayne all the time, ignoring my existence, she had started coming into my room for seemingly no reason at all. Sure, she had a cover story such a delivering my laundry, but things like that were always things she did

while I was at school or busy away doing something else. On top of that, she didn’t just do what she needed to do and leave. She hung around and tried to make small talk, which was really awkward. It was also kind of welcomed. I’ve really missed the relationship that I used to have with my mom. We used to be so close and now it seems like we hardly know each other. I know this is a common occurrence when a kid enters their older teenage years, but it doesn’t have to be. I didn’t want it to. I have a lot of hard feelings towards Dwayne for breaking the bond my mom and I once used to share. The strained relationship made what happened on Sunday a surprise. My mom was dusting in my

room when she decided to strike up a conversation. “You know sweetie, you and I never talk anymore. I have no idea what’s going on in your life anymore. I don’t like that.” “You know, mom, it didn’t use to be like that,” I said sitting on my bed. “We used to talk all the time. You knew everything there was to know about me. It wasn’t until Dwayne came along that everything changed.” “I know and I’m sorry about that,” she sat next to me. “Sometimes you see something good in front of you and it

becomes easy to lose track of what your priorities should be. I hope you can forgive me.” Wait a minute, was my mom really in my room apologizing to me for putting me on the back burner? It was unexpected and I suddenly found myself experiencing a mix of emotions that I wasn’t expecting. It was a combination of sadness for all the lost time we had missed out on and happiness that she wanted to rekindle what we once had. No matter what, I loved my mom and wanted to be able to have things go back to the way they used to be. I didn’t know if it was actually going to be possible. For all I knew, she might go back to the

way things have been the minute Dwayne walks in the door. At the same time, she might not. “You want to go and grab lunch with me? We can sit and talk to each other? It would give us a chance to catch up,” she asked. “Yeah, that sounds good. Give me a few minutes to change into something presentable and we can go wherever you want.” After getting in the car with no real plan, my mother and I drove around trying to decide on what to eat. We decided to try a new Chinese buffet that

had opened in the last couple of weeks. At that time of day, it was pretty slow and would give us a bit of privacy to be able to chat. We used the opportunity to catch up on all sorts of topics. What television shows I was watching, what songs were my favorite at the moment, what movies had I seen recently, how things were going at school. Just normal things like that. I had a couple of things that I wanted to talk to her about as well. I wasn’t sure how to bring them up in a casual manner so I just bluntly brought them up. “Mom, I wanted to talk to you about all of the rumors going around at church. I didn’t do any of the things that

people are saying I did. I mean, yes, I did go to the party, but I didn’t realize what kind of party it was going to be. I was strictly going so Melissa wouldn’t have to go alone. I didn’t have a single sip of alcohol and I didn’t try any drugs. I also didn’t have sex with anyone. In fact, I sat in a room by myself reading a book on my tablet.” She looked down at the table trying to contain herself but she couldn’t. She began laughing, which in turn caused me to laugh. “You went to a party and instead of socializing, you decided to sit in a room by yourself and read a book?”

“Yes mother, that’s exactly what happened.” “I believe you. I’ve believed you this whole time. I know you’re a good girl and I know you’d never do the things that people are saying you’ve done.” Suddenly, I felt awful about lying to her about the trip to the lake. “I don’t understand. If you believe me, why have I been grounded for the last couple of months?” “I don’t know sweetie,” she said sympathetically. “I believe you, but

Dwayne is so concerned with how people see him at the church. It’s hard to get through to him.” “Have you tried to get through to him? That’s one of the biggest problems I have with you lately. You always side with him. You never back me up even when you know I’m right. It’s frustrating and honestly, I don’t think it’s very fair.” “You’re right. It’s not fair. It’s not fair to you at all. That’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately. I’ve been so worried about what he thinks of me that I’ve forgotten the most important thing in life. The little girl I brought into this world. Of course, you’re not so little

anymore.” “Hey, I might not be young but I’m still pretty little. I got my short genes from you, that’s for sure.” It made me so happy to hear that my mom was truly regretful for not being there for me since she had gotten married. When I looked in her eyes, I could see sincere honesty. She really wanted us to get our closeness back. She wanted it just as much as I did. “Mom, I wanted to tell you something, but I’m not sure how you and Dwayne would take it. I have a boyfriend.”

“A boyfriend? You have boyfriend? When did this happen?”

a

“We’ve been together for a couple of months. We mostly just see each other at school and talk to each other on the phone and computer. It’s really hard to go on actual dates when you’re never allowed to leave your room.” She looked down at her plate with a frown, unsure what to think about the new development. “Why don’t you tell me about him? Is he a nice guy? You really deserve a nice guy.”

“He really is mom. When I first got here, I didn’t think he was. In fact, I thought he was a jerk. It was all an act, though. He grew up without a father in his life and being a jerk was his defense mechanism. He did something for me that he never did with anyone else. He opened up to me. He told me all about his childhood and the way it made him feel. Underneath his jerk persona was a really soft, genuine, caring guy. His name is Curtis and I love him to death. “You love him?” “Yes mom, I love him. I love him so much. If you could see how he treats

me, you would understand.” “He sounds so sweet. I’m happy for you dear. I’d love to meet him. Why don’t you invite him over for dinner on Friday night?” Wait, what? What was happening here? “You want him to come over for dinner? You really want to meet my boyfriend? Don’t you need to run it by Dwayne first? What if he is mean or rude to Curtis?” “You let me handle Dwayne. It’s time he realizes that it’s my house too

and if I want to invite my daughter’s boyfriend to dinner so I can meet him, then I am allowed to do that. Besides, maybe it would make him feel better to know that you’ve met what seems to be a very nice boy.” “Okay, I’ll ask him over,” I said with a smile on my face. “I’m sure he’d love to meet you as well.” The rest of our meal was spent talking about my new romantic relationship. It was not tense like I thought it might be. She got the apologies out of the way early and spent the rest of the meal catching up on what was happening with me. It was nice. As soon

as we got home, I gave her a hug and thanked her for making the effort to fix everything between us. She told me that it was just the start of a new beginning for us. As soon as I got up into my room, I called Curtis. “Hello beautiful,” he said. “Hey Curtis, you’re never going to believe this. I just had lunch with my mom and I told her all about us,” I gloated. “You did? How did she take it?” he sounded nervous.

“She is really excited for me. Very happy, in fact.” “That’s great babe. I know you’ve had some issues with her. I’m glad you seem to be sorting them out.” “It’s nice, but that’s not what I wanted to talk to you about. You know how I met your mom in your kitchen in a very unexpected meeting?” “Oh no, I’m not sure I like where this is going,” he joked. “Oh shut up silly! My mom wants to meet you. You’re having dinner at my

house on Friday.” “I am? I don’t recall receiving a formal invitation. You know I’m not just a piece of meat. I’m not just your personal eye candy that you can just order to eat meals with you,” he teased. “You are so goofy! You’ll come, right? Please tell me you’ll be there,” I begged. “Of course I will. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” “Yay! You’re the best!” “That’s what you keep telling

me.” “Okay, babe. I’m so excited. See you at school tomorrow. Love you!” I was a nervous wreck for the entire school week. Curtis kept telling me that everything was going to be fine but bringing a boy home to meet my mom and stepdad was a big deal. I’ve never been in a relationship before, so he was the first guy they would ever be meeting. I just wanted everything to go perfectly. On Wednesday, my mom came into my room and told me that she talked to Dwayne and he was on board with the dinner. She had informed him that he had

better be on his best behavior. Just knowing that she had brought it up to him and that he was okay with it made me feel much better. Friday seemed to arrive sooner than it should have. I couldn’t believe how scared I was. For most of the day, I had a knot in my throat, and my stomach was in shambles. I wondered how I was going to make it through the day. Curtis made sure I knew he was right beside me through it all with a firm hand on my shoulder whenever I needed reassurance. When I got home from school, I could already smell food being

prepared. My mom was going all out on this dinner. It seemed that she wanted to impress Curtis just as much as I wanted Curtis to impress her. “Mom, you know we don’t eat for about three hours, right?” “I know sweetie. I just wanted to make something magnificent. I’ve never done this before either, you know. I’m nervous too,” she chuckled. I thought it was cute that my mom was nervous to meet my boyfriend. Her nervousness somehow made me feel better and set my mind at ease. I went off to my room to get ready.

Curtis arrived right on time, which made me incredibly happy. Dwayne is a big proponent of being prompt and Curtis being punctual was one more thing that he wouldn’t be able to say anything about. Curtis was dressed nice and presented me with a beautiful bouquet of purple lilies. He then walked up to my mom and introduced himself and presented her with a bouquet of flowers as well. My mom smiled and actually gave him a hug. I thought my heart was going to melt. While my mom was putting the finishing touches on dinner, Curtis helped me set the table while engaging

in casual conversation with us. Dwayne was still in his office getting his sermon ready for Sunday. The fact that he was not in the kitchen socializing with us didn’t surprise me. Being alone in his office was just one of the things he did. Dwayne walked into the dining room just as my mother was putting the food out onto the table. There were an awkward couple of seconds as he seemed to be sizing up my boyfriend before finally extending his hand. “Pastor Dwayne said.

Dwayne

Gibson,”

“Hello, Pastor. My name’s Curtis.

Pleased to meet you.” We sat down and began to enjoy our meal. The beginning of the meal was a bit strange. We were mostly just making small talk. Most of my mom’s questions to Curtis revolved around football. No one in our house was a fan of sports but it seemed to fascinate her for some reason. Dwayne stayed in the background of the conversation, for the most part, preferring to wait until the pleasantries and small talk had come to an end. When the table finally ran out of things to talk about, he saw it as his opportunity to ask the questions that he wanted to know about. Before long, the nice dinner we were having started to

resemble an interrogation. “So tell me, Curtis, what do you do for work?” Dwayne asked him. “Right now I work part time at the tire and auto center. I mostly do oil changes and mount tires, but I’m learning a bit about how to work on cars. I want to be able to work on my own cars once I’m out on my own instead of having to depend on someone else to fix them for me.” “That’s admirable,” he complimented Curtis. “What are your plans after high school?”

“Right now, I’m looking at several offers from some schools that have offered me full ride scholarships. I’m leaning towards Mississippi State.” “That’s an interesting choice. What made you decide you wanted to go there? I’m assuming it’s to be close to Charlotte when she goes to college?” “Not exactly. I mean, yeah, that’s part of it, but I also have a decent amount of family in Mississippi. My grandparents live there and I’ve got some aunts, uncles and cousins there as well.” “That’s good. Family is always

nice to have around. What about your parents? What do they do?” “My mom has two jobs right. She works full time in the quality department of the factory down on 8th street. She also does part-time office work for a staffing company whenever they have something that fits her schedule. She works swing shifts so she works days for two weeks and then overnights for two weeks. I don’t really get to see a whole lot of her.” “That’s a shame. What about your dad?” “I don’t know my father. I’ve

never met him. My mom left him whenever she found out she was pregnant with me.” Curtis looked down at the table like he was suddenly ashamed of his upbringing. Dwayne scrunched his eyebrows at Curtis. This conversation was turning ugly very rapidly. “So you’ve been raised by a single working mother your entire life?” My mom jumped in to come to Curtis’s defense. “Christ, Dwayne, I was a single mom when we met. It’s not like it’s a

disease or something. I’m sorry he worded his question like that. He didn’t mean it that way. Why don’t you tell me a little bit about your mom?” My mom jumping in like that shocked me, but I was proud of her. It seemed as though she really was turning over a new leaf. I smiled. “Um, she’s a really sweet woman. She is a hard worker and does everything she can to make sure I have what I need. Her name is Shayla and she just turned 41 a few months ago.” “Shayla, you said?” Dwayne asked with a very concerned look on his

face. “Yep, Shayla.” “Did your mom go to school or anything?” “She did, but she didn’t get to finish her schooling. She was studying criminal justice and psychology at the same time. When she found out she was pregnant with me, she left school and we moved here.” “Where did she live before she brought you here?” Dwayne asked, all of the color draining from his face.

“She’s originally from Columbus, Mississippi.” “Dear God,” Dwayne “What’s your mom’s full name?”

said.

“Shayla Marie Kennedy.” Dwayne sat there looking stonefaced, unable to say a word. “Sweetheart, are you okay?” my mother asked. Dwayne didn’t respond. He stared at Curtis, studying his eyes. As he started to feel uncomfortable, Curtis looked away. After what felt like an eternity,

Dwayne stood up and started to walk out of the room. Right as he got to the doorway, he stopped, and turned to intensely look at all of us before speaking. “I’m not really sure how to say this and I could be wrong but Curtis, I think you may be my son. A son that I never knew I had.” Everyone at the table was shocked. None of us knew what to say at that moment. All I could think to do was run up to my room and close the door. I needed some time to work out what had just happened in my head.

§

Diary Entry – April 3 I have no idea what happened at dinner. All I know is that I left Curtis down there with my mom and stepdad because I have no idea what to say to anyone of them right now. Maybe writing this down will help me process things. So, we’re having dinner and everything is going fine. Then my mom starts asking casual questions. That’s fine as I figured that’s why boyfriends

come over for dinner to meet your parents. Then Dwayne jumps in and starts asking more serious questions and starts acting weird whenever Curtis answers. The questions get more and more specific until it looks like he’s going to fall ill. Suddenly, he stands up, looks across the table and announces that he thinks he is Curtis’s father. Okay, I wrote it but I’m still having one heck of a time processing it. It can’t be true, can it? I mean, look at Curtis. He’s as white as can be. His mom is pale and he is just as pale as she is. I’ve seen mixed kids before and I’ve never seen one that didn’t have any black in him at all. I’m praying that it’s

a huge mistake. But what if it’s not a mistake? What if it’s real? So if Dwayne is my stepfather and Curtis is Dwayne’s son, that would mean that Curtis is my stepbrother. That’s so weird and seems so wrong. How could I be in a relationship with someone who was essentially family? I’m so creeped out by the whole situation now and I have no idea how to feel. I hope Curtis isn’t offended that I left him at the table, but there is no way I’m going back down there right now. Not until I’ve had time to think about everything I’ve learned tonight.

10

I was so happy that I didn’t have to go to school during the upcoming week. We were out for spring break and I intended to use as much of the week as possible to do a little soul searching. Curtis had been calling and texting me like crazy, but I wasn’t ready to talk to him yet. What was I supposed to say? What could I say? Was it true? Was Dwayne mistaken? Until these questions were answered, I didn’t think I would be ready to have a conversation. I’m not sure if that was the right way to handle things but looking back on it, I don’t

think I would have done it differently. Not only was I giving Curtis the silent treatment, but I was also going to great lengths to avoid my mom and Dwayne. It wasn’t very hard to avoid Dwayne because he seemed to be going out of his way to avoid me as well. My mom, on the other hand, was doing everything she could to try to talk to me. The only thing I could tell her was that I needed time. I probably should have opened up to her a bit more because I’m sure she was going through a lot too, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to be there for her at the time. I called Melissa and asked her if

she could come over. She could tell by the tone of my voice that something was wrong so she left what she was doing and came right over. As soon as she got into my room, I started crying and spilling all of the details to her. “I think Curtis may be my brother,” tears welled up in my eyes. “What?” her eyes bulged out as she did a double-take. “Did I just hear that correctly?” “Yes, I think Curtis and I may be brother and sister.” “Okay,

that’s

probably

the

weirdest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. How is that even possible? You’re black and he’s white. Am I missing something here? “That’s what I wanna know.” “If it’s true, how is it possible that you didn’t know about it? You’d think your mom would tell you if she gave birth to another sibling. How would that work anyway? You guys are pretty close in age.” “No, not like my brother brother. I think Dwayne might be his dad,” I explained.

“Whoa, okay, that’s definitely not something I expected today. Um, how do you know? How did you find out?” “Well, you know that we invited him over to dinner to meet my mom and Dwayne. During dinner, Dwayne just starts asking him all of these questions. Every time Curtis answered, it looked like my stepdad was going to have a heart attack. He was asking questions about Curtis’s mom, where they’re from and stuff like that. Then from out of nowhere, Dwayne announces that he thinks Curtis is his son that he never knew about.” “Wow dude, that’s deep. What

does Curtis think about the whole thing?” “I don’t know.” “You don’t know? What do you mean you don’t know? How can you not know?” “I don’t know because I left the table and haven’t talked to Curtis since then.” Saying it out loud made me feel even worse than actually doing it. It was a pretty crappy thing to do. I felt horrible. “Oh honey, no. That’s not good at all. You can’t just not talk to him after all

that. He’s probably going through some stuff with it all too. Has he reached out to you at all?” “Yeah. He’s called and texted me every day. I just can’t do it right now. I don’t know what to say to him. I don’t know what to say to anyone,” I broke down. “Do you still love him?” “Yes, I do. I mean, I think so, but he’s my brother. How can I love my brother like that? It’s just wrong.” “We’re going to get through this. I’m not leaving this house until you are

feeling better about this whole thing. Here, let me see your phone.” I handed Melissa my phone and she pulled up Curtis’s number. After thinking about what she would say, she pressed the button to dial the phone. I couldn’t hear what he was saying but from Melissa’s response, it sounded like he was happy to think that I was calling him. “No Curtis, it’s not Charlotte. It’s Melissa,” she paused. “Yeah, she’s sitting here next to me and she’s pretty upset,” she stopped again, letting him talk. “I know and no, you didn’t do anything wrong. None of this is your

fault. Listen, I know you’ve been calling and texting her and she hasn’t responded. She’s just having a hard time dealing with everything that happened at your little dinner Friday night. She just wanted me to let you know that the two of you will talk as soon as she figures out how to handle this all,” this time there was a long pause. Curtis must’ve had a lot to say. “Oh, if you find out anything or want to get a message to Charlotte, call my phone. I’ll be here with her helping her through this,” now I was stretching my neck out to hear what he had to say. “Okay, I’ll talk to you later.” “Thanks for doing that for me,” I

said. “I feel bad about not talking to him, but I’m not good for anyone if I can’t get my own head straight.” “I’ve got your back. You should know this by now,” she smiled and winked at me. Melissa sat by my side for the rest of the day. She listened to me whine and cry about everything. She witnessed every range of emotion that I could have. Anger, sadness, more anger, shock and everything in between. The only time we left my room was to get some food and most of the time Melissa did that for me. She stayed the night and we spent most of our time talking. I was awakened the

next morning by the sound of Melissa’s text message alert going off. She had it set to keep alerting her until she checked the message. The problem was that she is an incredibly deep sleeper and the sound of the alert was annoying. I grabbed her phone to silence it and saw that there was a number of text messages from Curtis. Hey Melissa, can you tell Charlotte that my mom and I just had a really long talk. She confirmed to me that my birth father’s name is Dwayne Gibson. She had no clue that he had moved into the area or that he was a Pastor at one of the churches. The last she knew of him, he was doing and

dealing a significant amount of drugs. She seemed surprised that he had cleaned up his act. When she left, she had him pegged as a lost cause. Anyway, I just wanted to let her know that what her stepdad thought was true. I don’t know where she intends to go from here, but I’m not going anywhere. Whenever she wants to talk, I’m ready. That was just great. I had been hoping all along that it wasn’t true, but the truth was right there in front of me. I went into a fit of rage and stormed down the stairs into Dwayne’s office. “I hope you’re happy!” I yelled. “Curtis just got done talking to his mom

and you were right. Curtis is your son. I hope you’re happy that you’re ruining my life. I’m sure you are. It’s not like you care about my feelings. Anyway, congratulations! It’s a boy!” I screamed sarcastically before storming back up to my room. I slammed my door shut as hard as I could, waking Melissa in the process. “What’s going on?” she asked. “Take a look at your phone. It’s all right there,” I tossed her phone at her. While she was busy catching up, I grabbed my phone and dialed Curtis’s

number, waiting impatiently for him to answer. When he finally picked up, I went into my rant. “Curtis, it’s Charlotte. I’m sorry that we haven’t talked, but this has all been hard for me. With the new information that you’ve learned, I need some time to think and I believe you do as well. You need to think about the fact that the father who has been absent your whole life is suddenly known to you and how you want to handle that. I have to think about what yours and Dwayne’s relationship is going to mean if our relationship is going to move forward. I think we need to give each other some space, but I’ll be at the coffee shop by

school at 6:00 AM Monday morning. That will give us about two hours to talk. If you’re not ready then, that’s fine but if you are, I’ll see you there.” I didn’t want for a reply. I just hung up and started to cry.

11

Monday morning came very quickly. After my phone call, Curtis had stopped trying to call or text both Melissa and I. I had hoped he was taking my words to heart and truly thinking about what he wanted. A part of me was scared that he was just going to cast me aside but if that was the decision that he had come to, so be it. This whole thing had to be fair to both of us. As I drove to the coffee shop, I started to wonder if he was going to show up. I wondered whether or not I

would have shown up if I had been treated the way I had been treating him. I pulled into the parking lot about 5:45 AM. I wanted to get there a little early so I could collect my thoughts before he arrived. I was surprised to see that his truck was already in the parking lot. Apparently, he was thinking the same way I was. I walked in and scanned the room, finding him sitting alone at a corner table. He was fidgeting with his fingers, clearly nervous about the conversation we were about to have. I wondered what he was going to say. What conclusions had he drawn? I knew what I had decided to do but what about him? What

if what he wanted was something that I had no interest in? What if we came into this determined to do the opposite of what the other wanted? I slid into the seat across from him and said hello. He looked up at me with a slight smile. There was so much tension in the air, you could literally feel it. It was like when I used to watch American Gladiators on Saturday night. The announcer used to say the tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I never fully understood what that meant until that day. Curtis and I sat across from the table looking at one another, each of us nervous about going first. We both wanted to know that the

other was thinking and were firmly involved in a game of silence. We only had so much time so I decided to go first. The meeting went better than I could have imagined and it went a long way to setting both of our minds at ease. Curtis and I both agreed that we had incredibly missed each other. I hated not talking to him. He had become my best friend over the previous couple of months and not speaking to him seemed wrong. He told me he understood why I hadn’t talked to him and he respected the fact that I needed my space. He appreciated the fact that I called him and told him that we both needed to think

about things even more. We talked a lot about the revelations that had been made at dinner. In the end, we decided that our feelings for one another were more important, and ultimately unaffected by what we had learned. Curtis discussed the fact that we may be step-siblings, but that’s it. We’re not related by blood and Dwayne had never taken any steps to adopt me. In fact, Dwayne had only been a part of my life for a relatively short time and hadn’t been a part of Curtis’s life at all. One thing was for certain. We were crazy about each other and we wanted to keep our relationship going. We both wanted the same thing after all.

§

Diary Entry – April 13 I’m so glad that Curtis and I have decided to make our relationship work. All of this has been very hard on both of us. In the end, I think this is going to make us a stronger couple. I haven’t discussed any of this with my mom or Dwayne yet, but they don’t really have a say in any of this anyway. I do plan on talking to my mom tomorrow before I head off to school.

Hopefully she understands that I needed some time to myself and that I still want to work towards repairing our relationship. The talk between Curtis and I this morning proves to me that we are a strong couple. It also validates the fact that he is just as patient and kind as I thought he was. It would have been so easy for him to say forget it and just go on with his life but he didn’t. Instead, he waited for me to get myself together. We spent the rest of the time before school talking. We must have said how much we missed each other at least 20 times. When it was time to head over to school, he put his arms around me and

gave me the sweetest kiss. It was so nice that my legs turned to jelly. That’s not something that happens in movies after all! After everything that has gone down in the last 10 days, there is one thing that cannot be denied. Curtis and I share a connection and I can’t see anything being able to come in between us.

§

The next morning, I told my mom that I wanted to talk. She said she was happy to hear it. We decided that we needed to have a girl talk, so the two of us left the house to grab breakfast together. During our meal, I told her that I was really happy we were working on spending more time together and how I was really sorry I’d been avoiding her. “I just didn’t know what to do, mom. It wasn’t only you, but everyone. I didn’t talk to Curtis until yesterday. The only person I spoke to was Melissa. I hope you’re not upset.” “I’m not angry. I hope you know that you can always come and talk to me

about everything. At the same time, I understand why you couldn’t talk to me about this. None of this is easy for any of us. I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel either. A part of me wants to be mad at him for being so irresponsible, but that's hard to do when you examine his past. He was an addict and addicts aren’t exactly known for making great decisions. There’s definitely some friction happening between him and me, but we’ll get through it. What I want to know is what’s going on with Curtis. Is he okay?” “Yeah, he’s okay. He talked to his mom and she pretty much confirmed what we thought. Dwayne is definitely

Curtis’s dad.” “Oh boy, that’s what I was afraid of. So what are you kids going to do?” “Actually, we met for coffee early yesterday morning. We decided that we both love each other and that this news shouldn’t come between that. Neither of us can help what we feel and I believe he’s my soulmate. None of that should have to change just because my stepdad is his biological father.” “I agree with you. I really liked Curtis. He seems like a smart, polite boy who had his stuff together. Besides, I think the two of you make an adorable

couple.” “Thanks, mom. Thanks for everything. I love you so much. Why don’t we have a do-over of our meeting? How about me, you and Curtis all go to lunch this weekend.” “I like that idea. I can’t wait,” she smiled. After school, I went with Curtis back to his house. His mom had to work the night shift and would be leaving for work at about 6:00 PM. She wanted to talk to both of us about everything that had taken place.

We had a nice conversation with his mom. She was concerned about our relationship and seemed happy when she learned that we had made the decision to stay together. She also told Curtis that she’d always been conflicted about telling him more about his father, especially the fact that he was black. She felt like it would only complicate things for him so she just never told him anything. “There is one thing I wanted to talk to you about,” I told her. “What’s that dear?” “Well, ever since Dwayne figured

out that Curtis was his son, things have been weird at our house. At least that’s the vibe I’ve been getting. It’s like resentment or something. I don’t really know this for sure, but my mom and her husband are acting so weird and it’s messing up the whole dynamic of the house. I have no clue what to do about it. Since you used to know Dwayne, do you have any ideas?” “Oh sweet, sweet Charlotte,” she said shaking her head. “That was so long ago. He and I were in a much different place back then and I’m sure we are much different people. Do you know what he wants to do as far as Curtis goes? Does he want to get to know his

son?” “That’s the thing. I really don’t know,” I admitted, embarrassed by his lack of actions. “He isn’t saying anything to us. He’s closed himself off to everyone. This whole thing seems to have shaken him.” “Would it be okay if I went over to your house to talk to him and your mom? Maybe it would make it easier for everyone to know that I left and he truly had no idea. I can explain to both of them why I left. I can also leave it completely up to them what they do after I leave. I mean, whether he wants to get to know Curtis or not, I will stay out of

the picture. There’s no need for me to be involved at all.” My conversation with Curtis’s mom made me feel better, but I had no idea how my mom or stepdad would take it. That night, I told my mom about the conversation and she thought it was a great idea. She had a feeling that Dwayne really wanted to get to know his son but didn’t know how to go about doing it. Maybe the meeting would be exactly what he needed. Dwayne, my mother, and Shayla met later that week. Curtis came along and hung out with me while they talked. He looked nervous all night, but I have

to admit, I was too. “What’s wrong?” I asked him. “I don’t know. It’s just that I’ve never had a dad and now I do. He’s in the same house right now. What if he decides that he doesn’t want anything to do with me? What do I do about that?” He looked scared. I put myself in his shoes and felt bad for him. “If that’s what he decides then it will be his loss. I know what a great guy you are and I’ll just keep you all to myself,” I smiled before kissing him on the cheek.

For the next hour, he didn’t say much. He sat at the table with me, watching Dwayne’s office door. When they finally opened, he sprang to his feet, ready to leave in case the meeting went bad. I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. As soon as Dwayne came out of the office, he spotted Curtis standing in the kitchen. Without saying anything, he walked up and wrapped his arms around Curtis. Through tears, he began talking to him. “I’m so sorry I’ve missed so much time with you son. I want you to know that I’m here now. I can’t make up all the time I missed but I’m here now and I’m

never going anywhere.” Dwayne released the embrace and grabbed Curtis by the shoulders. He gazed into Curtis’s eyes. As surprised as I was to see the tears falling from Dwayne’s eyes, I was even more surprised to see them streaming down Curtis’s face. “We have a lot of catching up to do, dad,” he hugged Dwayne. Shayla had to go to work but Dwayne, my mom, Curtis and I sat at the kitchen table just catching up. I listened as Dwayne told Curtis all about his past and what steps he had taken to change

things. Curtis hung on every word, listening to the voice of a dad he never thought he was going to have a chance to meet. When it was getting late, Dwayne walked Curtis to the door. I’ll never forget what he said to him. “Son, I want you to know that I love you. I also want you to know that I love Charlotte as well. You be good to her, okay?” “I promise you, I will dad,” he smiled. “Good, I think this is going to be a good thing for all of us. I know this has been difficult, but I believe that we can

get through it together as a family.” Once Curtis had gone, I walked up to Dwayne and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “What was that for?” he asked. “I just wanted to say thank you. Thank you for everything. For the first time in a long time, I feel like there is hope for the future.”

Epilogue

As it always does, the summer came and went in the blink of an eye. Curtis had brought his truck to my house so he and Dwayne could pack it up with my things for college. He had accepted a full ride scholarship to Mississippi State University and was trying to decide whether he wanted to major in business or criminology. Although I had originally planned to go to Ole’ Miss, I applied to Mississippi State just to see what they would say. I was very surprised when I got my acceptance letter in the mail. Not only did I get to go to school with Curtis

but I was also being given a merit scholarship to study environmental engineering. When I first moved to Tennessee, I didn’t think I was going to make any friends. But there I was, thinking about the relationships I had developed and how much I was going to miss those closest to me. Melissa got accepted to Vanderbilt in Nashville and Allen was going to play football at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville. As we were about to leave, Dwayne came running out of the house, telling us that we had forgotten a box. As he ran in to get it, Curtis started talking

to me about how excited he was that not only were we going to be starting this exciting new chapter in our lives but we were going to be doing it together. My mom came outside to give me a hug and told me how much she was going to miss me. Just then, Dwayne showed up and slid something into Curtis’s hand and Curtis immediately went down on one knee. “Charlotte Gibson, I love you with all my heart. With the permission of your mother and stepfather, I would like to ask you to make me the luckiest man in the world. Will you marry me?” He opened the box and inside was

a gorgeous ring with a diamond in the center and lots of marquis diamond accents all around it. I broke down into tears and said yes. Curtis placed the ring on my finger, stood up and gave me the biggest hug that I’ve ever had. My mom joined in on the hug and Dwayne followed suit. We truly were becoming a family. Things have continued to go well between us. Every holiday, we go back home. He spends time with him mom, and then comes back to my house to spend some time with me and get to know his dad better. It’s nice to see the two of them form a bond right before my eyes.

We’ve decided that we’re going to get married as soon as we graduate. We’ve already chosen the location and we’ll pick a date in the next year or so. I’ll need plenty of time to plan the wedding of my dreams. Every day, I thank God that Dwayne was offered the Pastor position at his church. As much as I didn’t want to go, I’m glad I did. Curtis is my other half. It sounds corny and is a line straight out of the movies, but he completes me. I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with the man I love.

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