The Renegade Saints Complete Seiries - Ella Fox

Renegade Saints Rock Star Romance Complete Series © 2017 Ella Fox

Cover Design: Sommer Stein, Perfect Pear Creative Formatting: Champagne Formats

This EBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This Ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please go to your favorite book retailer to purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Ella Fox holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.

Table of Contents Title page Copyright Dedication Picture Perfect Copyright Dedication Prologue One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen Eighteen Nineteen Twenty Twenty-One Twenty-Two Twenty-Three Twenty-Four Twenty-Five Twenty-Six Twenty-Seven Twenty-Eight Twenty-Nine Thirty Thirty-One Thirty-Two Thirty-Three Thirty-Four Thirty-Five Thirty-Six

Thirty-Seven Thirty-Eight Thirty-Nine Epilogue Acknowledgements Twist of Fate Copyright Dedication Prologue One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen Eighteen Nineteen Twenty Twenty-One Twenty-Two Twenty-Three Twenty-Four Epilogue Note from the Author Hard to Handle One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Between Us Copyright

Dedication Part One Part Two One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen Eighteen Nineteen Twenty Twenty-One Twenty-Two Epilogue Special Note Acknowledgements Something to Believe In Copyright Dedication Prologue One Two Three Four Five Six Seven Eight Nine Ten Eleven Twelve Thirteen Fourteen

Fifteen Sixteen Seventeen Eighteen Nineteen Twenty Twenty-One Twenty-Two Twenty-Three Twenty-Four Epilogue Acknowledgements About the Author Other books by Ella Fox



This book is for the rock n' roll baby that lives inside us all.

Picture Perfect First Edition, Copyright © 2013 by Ella Fox Second Edition, Copyright © 2016 by Ella Fox This EBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This Ebook may not be resold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you are reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please go to your favorite book retailer to purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Ella Fox holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited. ISBN: 781301479740 Cover Photo: Wander Aguiar Cover Model: Nick Bennett Cover Design: Sommer Stein, Perfect Pear Creative 2016 Edit by Vanessa Bridges, Prema Editing Proofreading by Manda Mettlach, Prema Editing 2013 Edit by Gemma Rowlands Formatting by Stacey Blake, Champagne Formats Release Blitz & Blog Tour by Lisa Hintz, The Rock Stars of Romance Promotions



This book is dedicated to the people I love most in the world, my family. You make me laugh, and I wouldn’t be who I am today without you. Thanks for that!

A soul mate is an ongoing connection with another individual that the soul picks up again in various places and times over lifetimes. We are attracted to another person at a soul level not because that person is our unique compliment, but because by being with that unique individual, we are somehow provided with an impetus to become whole ourselves. – Edgar Cayce

IT WAS A wretched fucking day and my mood matched. It all started the moment I opened my eyes and found three naked girls in my bed. Contrary to every college kid’s wet dream, it was not a great way to start the day. I hated waking up with people I didn’t know. Factor in three people I didn’t know being in my bed, having a monster hangover, not remembering what fucking city I was in─and I was starving, and you get the general idea of why I wasn’t in a great mood. Did I mention my dick felt like it had gone twenty rounds with a bull? Well, it fucking did, and it hurt like a bitch. I’d counted seven used condoms on the floor, but I knew I hadn’t come. Story of my fucking life—I didn’t come with groupies or with people I didn’t know well. I hadn’t fucked the same girl two nights in a row in years, so coming wasn’t happening. As a rule, I survived by making myself come after the girls left, but clearly I hadn’t taken care of business the night before, and my dick wound up paying the price, hence the discomfort. Because I’m not a complete cocksucker, it took for-fucking-ever to clear the girls from my suite. They were up for a repeat performance, but I damn sure wasn’t. My nuts were throbbing too much to even consider trying to use my dick. It took so long to get them gone that I never got to grab anything to eat before I left the hotel. This meant my head was fucking pounding, my stomach was growling and my temper was flaring. Think my day got better once the chicks were gone? No such luck. My limo driver was an annoying prick who talked about himself the entire way to the stadium. By the time we got there, I knew all about his happy ending at the local massage parlor and about the time he had his genital warts frozen off. I’d tried to close the divider, but the day being what it was, the fucking thing was broken. While the driver was busy babbling, he got us lost. This led to me being fifteen minutes late to the stadium so I was in the mood to punch the fuck out of something or someone. Even in my bad mood, I felt like shit for being late. I went in fully prepared to apologize. I didn’t have to bother because our bassist wasn’t there, and since no one knew where he was, my tardiness was overlooked. Our tour management tried to keep the three of us who were there calm by having an assistant go pick up food. The cheesesteak I was handed indicated we were in Philly. A quick mental calculation told me there were three months left of the tour. As miserable as I was, it seemed like it would stretch out for an eternity. I wanted to be fucking home, not waking up each morning playing a game I liked to call, “Where in the world am I today?” It was like Where’s Waldo, just hungover in hotel rooms. Our bass player still hadn’t shown by the time we finished eating, which meant everyone was in a bad mood. Sound check was a bust, but luckily we had a dressing room filled with booze. Our tour rider

stipulated a fully stocked bar at all of our shows, and the one in Philly didn’t disappoint. With some hair of the dog, I was back to functioning somewhat normally in no time at all. Unfortunately, I got a little too drunk, which is why I was in no fuckin’ mood to perform. It didn’t help the entire band was pissed at our bass player, Tyson. We were all drunk as fuck, but Ty was on something a hell of a lot stronger than alcohol. The roar of the crowd, as the lights went down in the stadium, no longer motivated me the way it used to, which pissed me off, too. Why the fuck didn’t I feel excitement anymore? I was living what was supposed to be the dream life—and it was killing us all. Not one of us was healthy, and we sure as shit weren’t happy—and it showed. We argued about fucking everything, something we’d never done before. I didn’t know where we’d gone wrong, but I was sick of it. I either needed to get the fuck out entirely or break out on my own, yet the thought of going solo made me sick. We’d made a pact—friends for life, brotherhood before business—but the brotherhood was being lost. At some point I knew I was going to need to make a decision one way or the other. As the lead singer, I felt it was my job to keep my band on track. I wasn’t dumb—I knew I sure as fuck wasn’t leading by example. We were off the fucking rails both as a group and as individuals. Even knowing what the problems were, I couldn’t do shit about it. I wasn’t the man I wanted to be, full stop. Life was only getting shorter and I wasn’t happy. The last time I remembered being excited about what we were doing was before the band got sucked into the machine and became a commodity, instead of a musical act. I took the stage in a rage. I was mad at the world, mad at our management, mad at my band. Most of all, I was mad at myself for letting it all get so far out of control. When I grabbed the mic, I sang aggressively and gave the appearance of rocking, but I was faking it. I was in no mood, so I gave myself a pass to fuck off. Everything changed about four minutes in when I looked down into the front row and locked onto a pair of beautiful chocolate brown eyes. I felt something then, a zap to the heart and a kick in the ass all at once. The girl was crazy fucking gorgeous, but it was more than just her looks. She was singing along and smiling enthusiastically, which made me feel like shit. She was there to rock, and I was giving her bullshit. I wasn’t even sure I’d been singing all the words right. Something about her, I can’t even explain what, had me sick to my stomach thinking about letting her down. She deserved better than whatever pathetic version of myself I’d become. Once upon a time, I’d genuinely cared about the fans and the experience. I’d throw my all into every performance, and when I’d leave the stage, I was proud. Over the last few years, all I’d cared about was drinking, fucking, and meeting deadlines. Staring into those eyes, though, I decided to pull my shit together and gave two and a half hours of a performance that was easily my best in years. I sang almost exclusively to her, the connection between us something I’d never experienced before. The more I watched her, the more certain I was that she wasn’t of age. Over and over my conscience yelled too young in my head, and while I knew it to be true, I just wanted to fucking enjoy feeling something good for the first time in forever. It was just one show and it wasn’t like I was going to bring her backstage to fuck, I assured myself. Unfortunately, she didn’t get any older during the show. When it was over, it was over, and reality took center stage, again. Our guitarist, Cole, ribbed the fuck out of me as we left the stage after the encore, asking if I was going to give “jailbait” a backstage pass. I wasn’t that big of an asshole, and I shook my

head in the negative. “Fuck off, dick. It wasn’t some big thing.” Cole laughed as he punched my arm. “Dude, you should have seen yourself. I think the girl was your fucking Priscilla.” I glared at him as I shook my head in confusion. “Dude, what the hell do you even mean? What the fuck is a Priscilla?” He looked at me like I was some kind of a moron. “You really need to get your rock ‘n’ roll knowledge beefed up—you should know this without asking. It’s like fuckin’ music folklore. If we’re ever on Celebrity Jeopardy and we lose because you don’t know something this obvious, I’m going to beat your ass. I’m talking about Priscilla Presley, fuckwad. You totally went all Elvis over a teenage girl.” I ground my teeth together as I glared at him. Once he explained, I remembered the basic story. It was true—Elvis had lost his nuts over a fourteen-year-old girl. Cole’s comparison embarrassed me. Anxious to get away, I gave him the finger. “Fuck Elvis and fuck you,” I said dismissively. “Ooh, grumpy,” he laughed. “I’ve never seen you look at someone that way. Something about her got to you and you know it. Too bad you’d need a permission slip to take her anywhere, Old Man.” I guessed she was somewhere between sixteen and eighteen, but my brain said eighteen was probably a real fuckin’ stretch. Since Cole was agreeing she was young, I knew I was out of line for even looking. It was humiliating to have gotten so turned on by a teenager. I extended my middle finger and stomped away without another word. When I got back to the dressing room, I grabbed a bottle and started drinking.

I woke up the next afternoon feeling like shit, with only hazy memories of the night before. Everything after getting dropped off at the stadium was a blur. My head was pounding so hard, I considered going out to the stocked bar and getting a bottle but something stopped me. I couldn’t remember why, but I’d known, down to my bones I needed to do better, to be better. I hadn’t always been like a drunken robotic human dildo. I wanted to be worthy. Worthy of what, I couldn’t say. My band was happy to fill me in once I snapped out and demanded to know why everyone was calling me Elvis. Nothing they said sparked my memory. I could just barely remember eyes the color of melting chocolate. No matter how much ribbing the band did, nothing other than the eye color came back to me. The name Elvis stuck around for a while—until everything in the band inevitably blew sky high and life imploded. In the aftermath, the Philly incident and the nickname that came after faded into oblivion entirely.

THE LAST TEN years of my life had been devoted almost entirely to my band, Renegade Saints. The four of us together were lightning in a bottle, which made us all richer than we ever dreamed. We were just kids when we got signed, literally, but the trajectory to the top happened at breakneck speed. Cole had been my best friend for as long as I could remember—literally. We’d lived next door to each other, and since our parents had us within two months of each other, our being friends was pretty much a sure thing. We’d always been together, stuck like glue. We went to the same daycare and stayed with my grandparents on nights our parents went out. Cole even called my grandparents Gram and Pop because they were the only grandparents he’d ever known. We weren’t just friends—we were family. Cole’s dad was a studio musician who recorded with a ton of big musical acts in the nineties. It was his influence that had Cole picking up a guitar when we were four. He could play better than most anyone I’d heard by the time we were ten, and today he’s world renowned for a skill right up there with the best of the best. My dad was a voiceover guy. His voice could be heard in hundreds of commercials while I was growing up. To this day, he keeps right on working, even though he doesn’t need to. Where Cole got his musical skills from his dad, I got my vocal abilities from mine. Little did our parents know, by living next to each other they were creating a recipe for one of the biggest selling bands of all-time. Cole was the sibling I never had, and I was the same for him. My mother was diagnosed with leukemia when I was five, and the entire foundation of my life changed. For two years, she was subjected to one treatment after another as she got weaker and weaker, her body giving up the fight before any of us were near ready to let her go. At one point, when she was hospitalized for twelve weeks and my dad had been staying with her, I’d lived with Cole and his parents. It was then that I started singing along when he played guitar. At first it was a lark, but later it became a way of life. Making music with Cole gave me something to hold on to when my mother died and my father got lost in his grief for a while. Losing my mother changed my life. I think of her every day. My father had always been my rock, and other than the few months after her passing where he went off the rails, he was the best father I could have ever asked for. He encouraged all of my musical talent and helped push Cole and me forward. By the time we were twelve, Cole and I were writing songs together. What started out as a way to pass time became a hobby and later turned into an obsession. Two years ago, we were stunned when a private collector offered my dad two hundred thousand dollars for the notebook containing the lyrics from our pre-teen writing sessions after a photo of the book was included in an article about us in Rolling Stone. The offer didn’t even turn my dad’s head, and the notebook is still ensconced in his safe. Cole and I met our drummer, Gavin Wilde, in fourth grade. The three of us were hell on wheels, and I felt sorry for every teacher we ever had. In addition to rocking, we excelled in general bad-assery and practical jokes. Our formative years set a precedent for the debauchery that ensued once we hit the big time, no doubt about it. The final piece of the Renegade Saints’ puzzle came together when we met our bassist, Tyson Allen,

in seventh grade. We knew fifteen minutes into our first jam session we wanted to make music together every day. It felt right, almost as though it were pre-destined. Each of us had been looking for something, and playing together provided the outlet. As every year passed, our skill level grew, as did the desire to go huge. We spent so much time devoted to the band it’s really a wonder the four of us graduated high school at all, but by the skin of our teeth, we managed it. Our drive to be heard became the stuff of legend. We played anywhere and everywhere we could, for anyone who was willing to listen…and even some who weren’t. We lived and breathed our band. During our senior year, we bought a used moving truck for the dual-purpose of hauling our gear to shows and hiring ourselves out as movers during the week to earn cash. Once we had enough money under our belts to pay for studio time, we picked what we considered our three tightest songs and went in to record. The outcome was something we were all proud of, something we stood behind. Bands like The Foo Fighters, Alice in Chains, Cheap Trick, The Beatles, Pearl Jam, Soundgarden, and U2 affected us, and I think our first songs reflected it. Most people said our music was unique and didn’t really reflect anyone who came before, but we were all about giving credit where credit was due. We were influenced for sure, whether people wanted to acknowledge it or not. After we had the demo done, Cole’s dad passed our demo CD out to everyone he came into contact with at the studios. Within weeks, the local DJ for a morning rock show was playing our song, “Now the Rain” on heavy rotation, and when fans went crazy for it, other stations followed suit. Cole and I were nineteen and Gavin and Tyson were eighteen when we got signed. Our debut CD, The Unknowns dropped seven months later, and things went wild in the aftermath. To date, the CD has sold thirty-one million copies and is one of the biggest selling albums of all time. A lot of shit went down in the years between the release of The Unknowns and now. As hard as it is to believe, it’s been almost a decade. The first four years after the release of the first album were pure insanity, and a lot of ridiculous shit happened to each of us. At some point, we all started coming undone, caught up in the race for more success, more parties, more sex and more bullshit. We lost ourselves, plain and simple. Drugs, alcohol, sex with strangers, bad behavior and near-death experiences became part of our lives in a way none of us ever could have predicted. It almost destroyed us all. You can come from the best family in the world, millions of people can love your music and sing the songs back to you word for word, but when you’re in the machine, all you do is sell, sell, sell. People think it’s glamorous because all your dreams have come true. What they fail to understand is the lifestyle quickly becomes a prison. The dream that’s held up as being idealistic is nothing but a fantasy. The reality is far from glamorous and involves taking a lot more shit than you would believe. Fame can be a form of torture, no matter what people think. Being on the road for years at a time, even with people you consider brothers, is one of the loneliest forms of life imaginable. For three hours a night you’re held up and loved by your fans and everything is great. When you’re on the stage it’s loud and in your face. Then, you get off the stage and the silence is deafening. Security and safety concerns keep you in a bubble, and it’s very surreal. Everyone wants a piece of you, but no one knows who you really are. For a long time, none of us knew who we really were, and it’s only in the last few years we’ve begun to evolve into fully formed people rather than rock star pricks. One of the worst parts of fame is missing your family when you’re on the road. No one who hasn’t been there can really understand what it’s like to wake up every morning wondering where in the world you are, or how disconcerting it is to finally be able to go home only to things inevitably changed while you were gone. In a lot of ways, it’s like living your life from behind a curtain. Fame becomes a prison of your own making, and unless you make drastic changes, you can get trapped in its jail cell forever. To that end, the band unanimously came to a decision. We were going on a farewell tour to celebrate the ten-year anniversary of The Unknowns. It would be a big thank you to all of our fans for their support over the years. We weren’t old, but we weren’t getting any younger either, and fame didn’t hold any

appeal for us anymore. It was a cold bed partner, and we didn’t want to keep doing it for the rest of our lives. At heart, we were all still regular guys who wanted to grow up and have real homes instead of the cold mausoleums we each bought when we made it big. We quietly started our own label, Unknown Records, and our plan for the future was to continue to help create music, just in a new way. After six months of searching, I thought we had finally found the band we’d been looking for to launch the label. I was pretty damn sure before we walked into the club they were playing in, but seeing them live had sealed the deal. They were called The Chaps and the four of us had flown in from LA to Philly to check them out in person. The band was the real deal, and their music was epic. They had a super-tight sound, and I knew they were the band we needed to launch our label. The rest of the guys agreed, and after the show, we headed back into their dressing room to meet them in person. During our meeting backstage, their lead singer mentioned they’d recently had some amazing band photos done. “I’m talkin’ Annie Liebovitz type shit man,” he boasted. I was really just being nice when I asked if I could check them out. When he thrust his laptop at me a few minutes later, I had to look or I would have seemed like a dick. Gesturing to the screen he said, “The chick who took these pictures is fucking smoking. There are a few shots of her in there with us, and they’re definitely the best pictures we’ve ever had done. We’ve been using this picture on our website and for promo mailers and the responses have been fuckin’ unreal.” Looking at the picture he was pointing to, my mouth went dry. Something about her seemed so familiar, but I couldn’t put my finger on what. Calling her “smoking” was almost an insult. The girl in the photo was lying naked, wrapped around a guitar. You couldn’t see anything X-rated, but the suggestion was enough. The band was behind her, each of their faces shown in profile. It was a black and white photo, and it made you feel like you were right there. It was very rock ‘n’ roll, totally hot, and I wanted her. Checking the web address, I made a mental note of it for future reference before starting to click through the pictures. Every picture was eye-catching and unique. I was seriously impressed by her work. She had totally managed to capture the spirit of the band as a whole and as individuals; something not many people did well in rock photography. When I was through looking at all of the pictures, I went back to the first one she was in. It was hard to tell for sure because she was lying down, but I’d guessed her to be on the shorter side of the spectrum. Her curves required no guessing. She had them in spades, and her figure was fuck-hot. Her hair was blonde, she was sexy as fuck and her lips made me hard as steel. Because the picture was black and white, I couldn’t tell what color her eyes were, but for some reason, I was positive they were a rich brown. I couldn’t believe how hard I was studying her, considering I hadn’t put so much thought into a woman, ever. The longer I stared, the more I wanted to meet her. An idea began to take shape in my mind as I looked at the pictures, and I decided I would go through her website with a fine-toothed comb. If the rest of her photos were anything like what I was looking at, I knew I’d found the photographer for our upcoming tour.

I FLUNG OPEN my bedroom door jumping up and down and screaming like a maniac. “Jessica! Get your skinny ass out here! I need to talk to you immediately!” I lost it when the bedroom door next to mine opened and my roommate came barreling out of her room in a panic. She looked at me like I was a crazy person as I continued flailing around like a lunatic. “Damn you hooker, you just made me fuck up my nail polish. Now it looks like I had a seizure while painting! This shit better be good!” I was so excited I couldn’t contain myself. As I jumped up and down, I screamed, “I just got hired to take the official tour photos for the Renegade Saints!” Her jaw dropped and she gaped at me. “Really?” “Yes! Yes! Yes!” Letting out a loud scream and a cheer, Jess grabbed me in a bear hug. “Holy shit, Tessa! I’m so fucking proud of you!” I was pretty damn proud, too as the two of us jumped around and screamed like fools for a few minutes. Renegade Saints were one of the hottest bands in the world, and landing the gig to take the official pictures for the tour that coincides with the tenth anniversary of their first CD, The Unknowns, was going to be a huge boost to my photography career. When I got the call from their manager offering me the job, I almost passed out. I’d only been out of art school for two years, and I was a total unknown. After stumbling all over my words and saying as much to him, he’d laughed. “That’s the whole point. If you know anything about the guys and how the band took off, you understand why they choose to use new talent whenever they can. Flynn saw a series of photos you’d taken of The Chaps. After seeing the photos, he saved your web address and shared it with the band and me. We did a little research, saw the rest of your portfolio, and it was decided. The job’s yours if you want it. What do you think?” What I thought wasn’t acceptable to say in the course of a professional conversation. Holy shit! Flynn Rand liked my photos? I was blown away. Flynn Rand! He was the hottest singer on the planet, and I’d been a fan since the moment I’d heard their first single, “Now the Rain,,” on the radio when I was in junior high. Back then my bedroom was covered in posters of Flynn Rand, Dave Grohl from The Foo Fighters and Chris Cornell from Audioslave. Looking at those photos was what inspired me to choose rock photography as a career. I couldn’t believe that of all the people in the world, it was Flynn Rand that thought I had talent. Clearing my throat, I’d tried to sound professional. “I’d be delighted to take the job. It goes without saying, working with Renegade Saints is an amazing opportunity.” “That’s great, Miss Hamilton. Flynn’s been adamant about you being ‘the one’ for the job, so this will make everyone very happy. I see you self-represent, but I’d suggest hiring a lawyer to go over the contract I’m going to send over to you by courier. You should have it by tomorrow afternoon at the latest. The first tour meeting is being held in two weeks, in LA.” I was in shock as he spoke, but I somehow managed to retain all the details he gave me.

“You’ll be getting a packet with the tour dates and deadline lists along with that contract. After I’ve gotten your signed contract, my secretary will contact you to arrange your flight and hotel arrangements. You’ll also be hearing from the tour manager. You’ll need to provide him with a list of things you need for the road, and his team will provide your tour credentials. The tour kicks off six weeks after the “AllHands On” meeting, and you should have your passport ready for the three weeks we’re in Europe toward the end of the tour. I’ll look forward to seeing you in LA at the meeting.” I’d hung up the phone in a state of shock, blown away by what just happened. I was going on tour with Renegade Saints! Flynn Rand liked my work! My body was buzzing with excitement and I was about to burst. I’d needed to share with Jess right away, and that’s when I ran into the hallway screaming and made her mess up her polish job. For the record, she was right. It was totaled, unless she told people she’d been painting her nails while running from a pack of dogs. We’d spent a ridiculous amount of time dancing and giggling before finally flopping down on the floor to get our breathing under control. Poking me in the side Jess said, “Oooh girl… do you think Flynn will sing to you again once you’re on the road with him?” Palming my forehead, I blushed from the tip of my head to the bottom of my feet. Six years before, when I was seventeen, Jess and I were fortunate enough to get front row seats to a Renegade Saints’ concert. That night I was the lucky girl in the front row who Flynn sang damn near every song to. Only Jess knows how that night quickly became the one memory sure to make me crazy horny in less than ten seconds. Rolling over onto my side, I smacked her arm. “Jessica! Don’t bring this up again until this tour is over! I can’t have that night in my head when I’m working for him. I’ll make the biggest ass out of myself.” She giggled as she pinched me on the arm. “That night would be pretty hard to forget, Tessa, especially since I bought the video of it off eBay and we’ve watched it at least a hundred times—eighty of those times being in the months following the show. We’ve been to over a dozen Renegade concerts, and it will always be the one that sticks out.” I glared at her again, and that time she got it. Raising her hands in mock surrender she said, “All right, all right—I get it! Don’t worry—I won’t tease you about it anymore. Best friend promise. I’ll totally be thinking it though.” For Jess it was a major concession, and I couldn’t help but giggle, which in turn got her laughing. Within twenty seconds the two of us were hysterically laughing again. Once we calmed down, Jess went to go fix her polish job while I called my parents to share my big news. As expected, my dad thought it was the coolest thing he’d ever heard. I grew up in a house filled with music, rock music to be specific, and my dad loved Renegade Saints. “How awesome, Tessa Belle! I’m so proud I could burst. I can’t believe my baby is going to be taking pictures of the biggest band in the world. I can’t wait to tell all my friends.” My mom asked for a lot more detail than my dad had, so I filled her in on what I knew. Like me, she was blown away Flynn Rand was the one who’d found me. “Good Lord, Tessa! That’s so strange, it’s almost freaky. I think you wrote Mr. and Mrs. Flynn Mason Rand on every piece of loose paper you got your hands on during your freshman year of high school. And Flynn, of all people in the band, to have discovered you is too funny. I’m so proud of you, honey! You’re living your dream.” After hanging up with my mom, I groaned in embarrassment at the second reminder of the day about how I’d been all but obsessed with Flynn when I was younger. It’s not so uncommon actually. Truth be told, everyone I knew had been obsessed with Renegade Saints back then. They came out of nowhere. I was thirteen the first time I heard Flynn sing, and I was hooked from that moment on. MTV was still playing music videos back then, and Jess and I never missed a countdown when Renegade Saints were on

the charts. All of the Renegade Saints guys were smoking hot, which didn’t hurt one bit. Cole Hayes was the lead guitarist, an Adonis with fingers like Eddie Van Halen. The drummer for the band, Gavin Wilde, had a quiet but oh-so-intense vibe. Bassist Tyson Allen was one of the hottest rockers alive. He played the bass like it was a drum set, all wild and crazy, but his face looked like it should be on the cover of Vogue. And then, there was Flynn Rand. Even a decade later, I still knew his stats by heart. He was six feet tall with shoulder-length dark hair, wild amber eyes, lips like a dream, and a body that didn’t quit. The first time I ever had an orgasm, I was fifteen and listening to Flynn’s voice while staring at a poster of him on my wall. He was shirtless, sweaty, and singing to the crowd. As long as I live, I’ll never forget staring at the V cut leading to his groin as I came. The bulge on display in the jeans he wore in the picture got me off for a really long time. Truth be told, thinking of him was still getting me off. It was a crying shame no one else ever got me as turned on in real life as the fantasy version of Flynn did. It only got more intense after the night of the infamous Flynn Rand sang TO ME concert. It was number one in my fantasy file. The remembered intensity of his gaze on me guaranteed I’d get off. Other than the night of the concert, life had handed me a shit sandwich where arousal with men who were in the room was concerned. I was still dealing with the after effects of my break up six weeks prior from the world’s biggest asshole, and it was definitely coloring the way I looked at men. I’d dated Lee for two months before I made the decision to have sex with him. At twenty-three I’d had enough, and I was dog ass tired of being a virgin. I kept waiting for someone to turn me on as much as the pictures of Flynn used to, but it never happened. It was my own fault I compromised and wound up having sex with someone who sucked in bed. To say it was a big disappointment was an understatement, but I figured I’d come around… hopefully literally. I really thought Lee was a decent guy. I couldn’t have been more wrong; something I found out in the most humiliating ways. We’d gone to a wedding with a bunch of his friends a few weeks after we began having sex. The wedding was held in Jersey City, and we stayed up there. Sounds great, right? We rented a series of rooms that were connected, and we all had a great time at the wedding. I had a little too great of a time, and when we got back to the hotel room, I started puking. I puked a few times and then fell asleep, waking up a few hours later dehydrated and thirsty as hell. As I was making my way across the room to the mini bar, I heard the telltale moans of some pretty damn loud sex. A quick glance around our hotel room indicated Lee wasn’t there. I don’t remember if I walked to the half open door leading to the other room because I was suspicious or not, but what greeted me when I looked through the door was a nightmare. There was literally a pile of bodies on the two queen beds and the floor, all completely naked and engaged in different sexual acts. When my eyes landed on Lee, my jaw dropped. He was flat on his back with his “best friend” Mary sitting on his face and his friend Ben’s wife, Hillary, riding him. It was like a scene from a bad porno movie…or, my worst nightmare. What happened next was a disaster. When I yelled, Mary climbed off Lee’s face so he could see me. He didn’t bat an eyelash and I struggled not to vomit in disgust at how revolting it was that he was looking at me with an obvious expression of annoyance while his face was covered in Mary’s arousal. I fully expected him to apologize. Instead, he yelled at me for interrupting and told me to loosen the fuck up and join in—or keep the stick up my ass and get the fuck out. I’d been mortified. It was embarrassing to be treated that way, and it didn’t help that I heard people laughing when I slammed the door shut. I was packed and out of the room within five minutes, needing to put as much space between me and the deafening sounds of my former boyfriend and his pals having wild sex as possible. The front desk took my appearance in stride, and quickly had me checked into a new room. Once I was in the new room, I called Jess and woke her up, replaying the whole story for her. We’d made plans

for her to get me the following morning, and once I was off the phone, I curled up in the bed and cried. Not because I was sad about my relationship with Lee coming to an end—in truth it was almost a relief. I was crying because I was angry and humiliated. I was such a chump. I’d given away my virginity to someone who turned out to be a total asshole. It killed me to realize I’d been gullible enough to fall for what was clearly his charade. Unbelievably, Lee called, texted and emailed me pretty steadily for the first few weeks after the break-up, even though I had made it abundantly clear I would never touch him again. He even had the nerve to tell me it was something he and his friends did all the time, and he’d hoped that by getting me drunk enough I’d loosen up and join in. “I was actually trying to help you. You’re a beautiful girl, Tessa, but you’re about as sensual as a Dr. Seuss book. I hoped I could fix you.” Yeah, talk about a slap in the face. Being told I was a dud on top of everything else, made me feel like a giant loser in addition to having shit taste in guys. I’d never been very loose around Lee; he was right. Just like every boyfriend I’d ever had, he didn’t measure up to the sexual feelings Flynn Rand had evoked in me when my hormones started coming to life. The only difference between Lee and the others was, I’d been dumb enough to have sex with him. My problem had always been Flynn and people not measuring up to how hot I could get just looking at him. I knew Flynn was dangerous to my libido, and I knew I quickly needed to get my shit together and perfect my poker face before I met him in person. It would be epically embarrassing if I dissolved into a puddle of liquid at his feet. I sure as hell couldn’t beg him to touch me, just so I could see if the reality was even in the same neighborhood as the fantasy. There wouldn’t be a reason to bother trying to find out. I knew it wouldn’t be in the same neighborhood at all. What Lee said was true. There were people who don’t enjoy having sex, and I seemed to be one of them. I did just fine by myself, but when I did anything sexual with anyone else, it was a let-down. My taste in men being what it was, I was betting Flynn was terrible in bed. In reality, the bulge I’d lusted over for years was probably nothing more than a few tube socks rolled together to create the appearance of a big dick.

I HADN’T STOPPED thinking about the photographer since I saw the picture of her with The Chaps. When I got back to my hotel that night, I spent hours on her website looking at all of her photos. She had an incredible eye, and each picture told a story. Had I seen her work without seeing her as well, I’d still have wanted to hire her. I’d been to the site an embarrassing number of times since the first night. She had a series of black and white self-portraits I just couldn’t stop looking at. She was beautiful, no doubt about it, but she was also strangely familiar. I couldn’t quite shake the feeling I’d met her before, but I knew that couldn’t be the case. This girl made an impression and I was positive I would have remembered meeting her. There were just a few hours before I would meet her, and my dick was already hard. I wanted her, but I needed to keep my eye on the ball. There was a lot to focus on with the band in the coming months, and I couldn’t allow my dick to lead me off course. Since this was our last tour, we’d agreed to let it be filmed as a documentary. We’d also have a biographer with us who would be compiling information for a band autobiography, which we’d be releasing in conjunction with the film and a live CD. It would be a big goodbye, and it would take just over a year from start to finish. Four months on tour, then six months putting the CD, documentary and book together, followed by two months of publicity. Afterward we’d be free. I didn’t know what normal life would look like, but I was ready for it. For a long time, each of us went completely off the rails. Tyson had gotten heavily into drugs, and the rest of us were drinking, fucking, and taking risks with our personal safety on a daily basis. We sold CDs by the million, but the quality of our work had definitely suffered. Out of the ten songs on our third CD, there were three we willingly played today. The rest was pure crap. We were totally half-assing it. I was the first to start to get my shit together following an epic blackout in Philadelphia. The next day, I woke up with a new nickname and the certainty I had to be better than I was. As the tour was ending, our manager sat us all down and told us if we didn’t ALL get healthy, there wasn’t going to be a band left. He was right—and when shit hit the fan, one of us almost died. Thus, when the tour was over, three of us went to ground in our hometown while Tyson went to rehab. We all got our shit under control before coming back together six months later to record our fourth album. The difference between the third and fourth CD was like night and day. It was during the making of that fourth CD that the four of us started talking about getting out of the game. The whole rock star thing was an experience we’d both loved and hated, but fame wasn’t what any of us cared about. Each of us wanted a real life. All of us agreed we hadn’t made so much money to spend the rest of our lives anchorless and miserable. But, we didn’t want to quit the music business entirely. We’d gotten started on this ride because we loved music, and now we were going to take what we’d learned in the past decade and put it to work with our own label. Everything was moving forward perfectly, at least professionally. Personally, I hadn’t been successful in finding anyone I wanted to spend a significant amount of time with. At the beginning of our ride to the top, I fucked everything that walked—and even a few who couldn’t. I liked to fuck, but I would never let

myself come. I was like a fucking machine, there to make them come like crazy, but I didn’t come myself until they’d gone. My biggest fear was it’d become such an ingrained pattern I’d never be able to have a normal sex life. I knew people thought it was weird how I didn’t come with chicks, and I guessed it was by normal standards. I gave enough of myself away without offering that up, too. The sexual portion of touring life had always been unbelievable, and I’d definitely enjoyed it in years past, orgasm or not. The world was a sexual buffet, and the entire band ate from it daily, sometimes many times a day with different people each time, for years. We stopped doing crazy shit with multiple groupies at a time when we all came back together after the six months off. These days our tours were cleaner, healthier and less debauched. That wasn’t to say that we didn’t all still dip our wicks into hot women, including some groupies, but it wasn’t a thrice-daily occurrence anymore. I like to think although I’m highly sexed, my palette has been refined with time. I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I have no idea what a relationship would look like. My only girlfriend was Mary Stevenson back in high school. It doesn’t count for shit because it was a nightmare. Yeah, we were together for two years, but I still fucked other girls, she fucked half the football team, and it wasn’t like we were going to get married. I often wondered if I was capable of being in a real relationship. I felt like I’d totally missed the experience, and sometimes it seemed like it wasn’t destined to happen for me. What I was looking for was a connection to someone else—something I felt in places other than my dick. I hadn’t found anything like it before—didn’t even know if it was possible—but I hoped. I wondered if the little photographer and I would have any chemistry. I knew her name was Tessa, and I thought it suited her. It was a sexy name, just like her. My dick certainly liked the look of her, because I’d spent weeks jerking off with images of her in my mind. The only thing that sucked was not knowing if the reality could live up to the ideal. For all I knew, she had a high-pitched voice, a boyfriend, and she loved to crochet dog sweaters. I couldn’t wait until I got to meet her and see what she was really like.

I HADN’T BEEN to LA since my senior year in high school when my parents surprised me with a graduation trip to see Metallica. I’d loved it then, and now I loved it more. It was as beautiful as ever, and I was soaking up the atmosphere like a sponge. I could definitely see myself living there someday, and it was possible after I photographed the Renegade Saints’ tour I would be able to do so sooner rather than later. Already, the difference between working with unsigned acts and a worldwide sensation was hugely apparent. My flight in was first class, and they’d put me up in a one-bedroom suite at the Mondrian. Talk about beautiful! After arriving late last night, the suite was like a warm hug. The group “All-Hands On” meeting wasn’t scheduled until tomorrow, but tonight there was an informal meet-and-greet for all the people involved in the tour at some house up in the hills. I was to be ready to go by six-thirty, and a town car was picking me up. The packet I’d received with all of the travel instructions had advised me to wear something sophisticated. Jess and I had spent an entire day scouring the King of Prussia Mall back home before finding an absolutely perfect red sheath dress. It ended an inch or two above my knees and left one shoulder bare. I was pairing a drop dead sexy pair of strappy silver stilettos that wrapped around my ankles with it, and I thought the look was going to be just right. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking of Flynn Rand when I bought the outfit. Since I had free time, I’d decided to make good use of it down at the hotel pool, figuring when in LA, I should do as the natives did and soak up the sun. I’d lucked out and gotten a lounger right near the edge of the pool. After applying sunscreen, I’d put my sunglasses on and settled in with a good book. About twenty minutes after I’d gotten comfortable, someone came to the edge of my chair and stood over me. “Oh hey, you’re the photographer!” Pushing my sunglasses up on my head, I raised my eyes to find a really hot guy standing over me. Tall, blond, buff and beautiful, he was hotter than any Abercrombie model I’d ever seen. I could do so many things with a camera and his face. Nodding my head, I stared at him. “Yes, I’m the photographer… and you are?” Smacking his forehead, the cutie dropped down on the chair beside me. “Shit! Sorry. I’m Ian Monroe, the band’s biographer.” We shook hands before he continued. “I saw your website. Everyone’s been buzzing about the photos of you with the band the guys just signed. Your stuff is legit! Can’t wait to see what you’ll do with the Saints.” I’d immediately liked Ian and knew we were going to get along great. He was welcoming and engaged which was just what I’d hoped for in my co-workers. We wound up spending the rest of the afternoon together, shamelessly sunning ourselves and talking about the tour. Through Ian, I found out we would also be travelling with a film crew and a recording crew. The tour was going to be a huge blow out, and I was quite excited. I asked what the guys were like to work for, and was happy when Ian said they were all very cool and down to earth. “They’re totally letting me see where all the skeletons are buried for the purposes of the bio.

Normally, I have to push people to open up, but they were totally ready for it. Between you and me, I think this might wind up being the biggest and best thing I’ve ever written. It has best-seller written all over it,” he admitted. It seemed like this tour was going to open plenty of doors for a lot of people, myself included. Thinking back to what their manager said, I understood the guys really did think it was important to farm good talent. I’d felt comfortable with Ian, and I really enjoyed spending the day with him. I was relieved to know I’d have cool people to hang with while we were all on the road. We parted ways just after four-thirty, and after eating an early dinner, I prepared to get ready. After showering and blowing my hair out, I styled it in loose waves. I kept my make-up simple, light eye shadow, mascara and the barest hint of blush. I finished the look with a sheer red lip-gloss that matched the dress. Once I was satisfied with my face and hair, I put on my red strapless bra and matching thong before slipping into my sheath dress. After putting on the silver stilettos, I stepped back to survey myself in the mirror. Smiling, I spun slowly as I took in the full effect. I thought I looked the part, and I was very happy with my choice of dress. I tried not to focus too much on what Flynn might think of my outfit. I knew I was being an idiot, since he probably wouldn’t even notice what I was wearing. Looking over at the clock, I saw I had a few minutes to spare before I needed to head down to the lobby for my ride. Sitting down on the loveseat, I began taking a few deep, cleansing breaths. So far I’d been remarkably calm, but knowing I was about to meet Flynn for the first time, I needed to get my game face in place. It would be beyond embarrassing to stammer and act like some groupie freak, and I had no intention of doing so. I was also mentally preparing myself for him to be a disappointment. Nothing ever lives up to the fantasies created in the mind, and nothing was ever going to be as intense as the night of the concert when he sang to me. I started laughing as I reminded myself he totally had to be stuffing his pants with tube socks when he was on stage. After checking myself over one more time, I grabbed my clutch and headed to the lobby to wait for the Town Car. I didn’t have to wait at all, because as I exited the elevator, I saw a driver holding a tablet with my name on it. Making my way over to him, I introduced myself. He introduced himself to me as well, telling me his name was Frank and he would be my driver for the next few days. The drive to the house passed quickly, and before I knew it I’d arrived at my destination. Taking one more deep breath, I centered myself before stepping out of the car. I couldn’t help the little grimace that flickered over my face when I saw the house. It was one of those giant ostentatious glass boxes, all sharp corners and steel. I knew it was some architect’s version of clean lines and beauty, but it was very sterile and cold. I knew it cost more than I would make in my entire life, but I couldn’t live in something like it if you paid me. A woman who identified herself as “Pam the party planner,” opened the door to the glass palace. She handed my clutch off to a waiting assistant, and then escorted me into what I assumed would be called a living room, even though the term would have been very generous. Just like the outside of the house, it was extremely uninviting. Oh, sure, it was a designer’s wet dream, but it was so damn unwelcoming I shuddered. Everything in the room had hard lines and edges. The chairs and sofas were steel colored rectangles and squares with not a throw pillow in sight. You had to love this part of the LA scene, all about the aesthetics, never about the comfort level. There were several people already in the room, and I was relieved to see Ian. He was standing with a beautiful girl in a black bodysuit. She had an exotic look that paired well with Ian’s California boy appearance. As I was walking over to where they were, Ian saw me and held out his hand to pull me into their space. “Tessa, this is Devon Bannister. Devon is directing the documentary being filmed of the tour. Devon, this is Tessa Hamilton. Tessa is—” Waving him off, Devon smiled and held her hand out to me. “I know just who you are! Flynn showed

me your website. Your pictures are amazing. The one of you with the band was badass. I’ve been so anxious to meet you to discuss your vision for photos and mine for the film so we can work it all out together. Once the tour starts there will be some days you’re shooting where I’ll have my crew there to interview the guys and capture everything that happens. I also have an idea of what I want the movie poster to look like, and I’m hoping you’ll love the idea as much as I do.” I couldn’t help but smile at what a whirling dervish Devon was. I felt as if we were going to get along great. I relaxed a bit more, pleased to have genuinely liked both of the people I’d met today, who were going to be sharing the road experience with me for the next several months. Accepting a glass of champagne from a server carrying a silver tray, I started to get into a conversation with Devon about her idea for the movie poster. “I’m thinking it would be so cool if we got a photo of them as they are now, but the reflection at the bottom is as they were then. A past and present kind of thing, like—” I felt the air in the room shift just before she stopped talking. Nothing about Ian or Devon changed other than the fact she had stopped telling me what her vision of the poster was, but I could feel the difference in a big way. I realized someone was behind me when Ian smiled over my shoulder and said, “Hey, Flynn! You haven’t met Tessa in person yet, have you?” Reminding myself to breathe, I held it together perfectly as Flynn stepped next to me for Ian to introduce us. At least I did until Flynn met my eyes for the first time in six years and then took my hand in his. For a moment, time stood still and there wasn’t anything or anyone else in the room. Hell, there wasn’t even a room. It was just Flynn and I. Not Flynn Rand, the hotter than hell singer, but Flynn Rand, the man. And what a man he was. I had a hard time remembering I’d seen his face, looked into his eyes and heard his voice before. I was alarmed because in less than two seconds, I was wet. No, not just wet, drenched. The sound of Devon’s throaty laugh pulled me back from wherever it was I’d gone, and I smiled up at Flynn with what I hoped was a normal expression as opposed to an, I’m so hot right now I’d like you to take me into another room, bend me over and take me as hard as humanly possible look. He’d smiled back at me as his hand continued to hold onto mine, and while his face looked calm, the eyes looking back into mine were anything but. They were full of pure unadulterated, I want to fucking pound you lust, and I clenched my inner muscles so hard in response to the look that I almost came on the spot. Jesus Christ, I was a groupie cliché. What. The. Fuck?

EVEN WITH ONLY the benefit of a rear view, I knew without a doubt it was Tessa. I could feel it. I saw she was in conversation with Ian and Devon, but fuck if I cared. Once I’d gotten her into my sights, I needed to meet her. If the front was as sexy as the back, I was going to need to work hard to keep myself in check for the rest of the night. She was wearing some hot as hell red number, and I’d already decided she had the hottest looking ass and legs I’d ever laid eyes on. The strappy little fuck me heels she was wearing set off a parade of X-Rated images in my head, all involving hammering into her while she wore them and nothing else. When Ian saw me, he gave me a smile and a head gesture to make my way over. I was drawn to Tessa Hamilton as though she was an industrial strength magnet, so I was already on my way over. Coming up directly behind her, I’d taken in her clean, fresh scent. Ian wasted no time in starting the introductions. “Hey, Flynn! You haven’t met Tessa in person yet, have you?” I hadn’t, unless you counted the dozens of five alarm fantasies and dreams I’d had about her since the night I saw her picture. Taking a step closer, I stopped when I was standing at her side, holding my breath as she turned to face me for the first time. Fuck. ME. As amazing as the photos I’d seen of her were, the in-the-flesh version was a million times better. My brain catalogued a hundred different facts in less than ten seconds. She was probably five foot four without the shoes, a full B cup, and wore a size three/four. I’d definitely earned my doctorate studying and examining the female form over the last decade, but for the first time it shamed me I’d done it all without even thinking about it. When our eyes met for the first time, I was confused. What the fuck was it about her that was so familiar, I wondered? I was positive I’d never seen or met her previously, because my reaction to her was so extreme, it was something I would remember had it ever happened before. The way she looked at me… fuck. I very seriously wondered if there was any scenario available that would make throwing her over my shoulder caveman style and running off with her to the closest bed for the next seven to ten days acceptable. Decorum prevailed and I reached my hand out to clasp hers. With the first touch, I. Was. Done. Ring the bell, sound the alarm, turn off the lights and lock the doors. Done. I’d had hundreds and hundreds of women underneath me over the last decade. Never once did I struggle to continue breathing when I touched them. I was touching Tessa’s hand, not her body, and I shouldn’t have been as affected as I was just from a simple touch. We were both brought out of our silent study of each other by Devon giving a little laugh. Letting go of my hand, Tessa graced me with the most heart-stopping smile I’d ever seen. There was the faintest trace of a flush on her skin, and her eyes… fuck me. She was turned on, too. I’d have sworn she was on the

verge of a massive orgasm. I returned her smile with what I hoped wasn’t a totally inappropriate “I want to superglue you to my cock for six to twelve lifetimes” look. I knew it was time for me to say something… anything, but I was flustered and my head wasn’t focused on words at all. Finally, my brain clicked in and provided some information. Pictures! She took pictures. Pulling my mind out of the bedroom, I focused all of my attention on making a good impression. “Tessa, it’s a pleasure to meet you. I was lucky enough to see your photos of The Chaps after one of their shows a few weeks ago. When I went to your website and saw the rest of your pictures, I knew I had to have you.” Yeah, fuck me. It sounded horrible and I knew it. All I could think was—Real fucking smooth, moron. “I mean I had to have you join the tour. To be our photographer.” When did I turn into a bumbling idiot? Right around the time I laid eyes on Tessa Hamilton. I was normally unflappable, but right then, I was pretty damn sure nothing I said really made sense. If the expressions on Ian and Devon’s faces were anything to go by, I really looked like a total tool. Neither of them seemed to be able to believe what they were witnessing. Hell, I couldn’t believe it and it was happening to me. My concerns about my idiocy evaporated like cold water on a hot day when Tessa smiled and spoke. “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Flynn. I’m a fan of your work as well, and it’s an honor to have been chosen to do this job. I promise not to let you down.” Even her voice had been fucking hot. Watching her lips move was a carnal activity, and I envisioned her lips opening to suck me. I wanted to thread my fingers through her hair and hold her head while I fucked her mouth. Hard. I wanted to take control, and then I wanted to come down her throat. It was literally all I could think about. Right then, I realized I needed to put some space between us, immediately. There was no longer any question about my intentions toward her. I planned to pursue her, but the way things were going right then, I’d have been begging her to marry me before the night was over if I hadn’t walked away. No woman had ever brought me to my knees, and I’d be lying if I didn’t admit I was fucking flabbergasted. “I know you won’t, Tessa. I’ve studied your work, and I have full faith in your abilities,” I assured her. “I need to make my way around the room for a bit, but I’ll find you later so we can talk again. Enjoy yourself.” Flashing another smile, I turned and looked for someone else to talk to. Anyone. Spotting Cole at the edge of the room looking in my direction, I made my way over to him. I wasted no time in filling him in. “Holy fuck, Cole—I’m pretty sure I just had an out of fucking body experience. I just made the biggest toolbag asshole out of myself when I met the photographer. Remember how hot she was in those photos? She’s better in person, and I could barely string two fuckin’ sensible words together. I almost dragged her to the nearest flat surface to fuck her. I swear to God I think I’d come in about two minutes inside of her. If she just talks to me while she’s naked, I’ll probably come without ever touching her. Me! I’m not even exaggerating. What the actual fuck?” Giving me a surprised look, Cole had stared at me for a few seconds before he shook his head in wonder. “Maybe there’s something in the water, because I’m all caught up with Devon. And Ian too, I guess, but I don’t think he swings both ways and you know how I feel about one on one shit. I’m totally mind-fucked.” Clearly both of us had our minds on things other than business. Looking back to where Tessa was still standing with Ian and Devon, I’d noticed all three of them had shifted so the two of us were in their vision line. “They’re both watching you so I think it’s safe to say they’re interested. Ian looks a little unsure to me, so if I had to take a stab in the dark, I’d say he’s never been attracted to a man before. But there’s no doubt

in my mind he is now. I’d actually noticed it for the first time earlier this week, but since you hadn’t confirmed you were attracted to him, I kept it under my hat. Devon, on the other hand, is much easier to read. She wants you. Good news—I like them both very much. I think you’ve got this in the bag, brother.” Cole’s smile had spread quickly. “ I’ve never been so fucking hot for someone the way I am for Devon and I think Ian would be a good second. For the record, you’ve definitely got the photographer’s attention. She hasn’t stopped looking at you, yet.” It made me feel good—less like a bumbling teenager wanting a girl in math class to notice me. Giving him a cocky grin, I laughed. “I’m a lot to look at.” “Yeah, a lot of ugly,” he laughed. “You know what’s weird about the photographer? Something about her seems familiar to me.” His words threw me for a loop. Maybe we had seen her somewhere before and I was too fucked up to remember. I wanted to ask why he thought that, but our conversation was cut short by the arrival of our tour manager, Joe, and we spent a few minutes talking to him before spreading out to meet the few other people in the room we’d not met, yet. I hoped the rest of the introductions would be short and sweet so I could make my way back to Tessa. I wanted to spend time with her.

I WAS LIGHT headed for a few seconds after Flynn walked away. Ian was the one who broke the silence with a low whistle. “Holy shit, Tessa! What the hell was that? You two just put off so much heat I can still feel the burn.” Blushing furiously, I shook my head in denial. Unfortunately for me, Devon was nodding in agreement with Ian. “Don’t pretend you didn’t feel it, Tessa! I’ve never seen anything like it. You all but ate each other alive with your eyes. I wish I’d been filming so you could see it for yourself!” My face had been hot with a mixture of arousal and embarrassment when I nodded in defeat. “Alright, I admit it. I was definitely caught off guard by how hot he is, and I was eating him with my eyes. I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say he gets that type of thing every day—he probably didn’t even notice.” Devon was shaking her head before I finished my sentence. “I’ve taped with them for a few days, and I’ve seen dozens of beautiful women eat him alive with their fuck me eyes. I’ve never seen him react like he just did. He wants you, Tessa. Judging by the look he gave you, he wants you badly and it’s hot. If I were you and I had such combustible sexual tension with someone, I’d fuck them six ways from Sunday.” I had no response. I wanted to fuck him six ways from Sunday, but the fact remained I didn’t do things like that. Also, according to the one and only man I’d ever been intimate with, I was less of a turn on than a Dr. Seuss book. Flynn was attracted to my exterior, but if it really came down to it, I was sure he would be disappointed with my lack of experience. While I continued speaking to Devon and Ian, the three of us subtly turned so we had eyes on Flynn and his band mate, Cole. Cole was incredibly attractive, but I was not harboring any desire for him at all. While I was only thinking about Flynn, it wasn’t lost on me how Devon was looking at Cole like he was filet mignon. A second later, I noted Ian was also eying up Cole. He looked tentative about it, but he was definitely interested in him. I was confused because I’d have sworn Ian and Devon had been flirtatious with each other earlier. The three of us spoke for a few more minutes, surreptitiously watching Cole and Flynn all the while. When Flynn and Cole got into conversation with someone else and walked away, Devon and Ian took me around the room and introduced me to everyone. I met the engineer in charge of the CD recording and the stylist for the tour, along with several of the band’s management team. Over the next several hours, I was introduced to the three band members I hadn’t met yet. I liked Cole, Tyson and Gavin right away. Each one was down to earth and seemed unaffected by their celebrity status. They reminded me of the musicians I’d worked with back in Philly, which made me happy. I didn’t think there would be any celebrity head trips to navigate with the Renegade crew. As the party was winding down, I ended up sitting on one of the ridiculously uncomfortable couches next to Devon, talking about all the people I’d met throughout the night. I felt Flynn before I saw him. When I looked up, he was making his way toward me. The look on his face was pure sin, and it left little doubt as to what he wanted. Immediately, my core clenched as I went liquid all over again. Devon made her excuses and scurried away, leaving me alone with Flynn. He took the seat right next

to me, and it took everything I had not to moan. He’d smelled like sex and I’d wanted to bury my face against his neck and inhale. I wanted to touch him in the worst way. The urge to climb onto his lap was so intense it scared me. I also had an almost uncontrollable urge to throw caution to the wind and beg him to fuck me. Anywhere, anytime, however he wanted me, even if it was on one of the ridiculously ugly sofas. The look in his eyes said he wasn’t against the idea, and I was equal parts hopeful and terrified he would come onto me. Giving me a grin, he started speaking. “It looked like you got to meet everyone tonight. What did you think?” Relieved by the professional tone of his question, I relaxed. He wasn’t going to ask me to fuck him and even though it was kind of disappointing, I was relieved he wasn’t acting like a douche. “I liked everyone very much. I think we’re all going to get along, and I think you’ve chosen a perfectly matched group of people to get everything you want out of this tour.” Smiling, he nodded at me in agreement. “We’re all really happy with the group we’ve chosen. We’ve had some pretty rough tours in the past, so we were very particular when we assembled this tour’s principal players. You were the final piece to the puzzle. We went through dozens of photographer’s portfolios, but nothing clicked until the night The Chaps showed us what you’d done for them. And now, you’re here. Are you excited about going on a world tour?” Nodding my head in the affirmative, I’d laughed. “I’m really excited. I know it’s going to be rough not going home for four months, but I’m ready for the experience. I’m thrilled to go but I don’t think I could do it for years the way you have. Of course, you’re used to it I’m sure. It must just be a way of life now.” He’d looked pensive for a moment before answering. “Yeah… a way of life. To be honest, it’s no life at all. We’re making the announcement to all of you tomorrow afternoon, and later tomorrow on our website, and at a news conference—this is our last tour. We’re done. We all love each other, love the music, but we hate the grind of the constant touring. We’ve decided to grow up. We started a record label and The Chaps are our first signed act. As friends, the band will be together forever, but no more touring.” I was stunned. I’d pre-judged Flynn and the guys as being rockers for life, perfectly content with the constant touring, probably with different girlfriends in every city. Stories of the band’s debauchery were legendary, and talking to Ian had confirmed they had fucked way more people than the folklore claimed. While it was likely true, Flynn’s answer made me realize I had put him and the other guys in a box they didn’t belong in. “I’m sorry, Flynn. I guess I never really thought about how tedious it must have become. Here I am, whining about missing my house for four months, but you can’t really have been home very much at all for the last decade. It must have been incredibly difficult.” Giving me a surprised look he replied, “You weren’t whining, Tess. You were being honest. We don’t get enough honesty. Real life went on without us for the last decade, and we wound up being surrounded by people who enabled us and agreed with everything we said, even if we were wrong. Besides, you’re right. The road sucks. Never going home sucks. Never having any kind of real connection sucks. We all just want to move on.” He’d called me Tess. I heard every word he said, but what stood out the most was Flynn calling me Tess. I had never allowed anyone to abbreviate my name, but for some reason I liked that he did it. It seemed intimate, like it was something between us. I knew it was fanciful of me, but I couldn’t help it. The rest of the people in the house disappeared from my mind as I continued talking to Flynn. He was so easy to talk to, and our conversation flowed naturally. Still, the sexual tension between us was right there. If anything, talking to him attracted me to him more. I startled when Pam the party planner interrupted us. “Sorry to break in on the conversation Mr. Rand, but I wanted to let you know we’ve wrapped everything up and are about to leave. Everything went smoothly. I hope you were happy with the turn out.”

I zoned out on Flynn’s answer as I looked around and realized the room was empty. We had talked for so long, everyone had left. Worse, I hadn’t even noticed people leaving. It was like the previous two hours passed while I was in a Flynn bubble. I was embarrassed to think of what my driver’s opinion of me probably was—that I was a total slut who was hanging around in Flynn’s house doing the groupie grab ass. As soon as Pam walked away, I jumped up from the miserably uncomfortable couch. “I’m so sorry I monopolized your time, Flynn. I’m going to go. I’ll see you tomorrow at the meeting.” When I went to walk around him, he slid his hand up my arm and halted me. My skin tingled from the warmth of his touch and I wanted to lean into him, a response I just barely managed to keep in check. “Tess, you didn’t monopolize my time. If anything, I monopolized yours. I’m sorry. I’ll take you back to the hotel now.” I paused as I wondered what he meant when he said he would take me back to the hotel. “What happened to my driver?” He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I told him to leave hours ago. I’d always intended to be the one to drive you back.” There were a million and one things I could have said in the moment. I could have asked a bunch of inane questions, but the truth was I already knew the answers. He felt the pull I did and had wanted to spend time with me. If he’d gone about it in another way I would have been offended, but he wasn’t being a dick. The teenage version of me would have lost her mind, screaming like a fan girl, where as the adult version of me was skittish. It was as he walked me through the living room and into the kitchen toward a door that clearly led to the garage when I realized the cold and unfriendly house belonged to him. The words had come out of my mouth before I could hold them back. “Oh crap! This is your house?” Halting his steps, he turned to study me as he nodded. “Yeah… I bought it when we hit it big. What do you think?” Looking around, I tried desperately to find anything visually appealing so I would have something positive to say. Unfortunately, the kitchen was as ridiculous as the living room. The cabinets were gray and accented with steel, and there was literally nothing comforting or inviting in the entire room. I could tell the wait staff had just finished cleaning because it was as sterile and pristine as an operating room. It didn’t matter—the room was so horribly unwelcoming I couldn’t imagine a few dirty plates would have made it more home like. Turning to him, I said the only honest thing I could. “ Well… It’s very—um, big.”

SHE HATED THE house. Tessa was the first person I’d met in years who didn’t bullshit me just to get closer, and I liked it. I was starting to wonder if I’d had even one authentic moment in the last decade that wasn’t with my family, my band mates, or our manager. Delighted with her honesty, I couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh Tess, that’s classic. I hate this house. Buying it was just one more ridiculous purchase I made when I got money. I was twenty and I thought it would be a great bachelor pad. I made the mistake of hiring the world’s tackiest decorator and she just made it worse. I’m done here. I love the area though, so I’m thinking I’m going to have the house demolished to have something built from scratch, something that doesn’t give me the chills when I walk in. My manager had a house built last year and it’s the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen. I’m going to set up a meeting with the firm that did his and have them build me something amazing.” Tessa looked relieved that I wasn’t offended. “How amazing,” she enthused. “Building a house from the ground up would be a cool experience. I’m glad you want something friendlier. I was thinking whoever lived here had to be a really cold person, which doesn’t seem like you at all.” Smiling at her, I turned and walked the rest of the way through the kitchen before entering the garage. Hustling to the passenger door of my black Cadillac STS, I held the door open for Tessa to get in, enjoying her fresh scent and the feel of her as she brushed ever so gently against me before sliding into her seat. Just the hint of a touch from her and I was so hard I could steer the car with my dick. But, I got the impression she was way on the fence about exploring our chemistry. In the last decade, I’d never had to work at bedding the women I wanted. I’d actually worked harder to get rid of women than I ever did to attract them. Tessa wasn’t all over me, and I knew she wouldn’t be throwing herself at me. As I walked around the car, I realized I was whistling. Something about Tessa made me feel good. With a mile wide smile on my face, I opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat. It was nice being in the car alone with Tess. Our conversation flowed effortlessly; something I’d never experienced with a woman. Not even close. When I pulled into the front drive of the Mondrian, I was reluctant to let her go. It wasn’t a purely sexual thing either. As badly as I wanted to slide into her—and trust me, I’d wanted to in the worst fucking way—I’d wanted to spend time with her just as much. Getting out, I briskly walked around the car to open her door for her. Once she was out, I tossed my key to the valet and took the receipt for it. Tessa smiled at me tentatively, a little worry showing on her face for the first time all night. “You don’t have to see me up, Flynn.” After taking her arm, I walked into the hotel with her. “Rumors to the contrary, I’m a gentleman, Miss Hamilton, and I’m going to see you to the door.”

Her breathless little laugh was my only answer, and I relaxed because I knew she wasn’t going to push me away. I followed her lead as she walked us through the lobby to the elevators. Just like in the car, it was just the two of us in the elevator. It was unusual for me to spend a significant amount of time alone with someone I was interested in while not having sex with them. Everything about Tessa was unique and interesting to me, and it was a whole new experience. I wondered if that was how normal guys dated. We got to her suite too quickly, and I was less than happy to have the night come to a close. The wheels in my brain turned rampantly, and I smiled at her as I made my pitch. “Tess, would you have dinner with me two nights from now?” My heart almost stopped when I saw the look on her face. She wasn’t sure! What the fuck? I knew she wasn’t one-night stand material, but I hadn’t read her as not being interested. Shit, I wondered if maybe she did have a boyfriend after all? Licking her lips, Tessa considered me for a moment before turning and sliding her keycard and opening the door to her suite. “Come in, Flynn. We should talk.” I’d been relationship free for over ten years, but I knew enough to realize we should talk was not a good sign. She flicked on the lights as we walked into the sitting area and I took a seat on the couch. After sitting tentatively next to me she was silent for a minute before blurting out, “This is really embarrassing, but I feel like I need to give you an explanation as to why I have to say no. I’m a huge fan of the band, Flynn. Worse, you’ve always been my favorite. When I was younger, the walls in my bedroom were covered with pictures of you, and only you, Flynn. It was never the other guys in the band. I spent a ridiculous amount of time fantasizing about you. So you see why this would be a horrible mistake.” My expression must have told her I was confused. Taking a deep breath she blurted out, “The first time I had an orgasm I was staring at a picture of you.” I tried to follow her logic but got nowhere. No doubt the problem was the blood in my body had coalesced in my dick when she had said she had her first orgasm staring at a picture of me. I wasn’t turned off by any of that in the least. In fact, it was one more thing we had in common, because my last orgasm happened while I had been staring at a picture of her, just a few hours before. “I don’t get it. Why does the fact you liked me when you were younger mean we can’t pursue our attraction now? You’ve totally lost me.” Tess had looked at me like I was completely daft. “Flynn, I’d be no better than a groupie or a stalker. Doesn’t it bother you that I used to like you so much?” I couldn’t help my grimace at her use of the words used to. “No Tess, it doesn’t bother me at all that you’re a fan of my music. It also doesn’t bother me that you find me attractive. You have a completely backward view of what a groupie is. A groupie is a totally different kind of fan who comes backstage specifically to fuck. They normally don’t even care which one of us they get. There’s a big difference, babe. Just to be clear, by your definition, I guess I’m a groupie for you cause I’ve been staring at the photos you’re in for weeks, and yes, I’ve jerked off to them. As for being a stalker… unless you’ve been following me or breaking into my house, I hardly think you fit the description. I might qualify though, because I sought you out. So what does that make me? Believe me… I’ve been working overtime on one fantasy of you after another. We aren’t different from one another, Tess. Having a crush on someone you don’t know and have only seen in pictures is totally normal. But this… this is different. Don’t tell me you can’t feel it.” She really seemed to consider what I’d said, but she still didn’t look sold. All I could think about was how badly I needed to kiss her, how much I hoped a kiss would sway her decision. Sliding across the couch toward her, I gently pulled her into my arms. I actually had to tell myself not to yank her into my arms like a sex-crazed lunatic. The faint flush of her skin turned me on, big time. Threading my fingers in her hair, I closed the remaining gap between us and covered her mouth with mine. Right away, the difference was huge and noticeable. Turns out there were kisses, and then there were

kisses. This was the latter, and in a huge way. Our mouths moved together like they were made to. She tasted like champagne , and I couldn’t hold in the growl that escaped from me. I was completely engulfed by Tessa and my need for her. It alarmed me a bit to realize I’d never felt such passion for anyone before, much less such an all-consuming need. I hadn’t been prepared—not one bit—for how tasting her made me feel.

WHEN FLYNN HAD asked me to dinner, I’d thought I would explode from the dueling thoughts flooding my mind. One part of me was thrilled and wanted to give a decisive yes. Flynn had turned out to be more engaging and dynamic than I’d ever imagined, and I loved talking to him. It was funny. I thought I’d be so conscious of his being one of the most famous rock stars ever, not to mention being my own personal version of ecstasy, but I really didn’t feel that way at all until right then. Up until that moment, I was with Flynn the man. As soon as he asked me to dinner, I suddenly saw Flynn the rock star standing before me. I didn’t want to be just another groupie stalker throwing myself at him. When I laid it out for him and explained the situation, I’d expected him to be turned off. He wasn’t. And, he still wanted to have dinner with me! Flynn was the sexiest guy I’d ever laid eyes on. No stage gear necessary. He was naturally hot, and I was so turned on by him, I could feel the arousal pulsing through my veins. Ironically, I was so attracted to him for so long, it deterred me from him, as opposed to making me want to throw my panties in his lap. If I met him at a party and knew nothing about him, I’d want him. It wasn’t his fame or his talent that attracted me. It was him. Still, something held me back. It bothered me how pathetic I’d felt since the shit had hit the fan with Lee. I didn’t have sexual confidence, and Flynn had seen a million faces and fucked them all. He was used to a certain level of experience I absolutely didn’t have, and for that reason alone I knew we would be a bad pairing. I was still doing mental gymnastics when he had pulled me toward him. I forgot how to breathe for a minute when I realized he was going to kiss me. The feeling of his lips against mine made me feel like I’d combust. I was drenched before his tongue entered my mouth, and it only got more out of control from there. The taste of him was utterly intoxicating, and I was lost in it, along with the sensation of our tongues sliding together. Flynn had achieved mastery status in kissing, and I tried not to let it bother me as to how he’d gotten as good as he was by honing his skills on masses of other women. I didn’t have time to reflect on it for too long because his mouth had given me a touch of amnesia. Had he kissed other people? Had I? I wasn’t even able to string thoughts together anymore. Right then, it was just the two of us. Holding my head firmly between his hands, he took me on the wildest ride I’d ever been on. Somehow, we fit. The heavy sounds of our breathing were punctuated from time to time by the sounds of us breaking apart to stare at each other before going right back to kissing. My soul was revealed to him, layer-by-layer, as our tongues danced in the most carnal ritual of all. I felt Flynn in an entirely different way than I’d ever experienced anyone before, and it melted me completely. The kiss continued, both of us unwilling or unable to stop. The sound of Flynn’s cell phone giving him a message alert brought me back to reality with a thud. When Flynn finally pulled back, both of us were panting. Setting his forehead on mine, he groaned. “Jesus, Tessa! What the fuck just happened?” I shook my head as I continued trying to catch my breath. Running my fingers over my lips, I stared at him in shock. “I don’t know, Flynn. I’ve never… it’s never… I guess it’s you.”

Chuckling, he smoothed my hair. “Well, I think it’s you, and you think it’s me, so… it must be us, together. There’s chemistry here, Tess, and it’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced. I can see you’re hesitant to take a step forward, but it would be a crime to walk away from this. I promise I won’t push you too far too fast, but I do want to get to know you. Don’t overthink it. Just say yes.” Every part of my brain was screaming at me to be cautious as I shook my head in the negative, but my mouth blurted out “Yes” anyway. Traitor! Flynn was clearly delighted by my response, and he quickly kissed me again before standing. I was a little daft just in the moment, staring up at the god-like perfection he was. It should be illegal for anyone to be so attractive. When my gaze dropped to his pants, I almost cried out in shock. He was very turned on, and right then I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt the bulge I coveted when I was younger was all Flynn, no rolled up tube socks involved. Holy. Shit. Talk about a shock. It was titillating and terrifying all at the same time. I wanted him so badly I could almost taste it, but I could tell just from the bulge in his pants he had to easily be almost double the size Lee was. In addition to being crappy, sex with Lee hurt. I suspected it was because I was never wet enough, but what if it wasn’t? There really was such a thing as being too tight, and I knew some people had problems accommodating larger sizes. I was in no way confident I could take Flynn. When he held out his hand to pull me up, my heart was in my throat. Being assailed with feelings I’d never come close to experiencing before had me a bit loopy. It was going to be a lot to digest and assimilate. Pulling me closer to him, he smiled at me as he gently ran his fingers down my cheeks. “I can almost see the wheels spinning in your head, babe. We’ll take it one day at a time, Tess, I promise. Never anything more than you can handle. Don’t shut me out. Give whatever this is a chance.” I’m not even sure why, but I nodded my head in trance-like agreement. Pulling me into his arms, he covered my lips with his own again. Briefly, so briefly, he kissed me goodnight. I’d never have imagined Flynn had it in him to be so tender, but he really was. With one more kiss on the lips, followed by another glide of his fingers down my cheek, he turned to leave. “Sweet dreams, Tess. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

THE ONLY REASON I’d had the ability to walk out of Tessa’s hotel room without kissing the fucking hell out of her again was the certainty she would shut me down if I pushed too hard. She was skittish, and I couldn’t pretend otherwise. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable, and I couldn’t risk losing the chance to explore the connection we had. I’d never experienced chemistry so electric with anyone. Considering how many women I’d met in the last ten years, from all around the world, I thought the difference with Tessa had to mean something. I wasn’t sure what, but it was there. I’d waited for what felt like a lifetime to feel a connection, and now I’d finally found one. I needed to tread carefully. After seriously over-tipping the valet, I got into my car and started driving home. I’d needed advice on how to proceed, because I sure as shit didn’t know how to woo a woman. I’d never had to put any effort into getting girls, and I had no idea what being ‘romantic’ would entail. It was after one in the morning, which meant it was too late to call my dad. I knew I could call Cole or any of my other band mates, but they’d be as clueless as I was. The four of us knew a lot about many things, but nothing about how to be romantic. Even though my mom had been gone for over twenty years, my dad still talked about how much he loved her. He never remarried and had told me countless times he believed it was never going to happen for him. Anytime I pushed him to try to find someone, his answer was the same. “I had the love of my life son, and I don’t think it’s in the cards for me to feel that again.” He loved to tell me about the relationship he had with my mom, and that more than anything was why I knew he was the one to talk to about Tessa. Since it was so late, I had no choice but to go home and think about Tessa all by myself. I laughed when I pulled into my driveway, seeing the house as Tess must have. It really was cold and impersonal, and so uninviting. My dad had taken one look at it and asked if I had been hit on the head. “Flynn, this is one ugly as sin shit box. You’ll never be comfortable here.” At the time, I had been a twenty- year- old, cocky as hell kid. I looked at the house and all I’d seen was how hot chicks were going to be dropping their panties when they saw my mansion. I wasn’t looking for comfort; I was looking to get laid. I wanted the pussy parade, a never-ending one-night stand. Obviously what sounds good at twenty and the reality almost a decade later was a lot different. Mission accomplished as far as getting laid often went, but dreams change. I was overdone with the house. My dad was right. I had never been comfortable in the house, not for even one night. Naturally it had taken me years to admit it, but once I let go of my overly inflated ego, it was the first in a long line of truths I’d fessed up to. It was funny how no one I really cared about liked the house. My grandparents thought it was atrocious, and Cole’s parents hated it too. Cole and I both took a lot of shit from our families about the houses we each bought. His was right down the street from mine, and the fucker was hideous. It was over the top ostentatious, and Cole hated it. He’d know exactly what I meant about why it was good Tessa disliked my house.

Walking through the house on my way to my bedroom, I chuckled as I really took a good look at my “home.” My office and my den were pretty much wall-to-wall photo displays of my friends and family, but they were the only two rooms in the house that had any personality. What the hell had I been thinking hanging onto such a shithole for nine years? After spending time with Tessa, I needed to get myself under control. I was sporting a serious hard-on and it really hadn’t banked down at all since I’d left her hotel. Turning on the jets, I stepped into my steam shower and started cleaning myself. My cock ached for her, more than it had when I’d just been looking at her pictures and had no idea what she sounded like. Working my dick, I thought of nothing but her. I jerked harder as I remembered how she’d kissed. The girl knew how to use her tongue that was for damn sure. I’d had to restrain myself from begging her to lick me all over. I let out a moan when I imagined her hot little mouth tonguing my cock. Just the image alone had made me work myself faster, my cock glistening under the water as my fist had shuttled up and down at a frenetic pace. Fuck, I had wanted to come in her mouth so goddamn bad it hurt. I gripped harder as I pulled faster, and when I went over the edge, I came with her name on my lips. I climbed into bed still filled with thoughts of her, and I dreamt of her. I was up by eight in the morning. I knew my dad would be home and awake, so after throwing on some clothes, I drove to his house. Whoever said you couldn’t go home again was wrong. The house I lived in was a cube, but my father’s house had always been my home. Walking through the kitchen door unannounced, I found my dad standing at the counter making what was probably his third or fourth cup of coffee of the morning. I used to hound him about it mercilessly because I was really concerned about the amount of caffeine he consumed, but once he’d gotten his beloved Keurig, he’d taken to alternating between decaf and caffeinated. It was a small change, but it made me feel better. Anyone who has ever lost a parent knows the anxiety of worrying about the one left behind. It never really goes away. It would be easier if I had brothers and sisters, but I didn’t. It’d always been just my dad and me since my mom died. When I was on the road, it was my dad I missed the most. He was young, only fifty-one, and I often wished he’d get married again. At least it would give me the feeling he had someone to look after him. He smiled at me when I came through the door, walking over to give me a hug. “This is a pleasant surprise, son. It’s been a few weeks since you came over for breakfast. I’m about to make omelets and toast. You want some?” “You don’t even have to ask dad. Of course I want one of your omelets. Make it a double. I’m starving.” My dad’s omelets were up at the top of the list of my favorite things to eat. When I was a kid we used to do breakfast for dinner once a month, and it was always a favorite. Cole and his parents would join in and bring his mom’s banana peanut butter pancakes. Those nights were the best. Grabbing some tomatoes and mushrooms from the fridge, I set to chopping them as he took out a ham steak and started cooking it up. My mouth was already watering. Once I was finished chopping, I stood by the stove and watched my dad finish cooking the ham. Glancing over, he raised an eyebrow at me. “Alright Flynn, you’re fidgeting. What’s going on?” Leave it to my dad to pick up on the fact I was keyed up about something. Smirkng at him I blurted out, “I met a girl I actually like. I’m here for advice on how to romance her, I guess. She’s different.” His head snapped back and his eyes widened as he turned his full attention to me. “Your mother must be hard at work up there to have achieved this miracle. I’ve been asking her to get on this for years,” he chuckled. “Tell me all about her. Don’t leave anything out.” I smiled at the mention of my mom. He’d told me before, when he went to visit the cemetery, he always told her to find me someone to love. I normally rolled my eyes when he said it, but he was

adamant about his desire to see me settled down. “I want grandchildren while I’m young enough to be the cool grandfather,” he’d always said. Taking a deep breath, I dove right into explaining Tessa. “She’s beautiful, Dad, so damn beautiful she takes my breath away. And guess what? She hates my house! Absolutely loathes it. I put her on the spot and asked what she thought of it, and after a minute all she could come up with was it was big.” He chuckled heartily. “Now that makes me happy. If you liked some woman who thought the place was beautiful, I’d be so disappointed. How did you meet her?” Once I started talking, it was like I couldn’t stop, and while he was finishing making breakfast, I told him every detail of how we’d met. (Okay… not every detail… I did conveniently forget to mention we’d both admitted to masturbating to each other’s photos). Plating our food, we moved into the breakfast nook before taking seats. “She sounds great, Flynn. She’s clearly not a groupie or a stalker. If she were guilty of being either, she would have made herself available to you last night, and she never would have told you she was a fan. She also wouldn’t care if you thought she was a groupie. A good woman is hard to find, son.” “I know Dad. It’s why I need your help. I feel like a defective ass, but I have no idea how to proceed.” Dad beamed at me, like I’d just told him I’d been nominated for a Pulitzer. “The very fact you’re thinking about it tells me you’re headed in the right direction. I suggest spending time with her actually getting to know her. Don’t go overboard with crazy dates at expensive restaurants. You need to talk to her, really talk to her, and listen to what she says.” He gave me a pointed look before continuing. “The way to a woman’s heart is through her brain, not her underwear. Make good choices and remember—a real relationship won’t look like anything you’ve done before. You’ve had women throwing themselves at you for a long time, but none of it ever made you truly happy or brought you anything other than superficial contentment. It’s time to try something different. You want to get to know this girl? Then you need to step outside of your box. What do you think would be a nice thing to do with Tessa to make her happy?” The second he posed the question I had known just what to do. We spent the rest of the meal talking about my plan. We hugged as I left, and my dad reminded me he and my grandparents would be at the press conference later in the day to support the band as we made the retirement announcement. It didn’t go unnoticed how excited I was for them meeting Tessa. I wanted my family to see what I saw in her. I just hoped they would.

I HAD SPENT a restless night tossing and turning while I thought about Flynn. Or, I spent the night fretting about my response to him. By five in the morning, I’d decided my reaction to him was purely because I had been attracted to the idea of him for so long. It had to be a projection of my youthful lust for him. It just had to be. I was a twenty-three year old sexual novice, while Flynn was a twenty-nine year old sexual connoisseur. We couldn’t be more different if we tried. I was sure when I saw him again at the meeting the attraction would have balanced out. It didn’t stop me from making sure I looked good. We’d been instructed to dress casually, so I’d chosen white shorts paired with a periwinkle off the shoulder dolman top. My hair was pulled into a high ponytail and I was wearing an adorable pair of Steve Madden sandals. They had just enough of a heel to elongate my legs, but not enough of a heel to be over the top sexy or make people think I was trying too hard. After spritzing myself with my favorite perfume, I made my way to the lobby to meet my driver. Frank was a pleasant man, but I was glad he was the silent type. Whether because it came naturally, or because it was an occupational necessity, his silence worked for me. I needed time to center myself before the “All-Hands On” meeting. It didn’t take us long to get to where the meeting was being held. I got out of the car nervous but excited about what the rest of the day would bring. I was smiling as I stepped into the building, and like a complete idiot, my smile only got larger when I saw Flynn standing just inside the door. A million tiny butterflies took flight inside of my stomach and right then I knew the previous evening hadn’t been an anomaly. The attraction was real, and it wasn’t going anywhere. Flynn’s answering smile was a thing of beauty. He grabbed me in a gentle hug of welcome. He was so tactile it threw me off because so far he was nothing like what I’d been expecting. “I’ve been waiting for you forever, sweetness, but you’re more than worth the wait.” How did he do it? One look, one small breath, one sentence, and I came undone. Laughing nervously, I smiled up at him. “I’m sorry I kept you waiting. I actually thought I was early.” Shaking his head, he threw his arm over my shoulder and pulled me closer to his side as we started to walk. “That’s not what I meant, babe.” Before I could ask for clarification, I saw we were almost to the door to the conference room, so I pulled away from him before we entered. He frowned at me and looked miffed, but I just couldn’t walk in with Flynn wrapped around me. Everyone in the room would have been thinking I was a huge slut. Christ, I’d only met him the night before and I was working for him. After a lifetime of solid behavior, I felt as if I was really throwing caution to the wind as it was just by agreeing to go to dinner with him. Clearly I liked him, but it didn’t mean I needed to be the next notch on his rock star bedpost. When it came time to sit around the conference table, I expected him to sit with the rest of his band. Instead, he sat right next to me. Looking across the table I saw Cole was sitting with Devon and Ian. I assumed it meant the band had never intended to sit together, which I hoped meant it wasn’t totally obvious to everyone I had a crush on Flynn. The meeting was one hell of an experience. It was great to be in a room full of such talent. A lot of the people at the meeting were surprised when the announcement was made about the farewell tour for Renegade Saints, but it just made being chosen to take part in the experience so much more special. In

some way or another we were all a part of music history and it was a huge deal. It was a lunch meeting, so we all ate and talked about plans for the tour. When lunch was finished and someone asked why the band had decided to retire, I knew what I had to do. Quietly standing from the table, I used the point and shoot camera I always had with me to start taking photos of the meeting. As always, I lost time when I was behind the lens. I got caught up in the moment taking picture after picture as I documented the occasion. My last shot was of Flynn. I caught him in an unguarded moment when he happened to be looking at me. The look I captured was so intense it caused my insides to turn to mush. Flynn was evoking feelings and desires I’d never had before, and it scared the shit out of me. I was still reeling from the Lee debacle and my confidence was at an all-time low. His cheating rocked my world, not because I cared, but because I’d walked right into it. I’ve never felt like such a fool, and his verbal assault on my lack of sexuality was still fucking with my head. Flynn might be interested in me, but I knew he wouldn’t be if he found out I didn’t enjoy sex. It was a well-known fact – Flynn and the other guys in the band didn’t ever have girlfriends, and stories of their conquests were the norm. Sure, the stories had slowed down in the last few years, but every once in a while another one-night stand story would leak out to the press. Flynn might attract me more than Lee ever did, but they both shared a love of casual and group sex I didn’t find appealing. I wasn’t against it per se, but it wouldn’t work for me. As the meeting came to an end, it was time for everyone to transition into another one of the conference rooms. The press had been gathering while we’d been meeting and it was time for the guys to make their announcement. Frank had been kind enough to bring in my big camera bag, so I got to work taking photos as the guys took their places at a table set up in the front of the room. There were microphones and video cameras everywhere. Devon and her team were recording the event for the movie, and the two of us shared a smile. I sensed we were both thinking the same thing—it was show time. The happiness of my dream job settled over me, and I felt like I was winning a marathon. Being part of a national tour was everything I’d ever wanted. Doing it with the Saints was almost an embarrassment of riches. Flynn spoke first, reading a prepared statement the band had agreed upon. A collective gasp of shock echoed through the room once he explained it was their retirement tour. Once Flynn finished reading the statement, the floor was opened up to the reporters. It got loud as questions were thrown at them fast and furious. I found myself feeling bad for the band, because the reporters were relentless. Fortunately, the band took it in stride. As the conference was coming to a close, Flynn joked to one of the reporters that the press conference pretty much illustrated the point of them retiring perfectly. “This isn’t normal,” he explained. “It’s been great and we’re more thankful than I can explain, but living your life with cameras and microphones in your face isn’t ideal. We appreciate everything, but being chased by photographers who want to know what you’re doing at all times sucks. Having no privacy sucks. When it comes right down to it, we’re just four guys who want to live normal lives. We lived the rock ‘n’ roll dream. Now it’s time to move into real life.” Damn him. The more he talked, the more I liked him. He was smart and thoughtful, and his head wasn’t up his ass. I wondered what “real life” meant to him. The fairytale princess dream in my head whispered maybe he wanted to settle down and have children, but the rational part of my brain reminded me a decade long buffet of anything goes sex would be impossible to walk away from. They might want to be normal, but I doubted the four of them would ever really let go of the excess entirely. They were staying in the music business, after all.

IT WAS A relief when the press conference was over and the news was officially out. Keeping everything under wraps had been more difficult than I’d imagined. Letting it go wide was another giant step toward a different kind of life, and I was ready. Still, I knew the next few days would suck. We’d be a story until the next big thing broke, and there would be cameras galore between now and then trying to document what we considered “normal.” As expected, I found my father and my grandparents sitting with Cole’s parents, so Cole and I made our way over to their area. We hugged and talked while the photographers and journalists in the room broke down. This core group of people was my family, the people who meant the most to me. I loved Gavin and Tyson as well, but as best friends instead of family. After my mother died, it was Cole’s mother and my grandmother who stepped in and became the dominant female forces in my life. I adored them both, and I knew my mother had made it clear before she passed that was her wish. Looking around, I found Tess standing with Devon and Ian as she finished packing up her equipment. With a wave of my hand, I got her attention before calling out for the three of them to come over and meet the family. Aside from my high school girlfriend, I had never intentionally introduced a woman to my family and had never even been tempted to do so. Sure, they’d met some of them, but it had always been something that happened if my family turned up at my house while one of the girls was there. When Tessa got close enough to me, I reached out to take her hand. She pulled back nervously and shook her head at me. I tried not to take it personally. We’d only known each other less than twenty-four hours after all, but I felt the rejection of her action. Putting my feelings aside, I introduced her to my family. Her smile lit up the room as she laughed and conversed with the people I loved best. I puffed up with pride when I saw how taken my father and grandparents were with her. My grandmother asked her a million questions about what her dreams were for her photography, and Tessa answered them all with a smile. The two of them were going to be thick as thieves, I could tell already. It was great how taken they were with her. My family was very protective of me, and I had to admit, I’d always been spoiled by their love and attention. My grandmother almost died giving birth to my father, so he was an only child. I was an only child because my mother passed away before she and my father could have any more children. They’d actually been trying for at least a year or so before my mother was diagnosed with cancer, but it never worked out. That meant my grandparents and my father doted on me more than they otherwise might have. They had never made any secret that the rock star life was not what they ultimately wanted for me. I could see introducing them to Tessa had made them very happy. Clearly my grandparents were in the know about her, which meant my dad had already started spreading the news. It occurred to me with anyone else I’d have been panicking, but because it was Tessa, I liked it. It was an interesting turn of events in and of itself. I was even happy when my family had immediately dispensed with the formalities and had insisted Tess, Ian, and Devon called my father Todd, my grandfather Mason and my grandmother Sylvia. The Hayes’ had also instructed everyone to call them

by their first names, Janice & Steve. It was all very comfortable, and it felt right. The meeting and the conference were over and I had no excuse to keep Tessa with me, but I was reluctant to let her go. Our dinner date wasn’t happening until tomorrow night but that wasn’t working for me. I decided to finagle my way into an evening with her and I figured I’d help make Cole’s life a bit easier, too. “Hey, how about all of us meet for dinner? Everyone standing here is invited. It’ll be great.” I could see Tessa, Ian, and Devon were worried about accepting the invitation, probably because they thought they might be intruding. My dad and Cole’s parents saw it too, and they jumped right in and insisted they join us. It was agreed Cole and I would pick Tessa, Devon, and Ian up in two hours and we would meet the rest of our family at a local Mexican restaurant. “Dress casual. By casual, I mean real casual. This is not some fancy wannabe Mexican food place. This is a down home authentic Mexican restaurant. We’re all going to eat far more than we should, but trust me, it’s going to be well worth it,” my dad said with a laugh. I had to laugh along with him because it was certainly true. Over the years we’d been known to spend hours at the restaurant. Their food was out of this world delicious and the margaritas were top notch. It pained me to let her go even just for a few hours, but I had no choice. I’d never wanted someone so badly, and it shocked me. Everyone went his or her separate way and I drove home with a smile on my face. I’d be spending another night getting to know Tess, and that pleased me no end. If luck were on my side I’d get to kiss her again. I knew not to push her too far too fast, but kissing didn’t seem to be off limits. When I got home I found I’d gotten a text message from my dad and I spent a few minutes texting him. Dad: I see why you like her. She’s beautiful and very down to earth. Me: She really is. Did Gram and Pop like her? Dad: Are you kidding? Gram’s already announced you and Tessa would have beautiful children. Pop agreed. Me: Whoa dad. Slow your roll. I can’t even get her to hold my hand in public. Dad: You and I both know you wouldn’t have introduced her if you didn’t know this could be big. Me: True but it’s not me I’m worried about. It’s Tess. She’s not into me pushing too fast. Dad: I swear I love this girl already. You’ve had it too easy your whole life where girls are concerned. Me: Hey! Mary didn’t make it easy on me. Dad: Mary didn’t count as a relationship, and if you think she did—then you’re an idiot. Me: Ouch dad. Ouch. Dad: Fighting every day and breaking up every four seconds does not a relationship make. Me: I know, Dad. I’m just kidding. You’re right. I don’t know anything about having a relationship. Dad: Son, you learned at the knee of the master. You’ve got it in you. Now you just need to access it. Me: Damn Dad. Inflated ego much?

Dad: I worshipped your mother. Still do. It had to have rubbed off on you. But I was talking about POP, smartass. Me: I learned from you both, Dad. I remember how you were with Mom. Dad: That means a lot Flynn. I’ve got to get changed before I pick Pop and Gram up. If I’m not there on time Gram will tweet about it. Me: She scares me with her Twitter account. Last week she put up a pic of me naked in the bathtub when I was a baby. #myprecious I swear to God, I choked when I saw it. All the gossip sites copied the pic, too. Dad: Of course they did. Gram’s got a million followers. She takes her legion of fans seriously. Me: I swear to God, it’s Gram who’s the real performer in the family. She’s a nut. Dad: Yes she is! But she’s the nut you insisted on giving a computer and an iPhone to, genius. Me: I just wanted to be able to talk to her all the time! Who knew she’d get into trouble? Dad: It’s Gram. Of course she was going to get into trouble! Me: When you say it that way, I see what you mean. Ha! See you at dinner. I love you Dad. Dad: Love you too, Kid. I spent some serious time getting ready and choosing my outfit. I wanted to smell and look good for her. I’d never given a shit about looking good for anyone. We had stylists to take care of our tour wardrobe, but in real life I really didn’t give a shit. I’d sure as hell never taken a shower, flossed, brushed my teeth, used mouthwash, shaved, dried my hair, and then put on cologne to go on a date. Or, a non-date I guess, since it was a family dinner. In any case, I did it for Tessa because I wanted to impress her. My drive to her hotel seemed to take entirely too long. I had missed her. I couldn’t even explain why, but I had. I’d never been excited about seeing a girl. Even with my high school girlfriend, we’d been more of a thing because of proximity. Our ‘relationship’ had been one big piece of bullshit drama after another. We argued at parties, broke up every few weeks, cheated on each other and, over the course of two years, never once managed to have an in-depth conversation about anything. We were young and dumb, and our relationship reflected as much. When I stepped out of my car, I had some extra spring in my step. My heartbeat sped up when I saw Tessa sitting in the lobby waiting. She smiled when she saw me, but I’m pretty sure I stared at her like a total idiot as she walked toward me. She had on a pair of khaki shorts, a black tank top, and a pair of black Converse sneakers. You’d think casual attire would have made her beauty easier to handle, but it didn’t because she looked amazing. I’d never have guessed a pair of Converse sneakers would look so damn sexy I’d have trouble staying calm. Who knew?

I WAS NERVOUS about going out with Flynn and his family. Not because I was nervous about his family, they were lovely. Flynn was too, but he was what made me nervous since it was him making my heart skip beats and it scared the bejesus out of me. It had certainly never happened before. I felt Flynn’s presence before I saw him. I couldn’t wipe the shit-eating grin off my face when I saw his attire. We were dressed practically identically, and I found it hilarious. He was wearing a black tee shirt, khaki cargo shorts and a pair of black Converse. People were going to wonder if we’d purposely coordinated, but I thought it was a good sign we had something else in common. He might have been dressed casually, but he was the most beautiful man I’d ever set my eyes on, bar none. There wasn’t anyone who even came close to Flynn’s beauty or magnetism. Even his walk was sexy, and I enjoyed watching him as he came closer to me. I had to remind myself dissolving into a puddle in the hotel lobby would be frowned upon. When Flynn reached me he pulled me in for a hug, just like he had when I’d showed up for the “AllHands On” meeting earlier in the day. I’d noticed he had hugged his father, grandparents, and Cole’s parents earlier as well, so I assumed he was just comfortable being affectionate. Another check mark in the positive column for Flynn as far as I was concerned. Lee had been the polar opposite of affectionate unless it was sexual in nature. I wished I’d really noticed before. It made me angry with myself for making such a foolish decision and giving Lee something I’d never be able to get back. Apparently I’d tensed up when I thought of Lee, because Flynn pulled away and put his hand under my chin to tilt my head back. “Babe, what’s wrong?” Shaking my head, I sighed. “I’m sorry, I just had an unpleasant memory. It’s nothing to worry about.” He didn’t just gloss over it or let it go. Instead he kept one finger under my chin as he stared into my eyes for a moment. Evidently whatever he saw there reassured him I really was fine. He smiled at me as his mouth moved closer to mine, and I’m pretty sure I smiled back. I can’t be positive though because I was in a total Flynn-induced daze. He kissed me quickly and gently, and I melted against his chest. For just a second our tongues touched, and then it was over. Sliding his fingers through mine, he walked me out to his car. I couldn’t quite pinpoint the feeling I was having, but it definitely wasn’t something I’d ever experienced before. Flynn might have been one of the most famous voices in the world, but he was also a gentleman. His parents had raised him with impeccable manners, and I appreciated it. He opened the passenger door for me and waited until I’d buckled my seatbelt before closing my door. As soon as the door clicked shut, I realized what I was feeling. It was the feeling of being safe and secure. It seemed so absurd to feel so strongly about someone I’d known for less than twenty-four hours, but it was what it was. It occurred to me although I liked the real life Flynn, I’d be meeting celebrity Flynn soon. I knew it was highly unlikely he’d maintain his gentlemanly behavior once the tour started and thousands of women were salivating and clamoring to do anything and everything to make him happy. I needed to maintain my walls in order to avoid getting hurt when he inevitably turned out like every other guy. He was a rock superstar for God’s sake, not a music teacher. I couldn’t judge him because I couldn’t even imagine how it would warp a person’s perspective. Being able to have whatever you want,

whenever you wanted it, would really give you unrealistic expectations about dating and women in general. I was nothing like the women he was used to. I was sure. The thought was a real confidence killer. His car stereo was softly playing Pearl Jam, and I tried to relax and get into the music. Pearl Jam was one of my favorite bands, but I couldn’t turn off my brain. At the first red light, Flynn turned and looked at me. “What’s going on in your lovely head?” I knew there was no way I could say I was thinking he was probably a man whore and I’d never measure up to the wild women he pursued. Instead, I shook my head and gave him a smile. “I’m just enjoying your music selection. ‘Corduroy’ is one of my favorite songs.” Turning to me, he frowned. “Maybe it is but you aren’t sitting there thinking about the song. What’s wrong, sweetness? Am I making you uncomfortable or something?” I emphatically shook my head in the negative. “No! Ignore me, Flynn. I’m just being an idiot. It’s been a crazy couple of months.” I seriously needed to get control of myself. What the hell was I going to say to him if he pushed? ‘Sorry, I was sitting here thinking you’ve had entirely too much sexual experience and I know you’ll be woefully disappointed if anything happens between us?’ I couldn’t say such a thing without sounding psycho. We’d just met, and it would be nuts to go there. I figured if I said any of what I’d been thinking, he’d probably think I was as crazy as Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. The look on his face indicated my words weren’t making him feel much better, but when I winked, he had no choice but to let it go. We spent the rest of the drive to the restaurant talking about his family. I asked a million questions and he answered them all. By the time we pulled into the restaurant parking lot, I felt like I had a good idea of the family dynamic. When Flynn parked, I moved to open my door. Touching my shoulder, Flynn smiled down at me. “My grandmother would smack me silly if she thought I wasn’t opening doors for you. You don’t want me to be punished, do you?” He was so much different from what I’d expected. For all of his fame and wild lifestyle, he really was a gentleman. I smiled up into his handsome face, and I shivered when he took my hand in his again. As we started to walk, I tried to pull away my hand. Stopping dead in his tracks, Flynn looked at me. “Why is it not okay to touch you? You seemed okay at the hotel, but you pulled away before the meeting today and now you’re pulling away again. Does touching me bother you?” He couldn’t have been more wrong about his touch bothering me. I actually found it soothing. I felt comfortable with Flynn in a way I never had with anyone else. “No… I pulled away before we walked into the meeting today because I didn’t want the entire room to think I was throwing myself at you. I tried to pull my hand away now because I don’t want your family to think that, either.” Grabbing both of my hands, Flynn pulled me closer to him. “Babe, my family already knows about you. I was at my dad’s house at the ass crack of dawn this morning yapping about the amazing girl I met. Believe me, they don’t think you’re throwing yourself at me. They’re happy, Tess, happy I met somebody normal. They’d never have agreed to dinner if they didn’t like you. No one is going to raise an eyebrow because we’re holding hands, sweetness.” I surrendered totally, smiling shyly at him as he started guiding me into the restaurant. It was packed, but the hostess recognized Flynn. It was obvious they really did frequent this place a lot by her greeting. “Good to see you, again. Your family is in the back—the usual spot, so it’s all good.” I understood better what she meant by all good when we entered a private area. Everyone was already seated around the table, and I smirked when I saw Devon sitting right in between Cole and Ian. There was a story there. I just knew it. Flynn’s father had saved us two seats next to him, and he and Flynn’s grandfather stood to hug and greet us. Flynn’s Gram stayed seated, but we hugged and kissed her before saying hello to Janice and

Steve. Flynn was particularly affectionate with Janice and his Gram, something that made me smile. In the car he’d told me Gram and Janice were his favorite women, and I could see he’d been telling the truth. As much as I knew about Flynn from reading band articles when I was a teenager, I didn’t really know anything personal about him. I could see his dad wasn’t married now, but I wondered if he’d ever remarried or if he was dating. He was a really handsome and funny man, a lot like Flynn’s grandfather, Mason. The three of them were ridiculously attractive, and Flynn’s Gram had something beautiful about her that was flawless. I found myself wanting to take her picture to try to capture what made her so unique. She had such a love of life in her eyes. I swear it radiated off of her. We ordered an insane amount of food, but Todd swore we were going to eat everything. “Just wait, when we stand up, the plates will be empty or damn near,” he chuckled. We’d all ordered margaritas, even Flynn’s grandparents. I loved the drink but didn’t often order them back in Philly. My favorite part was the salted rim, and I moaned in appreciation when I took my first sip. “This is, hands down, the best margarita I’ve ever had. It’s perfection!” When I looked up at Flynn, I found myself locked under the most intense look I’d ever been on the receiving end of, even more intense than the night of the concert. His eyes were pure panty- melting lust, and I got light-headed for a minute. We were at a dinner with his family and he was looking at me like he was going to eat me. He shocked the hell out of me when he leaned forward, wrapped his hand around my neck and pulled me in for a quick kiss, the tiniest touch of his tongue against mine, just like he’d done in the hotel lobby. I could feel myself blushing as he pulled back. When I looked at his family to apologize, they were beaming at us. Crisis, averted.

I’D NEVER BROUGHT anyone to something with my family and friends before and it felt monumental. My Gram was quite enamored with her. I could tell. Janice also had an ear-to-ear smile, and I knew it was because she liked Tessa, Ian and Devon. Janice and Steve had always been great about Cole’s sexuality, but it had bothered them he’d never had a real relationship with either sex. I think it was fairly obvious to everyone in the family he was trying to embark on a relationship with both, which made us all happy. Gram and Pop stole the spotlight at the table, as usual. The two of them were absolutely hilarious, and being with them always made me happy. I was glad the coming tour would be the last time I’d be away for an extended period of time. Leaning forward, Pop addressed Tessa. “How long are you in town?” Even though I already knew her answer, I hated it. “I’m here for two more days. I’ll be back a month after, which is one week before the tour kicks off here.” I couldn’t imagine not seeing her for a month. We were just at the start of whatever we were going to be, and I wanted… no, I needed her to be there. I’d never needed a woman before. It should have scared the shit out of me, but honestly, I loved it. Pop jumped in and shared some details about his courtship with my Gram. “Sylvia and I grew up in Boston. I was a steamfitter and my job took me all over the place. I met her just nine days before I was to leave for a two month job in Arizona.” Grabbing my Gram’s hand, Pop smiled and kissed her cheek before turning back to Tess. “I hated the idea of the distance because I knew, literally the moment I laid eyes on her, Sylvia was it for me. I was afraid she’d find someone else while I was gone, but it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened. We talked on the phone once a week and wrote letters every day. The time apart let us get to know each other differently than we would have had we been living near each other. It was beautiful. By the time I came home, I knew Sylvia better than anyone in the world, and she knew me the same way. When I was leaving for those two months, I thought we’d never get through it. Fifty-three years later, I see the error of my thinking. We were twenty-year-old kids who didn’t know a damn thing about being in a relationship. Two months later we were married, and the rest is history. I love this woman more than life itself, and those months helped me realize it. I’m one lucky son-of-a-gun.” Staring at my Pop I couldn’t help but grimace. My dad was right. I had learned at the knee of the master. Pop definitely knew about romance and keeping a relationship alive. My grandparents were in their seventies, but were still frisky. Like, seriously frisky. They cuddled, held hands, kissed in public and had no qualms telling my dad and me not to come over if they were planning to “make whoopee.” No joke. Gram basically glowed while Pop spoke. “You really are a silver- tongued devil, Mason Rand.” Oh crap. They were going to get frisky right at the table. While the rest of us were used to it, Tessa, Ian and Devon weren’t. I hoped they weren’t going to have an issue with it. Mary used to tell me my grandparents were disgusting, old perverts. It was just another thing she and I disagreed about. I thought

my grandparents were awesome, and I found tremendous satisfaction knowing how in love they still were. Instead of looking repulsed, Tessa was teary eyed. Turning to me, she smiled. “This is one of the most beautiful relationships I’ve ever seen.” Reaching under the table, Tessa grabbed her small camera from her purse. In seconds, she was snapping pictures of my grandparents, and I felt myself falling for her a little bit more. She took pictures of everyone at the table, including some family shots of me with my family and Cole with his. I noticed she went out of her way to get some pictures of Cole with Devon and Ian, which suggested she’d picked up on the possibility of them being together. Tessa was smart and thoughtful, and I liked it. Gram asked Tess for her camera and then she took a few pictures of us together. I couldn’t wait to get a look at those. Gram asked Tess to forward the photos to her and Tess wrote down her email. She smiled sweetly at my gram. “I’ll get them to you right away.” Gram couldn’t have been more thrilled. “You’re an absolute joy, Tessa. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see my Flynny-boy with a good girl. It’s all any of us have ever wanted.” Tessa looked like a guppy as her mouth opened and closed and she tried to think of something to say. “Sylvia, we’re not… I don’t know if… Flynn might not want…” Grabbing her hand, I pulled it to my mouth before pressing a kiss on her palm. Looking her straight in the eye I told her the absolute truth, and I didn’t whisper. Fuck it all, I wanted everyone to know she meant something. “I want, babe. Don’t even question it.” Tessa stared at me wide-eyed but said nothing. It was like she’d been struck speechless. Luckily Gram plowed on. “I always wanted a granddaughter—or a dozen of them. I wanted a large family, something really big. Mason and I were hell bent on having a little army of our own. Mason was a twin, but his sister passed away when they were babies and I was an only child, so both of us wanted a big family. Unfortunately, there were complications when I had Todd, and it caused me to hemorrhage. Additional children were out of the question, but it was fine because God blessed us with the best son in the world. Then Todd met Rachel. They knew each other for six hours before he came home and told me she was the one for him. They were both just nineteen years old and I know most people were stunned they got so serious so quickly, but when you meet your soul-mate, you know. We could all tell, too. It was impossible to be with them and not see how connected they were. When they got married two months later, Mason and I finally had a beautiful daughter. I knew she was going to give me a gaggle of grandchildren. She gave us our perfect Flynn, and he’s been the light of my life since the day he was born and his chubby hand reached out and touched my finger. We spoiled him rotten, but he was such a wonderful child. Through Flynn we got Cole, and I love him as one of my own. Todd and Rachel had been trying to have another baby, and I was so excited my family would be growing. I just knew granddaughters were in my future. “And then, our Rachel got sick. My son lost the love of his life, my grandson lost his mother, Mason and I lost the daughter of our hearts and we all lost the chance to have a bigger family. Todd never remarried because he never found anyone who made him feel the way Rachel did. You can call me an old fool, but I’ve prayed Flynn would bring home someone for us to love. I just know we were meant to be a bigger family. I’ve always felt it. I’m counting down the days until this stubborn ass gives me some greatgrandchildren to love. Flynn’s twenty-nine years old and you’re the first girl he’s ever introduced us to. Let me enjoy the moment, sugarplum.” My gram had broken my heart with her explanation, completely ripped me open. I hated the thought of the people I loved hurting, and I knew only having one son and one grandchild wasn’t all she wanted because she had so much more love to give. I felt bad though, because I was sure she had to have made Tessa uncomfortable by sharing the way she had. Instead of being uncomfortable, Tessa turned to my gram and pulled her in for a hug. “You’re an amazing woman, and I just know your future great-grandchildren are going to adore you.”

We were just past the twenty-four hour mark of knowing each other then, so it was pure insanity how I spent the rest of the time at the table imagining Tessa pregnant with our child. Our dinner lasted for almost three hours. Everyone had a great time, and we all laughed and like my dad said we would, we ate entirely too much. Tessa and Devon fit right in. Ian was pleasant but less comfortable than they were. It wasn’t the first time I’d noticed how anxious he seemed around Cole, although he was fine with Devon., I worried Cole was biting off more than he could chew with that one, but with how adamant he was about nothing in a one-on-one relationship, I knew my giving him shit wasn’t going to go well. Hugs and kisses were exchanged as we made our way to the parking lot to leave. Tessa told Gram she’d email her the photos as soon as she got home and Gram reminded Tess to follow her on Twitter. Gram couldn’t seem to believe her ears when Tessa told her she wasn’t even on Twitter. “What? My goodness, Tessa, you’re behind the times! You must make an account. Everyone does the Twitter these days, sugarplum.” My father and grandfather both hugged Tess, telling her they wanted to see her at dinner in the week she was here before the tour started. Dad also told her she needed to come over for breakfast to eat one of his omelets. It was evident to me that my family didn’t just approve of Tessa, they really liked her and were welcoming her. It was just after eight but the night was still young. I didn’t want to take Tess back to her hotel and just drop her off. I wanted… no, I absolutely had… to spend more time with her. A lot more time.

I WAS IN deep shit. Like, knee deep, no paddle and there wasn’t any way out. Flynn’s family was perfection. I liked them all, particularly Gram. But most of all, I adored Flynn. Like an absolute idiot, once Gram planted the idea in my head about Flynn giving her greatgrandchildren, I sat thinking about how beautiful it would be to carry his babies. Yes, I knew the simple notion made me nuts. I barely knew him and I was wistful about the idea of a child with Flynn’s eyes holding my hand and asking me for butterfly kisses. Getting into the car with him was like being enveloped in a sensual cocoon. It was just the two of us and it felt like we were alone in the world. The Foo Fighters were on the car stereo, Dave Grohl was singing “Everlong,” and my heart was beating out Flynn’s name. When he reached over and took my hand in his, I flushed from head to toe. I kept trying to snap back into reality, repeatedly reminding myself he was Flynn Rand, the infamous love ‘em and leave ‘em singer. The reminders didn’t work for shit. I thought I needed to talk to Jess. I wanted her to quell my rampant emotions. I’d texted with her a bunch of times since I’d gotten to LA, but had never divulged what was happening with Flynn. I’d planned to but I wanted to do it face- to- face. Mostly I avoided it because I was scared. What was happening with Flynn couldn’t be real. When we got back to my hotel, Flynn came up to my room. I expected him to kiss me, but instead he asked if I wanted to watch a movie. It was so normal. I couldn’t refuse. I didn’t want him to leave, even though I was frightened. It was my brilliant idea to watch the movie in the bedroom. “Don’t think I’m being forward or anything, but this daybed, so-called couch is too small for both of us to sit comfortably. I’m stuffed from dinner and want to spread out. We can hang on the bed like it’s an oversized couch.” We held hands as we watched “Horrible Bosses” and the two of us laughed like idiots through the whole show. When I was with him, I forgot about the whole celebrity status. Once the movie ended, Flynn asked if I’d mind watching another one. I was tired but I didn’t want him to leave so I said yes. We chose “The King’s Speech,” and during the movie he pulled me against him, so I could curl up under his arm. He smelled so amazing my mouth actually watered. Who smelled so good? A man’s scent had never gotten to me, but Flynn’s made me crazy. I rested my head on his chest, and before I knew it, the sound of his heartbeat had lulled me to sleep. The light streaming through the windows woke me up. It looked to be just after dawn and I was stunned to find Flynn and I completely entwined. My head was still resting on his chest, my left arm was underneath his shirt resting against his stomach, his arms were wrapped around me and our legs were entwined. Somehow we’d slept the whole night without ever even getting under the covers. I was shocked considering I’d always needed a blanket of some sort to keep me warm, but just being wrapped in Flynn’s arms had me toasty and comfortable. I was dumbfounded to realize I’d stayed up against him all night. The few times I’d slept with Lee, I’d awakened to find him glaring at me and ready with a list of all my nighttime infractions. “You move too

fucking much,” he’d say. Looking back I realize that there was nothing remotely worthy about him. Feeling Flynn’s solid abs under my hand, I knew I was playing with fire, and ever so gently I began to remove my hand. I let out an involuntary gasp when Flynn grabbed my wrist. “I want your hand right where it is,” he rasped. “Go back to sleep, babe.” Whether because of his words or because I was still drowsy, I snuggled into him again and let my eyes drift shut. The steady rise and fall of his chest sent me back to sleep in no time at all. The next time I woke up, Flynn was gently running his fingertips over my cheek and was raining kisses on my face. It felt lovely, but I snuggled in closer to his chest, earning a chuckle from him, which I felt reverberate under my cheek. “It’s time to wake up, sweetness. It’s after ten.” You could have knocked me over with a feather. I couldn’t believe we’d slept so long and so soundly. Sitting up, I pushed back my hair and tried to wake up. I groaned when I saw Flynn because he looked crazy hot. Knowing I looked like a hot mess, I jumped from the bed and hauled ass to the bathroom. One look in the mirror confirmed what I already knew; I looked like a mile of rough road. My hair looked like I’d just taken part in an orgy and my eyes were puffy. I also had a horrific case of morning breath thanks to the awesome Mexican dinner the night before. After brushing my teeth, I jumped into the shower and scrubbed up before throwing on a robe and going back into the bedroom. Flynn had gotten up and was out in the living area on the phone, which gave me time to throw on panties, shorts and a tee shirt. I walked out into the living area when I was finished. When he saw me, he held out his arm and gestured for me to go to him. My stomach was one big butterfly as I walked to him. Smiling, he put his arm around me and pulled me against his chest. He continued talking as I burrowed into his side and tried to get my heart rate under control. Concluding his call, he kissed the top of my head. “I’d love to kiss you right now but my breath is deadly. I just ordered us room service. Give me a few minutes to clean up.” “I never used the complimentary toothbrush. It’s on the tray in the bathroom.” Flynn laughed before giving me a high five. “I was afraid you were going to throw me out for stinking.” Watching him walk away made me weak in the knees. Like I said, I was in deep shit.

WAKING UP WITH Tessa was a revelation. I had a hard and fast rule about women: after the fucking, they were out. I hadn’t spent the entire night with a girl intentionally since I was in high school and I’d never (ever) wanted someone to curl up around me like an additional appendage. Sharing a bed with Tessa felt right. When our breakfast arrived, Tess let out a laugh as she saw all I’d ordered, which was basically the entire menu. We were in the middle of eating when I made my play for the day. “After breakfast how about you pack a bag and stay at my house for the rest of the day and night. The house might be horrible but my pool is the shit. We’ll lie out and then later we can go to dinner. You’ll want to pack casual, sweetness. What you wore last night would be perfect.” Tess had hemmed and hawed all over the place before blurting, “Flynn, you’re moving too fast. I’m not going to have sex with you tonight. I don’t know what you’re used to, but I can’t be like that.” I felt like a fucking ass. I’d not been specific enough and she thought I was trying to get into her panties. I totally wanted to of course, but I wasn’t stupid and I knew she wouldn’t be going for that. “Sweetness, don’t even think those thoughts. I want you to spend the night, like what we did here last night. I want to hold you and wake up with you in the morning. No sex, I promise. I won’t do anything to make you uncomfortable. I just need you near me. Whatever I was used to, I know you’re different and it’s exactly what I want. Don’t push me away, Tess. This is going to be something. Hell, it already is. Don’t start building walls.” Her hesitant smile was like the sun coming out after the rain. “Okay. As soon as we’re finished eating, I’ll pack.” After breakfast we were off to my house. Once we got there, I brought her to my bedroom and put her bag on the dresser. Her wide-eyed look of shock as she looked around the room made me laugh. Seeing it through her eyes showed me it really was ass ugly. Letting out a chuckle I pulled her to me and asked, “What do you think of this room? Cozy, right?” She looked around and grimaced. Like almost every other room in the house, it was gray on gray. Pointing to the area rug in my bedroom sitting area she said, “Actually, the rug really ties the room together, man.” Oh. My. GOD. I started laughing and couldn’t stop. There was no question about it anymore. I was falling in love with her. She’d just quoted “The Big Lebowski” to me. It was my favorite movie and none of the other girls I’d ever been with would have even known what it was, much less have been cool enough to quote it. “You’re the coolest girl on the face of the fucking planet, babe! I knew you were awesome, but you know “The Big Lebowski!” You just got an infinity amount of cool points. Wait till I tell my dad and Cole. They’re going to shit. It’s our favorite movie.” Poking me in the stomach, she giggled. I loved the sound. “It’s mine and my dad’s favorite movie, too. We actually went to Lebowski-fest in Seattle two years ago. It was awesome!”

“Holy shit, there’s a fuckin’ Lebowski-fest? Why have I never heard of this?” Pushing back from me, she gave me a shit-eating grin. “Guess you don’t have enough cool-points, slick. Stick with me and I’ll have you whipped into shape ASAP. For the record, there are a few Lebowski-fests every year. You absolutely must go to one.” It sounded like a good fucking idea to me. “I’m totally going to look into this. I’m bummed I didn’t know before. I want to take you, my dad, your dad, and Cole. Wouldn’t it be epic?” Pulling back, she gave a laugh. It sounded hollow and I just knew it was because she didn’t believe me. FUCK. Did she really think I was such a man-whore who made random offers to any girl who happened to be in close proximity? I realized I had a lot of work to do to get Tessa to see how serious I was. I knew she was worth all the work, so I’d be doing it all with a smile. Gesturing to my bathroom I said, “You can change into your suit in there. I’m going to run into the bathroom next door and throw mine on. I’ll meet you in the living room when you’re finished.” After giving me a smile, Tess went to her bag and grabbed her suit. It was a turquoise two-piece and I knew right away I was going to be struggling big time when I got a look at her in it. Grabbing my own suit from the closet, I went into the guest bathroom to put on my swim trunks. While I waited for Tessa in the living room, I fooled around with my phone and checked Twitter. I was all about communicating with fans of the band, but my Twitter account was really more about me keeping up with my gram. I knew I was biased, but I thought she was one of the funniest people on earth. I laughed out loud when I got to her timeline and saw she’d tweeted she was with Pop and was going to be playing with balls for the day—bowling balls, that is. The woman was the queen of the double entendre. Getting in on the joke, I responded to her tweet: Watch yourself around all those balls! I was still laughing when Tess entered the living room, but my laugh came to a full stop when I saw her standing before me clad in her bikini. I’d either done something to earn God’s ire and he was torturing me with the perfection in front of me, or I’d done something great in a former life and Tessa was my reward. Either way, I had no intention of letting her go. The metal circles holding the suit together on each of her hips and between her breasts were smoking hot. My impulse was to go to her and kiss the ever-loving hell out of her, and I decided to go for it. I couldn’t resist. I crossed the room in three strides and pulled her into my arms before sliding my lips over hers. She fit into my arms perfectly, even with the height difference. Her lips opened for me, allowing me to plunder into her mouth. Nothing had ever felt so real or so right. I’d known our kiss in her hotel room had been amazing, but I don’t think I really realized just how exceptional the way we came together actually was until we were completely wrapped around one another. I knew I was in deep. For the first time in my life, I wanted to be immersed in someone—her. I was holding on to Tessa—no matter what.

FLYNN COULD KISS. I couldn’t even explain how talented he was with his tongue or how intense the feelings he was evoking in me were. I could only liken it to being caught unexpectedly in a storm and having to learn to swim. Flynn was in charge, and I was stunned to realize I trusted him just enough to navigate us forward. I’d never given anyone such control over me, but I couldn’t help myself where he was concerned. He devoured me with his mouth, the room filled with the sounds of us kissing and moaning. Rising on my tiptoes, I ran my fingers through his hair as I arched against him. It was probably the worst idea humanly possible to put Flynn and me together in a room as close to naked as we could be. I was having difficulty remembering to breathe. I felt us moving and instinctively knew he was taking me to the couch. The way he laid me down was so tender it made my heart melt. He treated me as though I was spun glass and I was not accustomed to that. I’d always found guys to be pushy and overly aggressive. Not Flynn. Having him on top of me was even more intense than kissing standing up. There was no part of me not touching some part of him and it felt amazingly good—better than any schoolgirl fantasy I’d had of him without a doubt. It was like awakening to an alternate reality. My body came alive in a way I’d never experienced, and I clung to Flynn for dear life as he navigated us through the new strange land he’d taken me to. I was breaking all of my good-girl rules, and I didn’t care. My legs were wrapped around him like a vise, and I couldn’t help myself from rubbing against him in a blatant attempt to tame the fire raging inside of me. I needed something more, but I didn’t know what because I’d never experienced this with someone else. Lucky for me, Flynn knew. Pulling his mouth from mine, he stared into my eyes. “Tess… God, babe. You’re fucking amazing.” My breath hitched at the look in his eyes and the flames reflected inside. His head dropped to the base of my neck where he bit down and sucked in just as he ground himself against me. I let out a guttural cry as every nerve in my body came to full attention. I felt his hands at my neck as he released my bathing suit top and I shivered when the air hit my painfully erect nipples. It had never happened before. I had assumed my nipples weren’t a very sensitive area for me. Flynn proved my assumption to be dead wrong. I watched in awe as his head descended to my breasts. I felt his breath as he looked at me and I was stunned to find I wasn’t embarrassed. I’d always felt uncomfortable being naked—or damn near naked—in front of guys. Sure, my experience of being naked with a man was confined to Lee and two other boyfriends who’d gotten as far as maybe third base, but still. He kissed and licked every square inch of my breasts and I writhed underneath him in wonder. The silky feeling of his hair as it brushed against my skin was so erotic. I was barely holding on. I let out an involuntary gasp of wonder when he took my left nipple into his mouth and laved it with his tongue. “Flynn!” My fingers were wrapped in his hair and I held him against my breast as I arched against his erection

in search of relief. I moaned when he grabbed my hips in his hands and started to grind against me. I was wet and so hot for him. It blew my mind. When his mouth went to my right nipple and sucked it in, I came with a cry of disbelief. It finally happened—a man made me come. I felt like throwing a party even as my body continued to shake beneath his as aftershocks rolled through me. I officially caught fire and it felt unbelievably good, but nothing prepared me for the four-alarm blaze that ignited when Flynn slid his hand into my bikini and touched my dripping wet core for the first time. Pulling back from me, he sat up a bit and stared down at his hand as it moved beneath my bikini bottoms. It felt incredible, and I arched up into his fingers as he touched me. The expression on his face was hot. I wished my camera had been nearby. He was picture perfect and completely in tune with my body in a way even I never had been. Lifting his head, he met my gaze and smiled. “Babe, can I take the bottoms off?” My breath caught even as I nodded my agreement. Within seconds, my bikini bottoms were gone and I was completely exposed to Flynn. He ate me alive with his eyes as he took in every square inch of me. Before I even had time to process his intent he was lifting my hips up and his mouth was just above my core. When he touched me with his tongue, I cried out in wonder at how fantastic it felt. He licked, sucked and nibbled at me as I shook and cried underneath him. My hands were fisted tight in his hair as I held him to me, out of control and desperate for a release only Flynn had ever been able to give me. The sight of his face buried between my legs made me cry out as I writhed against his tongue. When he slid his finger inside of me and started rubbing in and out, my body took flight again as I clenched around it and screamed his name. I was all but in another world as he kissed his way back up my body and settled himself over me again before capturing my mouth with his. It was shockingly erotic to taste myself on his tongue, a reminder of what he made me feel. When he pulled back, I groaned and tried to hold him to me. Shaking his head, he let out a huge exhale. “I promised you no sex today, and I’m going to keep my word no matter how badly I want to be inside of you. When we get there, babe, it’s going to be amazing. We’re so fucking worth the wait.” I’d have given him anything in the heat of the moment, but he was right. It wasn’t time. I would have kicked myself in the ass later for having sex after knowing him for two days. Eyes serious and intense, he put a hand on either side of my face and looked at me. “I promise you I’m not trying to fuck and run, Tess, but you aren’t sure, yet. You also don’t fully know you can trust me. I understand I have to earn your trust. This isn’t a fling so it’s not something I have any experience with, to be honest. You’re different, sweetness. For you, I want everything to be just right.” Sweet Jesus, the man was melting my goddamn brain. I couldn’t help myself and I smiled at him and nodded my agreement. He didn’t push or say anything more. Instead, he behaved like a perfect gentleman and bent to retrieve my bikini bottoms before helping me stand so he could put them back on. He stayed bent before me as he pulled them up my legs, and I watched him in wonder. It was intensely erotic watching Flynn redress me, and I grinned like a total moron when he placed a soft kiss on my stomach once he had the bottoms in place. I realized right then how easily it would be to fall in love with him—and it scared the shit out of me.

AFTER I HAD Tessa dressed, I showed her where the pool was before excusing myself to the bathroom. I was so hard it felt like I was made of granite and I needed to calm down. But more importantly, I had to get a grip on my emotions. No one came close to Tessa, no one ever had. How scary was it to feel so strongly about someone I’d known for such a short amount of time? I couldn’t believe if I’d not been interested in signing The Chaps, I never would have seen her photo and likely never would have met her. I’d essentially fallen for her the moment I’d seen her picture. Nothing about the situation was rational, but being with her made me feel solid in a way I never had. The whole situation was forcing me to re-evaluate my position on fate. Once I left the bathroom, I spent a few minutes on the phone confirming the details of our dinner. I came up with something I hoped she would really like. I’d taken my dad’s advice to heart because I agreed with him. Going over the top and taking her to some fancy ass restaurant wasn’t going to do it for Tessa, at least not yet. She’d write me off as a jackass if I did, and deservedly so. I was pleased when I got out to the pool and found her floating on a raft. She looked comfortable and at ease, which made me happy. I needed her to feel at home wherever I was. Running across the flagstone pathway, I took flight and dove into the pool. Tessa’s delighted laugh rang through the air as I broke the surface just next to her raft. A feeling of pure joy overwhelmed me, and I put my arms around her and pulled her under with me. We surfaced together, both laughing. Most girls would have pouted or been seriously pissed I’d either fucked up their hair or make-up by pulling them under, but Tess didn’t give a shit. She was having fun, not trying to show me her best angle. I adored that about her. Catching me off guard, she jumped up and pushed me under by my shoulders. I spluttered as I came back up with a laugh. “Shit, Tess! I don’t know where you hide it, but you’ve got some muscle type strength, babe.” Shaking her head at me, she chuckled. “When I’m home, I kick-box three days a week and run six days as well. I know getting on a treadmill at the hotels won’t be an issue, but I’m already trying to figure out what I can do to make up for missing a bazillion days in the ring while we’re on tour.” Once again, Tessa exceeded expectations. I seriously thought she’d answer by telling me she did fuckin’ jazzercise or some shit, but it turned out she was in shape because she did real workouts that didn’t involve jumping up and down and following the commands of an instructor named Barbie. “Today’s your lucky day, babe. The workout fairy literally just fell into your lap. Cole and I do MMA to work out five days a week. We’ve hired a trainer to keep our asses in shape on tour. Devon’s already asked if she can use the guy as her trainer, so it wouldn’t be any problem to have him train you as well.” Tess beamed at me as if I’d just told her Wolfgang Puck was going to be cooking all of our meals for the length of the tour. “Flynn! That’s the best news ever! I was seriously worried I was going to rage out at some point without my stress-relief outlet.”

I threw back my head and laughed. “Seriously, babe? Raging out? I can’t picture it.” She giggled and splashed me playfully. “Thanks, I think. I’m not a pushover though, and I get fired up about things. I’ve got a temper, but instead of blowing up at everyone, I work it out so that I don’t go on a one-woman smack-a-thon. The idea of Tessa fired up was a serious fucking turn-on. She was so passionate as it was I couldn’t even fathom how hot she’d be if she was pissed off. I’d made a mental note to make sure to stick close to her if she looked like she was about to blow. As long as I wasn’t the person she was pissed at, I was in. I was all about reaping the benefits, even though I never wanted to be the person to cause the explosion. We swam and sunned ourselves for almost two hours, and I used the time to get to know her better. Because I was famous, my life was more or less an open book, but Tessa’s wasn’t, and I wanted to know everything. I found out she was an only child, but unlike my own, her parents had only wanted one. They doted on her and were thrilled she was going on this tour and living her dream. Her dad sounded like theshit to me to begin with because he liked ‘The Big Lebowski’. She was a bit more reluctant to talk about ex-boyfriends, which I took to mean there was a closet full of love letters from a bunch of different assholes somewhere. Personally, I couldn’t imagine ever voluntarily breaking up with someone like Tess, so I figured she’d probably done the dumping. She looked at me as if I’d grown a second head when I told her my theory. Turning seventy shades of red, she shook her head at me. “Yeah, negative. I’ve only ever broken up with one guy, which was the last relationship I was in. I’ve always been the dumped as opposed to the dumper.” I realized the guys in Philly had to be total fuck-heads if they were dumping someone as gorgeous and overall awesome as Tessa was. “Were you dating idiots?” Her laugh sounded forced. “In retrospect, the answer is clearly yes. The reason they broke up with me was always the same though, so I know it was me who ruined things.” I’d seen her naked, so they weren’t breaking up with her because she had a mystery third nipple. She was smart, articulate and kind, so there was no way they were breaking up with her for being stupid, bitchy or boring. Eliminating those possibilities left few options. I needed to know, so I asked her point blank. “Babe, don’t leave me hanging here. What the fuck were they breaking up with you for?” Where before she’d been red, right then she was almost purple. Looking away from me, she took a deep breath and then blurted, “Because I don’t get turned on. I refused to have sex with any of them because they did nothing for me physically. I finally broke down and agreed to have sex with the last guy… and it was an epic fail. When I broke up with him, he told me I was about as sensual as a children’s book. Like the boyfriends before him, he said I was frigid.” I’d had no clue why she didn’t have success with relationships, but what she’d just told me was the last fucking reason on earth I’d ever have expected… and it was also ridiculously far from the truth about her. Grabbing her face with my hand, I forced her to look at me. “That’s straight up fucking bullshit. Did you, or did you not, just come twice just from foreplay? You’re about the furthest thing from frigid. Truth is, you’re so fucking hot my brain is still smoking. If those idiots didn’t take the time to get you there, it’s on them, not you. Moreover, how frigid could you be if you were able to make yourself come looking at pictures of me when you were a teenager? Frigid doesn’t just turn on and off. But if you’re with someone with no skill, it’s impossible to get turned on.” I could tell she wanted to say something, but she stayed frustratingly silent. I stared into her eyes, willing her to say it, but she held her tongue. When I couldn’t take it any longer, I demanded an answer. “Babe, I’m not blind, and the look on your face tells me you’ve got something on tap. Hit me with it. I

want to know what you’re thinking.” She mumbled at first, but when I asked her to speak so I could hear her, she spoke up. “It’s because it’s YOU, Flynn. I’ve got no problem getting hot for you, and I never have.” I’d have bet one-year’s worth of royalties from my first album she’d be able to get off with someone else who had skill. I never wanted that to happen. Like, ever. She was fucking mine. I had to grind my teeth to keep from going full caveman. “Sweetness, as wet as you got for me, you aren’t fuckin’ frigid—far from it. You would be able to get there with someone else who didn’t suck in bed, but we won’t be putting the theory to the test. You’re on fire inside, but you just don’t know it. I do, and now I’m the lucky son of a bitch who gets to bring it all out of you. I’m going to make you come hard and often. You are so fucking hot. I could spend days pleasuring you and it wouldn’t be enough for me. You aren’t the only one here who’s hotter than they’ve ever been with anyone else, Tessa.” I realized I was turning her on with my words when her pupils dilated and her breath started coming faster. Pulling her in closer to me, I stared into her eyes as I continued, “There are a thousand things we’re going to do to and with each other babe, and I’m looking forward to every one of them.” Grabbing her ass in my hands, I lifted her against me, sliding her down my torso until her face was at the perfect level with mine. “Gonna make you come again now, sweetness.” Her breathy gasp made my dick twitch in my swim trunks as my mouth covered hers and our tongues began sliding together. With her legs clamped around my waist, I slipped my hand into her bikini bottoms, finding her hot and wet. Frigid my ass.

IT WAS A struggle to remember to continue breathing when Flynn kissed me and worked my drenched sex better than I ever had. I clutched at his shoulders and met him kiss for kiss as he rubbed my clit in circles. Pulling away from him, I gave a keening cry as my orgasm hit. As I came down, he continued to rub ever so gently, taking special care not to touch my ultra-sensitive spot. I felt us moving through the water just before he lifted me away from him and laid me on the raft I’d started out on. I was completely blissed out from my orgasm, while at the same time being stupefied by how easily he was able to get me there. Feeling his gaze on me, I opened my eyes to look back at him. I shivered when I saw how wild his expression was, and my core clenched from his look alone. I got goose bumps and let out a breathy sigh when he reached behind my neck to undo my bikini top. I maneuvered myself a bit so he could unhook the back as well, and then I chuckled when he threw it toward the side of the pool. He turned the raft so I was at his side and then he leaned over and kissed me. When he pulled away I whimpered, but his smile told me he wasn’t finished with me. The sound of his voice was pure liquid lust. “Babe, hands over your head. Hold onto the raft Don’t. Let. Go.” My heart started beating triple time as I followed his instructions. I watched in silence as he worked to get my bikini bottoms off and before I knew it, I was completely naked, laid out before him on display. Judging by the look on his face, he liked what he saw. A lot. “This beautiful body, sweetness? It’s made for pleasure. It’s singing to me, telling me what it wants and needs. Those other idiots you were with weren’t fuckin’ listening.” If I had panties on, they would have exploded. Lowering his head, he took my left breast into his mouth and sucked, hard. At the same time, his hand was gliding down my torso on a slow and leisurely journey that had my body humming. Lifting his mouth from my breast, he captured my mouth with his again. The kiss was tender, as if he was trying to convey something to me. I pulled away with a gasp and wrapped my hands in his hair when his fingers slid between my drenched folds. His response was a gruff chuckle. “Hands, babe. Don’t move them.” Once again, I put my hands up over my head, gripping the raft as he slid his finger in and started thrusting in and out. He kept his eyes on mine as he worked his finger inside of me. I groaned when he pulled his finger out, and gasped when he traced my lips with said finger. He was wicked, sin incarnate as I watched him lift the finger from my lips before sucking the finger into his own mouth. I struggled to remember to breathe as I tried to wrap my brain around how sexual he was, and how much I liked it. “You taste salty and sweet all at the same time. Lick your lips baby, and tell me your little pussy doesn’t taste like pure heaven.” The way he watched me indicated he was waiting for me to complete his request and, hesitantly, I did. I’d tasted myself before, of course, but this was different. Wetter, hotter… better. Eyes glazed with liquid lust, he nodded at me. “Never loved the taste of someone before baby, but with you, I would willingly drown in it. I’m going to devour you, Tessa, from the inside out, and you’re going to come so many times you’ll forget anyone before me. Focus on us babe. You and me together is all

that will ever matter.” His fingers slid into my folds again as he bent over and licked my navel. He gently bit my tummy just as he slid two fingers into my sex and started to thrust. Involuntarily my eyes closed and I started seeing stars behind my eyelids. When his thumb started rubbing my clit, I lost it. My body stiffened, my toes curled and my hands locked behind my head on the float as I shouted my release. I floated on a cloud of Flynn-induced nirvana as I slowly came back to reality. He continued to stroke his fingers over my body, a form of post-coital adoration I had no experience with. He was so different than anyone I’d ever known, and it worked. God, did it work. Reaching my hands up, I placed a hand on either side of his face. “Thank you, Flynn. I don’t know how you make me fall apart, but I love it. The look he gave me had me ready to go all over again—his words making it much harder to breathe normally. “Babe, just wait until I’m inside of you. I’m going to fuck you hard, long and deep. The things we’re going to do together are going to blow your mind.” Holy. Fucking. Bluntness. I had another mini orgasm from those words alone.

AFTER DEPOSITING TESSA in the master bathroom so she could get ready for our date, I hauled ass to one of the guest bathroom showers to take matters into my own hands. Literally. I’d never needed to come more than I did after spending part of the day tonguing Tessa’s perfect pussy and bringing her to orgasm. My own orgasm was quick and fiery, not surprising considering I’d been on the edge all day. We met up again in the living room almost an hour after we’d parted. I’d been sitting on the couch waiting for her for about fifteen minutes, eager to be with her again. I didn’t have experience with missing women, but already I understood there was no way I’d be able to wait weeks to see her once she went back to Philly. It just wasn’t going to happen. She looked downright edible in her jean shorts, white tee and a pair of white Converse. Her hair was styled into two hotter than hell braids that made her look fresh and crazy fuck-able. I was in deep and getting deeper by the minute with her. Crossing the room, I pulled her into my arms for a hug and a thorough kiss. Her lip-gloss tasted like strawberry and it was intoxicating. As I went to embrace her, I noticed the only make-up she had on was a hint of mascara and the lip-gloss I was busy removing with my own mouth. Make-up free, she was still hotter than any woman I’d ever laid eyes on. Once we were able to pull back from each other, we left for our destination. After making a quick pit stop to grab the supplies I’d ordered, it didn’t take us long to get where we were going. When I talked to my dad, I realized it would mean something to Tessa if I took her somewhere she would be able to enjoy beautiful scenery and take pictures. I’d chosen a lookout point high up in the Malibu Canyon to give us the perfect vantage point to eat dinner and watch the sunset. I had been there before a few years ago on a photo shoot with the band, and when it came time to think about where to take Tessa on our first date, it immediately popped into my mind. The look of pure joy on her face made me feel like I was taking a victory lap after kicking Mike Tyson’s ass in a one round total knockout. It turns out when it mattered, I did know how to be romantic. “Oh, Flynn! It’s beautiful up here. The smell of the sage and the breeze from the ocean is unbelievable.” Damn, I was pretty fucking pleased with myself. I wanted it to be a date she was going to remember, and for all the right reasons. We spread out the blanket I’d brought to lay our picnic dinner on, and then I ran back to the car and collected all of the pillows I’d brought for comfort. I laughed out loud when I imagined the look of horror my decorator would have if she saw the comforter and pillows from one of my guestrooms were now thrown on top of the grass. Oddly enough, they looked more inviting on the grass than they ever had in my house. Go figure. We unpacked the rest together. I’d gotten roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese, salad, broccoli with cheese, a variety of mini cakes for dessert and a bottle of chardonnay.

“Holy hell, Flynn—how many people are you trying to feed here?” I had to chuckle because she was right. What she didn’t yet realize was, when I was hungry, I was ravenous. Right then I was starved for her, and I was substituting the need to fuck her with food, which meant I was hungrier than ever. “Just you and me babe. Just you and me.” With a laugh, she gestured to the feast spread before us. “Methinks you’ve got a love of carbohydrates, Mr. Rand.” “I am very guilty of being a Carb Addict. Cheapest and easiest foods are all carbs. Before our first CD came out, we lived on potatoes, Ramen Noodles and bagels. You’d think we wouldn’t like all that stuff now, but it’s like it got into our blood.” Nodding her head at me, she smiled. “I understand completely. Those were my college apartment staples. Oh, and Easy Mac. Can’t forget Easy Mac. I’m pretty sure God made it on the seventh day and kept it a secret until the people at Kraft figured it out. There is nothing, and I mean nothing, quite like the taste of that magical powdered cheese.” It made me laugh because it was true, Easy Mac was the shit. Carbs were my default food choice, but for years I had one girl after another bitching at me about how I needed to “refine” my palette. I’m pretty sure if the other guys and I sat down and tried to track how many women had offered to “home cook” for us, the tally would be in the thousands. Chicks always like to pretend to care about our health and wellbeing. What they’re really interested in is the fame and our bank accounts. “I agree. I’m not saying there aren’t other amazing foods out there, but if we got nuked tomorrow, I’d survive in a bunker on Ramen Noodles and Easy Mac with a smile on my face.” Nodding her head in agreement Tess added, “Throw in a lifetime supply of Wild Cherry Pepsi and you’ve got yourself a bunker buddy.” My biggest addiction was Wild Cherry Pepsi, but it was a closely guarded secret because the band did commercials for a competing brand. They had sponsored our tours for years—including the upcoming farewell tour. All the other guys were hooked on the brand, but I’d stayed true to my cult-like love for Wild Cherry Pepsi. As part of our contract with the brand we did commercials for, I couldn’t drink anything but their stuff in public. This meant for the last five years, my assistants had been stocking my garage with cases of soda on the sly since I’m not even allowed to buy it myself. “Babe, Wild Cherry Pepsi is my true love. Fucking nobody knows so keep it on the down low. I’d be in breach of contract if it got out. I’ve got the rest of this tour to get through before I’m allowed to drink what I like.” Smiling at me, Tess put her hand over her heart. “I promise to keep your secret safe.” We dug into our dinner with gusto, and I was happy to see how, just like the night before, Tess wasn’t weird about eating in front of me. One of my pet peeves about girls was the constant and silly need to put on the, “I don’t eat much,” bullshit routine. If I wanted to date a rabbit, I would. When I’m breaking bread with someone, I want to see they’re enjoying the meal. As we ate, Tess asked me questions about my family and Cole’s. Normally I edit a lot of what I say to people, purely because I don’t like people digging into my life for their own ludicrous reasons. I knew Tessa wasn’t asking me questions so she could sell my life story to a tabloid, so I answered every question honestly and in detail. I wanted to tell her everything anyway. To my way of thinking, it was how real relationships were supposed to evolve. I noticed she got teary eyed when I talked about my mom, which touched me. “My mom was amazing. She was beautiful, smart, and so goddamn funny. She used to read me books, but she’d change the words to really funny stuff. She and I lived to make each other laugh. My dad called us Laurel and Hardy. Once a month we’d have pajama day in the house. We’d all stay in our pajamas, watch movies and eat junk. Those days were the best. She tried to keep it going until the very end, even when she was too tired to stay awake for an entire movie, and she couldn’t force down any food. To the

bitter end she was the best mom a kid could have asked for.” It had been so long since I’d talked to anyone who wasn’t already ‘in the know’ about my mom, and it felt good to share it all with Tess. I lay down on the blanket and settled my head on her thigh as I talked. The feeling of her running her fingers through my hair was both comforting and relaxing. It anchored me to her, and it felt so damn good. “She sounds amazing, Flynn, untraditional and fun, which is totally in keeping with what your dad and your grandparents were like at dinner last night. Your father is pretty awesome. Do you think he’ll ever remarry?” Blowing out a frustrated breath, I shook my head against her leg. “You have no idea how badly I wish he would, but I don’t see it happening. He adored my mother, and his position on relationships is that if he doesn’t feel as passionately for someone as he did for her, there’s no point in bothering. He was solidly single for the first few years after her death, but over time, he started to date again. I’ve met a few, my grandparents have as well, but no one has ever gotten him to want to take it to the next step. It’s a shame, because my dad really is the type of man who should have had more kids. He’s amazing, and I’m not just saying so because he’s my dad. It drives me crazy that he’s fifty-one and has given up on finding love again. I hate thinking of him being alone for the rest of his life.” Tessa’s fingers traced my cheek as she sighed. “I think it’s beautiful you love your dad so much you wish he’d find someone to love. He’s not old by any stretch of the imagination, and you never know… he could still find someone. Don’t give up hope.” Lying there with Tessa, I got why my dad knew so quickly whether a relationship had the possibility of going anywhere or not. I used to think he made the decision too quickly, but because of Tessa, I understood. When it was there, it was really there. My feelings toward Tessa were coming on fast, and I knew we were going somewhere huge, a place I’d never been. How funny that I’d thought it would take months to feel this way with someone. The truth was light years away from what my expectation had been. Looking out at the view, I realized the sun was getting ready to set. Sitting up, I grabbed Tessa’s hand in mine. “Look, sweetness. This is why I brought you here. Grab your camera and snap away. I know you’re going to love this.” The quick kiss she dropped on my lips before she got her purse told me all I needed to know. I chose well when I’d chosen the location. I watched with a smile as she started taking photos. I could tell she was completely absorbed in what she was seeing, and I was happy to capture a glimpse. The setting sun left her in silhouette in front of me, a vision of perfection. Reaching into my pocket for my iPhone, I snapped a dozen photos of her taking pictures of the sun as it faded. As I snapped my last shot, she turned to me and smiled. Her timing was spot on, and I captured the joy on her face. “It’s perfection, Flynn! I love it!” She was right.. The photo I’d gotten of her was perfect, and I set it as the photo for her in my contact list. As I finished, she called me to the edge to watch the end of the sunset. She had one of those cameras with a flip screen so you could see yourself for self-portraits, so with our backs to the sunset, she put her face near mine and she snapped a few photos. Catching her off-guard, I cupped her cheek with my hand and kissed her. She managed to take a few more pictures as we kissed, something that made me want to try to take pictures of other even more intimate moments with her. We broke apart breathing heavily as we smiled at each other like idiots. Turning back to the view, we watched the rest of the sunset together in silence, the only sound the hum of her camera as she finished taking photos. We packed up our gear together and laughed because I had to use the flashlight app on my phone in order for us to see. It took two trips to get everything into my car, and once we were packed up we headed back to my house. When we got home we both decided to shower since we’d spent hours outside. Although we’d been sitting on a blanket, we both felt like we wanted to freshen up. I was seriously in love with my shower, so

I opted to let Tessa go first so I could shower after her. My guest room showers were nowhere near as amazing as the shower in my bathroom, so it was worth the wait. It was wildly erotic to be in a space she’d recently been naked and wet in. The air was scented with her shampoo and shower gel, the smells I’d come to associate with her. It was intimate to be showering where she had just been, and I liked it a hell of a lot. We’d decided once we were finished showering, we’d cuddle in bed and watch a movie or two. My breath caught when I walked into my bedroom and found Tessa curled up on top of the comforter in a Guns ‘n’ Roses tee shirt and a pair of white sleep shorts watching Hoarders. I’m obsessed with the damn show, and as soon as I saw it was on, I sprinted across the room and threw myself on the bed. “Babe, you like Hoarders?” She chuckled as she nodded her agreement. “I more than like it, and it’s kind of embarrassing because I can’t stop watching! This show and How Clean is Your House? on the BBC are my TV crack. That got a loud laugh out of me. “This is fucking hilarious. I love those two British ladies! The filth they find in people’s houses blows my mind. My dad and I have seen every episode. I was pissed when it got cancelled. I still watch the reruns like a total addict. Have you seen the one where the lady lets her birds have free reign of the house and they shit everywhere?” Giving a fake gag she said, “Oh my God, that one was epic. It was so nasty! I can’t believe you like the show, too. No one I know has ever even heard of it. Things like Hoarders and How Clean is Your House are my type of reality TV. I have no interest in scripted dating shows or watching toddlers win plastic tiaras, but give me a pint of ice cream and a Storage Wars marathon and I’m a happy girl.” With an exaggerated growl, I got up and straddled her on the bed, pulling her hands over her head and holding them trapped in mine. “Keep talking baby, cause you’re turning me on big time.” Her beautiful flush and the quickening of her breath had my dick twitching in my cotton pajama pants. Fuck the TV; watching her was my favorite past time, hands down.

THE SECOND FLYNN had straddled me I forgot there was a television in the room, much less that it was on. All thoughts of Hoarders were long gone. My sole focus was Flynn: hot and beautiful on top of me. He was stunning, a descendant of the gods, and he was quickly becoming something to me. I was both excited and terrified at the same time. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I smiled as his head came down to mine. Our tongues danced in each other’s mouths, the taste of Flynn more addictive than even my favorite dessert. He had me melting underneath him, mindless and wild. The entire world faded away when his mouth was on mine. I yelped when he thrust against me, his cock hitting my aching sex in just the right spot. I was wet and getting wetter quickly, my body doing what came naturally as it made itself ready to take him inside. I knew I’d said I wasn’t going to have sex with him, but right then I desperately wanted to. Pushing at his shoulders with my hands, I broke our kiss so I could look into his eyes. My heartbeat sped up even more when I saw the look on his face. It was lust mixed with something else I couldn’t identify, but it made me feel desired and safe to explore him. While I had him off guard, I shifted my weight and pushed him so we rolled over. It wasn’t fair that I’d had four massive orgasms over the course of the day while I hadn’t touched him at all, and I had decided to make up for lost time. He groaned when I sat up and wiggled on top of him, but his eyes told me he didn’t make the sound because I hurt him. Looking into his eyes, I told him, “It’s my turn to get to know your body. I want to touch you like you’ve been touching me. Will you take off your clothes?” His little growl made my pussy clench, while his nod of agreement made me flush from head to toe. Climbing off his lap, I stood next to the bed, holding my hand out to help him up. We stared at each other in silence as we both stripped. I devoured him with my eyes, licking my lips as I stared at his beautiful chest. Sexy didn’t even begin to describe it. When I looked down at his erection I gasped, my hand involuntarily flying up to cover my mouth. The. Thing. Was. Mammoth. He was enormous. The first night in the hotel room when I saw his arousal through his pants, I’d figured he almost doubled Lee’s size. My estimate had been way off; he was much, much bigger than Lee was lengthwise, and twice as wide. Without conscious thought, I dropped to my knees in front of him and touched him with my hand. “Fuck! Tess… Ahhh babe, you’re so fucking perfect.” I shook my head as I traced his length from base to tip with my fingers. Perfection was right in front of me, and I salivated. His cock was stunning, a visual banquet that made my sex weep and my heartbeat accelerate. Fisting both hands around him, I groaned when I realized I couldn’t quite close my fist because he was too big. Both hands didn’t encompass his length either, because there were two or three inches still uncovered. I’d never wanted to touch or explore a cock before, but with Flynn, I needed to. Leaning forward, I

licked the tip with my tongue. I heard his moan from above me, but I was too enchanted by his cock to look up. He didn’t say a word, but his cock was all but begging me to suck it, and I hadn’t been about to let it down. Scooting forward, I’d wrapped my lips around the head and started licking and kissing the tip. When I’d sucked the tip into my mouth, I heard Flynn’s growl and it made my nipples throb painfully as my sex clenched. “Baby, we need to get on the bed. Your hot mouth is making me crazy and my fuckin’ legs are about to buckle.” Before I had time to think he was lifting me in his arms and setting me on the bed. Climbing on, he looked at me as he traced my face with his fingers. “Where do you want me, babe?” Smiling at him, I patted the bed and said, “On your stomach. Lay down.” I loved that he did what I asked him to do without any kind of argument. The few times I’d tried to do any exploration with Lee, he seemed to grow annoyed easily by my inexperience and say that I “didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.” Flynn didn’t seem to be having any issues with my skill level. If anything, he looked like he was as desperate for me to touch him as I was to do so. My mouth watered looking at his naked form. There wasn’t an inch of his body I didn’t want to explore. I decided to start at the bottom and work my way up from there. I gently ran my nails over the bottoms of his feet, smiling when I heard his sexy groan. I massaged and kissed my way up his legs, stopping when I got to his delectable ass. I’d never been much for a man’s backside, but Flynn’s ass deserved its very own Facebook fan page. I traced it with my fingers before I leaned in and started to kiss and lick my way around his beautiful cheeks. After I’d finished exploring there, I placed a kiss at the base of his spine before tickling it with my tongue. His entire body shivered beneath me, and I did it again and again as he shifted and ground into the bed each time I did it. “Oh fuck… Tess!” Yep, I’d found one of his sweet spots, which was good to know for future reference. I kissed my way up the rest of his back, stopping at the back of his neck to scratch him gently with my nails before giving him a few gentle love bites. “I’m finished back here, so it’s time for you to turn over.” His face was a mask of pure pleasure as he complied, and I gave myself an inner high-five for turning him on. Once again, I started at the bottom and worked my way up. He let out a moan when I licked his inner thighs, and I watched in wonder when his cock leaked pre-cum when I scratched my fingers gently over his stomach. Fisting the base, I began licking his cock. I found he went especially wild when my tongue traced the vein running along the underside of his shaft or when I tongued the tip. Opening wide, I started to take him into my mouth for a proper blowjob. He was taut as a bowstring below me and his breathing was harsh as I began to suck him. As I sucked, I worked the bottom of his shaft with my fist. I gloried when he fisted his hands in my hair and groaned. It was such a turn on to know he was enjoying it. I’d never thought the sound of giving someone a blowjob would be arousing, but I quickly realized it was making me unbelievably hot. My sex was on fire, and every slurp and suck I made as I worked his shaft made me wetter. Catching me by surprise, he had sat up and flipped me onto my back before getting on top of me. “Babe, I’d fucking love to come in your mouth, but tonight I want us to come together. Not going to go inside, but I am going to ride your clit.” I whimpered then cried out when he put his cock on top of my extremely drenched sex and started sliding back and forth. Holding onto his biceps, I stared into his eyes as he thrust back and forth. There was something about him being on top of me that had made my heart flutter in my chest funny, but right then I was too far gone to focus on it. Pulling him to me, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and

began kissing the hell out of him as I held on for dear life while he thrust back and forth. It felt amazing, but I wanted him inside of me more than I’d ever wanted anything else in my life. Pulling away from his mouth I’d moaned, “Oh, God, Flynn! Fuck me! I need you inside.” I almost died when he shook his head in the negative. “No, sweetness. I promised, and I’m not letting you down. Wanna be deep in this pussy, babe, filling you with so much cum you can’t keep it all inside, but tonight isn’t the night.” I shivered and cried beneath him, desperate to come but needing something more than just the friction against my clit. “Please! Oh Flynn, please, please, please. Put. It. In. I’m begging! I need… I can’t… please. Fuck me!” He growled as he captured my mouth with his again, but he didn’t fuck me. Instead, he thrust two fingers inside me and fucked me with them instead of his cock. He moved his fingers in time to his thrusts against my clit. It felt so good, my pussy clenching around his fingers as he slammed them in and out at a breakneck speed. Within seconds, I was screaming as my body hit orgasm at a million miles an hour. One orgasm led right into another when he pulled his fingers out and then pushed back in with three fingers, harder and tighter than before. “God! Fuck, Tess… Such a tight little cunt. Grip my fingers, babe and come again. You feel fucking amazing.” My keening wail as I came again was met with a yell of Flynn’s as his cock erupted on my clit, the force and the heat of his orgasm causing me to tremble and shake beneath him as his fingers continued to fuck me until my own came to an end. Rolling over, Flynn pulled me on top of him and rubbed my back as I had returned to earth. His heart thundered under my head, his body slick with sweat. As I regained some semblance of reality, I realized I was also drenched with sweat. I’d never gotten sweaty during any kind of sexual encounter before, but with Flynn, it seemed natural. The combined scent of the two of us together was beautifully erotic and comforting all at the same time. Clasping my hands together on his chest, I settled my chin on them and looked up at him. He grinned down at me, his look one of adoration. Smiling tentatively at him I said, “I wanted you to take me, Flynn. I would never have been angry or held it against you if you’d complied. I hope that isn’t what held you back.” Pulling me further up his chest, he kissed me before settling me into the nook at his side and wrapping his arms around me. “I know you wanted me to, and don’t think for one second every fiber of my being didn’t want to join with you completely right then, too. I wanted to babe, but I need to be the man worthy of you. You need to know I will always stay true to the promises I give you.” I didn’t know how to respond. I was completely done in, overwhelmed and touched in a way I never had been before. The silence stretched for a moment as I tried to form words. Kissing his neck, I snuggled in closer to his side. “I already know you’re more than worthy.” Rubbing my shoulders, he said, “That means everything to me, babe.” Disentangling himself from me, he stood from the bed. My heart dropped to my feet as I wondered if he was about to leave or get weird. Instead, he went to the bathroom and got a warm washcloth to clean me off. I knew with anyone else, I’d have felt really uncomfortable about the level of intimacy, but with him, it felt really normal. Climbing back into the bed, he got us under the covers and then pulled me against him to snuggle. I’m pretty sure I was asleep before he’d finished wrapping his arms around me.

THE NEXT MORNING we woke up late. At my request, we showered together. I’d reverently washed every beautiful inch of her, and she’d returned the favor. When she finished with me, I sat her on the bench and dropped to my knees so I could make her come with my lips and my tongue while I jerked myself off. As I came, she bent over and rubbed the tip of my cock to gather cum. I had watched in awe as she lifted her fingers and sucked them into her mouth, my only response a tortured groan. Leaning forward, I dropped my head into her lap and tried to get myself under control as she gently scratched my back. She was ruining me for anyone but her, and she didn’t even realize it. I could feel it as it happened, and I didn’t think I’d ever be the same. She was wrapping herself around my mind and heart, working her way into a spot in my soul I was coming to suspect was there just for her. Tessa had been blissed out after the shower, but I was uptight. The clock was winding down on our time together, and it showed I needed to have her to the airport in three hours. I finally found an amazing girl and now three thousand miles were going to separate us. There was no fucking way I was staying away from her for four weeks, but we were going to miss a lot of time together no matter what I did. Once we were both dressed, I took her to brunch at a local hole in the wall I ate at all the time. I’d considered taking her to my dad’s for lunch omelets, but I didn’t feel like sharing her, which was another first for me. Normally I didn’t give a shit who was around, and I generally liked people to distract the girls I was with so they wouldn’t cling. With Tessa, I wanted to be off the grid so I threw my cell phone in my glove compartment because I didn’t want anything to disturb us. We had a great meal together and as I was coming to expect, the conversation flowed perfectly. All too quickly, brunch was over and it was time to take her back to the Mondrian to get the rest of her luggage. The drive to LAX passed by far too quickly, and the next thing I knew, I was dropping her at the curb. Gone were the days when you could take your friend to the gate and hang out until departure. Now, you drop and run. Suddenly, I deeply hated that shit. Why the fuck couldn’t I linger with her? Throwing on my LA Kings hat and a pair of sunglasses, my handy ‘don’t notice me’ disguise, I got out of the car and took her luggage out. After I tipped the skycap for getting her bags onto his cart, I pulled her into my arms for a kiss. Time stood still as we devoured each other, our kiss fierce and desperate. Clearly, neither of us wanted to separate from the other. I was so keyed up that I almost punched the skycap in the face when he discreetly coughed to break us apart. “I’m sorry sir, but they are going to ticket you if you don’t move your car. This area is for drop off only. You can’t dilly-dally.” Letting out an aggravated sigh, I stepped back. Keeping my eyes on hers, I smiled as I rubbed her lips with my thumb. “Call me when you get home. I’m going to miss you like fucking crazy.” Smiling shyly at me, she ran her fingers over my cheek. “I’ll miss you, too. I’ll call as soon as I get home.”

With one last quick kiss, she was gone. My heart hurt as I watched her walking away, a sight I didn’t enjoy in the least. I was brought out of my reverie when a cop pulled up behind my car and honked. With a shake of my head, I got into my car and left. At the first red light, I checked my phone and saw I had four messages. The first one was from my manager, while the last three were from my dad. He didn’t sound like himself at all. Not upset, exactly, but completely shattered. All his messages said he needed to talk to me right away, and preferably in person. I panicked as I imagined the worst. What if he was sick, or if one of my grandparents was hurt? My palms started to sweat as I broke damn near every law of responsible driving to get to my dad’s house as quickly as humanly possible. The sight of his Mercedes in the driveway calmed me down a bit, but I was still a nervous wreck. I was out of my car the second I had it in park, running into the house at top speed. “Dad? Dad! Where are you?” My steps came to an abrupt halt when I found him in the living room. He was sitting on the couch with his elbows propped on his knees, his head held in his hands. I’d not seen my dad so undone since my mother died, and it scared the piss out of me. My heart was beating so loudly I was surprised the room wasn’t shaking with the vibration. “Shit, dad, what’s wrong?” He jerked his head up, surprised to see me standing over him. That scared me even more than how dejected he seemed, because I’d made a lot of noise coming into the house. Whatever he needed to tell me, it was serious. My mind was operating at warp speed as I tried to prepare myself for what was coming. I didn’t know what I’d do if he told me he was sick, or if something was wrong with my grandparents. “Oh Flynn… I’m so goddamn sorry.” “Dad, you’re literally scaring me to death. What the hell is going on?” Shaking his head and wiping his eyes, my dad gestured to the spot on the couch next to him. “You need to sit down, son. I need to tell you something.” I dropped onto the sofa like it was the electric chair. He was scaring the bejesus out of me. “Dad, are you sick? Gram and Pop, are they okay?” Grabbing my hand, he squeezed. “We’re all fine, everyone is healthy. I’m sorry—I should have said so in my message. That’s not what this is about.” His words calmed me down, but not as much as they needed to. Serious health issues not withstanding, something was still upsetting my dad, and I needed to know what. “I need you to listen to me son, and don’t ask questions until I’m finished. If you’re angry, you can yell at me then. Just let me get this out.” I nodded my agreement, even as I wondered why my dad would think I could ever be angry with him. “It was agony to watch the love of my life die, and I don’t think there was anything anyone else could have done or said to help me prepare for what it did to me inside. Every day for two years, I watched Rachel get weaker, watched the cancer eat away at her body. Do you remember the times we couldn’t share a bathroom with her or really touch her much because of the chemo?” I’d been so young when she died. I’d long since forgotten some of the details surrounding the slow and painful end. His question triggered a memory of just how awful it had been. I nodded as I sighed. “Yeah.” “It was a bitter pill to swallow. I lived to touch that woman, and then it was taken away. I saw the end coming for her and I knew nothing we did was going to make any difference. I lived with the guilt every day. I wondered if I’d have been able to appear stoic if she would have stopped letting them dose her with things that were killing her from the inside out. We left no stone unturned and no treatment avenue was unexplored. I would have thrown myself in front of a truck to save her, given up my own life in return

for hers, but cancer didn’t care. It took her anyway, and it left me behind to live a life without the woman I loved. Part of my heart went down into that grave with her. If it hadn’t been for you, I’d have done something drastic so I could be with her again. You were a living reminder of our love, and it kept me alive. If I’d been a better man, it would have been enough. Instead, I went off the fucking rails.” I had no idea where he was going with all of this, but he was really freaking me out. As a rule, my dad didn’t curse in front of me, especially not the F word. That alone meant he was really upset. “I basically left you with Gram and Pop for a few months. I was drowning, Flynn, and I swear to God, I regret my failure as a father every day of my life. I let my wife down by being a shit parent to the only part of her I had left. I should have been thanking God for at least giving me a piece of her to look at forever, but instead I focused on what I didn’t have. I was crazy angry, bitter, and drunk. Luckily for all of us, Gram sat me down and gave me the business. Pop also gave it to me with both barrels. By the time they were finished with me, I had no delusions about what a pathetic waste I was becoming, or about how heartbroken your mother would be about how much I was letting you down. They scared me straight, and our lives benefited greatly. I’ve spent the years since trying my hardest to make up for the lapse in my sanity, and until today, I thought it wasn’t something we were ever going to need to discuss.” Taking a deep breath, he plowed on. “John brought a woman here to talk to me this morning. She’s the sister of a woman I hooked up with after your mother died. What happened back then was nothing meaningful at all—just a sexual relationship. It went hand in hand with the drinking. I just was so fucking desperate to be touched again, to feel anything. Today I found out that my shit judgment led to that woman getting pregnant. She had twins, Flynn. I’ve got two daughters who are almost twenty-three. Or, I think I do. The woman, her name was Connie, was loose. She’s dead now, and so is the man they thought fathered the twins. The woman John brought here today, Sandra, has raised the girls for the last twelve years. Sandra requested a paternity test before we take this any further, but she also said the girls have my eyes. She’s pretty damn sure that they’re mine.” I was stunned to know I could have sisters. I couldn’t tell if my dad was happy about it or not, but what I did know was I wasn’t upset about what happened after my mom died. My dad was human, and I would never fault him for it. “Dad, I’m not mad at you, don’t be ridiculous. Right now I’m trying to figure out how John got involved, and how you’re feeling about all this? If they’re yours, do you want to meet them?” He looked so upset, and I wondered what was bothering him about it. My dad loved being a father, and I couldn’t believe having two more children would be any kind of a burden to him. Taking a deep breath he asked, “Would it be okay with you if I wanted to meet them?” Christ on a crutch, he thought I would be pissed if he wanted to meet them! He couldn’t be more wrong. “Jesus! Dad, of course it would be okay. You’re acting like you just told me you were in jail for murder. You’re my father and I love you. I know better than most about using sex and alcohol as numbing agents. Personally, if they are yours, I’d like to meet them. The call is ultimately yours, but that’s how I feel.” Before I even had the sentence finished, my dad had his arms around me tight. “I love you so much, son. I can’t tell you how relieved I am you’re okay with all of this. I was scared I was going to lose you, too.” Realizing he had been scared of that gutted me. Hugging him hard, I told him how I felt. “Dad, you’re tops in my book, no matter what. You’re the best dad in the world and you’re never going to lose me, ever. I love you.” The two of us spent the next hour hugging it out and getting our shit together. I’m not ashamed to say that a few tears were shed, but being the men that we were, we kept it to a dull roar. When we finished our male bonding, dad explained the rest of the story to me. The aunt of the girls who were likely my father’s daughters was the VP of Hart International, the firm that had built my

manager’s house, hence John bringing Sandra to my dad’s house. Apparently, the whole sordid tale about my dad and the woman—who had turned out to be married—had come out just a few days ago because someone was threatening to blackmail the Hart family with the information. My dad was most upset that the blackmailers were threatening to release a video of him having sex with the twins’ mother. He feared that it would hurt me, which was what the blackmailers were relying on. The truth was that I didn’t care about the tape as it related to my career; I only cared about my dad. “I’m going to give my DNA tomorrow for the paternity test. Will you come with me?” “Dad, of course I’ll come with you. In fact, let’s hang out tonight. I’ll spend the night and we can leave from here in the morning.” The look of relief on his face showed me in no uncertain terms how much he needed me to step up and be his rock. He’d always been mine, and it was my turn to return the favor.

MY FLIGHT HOME had sucked. I’d felt like I was leaving a part of me behind in LA, and I felt stupid for feeling that way. I didn’t like being melancholy and I never wanted to be the annoying girl who listened to sappy love songs and bemoaned being separated from her man. Besides, I wasn’t even sure Flynn was my man. We’d only known each other for a matter of days. Thus, I knew being apart was the right thing to do. In my opinion, we needed to be apart to figure out if how we felt when we were together was real. By the time I gathered my luggage from the carousel, I had myself pretty well under control. I tried to call Flynn but got no answer, so I decided to try him later. Jess was at the curb waiting for me, and I hopped in with a smile. It was good to be back with my bestie, and I couldn’t wait to share everything that had happened to me over the last few days with her. After picking up hoagies from our local Wawa, we headed back to our apartment. Jess went to the bathroom and I quickly texted Flynn. Me: I’m home, safe and sound. Flynn: Good. I miss you so much baby. I’m in the middle of something but I will call you as soon as I can. Glad you got home okay. I miss you. I felt like a total idiot for being sad he wasn’t going to call me immediately. Me: Miss you too—I’ll talk to you later. Hope everything is okay. Flynn: Thank you, sweetness. Me: Talk to you soon. He didn’t respond to that text, and I was left feeling uncertain. In the few days that I’d spent with him, Flynn had been downright chatty. Suddenly he didn’t seem as eager to talk to me, and I couldn’t help but think it was a classic case of ‘out of sight, out of mind’. Apparently I’d been fascinating to him while I was nearby, but the three thousand mile distance had quickly put a damper on his enthusiasm. Put bluntly: I didn’t have any faith in men at all and Flynn suddenly being busy was kind of what I had feared would happen. It fed into all of my negative fears. Jess came bounding back into the room with a huge smile, throwing herself down on the sofa with a giggle. “Alright, tell me everything! What was it like hanging out with rock ‘n’ roll gods? Did you love it there? What was Flynn like in person? Did you want to do him?” I’d come home so excited to tell her about everything, but right then I was unsure about what was going on. Instead of telling her the truth, I downplayed the whole thing. “Flynn was nice. The entire band was nice. Very down to earth. I learned all about my tour responsibilities and I’m so excited about the whole thing. Of course I loved it in LA, can’t wait to get you out there, Jess. You’re going to love it.” After swallowing her mouthful of food, Jess frowned at me. “That’s it? He was nice? Six years ago, he eye fucked you for almost three straight hours and now he was just nice? What a letdown!”

I smiled to cover the pain in my heart, looking down at my hoagie in the hopes she wouldn’t see any traces of how I really felt in my eyes. “It wasn’t a letdown, Jess. They were all great and I’m very excited about this tour. The highlight was all the great people I met who will be working on the tour, too. Some of them were crazy hot. You would have been in heaven!” One of Jess’s favorite past-times was talking about hot guys, and my diversion tactic worked. She spent twenty minutes grilling me about all the guys I’d met, and she didn’t ask about Flynn again for the rest of the night. After we ate, I headed to my room to unpack and go to bed. I also decided to torture myself and transfer all of the photos I had taken during my trip onto my computer. There were hundreds of photos to go through, but the ones I pulled out and made a special file for were from my time with Flynn. The picture I’d taken of us kissing on the bluff in Malibu was so beautiful it made my heart hurt. I spent an hour cropping and touching up the photos I’d taken of Flynn and his family the night of our dinner. The photos his Gram had taken of the two of us together were painful to look at. It felt like it had happened eons before instead of just days. Once I was finished editing, I put them all in a zip file and sent them on to his Gram, along with a friendly email telling her I would see her the night of the first show on the tour next month. I curled up in my bed and spent the next four hours struggling to get myself to sleep. I missed being in Flynn’s arms, missed the feeling I had when I was with him. Eventually I fell asleep, but it wasn’t restful. I hoped he would call me the following day, but he didn’t. Instead he sent me another text. Flynn: So sorry I haven’t been able to call yet. There’s a lot going on here—I’ll explain it all soon. I miss you, sweetness. Me: Okay—I hope that everything is okay. Flynn: Thanks babe. It means more than you know. I can’t wait to hear your voice again. I miss you. The days after blended together, one after another, without another word from Flynn. I tried to look on the bright side as I steeled my resolve and did what I had to do to move on. For those few days in LA with him, I’d lived the dream. That was something, right? I channeled my sadness, and later my anger, into fortifying myself for the tour. It would be uncomfortable to see him day in and day out for four months, but I needed to stay level headed and professional so my career didn’t suffer. There was no other alternative. The one thing I knew for damn sure was if he tried to pick up right where we left off the second I was within touching distance again, I was going to tell him to go fuck himself. I swore to myself I would never be somebody’s booty call—not even Flynn Rand. Once again, I’d learned the hard way my taste in men was abysmal. I’d started to let down my walls with Flynn, had secretly begun to believe in the fairytale. The way I was feeling once I got back to Philadelphia and stopped hearing from him was a solid reminder shit like that didn’t exist. I told myself at least I had learned I could enjoy being sexual, so it wasn’t a total loss. Flynn had talked a good game, but his actions spoke louder than his words. He’d clearly moved on to the next girl, and I was betting the new one put out without any weird sexual issues getting in the way. On the fifth day of my post fairytale existence, Flynn got around to texting me. Flynn: Hi sweetness. I’m missing you terribly, wishing you were here or I was there. I was overdone and pissed off. I’d been so upset by his lack of contact by then, I didn’t text him back.

He sent three more texts over the next four hours. Flynn: I miss you. Call me when you get this. Flynn: You really need to keep your phone on you babe. Text me. Flynn: Tess, where are you? I miss you like crazy. I need you. I didn’t know what he expected me to say or how he thought I was going to proceed, but I was insulted that he thought so little of me. He’d completely ignored me for days, and I wasn’t up for pretending that wasn’t completely screwed up. I was trying to decide what to do when Jess burst through my door with her iPad in hand. “Holy shit, Tess, did you see TMZ today?” I hadn’t. I was struggling to remember to check my email, much less having the wherewithal to surf the web for gossip. Waving her iPad in front of me, she gestured to the screen. The pain I felt when Flynn didn’t text was nothing, absolutely nothing, compared to how I felt when I saw the picture on the screen. In the photo, Flynn was standing at an outdoor café with his father, his grandparents, some tall blond guy and a beautiful blonde haired girl. Everyone was laughing and Flynn had his hand on the girl’s stomach. He was beaming into the girl’s face, and it was clear that he was thrilled. The headline above the photo read: RENEGADE DAD! I. Wanted. To. Vomit. Flynn was having a baby. I’m not sure how I got Jess out of my room, but I managed to do it without raising her ‘something is wrong’ alarm. That was surprising considering that something was really, really wrong. As I sat there trying to process everything, I heard my text alert. Flynn: I really need to talk to you Tess. I have news I want to share. Where are you? I was furious and disgusted. Why had he gotten involved with me at all if he already had a girlfriend? What was his family playing at that night at dinner? They’d acted like they were so happy to meet me, but the photo on TMZ very clearly showed they genuinely loved the girl that Flynn had gotten pregnant. Gram was getting her wish for a great-grandchild, and it tore my heart in two. Grabbing the phone, I sent him a quick text back in the hopes it would shut him down. Me: I’m sorry, so busy trying to get ready for the tour. I heard your news, no need to let me down easy. It’s no big deal at all. Congrats on your baby! See you when the tour starts. When I was finished, I turned off my phone. When I powered it back on two hours later, I had fifteen voice messages from Flynn and ten text messages. I wasn’t interested in whatever bullshit line he was trying to feed me, so I called my cell phone carrier and had my phone number changed entirely. I didn’t want to hear from Flynn anymore, ever. I’d work the tour and then I’d forget he existed. I spent the rest of the night pretending to read a book, and as soon as it was an acceptable time to go to bed, I bid Jess goodnight and went to sleep. I was too depressed to stay awake and pretend I wasn’t devastated to have fallen for Flynn’s bullshit. The next morning I was still a mess. Jess and I were in the kitchen drinking coffee when there was a

pounding at the door. Jess, much perkier than I was in my current state, jumped up and ran to open the door. Her gasp when she looked through the viewer and saw who was at the door was my first clue. My next was the sound of his voice when she opened the door. “Please tell me Tessa’s here.” All I could think was—fuck me, and fuck my life. He had flown all the way out to talk to me. What kind of asshole rubbed it in the way he was? Jess let him in, her eyes wide as she stared at him. My eyes met his and, to my annoyance, the connection was right there. Even knowing he was having a baby with another girl, I still felt for him what I’d never felt for anyone else. We stood there staring at each other in silence for a minute and I couldn’t look away. Finally, Jess’s strangled inhalation pulled my attention from Flynn. Meeting her gaze, I realized she knew something was going on. There was no way for her not to know, not now being in the same room with us. Her eyes told me she had questions and I would be answering them. With a frustrated shake of her head, she left the room. Turning back to Flynn, I gasped when he came and pulled me into his arms. It killed me being up against his body like that, touching him and drinking in his scent. I started to pull back, but he didn’t let me go. He held me tighter, forcing me to look up at him. “Babe, it’s not what you think. The girl in the pictures on TMZ is my sister.” Did he think I was such an airhead that I’d forgotten the basic facts about his life? I’d just spent the better part of a week with him, and we spent a lot of the time talking about our lives. I knew for a fact he didn’t have a sister. Him claiming he did was, hands down, the most pathetic excuse for douchebag behavior that I’d ever heard. Shaking my head in disgust, I pushed against his chest. “Jesus, Flynn, on top of everything else, you’re a liar. Let me go!” Holding me tighter, he looked me dead in the eye. “I swear on my father’s life, Tess, that girl is my sister. We just found out this week my dad fathered twins almost twenty-three years ago. I’ve got twin sisters. I’m sorry I didn’t text baby, so sorry. My dad has been a fucking wreck and I’ve been staying at his house. There were DNA tests, we needed to meet the girls, my grandparents had to be told, and then they had to meet them. The anxiety of waiting for answers fucked with him big time. It brought up all the memories and pain of losing my mom for him. Needless to say, it’s been a dramatic few days.” I wanted to believe him, wanted it to be true, but I was terrified. I froze in his arms like a statue. “Sweetness, I fucked up. I. Fucked. Up. I should have called and explained this before. Shit’s been out of control and I’m guilty of putting everyone else but you and me first. I needed my dad to be okay, needed to deal with what was going on. I never stopped thinking about you, not for one minute. I missed you like crazy, babe. Wanted you with me in the worst way. When you texted me back last night and then changed your fucking number, I hauled ass to get to you. Don’t throw us away, Tess, I’m begging you.” I believed him— I did, but all I was able to think about was how scared I was. The previous five days had cut me to the quick emotionally, and it hurt like hell. That was how I felt after being wrapped in him for less than a week. How much worse would it be to open myself up completely for however long this lasted? To me, it felt as though it would be emotional Russian roulette.

IT HAD FELT like my heart was in a fucking vise. How fucking dumb was I to have let the drama of the previous five days stop me from keeping in touch with Tessa? The distance had made me miserable, and the effect of it on her made me feel like the biggest asshole on the planet. Her uncertainty about our future had been written all over her face. Pulling her to me, I cupped her face in my hands. “I’m not above begging, Tess, at least not where you’re concerned. So here I am, begging you not to walk away from us. Give me another chance to prove to you we’re worth it and I promise you, I won’t fuck it up. You’ve got me in the palm of your hands, baby. Don’t throw me away.” Closing her eyes, she shook her head and let out a sad sigh before speaking. “You hurt me, Flynn. I’m not jaded or experienced enough to deal with your lifestyle. I feel like a total moron standing here admitting it, but I’m not sugarcoating it, so there it is. You need someone to accept that you’re a free agent, someone who can be accessible on command at your whim, who will understand when you don’t make any attempt at contact. I’m not that girl and I never will be. To be perfectly blunt, I wouldn’t want to be, either. You and I aren’t on the same page. Clearly there’s an attraction between us, but it doesn’t mean it needs to be explored. Chemistry can’t overcome the obstacles between two people. I’m thankful to you for showing me that I could enjoy being sexual, and I will always cherish the memory. But the fact is, we don’t go together and we never will. On a positive note, I’m glad this was all figured out before this went any further. We’re letting whatever this was go now, no hard feelings.” Letting her go, I had started to pace as I fumed and tried to collect my thoughts. I couldn’t fucking believe the bullshit she was slinging at me, and I didn’t hold back when I responded. “Abso-fucking-lutely not. Hell no to every ridiculous thing you just said. How about instead of building your wall, you let me in? When have I ever given you the impression I wanted you to be my beck and call girl? NEVER! I’ve told you time and again what’s between us is very fucking real to me. I’ve shown you in every way I can that I want to go all the way with this. I fucked up over the last few days and I admit it, but it wasn’t because I didn’t value you, or because I thought I was a free agent. I’ve had serious family shit going on that came into my life like a fucking atomic bomb and I’ve been dealing with the fallout. I don’t see myself as free baby, because I’ve already jumped in, feet first, to what you and I have. You are the one in this relationship who’s sitting on the side of the pool clinging to a life vest. The irony of the fact you think I don’t take what’s between us seriously but you are the one taking the first available out isn’t lost on me. You changed your fucking phone number in a rage and my response was to get my ass on a plane to talk to you in person. I really don’t know how the fuck else you want me to demonstrate to you how deep I am in this, but what I do know is I’m not quitting on us, and neither are you.” When I stopped pacing, she was standing right where I’d left her. Her lower lip was quivering and I could see she was struggling, so I went to her and pulled her into my arms. “Baby, we’re going to be fine. Give us a chance.” Shaking her head, she pushed me back. “I can’t.” Putting my hands on her shoulders I said, “It’s not that you can’t, Tess, it’s that you won’t. Give me one

good reason why you’re turning your back on something this fucking powerful.” Glaring at me, she tried to wiggle away from my hold. “I don’t have to have a reason. It’s enough that I’m saying I can’t. I don’t want this.” I’d never wanted to put a girl over my knee before, but suddenly the idea of spanking the shit out of her stubborn ass held tremendous appeal. She was lying and I damn well knew it. “Bullshit,” I roared. “Give me the real reason why you’re taking the nuclear option instead of giving us a chance!” Stomping on my foot, she pushed away as she yelled, “Because I’m fucking terrified of you!” Before I could respond, her roommate’s bedroom door flew open and she came running into the living room. Glaring at me, she grabbed Tess. “Tessa, do I need to call the police because this asshole is scaring you?” My day just kept getting fucking better and I couldn’t believe on top of everything else, her friend was thinking I was some creeper asshole who was trying to force myself on Tessa. I was caught up a shit spiral and I couldn’t get out of it. Stepping away from the roommate, Tessa waved her hands in the negative. “No! God, no, Jess. What I just said had nothing to do with me being physically afraid of him. He would never, ever lay a hand on me. I’m sorry that I scared you. Flynn and I will finish this discussion in my room.” Gesturing toward the hallway, Tessa motioned for me to follow her. Giving the roommate an apologetic look, I went and followed Tess to the bedroom. The look her roommate gave back to me left me with no doubt she would castrate me with a plastic knife if I fucked with her friend in any way. After closing the door behind me, Tessa sat on the bed. I didn’t wait for an invitation to join her before I sat right down next to her. “Babe, what the fuck do you mean you’re terrified of me?” Running her hands through her hair, she looked away before she blurted out her answer. “I’m terrified of the way you make me feel. It’s been no time at all, Flynn, and I shouldn’t have cared as much as I did when you didn’t call. You make me feel things I have no defenses for, and I know if I let you in I’ll only get more attached.” I was relieved we were getting somewhere real. “Sweetness, you aren’t alone here. It’s scary shit, what’s happening between us, and the reason it’s scary is because it’s for fucking real. You’re scared for your reasons, and I’m scared because you’re pushing me away like it’s your goddamn job and I can’t lose you. Neither of us would be scared if we didn’t know what’s happening between us is huge. Tell me what you need to do to make you feel more confident about this.” Sighing, she looked me in the eye and asked, “If I agree to this, what are we? Are we exclusive? Will you tell people we’re dating, or is dating too exclusive for you? Are we fuck buddies?” My teeth ground together so hard I’m surprised I didn’t crack one. I had to calm myself way down before answering her. “If you ever even hint to me again that we are fuck-buddies, I’m going to flip. First, we haven’t fucked. Second, we won’t be just fucking when I’m buried inside of you and you’re screaming my name. Sorry if you had your heart set on it, but my answer is no to fuck-buddies, sweetness. We also aren’t just going to be dating. This is more. You want to know how far into relationship territory I’m willing to go? Let’s review my actions today and see if you can figure it out. I started pacing the room as I reeled off a rundown. “For starters, I got on the first available flight out of LA after you changed your phone number. At the airport I was randomly selected for a body-scan and carry on search. I flew coach on a packed flight and I had a three-hour layover. I could have waited six hours to get on a flight that went straight through and had first class available, but I didn’t take that option because getting to you as quickly as humanly possible was the only thing I cared about. I was stuck on two different flights in aisle seats, which means I spent seven hours being slammed into by people walking in

the aisles. When I entered Chicago O’Hare, I got recognized and chased because I didn’t have any security. I’m pretty fucking far into relationship territory with you babe, but to give it to you in no uncertain terms I’ll lay it out like this. From this second on, you’re my girlfriend and I’m your boyfriend. Yes, we’re fucking exclusive. If some asshole touches you, I’ll break his hands. And finally, fuck yes we’re telling people.” I plopped back down next to her calmly. “Does that answer your questions?” Her mouth had opened in shock about a third of the way into my speech, and she continued to stare at me wide-eyed for a moment before collecting herself enough to speak. I was as patient as I’d ever been as I waited for her response. By then, my only hope was that I’d gotten it through her stubborn head that I was with her all the way. “Flynn, don’t you think it’s too early for us to take the jump to being girlfriend and boyfriend? Dating is one thing, but…” My hand covered her mouth before she could say something else ridiculous. “Tess, babe, you’re talking bullshit. Too soon? You either feel it or you don’t. I feel it, or I wouldn’t be here right now. You feel it too you stubborn ass, or you wouldn’t have been as upset as you were. Answer this question. When you were with boyfriends in the past, at any point in time in the relationship did you feel like this?” Her answer was immediate and it put my mind at ease. “No. My stubborn ass,” she paused and smirked at me, “never felt anything like this.” It was all I needed to know. Bottom line, where it counted most—we were on the same page. “I’ve never felt like this, either. Nothing’s even come close. I want us official. From here on out I’m your man, babe. And there’s no doubt you’re my girl. Do you feel me?” I got my answer when she reached out and cupped my cheek with her hand and smiled shyly at me. “I feel you.” Pulling her onto my lap so she was straddling me, I smiled at her. “Good girl. Now give your boyfriend a kiss. He’s missed you something awful.”

I HAD STILL been scared, but everything that Flynn said had weakened my barriers. The fact was that his point of view not only made sense—it also went a long way toward making me feel more comfortable with him. I wasn’t feeling things toward him that weren’t being reciprocated and that was huge. What scared me was the certainty that I was going to have to make a conscious effort to keep from building any more walls. Being in Flynn’s lap again was both a relief and a torture. I wanted him so much that it literally hurt. The ache in my core had never been so pronounced or so extreme. Sliding my fingers through his hair, I rubbed against him in the most provocative of ways. When he growled low in his throat, my pussy clenched so hard I almost wept. I couldn’t hold off another moment, so I didn’t. Dropping my lips to his, I sucked his lower lip into my mouth as I ground myself against his erection. A shiver went through me when he grabbed my ass in his hands and started rubbing me back and forth against him as his tongue slid into my mouth. It was no sweet lovers’ kiss—it was fiery and carnal, sexual to the extreme. He fucked me with his tongue and I took it and gave it right back. We kissed for an eternity as he worked me back and forth on top of him. I was on the razor’s edge, seconds away from exploding from the inside out and he knew it. Breaking our kiss, he looked into my eyes as he started to speak. “Fuck… babe. Your pussy is on fire. I can feel your heat through our clothes and it’s making me fucking insane. If your roommate wasn’t out there right now I’d have my cock buried balls deep in your tight cunt. I wouldn’t stop fucking you until I was positive you’d still be able to feel me in you days from now.” An involuntary whimper had erupted from my throat at his words. Shaking my head emphatically, I told him the truth. “I don’t care about her being out there. I just want you. I need you so much it hurts.” His eyes looked wild and I thought he was going to back down, but he shook his head in the negative. “I’m not making love to you for the first time worried about what your roommate can hear. I’m going to let you come right now, but then we’re going to go find a suite at a hotel for us so we can be loud and hard. You’re going to get me tonight babe, every fucking inch, and I’m going to fuck you until I can’t fucking move anymore. Please fucking tell me you’re on the pill babe. I’ve never had sex without a condom and I’ve got the results of my tour physical in my luggage. I need to come in you, Tess, need to feel your soaked pussy gripping my cock.” While he was talking, he continued sliding me back and forth. Hearing him say that he needed to come in me sent a rush through me that was pure ecstasy. Burying my face in his neck, I bit down hard as I came. Rather than taking the edge off, my orgasm made me ache for him more. “I hear you, Flynn,” I moaned, “but I’m not going to be able to walk if you don’t fuck me now. I need you deep. I can’t even explain it… but I need it so bad I feel like I’m going to lose it. Please… baby… I need you. I’ll be quiet, but I want you here, in my bed. Give me that memory. Fill me with your cum, I want it.” His groan and the look in his eyes told me I’d won.

“Take your clothes off, put your TV on and turn up the volume so there’s some background noise. Whatever happens here, you can’t scream.” I was wet before, but when he told me I couldn’t scream… my panties were done for. Hitting the button to turn on the TV, I ripped my shirt over my head. I had my bra, yoga pants and panties off in less than sixty seconds, but I had nothing on Flynn. When I turned around he was hot, hard, naked and laying in my bed. His hot gaze devoured me as I approached him. As soon as I was within touching distance he tugged me onto the bed. “Fucking hell, babe. You’re so fucking wet I can see it on your thighs. You have no idea what you do to me, Tess.” I was so desperate for him I felt out of control. Fisting his erection, I glided my hand up and down as I met his eyes. “I need you, Flynn. I can’t wait.” He growled as he shifted us so I was underneath him on the bed. Taking his cock in hand, he started to tease my clit. “Is this what you want, Tess? You want me to slide inside of you and make you come until you can’t see straight? Make no mistake about it, that’s what’s going to happen. So it’s your call now, baby. Do you need foreplay or are you ready to be fucked?” My back arched as I whimpered. “Oh God… I’m so ready to be fucked.” He moaned as he pushed my legs back and lined himself up with my opening. I could feel my sex weeping onto the tip of his cock, and I cried out softly. “Babe, you can’t make those noises,” he growled. “She’s going to know I’m fucking you if you cry out.” “Please… please… I don’t care. She’s my best friend—of course I’m going to tell her anyway. I’ve heard her with her boyfriends plenty of times. We’ve been in here for quite a while and she’s not stupid. Trust me, she thinks we’re already having sex. Take me, Flynn, no more excuses.” Any last vestiges of his control snapped like a brittle twig. His pupils were so large his eyes were almost black. “Put your hands behind your head and hold onto the headboard. I need you anchored to something so I can go deep. It’s going to be rough unless you tell me otherwise.” I had no pride, so I begged. “I want you deep and hard. Fuck me.” Gripping my ass, he held me still. “Don’t. Fucking. Scream.” I nodded as he thrust into me, and while I didn’t scream, I did cry out. I was too full, too aroused, too wrapped up in him, and it all felt too good for me to contain it. I stretched to accommodate as he continued sliding more and more of his cock into me. I was having a completely new relationship my body and it was fantastic. I clutched at his back as I gasped for air. “You’re so fucking big!” His gaze had been on his cock as it went in and out of me, but when I spoke he raised his eyes to mine. “I’m not even all the way in, sweetness. You haven’t taken it all yet, but you will. Hold on tight to that headboard sweetness, I’m about to go deep.” I let out a gasp that he swallowed when he covered my mouth with his. Wrapping his hands around my thighs, he jerked me onto him hard. I felt the moment that he bottomed out, the feeling so intense I couldn’t hold myself back. Bucking against him, I cried out his name as I came. He didn’t slow up for a second, his pounding only getting more intense as I continued to come around him again and again. The bed was slamming into the wall and the mattress was groaning from the beating it was taking, but neither of us cared. “Do you fucking hear how wet you are? You’re so goddamn hot, babe.” Letting go of the headboard, I clutched his shoulders as he thrust. Both of us were out of breath, covered in sweat and wild eyed as we stared at each other. “Jesus! Flynn! I can’t stop coming!”

“Fuck, Tess… your cunt is milking me so fucking good. You feel amazing. So fucking wet and tight. I’m going to fuck you raw.” I clawed his back and bit his chest as I came again. He didn’t let up, didn’t slow his rhythm. I wasn’t quite sure how he kept it up, but I didn’t care because I’d never felt better in my life. I was gushing against him as he pounded me into the mattress so hard I wondered if an indent of my body would be left to mark the spot forever. “God, fuck, Tess… you’re coming like mad. The rippling of your cunt and how wet you are is So. Fucking. Good. How much more can you take?” I loved how even in the midst of what had to be the most intense lovemaking session of all time, he was still worried about my comfort. “Keep going, don’t stop. I’ll take it all!” His growly sound of approval spoke volumes as he pushed my knees against my chest and started to fuck me so hard I saw stars. “Perfect little cunt,” he growled. “So fucking good, babe. I can’t hold on.” I shrieked as I felt him grow impossibly larger inside of me. My head whipped from side to side as I scratched my nails down his back and begged him to come in me. The first hot blast of his cum set me off as if he’d pressed a detonator. I had no control over my responses and no connection to anything in the world except him. I couldn’t help the scream I let out, but he didn’t seem to notice because he was yelling my name. He collapsed on top of me as I continued to spasm around his cock. He kept on thrusting, gentler than before, as he got himself back under control. We were the only two people in the world, and it was beautiful. It felt like an eternity passed before I stopped spasming against his cock. I wrapped myself around him to keep him inside when he went to pull out. Groaning, he kissed me gently before saying, “I don’t want to crush you.” Smiling at him, I whispered, “I wouldn’t care if you did. Don’t pull out, you’re perfect where you are.” Laying his forehead on mine, he groaned. “Jesus, fuck. I still want to be buried in you, but… If you don’t let me out, I’m going to start fucking you again. I’d like it if you could walk tomorrow and right now, sweetness. I’ve never had someone take it as hard as you just did. You’re going to feel that for a while and I don’t want you in pain.” I squeezed my legs around his waist at the same time that I clenched around his cock. “I’m in pain, Flynn, but only because I want you so much. Keep going.” He looked at me in awe before he let out a sexy laugh. “Ahhh… fuck… Tess! Your pussy is so greedy. I’m never going to get enough.” Smiling at him, I squeezed my internal muscles. He groaned before leaning forward and biting my lip. I thought that we were well on our way to round two, but he stopped. “Don’t think that I’m going to forget that you need to be punished. You were a bad, bad girl, babe. I guarantee your roommate heard every smack of the headboard against the wall, and then you put the cherry on top by screaming at the end. We put on a show that I don’t think you intended to.” I clenched around him involuntarily as I gasped. He looked down at me in shock as my pussy creamed against his gently thrusting cock. “Holy fuck, Tess… does the idea turn you on?” Letting go of my grip around his back, I threw my arm over my eyes. Dammit, now he was going to think I was a closet whore. I was totally humiliated. He pulled out gently and I shivered from the intensity of the feeling. “Babe, look at me. Now.”

I moved my arm and peeked at him, knowing full well my cheeks were flushed red. “We need to be open with each other about what turns us on. Even I know it’s a big part of being in a good relationship. What about what I just said made you wetter?” Swallowing hard, I took a deep breath and blurted out, “I’m so embarrassed to admit this and you’re probably going to think I’m some sicko but… I’ve heard Jess having sex many times since we moved in together. I know it sounds gross, but it turned me on. Not that it was her—it’s the sound of it in general. The bedsprings creaking, the headboard slamming into the wall, skin slapping against skin, cries of ecstasy… I tried not to, but it turned me on so much I started looking forward to it, and eventually I would masturbate when it happened. Meanwhile, the entire time I felt like such a dud since my encounters never sounded like that. There was no passion, no frenzy and no loss of control. With you, there’s all of that and more. I’m no longer sad because I think I’m frigid. You make me feel so many things, Flynn, and I’m not ashamed of any of them. I think what we just did was incredible, and the exhibitionist in me likes knowing someone heard.”

EVERY TIME I discovered something new about her, I liked her more. Gliding my fingers up her leg, I smiled at her. “What you just said was seriously hot babe, but I hate that you thought I would think any less of you for saying it. Don’t be afraid of being honest about what makes you wet, babe. In fact—that gives me an idea. Let’s do an information swap. I’ll tell you something that turns me on and then you tell me something that turns you on. This bed is our bubble and we’re safe to share with each other babe, no judgment.” Propping herself up on some pillows, she smiled shyly at me. “No one has ever asked me before what turned me on. I like this. Okay, I’m in. But fair’s fair—I just told you one of mine, so it’s your turn.” I changed my position so I was lying on my side facing her before I said, “I like to listen, too. I would love to fucking pound you and make you scream while people could hear every fucking second of it. So yeah… what just happened worked for me.” Nudging her, I smiled. “It’s your turn, babe.” “Um… I’ve always had a fantasy about taking pictures and videos while having sex.” Fuck yeah; my girl was kinky. “The most turned on I’ve ever gotten happened the first day I spread your legs and tasted you for the first time. Now I dream about going down on you pretty much every minute of the damn day.” I countered. Giggling, she whispered, “I like to watch homemade porn.” “I think it’s incredibly hot that you like to watch porn, babe. That right there is my next turn on. Thinking of you watching porn while you think about me.” “Flynn, porn has nothing on you,” she said, a blush creeping up her cheeks. “If people in porn came as hard as I did when we just had sex, they wouldn’t accept money for it. Coming like that would be payment in itself.” Tugging her to me, I bit her neck. “Tell me your next turn on.” Blushing prettily, she said, “I like the idea of two guys touching each other.” I was struck silent, not a peep coming out of my mouth. Beneath her chaste exterior beat the heart of a wanton and I fucking loved it. “Oh wow,” she said huskily. “You aren’t saying anything which makes me wonder… Have you ever kissed or done anything with a guy?” It was my turn to shift nervously, and I hoped the answer wasn’t going to freak her out since it involved my best friend. “Yeah, I have. Cole and I have had a few threesomes with chicks and… we gave each other head a couple of times. This was in our younger days though. We haven’t fucked around in at least seven years.” Her eyes were huge and the look she was giving me said she liked the idea of two men being together. “Oh my God, Flynn,” she murmured. “That’s scary hot.” I was so relieved that she wasn’t appalled. It felt good to be able to share everything with her. Leaning in and giving her a quick kiss, I pulled back and mock-glared at her. “You sneaky wench. You were trying to avoid telling me your next turn on! Spill it, Hamilton.”

Closing her eyes she blurted, “I’ve fantasized for years about watching you jerk off.” If I wasn’t hard before, that did it. “Fuck, you kill me. You know what would turn me on?” Shaking her head she opened her eyes, and asked, “What?” I rolled over more, so I was right on top of her before I answered, “Watching you play with your pussy while I jerk my dick.” The low moan that came from her throat made my tip weep pre-cum . “Babe, you feel my cock right now? That’s from me thinking about watching you make yourself come. Will you let me watch?” Taking a shaky breath, she squeaked out, “Now?” Nodding, I smiled. “Fuck yeah. Now.” She considered it for a few seconds before she nodded. “Yes. But you’re doing my part of the turn on, too. I want to watch you while you watch me. Fair is fair.” “Not gonna be a problem, sweetness. I’m so fucking hard right now I could use my dick as a hammer. Do you use a vibrator?” Blushing, she nodded. “Do you want to use it now?” The shake of her head was followed by a little laugh before she spoke. “No. It can go in the trash right now as far as I’m concerned. You totally ruined me for it.” I felt so good that I wanted to take a victory lap around her bedroom. Sitting up, I took a spot at the end of her bed so that I was facing her. “Baby, lie back on those pillows and play with that pretty pussy for me. While you do it, keep those eyes on my cock and I’ll jerk it for you.” Her full body shiver was beautiful. Sitting forward, I slid two fingers inside of her soaked pussy and coated them in the mixture of her arousal and my cum. She gasped when I did it, but I just smiled as I used it to lube my throbbing shaft. “Nothing hotter than having a part of you on me as I jerk my cock, baby. Knowing that you’re so fucking wet for me makes me crazy.” Her tongue darting out to wet her lips was almost my undoing. I gripped my cock harder as I started to stroke, before giving her an order. “Tess, fingers, pussy, now.” She complied, even while her eyes maintained their trance-like focus on my shaft as I worked it. Her pussy was the sexiest thing I’d ever been fortunate enough to see. The sight of my cum on her was a reminder that I’d been inside of her, had taken her as my own, and the feeling it evoked in me was pure euphoria. She was fucking mine now, inside and out. Her fingers slid easily through her tiny patch of pubic hair as she spread herself and began lightly rubbing her clit with her fingers. She started to move her hips as she worked her clit, her body seeking more than just a gentle rubbing. Moaning, she slid two fingers into her tight cunt and started to thrust them in and out, all the while maintaining her eye contact with my cock as I jerked it. “You look so fucking beautiful baby, stroking your pussy and getting yourself all worked up. Do you see how hard my cock is for you?” Gasping for air, she nodded her head. Her fingers picked up speed as she worked them in and out of herself, and my fist was moving to the same rhythm as I watched her. “I could bury my face in you for days and breathe only you,” I growled. “So fucking hot. I know we belong, sweetness. I never wanted to literally live and breathe someone else before. You’re the only one to make me feel this way, ever.” Her shaking increased as the speed of her fingers plunging in and out did, and I watched in wonder as she slapped her free hand over her mouth as she came with a muffled cry that was the sound of my name. She was still coming as I pulled her fingers out and flipped her over onto her stomach, pulling her up onto her knees as I thrust into her. She was tight and wet, her cunt capturing me in a death grip as her

orgasm continued to rip through her. Holding onto her hips, I started pile driving her at warp speed. The sheets were gripped in her fists, her cries escalating as she slammed herself back to meet my cock over and over again. The room was a symphony of fuck noises; both of us well past the point of coherent speaking. Once again the headboard was slamming into the wall and her poor mattress was groaning in protest, but neither of us cared. It felt fucking incredible; both of us in full rut as I pummeled her and she took it and gave it right back to me. Her pussy was flooding my cock with her cream and my hands were cramping from gripping her so tightly, but nothing had ever felt so right. Throwing her head back she shrieked my name, twice, as she came. The feeling of her cunt spasming around me hurtled me over the edge as well. I came yelling her name, my cock flooding her tight cunt as I marked her, again, as mine. I was so out of breath I wondered if I was in danger of passing out. Pulling out of her, I flopped onto my back and focused on getting my shit under control. Tess straightened her knees out and dropped to her stomach next to me as she also tried to get her breath back. I still needed a connection to her even then, and I set my hand on her back to feel her breathing. I was in a twilight state between being asleep and awake when she rolled over and put her head on my chest. “You cheated. Next time, I get to watch you until you come on me.” I chuckled as my eyes closed and sleep claimed me.

I WOKE UP feeling a little disoriented. Of course I knew where I was, it was my bedroom after all, but I felt different—deliciously sore and incredibly content. I remembered everything when I inhaled the scent so uniquely Flynn as it made its way into my brain. For a few minutes, I snuggled against his chest as I enjoyed the sound of his deep and even breaths beneath my cheek. All too soon reality called, and I wiggled from his grasp and went to use the bathroom. Throwing on a tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants, I left my room in search of Jess. She wasn’t in the living room, so I headed down the hall to her bedroom. After knocking and getting the okay to enter, I went in and found her curled up with a book. Smiling, I plopped down on the bed next to her. Giving me a stern look she said, “Clearly the whole ‘he was nice’ explanation about your time in LA was bullshit. Am I right?” I felt my face heat as I nodded. “Jess, don’t be hurt. I wanted to tell you. When I came home it was my first order of business, and then everything went to shit and I was too embarrassed to let you know how stupid I’d been.” “Wait, you lost me. What do you mean you were embarrassed? What the hell is going on?” I spent the next twenty minutes bringing her up to date about the entire Flynn situation. Jess was my best sounding board, and I realized as we were talking I should have told her from the get go, no matter how embarrassed I thought I was. She all but crackled with energy as I finished the story. “Holy fucking Christ, Tess! Unreal. You’re officially going out with Flynn Fucking Rand?” I smiled like an idiot as I nodded my head. “Yes. I really, really, really like him, Jess. He makes me feel things no one else ever has. As a couple we feel so right. I’m crazy about him.” Raising her eyebrow at me, she chuckled. “No shit, Sherlock. If what you’re saying to me right now wasn’t an indicator, the four billion screaming orgasms you had in the other room would have. I can’t believe the stamina he had. I was in full fucking swoon over here, and I’ll tell it to you straight cause I love you like that; I’m jealous as hell. I told you that you weren’t frigid you silly bitch! Always listen to your best friend dumbass, cause she knows best. And since I’m your bestie and I’ve been keeping you sane since Kindergarten, put in a good word for me with Flynn and see if he’s got an inside track on finding a guy who can go for as long as he does.” Smacking her on the arm, I shushed her with a laugh. “He’ll hear you, think we’re crazy, and leave me on the spot!” Flynn’s choked laugh as he walked into the room had me burrowing my head into the pillows. “Babe, I heard and don’t worry, I already know you’re crazy. I like it and I’m not going anywhere unless you’re coming with me.” Lifting my head from the pillows, I smiled at him. He was perfection, sex on a goddamn stick walking around my apartment in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt. From beside me I saw Jess start fanning herself. “Jesus fuck me Christ. I’m going to need a fire hose to keep you two under control. The temperature in here just went up eighty degrees.”

Flynn threw his head back and laughed. Once he had himself under control, he stepped into the room and extended his hand to Jess. “I’m Flynn, Tessa’s boyfriend. My middle name is Mason—not fucking— but otherwise you had it right. And you’re Jess, the roommate and crazy best friend. I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s nice to meet you.” One of the reasons I loved Jess so much was she was brash and didn’t hold back. She’s a ballsy beauty with a heart of gold and a sense of humor that doesn’t quit. Her response to Flynn was epic. Taking his hand, she smiled. “Well, until Tess walked in here and filled me in, I hadn’t heard anything about you. I had, however, recently heard a ton OF you, seeing as how you spent the better part of three hours making my best friend scream your name while you tried your hardest to nail her through her bed and into the apartment downstairs. You definitely deserve me giving you a middle name change to fucking. I’ve been to at least a dozen Renegade Saints’ concerts, but this was your best performance ever. The downstairs neighbors texted and asked if they could come up to watch.” Flynn groaned as he rubbed at his neck. “Fuck me. How embarrassed should I be right now?” Wiggling her eyebrows at him, Jess replied, “Embarrassed? Hell to the no! It was clear that you have nothing to be embarrassed about. As far as our downstairs neighbors go, no worries. I think that you made their day—and they don’t even know who you are. You’ve made Tessa happy which is something to be proud as a peacock about. No one deserves it more than her.” All traces of humor left Flynn’s face. Staring at Jess, he nodded his head in agreement. “I’m so glad you’re on board with our relationship. Tessa is special to me, and I want the people who love her to feel good about our relationship. There’s nothing I won’t do to make her happy.” Jess beamed at him as he finished speaking, looking at him like he’d just given the perfect dissertation. “You’re off to a great start. If your actions match your words, you’re not going to have any problems with the people who love her.” Jumping from the bed, I made my way to Flynn’s side. Wrapping an arm around his waist, I leaned into his side and smiled up at him. After telling Jess we’d see her later, Flynn and I made our way back to my bedroom. “Babe, I’ve got my bag down in the car. I’m here for at least a week, and I’d like to stay with you. You cool with that?” Holy shit. When Flynn went in, he went all in. “I’m more than cool with it,” I answered happily. “I’d love it if you would stay here with me.” “Good call, baby. I’m going to run down and get my bag, and then I need to shower and I want you in there with me. You in?” Oh yeah, I was in. When he came back into my bedroom I grabbed his hand and pulled him into my bathroom. Gesturing to the tiny stall shower I said, “I’m in, but we’re going to be plastered to each other the entire time. This is no Flynn Rand luxurious size-of-a-baseball-field shower.” He growled, literally. “Plastered to each other sounds pretty fucking luxurious to me, sweetness.” Yeah, it really did. We stepped into the shower together, laughing as we maneuvered this way and that to get clean without maiming each other in the process. Laughing at him, I poked his stomach. “It’s like a game of wet naked twister in here!” “Tess, wet naked shower twister with you is fucking hot. Sign me up for this every day and I’ll die a happy man.” Grabbing the detachable showerhead, he started spraying me with it as I laughed like a lunatic and tried in vain to get it from him. I was really becoming attached to him and all of the sides of him I was getting to know. Funny Flynn was a delight, sexy Flynn was a rollercoaster ride at the world’s best amusement park, and caring Flynn was my dream come true. We got out of the shower still laughing as we dried each other off. The difference between other guys

and Flynn was huge, and I don’t just mean how well endowed he was. Something about him made me feel at peace. Curling up naked on the bed, Flynn pulled me against him so we were face to face. “That was fun babe. When it comes time to build the new house, I’m having a smaller shower built so we can re-create the scene over and over again.” Smiling at him, I kissed his neck. “Next time, it will be me holding the showerhead chasing you around the shower while you try to escape from me.” Brushing my still damp hair back, he kissed my forehead as he pulled me in closer. “Sweetness, you’ll never have to chase me. Whenever and wherever you want me, you’ve got me. I’ve already surrendered to you.” Kissing him back, I sighed and snuggled into him. “Tell me about your sisters. I want to hear the whole story.” He told me everything, and it was a hell of a story. I felt terrible for Flynn’s father because he hadn’t gotten the opportunity to raise his girls, but it sounded like they were trying to forge a relationship now. “We were able to nip the Renegade Dad bullshit in the bud by pointing out that my sister is engaged to the other guy in the picture TMZ was using. Once they realized it was a non-story, they backed off.” “But,” I questioned, “What’s the deal with the people blackmailing your sisters’ family? Are you going to tell the press about your real relationship with the girls before they do?” Nodding his head, he laughed. “Yep. And rather than putting out a press release, we’ve decided to let Gram announce it on Twitter.” I started belly laughing and couldn’t stop. “Perfect!” I gasped between laughs. “I bet Sylvia is loving that she gets to tell her Twitter friends first. I got on Twitter the night I came home to start reading her tweets and I laughed for hours. I can’t wait to see what hash-tag she uses to announce the girls. You know it will be hilarious.” He laughed along with me, the two of us having one of those uncontrollable laughter moments that can’t be planned but are always great memories.

I WAS HAVING a great time staying with Tessa in her apartment. It was fun to spend time with her living a normal life, and I liked it. She took me to her kickboxing gym a few times to work out and I loved watching her get all sweaty. She had mad strength, which was a huge turn on. I’d really come to like her roommate and best friend, Jess. They were funny together and I could tell Jess genuinely loved Tessa. Anyone who was as good of a friend to my girl as Jess, was instantly became a friend of mine. We’d come down to my last two days in her apartment, but things were going along perfectly because I’d talked her into coming back to LA with me. Neither of us was keen to be separated, so it hadn’t really taken much convincing to get her to agree. I woke up nervous because Tessa was taking me to brunch with her parents. My last experience meeting parents had been in tenth grade when I met Mary’s, which mostly consisted of a series of onesyllable words on my part. That wasn’t going to fly with Tessa’s parents, and I was worried about what kind of impression I would leave. She’d called her parents a few days prior and broken the news she was dating me, so they knew to expect me at brunch, but still. She swore they were fine with our dating and were anxious to meet me. I hoped that was a good sign. I’d forced Tessa to go with me to the mall the night before, so I could buy a pair of black dress pants and a button-down shirt. She said the restaurant we were going to wasn’t formal but it wasn’t casual either, and all I’d had was jeans, shorts and tees. Just like everything else we had done so far, it was fun to shop with her. Every day I could feel us falling into the comfort of a relationship more and more. I was dressed and ready to go, sitting on her bed as I waited for her to come out of the bathroom. It was a visual treat when she emerged, one I took in with a groan. She was wearing a beautiful flowery summer dress that ended at her ankles, and it accented her tits in an amazing way. She stared at me for a moment before she crossed the room to me, stopping in between my knees as she laid her hands on my shoulders. “Oh honey, are you still anxious about this?” I’d never lied to her and I wasn’t about to start. “Just a little. Your parents are important to you, so they’re important to me. If they hate me, it’s going to be a hurdle I don’t know how to deal with.” She ran her fingers through my hair as she gently massaged my scalp. Bending down, she licked and then bit my lower lip before pulling back. “Flynn, they’re just like Todd. Their only concern is that you make me happy, and you do. I’ve never been so happy. They’re going to be thrilled.” Wrapping my arms around her, I pulled her in tight and hugged her. “You make me seriously fucking happy too, babe. You have no idea.” Pulling back, she smiled at me. “I’m about to make you happier. You need to de-stress before we go to brunch, and I know just how to calm my man down.” As she spoke, she dropped to her knees in front of me and began to work on freeing my cock. Just seeing her kneeling before me had me hard, but I didn’t want to be late. “Babe, if we’re late…” Sliding her tongue slowly up my shaft, she smiled. “Then you better come quick. I’m not leaving here

without my appetizer.” I came with Tessa every time, and it was never enough. I always wanted to be closer, to go deeper. I was drowning in her and I didn’t want to be saved. I handed myself over to what was happening between us without reservation. I inhaled roughly as she laved the tip of my cock with her tongue, while at the same time she reached into my pants and began to massage my balls. One of the biggest turn-ons about being with Tessa was how she actually loved to suck my cock. She wasn’t doing it just to get me off. I knew without a doubt she’d be incredibly wet just from having my dick in her mouth, and I wasn’t about to let it go to waste. “Get on your knees next to me on the bed babe. I’m going to fuck your tiny cunt with my fingers while you suck me.” She never let my cock out of her mouth as she complied. When she was next to me, I ran my hand up under her dress, wasting no time getting to the drenched panties covering her mound. Sliding my fingers in, I began to rub circles in time with the rhythm of her cock sucking. She dripped her warm honey onto my fingers as I rubbed, and her little moans were making my dick swell almost painfully. “Fuck, baby… you suck my cock better than anything I’ve ever felt. I’m going to come down that beautiful throat of yours. Swallow it all!” I came with a shout as I felt her cunt start to spasm against my fingers. She yelped around my cock as she came, but she didn’t miss a drop. When she’d finished swallowing, she laid her head down on my thigh and stared at me as she got her breathing back under control. Pulling my fingers out of her panties, I lifted them to my mouth and sucked her juices off. Her eyes were glazed as she watched me, and I smiled at her. “That’s right babe, I got my appetizer too. When we get home, I’m going to eat your beautiful pussy until you can’t take it anymore, and then I’m going to fuck you until neither of us can walk.” We’d made it to brunch without a minute to spare. Her parents were pulling into the restaurant parking lot at the same time we were. After helping Tessa out of the passenger seat, the two of us walked toward her parents. You know how they say if you want to see what your girl is going to look like in the future, you just need to look at her mother? Staci Hamilton was a mirror image of her daughter and age hadn’t done anything to take away from her appeal. Clearly, Tessa was going to age beautifully. Tessa’s dad Eric was a very handsome man in his own right. I saw a lot of them both in Tessa, and I liked them on sight. Once the introductions were exchanged, we walked into the restaurant and made our way to the table the waitress took us to. I was relieved no one had noticed who I was, and I hoped it would continue indefinitely, especially through brunch. I didn’t want Tessa’s parents to be embarrassed by a screaming throng of fans, and those types of situations happened fast. In my experience, the shout of one fan brought an additional twenty fans in under a minute. The first time it happened, I was overwhelmed. Later on, when I was in my asshole phase, I’d thought it was funny. These days I found it jarring and annoying. I loved my fans, but I hated the loss of privacy. On the other hand, I’d take a legion of fans over a few paparazzi any day. Brunch turned out to be amazing. Tessa’s parents reminded me of my dad, which set me at ease. It was also obvious the apple hadn’t fallen far from the tree. Tessa had her mother’s beauty and her father’s sense of humor. I enjoyed talking to them both, and especially dug how much they loved music. Tess was adorably mortified when her mother commented on how bizarre it was that the two of us were dating, considering when Tess was younger, she used to doodle “Mrs. Flynn Mason Rand” everywhere. But I loved it. The idea of her being Tessa Rand was better than good, but I knew it was way too early to tell her. I knew she wasn’t ready. For all the progress she’d made, Tessa still wasn’t ready to have the love at first sight talk. Putting an arm around her shoulders, I pulled her to me as I smiled into her eyes. “Aw babe, it’s cute! See, you were always meant to be my girl. Would it make you feel better if I started writing Flynn + Tessa

on every piece of paper I see?” Shaking her head, she groaned. “I swear to God, if this floor would just open up and take me now, I’d feel soooo much better.” By the end of the meal I’d talked her parents into flying out to LA for the opening and closing nights of our tour. It didn’t take much to convince them, which was great. It turned out they loved LA, and had even talked about moving there. Ultimately, they’d decided to wait and see what happened with Tessa’s career, figuring if she wound up in LA they’d move there, and if she wound up somewhere else, they’d relocate there. I totally understood because my family would have moved anywhere my home base was. Tess was thrilled her parents were going to come out for the shows, especially since I’d already talked Jess into coming as well. It would be a great opportunity for Tessa to see the people she loved before and after we got caught up in the tour. Our stop in Philly wouldn’t come until the second month of our tour schedule, so it would be an adjustment for her not to see them for so long. My goal was to always do everything I could to make her happy. I knew failing where she was concerned wasn’t an option for me. I was past the point of no return with her, and I’d never been happier.

I’D BEEN IN LA for more than a week and living with Flynn far exceeded all of my expectations. We got along perfectly. We made each other laugh out loud, we could talk about anything and our lovemaking was out-of-this-world amazing. I felt more like a woman than I ever had before. He’d opened a whole new world to me, and it had changed me forever for the better. I’d come alive with him and it made me deliriously happy. The guillotine that hung over my head was my anxiety about the tour. Professionally, I was excited and I couldn’t wait. Personally, I was scared to death the exposure to the groupies and the anything goes sexual buffet offered on tour would pull him away. I was excited about meeting Flynn’s sisters for the first time. They were coming over with his dad, his grandparents, their brothers, sisters-in-law, and their aunt. Flynn and I spent most of the previous night making potato salad, macaroni salad, deviled eggs, fruit and vegetable platters, spinach dip and buffalo chicken dip. All that was left for him to cook were the hot dogs, burgers and chicken breasts. We’d also tried to make the house a little more comfortable. We both knew it was an almost impossible task, but a trip through Bed Bath and Beyond meant there were at least blankets, throw pillows and some candles in the living room. Our efforts didn’t yield huge results, but it gave the house a scintilla of comfort it had been sorely lacking. I was standing at the kitchen counter uncovering all of the food we made when Flynn stepped up behind me and wrapped his arms around my middle, pulling me back against him. “We work well together baby. Thank you for doing all of this with me. You’re incredible and it means the world to have you here with me.” Laying my head back on his chest, I sighed. “I think you’re pretty damn incredible too, and I love being here.” I moaned as his hands started sliding up my torso and he buried his face in my neck and gave me a love bite. Settling his hand over my tummy possessively, he pulled me hard up against him as his other hand cupped my left breast. “Mm babe,” he whisper growled into my ear, “It’s only been an hour but I’m already strung out for you. I can’t wait till we’re alone again later and we can dive into our bed and not come out until tomorrow.” My knees turned to jelly and every nerve ending in my body caught fire. He was insatiable, and I was right there with him for the ride. Sliding my hand up behind his neck, I pulled his head down to mine and kissed him. The hand he’d had cupping my breast moved up to caress my face, and I melted into him like butter. “My God, Tess, I can’t tell you how much I love having you in my life,” he said. We were interrupted by the sound of people clapping. Flushing with embarrassment, I pulled back from him. As embarrassed as I was to have been caught red-handed, I had to laugh when I saw Gram and Pop standing at the kitchen door applauding. Clearly, they were delighted to find Flynn and I being loveydovey. Sylvia was across the room to me in a flash, pulling me into a hug. “We missed you terribly sugarplum! I’m so happy to see you back here ahead of schedule. It’s my understanding things are going

incredibly well for you and my beautiful boy, not that I’m surprised. I knew from the moment I saw you two together this was the real thing.” What I loved about Sylvia was her complete lack of filter. If she thought or felt something, she wasn’t going to hold it in. Before I had a chance to respond to her non-question, Mason was throwing his arms around me in greeting. “Better watch what you tell her, Tessa-girl. This one’s chomping at the bit to see her little man standing at the end of an aisle waiting for you. You’d think having Dominique and Delilah in our lives would have slowed her down, but my Sylvia’s got granddaughter fever and she wants to mark you as one of her own.” I didn’t quite know what, exactly, I could say. I was aware that my mouth was opening and closing, but I wasn’t able to form words. Finally, I settled on, “Um, I think it’s really early yet.” Sylvia had grabbed my hand and pulled me from Mason with a laugh. “Oh sugarplum, there are none so blind as those who can’t see. It’s not too early dear, trust me.” Turning to Flynn, she said, “Tessa’s going to make a beautiful bride, don’t you think?” I was mortified when she put him on the spot like that, and it took everything I had not to smack my forehead with my hand. I imagined Flynn wanted to run from the room. Instead of running, he laughed. Grabbing me from Sylvia, he took my hand and lifted it to his mouth, opening my hand and settling a kiss on my palm before closing it and addressing his Gram. “No doubt about it, she’s going to be stunning.” I pretty much vapor-locked right then and there. Had Flynn agreed with Sylvia about seeing marriage in our future? I mentally chastised myself to get freakin’ real. Of course he didn’t mean it, he just said it because he was put on the spot. I was falling for him—hell, I’d already fallen—but the tour loomed like a black cloud. I knew it was bound to change everything we had. It would shift our relationship for sure, and I feared it would do irreparable damage. Thankfully the bell saved us when the front door chimed announcing the arrival of Flynn’s guests. Flynn’s dad was first through the door and he enveloped me in a big hug. Then things got overwhelming for a few minutes as I was introduced to everyone else. Flynn’s newly discovered twin sisters, Dominique and Delilah, were amazing. They were ridiculously beautiful but they also managed to be two of the most genuine people I’d ever been fortunate enough to meet. Todd was clearly enamored of his daughters, and it was a lovely sight. Flynn had filled me in about what a difficult life the Hart family had before their Aunt Sandra took over, and it really impressed me how down to earth, and well adjusted, they all were. Everyone except for Dominique had a significant other at his or her side. Flynn had already told me she appeared to be single. The introductions moved on to Delilah and Dominique’s other brothers, Dante and Damien Hart. Those two pieces of prime eye candy were male model material, but just like their sisters, they couldn’t have been nicer. Dante introduced me to his wife, Sabrina, and then Damien introduced me to his fiancée, Brooke. Sabrina and Brooke were sisters, and the resemblance was obvious. They perfectly complimented their men, and it was clear to see both relationships were in full bloom. Next I met Delilah’s fiancée, Spencer. He was built like a Nordic God, and I had to remind myself to swallow as I took all of him in. I’d been told he and the Hart boys were like brothers, and even though there was no physical resemblance, I could see similarities in the three of them, mostly because they all carried themselves the same way. There were women everywhere who would kill to be in a room with this much male beauty, and I sure did enjoy it. Spencer was in full expectant dad mode and it was adorable. He had an eye on Delilah at all times, their movements so perfectly mirroring each other it almost looked like they were synchronized. The last person through the door was Sandra Thomas, the Hart family’s guardian aunt. She was a lot

younger than I’d thought she would be. I’d assumed she was Todd’s age or older, but she was definitely a few years younger than he was. She didn’t look much older than the oldest Hart brother, and I marveled at what kind of inner strength she had to possess to have taken on five children without hesitating. She would have been crazy young when she’d gotten custody. I noticed she gravitated toward Todd, which was interesting. They sat together at dinner and he rarely left her side. The two of them definitely had chemistry. Reflecting on what Flynn had said to me about his desire for Todd to remarry, I thought it was a good thing. Sylvia looked thrilled every time she looked at them, so I knew that I wasn’t the only person that had noticed. Flynn caught me watching them at one point, and he smiled and gave me a thumbs up. Clearly he had noticed as well. Sylvia was in full great-grandmother mode, and she asked a million questions about how Delilah was feeling. She didn’t even really look pregnant yet, but you wouldn’t know by the way Spencer possessively caressed her stomach whenever the opportunity presented itself. He regaled the table with stories about the pregnancy book he was reading as Delilah shook her head and laughed as she told us all he was starting to drive her nuts. “Since I told him we’re having a baby, he’s woken me up every Monday morning to tell me what developmental stage the baby is in. Two days ago I found him on the computer buying a stethoscope so he can listen to the heartbeat. The man’s gone mad!” She radiated joy, so I knew she didn’t mind at all. Just seeing how happy they were about the life they had created made me think about what it would feel like to have a baby Flynn and I created together growing inside of me. Almost as though he knew what I was thinking, he reached over and took my hand in his. The look in his eyes as he smiled at me seemed to promise a million things, all of them dreams come true. If someone had told me two months before Flynn Rand would become the center of my universe, I’d have called them crazy, but there we were and he absolutely was. Flynn’s other sister, Dominique, seemed reserved to me. She smiled and participated in the conversation, but I sensed there was something going on with her. Flynn had told me she was the more cautious twin, and I could see what he meant. She was lovely and had a beautiful personality, but she was definitely the harder nut of the two to crack. Sylvia was in her element, and it was obvious she’d already decided the Hart, Cross, and Tyler families were all now part of her own. It looked to me as though Dante, Damien and Spencer were eating up all the attention she paid them all, and I assumed it was because they’d never experienced a grandparent before. As dinner progressed, I’d grabbed my camera and started taking photos. It was like a knee-jerk reaction to me, as necessary as water in order for me to feel right. I loved capturing a moment, especially when the moment was something that should be remembered. Sylvia squealed when she saw the camera and shouted out, “Sweetie, do you have a tripod?” “I sure do.” “Wonderful! Can you set it up after dinner to take some pictures of all of us together as a family?” “Of course!” At the conclusion of dinner, Sylvia corralled everyone into the backyard so we could take some pictures while the light was good. After we were all in place, I set my timer and took twenty photos lightning fast. When I was finished, Sylvia dragged me into Flynn’s office so she could see the photos. After choosing her favorites, she had me email them to her before she enveloped me in a bear hug. When we finished hugging, I was surprised to see her tearing up. “Oh no, Sylvia! What’s wrong?” Shaking her head, she grabbed a tissue and dabbed at her eyes. “Ignore me, sugarplum. I always get like this in the weeks before they go out on tour because I’m a silly old woman. You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but I’m not. I’m going to miss you, Flynn, Cole and the boys terribly while you’re out on the road. I shouldn’t complain—this is actually the shortest tour they’ve ever done, but it never hurts any less

when they leave.” Wrapping my arms around her, I kissed her cheek. “I can’t imagine how hard it’s been to have had to do this time and again for the last ten years, but you’re right, this is the shortest tour they’ve ever done. It will be over quickly and they’ll be back before you know it.” Pulling back, Sylvia looked at me. “You’ll all be back sugarplum, not just my boys.” I wanted nothing more, but in my mind, my future with Flynn was uncertain. There was no way to foretell what would happen on tour. “Well, no matter what happens with Flynn and me, I’ll see you at the final show of the tour. That’s something to look forward to.” As she stepped away from me Sylvia waved her hand in front of my face. “Hello, Tessa? Earth is calling dear. You need to stop planning for the worst. You’re Flynn’s other half sugarplum, and you aren’t going anywhere, I promise you.” I gave a smile I hoped she interpreted as encouraging. I could only pray she was right, because I knew there would be no coming back from the feelings I had for Flynn. He rooted himself deeper in my soul by the hour and I knew if it ever came down to it, I wouldn’t be able to walk away with my heart intact. As the night wound down, Dante and Sabrina invited us all over to their home the following evening for Sunday dinner. Apparently it was a tradition in their family, and it was a good indicator of where things were going that they wanted to include the Rands. Once everyone had gone, Flynn and I cleaned everything up before heading to his bedroom to shower. Our end of the day ritual of showering together had become a highlight for me, and for him, judging by how eager he was to get there each day.

BEING IN THE shower and having free reign to soap and caress Tessa’s body had easily become one of my favorite activities. There was an intimacy between us that surpassed any expectation I’d had about what a relationship could or would be, and I reveled in it. It’s funny how one person can change your entire life, shifting your paradigm in the blink of an eye. When Tessa had been in LA the first time, I had known we were headed somewhere amazing. But when she’d shut me down and changed her phone number, the panic I’d experienced made me realize I was falling in love with her. Since then, I’d only fallen deeper. Seeing how overjoyed my sister and her fiancé were about her pregnancy touched me on a very deep level. I’d always wanted children, but I never thought I’d meet someone I’d want to share the responsibility of parenting with. Since realizing that Tess was the woman I wanted to create a family with, my feelings for her were even more intense. My thoughts were derailed as her hands glided up my torso. Looking down into her eyes, I felt my heart rate speed up. Gone was the girl who had mistakenly thought she was frigid. In her place was a woman who was discovering her body in a new way and who liked what she was finding. Tessa took great delight in exploring my body, puffing up with pride when she got the responses out of me she wanted. I was open to all of her explorations and delighted by her appetite for me, since it matched mine for her. We were insatiable for one another and it showed. I groaned as she turned and bent forward so her sexy ass was plastered to me before she gave a little wiggle. “Jesus babe, you’re crazy fucking sexy.” Fisting my cock, I rubbed the tip up and down in her folds. She moaned and arched her back, looking over her shoulder at me with smoldering eyes. “Give me your cock honey, don’t make me wait.” She should’ve known I wouldn’t go fast, and I tsk-tsked her as I slid the tip in slowly before pulling out equally as slow. “Babe, you should know by now I’m not going to fuck you after ten seconds of foreplay.” “Foreplay was sitting next to you for hours thinking about how badly I needed you inside of me. I was a good girl, don’t I deserve a reward?” She had moaned and tried to wiggle as I slid the tip back in and slowly retreated again. “Don’t you fucking wiggle, babe. You’re going to get a fuckin’ reward, believe me, but you’re going to get it when I’m good and ready to give it to you. Bend over, spread your legs wide and rest your hands on the shower wall.” My instructions were followed while I positioned the showerheads at the angles I wanted them. Dropping to my knees behind her, I ran my fingers up the sides of her legs, smiling as she moaned. Tapping her legs, I instructed, “Wider.” She complied, her actions leaving her sex at the perfect angle for me to devour. Placing my hands on her hips, I leaned in and swiped the flat of my tongue against her. She moaned and shivered as I ate her, and my cock wept with the need to be inside of her.

“You taste so fucking sweet on my tongue, baby. I’ll never get tired of this.” I went back to lapping at her as I slid two fingers into her tight sheath and began to pump slowly in and out. She was wet and wild against my fingers and my tongue, her breathing ragged and desperate. “Grind your pussy back and come on my face, Tess. If you want your reward, give me your sweetness.” I buried my tongue back in her wet heat and she lost it, grinding against my face while her pussy began convulsing against my fingers until she came with a wild cry. After getting up and taking a seat on the shower bench, I grabbed her hips and guided her back toward me. Holding her tight I growled, “Sit down and ride baby. It’s all yours.” With a cry of pure pleasure, she sank down and seated me inside of her to the hilt. The friction of her slippery walls against my swollen cock was too good to describe. Her cunt was gripping me like a vice with every spasm and my control quickly started to evaporate. Holding her hips in a firmer grip, I began pulling her down on me harder and faster. She screamed as I pierced her harder, my cock lodged deep inside of her as I gave an extra bump and grind. “Fuck baby, you feel incredible. You’re so hot.” Our connection was absolute, the moment pure perfection. She felt so fucking good against me and my cock was delighted to have set up residence inside the hottest and most beautiful pussy I’d ever had the fortune of being inside. Grabbing my hands in hers, she squeezed as we both held onto her hips as I worked her up and down with faster and faster movements. “Oh fuck, Flynn, you’re so deep. Come in me baby, mark me as yours.” “Tessa, fuck…. Tessa! I can’t hold on much longer and you need to come first. Come for me baby, fucking come on my cock!” With a keening wail she complied, the contractions of her hot wet heat taking me the rest of the way. “I’m going to come baby… fuck me… Tessa!” I came hard, pouring myself into her with a strangled cry. She reclined against me as I wrapped my arms around her and hugged her tightly. After a few minutes of recuperation, I kissed her shoulder as I helped her to her feet. “Let’s wash up and take this party back to our bed.” We made quick work of the second part of our shower, and within a few minutes, we were both dried off. Tess spent a few extra minutes in the bathroom drying her hair. While I waited for her to come to bed, I flipped on the TV to watch CNN. When she came back out, I watched with a smile as she went through her nightly body lotion ritual. Those simple moments were some of the best things in the world to me. I’d had no previous experience with what it meant to share my life with someone, but with Tessa it was becoming as necessary as breathing. After she set the lotion on her bedside table—yes, I thought of it as hers—I clicked the TV off and got comfortable while I waited for her to curl up in my arms. When she settled into her nook in my arms and I smelled her delicate scent, I wanted to have her again right then and there. I managed to reign myself in because I knew she had to be exhausted from all of the cooking and cleaning we had done, so I settled for what had become my second favorite addiction; holding her in my arms. As usual I’d slept like the dead since she was in the bed with me. I woke up to the mattress rocking underneath me and the feeling of my cock enveloped in wet heat. Opening my eyes, I found Tessa fully awake with my cock buried inside of her as she rocked back and forth and pinched her nipples. It was a side to her I understood was new for her and I loved it. She was learning to take pleasure when she needed it, and it felt damn good I was the lucky bastard she reached out for. She was beautiful in the pale light of dawn with her back arched and her hair cascading down it like a waterfall. She was the sexiest damn thing I’d ever seen, and I was in awe of how one girl managed to make me feel things I’d never thought I would.

My romantic thoughts came to a screeching halt as she clenched and unclenched against me at least a dozen times in quick succession. I let out an involuntary groan as she did it, before I smiled when she brought her head forward and looked down at me. Her face was flushed, her eyes glazed with passion as she smiled at me. “Just checking to make sure you’re awake baby.” “Buried in the sweetest most beautiful pussy on earth, I’m sure as shit not sleeping through that, babe.” Another dozen clench and releases against my shaft had me breaking out in a sweat. The irony wasn’t lost on me. I used to be incapable of coming with girls, but with Tessa it took concentrated effort not to come too soon. Leaning forward she captured my hands in hers and held on as she picked up speed. Every one of her little clenches was bringing me closer to the edge of my control, and I was barely holding on. “Fuck baby… you keep squeezing like that and I’m going to come!” Instead of slowing down or letting up, she went faster and clenched even tighter. Her breath caught, her back arched and her head dropped back as she came around me. I loved watching her come. I found it to be one of the most erotic things I’d ever seen. Letting go of her hands, I clasped her hips and started thrusting up into her in mindless ecstasy as my own release claimed me. Dropping her head onto my chest, Tessa kissed the spot over my heart before laying her cheek against the same spot. I massaged my fingers gently through her hair, causing her to purr appreciatively against my chest. Looking at the clock I realized it was the earliest we’d gotten up all week, which meant we could catch my dad while he was making omelets. Nudging her shoulder, I asked, “Babe, you hungry?” “Mm… I could eat for sure. What do you have in mind?” “I’m thinking you and I jump into the shower, throw on some clothes and head over to my dad’s. No joke, my dad makes the best omelets on earth. You’re not going to want to miss this.” She sat straight up with a laugh as my cock twitched inside of her. Pulling off of me, she gave me a sexy little smirk. “Down boy, at least until after we’ve been fed.” After we were showered and dressed, we set off for my dad’s. As we came to the end of my driveway, I was annoyed to see a bunch of photographers lying in wait. I gunned the engine and drove off, anxious to get away. There was an ebb and flow to the paparazzi, and when you did something that put you in the limelight—such as announcing you were retiring—you woke the beast. I’d known it would start to get crazy again the closer we got to the tour, but I’d hoped it wouldn’t start so early. “Jesus, Flynn, they know where you live?” With a frustrated laugh, I answered, “Yeah. Babe, it’s LA. It’s easy for people to figure it out. This is the life here, and for the most part I’m used to it. It sucks when shit happens like this, but most of the time they leave me alone. Once we all stopped drinking and fucking around, we weren’t as interesting to the gossip industry, so we’ve had a good run these last few years. It only gets like this when we’ve got something going on with the band. It’ll settle down as soon as we get on tour, and once I’m just a boring music executive, it won’t happen much at all.” Poking me in the side, Tessa laughed. “You’ll never be a boring music executive.” My dad lived close so we were there in no time. There was a Lexus SUV parked in his driveway, so I assumed one of his friends had also dropped in for omelets. Everyone he knew understood when you wanted an amazing breakfast, you needed to haul ass to his house before nine in the morning. After opening Tessa’s door for her, the two of us linked hands as I walked her down the side of the house and we entered through the kitchen door. I’d been raised as a gentleman, so I let her walk in first while I brought up the rear. When she stopped abruptly, I walked right into her with a grunt. Looking over her shoulder, I saw the reason she had stopped walking, and it took everything I had not to applaud. My dad and Sandra Thomas had clearly been kissing, and when Tess walked through the door

they’d jumped apart like there was a fire. What really made me happy was my dad was only wearing a pair of boxers… and Sandra was wearing one of his tee shirts. It was obvious they’d only recently gotten out of bed, and I had to stifle a laugh. I never thought I’d see the day I’d be cock-blocking my dad, but there I was. Sandra looked mortified and my dad looked upset about that, which was the only reason I was uncomfortable. Otherwise, I was great with finding them together. Wringing her hands in front of her, Sandra addressed me. “Oh my God… I’m so embarrassed. I’m sorry, Flynn, Tessa. We were… I’m… Um… I’m late for something. I’m going to get dressed and go. Please, don’t tell your sisters about this!” She then turned and ran from the room. Giving me a What the hell am I going to do? look, my dad went after her. That left Tess and I to stare at each other wide eyed as we tried not to laugh. I’d sensed my dad and Sandra were attracted to each other, big time, and I was pleased they were acting on it. I knew my dad well enough to know if he didn’t really have feelings for her, he wouldn’t be doing anything with the woman who was, for all intents and purposes, the mother of his daughters. He’d never take the chance things would go badly if he wasn’t pretty damn sure they could go the distance. Turning to me, Tess asked, “Should we go, or?” Shaking my head, I walked to the kitchen table and gestured for her to sit down. “No, it will just upset him if we leave, and it will make him feel guilty that he did something for himself. No matter how many times I’ve told him I wish he would get married again, he still believes it hurts me to see him with someone who isn’t my mom. My dad’s stubborn.” Gesturing to me, Tessa laughed. “So… the apple didn’t fall far from the tree?” “Busted, babe. So busted.” A few minutes later, Sandra and my dad came back into the room. He had put on a pair of jeans and a button down shirt, while Sandra had changed into a summer dress. I noticed my dad had a flowery overnight bag in his hand, which clearly meant they’d planned to stay together. Standing from the table, I walked over to Sandra and smiled down at her. “Please don’t be uncomfortable about this. I’m actually thrilled about it. This is a good thing, Sandra.” She looked relieved, and for the first time since I’d walked in, she smiled. “Really, you’re okay with your father and I getting together?” I nodded decisively. “Yeah! I think it’s great. I’ll bet you money the girls will love this as well. They just want you to be happy.” My assertion wiped the relieved look off of her face. In its place was a look of pure anxiety. “Flynn, you know your sisters weren’t raised normally… but none of us can really understand all of the things that they saw and heard. I give thanks every single day something horrible didn’t happen to any one of those children. The five of them lived through hell on earth and had to fear for their physical safety every day. I made a promise the day I met them I would never, ever behave like my sister and her husband, and that they’d always be safe with me. During the entire time they lived with me, I never dated because they needed to know they came first. Too much of their lives were destroyed by my sister and her husband being promiscuous. I would never do that to my girls. Until I know for sure Todd and I are solid, I can’t have this touching them. I’ve always been their only female influence, and I don’t want them to think I’m some kind of… anything like my sister or some… loose woman. I also don’t want them to feel they are less of a priority to your father because of me.” She might have been their only female influence, but there was no doubt she was the best there was or could have been for my sisters. I loved her for it. “Sandra… no one thinks you’re loose. I’m happy to tell you my sisters already know you and dad are attracted to each other. I know this because they mentioned it to me, and they were excited. To them, hell, to all of us, the two of you being together would be a good thing. They already love dad and they know they’re a priority for him. It’s obvious they mean the world to him and they’re thrilled. You’ve raised

some very smart, very kind girls. They just want their Mama San to be happy. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself.” My dad was nodding his approval at everything I’d said, and Sandra seemed touched. “Thank you for that, Flynn, it means a lot. I’m glad to hear that the girls are okay with this. Just… give me a little time to figure out how to talk to them about this before you say anything, okay?” “Of course I won’t say anything. That’s for you and dad to do. Now how about instead of running off you stay and have omelets with us? Dad’s are the best, and they’re why I brought Tess over this morning.” “Ah, your father was bragging about his omelet skill. I take it they’re really good?” “They really, really are. Dad’s omelets are one of my favorite things to eat.” Turning to dad, she smiled. “Well, now I have to taste one. Let’s do this!” We all worked together chopping vegetables while dad cooked bacon and sausage. When it came time for him to start making the omelets, we all sat down. According to my dad, the magic with the omelets only happened if he put them together himself. Once he had plated the food, we all gathered around the table and dug in. Tessa and Sandra both made sounds of appreciation when they took their first bites. Gesturing to my dad, I said, “You’d never suspect this guy could make eggs taste like the best things on earth, am I right?” Breakfast passed quickly, and I was happy Sandra had calmed down and enjoyed the meal. We all said our goodbyes and agreed we’d meet up at Dante’s later. Tess and I left first, in order to give my dad and Sandra time to say their goodbye in private. It had been a great morning and I was lighthearted as we came out the side door and headed into the driveway. My good mood evaporated pretty quickly when I saw a few dozen photographers right outside my father’s gate. Questions were yelled out to me rapid fire, one after the other. “Did you know your dad had secret children?” “Is it true your father has more hidden children than the two we already know about?” “Was your father cheating on your mother while she was dying?” “Are you sure those girls are really your sisters?” “Are you mad at your father for lying to you for all of these years?” I was used to the rude and intrusive questions, but my temper started to flair because they were talking about my father. Everything they were saying was total bullshit, but I tried to ignore them. It lasted until they changed tactics and started yelling about Tessa. “Is she knocked up?” “How many girls are you sleeping with right now?” “Do you have any illegitimate babies you’d like to tell us about?” “Hey! Hey! Does she know you had sex with—” I threw open the passenger door to my car and hustled Tessa inside before I turned on the scumbag reporters. “Give me a break! All of your questions are ridiculous. My father didn’t lie to me and my sisters aren’t a burden. I love my father, and I love my sisters. My girlfriend isn’t pregnant. I don’t have any children and my girlfriend is the only girl for me. If you have any other questions, call my publicist.” Stomping around the car, I got in as one of them shouted, “Then when’s the wedding, Romeo?” I slammed my door without another word. Once the car was started, I floored it to the edge of the driveway. The smarmy fucks didn’t move quickly because they never did. Instead they banged on the car and took photos of Tess and I trying to drive away. I barely restrained myself from holding up my middle finger. As soon as we cleared the driveway, I called my dad. He answered on the first ring. “Son, I’m so sorry. Sandra and I saw the commotion—I was going to come out but she said it would just make it worse for you and I saw her point. Are you okay?”

I gripped the steering wheel in anger as I answered. “Dad, stop it. I’m fine. There’s nothing for you to be sorry about. This is on me. If I weren’t famous, no one would give a shit. We’ll deal with it the way we always do. Don’t worry about it. I just wanted to make sure you were okay—now I’m going to take care of Tess. I’ll see you tonight.” “I love you son.” “I love you too, dad.” After disconnecting, I turned to find Tessa watching me. She didn’t look any worse for wear, but I was worried about her nonetheless. I knew I had to be in danger of having a hysterical girlfriend on my hands. “Babe… fuck. I’m really sorry about all of this shit. I know it’s hard to take. Just fucking bear with me though, all right? It won’t be like this forever, I promise you.” Reaching out, she took my hand. “Honey, seriously? Don’t worry about me at all because I’m fine. I’m worried about you, your father and your sisters. How are you with all of this?” Her reaction was everything. Right then I learned something new and it changed my life. I’d never had a partner, never had a woman standing by my side when the shit hit the fan. I felt like an ass for thinking— even for a moment—Tessa might make it about her or get dramatic. Stroking my thumb over the palm of her hand, I smiled to myself. The fucking lottery? Right then I realized I’d won it, twice. The first time was when I hit the big-time with my band. The second time, I met the girl of my dreams. “I’m good baby. Worried about my dad, pissed my sisters are going to have questions thrown at them like that, annoyed you’re being exposed to it—but on the bright side, I’ve got you here, so shit’s going to work out just fine.” Her soft sigh made my dick hard. “Holy hell, Flynn, you have no idea how beautiful you are.” I squeezed her hand tightly in mine as I replied, “Neither do you baby, neither do you.”

THE THRONG OF paparazzi at the gate when we left had only grown by the time we got back to Flynn’s house. I clenched my hand around his encouragingly as I said, “You said it yourself; this is temporary madness.” After he pulled the car into the garage and pressed the button for the door to go down, he turned to me with a wicked grin. “I’d much rather focus on you baby. Right now I’m focused on working my tongue all over your sweet pussy until you scream. Right here, right fucking now.” I sucked in a surprised breath as my sex clenched and my nipples pebbled. “Um, the paparazzi?” He gave me a feral look as he licked his lips. “They’re at the end of the driveway on the other side of a closed gate, the garage door is closed and the windows on the garage door are smoked. No one can see in baby.” “So… you want to do this in the car?” Nodding, he smiled. “You’ll see what my plan is. Get out and meet me at the back of the car. Be naked when you get there.” Stepping out of the car, I made quick work of taking off my clothes. It felt crazy dangerous to be having sex in his garage in the middle of the day with at least two dozen paparazzi standing at the end of the driveway, but I had to admit, it turned me on. Coming around the back end of the car, I saw he had the hatch open and the seats had been folded down. He was also naked. And God, the man was beautiful when he was naked. “Here’s what’s happening. I’m going to lay down and then you’re going to climb in and sit on my face.” I blushed from head to toe, looking anywhere but at him. I couldn’t do it. It was too much, too dirty, too out there. Putting his hand under my chin, he shifted my face up so I had to look at him. “There is no part of you that I don’t want, no part that I won’t take. I want your sweet pussy straddling my face and riding my tongue. If you can’t climb up and do it for yourself, then do it for me. Give it a chance—if you hate it, of course I’ll stop baby. What it comes down to is whether you trust me enough, trust in us enough, to try?” Well really, how could I say no? “Yes, I’ll try.” Running his hands down my arms, he planted a swift kiss on my lips. “That’s my girl. Now let me get in, and then you climb on.” I was nervous, but his enthusiasm was its own aphrodisiac. I shifted nervously as I watched him lay down, but when he held his hands out, I crawled in fast. I might have been scared, but I was no fool. Flynn’s tongue promised heaven. When he’d gotten me into the position he wanted me, he smiled up at me from between my legs. “You’re so perfect baby, and you don’t even realize it. I know you were worried, so I’m going to tell you something I hope helps. This, right now, is true fucking beauty. I’ll dream about what you look like at this moment forever.” I moaned even before he wrapped his arms around my hips and pulled me down onto his mouth. His

tongue traced spirals on my sensitive mound as his firm hands cupped my ass. He used his hold to guide me back and forth against his mouth, and my body started to shake when he held me in place and thrust his tongue as deep inside me as he could go over and over again. Sliding his right hand from my ass to my leg, he squeezed me and gestured for me to sit up. With a groan I did, releasing a shuddery breath when I saw that his lips were drenched with my arousal. Licking his lips, he smiled at me. “I’m adding fingers baby. Fuck them while I tongue this slick pussy.” I let out a little groan when he thrust two fingers deep inside of me. Even if he hadn’t told me to fuck myself on his fingers, I would have. The movement was involuntary, my body already seeking the release that only he could give me. “Good girl,” he growled. Using the fingers he had inside of me in tandem with the hand he had at my waist, he guided me forward a bit and then went back to tonguing me. I was fast losing ground, my cries escalating as his fingers slid in and out and his tongue danced against me. When I looked down at him, I damn near lost it. His eyes were open and on me, and even with his mouth too busy to speak, I could see he loved what he was doing. Any reservations I’d had were gone, and I let myself go entirely as I rode his fingers and his tongue. My heart pounded in my chest as I struggled to remember to breathe; my body merely an extension of Flynn’s magical fingers and tongue. The sound of his growly “Mmm” threw me into the stratosphere. My back arched and I slapped my palms against the roof of the car as I came with a cry. Pulling his fingers out of me, Flynn continued to gently tongue me. When I could see straight again, he helped me off of him and then laid me on my back. “Baby, there is nothing better than seeing you naked, this pretty pussy begging me to slide my cock in deep. Anytime, anywhere, you’re fucking mine.” I’d just come, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered but Flynn joining himself with me. I was so wet, so hot, it was borderline painful and it caused me to whimper. “Shh, baby, I know, and I’m going to give you what you need. I’ll always give you whatever you need. Spread your legs and anchor yourself with your feet on the side of the car. This is going to be rough.” Spreading wide, I did as he had instructed. His eyes were pure heat as he came down over me and put his hands on my hips. “You want me to fuck you, Tess? Tell me baby. Give me the words.” Grabbing his shoulders, I looked him in the eye as I gave him the words he needed to hear. “Yes, Flynn, please… Fuck me!” I yelped as he thrust hard and deep, my body igniting as he pounded into me relentlessly. He was right, it was rough, but it was also amazing. It was incredibly arousing to watch Flynn’s eyes as he thrust, his entire face a mask of ecstasy. His cock slammed deep over and over, the poor car taking such a beating I could feel it rocking. Who knew having him take me in a garage, in his car, would be so damn hot? I never took my eyes off of him as he pounded into me, even as my sex got wetter by the second and clenched uncontrollably. We were both making guttural noises and the air in the car carried the scent of the two of us together. The moment was a thing of pure beauty; almost an embarrassment of riches considering just six weeks before, I’d believed I would never have anything like it. Not for the first time, I wished I was recording and taking pictures of what we were doing so we could watch it later. “I… have… no… fucking… control… with… you… Tess!” I gripped his shoulders tighter as I cried out, his words lighting the fuse that set me off. “Fuck! Oh God, ohmygod, Flynn!” He didn’t let up as I came, if anything he went harder. My orgasm went on and on as he thrust in and out, his eyes boring into mine as he watched me come undone. I made a sound of annoyance when he pulled out, but I knew he wasn’t finished. “Fucking beautiful

greedy pussy, always ready to go. Follow me.” In seconds he was out of the car, and reaching out his hand to me. Yanking me to him, he kissed me hard, our tongues mating in a dance only we knew the moves to. I lost track of everything, completely enveloped in everything we had become as a couple. When he pulled back, I groaned, but then I smiled when he walked me to the front of the car and pointed to the hood. “Bend over and put your hands on the hood baby. Brace yourself and get ready. We’re both coming this time.” I complied with a moan, offering myself up to him on a platter. Stepping in between my legs, he ran his fingers up my back. I moaned from the feeling of his fingers and from the sensation of my tits touching the hood of the car. Shifting, I wiggled against him as I looked over my shoulder. “Take me, Flynn. Give me what only you can.” Eyes clouded with pure lust, he pushed my shoulders down so I was lying on the hood of the car. Coming in closer, he gently thrust inside, my name a whisper on his lips. I clenched around him as he began thrusting, my cries escalating as he began to thrust harder. I was spread across the hood of his car and I was pretty damn sure I was sweating just enough to stick to it, but I didn’t care. It felt incredible, and I loved it. I shivered when he bent forward and his front touched my back, and then I shrieked when his hips started jackhammering into me relentlessly. He knew it would finish me, and he didn’t have to wait long. Within seconds I was screaming as I came, grateful for the car beneath me since it kept me from falling. The pressure of the car against my sex was like nothing I’d ever experienced before, and I continued coming as he continued pounding into me. It was one long, continuous orgasm that had me shaking and crying out again and again, begging for him to stop, then never to stop. Growling into my ear, he instructed me to put my arms behind my back and clasp my hands together. I was so out of it I’m not sure how I followed his instructions, but somehow I did. He was totally in control now, my hands clasped together and held in his as he thrust away. He was like a madman, completely focused on fucking me into oblivion. I was as close to incoherent as I’d ever been, my cries echoing off the garage walls as he fucked me so hard I wondered if I’d become a permanent car ornament. When he pulled back and started smacking my ass, I came again, clenching around him with a silent wail. The noise became a loud moan when I felt his cock swell inside of me as he called my name when he started to come, my sex convulsing as I milked him of every drop. Releasing my hands, he set them on either side of me. I let out an, “oh!” as he slumped over me, his hot chest against my back as he laid his hands over mine and began to rain kisses on my shoulders and the back of my neck. “You’re my favorite and best lottery win baby.” I didn’t know what he meant, but it was a funny thing to say, so I chuckled. I shivered when he gently pulled out, and then sighed in pleasure as he lifted me into his arms and carried me through the house and into the backyard. I let out a laugh as he ran across the lawn and I realized his intent, just managing to catch and hold my breath as he jumped into the pool. When we surfaced, he walked us to the stairs so he could sit down and pull me onto his lap and into his arms. Rubbing my back gently, he smiled at me. “Figured we could use the cooling off baby, considering we just started a fire in the garage.” We laughed and swam for a few minutes before we made our way back into the house. As we were walking to his bedroom, it finally dawned on me to say, “Oh my God, I just realized! If the press knows about the girls, Sylvia must have tweeted something, right?” Flynn stopped dead in his tracks, smacking his forehead with his hand. “Of course! I completely

forgot. Good pull, babe. Let’s go check it out.” Grabbing my hand, he’d pulled me down the hall to his office. Within moments he was signing into his Twitter, and he very quickly made his way to Sylvia’s page. We both gasped when we saw she had tweeted one of the photos of us all together as a family which I’d taken the previous night, followed by a series of tweets that once you put them together read: #Overjoyed Amazing news my twit-friends! I finally have what I always wanted! As you can see from the new family photo, there has been a Rand family expansion! Todd has beautiful twin daughters and Flynn has an amazing girlfriend. I’ve also got two handsome Hart boys, a lovely Hart wife, a future Hart wife and my future grandson-in-law, Spencer. All this AND I’m going to be a Great-Gram in about five months. #LookOutDuggars When Sylvia said she was going to announce it, she wasn’t kidding.

DINNER AT THE Hart house was a loud affair, all of us joking and laughing as we ate. There were new additions to the Hart clan that night, Dillon and Leah Cooper. It was all very complicated really, because while they were siblings to Dante and Damien, they weren’t related to Dominique and Delilah, but they were related to Spencer. Leah was beautiful and so kind. She got along beautifully with Dominique, Delilah, Sabrina and Brooke, and they all made sure to include Tessa in all of their conversations. They got along like gangbusters, which I could see made Dante in particular very happy. It also seemed to go a long way to ease Dillon’s nerves. He was definitely the more cautious of the Cooper siblings. I couldn’t fault him for it. I’d been told about his upbringing, and I couldn’t imagine how hard it had been on him. He’d lived his first year with the Harts before being put up for adoption with Leah when she was born. They’d been adopted together by a couple who had loved them both, but then tragedy had struck when Dillon was ten. The parents had been killed in a freeway shooting, and none of their family members wanted to raise children who weren’t related by blood. Dillon and Leah had been raised from then on in a series of foster homes. On top of everything, he was a widower. I liked Dillon a lot and so did my dad. In a surprise to no one, Gram and Pop had taken to Dillon and Leah immediately. I made a mental note to self to tell my dad I was pretty sure Gram had grandchild fever and we really needed her to slow down. Dillon, Leah and Dominique were all single and I just knew Gram would be anxiously looking for mates for them. Although… I had my suspicions Dillon had already found someone he was interested in. Whenever he thought no one was paying attention, he watched Dominique like a hawk. Interestingly, she watched him whenever she could as well. Their interactions were strange. Something tickled at my brain every time I saw them together, but I’d yet to put my finger on it. My sister was a complicated girl. I had Delilah’s entire life story, backwards and forwards, but I couldn’t say the same thing about Dominique. She was the Alcatraz of information—nothing ever came out. I noticed all of her siblings were keeping a close eye on her, and I wanted to know why, but I was afraid to ask. I’d only just gotten her in my life, and I didn’t want to risk losing her. The highlight of the evening was watching my dad and Sandra together. They weren’t openly tactile, but anyone with a brain could see they were becoming something together. Sandra had piqued my curiosity earlier and I wanted to know more about her. I liked her a hell of a lot, had a ton of respect and admiration, not to mention gratitude for her and all she had done for her family. Still, I knew there was more to the story than what I’d already been told. As dinner was winding down, Spencer and Damien stood and asked for everyone’s attention. Spencer spoke first. “As you all know, I am literally losing my mind not being married to my beautiful fiancée. Delilah and I have decided to get married the weekend after next at our home in Malibu. I know it’s short notice, but we want to do this before Flynn and Tessa head out on tour. So please, everyone, be with us next week as we take this next step together. Now for the even more exciting news…”

Laughing, Damien took over. “We’ve been all around this and have looked at every angle, but the truth is, Spencer and I are not patient men. We got engaged within twenty-four hours of each other, and we’ve been haggling ever since about who should get married first. Brooke and Delilah decided for us we’re having a double wedding. So everyone really needs to get their party hats on, because we are doing this right.” We all erupted in applause. Over the next few minutes I found out only the people sitting around the table would be at the wedding because the Harts had decided on a family only tradition. I thought it was pretty damn cool, and my mind wandered as I thought about who Tess and I would have at our wedding. Thinking it through, I decided there was no way we would get away with less than fifty people. Of course, while I was getting all those details, my beautiful girl was taking pictures of it all. I’d come to love the view of her with a camera in front of her. She always had a look of intense joy when she was working with her cameras, and it was a turn on. And speaking of turn-ons, she had told me she fantasized about taking pictures and videos while having sex. I was more than ready. My fantasies were interrupted when she sat back down next to me and laid her head on my shoulder, linking her hand with mine. Squeezing her hand, I asked, “You tired, baby?” “Mm, a little. Mostly I’m just happy. It’s been a great night. I’m going out with all of the girls tomorrow to go buy dresses for the wedding. I know you’re in rehearsal all week, so is it okay if I take one of your other cars?” “Babe, what’s mine is yours. Take whatever you want, Tess. You never have to ask. You’re at rehearsal with me on Wednesday, right?” I felt rather than saw her head nodding, before she said, “I talked to your manager and he said since I was in town early, I could go ahead and start working now if I wanted to. I’ll be there all day on Wednesday taking pictures and going over things with Devon. Friday, I’ll spend the afternoon with you after rehearsal, and then next week, I’m with Tyson on Monday, Gavin on Tuesday and Cole on Wednesday.” Leah had heard that part of our conversation, and turned to ask questions. “Ooh, you get to take pictures of them all individually?” Looking at Leah, Tessa nodded. “What a hardship, right? It’s like a dream assignment. Four beautiful and talented men forced to endure my lens. Of course, my favorite of the four is the lead singer. I’ve got a huge crush on him… but let’s keep that between us. His head would swell if he knew.” Oh, “his” head was swelling all right. Chuckling, I tickled her side. “You keep your eyes on the singer. Those other guys better not turn that beautiful head of yours baby.” With a quick elbow jab to my stomach, she turned and blew a raspberry at me before rolling her eyes. “You and I both know they don’t turn my head at all. There’s only you honey.” Forever. Only me. Leah let out a long sigh, followed by a little chuckle. “What I wouldn’t give to spend my days photographing rock legends. Especially Tyson. Oh. My. God. I’m not sure how anyone of the female persuasion manages to think, much less get anything done, when he’s around. He’s so hot it’s not fair to other men. Sorry, Flynn.” I couldn’t help it, I laughed. “No apology necessary. When I look at him I see the guy I used to share a bus with on our first tour. The two of us used to puke in the toilet together, at the same time, after some of those shows. He’s a great guy but he needs a good woman. He’s had it very… rough.” Raising her hand in the air, Leah said, “I volunteer!” Chuckling, Tessa piped in with, “You know, there are two more single guys in the band. Or… erm… well, there’s really one, I think… But it’s a long story. Anyway, Gavin’s single too. Who knows, maybe you’ll hit it off with Gavin or Tyson. A girl can dream.”

Leah was shaking her head before Tessa was finished speaking. “Gavin’s scary intense. I don’t think I could handle that for even five seconds. It’s too much. No, of the guys in the band, I’ve always had it for Tyson. God, he’s beautiful.” I held in a laugh at that. Of the two, Tyson was easily two hundred percent more intense than Gavin. Gavin was very cut and dried but Tyson… well, he’d had a rough go and I couldn’t blame him one bit for being as intense as he was. Leah was actually Tyson’s type physically speaking—but she was worlds apart from the crazy bitch he’d tried to have a relationship with. Acting on instinct, I said, “You’re welcome to meet him on the opening night of our tour. The entire family is going, and I’d love to see you and Dillon there as well.” Leah looked touched I was asking, but then her enthusiasm dimmed. “You know I’m all talk, right? I would never randomly throw myself at someone just because they were famous.” “Aw, Leah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that at all. I don’t think that about you, I just figured if you wanted to see us live and meet the band, you should be there with the rest of the family.” I worried about Tyson a lot. He had gotten dangerously close to the edge for a while, and there was a time when I believed he wasn’t going to survive. Now that I knew what it felt like to have a relationship that meant something, I wanted it for everyone. Someone like Leah was just what Tyson needed, in my opinion. When Leah agreed to come to the show, I found myself hoping my match making skills were up to par. Only time would tell.

BEING AT THE rehearsal space and watching the band get ready for the tour was an almost out of body experience for the first few minutes I was there. It was strange to think that once I’d just been a fan, and now I was part of their tour staff. I’d not mentioned to Flynn how the sound of him singing was a serious turn on. I realized the second he opened his mouth I was going to have to tell him ASAP because I was in agony. The second they took a break from rehearsing, I planned to drag him somewhere private and have my way with him. I would’ve thought having sex at least twice a day every day would be enough to satisfy my lust for him, but as soon as his sexy voice washed over me, I was done for. I was struggling to maintain any semblance of normalcy as I took pictures, but my lens was all-but trained exclusively on him as he sang and my panties were only getting wetter. When Devon came into the space and motioned for me to go talk to her, I practically sprinted to the back of the room in sheer relief. Standing, watching him was killing me and I needed a break. Greeting Devon with a hug, I followed her lead as she walked to a table to sit down. It didn’t escape my attention she’d made sure we were still able to see the guys while we spoke. I had figured she was watching one person in particular, and I wasn’t wrong because her gaze repeatedly went to Cole. “Alright girl, spill! Flynn came to rehearsal Monday happier than any man that hot has a right to be. It only took about five minutes for him to work the words ‘my girlfriend’ into the conversation. When he wasn’t singing, he was yapping about how amazing you are and how much he loves living with you. There wasn’t one person who hadn’t previously heard he’d moved you in who didn’t almost pass the fuck out. He’s never even had a serious relationship before, but with you, he went the extra mile to move your ass in AND get you out here weeks ahead of schedule. Not to be crude, but this is Flynn Rand we’re talking about. He has bitches throwing themselves at him all day, every day. If he didn’t feel something for you, he wouldn’t have moved you in.” When she took a breath, I thought it was time for me to say something, but instead she plowed on. “Flynn’s reputation precedes him but you’ve whipped his ass into shape without any effort. Do you even have any clue how many women before you have tried and failed within hours? When I was working with the band before he met you, I thought he was a very nice, very funny guy. I also thought he was hell on women. His body language screamed disinterest no matter how beautiful the girls coming on to him were. Then he met you the night of the party and bam! New Flynn. Suddenly he was all smoldering looks and nervous energy when you were around. When your name comes up, he puffs up like he just won a gold medal. I saw the picture that his Gram put up on Twitter. He has you living in his house, he’s introduced you to the family, and there is no way he’s letting go. Do you notice even now, as he’s rehearsing, he’s still watching everything you do? It’s crazy!” Of course I had noticed. I was incapable of really noticing anything but Flynn. He’d become everything to me, and it was scary shit. I was helpless to stop it, mostly because I didn’t want to. This once in a lifetime feeling was something I wanted to soak in. I knew I was blushing, but I didn’t really care. “I notice Devon, believe me, I notice. He’s amazing. I don’t even know what to say because I’m afraid to jinx it. Flynn’s the only guy I’ve ever felt this way

about and to be honest, it’s really overwhelming. Between you and me… I’m terrified once we get on the tour everything is going to go to shit. All those girls…” With a wave of her hand she poo-pooed my fears. “Um… Hello… McFly? You’re seeing he’s moved you in, watches you like you’re a magnet for his eyes AND he’s introduced you to his family. You really need to get your head out of your ass girl. I would understand your fears if he didn’t look at and talk about you the way he does—but seriously… he’s had the tour experience for a decade. The way he looks at you, the way he talks about you—neither of those things is going to change once the tour starts. Cole knows him better than anyone in the world and he says we can put an X next to Flynn’s name from here on out, because he’s officially off the market for good. You have to realize Cole, more than anyone else, would know. Flynn’s serious.” A thousand butterflies had spread their wings in my stomach as I’d allowed myself to imagine how amazing it would be if Flynn didn’t turn into a different person once we got on the road. I wasn’t ready to discuss it with anyone yet though, so I decided to steer the conversation away from Flynn and me. “Ah… since you brought him up, I’m asking. What’s going on with you and Cole… and Ian?” She looked at me wide-eyed. “Is it so obvious?” Putting my hand on her shoulder, I squeezed encouragingly. “No! I promise. I noticed because I’m just a good people watcher. You seem attracted to them—though I’d say more Cole than Ian. Cole devours you with his eyes, but I’ve also noticed Ian is with you two a lot and Flynn told me Cole is bisexual. You look like you’re on fire inside and Ian seems either terrified or actively trying to ignore the whole thing. Am I right?” Blowing out a frustrated breath, Devon nodded in affirmation. “You pretty much just nailed it. Cole’s been very upfront about his desires, and I’m on board. How can I not be? Cole does something to me I can’t explain, but he’s really against traditional relationships. It would be great if Ian would get his head out of his ass and we could all try… He’s reticent to do anything with Cole because he’s hung up on not being gay. He wants us both and we both want him. Meanwhile, I’m dying over here of frustration. Cole won’t have sex with me unless Ian’s there, He’s positive at some point Ian will come around and the three of us will be able to start a relationship. He says we need to start together, not separately. It’s killing me.” I felt bad for Devon because she didn’t have the relationship she wanted. I didn’t think I’d be able to be as patient as she was if I were in the same situation. “Do you and Cole see the relationship being serious if Ian joins in?” She shrugged as she looked away. “Sometimes I think yes, other times no. I’m falling for Cole, not Ian. Ian is a great friend and I’m attracted to him sexually, but I don’t have serious feelings for him in that way. The whole thing is a mess and I just want it resolved.” “Once you’re on tour, this will all work out,” I assured her. “Being together round the clock, there’s no way to avoid it.” Her face was a mix of anxiety and hope when she shrugged her shoulders. “I hope so, Tessa, I really do. I’m not sure how much more I can take.” Our conversation came to a halt as soon as rehearsal ended because Flynn made a beeline for me. Pulling me into his arms, he smiled down at me as he asked, “What did you think baby?” What I thought wasn’t appropriate to say in a room full of people, so I smiled and said, “I thought it was amazing! I can’t wait for opening night.” Standing on my tiptoes, I pulled his head to mine. Wrapping my hand around his neck, I turned his head and whispered my real answer in his ear. “We’ve got an emergency. Since the moment you started singing, I’ve been hot for you. I can’t even wait until later today. I’m so wet it’s ridiculous. I need you now. Can you make it happen?” Running his hands down my back, he pulled me closer to him so I could feel how my words had affected him. An involuntary shiver ran up my spine and I licked the shell of his ear—I hoped

surreptitiously. Turning me so I was facing the group, he pulled me tight against him. “Me and my girl are going to go find some food. See you guys in ninety minutes, yes?” After a chorus of affirmatives, he hustled me from the room. It hadn’t been lost on me how he kept me glued to him so he could hide his erection from the others, but I’m pretty sure they had to have at least suspected since he wouldn’t let me go. Within a minute, we were outside at his car and seconds after, he was peeling out of the parking lot. Looking over and taking in my puzzled expression, he chuckled. “There’s a motel two buildings down. It’s terribly tacky but right now, it’s going to save our asses. You’re going in and renting a room. I’d do it myself but we both know it’s a horrible idea unless we want the paparazzi banging on the door. But on the subject of cameras—bring your little camera when we get into the room. We’re taking pictures.” I liked his plan, and found it kinky and funny at the same time. When he pulled up in front of the motel, I ran inside and got the room renting process underway. Five minutes later I was seventy dollars poorer but had a key to a room near the back of the parking lot in my hand as I hauled ass back out to the car. I told Flynn where to park and he had the car off and my door open less than a minute later. Clearly I wasn’t the only one who was desperate. We were like two sex-crazed idiots as we struggled with the lock, laughing in relief when we finally got the door to open. I had about thirty seconds to take in the surroundings (they were not attractive accommodations, but desperate times called for desperate measures) as Flynn yanked the hideous polyester comforter off the bed and tossed it on the floor. The comforter wasn’t even settled on the floor yet when he picked me up and tossed me onto the bed. I let out a breathy laugh as I bounced, then all humor disappeared when he came down on top of me and captured my mouth in a kiss of pure sin. I whimpered helplessly as he suckled my tongue in his mouth, the ache in my core so intense it was making me frantic. Lifting his mouth from mine, Flynn looked into my eyes. “Fuck babe, you’re already there aren’t you?” I nodded even as I arched against him, my body begging him to take the edge off. “Take your clothes off, baby.” I had my shorts, tee shirt, bra, underwear, shoes and socks off so fast I’m pretty sure I set some kind of speed record. Flynn only had his tee shirt and shorts off, and I was too hot to wait any longer. Lying back against the pillows, I spread my legs and slid my hand between them. I cried out when I realized how wet I was. Flynn’s eyes focused entirely on my fingers as I rubbed against my clit. Grabbing my camera, he powered it on and took a few dozen shots of me pleasuring myself. Even when he stopped taking pictures, he was so absorbed with my actions he never looked away as he shed his clothes. “Jesus baby, you’re so damn wet. You need to come badly, don’t you?” Shivering, I nodded my head as I rubbed quicker. “Yessss….” “Spread your legs wide babe and hold your pretty pussy lips open for me. I’m not about to let all your sweetness go to waste.” I spread as wide as I could and then held myself open for him, crying out as he used the flat of his tongue and took one long, slow lick. Pressing my feet into the mattress, I lifted myself toward his tongue. “Please, Flynn…. I need you so bad!” His response was a warm breath on my ultra-sensitive clit, the feeling so other worldly I cried out and shuddered beneath him. I was literally throbbing, my need for him taking over my body in a way I’d never experienced. “God, Tessa, you’re so fucking hot. My baby’s pussy needs my fingers and my tongue doesn’t it?” I had been past the point of playing, and it made me demanding. “Stop torturing me goddammit. It hurts, Flynn. Make. Me. Come.”

Smiling at me, he asked, “Is that an order, or are you begging?” With a glare, I shouted, “It’s whatever you want it to be, just fucking do something. PLEASE!” “Like I said babe, your pussy is greedy and I fucking love it. Your body knows that it belongs just to me and it understands that I’m the one that can make it sing.” Watching his head descend back between my thighs was so sexy that I swear I swooned for a moment. I loved the silkiness of his hair as it tickled my inner thighs, almost as much as I loved his tongue wiggling and sliding all over my clit. Everything he did with that mouth, from talking to singing to kissing to oral sex, blew my mind. The gods had been very generous with Flynn’s mouth. I panted and moaned as he worked me over, my brain a big vat of mush stew. Circling my sex with his tongue, he did five quick sucks on my clit. I cried out as my back arched and my free hand fisted in his hair as I held him against me. “Ohhhh… babyyyyy… don’t stop!” He chuckled against me and shook his head to let me know he understood. My hips moved of their own volition, straining against him as I sought relief for the ache that had been building for hours. Sliding two fingers in deep, he began thrusting inside of me in tandem with his tongue at my clit. “Oh please, please, please, please…. FLYNN! I’m coming!” My head whipped back and forth on the pillows as I came. I felt myself releasing onto his tongue, heard his fingers thrusting into my wetness as my orgasm went on and on. I was out of control, sky diving with no parachute as Flynn’s tongue and fingers kept up the torture. It was so intense it hurt, but in an incredibly good way. The feeling of his tongue sliding through my fingers and against my clit was incredible, and my body continuously bucked up into his as I sought the contact with his tongue. His two fingers slid out for a moment and I groaned because I wanted them back. I didn’t miss them for long because he slid three fingers back in as he rubbed inside of me right against a spot that had me seeing stars. My body erupted in a wave of orgasms, my breath lodged in my throat as I struggled to remain conscious. Only Flynn held me to earth because the rest of me was long gone as my body quaked and flailed helplessly beneath his tongue and fingers. I felt rather than saw him taking position over me, my eyes snapping open to find him looking at me with fire in his eyes. “You’re so fucking sweet babe—I love eating your pussy. You know what I love more than making you scream as you come on my tongue?” I shook my head mindlessly as I tried to focus on him, but my body was the boss right then, not my head. Pushing my knees back against my chest, he thrust into me with one powerful surge I felt in every cell in my body. My mouth opened in a silent scream as he plunged into me, his every movement slow but incredibly deep. “What I love more is burying myself in your exquisite little cunt and holding on as you squeeze the fuck out of my cock. Never in my life have I felt anything as incredibly good as being inside you. Never.” Grabbing the camera again, he powered it on and handed it to me. “Take some pictures baby.” I clenched around him as I moaned, beyond turned on by the sight of him over me. I snapped a series of pictures of the two of us joined together and a dozen or more of him on top of me before I lost the ability to take pictures, so I turned the camera off and gently dropped it on the floor next to us. I whimpered as I began to meet him thrust for thrust, pushing my hips upward to take every beautiful inch as he surged inside of me. His pubic hair danced against my clit every time his balls smacked my ass, and the room filled with the sounds of both of us losing whatever tenuous hold we had on ourselves. The flimsy mattress was squeaking so loud I vaguely realized anyone who was in a room on either side of us could hear every punishing thrust. I didn’t care. “Play with your tits babe. Pinch those gorgeous nipples for me.”

I did as he asked, rolling and pinching my nipples between my fingers as he kept up his never-ending assault on my senses. Nothing mattered except the feeling of him as he entered and then retreated repeatedly, his plunges deep and hard. This was not sex as a sprint; it was a long distance marathon and my body was ablaze. Wrapping his arms around my thighs, he pulled me hard against him as his thrusting increased in speed and depth. Both of us were out of breath and I kept letting out keening cries as he pounded in and out like a mad man, gaining momentum the longer we went on instead of slowing down. My sex gushed as I met him at every thrust, begging him never to stop. I heard the phone ringing in the room, and we both ignored it. No one knew where we were, so the call wasn’t for us. I continued to scream out as his thrusts reached maximum depth, every one of them bottoming out inside of me in the most delicious of ways. “Fuck,” he yelled, “So fucking good! Baby!” The phone continued to ring, but we were both coming to the end of our journey and we didn’t care. I yelled for him to fuck me harder, begged for him to come inside of me as the mattress continued to squeak in protest. I felt my orgasm coming on like a freight train, and I knew I was in for it. Grabbing his shoulders, I screamed as I tried to tell him what was happening. “I’m so close… I’m right there… You’re going to make me come so hard….” As he nodded at me, trickles of sweat dripped from his forehead onto my cheek. “I’m with you, baby… I’m going to come so fucking hard!” Impossibly, his thrusts picked up even more speed, leaving me screaming as I exploded around him. He let out a series of yells as he started to come, and I held on for dear life as I continued to come. The phone was ringing again, but I only realized it at the very back of my mind. Both of us were lost in the most intense of orgasms, my nails digging into his shoulders as he hammered into me at supersonic speed. I felt each pulse as he spent himself inside of me and cried out as his cum made my orgasm stronger. For a moment, it felt like the world tipped on its axis and dropped out from beneath me, or possibly there was an earthquake. Nothing mattered except Flynn. He was my anchor in the storm, and I focused on him and him alone. When we were finished, he dropped down on top of me as I wrapped my legs and arms around him and held him close. We were both breathing as if we’d just run a marathon, our bodies damp with sweat. I shivered when he pushed my hair aside and nuzzled into my neck, and then groaned aloud when he bit my neck and sucked in as his tongue wiggled against me. I knew he was leaving a mark, but I was fine with it. If anything, I found it sexy. Pulling away, he looked into my eyes as he smiled down at me. “I just came so goddamn hard I’ll remember that feeling for the rest of my life. You’re so fucking amazing I can’t even think straight. You give every part of yourself to me and it blows my mind. I’m fucking crazy for you, Tess.” The phone kept on ringing, but neither of us moved to answer it. I wondered if all motels were so annoying, but then quickly forgot about the annoyance when I looked at Flynn. I was smiling at him, about to tell him I treasured him too, when I realized we were sliding down the bed. Pushing him off, I had just enough time to say, “What the…” when I realized what I’d felt at the end hadn’t been the earth turning on its axis or an earthquake. What I had felt was the bed breaking beneath us. Somehow the legs had given out on the bottom portion of the bed, and now the whole thing was tilted. When Flynn saw what I was pointing to, he burst out laughing. “Holy. Fucking. Shit. We broke the damn bed!” We were both still laughing when the banging started at the door. Grabbing his shorts, Flynn pulled them on and adjusted himself before flinging the door open. “What?” I couldn’t see who was there, but I heard every word.

“Sir, I’m the manager of this motel. I got almost twenty phone calls in the last hour from furious guests, all of them beside themselves because of the loud noise coming from your room. What you were doing was so loud I could actually hear it through the phone. I’ve been working at this motel for two years and never… Wait a minute. Holy shit! You’re Flynn Rand!” I buried my face in my hands, knowing we were screwed. Sighing, Flynn nodded. “Yeah, I am. Look, I’m terribly sorry for the inconvenience. Let me get dressed and I’ll come give you my credit card. I’ll pay for every single occupied room in the motel for one night to compensate for the inconvenience. Also… we, ah… we broke the bed. So you can charge me for that, too. I’ll do anything you want, but please be decent about this. If you’re going to call the tabloids, please wait until we’re gone. I don’t want my girlfriend being subjected to the shit that will start.” “No way, man. I’m not calling anybody. You paying for the rooms and taking care of the cost of the bed is enough. I’m a huge fan. Huge. I promise you, if the tabloids get ahold of this, it won’t have come from me. You don’t even need to come to the office now—just have someone call with your credit card information later. I’ll tell you straight up you only need to pay for two rooms on either side of you—that’s four rooms in all but four very pissed off people who will climb off the ledge once they realize their rooms have been comped—and the bed will probably cost about a hundred bucks for a new frame. You don’t need to pay for every occupied room, don’t sweat it. Just take care of the people who were going to light me on fire and we’re cool.” I saw Flynn’s arm shoot out as he shook the manager’s hand, and I was relieved in this case that he was famous and that it had worked in our favor. “Thanks for being so cool about this, man. What’s your name?” “My name’s Jimmy. Thanks for making such great music! Your stuff has been getting me through law school for the last three years.” “No man, thank you,” Flynn replied. “I won’t forget how cool you just were—expect a package from me in the next few days. You saved my ass, and I can’t thank you enough.” Closing the door, he turned and looked at me. “We just dodged a serious bullet. Let’s get dressed and get the hell out of here before one of the guests figures out who I am and starts snapping pictures with their cell phones. Make sure you grab the camera.” I had no time to complain about the lack of time to shower. Instead, I hauled ass and pulled my clothes on lightning fast as Flynn did the same. The last thing I did was make sure that I had the camera. After that he grabbed my hand and we ran to the car. We had twenty minutes to spare before he had to be back at the studio, so we took the extra time and went to get some burgers and fries. While we waited in the drive-thru line I did the best job I could of repairing my appearance, but it was pretty obvious what we’d spent our lunch break doing. When we got back to the rehearsal space, I ran to the bathroom and spent some more time cleaning myself up, and by the time I was finished I felt more confident about it being slightly less obvious that I’d spent my lunch break flat on my back and full of Flynn. After practice when we went home, we looked at the pictures we’d taken in the hotel. They were unbelievably hot, but we both agreed the next time, we were going to use a flip camera to record the entire thing.

WE WERE SNUGGLED together on the couch watching House Hunters, laughing as we voiced our disagreements with the couple in the episode about which house they had chosen. “I mean seriously, the one they wound up with is shiteous,” I said. “They totally should have gone with the craftsman. Instead, they chose the old box that needed a shit ton of work. I hate when they catch up with the people on the episode at the end, and like none of the work has been done that the house needs to be a home. I was hoping maybe they had a plan to make the house better, but instead they seemed to like the way it was. You know what I mean?” “I agree—the craftsman was the way to go. The wainscoting alone made the house number one in my book, but the size and beauty of the kitchen was unbelievable. I can’t believe they chose the house with the Pepto pink bathroom. I also can’t believe that since they bought the house they painted the walls of the bathroom pink to match the tile and then they accented with purple towels! I’m diagnosing the couple as being colorblind. There is no way a person who could see color would have chosen that paint.” It wasn’t a surprise we were house compatible. Really it was just one more indicator we were the real deal. I couldn’t wait to create a home with her. “I’ve already talked to Dante about having Hart build the new house, and Spencer and Dominique are on board to design it. Since we both like craftsman style accents, we should incorporate some into the design. We both liked the tall wainscoting and I noticed you went mad for the farm-style sink in the kitchen in the house they toured we liked. I like it and I can see us in that type of kitchen. I’m thinking we’ve got a design style to go with. I like the location of this house but it’s up to you babe, we can move to a completely different neighborhood if you want. I would like to stay within twenty minutes of my dad and grandparents, but we should really discuss what your parents want to do long-term as well since they’ve already indicated if you’re staying, they’re moving here. They should probably look at neighborhoods when they come out for the show. What do you think?” She looked like I’d just told her I was going to put on a sex show on the front lawn. The silence was stretching too long for my liking, so I prodded her for an answer. “Babe, thoughts?” Shifting nervously, she said, “Uh, well, it’s early days yet, Flynn. Who knows where we’ll be when the tour ends. You should decide where you want to live and design your house on your own.” I went from psyched about where we were and where we would be going, to gutted in under five seconds. How in the hell were we not on the same page? Like dominoes, all of my worst fears had started to fall around me as a light began to shine on something she did I’d glossed over. Tess never discussed our future beyond the tour, ever. How had I not noticed it before? Once I was thinking about it, it dawned on me how she never talked about how our relationship would be once the tour started. Every second I spent with Tessa I was in as deep as I could be. It felt right and I was all in, but I wasn’t positive she was. I wondered if she just wasn’t in the same place I was, or if she just didn’t want a future with me. I flipped the fuck out. I knew if she wasn’t in it with me, I was fucked. The idea she didn’t feel the same way I did had made me sick to my stomach.

Letting out a frustrated breath, I ran my hands through my hair as I’d tried to calm myself down. It didn’t work. “What the hell do you mean who knows where we’ll be when the tour ends? Are you saying you don’t see us together? Why the fuck would you say that, Tess? Are you not happy? Am I doing something wrong? You haven’t said you’re unhappy so I didn’t know… I’m new to all of this, and clearly I’m fucking it all up somehow if you already think we won’t be together months from now. I’ll do whatever it takes baby, but I’m not a mind reader. Talk to me.” She looked deeply uncomfortable with the way the discussion was going, and that made me feel like shit. My thought process was a complete blur of random thoughts and worst-case scenarios. Was this just a transitional relationship for her? Was a long-term commitment not what she wanted? Did she want to break up with me? It felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart when it occurred to me she might feel like she had to stay with me in order to keep her job, and the thought made me ill. “Oh my God, Tess… you don’t think that if you break up with me you’ll lose your job, do you? Is that why you haven’t told me you’re unhappy?” Every ounce of color in her face drained away as she shook her head at me. “No! Flynn, Jesus, NO. That’s not what I’m saying. Please, don’t ever think that. I’m not unhappy right now at all. In fact, I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life. I’m just saying that we’re new to this and the future is unwritten. It’s too soon to start talking about neighborhoods and houses. If we’re still together at the end of the tour, we can talk about it then, if you still want to. No pressure between now and then, we’ll just see how this plays out. Let’s just wait and see, okay?” No. It was definitely not okay. Now I knew that she wasn’t in this with me, not really. I saw Tessa as my entire future, but to her I was just a chapter in her life story, a bit of filler that would fade away to nothing. I wasn’t about to become some kind of stalker asshole, so I just nodded and agreed with her. “Sure, Tessa, that’s okay. We’ll just wait… and see.” Mentally I was kicking my own ass for being so fucking stupid, rolling out the red carpet for her and inviting her into every aspect of my life, when the truth was, she didn’t want us to be anything significant. I should have been more cautious, should have guarded my heart. The damage was done at this point though, and all I could do was find a way not to feel like I had been ripped open and torn apart.

I’D BEEN EXCITED about going to Delilah and Brooke’s wedding when the invitation had been extended, but now I was miserable. Flynn had been working like a maniac for days and I’d barely seen him. He left early, he came home late, and he hadn’t touched me at all—even when we were sleeping. He slept on one side and I slept on the other, and it felt like the Grand Canyon was between us. We’d gone from having sex at least two or three times a day to not touching at all. I’d had my period for a few days and had planned to tell him I was out of commission, but since he never spoke to or touched me, I never needed to. Last Friday, he made an excuse about needing to do something with the record company he and the band had formed in order to get out of having to spend the afternoon with me taking his photo. I knew, of course I knew, he was pissed at me about my reticence to be enthusiastic about his home building plan, but really… how could I be? It would be beyond careless of me to allow myself to believe our future was assured, when it wasn’t. My photo shoots with the rest of the band had ranged from fun (Gavin), to scary (Tyson) to sad (Cole), and each of them had taken the time to tell me they were worried about Flynn, which made me feel horrible. I’d asked management to have the guys take me to their favorite places for their photo shoots. On Monday, Gavin had taken me to Zuma beach to take pictures of him surfing. Gavin was known for being incredibly intense, but I found him to be extremely calm and very thoughtful. During our time at the beach, he told me he’d gotten into surfing a few years ago as a way to channel his demons. I didn’t know his story, but the surfing definitely had him calm. He called surfing his moments of Zen, and it was very clear it was working. Gavin was a fairly quiet guy, but at the end of the day he’d asked me if he could speak freely. After I nodded, he said, “Look, I don’t know what’s going on with you and Flynn, but he went from being the happiest I’ve ever seen him to acting like he’s a funeral director. I don’t expect you to tell me anything, but I’m telling you—I’ve never seen him hurting before, but he is now. Whatever you’re doing… please, think it through. You seem nice and I can’t imagine you being cruel on purpose, but you’re hurting him. I just thought you should know.” I’d tried to assure him I wasn’t doing anything to Flynn, but the look he gave me indicated he thought I was full of shit. Tuesday I’d gone out with Tyson, and he had taken me flying in his small plane. It had been one thing to be on the ground taking photos, but being in the air in the tiny plane had me almost in full vapor lock. He talked to me about Flynn after I finished taking pictures while we were in the air. His logic seemed to be I was a captive audience and he had things to say. “I don’t know you, but what I do know is my friend went from being happier than I’ve ever seen him to being a fucking robot. I personally think he should kick your ass to the curb because you’re making him fucking miserable, but when I said as much to him he almost beat my face in. Your timing fucking sucks and I think it’s selfish as shit you’re doing whatever it is you are to him right now. Do you even care he can barely make it through a rehearsal because he’s so out of it he can’t remember the fuckin’ words to our songs? I’m not saying Flynn’s a fucking saint, but I know him well enough to know if he could fix

whatever is broken, he would. The fact he can’t do so tells me the problem is you. My suggestion is to get your head out of your ass or leave him the fuck alone. I’m sorry because I know I’m blunt, but believe me, life is too fucking short for bullshit and drama, and where my friends are concerned I speak my mind. He deserves better than to be some bitch’s emotional punching bag. I admit that I don’t know if you’re a bitch or not, but right now, I really don’t give a shit. All I see is you hurting my friend.” So much for Leah’s assertion that Gavin was the scary one and Tyson was the beautiful one. Tyson was beautiful, but he was also too blunt for comfort. It was clear he took his friendships very seriously, and he felt strongly about speaking up. I could respect it, even though I felt attacked. “Tyson, I don’t know where you got this impression of me but I’m not… I’m not doing anything to him, I promise. I’m not jerking him around and I’m not trying to make him miserable. It’s breaking my heart he’s so disconnected, but I’m not making any headway in bringing him back. I’m not going to stop trying to get him back to normal. If you believe nothing else I say, believe this; I feel very strongly about Flynn and I don’t see him as my emotional punching bag. I would never do that to him.” Other than saying goodbye and telling me he assumed he would see me on tour, Tyson didn’t say another word. As awkward as that was, being with Cole was worse. He’d taken me to a hole in the wall bar in the neighborhood he and Flynn had grown up in. Management had arranged it so we were the only people in the bar, and Cole had gotten onto the tiny stage where Renegade Saints had played for the first time and began to strum out a song. He explained he’d chosen the bar as his favorite place because it was a reminder of a time when things were easier and more innocent. When we had finished shooting, he gestured to a table and asked me to sit with him. I knew right away what was coming and my stomach sank. “First, I want to tell you I like you, Tessa, and I really had hoped things between you and Flynn were going to go all the way. I know Gavin and Tyson already talked to you, and I want to apologize if Tyson in particular upset you. He doesn’t pull punches, but he wasn’t trying to be cruel, even if it seemed that way at the time. He’s had to deal with a lot of shit most people don’t understand and it’s made him tough.” He paused for a moment as he fiddled with a coaster on the table before saying, “I don’t know what’s going on with you and Flynn and it worries me. We’ve been best friends since we were babies and I’ve always known everything that’s happening with him. For the first time ever, he’s gone silent. When I ask him what’s going on, he clams up and says he can’t talk about it. While he was with you and things were good, I saw Flynn completely content in a way I haven’t since before his mother died.” Again there was a pause, but this time I saw Cole was choked up. After clearing his throat, he continued, “Rachel Rand was my second mother and I adored her. She was amazing, the very best type of person because she cared and she lived life to the fullest. Her world revolved around her husband, her son, her family and her friends. Flynn’s incredibly close to his father, but when she was alive, he was a mama’s boy. He and Rachel were joined at the hip, and losing her changed his entire life. Stories about Rachel and Todd’s courtship have become part of the family folklore, and Flynn always maintained if he couldn’t find what his parents had, he wasn’t going to settle.” Looking up at me, he stared me dead in the eye. “Whatever he was looking for, he found it with you. I’ve put in a lifetime alongside him and I knew right away you were his Rachel. At least I did, until he showed up to rehearsal last week looking like he’d been stabbed in the heart. In twenty-nine years, I’ve seen my brother completely annihilated a very few times. I don’t know the details of what happened, but what I do know is Flynn wouldn’t look or act the way he is if he believed your relationship had a chance. And since I know what he wanted from you, I know it means whatever is happening is a choice you made. I hate to put it out like this, but I see Flynn as my brother and I can’t watch him suffer and say nothing. If you don’t want him, let him go. He doesn’t deserve whatever’s happening.” I’d tried to plead my case, but Cole told me it wasn’t what he wanted at all. Smiling sadly at me, he

said, “If you’re going to talk, Flynn’s who you need to talk to.” By the time I got home that day, I was so depressed I could barely function. Flynn didn’t come home until after two in the morning that night, so I never had to pretend to be okay. I was up when he came to bed, but I stayed silent. The worst part was I knew he was aware I was awake, but he said nothing. Cole’s words were always on my mind, but I didn’t know how to go forward. Flynn avoided me like I had the plague and I was scared to put myself out there for fear I’d be pushed away. I had been waiting for him to get beyond the conversation we’d had, but I was petrified he wasn’t going to. The drive out to Malibu for the wedding passed in almost dead silence. Anything he said was monosyllabic at best, and I didn’t know what I could do to get him to be present again. It had only been a week, but it felt like months had passed by. Seeing his family again was bittersweet. I’d come to really care about each and every one of them, and I knew with the way things between Flynn and I were falling apart, I’d not be seeing them much, if at all, in the future. Delilah and Brooke looked amazing in their wedding dresses, both of them so full of joy and certainty about their future with the men they loved. It was hard to look at. Delilah had an extra glow about her because she was pregnant. Her easy posture and serene smile as everyone around her was a flurry of activity to get everything ready gave her an air of contented happiness. It told its own story about what it felt like to have your dreams come true. The wedding was heart-touchingly beautiful. Dante and Sabrina gave Brooke away, while Todd and Sandra gave Delilah away. I hadn’t been expecting it, and it made me cry. It was so beautiful Delilah had included her father, and I knew it had to have meant the world to Todd. When it came time to declare who gave Brooke to Damien, Dante and Sabrina said they did. Then it was time to declare who gave Delilah to Spencer and Damien, Dante, Sandra and Todd all indicated they did. Sylvia was seated right next to me, and she was crying her eyes out. Mason was choked up as well. Both couples had chosen to write their own vows, and there wasn’t a dry eye to be found as they pledged themselves to each other. Reaching over, I took Flynn’s hand in mine and squeezed. The block of ice who was the love of my life didn’t squeeze back, and I pulled my hand away as I felt my soul ripping apart. The rest of the night was passing in a blur of everyone eating and dancing to the songs the DJ was spinning. I was in the dumps, but I think I did a good job hiding it. At least I did enough to ward off people asking questions, but I did notice Dillon and Dominique seemed off as well, so maybe it kept the attention off of me. When it came time for the traditional first dance, I was stunned to see Flynn step forward with an acoustic guitar. I had no idea he was going to sing. Apparently, I was the only one who didn’t know because no one else showed surprise. We all assembled around the small dance floor set up under an open-air tent in the sand and applauded as he took a seat on a stool and adjusted the mic in front of him. Brooke and Damien glided onto the dance floor as Flynn began strumming the opening notes to Jason Mraz’s “I Won’t Give Up,” as the happy couple beamed at each other. After spending the last week deprived of him, I almost lost it at the sound of his voice. When Brooke and Damien’s dance ended, Delilah and Spencer walked to the floor. I melted when he started to sing The Beatles’ “In My Life.” My emotions were all over the place, and I wanted to run from the beach and scream. I’d never have what Delilah and Spencer did, and it hurt. Instead of running, I stayed in place and applauded with everyone else when the dance ended. Spencer shared a look with Flynn and nodded his head, and the next thing I knew Flynn had broken into, “Having My Baby.” We were all a mixture of laughter and tears. The song was cheesy, but Flynn’s voice made it beautiful.

He’d finished singing and was moving to get off the stool when Sylvia called out and told him to play a love song that made him think of me so everyone could dance. Any piece of my heart left intact cracked into a million pieces as I waited for him to tell her no love song reminded him of me because we were over. Instead, he nodded his head and began to strum out a song that I immediately recognized. It wasn’t a mainstream song, but it was one of my all-time favorites, and I couldn’t believe that of all the songs in the world, he’d chosen that one. The song he sang was Damien Rice’s “Cannonball,” and it was the most beautiful thing I’d ever heard in my whole life. As word after word came from his mouth, his eyes never left mine. Tears ran down my face unchecked as he sang, but I was helpless to stop it. By the time he was finished singing and had put the guitar down, I was as close to unglued as I’d ever been. It physically hurt at the deepest level that what had started out so beautiful had turned so ugly. Once the guitar was down, he was across the dance floor in a flash, grabbing my hand as he guided me toward the house. “Get your purse, we’re leaving in five minutes. I’m exhausted from pretending around them everything is fine with you and I just want to go home. I’ll tell my family we’re leaving. Meet me at the car.”

FOR TEN DAYS, I’d been living in fucking hell. Tessa was everywhere in my life and it was destroying me. I’d been paying for a suite at the Mondrian for her for the last nine of those days. Every night before I fell asleep I promised myself the following day I would move her out of my house and into the hotel, and every day I didn’t follow through. I’m not even sure why. We were barely speaking and I avoided her like the plague, so it wasn’t because things were going well. I was fucking miserable without her and every part of me fought against pushing her away, but it was the only responsible thing to do. I’d taken to driving around after rehearsal for hours and hours in order to avoid going home. I’d drive through the canyon to the beach listening to real pick-me-up songs like Coldplay’s “The Scientist,” Pearl Jam’s “Black,” U2’s “With or Without You,” and Matchbox 20’s “Back to Good.” I was about two seconds from going Goth, painting my nails black and singing songs about agony. At this point, I wanted to kick my own morose ass because it was so damn depressing. My sister’s wedding to Spencer had been ridiculously difficult. It should have been a happy day, and certainly it was one that just two months ago hadn’t been an option since I’d been an only child. I was happy for Delilah, overjoyed to have discovered two sisters who had already set up residence in my heart, but I could barely access the joy anymore because all of my happiness was buried deep under layers of misery over what had happened with Tessa. There wasn’t a minute since the night that I’d realized I was just a song on Tessa’s life CD I hadn’t desperately missed her. Every moment of our time together was locked in my head and it played out on a damn loop in my mind. I remembered everything, right down to the exquisite taste of her. After I’d done the wedding songs for the happy couples and my Gram asked me to sing a love song that reminded me of Tessa, I’d played the song I’d been listening to over and over for the last ten days in between each of the rest of the other depressing songs I’d been listening to. Damien Rice’s ‘Cannonball’ expressed almost everything I was feeling, and I’d sung it from the heart. Watching Tessa cry while I was singing made me want to break things. If the venue hadn’t been a wedding, I’d have smashed the fuck out of my guitar and then peeled out to go get piss drunk. Instead, I’d seen the song through to the bitter end, but afterward I was past done. I was taking Tess back to my house and telling her to pack her shit, no matter what. Enough was enough. I shouldn’t have even bothered to bring her to the wedding, and her crocodile tears pissed me off. She looked like I was stabbing her in the heart, but she was the one who didn’t want our relationship to be anything, not me, so fuck her. If I had half a fucking brain, I’d have listened to Tyson the second he’d picked up on the fact something was wrong and had confronted me about it. “No bitch is worth feeling like shit for, Flynn. If she’s making you feel like shit, she’s gotta go. Open the door and throw her stupid ass out. It’s not like there’s a shortage of available chicks around you can fuck at the drop of a hat. Pull the fucking monster out of your pants and get back to drilling and killing. Stop pining over a selfish bitch who doesn’t know her ass from a hole in the ground. Love is for pussies. You got sucked in by a stupid bi…” I’d picked him up and slammed him against a wall so fast, even I was surprised.

“Stop calling her a bitch, Tyson, or so help me, I’m going to beat you to death.” Tyson wasn’t a scrawny guy, and if he’d wanted to, he could have given me just as good as I would have given him. Instead, he’d raised his hands in surrender. “Okay dude, if it’s what you want, I won’t talk about her. Straight up—it’s a temporary reprieve. If you aren’t back to normal by the time the tour starts, all bets are off. I’m not signing off on the girl making you a miserable prick touring with us. This bullshit is not going to fly.” I should have taken his words to heart and put her out. Instead I was stuck with her in my house for another night of torture. I made excuses to my family about why we had to leave, pretending Tessa was suffering from a debilitating migraine. Gram wasn’t fooled, and I don’t believe my father was either, but they didn’t stop me. Tessa was in the foyer waiting for me, and I grunted, “Out of here” as I stomped past her. She struggled to keep up as I hauled ass to the car, but I didn’t offer to help her. I didn’t open the passenger door for her, either. A lifetime of ingrained manners sailed out of the window in a matter of seconds as I decided I just wanted to get as far away from her as humanly possible. She barely, and I do mean barely, had herself in the car before I was peeling out of the driveway. Just knowing she was next to me, close enough to touch, close enough to smell, close enough to hear her breathing, infuriated me. I turned up the radio to ear splitting levels and drove like a demon to get back to my house as quickly as possible. I was done, and I needed her out of my life. We got back to my house quickly, and after turning the car off and slamming my door as I exited, I tore into the house as I tried to get myself under control. I had my back to the kitchen door leading to the garage, taking deep breaths and getting my “It’s been nice, but you’ve got a suite at the Mondrian to move into so let’s make that happen ASAP” speech in order. I’d just about gotten it as good as it was going to get when I heard a crash behind me. Turning, I found Tessa on her hands and knees in between the door from the garage to the kitchen, the contents of her purse rolling around on the floor. Instinct had me across the room to her in seconds, bending down to help her off the floor. It was clear she’d tripped coming through the door, and she needed some first aid for her scraped palms and a gash on her knee. She’d gone down hard on the hideous poured concrete floors, and I knew it had to have hurt like a bitch. It made me feel like shit I hadn’t been enough of a gentleman to see her back into the house, because the sky-high heels she was wearing had to be difficult to navigate in. I opened my mouth to tell her I would help her up the stairs to where the first aid kit was, but the words died in my throat when I saw she was sobbing. She hadn’t fallen because of the fucking shoes; she’d fallen because she couldn’t see through her tears. My heart hurt beneath the ice I’d encased it in, but I pushed down those feelings with every bit of selfpreservation I had left. I realized it would be quicker to carry her up the stairs, so I lifted her up and did so. After I settled her on the bed, I went into the bathroom and got some antiseptic wipes and a Band-Aid for her knee. My hands shook the entire time I treated her wounds, but since she had her eyes closed, she didn’t notice. “It’s all done, you should be fine,” I said. It came out gruff and unfriendly, but I didn’t really focus too much on it because I knew I needed to get the fuck away from her before my control snapped. Deciding I needed to get out of the bedroom, I hauled ass to the door. I was too fucking weak to throw her out and I hoped maybe I’d ball up in the morning to lay down the law. As my hand grasped the doorknob, Tessa spoke. “Wait.” Grinding my teeth, I pivoted quickly and stood staring at her. “What?”

She stared at me for a moment without a word, before blurting out, “This is it, isn’t it? We’re done. It’s obvious you want me to leave.” She’d backed me into a corner, and it was time to shit or get off the pot. Pure anger took over, and words flew out of my mouth. “Yeah, we’re done. I’ve rented you a suite at the Mondrian to stay in until the tour starts. I’ll have a car pick you up in the morning around ten. You can be ready by then, yes?” Absolute calm had descended over her while I spoke, and she didn’t so much as flinch. Any hope I’d had that she’d tell me she didn’t want us to be over faded away. Looking away from me, she nodded her head. “I can be ready by then.” Glaring at the back of her head, I snapped, “Good. The sooner this is over, the better. Your timing is perfect because now I’ll be single for the tour. Unfortunately for you, there aren’t as many opportunities for women to pick up guys on the road so it will be harder for you, but if you need to let off steam, some of our roadies are available. They’ve always done well with the groupies we turn down.” I exited the room without another word, slamming the door behind me.

WHAT FLYNN HAD said to me hurt so bad I’d wished he’d slapped me physically instead. Physical pain had nothing on the pain in my heart and mind, and I’d take that over the torment of having his parting shot repeating on a loop in my head any day. I couldn’t allow myself to break down, not yet. Gathering strength I didn’t even know I possessed, I began packing. Since it didn’t take long, I wound up laying on the bed and texting Jess. Me: You there? Jess: Yep! I stayed in tonight because I’m running a mini-marathon in the morning. What’s up? Me: Flynn and I broke up. Less than a minute later, my phone was ringing. Sliding my finger across the answer button, I sniffled as I tried to hold back my tears. “Honey, what happened?” Furiously wiping at my eyes to hold the tears at bay, I said, “He got mad at me because he wants to build a house for us, and I said no. That was ten days ago and he hasn’t touched me since then. But seriously… a fucking house? What was I supposed to say? Should I have told him I dream of being with him forever? I can’t let my head float up in the clouds Jess, and I couldn’t expose myself in that way. He’s going to have girls all over him the entire time we’re on the tour,” I cried. “I survived Lee because he was Lee and he sucked. The sex was awful, I wasn’t in love with him and we weren’t going to be together long term. But the truth is, if I saw Flynn doing something like that, I wouldn’t be able to function. He means so much more to me than anyone in the world but I just can’t pretend we’re going to work out once the tour starts. We haven’t been talking and everything has been awful. I had to photograph each of the band members separately this week and all three of them said something to me about how unhappy he is and how they don’t think what I’m doing to him is right. And then, tonight was his sister’s wedding. His Gram asked him to sing a song to me and he did and I lost it. He grabbed me and stormed me out of there soon after, and when we got home… I mean, to his house… he told me to pack my shit because he was moving me into the Mondrian tomorrow morning since we’re over.” She was silent for a moment, I guess gathering her thoughts. I was banking on her agreeing with me, and I was flabbergasted when she ripped into me. “Let me get this straight, Tessa, because at this point it feels like I just sniffed glue. Flynn FUCKING Rand flew out here to make up with you after you changed your cell phone number. He then spent a week living in our two-bedroom apartment, which I imagine is about the size of his living room and has a total of zero amenities, unless you count our beautiful view of the apartment dumpster area. He met your parents, talked them and me into flying out for the first two shows of the tour at his expense, then he went to work begging and got you to move in with him until the tour started. He hangs on your every fucking

word, beams at you as though you just created the wheel and has his grandmother putting up family pictures with you in them on Twitter. You’re living the dream with a man who worships the ground on which you walk and this is your response? I love you like a toddler loves bath toys, but I’m not going to sugarcoat this for you. Bitch, you’re tripping.” “No joke,” she continued, “I saw you with him for seven days and I can say without hesitation, he’s in love with you. But was it enough to calm your crazy ass down? No! You went to DEFCON FOUR and made some shit up in your head about him having a tour harem. Then he had the balls, the fucking heart, to put himself out there and ask you to build a house with him and YOU SHOT HIM DOWN? You ripped his heart out, Tessa, I guaran-fucking-tee. You made a huge mistake and the worst part is, you’re crazy in love with him but you’re too fucking chicken-shit to take a chance so you’re throwing it all away. Pride goes before a fall, and if you don’t apologize and explain to him why you acted like a straight up asshole, you’ll regret it until the day you die.” I started to cry midway through her speech because I was terrified she was right. “But Jess, you don’t even know the worst of it. When we got home… no, I mean, back to his house tonight and he told me it was over, he said it was good because now he’d be single on the tour. He said I wouldn’t have as much opportunity to hook-up as he would so he suggested I look at the road crew because they dealt in groupie cast-offs. He basically just called me a groupie slut while confirming what I was afraid of the entire time— which is him fucking everything with a pulse—is about to happen. No one who was in love with someone would say such things.” Letting out a groan, she said, “Jesus Christ, Tessa, do you really not understand any guy psychology? He was saving face. He did it in an asshole way, and he owes you an apology, but he was lying. He isn’t happy you broke up, he’s fucking miserable. His friends—the ones who have known him forever—have told you to your face he’s miserable and you’re not paying attention! You have a choice, and here it is. Sit with your thumb up your ass doing nothing while the love of your life builds up an emotional wall to keep you out, or get off your ass and apologize for being dumb. This isn’t Flynn-shit baby girl. This is Tessabaggage. Fix it. I love you no matter what you do and I will be here for you until we tap out side by side in a nursing home when we’re ninety-nine, but I’d like to be tapping out together after we’ve both had lives filled with love and children. You aren’t going to recover from this if you don’t take a chance and let him in, and I don’t want to die next to a spinster who lived her life in an apartment full of cats because she was too stubborn to see love when it was right in front of her face.” My tears poured out while she ripped me a new one, and I realized I had no one to blame but myself. We were silent for a few minutes, other than the sound of my sniffling and her telling me it could be fixed. When I had myself as composed as I was going to get, I whispered the harsh truth to her. “I’m terrified. I’m scared because I love him, scared it took nothing to fall, scared it’s been such a short amount of time. I’ve given him my whole heart, Jess, but I’m petrified to let him know.” Making a sound of approval she said, “I know you’re scared. What you need to figure out now is what scares you more. Living a life without him, or admitting to him that you love him?” Hands down, the answer was living without him. I wanted to do more than build a house with him. I wanted to have babies who were a part of the two of us, wanted to spend all of my holidays from now until forever with our families together. I wanted Flynn’s face to be the last thing I saw before I went to sleep every night because he was the love of my life, and I wanted to be the same person for him. Taking a deep breath I said, “I surrender. I’m going to take a shower and go tell him I’m an idiot. Pray for me, Jess.” “I will baby girl. Everything is going to work out, I just know it. Call me tomorrow and let me know how it goes. I love you.” “I love you too, Jess. Thanks for being such a kick-ass, tell it to me straight, bitch of a best friend. If this works, I owe you one. If it doesn’t, you owe me two cats to start my spinster life.”

Laughing, she asked, “What the fuck? Why would you owe me one thing, but I’d owe you two? How back-asswards. WHEN this works out, you’re naming your firstborn after me. I don’t even care if it’s a boy. This is my price, and there will be no substitutions.” I wasn’t in the right frame of mind to barter, so I agreed. When we hung up, I rationalized she wouldn’t really hold me to my promise. My anxiety level was high as I grabbed underwear and one of Flynn’s tee shirts before making my way into the bathroom to shower. I threw my hair up into a clip to keep it dry and then spent ten minutes letting the water calm me down as it washed over me. When I was finished I dried off, got dressed and brushed my hair for a few minutes. Fortifying myself for what I was about to do, I swung the door to the bathroom open and stepped into Flynn’s room with the intention of going to find him. I didn’t have to look hard, because he was sitting at the end of his bed with his head in his hands. My heart just about stopped.

HAVE YOU EVER had a moment where you realize you’re a complete fucking tool and you’re so ashamed of yourself you want to beg someone to beat your ass? Yeah, so have I. My realization came right about the time the door to my bedroom was slamming shut after I told Tess I was going to gorge on groupie pussy for the entirety of the tour. It was a hateful and shitty thing to say, and I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth. I couldn’t give less of a shit about groupies. I couldn’t give less of a shit about any girl who wasn’t Tessa, which pissed me off since she didn’t feel the same way about me. In addition to telling her I would be using the tour as a groupie fuck-fest, I’d also advised her to fuck around with members of our road crew. That was beyond the pale, and I felt like the biggest piece of shit on earth for basically insinuating she was no better than the groupies who did just that. I was acting like a hate filled maniac, saying shit I didn’t mean because my feelings were hurt. When I got into my den and poured myself a rum and Coke, I sat on the sofa and thought about how ashamed I was of my behavior. My mother would be so disappointed if she saw how I was treating Tessa, and my Gram would whip my ass raw if she heard the vitriol I’d been spewing. I’d been raised to be a man, not a whiny bitch, but my actions were not manly at all. So what if she hadn’t fallen in love with me as fast as I had with her? I had months ahead of me to make her fall for me. She didn’t want to commit now, but maybe, someday, she would. It really had only been a matter of weeks since we got together, and I was obviously pushing too hard. I needed to back off, to give her space in which to breathe and get her bearings in our relationship. What I knew with absolute certainty was there was no way I was throwing her out of my house and sending her to the Mondrian because I was in a snit. I knew if I followed through on the ridiculous plan, I’d never get her back. I couldn’t even fathom a future without her in it. Swallowing my pride and giving myself a stern talking to about manning up, I went upstairs to our bedroom and knocked on the door. She didn’t answer, and after I knocked a few more times, I walked in to find the room empty. My heart constricted painfully in my chest because I thought she had already left. Fortunately, I heard the shower running and realized she was in the bathroom. Walking across the room, I shuddered when I saw her three suitcases packed and stacked in front of the closet. If I didn’t say the right series of things, she was taking those bags and leaving me for good. Taking a position at the end of the bed, I sat and waited for her to come back into the room. The entire time I waited my stomach was in my throat and my heart was racing. All I could think was that this had to work out. I felt the shift in the air alerting me to her presence, and lifting my head I was struck dumb all over again by how beautiful she was. She was staring at me in silence, and I fell into her eyes for a moment as time stood still and a feeling of déjà vu washed over me. I was suddenly positive I’d seen her before, somewhere. It was the only explanation for why she’d always felt so familiar and so important to me.

Shaking my head to clear out the cobwebs, I said, “I came to apologize, baby, and I will, but first, bear with me for a second. This is going to seem like a crazy question and I apologize if I seem like a complete dick and it pisses you off because I somehow forgot, but can you tell me… have I met you before? I mean before the night of the meet-and-greet for the tour staff.” Raising her eyebrows at me in confusion, she shook her head. “No, we never met before. Why would you ask?” Running my hands through my hair, I replied, “Because… you’ve always seemed incredibly fucking familiar to me. I guess it’s nothing but a sign we were meant to be together.” Taking a few steps forward, she dropped to her knees in front of me and took my hands in hers. When she looked up into my eyes, I could see she was holding back tears. “I’m so sorry. I acted like a crazy bitch and I threw up all kinds of roadblocks. I talked to Jess before I got into the shower and she set me straight, and now I have to tell you something. It quite literally scares the shit out of me to say this to you, but here goes. Flynn, I’m in love with you. The only reason I said I didn’t want to commit to building a house is because I’m terrified you’re going to want to live the rock star lifestyle and have sex with hoards of groupies once the tour starts.” For a moment, I had no words because the feeling of relief that swept through me was staggering. She loved me. I realized I needed to say something, and fast, when I saw the hope in her eyes start to dim because I had gone silent on her. Grabbing her hands tighter in mine, I got her to her feet before having her straddle my lap so I could hold her. “Tessa, baby, I’m in love with you, too. You’re it for me, and I don’t give a shit about anyone else. You seem to imagine having sex with chicks I didn’t know was some kind of amazing time, and I wish you’d told me sooner, so I could ease your mind. I don’t miss the lifestyle babe, and I never will. It’s a large part of the reason I decided to retire. You’re what I want, and my future with you is my priority. I wish you’d told me before what your issue was, because then I’d have told you this earlier if it had come up, but it didn’t. I hope what I’m about to tell you will help you understand the difference between you and those girls, even though the shit I’m about to say is crude and not something I’d intended to tell you, but here goes.” After a deep breath, I just let it all out. “I couldn’t let myself come with those girls. I also never, ever fucked without a condom. With you, I would never use a condom. I’ve always needed to be with you with nothing between us. I’d never wanted that before, hadn’t even considered it as an option. Babe, when I’m making love with you? I come. Every. Single. Time. Every time since the first time, I’ve come inside your body, on your body or in your mouth, and it’s like heaven on earth. I realize it’s what normal guys do, so you never had a reason to realize how life altering it is for me. Truth is, it’s been a lesson in humility training myself not to come the second I slide inside of you. I never wanted to share myself with anyone else baby, but with you, I couldn’t wait to fill you, to mark you as mine. No other woman on earth can do that to me babe, because no one else is you. I’m yours, Tess, every part of me, and I’m not going anywhere or doing anything to fuck this up. I don’t care if two thousand drop dead gorgeous bitches a night try to suck my dick—your beauty eclipses them all. I only see you, Tess, because you’re the only woman I ever really wanted.” From her position in my lap, she wrapped her arms tightly around me and buried her face in my neck where she began dropping delicate little kisses on me. I was trying to control myself but it was damn hard with her wiggling on my lap. Hugging her back, I tried to hold her still. “Babe, keep moving and you’re going to have me buried balls deep inside of you in about thirty seconds.” Her response was a lick on my neck, immediately followed by a bite with some suction. My body had a mind of its own as I thrust up against her with a tortured groan.

Pulling back from sucking on my neck, she framed my face with her hands before leaning in and licking my lips as she shifted against me suggestively. “Ten miserable days, Flynn. I want you to come inside of me so bad.” When she pulled my tee shirt that she was wearing as a nightgown over her head and tossed it over her shoulder, my cock jerked against her. I could feel the heat of her against me, could smell the delicate scent of her, and it drove me wild. Running my hands up her stomach, I cupped her breasts and rubbed around her nipples with my thumbs. “My baby likes to be full of me and it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. You realize you were never frigid, right babe? Your tiny cunt aches to be filled and fucked—you just didn’t realize this pussy was made for my cock and no one else’s.” She moaned as I pinched her nipples repeatedly and ground against her from below. “I think it’s a sign we were meant to be together, babe. I didn’t let myself come with other people and you couldn’t. We were built for each other.” A soft cry escaped her lips as she rubbed against me, her eyes glazed and soft when she looked at me. “You’re so beautiful, Flynn, and I love you more than I ever knew I had the capacity to love. What you just said is the most amazing thing I’ve ever heard.” Raining kisses all over my face she told me again and again, “I love you, I love you, I love you.” Every time she said it, I said it back, my heart overflowing with a feeling of contentment I’d never experienced. Raising my hands I cupped her face and pulled her lips to mine. Our kisses were always amazing, but this was the most beautiful and meaningful kiss we’d ever shared. She rubbed against me gently as we kissed, and when I broke our lip lock and looked into her eyes, I saw she really was hungry for us to be joined. Pulling back from our kiss, I started running my fingers through her hair as I smiled at her. “I’m going to get undressed baby, and you need to take those sexy panties off.” Because she only had to remove her panties, she was naked long before I was. I was so overwhelmed by my need for her my hands shook as I pulled my clothes off, but I never took my eyes away from hers. Standing before her, I remembered writing one of our biggest songs, “Devour.” It was one of the three songs from our third album we all actually liked, and I’d written it one lonely night in my hotel room. Looking at Tessa, I realized what I’d been calling out for in that song had finally come true. I’d wished for her, and she was finally here. Stepping back to the bed, I cupped her face in my hands and gently kissed her before pulling back and saying, “Babe, I want to sing you something. I know it’s a little cheesy considering I’m naked, but I want you to know. You cool with this?” Smiling shyly, she nodded. “Uh, yeah… baby, remember the day when we had to go to the hotel? I think it’s obvious I’m more than fine with listening to you sing.” I kissed her again and then smiled. “I just realized I wrote this for you.” I want a girl To become my world And turn this black sky blue This lonely life isn’t right A million miles from who I want to be The only thing keeping me together Is knowing she’s waiting for me When I finished singing, she was crying. I wiped her tears away with my thumbs and hugged her

tightly against my chest. Pulling away from her, I helped her move up the bed before I came down over her, holding myself up so I could see her face. “I was so fucking lonely before you baby, but now I understand my soul always knew you were out there. I love you more than life itself.”

HAVING FLYNN SING “Devour” to me, for the second time in my life, was a moment I would remember forever. The first time he sung the song and looked into my eyes while he did it, I was seventeen years old and star-struck. Now I was twenty-three and so crazy in love it made me dizzy. The beauty of the heartfelt lyrics and the way he looked into my eyes as he sang opened my heart so wide it was staggering. The fact he’d chosen my favorite song, the one that had captured me from the moment I heard the first chords of the gentle guitar, just made the moment so much better. The icing on the cake was Flynn, lying on top of me, telling me he loved me more than life itself. Running my hands up his arms, I pushed my fingers through his hair and brought his lips down to mine for a kiss. We were wild for each other, but the kiss was gentle and sweet; a promise of things to come; an understanding of what it was we had together. Spreading my legs wide beneath him, I wrapped them around his waist and squeezed. His answering groan made my sex gush, and I gently nipped at his lips as I arched against him. “Come inside me, baby.” Keeping himself aloft with one hand, he used the other to guide himself home. We both let out cries of pleasure as he started slowly sliding in, inch by amazing inch. The process was much slower than usual because Flynn wasn’t propelling himself forward, instead choosing to let my body do the work of pulling him in. It was delicate, carnal and perfect all at the same time. We stared into each other’s eyes as he sank in to the root, my sex trembling around his as I accepted all of him. Eyes wide with wonder, he smiled at me. “This? Right here? We’re making love. Baby… you’re the only woman I’ll ever touch as long as I live. There will only be you, Tessa. Just you.” Tears spilled silently down my face as I took in his words and felt his commitment to us at a cellular level. Squeezing his shoulders, I stared into his eyes through the haze of my tears. “Everything, Flynn, every part of me, belongs to you, right down to the smallest particle in my body. I love you so much baby.” His cock twitched inside of me when I spoke, his breath coming faster as he began to gently thrust in and out. “I want every part of you, Tessa, and I want you to have every part of me, too. Take it, it’s all yours. There is nothing I wouldn’t do, nothing I wouldn’t give, to show you you’re my life.” I was on fire for him, could see he was just as on fire for me, but our rhythm didn’t change. Slow and deep, he filled me gently as we rocked together, drawing out the moment because we wanted to make it last. The room was filled with the gentle sound of our lovemaking. A breath shared, a whispered promise of forever, our bodies pledging themselves to each other. Neither of us wanted the moment to end, holding ourselves back from the precipice by sheer will alone. I shivered underneath him as his chest rubbed against my sensitive breasts, his pelvic bone rocking up against me pushing me toward the end. Pushing his hair back off his face, I cupped his cheeks in my hands. “I’m going to come and I want you to come with me. Fill me, mark me… devour me…”

“Oh God, babe… I love you, I love you!” I exploded beneath him with a silent scream, my body convulsing as I lost myself in the tidal wave that was Flynn. I felt his body seize up as he began filling me with his cum, and I held on for dear life as his cock twitched deep inside of me. Our gazes remained locked as he shivered and shook over me, the connection between us cemented in a way that would be impossible to explain to anyone else, but we both understood and would remember for the rest of our lives. The following days passed quickly. I’d called Jess at the first available opportunity the next day and thanked her profusely for setting me straight and saving me from a future filled with cats and tea cozies. “I know, I know, I’m fucking amazing. Wonderful, psychic, life saving, and most important of all my titles, I’m your best friend. And since part of a best friend’s job is to never forget, I just want to remind you of your oath to name your firstborn after me. Don’t think I’m not calling my marker in when the time comes.” Groaning, I covered my face with my hand and laughed. “I knew I shouldn’t have agreed to it! I’m not naming my son Jessica!” “Bitch, a promise is a promise. Just pray your first child is a daughter!” Since Flynn and I weren’t talking marriage or babies yet, I figured I had plenty of time to figure it out. Hopefully, when it came time for us to start a family, she’d have forgotten all about my promise. Before I knew it, the first show was almost upon us. My family and Jess had flown out five days before the show, and while I’d insisted Jess stay at our house, Flynn had my parents ensconced in luxury at the Mondrian. He’d hemmed and hawed about it, and finally I’d asked what he was so worried about. “I’ve got the room, and they’re your parents for God’s sake. They should stay here… but there is no way it could work. You’re a screamer, I’m loud as fuck, and together we sound like ten horny truck drivers at an orgy. I’d die if your parents heard you screaming about you owning my cock and your pussy belonging to me. We’re too fucking sexual to have parents in the house, but I don’t want them to think I don’t want them here.” He was right—it would have been a disaster. In the end I’d told my parents that it was my call to put them at the Mondrian, explaining that Flynn was actually quite unhappy about it. Since technically it was true, I didn’t feel bad telling them that. “This thing with the paparazzi and Flynn’s family is still ebbing and flowing, and I don’t want you guys to have to deal with it. Plus the hotel is centrally located and since we’ve rented you a car, you can come and go as you please. Is it okay?” It didn’t escape my notice how my touchy-feely parents laughed and replied they were just fine spending each night in a hotel room, alone. The first night my parents and Jess were in town, Flynn had a barbeque catered at his house so they could meet his family and band mates. The only person who couldn’t make it was Leah because she had the flu, and Flynn was bummed because he had wanted her to meet Tyson. I reminded him they’d meet just a few days later at the show, and he declared he felt pretty damn confident that his match-making abilities were going to be “legendary.” The whole evening was a smashing success. My parents loved Flynn’s dad and Aunt Sandra, and of course they adored Sylvia and Mason. Everyone got a kick out of hearing about Sylvia’s Twitter feed after Flynn erupted in body shaking laughter when he checked his phone and read her most recent tweet. When he could speak, he read it aloud and we all lost it. Sausage-fest tonight! Can’t wait. #Yum Shrugging her shoulders at us she said, “I plan to exit this life on a joke. They make me happy.” Wrapping his arms around her Flynn said, “You regularly embarrass the hell out of me and I love you for it. You know damn well tomorrow TMZ will have a story with quips about said sausage fest.” Laughing aloud, Sylvia nodded. “Of course! How do you think I keep getting so many followers? You

aren’t the only one good with an audience.” I loved my life, and loved the people who had blended into the fabric of it so seamlessly.

THE BARBEQUE WAS great. Having all of the important people in our lives together in one place was magical. If things went the way I wanted them to, we were going to be doing this together for the rest of our lives. Earlier in the day, under the guise of going to finalize things with the caterer, I’d gone and had lunch with Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton. I’d been a nervous wreck, but there was no way I was going forward without following the rules. I was damn shaky when I asked for their permission to ask Tessa to marry me, and then was over the moon ecstatic when they gave their blessing. The following morning, while Tessa was with our tour trainer doing kickboxing, I was taking Jess with me to the jeweler to pick out an engagement ring. In a matter of days I’d be down on my bended knee asking the love of my life to marry me, and I couldn’t wait. I spent a lot of time during the barbeque watching Delilah and Spencer, taking in their pregnant joy. If Tessa was amenable, we wouldn’t be waiting very long to start our own family. My sister had suddenly popped and now had a small baby bump. Spencer pointed this out to everyone as if we were blind, babbling on about how they woke up one morning and her stomach had started to grow. “Hands down one of the best mornings of my life,” he bragged, “because now everyone can tell my wife is pregnant.” Spencer was a sappy son of a bitch, but I liked him a hell of a lot. You couldn’t find fault with the way he worshipped my sister, or the way she worshipped him in return. My dad and my grandparents had the perpetual look of people who just found out they had fairy godparents who were busy granting wishes, and I loved how my sister was giving them something they so desperately wanted. Things with my dad and Sandra had gotten very serious. They’d come out to Dominique and Delilah and admitted they were dating, much to everyone’s delight. Seeing my father hold hands with a woman complete with a love-struck smile on his face whenever he looked at her, made me happier than I could even explain. I kept a close but discreet eye on my other sister, Dominique. Again and again I noticed the way she and Dillon watched each other, and as always it niggled something in my head I still couldn’t access. It wasn’t until we were all saying our goodnights and everyone went to leave I realized what it was about the two of them I’d noticed but couldn’t quite put my finger on. When everyone had been gathering to leave, Dillon had gotten Dominique’s purse for her. No one else noticed, but I did. The reason I noticed was two-fold. One, the purse was brand new. She’d been out with Tessa yesterday and they’d bought matching purses in different colors. The second reason I noticed? Dillon hadn’t been at my house yet when Dominique put her purse down, which meant he shouldn’t have known which one was hers. What had niggled me about them from the very beginning was the odd sense of familiarity they had

around each other. They tried too hard to stay away from each other, spent too much time avoiding contact. Now I realized what my brain had been picking up on the whole time was that they knew each other— probably intimately. I couldn’t be sure I was right, but I was damn sure they liked each other. I was also sure no one else knew because they really did go out of their way to act like polite strangers. Interesting. Maybe I was finally starting to figure out the complicated maze that was my puzzle of a sister. The next morning I was up bright and early, barely able to contain my nervous energy. As soon as Tess left the house, Jess and I went to the jeweler. I’d made arrangements to park in the back and enter at the employee entrance, and the entire appointment would be taking place in a private office. I had no problem letting the world know Tessa was going to be my wife, but I needed HER to know first. Two trays of engagement rings in her size were brought out, but I spotted the one I wanted before either of the trays were set down. Reaching forward, I picked up a square cut diamond surrounded by chocolate diamonds. The platinum band was encased in chocolate diamonds as well, and I just felt like it was the ring. I twirled it in my fingers and looked at it from every angle, smiling at how perfect it was. Turning to Jess, I said, “I think this is it, unless you tell me you think she’ll hate it. The chocolate diamonds remind me of her eyes. What do you think?” Eyes wet with tears, she beamed at me. “It’s so perfectly her, and so funny, too. You’re just always going to have a thing for her eyes, aren’t you? I’ve never seen anything like it.” I didn’t think I’d ever said anything in front of Jess about Tessa’s eyes, and I looked at her in confusion. “How did you know?” Gasping, her hand flew up and covered her mouth as her eyes went wide. “Oh, my God. Flynn, you can’t say anything. She will literally light me on fire and burn me in effigy in your backyard for blabbing.” Putting up a hand to halt her from speaking, I turned to the jeweler and pulled out my black Amex card from my wallet to hand it to him. “This is the one. Can you box it up for me right now?” With a swift nod, the jeweler smiled at me. “Of course, Mr. Rand. I will return in a few minutes.” When the door closed behind him, I looked back at Jess. “Okay, what is it I don’t know?” Twisting her hands in her lap, she looked around the room for a minute before looking at me. “I’m sure you don’t even remember this because it’s something lead singers do. You pick a person in the audience to focus on and sing to, like a talisman for the night. Duh! Look who I’m explaining this to. Jesus. Anyway, six years ago, Tessa and I were front row center at your concert in Philadelphia. For almost three solid hours, you sang right to her. Your eyes were like laser beams for her. It was, hands down, one of the most erotic things I’ve ever seen. The most intense part was during the encore when you sang “Devour” to her. Oh my Lord, I think the girl needed an industrial strength fire hose to cool down. I never saw you sing to another girl like that again, but I guess it’s because the subsequent tours haven’t been as wild and sexual. I’ve always teased her about that night, even bought a bootleg DVD of the concert from eBay and…” Throwing her hand over her mouth, she shook her head. “Yeah, I’m going to shut up now.” The lack of oxygen going to my brain was alarming, and I felt dizzy as the night in question finally came back into focus and exploded in my brain. I’d been hung over, pissed off, grumpy and miserable. Then, those fucking eyes pulled me in. How had I forgotten for even a minute? My entire life had changed after that night, because of her. My jaw had dropped while the memories flooded back. “Oh my God,” I exclaimed. “She’s fucking Priscilla.” Raising her eyebrows at me in confusion, Jess asked, “What?” Shaking my head to clear my mental cobwebs, I started to explain. “We were in a horrible place back then and things were really coming to a head. After the show I got blackout drunk and until you just jarred my memory, I’ve never had anything from that night, even though the entire band spent six months calling me Elvis. You know, because Elvis met Priscilla when she was like fourteen and then moved her into his

house? Now I remember the nickname started when we came off the stage and Cole told me that the girl I’d spent three hours singing to was my Priscilla. Even though I couldn’t remember her, I woke up the next day positive that I needed to change my life to be worthy. It changed the path I was on forever. I can’t believe it was Tessa… that fucking blows my mind. If I hadn’t known before that she was the love of my life, I know now she’s been my destiny since the moment I laid eyes on her. This is fucking huge.” Grabbing a tissue from the jeweler’s desk, Jess dabbed her eyes. “Like I already didn’t want to choke the bitch because she hit the man lottery, now you’re telling me fate brought you together? Don’t be alarmed when you see me begging her to rub herself all over me in the hopes some of her luck will come off on me. I’m kidding of course—well, not about the rubbing. That’s happening. But I’m not going to choke her, unless she gets all Bridezilla on me.. What you just told me is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard and I couldn’t be happier for her. She deserves the fairytale because her heart has always been so pure.” I really liked Jess because it was so obvious how much she loved Tessa. Suddenly, a key portion of what she said came to the front of my head. “Wait, you said there’s a DVD of the show?” Laughing, she nodded her head. “Yeah, and believe it or not, I have it with me. I figured while you were at practice one day I was going to watch it with her for old times’ sake.” The jeweler came back into the room, handing me back my black Amex card and the velvet box containing Tessa’s engagement ring. After checking to make sure the ring was there, I stood and thanked the jeweler. On the way out, I asked Jess if she’d be willing to lend me the DVD. She raised an eyebrow but I shook my head and told her my plan was a secret. Nodding, she agreed to give me the DVD when we got back to my house and then she promised not to tell Tessa she’d brought it with her. After I got home from the jeweler with Jess and she’d handed the DVD over to me, I locked myself in the office and watched most of it. Now I could see it had always been so fucking intense with her. I made a shit ton of plans, pulling everything together for the night. I’d been planning to wait for two more days, but the plan was out the window once I saw the video. I was asking her right away because I needed her to be wearing my ring from there on out. My dad and Sandra were taking Tessa’s parents to dinner, and Jess was going to hang out with the band and some of the tour crew at Cole’s house. It freed Tessa up to come with me without worrying about leaving our guests behind, and when I told her I wanted to have dinner with her alone, she agreed. We showered and dressed together. She wore a beautiful white summer dress. I found it perfect since she looked somewhat bridal. I was wearing a pair of black dress pants and a button down shirt, and Jess was kind enough to take pictures of us before we headed out. I can get pretty down on being famous, but right then it worked in my favor because I’d been able to get people to do what I needed quickly. The lookout I’d taken her to on our first date had been decorated with hundreds of white roses, a small pergola was decorated with a variety of flowers, and hundreds of flameless candles were spread around. In the middle of all this sat a lavishly decorated table. A bottle of chilled champagne was on the table along with two silver covered dinner plates. Taking it all in, Tessa gasped in wonder. “Flynn! It’s magical. I’ve never seen anything so beautiful.” Looking only at her, I nodded my agreement. “Me either, baby.” Pulling out her chair, I helped her to sit down before pulling off the cover on her plate. When she saw what the dinner consisted of, she laughed out loud. It was Kraft Macaroni and Cheese, fried chicken and broccoli in cheddar cheese sauce. “Oh honey… I love you so much. This is heaven on a plate. Thank you for doing this.” Smiling, I reached into the cooler next to the table and pulled out an ice-cold bottle of Wild Cherry Pepsi. “Nothing but the best for the love of my life.” It was a dinner I’d normally have inhaled and asked for seconds or even thirds of, but I was so

nervous I had to choke the whole thing down past the lump in my throat. I knew she loved me, but it was still scary shit asking a question I wasn’t positive I knew the answer to. When we had finished dinner, I placed our plates in the empty cooler. Then I reached under the table and pulled out my computer. Tessa raised her eyebrows at me in query, and I held out my hand and asked her to come sit in my lap. Once she was in position, I pressed play and the screen came to life with me singing “Devour” to her all those years ago. Gasping, she turned and looked down into my eyes. “Oh my God… how did you know?” Cupping her cheek in my hand, I began to explain. “I didn’t remember the details of that night until earlier today when Jess triggered my memory. But here’s the thing—that night was pivotal for me. I couldn’t remember who you were, but I can tell you singing to a fan for three hours was something I never did before and have never done since. My fuzzy memory only involved chocolate eyes, and even though the band tortured me for months afterward by calling me Elvis once Cole insisted you were my Priscilla, I never had the memory back. Now I do, and I just… It’s blown me the fuck away, to be honest.” Caressing her cheek, I went on. “My crazy life started to change six years ago when I looked out into a crowd of twenty thousand and picked you out. Saw those eyes staring at me and knew you deserved better than what I was. Knew it, and worked my ass off to become better, even though I didn’t fucking remember what I was changing for. I changed for you baby, before you ever said a word to me. You know why? It’s because you’re my soul mate. I know it, and I’m living it with you every day. You looked at a picture of me when you were thirteen and you fell so in love you couldn’t let yourself go when other people touched you. It wasn’t groupie shit baby; it was pure soul mate. Sometimes things so fucking beautiful happen and there is no real explanation. Those things are miracles baby, and we are each other’s miracles. “The way I feel toward you is so much more than I ever got being on stage singing to thousands of people who were singing my songs back word-for-word. You’re everything I ever wanted, and the only thing I can’t live without. When I taste your lips, I taste a heaven I didn’t know existed. When I touch your skin, I feel things I didn’t know were possible. When I breathe you in, I know I’m home, no matter where we are. And baby? When I see you, I see my future. I see you carrying our babies; see myself singing lullabies to a little girl with brown eyes just like yours. I see you rocking our son to sleep, see me waking up to your beautiful face every day for the rest of my life. That’s the kind of future that men willingly die for baby, and I’m the lucky son-of-a-bitch who’s going to live the dream, with you.” Running my hands through her hair I said, “Stand up for a minute baby.” When she complied, I left my chair and got down on bended knee in front of her, pulling the jewelers box from my pocket, opening it and holding it up for her. Taking a deep breath I asked, “Tessa Annabelle Hamilton, will you do me the tremendous honor of agreeing to be my wife?” She started bawling her eyes out as she nodded her head enthusiastically, dropping down in front of me and putting her arms around me as she gave me the answer I needed to hear. “Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!” We held each other for a long time, laughing and crying in the aftermath of the most amazing moment of our lives to date. When we had ourselves back under control, I slipped the ring onto her finger. “I chose this ring because the chocolate diamonds reminded me of your beautiful eyes. Every dream I’ve ever had is reflected back at me from those eyes. I love you baby, and I’ll love you until the second I take my final breath. You’re everything to me Tessa, absolutely everything.” Placing her hand over my heart, she smiled at me. “You’re my everything, Flynn, and I love you. I’ll live my whole life loving you too, so damn much baby. You’re the most beautiful and amazing man on earth.”

“YES, THERE, I see it. You’re having a boy.” Happy tears were streaming down my face as I watched my husband staring at the screen through tears of his own. Apparently, I’d gotten pregnant on our wedding night after only being off the pill for five days. Who knew I was Fertile Myrtle and my husband was Super Sperm? Cole had been ribbing Flynn about it for months, saying him knocking me up on our wedding night only proved what he’d thought all along; I was Flynn’s Priscilla. It was cute and corny, making us laugh every time. The similarities to Elvis and Priscilla weren’t really there, and I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt we’d go all the way, even though they hadn’t. I’d gotten a text message from Jess this morning, reminding me I had to name my firstborn after her. Her next text read: “Don’t make me Rumpelstiltskin your ass. This baby is being named after the world’s best aunt.” I couldn’t get out of it if I tried, and now I knew in a few months we were going to be the proud parents of Jesse Mason Rand. My attention was diverted from the sonogram machine when the technician chuckled. Turning my head toward her I asked, “What’s funny?” Beaming at me, the technician announced, “You’ve got a stowaway. This happens extremely rarely these days, but you’re the one in a million case. You’re having twins, Mrs. Rand. Looks like it’s a boy and a girl.” Twins? TWINS? Oh my God, I’d hit the mother lode. Literally. Flynn was crying his eyes out, taking each picture the technician handed him like it was made of gold. When the tech was finished, she left the room so I could get redressed, leaving Flynn and I some alone time to hold each other and cry. We’d been so blessed, and now there was even more to be happy about. Wiping my tears away, Flynn laughed. “Oh my God… Gram is going to go ape-shit. It’s like hitting the great-grandbaby lotto. Delilah and Spencer have little Dante Theodore and they’re already pregnant again, we’re going to have twins, Sabrina is two weeks from popping, Brooke is two months out and Dominique’s three months pregnant. Should we worry Gram found some kind of magic spell to make us the Duggar family? I dig how we all live within five miles of each other, but I really don’t want to have to move onto a compound! Jesus, poor Dad and Sandra. Those two are on serious grandchild watch. They didn’t get much of a honeymoon phase I guess.” I laughed because both of them were so ridiculously adorable with baby Dante it was unbelievable. They were almost as bad as Gram and Pop were about expanding the family, and I knew they would be thrilled that Flynn and I were doubling up on the baby express that had become our family. The family was amazing, each of the members coming together to form something that was perfect for all of us. Remembering that it had only been fourteen months since I met the man who changed my life forever blew my mind. My parents had relocated out to LA within two months of the end of the Renegade

Saints’ tour, and Jess was here now too. I couldn’t believe in a few months I’d have a son and a daughter, two extensions of my love for Flynn. Grabbing his hand, I pulled him to me. “I’d like to change things up. How would you feel about Eric Mason, after my dad and your grandfather, and Rachel Jessica?” The sob that broke from his throat as he set his forehead on mine was a good indicator he liked the names. “I adore those names. They’re perfect. I love you so much, Mrs. Rand.” Running my fingers through this silky mane of hair I loved so much, I smiled at him with my heart in my eyes. “I love you right back, Mr. Rand.” Later that night in the bed of the home that we’d had built from the ground up, Flynn held out his iPad to me and showed me the tweet Gram had put up after he’d told her we were having twins. My motto is #CheaperByTheDozen My dream army is growing! I laughed until Flynn’s mouth covered mine, and then I gave myself over to the ecstasy we made together in our bedroom each night.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU, to all of the amazing readers that have taken the time to email, comment on my blog, tweet or Message me on Facebook, Twitter and Goodreads. These stories are for you. Even if you never wanted to be an author, know that the words that I put out have a direct link to YOU. My fans helped these words become a story, and I am more appreciative than I can say.

Twist of Fate © Ella Fox 2014 Hard to Handle © Ella Fox 2014

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This is for you—my amazing readers. With love & endless gratitude.

There is no such thing as accident; it is fate misnamed. – Napoleon Bonaparte

GONE. DEAD. They were the two worst four-letter words of all. When someone you love so much chooses to end their life, what’s left? The only thing I was able to feel was a gaping hole inside of me. It was a cavernous space that had been reserved for Marissa for years. The reality was overwhelming. She was gone and that was forever. No take-backs, do-overs, or second chances. I hadn’t slept for more than an hour or so at a time in weeks. It was a struggle to remember to breathe, much less go on. I listened to one thing on permanent repeat—Stevie Nicks singing “Landslide.” The lyrics matched up to my life. My brother Dillon and I had each built our worlds around Marissa in order to give her what she had needed. It still hadn’t been enough to save her. Give the opportunity, I wouldn’t change my time with Marissa for anything in the world. I’d love her completely and I couldn’t help but feel if I’d done more, said more, just done something differently, she wouldn’t have given up. I obsessively wondered what her last thoughts were as she stepped in front of the bus. According to the witnesses, she had shown no hesitation. They said she was calm and smiling when she took her final action, which infuriated me. Hadn’t she thought of us? Didn’t she realize how selfish her actions were? I felt like shit for being angry with someone who was dead. I didn’t want it, but the anger was there anyway. I felt it festering below the surface pretty much all of the time. How could she not care about the people she was leaving behind? Didn’t she realize the bus wouldn’t just be hitting her—it would be hitting us all? My mind turned down a very dark path, and I found myself wondering what the point of loving anyone was. Why willingly give someone so much power over you if losing them would annihilate you? I feared the parts of me Marissa had taken with her when she walked in front of that bus were the best parts; the things I had needed most in order to survive.

Several Months Later The best thing about going out every night and getting wasted was how it let me breathe. I thought my new friends were just what the doctor ordered. They only cared about fun and they got the best drugs. Ecstasy, cocaine, Percocet, Klonopin…all the good things that made the pain fade away. Just a little bit to take the edge off was all I needed, but God, it worked like a damn charm.

I was aware of the invisible line I needed to be careful not to cross. I didn’t want my brother to send me to rehab. He was already up my ass about my social life and the guys I’d been ‘dating;’ he’d have blown a fuse if he’d realized I was taking drugs. I should have cared more, but the new me was a selfish bitch who relied on the numbness the drugs brought. I’d been out with Jason, my sort-of-date, at a club in Hollywood seeing some band he swore would be the next big thing. I wished I could say that Jason and I were great together in bed—but I’d be lying if I did. We had hardly ever touched each other at all unless we were on X, so it wasn’t like we were combustible or anything. I hadn’t experienced what you would call a great passion so it wasn’t a surprise that we weren’t lighting the world on fire in bed. I’d thought I was in love with Marissa for a long time, but we’d never so much as kissed. Eventually I realized I didn’t love her that way, not really—I’d just loved her so much I had wanted to do anything I could to make her happy. Knowing she identified as gay and had so much love to give made me believe it was a sign we were meant to be together. I had tried to fall in love with the person, not her gender, but that didn’t mean it would have been the right choice for me, or for Marissa. God bless her. She’d known even thinking about getting into a relationship with me would have been the wrong thing to do. Instead she married my brother in order to make sure I wouldn’t waste my life trying to make her happy. It sounds bizarre but it was a marriage in name only and I was glad it gave her something normal to hold onto for as long as she did. The scars left in and on Marissa had been too deep, and a physical relationship with anyone had never been in the cards for her. She couldn’t be touched in even the most casual of ways without warning, so intimacy would have been a bridge too far. It broke my heart to think about how that felt for her and quite often I had wondered if I was also destined to have a passionless existence. I’d never felt IT—that desire for someone so overwhelming it took my breath away. Jason was a perfect example of me settling for something less—all the two of us shared was doing whatever it took to forget and sometimes sex was included. It wasn’t like we needed each other or felt about one another in any sort of real way. What we provided for one another was about enabling our behaviors, a goal we had been achieving spectacularly. We went out and got trashed as often as possible. I hadn’t known what his demons were, but I had sensed the two of us were running from things unpleasant and painful. Going to clubs and listening to music was something Jason liked to do and since he was the one with the drugs, I had gone along. The band on stage that night was just okay, definitely not the next best thing, and I giggled to myself thinking Jason must’ve been high as shit when he heard them the first time. I had been dancing to the beat in order to keep myself awake for most of the band’s set. Whether due to whatever pills Jason had given me just before we had arrived at the club or the two tequila sunrises, three shots and the joint I’d smoked in the bathroom, I was completely trashed. Eventually, I lost my coordination and just started swaying back and forth. Time and again, I stumbled and hit the person next to me. I had been having more and more problems staying upright, but I felt so free and easy, I didn’t care. When a push came from behind me, it threw me completely off-balance, and I couldn’t stay upright anymore. I laughed hysterically when I fell on my ass, and then laughed harder when a strong set of arms lifted me up and started carrying me through the crowd. When I’d checked him out, my pulse had skyrocketed. Mr. Rescue Man was hot and he smelled like something I’d wanted to bite into. Not only did he smell like sex on a stick, he was hot, unbelievably buff, and he looked vaguely familiar. The other thing that was sexy as hell was that he was strong. He carried me like I weighed nothing and, for the first time ever, I felt protected by a man other than my brother. The faces of the people around me zoomed by in a blur. I pointed at them and let out a long, “Wheeeeeeeee.” Keeping my head up got to be too much effort and I chuckled as my neck gave up on the job and

flopped back. My protector kept walking until we got into a long dark hallway, away from the crowd. I had no idea where he was taking me, yet I wasn’t worried at all. I can’t really explain it, but there had been something about him that made me feel secure. From the angle I was in, I could see he was wearing a hat with a big S on it. In my intoxicated state, I decided I knew who he was and why he looked so familiar. “S. Ha ha. You’re Superman. Where’s your web? Do you live in a bat cave?” Superman wasn’t happy with me, not one little bit. He opened a door and then kicked it closed behind us before he tossed me down onto a couch with a grunt of annoyance. He seemed like he was one hundred feet tall as he stood next to the couch and glared down at me. My pulse picked up speed when I realized that angry Superman was crazy sexy. Just looking at him made my mouth dry and my panties wet, and I wondered if he would be having his way with me on the couch. Shockingly, I wasn’t opposed to the idea at all. Glaring down at me he snapped, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I was confused by his anger, which made me defensive. “Whaddya mean waz wrong with me? Waz wrong with you, Superman? Why you no smile at me? You’re perrrtyy. So many musclessss,” I slurred. He completely ignored my questions, instead asking one of his own. “What did you take?” I’d assumed he was wondering what kind of drugs I would do, which I’d seen as a good sign he had more and he wanted to share. Without hesitation, I started reciting the list. “Coke, ecstasy, pot, Percocet, Kl-klon-klono-something, Valiummmmm, hash and one time I did ‘shrooms. They were terrible.” His eyes went wide and he’d looked like he was about to swallow his tongue. “Jesus Christ! You need your stomach pumped! I have to get you to a hospital—” I’d giggled like an idiot as I pointed at his oh-so-serious face. “Nooooo silllllly, those are the drugs I’ve done in the last few monthsssss. I don’t need to be pumped. At leas’ not the way that youuuuu think. You’re hottt, Superman. Wanna get nakkkkeddd and have funnn? I think I like youuuu.” He didn’t just look annoyed anymore after I said that—he looked livid. “Try to have a little fucking dignity. Just because I’m famous doesn’t mean I fuck every drunken bitch who throws herself at me.” I nodded solemnly before bursting out into giggles again. “Of coursssseee! Superman would get a lot of assss, duh! But wait…you’ve got Lucccccy. Lucy Lane! Is you cheatin’ on Lucccy? You’re not so super after all if you’re fuckkkking around,” I babbled. “You’s a cheater. Super cheater man, coming in you faster than a sp-speeding bullletttttt.” For some reason that struck me as being hysterically funny, and I laughed so hard I couldn’t catch my breath. The next thing I knew I was choking on vomit and Superman was sitting me up so I could get it all out. That wasn’t so funny, and I cried a little as I showered us both with an insane amount of tequila flavored barf. It had felt as if it went on forever. I puked so much I’d started to panic because it felt like it was never going to stop. Through it all, Superman was right there telling me to just let it out. When it was finally over, he left the room for a minute before coming back with a large handful of wadded up paper towels and a bottle of water which he had used to clean me up as much as he could. When he was finished, he picked me up and carried me out of the room. I’d heard him snapping off orders to someone, something about security, my purse, and making sure there were no cameras, but none of it resonated with me. I didn’t even question where he was taking me. For whatever reason, I’d just accepted that he was in charge. Somehow he’d gotten me into the passenger seat of his car. By then I felt really, really bad for him. I was a vomit covered mess and his car was ridiculously expensive. Laying my head against the glass of the passenger window, I tried to get my wits about me. I felt myself coming down from my high and it was

awful. We drove in silence—me in misery, him with what I thought of as an air of calm assuredness. I’d thought I was doing an okay job of keeping it together, until the very moment that we pulled up next to a city bus and I burst into tears. Great body racking sobs tore through me when I was struck by the idea it could be the bus that had taken Marissa’s life. I thought they had probably been able just to wash it off before putting it back on the road, which was like a knife to my soul. Poor Superman must’ve felt like he was riding with a crazy person. I could tell he was a little freaked out when he asked me why I was crying. “Dead. Gone. She’s gone,” I cried. “She just… she stepped out in front of a bus. I don’t know how to live without her.” It was exhausting to think about, and I cried my eyes out against the passenger window of his car until I had no tears left and everything faded to black.

The following morning I woke up feeling like absolute death, and when I opened my eyes, I pretty much expected to see the Grim Reaper standing over me. Instead, I’d found myself staring at a beige colored wall in a bedroom I’d never been in before. Memories of the previous night had hit me right away. They were all pretty hazy, but I remembered vomiting, crying and making a fool out of myself. The guy I now realized was not Superman had brought me back to his house and given me an enormous white T-shirt to change into. I had a vague recollection of him making me drink some water before he tucked me into bed and told me that he was going to put my clothes in the laundry, but everything was really hazy after that. When I sat up, I’d found that he was fully dressed and asleep across the bottom of the bed on top of the covers. I realized he’d stayed with me to make sure I was really okay, and that had surprised me. He’d been so pissed off at me when we were at the club, I couldn’t believe he hadn’t walked away without a backwards glance once I started hosing him down in vomit. He must’ve felt me moving because I’d only been staring at him for a minute or so when he woke up. Sitting up, he rubbed his hand across his face for a minute before he looked at me. When he spoke, he had a gravelly sexy morning man voice that made me want to jump on top of him. “How do you feel?” There was only one way to answer to his question. Honestly. “Stupid.” Rubbing his hands across his face again, he’d nodded. “I think we both know that’s an understatement. The question is, did you learn anything from it?” I’d hesitated to answer that because in truth, I wasn’t sure at the time. Had I? Right in that moment, I doubted that. In lieu of a real answer, I shrugged my shoulders. He’d given me a look of absolute disgust as he shook his head. Without another word, he got up from the bed and stalked out of the room. A few minutes later he came back and tossed my now clean and vomit free clothes onto the bed. “Here’s your shit,” he snarled. “It’s time for you to go.” My jaw dropped in shock. He’d taken care of me all night but clearly he was over it. I knew I’d overstayed my welcome. I couldn’t say I blamed him. Nodding my head I’d mumbled, “Okay.”

He’d turned to leave again before he stopped at the door and pivoted to face me again. “Does anyone love or care about you?” I couldn’t understand why he asked. After a moment’s hesitation I’d decided that I owed him an answer for saving me from choking to death on vomit—not to mention the fact he’d never said a word about the fact that I’d gotten sick all over him. “My brother and my best friend.” He’d stared at me with such intensity I felt he could see every last detail about me. “My suggestion is that you take a break from your pity party and think about your brother and your best friend the next time you get so fucked up you can’t function enough to even walk. Then take it one step farther and remember how you felt when your friend walked in front of a bus and left you behind. Guess what? That’s exactly how your brother and your best friend are going to feel about you if you don’t get your shit together. I don’t know if you’ve always been a quitter or if this is a new thing for you, but if you’ve got any fight in you, now’s the time to access it.” He didn’t even give me time to formulate a response. One second he was staring at me, the next he had turned and was out the door. I walked to the bathroom in a complete fog where I spent the next twenty minutes sitting in his shower and crying. Mr. Intensity was right and I knew it. I was perilously close to doing myself some real harm that, in turn, would cause Dillon and Minnie pain. After showering, I’d quickly gotten dressed. I breathed a sigh of relief when I found my purse sitting on the dresser in the room. I knew I had one more thing to thank my anonymous savior for. After I left the bedroom and went downstairs I was greeted by a guy who identified himself as Mr. Wilde’s personal assistant. He told me that he had been instructed to see me home and I had been more than grateful to get out of the house without having to see Mr. Intensity again. I’d known he was pissed at me and I didn’t want to revisit that again. The disappointment and frustration in his eyes when he’d looked at me for the last time had made me feel like a jerk. The drive to my apartment passed in total silence, which had given me plenty of time to remember what Superman had said the night before about being famous. Before I got out of the assistants car I asked whom, exactly, Mr. Wilde was. The look on his face had been priceless. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? He’s Gavin Wilde, the drummer for the Renegade Saints. How did you not recognize him?” I was so mortified I’m not sure my response was even coherent. At first all I focused on was the mortification of what had happened the night I went full Linda Blair and rained puke on one of the most famous people in the world. But, as the days passed, my thoughts kept going back to what he’d said to me. Over and over again I’d played Gavin’s words through my head. For whatever reason, the way he hadn’t pulled any punches resonated with me. I finally realized I had to change, and fast, before I did real damage to myself. Mr. Intensity saved my life that night, no doubt about it. I was thankful I never heard from or saw him again because it would have been too mortifying. Still, what he said to me about being a quitter had resonated deep within me. After my adoptive parents died and we were told by their family members that they weren’t interested in taking custody of us because we weren’t really family, my brother had held my hand tight while I cried and said one thing to me over and over: “Cooper kids don’t quit.” More than anything else, Gavin calling me a quitter woke my ass up.

They said what didn’t kill you would make you stronger. Whoever said it with a straight face should have been bitch-slapped. Lifting weights made you stronger. Drinking milk made you stronger. Being beaten to a pulp and then raped by someone I’d dated? Surprise, surprise… it didn’t make me any stronger. I was weak, ashamed and destroyed inside. Not to mention tired—so fucking tired. Tired of trying, tired of failing, tired of life shitting on me. I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror because my eyes mocked me. Yes, the man I’d dated was responsible for raping me, but didn’t I bear some responsibility? Didn’t I ignore my inner voice when it told me that something seemed off? Finding out he hadn’t just raped me—he had in fact been wanted for a half dozen rapes in our area—literally made me sick. I hadn’t just been dating someone who was crazy—I’d been dating a serial rapist, a psychopath. I could hardly wrap my mind around the awful reality. I shuffled forward every day pretending to live, but inside I was nothing. I was gone. I’d forged on for two reasons: my brother, Dillon, and my best friend, Dominique. They were all I had left, all I would ever have. If it weren’t for them, I’d have killed myself without giving it a second thought. But, for me, suicide wasn’t a thought I would really entertain. Anytime I thought of doing something drastic for even one second, I heard the voice of Gavin Wilde in my head. “Does anyone love or care about you?” His question, and the answer to it, kept me going when I wanted to quit. The darkness was there and it beckoned, but I turned my back on it again and again, reminding myself I was linked to two people that needed me. I knew for certain neither of them could have or would have survived it if I’d made that choice, because they both were in their own dark places. Dominique would have seen it as an invitation to follow, and Dillon wouldn’t have been far behind. No, quitting life entirely wasn’t an option. Not for me, not ever. But living, really living? That was not on my agenda. I was what I had always promised myself that I wouldn’t be: a quitter. I had survived losing the parents who adopted Dillon and me, survived years in foster care, survived the loss of my best friend to suicide and then followed that up with a walk on the wild side that almost destroyed me. I’d never gone down permanently, but in my mind the rape was a knockout punch. I went down for the count that night knowing that there wasn’t going to be another round.



“MISS LEAH, DO you think now that my casts have come off that I’ll be able to run a ten minute mile? Cause my brother can run a ten minute mile!” Smiling at my beautiful little patient Lydia, I giggle at her enthusiasm. “Slow your roll, Wonder Woman! Your casts just came off yesterday, sweetie. We have some work to do to strengthen your legs before you can take off running. But you know what? If you take your physical therapy seriously and do all of the exercises, I bet someday soon you can beat your brother’s time.” Lydia’s answering smile lights up my heart. There’s just something about the enthusiasm of a child that feeds my soul and brings me true joy. After the trauma I lived through a few years ago, I honestly never thought I’d feel truly okay again. I was wrong—life has gone on and I am content. I have a wonderful job as a Children’s Physical Therapist, an apartment I love, and I’ve even made a few additional friends in the last few years. Life isn’t the fairytale I once dreamt of, but it isn’t the horror-story I’d thought it was for the first year or so after the rape. My job means the world to me, and patients like Lydia are a constant reminder of why I chose this career. After finishing up with Lydia, I wipe all of the equipment in the PT room down and then head to my office to type up my notes for the day. Before I get down to typing, I send off a text message to my best friend, Dominique—otherwise known as Minnie—to check in with her. I got an email from her two days ago telling me she’d finally broken up with her psychotic bitch of a girlfriend, Tally, but she hasn’t written me again, which is unusual. Usually we email, text or talk at least once a day, and I’m nervous breaking up with Tally has really upset her. I can’t lie—I am ecstatic she broke up with crazy-pants, partly because Tally is a flipping nutcase and partly because Minnie isn’t even gay. She’s still ass over ankles in love with my brother and she always will be, so dating anyone else was nothing but an exercise in futility. If Dillon and Minnie—otherwise known as those two stubborn assholes—could figure out a way to let the past go, I’d be happier than a pig in slop. It’s been over four years since they broke up, but I’ve never truly given up hope that at some point true love will win and they’ll wind up back together, which is where I know they belong. If that never happens, I know neither of them will ever truly be happy. After shooting off my text to Dominique, I get down to work. My fingers fly over the keyboard as I enter my data and update the files for each child I worked with over the course of the day. Half an hour later I’m finished working for the day and starving. It’s after six, and I’m trying to decide whether to stop at In ‘n’ Out Burger or Carl’s Jr. for dinner when my cell phone starts ringing. Glancing at the caller ID, I smile when I see that it’s Dillon. “What’s up, Bro-tato chip?” “Can you come over on your way home from work? I need to talk to you.” When you’ve lived the kind of lives that my brother and I have, things that seem simple enough can portend the coming of bad news, so my stomach rumbles with unease. Something about the tone of his voice is ringing alarm bells in my head.

“Uh, yeah. Is everything okay Dill?” “Everything’s fine,” he says unconvincingly, “ but we need to talk. Get here as soon as you can.” Pulling the phone back. I stare down at it in stunned surprise as I realize my brother just hung up on me. The rumbling of my stomach becomes a full on bass solo as I grab my purse and haul ass to my car. The only thing I can focus on is getting to Dillon’s as quickly as possible to find out what the hell is going on, so I drive like a bat out of hell to get to him. When I burst through his front door without knocking, I find him pacing the living room. His hair is a mess, his shirt looks like he’s been in a physical altercation and it’s very obvious that he’s freaking out about something. “What’s wrong? Tell me now,” I demand. “Give it to me straight.” Running a hand through his hair, he shakes his head. “Nothing’s wrong, but I have some news to share. I wasn’t sure about telling you this now because I can barely wrap my fuckin’ head around it, but if you kept something like this from me I’d be fucking pissed, so it would be hypocritical not to tell you. At least, I think it would be,” he chatters. “Maybe it would be better just to let it go for a while? Maybe only one of us needs to be freaking the fuck out. Yeah. What the fuck am I thinking? Forget it. You just forget this whole thing.” I can hardly believe what I am seeing and hearing. My brother is a nervous wreck and he’s behaving completely out of character. “Are you insane? You’re babbling like a lunatic and there’s no way I’m going to forget anything,” I retort. “Whatever this is, it’s got to be big. Tell me right now what the hell is going on!” My demand seems to snap him out of whatever dialogue he has going on in his head, and he gestures to the couch for me to take a seat. Once we’re on the couch I roll my hand in an on with it gesture. “You know how I’ve been getting calls for the last couple of years about doing some projects for Hart International?” I nod silently, my stomach clenching as I wonder if my brother is about to have some kind of negative episode about Dominique. He’s never moved on from her and I know he never will, but he has come a long way since he was drinking himself to death. I want them back together and happy, not separate and miserable. “I finally had to give in and go for a courtesy meeting,” he explains. “It was getting weird and I knew I wasn’t going to be able to keep putting it off forever.” “Let me guess,” I interrupt. “You saw Minnie?” He flushes as his eyes dart around the room. “Well, yeah, I did. But that’s not what’s going on here. Let me explain.” Nodding my head, I gesture again for him to speed it up and continue. “Anyway, I saw Minnie right when I first got there. She was waiting for me when I got off the elevator and she told me she just found out she’s not biologically Michael Hart’s child. I thought it was weird, her telling me that and I’m sure you do too, but you’ll see why in a minute. After I talked to her, I went in for my meeting.” He says nothing for a few seconds and I tap my foot impatiently. “Earth to Dill,” I say impatiently. “Continue.” He looks at me like he’s surprised to realize he stopped talking. “Yeah,” he says, “right. Sorry about that. Anyway, I expected to be seeing Spencer Cross, but the meeting had been moved to Dante Hart’s office. I met with Dante, Damien and Spencer. I know you recognize all of the names because it isn’t as if Minnie never spoke about her family.” I nod to indicate I do. “I sat down with the guys to talk about business,” he continues, “and instead they laid out some serious fucking shit. It turns out that Dante and Damien’s father, Michael Hart, had two children with Spencer’s mother, Marceline Cross. There’s really no reason to draw it out so I’m just going to tell you—

we’re the two kids. Apparently I was the back-up baby in case something were to happen to Dante, and you and I were given up for adoption right after you were born.” My jaw is on the floor somewhere in a third world country. It dropped open so far and so hard I swear I think I just heard the hardwood floor splinter beneath me. The details of our adoption have always been a complete mystery to us because our adoptions had been closed. Since we were adopted when Dillon was just over a year old and I was a newborn, we’d always assumed our birth parents must have died or been drug addicts, but now… now, I know what they were was even worse than that, the lowest of the low. The man who raped me is named Michael, which means it’s been hard for me to even hear the name ever since. Now I’m finding out that my biological father shared not only my rapist’s name, but his penchant for sexual deviancy as well. Michael Hart molested Dominique when she was younger, and the house she and her family grew up in was a nightmare. To think that Dillon and I were saved from it only to have my best friend grow up there is making my skin crawl. I can tell that Dillon is waiting for me to say something, and eventually I shout the only thing that I can think of. “We’re related to that fucking child molester?” My emotions are all over the place, and I burst into tears as I think about what Minnie endured living with those people. Springing across the couch, Dillon pulls me into his arms and holds me tightly as he rocks back and forth. “I know, I felt the same way,” he admits. “But we can’t think like that, Lee. Instead of focusing on him, think about how we have three brothers. Long before we knew this, we knew Minnie and we’ve always known that she thinks her brothers and Spencer hung the moon for her. I never, ever, heard her say one bad word about any of them. Meeting them, I could see exactly what she was talking about. They’re exactly like she described, to a T. Whether we get to know them or not is up to you, but the option is there.” I nod my head against his chest as I struggle to wrap my mind around everything. He’s right; I need to focus on my three new brothers, not the man who almost destroyed them all. Sniffing, I pull back and look up at Dillon in confusion as something dawns on me. “Why do you smell like Minnie?” “I… I don’t… what?” Shaking his head, he looks away and his eyes dart around the room. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he insists. He’s lying to me and I know it. I can smell her perfume on his shirt, the light scent that belongs to her, and I know for damn sure my brother would never let anyone else who smells even a little bit like her get close enough to him to have left a trace of perfume. No, my brother steers clear of any woman who reminds him of Dominique Hart in any way, shape, or form. He hugged her at some point today, I’m sure of it. Stiffening, I stare up at him as I wipe my cheeks with the back of my hands. “Why are you lying to me?” He swallows nervously as his eyes look anywhere in the room but at me. This is his busted face, but I don’t get what he feels caught in. Suddenly it hits me like a ton of bricks; he didn’t just hug her. He had sex with her! “You totally had sex with her, you freak! Oh my God! You had sex with Minnie, you had sex with Minnie!” He blushes to the roots of his hair as he covers his eyes with his hand and shakes his head. “Oh my God, Lee…stop! I don’t even know what the fuck I’m doing…this might have been a one-time thing.” Sometimes I want to box my brother’s ears because he is such a stubborn ass that it makes me nuts. “Really? A one-time thing…with Minnie,” I say dryly. “You can sell crazy somewhere else, asshole. You’ve been in love with her for years and I highly doubt doing the mattress mambo one afternoon cured you of it. If anything, you’re probably in deeper than ever.”

He looks uncomfortable as he rubs the back of his neck. “Ugh. You’re killing me right now. Can we just focus on the fact we have three new brothers? What do you want to do about this? Should I set up a meeting, or do you need time to think about it?” It’s a no-brainer for me. If I didn’t know how much Dominique loved her family, I might be hesitant to meet these three men, but Dillon is right. Because of her we know, for sure, they are stand-up guys. Plus… it’s going to mean Dillon and Dominique will be seeing a lot more of each other. This could be the answer to my prayers. “I’m in. Set up a meeting.”



I’M NERVOUS AS hell about meeting my family. Dillon and I aren’t alone in the world anymore, which is an odd thing to wrap my mind around. I’ve always wondered if we had any siblings, but I figured if we did they would be years younger than us. Instead, Dante is exactly Dillon’s age, while Damien and Spencer are younger than Dante, Dillon and me. I’ve been a little sister my entire life. And now I’m a little sister twice over and a big sister twice over as well. I can’t wait to meet them, but I’m nervous they won’t like me. I said as much to Minnie when I was unloading on her, but she wasn’t having that at all. “I love you, and they’re going to love you too,” she assured me. “My brothers and Spencer are so amazing! I promise, you’re going to be so happy to have them in your life. The only problem is…” I immediately panicked. “Oh my God… There’s a problem?” Laughing at me she said, “Yep. Sure is, and I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you the bad news. The problem with the three of them is they’re very overprotective. You’ve always just had Dillon. Now you’re going to have four alpha male, hot-headed brothers. I fear for your sanity. You have no idea what you’re in for. They’re going to drive you insane.” It sounded pretty good to me, which helped push some of my nerves away. In my heart of hearts I’ve always wanted a bigger family, but I never thought it could happen. Now I’m minutes away from meeting three new brothers and all of their women. Dillon and I agreed to meet with them all at Dante’s house and I’ve been a fidgety nervous wreck for the entire ride. As usual my brother is my rock. “Lee, it’s fine,” he says soothingly. “They’re going to love you almost as much as I do. You don’t realize how lucky they feel to have a new sister. Remember, they found us because they wanted to. They could have chosen to keep it a secret, but they genuinely want us to be a part of their family.” He squeezes my hand tighter and looks at me for a second before putting his attention back on the road. “They want you to love them. Hell, I want you to love them—but my status as your favorite brother better never change. You and I have an unbreakable bond. No new family can ever alter it.” I have told him a hundred times since we found out that no matter what he will always be my favorite brother. As excited as I am about having three more, the bond Dillon and I have can never be broken, but it’s clear he needs reassurance and I don’t blame him. Dillon has always been my rock and my protector —having three more men taking on the role of brother in my life is freaking him out. I squeeze his hand back reassuringly. “No matter what,” I remind him, “you’re always going to be my big brother—the one I look up to the most, the one that I love the most, and the one that knows me the best. What you and I have been through together is something no one else who didn’t live it could ever understand. You’ll always be my favorite bro-tato chip.” When we pull into Dante’s driveway, my heart is racing at top speed. As expected, Dante’s house is gorgeous, which makes sense considering the fact that he’s the president of one of the biggest building companies in the world. As beautiful as his house is, even from the outside it feels like a home as opposed to a picture perfect creation on the cover of Architectural Digest. There are almost a dozen cars in the huge driveway, a reminder to me that not only are all three of my new brothers in the house, so too are their extended family. For someone used to having such a small

circle, this is uncharted territory for me. Even though Minnie asked Dillon and me not to let on that we have actually known her for years, it’s definitely helping to know she’s inside the house waiting with the others. As we walk up the driveway I clutch Dillon’s hand and try to calm my nerves. My mind wanders and I’m transported back to the day the two of us had arrived at our first foster home. I had been so scared I was shaking like a leaf and the only thing that gave me a sense of security at all had been holding onto my big brother for dear life. The one constant in my life has always been him, a truth that has gotten me through many difficult times. Before we are even all the way to the door it flings open and a tall man with dark hair and the same shocking blue eyes as my brother comes out to greet us. I see he’s nervous, just like me, and it makes me feel better to know that Dillon and I aren’t the only ones starting something new. He shakes Dillon’s hand and thanks him for coming before he turns to me and smiles, introducing himself to me as Dante Hart. I smile back hesitantly as I take in and catalogue every one of his features, and my heart melts when I see that he’s choked up. He swallows nervously before blurting, “Can I hug you?” Since the rape it’s been very difficult for me to be touched in any way by men other than my brother, but I don’t feel strange about saying yes to Dante at all. I nod once before he wraps his arms around me and gives me a tight hug. “You look just like Spencer, only beautiful,” he says with a laugh. I didn’t expect to get emotional, but I choke back a sob as I answer him. “You and Dillon have the same eyes.” Before I can say anything else, two more men come out the front door. I immediately know which one is Spencer Cross because Dante is right, we do look a lot alike. He’s “built like a brick shithouse” as my foster mother used to say, but I can see the resemblance between Spencer, Dillon and me. Spencer hugs me as well, and he is over-the-moon excited about having a sister, something that puts me at ease and makes me feel giddy. He’s the only one out of us all who had been an only child, and even though he has the Harts, he’s excited to have official siblings. Spencer literally beams as he tells me that I am going to be an aunt soon, because he and his fiancée are having a baby. I act surprised and congratulate him with a big smile, but of course I already know his fiancée is pregnant because Dominique is so happy her twin is having a baby. Out of the corner of my eye I see my third new brother, Damien. He’s standing stiff and aloof next to Dante who’s talking to Dillon. I am surprised Damien seems so standoffish, mostly because Minnie talks about him like he’s the best thing since sliced bread. In her eyes, Damien can do no wrong and I’ve been anticipating someone friendly and funny. He doesn’t look thrilled to have us here, and it dawns on me that maybe not everyone wants Dillon and me around. My heart beats funny in my chest as I wonder if the whole thing is going to turn into a foster care situation where the newbies get hazed by the biggest bully. My mini panic attack goes on until Spencer notices that I’m looking at Damien, and he quickly gets his attention and pulls him over to introduce him to me. I go tense all over as Damien swivels in my direction, but I relax when I see his eyes melt when he looks at me. When he envelops me in a hug and tells me how happy he is to have a big sister, I can tell that he means it. I wonder why he looked so unwelcoming at first, but then quickly write it off as being a case of me imagining things. Once our initial introductions are over, Dante takes us all inside to meet the rest of the family. It’s overwhelming to meet so many new people all at once, and I try to keep up. Aside from Minnie, (or Dominique as I have to call her in front of the family) there is her twin sister Delilah, Dante’s wife Sabrina, Damien’s fiancée Brooke, and the woman who raised Dante, Damien, Spencer, Delilah and Minnie after their parents died, Sandra Thomas. I also meet the twins newly found brother, Flynn, as well as his father, Todd, and his grandparents,

Sylvia and Mason. It’s practically a full-time job keeping my eyes in my head and my jaw off the ground when I meet Flynn and realize who he is. Minnie has been talking about him practically non-stop, but never once did she mention that her brother Flynn was Flynn Rand…lead singer of the Renegade Saints. Just looking at Flynn reminds me of Gavin and I have to force myself to stay cool. The world is too small sometimes. Meeting all of the new and extended family members is overwhelming, but in a positive way. Dillon and I have been alone for so long and suddenly, boom, we are part of a larger unit. The best thing about it is that the unit we are a part of includes my best friend, which is the cherry on top of the sundae as far as I am concerned.



IN A SURPRISE to myself, I have taken to having a big family like a duck to water. It’s been so long since Dillon and I were a part of something bigger, and even back then it had never been as big as the family we have now. I love it. Dante, Damien and Spencer all go out of their ways to see and contact me all the time. They want to know everything about me and it’s sweet how proud they are of my career choice. Spencer in particular loves spending time with me. While Dillon and Dante tend to hang out together a lot, Spencer is always calling to go do things with me. Since Spence and Damien are best friends I see a lot of Damien as well, and the two of them are a trip to be around. They’re hilariously funny and so sweet to me I can’t help but eat it up. I’ve been getting to see for myself what Minnie has been talking about for all of these years as far as women go. Everywhere I go with any of my four brothers, women try to get their attention in any way possible. If I’m out with more than one of them, forget it. It’s basically a free-for-all, or, as Minnie says, like a visit to Sluts-R-Us. It’s insanity and I don’t know how their women handle it on a regular basis. If my brothers weren’t all so amazing, I’d bail out on hanging with them due to the simple fact it’s annoying and creepy as hell to watch as they are stared at like prime slabs of meat as women fall all over themselves to create ways to flirt with or touch them. The worst is what happens when Minnie’s new brother Flynn comes out with us. He’s gorgeous so women coming on to him is to be expected, but his fame makes it so much worse. I’ve gotten to be friendly with his girlfriend Tessa and I honestly don’t know how she deals with it. Where my brothers are on the receiving end of flirty looks, lewd suggestions and general sluttery, Flynn has women throwing panties and bras at him. They follow him into bathrooms, restaurants, parking garages, stores…you name it and a fan will do it. When I first met him, it seemed pretty chill but now that his band is ramping up to go on their farewell tour, it’s pretty much open season on them all. Yesterday, at the conclusion to lunch with the entire family, our waitress handed Flynn the check. When he opened the leather folder to look at it, he found her folded up G-string inside with a post-it note stuck to the crotch that said ‘EAT ME.’ He dumped it onto the floor lightning fast, and I saw how disgusted he was by it, but still. A woman had taken off her panties and given them to him in front of his family. I was in shock. Tessa had been deep in conversation with Flynn’s Gram so she missed it, but I saw the whole thing. All I could think was…there is no way I could ever date someone who was famous, ever. Flynn doesn’t court the attention—quite the opposite, really—but it’s still there. Always. Not that I date. Or have any feeling I’ll ever be ready to do so. In addition to my issues, I’ve acquired three additional crazy protective brothers. Maybe a normal person would be annoyed about that, but not me. Having three more people in line to protect me is a good thing. As far as dating goes, when it comes right down to it, I’m afraid to even try—afraid that if the worst happens again, I won’t be able to survive it.

Dante is big on family dinners and every Sunday we gather to eat together as a group. It’s a massive group, fifteen in total, big enough Dante had to get a much larger outdoor table. The new table holds twenty—or, as Dante has explained, there is room for Dominique, Dillon and I to bring our future significant others. If I hadn’t already been ninety-nine percent certain that Damien thinks something is going on between Dillon and Minnie, I am after the way his head snaps up and he looks between the two of them after Dante says that. Tonight I’m feeling pretty chill after I hit my two-glass limit at dinner. Tessa and I have been having a conversation about the upcoming Renegade Saints tour and I’m asking her questions about her part in it. In addition to being Flynn’s girlfriend, she is also the band photographer and she’s explaining that during the coming week, she will be taking photos of each member of the band individually. The wine has relaxed me enough that I’m able to make some jokes about how awesome of an assignment that must be. “Ooh, you get to take pictures of them all individually?” Suddenly I shiver as I think about taking Mr. Intensity’s photo. Are his eyes really so piercing, or have I made that up? Letting out a little laugh that brings me out of my fantasy, Tessa nods. “What a hardship, right? It’s like a dream assignment. Four beautiful and talented men forced to endure my lens. Of course, my favorite of the four is the lead singer. I’ve got a huge crush on him…but let’s keep that between us. His head would swell if he knew.” She and Flynn are adorable with each other, and I’m annoyed with myself for feeling a twinge of jealousy. Not because she’s with Flynn, but because she’s found love. Knowing that I will never have that connection with someone always bothers me. Flynn tickles her side. “You keep your eyes on the singer. Those other guys better not turn that beautiful head of yours baby.” Jabbing her elbow into his stomach, Tessa blows a raspberry at him as she rolls her eyes. “You and I both know they don’t turn my head at all. There’s only you, honey.” Every time I see Flynn or hear about his band, I think about Gavin. The only reason I haven’t freaked out about the six degrees of separation between Gavin and me is because I am positive Gavin will never recognize me even if I do end up having to see him. While Flynn and Tessa are busy flirting with each other, my mind goes back to the idea of taking pictures of Gavin. He never smiled at me during the few hours I’d been in his presence, and I wonder if he ever lets his walls down. “What I wouldn’t give to spend my days photographing…rock legends.” I’m about to say photographing Mr. Intensity, but catch myself just in time. I can hardly believe I just said what I did. The damn wine has relaxed me too much. From the corner of my eye, I see Minnie turn to look at me. She’s probably in shock I’ve said something to imply I actually have a sex drive. I know if Minnie ever figures out I think Gavin Wilde is hot, she’ll stop at nothing to get the two of us into a room together. She has tunnel vision where getting me into a relationship is concerned, and I don’t want to get her hopes up. Realizing I need to throw her way off the trail I start babbling. “Especially Tyson. His face! I’m not sure how anyone of the female persuasion manages to think, much less get anything done, when he’s around. He’s so hot it’s not fair to other men. Sorry, Flynn.” When in doubt, divert the attention away from what, or whom, you’re really thinking about. Now if I ever meet the rest of the band, Minnie will be trying to push me toward Tyson. I could totally handle it because he does nothing for me and therefore is not a threat to my self-imposed exile. Flynn has a good

sense of humor and he laughs at what I say, no offense having been taken. “No apology necessary,” Flynn assures me. “When I look at him I see the guy I used to share a tour bus with. The two of us used to puke in the toilet together, at the same time, after some of those shows. He’s a great guy but he needs a good woman. He’s had it very…rough.” Figuring it can’t hurt to feign interest, I raise my hand in the air and say, “I’d volunteer!” I don’t of course, but there is no harm in joking about it. “You know, there are two more single guys in the band,” Tessa chimes in. “Or…erm…well, there’s really one, I think. But that’s a long story. Anyway, Gavin’s single too. Who knows, maybe you’ll hit it off with Gavin or Tyson. A girl can dream.” I have to say something in order to keep her from trying to play matchmaker with the one person in the world I actually feel attracted to. I search my brain for something to say, almost blurt out that Mr. Intensity needs a strong girl with a backbone of steel, but I keep that to myself. I know I don’t fit that bill, but I don’t need to advertise it. “Gavin’s scary intense. I don’t think I could handle that for even five seconds. It’s too much. No, of the guys in the band, I’ve always had it for Tyson. God, he’s beautiful.” Tyson is beautiful—but not my type at all. “You’re welcome to meet him on the opening night of our tour,” Flynn announces. “The entire family is going, and I’d love to see you and Dillon there as well.” I am happy to be included in a family outing, but I can feel the panic inside of me bubbling to the surface. In the aftermath of my rape, one of the things that Michael said was I had let him know I wanted it. He’d claimed all of his victims weren’t victims at all because we’d all been asking for it. I wasn’t asking for it—no rape victim ever is, but the things he said have taunted me for years. I don’t want Flynn to think that I’m some wild and loose girl who intends to throw myself at his friends. He needs to know what I just said was not serious. “You know I’m all talk, right? I would never randomly throw myself at someone just because they were famous,” I explain. His smile fades as he waves his hand. “Aw, Leah, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that at all. I don’t think that about you, I just figured if you wanted to see us live and meet the band, you should be there with the rest of the family.” I want to go. Who wouldn’t want to? Telling myself once again that there is no way Gavin will recognize me I go all-in and agree to go to opening night.



ALL MY SENSES are on full alert, and I’m really not sure why. Looking in my rearview mirror for the twentieth time in two minutes, I make sure no one is following me. I get so annoyed when crap like this happens to me, because really, who has time to be so paranoid? For at least the last decade, a few times a year I get a feeling I’m being watched or followed. I get all sketched out about it but I’ve never seen anyone and nothing has ever happened, so I know it’s just some crazy bullshit I do subconsciously to psyche myself out. Unfortunately, this time it’s lasted longer than usual. Normally, I might have the feeling for a few hours, but this has been going on for a week. When I arrive home I run up the walk to my apartment like the hounds of hell are on my heels. I curse every one of the damn locks that I have on my door as I fumble with each one before getting inside and slamming the door shut behind me. My breath is coming in gasps and my hands are shaking. I’m so freaked out I consider calling Dillon or Minnie to come hang out with me, but it seems like a shitty thing to do considering the fact they’re suddenly spending all of their time together. I know they’re finally working shit out and I don’t want to disrupt that in any way, shape, or form. Telling myself I’m suffering from nothing more than an anxiety attack, I go about my exciting nightly routine of eating a Lean Cuisine and drinking a glass of milk. Wild, I know. I want to read something but haven’t had time to stop at the bookstore, which means that I am shit out of luck. After scrolling through my Netflix cue I decide to watch a few episodes of Sons of Anarchy. I get two episodes in before I take a break. On my way back to the sofa after going to the bathroom and getting a bottle of Vitamin Water, I notice my house phone message light is blinking. I don’t normally check it because everyone, and I do mean everyone, knows to call me on my cell. I use my landline so infrequently I’ve been toying with the idea of having it disconnected, but when I said as much to my brother he acted like I was telling him I planned to sleep naked on the front lawn every night. I’m surprised to see that in addition to the light blinking, the numeric display indicates I have fortytwo messages. Granted, I don’t check them often, but this seems unbelievable. Hitting play on the phone, I let out a low sound of distress when the first message starts playing. The voice sounds terribly distorted and all the person says over and over again is that I am a filthy whore and a lying, stealing, fucking bitch. I quickly find out it’s the same thing with all forty-two of the messages. I’m scared shitless and I don’t know what the hell to do. The messages in combination with my feeling like I was being followed earlier are terrifying. I would typically call Dillon but I just can’t bring myself to do that right now. Finally, it occurs to me I have three other brothers I can turn to, and immediately Spencer comes to mind. I don’t even have time to ask him to come over—as soon as I start explaining, he tells me he’s on his way. As soon as Spencer gets to my house and listens to a few of the messages, he asks for my permission to call his friend Mike, the head of security at Hart. I’m not thrilled the guy’s name is Mike, but if Spencer trusts him, I have no choice. About an hour later, Mike is in my house listening to the messages as well. Naturally the calls had

been blocked which doesn’t give Mike a lot to go with, but he listens carefully when I tell him I really feel that I am being followed lately. He makes some suggestions and then he and Spencer talk about a course of action, including the possibility of tapping my line if anything else happens. I am beyond touched when Spencer insists that I go home with him for the night. No amount of me swearing I’m fine dissuades him, and I end up packing an overnight bag with a smile on my face. Dillon and Spencer might not have been raised together but my God do they have similar personalities.

The feeling of being watched comes and goes at odd times. Spencer has Mike looking into it, but nothing else is happening. I had to tell Spencer, and Mike, about my rape and the man responsible for it, because he was the only person I know of who would believe he had reason to hate me. I try not to think about Michael at all, and I hoped I wouldn’t have to I until he was eligible for parole. Since I didn’t keep track of him, I was stunned when Mike found out that he’d died in jail almost a year ago, beaten to death in a prison riot. I’m not going to lie—it didn’t upset me at all to know he died. He deserved every second of panic a beating would have given him and I hoped it was painful. I want to tell Dillon but know it will open a whole can of worms about how I found out, so I stayed silent. Since Michael was ruled out I’ve gone over things in my mind again and again but always come up with a blank because there is no one who would want to hurt me. Put bluntly, I’m boring. I haven’t had sex in years, I almost never go to bars, and I can’t think of one person who would call me a slut. The only person I can think of who dislikes me even a little bit is Minnie’s ex-girlfriend Tally, but in order to tell Spencer I would have to explain how I know her. Minnie isn’t ready to come clean, so I’m not going to blow her cover.

As a possible explanation for all of the craziness that has gone on lately, having it come out that Tally is Marissa’s younger sister is the very last thing I could have expected. Tally and Marceline Cross—aka my biological mother from hell—kidnapped Dominique and Delilah. When the girls were finally found at Tally’s house, Marceline was in the process of choking Minnie to death. Todd had no choice but to shoot Marceline, which ended her reign of terror. Unfortunately, Tally wasn’t in the house at the time everything went down and no one knows where the hell she is now. Finding out Tally got involved with Marceline because she blames Dillon and me for Marissa being in foster-care is like a kick in the gut. Marissa’s stepfather, Tally’s dad, brutally and repeatedly raped Marissa as a child until she was removed from the home for her own safety. Knowing that Tally blames us, not her father, for the loss of her sister is sickening. Whatever was wrong with Tally’s father is clearly also wrong with her, which is terrifying. Tally and her fucked up family have taken enough from Dillon, Minnie and me. Losing Marissa is a pain we all still feel deeply, and having it brought up in the way it has been feels awful. The only good thing to come out of it is now everyone knows Dillon and Minnie are a couple—and the three of us have known each other for years. I’m free to call her Minnie and the two of them are free to be together, history be damned.

I think under normal circumstances the revelations might have gone over like a fart in church, but considering what everyone has just gone through emotionally, no one has had anything negative to say. We are all so relieved to have Minnie and Delilah back safe and on the road to recovery, there is no reason to feel odd about it. I’m anxious for Tally to be found so that this can all be put behind us. Right now everything is chaos and we are all basically hidden under lock and key. There are security guards everywhere, which is really unsettling even though it’s meant to provide comfort. I’m very unhappy because I’m not allowed to go to work. I explained most of the situation to my boss and she has been very sweet in allowing me to take an extended leave of absence, but there is no guarantee my job will be there after six weeks. Having worked for years to get through school and then to establish myself in my career, it bothers me to no end. I love my job and I love the children I work with. Not being there is almost physically painful for me, and it’s been very hard to stay calm. Rationally, I understand I won’t be destitute or homeless if I lose my job, but spending years in foster care and having nothing made me very conscious of how quickly everything can be lost. My work ethic is ingrained, and I like it that way. All of my brothers have made it a point to tell me I don’t ever have to work again if I don’t want to, but I would never accept that. I like work, and I want to keep doing it. I know I won’t ever have children of my own, but I do love kids, and working with them everyday is a joy.

With Minnie finally getting out of the hospital, I expected things to get a little bit more normal. Instead, we’ve all been called to Dante’s for an emergency meeting. Tally was not wrapped too tight and the investigation has turned up the fact that she’s been following Dillon and me for years. Her intentions aren’t good—not toward any of us—and there is only one solution. Mike says that Dominique, Delilah, Dillon and I all have to go into hiding. One thing, and one thing only, keeps me from flipping out and having some kind of meltdown. Dillon and Minnie are finally really and truly happy, and I will not do anything to take that away from them. If Dillon is worried about me, he can’t devote himself entirely to Minnie. I agree to go wherever Mike wants me to, but nothing prepares me for where he’s sending me. My hiding spot is going on tour with the Renegade Saints. They had to cancel their first few LA dates because of what was going on with Dominique and Delilah, but the tour has to go on, and it’s now time to start. Inside I am freaking out, but I acquiesce with no fanfare. My brother needs me to be strong, and I will fake it until I make it because he deserves to be happy without worrying about me. At the end of the meeting, my entire family hug and kiss me goodbye before I get into the back of Flynn’s SUV and hide for the journey home to his house. I don’t know what the future holds for me. I’m out of my comfort zone, away from my family and best friend—and I am about to be on tour with one of the biggest rock bands in the world. Oh, and of course, there is the biggest thing of all, I’m about to see Gavin Wilde again.



I’M SCARED OUT of my mind but trying to hide it because I know Flynn is just as stressed out about his sisters as I am, not to mention the stress he’s feeling about his dad and grandparents. He’s not happy about the tour but is trying to make the best of it and I feel for him. He and Tessa have gone out of their way to make sure I’m comfortable in their house and I’m touched. He told me he promised all of my brothers he’ll care for me just the way he would if I were his sister, and I can see he means it. I can’t help but feel for him being unable to stay put to take care of his actual sister the way he so obviously wants to. Tessa and I went swimming while Flynn finished packing, and afterward the three of us made chicken cutlets and ate dinner together. Given the stress we’re all under at this point, with worrying about where everyone is and what is going on with Tally, I’m surprised we have as much fun as we do. Flynn has absolutely no rock star attitude about him and I like him a lot. Knowing his Gram, I’m not shocked. I am one hundred percent positive she would bust his butt if he behaved like an asshole. Once dinner was over I watched some TV with them, but now I’m sitting in the guest room thinking. I need to get myself ready for tomorrow when I’ll be seeing Gavin Wilde again. There’s no way he will recognize me, but I’m still all keyed up and nervous as hell. I’m not even sure why. I was a high as shit mess the last time I saw him, which probably explains my reaction to him. There is no way lightning is going to strike twice, especially since my libido has been dead and buried for years.

The limo comes just after nine to take the three of us to the airport. Flynn filled me in last night about what to expect, but I’m still a nervous wreck. Going on tour is not something I ever imagined I would do, and it’s totally surreal how this is suddenly my reality. Thankfully, I’ve gotten used to having security around already, because I think it would have been totally overwhelming to see how much tour security is literally everywhere if I hadn’t. In addition to being overwhelmed about suddenly being knee deep in a world I know nothing about, I’m still nervous about seeing Gavin again. I spent hours last night trying to calm myself down, but it didn’t help one bit. I know he won’t recognize me, but it does nothing to soothe me. It is Gavin Wilde for fuck’s sake! Whenever I think back to the time after Marissa died and all of the bullshit I did and said, it is always with thoughts of how Gavin put a stop to my downward spiral. Were it not for him, I’d likely be in rehab or dead. I can’t believe fate has suddenly placed him in my path again. Honestly, I’d be less surprised if I bought the winning lottery ticket or found out Edward Cullen exists. But here I am, in the back of a limo pulling up next to a private airplane to go on tour with him. It’s beyond crazy. The band has chartered two, seven forty-sevens for the tour, something Flynn admits is a huge expense but is the only way they all to agree to tour these days because they can’t handle, bus hell anymore. The

tour equipment will be moved in big rigs because it’s the only way all of the big things can be transported without spending a fortune, but all of the band, management and crew will be on one of the two planes each night. The band has one plane entirely to themselves, along with a few key people they want to travel with them and their core security team. Stepping on board the plane, my eyes widen. It’s luxurious and the cabin isn’t laid out like a normal commercial airliner at all. Instead there are two large leather sofas and several huge leather recliners, two smaller tables for up to four people to sit at, and the back end of the plane has an enormous table with seating for at least eight. No sooner have we gotten on board than I hear Flynn’s best friend, and the guitarist of the band, Cole Hayes come in right behind us with a girl at his side. I’ve now met Cole a few times, mostly because Flynn, his dad and his grandparents all considering Cole and his parents’ family. The first thing Cole does is go right up to Flynn and ask how Gram is doing because he only got to talk to Flynn’s pop this morning since Sylvia was on the phone with Flynn. Flynn talked to her on the phone pretty much the entire way here and I swear I like him even more knowing how much he loves his grandmother. Pretty much just like Flynn, Cole is very protective of Sylvia and if she’s upset, he is right there. I’m not surprised he’s worried about her. Needless to say, as much as she puts on a good show of being tougher than tough, Sylvia has been really emotional since her granddaughters were kidnapped. Flynn and Cole even discussed cancelling or rescheduling the tour entirely instead of just postponing the LA dates, but Sylvia stepped in and put her foot down. Her point is solid. The sooner they do the tour, the sooner they’ll be home for good. It’s clear she just wants this touring business to be over—she needs her family safe and at home permanently. I’ve never had a grandmother and Sylvia has basically taken all of us on since finding out Flynn has sisters and a new extended family. It’s been amazing and although I haven’t even known her very long, I already know I will do anything for her. Flynn and Cole have had her their whole lives and worship her so you can see how much she means to them. It’s very sweet, and if I weren’t already comfortable with Flynn and Cole, their devotion to Sylvia would win me over. In the end they agreed to do the tour, but they waited until the last possible moment to go. According to Tessa, the original itinerary had them arriving in Arizona last night, but instead we’re arriving today— which is the day of the show. While the guys talk, Tessa introduces me to the girl who boarded with Cole. Her name is Devon and she’s shooting the documentary. I recognize the name because Flynn talked to me about her last night as I’d been signing a release so Devon and Tessa will be allowed to use photographs or video of me in the finished product of their work. Because cameras are meant to be following the band for the next six months it’s likely I’ll be in some of the documentary in the background, but I don’t anticipate seeing a lot of myself because I’m not part of the inner circle. In addition to being sweet and funny, Devon is gorgeous and I am envious of her long dark hair and heart shaped face—not mention her insane body. I’d love to have her curves. Next I meet Ian Monroe, the band’s biographer, and although he’s nice he’s almost totally silent which is awkward. Not long after Devon and Ian arrive, Tyson Allen shows up. Flynn barely, and I do mean barely, manages to keep his matchmaking attempt within bounds, and I can feel my face turning purple when Flynn suggests Tyson and I should get to know each other. Tyson looks annoyed by Flynn’s interference for about two seconds, but when he sees the look on my face he seems to get I’m not into it either, so he smiles and says something polite but noncommittal before heading off to find a seat. After Tyson boards there’s a lull, and I know it’s because we’re waiting on Gavin. My hands are clammy and my stomach is in knots. I’m trying damn hard to keep my anxiety under control, but failing miserably. Finally, he steps onto the plane and my heart stops for a few moments. Holy shit, he’s even

sexier than he’d been the last time I saw him! It’s clear from the way he carries himself and the look on his face he’s a man who means business. My sex-drive, which all this time I’ve believed went on up to the spirit in the sky the night of the rape, suddenly rouses from slumber. As I feel it happening, I flush like an idiot and try not to freak out any more than I already am. What is it about him that gets to me? The thought of having sex—even with him—makes me horrifically anxious, but I can’t deny my core is clenching, and I can feel myself getting a little wet. My hands start shaking enough I have to tuck them under my legs as I watch him talking to Cole and Devon, then Tyson and Ian. He hasn’t even looked at me yet, but my heart is galloping like we’re in a stare-off. When he’s finished catching up with everyone else he makes his way over to where Flynn, Tessa and I are sitting. Tessa is tucked under Flynn’s arm on one end of the sofa and I’m sitting a few cushions down. You could knock me over with a feather when Gavin drops down in between us, close enough to me I could reach my hand out to touch him. Inside my head I’m chanting, “be calm, be normal.” Do you know how hard it is to stay calm and act normal when you’re psyched up enough you have to repeatedly tell yourself to do so? I feel like crawling out of my skin. I snap back to reality when Flynn starts talking. “Gavin, this is Leah, the girl I told you guys about in the email last night. Leah, this is Gavin.” I’m looking at Flynn while he speaks but I can feel Gavin’s eyes on me. The time has come for me to look at him and I’m a nervous wreck. Turning my head I meet his gaze and smile; hopefully not like an escaped mental patient. Sticking my hand out to shake his I murmur, “Nice to meet you.” When his hand clasps mine, I’m startled by how firm and warm his grip is. I’m not exactly a small girl; five foot nine in flats and taller in heels, but his hand pretty much swallows mine as he gives me a firm handshake. “Well, well, well,” he says. My eyes go wide as I gape at him. He remembers! He says nothing else for a few seconds and I tense as I wait for the other shoe to drop. I’m about to be humiliated in front of a whole plane full of people. He watches me closely for a second or two, almost as if he’s searching for something. Just when I’m ready to run from the plane, he smiles. “Nice to meet you too, Leah.” I breathe a sigh of relief but am surprised to feel disappointment since obviously I’d not made any kind of lasting impression on him all those years ago. Not like he did for me. Of course it’s for the best, especially considering how out of line my behavior was that night. But he elicits a response in me no one ever has, not before the rape and certainly not after. “You know,” he says thoughtfully, “you look really familiar.” I struggle not to let my eyes bulge out of my head and I just barely manage to hold in a shocked gasp. Swallowing nervously, I let out a little laugh as I pull my hand back and tuck it back under my thigh so no one will notice I have the shakes. “I guess I have that kind of face,” I squeak. I look directly at him and give a small smile in the hopes he’ll let it go. Raising one eyebrow he asks, “So you’re saying we’ve never met before?” Something to know about me, I am a terrible liar. I can evade and keep things to myself, but if I’m asked a direct question I crumble like a house of cards. Knowing I’m wading into choppy water, I grab onto a truth I can respond with firmly. “No,” I murmur. “We’ve never been introduced.” Technically, I’m not lying because we haven’t been introduced. I never told him my name and he never told me his. I only know it because I asked his assistant the next morning. He stares at me for another few seconds before Flynn breaks the silence.

“Dude, we meet what, like three thousand people a year? I’ve shaken more hands than I’ve taken shits. Pretty much anyone could look familiar to us.” Dear God: I’d like to take this time to thank you for the gift of Flynn Rand. Without even knowing he’s done it, he just saved my ass. Thankfully his interruption is a perfect diversion. Next thing I know the two of them start telling really gross stories about people they’ve come in contact with over the years who smelled or looked like they’d just taken a shit. Disentangling herself from Flynn with a smile, Tessa comes to sit down on the other side of me. “Ugh, guys and their gross talk. Who wants to talk about…shit?” We both giggle. “Not me,” I say with a fake gag. “You know what they say though, boys will be boys.” We’re still laughing when Cole and Tyson make their way over to reminisce about all the crazy shit, literally, they’ve all seen over the years. Before I know it Devon has a video camera in her hands and Tessa is jumping up to take photos. I watch with a smile as the guys try to gross each other out. The four men clearly have a bond of brotherhood that goes deep. It’s not surprising considering they’ve experienced something together only the four of them can ever really understand. It’s actually touching to see how well they get along and how supportive they are of each other. There is a lot of love between the four of them and it gets me thinking this is what my brothers would have been like had they had the opportunity to grow up together. Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I silently pray someday my brothers will get to the point where they have years and years worth of memories to look back on. We all lost so much time together as a family and it sucks. Still, even though it pains me to admit it, I wouldn’t trade the years I got to spend with my adoptive parents for anything. I also wouldn’t change a thing about going to foster care because I believe Dillon and I were where we were supposed to be in order to meet Marissa. There are things about my life I would change if I could, but knowing and loving Marissa will never be one of them. The joking around with the band comes to a close when one of the stewardesses comes out and announces it’s time to get belted in for takeoff. Everyone takes a seat. Tessa and Flynn are back where they started and so am I, so my heart rate skyrockets when Gavin takes the seat at the end of the buttery leather couch. I’d have to fall over and scoot down a bit to touch him, but he’s still damn close. Before takeoff he puts on a pair of over the ear headphones and rests his head back while he listens to music and I find it hard not to stare at him. Even his flipping throat is sexy! I breathe a sigh of relief once we’re in the air and I can move around a little. I brought my new iPad with me and I curl up against the couch so I’m facing away from Gavin and pull up my Kindle app. I’ve always been able to lose myself in a story very quickly but this time I have to fight to get there. After a while I’m fully engrossed in Stephen King’s Full Dark, No Stars. I’m a total scary book lover but I’m too big of a sissy to read them at night so by day I read horror, by night I read romance. I’m into the book so deeply I jump when Gavin’s voice comes from much closer to me than the other end of the sofa where he was the last time I looked at him. “What’re you reading so intently? The book that’s made every girl I’ve met in the last two years ask if I’ve got a room of pain with a glimmer of hope in her eyes?” Turning to look over my shoulder I find he’s now only one cushion away from me instead of four. I swallow nervously as I shake my head. “Uh, no. I’m reading Stephen King. I’d be really tardy to the party if I was just reading Fifty Shades now.” “Ah,” he says with a devilish grin. “So you’re saying you’ve read it already.” I feel the blush staining my cheeks, but I refuse to be a coward. “I live on planet earth so yes, I’ve read it.”

“Did you like it?” I nod before realizing I should speak. “It was a great story so yes, I liked it. ” He quirks an eyebrow at me, whether because he’s surprised I admitted I liked it or for some other reason entirely. “Has it changed the way you date? So many women are looking to top from the bottom now.” My entire being goes stiff as a board, which I can tell he notices. I’m annoyed with him for reminding me I don’t have a normal dating life even though I know it wasn’t his intent. “I don’t date,” I say stiffly. “A series of books wouldn’t change the way I behaved, no matter how good they are.” “I’m sorry,” he says. “I didn’t mean to upset—“ “ Clearly you’ve read them or you wouldn’t know she tops from the bottom,” I point out. “Did the books offend your delicate sensibilities?” As it comes out of my mouth I realize I sound like a snobby bitch and I am mortified. I’ve been unbelievably rude to Gavin freaking Wilde of all people. Day One, hour one of the tour is not getting off to a good start. Instead of getting mad, he laughs. “Good catch. Yes, I’ve read them. I had to see what all the fuss was about. They didn’t offend me at all. I thought they were kind of hot.” “So did they make you want a room of pain?” I blurt. I can’t believe myself! My mouth is writing checks before my brain can shut it the hell down. What is it about him that makes me so… different? He chuckles softly as he leans in a little closer. “You’re assuming I didn’t already have one before I read the books,” he murmurs. I feel my face turning eggplant purple as I swallow in an attempt to ease the discomfort of the Sahara desert that has sprung up in my mouth. I’m mortified as it dawns on me that although my mouth is bone dry my panties are wet. I’ve never in my life met anyone who could make it happen for me other than Gavin Wilde. It’s official, my body and libido have gone mental. I want to get up and walk to the bathroom, anything to get away from him, but pride keeps my ass on the cushion. Instead of running I squeak, “Do you?” Throwing his head back, he laughs. “What’s so funny,” Flynn calls out. I say a quick prayer for Gavin not to elaborate too much. “We’re talking about Stephen King’s books,” he responds. Flynn enthuses about King and then the two of them start talking about their favorite horror books. I’m still cooling down a few minutes later when we’re told to buckle in for landing, the trip to Arizona not having taken much time at all. Only later do I realize Gavin never answered my question about whether he’s got a BDSM room.



IT’S LIKE A military drill getting everyone off the plane and loaded into the line up of black SUVs waiting for us on the tarmac. I realize this is totally normal to the band but it’s a whole new thing for me. I’m glad Tessa and Devon are experiencing the touring phenomenon for the first time right along with me. Being in hiding means I’m not able to ride with Flynn and Tessa. Instead, I’m escorted into the back of one of the black SUVs where I find Ian, the band’s biographer, already seated. My first impression of him wasn’t a strong one but he’s far more relaxed in the car than he was on the plane so I don’t feel weird making small-talk with him during the drive to our hotel. Due to the situation with me, the band is going into the hotel through the lobby to increase (or guarantee) the chances people will take photos and videos to upload online. If Tally thinks to look for me with the Saints, she’s not going to see anything about me being with them on any of the gossip sites, shows or fan blogs about the band. Ian and I are unloaded from the SUV in the underground parking lot the band would normally have utilized to enter the hotel without attracting attention. Security keeps us together as they escort us directly up the service elevators to our floor. The security person I’d met this morning before we left for the airport, Jerry, is waiting for me when I get off the elevator. Ian goes one way and I go the other as Jerry guides me to a room at the end of the hallway. I gape in awe at how beautiful the suite I walk into is. It’s also enormous—far too big for one person. Turning to Jerry, I tell him he has to have brought me to the wrong room since this is obviously a two-bedroom suite. “We worked this out with your family’s security chief, Miss Cooper,” Jerry explains. “Someone needs to be able to access you at all times. We didn’t want to risk putting you in Mr. Rand’s suite in case someone posted information about who he’s traveling with, so instead you’re sharing the suite with Mr. Wilde. It’s all been worked out.” My stomach plummets as anxiety claws at my throat. This is a nightmare! “Jerry, I can’t stay in a room with him,” I say emphatically. Jerry’s eyebrows shoot up in surprise before he quickly schools his expression. “I’m sorry Miss Cooper,” he says calmly, “but this is not negotiable. Mr. Rand wanted you close to his suite and it’s right across the hall. Mr. Allen doesn’t allow other people into his room and Mr. Hayes already has someone else in his suite. This is the only option and it’s for your safety and Mr. Rand’s peace of mind. You need to get used to it because this will be the arrangement for the entire time you’re on tour. Please don’t be difficult.” It’s official—I’m in a nightmare. Trapped with Gavin Wilde for God only knows how long? Oh hell no. “I’m not being difficult, I swear! I just…I’m sure Gavin doesn’t want to babysit me. I’ll be fine in a room by myself,” I assure him. “I’ll barricade myself in there if it will make you feel better. I won’t open the door for anyone, not even room service. Please!” It’s clear my pleas are falling on deaf ears and I am flipping out about what is happening. Before I can continue begging Jerry to get me the hell out of the room I hear a voice coming from behind me.

“Not very friendly, roomie. Am I so horrifically Ogre-ish sharing space with me is too much for you to handle? That’s pretty rough.” The need to run and hide is overwhelming. I clench my hands into fists and dig my fingernails into my palms. Taking a deep breath, I force myself to hold my ground and turn to face him. “It’s not that,” I croak. “I just…you can’t want me in your room!” He shrugs at me as he tosses a leather satchel onto the couch. “You’re not physically in my room, you’re across the living room. It’s really no big deal and if it means something to Flynn, it means something to me. I promise I’m not going to bother you, if that’s what you’re thinking.” My face flames at the jab. “I’m…you…that’s not what I’m saying!” Desperation to nip this in the bud is making me stutter. “Let’s face it…wouldn’t I be bothering you?” His face is a mask of confusion. “Why would you be bothering me?” “Your after show ritual!” My hand flies up and slaps against my forehead as I realize I’ve just inadvertently admitted to reading the gossip about him. Gavin is the first, and to this moment only, man to make me want to rip off my clothes and get nasty. I might’ve spent a few weeks…or months…after the night I met him googling information about him. The most common story about Gavin is after every show he is worked up and needs to be satisfied in some way. There are entire sections of fan websites devoted to the fantasy stories fans create about being the lucky girl to service him after a show, and I’d be lying if I said after I met him, I hadn’t once spent a fair amount of time imagining a scenario where I could be the one helping him work off his after show energy. Those fantasies died after the rape because my libido went bye-bye, leaving no forwarding address… until today. Suddenly my libido doesn’t just have a new address—it’s got a mailbox too and there’s a picture of Gavin Wilde on it. He smirks at me, a cocksure look that makes me want to scream. “Leah,” he sighs. “You have no reason to worry. We’re not sharing a bedroom and there’s a living room separating us, so don’t stress. You’ll be safe with me.” I could argue until I am blue in the face but I can tell by looking at him I’m not going to get anywhere. In the end I surrender because I know, for certain what he said is true. I am safe with Gavin. He proved it when he never laid a finger on me the night I wouldn’t have been able to fight back if he had wanted to hurt me. There’s nothing else to say that won’t come off crazy, so I zip my lip and offer a stiff shrug of my shoulders as a gesture of surrender. Satisfied I’m not going to argue anymore, Jerry leaves after informing us the rest of our luggage will be up within the next five minutes. Anxious to get away from Gavin, I gesture between the two bedrooms on either side of the living room. “Which one do you want?” Dropping down onto the couch, Gavin puts his feet up on the table, crossing one leg over the other as he gives a one-shoulder shrug. “Don’t care. They’re both suites with King sized beds. Pick the one you like and I’ll take the other.” Twisting a lock of my hair, I nod my head to the bedroom on the right hand side of the suite. “I guess I’ll take it then, if it’s cool with you.” Nodding his head he leans forward and picks up the TV remote. “We’ve got two hours to kill before sound check so I’m going to watch CNN and order lunch. Get the room service menu and tell me what you feel like eating.” I want to make some excuse to hide away from him, but I need to stop running away from my life like a coward. Now seems as good of a time as any to ride the anxiety out and do something different. Instead

of scurrying away, I go and get the room service menu. After we both make our lunch choices and I’ve phoned the order in, Jerry and the bellhop come to the suite with our luggage. Gavin tells him which room is which and after Jerry and the bellhop put the bags where they belong and leave, I excuse myself to go plug my iPad in. As I get to my bedroom door, Gavin calls out to me. “Hey, Little Reader.” Turning back, I look at him, startled by the nickname. “Yeah?” “Clearly you were Google-stalking and jumped to the wrong conclusion so I feel like I should probably tell you…the after show bullshit never came back to my hotel rooms. I promise you’re not going to be climbing over groupies to get to your bedroom,” he says firmly. “Also, that shit stopped happening a while ago. I’m not a twenty-two year old fuckwit anymore.” I. Am. Mortified. Google stalking? I’m so busted it’a painful. I let out a mousy sounding squeak—a la Aly Sheedy in The Breakfast Club—before I haul ass through my bedroom door and slam it shut behind me. Closing the door keeps me out of his view, but it doesn’t keep me from hearing his sexy chuckle. Nor does it save me from being aroused enough for my nipples to pebble in response. After using the bathroom and splashing cold water on my face and wrists, I work on gathering my courage enough to go back out there. I drag my feet big time, making it take as long as possible to plug in my iPad and choose an outfit to wear to the show tonight. I only go back into the living area of the suite when he knocks on my door and tells me lunch has arrived. I can feel him assessing me as I walk to the table and take a seat and I have no doubt he’s noticing my blush. “Hey, don’t be embarrassed,” he says kindly. “Own it. It was funny as fuck, and you really should have given me the finger before you slammed the door. Never take shit from anyone, including me. Life’s too short to be worried about crap that doesn’t mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Yeah, I used to let chicks give me head after shows. Yeah, you said something about it. So what? You’re on the road with us, which means you’re part of the band family now. I’ll let you in on a secret; sometimes we act like fucking morons. If or when any of it makes you uncomfortable, speak up.” No one I’ve ever met talks as bluntly as Gavin Wilde. He just says things other people would avoid or pretend weren’t happening. Something about his attitude calms me down and makes me feel safe. Gavin is who he is, no bullshit or pretending. Ever since the night of the rape, I’ve been wary of pretty much any man I’ve met. My brothers, Flynn and his family being the only real exceptions. It’s second nature to me now to assume every man is hiding his true nature, but I don’t feel that way about Gavin at all because I truly believe he is who he says he is. The fact we have a history where he had the opportunity but never acted like anything other than the gentleman he is proves it. I need to buck the hell up and stop acting like a damn zombie. Meeting his eyes, I smile. “You’re a trip but what you just said made me feel a lot better. Thank you.” I try not to focus too much on the fact he said he used to get blowjobs after the shows because it makes me shivery to think about him needing to let off steam. I need to steer clear of any and all thoughts about Gavin Wilde, his sexual needs…and now, suddenly, my own. After we finish eating lunch I excuse myself in order to head to go read in my room. I figure Gavin is probably going to get sick of seeing me as it is, so I should stay out of the way as much as possible. Just as I’m about to walk into my bedroom, he calls out to me. “Why are you so anxious to get away from me, Little Reader?” Turning around, I find him standing next to the table watching my retreat. With a shrug I reply, “I don’t want to be that roommate.” The look on his face indicates I amuse him. Raising an eyebrow, he grins at me. “If you’re worried I don’t want to see you out of your bedroom unless it’s time to eat, you can throw those thoughts right out the fuckin’ window,” he assures me. “You look like you need to let loose. Wanna have some fun with me?”

Is he trying to hit on me? Holy shit, the idea he might be is equal parts terrifying and butterflies in my stomach fantastic. “I…don’t…fun?” His grin is one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen. “Yeah, you know, fun. It’s this thing people do to pass the time in a happy way. Surely you’ve heard of it?” Crossing my arms across my chest defensively, I direct a dirty look at him. “I’m aware of what fun is, Gavin, I’m just trying to figure out what your definition of it is.” He nods back at me solemnly. “Of course, I understand your hesitation. What does a rock star do for fun? Let’s see… Ah, yes. Well, there’s getting drunk, causing mayhem, behaving like a maniac and, for real kicks, trashing hotel rooms. Management loves cleaning up after us, let me tell you. Or for a real fun time, I can head right to the main course—sex. Is that the kind of fun you think I’m talking about?” “What? Sex? No! Nope, uh-uh. Not at all, it didn’t even cross my mind.” I’m the biggest liar ever. It’s all over my mind right now and it really shouldn’t be. As he starts walking toward me, I just about swallow my damn tongue. He halts when he’s right in front of me, close enough for me to catch his masculine scent, but not close enough for him to be crowding me. “Actually, Little Reader, I am thinking about some kind of fun and it starts with the letter S, if you’re interested,” he says huskily. “Do you want to play with me?” My eyes going wide as I feel my face heat. My inner hussy is waving her hands in the air and dancing to George Michael’s I Want Your Sex, while my brain is screaming at me to escape somewhere safe. Like a nunnery. Opening my mouth I squeak, “Play?” Wiggling his eyebrows at me, he laughs. “Yeah, play. I’m talking about Scrabble, Leah. What are those filthy books doing to your mind for you to immediately equate everything to sex?” Before I can form an answer, he starts laughing even harder. The sound of his laughter and the look on his face tell me he’s joking, and I’m surprised when I hear my own laughter joining his. When we’re both finally finished cracking up I ask, “Do you actually travel with a Scrabble board?” Nodding his head, he turns and retreats to the other side of the living room before stopping at the coffee table and gesturing down to it. I’m surprised when I see there is in fact a Scrabble box on the table. “Yes, I really travel with it,” he says with a laugh. “I’m sure it doesn’t sound very rock ‘n’ roll, but after like the second time, trashing hotel rooms is really fuckin’ boring. Once we all stopped fucking off all the time, Flynn’s Gram suggested we do some more normal shit during our down time. She bought us a fuckload of board games but Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit and Pictionary are the only ones that stuck. The entire band is competitive and we can spend hours playing. Just so you know, when we play, curse words count. You wanna do this?” I can’t even keep the goofy grin off my face as I nod my head in the affirmative and walk toward the table. Gavin drops to the sofa and pulls the table a little closer to the couch. “You sit there,” he says as he gestures to the other couch cushion. “And I’ll get us set up. We’ve got about an hour to play before it’s time to go to rehearsal. I doubt we’ll be able to finish, but it’s a good start.” I think it’s a good start, too. Clearly Gavin wants to be friends and even though I have some kind of a ridiculous sexual crush on him, I’m more than happy to be making my first real male friend in years.



IT’S HER. I can’t believe it’s fuckin’ her. I’m doing everything I can to stay cool and not act like a fucking moron because something tells me she would be really upset if she knew I remember. What the fuck were the odds of seeing her again—much less having her be someone connected to the band? Flynn warned me, very specifically, about keeping my hands to myself where Leah Cooper is concerned. His exact words were, “I’m putting her in your room because she’s got a thing for Tyson. I’m going to play matchmaker and fix them up. I think she might be just the type to do him some good, but I don’t want him thinking she’s easy. The girl is family to me, which means she’s not fair game. If I find out you’re trying to fuckin’ lay pipe in her, I’m going to kick your ass.” I’d agreed because I figured what the fuck did I care? Hot chicks are a dime a dozen and I didn’t anticipate giving a shit. Most people probably would have taken offense to being told to keep away, but I got it and didn’t care. Until I saw it was her. My track record with women is what you would call fucktacular, no two ways about it. After growing up watching the shit show my parents marriage was, you really can’t blame me for being real fuckin’ wary of being committed to another person. Flynn’s on some tangent about us all growing up and finding soul mates and shit, but what he doesn’t realize, is there isn’t a Tessa for everyone. I’ll be blunt—most chicks in LA aren’t girlfriend material. I haven’t had sex with a girl with real tits in years. Just one of many reasons I don’t love the LA dating scene. The last pair of real tits, and I mean real fuckin’ spectacular tits, I saw in real life happened to be attached to the chick Flynn has directed me to stay away from. I recognized her pretty much right away, but after I asked her why she looked familiar and she lied to me, I was positive. I don’t know fuck all about her but I know one thing for sure—she’s a shit liar. I also know she was hoping I didn’t remember her. You don’t forget eyes, tits, or a mouth like hers. Especially not if the last time you saw said mouth it was vomiting all fuckin’ over you. I’m conflicted about keeping the knowledge Pukearella is on tour with us to myself. The guys have all heard most of the story, thanks to Tyson’s big yap. When a perfect ten is dancing like a fucking sex goddess in front of you at a club and then transitions into the puker from hell, it leaves an impression. Tyson was with me that night, and he teased me unmercifully for at least a year afterward. “Never saw you look at any chick the way you looked at Pukearella, dude. You taking her home after she gave you a chunk shower suggests you’ve got the fucking lock on disgusting fetishes.” For a while he took to putting pictures of vomit on dressing room doors, my toilet, my steering wheel and even my wallet. I really thought I was never going to live taking Pukearella home. To be honest, I hadn’t intended to take her home with me. Originally I’d planned to take her to Flynn’s Gram because I knew Sylvia would take care of and keep her safe, leaving my conscience clear. But then she started crying in my car and I just couldn’t put her out. I broke cardinal rule number one by bringing her back to my house. Then broke two more by giving her something of mine to wear and, worst of all, I let her sleep in my bed.

She was a hot fucking mess. Literally. Way too hot to be shitfaced in a club where any asshole could have scooped her up and taken advantage of her. Hell, I’d still had traces of her vomit explosion on my clothes, but when she took off her top, I’d gone hard as a fucking rock. I remember breathing a sigh of relief when I got her into the bed without further incident. Because I was wondering if I should move the trashcan next to the bed, I’d asked her if she still felt sick. “No,” she’d said huskily. “But I do feel horny.” Before I could say anything else, she’d pulled the comforter back and lifted up the shirt to show me those gorgeous fuckin’ tits again. When the bedroom door opened behind me, I’d rushed forward and covered her up before turning to look at Tyson. She’d chuckled softly before muttering something about superheroes, and I’d stayed silent as Tyson came and handed me her purse. Gesturing to the bed he’d said, “She passed out.” A quick look confirmed he was right, and I’d nodded my head before walking across the room and setting her purse down on the dresser. “Dude, let’s go through her purse and see what her name is. She’s fuckin’ hot as shit and I bet when she’s not drunk she’s even hotter.” Cutting him off, I’d grabbed his arm and hustled him toward the door. “I’m not looking in her fuckin’ purse, man. Thanks for your help finding her shit and getting me out of there, but now you need to go find something or someone to do.” He’d stared at me incredulously before asking, “You’re going to find out her name in the morning when she wakes up, right?” “Yeah, I guess.” “Dude, you fuckin’ guess? I haven’t seen you latch onto a chick like that ever. Everyone gets drunk, man. Cut her some slack and see what she’s like without all the booze. I know you’re in a bad place but just think—maybe she’s the light at the end of the tunnel. Tonight was probably just a case of too much alcohol. I bet tomorrow she’ll be perky as fuck and ready to say thank you.” I can’t even explain why, but I hadn’t wanted let him know about her crying in the car or all the things she had said to me, which made it hard to explain why I was pretty sure she wasn’t in a position to date— especially not someone with as much baggage as I had. “Yeah, of course I’m going to ask her name,” I said firmly. “What am I, a fuckin’ idiot?” After reminding me that I was, in fact, an idiot, Tyson had left. I’d stayed awake watching her sleep for a few hours, just to make sure she was really in the clear and not going to be sick anymore, but eventually I fell asleep. I’d wanted to know her name. Wanted to know a lot about her, actually, but when she woke up in the morning and hadn’t been able to say she learned anything, I was enraged. If there was one thing I hated right then more than anything else, it was fucking quitters. Once I realized she was too fucked in the head to have grabbed a clue, I was done and I kicked her ass out. Put bluntly, she’d come into my life at the worst possible moment. I’d spent almost my whole fuckin’ life trying to save my father, but it didn’t work because all he ever really cared about was my mother. Who she was with, what she was doing, when she was or wasn’t coming home. He drank himself to the point of insanity—missing huge milestones in his children’s lives because he could only focus on one thing—my mother. The bottom dropped out two months before I met Leah on the night of my sister’s twentieth birthday. I’d invited my parents to come to dinner to celebrate but they had declined, as usual. It had been a token invitation since I did my best to avoid them. My mother was too self-involved, especially where my sister was concerned, and my father didn’t care about anything if his precious wife wasn’t there. Bree and I had been on our way to the restaurant when I got a hysterical call from my father telling us

Allison had died. He didn’t refer to her as our mother, which I later realized was just another example of how fucked up they’d both been. Dad was incoherent so I didn’t even understand the details until later on. My mother had been out with her newest lover, nothing new there, and the two of them had snorted heroin at some point during the afternoon. The asshole lived—my mother did not. Bree and I weren’t dumb. We’d realized dad was in a bad place and we knew we needed to get to him right away. For years the two of us tried so hard to make him see he had things to live for besides my mom, but he’d never grasped the concept when she was alive and clearly her death sent him over the edge. By the time we got to his house, it was already done. I found him in their bedroom on her side of the bed, a bullet to the head having ended his life. He didn’t even leave us a proper note when he did it— instead, he’d written four words on a piece of paper: Nothing matters without Allison. It had been a kick in the heart to realize my sister and I were included in the nothing. I was angry, so fucking angry, at my selfish as fuck mother for the way she had lived her life, but the brunt of my anger was directed at my father. What kind of person let his children be treated like garbage? What kind of man allowed himself to be treated the way that my mother had treated him? What kind of a father killed himself on his daughter’s birthday? Why was he such a fucking quitter? The rage festered and made me bitter for a long time. Only the love and concern I had for my sister kept me from going and staying in a dark place forever. I’d spent enough of my life trying to get someone to fight. I knew I couldn’t sign up for the experience again. I’d been rougher with Leah than I’d intended to be when I asked her if anyone loved or cared about her. I’d just been hoping something I said would resonate because I sure as fuck didn’t have the wherewithal to steer her straight. Not when I was still on such a fucked up path. In the end I let her walk out of my life without a backwards glance. And I never got her name. The noname bit obviously didn’t stop Tyson from teasing me about her, and thus, Pukearella was born. Now, Pukearella is back and more beautiful than ever. She’s a lot quieter and a hell of a lot more reserved than the last time we met, clearly. I’ve been surreptitiously watching her like a hawk to make sure she isn’t popping pills or some shit, but honestly, after dealing with Tyson, I’m very familiar with the signs of addiction so I know she’s not on anything. I also know her family is on high alert after the kidnapping of Flynn’s sisters, but I don’t know anything else. Flynn didn’t really provide a lot of detail in his email to the band, nor did he give me much more info when he called me last night to give his stay-thefuck-away warning. I didn’t think to ask for detail since, at the time, I hadn’t really been concerned about it. I’ve always kept my word to Flynn and the rest of the band, but there’s a problem this time I could never have seen coming. Even though Flynn specifically told me to stay the fuck away from her, I’m more attracted to her than ever and I can already tell staying away isn’t just unlikely—it’s impossible. Leah is shy and in need of a friend and some fun. The need practically rolls off of her in waves. She needs to cut loose and have fun, and I’m not going to walk away without a backwards glance this time.



THERE’S A LOW but thunderous sound you can both feel and hear backstage, and it pumps me up. I can hear the bass and the drums from the opening act—not enough to tell you what song they’re playing or anything —but enough I can feel it in my blood. This is the first night of the last tour I’ll ever do. I have no intentions of quitting the business entirely so I’m well aware I will hear this sound and feel this sensation again at some point in the future, but this tour will mark the last time I do it as a career. After finishing up the pre-show meeting with management, I head back into the area where our entourage is hanging out. I try not to look for her in the room, but fail in less than a second, my eyes searching for and finding her right away, sitting at a table with her iPad in front of her. I break out into a smile when she lifts her head and meets my gaze. It’s fuckin’ crazy she’s been here for less than a day and already I’m looking for her in the crowd. This girl—she’s a polished diamond amongst dusty rocks. Making a beeline to where she is, I take a seat at the table next to her. “Were you lonely in here by yourself while we were in the meeting? It was kinda rude of us to leave you here—maybe next time you should come with.” Letting out a laugh, she shakes her head. “I was happy to sit here and read my book. Besides, I’m never really alone anymore,” she says as she gestures with her head to the security team. “How’re you doing with all this?” She lifts a shoulder and sighs. “It’s not like I have much choice and it’s sure as hell better than the alternative.” Before I can respond to ask what the alternative is, Tessa is at the table checking in on Leah. It’s sweet she’s checking on her but it also reminds me I need to get to the bottom of what’s going on. I only know the basics of why Leah is here on tour with us. I know all about Flynn’s sisters being kidnapped and his father killing someone, of course. I also know the other person responsible for the kidnapping is on the run and Leah’s family has everyone on lock down because of it—but Flynn said something about Leah and his sisters needing extra security because they’re at the highest risk. I asked Tyson earlier if he knew any more detail, but he didn’t. We’ve been focused entirely on Flynn’s family, his dad in particular, and what little focus we’ve had for other things has gone to delaying the tour and working to reschedule the dates due to the postponement so I’m in the dark. I don’t really know what, exactly, Leah’s part is in any of this, and right now it’s driving me nuts. I need to ask her what’s up, but I’m not about to do it here and now in a room full of people. I don’t want to make her uncomfortable. I don’t want to do or say anything to upset her, and I don’t know enough about the situation to know whether or not bringing it up will trigger something. I’d ask Flynn, but I don’t want to send up a red flag to him about my interest in her—at least not yet. For now I have to assume everything is being taken care of and I need to keep my questions to a minimum until I can find the perfect opening which won’t trigger an alarm in Flynn. He’s a stubborn son-of-a-bitch. I wait patiently until Tessa is done chatting with Leah. When she finally walks away, Leah turns back my way and smiles hesitantly. “I don’t want you to feel like you have to babysit me,” she says as she twists her fingers together. “I’m

used to being alone so it isn’t like it will hurt my feelings if everyone ignores me.” She says it with conviction, but I can see the lie in her eyes. I don’t like the idea of her being lonely, ever. “I’m not babysitting you, Little Reader. I’m trying to be your friend—couldn’t we all use another one of those?” Blushing shyly, she nods her head and smiles. “I just don’t ever want to be a burden. If I get to be too much, tell me to go away.” I want to find whoever the fuck it is who made her feel like she needs to live like a ghost so I can beat their fucking ass. It takes me a considerable amount of self-control to keep from saying something along those lines, but I manage to keep it to myself. Everything she’s said and done since I got on the plane this afternoon has been in complete opposition to the wild child I met that night at the club. She’d been outrageous then but I’d still sensed sweetness inside of her. Now she’s just sweet, no wild. If I hadn’t met her before, I would suspect she was a virgin. She’s just so…pure. I like that she’s so sweet and down to earth now, but I hate how she purposely tries to fade into the woodwork. “You’ll never be too much,” I assure her. From behind me, I hear our manager yelling for the band to assemble. Looking at Leah, I smile. “You gonna be out there watching, or are you gonna sit back here and read?” A smile spreads across her face before she answers me. “I’ll be watching.” Releasing a breath I didn’t even know I was holding, I smile. I want her there. “That’s more like it. Get ready to rock, Little Reader.”

Leah is up on her feet at the side of the stage through the entire show and I find myself looking to her constantly. She looks all lit up inside, the expression on her face one of pure happiness. At the end of every concert I’ve always thrown my drumsticks into the crowd. For the first time ever, I grab a new set for throwing so that I can keep the show set. When we’re finished with the final bow, I run back to my drum kit and pick up the sticks I used for the show. As I exit the stage, I hand them to Leah. “Saved these for you, Little Reader.” Fuck me. The sexy as hell blush that quickly spreads across her cheeks as she smiles at me like I just brought her a diamond bracelet makes me want to throw her over my shoulder and run back to the hotel. Nothing Flynn or anyone else says is going to keep me away from this girl. Whatever the fuck this is, she feels it too.



WE’RE SEVEN DAYS into the tour and I’m surprised by how much I love seeing them play. Granted they’ve only done five shows so far but they’ve all been amazing. The first night after the show was finished, Gavin gave me the drumsticks he’d used. I’m sure to anyone else it wouldn’t seem like a big deal, but to me it’s huge. I’ve had them sitting on the nightstand in all of the hotels we’ve been in so far, and they’re the last things I look at before I go to sleep each night. They’re simple but sturdy, just like him. His name is engraved at the base of each stick and I find myself running my fingers over it whenever I pick them up. These two words get such a big reaction from me—Gavin Wilde. The name fits for sure because being with him makes me feel wild inside. Even though it’s scary, it isn’t unpleasant. I’m surprised at how much I enjoy being on the road with him and seeing him day in and day out. I thought I would be unsettled by the tour lifestyle but that hasn’t happened at all, probably because the whole thing is run like a well-oiled machine. The Renegade Saints and their support team are all downto-earth and funny, and I feel comfortable with them all. I’m still stressed out about my brother, Minnie and the rest of my family, but knowing that everyone is hidden and safe helps a lot. At some point Tally is going to come out of the woodwork and I believe when she does, she’ll be going to jail. I have to believe that or I’ll go crazy worrying, and I feel like since my brothers are worrying themselves nearly to death, it’s my job not to get frantic. I don’t want them having to add further concern about me to their troubles. In the meantime, I’m having fun with Gavin and the band. It’s a process for me, coming out of my shell, but I’m working at it. The only time I’ve ever been wildly outgoing was during the dark months after Marissa killed herself and I was doing drugs. Ever since Dillon and I were placed into foster care, I’ve always been shy and a little reticent to put myself out there. Back in college I dated a psych major. I thought he really liked me, until the day he announced I had a ridiculous amount of issues due to being rejected by my parents’ family. I recognized it was somewhat true, but the way he’d said it and talked down to me about it had been a bridge too far. I’d broken up with him on the spot. No one wants someone analyzing them twenty-four seven. When I agreed to come on the tour, I’d anticipated spending the majority of my time either by myself or with Flynn and Tessa. That hasn’t happened. Flynn and Tessa spend most of their time climbing all over each other and I refuse to cock block. I’ve become friendly with Devon but when the band isn’t doing band stuff, she’s glued at the hip to Cole. I’d probably feel awkward, but Gavin has appointed himself as my tour-mate, and he goes out of his way to include me in everything. I spend the majority of my time with him in our suite, with a lot of visits from Tyson. Tyson tries to come off as aloof but hilarious, until you get to know him. I like him a lot, in a purely friendly way. If Tyson isn’t around, it’s Gavin and I together doing everything because he never goes out, he just stays with me. If it’s not a show night we stay in whatever hotel we happen to be in and watch movies or play games. Honestly, it’s been amazing.

The bad thing is that during the concerts, I spend the entire time watching Gavin play the drums. There are almost no words to explain how sexy he looks behind his drum set. He starts out each night in a t-shirt, jeans and black shit-kicking boots, and by the midway point, the shirt is gone. He has a Renegade Saints logo tattooed on his chest and it’s hot. I never liked tattoos before, but on him, they’re fabulous. I’d be lying like a rug if I didn’t admit when the sweat is pouring off of him as he plays, I’m watching the way his muscles ripple and wishing I were following the trail of sweat with my tongue. I know, I know…it’s nasty! Believe me, I have never wanted to stare at or touch any man’s sweat, much less lick it…but I want to now. When he comes off the stage after the show, covered in sweat and grinning from ear-to-ear, I can’t help but think about his old after show ritual.

Today is an off day—meaning no show tonight—and Tyson has rented out a bowling alley for us all to have a little fun tonight after dinner. We’ve been told to come ready to bowl and sing. I wasn’t sure what to expect until Gavin explained the bowling alley has a karaoke bar in it. I can’t imagine singing in front of such talented people, and I plan to hide in the back if it comes down to it. There will be no karaoke for me. One of the things I’m enjoying the most about being on tour is when we do things as a group. It’s like having a giant family and I love it. We eat together most nights, which is great. I was really surprised it was something the band chooses to do. As Gavin and I are riding the elevator down to the banquet room for dinner, I finally think to ask if nightly group dinners are a common thing bands do on tour. “Some do, most don’t,” he laughs. “Hell, we didn’t always do it.” The elevator doors slide open before I can ask when the change occurred and I forget all about it until dinner is just about over and Devon asks a similar question. Her crew has been filming dinner tonight and she waits until everyone is finished eating to start asking questions. She addresses the question to the group as a whole, but Gavin is the one who answers. “We’ve always been brothers, but there were a few years there where we weren’t as close as we were when we started. It’s not like we hated each other or anything, but each of us got wrapped up in different things and we all lost sight of why we started our band in the first place. When the band took off we were just a bunch of young kids who had no fucking idea what was going on. What you think at eighteen and what you know at twenty-five are two different things. Before we went back out on the first tour after we got our shit together, Flynn’s Gram sat us down and told us that we should make time to do things together on the road that had nothing to do with music. Frequent group dinners have been a thing ever since.” I’m not surprised Sylvia had something to do with their decision to do dinners, and her logic was spot-on. Filming goes on for another ten minutes or so, until Tyson announces it’s time for us to get balling. Devon’s crew walks along with us, continuing to film until everyone is in one of the black SUVs lined up in the basement garage for us. My heart skips a beat when Gavin waves security off and opens the door for me, giving me a hand in order to climb up into the car. Due to the fans and photographers that are around since the tour started, I’ve been mostly traveling alone going to and from the shows. This is the first time that I’ve been side-byside with Gavin in the back seat of the car. He’s not a small guy and even in this big car, I’m very aware that he’s right there. As he settles in and

gets comfortable he lays his arm along the back of the seat. I can feel him all around me and I can’t contain the little shiver of awareness that rolls through me. Turning my way, he looks me over. “You cold, Little Reader?” I can feel the blush creeping up my face as I nod my head. “Yep, it’s a little chilly in here.” It’s not—the air conditioning is set to a comfortable level and it’s summer for God’s sake, but what else can I say? Leaning forward, he taps Jerry on the shoulder. “Hey Jer, can you turn the air down a bit back here? Leah’s cold.” I am the worst. I’m not cold at all—if anything, being this close to him is making me hot, but what choice do I have but to play it off? As he settles back into a comfortable position, I force myself to stay rigid when he slides his arm across the seat again. Feeling the need to break the silence I blurt, “Are you a good bowler?” He lets out a throaty chuckle as a smile spreads across his face. “You could definitely say I know how to handle my balls.” If someone else said that to me, I’d be uncomfortable and looking for an excuse to leave. With Gavin, not so much. My reaction is instantaneous, and I laugh out loud. “You dork! You know I didn’t mean it like that,” I say as I continue to laugh. His answering smile sends a little thrill through me. I’m obviously rusty as hell and out of practice so I’m not one hundred percent positive, but I swear that Gavin flirts with me. I could just be a big idiot who is reading the situation wrong, but I think that he goes out of his way to be with me. For the first time in years I finally have something guy-related to talk to a girlfriend about, and it sucks because I can’t. Minnie is holed up with Dillon so that’s out and Tessa would probably tell Flynn so I can’t say anything to her either. It’s really frustrating how for the first time in years I actually want to talk about a guy, but I can’t. “Heavy thoughts?” I’m absolutely positive I’m blushing like a schoolgirl as I shake my head. “No! I mean, no, nothing like that,” I say. “I was just thinking. Not about anything heavy or important.” Lifting an eyebrow, Gavin gives me a look indicating he isn’t buying it. “Leah you’ve been staring at me and chewing your lower lip without saying a word for the better part of five minutes. Either you were plotting my demise or you were deep in thought” I can’t even think of anything to say. Staying silent, I shake my head emphatically. A smile spreads across his face as he stares at me. “Were you just picturing me naked?” Fifty shades? Yes. I’m fifty shades of red faced humiliation. “I so was not,” I squeak. “It’s okay if you were,” he says as he wiggles his eyebrows. “Just tell me—was I playing with my balls?” My mouth opens and closes like a goldfish searching for food, but no words come out. I startle when Gavin leans in closer and touches my shoulder. “Hey. Remember—we talked about this. Don’t be embarrassed in front of me,” he insists. “Give it right back.” Looking at his face, I can see he means it. Nodding my head, I sit up straight and square my shoulders. Taking a deep breath, I smile tentatively as I go to deliver my response. “If you were playing with your balls, they were so tiny I couldn’t see them.” His jaw drops open in shock and I wonder if I’ve gone too far. I’m just about to tell him I’m sorry when he bursts out laughing. I start giggling too as he raises his hand in a high-five gesture. I smack hands with him with a giant smile on my face both due to relief because he isn’t insulted and the happiness I feel

in finding my funny again. “See,” he says with a laugh, “I knew you had it in you Leah! Kick ass and take names. You’ve got this shit.” I’m laughing harder than I have in years and it’s all because of Gavin. I come back to earth when Jerry turns around and says my name. “Dominique is on the phone for you.” Because of what’s going on with Tally, my cell phone has been turned off. My family contacts me now either on Jerry, Flynn or Gavin’s cell phones, or a new email address Mike set up before I left home. Taking the cell phone from Jerry’s outstretched hand, I’m still laughing as I greet her. “Hey Minnie! How’s Vegas?” “It’s good,” she answers huskily. Her vocal chords are still recovering from Tally’s attack, which is a reminder of why we’re all in the situation we’re in right now. “You sound so good,” she says enthusiastically. “I could hear you laughing when Jerry picked up the phone. I was worried you would be miserable with all of that travel, but you haven’t sounded this happy in forever. You’re doing really good out there aren’t you?” I smile like a dork as I nod my head until I remember she can’t see me. “I am,” I assure her. “This is the best news ever!” Her talking ceases as she starts to cough, and a few seconds later I hear her and Dillon having an argument about her needing to take it easy on her voice. Before I can tell her I agree with him, she lets out a sigh. “I totally just swallowed down the wrong pipe but the voice cop is making me get off. I love you and I can’t wait to see you again. I feel like this has to be over soon and then we can all go home. Here’s your brother.” There’s a shuffle of the phone before my brother comes on the line, and while I wait I focus on how my stomach dropped when Minnie said that we could all go home. I want Tally caught and I want my family safe, but I am not looking forward to leaving the tour…and Gavin. “Hey sis, what’ve you been up to today?” As I’m about to answer, I feel the car coming to a halt. Looking out the window, I find that we’ve pulled up to what must be the back of the bowling alley. Giving Gavin the finger gesture for one minute, I turn my attention back to my brother. “I’m so sorry Dill, but I have to go. We’re bowling tonight and we just got to the alley. Can we catch up tomorrow?” His laugh tells me he isn’t even a little bit upset. “I’m so goddamn happy to hear that you’re out and having a good time. Call me whenever you get a chance tomorrow. Don’t forget that I’m your favorite brother while you’re gone. I love you.” “I’m not going to forget that you’re my favorite and I love you too, you big dork. Tell Minnie I love her and I’ll catch up with you both tomorrow. Bye bro-tato chip.” After handing the phone back to Jerry, I turn to find Gavin smiling at me. “Bro-tato chip?” I shrug my shoulders as I chuckle. “I don’t even know how it happened but yeah. I don’t do it all the time but it’s what I used to call him when we were kids.” “That’s sweet,” he says with a chuckle. “My sister used to call me Gavy, but these days she normally just calls me Gav.” Another reason I trust Gavin is the way he talks about his sister, Gabrielle, all the time with love and pride. It’s easy to see that he’s very connected to her. The car door on his side opens and he quickly climbs out of the car before turning and holding his hand out for me. Touching has been a big no-no for me for a long time, but after the barest hesitation, I

slide my hand into his and let him help me from the car. He doesn’t let go of my hand once I’m out. Instead he adjusts his hand and links his fingers through mine before we start walking, briskly, into the back entrance of the bowling alley. I’m expecting him to let go once we’re inside, but he doesn’t. As if it is the most natural thing in the world, he continues to hold my hand. When we step out into the bowling alley I see the rest of the band and crew have already assembled. After giving my hand a gentle squeeze, he unlinks our fingers, and I’m surprised to instantly miss the connection. Seeing Flynn and Tessa are headed our way it dawns on me Gavin probably didn’t want Flynn to think anything about the fact that he was holding my hand. I hug and greet Flynn and Tessa with a smile, then laugh as Tessa links her arm through mine and informs the guys we’re going to get shoes. We’re just barely out of earshot of the guys when she squeezes my arm excitedly. “Oh my gosh Leah I knew it! You two have been circling each other since day one. It’s so hot how protective he’s gotten about you.” In a mock stern voice she whispers, “If you ever tell Flynn I said it’s hot, I’ll pants you! Seriously though, I’ve been noticing it gradually increasing but at dinner I could really see the whole thing. I got all the confirmation I needed when you two walked in—you were holding hands. Remember when you said he was too intense? Tell me everything!” My brain scrambles all over the place trying to formulate a response. “He’s not as intense as I— he’s not interested in me—we…um…friends?” Coming to a halt, she turns her head and gives me a look like I’m four quarters short of a dollar. Instead of saying something she looks back toward where Flynn and Gavin were last standing. When she looks back at me, she’s smirking. “Friends my foot. He’s still standing there watching you and he looked downright possessive while he was holding your hand. I’ll tell you right now the only reason he dropped it was because Flynn was walking toward him.” Turning, I find that she’s right. He’s watching. Taking a deep breath, I gather my wits about me. “You’re being silly, Tessa. He took my hand to guide me into the building and let it go once he was certain there were no strangers hanging around. We’re just friends. I promise you that absolutely nothing has happened.” “I can see that you want me to believe that, maybe you even believe it yourself, but I watch people for a living and I know what I’m seeing. You might be playing at being just friends right now, but there’s something bigger happening here. I won’t pressure you but I want you to remember I’m your friend and I’m always here to talk. Anytime you need an ear, just let me know and I’ll be there.”



THE GIRLS ARE barely out of earshot when Flynn turns and gives me a hard look. “You know damn well I fucking told you to stay away from her. What the hell are you doing? She’s perfect for Tyson, not you.” His words infuriate me. I fucking hate how insistent he is that she belongs with Ty. Turning his way, I nail him with a glare. “What the actual fuck,” I snap. “You’re acting like I’m a fucking monster who isn’t good enough for her. First of all, Leah and Tyson don’t like each other that way at all and if you ever try to set them up, I’ll knock you on your fuckin’ ass. I really fucking like her, okay? It’s really none of your goddamn business either. She’s a grown ass woman and I think she likes me, too.” Looking away from him, I cross my arms and resume watching Leah walk away. I’ve got nothing more to say to him until he apologizes for being a fucker. Watching her calms me down and puts the lid on my temper about Flynn being a douche. I’m considering going after the girls when they stop walking and Tessa turns around, followed a few seconds later by Leah. I know I just got busted and it’s obvious to me from the expression on Tessa’s face Flynn isn’t the only one who saw Leah and I holding hands. As soon as the girls turn back around, Flynn lays a hand on my shoulder. “Listen, I’m not saying you’re a monster and I apologize for upsetting you by saying I want her with Tyson. What I was trying to say is Leah is family and I don’t want there to be tension if shit doesn’t go so well between the two of you. Tyson would have gotten the same speech, just so you know.” Taking a deep breath, I roll my neck on my shoulders before turning to look at him. “Look, I understand where you’re coming from and I get it. Whatever is happening between the two of us is between us, but I’m not stringing her along and I don’t have any intention of hurting her. She’s different, okay?” “That’s all I needed to hear, man. I was just worried about having a family member mixed in with the band.” I cut him off. “Come on, man. You really think I would do anything to hurt the band or any of our family members? You consider Leah family, that means we all think of her that way too. I’m not going to do anything to hurt her. When the fuck did you stop trusting me to do the right thing?” Flynn looks mortified. “Dude, that’s not what I’m saying at all,” he assures me. “I’d trust you with my life. The reason I’m concerned is because I think that Leah is a little fragile.” This is the perfect opportunity to ask him some questions. “Yeah, about that…” My sentence is cut off when Tyson comes from out of nowhere and throws an arm over each of our shoulders. “What the fuck’s going on over here? It looks way too fuckin’ serious for a night out,” he reprimands. “Everything cool?” Ty doesn’t need to know what we were talking about right now, so I decide to keep my lips zipped. “Yeah dumbass, everything’s cool,” I assure him. “We’re just getting our karaoke plan in order. You’re going down tonight.” Throwing his head back, Ty laughs out loud. “Oh yeah? Well, we’ll just see about that. They don’t call me King Karaoke for nothing, asshat.”

He’s right—he’s the King of karaoke. Not because he’s a good singer—but because there is nothing he won’t do to get everyone laughing and on their feet. Ty’s hidden years of pain by being the funniest guy in the room. Things are better these days, but none of us can ever forget what it felt like to think that we were going to lose him forever. With what he’s been through his struggles have been understandable. I’m really starting to believe that he’s really and truly putting the past behind him. Giving him the finger, I laugh. “You may have been the king, but there’s about to be a successor to your karaoke throne.” After spending a few more minutes giving him shit, the three of us head to the counter to get our shoes. Seeing the girls have already picked lanes, Flynn and I make our way to where they are. Flynn sits right next to Tessa and wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulling her in close for a kiss. For the first time it really hits me—I want the kind of relationship that Flynn has with Tessa. They went through a rough patch but they came out stronger for it. She’s wearing his ring and he’s the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Looking down, I smile when I note Leah’s attention isn’t on Flynn and Tessa—it’s on me. Taking the seat next to her, I quickly change into the rental bowling shoes. Looking over at her, I grin. “We’re going to go hard, right?” She flushes as she bites her bottom lip and gives me a questioning look. Shaking my head, I lean over and knock against her gently with my shoulder. “I mean the game, Leah. Your mind goes to the gutter right away,” I chide jokingly. “You know that, right?” Turning her head, she mumbles something under her breath. Setting a hand on her shoulder I ask for clarification. Looking over her shoulder at me, she rolls her eyes. “I said only with you. My mind only goes there with you.” Before I even know that I’m actually going to do it, I lean over and kiss her on top of her head. She seems fine with it at first, but tenses as I pull away. Keeping my tone light I say, “That’s not a bad thing. Besides, how could you possibly resist this package?” Sticking my tongue out the side of my mouth, I cross my eyes. “Fuckin’ hot, am I right?” Her responding giggle is carefree and not tense at all, and I know I’ve just dodged a bullet. I move finding out everything I can about what makes Leah Cooper tick to the top of my to-do list. I’ve been waiting to get the details from her, but she hasn’t said a damn thing. It’s time to go to Flynn for answers. My thoughts are derailed when Tyson lets out a loud whistle to get everyone’s attention. “Alright, we’ve got two hours to play. The winning team gets to choose tonight’s karaoke theme. Since I’ll be winning, I’ll tell you right now that we’re going disco. I’m bringing the funk, motherfuckers!” His announcement is greeted with laughter and applause from a lot of the crowd, but not Flynn, Cole and I. The three of us exchange panicked looks. The last time Ty made us go disco, we wound up losing a bet and being forced into spandex bellbottoms and polyester vests. As if that weren’t bad enough, Ty took pictures and made it his Christmas card. My dick being smashed into that spandex had been ridiculously uncomfortable, but that was nothing compared to how embarrassing it was. The whole thing was clearly visible. There was no mystery about my dick once that card got out—and I count my blessings pretty fuckin’ often it only went out to trusted family and friends. If I ever see that shit on the Internet, I’m going to jump. I’m on real good terms with my Johnson and I’m proud as hell of it, but dressing it up in spandex is one of the worst things I’ve ever done. If I have my way, we will not be doing the disco theme ever again, especially not with Leah around. Kind of hard to take a guy seriously if you’ve seen his package plastered to his leg underneath spandex pants with a purple paisley print. Making sure anyone but Tyson wins just became my top priority.



ON MY FIRST time up, I knock down one pin. I follow that victory up by getting too far into the lane, slipping on the smooth surface, falling onto my ass and dropping the ball into the gutter in one ridiculously uncoordinated move. I blush furiously as Gavin rushes forward to help me up, making sure my feet are back on the regular flooring before letting me go. The worst part of this is I’ve not ever been this bad of a bowler! I’m not going to be touring on the bowling circuit, but I usually manage to do it without fumbling like a complete idiot. The problem is the entire time I’m up there I can feel Gavin staring at me. Instead of being uncomfortable, I’m feeling hot and bothered. The thoughts I’m having immediately turn me into a fumbling dork. I attempt to bowl while trying to remember to breathe and it’s a pretty epic fail. After making sure I’m seated and okay, Gavin grabs his ball and walks up to the lane. I take the opportunity to stare at his backside. The man fills out a pair of jeans like no ones business. After few seconds pass and he doesn’t roll I look up and find him grinning at me. Raising an eyebrow at me he mouths, “Busted,” before turning back around and rolling the ball. I let out a groan when he bowls a strike, thereby freeing him up to come back and take his seat right away. Slinging his arm around my shoulder, he smiles at me. “Nice view?” “Gah,” I mumble as I try to hide my face behind my hair. He pulls me in close and sets his mouth next to my ear, which causes me to shiver. “Hey,” he says softly. “What did I tell you about being embarrassed around me?” Chuckling softly, I playfully jab him in the ribs with my elbow. “You’re insane, you know that right?” “Pretty much,” he replies with a laugh. Gesturing to the lane he says, “It’s your turn again. You think you’ll be safe up there with the big bad ball?” My answer is a mock glare and a rude finger gesture as I stand up to get my ball. I can hear his deep laughter as I begin walking, but then I trip over my own feet and the next thing I know, I’m going down. I’ve braced for impact when a pair of strong arms catch me, pulling me against a firm chest before I can hit the ground. My natural response is to clutch on tight. When my heartbeat speeds up and my senses come to life, I know for sure it’s Gavin I’m holding on to. “I don’t know what you’ve got against being upright,” he chuckles. “But I’m going to go ahead and be your bodyguard for a while until I’m sure you’re steady on your feet.” I groan in embarrassment as I let my cheek rest against his chest for a few seconds longer than is necessary. “I swear I’m not normally this clumsy,” I murmur. I shiver when he runs a hand down my back reassuringly. “I’ve been living with you for several days now so I already know that,” he says with a laugh. “Well thanks for the save,” I say as I pull back and turn away. He follows me after I pick up my ball and make my way to the lane. I do my best to ignore him right up until the moment I start getting myself into position to bowl. When he comes right up behind me and reaches his arm forward so he’s also got his hand on my ball, I almost combust.

“Um,” I squeak out. “What are you doing?” “Coaching you,” he says huskily. My train of thought is shit because he’s right up against me. “Huh?” “Trust me.” My heart races at warp speed as I realize something. I’ve always trusted Minnie and Dillon. Everyone else has been in the maybe or mostly column—but for the first time in years I realize I do trust someone else entirely, no equivocation. I trust Gavin unconditionally. Nodding my head, I barely keep in a gasp as he loosely puts his free hand on my waist to guide me forward a bit more. I lose focus, only able to concentrate on the sensation of his warmth against my back. Suddenly, he’s right next to my ear. “Look at the center pin and forget the others are even there. The others don’t even matter when you’re rolling the first ball. Are you focusing on it?” My mouth is as dry as a town in Death Valley during a heat wave, so in lieu of words I simply nod. I’m focusing on the pin, yes, but I’m more focused on Gavin at my back, talking in my ear. “Keep your eye on the prize and don’t allow your focus to stray from it,” he instructs. “If you just focus on where you want to go, you’ll get there. We’re going to bring your arm back and roll the ball directly to that center pin. You ready?” The question means more to me than he can possibly know. Am I ready? Closing my eyes, I imagine how I will feel if I run away from Gavin. No one—not before the rape and certainly not after—has ever gotten under my skin the way he does. I know he doesn’t mean the question the way I’m interpreting it but here I am, on the edge. Can I walk away? Do I run? Or do I stay? Taking a deep breath I open my eyes, square my shoulders and stare right at the center pin before nodding my head. “I’m ready.” Bringing my arm back, I release the ball and smile when it drops and starts to roll toward the center pin. I hold my breath as the ball rolls towards its target, watching and waiting anxiously. When it touches the center pin I let out a loud, “Woo,” before turning and high fiving Gavin. “You did real good babe,” he says with a grin. “Next time we put a little more force behind that throw and I bet you’ll get a strike.” Spinning back around I find that the center pin and two pins to the right of it are all I managed to knock down. As I laugh at myself I realize it’s a metaphor for my life. I’m headed for good things—now I just really have to put some oomph behind it. For the first time in forever—maybe even for the first time in my entire life—I feel like I really have a shot to get somewhere good. As the game continues, I get better and better with each roll. Gavin bowls like a man possessed, as does Flynn. We’re on the last frame of the night and everyone is rolling like their lives depend on it. I had no idea everyone was so competitive, but it’s kind of adorable. When I see on the boards Flynn won, I feel bad for Gavin because he tried so hard. Turning to me after reading the score, he gives me a gigantic smile. “And that’s how you win, babe!” Babe. That’s twice now. I like it. I smile as I give him a look of confusion. “You didn’t win though,” I remind him. “Flynn did.” Gavin laughs as he sits down next to me and throws an arm around my shoulder, pulling me in close as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. “I didn’t come in first, but I came in ahead of Tyson which is all that really mattered because I was going to die of humiliation if we had to do disco karaoke. Now we get to choose the theme. I’m taking that as a win.”

I thought bowling was fun but it had nothing on how amazing karaoke is. Gavin, Cole and Flynn agreed the karaoke theme would be anything goes and really, anything has gone. As I’ve come to discover over the last few days, Tyson Allen is hilarious. He arranged for all of this and it’s great. The karaoke setup includes costumes, lighting and a fog machine. The entire band takes this whole karaoke thing so seriously —almost like it’s the Superbowl or something—which makes it even funnier. I feel silly admitting this, but I would have thought they’d consider karaoke to be beneath them. Whatever pre-conceived notions I may have had about this band, each and every one of them have all been blown to smithereens. I’m sure the open bar setup doesn’t hurt with all of our inhibitions. I’ve just finished the most delicious piña colada I’ve ever had and I’m feeling pretty good. Devon and Tessa just about have me talked into doing a song, believe it or not. I’m still on the fence but they’re getting me closer and closer to saying yes. In the meantime Gavin and the whole band are about to do a number together, and since the four of them had been huddled together getting some kind of game plan together before they disappeared to “get ready” I can’t wait to see what they’ve come up with. The fog rolling across the stage is the first clue they’re ready, and I burst out laughing when the opening notes to N*SYNC’s “Bye Bye Bye” starts playing. When the guys come out and start dancing, I don’t think there are any of us who aren’t laughing and cheering. Flynn’s got his hair slicked back, Tyson’s got a wig on with frosted tips, Cole is wearing some crazy suspender outfit and Gavin has on a Justin Timberlake fro-style wig and they are all wearing microphone headsets. I would never have thought they would even consider singing a pop song, but they are killing it. They even know the entire dance from the video. My jaw may be staying on the ground forever because Gavin is singing all of the Justin parts and he just got fifty times hotter because he can dance! The rest of them are just doing the dance because they know it, but Gavin owns the damn thing like he choreographed it himself. I never ever knew I found men who could dance attractive but it’s like an aphrodisiac. Watching him move is making me feel feverish, and it’s taking everything I have not to fan myself when I realize he’s watching me, watching him. Reaching for my fresh piña colada, I take several giant gulps to cool myself off, only to realize I’ve just finished it in less than a minute—and it hasn’t helped at all. My pulse pounds in time to the base of the song as Gavin continues dancing and singing—all while keeping his eyes on me. I’m not drunk but I am definitely tipsy, and all I can think about is how much I want to kiss him—and make him dance for me all the time. When the song comes to a close, we’re all up on our feet clapping and screaming. While the girls and I are waiting for the guys to come back to where we are sitting, Tessa and Devon go to work on me. “Come on! You have to get up there with us,” Tessa pleads. “We can’t just sit and let everyone else do it while we don’t.” Devon nods her agreement. “We’ve got to build a rep,” she says. I start chewing my lip nervously as I look back and forth between the two of them. Can I really get up there and do this? In perfect harmony the two of them start whisper chanting, “Do it, do it, do it!” The two piña coladas must have turned me into a raging idiot because I find myself nodding my agreement at them. Looking back toward the stage I watch as Gavin takes off the Timberlake-style wig. I let out an inner sigh as he gives me a wink before turning to head back to the mens room, AKA the dressing room. As soon as the guys disappear into the bathroom, Tessa and Devon are dragging me across the room to talk to the guy in charge of karaoke. Our huddle lasts for a minute or so as we settle on a song, but once we do, things move fast.

The next thing I know I’m in the ladies room, fresh piña colada in hand, with Devon and Tessa getting ready for our number. Devon is working some kind of magic on the fly and in about twenty minutes she has us all transformed, all while we continue to drink. Tessa is Posh Spice complete with a chic bob-style wig, a barely there black mini skirt and a black tube top. Devon is Scary Spice in a black cheetah print bustier and boy shorts, and I’ve somehow been turned into Baby Spice, complete with a catholic schoolgirl skirt and white collared shirt Devon rolls up and ties at my midriff to make me look more authentic. After putting my hair in pigtails she announces that my makeover is complete. Looking at myself in the mirror, I let out a tipsy laugh. “Holy crap! Devon, I can’t go out there like this. I’m supposed to be Baby Spice but I look more like a Britney Spears wannabe about to rock it out at the strip club—my boobs are hanging out all over the place!” Spinning me around to face her, Devon points her finger at me. “You’re a sexy bitch and you need to work it. If I had your tits, I wouldn’t even wear a shirt or a bra, I’d just stroll through life topless so that I could play with them all the time.” This sets Tessa and I off into peals of laughter, which makes me realize I have to pee. I quickly run into a stall to go. It’s definitely the piña coladas giving me false courage because I don’t think there is any way I’d do this sober, but right now it doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. After I come out and wash my hands Devon heads off to get us our microphones. When she comes back in she hands us each a mic. “Hands in bitches.” Forming a circle, the three of us each put one hand in. After giving Tessa a firm look, Devon looks over and gives me the same treatment. “Alright girls, we’re about to make this karaoke night our bitch. Repeat after me. I solemnly swear to do the Spice Girls proud and I will sing my ass off all in the name of girl power!” When Tessa and I both nod and don’t repeat what she said Devon laughs. “Um hello, it doesn’t count if you don’t repeat it. Don’t leave me hanging here bitches!” In unison Tessa and I repeat Devon’s words, then bring our hands up out of the circle. It seems like only two seconds go by before we are in the hallway headed toward the karaoke area. Realizing that it’s too late to turn back and chicken out, I square my shoulders and prepare to make a colossal fool out of myself.



THE GIRLS HAVe been gone for the last half hour or so getting ready for their karaoke number and I can’t wait to see what they’ve come up with. Leah gets along great with Tessa and Devon and I can see that they’re working on bringing her out of her shell. She still brings her iPad with her to the shows but other than when we go to do the band meetings I don’t see her using it anymore. As Ty and our manager are finishing slaying Bob Seger’s, We’ve Got Tonight, I see Devon approach the karaoke guy, clearly telling him they’re ready. In an obvious effort to keep her outfit a secret, she’s got a full-length robe covering her from head to toe. Clearly the girls have gone all out and now I’m real fuckin’ curious to see what Leah will be wearing. My money is on something from Grease because chicks love that shit. When the music starts to play I realize I was wrong about Grease. Instead they’ve gone with the Spice Girls, and my jaw hits the fucking ground when Leah comes out dressed like the sexiest schoolgirl ever. Tessa and Devon are dressed just as sexy, but my attention isn’t on them at all. All I care about is Leah. She’s so fucking sweet that even singing this ridiculous song dressed like a wet fuckin’ dream, she manages to look classy. Her body is in-fuckin-sane, no two ways about it. I haven’t seen this much of it in years, but holy fuck do I want to touch her. I can’t take my eyes off of her strutting her stuff, singing along and laughing with her girls as they vamp it up for the audience. Vaguely, I register Cole and Flynn are both having similar reactions to their women up on the stage, but I can’t even look their way to say anything. She fuckin’ owns me. By the time Wannabe comes to an end I’m harder than fucking titanium. All three of the girls immediately begin the journey back to where we’re sitting, but Leah walks a little slower than the others. Tipsy, I think, and maybe a little embarrassed to have been on stage. Getting up, I pass Devon and Tessa on the way to my girl. My girl. I trip up for a moment but then shake it off and keep walking. When I reach her I don’t even hesitate. Like it’s the most natural thing in the world I slide my arm around her waist and pull her into me. Putting two fingers under her chin I tilt her face up so her lips are at the perfect level and I can see her eyes. The desire that I feel for her is echoed in their depths and that’s all the reassurance I need. Covering her mouth with mine, I gently tease her lips with my tongue until she parts them and touches my tongue with hers. I growl low in my throat when she wraps her arms around my neck and kisses me passionately. She tastes so damn sweet, those pina coladas and her natural flavor combining to make me crazy. This girl could make me embarrass myself in front of a room full of people and I almost couldn’t give less of a shit. The only reason I’m able to pull back is because I don’t want her to be embarrassed. She’s not drunk but she is definitely tipsy and I don’t want her doing anything she would regret later. No, when we get together, I want her one hundred percent sober and sure of the decision. Leah is different and I’m not doing anything to fuck this up. I watch her face after I stop kissing her, and the look in her eyes when she opens them and stares at me is almost enough to make me forget the reasons why I can’t keep going. She looks sexy as hell, and the little mew she makes with her lips tells me that she wants to keep right on kissing. It’s just about enough to bring me to my knees. Instead of caving in, I drop a quick kiss onto her lips before turning so we’re side

by side instead of chest to chest. Keeping my arm around her waist I hold her close to me. “You did real fuckin’ good babe,” I praise. “Never thought I’d like a Spice Girls song but you just proved me wrong. Guarantee every time I hear that song from now on, it will always make me smile. I’d add it to my playlist but I’d lose pretty much all street cred if I did that shit.” She laughs softly as she leans further into me. “I’d definitely add that N*SYNC song to mine…if I didn’t already have it. You were soooo sexy.” I crack the fuck up at that—it’s confirmed now, my girl is totally tipsy. “So you’re saying you liked my JT moves?” “Gavin,” she says on a sigh. “I loved them! You were even better than the real JT. I would never have guessed you could dance like that. Where the heck did you learn all that?” Looking down at her, I grin and wiggle my eyebrows so that she knows that I’m joking. Sort of. “Well, first of all, it’s one of our go-to karaoke numbers. We’ve done it at least twenty times. But the real reason I’m so good is because I’m a drummer. Not only does that mean that I do it harder, I do it with rhythm.” She gasps as her jaw drops to the ground, which makes me panic because I realize that I’ve probably just offended her. Great—too fucking far, Wilde. I’m a fuckin’ idiot. “Shit, Leah, I’m sorry I—“ Smacking her hand over my mouth, she throws her head back and laughs. She laughs long enough and hard enough that there are tears in her eyes when she looks back at me, and I feel so much better knowing that I didn’t freak her out. “You make me so happy. Never be sorry!” Letting out the breath that I didn’t even know I was holding, I chuckle as I begin to walk us back to the table where everyone is sitting. “Thank God. I seriously thought I went too far.” “Nope! We’re good.” We’re both smiling as we arrive back at the table. Immediately, Devon and Tessa jump up and high five Leah before hugging her. “We rocked it,” Tessa giggles. “We so did! We had girl power,” Devon announces. “Girl power,” they all yell out in unison. Looking over at Cole and Flynn, I shake my head. These girls are fuckin’ hilarious. Girl power? I don’t even know what that shit is, but it’s funny. I like Leah having friends here on the road with us, and I love how they make her feel good about herself. After demanding Flynn take pictures of them in their ‘costumes’ and then forcing the girls to pose for a few minutes, Tessa links arms with the girls and announces they’re going to go get one more drink. The three of them trail off to the bar as the three of us laugh at how funny they are. As soon as they’ve walked away, Cole turns my way and nails me with a serious look. “Dude, you just laid claim to her in front of everyone. Is this shit for real? Cause if it isn’t Gram’s going to tie you up by your fuckin’ nuts and—“ Raising a hand, I cut him off. “No strings necessary. I already talked to Flynn about this earlier when he climbed up my ass. Yes, I like her and yes, this is the real fuckin’ thing. I appreciate that you’re looking out for Leah, but you don’t have to. She’s for me to worry about from here on out.” Cole gives me a look of approval as he nods his head. “Alright man, that’s cool. She’s quiet as hell but I like her. Devon raves about her.” “Yeah, those three are thick as thieves these days,” Flynn comments. “How are things going with you and Devon? I see Ian is lying real fuckin’ low. He couldn’t be further across the room if he tried.” I stare at Cole, interested to see what he’ll say to Flynn. Clearly he hasn’t bothered to tell him that Devon was all but living at his house before the tour started. I’m not sure exactly why Cole is keeping this whole thing under wraps, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to jump to the conclusion that his whole no

one-on-one relationships rule is at the heart of it. Cole’s got it bad for Devon and supposedly Ian was going to be the third—but if his behavior is to be believed, Ian isn’t having it. I can tell, hell anyone can tell, that he’s attracted to Devon and Cole, but he won’t do shit. According to Cole, Ian is very hung up on ‘not being gay.’ Whatever the case may be, he missed his chance. I think hell would freeze over before Cole shared his girl, but he isn’t laying claim to her publicly yet. With a shrug of his shoulders, Cole leans forward and starts picking at the label on his beer. “I don’t know, man. I wanted it to be the three of us but every day he isn’t allowing it to happen.” Cole pauses as he looks across the room at Devon. “You know how I feel about not doing one-on-one relationships. The anxiety is killing me.” “Dude, come on,” Flynn says. “This thing with Ian is a non-starter. Anyone with eyes can see you have feelings for Devon—not Ian. Whatever you could have had is gone. He dragged his feet for so long you and Devon have formed your own thing and it could be fuckin’ bigger than anything you might have had with Ian being a part of it. You need to stop this shit. Being with one person won’t kill you. I don’t know why the fuck you’re so hung up on this.” “He’s right,” I say firmly. Cole glares at us both as he crosses his arms over his chest defensively. “Yeah? It might not kill you but if something happens to them, it just fucking might. Look at Todd! How’s he moved on without your mother? Oh wait, he hasn’t. If it weren’t for you when she died, he would have died too. Jesus, look at what happened with Gavin’s father. Or wait, how about Tyson’s family? I don’t want that shit!” Flynn doesn’t say anything right away and neither do I, probably because both of us have our jaws on the damn floor. Cole isn’t what you would call an aggressive person by nature and so his anger is completely out of character. Before either of us can say anything, Cole smacks a hand on the table. “Fuck, man, I’m sorry. That wasn’t right. I didn’t mean it the way that it sounded. I’m an asshole—“ “Cole,” I interrupt, “Is this all because you’re afraid to commit to one person? Cause if it is, you’ve got to deal with it. This isn’t fair to Devon.” Leaning forward, Flynn puts a hand on Cole’s shoulder. “Love is a big risk. If something happened to Tessa, I’d be devastated,” he admits. “But I’d rather be with her than stay away because of the possibility the worst could happen. If it did and I wasn’t with her because I’d never taken the chance—it would kill me. You can ask my dad about this and he would say the same thing. Even knowing what he knows now about the pain he felt when she died, he still would have married my mom. If Devon dies tomorrow, what’s going to hurt you the most is knowing you could have had something with her while she was alive if you hadn’t been such a pussy.” Cole says nothing even as Flynn and I continue staring at him for at least another ten seconds. Before either of us can say anything else, Tyson takes a seat across the table and glares at all of us. “What the hell is happening here ladies? I’m sure there’s a tampon dispenser in the bathroom if one of you got your period,” he jokes. “It’s like a fuckin’ funeral parlor back here all of a sudden. What the fuck?” Tyson is the toughest and crassest amongst us, but he’s a master at diffusing tension. All three of us burst out laughing, and the mood returns to normal. “Alright, this is more like it,” he praises. “Anyway, as un-fuckin’-real as it is, I didn’t kick everyone’s ass at karaoke tonight. John and the crew say tonight’s victory goes to the girls.” Speaking of the girls they’re back. As soon as Leah sits down next to me I slide my arm around her shoulders and pull her close to me. I can’t help the shit-eating grin on my face when she leans into me. This girl has me eating from the palm of her hand and she doesn’t even realize it yet. “Well girls, I hope you’re proud of yourselves,” Tyson says in a dejected voice. “Tonight I’ll be going

back to my hotel room knowing that I’m no longer the karaoke king. You robbed me of my title.” Almost as if it was planned all three of the girls jump up and start squealing and high-fiving each other while we all look on. Again there’s talk of whatever the hell girl power is, and then Devon is lifting up her glass for a toast. The next thing I know the three of them are toasting…and toasting…and toasting, until their drinks are completely empty. After finishing the last of their drinks, all three girls sit back down. It’s adorably obvious they’re all pretty tipsy at this point, and I laugh out loud when Leah hits the edge of her seat instead of the middle and starts to slide off. Reaching out I quickly save her from falling before lifting her up and seating her on my lap. Leaning her head against my shoulder, she lets out a sigh. “I think being around you makes me uncoordinated,” she murmurs. “You’re bad luck for my ability to stay off the floor.” “I think you just need to stay right with me, babe. I’ve got you,” I assure her. She giggles as Flynn abruptly jumps up out of his chair and grabs Tessa. “Alright we’re leaving. See you tomorrow!” He all but carries her out in a flash, barely stopping long enough to tell their driver it’s time to bring the car up. Tessa doesn’t have time to do anything but wave at us over her shoulder because Flynn is moving at top speed. It’s obvious he’s anxious to get Tessa back to the hotel room, and I mentally give him a thumbs up for finding the girl he feels for so deeply. Flynn’s leaving causes Jerry to look back at me and I give him the nod it’s time to go. When I bring my attention back to Leah, I let out a quiet laugh. While I was watching Flynn and Tessa leave, she straight up managed to nod off on me. Looking over at Devon I ask, “Hey, do you know where her clothes are?” “Not to worry,” she says with a wink, “I’ll grab them and bring them back with me, same as I’ll be doing with Tessa’s. My girls are forgetful,” she laughs. Thankful that I don’t have to worry about finding her stuff I rub Leah’s back and say, “Babe, it’s time to go.” Opening her eyes she leans her head back and gives me a smile. “Sorry. The endorphins from being a Spice Girl wore off at the same time all of the pina coladas caught up with me. I decided to close my eyes for a minute.” “Saw that, babe. Let’s get to the car and get back to the hotel so you can go to sleep for the night.” Standing up, she stretches her arms out and yawns, and instantly all the blood in my head rushes right down to my cock. Holy fuckin’ hell she looks goddamn amazing. Her tight little stomach is bared in the shirt to begin with and the stretch she’s doing just made her tits push up and out of the shirt even more. Grabbing her by the hand I start walking fast to get the hell out of this bowling alley before I make a fool out of myself like a teenage boy having his first wet dream. Once we’re in the back of the SUV, I pull her up against me. “I had so much fun,” she says in a drowsy sounding voice. “I’m glad, babe. I had fun too.” “Haven’t had that much fun in years,” she sighs. “Actually, maybe not ever. Thank you.” “Me either,” I admit. “I’m so glad you’re here.” There’s no answer, which tells me that she’s asleep. Leaning my head back, I relax as we’re driven back to the hotel. It’s interesting to me how having her close like this feels so good. She fits into me like she’s made to be here, and as the streetlights go by, I allow myself to wonder if maybe she is. Flynn swears Tessa is his destiny. I wonder if such a thing actually exists, or if it’s just wishful thinking.



THE FEELING OF the SUV coming to a halt wakes me up. I smile drowsily against Gavin’s chest before lifting my head and sitting up straight. “Hey sleepyhead,” he chuckles. “I thought I was going to have to carry you in. You want me to?” “I think I’m good to walk from the parking garage to the elevator to our suite,” I joke. Taking my hand, he helps me out of the car. Our hands remain clasped together as Jerry guides us from the parking garage to our suite, and it’s only when Gavin has to close the door behind us that he lets go. I’m wondering what to say when he slides his arm around my waist and pulls me against him before kissing me again. I thought the kiss at the bowling alley was amazing, but it has nothing on this. With no crowd of people around us, he’s holding nothing back. I hold onto his shoulders as he settles his hands on either side of my waist and holds me to him—close enough that I can feel his arousal pressing against me. I feel the moment he’s going to step away, but I don’t want him to. I hold on tighter and grind against him. I can’t help the moan that escapes my mouth when he pulls back and starts licking and sucking my neck. My grip on his shoulders is probably going to leave marks, but I can’t seem to make myself let go. I gasp when my back comes up against the door to the hallway, but my gasp turns to a moan when he slides his hands a bit lower and grips my ass firmly as he pulls me against him and slides his tongue back into my mouth. My left leg wraps around his waist almost as if it has a will of its own, and I cry out when he rocks against me. He does it again, then again, and each time I feel myself get hotter and wetter. Pulling his mouth away from mine, he looks down at my chest as we both breathe heavily. “Jesus,” he says softly, “I’ve never felt this out of control.” Instantly, it’s like I’m back in Michael’s house, waking up to find him inside of me. It hurt so bad that I’d felt like I was dying, and I had begged him to stop over and over again, but he didn’t. “It’s your fault you fucking whore,” he’d said as he continued the assault. “No man can control himself around a slut like you. You’re a fucking filthy stupid cunt and you get what you deserve.” My lungs feel like they’re collapsing from terror. Both of my feet are on the ground now and I’m twisting so desperately to get away it actually hurts. “I don’t want this—please! Get off me! Get off, get off, get off! Don’t hurt me anymore!” I realize I’m not with Michael as Gavin backs away from me in a flash with his arms out in a panic. “Holy shit, Leah! I’m sorry I scared you, I swear to God I wasn’t going to hurt you!” Mortification hits me hard. Seeing the look on his face, knowing that he sees what a goddamn mess I am and realizing I’ll never be a normal woman hits me like a train going a million miles an hour. I run like the wind to my bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me. Heading straight for the farthest corner of the room, I drop to the floor, pull my knees up to my chin and begin to sob. I had one fucking chance to be normal and I blew it—and I so didn’t want to blow it. Why does it have to be like this? I’m a hysterical mess, completely unable to get myself together. I’m crying so hard I know if I don’t get it under control I’m going to hyperventilate, and I can’t seem to make myself stop. All I want is to be fucking happy and that’s never going to happen because I’m so goddamn broken. “Leah.”

I startle when I realize that Gavin is now in the room with me. Lifting my head up, I find that he’s crouched down in front of me with a box of tissues in his hand. “I’m…so…sorry,” I sob brokenly. Reaching his hand out slowly, he brings a tissue up to my face and dabs at my cheeks to dry my tears. “Don’t apologize to me, Little Reader. You did nothing wrong,” he says kindly. Shaking my head, I stare at him in horror. “I did and…I…am…so…fucking embarrassed!” “That’s bullshit.” That’s all he says before he stands up and I assume that he’s going to leave. Instead, he steps forward, hands me a wad of tissues and then bends over and sweeps me up into his arms. Like I weigh nothing, he carries me to my bed and sets me down. As soon as he has me seated, he drops to the floor on his knees and cups my free hand with both of his. “Tell me what happened to you.” Closing my eyes, I shake my head in absolute humiliation. “It’s bad enough you know there’s something wrong with me. You don’t need to know the details.” Giving my hand a squeeze he says, “There is not one damn thing wrong with you, Leah Cooper. Whatever it is you think you need to be embarrassed about and whatever shame you feel doesn’t belong to you. You didn’t do this to yourself—someone did it to you. Were you…” His voice trails off and I know why. He’s having trouble saying the word. “Yes,” I say on a sob. “I was raped. I was so stupid.” I’m shocked when he pulls me into his arms, holding me tight. “Don’t ever call yourself stupid. You did nothing wrong,” he whispers. “Nothing you did was a reason to be raped. Anyone who would tell you otherwise is a fuckin’ monster.” I cling to him with a mix of gratitude and awe. I love his understanding and how strong he is for me. “I want to know who it was, and I want to make him pay,” he says quietly. Cracking my eyes open, I pull back. His expression is tender and concerned, but I see the anger in his eyes. If Michael were alive, I have no doubt Gavin would find a way to extract revenge. “He went to jail and he died there,” I say on a choked sob. “I’m glad,” he replies. “I hope he suffered.” “I feel like an idiot. I know it’s too much to deal with.” He pulls me back into his arms and I go willingly, burying my face against his chest. “You aren’t an idiot and I don’t want you calling yourself that ever again,” he says firmly. “What just happened out there isn’t the end of the world, and it sure as hell isn’t the end of us.” I’m flat out shaking now and I can’t tell if it’s residual emotion from what just happened, relief that Gavin is being so amazing about it, or shock he just referred to he and I as an us. “It isn’t?” “No babe, it doesn’t,” he assures me. “Unless you want no part of me, I’m not going anywhere. If you don’t want to be touched, say so. No means no. We’ll go slow and figure this out together. You can trust me Leah. I swear I will never hurt you.” I want to believe we can be something—God, how I want to believe—but when I think about myself all I see is a giant pile of complicated shit. Why would anyone choose to deal with this? “I’ve got too much baggage.” Setting me back, he cups my face with his hands. “We’ve all got baggage, babe. You need to stop trying to carry all of yours on your own. Whatever happened doesn’t have to define you if you don’t let it. Everything in life worth having is worth working for. I’m more than willing to work for you—the question is, are you going to let me?” Everything he’s saying is too perfect and I’m almost afraid to let myself hope. Why is he so amazing? “I’m damaged goods,” I say softly. “Shouldn’t I be the one working for you?”

“We’re all damaged goods and there isn’t one person alive who doesn’t have shit they’re dealing with. Damaged doesn’t mean broken, baby. As far as you working for me, you already do. You’ve got me and I’m here because of how you make me feel. You don’t fuckin’ realize how amazing you are, but I do. If you can just trust me enough to try, I’ll find a way to take us forward. I won’t give up on you, and I don’t want you giving up on yourself.” Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine anyone, much less the one person in the world I react to the way I do, would accept me. Now this amazing man is telling me he doesn’t just accept me—he wants me and he doesn’t want to give up and walk away just because I’m complicated. “If you’re sure, then yes—I’ll try.” Looking me straight in the eye he says, “I’m damn sure. Now I need you to tell me something.” “Anything.” “What did I do that triggered what happened out there? You were with me one second and gone the next.” Closing my eyes, I try to breathe through the anxiety I feel when the memory washes over me again. “You said that you’d never felt so out of control before,” I explain. “The man who raped me told me over and over again I made him lose control and what happened was my fault.” When I open my eyes I find that the look on Gavin’s face is nothing short of murderous and I can see him clenching his jaw. I’d be afraid if I wasn’t one hundred percent positive none of his anger is directed at me. It takes a few seconds for him to get himself together enough to even take a breath. “That motherfucker is lucky he’s already in a pine box somewhere because if he was still alive, I’d fucking kill him,” he says harshly. “Nothing you did caused him to lose control. The kind of asshole fuck who would rape someone is fuckin’ evil.” I nod as Gavin takes a deep breath. “Babe, when I said that I’d never felt so out of control, I didn’t mean it the way you took it. What I was trying to say, obviously very poorly, was how I feel for you is totally different and a little scary—and I don’t mean it in a bad way. That’s the control that I mean. I’d put myself down before I would ever touch a woman against her will. I can promise you right now, it will never happen.” “I know that, I swear I do,” I assure him. “I do trust you Gavin. What happened out there—wasn’t because of you. You’re the first person I’ve ever touched or kissed since it happened and I think everything went haywire because I panicked.” Running a hand along my cheek, he nods. “We can work through panic. I’m willing to do whatever it takes, babe. What’s happening with you is a game changer.” I gape at him in shock, surprised to hear his reaction to me is similar to mine to him. Before I can say anything in response, he leans forward and kisses my forehead. “Alright Little Reader, no pressure. It’s been a big night for you and I probably should have waited to drop that on you. You’ve had enough and I can see you’re exhausted. Need you to go get ready for bed so I can tuck you in.” Biting my lip, I stare at him for a minute before I work up the courage to speak. “I’m glad that you told me. I feel the same way. I don’t want you to leave, Gavin. Will you stay?” “I don’t think—” “I just want you to hold me,” I admit. “I feel safe when you hold me.” “Then yeah,” he says with a smile. “I’ll stay. I’m gonna go get ready for bed in my room but I’ll come back in a few minutes and if you still want me to stay, I will.” Once I nod my head in agreement he drops a soft and short kiss on my lips before getting up and leaving the room. After he closes the door behind him, I stand and head directly for the bathroom. Once I’m finished scrubbing my face of makeup, splashing copious amounts of ice cold water on my face in the hopes of

helping the I was just sobbing look I’m rocking right now go away quicker, throwing my hair into a bun and brushing my teeth, I head back into my room and throw on a pair of white sleep shorts and the matching white shirt. I fidget while I wait for him, and the time seems to be dragging on. Looking to the clock I note that it’s been almost ten minutes since he left the room. It makes me sad to think he’s not coming back, and I worry maybe he’s decided that I’m too much trouble. Harnessing my courage, I decide to go straight to the source and ask him why he changed his mind. I hurry to his room before I lose my courage, then knock softly on his door. Getting no answer, I try again. After trying three times I turn the knob and open the door cautiously, figuring he must have fallen asleep. Instead I find the room empty, but now that I’m in I can hear the shower running. Letting out the breath I didn’t even realize I was holding, I smile. Here I was panicking he was going to start avoiding me and he’s been in the shower the whole time. Since I’m already here we might as well just sleep in his room. Crossing the room quickly, I climb onto his bed and get under the covers. This is our second night here, which means he’s already slept in this bed so I can smell him on the pillowcases. Smiling to myself, I snuggle into the pillow and breathe in. The man smells so damn good even his pillows make me think sexy thoughts. The door to his bathroom opens and a waft of steam comes out. Seconds later he steps into the bedroom clad only in a pair of Armani briefs and my heart feels like it might explode in my chest. I’ve seen him shirtless before so it’s not like this is my first rodeo with Gavin Wilde’s chest, but this is different. Just seeing him almost naked is making me lightheaded. I let out a little groan of appreciation before I can hold it back, and his head swivels in my direction in obvious surprise to find me in his bed. “You want to sleep in here?” I can feel the flush spreading across my cheeks as I nod. “I thought you weren’t coming so I came to check on you. Once I was here it just made sense to stay. Is this okay?” He stares at me in silence for a few seconds—I think searching my face for something. Whatever it is he is looking for he must find it, because the next thing I know his face lights up in a smile as he walks to the bed. “This is more than okay, babe.” When he gets to the edge of the bed he stops. “You good with sleeping in the dark or do you need a light or the TV on?” “I like it dark.” “Then dark it is.” After turning off the light on the nightstand, he climbs into bed with me. He hesitates as he looks down at me. “You want me to hold you, or do you want me to cuddle you from behind?” I can’t help but smile at Gavin’s use of the word cuddle, but that’s not what I want. “Will you hold me?” His answer is to pull me into his arms, giving me the ability to rest my head on his shoulder. He holds me firmly but not too tight, and with a sigh of contentment I melt into him and shut my eyes. “Night babe.”



HAVING LEAH SLEEP in the bed with me last night was pretty much the only thing that kept me calm. I spent so many years being fucked up and angry and once I came out the other side, I did whatever I could to find peace. After she fell asleep last night, for the first time in forever I wanted to go on a rampage and break things. Even knowing the motherfucker is dead didn’t take away the rage. What kind of man could get off on hurting women? Someone who wasn’t a real fuckin’ man is who. All I could think of for hours after she fell asleep was how helpless and terrified she must have felt when it was happening and it made me fucking sick. Seeing her terror up close and personal when she’d had her flashback damn near killed me, and knowing what I’d seen could only have been one percent of what she went through ripped my goddamn heart out. In order to calm myself down I focused on the knowledge that she’s safe now, as well as the feeling of her in my arms and the calm in and out of her breath. Eventually, it had worked to soothe me and lull me into sleep. Even I’m surprised I wound up sleeping like the dead, but I know it’s because I have her here. Unfortunately, the instant I woke up, I remembered she’s on tour with me because she’s in some kind of danger and now I can’t calm myself the hell down. She’s still sound asleep and I don’t have it in me to wake her, but I can’t wait another second. Carefully maneuvering myself out of the bed, I put a pillow where my body had been and position her arm over it in the hopes it will keep her asleep. After throwing on clothes I rush into the living room and grab a piece of hotel stationary. Babe- Had to go to Flynn’s room for a meeting. Be back soon. Order breakfast if you wake up before I get back. -G After tucking the note on the pillow I substituted for me, I haul ass out of the suite. The guards are back at their posts at the end of the hall and I nod at Jerry before I start banging on Flynn’s door. It takes a minute or so but I don’t stop banging until the door flies open. Flynn’s buck ass naked and looks like he’s still half asleep but I don’t give a shit. Forcing my way into the room, I get down to business. “We need to talk. Get dressed.” He’s got a confused what the fuck is happening look on his face, so I snap my fingers. “Dude, I need your fuckin’ help. Get dressed.” “What’s going on? What’s wrong,” he asks frantically. “Is Leah okay?” “Leah is fine,” I assure him, “but I need to talk to you. Obviously it’s important. Go put something on so I don’t have to stare at your fuckin’ dick. No one wants to see that.” After giving me the finger he turns and leaves the room. I barely have time to take a seat on the sofa before he comes back out wearing a pair of jeans. “You wanna tell me why you’re fuckin’ up at eight o’clock?” “I need to know why Leah’s on tour with us—the whole story. How much danger is she in and does

anyone have any fuckin’ leads on the crazy cunt they’re looking for?” Running his hands through his hair he lets out a whoosh of air. “I don’t mind telling you, but why the fuck are you so gung ho for me to tell you this now? Why couldn’t you ask me this later? We’ve been on the road for days—what lit a fire under your ass?” Remembering what went down last night makes my stomach churn. “Last night Leah and I were kissing when she had some sort of flashback of being raped a few years ago. It was fuckin’ awful and now all I can think about is there might be someone else out there who wants to hurt her. I need to know what we’re dealing with and who we’re up against.” “Fuck, Gav… I didn’t know man. Is she alright?” Thinking about her in my bed when I came out of the shower and the way she held onto me through the night tells me she is. “She’s okay now. There’s work to be done there, but Leah’s tough shit—she just doesn’t realize it yet. In the meantime I need to know what’s going on with the security and how much danger she’s in.” Giving me a nod of understanding he starts talking. “When my sisters were kidnapped, it was my brother-in-law Spencer’s mother—who also happens to be Leah’s biological mother—who took them. Like I told you already, when we found my sisters that cunt was choking Dominique to death and my dad had no choice but to shoot to kill. Turns out the bitch had an accomplice. Some crazy bitch named Tally. Long story short, Tally turns out to be the sister of Dillon’s dead wife, Marissa, only nobody knew it.” I recognize the name immediately, and I sit forward in shock. “How did no one know that Marissa had a sister?” “It’s fucked up, man. Leah and Dillon’s adoptive parents died when they were younger. None of the family wanted them so they were placed in foster care. They met Marissa at the first home they were in and they were never separated from her after. She was in care because her stepfather had molested her. Marissa knew she had a sister—so did Dillon and Leah—but she never called her Tally, she called her Issa. Tally’s given name is Talissa. Anyway, the crazy cunt blames Leah and Dillon for Marissa staying in foster care. She also blamed them for making Marissa ‘lie’ about being molested. “Obviously, the bitch is a few screws short of the fuckin’ set. She actually worked her way into a relationship with my sister Dominique that lasted for almost a year, but now it seems it was all a setup, part of the plan she had with Spencer’s mother. When they broke up she fuckin’ kidnapped Dominique and Delilah and you know the rest. While the girls were being held Tally told them she wasn’t going to kill them, her real targets are Leah and Dillon.” That answer didn’t make me feel any better at all because now I’m positive that Leah is in real danger. “Goddammit Flynn! Why aren’t there more guards? Why don’t I have a gun in the fucking room? We shouldn’t even be on tour,” I bellow. “What the fuck were you thinking?” Giving me a glare he snaps, “Watch it, asshole. I know you’re freaking out but you need to calm down. First of all, we’ve got guards on top of fucking guards, you only know half of it. There are the guards that you see, there’s our security, and on top of that, there are eight others traveling our route undercover. The Harts have literally spared no expense to get her the best of the best, and I swear to you, she is safe. The chief of security had it all figured out and I agreed—being on the road with us is the best option for her. No one is raising an eyebrow at the security because it’s normal for us which means that she doesn’t stand out like a sore thumb, she’s not in any one place for more than three nights at a time, and no one would think to look for her here.” “If Tally is looking for anyone with me,” he continues, “it’s Dominique or Delilah and the Harts’ security team planted a trail that points way the fuck away from here. You know I didn’t want to fucking do this tour after what happened with my sisters. The girls all think we agreed to do the tour because Gram put her foot down but the truth is having everyone go off in different directions was the only way to

throw the bitch off the trail. Do you really think I want to be on tour when my sisters are in danger and my father just fucking killed someone? This is a fucking nightmare!” Before I can even get the apology out of my mouth, Tessa comes stomping out of the bedroom, walks right over to the couch, looks down and glares at me. “He barely sleeps at night because he’s sick about all of this, and pretending he’s okay at all is taking a huge toll. He has to do all of this crap, including going out so stories wind up on the Internet about places the band has been while on tour—so it looks like nothing is different. I understand you didn’t know, but if you’re going to be an asshole and make him feel like shit, you can go to hell. We all want to be home but it isn’t what’s best from a safety standpoint. This situation sucks but it is what it is. Please, don’t make him feel any worse than he already does.” I am, officially, the world’s most giant douche. “I’m sorry. I just…” Setting a hand on my shoulder, Flynn squeezes. “I get it, I do. You really like her and you’re scared for her. Honestly, we’re all fucking scared.” He’s right. The idea that something might happen to Leah isn’t just scary, it’s terrifying. After forcing Flynn and Tessa to listen to my apology, I head right back to our room. I need to be near her, need to make sure that she’s okay.



GAVIN HAS BEEN acting really strange ever since the morning after the incident. When I woke up he was sitting in a chair by the window watching me sleep. Ever since, he’s been all but glued to me. We’ve slept together in his bed in two different hotels over the last two nights, but all he does is kiss me. When I go to sleep, he’s still awake, and when I wake up, he’s already awake and watching me. He hasn’t done anything other than kiss me and I’m frustrated. Yes, I need to go slow but this is ridiculous. I never thought this would be a complaint I would have, but it’s really starting to get to me. I can’t help but worry once he really got to think about it, he came to the conclusion my freak out from the other night was too much for him to deal with. Even him sticking to me like glue is upsetting because I just know he’s watching me like a hawk to make sure I don’t have another episode. He’s even managing to keep an eye on me during the concerts, and it’s got to stop because he’s making me an anxious mess. Tonight is another night off and I’m working up the courage to say something to him. We’ve already eaten dinner, played Scrabble, hung out with Flynn and Tessa for an hour or so and now we’re on the couch relaxing and watching reruns of The Big Bang Theory. I’m freaking out about saying something, but I can’t just sit and do nothing. I want Gavin and I to work out in a way I’ve never wanted anything before. If I have to fight for him and make sure he knows that I’m really ready, it’s what I’m going to have to do. Summoning up all of my courage I blurt, “If I’m too much to handle or I’m doing something wrong, can you please tell me what it is?” His head turns my way lightning fast and he stares at me in surprise. “What in the hell are you talking about babe?” I want to hide my face or flat out run away from him and hide in the other room, but I stay right where I am. “You’re acting weird and it’s obvious you’re upset about something. You treat me like I’m breakable and when we kiss you keep it practically PG. I’m not stupid, I know something is wrong and it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out it’s because of me.” Running a hand across his face, he lets out a long sigh. “Fuck. Yeah, I guess we should talk about this. I’m sorry I’ve been acting like a fuck and yeah it’s about you but it’s not what you think at all. The other morning I went and talked to Flynn—he told me everything about why you’re here, and I’ve been freaking the fuck out ever since.” I cock my head to the side. “Is it too much pressure having to worry about me being in the same suite with you?” The look he gives me is one of pure frustration. “Dammit babe, don’t be ridiculous. I’m about five seconds from sewing you to my side because I’m scared something might happen to you. Knowing there’s someone out there wanting to hurt you has me on edge and it’s fucking with my mind.” It takes me a few seconds to process what he said. “Then you’re not regretting saying that you want to try?” “Babe, we aren’t just trying—we’re doing,” he says firmly. “I’m walking a fine line here trying to keep you safe, trying not to put any pressure on you to go any further than you’re ready to go and trying not

to have a twenty-four hour a day panic attack about the crazy stalker bitch who’s God fuckin’ knows where right now.” My heart melts. This man, this frustrating but amazing man, is so ridiculously good I can barely take it. I need to do something to show him I’m ready, I can’t just wait for him to take charge. I want to be a partner which means I’m going to have to go out on a limb and reach for what I want, what I need. Rising from the couch, I turn and face him before climbing onto his lap so we’re eye to eye. Placing a hand on either side of his head, I gently start scratching his scalp as I stare into his eyes. “By shutting me out and not talking to me about all of this, you’re putting all of the pressure on yourself. I said I would try and I meant it. Now you have to let me. I want us to be equals.” Wrapping his arms around my waist he pulls me in closer as he smiles up at me. “We are equal, babe. I like you calling me on my bullshit,” he chuckles. “You’re so much stronger than you’ve ever given yourself credit for.” I can feel myself blushing as I shake my head and mumble, “I’m not strong. I’m still scared.” Lifting one of his hands from my waist, he cups my chin and forces me to look at him. “You might be scared but you aren’t running away. Strength is feeling the goddamn fear and then taking action in spite of it.” Here. This moment, right at this very second, I know I’m falling in love with Gavin. Leaning forward I slide my hands down from his head and cup his face. Covering his lips with mine, I kiss him softly. It doesn’t take long for the kiss to grow and become more carnal, more erotic, and I’m breathing heavily as I writhe against him. The taste of him makes me want everything he’s got and my sex is on fire for him. If he can do this to me with a simple kiss, what is sex with him going to be like? There’s no doubt in my mind Gavin is combustible, and I intend to find out first hand what it feels like. Not today and maybe not even next week, but at some point I’m going to be comfortable enough to make love with him. I never thought I’d ever feel like this, never thought I’d want someone to touch me, to be inside of me, but I do and it’s all because of him. Threading his hands through my hair, he holds me still as he breaks the kiss. “Don’t move too fast babe. I don’t want you going any farther than you want to because you imagine it’s what I want.” He’s right but I still let out a groan of frustration. “I know, I know…I just, I want to touch you. I want more. It’s been so long since I wanted anything I’m afraid it will go away again if I don’t hold onto it.” Letting out a sigh, he pulls my face back to his and kisses me gently before pulling away again. “Before we do anything else, you and I need to talk. I’m not starting anything until everything is out in the open between us.” I struggle to gulp past the nervous boulder that is suddenly in my throat. “Is there something wrong?” “No, but I’m not such an idiot that I don’t realize this might upset you.” In addition to the nervous boulder in my throat my heart is now racing to beat the band. “Okayyyyy…” “Before I tell you this, I want you to understand something. It doesn’t change anything. We’re still here, I’m not going anywhere, and the only reason I haven’t said anything before now is because I didn’t want to upset or embarrass you.” It’s like a neon flashing sign, and I instantly know exactly what it is that he needs to tell me. “You remember me don’t you?” No sooner has he nodded his head before I’m blurting out my next question. “When did you remember?” Now he smiles at me, a little smirk that makes my heart race for an entirely different reason. “As soon as I saw you. I’ve never forgotten that night so it wasn’t like the memory was buried deep. I could tell on the plane you were hoping I didn’t remember you and I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable so I said nothing. Every time I’ve wanted to bring it up since then I didn’t feel the timing

was right. I just couldn’t take this to the next level without putting it out there first, it felt wrong to keep it from you and that’s not me.” He’s right, it isn’t him. Gavin is a good man, an honest man. Lifting my hand, I brush his hair back from his forehead. “You did the right thing,” I assure him with a smile. “Never in a million years would I have expected you to remember me.” “You definitely made an impression,” he jokes. “Ugh…don’t remind me. If that night hadn’t been so good for me in the long run, I probably would be curled up in the fetal position crying right now due to humiliation.” Taking several strands of my hair into his hand, he begins toying with the ends. “How did it end up being good for you? I felt like such an asshole once it really hit me what a cocksucker I’d been to you. I was in an awful place back then and I took it out on you, which makes me feel like a piece of shit every time I think about it.” Covering his mouth with my hand, I shake my head. “My whole life, the one thing Dillon has always said to me in any of our tough situations is Coopers don’t quit. That morning in your house you said you didn’t know if I’d always been a quitter and it hit me like a two by four to the heart. You were right. I was quitting. Your question was a wake-up call to me and I got my shit together not long afterward. I’d just really come into my own again when I started dating Michael…and, well, you know how that wound up. The depression and hopelessness I felt after Marissa killed herself was just a shadow of what I felt after I was violated. I was so close to letting go, to taking the permanent way out just so I didn’t have to feel the pain anymore—but I kept hearing your voice in my head asking if anyone loved or cared about me and I knew I couldn’t do that. Instead of killing myself I fought, sometimes minute by minute, to keep breathing.” My eyes are filling with tears even thinking about that time and now I’m struggling to continue talking. Suddenly, he’s wrapping his arms around me again and pulling me in for a hug. Instead of letting me go, he just holds me. He holds me and gives me the strength I didn’t even realize I’ve needed. We stay like this for several minutes, the only sound in the room being our breathing. The longer he holds me the more confident I feel in how I want to move forward. After going over the words again and again in my head I finally say, “I want you to bring me back to life. Will you touch me?”



WILL I TOUCH her? I’d sign away every cent in my bank account for her. Whatever she wants, I’ll do it. “If I’m going to really touch you,” I tell her, “we need to go to the bedroom. Is it okay?” She nods tentatively in answer, and I let out a sigh. “Babe, I’m not talking about sex and I will never hurt you or make you do things you don’t want to do. You say boo, I’m stopping. You’re the boss, babe. Make me work for you.” Now when she nods, it’s firmer. Separating herself from me, she stands, turns and walks to the bedroom without a backwards glance. I follow quickly, smiling at her when she climbs onto the middle of the bed and turns to face me. “I’m here,” she says softly. “I want to touch you and I want you to touch me. I trust you.” I am fucking amazed by this woman and the faith that she has in me, in us. I’ve never gone through the trauma that she did so I’ll never really know how big this leap of faith is for her, but I know for damn sure it’s harder than I can possibly comprehend. I climb onto the bed so that I’m facing her then reach out and run my hands up and down her arms. “Thank you babe.” Cocking her head she looks at me in confusion. “For trusting me. For taking this chance. For being you,” I say. “Take your pick, they all apply.” My heart constricts in my chest as one lone tear makes its way down her perfect face. Leaning forward, I kiss it off of her. “No more tears for you baby. I want to make you happy, not sad.” She grabs my face in her hands and forces me to look her in the eye. “That was a happy tear,” she says with a smile. I rub my nose softly against hers before I ask, “When was the last time you came?” Shaking her head with what looks like embarrassment she mumbles, “Before it happened.” “You haven’t tried to make yourself come since?” “No… I thought that part of myself had been turned off forever until I saw you on the plane. I don’t know that I’ll be able to now, but the fact that I want you as badly as I do…“ “We’ll get you there, babe,” I vow. Without another word she pulls me in close and kisses me. Wrapping her arms around me tightly she maneuvers herself until she’s straddling me, and I grip her ass to keep her from going anywhere. This kiss is different than what we’ve done so far, probably because the intent is different. We may not be going as far as having sex, but we’re definitely about to be far more intimate than we have been. The kissing. Fuck the kissing is making me crazy. She tastes so fucking good and the way she’s kissing me back is making my cock throb. I groan when she pulls away and then I let out a growl when she reaches down and grabs the hem of the tee shirt that I’m wearing and begins to pull it up. She struggles with it for a few seconds before I take her lead and pull the shirt off. She looks at my chest with pure desire before setting both hands on my shoulders and then running

them ever so slowly down my torso. I’m trying to be silent and still, but when she hits my belly button area, I let out a low sound in my throat. Popping her head up she looks at me in confusion. “Am I hurting you?” “No,” I rasp. “You’re perfect. It feels good.” I barely contain a groan as she leans forward and begins tracing the tattoo on my chest with her tongue. When she comes up from the tat and licks my neck, I damn near explode. “Fuck,” I groan. I tense thinking I’ve probably scared her, but the soft sound of her giggle followed by a little suction against my neck tells me that she’s okay. “Is fuck good, or fuck bad?” She asks teasingly. “It’s very, very good babe,” I assure her. I feel, rather than see her nod, and then she’s moving lower again and tentatively licking my left nipple. I clench my jaw so fucking hard to keep my sounds in I’m surprised the damn thing doesn’t lock up on me. When she pushes me back so I’m lying down, I let out an involuntary groan as she readjusts her position and rocks against my erection. Feeling it causes her to make a little sound of pleasure, and her head comes up quickly as she looks at me in wonder. “That felt so good,” she says breathlessly. Fuck me, it’s just become my life’s goal to make this woman feel good. “It can feel better babe, so much better. Can I touch you yet?” She says nothing for a few seconds as she stares at me and thinks, nibbling at her bottom lip as she tries to make a decision. Leaning forward she braces her hands against my chest and begins rocking against me. “Will it feel as good as this does?” “I don’t think anything has ever felt this good babe, but yeah, it can get even better.” “Then yes,” she says as she continues the slow rocking. “Touch me.” I want to sit up fast and rip her clothes off so that I can feast on her body, but it isn’t what she needs so it isn’t what I’ll be doing. Instead, I sit up calmly and pull her face to mine so I can kiss her deep. She keeps right on rocking as our tongues slide against each other, and the more she does it the more comfortable she gets in my arms. Breaking the kiss I slide the hem of her shirt up so that I can run my fingers along her stomach. “Can I take it off?” Her eyes are glazed over with lust as she nods at me. “Yes,” she moans. “Take it off.” She makes a noise of frustration as I do and I know it’s because she has to stop rocking for a minute. Not wanting her to finish before the night has even begun, I ease her back until she’s lying against the pillows. The first glance of her naked from the waist up makes all the blood in my brain rush to my already painfully erect cock and I swear to Christ I feel a little dizzy from the lack of blood to my head. Leah’s tits have always driven me crazy, and they look better than ever. Like they’re some kind of fucking homing beacon I can’t ignore I lean over and lick her right nipple first and then her left. I thought the taste of her mouth was amazing but fuck me, her skin. I want this taste on my tongue every day from here on out. When I suck her left nipple into my mouth and begin tonguing it, she threads her hands into my hair and lets out a gasp followed by an, “Oh! Wow…” Wow is right. I devote a lot of time to worshipping her tits, going from one to the other and covering every luscious inch with kisses, licks and gentle nibbles. All the while Leah’s hands stay in my hair as she holds me to her. I’d give every goddamn cent I have to be inside of her, I want her that badly. In lieu of being able to do that, I’m bound and determined to make her come. Slowly, so slowly, I begin licking my way down her body. I lick a soft and teasing trail around her

navel before wiggling my tongue inside, and I smile when she lets out a sound that’s half gasp, half laugh. When I get to the waistband of her sleep shorts, I look up and meet her eyes. “Can I take them off?” Biting her lip shyly, she nods. I peel the shorts off and leave her underwear behind. Seeing her spread out on my bed clad only in a pair of white serviceable looking underwear with a wet spot compromising the fabric and allowing me a peek through is almost more than I can stand. Even in plain white underwear, she’s goddamn perfect. I’m drinking in the sight for posterity when suddenly her hands come down and cover her center. Looking up at her in confusion I ask, “Are you okay? Should I stop?” “You stopped,” she says sadly. “It’s because of the underwear isn’t it? They’re a total turnoff! Dammit, I should have thought this through—” “Leah,” I say firmly as I interrupt her. “You’re not in touch with reality right now if you think the kind of underwear you wear makes one bit of difference in how much I want you. Men are visual creatures, babe. I didn’t stop, I was just pausing to commit the moment to memory. You look fuckin’ beautiful and amazing and I have to tell you, I’m more than willing to buy you thousands of pairs of this underwear. You make these things look damn good and I can tell you right now the image of you laying in this bed with these panties on has taken spot number one in my spank bank.” She lets out a little laugh and her face turns red. “You really don’t have a filter do you?” No use in denying it. “Nope.” She laughs harder, and I use the moment to catch her off guard. Bending over, I place an open mouth kiss right on the center of her panties. Instantly, her fingers slide back into my hair as she gasps out another, “Oh. Wowwww.” The taste and smell of her through her underwear is too fucking much and I can’t help myself from gripping the sides of her panties and pulling them down. I worry I’m probably going too fast until she lifts her hips up to help me. As soon as they’re off, I spread her legs wider and use my shoulders to hold her open as I get my first look at her glistening pussy. She’s completely bare which is actually a surprise considering her choice in underwear, but it’s fucking hot as hell. I bring my nose down until I’m hovering just above her pussy and take a deep breath in. It’s like waving a red flag in front of a bull, and I have to remind myself she deserves a fuck of a lot more than me going all cave man on her and tongue fucking her into oblivion. Instead, I stick my tongue out and gently start tracing circles all over her bare pussy. I want to give her plenty of time to get used to me down here and I also want to make sure she’s really turned on before I properly start tonguing her. I listen carefully to the sounds she makes as I start applying more pressure, and when I hear her let out a broken, “Please,” as she tries to push my head down, I know she’s ready. I spread her lips open with my thumbs, letting out a low growl when I see how wet she is and how hard her clit is now. Unable to wait another second, I flatten my tongue and give her one long, hot, lick. “Gavin!” She squeaks. “Yessss.” Damn right yes. I slide my tongue through her wetness, the taste of her on my tongue more than I could ever have imagined. She tastes like sweetness and sex rolled into one perfect fucking package. Moving my hands to her ass, I raise her up to meet my mouth. Spreading her wider, I stick my tongue into her heat and begin fucking her tight channel with my tongue. She’s gasping for air now, making incoherent noises as she rolls her hips and fucks my face. I lick and suck like a man possessed, eager to get every fucking bit of her arousal onto my tongue. Pulling back I look up to see that her chest is flushed and she’s breathing like she’s running a marathon. Smiling to myself I get my mouth back between her legs and feast on her, going to work on her clit. I french kiss it with quick tongue flicks, hitting her hot spot over and over again and causing her to start chanting, “Please, please, please.”

Knowing she’s right where she needs to be I suck her clit into my mouth and flick the hood with my tongue. Fisting her hands in my hair, she bucks up against my mouth as she lets out a cry of wonder. I feel her coming, and I gentle my licks as I slowly bring her back down. When the last shudder has left her and her breathing is returning to normal, I start kissing my way back up her body, giving her soft words of encouragement along the way, telling her how beautiful and amazing she is and how happy I am she trusted me enough to make her come. When I reach her face, I kiss her gently, happy when she doesn’t hesitate to allow my tongue in her mouth since I just feasted on her like it was the last supper. She kisses me so passionately I’m stunned when I feel the wetness on her face. Opening my eyes I pull back and find she’s crying silently. “What’s wrong baby? I didn’t mean to upset you,” I assure her. “Was it too much?” Shaking her head emphatically she wraps her arms around my shoulders and hugs me with a shocking amount of strength. Through her tears she sobs, “You gave me my body back.” Hugging her back tightly, I swallow past the lump in my throat several times before I can give voice to an answer. “No baby, you took it back,” I say firmly. “This is your victory and I am so fucking proud of you.” I hold her tight as she calms down, and even though it was her who did all the hard work, she continues to thank me. A few minutes later I feel her grip loosen and I know she’s fallen asleep. Laying her back on the pillows, I smile at how fuckin’ perfectly right she looks in my bed. I keep right on smiling as I cover her up before I head into the bathroom to take care of myself in the shower.



MY BREATH IS coming in bursts and my hands are shaking and it’s not because I just had an amazing orgasm, although I did. No, right now the issue is I’m trying to take things to the next level with Gavin. For the last five nights when he and I have gone to bed, he’s made love to me with his hands and mouth. I’ve explored every inch of his body above the waist but I have been avoiding going down below. I hate how I’ve been hesitant to go there and I’m frustrated with myself because I can’t just deal with it. Every time I think of going below the waistband of his briefs I freeze up and have a mini panic attack. I know it’s stupid to be scared, but I am. It’s a dick, not a knife, but my fight-or-flight response doesn’t seem to recognize that. The fact remains the last one I felt was the one ripping me apart and it’s all I can think of whenever I try to force myself to go there—and since that’s what I’m doing right now, I’m a wreck. I’m lying underneath him and we’re kissing (amazing) and touching (fantastic)—and I am dying to touch him and make him feel as good as I do when he touches me, but I can’t seem to make myself do it. My hands keep getting right there, but then each time I chicken out and veer away. I’m so lost in my thoughts about what an idiot I’m being that it takes me a few moments to realize that he’s speaking to me instead of touching me. Opening my eyes, I find him staring at me. “Babe, whatever is going on in there, you’ve got to stop psyching yourself out like this,” he says calmly. “Tell me what’s bothering you.” This is so embarrassing! How the hell do I tell him I’m petrified of his dick? I’d avoid it but Gavin is honest and blunt to a fault so I know not answering or playing stupid would be like giving him the middle finger. Looking at a spot over his shoulder I blurt, “Every time I try to touch you down there I have a mini panic attack.” He runs his fingers through my hair and plants a kiss on my lips before sitting up. “You wanna know what I think?” I don’t really, mostly because I’m scared he will be disappointed with me, even though logically I’m fairly certain he won’t be. Instead of telling him no, I nod my head to indicate I want to know. Chuckling softly he shakes his head at me with a look of understanding. “Little liar. You may not want to know but I’m going to tell you anyway. What I think is you’re being too hard on yourself. The trauma from the rape has been with you for years—there’s no way you can just turn that off overnight. This is a process Leah, a journey you and I are on together. It’s not speed dating, babe. One step at a time, I’m not pressuring you and you shouldn’t pressure yourself. You have to crawl before you can walk. You’ve made such amazing progress already—focus on that instead of psyching yourself out over something we have plenty of time to get to.” “I just don’t want you to feel like you have to deal with…” “Stop upsetting yourself by thinking things so far from the truth it’s scary,” he reprimands kindly. “I think it’s pretty obvious how I feel about you, but if you want me to tell you every day, then I will. I want to be with you, Leah. More than I’ve ever wanted anything before in my life, and I don’t just mean

sexually.” He astounds me, there’s really no other way to put it. “I just don’t understand how you’re okay with any of this,” I say. “I’ve got issues and baggage normal people don’t and I’m probably five hundred times the work of any other woman you’ve ever been with. Let’s face it, you could go down into the lobby right now and pick up a woman without any effort and I know damn well that she wouldn’t hesitate to touch you!” Cupping my face, he holds me still so that I’m forced to look at him. “I’ll tell you again. There isn’t a person alive who doesn’t have baggage. Stop thinking you’re not normal, you absolutely are and there is not one damn thing wrong with you. You might be more work but you know what? You’re worth more to me than any other person I’ve ever even considered being with. I have absolutely no desire to walk down into the lobby and troll for a quick lay. I keep telling you and showing you how I feel, but you’re so hung up on feeling guilty that you’re not taking it in. Let me ask you a question—and I want an honest answer. Did you, at any time, feel like Marissa was a burden in your life because of her issues?” My answer is knee-jerk and one thousand percent true. “Absolutely not. Never even for one second.” “That’s how I feel about you, Leah. You keep freaking yourself out by imagining I’m feeling negatively but it couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m more than happy with you and I’m fine to wait as long as it takes for you to feel comfortable enough to go forward. I’m not going to die because we aren’t having sex yet. Put bluntly, what you give me now is more than I ever thought that I would be lucky enough to have.” He’s everything and I don’t know how or why I’ve gotten so lucky. “I just—I want to touch you so badly but I can’t get myself to actually do it. I’m afraid it’s never going to happen and it’s really upsetting me.” One of the things I like best about Gavin is how he listens to me and really hears what I say. Nodding his head in understanding, he’s silent for several seconds while he thinks. “Is it the idea of seeing it or touching it that scares you?” After thinking it over quickly I answer, “Touching. I’m afraid I’ll freak out when I touch it.” “Alright—I get that and I think I have an idea. What if I’m the one touching it? You can watch and when you feel like touching it, could be days or months from now, no pressure, then you do. For now we just work on getting you used to seeing it and we’ll slowly build up from there.” It probably sounds crazy but I love this idea. Nodding my head enthusiastically, I let out a little laugh. “Did someone give you a copy of a How to Handle Leah Cooper book? Because seriously, you’re a damn genius.” Gavin rolls his eyes as he chuckles. “Nope, I’m figuring all of this out on the fly. How about we start by having you sit in the chair across the room. I’ll get naked and you can watch.” When he helps me up from the bed I immediately head to the closet to grab a shirt to cover myself since I’m naked. I don’t hear him coming so I startle when he wraps his arms around me from behind. “What’re you doing?” Just the way he says it with his lips against my ear causes me to shiver and my nipples pucker painfully. This man is making me crazy. “Putting on a shirt so that I don’t look like a moron sitting on the chair naked.” Sliding his hands up my torso, he cups my breasts in his hands and rubs the pads of his thumbs across my nipples. “Babe we might not be touching but let me assure you, this is a shared activity. I want to see you naked and, if the mood strikes, I want you to touch yourself.” The idea overwhelms me but obviously I like it more than it scares me, because I can feel myself getting wet. I nod and he turns me around and presses me up against the closet door as he covers my lips with his own and plunders my mouth with his tongue. Whenever I kiss him now I have zero hesitation. Instead of being afraid I throw myself into it, and every day the more we kiss, the more I love it. I moan low in my throat when he slips his fingers onto my pussy and rubs my clit. Pulling back, he

smiles wolfishly at me as he takes his finger away from where I want it and sucks it into his mouth. “I love the way you taste,” he says in a growly voice that makes me break out in goosebumps. He says this every time we’re in bed together, and I always wonder why I taste so good to him. I’ve had two guys go down on me before and neither went out of their way to tell me that I smelled or tasted good. I can feel myself blush as I blurt, “Doesn’t every girl taste the same?” Shaking his head emphatically, he grins at me. “Absolutely not. Everyone is different but you—you’re in a class all by yourself. I fucking love using my tongue on your sweet cunt and getting the taste of you in my mouth. You taste the best.” “Why is it different?” Crowding me against the door, he runs his tongue along my lips. “Because you’re different.” “What do I taste like to you?” Pulling back a bit he grins at me. “Perfection. Sex. Beauty. Hope. Strength. Happiness. Lust. You taste like all of those things to me.” Letting out a sigh, I run my hand up his chest. “You rock my world, Gavin Wilde.” Leaning in he kisses me again, slowly and thoroughly. When he stops he gently bites my bottom lip before stepping back and spinning me to face the direction of the chair. “Time to get your sexy ass into your seat.” I can’t help the smile on my face when I realize he made me forget that I was anxious. I’m not nearly as scared as I was ten minutes ago. After taking my seat I watch in silence as he walks into the bathroom to get something before coming back into the room. Making his way to the side of the bed, he lays a bottle of what I quickly realize is lube on the nightstand. Turning to look at me, he watches me in silence for a few seconds. Without him saying a word, I know he’s giving me a chance to back out. Giving him a nod I say simply, “Do it.” Giving me a smile I think is laced with pride in me for taking this step, he hooks his hands onto either side of his briefs and pulls them down his legs. I stay focused on his face for several seconds, but when he stands up I dare to look at him fully naked for the first time. I let out a sound of shock when I see his erection and I realize he’s pretty well endowed. I’m not saying he’s packing a tree trunk but his is by far the biggest I’ve ever seen in person. I force myself to stare at it for a few moments, and I smile when I realize he’s perfectly groomed. Michael had not been, and one of my fears about doing this with Gavin was if he had an enormous mound of pubic hair, I’d freak out. After the rape I was so grossed out by Michael’s pubic situation I shaved myself bare. I’ve never gone back and I never will. Seeing Gavin is beautifully proportioned and lacking in man bush makes me happy and I look up at him and smile. “Holy wow… It’s big.” “Well,” he says with a laugh. “It’s nothing like the fuckin’ baby’s arm Flynn’s working with, but I’m attached to it.” I make a gagging noise. “Talk about a disturbing visual. I’m going to pretend you never told me that.” “Yeah,” he says firmly. “Don’t ever think about Flynn’s cock, or anyone else’s. Just mine.” I love how Gavin and I can talk about anything. I was so panicked about his cock and what it would be like to see it I worked myself up into a frenzy. Now that it’s out in the open, literally, I’m not freaking out at all. “I want to watch you,” I remind him softly. After nodding at me he squirts a bit of lube onto his hand and strokes his cock a few times before he gets onto the bed and positions himself in the middle. My mouth is dry as a bone and it’s not because I’m afraid, it’s because all the moisture in my body is now between my legs. Seeing his cock standing at attention isn’t a turn off at all. I watch in silence as he begins to stroke. Every time I look up from watching him shuttle his fist up

and down, I find him watching me. I fidget in the chair as my inner walls clench with arousal. I’m so into alternating watching him pump and looking at his face I startle when I feel my fingers sliding over my slick mound. The groan he lets out as I begin moving my fingers has my eyes flying from his cock to his face, and I let out a moan of my own when I see he’s watching my fingers with a look of absolute lust on his face. “You look so fucking sexy baby. Rub that sexy pussy for me. Make it feel as good as when I’ve got my mouth all over you.” Whimpering out a low sound of need I swirl my finger against my clit and begin rubbing in a circular motion. “God, fuck, I can hear you,” he growls. “So wet.” I’m right there, primed and ready to come, but my body won’t release. I keep shifting my position and trying different pressures and movements, but nothing is working. Letting out a cry of frustration, I keep trying even as it’s starting to physically hurt not to come. Stomping my foot I take my hand away and let out a frustrated groan as I realize that I’m not coming because I’m too far from him. Before I can get myself all worked up and anxious about it, I stand and hurry across the room to the bed. “Babe, what—” Snuggling up to his side I lay my head on his chest so I’m facing his cock. “I couldn’t come so far away from you,” I say as I slide my fingers back to my clit. “Don’t stop, Gavin. Keep going… I want you to come.” I know having me here lying against him is making him feel good because he’s jerking harder and there’s pre-cum on the tip of his cock. Being so close to it isn’t scaring me at all, in fact it’s turning me on. I rub quicker as his fist shuttles up and down his cock faster, and the two of us are both moaning a lot more now. “Fuck, Leah, I’m coming!” I’m not scared at all when his cock starts releasing. When I feel a hot jet of his come hit my lower lip, I immediately stick my tongue out to taste it. It’s nothing like what I’ve always been afraid of—it’s musky and masculine, salty and a little bitter—but knowing it’s the taste of Gavin makes me love having it on my tongue. When another jet hits my cheek, my own orgasm takes over and I cry out his name in wonder as I come. After it’s over, he leaves the bed to clean himself off. Coming back, he scoops me up and adjusts me so I’m lying on top of him. He rubs my back gently as he kisses me deeply, and we stay entwined for a long time. When he pulls away I’m breathless but happier than I can remember being in forever. “Was it as good for you as it looked?” Nodding my head, I let out a chuckle. “It was amazing. Thank you.” He hugs me to him for a moment before speaking. “No baby, thank you. Thank you for trusting me.” When I open my mouth to say something to him, I quickly catch myself and nod instead. If I weren’t so blissed out and exhausted, I would probably be freaking out right now. I just stopped myself from letting him know I love him.



I’VE NEVER BEEN what you would call a romantic guy. Granted, I’ve never had to be and yeah, I know it’s fucked up. Oh well, cause it is what it is. With Leah, I want to be different. For almost three weeks we’ve been cooped up in different hotel rooms and I can tell that it’s weighing on her that because of the Tally situation she literally can’t go anywhere unless it’s been closed down just for the band, which has only happened twice—one night for bowling and karaoke, and the other night we rented out a movie theater and watched Anchorman 1 & 2. I know she’s having fun and she would never complain about what’s happening but it has to be boring being holed up all the time. Last night I asked her what’s the first thing she wants to do when the threat is gone. Her answer shouldn’t have surprised me, but it did. “I can’t wait to go outside. Other than walking to and from the car, it feels as if I haven’t been outdoors in forever and I miss it.” I’m used to this tour life, used to being indoors for extended periods of time, but it took years to get to this point, so I remember feeling the way she does. For me, spending all of this time with her has been awesome. Because we rarely go anywhere aside from the shows and dinner with the entire crew each night, it’s been as if Leah and I are on our own little island together. It means the getting-to-know-eachother process has gone a lot faster than it would have if we were dating and only seeing each other every few days. In less than three weeks I’ve managed to learn things about her it probably takes other couples a year or more to find out about each other. Every day my Leah List grows a little more. I know she’s addicted to an online game called Turbo 21, she eats Skippy peanut butter right out of the jar with a spoon, her best friend until she moved into foster care was named Midian, and when she’s not living in hotel rooms, she vacuums her way out of her bedroom in the morning. I also know she’s kind, compassionate, and considerate, and when she devotes her attention to you, it makes you feel like the luckiest man alive. I know she’s happy being here with me but she misses her job, and if I’m being honest, it makes me a little sick. At some point this Tally bitch is going to be found and, while I can’t wait for Leah to be one hundred percent safe, I am in no way ready for her to leave. We’ve got a show tonight but as soon as it’s over, I’ve got big plans for Leah. It took me all day to plan it and I had to pull a fuckload of strings, but she’s more than worth it. I’m thankful I’ve got a management team and assistants on my side because otherwise I wouldn’t have even known how to make it happen, but everything is in place and ready to go.

I’m skipping the after show meet and greet for the first time in years but it has to be done. Grabbing Leah by the hand I start guiding her to an SUV that’s been backed down for us. Normally, after a show we all walk out together without Leah so she isn’t photographed, but tonight I’m leaving with her and it’s obvious she’s wondering why.

“What’s going on?” Lifting her hand to my mouth I drop a kiss on her knuckles. “It’s date night babe. I’m taking you somewhere special.” I open the door for her and help her in. The second she’s settled she asks, “Where are we going?” I can’t contain a cocky smile as I shake my head at her. “Not telling. You deserve a night out and I’m making it happen.” Looking down at herself she mutters, “I’m not dressed for a night out.” “Babe,” I say with an exasperated sigh. “You look fuckin’ hot. It’s not like you left the hotel tonight in sweatpants and a ripped tee. Even if you had, it wouldn’t matter. You’re sexy no matter what.” I love the little flush on her cheeks because of my words. Leah has no idea how gorgeous she is, which is actually a big fucking plus. She knows she’s attractive but she is really clueless about how she’s more than a ten. You don’t even want to know how many chicks I’ve been with who have straight out said they were hot shit and wouldn’t hesitate to remind me at every available opportunity they were beautiful and deserved the best. Looking back, it’s hilarious. I swear to you not one of them was on Leah’s level of beauty. Leah plays from her brain and her heart, not her sex appeal, which only makes her more attractive. She pays attention as we’re driven to our destination and I can see her confusion when we pull into a gated community. She only gets more confused when we pull up to a sprawling mansion. The driveway already has a car parked in it, an SUV matching the one we’re in, an indicator the second security team is already in position. As soon as the car is in park I get out and hold my hand out for her. Placing her hand in mine she raises an eyebrow at me. “What’s going on?” Instead of answering, I follow Jerry as he leads us into the house and from there to a wall of curtains. He looks to me for approval and I nod my head once, squeezing Leah’s hand as he presses a button on the wall and the curtains open. She gasps when she sees the backyard, and I admit in the two seconds I glance at it, I understand it’s amazing. Doesn’t matter, it’s Leah that holds my gaze. She lets out another gasp when the doors start sliding open, leaving almost the entire wall open. Once the doors are finished opening, I pull her out into the backyard oasis. Every tree is covered with twinkle lights, the outdoor fire pit is lit and the view of Denver is absolutely epic. There’s also an enormous tent pitched at the back of the property. “You wanted to go outside,” I say as I guide her to the outdoor lounge area. “So I found a way for us to be outside with no security concern.” After taking a seat, I start pointing to things in the yard. “There’s a pool, an in ground trampoline, a hot tub, this fireplace and there’s even an inflatable movie screen if you want to sit on the grass with me and watch the episodes of Under the Dome we haven’t seen yet. We’ll even get to sleep out here if you want, I had the tent all set up just for us. Everything we had at the hotel was packed up and is here already and since tomorrow is an off day we get to stay until it’s time to get on the plane and head for Seattle late tomorrow afternoon. The night is yours, babe. Just tell me what you want to do first.” Her excitement is palpable. “Really?” “Yep—this is all about you so the choice is yours.” “Oh Gavin,” she says excitedly. “I want to spend the whole night outside. Can we jump on the trampoline, watch a movie and then go swimming?” “Sounds perfect. Let’s do this.”



THERE IS NO man who has ever made me feel the way Gavin does. With every passing day the reasons why become more and more apparent. I can hardly wrap my mind around him caring so much about me missing being outdoors that he rented a house with a mammoth backyard for one night. After we spent about an hour on the trampoline we set up camp on the lawn with a pile of blankets and pillows to watch the two episodes of Under the Dome I missed since coming on the tour. I didn’t want to watch them until I got him caught up on the series so we spent the last few days watching the first few episodes and this has been our first chance. Lying here wrapped in his arms with my head on his chest I realize I really and truly am the happiest I’ve ever been. And I do mean ever. Even what some might consider his annoying habits, constantly drumming on things, answering the Jeopardy questions before the whole thing has been read aloud, are funny and just a part of what makes him who he is. Spending time in what I think of as our Gavin and Leah bubble has taught me so much about him. He loves classic rock, has to check in on CNN several times a day, emails his sister random ecards whenever he finds one particularly funny, and he’s a great friend to his band mates and management team. Over the course of the last few weeks I’ve learned sad things about Gavin too. When he was younger his mother doted on him but after she had his sister, something changed. He says knowing what he knows now he suspects postpartum depression or something similar but at the time no one was talking about things like that so it was never diagnosed. He’s told me his mother hated having to deal with his sister and his father was so desperate to keep her happy they hired round-the-clock nannies. Hearing him talk about what it was like to have his mother turn on him made me nauseous and when he told me what happened when she died and his father killed himself—I could barely contain my temper. Having him confide it all to me answered pretty much any question I ever had about why he was so angry with me the morning after I vomited all over him. I wasn’t surprised to learn that Gavin took the role of big brother seriously and he’s been there for his sister every step of the way. He talks about Gabrielle in the most glowing of terms and it makes me think about how Dillon—and now my other brothers—likely talk about me when I’m not around. Snuggling deeper into his arms I focus on watching the last few minutes of Under the Dome. As soon as it’s over he asks, “Babe are you up for swimming or do you want to go to bed? We’ve got the tent or a bedroom in the house, it’s up to you.” It’s a hard decision. Because of the tour we’ve become night owls so we’ve been going to sleep around dawn each day. It’s well after three in the morning and although I love being outside, the idea of sleeping in a tent doesn’t really appeal, especially not when the sun will be coming up in a few hours. “I hope you’re not disappointed but I really don’t want to sleep in the tent. I’d feel weird, like people could hear us because you know we’re going to end up… you know.” You know is my way of saying fooling around. We’ve worked up to him being naked while he makes

love to me with his tongue and hands every night and I’m now able to touch and stroke him, but I haven’t given him a blowjob yet. I’ve been working up to it and I had planned to try tonight, but I’m not doing it in a tent where security might hear. He laughs as he rolls over on top of me, pinning my arms above my head and staring down at me as he continues to chuckle. “Babe, do you really imagine for one second I would ever let anyone see, hear or be anywhere near you when you’re naked? I’m a pretty relaxed guy but make no mistake about it, you belong to me. Your moans, your sighs and the sound you make in your throat right before you come? All mine. No one else gets any part of that. I’m stunned for a heartbeat or two, but then can’t help the smile that spreads across my face. “Gavin Wilde, did you just go alpha on me?” Rocking against me so I feel his hardness pressing against my cleft, he lets out a harsh laugh. “Where you’re concerned babe, yes, I am one hundred percent alpha.” All of the romance books I read are about alpha males and while I’ve always enjoyed them, I never fully understood the draw of having a man claim you as his. My nipples have beaded up and my core is clenching to beat the band, so I’d say it’s a safe bet Gavin claiming me is a turn on. I wonder if being an alpha has always been his way. For the first time since the tour started, my mind flashes back to the day on the plane when we were talking about Fifty Shades. “You never answered my question that first day on the plane. Do you have a red room of pain at home?” He laughs so hard it makes me start laughing too, just because seeing him let go makes me happy. When he finally stops he says, “I forgot about that! No, there’s no room of pain at my house. I’ve played with toys and I’m open to do most things but it isn’t something I think about or desire to be on the menu often. You never have to worry I’ll make you do any of that shit, babe. I know trust is an issue for you.” He’s correct. Trust is an issue for me, but not with him. It hits me even if he had told me he had bondage stuff at home, I wouldn’t really have blinked an eye. There are very few men in the world I know absolutely for certain care about me and will never hurt me or lay a hand on me in anger, the list consists of my brothers, Gavin and his band. Pulling my hand out of his grasp I reach up and touch his cheek. “If you had said you were into it, I would have been okay. My trust issues don’t apply to you Gavin, because absolutely one hundred percent with no hesitation, I know that I’m safe with you.” The way he’s looking at me right now is so intense it’s making me feel dizzy. I sense he wants to say something so I stay quiet and wait for him to speak. “When Tally is caught, I don’t want you to go home,” he says in a rush. “I want you to stay. I know it’s a lot to ask, I know it would change your entire life, I know you miss your job, and I know touring isn’t ideal, but the idea of you going home makes me sick. No matter what we’re staying together and I’ll do the long-distance thing if you have to go, but I want you with me.” I’m stunned he just laid that all out on the line, but more I am ecstatic that he feels the way I do. I’ve been dreading the idea of leaving him. Bringing my other hand up, I lay my hands on either side of his face and look him in the eye. “Yes,” I say firmly. “I’ll stay. The idea of being separated doesn’t sit well with me either.” He responds by leaning in and kissing me so deeply I can barely think. By the time he ends the kiss my breath is coming in gasps and it’s clear we’re both ready for bed. After standing up, he holds out his hand to me and I take it so he can pull me up. I love how we don’t need to fill the silence with a lot of unnecessary words, and I enjoy the calm quiet as we make our way into the house and up the stairs in search of the master bedroom. It doesn’t take

long to find it and when we walk in, my eyes almost bulge in my head. The room is enormous, easily the size of my apartment, and the bed is the biggest thing I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s an enormous, four-poster, wooden, canopy-style bed that’s at least the size of two king beds put together, and there are long curtains all around the bed. I have the urge to jump on it, probably because we just rocked the trampoline like a couple of crazy kids, but the wooden canopy top makes that impossible. Turning to look at Gavin I find he’s watching me with a grin on his face. “Like what you see Little Reader?” “Oh my God yes! It’s like a little city.” “True,” he agrees, “but it seems kind of a waste when you consider when we’re sleeping we probably only take up the size of a twin bed.” That makes me laugh because it’s true. We sleep cuddled together every night and it’s pretty awesome. It’s hard to believe until Gavin I thought I’d sleep alone for the rest of my life. Now I’m so used to sleeping with him I don’t know how I could ever sleep without him. “Wanna see the bathroom? I saw pictures earlier and trust me, it’s as good as the bed.” I nod my head as he tugs my hand and takes me down a hallway with walk in closets on either side. When we get to the bathroom and he flips on the light, I let out an ooh of amazement when I see a mammoth sunken wooden tub that takes up almost the entire rear wall of the room. There’s a shower off to the right with steps leading into the tub and there’s a massive silver rain shower running the length of the tub. I had been getting tired but now, seeing this…I want a bath immediately. Turning to Gavin I squeeze his hand. “I loved being outside but if you had told me this was in here, I would have been in the tub the entire time. I could live in there! Can it be bath time?” Poking me in the side with his free hand, he makes me giggle. “Yes babe, it can be bath time. Head on over to that huge ass basket on the counter, pick out some bath stuff and I’ll start the water.” I’m like a kid in a candy store as I go through the gargantuan basket of bath gels and oils, opening and sniffing several as I try to make a decision. After careful consideration I go with Cinnamon Buns by Philosophy because it’s a bath gel, body wash and shampoo all in one. When I turn back around from the basket, I find that Gavin is in the tub waiting for me patiently. We’ve showered together before, but this will be the first time that I’ve ever taken a bath with a man and something about it has me even more keyed up than usual.



SEEING HOW HAPPY she’s been all night has made me feel like a fucking genius for coming up with this plan. Turns out that I do have some romance in my soul. I can’t say I’m all that surprised it’s Leah that has brought that out of me. After she’s finished picking out stuff for the bath, she brings it over and sets it on the side of the tub before squeezing a fair amount of the body wash she’s chosen under the running faucet. As soon as she’s done that, she doesn’t even hesitate before she takes off her sandals, jeans, tank top and underwear before getting into the tub with me. There’s easily room for six people in here, but she comes and sits right next to me so that we’re touching. Sliding my arm around her shoulders, I lean back and relax. I smile when she tilts her head back and rests it on my arm with a contented sigh. We say nothing for quite a while as we both enjoy relaxing in the tub together. “Mmm,” she moans softly. “This tub is amazing. If I had this bathroom I’d be in here every single day of the week.” Just to see her this happy and content, I’d buy this fucking house tomorrow if it were in LA. “Time to wash up babe, before one or both of us falls asleep in here. Scoot in front of me so I can wash your hair.” There’s no argument from her as she quickly positions herself in front of me. There are so many buttons and levers with the tub it takes me a few extra seconds to figure out what the fuck I’m doing, but within a minute I have the overhead rain bar on and a handheld showerhead turned on as well. The sound of her delighted laugh when the rain bar goes on makes my dick throb and I have to remind myself breathing is necessary. Bringing the showerhead up I work with it to drench her hair before setting it down and squeezing shampoo into my hand. I massage it firmly into her scalp, smiling when she lets out an, “aaahhh,” of approval. After I finish washing her hair I squeeze more of the soap into the palm of my hand, rub my palms together and then start massaging her shoulders. Taking my time I wash her from head to toe, maneuvering her in order to get everywhere. By the time I’m finished she’s practically a limp noodle so I am surprised when she turns around and announces she’s going to wash me. Having her wash me is unbelievably erotic. Like I did for her, she starts with my head and then works her way down. I just about come in her hand as she washes my aching cock, but somehow I manage—just barely—not to. As soon as she’s finished she finds the tub drain and opens it. We sit in silence for a few minutes as the water drains, both of us continuing to enjoy the rain shower from above. When the water is almost all drained, I assume we’re about to get out so I start to lean forward. Laying a hand against my chest, she pushes me back. “Stay.” Nodding my understanding, I sit back and wait to see what she plans to do. Reaching her hand into my lap she fists my cock and starts working her hand up and down. My sigh of pleasure is barely out before her lips cover mine and we start kissing. From the moment she was comfortable enough to touch my dick, she has definitely been the master of it. The way she applies pressure and then backs off, rubs the head and then alternates fast and slow hand motions blows my mind. A few nights ago when I told her she’s a

fucking magician with her hands, she blushed before reminding me she’s a physical therapist who has spent a lot of time working with her hands. Gently pulling out of our kiss, she nibbles on my bottom lip before looking up at me with a smile. “Can you get up and sit on the edge please?” Figuring she wants to work a different angle, I get up and get into position on the side of the tub. My first clue she’s about to try something different comes as she spreads my legs and sits between them. Setting one hand on my thigh, she fists my cock with the other before looking up at me with a smile. As she bends her head down and hovers over my dick, I damn near come just from the feeling of her breath against my shaft. I let out a sound of pure lust the second she starts swirling her tongue around the tip. I’m gripping the side of the tub so hard it’ll be a miracle if the damn thing doesn’t splinter beneath me. Slowly, ever so fucking slowly, she starts her descent on my cock. Every hot wet inch of her mouth touching me is making me insane, but I keep right on holding on to the edge of the tub as I allow her to take total control, watching her head move as she takes me somewhere I’ve never been before, ever. I’ve been with chicks who have worked my dick like it’s a stripper pole during happy hour and chicks who’ve deep-throated like it’s their fucking job, but I swear to God, not one has ever made me feel so fucking much. The sight of her head bobbing up and down, the warm wet heat of her mouth and just the general knowledge it’s Leah sucking me makes my fucking brain melt. When she uses her other hand to cup my balls, I just about rocket into outer space. “Babe, fuck, your mouth. So good. I’m going to come.” Shaking her head she pulls off my cock with a slow pop and looks up at me imploringly. “Make love to me,” she says huskily. “I want you to come inside of me.” Never in my fucking life did I think for one second hearing someone asking me to make love to them could make me emotional, but Christ, the fucking faith this woman has in me, in us, and the way she gives herself over to what we have, is unreal. Cupping her face in my hands I ask, “Are you sure about this? There’s no pressure, babe.” The smile she gives me is nothing short of perfection. “I’m more than positive. It just feels…right.” It does. “Alright then babe, time for bed.” Shaking her head, she pulls me back down into the tub. “I want you here,” she says in a husky voice. “I want—” She says nothing for a few seconds, so I prod her for more information. “You want what, baby?” Taking a breath she answers, “I want to be on top, okay? I feel like this first time, I need the control.” My arms wrap around her of their own accord before I even really understand I was planning to do it. “Babe, you take all the control you want. Unfortunately, we can’t have sex in this tub though because I need to get the condoms from my luggage.” Tilting her head back, she looks down at me and shakes her head. “We’ve already discussed that your tour physical came up negative for any kind of disease and you’ve already told me you’ve always worn condoms. I’m on a special pill to regulate my period so I only get it seasonally, which means we’re safe. I don’t want anything between us, Gavin.” Bringing her face down to mine, I kiss the ever-loving fuck out of her as I slide my hand down to her pussy to make sure she’s wet and ready for me. I let out a low growl when I find that yes, she’s wet, but it doesn’t stop me from sliding first one and then another finger inside of her, thrusting in and out gently while I rub her clit with my thumb. I don’t pull away until she’s writhing in my arms and making little sounds of lust in her throat. The look she gives me is combustible. Fisting my cock she holds me still as she rises up on her knees and positions herself over me. Rocking back and forth she coats the tip with her arousal, and I let out a curse when she finally slips the tip in. Setting her hands on my shoulders, she gradually starts working her

way down, stopping every so often to catch her breath or swivel her hips. “Fuck baby,” I groan desperately. “You feel so goddamn good.” I see how my words make her happy, which in turn makes me even harder. She’s fucking tighter and hotter than any woman I’ve ever been in. There’s literally no comparison, honestly, and I’m struggling not to go off. The feel of her slick walls squeezing around me is making my cock throb. When her ass settles on my legs and she’s taken all of me there is, we simultaneously let out sounds of pleasure. Gripping her waist I hold onto her firmly but don’t make any move to take over. Every part of me wants to start working her up and down so we can both come, but I know my taking charge is not what Leah needs right now. I moan into her mouth when she leans forward and kisses me. She pulls back with a growl and starts picking up the pace, alternating between riding up and down and swiveling her hips in a circular motion. Dropping her head back, she lets out a cry of pleasure that echoes throughout the bathroom. “Gavin,” she moans. “God, Gavin!” My name on her lips as she takes my dick? Best. Sound. Ever. Looking down, I stare at the spot where we’re joined, watching as she goes up and down. Realizing the visual alone is about to make me come, I switch to looking at her tits. This is an even bigger mistake because my cock feels like it’s about to burst. Grabbing her by the back of her neck I bring her forward enough I’m able to latch onto her neck, sucking and licking on it as I take my other hand and start fingering her clit the way I know is guaranteed to drive her wild. “Fuck, oh fuck! Oh sweet Jesus. Gavin!” The feeling of her hot cunt seizing up on me as she comes is the last straw for me. Grabbing her hips again I pull her down onto me so I’m buried deep and I start coming. I cry her name out twice as her hot walls squeeze the life out of me while I fill her full of cum. I’m coming so hard my entire body has tightened up and all I can feel is the most epic and amazing release of my life as I shoot off inside of her. My body is still shivering from aftershocks as she wraps her arms around me and lays her head on my shoulders. Wrapping my arms around her, I hold her to me tight as I get my breathing to a level where I can speak without sounding like I just did a marathon sprint. The second my heart rate drops back to normal I say, “Let’s clean off real quick and dry off. I don’t know about you but I’m fuckin’ exhausted right now.” Laughing softly she pulls off of me, letting out a little mew of displeasure when she’s all the way off. The look on her face is pure joy as she smiles at me. “Don’t think I’m letting you sleep for long. You were amazing. I’ve never—” Cutting herself off, she covers her mouth with her hand. Pulling her hand away, I kiss her fingers one by one, noticing she’s all pruned up from being in the water with me for so long. “You’ve never what, babe? Never be embarrassed to say anything to me.” After a brief hesitation she says, “I’ve never come during sex before. Every orgasm I’ve ever had happened by being fingered. Oral never worked and neither did sex. You manage to make me come doing all of those things.” “Babe,” I laugh, “I can’t believe you were hesitating to tell me that. That’s like telling me that I’m the fucking cock-master and trust me, there is nothing wrong there. Other chumps may have tried, but only I have the magic touch. I’d like that on a shirt.” Smacking my shoulder, she laughs as she stands up. “You’re an idiot.” Grabbing the shower gel I get up and hand it to her. “I’m definitely an idiot, but I’m also the cockmaster who makes you come. It’s definitely a title I am a-oh-fucking-kay with.” I love how Leah makes it so easy to be myself, weirdness and all. Instead of being all, “I don’t get it, what’s funny?” She totally understands my humor and dishes it right back out to me. We’re still laughing as we finally get out of the tub a few minutes later, and after drying her off, towel

drying and brushing her hair until it’s only damp, I pick her up in my arms and take her to the giant bed, turning out all of the lights except the one on the nightstand along the way. As we’re settling into the bed, we both look up at the same time and start hysterically laughing. The top of the canopy isn’t just wood—it’s got an enormous mirror in it. I waste no time in assuring her that when we wake up, we’ll be making that mirror our bitch. After turning out the light on the nightstand I pull her into my arms and get comfortable. She falls asleep in what feels like seconds, but I stay awake a little bit longer and think about how fuckin’ happy I am with her. When she agreed to stay on the tour with me, she officially made me the happiest guy on earth. We’re taking things slow and I don’t want to rush her, but there isn’t one bit of doubt in my mind— Leah Cooper is my future.



AS PROMISED, WHEN we woke up early this afternoon, Gavin and I made the overhead mirror our bitch as he made slow and sweet love to me. I almost feel stupid for being so worked up and afraid of having sex with him because now that we’ve taken it to the next level I feel closer to him than ever. The only reason I’m not upset about the wait is because I think everything has happened as it needed to. Right now we’re in the back of the SUV on the way to the airport to fly to Dallas and I’m enjoying the, I’ve been having amazing sex buzz, for the first time in my life. The only way I could be happier right at this moment would be if Tally’s crazy ass was in jail and I could talk to Minnie and Dillon about Gavin. Squeezing my hand, Gavin brings me back to the present. “Deep thoughts?” I can’t help the little frown I give as I shake my head. “I was just thinking about how badly I want Tally to be caught already. I’m safe here with you and I know security is all over my family, but…I haven’t even been able to tell Minnie and Dillon about you yet because as soon as they know, they’ll want to come meet you. This whole Tally thing needs to be resolved.” His jaw clenches as he nods his agreement. “Yeah, I’m right there with you. I hate knowing there’s some crazy bitch out there wanting to harm you. I can’t believe she’s managed to evade capture for almost three goddamn weeks!” The car comes to a halt as we pull up to the plane so we stop talking about it and let go of each other’s hands for the moment. Part of the security protocol for me is that I can’t hesitate leaving or arriving places. I’ve gotten very good at being a blur, running from the car onto the plane or from the plane to the car at each stop. I’m used to it, but I hate it. It feels like I’m surrounded by some weird cloak of invisibility and I’m really at the end of my rope with the whole thing. The second the rear door opens I jump out and run up the stairs onto the plane. Gavin comes up right behind me, and as soon as we’re safely inside and out of sight, he wraps his arm around me from behind and holds me loosely as we start walking toward where Flynn and Tessa are seated. They’re in deep conversation and looking around, I realize the mood on the plane is very subdued. Immediately, I go into panic mode. “What’s going on?” Flynn gestures to the couch so Gavin and I both sit down. “It’s not about our family, Leah. Everyone is all out of sorts because something went down after the show last night with Ian and Cole back at the hotel. We’ve been waiting for him to get on the plane but he just called management and said he doesn’t need anything else to complete the book so he’s not coming. Shit’s a little fucked up.” Leaning forward Gavin looks at Flynn. “How’s Cole?” “Fucking pissed as all hell last night, and I haven’t seen him today because he and Devon left and went to another hotel. I’m not sure what started it but Ian went off and called Cole a pussy and, well, shit went downhill fucking fast after that. They got into a fist fight and—” Flynn stops talking as there’s a commotion at the front of the plane. Turning I see Cole and Devon coming on board. They’re a united front, hands clasped tightly together. When Cole looks our way and smiles, I swear the entire plane breathes a sigh of relief. Tyson comes in right behind them and immediately starts working the group on the plane, telling jokes to ease the tension. It doesn’t take long for

everyone to chill out and when it’s time for wheels up, everyone is in a much better mood. Tyson is a godsend in tense situations, and I’ve never been more relieved he can work a group like no other.

We’ve just come back from dinner with the band and are settling in on the couch to watch TV when there’s banging at the door. Gavin rushes to open it and as soon as I see Flynn with Tessa right behind him, I know something has happened. Rushing across the room to me he says, “Your brother is going to call my phone back in a minute to talk to you. I swear to God everyone is going to be fine so don’t freak out. They got her, Leah. She’s dead.” I start to say thank God when it hits me that he said everyone is going to be fine. “Wait,” I screech. “What do you mean it’s going to be fine? What happened?” “I know this is going to upset you, but—” His words are silenced by the ringing of his cell phone. Handing the phone to me, he says nothing else so I swipe the answer button and lift the phone to my ear. “Hello?” I expect to hear my brother but before she says a word I know it’s Minnie on the line. “I don’t want you to be upset when I tell you what happened, so you need to take deep breaths and stay calm. Remember the most important thing is the threat is gone and it’s never coming back.” “Tell me what happened,” I plead. “Your brother is fine now but Tally managed to get to us earlier and she shot him before the police could take her out—” I let out a little scream as my heart straight up stops beating for a minute. “My brother’s been shot?” “Yes, in the shoulder, but I swear to you he’s fine now. The nightmare is over and we’re all safe,” she says on a choked sob. There is nothing between calm and the hysterical tears that practically start flying out of my eyes. I know Minnie is trying to be strong but she’s obviously been through a trauma and the two of us are crying on the phone because we’re separated by hundreds and hundreds of miles. Wrapping his arm around me, Gavin holds me tight while I cry and Flynn keeps handing me tissues. The two of us are almost incapable of stopping our tears. When I hear Dillon demanding that she give him the phone, I take a real breath for the first time since Minnie said that he was shot. “She made it sound all dramatic but—” I know my brother better than almost anyone in the world, so I can tell he’s full of it. “Don’t you lie to me Dillon Cooper. You sound like shit,” I cry softly. “How close did this come to having a different outcome?” The heavy sigh he lets out tells me that I’m right. “Close,” he says tiredly. “If the police hadn’t shown up when they did…” Realizing my brother was almost killed hits me so hard I start trembling in shock. If Tally had taken him from us…I can’t even finish the thought because it’s making me want to vomit. Interrupting my hysterical breakdown Dillon says, “I do have some really fucking good news for you though.” “Better than the fact that you’re alive?” I ask in a shaky voice. “Let’s say it’s the best reason to be alive. I asked Minnie to marry me and she said yes.”

I’ve known for a while he had a ring being designed, but he told me before he wanted to wait until after Tally was caught to propose. He was gung ho on planning a big proposal, so I’m surprised he ditched that plan. “I thought—” “Yeah,” he says with a laugh. “A bullet to the shoulder adjusted my priorities real fast. As soon as they had me in the ambulance, I asked her to marry me.” Now I’m laughing and crying at the same time. Yes, I almost lost him, but by the grace of God my brother is alive. Tally didn’t win and now, after so many years of praying, Dillon and Minnie are finally going to be together the way they always should have been. “I’m so happy,” I sob. “Yeah,” he says dryly. “I can really tell that through your tears.” Rubbing my eyes with a tissue, I blubber out a laugh. “Shut your face idiot! You don’t screw with a woman in tears. I’ll remind you of how funny you are when I’m kicking your ass later. As soon as we get off the phone I’m going to call the airlines and fly home to see you for a few days. I’ll leave tonight. Am I flying to Vegas or are you going home soon?” A few seconds pass silently. “You’d come home for a few days?” he asks. “Yeah, there’s a show tomorrow night here in Dallas and then it’s on to Houston for two nights followed by Georgia. I’ll just skip Houston and meet back up in Georgia.” “Leah, that’s stupid. Are you having fun?” I don’t even hesitate. “Yes.” “Then you need to stay right there. For the first time in forever, everything is really fine. Give me a week or two to get settled back in at home and then Minnie and I will fly out for one or two of the shows.” “That’s crazy. I want to be with you and support Minnie—” “I know you do,” he chuckles, “But seriously, we’re fine. Knowing you’re actually having fun and enjoying life is the best thing you can do for me.” My brother is an idiot. Like I’m really going to go right on having fun without seeing with my own two eyes he’s really okay. Still, he’s a stubborn ass when he wants to be so I’m just going to go ahead and let him think that he’s talked me out of it. “Alright, you win. But if you need me for any reason at all—” “I know that Lee. You’re the best sister a guy could ever ask for and I love you like crazy. The doctor is on his way back in so I have to go, but I’ll call you tomorrow. Be good and no more crying. Everything is fine. I love you.” “I love you too.” After ending the call, I hand the phone to Flynn who is now sitting on the couch holding hands with Tessa. Adjusting my position, I turn to Gavin. “I don’t want you to be upset, but I have to go home for a few days.” Shaking his head at me with a look that says he thinks I’m an idiot he responds, “Babe. Duh? Already had that all figured out.” “I’m with you Leah,” Flynn says from behind me. “I’ve already got management on chartering a jet for us because it would be too much to take the huge plane there and back. I’m going right to Vegas and I’ll come back tomorrow a few hours before the show. You can come back with me or stay with your brother, the choice is yours.” I think it over a minute before responding. “As of now I’ll plan to come back with you, but if he needs anything or is in a worse condition than what he told me, then I’ll stay.” “Sounds good—I’m going to take Tessa back to our suite to pack a bag. I’ll call you as soon as I know

what time we’re flying out.” As soon as Flynn and Tessa leave the room, I turn in Gavin’s arms and hug him tightly. “Can you come with me?” I ask quietly. I feel his chest rumble under my ear as he lets out a short laugh. “Babe, as if I’d sit here whistling Dixie while you were gone! Of course I’m going with you. We’re a fuckin’ team, you and I. I totally understand you may need to stay there for a while but I’m going to stay with you for as long as I possibly can.” I can’t help the dorky smile that spreads across my face as I nod against his chest. “You’re the best thing—” Before I can finish my sentence, Gavin’s cell starts ringing. When he picks it up, I quickly realize it’s Flynn. A few seconds later the call is over. “We fly out in an hour so we gotta pack quick and get downstairs to go to the airport in half an hour,” Gavin explains. “Sound good?” Nodding my agreement I answer, “Sounds great.” It’s a crazy time to do it but I can’t wait to see my brother and Minnie and fill them in about Gavin. I just know that they’re going to love him and I’m excited to see how happy they’ll be to see me finally with someone.



WE LAND IN LAS Vegas just before midnight. Dillon and Minnie have been kept in the dark about Flynn and I showing up, but the rest of the family knows. While we were en route Dante was busy making all of the necessary arrangements. As soon as we landed Flynn was on the phone with him confirming all of the details. Since my brother and Minnie have been staying at the Westin for all of this time, it’s where we’re all staying. Having gotten used to this up-at-night schedule I’m still wide-awake but I also know the adrenaline pumping through my veins doesn’t hurt. Gavin being by my side through all of this is amazing. If I weren’t already in love with him, him literally being my rock for the last few hours would have done it. As we pull up to the hotel, I see Spencer and Damien waiting in the lobby, and I’m all but jumping out of my skin to get out of the SUV. Gavin must be a mind reader because the car is barely at a full stop before he opens the door and helps me out of the car. A few months ago I didn’t know these men but now more than ever I feel the family ties. The second my feet hit the ground I’m running for them and they catch me with open arms as I simultaneously manage to hug them both. I promised myself I would stay strong and keep my emotions under control but before I even get all the way through the lobby doors I’m crying. Spencer and Damien both hang on to me tightly, each of them promising me everything is going to be fine. I only stop hugging them when I feel tapping on my shoulder, and turning around I find Dante waiting for me. I hug him tightly as I babble about how much I love our family. It doesn’t escape me that he’s all kinds of choked up, which makes me love him even more. With Spencer, Dante, Damien, Flynn, Tessa, Gavin and I in the palatial lobby it’s starting to feel like a family convention. Even at this late hour there are people milling about and they’re starting to look at us. Realizing we need to get Flynn and Gavin out of the lobby before all hell breaks loose I grab Dante’s hand and ask for him to take us to Dillon and Minnie. It’s as we’re getting into the elevator and my hand automatically slides into Gavin’s it dawns on me I haven’t introduced him to my brothers. Looking first down at our joined hands and then up at me, Spencer gives me a look that indicates that he’s got questions. “I’m so sorry,” I rush out. “I wasn’t trying to be rude. Spencer, Damien, Dante, I want you to meet Gavin. Gavin, these are three of my four brothers.” Damien shakes his hand first, followed by Spencer. When it’s Dante’s turn he eyes Gavin up and crosses his arms across his chest. “I know who you are but what I don’t know is why my sister is holding your hand. Is she some kind of road fling to you?” I am mortified and beyond embarrassed. “Dante! Gavin is my—” I abruptly stop speaking as it hits me full in the face I have no idea what to call him. We’ve never made it official, nor have we discussed what will happen once the tour is over. I don’t think I’m a road fling, but… Squeezing my hand tightly Gavin says, “What Leah was trying to say was that I’m her boyfriend. In answer to your question—no, she’s not a road fling.” I’m so happy he just said I’m his girlfriend I could probably do some pretty elaborate cheering right now if I could get away with it. Instead, I’m praying Dante will let this drop. My prayers are answered

when he smiles and reaches out to shake Gavin’s hand. “Based on what I’m seeing right now I didn’t think so. I’ve missed out on a lifetime of looking out for my sister. I figured that busting your balls was as good an opportunity as any to get some quality brothering in.” Unbelievably, all of the guys start laughing, even Flynn. Tessa and I exchange what the hell looks as they continue laughing. When the elevator comes to a halt, we all get quiet. Gripping Gavin’s hand tightly I turn to him as we step into the hallway and mouth, “I’m sorry.” Shaking his head at me he chuckles before leaning in to say something. “Babe, it’s fine. Your brother did nothing wrong. You should see the shit I’ve put Bree’s boyfriends through. Dante was actually pretty mellow, all things considered.” This is one of the things I love most about Gavin. He is probably the least dramatic person I’ve ever met. He’s so calm it’s sometimes hard to wrap my mind around him going insane on a drumset for almost three hours every night. When I asked him about it, he laughed. “Maybe I’m calm because I beat on a drumset every day, or maybe it’s because I lived through my quota of drama early. Either way, I hate bullshit and I go out of my way to avoid it.” He does, and for someone like me that has always craved stability, he provides it in spades. Even being on tour and waking up in different beds every few days doesn’t bother me at all because he’s my constant. Other people might think we’re boring as hell because we aren’t out stirring shit up and getting drunk, but these past few weeks with Gavin in our ‘bubble’ have been the best weeks of my life. Watching Dante opening the door to Dillon and Minnie’s suite, my heart is in my throat. Everyone has assured me Dillon and Minnie are fine, but until I see for myself it’s like I can’t allow myself to fully believe it. Dante walks in first followed by Damien and Spencer. I hear Dante announce, “You’ve got a visitor.” As soon as I come through the door I look around the room until I find them. Both of their faces light up when they see me. Letting go of Gavin’s hand, I run across the room and drop down on the floor in front of where they’re sitting on the couch. My brother is wearing an arm brace because of the gunshot wound so I know I can’t hug him. Grabbing his free hand and one of Minnie’s, I hold them to my face as I kiss them both. “You’re okay, you’re really okay,” I cry brokenly. I love these two so much that I can barely breathe with it, and seeing them safe with my own two eyes makes all the difference in the world. Squeezing my hand Dillon looks at me with eyes filled with tears. “You toad. I told you I was fine but right now I don’t even care that you didn’t listen. I missed you so much!” “I missed you too,” I cry. “I couldn’t not come you idiot! I can’t believe you thought for one second that I’d really stay away.” “We missed you so much Lee,” Minnie says as she cries. “Your brother has been going out of his damn mind worrying about you. I’m glad you didn’t stay away, no matter what he told you on the phone, he’s been dying to see you.” After giving me another hug and a kiss, I’m vaguely aware of Minnie telling us she’ll be right back, and then I hear rather than see her reconnecting with Flynn and Tessa. Dillon and I talk in hushed tones for a few minutes while he tells me about what happened during the final confrontation with Tally and it’s all I can do not to be sick. If her shot had hit just a few inches the other way…if the cops hadn’t arrived when they did…if she’d fired again, my brother, and probably Minnie too, would be gone. I don’t think I’ll ever get over the horror of it, but having my brother right in front of me and knowing he and Minnie are both okay goes a long way to soothe my nerves. Minnie isn’t gone long before she’s right back at Dillon’s side, almost like they’re magnets. It dawns on me that there’s something I need to see. Grabbing her hand, I lift it and look at her engagement ring. I can’t help the tears that run unchecked down my face as I hug her and squeeze my brother’s hand.

“I swear this is the best news ever,” I choke out through my tears. As soon as I’ve calmed down enough not to cry anymore, I announce to Dillon and Minnie I have someone I want them to meet. I look over my shoulder to find Gavin. This whole time that I’ve been talking to my brother and Minnie, I’ve not forgotten that he’s here for even a second because I can almost feel him giving me strength. It takes me no time to find him because he’s four feet behind me surreptitiously watching me as he talks to Flynn’s dad, Todd, and his grandparents, Gram and Pop. Without hesitation, I stand and reach out my hand for him. Excusing himself from them, he smiles at me and takes my hand. When he’s at my side, I smile up at him before turning to Dillon and Minnie, both of whom look like they’re in shock. “Dillon, Minnie, I want you to meet my boyfriend…Gavin Wilde.” My brother’s eyes fill up with tears again as he shakes his hand. They’ve spoken a lot on the phone while I’ve been on tour since Gavin and I have been in the same room from day one, but this is the first time they’re meeting in person—not to mention the first time that my brother is realizing I’m finally, after all of these years, allowing a man into my life. Minnie jumps from the couch and hugs Gavin. “You have no idea how happy I am to meet you Gavin,” she laughs happily. “I’m really happy to meet both of you, too. Leah talks about you both so much I feel like I already know you. I’m sure this is a lot to take in because she didn’t want to tell you we were together until the crisis was over, but I swear, your sister means the world to me.” Who wouldn’t love this man? Letting go of his hand, I wrap my arm around his waist and rest my head against his shoulder. We wind up sitting in this very position talking to Dillon, Minnie and the rest of the family for almost another hour, until Minnie announces it’s time for Dillon to take a pain pill and get some rest. After hugging and kissing everyone goodbye, Gavin and I leave and head to his room. I feel like kind of an idiot for not telling Dante not to bother renting a room for me since it will just sit empty, but it is what it is. Even with all the craziness and emotion of this day, I can’t wait to climb into bed with this man and let the world fall away.



IT’S A FUCKING relief to like Leah’s family. Huge bonus, they’re all normal—or as normal as people who aren’t boring can be. Holding onto her tightly I direct us into the elevator and down two floors to the room number on the key card her brother Dante handed me. After the door closes behind us, I quickly make sure Flynn worked out getting Leah’s luggage in here with mine. Spotting it on a luggage rack, I let out a breath of relief. I’m really not in the mood to spend the night looking for her luggage and basically announcing to her family we sleep in the same bed. I know it’s pretty obvious, but as a brother myself I know flaunting that shit in front of a protective man is not a wise move. After I’m sure we don’t have to go anywhere, I deal with the locks on the door. Finding her standing at the doorway to the bedroom, I head over and lift her off of her feet. With a yelp of laughter she says, “What are you doing?” Walking toward the obvious door choice for the bathroom, I let out a laugh of my own. “First I’m taking your sexy ass to the shower. After that, I’m taking you to bed and making love to you until you’re so exhausted you can’t help but fall asleep. I know how your mind works Miss Cooper, and I know if I don’t wear you out you’ll be up all night thinking about what could have happened. You got very little sleep last night, we made love for hours this afternoon and then we threw some unexpected travel and a hell of a lot of emotion onto the menu. You need to be loved hard so you can get some real sleep.” Wrapping her arms around my neck, she softly kisses me on the lips. “You’re quite literally my Superman, Gavin Wilde.” I laugh as I set her down on her feet once we’re inside the bathroom. “I love the compliment babe, but I have to ask—do you know which superhero Superman is these days? Cause when we met, you combined Superman, Iron Man and Spiderman into a blender and fucked it all up.” Covering her eyes with her hand, she lets out a groan of embarrassment. “Oh my God, that was awful, right? I totally know my Superheroes so I’m not sure how they all got jumbled in my brain. The worst thing is as it was happening it all sounded right.” Taking her hand away from her eyes, she giggles. “When I played what I’d said over in my mind later, I almost keeled over from sheer mortification.” We’re both laughing as I strip off my clothes and turn on the shower before turning and helping her undress. I love that she knows to wait to let me undress her now. Unless I’m already in the water, I want the joy of unwrapping her like a package every chance that I get. After I’ve got her naked, I walk us right into the shower. Giving thanks for hotel toiletries, I open the soap and begin lathering her up, enjoying the ritual we’ve established of showering together every day. I don’t know if she realizes it, but I started this so she would get more comfortable being naked with me and touching me, both sexually and non-sexually. Once we’re both clean, and I’ve made damn sure while I was lathering her up I was also getting her wet, I gently push her to the rear shower wall before coming up against her and lifting her into my arms for a kiss. Breaking the kiss she says, “Lift me up. I want to wrap my legs around you.” Settling my hands on her ass, I hoist her up. I am helpless to hold in my growl of pleasure when she fists my cock and rubs it against her pussy. “Will you fuck me?” she says breathlessly. “Here in the

shower?” I’ve known for a while how I feel for her—but last night when she told me she trusted me, I knew I needed to find the perfect moment to tell her. Shaking my head in answer to her question I say, “I can’t do that.” I smile when she frowns in confusion. Dropping a kiss on her lips I pull back and tell her the truth. “I don’t fuck you, Leah. I make love to you.” Her mouth opens in surprise and I use that opportunity to kiss the hell out of her. By the time I pull back, her breath is coming in gasps. “Do you know why that is, babe?” Letting go of my shoulders, she places a hand on either side of my face and stares into my eyes. I can see the moment that she finds what she’s looking for because her face breaks into the most beautiful smile I’ve ever seen. “Because you love me?” “Is that a question?” It takes her a second to get it but when she does, she laughs before nodding her head in understanding. “It’s because you love me,” she says firmly. “Fuckin’ A right I do, babe. You’re mine, woman.” “Then I guess it’s a really good thing I love you too, you weirdo!” We both laugh at that. Resting my forehead against hers, I smile. “I’m going to make love to you now,” I say emphatically. “Are you ready?” Grabbing my cock, she positions the head against her hot pussy. “I’m more than ready. Love me.” Bringing her down slowly, I work my way in until she’s taken all of me. Digging her nails into my shoulders, she lets out a moan as I start thrusting and retreating softly. “Kiss me,” she begs huskily. Covering her mouth with mine, I join my tongue to hers and enjoy the ever-loving hell out of kissing my girl. The feeling of her tongue against mine and the taste of her makes me a little wild, and I growl as I force myself not to start thrusting harder. Breaking the kiss, she gasps for breath as she looks into my eyes. “I want you to love me harder,” she says firmly. “How hard?” I ask. Squeezing around me tightly, she lets out a moan before answering me. “Remember when you said drummers do it harder?” Leah is the only woman I’ve ever been able to laugh with during sex, and I quickly add this to the list of reasons I love her. “Yeah babe, I remember.” Giving me a sexy grin she says, “That hard.” “Challenge accepted. Hold on tight.” It’s a good thing I work out or drum every day because it takes a lot of skill, muscle and coordination to pound my girl the way she wants in this damn shower. It’s nowhere near as easy as it sounds to make love and stay upright in the slippery water. I’m giving it to her hard but still holding a little back just to make sure I don’t hurt her. Clutching my shoulders she throws her head back and lets out a cry. “Harder!” Holding her ass firmly, I throw myself into taking her as hard as I can. The feeling of her slick cunt wrapped around me is fucking amazing and I moan as she scratches her nails across my shoulders. “Feels so fuckin’ good, babe. Such a tight little pussy.” “Ahh,” she cries out in wonder. “I’m right there Gavin!” “Good girl,” I say huskily. “Come on my dick, baby.” Launching herself forward she latches onto my shoulder, biting me as her orgasm hits her. The feeling

of her pussy spasming around my throbbing cock combined with the sensation of her mouth against my flesh is all I can take, and I piston in and out of her with a yell as I come. By the time the aftershocks from our orgasms have ended, I’m struggling to even stay upright. Here I thought I was going to love her into a coma, but I’m right there with her. After quickly cleaning up we get out of the shower, wrap up in towels and head right for the bed. “I should get your hairbrush and—” Covering my mouth with her hand, she shakes her head. “Don’t care. Too tired.” Pulling her against me, I sigh as she wraps her arms around me. The best feeling in the world is having this woman in my arms and I couldn’t be fuckin’ happier if I tried.

Several months later—the last night of the tour

BEING ON TOUR with the Saints has been a phenomenal experience and one I will treasure forever. I’ll never forget this period of time or how they changed my life. I met the love of my life, found myself again, and made friends who have become my family. As much as I’ve loved it, I’m glad to be home. We’ve been back for a week and for the last three nights The Renegade Saints have had concerts here in LA. Tonight is the final concert, the very last show they’ll ever play on a tour, and everyone is understandably emotional. Even though Gavin, Flynn, Tyson and Cole will continue working together at the record label they started, closing the door on being a band is a big adjustment for them all. Tessa and Devon are off taking pictures and video of the final band meeting so I’m enjoying backstage time with my family and Gavin’s sister Bree. Bree has been with us for the last few months of the tour and I quickly grew to adore her. Her reasons for coming on the tour were less dramatic than mine, but in the beginning it was more stressful for her than it had been for me. I’m just glad everything is working out and that she’s happy. I love her because to me, she’s a kindred spirit. Life dealt her a shit sandwich for a long time, but she’s a fighter. Ian is the first one back into the room after the meeting concludes, and he comes right over and sits with us. I didn’t really enjoy him much at first, but once he came back to the tour after the fight with Cole, he was different. I really like him and have enjoyed having him around. The way he’s gotten all of the guys to talk and reveal stuff for the biography has been nothing short of amazing and I’ve loved getting to know more about my boyfriend during the interview sessions. Hearing Gavin call my name, I stop talking to Bree and Ian and turn to watch him walk my way with a smile. He always makes my heart skip a beat and every day I love him more. Stopping when he gets to me, he smiles. “I need you to give me your honest opinion about something,” he says seriously. Nodding my head, I wait for him to tell me what I’m giving him an honest opinion of. My mouth falls open when he drops to one knee and holds out a box with the most beautiful ring I’ve ever seen in my life inside. “It seems fitting that tonight as I’m saying goodbye to my past, I take the next step into my future with you. What’s your opinion about becoming Leah Wilde?” Hysterical gut-wrenching sobs make it hard to get the words out but finally I manage to say, “Yes! I love it!” Once I’m no longer hysterical and I look around the room, I see that Devon has been filming the entire time and Tessa is taking a ton of pictures. My entire world is in this room and I can hardly contain all of the love that I feel for them. After Gavin slides the ring on my finger, I hug and kiss everyone. I am so thankful that Minnie and Dillon knew to wait to be last because as soon as I get to them, I lose it again and start bawling. Hugging them both I cry, “I would never have made it here without you both. I love you more than words can say.”

After hugging them both and assuring my brother he’ll be the one giving me away, I turn to hug Minnie on her own. Holding me tightly she whispers in my ear, “We made it. Somewhere up there Marissa is watching us right now and she’s so proud.” I’m so choked up I can only nod. Knowing the two of us will stand here and cry for hours, Dillon and Gavin eventually pull us apart. Wrapping me in his arms, Gavin holds me tightly until I calm down. As soon as I can breathe again, he kisses me softly. We stay this way for as long as we can, only separating when it’s time for the band to assemble to get the concert started. Standing with Minnie I watch them go with a smile on my face. Looking back over his shoulder at me Gavin stops and runs back to me. Pulling me close to him he whispers, “Guess what Little Reader?” Laughing I ask, “What?” “Tonight, you get to top from the bottom.” I’m still laughing about that an hour into the show. The man is a nut, but he’s my nut and I wouldn’t trade him for the world.



NOT ALL HAPPILY ever after’s are easy. In fact, I’d bet most aren’t. There are always challenges along the way, hurdles to be dealt with and obstacles no one could have planned for. Gavin and I have been married for three years and I love him even more now than the day we said I do. He’s the love of my life and without him, my world would be but a shadow of what I have with him. Our biggest hurdle came fourteen months after we were married, on the day that we were told that it was highly unlikely that I would ever be able to get pregnant due to follicle problems. Needless to say, I was devastated. Gavin was my rock, as usual. After discussing our options, we decided to start the adoption process. There was an option to do some fertility treatments but there were no guarantees and I didn’t get the impression from the doctor that my chances would be very good anyway. It’s been hard on us to watch as everyone else in our family has started having children, but we’ve stayed strong for each other and focused on waiting for the phone to ring and change our lives forever. Every day I pray we’ll get the call telling us that we’ve been matched for adoption, and I can’t wait for that prayer to be answered. There is not one bit of doubt in my mind that Gavin is going to be an amazing father, and I can’t wait until our home is filled with the sound of a child’s laughter.

Leah’s been sick for almost an entire week and I’m just about at my wits end. Headaches, exhaustion, dizziness and vomiting, and the stubborn woman kept refusing to go to the doctor because she’s fine all day and only gets sick at night. I put my foot down last night and told her to get her ass to the doctor today. I wanted to go with her but she kindly told me to go pound sand. I’m not going to lie—waiting for her to come back from the appointment has me sick to my stomach. If something is seriously wrong with her, I don’t know how I’ll survive. I can’t help wondering if all the stress of waiting to be matched for adoption is making her ill. I all but jump out of my skin when I finally hear her car pulling into the driveway. Racing through the kitchen to the door to the garage, I swing it open just as she’s putting the car in park. Wasting no time, I make my way to the car and open the door for her. My stomach plummets when I see her face. She’s smiling at me but I can clearly see the tracks of tears on her face. Bracing myself for the worst, I pull her into my arms. “No matter what, we’ll get through this.” Instead of crying, she laughs. “Yes,” she mumbles against my chest. “We will, but first, you need to let go of me so that I can tell you what the doctor said.” I’m so freaked out, it’s a physical pain to let her go. Looking up at me, she smiles as tears start

pouring out of her eyes. “We’re having a baby,” she cries. “I’m thirteen weeks pregnant.” I gape at her in shock and wonder if I just heard her correctly. “What?” Her nod tells me she understands why I can’t believe it. “It’s true. We’re having a baby.” I drop to my knees in front of her, I wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her stomach. Looking back up at her I say, “You’ve got a little Wilde in you?” Wiping at her tears, she laughs. “Yes,” she says happily. “I’ve got a little Wilde in me.” I stare at her in wonder, beyond overjoyed. “We’re starting our family,” I choke out. I’m struggling not to cry, but knowing that she’s got a little piece of us inside of her has me damn emotional. In about six months, I’m going to be someone’s father. I’m so excited, I could do fuckin’ laps around the neighborhood. I’m still smiling at her when my cell phone starts ringing. Looking up at her in disbelief, my jaw drops when I realize that the ringtone is the one we set for the adoption agency. My hands are literally shaking so hard that I can barely swipe my finger across the screen to answer the call and hit the button so that it’s on speaker. “Hello?” “Mr. Wilde, it’s Heather from your adoption agency. I have some amazing news. You’ve been matched. If you and your wife want to go ahead with this, you’ll be the proud parents of a four day old little girl.” The whole time that Heather is talking, I’m watching Leah. She’s nodding her head emphatically so I’m able to answer without saying a word to her. “Yes! We want her. Where is she?” “She’s at our family center now but we will have her brought over as soon as we set up a time for you and Mrs. Wilde to come get her. You’ve been schooled in the protocol so you know that you need to have the car seat and—” “We’ve had three different sized seats in our garage for over a year. We’re ready to come get our daughter whenever you say we can.” “Will tomorrow morning at nine o’clock be good for you?” “Yes, we’ll be there.” “Wonderful. Congratulations to you, Mr. Wilde. I’ll look forward to seeing you and Mrs. Wilde in the morning.” The second I hang up I stand and pull my wife into my arms. There’s no use even trying to hold back now, so the tears roll unchecked down my face as I hold her.

We’ve discussed names before and I’ve been hesitant to use it for obvious reasons, but the instant they put my daughter in my arms, I know exactly what her name is. Turning to Gavin I say, “Marissa Dominique. Is that okay?” Staring down at our daughter with a look of pure love on his face, he nods. “It’s perfect. She’s perfect. I love you so much.” After bending over and kissing our daughter’s soft forehead, my husband kisses me softly on the lips. The three of us—four if you count the little Wilde I’ve got inside—are a family. Right here, right now, I have everything and it’s thanks to a twist of fate I’ll always believe Marissa was responsible for.





NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR Thank you so much for reading Gavin & Leah’s story. I hope you enjoyed it! Now that you’ve finished reading, I would love it if you would leave a review where you purchased this book and/or Goodreads. Leave a review, recommend it to your friends, & spread the word! It’s how Indie authors survive. xo xo xo ~ Ella

HARD TO HANDLE Who doesn’t love bonus items?!? I’m including my novella from the Southern Seduction box set for your reading pleasure. I’m very fond of Ryder & Violet and I hope you will be too. Expect to see them in the future when Violet’s sister Daisy turns up in Book Four of the Renegade Series. She’s Tyson’s happily ever after. Hard to Handle By Ella Fox © Ella Fox 2014

“Ryder, do you have any questions?” I gape at my Uncle Zeke in a sort of shocked horror. Do I have any questions? He might as well just have asked me if moonshine will knock you on your ass. Fuck yeah I have questions! It’s a struggle to stay calm, and I am literally forcing myself not to start yellin’. When I was two, my parents died in an accident coming home from a church social. From that moment on, my granddaddy raised me, and I cannot believe the man who taught me everything I know about life has thrown me under the wheels of a bus like this. “Yeah, actually, I have a few. How is it even legal that granddaddy thought it was okay to put a stipulation in his will stating if I don’t get married within sixty days of his death, the family ranch will be sold to the highest bidder?” My granddaddy’s lawyer—and my honorary uncle—Zeke Bartholomew, shakes his head at me as if my questions are somehow disappointing. “Son, I assure you, it’s legal. Your granddaddy was just makin’ sure you had a family once he was gone. He wanted you to have the love of a good woman.” Throwing my hands in the air in a gesture of disgust I snap, “Jesus Christ, if that was the issue, then why didn’t he just leave me a membership to eHarmony? He knew damn well I have no desire to get married anymore. Can anyone really goddamn blame me after everything? For God’s sake, I’d rather run through town with my balls out than get into a relationship! This is goddamn crazy!” Smacking his withered hand down onto the scarred wood of his desk, Uncle Zeke gives me a look that would wither a weaker mans balls. “Now you listen to me, boy, I will not tolerate disrespect. Just because I’m older’n dirt doesn’t mean I can’t take you. If you take the Lord’s good name in vain one more time, you’ll be stuffed and mounted on my wall.” Let me tell you—Uncle Zeke doesn’t joke around about his stuffed trophies. His office walls are covered with animal heads, and it’s a little freaky to have fifty sets of glass eyes taking in your every move. From the deer heads, the bear, right on down to the mountain lion mounted behind his desk, the room is an ode to taxidermy. Raising my hands in a show of surrender I reply, “I’m sorry, Uncle Zeke.” Nodding at me, he smirks. “That’s what I thought, you little whippersnapper. Don’t forget who taught you most of what you know. You need to understand your granddaddy took this seriously, and he would want you to take it seriously as well. I suggest you spend less time worryin’ about why he did it and start focusin’ on how you can comply with his final orders.” It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him to go fuck himself. I’m a man who doesn’t take orders, but I’ve been raised to respect my elders and I know my granddaddy would roll over in his grave if I were stupid enough to cuss out Uncle Zeke. Along with the third member of their trio, Jonah Hammond, the men were best friends for their entire lives. I know Uncle Zeke and Uncle Jonah almost as well as I had known granddaddy, and I know if I give Zeke shit, I’ll regret it. Taking a deep breath, I try to harness my frustration. “I’m trying to focus Uncle Zeke, but all I can see is granddaddy got a burr up his butt and decided to make this ridiculous stipulation. We only knew his condition had worsened and he was dyin’ for less than seven days. When did he get this idea? Why did he decide to run with it? And where in the blue blazes

did he even think I would go to look in this town to find a wife that he’d approve of?” I don’t miss how my question causes Uncle Zeke to sit up straighter and smile. “I don’t know where he got the idea or why he put it into motion, but it’s all on the up and up. As for where you’ll be findin’ yourself a filly, consider this your lucky day, Ryder. You don’t have to look at all. Your granddaddy had someone all picked out for you. He loved this girl like she was his own kin and he knew that you would have a good future with her.” Grimacing, I bite the inside of my cheek so hard that I taste blood. Judging by his words and the look on his face, I’m pretty damn sure I’m about to be hog-tied and married off to Mary Jane Bartholomew, Uncle Zeke’s granddaughter. Now don’t get me wrong, Mary Jane is a perfectly beautiful and lovely girl but, to me, she’s about as exciting as Amish dancers at a bachelor party. Still…maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad thing, all things considered. I have nothing left to give anyone else, and I know I never will. Everything I am, everything I have, I gave up a long time ago. I’ve been wildly and overwhelmingly in love with one person ever since the moment I understood what love is, but it all went to shit with no warning. If the love I believed in, down to my very bones, could implode with no warning, then anything can happen. I never want to go down that road again. Three months later, the scars are still as raw as if the wound was just acquired. If I have to take a wife, having it be someone that I have no emotion for is the only option. “Let me guess, I’ll be seeing Mary Jane at the end of a church aisle real soon. Am I right?” The old coot has the gall to laugh right in my face. “Son, do I look like a stupid old man to you? Of course I’m not marryin’ you off to Mary Jane. The girl’s my treasure—I’m hardly going to hand her off to someone who doesn’t have the ability to love her. No, if you want to keep the ranch, you’ll be marrying the one and only girl that you have ever loved. You’ve got sixty days to get your ass hitched to Violet Hammond.” My jaw hits the floor about as fast as the bottom of my stomach drops out. Lurching forward in my chair, I slam my hand down on the edge of Uncle Zeke’s desk in shock. Of all the people in the world, my granddaddy chose the one he knew would destroy me. I should’ve known something was up when Uncle Jonah didn’t show up for this will reading. Zeke, Jonah and my granddaddy did everything together. When granddaddy changed his will, there was no way that Uncle Jonah wasn’t in on it, and I see his fingerprints all over this edict. Violet’s his granddaughter, and he refuses to accept we’re really over. All thoughts of keeping my cuss words contained fade away as I glare at Uncle Zeke. “He wanted me to fucking marry Vanishing Violet? Nope, I’m not doin’ it. No way, no how. My granddaddy must’ve forgotten he didn’t raise a fool. Guess y’all better get used to the new shoppin’ center I’m sure will go up where the ranch used to be. Granddaddy overestimated his reach with this one, I’ll offer to marry Violet Hammond again over my dead fucking body.” Surprisingly, he completely ignores my outburst. Lifting his shirtsleeve, he looks at his watch. “That’s fine, son. I’ll have the necessary paperwork drawn up stating you’re not going to meet the conditions of the will and we can get the sale underway. I figured you might go this way, so Jonah is on notice he may need to put in a call to Trapper Jones. If I call Jonah within the next hour, I’m certain he can get him on the phone today. He’s been lookin’ to get some land out this way for years for some development, so this is the quickest way to make a deal.” Gnashing my teeth together, I stifle a string of cuss words that would make a sailor blush. “Uncle Jonah and Trapper don’t get along one bit, and don’t think I don’t know it. Why is he suddenly okay with selling a piece of land in our town to him?” Shaking his head, Uncle Zeke smirks at me. “You got sixty days to marry the girl. Your granddaddy had the will written so that if you refused, Jonah and I got forty days to find a buyer. I can’t be sittin’ over here playin’ hopscotch, boy. If it doesn’t sell within forty days of you puttin’ your signature on the contract sayin’ that you decline the inheritance, then it goes straight to your cousin Davis. Now, we all know no

one wants that land goin’ to Dirty Davis Douglas.” Leaning back in my chair, I stare at Uncle Zeke in shock. These choices suck! Either I’ll be losing my family home and generations of memories to Trapper Jones, the asshole who buys people’s land and turns it into tract housing, or losing it to my cousin Davis. Davis is a well-known hoarder, and he’ll destroy the home that’s been in my family for five generations lickity-split. It will be worse to watch the house turn into a dump than it will be to watch it demolished. I’m totally screwed either way, really. That house is my true north. The one thing that has always been my constant. How can I possibly just walk away? The air in the room is thick and my heart is pounding almost out of my chest. Of all the women in the world, why did they have to choose Violet? I’m not fucking over her yet. Hell, I don’t think I’ll ever be over her. She vanished without a goddamn trace, so completely even her grandfather didn’t know exactly where she was at first. By the time he found out and tried to tell me, I shut him down. My dreams of a future with Violet are dead and buried. “Uncle Zeke….how do you think this could possibly work? Even if I cave in and allow myself to be bossed around, think about it. Violet’s already demonstrated how she feels about marrying me. She’s not going to agree to this. Hell, even if she does, we all know damn well it’s more likely than not she won’t show up to the church. I’ve already got one Dear John letter from her, I’m not lookin’ to start a collection.” Uncle Zeke beams at me. “Good news,” he says triumphantly. “Violet is already on her way home with Daisy. They’re fixin’ to move into their grandpa’s, but Vi will obviously be movin’ in with you instead. You leave getting’ her to the altar up to Jonah. If you agree to this, he’ll get her there. If, for any reason, she doesn’t agree or fails to follow through—, there’s a back-up plan. I’m not at liberty to tell you what it is, but it does exist.” I’m shocked to hear Violet’s coming back to Harmony—and I’m upset she’s comin’ to live here again but didn’t even care enough about me, about my granddaddy, who she called Uncle Weston—to contact me and pay her respects. A little over a month after she disappeared off the face of the earth, she started sending me letters each week. I didn’t open even one, because in my mind, the original Dear John was enough. If she really wanted to talk to me, really cared about what she did, she would have called or showed up to do it face-to-face. How ‘real’ was our relationship if she never bothered to do me the courtesy of talking to me in person? It’s been three days since my granddaddy passed and I haven’t heard a damn word from her. My stupid ass thought for sure she would call me, and when she didn’t, I was broken all over again. Her lack of contact right now just shows me, one more time, she isn’t who I thought she was. It’s like another nail in my heart to realize what I thought about Violet and the truth are poles apart. Forcing myself to stop thinking about her emotionally, I shut it all down and grab onto the lifeline that Uncle Zeke just gave me without even really knowing it. There is no way Violet is going to agree to this insanity, which means I’ll be off the hook. It’s simple, really. Vi will say no, and I’ll be free of this crazy ass request.

It’s been less than twenty-four hours since I left Uncle Zeke’s office, and things are moving at warp speed. My luck being what it is, according to Uncle Jonah he’s somehow managed to talk Violet into this insane plan. To hear him tell it, she’s on board and will be living here at the farm in Harmony with me now, as my wife. Yesterday, I didn’t even know where she was or what she was doing, and today she’s coming home. At any moment the traitor I once loved more than anyone else in the world will come back into my life, and it’s messing with my head. I’m jumpier than a cat on a hot tin roof waitin’ for Uncle Jonah to arrive with her, and it’s pissing me off. Why am I nervous about seeing her? Shouldn’t it be the other way around? After all, she’s the traitor who left the ring I gave her, along with a Dear John letter, propped up on my kitchen counter before she hightailed it right the hell out of the South and disappeared off the face of the earth. That letter is my Achilles heel and I’ve read the damn thing so many times that I don’t even have to look at it to recall every word. Ryder, I’ll always love you, but I can’t marry you. We just aren’t meant to be together forever. Please don’t come after me. You need to accept this and go on with your life, without me. Find happiness, Ry. You deserve it more than anyone else in the world. I’m sorry. –Violet Of course I went after her. Violet was my entire life—she had been since we were kids. I love— dammit, I mean I loved—Violet because she’s a part of my very soul. I never envisioned, nor did I want, any kind of a future where she wasn’t by my side. We shared everything with each other. First kiss, first love, first time. I believed in our forever. At first, even the letter didn’t change my belief that we were meant to be together. I thought it was a bump in the road. A case of pre-wedding jitters. Her grandfather had no idea where she was and, in a surprise to absolutely no one, her mother was no help at all. I knew Violet wasn’t at her mother’s house in New York City because I showed up there enough to be certain of that, but that was all I knew. I spent a ridiculous amount of money and took a hell of a lot of time off from the ranch driving to New York trying to locate her, but I came up empty handed. After two weeks of looking high and low and not finding her, I finally had to admit defeat and accept the truth for two reasons. First, I’m not a millionaire and I didn’t have the money or the time to drive all over hell’s half acre searching for someone who didn’t want to be found. Second, I had to admit Violet didn’t want to be my wife, had to accept she didn’t love me the way that I loved her. If she really loved me at all, I’d have rated higher than a Dear John letter. I didn’t understand then, and I still don’t understand now. I’ve known Violet forever, and losing her was like losing a limb. Even when we were kids, I knew that she was important. Back then, Violet, her older brother Dustin and their younger sister Daisy spent every summer at their grandfathers ranch, and for almost the entire time Vi and I were in high school, they lived there full-time because their dad was ill and there was worry about their safety being around him. About a year after he died, Vi’s momma took Dustin and Daisy back to New York with her, but allowed Vi to finish out high school here. It was inevitable I would be close to the Hammond kids, and Violet in particular, because we’re the

same age. In addition to our granddaddies being best friends, her family ranch and my family ranch share a border. We were destined to be in each other’s lives, but we took that closeness to another level. At least I thought we had. I can’t remember the first time that I ever saw Violet, we were just babies, but I’ll never forget making love with her for the very first time on a blanket underneath our tree, the sunshine warming our skin as we took what I thought was our first big step to forever. Five years later, we took another big step when I dropped down on one knee under the same tree and asked her to marry me. It physically pains me to remember that moment, because there was absolutely no hesitation. She said yes before I had the question all the way out, and she cried tears of joy for hours. When I asked Violet to be my wife, we were just twenty years old. I did it during the summer between her sophomore and junior year at college, and we decided to wait until Vi graduated to tie the knot. It sucked having her at college in New York City, but we got through it. A lot of people have problems with long-distance relationships, but Vi and I knew the drill from the times she lived with her momma instead of being on the farm. As opposed to growing apart, we always seemed to get even closer because we worked harder at it and valued the time we had together more. At least… it felt like we had. Now, I question how true it all was. Violet changed during her final year of college, although not toward me. If anything, she had needed me more than ever. It all started when Vi’s older brother, Dustin, committed suicide. He did it while their momma, Greta, and her husband James, were on vacation in Europe. Dustin went to their apartment on the Upper West Side and hung himself. Violet’s little sister, Daisy, was the one to find him. Of course after she called the police, she called her big sister, and Vi went runnin’. She told me later they were in the process of taking Dustin’s body down when she got there, but she still saw everything. Vi is one of the strongest people I’ve ever known, but she crumbled emotionally from the shock of seeing her brother like that. The hours it took for me to get on a flight and travel to New York ripped me apart inside because I knew my girl was falling apart. As soon as I got there, she attached herself to me and made me tell her, over and over again, we would make it through together, no matter what. I’d never seen her in such a state, not even when her daddy had killed himself. In fact, when he went, Vi was surprisingly calm about it—although I guess that makes sense seein’ as how he had tried more than a half dozen times before. After Dustin’s funeral, Vi’s emotions seemed to be stabilizing, but then things got worse again when Daisy up and left home at eighteen. Just got up and left with her skeezy club-promoter boyfriend. She dropped her little ass right out of school and moved out like it was nothin’. Vi was beside herself, and I didn’t blame her one bit. I love Daisy like a little sister, and her leaving with some scumbag didn’t sit well with me at all. I spent just about every other weekend flying to New York City that year because Vi needed me with her, but just like every other situation we’d ever been through, it brought us closer together. Or, it did… until things went to shit five days before our wedding and she left me. Yeah, she’d been actin’ high-strung, but it wasn’t anything horrible. We went from planning for a tiny wedding with just the people closest to us to planning a wedding with two hundred guests. Vi was definitely feeling the pressure from Greta, who wanted some type of royal wedding for her daughter, even though Vi is country through-and-through and had only ever wanted the simplest of ceremonies. Some couples would have fought about the big change in plans, but not Vi and I. The two of us were always on the same page, and if planning a big wedding made her feel closer to her momma, then so be it. The only thing that has ever mattered to me is Violet’s happiness, and the wedding was no different. Aside from wedding planning, the biggest stressor for her was the distance between us while she was at school for those eight months after Dustin passed. Once she got home, you could almost see the weight lifting off of her shoulders. I truly thought being home for good was makin’ her happy, but when her

momma rolled into town to help with the final wedding preparations, Vi got all keyed up again. Still, I didn’t get upset because I figured her momma was puttin’ wedding pressure on her. To be blunt, Greta isn’t my biggest fan. She’s always said I’m nothing but a middle-class cowboy who isn’t good enough for her daughter. It hurt the first dozen times she said it, until Uncle Jonah explained to me that Greta didn’t hate me, she hates the town of Harmony and everything it represents. Greta is a city girl who married a country boy with mental problems. She truly believes living in, “bum-ass nowhere” made Jonah Jr. crazy, and she didn’t want her children to choose a life in the country. It never mattered what Greta’s prejudices were because Violet was always adamant the life her momma wanted for her wasn’t the life she herself wanted. Her runaway bride act told me being a rancher’s wife wasn’t really what she wanted after all. The whole thing is fucked up, and I’m not looking forward to her arrival. In ten days, we’re to be married down at the courthouse. She’s not even here yet, and I’m already steeling myself to be left at the altar again. I wish I’d managed to forget, to change, the way I feel about her, but so far, I haven’t had any success. The truth is my memories of Violet aren’t just in my head, they’re in my heart. I can drink until I fall down and black out—trust me, I’ve done it—but I can’t make my heart forget its mate is gone. My heart is a stupid, stubborn son-of-a-bitch and it wants its other half back.

The sound of tires on the gravel comin’ down my driveway alerts me to her arrival. Every step I take toward the front door makes me nauseous, and I hate how my hands are shaking. Clenching my jaw and my fists, I roll my neck on my shoulders and mentally holler at myself to man the fuck up. Forcing my face to adopt a bland expression, I open the door to see Violet coming up the front walkway, a large piece of rolling luggage trailing behind her. She’s as beautiful as ever, her long reddish brown hair shines in the sunlight and her jean shorts and crop top fit like a dream. Damn her, she’s even wearin’ what she knows is my favorite pair of her cowboy boots, and my dick is threatening to wake up in a big way. When she looks up and I see her beautiful hazel eyes for the first time in three months, my heart stops beating and I struggle to catch my breath. It’s like a kick in the gut to see her, not ten feet from me, and know if our future had unfurled the way it was supposed to, I’d be looking at my wife. Damn her to hell, she destroyed me, destroyed us, by leaving. Hardening my heart to her, I step out onto the wrap-around porch to greet her. Ignoring the sheen of tears in her eyes, either guilt or, worse, pity for me, I show no emotion at all. Giving a stiff nod of my head I say, “Violet.” I don’t elaborate or say more, that’s on her. Looking over her shoulder, I see Uncle Jonah and Violet’s sister, Daisy, watching us from the front seat of his car. Uncle Jonah stares at me for a few seconds, a look that seems to be meant to convey something, but what, I don’t know, and then he puts the car into gear and pulls away. Turning back to Violet, I watch as she brushes a stray tear from her cheek. Every fiber of my being wants to comfort her, but I force myself not to act on it. Violet and I are over, and the sooner I find a way to be okay with it, the better off I will be. No matter if she marries me now or not, I know better than to let my guard down around her. I startle when she takes a step toward me and raises her hand toward my face. Taking a step back I snap, “Don’t touch me.” She lets out a choked sob as two more tears run down her cheeks. “Ry…please—don’t do this. I’m so sorry I…” I’m not interested in her apology at all. If anything, the idea of her givin’ one to me makes me feel like I just drank a fifth of some cheap ass rot gut. “Really, Violet? Really? You’re sorry?” Her tears are flowing steadily now, and she looks awful. The sight of her upset is actually physically painful for me, and I clench my fists and grit my teeth to keep from comforting her. Seeing her isn’t just causing me pain, it’s making me angry. My hurt, humiliation, despair and rage all come together and start to boil over as I stare at her. “What, exactly, are you sorry for, Violet? Are you sorry you said yes when I asked you to marry me? Or are you sorry we actually set a date and were going to take vows? Are you sorry you left me a note like a fucking coward and then disappeared into thin fuckin’ air? What’s done is done, and I have no interest in your apology. I’ve got no choice but to marry you now, but I do have a choice about what I’m willing to listen to. Your time for apologies was three months ago.” Storming past her, I grab her suitcase and drag it into the house. Without pausing, I storm up the stairs and take her case into the guest room. Hoisting it up, I drop it onto the bed. Turning around, I find her standing uncertainly in the doorway. Gesturing around the room I snap, “I’d say I hope the

accommodations suit you, but I really don’t care. Feel free to do whatever you want to the room. It’s yours for the duration.” Twisting her hands together anxiously, she stares at me with a shocked look on her face as she walks into the room. “Why did you agree to marry me if you don’t have any intention of us being a real couple?” The question is so off-the-wall I laugh, harshly, in her face. “This is kind of like the pot calling the kettle black, Violet. Why did you agree to marry me when you didn’t have any intention of following through?” Hugging her arms around herself, she sobs brokenly, seemingly incapable of words. Realizing she can’t answer the question because she’s too upset, it hits me straight I can’t stand in the room for another second without comforting her. Since that shit cannot happen, I walk past her in order to leave. As I get to the door, so damn close to escape, she grabs my arm and stops me. Even just this simple touch on my arm makes my heart beat funny in my chest. I’d know this woman’s touch anywhere. “Turn around and look at me, Ryder. Don’t walk away.” Her words make me irrationally angry. Spinning on my heel, I glare at her. “Who are you to tell me not to walk away? Do you know people took to callin’ you Vanishing Violet? I’ve been the subject of town gossip for the last three months, Violet, because you walked away and disappeared into thin fuckin’ air. Did you really think for one minute I would welcome you back with open arms?” She shakes her head emphatically, but can’t seem to find any words to say. The sight of her tears keeps hitting me like a kick in the nuts. Frustrated with her silence, I snap. “What do you want, Vi? Absolution? If that’s what this is, you’re shit out of luck because I can’t give it to you. Do you want to know if you destroyed me? If havin’ you leave me behind without any explanation ripped my heart out of my fucking chest? Then you’ve got it. You were my life, Violet, and you took something I believed was beautiful and made it ugly. You didn’t even give me a warning, didn’t have the courtesy, the human fucking decency, to talk to me about it or clue me in that you didn’t love me anymore and didn’t want to be my wife. You should have fucking told me, to my face, your feelings had changed. It would have saved me a lot of fuckin’ humiliation.” When she opens her mouth and reaches out for me again, I snap. Furious with myself because I’ve just admitted she destroyed me, I slam out of the bedroom and run out of the house to the stables. I’ll deal with Vi another day. Right now, I just need to get away from her because it’s all too much.

A repetitive series of sounds wakes me up. Cracking one eye open, I look at my bedside clock and see it’s after one in the morning. Sitting up, I listen and try to identify the noise. Within thirty seconds I realize that it’s the sound of crying, and I know it’s Violet since we’re the only people in the house. I avoided her by not comin’ back home until well after dinner and when I got here, I headed into my office and stayed there until I came to bed. My knee jerk response kicks in and before I even realize I’m doing it, I am up, out of my room and openin’ the door to the bedroom she’s in. As is her usual, she’s gone to bed and left the television on mute. The light from the television illuminates the room and I see her curled up around a pillow, crying her eyes out. My heart doesn’t care she’s hurt me, and within seconds I am on the bed and pulling her into my arms. Call me a sucker, but I hate seeing this woman upset. I shiver when she climbs into my lap and wraps her arms around me tightly, crying against my chest as I rock her back and forth and make soothing noises. This whole thing is reminiscent of how she was after Dustin committed suicide, and I wonder if she’s been doin’ this the entire time she’s been gone. Gradually, her sobs quiet down until they become non-existent. Once the torrential outpouring of tears subsides and I go from having a hysterical woman in my arms to a calm one, my dick decides to start to wake up. I’ve craved the sunshine and delicate feminine scent of Violet so badly you’d think it’s a drug. Hell, to me, it sure as fuck seems to be. Now, with her body plastered warmly against mine as I breathe in the smell of her hair, my body is coming back to life. Hard. Sliding my hands down her back, I grip her waist with the intention of setting her aside on the bed so I can leave. I startle when she grips my shoulder and cries out, “No!” Before I can ask her what she wants, she starts rocking against me. Gently at first, but when I don’t push her away, she picks up the pressure. I want so badly to ball up and push her away, but my goddamn body is a traitor and my hands are now gripping her hips and helping her move back and forth. Sitting up straight, she leans back a bit and looks down at my face. The silence stretches for countless moments as we stare at each other. I know this look she’s giving me as well as I know my name, and I nod my understanding at her. Without hesitation, she grabs the hem of the t-shirt she wore to bed, one of mine, I notice, and whips it over her head. My dick has already been in the process of getting hard, but one look at her nearly naked body has it standing at full attention. Only a tiny pair of pink panties keeps her from being totally exposed to me, and I want to rip those fuckers off with my teeth. Fisting my hands in her hair, I yank her forward and cover her mouth with mine. Our first kiss in three months is not gentle. It is carnal, punishing, chaotic, almost painful. There is too much need, too much pent up desire between us for either of us to slow down. Our tongues duel as we devour each other, almost as if we’re both afraid at any moment, it will be over. Moaning into my mouth, she grinds herself against me in the most erotic of ways. Reaching between us, I slide my fingers into her underwear, growling into her mouth when I find her soaked. I practically know Violet’s body better than my own, know the pattern and pressure to use to make her come fast and hard, and within a minute she rips her mouth from mine, tilts her head back and cries out my name as she soaks my fingers with her release. Tossin’ her onto the bed, I stand up and rip my clothes off.

She watches me with hooded and lust-filled eyes as I bare myself to her, and I groan low in my throat when she slides her fingers into her panties and begins to play with her pussy. Just seein’ her like this, legs spread, fingers moving beneath the silk of her underwear, is almost enough to make me come. Gripping my cock in my hand, I start stroking it as I watch her. From experience, I know this drives her wild. Over the years, she’s spent hundreds of hours watching me stroke my dick. Both of us are visual people, and I can’t even count how many times we’ve masturbated for each other. I personally love the way it feels to watch her fuck herself while she watches me jerk off. I want to tug my cock until I come on her lips, but I force myself to stop. Walking to the edge of the bed, I grab the sides of her underwear and tear them off of her. Her closely shaven sexy little triangle is a sight for sore eyes, and I bend over and inhale her as I watch her fingers spread her sweet honey all over her clit. Spreading her legs wide with my shoulders, I slide my hands under her ass and lift her to my mouth. My tongue meets her fingers and we work in tandem playing with her clit. She calls my name out again and again as I tongue fuck her, and I inhale her like a starving man. She’s as hot and desperate for it as ever, and I wonder how she could have survived three months without being fucked hard and often. Just as she’s about to come, I pull my tongue away and grab her finger with my mouth to keep it away from her clit. Rolling her hips, she tries to get me to go back to work. I move her legs off my shoulder and set her down on the bed before climbing over her. Eye to eye, she whimpers as she watches me slide my right hand down to her drenched cunt. I play with her lazily, nowhere near hard enough to get her off. Like I said, I know her body, and I know what to do to keep her orgasm on the runway, desperately searching for a landing. I’m angry again. Angry I’ve been denied the pleasure of having this body for the last three months, angry I should be fucking her as my wife right now. I’m angry as I wonder if there have been others where only I’d ever gone before she left. “Please, Ryder… oh, please… take me, baby. Fuck me!” Looking into her eyes, I shake my head as I slide two fingers inside of her insanely tight sex and slowly begin thrusting them in and out. “You left because you didn’t want me, didn’t want this anymore. Tell me who else you let touch my pussy, Vi. Did anyone make you come like I do? Did any of them make you come like I make you come, so hard and so much you soak the sheets? Tell me, Violet. Tell me who you gave my pussy to. Tell me if you came screaming. Tell me the truth.” Shaking her head emphatically, she whimpers as her hands come up to grab my face. Forcing me to look at her she says, “I have never, not for one second, stopped wanting you. I could never give myself to anyone else because I gave all of myself to you, and that was forever. I’ve only ever been yours. I love you, Ryder Jennings. I’m only ever going to love you.” Three months ago, I would have said I knew when Violet was lying and I could tell she was being straight with me right now. Honestly, I don’t think she’s lyin’. Her eyes say she’s telling the truth. But the thing is, I don’t know if I can believe her anymore. She seems to sense she’s losing me, almost as if she knows I’m seconds away from leaving the room, because she grabs my cock and begins to stroke it. “Fuck me, Ryder. Take what belongs to you.” Spreading her legs wide with my torso, I line up with her pussy. Looking down at her I growl, “If you put me in, I’m not going to be tender. I’m going to fuck you, and I don’t mean gently.” She full body shudders beneath me as she nods. “God, yes.” Shaking my head, I give it to her straight. “Listen to what I’m sayin’ and know what you’re sayin’ yes to. This is your last chance, Vi. I’m going to fuck you hard enough you won’t be able to sit down without feeling me in you tomorrow. If you’ve been out of commission for three months, taking my thick cock is going to be a challenge. I don’t have slow and gentle in me right now. I’m going to stuff you full of cock and fuck you until neither of us can fucking move anymore, and then I’m going to come deep inside you.

Can you take it?” Looking into my eyes she says, “I want your cock. I want you. Take me.” I’ve given her the chance to go and she isn’t taking it, so I take her at her word she’s ready for what I’m about to do. She’s been with me for long enough to know I’m not a minute-man. Hell, I’m not a twenty-minute man. When I want it hard, I can go for quite a while. Tonight, I want it harder than I ever have. Nodding at her, I growl as she lines me up and rubs the tip of my cock against her slippery opening. The heat of her arousal hits the tip of me like a nuclear blast, and I lose my ability to be patient. Grabbing her hips, I shift back a bit, lift her up and then slam into her with one hard thrust. She lets out a scream that would wake the neighbors, if I had any, as I let out a yell at the same time. For half a second I worry I’ve gone too hard, but then I feel her hands gripping my ass and I start pounding into her with a speed and ferocity surprising even me. I use the spring of the mattress to my advantage, maneuvering her body so with every thrust, she automatically bounces up and down my dick. I smirk when she comes within two minutes, screaming like a fucking banshee as her body writhes against mine and filth pours out of her mouth that would make the best buckle-bunny proud. “So deep, fuck!” she shouts as I thrust. The wet sound of our frantic joining, combining with the squeak of the mattress, her filthy talk, uninhibited noises, plus the slamming of the headboard against the wall, is like music to my ears. I fuck her like I hate her, but I don’t hate her at all. I fucking love her as much as ever, and I hate myself for that. Changing the position up, I grab her ankles and push them up toward her head as I fuck harder and go deeper. She wails beneath me, tears pouring out of her eyes as she seizes up around me and comes calling out my name, her come drenching my cock. Baby gets so fucking wet, and I love how it makes it even hotter and more slippery in her cunt. I fuck hard, pulling back only when I feel like I want to come. Every time she comes beneath me I’m tempted to let go, but I promised her rough and I want her to fucking remember who’s dick makes her come like a fucking madwoman. This is a fuck of a reminder, and I’m pounding it into her with a purposeful ferocity I’ve never had before. After another of her mammoth orgasms, I flip her over onto her knees and slam back inside. She cries out as she shudders beneath me, coming again quickly just from the position. She loves to be ridden hard, and I hold her hips firmly as I fuck her like an animal. Leaning over I growl into her ear, “Who’s fucking pussy is this, Vi?” There seems to be no hesitation on her part as she turns to meet my eyes. “Yours, Ryder. My pussy is yours. I’m yours. Everything is yours. It’s all yours. It’s only ever going to be yours. Yours, yours, yours!” It’s the honesty in her eyes that does me in. Pulling out, I flip her over again and cover her body with mine as I thrust back inside of her. Wrapping her arms and legs around me, she holds on as I fuck into her, slower but no less hard. With my forehead against hers I groan out, “Feed me, Vi. Give me what’s mine.” I feel her hand between us, her fingers brushing against me as she collects what I want. Pulling her hand back out from between us, she slides two fingers into my mouth and lets me suck the taste of us from them. When I finish, she slides the next two fingers in before pulling them out and replacing them with her tongue. We kiss for real this time, passionate and deep, our bodies moving against each other in time with our tongues. The taste in my mouth is us, our blend, something I can only ever have with her, and I revel in it. We’ve had a joke forever about the house blend being our ambrosia, and the intensity of being inside of her and tasting us is bringing me to my knees. Pulling back from her mouth, I bite her bottom lip gently before pulling it out and sucking on it. I let go with a growl and then stare down at her. “I’m about to come, Vi, gonna come fuckin’ hard. Come with

me.” Sliding her hand back between us, I feel her rubbing her clit as I slide in and out of her. I watch her eyes and listen to her sounds, and when her pussy starts seizing up and fluttering against me, I fuck her hard and fast the way she likes. Opening her mouth wide, she rakes her nails down my back as she begins to come and I let myself go and start filling her full of my release. The heat of my cum inside of her has always made her come extra hard, and this is no different. She gasps for air and cries out my name again and again as she comes, and my dick spurts like a fucking volcano that is no longer dormant. When we’re both done, I collapse on top of her like an overwhelmed marathon runner. She runs her hands up and down my back and across my ass just like she has always done after sex, and I am so content I let it go on—even as a voice in my head is tryin’ to remind me I shouldn’t be letting my guard down. I’m fucking beat from coming so hard, so I roll us over so she’s on top, wrap my arms around her and promptly start to drift off.

I wake up just before dawn with Violet wrapped in my arms and her head resting on my shoulder. It feels so damn right to have her back in my arms, but I’m annoyed with myself for falling asleep and staying. She’s been home for less than a day and already I can’t keep my damn hands off of her. Shifting her head against my chest, she lets out what sounds like a sad sigh. “I can feel you getting tense, Ry. We need to talk.” My defenses immediately go up. I know that we need to talk, I’m not an idiot, but I just don’t know if I can take hearing her tell me why she left. It’s so obvious that I’m just not what she really wants or needs. Call me a coward, but hearing this woman tell me that she vanished into thin air because she realized she wasn’t in love with me anymore isn’t high on my to-do list. If it wouldn’t make me look like a total pussy, I’d tell her I’m not interested in an explanation. Of course, I’d be lyin’. No, I’ve got to ball up, sit here and take it like a man. She seems to understand my silence is an agreement, and she starts to speak. “The best way for me to start is at the beginning. You know my dad’s mental problems were a huge issue in my house growing up. It’s why Dustin, Daisy and I spent so much time with Granddaddy and MaMa. I loved my daddy, but I was scared to death of him at the same time. For a while he’d be fine, and then suddenly all rational thought was gone and he was terrifying. He’d go from loving us to tearing through our closets looking for devices he said we used to spy on him. He screamed at people on the street about conspiracy theories, refused to eat for days at a time because he was convinced people were trying to kill him. Having Granddaddy and Ma-Ma take us in was a godsend. It broke their hearts their son was so ill, ripped them up there was nothing that they could do to help him, so they threw themselves into making sure we were okay. Without them…I don’t know how I would have survived.” Running her hand over my stomach softly, she is silent for a few moments. I’m confused about why she’s telling me all of this. First, I already know everything and second, Vi hates to talk about her dad. “You’re probably wondering why I’m talking about my father, considering I normally try to avoid it. Here’s what I now know. I successfully pushed down and hid my feelings about him for years, but it didn’t make the feelings go away. They were still there, lurking. When someone in your family is crazy, it’s natural to be scared about what it means for your own mental health. Those thoughts always upset me, so I tried not to think of it too often. When Dustin started showing signs of depression, it was like a bullet to the heart. He went through so much more hell with Daddy than Daisy and I did, just because he was older. He saw and had to deal with things no child should ever have to. I prayed every single day that Dustin wouldn’t be affected in the same way my father was, but none of those prayers were answered. He always felt things differently than anyone else. Always was prone to getting upset. I knew he was having the hardest time, and I just prayed that he would listen to his doctors and take the medications they were giving him. You know how they say wish in one hand, shit in the other and see which one fills up faster? That’s how I feel about Dustin. Wishing didn’t change a damn thing. When he took his own life…seeing him there, realizing what he had done, I lost it.” Running my hand over her shoulder, I try to comfort her by telling her the truth. “I knew it hit you hard, and I understood. No one should ever have to lose someone they love like that.” The hitch in her breathing alerts me to the fact she’s getting worked up, and my heart squeezes

painfully as I feel her tears falling onto my chest. This? Right here? This is my hell. Even now, I’d lie down in front of a moving train to keep this woman from crying. “Baby, you’ve got to stop cryin’. You know this isn’t good for you.” I barely contain my groan of annoyance to myself. I should probably put my favorite pair of cowboy boots up my own ass at this point. I am such a jackass. Less than twenty-four hours with her back in my life and I’ve been inside of her and am now back to callin’ her baby. Nodding against my chest, she’s silent for a long moment. Lifting her head, she looks me in the eye. “After everything that happened with Dustin, it was like the floodgates opened for me. I started having panic attacks and I’d cry for no reason at all. I had nightmares, I relived the moment I saw Dustin, I thought about seeing the trail of blood in the bathroom at my old house when Daddy tried to kill himself the first time and Momma sent us back here to live with Granddaddy and Ma-Ma. It was like I couldn’t turn my brain off to those bad thoughts. Then Daisy left, my mother went nuts blaming my father’s genes, and I felt so lost. I carry my daddy’s genes too. I was scared what she was saying was true, crazy runs in my family. I was terrified, Ry, all the damn time. The only time I felt normal at all was when I was with you. I was the worst girlfriend last year. I felt like I was holding you hostage, forcing you to come to New York City almost every weekend…” I stop her right there. Putting my fingers under her chin, I stare down at her. “Vi, that’s not true at all. I never thought of it as an obligation and I sure as hell didn’t feel like you were holdin’ me hostage. I wanted to be there with you, needed to be with you just as badly as you needed me there. I know for damn sure there is no way I ever gave you the impression I was annoyed, I wasn’t.” Nodding her head, she closes her eyes for a moment and takes a few quiet breaths. “I know, but I was keeping things from you, Ry. Things I was ashamed of.” I’m pretty sure my heart has just stopped beating. She promised me last night no one else had been inside of her, was she lying? Fuck me, had she been cheating the whole time? Sitting up, she straddles me and grabs either side of my face with her hands so I’m forced to look at her. “No, Ryder! I have never, not once, wanted someone other than you. You’re my other half, my one true love. What I have with you is magic, the kind of thing people read about but don’t believe is real. I didn’t leave because I fell out of love, that’s never going to happen. I will love you every single day I’m on this earth, and even when my time here is done, I plan to spend my eternity with you in heaven. I was, I am and I always will be yours, Ry. No hesitation, no desire for anything or anyone else. How could I want anything else when I have you?” Liftin’ her up and off of me, I quickly scramble from the bed. Naked and angry, I stand before her and snap, “Then why the fuck did you leave, Violet? You saddled up and got out of here in the middle of the fucking night. Do you know what it fucking felt like? Do you care? You walked out of here like a thief in the night without a word of warning! You might have left the ring and your goddamn Dear John letter, but you took my fucking heart with you. How could you do that to me, to us?” Her tears are falling so fast now, but she stands her ground and doesn’t crumble. Looking me straight in the eye, she gives me a look that seems like a plea for understanding. “I thought I was sick, Ry. I felt like I was going crazy.” I can’t immediately think of a response so I simply gape at her for a few seconds. Violet is the least crazy person that I’ve ever known. Finally, I manage to string together some words. “Vi, you’re not fuckin’ crazy, far from it. Why would you think such a thing and why would you leave?” She motions for me to come to her and then pats the bed for me to sit down. When I comply, she sits next to me and holds onto my arm. “When I got home from school, I immediately felt better just being back with you. I loved being out on the ranch and soaking up the sunshine, but I was also constantly waiting for

another flair up of my anxiety. It was so bad there those last few months…it was terrible, Ry. When you weren’t there, I woke up every single night in a cold sweat feeling like I couldn’t get enough air. It got so bad I couldn’t sleep unless you were there. I felt like I was losing it and I was terrified what was happening to me was what happened to my father and Dustin.” Clasping my hand, she squeezes tightly. “You can’t know how relieved I was to come home. You’re my safe place, Ry. I felt better, but not one hundred percent, especially when it came to the size of the wedding, and it scared me. Every time I thought of all those people we don’t even know staring at us, I got anxious. I’d always dreamt of our wedding being small and intimate—something just for us, but it blew up to being about Momma, and I didn’t know how to call a halt. My grandfather, your grandfather, Daisy and Uncle Zeke were my biggest cheerleaders, and they kept telling me to grab you and take you out under our tree to get married with just them as witnesses. It’s what I wanted, but I was too scared of Momma’s reaction to make it happen.” Clearing her throat, she stares at me for a moment, seemingly lost in thought. Giving her hand a squeeze, I silently encourage her to go on. “My Momma had come to town for the wedding and for the first time in forever—for the first time I can ever remember, actually—she was trying. She opened up and talked to Daisy and me about Dad and we shared memories of Dustin. I felt like caving in, and having the big wedding she wanted had really made her happy, which made me feel like all the anxiety I felt was worth it after all. Finally, my mother saw the real me, a woman getting married to the man of her dreams, not the stupid girl throwing her life away to live in the sticks she saw me as in her head. After my last dress fitting, she took me to lunch.” I can see her lip trembling, and my heart beats funny in my chest. Dress fitting day is the last time I saw Violet until yesterday. Whatever happened that day can’t have been good if it made her leave. I’d seen her in the morning before she left, and she’d been fine. By the time she came back, she had a migraine and wasn’t feeling well. It wasn’t the first time she’d had a stressed reaction to spending time with Greta, so I didn’t push her. Instead, I held her in my arms and told her how much I loved her. The next morning, she was gone. Squeezing my hand again Vi continues, “She was being so open, it was like she was a new woman. She reached across the table, took my hand in hers and started to get weepy. She confessed to me she had never really disapproved of you at all; she’d just been worried I’d be like my father. When I asked her what she meant, she said…” She hiccups as her lower lip trembles, and I can see her struggling. She takes a few moments to get herself under control before continuing. “She said she wouldn’t have married my daddy if she knew he was going to go crazy, and she wouldn’t ever want to stand by while that happened to someone else,or, in this case, you. She told me she loved Dustin, Daisy and me, but all the love she had for my father disappeared as he declined into madness. What began as love became fear, and having to watch her children for signs of mental illness made her hate him. She admitted being married to him was a horrible burden and if she could turn back time she wouldn’t have made the same decision. Her exact words were ‘having the man she loved go crazy was a fate worse than death.’” Shaking my head, I try to figure out where she’s going with this. “Baby, I get why you were upset, your momma had just laid a lot of serious shit on you. What I don’t get is why you didn’t just come home and talk to me about it.” Standing up from the bed, Vi starts pacing. “I held it together during the rest of lunch, but by the time we left I was hyperventilating. The panic attack slammed into me like a runaway horse and I couldn’t even speak. I was shaking so hard, Ry, I couldn’t even stand up. Momma had to help me into the car, and it was so bad I thought I was going to die. When it was finally over, Momma was white as a ghost. I tried to explain I had been having panic attacks since Dustin died, but she said it wasn’t what it looked like to her,

she told me watching me reminded her of my father.” Right now, every part of me wants to get into my truck, drive to New York City, and smack Greta on the back of the head. Mind you, I don’t hit women. My havin’ this thought at all is terrible, but Greta has been a damn thorn in my side forever. God love her, I guess she was tryin’ with Vi that day, but obviously she scared the shit out of her. “So you came home and just decided to run away from life?” Stopping in front of me, Vi shakes her head. “No. Momma offered me help, and I decided to take it. I was going to come home and tell you I was going to check into a facility, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized how unfair it was to expect you to live through hell with me if I was going to lose my mind. The thought of you ever looking at me the way Momma used to look at my father…it killed me inside. It hurt so bad Ry, to think of you hating me. I thought I knew pain when Daddy died, thought I felt the worst I could ever feel when I saw Dustin hanging there. But the idea of you looking at me with hate instead of love ripped me up inside. I didn’t want you tied down to a crazy person and having your life ruined. I knew you’d stay no matter what, even if staying made you miserable, and I made myself believe I needed to let you go. It made me ill to think of you with someone else, but it made me sicker to think of you regretting ever having married me. I left the ranch and Momma took me to a facility in upstate New York the next day.” The suspense is killing me. “And?” Twisting her hands together, Vi sits back down on the bed. “I wasn’t going crazy. Seeing Dustin opened the floodgates to things I’ve been ignoring for my entire life, and everything came rushing out. I kept reliving past moments with my dad, kept thinking about seeing Dustin hanging and I lost it. What I thought was crazy actually wasn’t. According to the doctors, I’ve been suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.” I’m frustrated as hell with her right now, but even still, her well-being is at the forefront of my mind. “Did the doctors help?” Nodding her head, Vi grabs my hand and brings it to her cheek. “Yes. I spent the last ninety days in an intensive treatment center for anxiety disorders. They specialize in PTSD. It was painful as hell and there were days when I just wanted to bury my head in the sand or run away, but I stuck it out. I plan to see a therapist every other week for at least the next year, but I feel better, clearer, than I have since I saw Dustin for the last time.” Rubbing her cheek, I let the feeling of relief she’s going to be okay wash over me. “I’m glad you’re okay, baby. I’m glad you got help.” Eyes on mine, she nods and squeezes my hand. “On the days I wanted to quit, all I thought about was coming home to you. I left so you wouldn’t be burdened, but once I realized I was going to be fine as long as I did the work, I fought hard. I needed to come back strong, needed to be the woman you deserve.” I gape at her in shock, wondering what the hell she was thinking. She left me because she thought I deserved better? Jumping up from the bed, I glare down at her. “Goddammit Violet! You have always been the woman I deserve! You thought you were losin’ your mind, so you decided for me I shouldn’t have to deal with it? If you were to have the same mental problems your daddy or Dustin had, I wouldn’t love you any less. I’m not like your momma, Vi, and it fucking destroys me you believed I would turn on you. Here all these years I thought you knew and believed in my love for you, but you don’t. When push came to shove, you threw your chips down and crapped out. You never believed in us at all.” She’s shaking her head frantically, but I can’t take this shit anymore. I need to get away, need to think. Without another word, I walk out on her.

I don’t even pause once I get back into my bedroom. I keep right on walking and head into my shower, turning it on hot as I climb under the spray. Trying to reign in my feelings, I go through the motions of washing myself. As soon as I finish the task, I lose it. Turning my back to the spray of the showerhead, I lean against the wall and let myself go. I’m not a crier by nature, but since Vi left, I’ve cried more times than I can count. It’s fuckin’ depressing, is what it is. I startle when the shower door opens and Vi walks in, the door closing with a soft snick behind her. I say nothing, but let out a groan when she wraps her arms around my torso and lays her head on my back. “I hate knowing I’ve hurt you, Ryder. I’d give anything to be able to take it back, but I can’t. What you said in there was wrong, and what you’re thinking right now is wrong too. It’s not that I didn’t believe in you or your love. I believed one hundred percent that love would make you stay. I knew no matter what, you would be there. I was depressed and in shock, and the head space I was in wasn’t right. I saw myself as a burden, not a life partner. I was so freaked out I lost faith in myself. I needed help, but I went about it in the wrong way. I let fear dominate me and I let us both down. When I was in therapy and the doctors had me focus on my most positive memories, they were all about you, about us, and the life we’ve built together. Every minute of every single day of my life since I was fourteen years old, I have been in love with you. You’re my everything, Ryder Jennings.” I process her words in silence as my tears stop falling. She is silent, that uncanny ability of hers to know what I need seeming to have kicked in. For the first time in three months, my heart doesn’t break for me, it breaks for her. Realizing she lost faith in herself and then chose to walk away from her own happiness in order to keep from burdening me is gut wrenching. Turning around, I stare down at her. “Vi, even if the worst were to have happened, I would still have chosen, freely, to live out my life with you, come what may. You’re carryin’ around my heart in your hands, and without you, nothing means anything. My heart could no more stop lovin’ you than it could walk out of my chest and ride a horse. Some things are impossible, and bein’ without you is one of them.” Her own tears are fallin’ now, but they aren’t sad tears. I can see her relief, mixed with her joy. Lookin’ at her now and seein’ this woman, my woman, happy the way she always should be melts my heart. Violet Hammond is my fuckin’ life, and as long as my heart’s still beatin’, it will be livin’ for her. Life isn’t a fairytale. Bad things can happen, mistakes will be made, but—at the end of the day—I will always choose her. There is no question. I need her to know how I love her just as much as she loves me, need her to know I want our future together more than anything in this world. Cupping her face in my hands, I kiss her gently before pulling back and sliding down onto one knee. “Violet Hammond, will you be my wife? Not because it’s part of my granddaddy’s will and not because I asked before. For no other reason than I love you more than life itself, I’m askin’ you to share this life with me, no matter what. Good times or bad, I want to walk this road with you to the very end. You hold onto me, I’ll hold onto you, and no matter what, we’ll make it.” I can see the answer in her eyes even before she drops to her knees and says, “Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES,” as she wraps her arms around me and hugs me tightly. We hug and kiss for several minutes, long enough for my dick to have turned to steel. Helping her

stand, I wash her from head to toe, reverently, as I tell her over and over again how much I love her. When she’s clean, she pushes me against the wall with a sly smile before dropping down to her knees. Looking up at me adoringly, she smiles. “I missed sucking you, Ry. Do you know how many nights I dreamt of the taste of you, the feeling of you in my mouth or in my pussy?” Fisting my hand in her wet hair, I nod. “I thought about you every fuckin’ day, baby. I’ve woken up damn near every night hard as a rock cause I was dreamin’ about eating or fucking your hot cunt.” Something passes through her eyes quickly, and it’s a look I don’t like because it isn’t comin’ from a happy place. “What is it, Vi? What’s wrong?” “I know I have no right to ask, know whatever happened, it’s on me, but I need to get it out. Did you have sex with anyone else? Did you date?” My head rears back in shock and I let out a harsh laugh. “Violet Hammond! Do you really think for one second I would have gone out and had revenge sex? No, baby. You will always be the only woman I’ve ever been with. I’m damn proud of it. So proud, you can put it on my gravestone when I die. Have it say somethin’ real cool like ‘Here lies Ryder Jennings. Husband. Father. Friend. He only ever loved or touched one woman from beginning to end.’” My words earn a giggle from her, and it’s very clear to see how happy they make her. Fisting the bottom of my shaft with her hand, she smiles up at me. “Mine can say ‘Violet Jennings. Wife. Mother. Friend. Crazy for Ryder Jennings from start to finish.’” As I smile, she leans forward and pulls me into her hot mouth. Letting out a moan, I rest my head back against the tiles and watch as she begins working me over. As the steam continues to billow around us, and the intensity of her sucking picks up, I give silent thanks to my tank-less water heater. Granddaddy had been against it, but Vi and I have always had a penchant for shower sex so I stuck to my guns. Talk about a great investment. I watch like a hawk as she sucks my cock, jerking the bottom with her right hand, all the while fingering herself with her left, her eyes never leaving mine as she works me over and gives me the mother of all blowjobs. The slurping sounds and the feeling of her mouth on my cock is making me nuts. I’m half tempted to bury myself against the back of her throat and fill her mouth with my cum, but the need to be inside of her surpasses it all. Helping her from the floor, I lift her up so she can wrap her legs around my waist. Pressing her against the shower wall, I smile at her. “Are you wet, baby?” Nodding her head, she moans. “So wet, Ry. We’ve never gone this long before, not since we started. One hard fuck after ninety-two days of celibacy didn’t even begin to take the edge off.” She’s right. We went from being two horny, fumbling kids who used every available free moment to go to town on each other, to being two adults who knew every hot spot on each other’s bodies and couldn’t wait to set each other ablaze. We’ve always laughed at people who talk about variety being the spice of life. Neither of us thinks that’s true at all. To us, the spice of life is giving yourself over and sharing an experience with someone you love. We committed a long time ago to fall in love with each other over and over again, and I’m happier than a pig in shit we’re going to make it. With a growl of pure lust, I bring her down until my cock is touching her slick opening. I push into her slowly, inch by inch, drinking in her moans with my mouth as we kiss. Last night, we fucked. Right now, we’re making love. With Violet, every time, every experience, is a fuckin’ winner. When I’m buried balls deep in the woman I love, I begin a slow but steady rhythm of in and out thrusts. Breaking our kiss, Violet drops her head back and lets out a shout. “Fuck! Ryder…you’re incredible.” Holding her tighter, I continue thrusting into her tight wet heat as I lean forward and begin licking and biting her neck. Each bite causes her pussy to spasm around me, and I growl low in my throat as I feel my

balls start to tighten. Pulling back from her neck, I move back to her mouth and kiss her passionately as I begin to thrust harder. She pinches her left nipple and then her right with one hand as the other hand heads straight to her clit and starts applying just the right amount of pressure to take her over the edge. The second she seizes up on me and yells out my name, I let go and come. These past three months were the worst of my life, but she’s back and I can’t fucking wait to start our lives together.

Hours later, we’re curled up on a blanket underneath our tree, trying to catch our breath after making love. We meant to go slow, but after one kiss and a few minutes of my fingers in her panties, I’d pushed her dress up, opened my pants and fucked her hard and fast. If this tree could talk, it would have some crazy stories. Fun stories, sad stories, silly stories and, let’s face it, sexy stories. Second only to the shower or my bed, our blanket under this tree has been our go-to place to make love. With her head lying on my shoulder, Vi absently traces circles against my t-shirt. Looking up at me, she bites her lower lip. “Ry?” Looking down at my girl, I smile. “Yeah baby?” “I’m sorry I wasn’t here when Uncle Weston died. I didn’t know his heart had gotten so bad. Every time he called and talked to me, he never mentioned it.” My head rears back as I look at her in shock. “Baby, what do you mean when he would call you? You were talkin’ to Granddaddy while you were away?” She twirls a piece of her hair in her fingers as she nods her head. “I was so over stimulated I didn’t want to talk to anyone for the first few weeks, but once I could handle it, I wanted to talk to you first. I called the house, and Uncle Weston told me straight that you were angry. He was angry too, and he told me my grandfather was beside himself. Once I explained everything to him, he was so supportive. He wanted to tell you everything, but I begged him not to. After everything I had done wrong, I wanted to be the one to tell you why. It was me that owed you that explanation, not anyone else. Uncle Weston was as stubborn as they come, but he understood why it had to be me. After that, he called and talked to me for ten minutes or so every few days. I thought he sounded more out of breath than usual the last time he called, but he told me I was being a ‘silly filly’. Since my granddaddy didn’t say anything about his health, I assumed he still had time left. It meant everything to me when he called, and you know how huge that was. Your granddaddy hated the phone almost as much as he hated the Internet, but he told me he wanted the mother of his great-grandchildren to have good things to say about him after he was gone. I didn’t realize that he meant his time was coming. My grandfather didn’t tell me Uncle Weston was gone until he called me the night before Daisy and I flew home. I’m sorry I wasn’t here, Ry.” I’m actually stunned and beyond touched that my granddaddy called Vi every week. He really did hate the damn phone, but he had always considered Vi to be his kin. Knowing that he called her, that he never lost faith in either of us, it means the world. Leaning forward, I take the piece of hair she’s been playing with and twirl it in my fingers. “It’s okay, baby. Clearly Granddaddy wanted us to be together, and I think that’s amazing. I’m glad he’s not strugglin’ to breathe anymore, but I miss him somethin’ fierce. He must be so damn proud of himself right now for gettin’ us back together. Stubborn old coot always said he knew best.”

Vi’s laugh before she covers my lips with her own is like music to my ears.

Our plans for a courthouse wedding are quickly squashed. Instead of having the big wedding her mother wanted or a courthouse wedding neither of us did, we choose to get married in the way we always wanted to. Standing beneath our tree, I watch with tears in my eyes as my fiancée walks toward me. Instead of hundreds of guests, there are just five. Violet’s grandfather, her mother, her stepfather, her sister Daisy, and my Uncle Zeke are the only people we absolutely have to have here with us today. There is a special guest, though. A chair at my side, in the place a best man would have stood, holds my granddaddy’s urn. My palms are sweaty as I shake Uncle Jonah’s hand and take Violet from him. Together we turn and stand in front of the Reverend to say our vows. Each of us speaks clearly and with no hesitation, and when all is said and done, we are officially Ryder and Violet Jennings, just the way we were always meant to be. I smile and laugh as we accept congratulations and hugs from the small group, and I even hug Vi’s momma without anger. The woman has her flaws, but she’s the only momma Vi’s got and someday, she’ll be grandmother to our children. Our small reception is just perfect for us, right on down to Daisy pullin’ my truck up and playing Violet’s and my song, Blake Shelton’s “Mine Would Be You.” Now more than ever, the words ring true. After the dance is finished and our little cake is cut, Uncle Zeke and Vi’s granddaddy pull us aside. I’m assuming it’s to gloat about how their plan worked. As far as I am concerned, they can gloat away. What they did worked, and I am thankful. Putting one arm around me and one around Vi, Uncle Zeke turns and gives me a smile. “Youngn’s, I got somethin’ to tell ya. That whole will wasn’t worth the paper it was written on. Your granddaddy’s will was written four years ago and it hasn’t changed. He left everything to you and Vi, free and clear.” My mouth opens in stunned disbelief for about two seconds before I start laughing. “So the whole thing was a lie?” Uncle Jonah lets out a laugh before he smiles at me and nods. Gesturing at Uncle Zeke he says, “Before Weston got called home, the three of us came up with what your granddaddy called the fail safe plan. We knew you were still in love with Vi, but we also knew you were angry. Weston knew he wasn’t going to be here to support and help you through your anger, and it was tearin’ him up real bad to think there was a chance you two wouldn’t get back together. He commented to Zeke and me that he wished he could make it a rule in his will…and one thing led to another.” With Zeke’s arm still around her, Violet turns and gives him a big kiss on the cheek before running into her grandfather’s arms. Over and over again she says thank you. I’m feelin’ pretty darn emotional myself, so I turn to Zeke and give the old coot a big hug. I’m surprised but happy when he hugs me back. Uncle Zeke’s never been overly affectionate. After we finish hugging, I go right to Uncle Jonah and give him one hell of a thank you hug as well, this hug shared with Vi who is still thanking him for always being there for her.

After everyone has gone and the two of us are walkin’ back to the ranch house hand in hand, we’re both still laughing about how crafty and smart those old men were. That day in Uncle Zeke’s office when he told me the conditions of my granddaddy’s will, I thought I was doomed. Now, I see my granddaddy saw his one last chance to make sure Vi and I wound up together and he took it. That’s a legacy I intend to live up to. The End

Between Us Copyright © ELLA FOX 2016

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This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Ella Fox holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.

ISBN-10: 0-9961894-5-9 ISBN-13: 978-0-9961894-5-3

Cover Photo: Scott Hoover Cover Model: Travis DesLaurier Cover Design: Sommer Stein, Perfect Pear Creative Edit by Vanessa Bridges, Prema Editing Proofreading by Manda Mettlach, Prema Editing Formatting by Stacey Blake, Champagne Formats Blurb Assistance: Carol Eastman (The Blurb Bitch) Release Blitz & Blog Tour by Lisa Hintz, The Rock Stars of Romance Promotions

This book is for my amazing readers. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for taking this journey with me.



Age 7

I started playing guitar at the age of four. People often commented about my skill level being incredibly advanced and I ate it up. It made me feel special to know that I could do something most people couldn’t. Whenever I picked up a guitar, it felt as though it was an extension of me—like it belonged there. My parents jokingly said I should’ve been born with one in my hand. I could lose myself when I played, and I loved it. The worst day of my life had started off like any other. I’d been practicing with the new acoustic guitar Flynn’s parents, Todd and Rachel, had given me for my birthday. Rachel had picked it out herself, something that made it priceless to me. She’d been sick by then for about two years, so it wasn’t like she could just drive to the closest store to pick out a gift. It was a sweet guitar. The smell of the finish on the maple hadn’t even worn off yet. As young as I was, I took care of my equipment. My three other guitars were lined up against the wall on stands. The rest of my room was a typical seven-year-old mess, but those guitars were gleaming. I took extra special care of the acoustic because Flynn’s mom had picked it out. I was maybe two or three more run-throughs away from nailing the opening to Bob Seger’s “Night Moves,” and couldn’t wait to play it for my dad. As I was about to play it one final time, my dad called out, “Cole, we need you to come downstairs.” After setting my guitar carefully onto its holder, I thundered down the carpeted stairs and skidded excitedly into the living room where my parents were sitting side by side. “I almost got it, Dad,” I announced. “You won’t believe the difference the acoustic makes! I told Todd as soon as I had it down, I’d go over so I could play it for Rachel…” My words faded away when I realized my mom and dad were both crying. Before either of them said a word I realized why, and I wanted to throw up. Their tears could only mean one thing: she had died. I looked to my dad for answers. “Dad?” I questioned with a squeak. He was crying so hard it took him several seconds to be able to answer. “Rachel is gone,” he said through his tears. “She’s in heaven now.” Instantly, tears of my own started pouring down my cheeks. I shook my head desperately, hoping to make the words less true. “No, no, no,” I wailed. “She can’t be gone! She just can’t be! I prayed…Flynn prayed—everyone prayed. Why doesn’t Flynn have a mom anymore?”

My mom sprang from the couch and pulled me into her arms. She held on tight as she rocked me back and forth while I sobbed. “Flynn will always have a mom,” she assured me through her tears. “Rachel will be watching over him, watching over all of us, from heaven.” Her answer only made me cry harder. “But we won’t see her,” I whimpered, “and we can’t talk to her. She’s gone.” I was never going to see my best friend’s mother, the woman I thought of as my second mom, again. The pain was unbearable. I wanted to know why God would take someone so good away? I didn’t understand it at all. The entire time she had been sick, I’d never believed she would really die. Not once had my faith waivered. Losing Rachel changed everything because, for the first time, it made me doubt. My parents and Rachel had tried to prepare me for what might happen but I’d stubbornly refused to believe it would. I’d believed in miracles and happily ever after, until I got a glimpse behind the curtain to how fragile life really was. Not long after they told me, my parents and I walked next door to see Flynn and his family. The house had once been happy and cheerful, but it seemed like everything faded away as Rachel got sicker. The air smelled like whatever antiseptic the cleaners used on their most recent visit. Everything about the house was off. Never had it felt less like a home than it did in that moment. Everyone was crying but Todd looked especially terrible, almost as bad as Rachel did when she’d gotten really sick. I found Flynn sitting in the living room with a photo of his mom clutched in his hand. My mom and dad both got to him before I did, and they hugged and kissed him before spending a few minutes talking to him in quiet voices. When they finished, they left the two of us alone. We weren’t huggers by nature, but it seemed like everyone else had done it, so I should, too. Sitting down next to him on the couch, I gave him a sideways hug. When he started crying, I felt bad. I was upset and didn’t know how to deal, but Rachel was Flynn’s mom. He had worshipped her, and I couldn’t even imagine how badly he was feeling. Through his tears he said, “Don’t think I’m a baby because I’m crying. I feel so stupid. I just want my mom back so much.” I wanted Flynn to have her back so desperately. It twisted my stomach and made my heart ache. “I swear on my guitar, I’ll never say a word. I’m crying too… your mom was special, and I’ll miss her every single day, forever.” Sniffling quietly, he whispered, “She went this morning. I woke up when I heard my dad…he was crying so hard, I thought he was going to die. He was begging God to either bring her back or take him, too. I don’t wanna lose my dad, Cole. I’m scared. I’m never gonna see my mom again, I can’t lose my dad now, too.” My heart pounded against my chest frantically as a rush of fear swept through me. I thought back to how my parents had started talking in hushed whispers around the time Rachel got really sick. I’d overheard them discussing what was happening with Todd, and it left me fearful and anxious afterward. I almost threw up when I heard my mom tell my dad she understood how Flynn’s dad felt. Mom told Dad if something ever happened to him, she wouldn’t know how to go on. She cried and cried when she admitted that, and it was the scariest thing I’d ever heard. Was life really so fragile? I didn’t understand why people got married if it made them so weak. The world was a lot less secure than I ever realized. Why would anyone choose to be made weak? Looking over Flynn’s shoulder into the other room, I saw Flynn’s Gram and Pop sitting on either side of Todd on the couch under the front window. His head was buried in his hands, his body racked with sobs as my parents and his tried to comfort him. He really didn’t look good, and I wondered if maybe Flynn was right to worry. I was afraid Todd might actually die of a broken heart.

I didn’t know what to say or do to make my best friend feel any better. How could I, when I was terrified by everything that was happening? All I could do was hug Flynn and promise he’d always have me, no matter what. The adults were so wrapped up in their grief, they didn’t pay much attention when the two of us made our way up to his room. Once we got there, I grabbed the guitar I kept at Flynn’s and the two of us played songs his mom had loved. We did our best to find peace in the music, but there was no escaping just how devastating the loss was.

Watching Rachel’s coffin as it was lowered into the ground was one of the most painful and horrifying things I’d ever experienced. My parents told me that although her body was in there, it no longer held what made her who she was—her soul. That part of her was already in heaven with God, they said. I couldn’t wrap my mind around how things had changed. After the priest said the final blessing and people started to walk away, Flynn and I stayed side by side holding hands. My mom was on his left and my father was on my right. The four of us lined up in a horrified row as Todd broke down in front of us. He’d fallen to his knees at the graveside, wailing, as Gram and Pop tried to comfort him. I don’t know exactly how long it took to get him back on his feet, much less, how long it took them to get him into the limo, but it felt like an eternity. I knew I would never forget the way Flynn stood firm at my side when my mom tried to get us to walk away. He was tough and refused to leave until his dad did. He told me later he was scared if he left, his dad would ask to be buried with her. In the months after Rachel’s death, things with Todd went from bad to worse. He was almost never around, and when he was, it was like dealing with a totally different person. He said the right things, he hugged and loved Flynn, but it was like he was a robot while doing so. I thought of him as Ghost Todd. His body was there, but like my mom had said about Rachel the day of the funeral, what made him who he was didn’t seem to be with us anymore. I didn’t like what was happening. In fact, I was terrified. I’d always thought Todd was one of the strongest people in the world, but he was acting like he didn’t have any strength left. It felt like up was down and nothing quite fit where it was meant to anymore. I wondered if it was possible for your soul to leave your body while you were still alive. Looking at Todd, it didn’t seem to be much of a stretch to think that was exactly what had happened.

Things inevitably came to a head a few months later. Flynn and I had been at Gram and Pop’s for dinner. Although it was normally a treat to spend time with them, that night it hadn’t been. Todd had said he would take the two of us out to the movies to celebrate getting into the Little League championships, but it didn’t happen. My parents had tried to step in, but in the end it was decided that Flynn needed time with Gram and Pop. What was going on just wasn’t right. Todd had been our coach since we started Little League, but after Rachel died, he just stopped coming to practices and games. He had promised Flynn he would be

there to take us out afterward to celebrate, but then he was a no show. Flynn was upset, so Gram and Pop watched him like hawks all through dinner. I could tell they were worried about what they were seeing. Pop and Flynn were sitting side by side, and seeing how upset Flynn was, Pop put an arm around his shoulders for support. “We’re going to take care of this, I promise,” he vowed. “Things are going to get better.” We all startled when Flynn set his fork down, burst into tears and turned into Pop’s arms, holding on tight. “I know Dad doesn’t want me anymore,” he sobbed. “Will you move into my house so I can keep living next to Cole? I don’t want to leave the house my mom lived in with me. I don’t think I can stand to lose anything else. Can we stay there?” Gram let out a horrified gasp as she jumped out of her seat faster than a speeding bullet. She and Pop hugged Flynn tight as they all cried. They promised him over and over that Todd loved him and would never give him up, assuring him he wasn’t going to have to leave his house, no matter what. I knew Flynn didn’t believe them because I could see it on his face. I didn’t believe them either.

The next morning when we came downstairs, Todd was waiting for Flynn in the kitchen. He made all of us omelets, something he’d done regularly before Rachel passed. He talked to everyone and seemed more like himself, but I was afraid to believe it would last. When we were all finished eating, Todd and Flynn went and sat at the table outside. They were gone for a long time, and when they came back I could tell they had been crying, but they were smiling. Later on, Flynn told me his dad promised him that even though things were going to be different with his mom gone, they would always have each other. I hoped it meant Todd was going to act more like he always had before. I didn’t tell Flynn how frightened I was about Todd. I didn’t know if he was really going to be able to get himself back on track permanently. Later in my bed when I couldn’t get to sleep, I thought a lot about how much Todd changed since Rachel died. A big part of me was still afraid he would die, too. I prayed to God, and to Rachel, he would be okay. I was scared of how uncertain everything felt. I wasn’t as sure as I once was of the adults around me. I no longer had faith that they were as strong as I’d thought they were. I promised myself I’d never fall so in love with someone that I’d be in danger of losing myself if they were gone. Not me. Not ever.

Age Eighteen There was a quick knock on my door one time before Flynn threw it open and walked right in. “What the fuck, man?” I chided mockingly. “I could’ve been jerking it in here. You ever heard of waiting to be asked to come the fuck on in?” He laughed dismissively as he tossed something to me. “Dude, I could hear you playing the fuckin’ guitar. Unless you grew another hand,” he said smugly, “I knew you weren’t jerking it.” My hand came up automatically to catch what he’d thrown through the air. Looking down, I found a Ziploc baggie full of brownies I immediately knew were from Gram. Biologically she was Flynn’s grandmother, but she was the only one I’d ever known, and I loved her to death. I’d been calling Flynn’s grandparents Gram and Pop since the second I could talk. Opening the baggie, I grabbed a brownie and took a bite, letting out a happy sound as I closed my eyes and savored the chocolatey goodness. “Goddamn, Gram’s fucking brownies are the shit. I’d fucking marry these things if I could,” I declared dramatically. “Gross, dude.” “Eat me,” I grumbled as I took another bite. “How come she didn’t bring ‘em over to me herself? I haven’t seen her all week.” “She didn’t come to my house. I went there to say hi ‘cause Pop called and told me she made chicken cutlets. You know how I feel about my Gram’s cutlets.” He wasn’t joking. Gram made them by the dozen for him. I was pretty sure half of his body was made up of breaded chicken. Since my own make-up was probably fifty percent brownie, I didn’t have much room to talk. “Yeah Chicken Boy, I do. But wait…I thought Mary was going to be at your house all afternoon. You’ve lost your mind if you gave up sex for cutlets.” Flynn made a disgusted sound as he slashed his hand through the air in agitation. “Dude, I’d take cutlets over Mary bitching at me about how I need to pick a real career any day of the fucking week. Don’t act like you wouldn’t turn down almost anything to get your hands on some of her brownies. You’ve been Gram’s brownie bitch your entire life, and you know it.” I nodded my agreement as I took another bite. He wasn’t wrong. “Besides,” he continued, “I dumped Mary this afternoon during lunch period ‘cause I found out she’s trying to blow Billy Rattigan.” I choked on my brownie, hacking a few times before I was able to swallow it down. When I got my breath again, I bellowed out a harsh laugh. “Well, sucks for her,” I said dryly. “Because Billy Rattigan’s been busy blowing me for the last two weeks. He even asked me to pop his cherry, and you know what that means.” Flynn’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes went wide. “Holy shit, he’s gay?” “As the day is long,” I answered. “It’s a real disappointment to him I don’t have any interest in fucking his ass, and he’s even more upset I don’t allow for single service. He’s hardcore and it’s annoying. I won’t be keeping him around. I’m not about one-on-one shit, and he isn’t going to drop it. It’s too bad ‘cause he’s got a mouth like a fucking Hoover and having him and Clara at the same time has been fun.”

Flynn looked at me with a bemused expression. “I don’t know how the fuck you do it. I can’t handle dealing with one person, and you like to fuck off with two. I can’t stand the goddamn drama.” Pointing to myself, I said, “I keep it two at a time to avoid drama, dumbass. Ditch the witch and let’s start looking for someone to be a third for us. You’re the only one I’d break the one-on-one rule for, so if you need to blow off some steam between now and when we find a chick we both want…” Dropping down onto the giant beanbag chair in the corner of my room, Flynn rolled his eyes. “Dude, you’re a fucking maniac. Blowjobs are one thing, but I’m not kissing you. I see you eying my ass. You say you don’t want it, but I think you want to travel my Hershey highway. I’ll never be one of your cherry pies, fucker.” Giving him a one-finger salute, I played and sang the opening riff of Warrant’s “Cherry Pie” before I went back to busting his balls. “Have I ever tried to fuck you?” I hadn’t, and I never would. I liked head, but fucking a dudes’ ass wasn’t on my agenda. “I’m not letting anyone put their log in my ass either, so trust me, I fucking get it,” I continued. “Not to mention I’d rather walk into rush hour traffic than take the fucking weapon you’ve got in your pants up my ass. You know it’s not about that for me. It’s about two guys making a chick crazy. I like how dirty it feels.” “Plus, you got to admit,” I chuckled, “guys suck good cock. It’s just a fucking fact. Girls are all tentative about it, but I like it a little bit painful and a lot dirty. Thank God for Kyle showing me the fucking light ‘cause I was never going to find a chick who gave it the way I want it. I skip blowjobs entirely unless there’s a dude on his knees. I really believe girls just don’t have it in them.” “Yeah, thank God,” Flynn said as he rolled his eyes. “It’s just a shame while he was showing you the light, he didn’t also show you how to pass fucking Algebra like your parents were paying him to. We lost a lot of fucking band time last summer with you in summer school.” I grimaced as I tightened one of my strings. My summer school schedule had caused a lot of angst within the band. We’d moved past it, and I wanted to keep it behind me. “Shut your yap,” I grumbled. “I’ve more than made up for it this year, and you know it. Tyson and Gavin aren’t even a little bit pissed anymore, and the band is going full-steam ahead. For the record, I didn’t hear a word of complaint when I was sucking your dick, asshole.” “Dude, you blew me twice while I ate Mary out,” he countered. “I had my face buried in snatch. For all you know, I wasn’t feeling those blowjobs at all.” “You were feeling them,” I said smugly. “But never mind the blowjobs since something far more serious just came up. Did you really use the word snatch in a sentence?” He threw his head back and barked out a laugh. “I’m testing it out. Only so many times you can say pussy before you’re looking for a new word.” “Well, the new word isn’t snatch,” I said bluntly. “That’s some eighties porn shit. Ooh Flynn,” I cooed mockingly. “Will you lick my snatch? That’s fuckin’ nasty. As much as I fuck, I would never have the balls to call something a snatch.” “You think about getting off entirely too much,” he chided. “You know that, right?” “I’d say I think about it just the right amount,” I answered cockily. “Don’t be a hater.” I didn’t see him picking up one of my shoes from the floor, so it came as a surprise when it hit me on the shoulder. I wasn’t even a little bit mad, and we both laughed. “Anyway,” he said with a chuckle, “let’s move on to more interesting things. You all ready to go ballsto-the-wall in the studio tomorrow? This is a big deal for us.” “I was born ready,” I assured him. “We’re going to make this studio time our snatch.” He gave me the one-finger salute. “Snatch this, asshole. Seriously though, you think we can get some traction off this? I want to play music all the time and to do it the right way, we gotta get some serious

interest. I’m not cut out to be a moving man for the rest of my life. My body’s sore as fuck.” He wasn’t the only one. All the members of the band had collectively pooled our resources to purchase a moving van. The main purpose was to cart our gear from gig to gig, but we’d also taken on some small moving jobs. We did a lot of office furniture moving for law offices and antique furniture for auction houses. It was strenuous work and none of us loved it. The thing was, it paid well enough to fund our equipment and gas to the gigs. Like Flynn, I was anxious to put that behind us. “If you’re asking if I think we’re going to get signed immediately off the strength of one of these few songs, the answer is no. We’re fucking eighteen, man. We’ve got a few years of busting ass ahead of us before we’re playing to the masses. But someday, we’ll be rocking the fuck out of arenas around the world. They’ll lay out a snatch buffet for us in every city, pretty boy.”

Age 24 The tension in the room was so thick, it would’ve taken a chainsaw to cut through it. “Do you think he’s in trouble?” Flynn asked worriedly. I had a horrible feeling but I was trying to ignore it, so I lifted my hands in a I have no clue gesture. Even if he wasn’t in crisis, he was definitely in trouble. The severity of it remained to be seen. We all understood Tyson was a mess. What was happening with him was far more than a little trouble. It was going on every day. He was on fuck only knew what drugs and he seemed to sink a little more by the hour. It was depressing and completely fucked up. We tried to take a hard line with him, but it wasn’t easy. I couldn’t blame him for being depressed. People thought he had everything, but they didn’t know what he’d been through. He’d been missing sound rehearsal a lot, but this was another ball of wax entirely. It was the final night of the world tour for our third album and we were ninety minutes away from taking the stage at Madison Square Garden. Ty had real issues and they needed to be dealt with. We knew being on the road constantly was no help, and we’d already agreed to take a year off. All we had to do was finish the tour. The finish line was right in front of us, we just had to cross it. Tyson being M.I.A wasn’t a good sign. Gavin stopped pacing the small area we were all holed up in backstage and let out a yell as his arm came out and swept half of the contents spread out on the makeshift bar to the floor. The smell of alcohol filled the space as bottles smashed on the ground. One of our assistants came running in to see what was going on, but I waved him off. The room was a powder keg and having anyone else come in who didn’t have info on Tyson’s whereabouts was only going to make things worse. “We have staff everywhere,” Gavin yelled. “How the hell did we lose a goddamn band member? We’re coming up on five fuckin’ hours!” I’d never seen Gavin look so unglued. He was normally the most even-keeled of the bunch, but right then his anger was palpable. My stomach churned as I shook my head. Five hours might not sound like a lot, but when dealing with an addict, it was an eternity. Far too long for it to be anything other than a whole lot of not fucking good. “He told security he was going to take a nap,” I reminded him.

“I know what he fucking said,” Gavin bellowed. “But who the fuck thought it was a good idea to take the word of a fucking drug addict?” “It’s not security’s fault that Tyson’s taken it to the next level,” Flynn ground out. “Who knew he needed a fucking babysitter?” In retrospect, we should have known he needed round-the-clock babysitting. Nothing in Ty’s life was easy. Of course, him hitting rock bottom was damn near catastrophic. Conversation came to a halt as John, otherwise known as our manager, stepped into the room. As soon as I saw how pale he was and how shaken he looked, I knew it was bad. He was barely in the door before I spoke up. “Where is he?” “He’s in the hospital,” he answered. “It doesn’t look good.” It was as if every bit of oxygen had been sucked out of the room. My heart thundered in my chest as an overwhelming feeling of anxiety hit me. It took everything I had to get my next question out. “What the fuck happened?” “Drugs is what fucking happened,” Gavin yelled. “Tell me I’m wrong,” he implored John. “Tell me it isn’t drug related!” “Overdose,” John murmured. The signs were all there and it wasn’t like we didn’t know he was in deep. But hearing those words made it way too fucking real. Gavin and Flynn let out horrified sounds. I clutched at the couch and tried to steady myself for whatever was going to come next. “There was a 911 call from someone who got to him as he went down,” John said. “They found drugs on the scene, and he wasn’t breathing when the EMTs got there. He was revived with a shot of adrenaline but when they got him into the ER, he flatlined. They needed to administer two more shots of adrenaline and then use a defibrillator on him to bring him back. There’s really nothing else they can do for him now.” “Is he—“ I had to stop in order to swallow down the bile creeping up the back of my throat. “Is he going to die?” John’s eyes darted to a spot over my head as he shook his head uncomfortably. “I don’t know,” he said quietly. “I hope not, but it doesn’t sound good. You need to prepare yourselves. He’s not responsive right now and it will take days to see what the effects on his brain are from all of this, if he makes it.” I felt sick to the depths of my soul. The way John was talking, it sounded like Tyson was probably going to die. There was no way any of us would be able to deal with that in a calm way. “Prepare? Prepare! Jesus fucking Christ,” Gavin roared. “There’s no preparing for this!” Flynn clapped a hand on Gavin’s shoulder and told him to calm down. After Gavin nodded his agreement, Flynn turned to John. “We need to get to the hospital.” “Already on it,” John answered. “The limo is ready to take you now.” The ride to the hospital was fucking awful, a nightmare I wouldn’t wish on anyone. The three of us stared at each other in silence as we each tried to grapple with what was happening. There was no playbook for how to deal with something so fucked up. People thought just because we were rich and famous, our lives were perfect. The reality was far from ideal. We’d shot to the top so fast there had been no time to adjust. One day we’d been high school punks, and then a few months later, our faces were everywhere and people were screaming when they saw us on the streets. Flynn and I were twenty-four and Gavin and Tyson were just twenty-three. All I could focus on was trying to figure out how we had all gotten so fucked up so fast. We were still fucking kids, really. It made no sense. When we arrived at the hospital, it was pandemonium. There were news crews, fans, and

photographers everywhere. A wall-to-wall sea of screaming people, some crying, others yelling out questions and comments. Normally when we arrived somewhere, we would stop and say hello. With Ty inside the building fighting for his life, there was no time for pleasantries. We each jumped out of the limo and then ran behind our security personnel as they rushed us into the hospital, ignoring the flashing bulbs and the screaming mob entirely. All any of us cared about was our brother. At the end of the day, we were family, and the thought of losing Ty was unbearable. At its core, Ty’s problem was centered on what happened when love was too much. Once again, I was reminded of why I didn’t do one-on-one relationships. It took three days for him to wake up, and when he did, it was obvious he was as scared as we were. Ten days after that, he left the hospital and went directly to rehab.

“For real, the chorus is fucking epic,” Ty proclaimed proudly. He was right. We were in the second week of writing our new album and things were pretty damn tight. Ty did ninety days in rehab, followed by two months in a sober living community, and the difference in him was like night and day. He still struggled with his past, but without the drugs, he was coping much better. Therapy was finally making a difference, something I knew wouldn’t be the case if he’d continued using. Being together, working on the album was good for all of us. We’d needed the reboot. The last one we’d put out had been utter bullshit, to be honest. It was a fucking embarrassment filled with selfindulgent crap, and it grated on my damn nerves whenever I heard it. Fortunately, we all felt the same way about it, which meant we were working hard to make sure the new shit we were writing, rocked. In the beginning stages, the writing sessions were always pretty laid back. Most of the album was written in Ty’s guesthouse, where we met and wrote for a few hours each day. Our routine was pretty set in stone. Flynn wrote down the lyrics he and I came up with. I strummed the guitar as we wrote because it helped me think. Gavin used his drumsticks on every damn thing he could to get us into the rhythm of it, and Ty would up or down vote ideas, then tweak the lyrics with Flynn. It could take us days—sometimes weeks—to get the lyrics of one song just so. While Flynn and Ty would work out the runs, Gavin and I would get to work writing the music. Hands down, my favorite part of being in the band was the way we all worked together like a well-oiled machine. It was a brotherhood and I loved it. The things the four of us had experienced together were things no one but us could ever really understand. Our bond was unbreakable. “We gotta call it a day,” Gavin announced. “I have to get dressed to take Bree out for her birthday dinner. We should be at Flynn’s for cake and ice cream around nine.” Gavin’s little sister, Gabrielle, was like a little sister to all of us. The only reason we didn’t go to her birthday dinners was because their parents could show up. Granted, they had a thirty percent chance of being there, but it was enough for us all to steer clear. We didn’t stay away for ourselves, though. We stayed away because it mortified Gavin and Bree, which wasn’t okay. If you looked on Wikipedia for asshole parents, you’d find the Wildes. Mrs. Wilde was a straight-up slut, no apologies about it. She fucked anyone who stayed still long enough for her to mount, and for some fucking reason, her husband put up with it. It embarrassed the fuck out of Gavin and Bree whenever their mom was around us because she’d inevitably try getting sexual with me, Flynn, or Ty. Between the three of us, we’d spent a ridiculous amount of time shoving Allison Wilde off of our laps. All this would

happen while Joe Wilde sat there, turning a blind eye to her behavior. It was bizarre. “We’ll be there,” I responded. “Gram’s bringing her famous chocolate layer cake so don’t fuck off and come late or I’ll eat it.” “You probably would eat the damn cake before the birthday girl ever arrived,” Gavin laughed. “You’ve got serious chocolate problems, my friend.” I answered by way of my middle finger. After Gavin left, the rest of us spent a few minutes packing up our gear and straightening the living room of Ty’s guesthouse. Once we were finished, we all went our separate ways, agreeing to meet up at Flynn’s about an hour before Gavin and Bree were supposed to arrive.

Since Flynn and I lived in the same development, I walked to his house. I’d had twenty yellow roses delivered to Bree earlier in the day and I had her birthday gift tucked under one arm. Gram had helped me pick out what she declared was the perfect Louis Vuitton purse. I knew Bree would love it. She always loved everything any of us got her, which was good since we tended to spoil her. She’d been in junior high when we hit it big, and it had killed Gavin to leave her behind. Hell, it fucked with all of us. We knew what we were leaving her with, and it wasn’t ideal. The only thing that made it even somewhat bearable was knowing that my parents, Todd and Gram were on top of it—they loved Bree like their own and made sure she was safe and had the things she needed. As I rounded the corner to Flynn’s house, I frowned when I saw the electric gate at the bottom of the driveway open. We all took security seriously, and him just leaving his shit unsecured was not the norm. I picked up my pace, then slowed down when I saw his Escalade come flying down the driveway. His tires screeched as he came to a halt next to me. Swinging the door open I said, “What the fuck—” “Get in,” he barked tersely. I knew right away something was wrong, and my hands started shaking. Was something wrong with my parents? His dad? Gram and Pop? Ty? Shit! Was he using again? I hastily climbed into the car, panicked out of my fucking mind. The only people I wasn’t worried about right then were Gavin and Bree, because I knew they were at dinner. “What’s wrong?” “Allison died this afternoon,” he answered. His hands were clenched around the steering wheel as he drove us quickly out of our development. My initial feeling was relief it wasn’t someone I cared about. I wanted to be with Gavin and Bree, but I wasn’t devastated or anything. Before I could say anything, Flynn continued. “Joe called Gavin and Bree while they were at dinner and told them. I guess Allison’s body was found in a hotel room with some fuckwad who lived, but barely. They’d OD’d on God only knows what. Gav and Bree left the restaurant right away, but by the time they got to the house, it was too late. They found him in his bedroom. Joe fucking ate a bullet and left his kids a note saying he didn’t have anything to live for without Allison. On his daughter’s fucking birthday,” Flynn spat angrily. The air left my lungs in a whoosh. Gavin and Bree had been dealing with their fucked-up parents for years, but this was so far beyond the pale, there were literally no words. This, I thought, was another reason I was never going to be in a one-on-one relationship. I knew two sets of people it worked for—my parents and Flynn’s grandparents. But even with them as my examples, I

always wondered. Would my mom fall apart if my dad died, and vice versa? The same question applied to Gram and Pop. They were rarely apart. If something happened, could one survive without the other? I’d never forgotten the way Todd had lost his shit after Rachel died. In my opinion, relationships weren’t worth the fucking risk. There was no one on earth, male or female, who would ever make me change my mind.





I’m twenty-nine years old and retiring. Well, sort of. No one will be giving me a gold watch, and I’m not going to be at home taking care of my flowerbeds or anything. But still—the first part of my career is definitively coming to a close sooner rather than later. It isn’t a bad thing. Even though it isn’t happening without some sadness, it’s time. After slightly more than a decade of rocking, we all concluded recording and the endless and insane touring that goes along with it, isn’t for us anymore. Our shared dream of creating music for the masses and rocking arenas around the world has come true a thousand times over—hell, ten thousand times over. But somewhere along the way it all became something unfulfilling, an obligation as opposed to an adventure. When we were just starting out, each of us dreamt of a day thousands of fans would love our music. Those dreams didn’t just come true—they were completely smashed, and then some. Instead of thousands, we’re idolized by millions. It was unbelievably cool for the first few years. Beyond our wildest expectations or anything we’d dared to hope for. But for every up, there’s a down, a lesson we had learned all too well. Inevitably, shit started going down. Way down. For all intents and purposes, we were still kids when we hit it big. I’m not certain the adult version of ourselves could’ve fared much better, but the young punk versions all imploded. We went from curfews to coke parties in the blink of an eye, and shit went sour from there. The fallout is on us, one hundred percent. We’re grateful to every fan we have because without a doubt, they changed our lives for the better. It was never about the fans—the problem has always been the excess tied to fame. Hell, we didn’t embrace it—we ran at it like fucking bulls in a china shop, each of us fucking shit up along the way. The further into it we got, the more disconnected we were with reality. We were lucky to find our way back from the edge, both separately and together. We’ve all agreed it’s time to cash in our chips and start the next chapter of our lives. We’re taking the next step together. Flynn, Gavin, and Tyson have been my best friends and business partners for over a decade. I’ll never stop wanting to create with them. I think our collaboration is what I was born to do professionally, so staying together works for all of us. Even though we’re “retiring,” it’s important for us to do as much as we can for the fans. They made us and we know it, so we’re going hardcore to give them back as much as we can. With them in mind, we decided to go out with a bang. By this, I mean a balls to the fucking wall tour, an autobiography and a documentary will all be part of the farewell package. We’ll be spending the next year giving it our all, one last time. I’m down for it, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit a part of me is scared of what all this change will mean going forward. When it’s all over and the last note has been played in the stadium, I’m going to be stationary for the first time in my adult life. My fuck and roll style of living isn’t going to come as easily. On tour, it’s easy to hit it and quit it, but it’s going to be a hell of a lot harder to do once I’m off the road permanently. People will expect return phone calls and dates—and I’ve never been about those entanglements.

I’ve got some time to prepare for the change, so hopefully by then I’ll be ready for the adjustment. Until then, I’ve got business to attend to. Today’s the day our autobiography gets under way. Actually, it started yesterday with Gavin, Flynn and our manager, but today Tyson and I are meeting the biographer at a sushi restaurant. Flynn and Gavin both thought the biographer, Ian something or other, was cool, which is a plus. If we’re all going to be honest, the people we open up to need to be on point. Tyson has a hard time talking about shit and we’re not sure how open he’s prepared to be this early on. I’m along with him today for moral support, and also to be an asshole if this Ian guy tries to dig where Tyson isn’t ready for the soil to be disturbed. This kind of “I’ve got your back” thing usually frustrates Ty, so him not giving me shit for being his back-up tells me he’s way more anxious about all this than he’s letting on. I picked him up from his house right on time, and we’ve listened to a few demo CDs from bands we’re considering signing during the drive. We’ve already got one in the chamber, a band called The Chaps. We’re not really looking hard for band number two, but we don’t want to miss something great, so we’re keeping our ears open. Ty and I haven’t spoken about the biography at all during the drive. I’m letting him take the lead and speak up if he wants to discuss it with me. Bottom line, he isn’t being forced into doing something he doesn’t want to do. When the idea of doing the autobiography and the documentary came up, he had been one of the first people to say it was a great idea. Flynn, Gavin and I all tried to shoot the biography in particular down, but Ty argued vociferously for it. Over time, he got Gavin on board, and eventually they wore Flynn and me down. His rationale was that it’s our last chance for us to put things out on our own terms, instead of having more unauthorized bullshit go out. We’d dealt with that kind of thing for the last decade, and it had been nothing but lies and half-truths. Tyson says our legacy is now ours to shape, and we’ve only got one shot to do it right. Talking legacy is fucking weird, but he’s right. It’s weird to know that some day, long after I’m gone, our music will be played on oldies stations or some shit. So while Ty is right, and I completely agree about it being better for us to control the message, it’s still bizarre that he in particular is willing to do any of this. My intention at this point is to keep an eye on it and make sure it doesn’t fuck with him. The rest of the guys and I have already agreed that if he suddenly decides he can’t do it, its done. We’ll end the whole thing without a second thought—and that was written explicitly into the contracts of the biographer and the documentary director. They’d still get paid regardless, but the footage and all notes would revert back to us, never to see the light of day. I hope it doesn’t come to that, but you never know. Ty’s had enough shit in his life and he doesn’t need more. There’s no traffic, so we arrive at the sushi place a little early. When we get to the hostess station, I’m pleasantly surprised to be told the biographer has been seated and is waiting for us. I figured we might have to wait on him since we’re early, and I hate waiting. When the hostess guides us to our table, I grin when six foot two inches of pure California surfer boy stands up and introduces himself as our biographer, Ian Monroe. He blushes when I shake his hand, so I hold on to it a few seconds longer than necessary. The look on his face suggests he’s attracted but not happy about it, so I’m pretty sure he doesn’t identify as gay or bi. Whether he sees himself as such or not, the flush on his cheeks makes my dick hard. I watch him with interest as we sit across from one another at the table. “How does this work?” I ask. “What’s your process?” Ian gestures to the notepad and voice recorder on the table. “In some cases, yeah, I’ll have specific questions. For the most part, though, what I like to do is get a conversation going and see what happens from there. I want it to be authentic and natural. I’ll be tagging along with all of you at different points and meeting up with your friends and families, which will be a huge help. I’m really excited about it.” “It’s different than the stuff we’ve done in the past, so we’re excited for it, too. I can’t wait to get

started,” I say with a grin. “We’ll be spending a lot of time together.” A blush creeps up Ian’s neck and across his face. Looking away from me, he picks up his glass of ice water and takes a few large sips. “Sure,” he answers in an uncertain sounding voice. “That should be great.” I can’t contain my smirk. I’d bet money Ian’s never fucked around with a man before. I’m looking forward to introducing him to a whole new world. I’m surprised when Tyson leans forward and starts peppering Ian with questions. Figuring this is something Ty needs to do in order to feel comfortable, I sit back while he takes over. For all intents and purposes, Ty ends up interviewing Ian, which is how I find out that he’s twenty-three years old. Twenty-three. Fuck. I get that’s young, for sure. Not all twenty-three-year-olds are the same, though. When I was that age, I’d fucked my way through probably hundreds of people and had traveled the world. And when Ty was twenty-three, he died and then got brought back to life. So, yeah. There are all different types. I feel like whatever the male version of a cougar is for wanting Ian’s mouth on my dick, but the dude is pretty fucking accomplished. He graduated from high school at fifteen and completed a degree at UCLA by the time he was nineteen, so it’s not like he’s some fresh-faced, know nothing kid. Ian’s nervousness around me reminds me of how I’d been around Kyle, the guy who introduced me to what good head feels like. I enjoy the challenge of getting a guy who thinks he’s perfectly straight down on his knees, and Ian is exactly the kind of guy I find attractive. I’m suddenly overcome with the desire to find a beautiful girl and work her over with Ian at my side. There’s something about letting loose and going hard that hits all the right chords for me. When you get a guy who wants to work with you to make a girl feel good, it’s a fucking great night. I’m already wondering what it’s going to take to get this guy to play.

I’ve had to rethink my game because over the course of the past few meetings, I’ve figured out that Ian is actually shy. From what I hear, he’s fairly chill around everyone else, but when I’m in the room, he’s all thumbs. Normally, by now I’d be actively trying to get him ready to play, but I’m not because he seems kind of reserved. Where Ian’s concerned, I would definitely need a third party firmly in place in order for the lines to stay clear. No room for gray. I don’t want to hurt anyone and I get the impression that if it were only the two of us, he would think it was more than it really is. He definitely doesn’t come across as a player. Women—and even some men— flirt with him shamelessly. For a lot of people, such attention would be a reason for cocky behavior. Not the case with Ian. He’s either the most cerebral and disinterested motherfucker alive, or he wants a real relationship. My one rock-solid rule is never to have sex with anyone who wants something deeper. It ain’t broke, so I’m not trying to fix it. I’m still trying to decide what, if anything, to pursue with him. There’s plenty of time to figure it out since I’ll be seeing him regularly over the coming months. Today is the band meeting with Ian, our management and the documentarian. It’s happening now, and Flynn and I barely managed to get here on time because we were coming from breakfast with Gram and Pop. As we’re being led into the meeting room, Flynn’s still yapping about his latest scheme. “You know how Gram said she wants my dad to sign up with an online dating service? I don’t see it being a good idea, but maybe we could get the celebrity matchmaker lady?”

Looking over my shoulder, I roll my eyes as I laugh at him. Todd would not be down with Flynn putting some helmet-haired celebrity matchmaker up his ass, and Flynn damn well knows it. I’m mid laugh as I turn around and catch Ian in my peripheral vision. Turning my gaze his way, I catch him staring at me longingly. Instead of being able to think about it, my attention is soon pulled to someone else. Looking to the person sitting at his side, I feel my world tilt on its axis as our eyes connect. I forget about Flynn and what he was saying, forget about the reason for the meeting, forget about Ian and everything else on earth because suddenly there’s only her. I’m mentally knocked on my ass trying to find my bearings. And if the widening of her eyes and the look on her face is anything to go by, she feels it too. Whatever the fuck it is. My eyes run over her hungrily. I can’t see her entire body since she’s seated, but what I do see of her is fucking incredible. Long black hair hangs in waves around her heart-shaped face. Her eyes are a wild green and her lips are plump and ripe, fucking begging to be kissed. It takes a few seconds for me to clue in to the fact that she’s the director for the documentary. I’ve seen her before, when I watched her documentary short, but never did I feel the way I do now—like her body is a compass and my dick is looking to go true north down in her southern region. The reaction I’m having to her is deep, cellular level shit. I’ve never felt such a visceral pull to someone in my life. What the fuck is going on?



The first day of my new job—my new life—is really bringing the anxiety out of me. Fidgeting nervously in front of the mirror, I assess my appearance with a critical eye. Having spent ten days searching for the perfect outfit, I’m still not as confident as I want to be in my choice. What does one wear on the biggest day of their career? My options are complicated due to the nature of my job. My newest gig is all about rock ‘n’ roll. I’ll be spending the next year affixed to one of the most successful bands of all time, which means traditional business attire is out. It should have been easy to dress for this, but my nerves hit me hard and early. It is, after all, the first day I’ll be meeting most of the strangers I’m spending the next year with. Thus, my anxiety is completely natural. I hope. I finally settle on a navy blue maxi dress paired with a coral-colored shrug and some cute coral ballet flats. My normal style is a bit less cute, not to mention more form fitting, but that’s no way to dress for the first day of a new job. After taking a fortifying breath and nodding at myself in the mirror, I’m ready to go. I left an hour earlier than the Mapquest directions I printed indicated I should. For once, my GPS agrees with what Mapquest said, which is a relief. All too often they don’t align and it makes me super anxious. I’ve got kind of an OCD thing about making a solid first impression, and being late just won’t do. The decision to leave early served me well, because traffic has been backed up for almost eight miles. Normally, I’d be okay with spending a little extra time in my car, since it gives me the opportunity to listen to the Howard Stern Show. Today, I’ve barely noticed the show is on. By the time I finally pull into the hotel parking lot, I’m a mere fifteen minutes early. I’d counted on having the opportunity to watch everyone arrive, but that plan is out the window. Cursing the LA traffic gods, I scold myself for not leaving another full hour earlier than I did. It’s too late to cry over spilt milk—or, in this case bumper-to-bumper traffic—so I force my focus back where it needs to be. Picking up the pace, I haul ass from the parking garage to the front desk. Scurrying along, I give myself a mental high five for not wearing heeled shoes. The last thing I need is to be trying to run in the death traps I like to wear. With my luck, I’d eat pavement in front of the band or something equally as embarrassing. I’m only slightly out of breath when I reach the lobby. I immediately spot the gold stand holding a display board indicating the meeting rooms are down the hall and to the left. Turning the corner, I know I’m in the correct spot, due to the obvious security presence. Three people are ahead of me at the makeshift check-in center. I surreptitiously assess the wardrobe choices my peers have made. Seeing their style is really no different than mine lifts a weight from my shoulders. The stress I’ve felt at the idea of breaking some bizarre wardrobe code was for naught. I fit in well. When I reach the check-in kiosk, a tall man wearing a shirt with a security badge hanging around his neck looks me over from head to toe. It feels an awful lot like a visual threat assessment. Swallowing nervously, I glance at his name tag—Morris, it says—while I wait for him to say something. “Name?” I have to clear my throat in order to answer. “Devon Bannister. I’m a director,” I mumble stupidly.

Morris’ brow arches as he looks from me and down to his clipboard. I watch as he scrolls the page for my name. As I wait, the horrifying thought this whole thing could be some kind of joke takes hold. A trickle of sweat slides down my back and I force myself not to fidget. The silence drags on and on while I wait for him to confirm whether or not he sees my name. “I’ve got you here,” he says after what feels like an eternity. The relief is staggering. My reaction is to giggle nervously. Instantly, I want to die because I sound so vapid. My nerves are completely out of control and I know I need to check myself before I wreck myself. I’m damn lucky Morris either didn’t hear me, didn’t care, or has already written me off as an airhead. He doesn’t so much as blink as he hands me a large notecard. He gestures down the hall behind him. “Take this and go to the first door on the right. You need to have your photo taken for your staff badge which you’ll need to wear anytime you’re backstage. After the picture, you’ll head down the hall to meeting room A.” I read the notecard as I power walk down the hall toward the photo room. It contains basic information about me and clears me for unrestricted access to the band. Holy hell—it’s getting real. It’s a struggle resisting the urge to cheer. Somehow I manage not to smile like a deranged idiot as my photo is taken. The process is simple and quick. It’s obvious the team in charge works like a well-oiled machine. Two minutes after the photo is taken, I’m handed a lanyard with a security badge attached to the end. My fingers tremble as I turn the badge over in my hand. DEVON BANNISTER: DIRECTOR My stomach flips excitedly as the word director jumps out at me. The badge makes it all official. Millions of people are going to see my work—and it’s up to me to make sure they like what they see. I pray to do the piece justice as I slide the lanyard over my head and start walking toward the meeting room. At the door, a new guard scans my badge. My posture is impeccable as I enter the room and I hope I appear confident, not completely overwhelmed. By my estimate, there are about a dozen people here already. I’m happy I don’t see any of the band members amongst the assembled group. I didn’t arrive as early as I hoped, but at least I got here before they did. I startle like a cat when someone taps my shoulder. Turning, I find myself looking at a beautiful young woman with a clipboard in her hand. She’s got a pretty sweet rockabilly style going on. Her hair is done in an amazing fifties style, her glasses are pink and horn-rimmed and her makeup is flawless. She’s ridiculously beautiful, too. “Name?” “Devon Bannister.” She nods to herself as she marks something off on her clipboard. When she’s finished she looks up and gives me a welcoming smile. “I’m delighted to meet you, Devon. I’m Lacey, the tour coordinator. If you need anything at all, you come to me.” My appreciative smile is huge. She’s easy-going and happy, which is what I was hoping for. “I’m sure I’ll have questions. Right now I’ve got a case of first-day-itis,” I admit quietly, hoping people around us don’t hear me. Lacey smiles at me warmly as she pats my arm encouragingly. “Don’t be nervous. This is a phenomenal group of people and today’s an easy day. You’re going to meet the band and the management, and we’re going to discuss the autobiography and the documentary. You’ll get to meet the biographer, too, which is great because you’ll be working closely together. Oh! And I almost forgot,” she continues, “I’ll be the go-between for you and the band as you coordinate the filming schedule. “They each have personal assistants,” she clarifies, “but for the sake of making your life easier, I’ll be

the point of contact. You can call me anytime, day or night. You’re being assigned an iPhone for the duration of the assignment. It has all of my numbers programmed in, as well as the numbers of the management team, the biographer, the photographer and, of course, the band. “You already signed all the confidentiality agreements which means you were told not to share their phone numbers with anyone,” she says in a serious tone. “I still have to reiterate it though—no sharing.” I nod my head in understanding. “I would never,” I assure her. “I can tell,” she says. “Feel free to add your family and friends to your phonebook if you don’t feel inclined to carry two phones.” Lacey has been a font of information, and I feel like I should be taking notes to retain everything she just blurted out. I have no time to ask follow-up questions because she’s already turning her attention to whoever entered the room behind me. “Name?” “Ian Monroe,” a male voice replies. I can’t keep myself from turning to see if the face matches the cute-sounding voice. I’m not disappointed as I get a look at a hot as hell surfer looking guy. He’s tall, blond, tan, and built like a god. Abercrombie models would look like dogs next to this guy. “Oh, hey Ian!” Lacey says excitedly. “It’s great to finally put a face with the name. I’m sorry I was out sick the day you started. Word is you’ve been having a great time with the guys for the last week, though. I can’t wait to read all the dirt you’re getting. You arriving now is a case of perfect timing,” Lacey announces as she excitedly claps her right hand against her clipboard. “Devon, this is Ian, the band’s biographer. Ian, this is Devon. She’s filming the documentary. The two of you will be working closely together, so now’s a good time to get to know each other. Sorry I can’t stay and chat, but duty calls. We’ll talk again soon!” Lacey hurries off to deal with whoever’s entering the room next, her departure leaving Ian and I alone together. Ian’s eyes meet mine when he gives me a big California surfer boy smile. I swallow nervously as I look him over. Lord help me, the man has dimples. DIMPLES! The damn things are no better than deadly weapons toward the female sex. We melt for those bad boys. Reaching out, Ian shakes my hand. “Hey, Dev. It’s great to meet you!” “Great to meet you, too,” I murmur as I force myself to look up into his eyes as opposed to continuing to stare at his dimples. My nerves are a thing of the past for two reasons. First, I’ve met two people I’ll be spending the majority of the following year with and they—thank God—seem cool. Second, I’m mentally calculating ways to get on top of—or under—Ian Monroe. When our handshake ends, Ian gestures toward the large boardroom-type table. The wood is polished to a fine sheen and there are bottles of water in front of each seat. It’s all very professional looking. “Let’s grab some seats so we can talk.” I would love to grab a seat—preferably his lap. I do my best to harness my inappropriate thoughts as I settle into the large leather chair Ian pulls out for me. When he turns to take the seat next to me, I catch a glimpse of his very fine ass. After settling in, he leans over, closer to me. “You and I should get together—” I’m thinking the same thing. One-night-stand, here I come. “—to brainstorm.” Oh. Right.

Work. Clearly, my brain is already storming, yet I can’t think of anything appropriate to say. I nod stupidly before forcing out a pathetic, “Uh huh.” I sound like a total dip. I bet he’s wondering how the hell I landed such an important job. I’m giving the impression I can’t string a series of words together and that won’t do. I snap myself out of it by digging my nails into my palm, which centers me and gives me the jolt I need to get it together. “Lacey mentioned you’ve been working with the band already,” I comment. “How’s it been going?” The hint of a blush spreads across his cheeks. It’s minimal and gone in the blink of an eye, but I know it was there. I wonder if Ian is star struck by the guys in the band. With their fame as wide reaching as it is, I guess it wouldn’t be surprising if he were an über fan. Pulling the water bottle at his seat forward, he twists the cap off as he nods. “They’re excellent,” he answers. “I’ve done three autobiographies before this; one was about the early eighties punk scene in LA, one was about an East Coast rap group and the other was about a Christian gospel act. Working with Renegade Saints is going to be the biggest biography I’ve ever done— maybe the biggest I’ll ever do. It’s fuckin’ awesome. I’m at the beginning stages but I can already tell it’s going to be huge.” My smile is one of relief. My biggest fear when taking the job without meeting the band first had been the worry they’d be closed up tighter than the Room of Requirement at Hogwarts. “You think they’ll be as open once my cameras start rolling?” He nods firmly as he takes a sip of water. “Absolutely. They weren’t talked into this,” he assures me. “They put the plan together themselves. No arm-twisting necessary to get them to open up—they’re all in.” The definitive tone of his answer thrills me. It’s exactly what I was hoping for. Opening my own water, I smile at him. “You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that.” I’m about to pepper him with more questions when I realize the room has grown quiet. Raising my head, I see Lacey waving her hand excitedly. Once she has everyone’s attention, she announces to the room that the band is arriving. First through the door is the band’s bassist, Tyson Allen. I get his appeal because his attractiveness is undeniable. He’s beautifully built and his features are arresting. Even from across the room I’m quite taken by his eyes. They’re a beautiful light green and they stand out in a crowd, for sure. He’s also got what my best friend would call swagger. He greets Lacey with a quick kiss on the cheek before whispering something in her ear that causes her to let out a laugh snort. She hits him playfully on the arm before gesturing to a seat at the table. He gives her a sexy smirk that she rolls her eyes at before he turns to make his way to his seat. I watch his movements with interest. He puts on a good show, but I sense all is not what it seems with him. I don’t have the opportunity to continue studying Tyson since the next band member is coming in. This time it’s the drummer, Gavin Wilde. I’ve watched enough footage in the preceding weeks to know he’s on the quieter side. Many people say he’s intense. What I notice right away, though, is that he’s a watcher, like me. He assesses the room and the people in it as he enters, and I get the feeling he doesn’t miss much. Watchers notice the people around them and take it all in. I make a mental note to ensure our interview times can go long. People like Gavin are gold mines for documentarians. The lead singer of the Saints, Flynn Rand, comes through the door next. I admit while doing research on the band, I may have developed a teeny crush on him. He’s big, he’s built, and he’s beautiful. Who doesn’t love big, built beautiful guys? For the record, the answer to that question is me. In person, there’s no kind of a spark. Yeah, he’s hot, but my panties aren’t melting off even a little bit. The last member of the band to come in is right on Flynn’s heels. Music fans around the globe believe

Cole Hayes might as well have hands made of pure gold. His talent is celebrated and envied worldwide, a legend in his own time. All of those facts are forgotten within a nanosecond. When his eyes meet mine, everything else fades away. I completely forget I’m assessing him as part of my job. In fact, my job isn’t even on my mind for more seconds than I care to admit. I came across dozens—hell, hundreds—of photos of Cole while doing research, and at no time did I feel an attraction to him. I understood he was attractive—tall and lean with a subtle air of bad boy—and I could and did appreciate it, but he wasn’t necessarily my type. I’ve always gone for clean-cut guys, not world-famous rock and rollers. Or, he wasn’t my type… until five seconds ago when he walked into the room and his eyes landed on me. Suddenly, a six-foot-two rock legend with dark blond hair and a closely trimmed beard is number one on the list of what my type is. I feel a full on lightning storm—with multiple strikes—zoom through me from head to toe, one on top of the other. Cole’s eyes widen and he stills for a few seconds, cocking his head to the side. He’s staring at me as if I’m the one confusing him. The feeling is beyond mutual. Our eye contact is severed when Flynn turns around and says something to him. I steady my breathing—and just barely keep from fanning myself—as the two of them make their way to seats across from where I’m seated. I can’t believe what a fickle skank I’m being. Not five minutes ago, I was thinking about tackling Ian to the floor. Suddenly, he’s being put out to pasture in favor of Cole. My sex drive has really picked a great day to go haywire. I must need to spend some personal time with my Lelo as soon as I get home. That’s got to be what this is. I’m in need of a big O. Simple. Easy. I’m flustered as hell, but desperate to get my head back in the game. I brought a notebook with me and I furiously scribble notes in it throughout the meeting. The entire time, I sense Cole watching me from across the table. My skin feels heated from the intensity of his laser-like stare and my arms are covered in goosebumps. It’s a struggle, but I do my best not to look up and stare at him. Why him? Why here? Why now? My job is on the line—the biggest of my career—and I’m acting like a high school girl with a first day crush. I decide back-to-back sessions with my vibrator may well be in order. After the band’s manager finishes speaking, Lacey takes control of the meeting in order to make introductions. When it’s my turn to be introduced, I notice Cole is listening attentively to everything being said about me. For the rest of the meeting, I try to focus on taking notes. It’s pretty hopeless, and I know later I’m going to be kicking myself about it. I’ve essentially written shorthand gibberish that will be of no help to the film. I’m constantly aware of Cole’s eyes on me—I’ve looked up several times and met his gaze. Didn’t matter how many times I told myself not to, it was as if I couldn’t ignore the need to look at him, even for a second. Every single time I looked up and our eyes met, I felt a current of electricity zinging through my body. He does seem to be paying special attention to me. He’s certainly spent more time staring at me than doing anything else during the entire course of the meeting. After the meeting concludes, Ian turns back to me. “Hey, I’m getting kind of hungry,” he announces. “Wanna go to lunch with me? I’ll catch you up on everything I’ve gotten so far, maybe it will give you shooting ideas.” Before I can say anything, Cole is at my side. Good Lord, whatever cologne he’s wearing immediately makes my thighs clench. He smells like sex and it’s lethal to my brain and my libido. I want to rip off his clothes and slide down on him for a ride. I’m freaking horrified by the direction of my thoughts, and I can’t stop the head to toe body flush that I know is spreading. I would bet money he sees it.

Reaching out, he takes my hand in his and shakes it. “Devon, I’m Cole Hayes. It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard great things.” His large hand completely envelops my much smaller one. I stare up at him and watch as his mouth moves. I hear every word, yet the conversation we’re having with our eyes is completely different. He looks like he’s seconds away from slamming me against the wall and fucking me through the damn plaster…and I want him to do it. Badly. I glance down at my sandals while I try to think of something to say. Absolutely nothing comes to mind. “I was just coming over to ask Ian if he wanted to go eat,” Cole says and turns his attention toward Ian at my side. “I thought maybe we could continue the conversation we were having the other day about how Flynn and I write music these days.” It’s impossible not to notice how Ian’s blush makes another appearance when Cole speaks to him. I wonder what that’s all about. After Ian nods his head, Cole turns back to me. “I’d like you to come, Devon. It would be great if the three of us could get together. Let me take you to lunch, my treat.” I nod like a complete idiot, a silly little grin plastered to my face in spite of my brain screaming obscenities at me about not making a fool out of myself. Just because I find him ridiculously attractive and compelling doesn’t mean I can’t spend time with him…right? Right. Sure. Regardless of how stupid it is to be spending time with Cole, I’m going. After we separate, I drive to meet Cole and Ian at a Chipotle nearby. My stomach is one big nervous knot because I’m about to have lunch with two of the most attractive men I have ever set eyes on. If I had never met Cole in person, I’d probably be very giddy about Ian right now, but as it stands, my thoughts are almost entirely on Cole. How in the hell did I not notice how magnetic he is in any of the photos or videos I studied preparing for this project? It’s like none of them even came close to capturing the kind of sexy he is. Or at least not in a way I understood it like I did today. When I pull into the Chipotle parking lot, I’m happy to note it isn’t jam-packed. I immediately spot Cole at the door—trying and failing to look inconspicuous. After parking, I make my way over to him. As his eyes rake across my body, I shiver. The way he looks at me makes me feel like some kind of goddess. I grin nervously as I stare up at him. “Hi,” I blurt breathlessly. The smile he gives me sends a shot of liquid lust directly to my veins. I’m well aware that I’m smiling like a pageant contestant having a turn on the stage, but I can’t stop. It’s like a first date complete with butterflies in my stomach and a case of the jitters. The thought makes me feel like a dork and I let out a nervous giggle. Right then, Ian steps through the restaurant door, holding it open. “You guys coming in?” While Ian’s question is directed at both of us, he only looks at me. Once again, I wonder just what is going on with these two. Setting a hand on my lower back, Cole guides me into the restaurant as we both greet Ian. The feel of his hand on me is enough to make my nipples harden. I couldn’t be any happier with my wardrobe choice for the day than I am right now. Without the shrug I’ve got on, my nipple situation would be noticeable. I stay between the two of them—Cole leading in front of us, Ian behind me—as we make our way through the ordering line. As nervous as I am, I’m also starving. My burrito bowl grows quickly as I have things piled on. When we get to the register, Cole insists on paying, citing that it’s a business lunch. I notice he’s getting a lot of looks from people and it’s obvious he’s being recognized, but the vast majority of people

are trying to pretend they aren’t staring. He seems pretty adept at acting as though he doesn’t notice all the looks and whispers going on around him. Cole insists on carrying all of our food to the table and when we get there, Ian pulls my chair out for me. Both remain standing until I’m seated. It’s an old school kind of chivalry I thought was long since dead. My heart skips a half dozen beats once they’re both seated, one on either side of me. The air around us seems charged with electricity. My brain is obviously a giant slut. Never in my life have I been attracted to two men at the same time. Granted, I’m far more attracted to Cole—but I would let Ian do terrible things to my body. I watch as Cole crushes a handful of chips together and lets it rain down on his bowl. Looking up at me, he grins. “So what did you think of your first day?” Most of what I think about my day so far isn’t fit for public conversation, so I’ll be giving him the allbusiness version. “I was nervous at first,” I admit as I blend my burrito bowl together with my fork. “Kind of like a kid on the first day of school. But once I got there and started meeting people, I was more excited than ever.” “Nothing to be nervous about,” Cole assures me with a wave of his fork. “I saw the documentary you did for the YouTube contest. It was really, really good. You’ve got incredible talent and you get the facts out in a unique and captivating way.” It blows me away knowing he’s seen my work, and I stop chewing from the shock. Realizing I need to get it together, I finish chewing and swallow. “I really appreciate that. I was so excited when I won. I thought that was the highlight of my year. Little did I know, getting the call from your manager, offering me the Renegade documentary was going to be an even bigger high. You could’ve knocked me over with a feather. Even now I can hardly believe you’re seriously letting me do this. I’m a nobody.” Cole emphatically shakes his head as he finishes chewing a guacamole-dipped chip. “Everybody is somebody, Devon. When the guys and I hit it big, we didn’t have control of much. We were a bunch of punk teenagers who thought we knew what was up. Once we realized just how fucking lucky we really were, we made a pact that we’d pay that shit forward. There are so many talented people who get passed over for the bigger names. Our first CD was called The Unknowns. To us, it’s the definition of our experience. We’re all unknown at some point.” “She won’t be unknown for long,” Ian interjects. “I saw the documentary, too. In fifteen minutes you made me laugh, cry, and root for Pepe. I felt like I knew him. How did you find him?” Both men lean forward a bit in their seats, intently focusing on me. I swallow nervously as my eyes flit from one to the other. “Pepe is a busboy at the restaurant I waitressed at until two days ago.” Cole looks confused. “I thought Lacey said you were a production assistant,” he says. “I am. I mean I used to be,” I stutter. “My last day as a PA was last Friday. I’ve been a production assistant by day on a soap opera and I waited tables at Pho Reel at night and on weekends.” “Shit,” Ian exclaims. “When the hell did you have time to breathe?” I chuckle because he’s right. I really hadn’t been sleeping a lot when I was working both jobs. “Being a production assistant was a great learning experience,” I explain, “and working at Pho Reel kept me busy. Plus, with tips, it actually paid a bit more than the PA job.” “Let me guess,” Ian says. “Crazy rent?” “No,” I answer with a laugh. “Renting a cardboard box in LA is at least a thousand dollars a month but I’ve got a roommate. For me, it’s clothes and camera equipment.” “What about you?” I ask Ian. “What do you do when you’re not writing?” “Oh, I’m always writing,” he laughs as he puts his fork down. “I started self-publishing thrillers about two years ago.”

Cole’s brows shoot up. Clearly, he didn’t know this about Ian. “You do?” he asks incredulously. Ian blushes as he chews. “Yeah,” he mumbles after swallowing. “I don’t remember seeing that in your bio,” Cole tells him. Ian shifts uncomfortably in his seat and looks away. “I do it under a pen name. It started out as a lark in college and then it kinda took on a life of its own.” “Ooh,” I squeak excitedly “Maybe I’ve heard of you! I read a lot. My two favorite genres are anything romance and thrillers and I buy a lot of indie books. What’s your pen name?” He nervously crushes a chip between his fingers as a flush spreads over his cheeks. “I use my middle name, so I write as Robert Monroe.” I’m flabbergasted because I know the name well. “Holy shit!” I sputter excitedly. “You wrote Behind The Walls! That was my favorite book last year,” I enthuse. “I can’t believe you’re Robert Monroe. My bestie got a BTW paperback signed for me for Christmas.” The shit-eating grin on Ian’s face is model-hot. “I can’t believe you read it and you’ve got the paperback!” “Don’t act like you’re no big deal,” I counter as I wave my index finger at him. “You were on the New York Times Best Sellers list for weeks.” Cole is looking back and forth between us with a look of shock. “He was?” “At least two that I know of,” I say as I nod. “How many exactly, Ian?” “Five,” he admits. “The book was like the little engine that could.” “I read on a Goodreads discussion board that you received some offers from the traditional publishing houses,” I tell him. “Did you ever accept one?” He shakes his head as he takes a sip of his drink. “Nah, I like self-pub. I get to do it on my own schedule, so I can work it around my scheduled jobs. Plus, being an indie means I’m totally responsible for the finished product. The autobiography of the band is being done through a big publisher. I like it, but they have control over everything. I get the best of both worlds by doing both.” “I totally get it,” I tell him. “I want to try my hand at big budget and indie films. There are great things to be said for both.” “Now’s definitely a great time to explore every option,” Cole agrees. “There are more options for people in the entertainment business than there used to be. In every area, there are more ways than ever to get your work out.” “The Internet changed everything,” Ian asserts. The two of them get into a conversation about all the changes that have taken place over the last decade. I listen intently as I eat my fabulous bowl, offering up my thoughts as I see fit. They’re both talkers, which I like. There’s nothing worse than uncomfortable silence. As I eat, I watch the way they interact. It’s not comfortable and effortless—in fact, it seems rather stiff. But still, the way they look at each other sparks my curiosity. Cole looks bemused while Ian looks… maybe a bit scared. But still—I sense an underlying attraction. My mind races all over the damn place as I try to fit the puzzle pieces together. If they’re attracted to each other, are they gay? No, that can’t be right. If it were, they wouldn’t both be looking at me. Like right now. I’ve been so engrossed in looking at them, I somehow missed someone asking me a question. I know this because they’re both staring at me expectantly. “I’m sorry,” I blurt nervously. “I was thinking about camera angles. Did I miss something?” “We were talking about leaving things behind during this tour, and I asked if you have a boyfriend,” Cole answers. I let out a snort that turns into a giggle. “Um, no.”

Cole looks very pleased with my answer, while Ian looks surprised. “Really,” Ian says, “no one hanging around waiting for you?” “Nope. My last relationship ended two years ago. Afterward, I really threw myself into work. Time flies when you’ve got a purpose.” Cole nods his agreement. “That’s so true,” he says. “It seems like it was two years ago when we signed our first contract. With all the ups and downs, the last decade passed by in a flash.” Toying with my soda straw, I look across the table at Cole. “What about you?” I ask. “Are you in a relationship?” The corner of his lips quirk up before he breaks out into a full-blown grin. I bet he knows I was asking personally as opposed to professionally. Judging by the smile he’s giving me, I’m pretty certain he likes my interest. “Nope, I’m completely unattached.” I start to let out a relieved sigh, which I quickly cover with a nervous cough. I was just about to get crazy busted for mooning over him. I turn to Ian in hopes of deflecting attention from my almost-gaffe. “Are you seeing anyone?” His cheeks pinken as he shakes his head. “No.” I’m naturally inquisitive, which means I’m dying to ask why—his reaction suggests there’s a reason— but he doesn’t seem receptive to that. I scramble to think of something else to say. “Tomorrow night, the guys and I have a private box at the Staples Center for Incubus,” Cole announces. “You two should come with me.” I’m glad he had something to say since clearly I was never going to have a follow up question. Ian turns my way without immediately answering Cole’s question. “Uh, I’ll go if you do. You down?” This doesn’t feel like part of my job. I could say no and it wouldn’t be a big deal. I could—but I’m not going to. I want to go. “I’m so down,” I laugh. “All right,” Cole answers as a sexy grin spreads across his face. “Give me your address and phone number. If it’s cool with Ian I’ll grab you and then we can pick him up around five. We can have dinner before the show.” They exchange a look that is the exact opposite of casual. There’s definitely something to it. After a pregnant feeling pause, Ian nods his head at Cole. I only realize I haven’t given a definitive answer when I notice they’re both looking at me. The silence is deafening as I do mental acrobatics. Dinner before the show is so absolutely not part of the job. I can’t pretend otherwise. I need to be very clear about that in my own mind before I accept. I search myself for hesitation, but find none. “Sounds good,” I answer finally. I try not to show how giddy and nervous I am about the fact that I’m going to be going out with them. As we’re getting ready to leave, Cole reminds me that I’ve got his phone number in my newly assigned cell phone. “Reach out any time,” he murmurs. “I’m always available for you.” My pulse races as I nod stupidly. I need to get out of here before I do something stupid like ask him if he’s available for phone sex later. I mean seriously, his voice. I wave goodbye to Ian as he walks off toward his car and then I turn to Cole and give him a little wave, too. Instead of walking away, he steps in closer. “I’ll walk you to your car,” he announces. “It’s okay,” I say as I gesture toward my car. “I’m just right there.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “Humor me.” He stays at my side once we get to my car, holding the door open as I get in and put on my seatbelt.

Turning back to him, I find him watching me intently. “Drive safely,” he says. “Will do,” I smile. “I’ll see you tomorrow night.” I’m reluctant to leave but have no reason to stay. “See you then,” I say softly. He closes the door and backs up a few steps but doesn’t walk away. I fumble with my gearshift before putting my car into gear and pulling out of the space. He watches as I do, then raises his hand in a goodbye gesture as I go to drive away. That was, without doubt, the craziest first day of work I’ve ever had. I thought the highlight of my day would be work-related, but it wasn’t. Instead, it was Cole Hayes.



I feel like a life-sized dress-up doll as I model my outfit. This is due to me forcing my best friend and roommate, Lana, to help me choose the perfect ensemble for tonight. Her perfectly shaped brows knit together as she looks me over from head to toe. “For sure, this is it,” she tells me. “Give me a twirl, girl.” I laugh and then do three pirouettes, leftover moves from the dozen years I spent in ballet class. “Brava,” Lana laughs as she claps. “The deal is sealed. That’s the outfit, for sure.” “It’s not too slutty?” Lana rolls her expressive brown eyes. “You’re wearing leggings, ankle boots and an off the shoulder top. I can’t see your tits and your ass is covered. It’s at least two steps above hooker on the corner,” she assures me. Since I’ve gone through no fewer than a dozen outfit changes, I’m relieved we finally agree on the same one. “Good, good,” I laugh. “I don’t want to send the wrong message or anything.” “Hot damn, darlin’,” she drawls with a fake southern twang. “This outfit definitely says you want Cole to pluck your strings before making you the meat in a sandwich. That’s the message you want to send, right?” I make an inelegant noise. “You jerk,” I grumble jokingly. “I’m kidding, of course. You look fabulous and in no way resemble a lady of the evening,” she assures me. My nerves about this night are making me nuts. Turning around, I look back over my shoulder at my outfit. “Are we one hundred percent positive this outfit doesn’t make my ass look fat?” “You’re a crazy person,” she huffs. “We just agreed this was it and now you’re second-guessing again. You look hot. Deal with it. We both know that ass is like a beacon to men who like women who aren’t sticks.” “Jerkface,” I screech, “did you just call me fat?” “Yep. You heard it here first” she says dramatically. “No, bitch! I didn’t call you fat. You know you’re sexy. If you’d stop this whole being a heterosexual thing, I’d be all over your ass.” I can’t contain the giggle snort that comes out. “Could you imagine? We’d be the worst couple in the history of couples.” “It’s true,” she agrees. “You’d try to get me to watch those godawful fifties shows you’re addicted to and I’d be leaving clothes and shit all over your room. Plus, your crazy ass would want to cuddle.” Lifting her hand, she pretends to stick her finger down her throat and then acts out a gagging motion. “That alone would give me hives. We’d probably kill each other within thirty days.” Looking at her propped next to the mountain of clothes on my bed, I nod. The mess drives me nuts, as does tardiness. Lana is perpetually late and is also a total slob. We’re yin to each other’s yang. “Probably more like three days,” I say dryly. “Your need to leave a breadcrumb trail of clothing behind you is a deal breaker for sure.”

Flipping her blonde hair dramatically, she sighs. “Makes my room feel homier,” she retorts. After rolling my eyes at her, I start transferring discarded wardrobe choices back into my closet. Once everything is back where it belongs, I plop down on my now clean bed, next to Lana, and drop a kiss on her cheek. “Thanks for putting up with me. I know you hate all this fashion craziness.” “Yeah, yeah,” she chuckles. “I like to humor you every once in a while cause I know life’s tough when your best friend is a fashion hating lesbian.” I jokingly elbow her side. “You don’t hate fashion. You’re just faithfully devoted to the color black and your shit kicking boots.” “Could be worse,” she agrees. “I could still be stuck in my flannel phase.” I shudder dramatically. “The lumberjack lesbian thing was a fashion low point.” “Almost as bad as your white-pink lipstick and too tight jean phase,” she quips. The shudder I let out at her words is real. I’m just thankful she didn’t mention— “Plus,” she continues. “You were Oompa Loompa orange. It was a mess, girl.” I groan and smack my forehead. “What’re the rules about bringing up my former orange status?” Lana rolls her eyes. “Never, ever bring it up.” “You just broke the rules,” I point out. “Yeah, but you’re not thinking about your double team… erm, I mean date, now are you?” It’s not the funniest thing she’s ever said but I’m so keyed up, it strikes me as hilarious. Clutching my stomach, I howl with laughter. “It’s…not…a date,” I argue through my laughter. She gives me a look like I’ve just attempted to sell her something stupid. “We’ll see,” she retorts dryly. Worried I may have smudged my makeup while laughing, I get up and hurry over to my mirror. Relieved to find no damage done, I grab my lip gloss for one more application. The sound of the doorbell stops me dead in my tracks. Swallowing nervously, I spin and face Lana. “He’s here,” I whisper. “Oh my God,” she whispers back dramatically as she stands up. “Is that what the ding dong sound meant? Here this whole time I thought it meant it was time to eat a donut. No wonder my ass is getting so fat. Fuck my life.” I shake my head and call her a nut job as she wanders off to let Cole in. Not wanting to leave him waiting, I quickly apply the lip gloss before hauling it out to the living room. I step out of the hallway as Lana opens the door. When she lets Cole into the apartment, I drink in the way his eyes flash when he looks me over. I know my face is flushed when he looks up and meets my gaze, but I can’t find it in me to care. “Hi.” “Hey,” he responds huskily. We stare at each other silently until Lana clears her throat and I remember that Cole and I aren’t alone in the world. “Oh, wow,” I squeak nervously. “Sorry! This is my roommate, Lana. Lana, this is Cole. My…um… boss?” He gives me a funny look before he turns his attention to Lana. “I’m not her boss,” he says as he holds out his hand to shake hers. “But it’s nice to meet you.” “Nice to meet you, Mr. Rock ‘n’ Roll,” she answers as she shakes his hand. “Where are you taking her and what time will you have her home? Tell me everything, because I need final approval. If I don’t like it, she’s not leaving with you.”

I’m used to Lana’s sense of humor, so I’m in no way surprised. Cole’s eyes widen a fraction as he stares at her. “Uh,” he says uncertainly. “Dinner—” “Where?” “A new restaurant not too far from the stadium.” “Huh,” she says slowly. “Does this restaurant serve sandwiches?” Poor Cole is completely out of his element. Lana is acting like a nut, and I can tell he’s not sure whether she’s insane or just an asshole. “It’s a sushi restaurant.” “Don’t you prefer sandwiches?” she asks. He looks over at me like he wants me to save him. “I like all kinds of food,” he answers. “What’s your favorite kind of meat to put between two buns?” she questions. “Something hot and juicy, or—” I barely refrain from killing her on the spot. “She’s just messing with you,” I say as I jump forward and grab Cole’s arm. His relief is palpable. “Phew,” he laughs. “I was really hoping.” I’m yanking him toward the door in hopes that we can get out before Lana says anything else inappropriate. I know better than to put it past her. “It was nice to meet you,” Cole says as I fling the door open and push him out into the hallway. “He’s lying,” I call over my shoulder. “You’re an insane person and you scared him,” I laugh. Cole snickers, his face lighting up as he smiles at me. “You might want to have her back by midnight,” Lana calls out after us. “Otherwise, she turns into a pumpkin! Trust me, orange is really not a good look for her.” My revenge is already being plotted as I hurry us toward the elevator. “I’m so sorry about her—” He waves his free hand dismissively. “Nah, she seems fun,” he assures me. I chuckle as I let go of his arm and press the call button for the elevator. “She’s the wackiest person I know,” I explain, “but also the most loyal.” Cole smiles at me as he nods his head. “Wacky isn’t bad. My whole family falls under that umbrella and I love them.” “Lana keeps me on my toes,” I admit. “Listen,” he says, “I just got a text from Ian. He’s doing an interview for USA Today about his Robert Monroe books and it’s running long. He can’t make dinner, so we’ll pick him up after.” Oh wow. This feels… kind of like a date. Maybe. Or, maybe I’m reading too much into it. “We could’ve skipped dinner entirely,” I say nervously. “I hope you didn’t feel like you had to—” “I wanted to,” he says firmly. “We’re going to have a great time.” When the elevator dings its arrival and the doors slide open, Cole places his hand lightly against my back to guide me in. I’m thoroughly enjoying how polite he is. I hadn’t expected it, but it’s more than welcome. As we enter, I’m hit in the face with a wave of heavy perfume. I spring forward to keep the door from shutting but just miss it. I grimace and make sure to keep my mouth closed as I try not to gasp for air. I’ve learned the hard way that breathing through my mouth is worse where this perfume is concerned. “Holy shit,” Cole coughs. “That smell! I just rode the elevator and it was fine. What the fuck?” It’s cute the way his eyes are watering as he fans the air in front of his face, and I can’t contain my giggle.

“My neighbor Brenda,” I explain. “Lana and I are ninety percent sure she showers in this stuff.” He coughs again and shakes his head. “It’s a biohazard,” he croaks. “Brenda is our buildings crazy cat lady. Only instead of cats, she has an apartment full of Backstreet Boys memorabilia.” His eyes widen. “How old is she?” “Thirty-two,” I laugh. “But she’s never ever giving up on her dream to marry Kevin Richardson.” “No one who can smell is ever marrying her,” he rasps. “You’d be surprised,” I answer. “She’s really pretty. She gets mad dates, and a lot of return action on those dates, too. I don’t even know how considering her apartment walls are quite literally covered floor to ceiling in posters.” When the elevator stops in the lobby, he springs out of it, anxious to get away from the smell. I stay back, opening the emergency panel and pulling out a bottle of Febreze. “We keep this here to combat the stench,” I tell him as I shake the bottle. “I could’ve saved us that horrible ride if I hadn’t let the elevator doors shut behind us. The key is to spray and have them open for about thirty seconds.” Throwing back his head, Cole booms out a laugh. “You keep a bottle of Febreze handy?” “We sure do,” I laugh. “The whole building is in on it, too. Whenever the bottle gets low, one of us replaces it. It’s the only way to survive.” After giving a nice liberal spray, I put the bottle back where it belongs before stepping off the elevator and allowing the doors to close behind me. Reaching out to me, Cole takes my elbow and guides me out of the building. “This brings back a really funny memory,” he laughs. “Yeah?” “When we were teenagers and we bought a moving van to make money and have a way to take our gear to shows, the thing smelled like a garbage dump. We tried everything—scrubbed the walls with bleach, power-washed the entire thing at least five times, sprayed cologne all the fuck over it—and nothing helped.” “What did you do?” “Gram had us spread about a dozen boxes of baking soda and a few cans of coffee on the floor. We shut the doors and came back two days later—the smell was gone.” He comes to a stop at the curb next to a shiny black Tesla and opens the door, waiting until I’m buckled in to close it and walk around to his side. As soon as he’s in the car, I notice just how close we are. I can smell his cologne, something with a hint of musk that makes me want to rub up against him like a feline in heat. I watch his hands in fascination as he does something on the enormous dash display, stifling a nervous giggle when I remember his hands were once insured for a million dollars each through Lloyd’s of London. I bet he can do a lot of great non-guitar related things with his fingers. I’m fascinated by the tattoos on his arm. They’re just so… hot. Licking my lower lip, I look up at him from beneath my lashes, only to find he’s watching me. The smile he gives me makes my pulse race, and I’m too locked into him to look away. “You still good with sushi?” he asks. I nod, unable to get a word out. Licking my lower lip again, I continue looking him over. The man is sex personified. I’m still unsure how I never noticed this before. I turn my attention to an obscure point on the windshield so he doesn’t catch me staring at him like a lovesick weirdo. “The restaurant isn’t too far from here,” he tells me as he puts the car into gear. “GPS says the trip should only take about twenty minutes.” Cole’s Tesla is the first I’ve ever been in and I’m endlessly fascinated by how silent it is. He answers

the myriad of questions I throw his way about the car during the drive. He also offers to let me drive it any time. It feels like only five minutes have passed when he pulls into the parking lot of a small sushi restaurant. Since we need to be to the Staples Center by eight, we’re having an early dinner. This means the lot is pretty much a ghost town, which is probably a good thing as far as Cole being recognized. The hostess seats us in the back of the room next to a massive fish tank. It’s easily thirty feet long, so it takes up almost the entire width of the wall. My eyes widen when I realize the theme of said tank is Harry Potter. “Dumbledore, Snape and Hermione,” I squeak excitedly. “It’s so freaking cool. Hogwarts looks amazing. Don’t even get me started on the Quidditch area! Harry and his Nimbus look so real!” Cole’s laugh draws my attention back to him. I forget about the fish tank when I find him watching me intently. “Potter fan, eh?” I nod emphatically. “So much yes. I know people rave about the books, and they’re phenomenal, but that’s not what makes me a Potterhead. For me, it’s all about the movies. They’re cinematic masterpieces. The scores, the angles, the costuming, it’s all epic. If I had wanted to work in film as opposed to documentaries, I would’ve wanted to go in that direction. You’ve seen them, right?” “Yep,” he says with a grin. “Tyson is a mega Rowling fan. Like, stalker status. Discovered the books while he was in rehab and has never looked back. He says being so enthralled in that fictional world helped him deal with his shit. We throw Harry Potter themed birthday parties for him. Somewhere along the way, I became a fan, too. Like you, I love the movies. Watch ‘em all the time.” We stop talking for a few minutes when our waitress arrives. After a quick discussion about what her recommendations are, we wind up going with the chef’s pick. It’s basically an enormous amount of sushi that will allow us to try a sampling of todays best pieces. Since we may have a drink or two at the concert, we both order a green tea drink blend. After the waitress walks away, Cole turns his attention back to me. “Tell me more about you,” he instructs. “I feel like you already know a lot,” I laugh. “I’m pretty boring.” “You’re the furthest thing from boring,” he says. “But since you can’t think of anything off the top of your head I’ll give you an easy question to answer. What was your favorite show as a kid?” “Mr. Ed,” I answer with no hesitation. “Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie weren’t far behind.” He raises his brows in question. “You’re awful young to have pulled those out as favorites.” “My parents weren’t big on TV. We got the bare minimum of channels, so I mostly avoided it entirely. But every weekend, I would stay up and watch Nick at Nite. They used to run all the classics, and I got addicted. How about you?” I counter. “What was your show of choice?” He gives me a funny look before sighing. “You have to promise you won’t ever breathe a word of this to anyone.” Crossing my heart, I lean forward. “Spill it, Hayes.” “The Golden Girls.” A second passes while I wait for him to tell me he’s kidding. Realizing he’s serious, I let out a bark of shocked laughter. “Shut. Up!” “It was a really good show,” he says defensively. The only way he could have shocked me more was if he’d announced a love of Dancing With The Stars. The Golden Girls just seems completely oppositional to anything he would be interested in. This just goes to show you can’t judge a book by its cover. “How the heck did you end up watching a show about older women?” Before he has time to answer, I let out a squeak. “Oh my God, I bet you had a crush on one of them, too! It was Blanche, wasn’t it? Please tell me your bedroom walls weren’t covered in posters of Rue

McClanahan.” He waves his hands as he shakes his head. “No, no, no,” he laughs. “That’s a really disturbing visual, by the way. I assure you, I wasn’t crushing on them. Gram and my mom loved the show. Somehow Flynn and I ended up watching it with them. The writing was really good and the acting was great.” “You’re telling me Flynn got sucked in, too?” He snorts and shakes his head. “The girls were way to highbrow for him. Flynn watched, but his favorite show was Clarissa Explains it All. He wanted to ride the Melissa Joan Hart express so bad. In comparison, The Golden Girls is like National Geographic.” “That’s hardly an apt comparison since they’re both comedies. At least his show was sort of ageappropriate,” I tease. “But stupid,” he counters. “The Golden Girls is consistently picked as one of the top one hundred shows of all times. You won’t see Clarissa on that list, ever.” When I question whether The Golden Girls ever wound up on such a list, Cole whips out his iPhone and does a search. He lets out a triumphant sound and holds his phone up. “Right here it says top sixty in TV Guide and Top one hundred in The Writers Guild of America. I rest my case.” Taking a sip of my green tea, I chuckle. “I guess I’ll have to pay attention the next time I see it on. I can sing every word of the theme song for some reason, but I’ve never seen an episode.” “Oh, we’re fixing that,” he laughs. “I’m going to get you hooked on the show, just you wait. You need to start coming over so we can binge watch.” His words make me happy, and I grin at him. I love the idea of us spending more time together. My smile grows bigger when our waitress comes to the table with a massive tiered assortment of sushi. Cole and I dig in, sampling the plentiful and super fresh meal. “This is the best,” I enthuse after swallowing a particularly tasty piece. “It’s unbelievably good.” He holds out a piece of a roll with his chopsticks. “Wait ‘til you taste this one.” Leaning forward, I open my mouth and let him feed me. The incredibly fresh smoked salmon all but melts in my mouth. “Mm,” I moan after I finish swallowing. “This chef knows how to make great sushi.” The look on Cole’s face is sinful, and I feel my nipples tighten. “Somehow it’s made even better watching you eat it,” he murmurs. I open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. Cole grins at me devilishly, and I feel my face heating up. What I wouldn’t give to have his hands on me. Before I can formulate some kind of a response to what he said, the waitress is back to refill our drinks. I don’t know if I’m relieved or disappointed to have been interrupted.

Dinner with Cole was great, and I have to admit, I wasn’t even a little upset that Ian wasn’t able to join us. Selfishly, I liked having Cole all to myself. Ian’s house isn’t too far from the restaurant, so we get there pretty quickly. Before Cole has the car parked, Ian comes striding down the driveway toward us. Opening the rear door, he climbs into the backseat. I turn and look over my shoulder at him and almost let out a sigh. He really is something to look at. Ian’s eyes flash when our gazes meet, and I can’t help myself from appreciating how sexy he is.

“Hey,” I say as I give him a big smile. He grins back. “Hey.” As I turn back around, I find Cole staring at me intently. I know I’m blushing as I smile at him. He inclines his head toward Ian but keeps his eyes on me. “Ian.” Ian clears his throat. “Cole.” Cole’s eyes leave my face as he looks to Ian. “You ready for this?” When a second or so passes without an answer, I turn to look at Ian myself. He and Cole are in some kind of a stare-down, and Ian’s cheeks are flushed. “Yes, I’m ready for the show,” he responds. Cole lets out a hmm as he turns away and puts the car in gear. I’m fairly certain he wasn’t asking about the concert.



I’m normally pretty laid back—maybe even indifferent—when I’m spending time with the people I fuck around with. This is different. Devon is hot, and to be honest, I’m kind of stunned by how much sexier her personality makes her. I never thought anyone could hold my interest the way she does. I’m endlessly fascinated by her, which makes it easy to hang on her every word. For years, whenever I’ve talked to my mom about my lack of interest in relationships, she’s gotten right back in my face and said it’s because I purposely hang out with people who don’t have anything to offer, personality wise. Devon has personality to spare. It’s a first for me. My parents know I’m bi-sexual and are fine with it, but they still want grandchildren and they’d like me eventually to settle down. My dad agrees with my mom, and he points out I always find people who aren’t cut out for the long haul. It’s likely there’s some truth to their assertions since Todd, Gram and Pop all say the same thing. When you hear something once, it’s in one ear and out the other. When the people closest to you say something over and over, you start to wonder. For the first time ever, the thought of seeing someone every day isn’t making me feel itchy. I want to see Devon as much as possible. I’m not cut out for a one on one relationship, so having Ian around is ideal. I’d have to be blind and dumb not to notice Ian’s attraction to Devon. My initial reaction was annoyance—almost like I don’t want to share her. I shook it off quick. I want to share, I was merely feeling territorial for a minute, I’m sure. Me feeling possessive over anyone has never been an issue for me before, so I’m sure it will be fine now. Since meeting Ian, I’ve known I just needed to find the right girl to entice him. Part of the thrill for me with people like him is the chase. This time, the chase is kind of annoying. He’s more uptight than anyone I’ve ever met. If Devon weren’t in the picture, I’d give up on Ian entirely. Yeah I was interested, but at this point I can tell he’s going to require a lot of work. Finding Devon was completely unexpected. Yeah, I had been looking for a girl to share with Ian, but what I’ve found in Devon is completely different than what I expected. I’m more interested in her than I’ve ever been with anyone—male or female. It’s pretty fuckin’ obvious, to me at least, the three of us get along well. There’s enough chemistry there to work with. I know I sound like a dick, but keeping shit regulated by having three ways is how I do business. I like it—and it’s just the way things have been for me. I need to keep my mind on the end goal —and the end goal involves three of us in a bed. You’d think with as much as I’ve fucked, I might be a bit jaded. I’ve certainly thought as much about myself in the past. I’ve never had a moment of insane lust—but being next to her in the fucking car, I wanted to pull over and kiss her. Even being in the horrific-smelling elevator with her was a turn on because she was so close to me. To say feeling that way is unusual would be a colossal understatement. Walking into the Staples Center with Devon at my side fills me with a sense of pride. However, the pride is mixed with some weird primal response I’ve never experienced before. Any time another man looks at her, I find myself either giving them death glares or forcing myself not to tell them off. It’s a

foreign urge I find myself battling often throughout the evening, because baby has got back and men are constantly zeroing in on her ass. I’m trying to pretend the idea of being with her alone isn’t tempting. I don’t do alone. I’m tempted to talk to Flynn about it, but he’s like me. What we know about relationships could be written on one small piece of paper. Besides, if I talk to him, he’s just going to either get up my ass or narc me out to our family. I’m not down for that right now. Stepping into the private group box, I grin when I see everyone in the room. It’s my bandmates, some people from management and a few friends. It takes a few minutes for us to make our way around the room and greet everyone. I gave Flynn, Gavin and Ty the heads-up earlier about Ian and Devon coming along, so there’s no surprise. As far as they’re concerned, we’re just bringing them into the fold. Ian and I each stay close to Devon as the night goes on. I had a feeling she would be outgoing and I’ve been proven correct. She’s engaging and people seem to naturally gravitate to her. I’ve enjoyed being able to see first hand why she’s such a phenomenal documentarian. She’s alert to the people and situations around her, always taking everything in. In many ways, it reminds me of Gavin. He’s always watchful and aware of his surroundings, and he’s got excellent radar about people and their motives. He’d make a great detective. Although Devon watches people the way he does, I don’t think she’d be able to function as a detective. She stands out far too much, both in personality and appearance. I sure as fuck notice her. Several times in the last few hours, Ian and I have shared eye contact over her head. He and I need to talk, and soon. I’m going to do whatever I have to do to get him on board. I sense Devon will be the easier of the two to entice. Living my life the way I have over the last decade, I’ve developed good internal radar about who is and is not amenable to ménage. Devon looks at me with hunger, and the chemistry between us is electric. I’ve also seen her looking at Ian and I’m pretty damn sure she’s attracted to him. I thought I’d feel relieved to know that for certain, but my first reaction was annoyance. Selfishly, I want all of her attention on me, not that I’d ever be able to handle that. When the concert is over, I realize I never really heard more than a few notes of any of the songs. I’ve been so tapped into watching Devon, the show didn’t resonate at all. It’s a first for me. Normally, live music holds my attention like nothing else. The box clears out fairly quickly once the concert is finished. A few of the guys are heading backstage to say hello, but I took a pass and told Tyson to pass along my regards. After the room is empty except for the three of us, I’m given the perfect opportunity to talk to Ian alone when Devon excuses herself to the bathroom. I step in closer to him than normal, essentially pinning him into a corner. I enjoy his harsh inhalation. I gesture between the two of us and then toward the bathroom door. “We should probably talk about this.” He stands up straighter and goes tense. “I wasn’t aware there was anything to talk about,” he answers stiffly. I step a little closer, leaving less than an inch between us. I smirk when I note his eyes dilating. “Playing stupid doesn’t suit you.” I’m surprised when he lifts his hand, sets it on my shoulder, and pushes me back. I wasn’t expecting any kind of aggression from him. “I’m not playing,” he says defensively. “Whatever it is you think needs to be discussed, you’re barking up the wrong tree.” I roll my eyes. He’s in such deep denial, I’m pretty damn sure he’s built an island there. “We’ll see,” I assure him. “And I’m betting it will come to a head sooner rather than later.” “Just because you want something, doesn’t mean you can have it,” he snaps. It’s all posturing. His mouth says one thing, but I’ve spent a lifetime playing this game. Glancing

down, I smirk as I spy his obvious erection. “You were saying something about not wanting me?” “I’m not fucking gay,” he hisses. Raising an eyebrow, I shake my head. “Never said you were. I’m not gay, either.” “Looks that way to me,” he argues. “So eager to label,” I chastise. “I see you need it spelled out. I’m not gay, Ian. I’m bisexual.” “What the fuck,” he croaks. “You’re too fucking much. I don’t want to do this right now!” Taking another step back, I smile. “But you do want to do this,” I say triumphantly. He takes a harsh breath and looks away. “Please,” he says imploringly. “Not now.” I take a few steps back and nod. “We’re going to have to talk about it at some point, Ian. You can only avoid it for so long.” “We’ll see about that,” he responds. The sound of Devon’s heels on the tile put an end to any response I might have made. I know she notices the tension between Ian and I, but she doesn’t comment on it. Ian remains mostly silent on the drive to his house. I’d say it sucks, but I’d be lying since it means Devon and I got to talk about something we both love—the Howard Stern Show. Her sense of humor makes her hotter, in my opinion. A girl who loves the Stern show, likes to eat real food and has a slamming body? She’s almost too good to be true. But she isn’t—she’s fucking real. On the drive back to Ian’s, Devon peppers him with questions about his USA Today interview. He’s much more at ease with her than he is with me, which makes sense considering how hard he’s trying to keep his attraction to me from boiling to the surface. He’d probably fuck her in a nanosecond. The very thought has my hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel. Listening to them talk, I experience a pang of jealousy. I like when she and I are alone together, far more than I should. Turning down Ian’s street, I breathe a sigh of relief. Bringing the car to a stop in front of Ian’s, I turn and look at him over my shoulder. “Incubus was great,” he says. “Thanks for the invite. I had fun.” He’s stretching the truth, but I appreciate his effort at polite conversation. Drawing attention to whatever his deal is would make Devon uncomfortable and I want no part of that. “Just think,” Devon chimes in happily, “the next time we’re at a concert together, it’ll be opening night of the tour.” Her words get a real smile out of Ian. “I’m crazy excited about the tour,” he answers. “We’re going to see so many new places. I’ve only been to a handful of states, and I’ve never left the country.” “It’s going to be life-changing,” Devon responds. I went into this tour knowing life would change—but now I’m getting the feeling the change I was expecting isn’t the only one coming my way. The drive to her apartment from Ian’s house is over far too quickly for my liking. I like being around Devon. When we get to the elevator, I take a tentative sniff. Relieved to find it smells fresh, as opposed to foul as it did earlier, I walk in. The doors shut behind us leaving Devon and I alone in a small space. Turning her way, I hold back a groan when I find her looking up at me. The sexual tension between us right now could be cut with a knife. I want to kiss her, badly. The flush of color on her cheeks and the look in her eyes is a pretty good indicator she wants me to do just that. If I were a different guy, I’d be all over it right now. But there’s no way I can start something with her alone. The lavender and vanilla scent of her tickles my nose as I take a step toward her, instead of the step back I’d been planning to take. Fuck it. I’m going in. As I take another step forward, the elevator doors slide open. “Hey Devon,” a babydoll type voice says. As I turn from Devon, the overwhelming stench of bad perfume hits me square in the face. I watch as a

beautiful girl in a Backstreet Boy hoodie steps onto the elevator. Devon and I jump off at the exact same time, like it’s about to plummet forty stories and we can’t get out of it fast enough. “Hi Brenda,” she says when she’s no longer within smelling distance of the elevator. “I’d love to chat but I’ve got stuff to do. Bye!” As the elevator is closing, Brenda lets out a disgusted sound. “You’re always busy,” she whines. Devon is saved from having to answer when the doors close all the way. I could do without that horrible odor for the rest of my life, but Brenda’s timing was impeccable. I was about to start something that could’ve made shit even trickier than it already is. I stay with Devon as she lets herself into her apartment. Once she’s in, I ask where the stairs are, cause no fucking way am I getting on that elevator again. After she tells me where it is, I thank her for coming with me and haul fucking ass to leave. I’ve never run from a girl—or a guy—before, but with Devon I feel like I’m not on solid ground. It’s like everything I’ve known disappeared in the blink of an eye. I need to get ahold of myself, quickly. I’ve never had a problem keeping myself aloof before. I’m sure this is just a case of temporary insanity.



As soon as I give my name, the bouncer at the most popular, and hardest to get into, club in Los Angeles unclips the velvet rope and steps aside so that Lana and I can enter. “Down the hall to the right,” he barks. “Your people are in the VIP lounge.” My people. I smile when he says it. I really feel like I am part of the Renegade crew these days. Tonight is yet another sign that I’m with the band. The line to get in is unbelievably long, so there’s no way I would ever have even attempted to get into this place otherwise. As we walk in and I see the setup, I have to admit it’s really cool. The music is bumping and the place is packed with people dancing. Two huge men in suits are standing side by side in front of what is clearly the VIP area. I know this because I recognize that one of the men is Morris, the security guard I met on the first day of work. He inclines his head once when he sees me before stepping to the side so Lana and I can get past. There are neon-accented see through steps leading up to the VIP area, which makes me giggle. It makes me think the place is half awesome club, half really cheesy porno set. The second I get to the top step, I see Cole. He’s standing with Gavin and two men I don’t recognize, but as soon as he sees me, he excuses himself and comes my way. His eyes are trained on me like laser beams, and his gaze sweeps over me from head to toe, twice. When he looks back at me, I see the heat in his eyes. He definitely likes what he sees. I try not to preen, but I’m definitely proud of how I’m looking tonight. My hair took me over an hour to get just so—sexy bedhead style doesn’t come easy—and I’ve got on a short halter style black mini dress and sky-high red heels. Lana calls them my bend-me-over-and-fuck-me-like-I’ve-been-a-bad-bad-girl shoes. He stops when he reaches me, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me in before dropping a kiss on my cheek. Having him against me causes warmth to spread through me as I’m pressed against his chest. Even with our clothes between us, I feel the spark. “You’re stunning,” he says against my ear. I beam at him like a fool as he steps back and looks down at me. “You too,” I blurt. Don’t laugh. He really does. He’s dressed all in black from head to toe—jeans, shirt and a leather jacket, and it works on every level. He gives me a sexy grin that makes my heartbeat quadruple. This man and his smiles are going to melt me—and my underwear—into a puddle at some point. When he turns to Lana and says hello, I feel myself blushing. I forgot she was here. No man has ever made me forget my surroundings, ever. Gesturing to the bar, he says, “What are you two drinking? I’ll order for you.” Lana shakes her head and laughs as she gestures over her shoulder. “I’m going out into the wild, Mr. Rockstar. There isn’t even one sort-of lesbian in this VIP section.” Cole’s eyebrows shoot up as he looks over his shoulder and then back at Lana. “There are like forty people up here,” he says. “There’s no way your gaydar could have worked through them all that fast.” She chuckles as she taps her head. “This thing never fails me,” she says smugly. “I did, however, spot a bunch of good prospects out on the dance floor as we walked past. Take care of my bestie while I go

find someone to dance with tonight.” I give her a dry look as she turns back to me. My best friend is a maniac. Stepping in, she gives me a kiss on the cheek. “See you on the dance floor, babydoll.” I roll my eyes as I nod and kiss her back. “Don’t forget, you’re my ride home,” I remind her. She shakes her head and laughs before leaning closer. “I would never! I’m just dancing tonight,” she assures me. “I’m not going home with anyone but you.” After Lana wanders away, Cole places his hand on my lower back and guides me toward the bar. “What’s your poison?” “Whiskey sour,” I answer. While Cole places the order, I turn and survey the room. I smile when I spot Lacey standing with her boyfriend. He’s got her plastered against him, her back to his front, with an arm wrapped around her possessively. They’re a cute couple, and I see why she gets a special smile on her face when she talks about him. It’s obvious they’re in love. She grins when she sees me, and I wave at her cheerfully. “Here you go,” Cole says as he hands me my drink. “It’s perfect,” I say after taking a sip. “There’s nothing worse than when there’s too much sour mix or too much whiskey.” The way he watches my mouth as I lick my lips makes me blush. “Come,” he says as he puts a hand at my back. “Let’s mingle.” We spend the next half hour or so moving around the room and talking to different people. Right now we’re sitting at a table, chatting with Lacey and her boyfriend Ben. Both whiskey sours I drank went down smooth and I’m having a great time. Cole’s arm is slung over the back of my chair and I’m feeling pretty good about being so close to him, especially since we’re about to head to the dance floor. Over Cole’s shoulder, I see Ian step up into the VIP area. Smiling, I wave him over. He nods and heads our way. “Hey,” he says as he drops down next to Cole at the last free seat at the table. “How’s it going tonight?” “Pretty good. This place is really nice. We’re going down to dance,” I say as I gesture around the table. “You should come!” Ian’s eyes dart right to Cole. They exchange a look before Ian nods. “Sure,” Ian says. “I’ll go grab a drink, make the rounds and then I’ll meet you guys on the dance floor.” We all stand and depart the table at the same time. Ian goes toward the bar while the four of us make our way to the dance floor. Cole stays at my side, as he has all night, keeping his hand on my back. Dancing with him is far more arousing than I’d have thought. He keeps the beat—that isn’t a surprise, all things considered—but also has great moves. I note that some people around us are noticing who Cole is, but he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it. We throw ourselves into dancing, only taking a break for Lacey and I each to grab another drink and do some fruity-flavored shot. Since Cole and Ben are both driving, they didn’t drink with us. I’m as loose as I’ve been in forever, and feeling great. Lana’s been dancing with us on and off, but mostly she’s been dancing with her girl of the night. I don’t even pay attention to the girl, since it’s not like I’ll be seeing her again. When Ian finally makes his way onto the dance floor, I clap excitedly. I’d pretty much written him off, assuming he was just going to avoid us. He’s a little uptight sometimes. Lacey and I both grab one of his arms, pulling him into the area we’re dancing in. I’ve been dancing so long that I’m a sweaty mess, but I don’t even care. Having this much fun is worth the sweat. Plus, I won’t have to go to the gym tomorrow. We dance and dance, and with each song that passes—not to mention the two drinks I’ve seen him consume—I notice Ian having more and more fun. It makes me smile because even though he’s cool, he’s more reserved than anyone else in the group.

Whether it’s due to the consumption of alcohol or just proximity to us, the next thing I know Ian is dancing with Cole and me. Cole is at my back, Ian my front, and there’s definitely something super sexual about the whole thing. Beyoncé is singing about being crazy in love and I’m sandwiched between two beautiful men. It isn’t a bad thing. I let it all hang out, booty popping back against Cole. His hands are on my hips and Ian’s eyes are looking between Cole and me as we all move together. “Crazy in Love” gives way to Britney Spears singing “Hold it Against Me,” and we keep right on dancing. I’m blatantly grinding my ass against Cole now, and I can feel how hard he is. I’m surprised when Ian steps in as close to me as he can and puts a hand on my shoulder. I stop dancing when his head starts descending toward mine. Holy shit. This is happening. My eyes don’t close as his lips cover mine. I don’t know if it’s because I’m so startled or what. I don’t get to think about it because the next thing I know Cole has jerked me back and away from Ian. “Sorry,” he yells over the music, “we’ve got an audience.” My hands fly up to my flaming hot cheeks as I nod. Looking around I make eye contact with Lacey and laugh when she wiggles her eyes suggestively. I also see Lana, and she gives me a look that says she saw the whole thing. Other than them, I don’t see anyone else, but I guess when Cole pulled me back, people looked the other way. “I have to go,” Ian yells back. “See you later.” I reach out and stop him. Standing on my tiptoes, I get close to his ear. “You can’t drive. You’ve been drinking.” He shakes his head emphatically. “I came in a cab and I’ll leave in one, too. I’m cool, don’t even worry about it.” Something seems off. He looks almost desperate to get away. “Are you sure?” He reaches out and squeezes my shoulder gently. “I’m good, Dev. No worries.” I nod and watch as he shakes Cole’s hand and then wanders off. I’m not worried like I think he’s going to do anything crazy, but more and more his level of discomfort is causing me to wonder what his story is. Ian is a question machine—of course he would have to be, given his career choice—but he never talks about himself. Cole looks me over as he turns back my way. “Thirsty?” he asks. I nod. “I’d kill for about three gallons of water and an industrial air conditioner right now,” I laugh. The moment on the dance floor seems to be well and truly over. I wonder if the opportunity will ever present itself again. I also wonder if I want it to. It was fun dancing with them, but when Ian started to kiss me, I didn’t feel anything. No butterflies, no sense of excitement, nothing.

Cole and I are each seated in easy chairs in his den with about three tiny feet separating us. The sexual tension between us is palpable. Every day I’ve expected the attraction to wane at least nominally, but it hasn’t. Instead, it’s gotten stronger. After taking a sip of water, I say, “I’m going to start by asking you some questions to get you comfortable. These are quick—think of it as a speed round with a quick finish,” I laugh. “You ready?” He grins and leans forward.

“I’m usually not much for speed and a quick finish,” he drawls, “but if that’s what you want, I’ll give it to you. Whatever it takes to get the job done. Hit me.” Anddd now I’m thinking about him in bed. Again. For the record, my nightly sessions with my Lelo are doing nothing to get myself under control. If anything, I’m more keyed up sexually than ever. Licking my lower lip, I shake my head to clear it and get busy leafing through my notebook. When I look up, I find him smiling as he watches me fidget. Letting out a chuckle, I go back to the page I was originally on. With a quick roll of my shoulders, I get myself into the zone. “All right,” I murmur. “Here goes. What’s your favorite food?” “Brownies,” he says without hesitation. “My Gram’s brownies are my favorite food in the world.” “Swimming pool or ocean?” He rubs at his chin for a second before nodding. “Tough, but I think swimming pool. I hate not being able to see what’s going on beneath the surface in the ocean.” I nod my agreement. Lana’s had me convinced since we were kids that any time we go into the ocean, Jaws is waiting to take a bite. “Favorite store?” He throws his head back and laughs. “I wish it were something shocking, but it’s Guitar Center. I guess I’m boring and predictable.” “Hardly,” I counter. “You just know what you like.” “Yes,” he says huskily. “I do.” I fight the urge to cross my arms over my chest to conceal my now pebbled nipples. His sexy as all hell grin and his cologne are all making me crazy. Refusing to be led off course, I continue. “You have to cook dinner for twenty people. What do you make?” He pauses as if I’ve thrown him with the question. “Um—toast,” he answers after a few seconds. “I’m not good in the kitchen, or with the grill. But I can order out like no one’s business,” he asserts. “Typical bachelor,” I chide. “Guilty as charged,” he agrees. “I’m open to change, though.” I swallow nervously and try to avoid focusing too much on what he just said. I need to stay in the professional zone right now. “How many guitars do you have?” His brow furrows as he considers the question. “I take twenty on the road, but use about five of them regularly. In my home studio, I’ve got another ten or so. There are a bunch in my garage.” He pauses for a second as he counts, his lips moving silently as he does. “Shit,” he laughs. “I think there are probably close to a hundred in there. I swear I’m not a hoarder. A lot of them were gifts.” “I’m not surprised,” I answer. “Occupational hazard and all that. Do you have a favorite guitar?” A somber look passes over his face before he quickly settles into a neutral expression. “I do,” he answers. “My first acoustic.” It’s the lightning round and I could move on, but I’m curious about his reaction to the question. “Why is that not a happy thing?” Leaning his head back, he lets out a long breath. “Because it was the last gift I ever got from Flynn’s mom,” he shares. “That makes it priceless.” “I’m sorry,” I murmur hastily. “I didn’t mean—” “Don’t apologize,” he says firmly. “I signed on to answer any and all questions, and I will. I got thrown off for a second because I was thinking about the day she died earlier, so it’s a little close to the

surface. When I found out she was gone, I was playing that guitar, practicing a song for her.” It’s beyond obvious that he loved her almost as much as Flynn. “Ian showed me some of the photos your parents and Todd provided for the autobiography,” I tell him. “It looks like your family and the Rand family are essentially one and the same.” The sadness on his face fades immediately as he smiles. “It is,” he agrees. “Gavin and Ty got integrated into the family,” he informs me. “Gavin’s sister has always felt like she’s our little sister, too. My parents adore her. Sometimes I think they spoil her more than they spoil me.” His answer is great—except there’s one thing missing. “I notice you don’t mention Tyson’s family,” I comment. “None of you do.” Cole’s facial expression changes instantly. Instead of being open, now he looks cautious. “Tyson needs to reveal his history himself. To be perfectly honest, the primary reason three out of four of us were reluctant to do any of this—the book, this documentary—is Tyson,” he explains. “He was the one who wanted to do it, though. If it weren’t for him being so adamant about going forward, this never would have happened. I’m proud of him for wanting to put himself out there—especially for the reason he’s doing it —but he needs to take the first step himself. Once he does, I’ll be glad to answer any questions you have about him. Just not until then, okay?” I nod my understanding as I quickly jot Tyson/mystery in my notebook. “I’m sorry—” “Not a problem,” I assure him. “I’m with you for the better part of the next year. I’m good with holding off.” He grins wolfishly. “At least that long,” he counters. “Hopefully more. You never know.” I know I’m blushing as I glance down at the monitor between my feet to check the shots. I’ve got three cameras set up at three different angles, and so far, they’re all good. There’s nothing worse than realizing mid-interview that you framed something wrong. Turning the page in my notebook, I continue. “Flynn talked a lot about being able to live a more authentic life after retirement. Can you give me an example of something that will change?” His hand runs over his beard thoughtfully as he considers the question. “The biggest difference is going to be not going on tour for so many months each year. Even when I’m at home, I never get to fully settle in because I’m always on the cusp of leaving again.” He chuckles. “Once this tour is over, I’ll be stationary for the first time in my adult life. I think all kinds of things are going to change for me—for all of us.” “Essentially, you’re saying you’ll be able to put down more roots,” I comment. His blue eyes sparkle as he smiles at me. “I’ve got my family and the band. Most of my other friends are somehow connected to the business. Been living in my house for a long time,” he answers, “but I couldn’t pick out my closest neighbors in a line up. I can tell you the quickest way to get to Guitar Center from here, yet I have no idea when the yearly block party is held. I’m aware there is one because my maid goes, but somehow, I’ve never been in town for it. It’d be nice to know who lives around me.” “So roots are important to you,” I muse. He nods firmly. “Everyone knows Flynn and I lived next door to each other when we were kids. Those were the days. We knew everyone in that neighborhood and everyone knew us. Even now, anytime I go to my parents or Flynn’s dad’s, I’m home. My house doesn’t fit that bill. I feel like a guest around here,” he admits. “I still miss the area I grew up in,” I commiserate. “My parents sold the house as soon as I went to college.” “Downsizing?” “No—they’re part of Doctors Without Borders,” I explain. “They do great work.”

They really do, but it’s a tough nut to swallow sometimes. “That’s really cool. Where are they?” “This year they’re in Uzbekistan fighting a TB epidemic.” “Wow—your parents are the real deal,” he says. “Will they be around when the documentary comes out?” I shrug because I don’t really like to think about it too much. The odds of them being there are slim to none. I love my parents—they’re wonderful people—but it saddens me that they just sold everything and left. Yes, it’s for a great cause, but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss having parents around. I see them once a year now, if I’m lucky. Anxious to get the focus off of me, I plow on with another question. “Why not buy a house in the neighborhood you grew up in?” “It would be ideal for me, but not for everyone else there. There’s already a lot of looky-loo’s because Flynn and I grew up there, and our parents never left. But if either of us lived there all the time, it would be open season. I couldn’t do that to my family, or my old neighbors.” I nod my understanding. He’s right, it would be a nightmare for everyone in the neighborhood. “Getting to know your neighbors will be easier in the gated community,” I agree. “What do you think of it?” he asks. I raise my eyebrows in confusion. “Of what?” “The neighborhood,” he says huskily. “Do you like it?” “I, it’s… yes,” I sputter. “It’s a great neighborhood.” He’s staring at me so intently it’s making my pulse race. With my mouth now desert dry, I reach for my water. As the cup tips, I let out a shriek and dive forward to grab my monitor. Realizing it’s covered in water, I frantically start wiping at it with the first thing I can grab. Cole springs into action and runs out of the room in a flash. He returns seconds later with a kitchen towel and a roll of paper towels. Dropping onto the floor in front of me. Taking the monitor from my hands, he meticulously dries it. First he uses the towel and then he wipes it down with some paper towels. When he’s satisfied that it’s dry, he turns it to me. “See,” he says calmly. “Good as new. It’s still working with the cameras.” My brain is apparently completely out to lunch, because the next thing I know, I’m lurching forward in my seat to hug him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you! I know it probably seems silly to you but this particular monitor isn’t made anymore and I love it. My parents remembered to coordinate with Lana to get it for me in time for my twenty-fifth birthday last year. They were in Nepal,” I babble. He’s dead still for a second, but then he wraps his arms around me and pulls me in close. He’s right between my legs, and I shiver when I feel the cotton of his T-shirt against my inner thighs. I gasp as the implication of why I can feel him hits me. “Oh my God,” I sputter as I pull back. “Holy shit!” Cole quickly pulls back and looks up at me with concern. “What’s wrong?” When I went to dry the monitor, the thing I grabbed to do it was the hem of my white cotton dress—the hem of which had rested about an inch above my knee. I’m now sitting here with it bunched up around my thighs. I try not to look down, but can’t help it. As quick as I bring my eyes back to his, it’s too late. His gaze follows the path mine just did, and he lets out a choked noise when he realizes the state I’m in. “Jesus, Devon,” he growls. “Fuck.” Lifting his head, he meets my eyes. My breath stops, lodging somewhere in my chest when I see the look of hunger in his eyes. The breath rushes out of me in a whoosh when he leans back and runs his hands up the inside of my thighs.

“You’re so soft,” he murmurs. “So beautiful.” I expel the breath I’ve been holding in a rush. Seemingly of their own volition, my legs spread wider, allowing him to come in closer. “Cole,” I whimper. A shocked sound makes us both jump. My head whips around fast, and I let out a squeak when I spot Ian standing in the doorway with a deer-in-the-headlights look. “I, uh, sorry,” he stutters. “Your assistant let me in as he was leaving for the day…I didn’t… Fuck.” Cole grabs the hem of my skirt and carefully pulls it down as he studies my face. “You okay?” I nod. “I’m good,” I assure him. I wouldn’t be if it were anyone other than Ian. There’s no way I could keep from noticing the way Ian is looking between Cole and me right now. Since the day I met them both, I’ve seen it from both of them but right now the look on Ian’s face is one hundred percent arousal. Without question, he wants us both. The idea of the two of them touching me has become my favorite dirty fantasy. Cole stands in one fluid motion, turning to Ian. “Don’t be sorry,” he tells him. “Everything is cool. How about we take a break now and eat dinner?” My stomach growls as if on cue. “I’m starving,” I admit. “It’s settled then,” Cole announces. “I’ll go pull dinner out of the warming oven.” He gives me a meaningful look, and I think I know just what it means. I nod once in understanding, and he smiles before spinning on his heel and leaving the room. I’m pretty sure Cole wants me to ease Ian’s embarrassment, so I set out to do so. Crossing the room, I stop in front of Ian and smile up at him. “Hey you.” The smile he gives me seems uncertain. “I’m sorry—” “Like Cole said, you have nothing to be sorry for,” I assure him. “Don’t give it another thought.” He shakes his head as he stares down at me. “You do realize he’s bisexual, yeah?” He says the word bisexual dramatically, air quotes and all. I find myself oddly defensive. For whatever reason, I really don’t want to discuss this with Ian. It feels wrong somehow. After a second of trying to formulate a response, I finally say, “I’m not surprised, which says a lot.” “Doesn’t that,“ he pauses to swallow, “bother you?” I cross my arms over my chest defensively as I stare at him. “Why would it bother me?” “Bisexual means he fucks around with men,” he says stiffly, as if I’m somehow unaware of the definition. “It also means he likes women too,” I remind him. “Don’t you think that makes him gay?” I bark out a harsh laugh. “But he’s also been with women. By your logic, that makes him straight.” “Come on, Devon. Don’t ignore the obvious,” he urges. “If you fuck around with someone who’s the same gender you are, you’re gay.” I can’t keep the annoyed expression from my face as I glare up at him. I really don’t see why this matters. Bisexual, yes. Gay? No. If Cole were gay, he wouldn’t have touched me the way he just did. “I’ve kissed girls and I’m not gay, Ian,” I huff. “I’m not judging,” he argues. “I have no problem with gay people.” “Actions speak louder than words and you getting all huffy about Cole being bisexual—”

“You know why it bothers me,” he asserts. “Do I?” He scrubs his hands through his hair roughly as he stares at me. “You feel this…this fucking thing between the three of us,” he insists. “You have to know what he wants this to turn into.” I lick my lower lip as I nod. “I do. Are you asking me if I object? Because if you are, all I can tell you is, I’ve definitely thought about it,” I admit. His eyes shoot up toward his hairline as he gapes down at me. My admission doesn’t seem to have pleased him. “How can you stand it?” he asks. “The idea of being in bed with two guys willing to touch each other…it can’t be a turn on. It’s gay, full stop.” The look I give him is glacial. “You’re awfully quick to throw labels and judgments around. I’m disappointed in you. I had no idea you were so intolerant.” “I’m not intolerant—” “Then stop acting like it,” I snap. His shoulders sag as he looks away. “I’m sorry I’m being such an asshole. Please,” he says pleadingly, “I really fucked up and clearly I’m handling this terribly. I’m just…confused. I really am sorry, Devon. I shouldn’t take it out on you.” I believe him, especially the confused part. Ian clearly has some issues that need to be addressed, but if I’ve learned one thing in my life it’s that slow and steady is the way to go. I’m not going to go at him all bull in the China shop style. “Let me turn off my equipment so we can move on,” I say as I gesture toward the door, “and go get some food.” He fidgets nervously as he stares down at me. “Are we good?” I nod and tell him what he wants to hear. “We’re good.” As friends I think we are. As for anything else, all signs point to no. He definitely does not seem to be interested in anything else—at least not with Cole and me together.



Ian’s acting weird—and I mean more than usual. He keeps looking at Devon and the expression on his face is one of guilt. Not really sure what’s going on with him. Devon seems perfectly fine, but it might just be because she’s so easy going. Another thing that sets her apart from other women is how calm she is. She’s very even-keeled, which I find highly attractive. Lifting the bottle of wine I brought to the table for dinner, I refill their glasses as Devon continues telling Ian about her roommate. I’ve met her several times now and the girl is a riot. She’s got some weird fascination with sandwiches, but she’s definitely a cool girl. “… She said speed-dating was a bust,” Devon babbles, “but when I was doing her laundry I found eight ‘I’d like you to call me’ cards tucked in her pocket. When I asked her what it was all about she said each person was given four cards with their phone numbers on them to pass out to four people they were interested in. Out of the nineteen women who were there, she got eight cards. Meanwhile, the four cards she was given to hand out were still there. She just doesn’t care to be committed. Anyway, I told her she’s in the doghouse. Let me tell you, the whole speed-dating thing wasn’t cheap. I really thought I was doing a good thing setting her up with it, too.” “Maybe she doesn’t want to be with anyone,” Ian counters. Devon waves him off as she takes a sip her wine. “The problem with her is she wants to be with too many people. She spends more nights out of our apartment than in it. I laugh when girls say being a lesbian would be easier than dating men. It’s so not true. Lana has as many commitment issues as any straight person I know.” “Did you always know she was gay?” he questions. “Oh yeah,” Devon laughs. “I’ve known Lana since we were three. Her mom is a dance instructor, so we met at the family ballet studio. By the time we were twelve, I was positive Lana didn’t like boys.” Ian leans forward, apparently enthralled with the story. “Are her parents supportive of her? I have a friend whose parents didn’t take it well,” he shares. “Madame Kozlov had dreams of her Svetlana becoming the world’s most renowned prima ballerina. She was beyond disappointed when Lana eschewed the whole thing, so they don’t talk much. Madame has no problem with her being a lesbian, but Lana choosing not to dance is unacceptable. Her father killed himself shortly before she came out. He was a dancer, and he suffered a career ending injury. As soon as he knew there was no fix for it, he hung himself.” “That’s awful,” I comment. “What an asshole.” Reminds me of Gavin’s father—once he lost what he loved, he got busy dying. What the hell is wrong with people? “Like Madame, Sergei only cared about dancing,” Devon answers. “Lana had a harder time dealing with how disconnected they both were from everyday life than she did with his death. In a way, I think it spurred her to be her most authentic self.” Opening another bottle of wine, I top off our glasses. We continue talking as we eat and bottle number two is gone within the blink of an eye. By the time dinner is over, I’m feeling pretty damn relaxed and it

seems as if Devon and Ian are as well. Whatever was bothering Ian earlier seems to have faded away. Clearing the table is a group effort, and after we’re finished, we head into my game room to play pool. When we walk into the game room, they both come to a halt. I’m so used to it that only when someone has a reaction like they are now do I remember how unusual a room like this is. The room is enormous— two thousand square feet of fun. There’s a karaoke area, a pool table, a wall of arcade games, ping-pong, air hockey and a central feature that gets an unbelievable amount of use. Devon lets out a gasp as she rushes to it. “Oh wow,” she sighs. “This setup is amazeballs.” She’s right, it is. The gaming area is built around a central tower in the middle of the room. There are five separate TV’s and each has a Playstation hooked up to it. In front of each individual gaming area, there’s a large leather recliner with a built-in cup holder. This is my favorite room in the house, not to mention the one that gets the most use. “Do you have tournaments or something?” I laugh as I make a half and half hand gesture. “Kinda. The guys and I like to fuck around on our down time and we’re very competitive. Tyson has a similar setup so whenever we all want to fuck off, everyone shows up at one of our houses.” Trailing a finger over one of the leather seats, Devon turns to me. “There are four of you, but five areas. I’m guessing you keep the fifth for guests?” “Nah,” I chortle. “The fifth one is Gram’s.” Ian lets out a whistle. “That’s badass! Is she any good?” “Let’s put it like this. Tyson is the best of all of us but Gram is a close second. Her Grand Theft Auto stats are legendary and she’s damn good at the other games we play, too.” “I can’t believe she plays video games,” Devon replies. “Gram’s the shit,” I say proudly. They both nod in agreement. “She really is,” Devon concurs. “I’m going to have to get her gamer tag and add her to my friends list immediately.” My head rears back in surprise. “You play?” “I’d own you on Call of Duty,” she boasts with a cocky grin. Ian shakes his head as he looks down at her. “Not so fast, Dev. You can’t just throw statements like that around without being ready to back it up.” “You don’t think I can take you,” she asks incredulously. “Not sure,” he shrugs, “but I doubt it. I’m pretty good. Top five hundred in the world,” he boasts. Devon’s shoulders slump a bit as she frowns. “I don’t know if I can top that, but I can try. I’m always up for a challenge.” Turning my way, she gives me a pleading look. “Can we play this instead of pool? Please? Maybe you can both teach me something.” I’d walk in the snow barefoot if she asked. “Of course. You can sit here,” I say as I gesture to Flynn’s seat, which is of course right next to mine. Turning to Ian, I put him on the other side of me at Ty’s setup. I try not to focus too much on my need to make sure he’s not right next to Devon. I want us all together, I really do, even if my actions don’t always reflect it. After loading the proper game disks for each of us in, I grab two beers for Ian and I, and another glass of wine for Devon. Having us all squared away, I take my seat. I’ll tell you what. I was prepared to go easy on Devon—to be a gentleman. I didn’t need to bother. In fact, I needed to bring my A-game and it still wasn’t enough. Her assertion that we might be able to teach her something turned out to be laughable. Once she got comfortable in the recliner, she schooled our asses in Call of Duty for several hours.

Neither of us even got in the vicinity of doing as well as she did. Ian and I each tried to keep up with her, to no avail. I’d say it didn’t help that Ian and I each had a few more beers, but honestly, I don’t think it would’ve mattered. She’s that good. Since the bar is right behind the game center, by the time we’re done playing, each of us has a pretty good buzz going, especially Ian. Once we’re all powered down and standing, we each stretch before heading to the bar. I chuckle when I see Ian staring at Devon like she’s some kind of magician. “I’d like to say you kicked ass because I’m pretty fucking buzzed, but I have the feeling that would’ve happened anyway. Now that you beat us both to a pulp,” he laughs, “you care to share what your overall stats are?” She gives him a devilish grin. “As of yesterday, I’m number ninety-six in the world.” He smacks his hand on his forehead as he lets out a groan, stumbling a little as he does. “I fucking walked right into that one, didn’t I?” Lifting her hand, she put her pointer finger and her thumb about a hairs width apart from each other. “Just a tiny bit,” she admits. “I’ll never underestimate you again,” he vows. “See that you don’t,” she giggles as she hops up onto a barstool. Stepping behind the bar, I gesture to the coffee area of the setup. “Ian’s pretty smashed, and you and I are probably borderline. Think we should switch to coffee during the movie, or do you want one last drink?” Tapping her index finger against her chin, Devon considers the options. Turning to Ian, she raises her eyebrows. “Are you cool if I have one more?” “You and I each have to drive in a few hours,” he reminds her. “You don’t have to,” I interject. “There are four guest rooms upstairs.” It’s impossible to miss how Ian tenses. “You’d love that, wouldn’t you,” he drawls. “Guess what, Cole? I don’t fucking want to sleep in one of your beds!” I’m instantly sobered by his words. Devon’s gasp makes me angry. Not at her—never at her—but at Ian. What the fuck is he thinking being a cocksucker in front of her? “Out of fucking bounds,” I snap. “You don’t talk that way when Devon’s around.” Ian’s hand slashes through the air as he lets out a dark sounding laugh. “She’s not stupid,” he snarls. “I saw you with her earlier when you were looking at her like you were about to eat her alive. You bother to tell her how you had me pinned to a fucking wall after Incubus?” Before I can say a word, and believe me I’ve got about seven thousand of them ready to go, Devon hops off the barstool and gets up in Ian’s face. “You’re drunk and saying things you don’t mean,” she says quietly. “No,” he counters, “I’m just tired of having it be out there but not talked about. We’re getting the elephant out in the room. I think I could like you,” he says matter-of-factly as he points to her. “But then I’m dealing with this asshole over here, and he’s making me feel things I don’t fucking want to feel.” Turning my way, he glares at me. “None of it makes any sense because I’m not fucking gay,” he bellows. “I never said you were,” I counter angrily. “You see things in the most black and white way!” “Because it’s the only way to see things,” he asserts. I raise my hands in a gesture of supplication. “I’m not trying to force anything on you,” I assure him. “I know you want it, I can see it—I think everyone can—but if you think you don’t want it, I’m not holding a gun to your head.” His shoulders slump as he glares at me. “See—that’s the thing. You are. You put the thought in my

head and now it won’t go away.” “I’m not a magician,” I say stonily. “You sure about that?” I don’t even know what to say since Ian argues or fights back against every word I utter. Looking at Devon, I raise a brow. What the hell, I mouth. She shakes her head at me before stepping closer to Ian and setting a hand on his shoulder. “You’re having a panic attack,” she says calmly. I find myself in the position of having to tamp down a serious flare of jealousy as he leans into her and wraps an arm around her. He’s out of his fucking mind if he thinks I’m letting him take her away from me. It won’t happen. “My life,” he mumbles. “Of all the things that could’ve happened, this is just the worst.” I’m empathetic to whatever it is he’s going through, I really am. But I’m holding myself in place by the thinnest of threads. When he wraps another arm around her and leans into her, I just about snap. There is no part of me that doesn’t want to tell him to take his fucking hands off of her. A feeling of panic swirls in my gut as I struggle to breathe evenly. My fists clench at my sides and I grit my teeth as I stare at Ian. This motherfucker is crafty, getting her into his arms the way he has. If this is a play to get her with him and away from me… Fuck. I don’t know what I’ll do. What the fuck have I gotten myself into? And why do I care so fucking much about her? This isn’t about them, him, or me anymore. It’s all about her. When the fuck did that happen?



It somehow feels wrong to have Ian holding on to me the way he is. My body is attracted to him—but my mind is another issue entirely. My stomach is a roiling mess as I struggle to stay still. Ian is a good guy and he needs a friend. I can be that person for him—but I’m also terrified that him throwing down the way he just did means anything with Cole may be off the table. I was open to having Ian with us, but anyone else? I’m not so sure. The sick feeling in my stomach suggests the answer is a definitive no. I pat Ian on the back soothingly. “You’re going to be okay,” I assure him. Letting go of me, he lurches backward. “I don’t feel so good,” he mumbles. “I think—“ he pauses for a second before nodding. “Yeah. Bathroom.” My eyes go right to Cole, and I’m not surprised to see him already stepping forward. Grabbing one of Ian’s arms, he helps him start walking toward the bathroom. When I see Ian stumble, I rush forward and take his other arm. Fortunately he’s not dead weight, so we make quick work of getting him there. He unceremoniously drops to the floor in front of the toilet with a groan. “Fucking broke the goddamn rules,” he croaks. Cole and I look at each other in confusion. Looking down at Ian I say, “Rules?” “Never ever mix wine and beer,” he mumbles. Cole and I let out matching laughs. “Dude, that’s not the rule,” Cole argues. “The rule is wine before beer and you’re in the clear.” “Nooo, it’s wine before beer, sick for a year,” Ian insists. “I am so fucked.” “I think it’s subjective,” I joke. “Tell that to my stomach,” Ian mutters sickly. “I’m really sorry I just freaked out—” I’m surprised when Cole bends down and puts his hand on Ian’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about it,” he instructs. “You should hear some of the crap I’ve said when I was feeling shitty.” Setting his head on the rim of the toilet seat, Ian lets out a groan. As he does, Cole rises and comes to stand back at my side. “I think I just had a panic attack and you’re way too fucking nice considering what an asshole I just was,” Ian says. “I fucked everything up because I’m freaking the fuck out like a little bitch. I think I am attracted to you,” he admits. My eyes immediately fly to Cole’s face to see his reaction. It doesn’t look as though he’s even a little bit surprised by Ian’s confession. I’m a bit more surprised. After Ian’s meltdown in the game room, I thought for sure he was never going to cop to it at all. “But,” Ian continues, “I’m not okay with it and I don’t know if I ever will be.” Cole stares at Ian in silence for a few seconds, likely formulating a response. “We should talk about this when you’re sober and not about to pray to the porcelain god,” he says finally. I hold back a laugh as Ian lets out a groan.

“Ugh,” he groans. “I’m not sure I’m going to puke. I normally don’t but the way my stomach is churning, I want to.” “Been there,” Cole replies. “Me too,” I murmur. “Can I get you anything?” Lifting his head from the toilet seat, Ian looks at me. Even on the verge of vomiting, he’s still incredibly handsome. If it were me on the floor, I’m positive I’d look like ten miles of rough road. “Can I have two pieces of bread and some kind of clear soda, if there is any?” “On it,” Cole answers before leaving the room. When he comes back with the bread and a can of ginger ale, we both stand watch over Ian as he slowly eats the bread and sips at the soda. After about ten minutes, he gets to his feet and says he’s fairly certain he isn’t going to be throwing up. “But,” he says bashfully, “I am going to need to crash in one of your guest rooms, if the offer still stands.” Assuring him it did, Cole took him to a guest room. At Ian’s request, I ran out to his car and grabbed his gym bag for him, so he would have clean clothes to change into in the morning. Once back in the house, I found the guest room easily enough, and Cole and I worked together to get Ian into bed. When Ian came out of the bathroom clad only in his form fitting boxer briefs, I stifled a groan. He looked like a male model and his body was a ten, for sure. Once we got him into the bed and covered up, and after he’d apologized a dozen more times for the things he said, he pretty much passed right out.



Leaving Ian to sleep it off, Devon and I walk into the hallway. Closing the bedroom door behind me, I turn and look at her. “Will you stay?” “Don’t worry about me—” Reaching out, I set my hand on her waist and pull her toward me. “That’s not why I’m asking,” I assure her. “I just…don’t want you to go. I’m not talking about sex— not yet—but I want you in my bed.” My pulse picks up when she leans into me and lifts her face so our eyes meet. “Yeah?” “Oh yeah,” I reply. “I want to be in your bed,” she admits. “So yes, I’ll stay.” I didn’t realize how anxious I was for her answer until she gave it to me. “I need to text Lana and let her know I’m not coming home. Not that she probably is, either,” she sighs. “My phone is down in the game room. Can we go there first?” I take a step back before linking our hands together and then head for the game room. While she gets her phone, I grab bags of chips and M&M’s from my bar. Dinner has long since worn off and I’m a little hungry, which means she probably is, too. On the way up to my room she texts Lana to let her know she’s spending the night. Lana’s response makes Devon snort, and I take a peek down at her phone before she presses the button to make the screen go dark. All I see is the word sandwich. This whole time I thought Lana just really liked sandwiches, but maybe she’s actually nuts. When we get to my room and I open the door, I feel an attack of nerves hitting me. I’ve never brought just one person to my room. Ever. I need to tread carefully here, need a plan. I don’t do one on one, but what does that really mean? I’m fascinated by Devon’s reaction as she looks around my room and takes it all in. Turning back to me, she grins. “I don’t know how you function in a room this tiny,” she jokes. The damn thing is the size of a city. It’s more than fifteen hundred square feet of unfuckinreal. Aside from the sleep area, there’s a colossal master bathroom and a massive sitting area. “I do my best,” I quip. A glance at the clock confirms it’s still relatively early. “You wanna watch a movie over there on the couch?” The couch is a navy blue monstrosity that could seat up to eight people. Overkill to have in a bedroom? Damn right. Comfortable as fuck? It’s really the only way to describe it. Kicking off her white platform heels, Devon heads for the couch. Throwing herself down on the enormous chaise portion, she smiles up at me. I try not to focus much on the smooth skin of her legs or her sexy red pedicure. When her skirt was bunched up around her waist earlier, I caught a glimpse of white lace panties and almost vapor-locked. If Ian hadn’t shown up when he had, I’d probably have fucked her right then and there.

“What have you got for us to watch?” I force myself to focus on the present as I walk to the couch, grabbing my smart pad as I do. With the touch of a few buttons, the TV goes on and the floor to ceiling DVD storage on either side of the set open. Handing the pad off to Devon, I laugh. “All the DVDs are listed alphabetically in there. They’re also listed separately by category, if you’d rather. What are you in the mood for?” She’s all but buzzing with excitement. “This,” she tells me, “is the dream. I’ve needed to alphabetize my collection forever, but I never get to it.” “It’s one of the perks of having assistants,” I admit. “I’d love to say I did it, but I so don’t have the patience to carry out this level of organization.” She scrolls through the DVD list intently, smiling and making comments as she does. “If you’ve seen all of these, you like the same stuff I do,” she muses. “Are you in the mood for anything in particular?” Yes. Her legs over my shoulders while I eat her pussy until she screams. “I want whatever you want,” I assure her. She lets out a hmm and goes back to scrolling. “So you’re good with Big Wet Tits, then?” I scramble forward so fast you’d think someone just lit my ass on fire. “Holy shit! They put my fucking porn in there?” She wiggles her brows playfully and bursts out laughing. “I totally just got you,” she declares triumphantly. I may or may not have just had a minor stroke. Kicking off my shoes, I dive onto the couch and grab her. She shrieks out a laugh when I start to tickle her. Her body undulates against mine as she giggles hysterically while trying to shimmy away. “Uncle, uncle,” she squeaks. I’m laughing so hard it hurts, so I stop tickling and look at her with what I know is an enormous shiteating grin. Which promptly fades when I realize I’m cradled between her thighs and my hands are holding either side of her waist. I inhale sharply, causing the lavender and peppermint scent of her to hit me like a two by four. Her eyes flare as she stares at me and licks her lips. Game. Fucking. On. I reach out and thread a hand into her hair before pulling her to me. Our lips are separated by a fraction of an inch. “I’m going to kiss you,” I tell her huskily. “I’m going to let—” I cut her off with a swipe of my tongue against her ruby red lips. Her small inhalation is all I need. Sealing our lips together, I do what I’ve wanted to do since the moment I laid eyes on her. I’m not kissing her to pass the time or as a prelude to a fuck. I’m kissing her because I fucking have to in order to continue to function. Right now I have no goddamn idea how I lasted this long. My intent here is to claim her—but as my tongue meets hers, a flashing neon sign in my brain is alerting me that I’m being claimed, too. I make a half-hearted attempt to move and sever the connection, just as Devon’s hand lands on the back of my neck to pull me in closer. It’s like I can’t stop myself from giving her what she wants—what we both want. We aren’t so much kissing as we are setting the room on fire. She’s melted into me so completely, it’s like we’re one person. Eventually, I have no choice but to end the kiss. It’s either that or

we’re both going to pass out from lack of oxygen. It would be a hell of a way to go, but I’m selfish enough to want more. Even though I had the wherewithal to break the kiss, there’s not a fucking hope in hell of me being able to let her go right now. It’s just not going to happen. Holding either side of her face, I stare at her in wonder. I have to admit, I’m feeling pretty awesome about her flushed cheeks and rapid breathing. It’s damn good to know I’m not the only one so thoroughly affected. I’ve known she was going to be different —but what just happened was so much more than I ever bargained for. Letting go of my neck, she brings her right hand to my lips before proceeding to trace them. “Wow,” she sighs breathily. “You get a gold medal in kissing, Mr. Hayes.” “Yeah?” “So much yeah,” she purrs. “You brought the gold,” I respond. “I want more,” she whispers. “So much more.” I open my mouth to respond, but my planned words quickly become a growl as she squeezes her thighs and arches against me. I’m back on her in an instant, my lips covering hers as our tongues slide against each other. The air in the room is thick with sexual tension, and I give in to it as I grind against her. My dick is like a heat seeking missile, begging for entry in the hottest part of her. My blood pumps like fire in my veins when she rocks back against me, again and again. I haven’t dry humped in years—possibly as far back as junior high—but with Devon, I’d do it every fucking day for eternity. Kissing her harder, I grip her hips and angle her so that I’m perfectly positioned to thrust against her. Tearing her mouth from mine, she lets out a wail. “Please, oh God,” she begs. “Cole!” I want to fuck her right now more than I want to continue breathing. I grab at her dress in desperation, wrenching it up around her waist. I growl when I set eyes on the sexy as fuck creamy lace panties I saw earlier. I want to fuck—hard—but first, I want to feel her hot pussy against my tongue. I need to make her come.



My entire body is abuzz, and I’m ninety-nine percent sure my brain is melting. I knew there was chemistry between us, knew it would be electric—but I didn’t know it would be this. This is so much more than whatever I’ve been anticipating. The look on his face as he stares down at me is pure animalistic lust. I lift my hips toward him in offering, desperate for him to do something. Setting his hands against my ass, he lifts me up before burying his face against my core. His eyes meet mine as he nuzzles against me, and I let out a little gasp as he groans low in his throat. “Your scent,” he murmurs. “I fucking need you all over me—gonna make you come with my tongue, so many fucking times,” he promises. I think I nod, but I’m not positive. I watch as he opens his mouth and bites down on my mound through my underwear, causing me to shudder and let out a wordless plea. His answer is the swirl of his tongue against my center but the lace of my underwear keeps him from making direct contact. I whimper low in my throat as he does it again, and then again. When he stops and lifts his head, I make a sound of annoyance. It trails off as he grabs either side of my lace underwear. Lifting my hips, I watch as he peels them down and off before tossing them over his shoulder. “I’ve been dying for you, for this,” he murmurs. His name is a sigh on my lips as he swipes his tongue against my now naked sex. The sensation of his beard rubbing against my softest skin causes goosebumps to break out all over my body. Overwhelmed, my left hand travels down to his head, sinking into his hair to grab hold as he kisses me intimately. A full body spasm sweeps through me as he starts tracing figure eights on my clit. I cry out something incoherent as I thrust my hips against his tongue, boldly showing him that I want more. He delivers more, fast and slow and every speed in between, his mouth devouring me like he can’t get enough. He slides a finger inside of me and lets out a groan when I tighten against it. “You’re so wet for me,” he breathes. “I love the way you move, so greedy and ready to come. I know you’re going to be a good girl and come hard for me, aren’t you?” “Yes,” I whimper. “Yes, yes!” He pulls his finger out, then thrusts two back inside. I shriek as I adjust to the delicious feeling of fullness. It feels so good—but even now in my red haze of lust, I know it will feel even better when his cock is inside of me. Closing my eyes, I imagine him lying on top of me as he fucks me. “Sweet Devon,” he murmurs. “You’re so fucking hot against my fingers.” My hips rock faster as a steady stream of moans and pleas for more escape from my mouth. His alternating of short fast swirls and long slow licks leaves me breathless. I cry out as he lifts me higher with his shoulders, which gives him the opportunity to work a different angle inside me with his fingers. The way I’m positioned gives me an amazing X-Rated view of the way he’s devouring me. I’m so right there—but I want his eyes. Using the hand I’ve got gripped in his hair, I pull up a bit to give him the hint. His tongue and fingers continue working as his gaze meets mine. The look in his eyes

takes me the rest of the way and I scream his name as my orgasm hits. He wrings every possible ounce of pleasure from my body before removing his fingers. He then kisses the top of my mound, twice, before pulling back to drop soft kisses on my inner thighs. I shiver when he rises up over me and gently licks my lips. “You’re my favorite dessert,” he murmurs. “Love the taste of that pussy. Going to want it all the time.” I’m on him in a flash. Grabbing his shoulders, I use the surprise of the moment to my advantage and flip us so he’s underneath me. He lets out a surprised, “fuck,” as I pull my dress up and over my head, leaving me completely naked. “You aren’t the only one getting dessert here,” I inform him. He groans low in his throat as I pull his T-shirt up, exposing his chest. Following my lead, he grabs the hem and pulls the shirt off entirely. I smile my approval as I zero in on the button and zipper of his jeans. The instant I get those suckers open—not as easy as it sounds since his erection was in my way—I reach into his boxer briefs and set him free. My mouth starts to water and my eyes light up as I take in the full magnificent view of his cock. It’s beautiful, thick and veiny, and the glistening drop of pre-come at the tip is like a red flag in front of a bull. I want it. Badly. Fisting his shaft, I lean in to take him in my mouth. I grin when I feel his hands fist in my hair. Someone’s ready to be sucked. “You don’t have to do that,” he says huskily. “Just jerk it.” I have never—and I do mean never—had a man turn down a blowjob. I’ve also never heard of such a thing happening to anyone, ever. Getting head is like the Holy Grail for men. I start to think it through and I’m about to ask him why when it dawns on me that I just don’t care. I’m doing it—and if he wants to stop me, that’s on him. Shaking my head, I let out a laugh. “I don’t have to,” I agree. “But I want to, so I’m going to.” Without waiting for a response I open wide and pull him in, swirling my tongue around as I go down. His tightening grip on my hair gives me pause for half a second, until I realize he’s pulling me closer, not pushing me away. Taking his cue for what it is, I set to sucking him. His warm salty flavor explodes across my tongue, and I moan as I work my way up and down. Gripping the base of his cock with my fist, I jerk the lower portion I can’t reach with my mouth. If he were an inch or two shorter in length, I’d attempt a deep throat, but there’s just no way. Going by his enthusiastic sounds, I’m doing just fine. I don’t so much give him head as I worship his cock. Some women don’t like giving blowjobs—I do. Right now I don’t just like it; I love it. I use my free hand and reach into his boxer briefs to massage his balls. I’m empowered by the way he chants my name like it’s a prayer. Over and over again, I pop off and lick the spot just under the head of his cock. This is not a quiet blowjob. The room is filled with sound—a mixture of my sucking and slurping and the sounds Cole makes when I hit an especially sensitive area. I scrape my teeth ever so gently against the underside of his dick every few seconds, and the sound he makes when I do that is a guttural cry, telling me he loves it. “Sweet fuck, Devon!” He’s gone aggressive now, with a firm grip in my hair as he thrusts up into my mouth. I didn’t have any reason to worry about whether he likes blowjobs—the frantic way he’s fucking my mouth tells its own story. “Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he chants. “I’m going to fucking come!” Looking up, I meet his eyes. Without saying a word, I let him know I want him to come in my mouth. Throwing his head back, he lets out yell. “Jesus! Shit!” Knowing he’s ready to come, I pop off again and lick the spot below the head before scraping it with my teeth. He lets out a loud wail and seizes up as I take him back in.

“Devon! Devon!” I’m rewarded with his release as it pools onto my tongue, hot and salty. I make sure not to miss a drop, licking and sucking him through his entire release. When he’s finished, I lap at him softly before tucking him back into his briefs and laying my head down on his jean-covered thigh. His fingers stay tangled in my hair as he recovers. His breath is coming in ragged bursts, which makes me smile drowsily. This was a good night. “Unfuckingbelievable,” he mumbles huskily. “I think I heard angels singing.” Lifting my head, I look at him questioningly. He looks completely done in. “You heard what now?” “Angels. Singing. Never came that hard from a blowjob in my life,” he admits. I open my mouth to respond, but he continues. “Scratch that. Never came that hard period. I feel like I need electrolytes and therapy.” “Therapy?” His answer is a tired sounding chuckle. Adjusting my position, I set my head on his shoulder. Wrapping his arm around me, he pulls me in close and buries his face in my hair. “You good?” he asks. “I’m better than good,” I assure him. “Yeah,” he says huskily. “You really fucking are.” I smile at the compliment as I trace a finger over his rock hard abs. Seconds later, he lets out a soft snore. I bite my lip to keep from laughing out loud. After a few minutes of relaxing, I extract myself from his arms to head for the bathroom. He grumbles my name and reaches out for me as I do, so I grab one of the accent pillows and tuck it next to him. Wrapping his arm around it, he settles in with a sigh. Once I’m finished in the bathroom, I head into his massive closet. Since I’ve got no other clothes with me, I need to wear one of his shirts. I doubt he’ll care, and considering I just used his toothbrush, I think the shirt is the least of my concerns. It doesn’t take me long to find a huge section devoted to tour shirts. Grabbing one from the top, I put it on and then let out a laugh when I look at myself in the wall of mirrors. It comes down to just above my knees, so I look like I’m playing dress-up. I yawn at my reflection as I shrug. It is what it is. Back in Cole’s room, I pull the comforter from his bed and take it to the sofa. After removing the pillow he’s cuddling with, I cover us up and settle against him. The steady beat of his heart soothes me to sleep in no time at all.



I wake up feeling great, like I’ve had the best night’s sleep of my life. I’m normally a great sleeper, but this is a whole other level. As I crack my eyes open to face the day, the reason I slept so damn good hits me like a pie to the face. Devon is snuggled against me, clearly still deep in sleep. My wheels start turning and memories of last night fill my head. Goddamn, I’ve never had a night like it, ever. The way I came was so not the norm for me. I’ve had blowjobs from men and women the world around. As a rule, I haven’t ever really been impressed with a blowjob from a chick. It’s because I’ve always been aware it wasn’t happening because women want to do it. In fact, I’ve never met a woman who would say they actually enjoy sucking dick. It’s the reason I gave in to my tutor so many years ago when he wanted to show me how good a blowjob from a guy could be. It took him a few tries to get me to do it, but eventually, I’d figured what the fuck and had done it on a lark. Turned out, he was right. That’s when I found out dudes just knew how to suck dick better. I’ve always assumed it’s because we’ve each got cocks of our own, so we know how to handle them. The whole guys blow better thing went down in flames last night. Hands down, no comparison, Devon sucked my dick better than anyone ever has. Full stop. There isn’t even a ‘best of’ reel I could pull from to say someone else came close. They haven’t. She used her fucking teeth and she swallowed. I came so fucking hard I think I blacked out for a few seconds. Thinking about it now is freaking me out a little. My memories of last night’s life-altering blowjob are interrupted by the sound of knocking at my bedroom door. After carefully maneuvering my way out from under Devon and pulling up the zipper on my jeans, I make my way to the door and open it, assuming it’s my assistant. It’s not—it’s Ian. Fuck. I was so wrapped up in thinking about Devon, I completely forgot about the first part of last night. Leaning against the door jam, I look him over in an attempt to assess his current mood. I’m hoping it’s a good sign he’s not looking at me like he wants to kill me. “Hey,” he says nervously. “I’d like to talk to you both.” Clearly, he knows she’s in my room. Interesting. “Devon’s still asleep—” “No, I’m not,” she calls out in a sleepy voice. Turning, I find her standing next to the couch and rubbing her eyes. “Give me a few minutes,” she says as she heads for my bathroom. “I guess give me a few minutes, too,” I tell Ian. “Meet us down in the kitchen. There’s a ton of frozen breakfast shit in the freezer, and I’m sure my assistant put coffee on. Help yourself to anything that appeals.” “Cool. See you down there.” I assume he’s nervous because of the way he acted last night. Honestly, I’m too fucking keyed up right now to give too much thought to Ian. After closing the bedroom door, I lean my head against it and close my eyes. One night. One fucking night with Devon is how long it took for me to forget the goddamn rules. They’re in place for a reason, and I need to remember that at all times.

“Hey,” she says from behind me. Damn. I’m so freaked out I didn’t even hear her coming out of the bathroom. Great. Now my senses are all fucked up, too. Taking a deep breath, I push myself back from the door to turn and face her. No matter what, I’m not going to fuck this up with her, but she’s going to need to know that last night was a one-time thing. We’re not having sex without our third in place. It just can’t happen. “Morning,” I answer, making sure to smile as I do. “Can I, um… borrow some sweatpants? I’d wear my dress but the idea of putting on the underwear I wore yesterday is repellant. I took this T-shirt last night without asking,” she says as she gestures down to what she has on, “but I don’t want to paw through your drawers without permission.” I force down my Neanderthal reaction to how much I like her in my clothes. “Never worry about stuff like that with me,” I assure her. “Paw away and take whatever you want. Here, I’ll show you where the sweats section is.” As I step forward, I take her elbow to guide her to the closet. Touching her brings a rush of memories back to the surface. My tongue on her clit, her hands fisted in my hair, the way her thighs felt as they squeezed around me. I’ve wanted to touch and taste her for weeks—and even now, after having done so, I want her just as desperately as I did before I ever set a hand on her. If I’m honest, I have to admit I want her more. I can’t lose her, but I need to find a safer way forward.

We enter the kitchen and find Ian seated at the counter. He’s got a steaming mug of coffee and a bagel with cream cheese in front of him, along with a yogurt and some fruit. Since I’m not a fan of cooking, meals around here are always quick and easy to put together. I head for the coffee like it’s a pot of gold. Grabbing one of my enormous mugs from the cabinet, I fill it up before adding cream and two sugars. Instead of making anything else, I grab a muffin from the display on the counter. Devon busies herself putting together her own coffee and choosing what to eat. Once she’s settled on a yogurt and a croissant, the two of us sit down at the counter with Ian. I figure it’s best to just get last night out of the way early, so he doesn’t have to sit here and be uncomfortable. “How’re you feeling today?” I ask. “Any hangover?” He shakes his head as he sets his bagel down. “Other than feeling like an asshole, I’m fine.” “You aren’t an asshole,” Devon assures him. “No worries,” I say. “It’s all going to be fine.” Not sure if it is, but it can’t hurt to say it, right? “Listen,” he mumbles. The rest of what he says is lost because it’s basically said at whisper level. I raise an eyebrow at him as Devon leans in to hear him. “Can’t hear you,” I say. Ian shakes his head as he clears his throat. “I heard you last night,” he says. “In your bedroom.” I drop my hands from the counter and into my lap, in order not to draw attention to how they just balled into fists. I hate that he heard her. More than that, I’m scared of why I hate it so much. I’m the least territorial motherfucker on earth. Normally. What is happening to me? When he doesn’t immediately follow his statement up with anything else, I know I’m going to need to prod him. My jaw ticks as I stare at him. “And?”

“I’m not ready now,” he admits, “but I think I will be. I want to… try with you both. I’d like to ask you to wait.” His words hang out there like brass rings I know I’m supposed to grab. But deep down, I don’t want to. The idea of sharing is suddenly abhorrent. I turn to Devon to gauge her reaction. Her eyes are wide and she looks completely shocked—but the fact that she isn’t saying anything tells its own story. I get the feeling she wants me to be the one to answer him. My brain rushes around in a thousand different directions. She and I, we need a third. Period. But the very thought of Ian touching her makes me jealous and angry. Maybe it’s just Ian who gets my hackles up that way. Or, maybe I’m a complete pussy who’s getting in too deep with her. I’m saved from having to answer immediately by the ringing of the house phone. Never have I been so glad to hear it. Almost no one has this phone number, so I know it’s either a family or band member. Leaving my stool, I head to the counter and pick up the cordless phone. “Hello?” “Hi, Baby Boy.” “Hey Mom,” I laugh. I could be ninety and she would still call me her baby boy. “Honey, something is up over at Todd’s. Sylvia just called and asked for us all to come over as soon as possible.” My heart starts pounding funny in my chest. “Like an emergency?” “Not a bad one,” Mom assures me. “I specifically asked Sylvia if everything was okay and she said we shouldn’t worry. All she’d really say is that it’s family business and they want us there.” “Is Flynn there already?” “Mm-hm. In fact, your father says he’s almost certain Flynn slept there last night.” I’m grabbing my keys from the bowl on the counter before she even finishes her sentence. If Flynn spent the night at his dad’s, something is up. “I’ll be there as soon as I can,” I assure her. “Drive safely, Speed Racer,” she admonishes. “I’ll see you when you get here.” As soon as I hang up, I turn to Devon and Ian. “Sorry to do this, but I have to go. Take your time eating. You can hang around the house and chill out if you want to. My assistant is around somewhere— probably in his office—so just let him know when you go so he can lock up. I’ll catch up with you both later, okay?” “Is everything okay?” Devon asks. “I hope so,” I answer honestly. “I’ll let you know once I know.” I want to hug her—so I go for it. For a few seconds, I allow myself to pull her into my arms so I can feel her against me. I’d stay forever, but I need to get to my family. After dropping a kiss on her lips, I turn to Ian. Since I’m not about to hug him, I shake his hand. “Like I said, make yourselves at home—don’t feel like you need to rush out. I’ll be in touch.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth, I turn and haul ass toward the garage.

When my parents and I walked into Todd’s house and I saw his face, I was immediately transported back to the months following Rachel’s passing. Even the spot he was sitting in—the sofa under the front window—was a reminder. Yes, the furniture had changed several times over the years, but the bones of

the house were the same, which made it easier for the memories to come. In a million years, I never would have expected him to say it seemed highly probable that he’d fathered a set of twins not long after Rachel died. I got why he turned to sex, and I didn’t blame him one bit. But the reminder of how far off the rails he’d gone back then and how close we’d come to losing him, too, freaked me the fuck out. Not surprisingly, everyone was taking it well. My parents were excited that Todd might have daughters who had already indicated they wanted to meet him if the DNA tests came back a match. Gram was basically over the moon with the idea of having two more grandchildren, which meant Pop was happy about it too. And Flynn—well, he was far more pumped about the possibility of having sisters than I would have expected. The problem was Todd. As excited as he was about the prospect of knowing his daughters—if they were definitely his—he was beside himself because he hadn’t known about them for all of these years. It left him all over the place emotionally and he was hammering away at himself for being a failure as a father. No matter what any of us said, all he could see was how much damage he’d done to himself, to his son, and possibly to his daughters, because he hadn’t been able to deal with Rachel dying. It wasn’t an issue we could just gloss over and make better for him, unfortunately. Flynn was fine, as was the rest of the family, but Todd had been told that the girls hadn’t had an easy upbringing, which was a tough pill to swallow. Knowing that made it impossible for him not to blame himself. It hurt like a motherfucker to see him so upset. I managed to stay in the moment to be there for Todd, for Flynn, and for Gram and Pop the entire time I was there—which was almost ten hours. But when I left that night, I made it two blocks down the street before I had to pull over due to the panic attack I was having. Somewhere in the midst of panicking, I decided it was probably partially attributable to having been with Devon alone. I’d broken the rules and was being reminded of what happened when you allowed yourself to become vulnerable. There, on a side street in the neighborhood I’d grown up in, I sent a group text to Devon and Ian. Me: Ian, we will wait for you. The 3 of us can be something great. Devon: Um, is everything ok with ur family? Me: Everything is going 2 b fine. I will explain soon Ian: That’s great about your family Me: I have 2 go but I will b in touch in a day or 2 Devon: Please call me if you need anything Me: I will. Thank you Devon. I appreciate it



“Any word from the amazing tongue?” Looking up from the video I’m editing on my computer, I roll my eyes at Lana. “He texted earlier. We’re going out to dinner tonight with Ian. And stop calling him that. It’s embarrassing.” Completely ignoring my no asses on my desk rule, she perches on the edge. She keeps her eyes on me as she peels an orange, discarding pieces of peel in the trashcan next to the desk. “Did you or did you not tell me his tongue should be dipped in gold?” “Uh,” I grouse. “Yes, I did say that. But—” “But nothing,” she says dismissively. “He’s the amazing tongue now. At least, until he slips you the D. Then we can rethink the name.” Before I can argue, she pushes an orange slice into my mouth. I hum appreciatively as the juice slides over my tongue. “Where’s dinner tonight?” After swallowing the orange, I answer, “We’re going to a steak place in West Hollywood.” Lana’s lips curve into a smile. “So,” she drawls, “this is like a date, date. You planning to say anything to him about you not being so sure you want to do Ian?” “I’m not sure it’s open for debate,” I answer honestly. “And I told you to remember you don’t have to agree to do shit you don’t want to do,” she reminds me firmly. “Obviously,” I assure her. “You know I would never sleep with anyone if I didn’t want to. If it comes down to it and I’m not feeling it, I’ll walk away. All I’m saying is I don’t get the impression Cole does traditional relationships. With him and Flynn tied up this week, I’ve spent a good amount of time with Gavin and Tyson. Ty told me off camera that Cole has been doing it this way since high school.” “Hm,” she muses. “I wonder if it’s organic, or if there’s some weird reason for it. Like he can only get it up if he has a sword fight with another guy first.” “Uh, earth to Lana,” I sputter. “If that were the case, I wouldn’t have been able to give him a blowjob the other night.” She wrinkles her nose as she considers my words. “True, true… Still, I’ve heard some weird shit in my time. Don’t be surprised if you find out he can only bone if there’s a dick in his ass at the same time.” “Lana!” Raising a shoulder, she shrugs me off. “What? You know the world is nuts, girl. You have to be prepared for everything.” “Great,” I mutter. “Sounds awesome. I’ll look forward to it.” “Don’t pout, Princess. I’m sure it will all work out.” “I hope—” “Unless he’s got some weird fetish about having dudes shit on him—” “Oh my God, Lana! Seriously, you’re freaking me out now and I’ve got to sit across a table from them later,” I remind her.

Our conversation is interrupted by the sound of an alert from my computer. Grabbing my mouse, I lean forward and look at my monitor. “Google alert,” I tell her. “About Flynn.” Clicking the link, I follow it to TMZ. And there, large as life, is a photo of Flynn touching a girls’ stomach. His family is gathered around, and everyone looks ecstatic. “Renegade Dad,” the headline screams. Holy. Shit. “Well,” I say slowly, “I guess this explains what the emergency situation was.” Leaning in, Lana reads what’s on the screen. “Whoa, whoa,” she squeals. “I thought you said Flynn was ass over elbows for your co-worker. Tessa, right?” “I thought he was,” I confirm. “Guess I read that wrong.” “Yeah,” she says dryly. “This is why I’m a lesbian. Men are assholes.” I smack her leg playfully as I laugh. “Shut up, jerk. You were born this way. Whether or not men were assholes, you wouldn’t have had a taste for sausage.” “True statement,” she concedes, “but men are still assholes. I gotta jet, though. You stay here and do whatever it is you do on the computer to make documentary magic. I just came home to grab my gym bag, so I’m out. Catch you on the flip side.” After she wanders away, I can’t stop thinking about Flynn and his baby mama. These men clearly aren’t into being tied down. My knee-jerk reaction is to text Tessa, but I quickly talk myself out of it. If I were in her position, I wouldn’t want people asking me a million questions. I’ll wait until tomorrow to send her a text and see if she’s okay. If she doesn’t want to talk, I’ll let it go. It’s up to her.

I’m just finishing a round of Call of Duty when the doorbell sounds. I quickly shut down the gaming system and turn the TV off before running to the door and flinging it open. Immediately, I feel let down. I’d assumed Cole was coming to pick me up, but Ian’s the one standing on my doorstep. Plastering a smile on my face, I tell him to give me two seconds to grab my purse. “No problem,” he says agreeably. I hurry across the room and take my bag from the kitchen counter before returning to the door. “All right, let’s go get our grub on. I’m in the mood for a big steak,” I chuckle. As I turn from closing the door, I find Ian looking me over. “You look beautiful as always,” he says. “Thank you,” I answer. I’m grateful for his compliment, but it doesn’t make me feel all tingly inside. Not the way I’ve felt every time Cole has said something similar. Another difference, is the lack of tension between us once we’re in the elevator. Being confined in the car with him isn’t a sexual thing, either. I relax in the passenger side of his Jeep as we make our way toward the restaurant. Ian isn’t big on talking and driving, so instead we listen to music. This means I stay chill, only starting to get keyed up when the GPS indicates we’re less than two minutes away. Without a doubt, I know Cole gets my heartbeat pumping—but no matter how attractive I find him—and believe me, I do—Ian is different. When we enter the restaurant and give Cole’s name, the host leads us toward a corner booth.

“Mr. Hayes is not here yet,” he informs us. “He called from the car about fifteen minutes ago and said to let you know he might be a few minutes late. He got stuck in traffic coming over the canyon.” Ian and I both place drink orders with the host before settling in to wait for Cole to arrive. “How were your sessions with Gavin and Ty this week,” he asks. “Pretty good,” I answer. “Although…” Leaning in so we can’t be overheard, I continue, “I was under the impression Ty has something big to share. So far, that hasn’t happened, at least not with me. Do you have any idea what it is?” Ian shakes his head in the negative but has to wait to answer as the waitress drops off our drinks. He got a vodka gimlet while I’m drinking red wine. He shudders as he watches me take a sip from my glass. “No matter if it’s red, white or some other color, I’m not sure I’ll ever drink wine again.” “I’ll drink it for you. I don’t believe in letting grapes go to waste,” I chuckle. “Me and grapes are on the outs now,” he laughs. “And no, I don’t know what it is yet. I know there’s something, though. All the guys are so protective of him and at different times, they’ve each declined to answer questions about him. The standard line is that they’ll be happy to talk—after he does.” “Yep,” I respond. “That was what I got, too. I did some research, but nothing came up. Whatever it is, it’s definitely not something that’s public knowledge.” “I can’t even make a guess about what it might be,” he answers. “I don’t think it’s about the overdose. Other than that, I’m in the dark, too.” “Yeah, I agree—” Ian stops talking when Cole arrives at the table. “Sorry I’m late,” he tells us. He shakes Ian’s hand before turning my way. My pulse elevates as he looks me over. Something passes between us, unspoken but serious. I have so many questions—why did he say yes to bringing Ian into this? Was I not enough? I hate that I feel this way—weak and uncertain. And yet, the idea of not having him is worse. When he drops a soft kiss on my lips, I shiver. He drops down into the seat between Ian and me with a sigh. “Traffic coming over the hill was hell tonight,” he says. “Today has been a mess, so it was the last thing I needed. I almost started beating my head against the steering wheel a few times. I hope you weren’t waiting for me long.” Ian and I both assure him we weren’t. “Thanks for that,” he replies. “Can I assume you both saw the gossip about Flynn today?” We nod in unison. “Big surprise, they got it fucking wrong,” he says as he grimaces. “We found out a few days ago that Todd has twin daughters. The girl in the photo is Flynn’s sister, Delilah. She and her fiancé are having a baby. The Renegade Dad bullshit was just some fucked-up crap the paparazzi pulled out of their asses.” “Holy shit,” Ian exclaims excitedly, “Todd had other kids?” “Wait, wait,” I cut in as I hold up my hands and make a time out motion. “Please tell me Tessa knew the story was a lie before it went live.” Cole rubs at the back of his neck and shakes his head. “Nope, and when Flynn called her, she congratulated him on his baby before hanging up on him—and disconnecting her phone line. The phone she was assigned for the tour is sitting in a box at Flynn’s, so that’s no help.” “So he hadn’t told her about them?” I question. “No, his dad has been a mess so he’s been staying at his house. He wanted to tell her all of this in person, once the DNA results came back. Bad fucking move, man. He chose and he chose wrong,” Cole admits. “What’s he going to do to fix it?” I ask. We’re interrupted by a waitress asking for Cole’s drink order. After he tells her he just wants a bottle

of beer, she scurries off. “That’s part of why I was late,” he explains. “Once he realized she wasn’t going to talk to him, he packed his shit and booked a flight to Philly. I drove him from Todd’s to the airport, and then had to double back to my house to get ready.” “It’ll work out,” Ian assures us. “Tessa’s a cool chick. I can’t see her holding a grudge.” Cole lifts his just delivered beer in Ian’s direction. “Here’s hoping you’re right. I can’t even imagine what it will do to Flynn if she tells him to fuck off permanently.” “He should’ve kept her in the loop,” I say firmly. “This all could have been avoided if he’d just done that one simple thing.” “That’s very true,” Cole agrees. “He’s definitely learned his lesson.” Our conversation keeps up during the course of dinner, although I’m quieter than usual. I purposely leave it to Cole and Ian to fill in the blanks because I’m trying to see if they still have chemistry. They did, but at some point, I stopped noticing it and I’m realizing now I stopped seeing it before the night at Cole’s. Just by taking a step back in order to watch them interact, I’m noticing things. Is Ian attracted to Cole? Yes, absolutely. That’s more noticeable now than ever. But is he really going to act on it? My gut says no, but I could be wrong. I knew Cole was attracted to Ian originally—but I really don’t see it now. He’s friendly with him, but not in any kind of a way that implies he wants to get in his pants. They’re having a nice time talking, though. They talked about some dry riverbed out near Vegas they both want to go to before moving on to the pros and cons of skydiving. It’s guy talk 101, which was just fine with me since it gave me the perfect opportunity to observe—and stuff my face with the melt in my mouth steak I ordered. “You’ve been quiet tonight,” Cole says after the waitress takes his credit card to pay for dinner. “What’s up?” I shrug as I take the final sip of my wine. “Just watching you both through my invisible lens,” I answer. His brow furrows as he looks at me. “You okay?” I nod as I wave my hand dismissively. “I’m fine, just… you know.” I pause, trying to come up with the perfect words. Finally, I just go for it. “There was that whole thing the other day,” I say as I gesture between the two of them. “Ian said what he said, then you texted. Since then, I’ve not heard from either of you. We should talk about it.” “You’re right,” Cole agrees. “Let’s talk.” “Uh, actually,” Ian interjects, “Now really isn’t a good time.” I see Cole’s eyes widen as he looks at Ian in surprise, and I know my expression isn’t all that different. “One, I don’t want to talk about this kind of thing in public,” Ian announces. “Two, I have an early interview with your grandmother,” Ian says to Cole. Cole has a confused look on his face, like he’s trying to catch up. He says nothing for a few seconds, and I don’t step in to say anything either. He opened this door for conversation, so he’s going to need to deal with Ian not wanting to follow-up. Honestly, it works for me that Ian doesn’t want to discuss it. I’m not really up for it either. “Sure,” Cole finally says. “Of course. We’ll do it another time.” The inflection of his voice gives the impression he doesn’t really believe that. Ian goes from looking uncomfortable to relieved in the space of a heartbeat. “There’s no rush,” Ian asserts. “We’ll get to it at some point.” I don’t know what Cole’s take on Ian is, but right now my gut is telling me he really doesn’t want to deal with any of this. At this point, I’m not sure why he said he wanted to try. His actions speak far louder than his words. “I’ll take Devon home,” Cole announces.

“No,” Ian says firmly. “I brought her, I’ll take her home.” Cole looks perplexed. “You, uh, need to get up early though,” he reminds Ian. “It’ll be easier for me to take her.” “I live closer to her,” Ian answers. “Just let me do it.” Cole looks between Ian and I, checking for my reaction I think, so I shrug. It’s not worth getting into an argument over it. We leave the restaurant together and Cole stands with us at the valet to wait for Ian’s car to pull up. When it does, he opens the passenger door for me and helps me get in. Once I’m settled, he leans in and gives me a soft kiss on the lips. Closing the door, he taps on the roof with his hand and looks through my window at Ian. “We’ll talk soon,” he says. Ian nods as he looks away and puts his hand on the gearshift. “Of course,” he answers. Ian stays as quiet on the drive back to my apartment as he had been on the way to the restaurant. My mind is going a mile a minute which means even though I’m trying, I can’t really harness any of my thoughts for long enough to make sense of them. The only thing I know for certain is that I want Cole. The rest of this, I am not so certain of. Pulling to a stop in front of my apartment, Ian turns my way. “Good dinner,” he says. “It was,” I agree. He looks away from me and coughs nervously. “So, I’ll be busy for the next few days. Trying to wrap up my outline for my next Robert Monroe book, plus doing all this Renegade stuff. You know how it is.” I know he’s busy, but I have the impression he’s making excuses. He’s always busy, which is how I’ve gone days without seeing or hearing from him. In the wake of Cole’s text the other day, I thought for sure I’d hear from Ian at some point. Obviously, I didn’t. “I totally get it,” I assure him. I’m a little miffed that he isn’t getting out to walk me in, but I guess that isn’t a thing for him. After unbuckling myself, I open the car door and step out. Turning to face him, I smile. “So I’ll see you when I see you,” I say. “Next week at the latest,” he answers. “Sounds good,” I say before closing the door. I give him a wave before spinning on my heel and heading into my building. As I walk through the glass entry door, I hear him driving away. Shaking it off, I head for my apartment. I’m slightly annoyed when I walk in and realize Lana isn’t home. Checking the board in the kitchen, I see she’s left me her usual out for the night note. With a disappointed sigh, I head into my room to get undressed. Taking off my shoes, I put them neatly back in my closet. My dress is still clean, so I take it off and hang it back up. Once my bra is off and in the hamper, I throw on a pair of yoga pants and a tank top before heading into my office. I’m too keyed up to sleep, so that means it’s time to work. Feeling the need to see Cole, I pull up the files of our interview. Leaning in, I watch intently, noticing how flirtatious he was with me that day. My musing is interrupted by the sound of my doorbell. Letting out a frustrated groan, I pause the video. There’s no doubt in my mind that it’s going to be my neighbor, Brenda. She’s got a really annoying habit of ‘borrowing’ things from us—and either failing to return them completely or bringing them back destroyed. We’ve stopped loaning her anything important, but she still shows up at will. I’d ignore the door completely, but if I don’t answer it, she’ll knock for hours. It’s gotten so bad Lana and I are kicking around the idea of moving. Rising from the desk, I make my way to the door, grimacing as the doorbell is rung again twice in quick succession. Definitely Brenda, then. I fling the door open with a scowl firmly in place. I realize within a second that I’m looking at a male chest as opposed to one of Brenda’s never-ending

supply of Backstreet Boy concert T-shirts. Looking up, I find myself looking into Cole’s eyes. Immediately, a rush of lust speeds through my veins. “Oh,” I squeak. “What are you doing here?” He looks a little lost, which makes him seem out of his element. “I, ah…” I stare at him expectantly, waiting for him to finish his sentence. “Fuck it,” he says. “I didn’t like Ian driving you home. I wanted to spend time with you… I’ve missed you and I couldn’t stay away another second. ” I know I’m grinning like a fool as I open the door wider and gesture for him to come in. After he walks past me, I close and lock the door before pointing him in the direction of the living room. Once there, he waits for me to choose a seat. When I do, he sits directly next to me. Close enough for me to be able to smell his cologne, which makes me want to climb him like a jungle gym. As I stare at him, I realize he’s fidgeting. I’ve never seen him seem quite so unsettled. “First of all, you’re acting weird. You need to speak up and tell me what’s going on because that whole text thing? It was not okay,” I tell him. “You should have talked to me first.” He cracks his knuckles and looks around the room in silence. After what feels like a year, he turns back to me. “I can’t do traditional relationships,” he announces. Crossing one leg over the other, I stare at him in silence. When it’s apparent he isn’t going to follow his sentence up with anything, I prod him. “You can’t leave it at that,” I tell him. “Explain yourself.” He runs his hands over his jeans as he stares at me, and I can almost see the gears turning in his head. “I don’t want to be in a two person relationship. That’s…not for me. I wouldn’t mind being committed, but I have to draw the line at anything one-on-one. It’s too fucking danger—erm, complicated.” I caught his slip, and I file it away. Something about being in a traditional relationship scares him. Very interesting. I’m not letting him off the hook, though. He owes me some kind of an explanation for saying Ian could join us, among other things. “How does that pertain to me?” His head rears back and his eyes go wide. “Jesus, Devon…you have to know how much I want you.” “So much that you can’t wait to share me,” I counter. “You said yes to Ian without even asking me. It would’ve been one thing if we’d been on the same page, but I was with you the night before, alone. I wasn’t thinking of Ian when I was with you and, frankly, I hoped you weren’t thinking of him then, either.” “I wasn’t,” he assures me firmly. “It was all you, Devon. That was my mistake—I broke the rule with you.” My stomach churns as I process his choice of words. Narrowing my eyes, I ask for clarification, “There are rules?” His eyes dart away from mine as he nods. “I’ve known for a long time that I didn’t want to be in a relationship, alone. Since I was sixteen years old, I’ve never been with anyone without a third person being present. Until last week,” he clarifies, “with you.” “You didn’t seem to mind,” I reply. He waves his hands frantically as he leans forward. “No! No, I didn’t mind. I don’t want you thinking that! It was amazing—perfect. But it was also scary because if you want that one-on-one thing, I can’t give it to you. But I don’t want to lose you, Devon.” “Explain to me what it is that you want.”

“You,” he says quickly. I force myself not to move as butterflies start flapping their wings inside my stomach. “I want you,” he continues. “But we need someone else with us. We were both attracted to Ian and I thought that’s where this was going the whole time, didn’t you?” I nod my head but say nothing out loud. What can I say? Yes, I did—but now I’m not so sure. I can’t say that. At least, not right now. “Why,” I clear my throat before continuing, “is it so important to have a third person? Is it because you need a man there, too? Is it about sharing women? Make me understand.” Rubbing at his beard with his left hand, he frowns. “It’s not about… sharing,” he says. “It’s always been about…” He pauses and clenches his jaw. “Uh, pleasure,” he says finally. I get the feeling he’s omitting a very important detail. “Every woman I’ve ever done this with has said it’s the highest high—to be worshiped by two men,” he assures me. “I’d say the man isn’t important, but I’ve had two women before and it wasn’t ideal, so maybe it means more than I think. The dynamic is better when it’s me and another man.” “Why did you cringe when I said sharing?” I ask. When he looks away, I note his Adam’s apple bob up and down as he swallows. “I just… didn’t like the way it sounded,” he says after a lengthy pause. Clearly, he doesn’t like the way sharing sounds. I wonder if that’s an all the time thing, or if it’s the idea of sharing me in particular that makes him edgy. I’m hoping for the second. Crossing my arms over my chest, I stare at him silently until he turns and looks back at me. “You need to answer this next question honestly,” I say firmly. “Could you see us having a real relationship? Long term?” His eyes flash as he nods emphatically. “Absolutely. Yes.” “With Ian?” Running a hand through his hair, he looks away. “Hopefully,” he answers. It’s the lamest non-answer ever. His lips are saying one thing, his actions another. In my profession, I’ve learned to pay attention to the things left unsaid. When lips lie, body language will always show the truth. “What if he can’t ever get over his anxiety about the whole thing,” I press. “He will,” Cole answers firmly. The man is exasperating to the nth degree. I alternately want to strangle and kiss him. “And if he doesn’t?” “He has to,” he says quietly. “What happens while we wait? Do I just sit over here like an old maid, burning through vibrator batteries?” His eyes close and he lets out a choked groan. When he opens them, his expression is pure lust. “We couldn’t have sex,” he growls. “That wouldn’t be right.” “Right for who?” I ask. “What this is,” he says as he gestures between us, “is real. I told Ian we’d wait for him—we can’t just close him out.” Now I’m the one closing my eyes as I take a deep breath and try to keep up with my racing thoughts. The thing with Ian—I don’t see it happening. Not only that, I don’t believe Cole really sees it happening, either. He’s adamant about a three-way relationship, but I know there’s more to this than meets the eye. I believe Cole and I have something indefinable that I don’t want to lose. Would it be the worst thing in the world to agree to this, merely as a way to work through his defenses and figure out what the hell his no one-on-one relationship thing is really about?

I don’t think so. In fact, I think I have to do it this way to get to the bottom of this. One way or the other, I need to know. “So we can have everything but sex?” He swallows hard as he looks me over. “It would be bending a rule, but, if that’s what you want, then yes. I sure as hell won’t ever say no to you. What happened between us was different. You’re… different.” His rules baffle me, but I’m ecstatic to hear him say I’m different. “And what,” I question, “would we tell Ian?” “Nothing,” he says firmly. “Until he mans up, this is none of his business. We won’t talk to him about it and we’ll wait to take the biggest step. It’s not like he doesn’t already know we did something.” Cole is kidding himself if he thinks he can share. All signs point to no in this scenario. Right now, I’m really not sure how he’s ever done it before. Whatever he’s done in the past, I’m assuming sharing wasn’t an issue because he wasn’t truly invested in his partners. That would mean his caveman reactions now are because it’s me we’re talking about. “What about everyone else?” I pester. “I think people have already started to notice.” “We’ll keep it quiet until he joins.” “We’ll lie?” He frowns as he shakes his head. “We wouldn’t lie, exactly. We’d just… not be letting people into our business.” “A lie by omission is still a lie,” I say softly. He swallows nervously as he stares at me. “Just for a little while,” he assures me, “until we work it out with Ian.” I can’t believe I’m about to do this. It’s so shady and underhanded to agree to something I know won’t work… But I can’t lose him. “Okay.” His eyes go wide. “Okay, yes?” I nod. “Yes.” I barely have time to get the word “yes” out before he’s coming toward me.



The instant she agrees, I’m on her. These past few days have been hell, and sitting next to her at dinner tonight without being able to touch was torture. As soon as my lips touch hers, she wraps her arms around me and holds on tight. I’ve thought of her taste for days and I was sure I remembered it perfectly, but the reality is far better than the memory. I’d say I could easily get addicted to this, but I think I already am. And now that she’s agreed to the whole ménage thing, it’s okay for me to feel that way. I let out a groan as she climbs into my lap, straddling me so that she’s right against my hard cock. I fist one hand in her hair and set the other against her waist so I can control her movements. Feeling her rock back and forth on top of me is the ultimate temptation, and I know it’s going to be hard not to go all the way. Fuck knows I want to. Wanting it to last, I slow the kiss down, making it slower and more sensual. She lets out a noise of approval as she hugs me tighter. Our tongues slide against each other as we take our time to savor the moment. Lifting my hands, I cup her face gently and give her everything I’ve got. Minutes—or hell, maybe hours—later, I pull back and begin dropping kisses along the side of her face, then down her jaw and onto her neck. I lick a path from neck to jaw and back again, giving her little love bites along the way. The way she rubs against me tells me all I need to know about how much she enjoys it. When I’m finished with one side of her, I move to the other, giving it the same treatment. She’s so far gone, she doesn’t even notice when I lift her up and lay her down on the couch, coming to lie over her. She lets out a sigh that turns into a moan when I slide my fingers under her tank top and start tracing her stomach. I slow the kiss down more, nibbling on her lower lip and then tracing it with my tongue. I growl low in my throat when she gently bites my lower lip and then sucks at it before kissing it softly when she lets go. “Where’s your bedroom?” I ask. “End of the hall on the right,” she murmurs. As soon as I’m on my feet I bend over and lift her up. She lets out a choked laugh and wiggles against me. “Put me down,” she giggles. “I’m too heavy!” “Don’t say that shit again,” I tell her firmly. “You’re fuckin’ perfect.” She half laughs, half snorts. “Sure,” she laughs. “Sooo perfect.” I stride through her open bedroom door with purpose, tossing her gently onto the impeccably made bed. “You’re perfect to me,” I stress. “Not a thing about you I would change, Devon. Anyone who’s ever told you otherwise was full of shit.” “No one’s ever said anything,” she assures me. “Well, except my doctor. He says I could lose ten pounds.” “It’s time to fire that fuckin’ quack,” I respond. “My dick doesn’t get hard for skeletal remains, and that’s what you’d be if you lost that amount of weight. You don’t need to lose shit, baby.”

She smiles up at me big like I’ve surprised her. “I was wondering what your type was,” she admits. “Since you’re attracted to Ian, I figured the Abercrombie type worked for you, which meant you liking me was a surprise.” Gripping the waistband of her yoga pants, I start shimmying them down her legs as I laugh. “Didn’t want to fuck around with Ian because of his body, Dev. That’s not what I look for in a guy. I admit finding guys I thought were good looking, but mostly that was just to make it more enticing for the girls. I guess that sounds horrible,” I muse as I toss her yoga pants onto a chair across the room. “It doesn’t sound terrible,” she assures me. “It sounds honest. It’s always okay to be truthful.” I know there’s a huge grin on my face as my eyes rake over her body. She looks like a pinup in her pale pink satin bikini panties and white tank top. The hardened tips of her nipples show through ever so slightly and it’s making my dick throb. “Truthfully, I want to fucking eat you alive,” I tell her. “I’d love that,” she says as she smiles up at me. I move to get onto the bed until she holds up her hand and stops me. “But,” she continues, “I’d really like you to be naked first. I want to feel you,” she says huskily. I start pulling my clothes off the second she says naked. By the time her sentence is finished, I’m pulling off my jeans and tossing them over to where her yoga pants are. “Wow,” she says in a breathless voice. “You’re fast. And hard.” I grin at her as I fist my rock hard cock. “We like you,” I tell her. “Oh, you do, huh?” “Fuck yes,” I groan as I shuttle my hand up and down my shaft. “Then show me,” she whimpers. I’m on the bed in a heartbeat, straddling her sexy body. The tip of my cock lands dead center against her underwear, and we both let out moans when it does. I force myself not to move too fast, instead leaning in and biting her nipple through her tank top. She lets out a wail as I suck it into my mouth, biting and nibbling on it for several minutes. Her hands thread into my hair to hold me to her as I pay homage to first her right breast and then her left. She whimpers and sighs at the start, but quickly starts moaning and arching against me as I work her over harder. Every time she moves, my dick rubs against her silk covered mound, which is like the best fucking torture of all time. I know I’m leaving a puddle of my pre-come on her underwear, and I don’t fucking care. When I lift my head from her tits, I let out a groan. There are now two huge wet circles around each nipple, which lets me see just how hard they are, strained against the fabric like they’re trying to escape. Grabbing the hem of the shirt, I start shimmying it up her body. She arches her back to help, then lifts her head so I can pull it off. I toss it God only knows where before I descend on her like a starving man, lapping at her now naked breasts as she chants my name. I fucking love the way it sounds on her lips. “Oh, God,” she wails. “Cole!” I bite down hard on her right nipple before soothing it with my tongue, which causes her to start rocking against me desperately. “I want to fuck your tits and paint them with my come,” I tell her. “Do it,” she groans. “Fuck my tits.” “After you fuck my face,” I answer. I can’t even pretend to have patience at this point. Rolling onto my back, I pull her on top of me. “Come sit up here and give me what I want,” I command. I love that she doesn’t look uncomfortable with the instruction. Without hesitation, she straddles my head. Wrapping one arm around her waist, I pull her down on my face and bite her mound through her

underwear, which causes her to let out a cry and buck on top of me. With my free hand, I push her panties aside and slide my tongue exactly where it needs to be. I groan as the taste of her spreads across my tongue. I show my appreciation by deep kissing her clit, my tongue sliding around in her wetness as she grinds against my face. Desperation has me moving faster as I feel her arousal coating my face. I want this woman in every fucking way you can possibly imagine, and not fucking her is like torture. Quick licks are followed by hard pulls of her clit into my mouth. I know she loves it because she’s calling my name like it’s a prayer and riding my face like she’s at a rodeo. I shift her a bit and plunge my tongue into her hole, which makes her scream. My nose rubs against her clit as she continues to fuck my face. Knowing she’s right there, I pull her down and suck her clit into my mouth, giving her one long and fast French kiss. I smile when she screams my name and shudders against me, her legs squeezing my head as she comes. When she falls forward, I come out from under her and position her on her knees. I’m not here to go slow—no, tonight, I’m giving her everything I’ve got. She opens her mouth, expecting my cock, but that’s not what I’m giving her. Not yet. Climbing behind her, I groan as I see her perfect fucking ass. Grabbing hold of each of her ass cheeks, I spread them apart and dive in, fucking her tight little cunt with my tongue as she cries out desperately. I lift my hands one at a time to smack down on her ass, which makes her crazy. Again and again, I spank her while I eat her from behind. She groans and thrusts back against me as her pussy thanks me by getting wetter and wetter. I grin when she starts coming apart again, her screams loud enough to wake any neighbor. I’d feel sorry for them if I wasn’t the one giving it to her so good. I keep her clit in my mouth for most of her orgasm. When I detach, I move fast, licking up until I’m at her ass. She screeches as I rim her, the wetness from her arousal making everything slippery and hot. “Cole,” she cries. “Cole, Cole!” Sinking my tongue into her ass, I slide two fingers into her tight cunt and start thrusting them in time with my tongue. “Please, fuck, Jesus,” she murmurs. “Oh my God!” The sound of how wet I’ve made her is the best soundtrack of all time. I fuck her harder with my fingers as I wiggle my tongue. It’s like Christmas when she tenses all over and buries her face in a pillow. The scream she lets out as she comes is unreal. Her cunt tightens around my fingers and her arousal coats my hand as I fuck her hard, and she takes every bit of it. I stop only when she’s finished coming and her body has gone mostly limp. Desperate to come, I roll her over and straddle her. Her face and chest are flushed, her hair is a mess and she’s trembling—but she’s never looked sexier. “Fuck my tits,” she moans. “Come on me. Mark me.” She pushes them together for me as I slide between them, the sweat from her orgasms the perfect amount of lube for me. I pinch at her nipples as I fuck her chest and then stick my fingers in her mouth so she can suck them. “You like my tongue in your ass,” I growl. Her eyes are wild as she nods. “Mm-hm,” she moans around my fingers. “Soon, it’ll be my dick,” I assure her. “I’m going to fuck you so hard, everywhere. Every inch of you,” I groan. I cry out when she bites down on my fingers—not hard enough to hurt, but enough for me to feel it everywhere. Looking down, I watch as her tits jiggle with each thrust of my cock. “Devon,” I say harshly. “I’m coming!” I heard angels singing the last time I came. This time, I hear Cheap Trick’s “The Flame”. I fuck her tits hard as spurt after spurt erupts from my dick, and she takes it all. When I’m finally spent, it takes all my energy to pull back and not fall over into a come coma. This woman wrecks me.

Pulling my fingers from her mouth, I rub them through the come on her chest and spread it all around her tits, marking her. When I get to her neck, she tilts her head back to allow me more access, and I let out a husky sound of approval. After it’s all rubbed in, I lay next to her and settle my head onto her chest. I smile as her fingers run through my hair in a lazy fashion. We stay this way for a few minutes before I get up and announce I need to brush my teeth so I can kiss her before we fall asleep. “You’re staying,” she asks huskily. “If it’s okay with you, I am,” I tell her. When she smiles and says she’d love that, I feel like a fucking king.



The sound of a ringing phone rouses me. I crack one eye open just in time to see Cole’s outstretched hand grab his cell from my nightstand. “Hey Gram!” I smile drowsily against his chest as I listen to the sound of his morning voice. “Uh-huh,” he says. “Of course! I’m with Devon—yeah? Okay. Sounds good. Love you.” The call over, he sets his cell back on the nightstand. “You busy for the next few hours?” I let out a yawn as I shake my head against his chest. “Nope.” “Gram wants us to go over to her house for lunch and she’s making me brownies. Will you come with me?” There’s no missing the excitement in his voice. I guess he was serious when he said her brownies are his favorite thing. “I’d love to,” I say enthusiastically. “I need to stop by my house for clean clothes. Maybe you should pack a bag so you can stay at my place tonight,” he says. I’m glad my face is against his chest because it keeps him from being able to see the way my eyes go wide. He is really going for this—even if he doesn’t realize it yet. “Sounds good,” I murmur. “I’ll drive my car and leave it at your house when you’re getting clean clothes.” “My bad. I wasn’t thinking about how that would leave you carless,” he says. “Your plan works much better.” “Stay tuned,” I joke, “’cause my plans normally do.” He kisses my hair and chuckles. “We better get moving,” he murmurs. Looking over his chest to the bedside table, I note the time is just after nine. “She wants us for lunch,” I remind him. “There’s no rush.” “I’m planning to eat something in the shower,” he says in a growly voice. “And that takes time. I like to get in there and really make sure I’m getting everything I can out of it.” My core clenches and I feel myself getting wet. This man is going to destroy me. I came so hard last night, I thought I was going to implode. I bite my lip as I shiver against him. “I’d like some breakfast, too,” I tell him. “Mm,” he murmurs. “You be a good girl and get on your knees and you can have whatever you want.” Right now, I want his cock in my mouth. Springing up, I hop off the bed and race for the bathroom. “Meet me in the shower in five,” I call over my shoulder. “You can use the hallway powder room if you need to go.” I make quick work of using the toilet and brushing my teeth before hopping into the shower. Leaning back, I let the hot water massage my scalp. I hear Cole enter the bathroom and note that he’s brushing his teeth. The sound of the shower door opening makes me smile. Cracking one eye open, I look over and watch as he steps into the shower with me.

“I’ll be doing all your soaping today,” he announces. I giggle as he positions me where he wants and detaches the showerhead to wet the lower portion of my hair. Reaching out, I grab my shampoo bottle and pass it back to him. I moan when he starts massaging it into my scalp, his fingers bringing me pure bliss. “If you ever decide guitar playing no longer appeals, you’d be an amazing shampooer,” I sigh. He chuckles as he continues massaging. “I’ll be your personal shampoo tech any time,” he promises. “Mm,” I moan. “I’ll take it. This is almost as good as orgasms.” He makes a tsk-tsk sound. “Nothing is as good as orgasms with you,” he announces. I grin like an idiot. “Right back at you,” I tell him. “We’re definitely on the same page there,” he answers. I giggle as he tugs my hair gently and positions my head back in order to wash out the shampoo. He does it carefully, making sure not to spray me in the face, which makes me smile. When he’s finished, he wrings my hair out and then massages conditioner through my ends and then does a quick pass over my scalp. Turning his way, I raise my eyebrows. “How do you know to ring it out and not put too much up near my scalp?” I question. Hanging the showerhead back into place, he tilts back and wets his hair as he laughs. “Don’t judge, but the guys and I have a really great hair stylist. She’s taught us everything we know about taking care of our hair.” I laugh as I pump body wash into my hand and then start lathering his chest. “Well, clearly you learned,” I tease. “The other stuff I just knew,” he tells me. Wrinkling my nose, I look up at him. “What other stuff?” “This,” he answers as he pulls my head toward him and kisses me. My soapy hands glide up his torso as our tongues meet. The minty-fresh taste of him is perfect, and I lean in closer—if that’s even possible—and rub my chest against his. His answering moan makes my core clench. Sliding my hands up over his shoulders, I hold on as he backs me up against the wall. We kiss like it’s the very first time we’ve ever done so, a slightly desperate air to it. When he pulls back, I let out a frustrated sound. “I’d be slacking on the job if I didn’t wash you properly,” he says breathlessly. I watch as he fills his hand with body soap and begins washing me. Starting at my neck, he carefully works his way down. My breath leaves me in a rush when he gets to my core and washes every inch of me reverently. He doesn’t stop until he’s lathered me down to my toes. Satisfied with his work, he stands and pulls the showerhead back down and washes the suds away. The pulsing sensation against my clit is almost too much, and I moan as I writhe against the wall. He doesn’t finish me, even though I want him to. Instead, he tells me to turn around. I follow direction slowly, hoping he’ll change his mind. He doesn’t. Leaning against the wall, I find myself turning into boneless mush as he starts lathering my back. He kneads my neck and all along my back, then works each of my arms. By the time he’s finished, I’m practically a noodle. At least, I am until he spreads my cheeks apart and starts soaping my ass. I shiver and stick it out further as he circles my ass with his finger. I grouse when he stops, then let out a groan when he circles it again, this time with more soap on his finger. He steps in close, his front against my back, and pushes my hair to one side. Leaning in, he bites down on the back of my neck as his finger begins to enter my ass. I’ve done a lot of things, but anal play isn’t on the list. I know from last night I like to have it licked, but this is new. I shiver when I feel his hot breath against my ear. “Relax and let me in,” he murmurs. “It’s going to feel so good.”

I do as he says, forcing myself to relax as his finger passes through the first ring. I clench without meaning to, which earns me another neck bite. “Play with your clit,” he instructs. I nod as I slide my finger down to my clit, not surprised to find myself slippery and wet. The showerhead got me primed, and his anal play is only making me wetter. “Is it wet,” he asks against my ear. I shiver as I nod. “Yes,” I whimper. “So wet.” “Put two fingers in your tight little cunt and fuck yourself,” he says. I slide my fingers lower, sticking out my ass more against him as I push them inside of me. As I do, his finger sinks all the way into my ass. “Oh wow,” I moan. “Oh, oh…” I move my fingers in and out at the same speed he works the finger in my ass, and I can’t contain the moans coming out of my mouth. “Feel good?” “Yes,” I answer. “So good.” “You’ll like this even better,” he announces. I cry out when he pulls his finger out, then lose my breath entirely when I feel two fingers pushing their way back inside. “Too much,” I pant. “Too tight.” “Not as tight as it’s going to be when I fuck this ass,” he growls. “Trust me, you’re about to come so fucking hard you’ll beg for my dick up there.” Both of his fingers sink deep, and he begins thrusting them in and out slowly, wiggling them inside of me every few seconds. I shriek when I feel his fingers pressing against the two I have inside of my pussy. “Right there,” he moans. “Rub right there.” The sensation is damn near indescribable and as we rub together at the same spot, I start seeing stars behind my eyelids. “I’m… going…” I pant. “That’s right baby,” he whispers against my ear. “Come.” My body shudders as I do just that, clenching against both of our fingers as I come. I let out a delighted gasp when I feel the hot jet of his come hitting my ass cheek. “Devon,” he moans. “God, Devon!” When I’ve wrung every possible second of my orgasm out, he removes his fingers and wraps his arms around me. We stay this way for a few minutes, and then he quickly washes me and rinses my conditioner out before washing himself. Once out of the shower, he dries me off first before wrapping me in a towel, handing me one for my hair and telling me to wait for him in my bedroom. I fall onto the bed in a stupor, orgasm dumb if you will, and stare at my ceiling fan until I hear him enter the room. A big smile spreads across my face when he falls down onto the bed next to me. “This time, I heard Marvin Gaye,” he says. Looking over, I wrinkle my brow. “What’s that mean? You told me the first night we were together you heard angels. Do you normally hear things?” He lets out a gruff laugh. “Never heard shit until you,” he answers. “Now, I hear things when I come. Angels, Cheap Trick and now, Marvin Gaye. It’s pretty spectacular.” “And also weird,” I counter. “Nah. I think it’s cool as shit. You make me hear music,” he says. “Not a fucking thing wrong with that.” “Do you hear music a lot?” I ask.

“I do,” he replies. “Nature of the beast, I guess. I have tunes and melodies in my head almost constantly. I hum, I tap on things and I hear lyrics… par for the course.” I nod my understanding. “I get it. I put things into scene order in my head a lot, or I think about how a certain camera angle would really capture a moment.” “Artists,” he laughs. I half chuckle, half yawn as I stretch and sit up. “I need to do my hair. You can just lay around and be lazy,” I tease. Turning onto his side, he watches me as I cross the room. He doesn’t look away when I sit down in front of my vanity. I know this because I can feel his eyes on me. Pulling off my hair towel, I spray heat protectant on before brushing it. The sound of him humming behind me is somehow comforting and I smile as apply moisturizer to my face and then run through my makeup routine. I keep an eye on Cole in the mirror as I turn my hair dryer on. He seems content to watch my beauty routine, which pleases me. It helps foster my belief that we aren’t just sexually involved—we’re becoming a couple. “You look beautiful,” Cole says as I stand up from my vanity. I smile at him as I make my way toward my dresser. “Thank you,” I murmur. Once I choose a bra and underwear set, I take my towel off and walk it into the bathroom to hang it. His low moan is very, very appreciated. Head held high, I walk back into the room completely naked, facing him head on. He watches intently as I pull my thong on, and I hear him humming again to himself as I put my bra on. With my undergarments sorted, I head for my closet to pick an outfit. Opening the doors, I stand with my hands on my hips as I consider my options. I need to choose an outfit for today, as well as one for tomorrow since I’ll be spending the night at Cole’s. “Bring a few outfits,” he instructs from behind me. Spinning on my heel, I find him standing just behind me. “A few?” I question. “You can’t just spend one night,” he comments. “I can’t?” “No,” he says huskily as he looks at me. His sexy expression makes my heart skip a few beats. “We can come back here in a few days and spend a couple of nights here. We’ll split it up evenly,” he decrees. I cock my head to the side as I consider him. “What about Ian?” I ask. He waves his hand dismissively. “We’ll work him in soon,” he assures me. I turn back to the closet so he doesn’t see my grin. I’m so right about him not wanting Ian involved with this, I just know it. I also know calling attention to it might spook him so, for now, I’ll be staying silent. “What should I wear to your grandparents?” I ask over my shoulder. “Something that gives me easy access to your pussy,” he answers. “Not at your grandparents,” I squeak. “But maybe after…” “Then you should wear a dress. After we leave the house, you can take your underwear off. That’s perfect access,” he declares. “I think I’ve created a monster,” I chuckle. I let out a shriek as he wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me up against him. “A pussy monster,” he growls against my ear. “Me want pussy, nom nom nom.” I start laughing so hard there are tears in my eyes. I wiggle against him until he lets me go and then I turn and smack him on the arm as I continue laughing. “You pig,” I joke. He’s laughing too, and we’re both out of breath by the time we each get a hold of ourselves. I shoo

him away from the closet and tell him to get dressed while I finish packing. The smile on my face as I turn back to the closet feels permanent.



I’ve already met Sylvia and Mason Rand—otherwise known as Gram and Pop—so I’m happy to spend time with them. Sylvia is a hoot and Mason is a true gentleman. It’s ridiculously cute how lovey-dovey they are with each other, even after being married for so many years. The way Sylvia dotes on Flynn and Cole is adorable. “It’s funny how every month I get these giant mystery deliveries of the ingredients to make your brownies,” she teases as she hugs him tight. Turning to me, she smiles and gives me a hug and a kiss. “I get a lot of deliveries from Thing 1 and Thing 2,” she laughs. “My boys think they’re crafty, but it’s pretty obvious when I’ve got packs of chicken for Thing 1 and bars of chocolate for Thing 2.” Dropping an arm around her shoulder, Cole kisses her cheek. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Gram. Sounds like the universe just really wants you to work on cranking out cutlets and brownies.” She rolls her eyes but leans into him with a soft smile. “You make an old woman feel useful,” she jokes. “Old? Old! Who said anything about old,” Mason cackles as he comes into the kitchen. “Woman, I’ll have you know you look more beautiful now than you did the day I married you.” Sylvia blushes as she leaves Cole’s side and walks into Mason’s waiting arms. “Even after all these years, you still give me butterflies,” she tells him. “Hope so,” he answers. “I’ve worked hard to keep this body in shape just for you. Gotta keep up with what you’ve got going on, gorgeous.” “Mason,” she squeaks. “The children are here!” Cole and I both laugh at being referred to as children. My laugh turns into a contented sigh when Cole wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. “I think the children know we’ve been together,” Mason jokes before dropping a soft kiss on her lips. Smacking at his arm, Sylvia laughs and steps away. “Let me feed my boy you dirty old coot.” Mason gives her a sad face and she laughs as she swats at his hands when he tries to pull her back to him. “Be patient,” she tells him. “We can neck later.” “Promise?” She smiles at him like he’s a dream. “I do. Always.” “All right,” he agrees. “My boy and I are going to go out back and start the grill. By this I mean I’ll grill and he’ll watch as I try to teach him how to do it himself. Hasn’t taken hold in the last twenty-nine years, but an old man can hope,” he laughs. Turning my way, he continues, “We’re making hotdogs and cheeseburgers, hon. Will that be good for you, or would you like me to throw on something else?” “Nope, that sounds delicious,” I assure him. Cole drops a kiss on my mouth before following Mason outside. Watching the way Sylvia and Mason are with each other makes me want what they have. The kind of love that still feels right after almost fifty years of marriage is something to strive for. From what I’ve heard about them, they’ve been through a lot

—but every challenge brought them closer together. Sylvia bustles around the kitchen, pulling things out of the refrigerator and the oven and setting them down on the counter. “Can I help?” “Sure, sweetheart. These are my serving bowls,” she says as she gestures to a beautiful stack of antique looking bowls with roses on them. “I’ve got my potato and macaroni salads in those silver mixing bowls from the fridge. If you could transfer them into the good bowls, that would be great.” We work together for the next several minutes, putting the sides together and taking them over to the kitchen table. “How’re you enjoying working with the band,” she asks as she puts the silverware out. “It’s amazing,” I gush. “They’ve been so wonderful about answering almost every question—” Turning back to me, she raises a brow. “What haven’t they answered? They told me there was nothing that would be off limits, so I’m surprised.” “The only thing they’ve declined to answer so far are some of the questions about Tyson,” I explain. “Other than that, they’ve been like open books.” Her smile disappears as she nods. “Of course,” she says quietly. “I should’ve known. You’ll find out in due time,” she assures me. “I know part of the reason he agreed to do this was to get his story out, in the hopes it will make a difference. Just—” She pauses, looking away and clearing her throat before looking back at me. “Be gentle with him,” she murmurs. “Sometimes life leaves wounds that can never truly heal over. You might go on, but the pain is always there as a reminder.” Her statement causes a chill to go through me. What, exactly, happened with Tyson? I’ve done all the research I possibly can and I’ve found nothing, so I know all I can do at this point is wait. “I’ll be gentle,” I assure her. Her answer is a quick peck on my cheek, which makes me feel good. If I could choose a grandmother, I’d ask for a Sylvia. I hold in a giggle when she pulls out her iPhone and starts taking photos of the food we’ve set out. When she sees my expression, she smirks. “My Twitter friends love when I post pictures,” she explains. I’ve been exploring Sylvia’s Twitter and have already decided to use some of her tweets in the documentary. The little stories she gets out in her tweets about her boys are just too sweet not to highlight. “I know,” I chuckle, “I’m one of your followers now. I love the picture you put up of Cole and his dad on skis playing their guitars.” “I’m very blessed to have such a lovely family,” she says proudly. “So many people look up to my boys—I like to make sure people know they’re human. When I saw your documentary about Pepe, I knew you were just the person for the job you’re doing. You won’t make it a joke.” My eyes widen as I look at her. “You watched that?” She nods her head and smiles. “There are very few things the boys don’t ask for my opinion on. I watched it with Flynn, Cole and Tyson a few weeks ago.” “So they’re grandma’s boys,” I grin. She laughs. “Yes, I believe they are. But don’t worry—I try not to meddle too much. I just want them all to be happy. Having them stop this touring nonsense is going to be so good for them. I can hardly wait for it to be over,” she admits as she takes a seat at the table. Dropping down into a chair across from her I ask, “The touring—has it always bothered you?” “It has,” she admits candidly. “I loved them all enough to let go and be supportive, but it hurt. Especially having Flynn and Cole out there for months on end. My whole world revolves around my family—and I wouldn’t have it any other way. When my boys aren’t here, the hole their absence leaves can be overwhelming. I wanted them to live their dream—but, selfishly I guess, I wished their dream

didn’t involve being gone for almost a year at a time.” I keep smiling, even though I can’t help comparing her attitude to my parents. They’ve never really understood the hole absence leaves. Like Sylvia, I understand their dream—I just hate the distance. “It’s why Flynn got me this,” Sylvia continues as she gestures to her iPhone. “I’m older than a horses ass and many of my friends think my love of technology is crazy, but it keeps me close to them. Skype and Facetime have just been lifesavers,” she explains. “You’re one of the reasons why they’re so normal,” I muse. “I wondered how and why it never seemed to go to their heads. I mean—come on. They’re huge. But you wouldn’t know it by their behavior. As I’ve met each family member, it’s become more and more clear why that is. You wouldn’t tolerate them being…” I trail off, trying to think of a descriptive other than assholes. “Little shits,” she supplies dryly as she gives me a knowing smile. “No, I wouldn’t. Trust me, they’ve gotten a little big for their britches at times—but I’m not such a soft touch I won’t go up one side of them and down the other to get them back in line. They’ve been raised with values and I damn well remind them of it whenever I have to.” “Whatever you’ve done, it’s worked,” I answer sincerely. We’re interrupted by the arrival of Cole and Mason bringing in the hotdogs and hamburgers from the grill. My stomach growls as soon as the delicious smells waft toward me. Once the tray of food is down, we all dive in. After taking a few bites of a hotdog, I look across the table at Mason and give him a thumbs up. “This is delicious,” I rave. “You’re welcome. I worked hard to bring you this meal,” Cole boasts. “Yeah, it’s really hard to carry a tray of cooked food into the house,” Mason snorts. “This boy,” he laughs, “could burn air. I used to think he was just pretending not to know how, so Sylvia and his mom would keep cooking for him. Turns out I was wrong. Some people just aren’t meant for the kitchen.” “Hey, I make great toast,” Cole insists. Mason shakes his head. “No, you don’t.” Turning my way, Mason grins. “Devon, if you don’t enjoy burnt toast, never let him make you any.” “I like it crispy,” Cole interjects. “Yes,” Mason agrees. “Burnt to a crisp. Literally. God gave you a triple helping of musical talent but no kitchen skills whatsoever.” We all laugh at that assertion. From what I can tell, it’s accurate. I’m a little afraid of Cole’s kitchen skills now, to be honest. They must be pretty bad. As I’m digging into a cheeseburger, there’s a knock at the kitchen door. Seconds later it opens and Cole’s parents, Janice and Steve walk in. “We saw your Twitter post,” Steve laughs. “Are we too late to join in?” “You know we always make enough for an army,” Sylvia jokes. “Come sit.” Cole is quick to rise to go and hug first his dad and then his mom. Janice rubs at his beard with her hand and makes a clucking sound with her tongue. “Have you been using the new beard oil I got you? Because this doesn’t feel any softer than it did the other day.” “Ma—” “I’ll take that as a no,” she laughs. “I’d just really like to kiss my sons cheek without getting chapped lips,” she scolds jokingly. Cole hangs his head dramatically and raises his hands. “I’ll start using it.” Janice drops another kiss on his cheek before turning my way.

“Hi, sweetheart! I was going to call you later—Steve and I would like to take you and Cole to dinner later this week to our favorite Thai food restaurant. Can you fit us in?” I look to Cole and smile when he nods at me without hesitating. Clearly my spending time with his family isn’t an issue. Turning back to Janice I give her a thumbs up. “I can’t wait,” I answer enthusiastically. I love how engaging Cole’s family is. I’m already halfway in love with them, which should maybe be a little worrisome, but I don’t care. It’s just so refreshing to see the way the family teases and jokes. Everyone is happy and loving, and you can feel how much affection there is between them. I have to admit I’m a bit envious of it. The rest of lunch passes by with a lot of laughs. When we’re all stuffed, the men clean the table and take all the food and dishes to the counter. As soon as they’ve got everything where she wants it, Sylvia shoos them from the kitchen. “But Gram,” Cole pleads, “brownies!” “I swear you have a separate stomach just for brownies,” she chuckles. “I do and it’s starving,” he declares dramatically. Lifting the lid off a container, she allows him to take four—after he first tries to take the entire thing. “I made four pans of brownies and you get to take at least two home,” she scolds as she smacks his hand playfully. “You’ll have to make do with four until it’s time for everyone to eat dessert.” He makes an adorable puppy dog face at her, one I am betting he’s been making at her his entire life. I can tell because it doesn’t phase her one bit. “Out you little scamp,” she laughs. “Go talk to your father and pop.” Bending down, he drops a kiss on her cheek. “Love you,” he says. He looks my way and gives me a wink before turning and leaving the kitchen, four huge brownies in hand. I love the way he looks at me— it says there’s something between us. When I turn around, I find Sylvia and Janice staring at me with matching smiles. I feel the blush bloom on my cheeks as I head for the counter to help with cleanup. “My son is very taken with you,” Janice announces. “This makes me very, very happy.” I smile shyly as I turn on the water to rinse the dishes. “I like the two of you together,” she continues. “No offense to Ian, he’s a nice enough man, but my son has about as much need for two partners as I have for a house full of car parts.” I’m shocked by how outspoken she is. Turning off the water, I look at her as I choose my words. Finally, I decide to just be honest. “Cole is still hoping Ian will become amenable to this at some point,” I admit. Janice and Sylvia let out simultaneous chuckles. “No, he isn’t,” Janice says dryly. “At least, not really.” “He’s about as likely to share you as he is to going cold turkey off my brownies,” Sylvia quips. “He’s really… firm about the whole not being tied down to one person thing,” I tell them. Sylvia waves that off with a psh sound. “Something’s always had him spooked about it—but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t really want it deep down,” she insists. “If he were really interested in Ian, we’d see him here now,” Janice asserts. “Ian’s only recently said he’s even open to the idea,” I explain. “Regardless,” Sylvia says, “Cole wouldn’t have brought you here alone if he weren’t serious about you and you alone.” “She’s right,” Janice agrees. “I can count on no fingers the amount of people my son has brought home to interact with his family. You’re the first. That means everything.” I bite at my lower lip as I consider them both.

“I hope you’re right,” I admit.



Bringing her to my grandparents was a great idea. I like the way she interacts with them, and I love how taken with her my family is. I’m glad my dad saw Gram’s tweet and came running for barbeque. I’m old enough that I guess I shouldn’t need my family’s approval, but I’m honest enough to admit I totally do. I’ve never brought anyone home before—nor have I wanted to. I ignore the voice in my head pointing out that I didn’t bother to bring Ian. I did let my family encourage him to come along for a dinner when this all started, but it wasn’t like I could tell them to rescind the invite once it had been made. As far as I’m concerned, he’s off the grid until he’s able to talk it out with Devon and me. Yeah we need a third in place, but if he can’t speak up, he isn’t worthy of Devon. For me, it’s all about her—but even admitting as much to myself scares the fuck out of me. “I like her,” my dad says. Startled out of my silent thoughts, I look up at him and grin. “She’s pretty badass, huh?” Dad shakes his head. “Not the description I was going to use,” he chuckles. “But yes, she is. Your mother is very excited about her.” “So is your grandmother,” Pop chimes in. “Yeah?” They both nod. I can’t contain the shit-eating grin that spreads across my face. Right now, I’m feeling pretty damn proud. My family sees her the way I do. “Lots of good stuff happening in our family,” Pop adds. “This is a great time. Sylvia and I—we couldn’t be happier.” He’s not kidding. A whole new world has opened up within a very brief amount of time. “Granddaughters and a great-grandchild on the way are pretty awesome, plus all the Harts,” I agree. “It’s wonderful. Those girls and that family—” He stops talking and clears his throat emotionally. “I’m so proud of them—of all you kids,” he says. “Flynn’s finally found a girl and you’ve found Devon. It’s like everything is coming full circle. And I think something’s brewing with Todd and Sandra. After Rachel, I wasn’t sure…” I scratch at my beard and look away. “Yeah,” I say gruffly. “Me either. You really think something’s up with him and the girls’ aunt?” “I sure do,” Pop says. “There totally is,” Dad agrees. “Couldn’t be more obvious.” “For real?” “You see them together?” Pop asks. “He can’t stop watching her.” “If you’re right, then you’re damn good,” I say. “I hadn’t noticed, but I’ll keep an eye out for that. I hope it’s true. I never thought he’d ever try again. I mean, not for real. All the women he’s dated have been—” I trail off, unable to find the right term to describe the women Todd’s seen over the last two decades. They weren’t awful—some were even nice—but they were never meant to stay.

“Not keepers,” Pop says. “Not saying they were bad, just not long term. Not like what you’re all dealing with now. I thought it would take you a bit longer to get that stubborn head out of your ass,” he laughs. “That Devon is a breath of fresh air. I can’t tell you how proud I am of you for stepping up.” “I second that,” Dad says proudly. They’re talking about Devon and me like it’s just the two of us, but it isn’t. They know I don’t do those types of relationships. Damn, maybe coming here today without Ian wasn’t my brightest move. “Do you like Ian as much as Devon?” I blurt out. Dad and Pop quickly exchange looks. “Why does it matter?” Dad asks when he looks back at me. “Because, you know…I don’t like just two people in a relationship.” Pop grunts as he crosses his arms and pins me with a stare. “I might not understand dating today, but I’ll tell you right now, you aren’t going to share that girl.” “You know I’m bisexual,” I argue. “Didn’t say you weren’t,” he responds. “Whether you fell for a woman or a man, I always knew you’d be sitting here with one or the other. Not one and the other.” I look to my dad for an assist, only to find him nodding in agreement with Pop. “I’m not that guy,” I insist. Crossing his arms, Dad graces me with his no bullshit look. I’ve seen it a lot over the course of my lifetime, usually when I’ve tried to get one over on him. “So Ian could just breeze in here right now, pull Devon into his lap and cuddle her up?” My mouth opens and closes several times as I try to force out an answer. The idea makes me want to punch fucking walls, but that’s not right. When my voice doesn’t come out, I nod. “I call bullshit,” Pop counters. “I second that call,” Dad says. “You do realize you’ve never been able to share what matters, yeah?” “That’s not true,” I say defensively. “I’m on the road most of the year with three other guys, sharing a life with them. They take my clothes, we eat each other’s food—nothing is off limits.” “No, you’re on the road with your brothers,” Pop says. “There’s a difference.” “And even then,” Dad interjects, “you don’t share everything. Some things are just yours. It’s okay, you know. You wouldn’t find me sharing your mother—because she’s mine, and I’m hers.” I frown at both of them. “Name one thing I don’t share,” I demand. “I’ve never once in all these years seen you let anyone ever touch your Rachel guitar,” Dad points out. It’s like the wind has been completely knocked out of me and I sputter stupidly for a few seconds while I try to formulate a response. “That’s different,” I argue. “How?” “Because I love it!” “And there you go,” Dad says. My heart races as I look back and forth between the two men. “Cole, you can’t divide up your heart,” Pop says. “Maybe some people can, but you can’t.” “I’m sure I could,” I say frantically. “But this isn’t even about love yet—” “Isn’t it?” dad questions. These two are killing me with their questions and comments. “It’s too early to know if I love her,” I insist. “I don’t think so. I knew I loved Sylvia on day one,” Pop reminds me. “Maybe even within the first hour. Some loves hit you like a brick in the face. I wish for that kind of love for all you kids.” It’s time to lighten the mood. Maybe if I do, they’ll leave me alone. “You wish love would hit us like bricks to the face?”

Pop pins me with a look. “Yes, I do,” he answers. “I want you to be hit hard and knocked off your feet. That’s how you know it’s real. True love can’t tell time, Cole. It doesn’t care if it’s five minutes or five years—when it’s there, it’s there.” “He’s right,” Dad says. “I wanted to ask your mom to be my wife within four days. I waited six more days before I told her. Two weeks later, we were in Vegas at the little chapel getting married. There was never any doubt about what your mom meant to me.” “Times are different,” I say weakly. “Times may be different,” Pop says. “But the things we feel in our hearts remain the same.” My breath is coming way too fast. Jumping up from the couch, I mumble something about needing to use the bathroom. I scurry down the hall, passing said bathroom before bursting out into the yard. Feeling like my knees won’t support me, I drop into a chair and try to focus on breathing slow and deep. Several minutes pass, long enough for me to feel I’ve regained some equilibrium. They were just talking crazy. It’s that old-fashioned mindset, I assure myself. I sit forward, preparing to go back into the living room, but then come to a stop as Devon comes through the sliding glass door on the other side of the patio. “Hey,” she says cheerfully. I feel better just seeing her. Sliding back in my chair, I hold open my arms. “Hey,” I answer. “Come sit.” She doesn’t hesitate, walking across the patio before taking a seat in my lap and wrapping her arms around my shoulders. “Are you in a brownie coma yet?” she asks. “Hell no,” I laugh. “I’d need to have eaten the whole pan to even feel like maybe I should slow down.” She throws her head back and laughs. “I’m not sure I like any food quite that much.” “Brownies are to me what sandwiches are to Lana,” I explain. Her eyes go wide as she looks down at me in shock. “What?” she croaks. “She’s always going on and on about sandwiches,” I remind her. “It’s clear she’s got an obsession with them.” Great body racking laughs erupt from her. “Oh my God,” she wheezes. “That…is…hilarious!” “What’s so funny?” She holds her hand up to indicate I should wait as she fans her face. “Lana was using sandwich as a euphemism for ménage,” Devon laughs. “She kept saying you and Ian were going to be the bread…” “Holy shit,” I exclaim. “I thought maybe she had some kind of sandwich OCD.” I force myself not to dwell on how wrong the idea of Ian touching Devon feels to me now. “Baby Boy,” my mom calls out from the other side of the patio. I cringe and hope Devon’s reaction to my mom talking to me like I’m two isn’t awful. When I peek up at her, she’s smiling. “What’s up, Mom?” “Gram wants to know if you two would like to watch a movie. Pop got the new Bond movie to watch with you.” “Let me ask Dev,” I answer. When I look up at her, she’s already nodding. “Totally into Bond,” she says.

“We’re in,” I call out. “But tell Gram I want at least four more brownies!” Mom chuckles as she closes the sliding door behind her. “You sure you’re cool hanging with the fam?” I ask Devon. “Of course,” Devon assures me. “I think they’re amazing.” “They are—and so are you.” She licks her lower lip and then smiles at me like I’ve just given her the most wonderful compliment ever. Leaning in, she drops a kiss on my lips. Lifting my hand to the back of her head, I hold her in place as I deepen it. She moans softly as she hugs me tighter. When I pull back, I let out a sigh and rub at her lower lip. “I so don’t want to stop,” I admit. “But I can’t walk around with a giant boner in my grandparents’ house.” She opens her mouth and takes the tip of my thumb inside before biting down gently and letting go. “I think it’s too late for that,” she says softly. “You were hard as soon as I sat down.” I let out a groan as I shift beneath her. “Just wait until we leave and I get those panties off,” I say huskily. “You’ll be coming all over my fingers before we hit the freeway.” Her eyes widen as she licks her lips. “Promise?” I nod. “Fuck yeah.” She kisses me again softly before standing up. “In that case, I’ll let you get yourself under control. I’m going to grab a glass of water before the movie. You want one?” “Yeah,” I answer. “That’d be great. Extra icy, obviously.” She chuckles as she retreats, and I watch her hips sway as she walks away. Now I’m stuck here wondering how the fuck I’m going to get my dick to go down so I can go inside. Leaning my head back against the chair, I let out a groan. Who sports wood at their grandparents’ house? Oh right, me.



Sometimes I feel like I’m living a lie. In an effort to keep Ian from figuring out Cole and I are still fooling around, we don’t paw at each other when he’s around. Which, if I’m honest, is annoying. We’re absolutely nowhere with Ian—not that I want to be. And, to be blunt, neither does he. He doesn’t at all act as though he wants to be with us, but he’s not addressing it, which is weird. I’m starting to think his whole thing with Cole was nothing more than hero worship. If it was more than that, I don’t see it anymore. If I thought Ian was uncomfortable with us before, it’s been amped up about four hundred percent in the last three weeks. He avoids the two of us like we’ve got the plague, and when he does have to interact with either of us, it’s so stilted you could walk on it at the circus. Cole and I are together every night. Either he sleeps at my house or I sleep at his—but it isn’t discussed with everyone else. Not the way everyone knows how Tessa is living with Flynn. Where that’s public knowledge—seriously, I think Flynn might take out a billboard—Cole keeps us hush-hush. It bothers me that he doesn’t talk to his best friend about it. Am I kidding myself here? I don’t think I am—especially not when we’re together. He dotes on me and constantly needs to be touching me in some way. I live for the end of the day so we can go home together and be ourselves. But, I fear, at some point that’s not going to be enough. I want to scale his walls and work through whatever his issue is, but I can’t lie and say it doesn’t hurt my pride that he isn’t claiming me publicly. Which makes me feel like crap because I was pretty sure going in this wasn’t going to be a quick expedition. It’s just frustrating seeing Tessa and Flynn being all lovey-dovey around the clock. I want that with Cole—and I hate how jealous I feel. It’s a big day—I’m meeting with Tyson, privately, at his request. My cameras are ready to capture whatever it is he’s about to reveal, but I admit I’m really nervous. Cole hugged me extra tight this morning before I left and apologized because he couldn’t be the one to tell me. “He specifically asked to tell you first,” he said. “He just feels more comfortable with you than Ian. I don’t want to take that away from him. He needs to know I kept my word—that we all did—and never said anything.” I put my hand against his cheek in a soothing gesture. “I wouldn’t have let you tell me,” I assure him. “It’s best for the documentary—and for Tyson—if it’s organic.” He sighed deeply as he nodded. “I know, it’s just hard sending you in blind. I feel like an asshole. All I can tell you is to prepare yourself emotionally. It’s not a good story.” I kissed him, putting all of my emotion into it. When we separated, I smiled up at him. “Being a good friend doesn’t make you an asshole,” I scolded. “In fact, it only makes me like you more.” It does, too. I like that he has integrity and I love how close he and the band are. It’s a fully functioning brotherhood, something deeply personal that bonds them all together in a way I know will last a lifetime. They’re very lucky to have found each other. A few minutes into my journey, my cell rings. Seeing it’s Lana, I smile as I hit the button on my dash to

answer. “Hey—I’m on my way to Tyson’s,” I remind her. “I know,” she laughs. “I’m just doing my daily check-in to see if you’ve gotten the D yet.” “You’re an insane person,” I grumble. “So clearly, still no D up in your V,” she counters. “My V is still sadly D free,” I admit. “Just get him hard and slide down on it while he sleeps. You need Vitamin Dick bad, so you’ve got to do whatever you have to in order to get it,” she teases. “I’m surviving just fine, thank you,” I retort. “I’m in orgasm heaven.” “I can totally get down with not needing the D,” she laughs. “Putting aside the fact that you’re attracted to guys, on many occasions you’ve told me not getting the D during sex would be really, really shitty. So this has got to suck.” I groan as I smack my steering wheel. “It’s not shitty and it doesn’t suck—but yes, I want it. Bad. Fingers and dildos aren’t doing it,” I admit. “You’re going to need to tell him,” she says seriously. “Yeah… I guess I am. Soon.” Seeing the entrance for Tyson’s neighborhood, I realize I need to get off the phone. “Sorry to cut this short, but I have to bail. I’m here.” “All right lady—get in there and kick ass. I love you and I’ll talk to you later.” “Love you, too,” I say before disconnecting. After being approved for entrance at the neighborhood security stop, I make my way down Tyson’s street. Driving through his front gate, I marvel at how wild it is to live with so much security. Cole has told me even with the best security in place, there’s always the chance a super fan can get past it. Tyson comes out into the driveway to greet me, and he helps me take all of my gear into the house. He’s trying not to be, but it’s apparent he’s anxious and on edge. “How was traffic,” he asks. “No traffic at all,” I answer. “It took about ten minutes to get here. Not having to get on the freeway meant it was easy.” He makes a hmm sound as he watches me start unpacking the first camera. “That’s weird,” he remarks. “I thought you lived in Thousand Oaks.” My eyes go wide and I almost drop my camera. “I, uh—” “You know who lives about ten minutes from me?” he asks. “Um—” “Flynn and Cole both do, actually,” he says. “Gavin’s just down the road. Flynn’s dealing with Tessa issues and Gavin’s out looking for some book Bree wants. That leaves Cole.” “Please—” He waves me off with a laugh. “I’m just fucking with you. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. Well, I won’t tell anyone else. Gavin and I have known for weeks. Flynn’s just an idiot who isn’t noticing shit lately.” I gape at him as I process his words. “How did you know?” He gives me a look that clearly says he wasn’t born yesterday. “I’ve known Cole for way too long not to notice when anything changes with him. You spend that amount of time with three other dudes, you pick up on things. I admit, Gavin noticed first, but once he did, I got there pretty fast.” Of course, Gavin noticed first. I should’ve known.

“We’ve come up with a guess about why he’s being an asshole and keeping it a secret,” Tyson continues. My eyebrows shoot up toward my hairline as I stare at him. “Just nod if I’m right or give me the finger if you’re insulted,” he instructs. “I’m thinking he’s still playing the whole I have to be in a three person relationship game. Like that’s ever going to happen.” “And worse, he’s convinced himself Ian could be the third,” he continues tersely. “Like he would let that shithead put one finger on you.” I nod, but then realize I disagree with something he just said. “Ian isn’t a shithead—” “He kind of is,” Tyson counters. “I mean, not like an evil motherfucker, but Jesus. He’s so uptight I could mine for diamonds in his sphincter. He’s a decent guy when he feels he’s in comfortable territory, but if there’s any disruption in the force, he fuckin’ melts down. It makes me anxious. Although, I guess I’m not one to talk about needing routine,” he says with a self-deprecating laugh. “I think we all like routine,” I assure him softly. He smiles at me, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “I appreciate you saying that. I like you,” he says. “You were the best choice for this job, and I’ve known since I saw your YouTube video that when it came time to talk about my past, I’d be able to tell you. The idea of letting it out isn’t so bad knowing you’ll be the one asking questions.” He looks heartbreakingly sad and so weighed down with it, I hurt for him. I walk across the room quickly and set my hand on his arm. “You don’t need to do this,” I assure him. “We don’t need it. The documentary can go forward without you ever having to put whatever this is out there. You’re entitled to your privacy.” He looks down at my hand for a second before lifting his eyes to mine. “This. This is why it had to be you,” he says. “Anyone else would’ve pushed. Ian, the asshole, has been pushing for weeks. He’s nice about it—but it always feels like he’s doing it just to have something bigger for the book. Like I’m not a real person. I don’t know—maybe that’s just me projecting, but it’s how I feel. I just couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone but you.” Taking a breath, he steps back and stands up straight. “I’m done running,” he says firmly. “What I’m doing today is just the first step in something I should’ve started a long time ago.” His resolve firm, he helps me set up the cameras and my monitoring equipment. When the time comes and we sit down for the interview, he cuts right to the chase and tells me his story. I keep it together, but it’s more difficult than I could ever have imagined. He shares pictures with me, even cries a few times. I stay rock solid for him, holding his hand when he needs comfort. Otherwise, I just listen and let him talk at his own pace. Gavin and his sister Bree arrived as I was packing to go. Their timing was impeccable, but I guess it would be considering Tyson texted Gavin when I stopped rolling. I’d never been so relieved to see two people in my life. After I left, alone in my car, I burst into tears.

When my car crests the top of Cole’s driveway, I see him sitting on the front steps waiting for me. On the drive back here from Tyson’s, all I’d been able to focus on was getting to Cole, because I need comfort. It’s at this moment that I realize something huge—I’m falling in love with him.

As I’m parking the car, I see him rushing toward me. Pulling the key from the ignition, I open the door and fall into his arms. “It’s okay,” he says soothingly, “and you did so good, baby. Tyson called and said you did everything you could to make it easy for him.” Tears pour down my cheeks as I hold on tight to Cole. I’m surprised when he hands me a wad of tissues, but glad to have them. I wipe frantically at my right eye trying to catch my tears as my left eye soaks his shirt. “I can’t… I never…” Getting words out is impossible when I’m crying this hard. The floodgates are open right now and I can’t get them to close. “I know,” he murmurs. “I know.” “He… my… heart,” I wail. “It’s so… horrible!” Cole is my rock, holding on tight with one arm as his other rubs up and down my back. “The pictures,” I choke out through my sobs. “So beautiful. How?” “I don’t know,” he says thickly. “If I could change one thing for anyone, I’d change that for him. We’d all give anything to change it.” I nod against his chest as I let out a shuddering breath. “I wanted to hug him so badly,” I say with a sniffle. “It was so hard to keep it inside. It wasn’t what he needed, though. I had to stay strong, but the entire time I wanted to curl into a ball and cry.” “I’m sorry,” he murmurs. Shaking my head, I push back from his chest and wipe at my eyes with the now soaked tissues. “I’m not,” I assure him. “I hate that he held it all inside of him for all these years. He needed to get it out.” “I know,” he murmurs. “It’s just fucking awful.” “He knows,” I say softly. “About us. He knows.” I brace myself for a freakout, because Cole’s been so gung-ho about being secretive. Instead, he laughs. “Yeah. I figured that out when he called to tell me you were on your way home. He told me I’d need to try harder to get one over on him,” he admits with a chuckle. “You okay with him knowing?” I ask. “I’m proud to be with you,” he assures me. My heart skips a few beats and I smile happily as he guides us inside. He doesn’t hesitate or ask me what I want to do. Instead, he leads me upstairs and into the bathroom, and has me sit on the marble surround of the tub. He keeps an eye on me as he fills the tub up and adds bath salts and bubble bath to the steaming water. When he’s finished, he stands me up and strips me down before handing me a clip to put my hair up in. After I finish doing that, he helps me into the tub. “This is the kind of day you need to wash off,” he says. “It’s the only thing that will help.” I nod my agreement as I lean back and relax against the headrest. I know he’s moving around the bathroom and the bedroom, but I stay quiet and focus on my breathing. About ten minutes later, I hear the sound of his footsteps on the tile floor. “Didn’t fall asleep did you, baby?” I open my eyes to show him I’m alert as I shake my head. “Mm-mm,” I sigh. “Just enjoying the water. You were right—it’s helping.” He takes a seat on the marble surround, grabs a washcloth from the large basket behind my head and then sticks his hand into the water. After ringing it out, he carefully starts washing my face. “I’ve got raccoon eyes don’t I?” He chuckles softly. “Just a little.”

“So much for waterproof,” I sigh. “It held up for a while, but toward the end, it was a lost cause. Doesn’t matter,” he says huskily. “You still look beautiful.” Did I say falling in love? Because what I meant was in love. I can’t imagine spending any time away from this man—nor can I imagine ever wanting anyone but him. No one else can or will ever compare. Bringing my hand up through the water, I capture a handful of bubbles and hold them up before blowing some his way. “You could help this along by getting in,” I murmur. “Yeah?” I nod silently. Right now, I want the body contact. I need to feel connected to life and more specifically to Cole. He sheds his clothes quickly before joining me in the gargantuan tub. It’s a two—heck, maybe even three or four—person tub, so he’s able to sit right next to me. I smile when he wraps an arm around my shoulder and pulls me close. With a contented sigh, I let my head drop to his shoulder. With his free hand, he gestures to the TV. “Wanna watch something light? It might help.” I think about it for half a second before nodding. “Yeah. I was watching The Golden Girls last night in the shower so the DVD is already in there. You okay to watch that?” He’s gotten me totally hooked on the show, which is kind of hilarious. He beams at me with a look of pride. “My girl and my Golden Girls? Count me in.” I smile as he presses the buttons on the remote and The Golden Girls starts. Even with all his talk about not wanting to be in a single relationship, he treats me like his queen. I can’t imagine him ever letting Ian or anyone else get in on this relationship. The tub is huge and could certainly hold more people, but it feels like it’s just the two of us. I think it’s because that’s how it’s meant to be. Now I just need to get him to admit that so we can be open about how we feel. We’re supposed to be together, I know it. By the time the episode is over, I’m overly pruned. Holding up my hand to show Cole, I giggle. “I think it’s time to get out,” I tell him. He smiles down at me and nods. “You feeling better?” he questions. I nod. “The bath helped—now all I can do is let it settle. It was just…” “Shocking,” he supplies. “Yeah,” I agree. “That’s it exactly.” He looks me over as he trails his finger down the side of my face softly. “Let me wash us up real quick and then we can take this party into the bedroom.” Whenever we’re in the bathtub or the shower, he washes me. It’s just another reason I know he feels something for me he’ll never feel for Ian. I could no sooner imagine him doting on Ian—or anyone else for that matter—than I could imagine him behind a desk working nine to five. He makes quick work of washing us both from neck to toes and then he gets out and dries off. After wrapping a towel around his waist, he pulls a warm towel from the wall rack for me and holds it out. Stepping from the tub, I let out a contented sigh as the warm fabric envelops me. “That towel warmer is maybe the best thing in the whole entire world,” I rave. He grins at me as he pulls me into his arms. “You do like things on the hotter side,” he murmurs. Looking up, I grin. “I do. In fact, I’d like something really, really hot right about now.” I rub against him suggestively and bite my lip as I look at him innocently. “Are you up for it?” “Bedroom,” he commands. “Now.” I spin fast, running for the bedroom at high speed, giggling like an idiot because I feel him hot on my

heels. When I’m within range of the bed, I spring forward and dive onto it, landing with a whoosh of air. Cole is right behind me, coming behind me and pulling my towel off. I realize he’s shed his towel when I feel his erection against the back of my thigh as he wraps me in a bear hug. “You feel so fucking good,” he says as he cups my breasts in his hands. As he swirls his fingers over the stiffened peaks, he runs his tongue down the side of my neck. “And you taste like heaven,” he murmurs. Reaching my arm back, I put it around his neck and bring him forward. “Kiss me,” I whimper. He lets go of my right breast and brings his hand up to cup my jaw. Holding me in place, he seals my lips with his and kisses me deeply. My core clenches as his tongue slides against mine, and I moan into his mouth when he pinches my nipple. With my free hand, I reach behind me and grip his shaft, pumping up and down slowly. Tearing his mouth from mine, he sets his forehead on my shoulder. “Baby,” he growls. “I need you,” I tell him softly. “I’ve got you,” he assures me huskily. He pulls back and helps me turn over. Spreading my legs, he leans in and starts dropping kisses on my sex. When he spreads me with his fingers and licks from bottom to top, I shiver. “Mm,” he murmurs. “I love the taste of you so fucking much.” My head rolls from side to side when he starts nibbling on my clit. I’ve never had anyone go down on me the way he does. My breath starts coming in gasps when he slides a finger in and curls it so he can tap against my g-spot. “Cole,” I whimper. The scrape of his beard against my most sensitive area makes me clench my legs against his shoulders, which earns a chuckle from him. I feel the vibration against my clit, which makes me gasp. My hands go to my breasts so I can play with my nipples. There’s a loud smacking sound as he detaches from my clit and groans. “Fuckin’ love watching you play with those perfect tits,” he says huskily. I arch my back as I pinch harder. “Makes me so wet,” I whisper. He makes a choked sound before dropping his head and swirling his tongue against me aggressively. I rock against him desperately as he takes his finger out and adds another. “Oh fuck,” I murmur. “So good!” He works my clit like a master, the sound of my wetness apparent as he laps at me. Knowing how much he loves it only makes me more desperate. Pinching my nipples, I twist them until it’s almost painful and then let go. I do it again and again as I thrust against his mouth. When he sucks the hood of my clit into his mouth, I shriek. “I’m going to come!” My breath leaves me entirely as my body starts to light up, but he stops. I let out a frustrated wail. “No!” Coming up over me, he covers my mouth with his and kisses me desperately. My taste is on his tongue and his beard is wet with me, and I love it. My thighs go around his waist as I grip his shoulders. The way I’m glued to him allows me to feel his cock hard and hot against my sex. Breaking the kiss, he looks down at me with wide and lust-filled eyes. “I want to eat you while you suck me. You’ll come on my tongue while I come down your throat.” This position is making me crazy. I want him to take me and this is like a tease. Arching up, I rub my clit against his shaft. “Eat me later,” I whimper. “I want you inside of me, Cole. I need you to fuck me.”

“Baby—” Letting go of his shoulders, I grip his face and force him to look at me. “Fuck. Me. Now. I need you!” Seeing the conflict on his face deflates me. Goddammit, when will he give me all of him? My heart drops when he pulls back, and I realize he’s going to deny me. And then everything in me grinds to a halt when I feel the head of his cock against my opening. “Do it,” I beg. “Do it. Please, do it.” His jaw is clenched as he looks into my eyes and slips the head in. He stops there with just the one inch of him seated inside of me. “I can’t go easy,” he gasps. “I need to fuck you hard. If you’re not ready—” Grabbing his ass with my hands, I dig my fingernails in. “Fuck me,” I command. “I’m yours.” He slams into me hard, moving me up on the bed with the force of it. I shriek out as I feel my body trying to adjust to his size. “Devon,” he groans. “Your cunt is perfect.” The way he says it shouldn’t be erotic, but somehow it is. My sex clenches around him desperately as he starts thrusting in and out, battering my body with his. “Oh fuck,” I shriek. “Oh fuck, oh, fuck, holy fuck!” I’ve never dropped so many F-bombs at once—but the moment warrants them. His dick is like heaven inside of me, hitting every nerve ending perfectly to bring me the most pleasure possible. He fucks hard, conquering me with his cock. “So good,” he groans. “So tight.” I know I’m leaving nail marks on his ass and his lower back, and I don’t care. When you’re being fucked like I am right now, it doesn’t matter. I rise up to meet his every downward thrust, screaming out when he hits that sweet spot deep inside of me again and again. The orgasm I was near earlier has roared back to life, times ten. I gasp for air as I beg him to keep going. “Come all over my dick,” he groans. My back arches as he goes deep and his pubic bone slams against my clit. I let out a wail as my pussy clenches and I lose it. My body hits the peak at a million miles an hour, and he fucks me through it like a madman. I’m still being hit with aftershocks when he pulls back and repositions me, lifting my legs and pushing them back against my chest. Our eyes lock as he fucks me savagely, sweat dripping from his face down onto mine. It takes some maneuvering but when I’m able I bring my hand forward and slide it between us to feel our connection. It’s hot and wet, which means my fingers slide around effortlessly. I moan as I rub my fingers against my clit, circling softly as he thrusts. My sex is sensitive after coming, but I still feel desperate. Bringing my hand out from between us, I lift it to him before sliding two fingers into his mouth. He sucks hard, moaning as his tongue flicks against my fingers. His eyes are liquid pools of fire as he pulls back and lets my fingers drop out. “Tasting your cunt only makes me want to fuck you harder,” he groans. “You’re incredible.” I tighten up against him, knowing I’m going to come again. “Keep fucking me,” I beg. “Don’t ever stop.” “Never,” he vows. I love the way he fucks me, wild and desperate like he can’t get enough. “Rub your clit,” he commands. “I want to feel this pussy coming again.” I work my hand back between us, sliding it right to my clit without question. My breath starts coming in desperate gasps as I rub it, and I feel my arousal flooding against his dick.

“So fucking wet,” he groans. “So good.” “Cole,” I cry. “Cole!” “I’m going to come in you,” he whimpers as he bucks into me furiously. “So deep.” “Yes, oh yes, oh yes,” I whimper as my head rolls from side to side. “Come in me,” I beg. “Come, come, come!” Somehow he fucks harder, the bed groaning in protest as we slam against each other over and over again. I feel the exact instant he loses it, the first jet of his come hot and wet inside of me. Rubbing faster, I come apart as he begins to release blast after blast inside of me. Cole yells my name as he comes while I just yell incoherently. I’ve never let anyone come inside me before, so this is a whole new world. The feeling of his come flooding my already wet pussy is almost too much, and it’s making me come harder than I ever have. He keeps thrusting until we’re both completely done, and then he just drops onto me, burying his face against my neck. Wrapping my arms around his shoulders, I hold him tight as we both gasp for air. When I can feel anything other than my still-quivering sex, I unlink my arms and slide one of my hands into his extremely damp hair. “Sweaty,” I murmur. He chuckles huskily. “Just burned all the calories I ate today,” he mumbles against my neck. “Did you hear music?” I question. “Everlong,” he answers. “Came so hard, I heard almost the whole thing.” I sigh happily as I squeeze his waist with my legs. “Everlong.” I like that, a lot.



What do I do after the best sex of my entire fucking life? Panic. I was fine and now suddenly, I’m not. Pulling out of Devon, I wince as she clenches against me and makes an annoyed sound. “Sorry,” I mumble. “It’s okay,” she murmurs tiredly. “Just hurts to lose you.” Her eyes are closed, and I can tell she’s nodding off. After the day she’s had, I can’t say I blame her. Leaving the bedroom, I head into the bathroom and go right for the sink. Looking at myself in the mirror, I let out a heavy sigh. I look completely wrecked, like I just fucked for a decade. Grabbing a washcloth, I turn on the cold water and run it under the faucet. Wringing it out, I wipe my face and chest, and then re-wet it with warmer water before washing my dick off. Jesus, the way the two of us came. It was a seismic fucking event. I scowl at my dick as it perks up at the thought of coming inside of Devon. “Not now, fucker,” I groan. My dick doesn’t listen. It starts to harden as memories of what just happened on my bed come at me one by one. The feeling of that first push inside her tight cunt is something I will never forget. I’m in totally new and completely uncharted territory and I’m freaking the hell out. Being inside of her, feeling that connection—I wanted to tell her I love her. I know I do, but I just don’t know if I can handle being only with her. What if something happens to her? What then? Would I survive? Rubbing my palm against my heart, I stare at myself in the mirror. It’s my job to keep Devon happy, so I can’t ever let on how freaked I am right now. It wouldn’t be right. Still, I need to get my shit together and make some kind of a plan. Now that Tyson knows—and he was kind enough to tell me Gavin does, too— it’s only a matter of time until Flynn knows. And once he’s clued in… I just fucking know I’ve got a real serious talk coming my way. Forcing myself to shake off those thoughts, I grab another washcloth and wet it with warm water. When I walk back into the bedroom, Devon is still in the same position I left her in. Looking up, I find that she’s awake—barely. Climbing onto the bed, I spread her legs. “Washcloth,” I tell her. “I’m going to clean you up.” She nods and then lets out a yawn. I carefully wipe her down, making sure she’s as come free as I can get her before I throw the washcloth toward the closet where the hampers are. “You look tired,” I murmur. “I’m fucking famished so I’m going to go nuke some food. You want anything, or are you too sleepy?” She yawns again, lifting her arms and stretching. My dick perks up even more, horny motherfucker. “Mm,” she murmurs. “So hungry. I want all the food.” Part of why I like—oh, fuck it, love—Devon is because she’s funny and has very little in the way of filters. “Let’s get our grub on then,” I laugh. She surprises me by sitting up fast. “Yep,” she says. “I’m starving.” I watch her ass sway as she walks toward the closet, and my goddamn dick forces me to follow. I

want to bend her over and fuck her from behind, watching that sexy ass jiggle as I thrust. As she walks, she says something I don’t catch. “Huh?” Looking back over her shoulder, she raises an eyebrow. “I was asking if we should order pizza, too. But judging by the way you’re staring at my ass, I’m thinking food isn’t on your mind anymore.” I forcibly shake my lust-filled thoughts away before smiling at her. “Guilty, but we’ve got to eat so I’m going to be good.” She chuckles as she walks past the area of the closet I demanded she take for herself. Instead of taking something of hers, she opens up one of my T-shirt drawers and pulls out a concert tee. “Grab me one,” I call out as I open a drawer and pull out a pair of boxer briefs. Taking the next shirt in the drawer, she tosses it over to me. I clutch it in my hand and watch as she puts on the T-shirt she chose. When she looks up at me, she smiles. “I’m ready to be fed.” I swallow tensely as I stare at her. “No fucking panties,” I groan. “I figure I don’t need to bother,” she answers. “Easy access and all that.” I make a pained noise. “Jesus, woman. I barely have enough blood in the big head to function,” I admit. She looks pointedly at my cock and licks her lips. “I like it,” she murmurs. Fuck food, I’ve got something far, far better. I drop the clothes I was planning to put on down to the floor without another thought for them. “Are you wet?” Biting her lip, she nods. “You want me to fuck you?” She nods again. “Such a bad girl,” I murmur. “I love it.” She smiles at me, a mix of naughty schoolgirl and slutty nurse. I’ve never wanted to fuck anyone this badly before in my life. “This is going to be fast,” I tell her. She pulls the T-shirt off in an instant, which leaves her standing before me naked and proud. Gesturing to the central closet island, I smile. “Turn around, bend forward and hold onto the edge,” I instruct. She complies, sticking her ass out as she gets into position. Coming up behind her, I fist my cock and guide myself to her opening. I groan when I feel her wet heat on the tip of my dick. She wasn’t joking— she’s seriously fucking wet. I thought I was going to pound the fuck out of her from the get-go, but instead, I find myself sliding in slowly. I watch as my cock disappears inside of her, pushing against her back so she’s all the way down on the island dresser. I let out a groan when I’m all the way in and flush up against her sexy ass, and she lets out a moan as her pussy clenches around me like a fist. “Spank me,” she whispers. I pull back just enough to give myself room before smacking my hand down on her ass. I feel her getting wetter as she tightens around me. I reward her with two more quick smacks before thrusting back in, so hard that her feet come up off the carpet and she yells out in surprise. “Jesus,” she cries. “It’s so deep this way.” “Such a tight little cunt,” I growl. “Fuck it,” she whimpers. “Fuck it hard.” I ignore her, pulling back out slowly as I drop more smacks on her ass. It jiggles so fucking perfectly I

can barely control the thunderous need in my veins. I feel like I’m goddamn drowning in her. I let out a guttural yell as I slam back into her, drinking in her scream with a smile. This time, I keep going, pounding into her relentlessly, each thrust bringing her feet up and off the carpet. I hold on to her waist to keep her from falling forward as I fuck into her, and she tightens that perfect fucking cunt up on me as she begs me to go harder. She comes with a scream, her pussy creaming hot against my cock as she tightens against me. My breath is coming out like I’m running the Boston marathon, and I couldn’t give less of a shit. All that matters is being inside of Devon—fucking Devon, making her mine, coming in her, marking her. My mind is an endless loop of Devon. “Come in me,” she cries. “Fill me up.” Those are magic fucking words if ever I’ve heard any. Coming inside of her may be the best goddamn thing I’ve ever done. I thrust harder, faster, and she slams back against me for every one. “Whose pussy is this?” I demand. Her pussy all but locks me down as she lets out a wail. My grip on her waist tightens as I slam into her again and again. “Answer me. Whose pussy is this?” I growl. “Yours,” she shrieks. “Say my name,” I command. “Say it.” “Cole,” she screams. “It’s yours. Cole!” A sound comes out of me I’ve never heard in my fuckin’ life as my balls tighten up and I completely lose it. I pound into her frantically, the sound of a familiar song playing in my head. It gets louder as my dick jerks and then starts spewing come deep inside this perfect fucking woman. She surprises me when she starts shaking and then cries out as she comes, too. I’m so fucking gone I can’t stay upright. I fall back onto my ass, pulling her down with me. She lets out a scream and slumps forward, clutching onto the carpet as she impales herself on me over and over again. “Cole,” she cries. “Fuck!” I’m in pass out territory when she stops moving. I’ve come so fucking hard my dick feels like it needs a day pass to a spa or some shit, and my heart is pounding quadruple time. We stay like this for a while, neither of us saying anything. After a few minutes, she sits up and pulls off of me. I let out a pained noise when I watch my come slide out of her. Jesus. If I weren’t fairly certain I would die if I tried, I’d be trying to get back inside of her. I’ve never come in someone before—I’ve now lost it inside of her twice. I murmur something in gibberish when she stands up. Holding up a finger, she tells me to hold on. I stay on the floor of the closet and watch her wander off, wondering what she’s up to. It feels like only seconds have passed when she walks back in with two Gatorades and a pack of Twinkies. “Couldn’t make it downstairs,” she murmurs. “But there was Gatorade in the fridge by the TV and you never ate the Twinkies you brought up last night.” It takes real fucking effort to sit up. Taking the plastic bottle from her, I twist the cap off and down almost the entire thing. As I do, she rips open the Twinkies and takes a bite of one before handing the other to me. “Oh God,” she whimpers after she inhales the entire thing. “That was so fucking good.” I eat mine just as quickly, and she chugs her Gatorade while I do. After I finish my Twinkie, I drink the end of my Gatorade. Looking over at me, she laughs. “Bed?” I nod. “I don’t think I could get any farther,” I admit. “Me either,” she agrees. I stand first and then help her up. Holding hands, we walk into the bathroom. My toilet is in a separate

room of its own, so she uses it first before I follow. When I come out, she’s just finishing cleaning herself with a washcloth. My dick twitches, but thankfully doesn’t rise all the way. I’m pretty sure if I fuck her again tonight, it’ll kill us both. After we wash our hands, we link fingers again and head to the bedroom. I don’t so much get into bed as I fall in, and Devon lands on top of me. I don’t even have the strength to grab the comforter. Instead, I wrap my arms around her and close my eyes. I’m starting to doze off when I hear her say something. “Huh?” “I heard music this time,” she says drowsily. “Yeah?” She nods against my chest. “What did you hear?” “Everlong.” I smile tiredly. “Power of suggestion,” I chuckle. “Did you hear one?” she asks. I nod. “Aerosmith. ‘Angel.’ ” I actually feel her smile against my chest. “You’re a romantic,” she sighs. If I weren’t so tired, the anxiety those words produced might have kept me awake. Instead, I squeezed her tight and let myself drift off.

The past few weeks have been unbelievable. It’s been one thing after another, and much of it has been really scary. Flynn’s newly-found sisters were kidnapped by two deranged maniacs which was godawful. Todd wound up having to shoot and kill one of the women before she could kill one of the twins. Everyone is understandably shaken up about the whole thing, and because everything was going to hell, the start of the tour was delayed. Tomorrow morning we’re heading off to Arizona for the late tour start and it’s breaking my heart to see how anxious Cole and Flynn are about leaving. There’s still a significant amount of danger, and cancelling or postponing the tour entirely was high on the agenda. Only, the head of security for the Hart family interceding to ask for one of the recently discovered Hart offspring to go on the tour changed their mind. Once it was pointed out that everyone going off in separate directions would actually help Flynn’s sisters, it quickly became all systems go. With everything going on, Cole and I haven’t seen much of Ian at all. I’m more than fine with that, but I know at some point it’s going to need to be addressed. Cole hasn’t mentioned him, but I’m not fool enough to believe the issue has been dropped. I still don’t have an answer as to why Cole thinks one-on-one relationships aren’t ideal, and I’m going to need one. All of the conflict and chaos around us has only brought us closer together—but our careful avoidance of being affectionate in public goes on. I have a finite amount of patience for that subterfuge left. Soon either he’s going to crack or I will. All I know for sure is that hell will freeze over before I ever agree to Ian joining us.

“Babe! Where’s your luggage checklist?” Slamming the bedroom door behind me, I hurry down the hall before running down the stairs. “It’s right here,” I say breathlessly, waving my notepad at him. He grins as he takes it from me and turns to his assistant and the limo driver. “Alright boys, we’ve got our marching orders. Let’s match everything we just lugged out to the driveway to this list and make sure we’ve got everything.” Thank goodness Cole is on his A game right now, because I woke up late and I’m totally frazzled. It’s his fault though, so that counts for something. He was busy making love to me half the damn night, and I didn’t fall asleep until almost dawn. Right now, my primary concern is making sure all of my gear gets onto the plane. From there, Cole’s assistant Harrison is in charge of making sure it gets where it needs to go every time we move from one venue to another. I was iffy about giving up that control, but Cole says once I get used to it, I’ll be thrilled. Here’s hoping he’s right. I’m thankful for the extra few minutes I’ve got before we have to leave. Wandering into the living room, I pull out my cell and FaceTime Lana.

“You best not be calling to tell me you’re already a member of the Mile High Club,” she says as we connect. “Gross,” I laugh. “I’d never do that with a plane full of people around, you dork.” She wiggles her eyebrows and laughs. “I totally would,” she asserts. “I’d argue, but I know damn well you would.” Her face gets more serious as she leans closer to her phone. “Are you nervous?” I nod. “Totally.” “You’re going to be fine,” she assures me. “Better than fine, even. You’re going to be kickass.” “Thank you. I already feel better.” “It’s all that Vitamin D you’ve been getting,” she snorts. “I haven’t seen any Vitamin D laying around,” Cole remarks as he comes into the room. I glare at Lana on my screen as I shake my head. “Vitamin D is dick,” she hollers. “Your dick, to be specific!” Instead of getting offended, he takes it in stride and throws his head back as he barks out a laugh. “You’re a fuckin’ lunatic,” he tells her. “And don’t you forget it,” she says. “’Cause I’m the lunatic who will break half of your guitars before donating the other half to some shitty boy band if you ever hurt my friend.” Cole clutches his chest and gasps. “What the hell, woman! You’d give my fuckin’ guitars to talentless hacks?” “Hoes before bros,” she counters. “I’ll remember that at Christmas,” he tells her. “I hate to cut this love fest off,” I laugh, “but we have to roll out. I just wanted to call and say goodbye. I’ll text after the show tonight.” “I’ll miss you,” she says seriously. “I’ll miss you, too,” I assure her. “Don’t forget to send me care packages of the hotel soaps and shampoos every week. I bet you’re going to get some real swank shit.” Bending down, Cole looks at my phone. “Lana, if you need shampoo, we’ll just send you some big bottles. You don’t need to use samples.” She gasps like he just told her he robbed a bank. “You most certainly will not,” she exclaims. “Those hotel sizes are like diamonds to me. Why go with the big size when you can sample everything?” Cole nods his understanding as I shake my head in annoyance. “That’s great for shampoo,” I say dryly. “But you really need to stop applying that philosophy to other areas of your life. Like dating.” She rolls her eyes. “Enough with the lectures, Grandma,” she says dryly. “Have a safe flight!” “Talk to you later,” I yell. “Love you!” “Love you too, skank. Take care of my main ho, Vitamin D.” “I got her,” he laughs. Ending the call, I stand from my chair. “We ready?” “Everything is present and accounted for,” he assures me. “All that’s missing now is your ass in the limo seat.” Looping my arm through his, I let him lead me into the driveway. I let go when he steps aside to hold the car door open for me, and I quickly slide across the buttery leather and sink into the seat with a sigh of contentment. Once he’s seated and the door is closed, Cole slides over so we’re thigh to thigh and wraps his arm around me.

“You’re all keyed up,” he murmurs before dropping a kiss on my lips. Seeing no point in denying it, I nod. “It’s like starting a new job.” Smiling, he traces my lower lip with his thumb. “You’re doing great,” he assures me. “There’s nothing to be nervous about at all. You know what I bet would make you feel better?” I look up at him and sigh. This man is so gorgeous it’s ridiculous. Every single time I’m near him, I get butterflies. “Some Vitamin D?” His eyes widen before he bursts out laughing. “I was going to say we should watch some TV, but if you need your vitamins…” “Yeah?” “Fuck yeah,” he assures me. Since the first night we made love, we’ve been at it every day. The morning after, I sensed he was going to reinstate the no sex rule, but I was not having it. Before he could get the words out, I dropped to my knees and sucked his cock until he was with me one hundred percent. Once he was, I climbed onto him and rode him like a madwoman. There’s been no resistance from him ever since. Lifting my hand, I put it on his knee and start gliding it up his leg. When I get to the front of his jeans, I undo the button and the zipper before pulling him out of his boxer briefs. He lets out a guttural sound when I run my thumb over the tip of his cock, and I smile at him as he leans in for a kiss. Every one of his kisses is like a dose of euphoria to me. I hum as I lean in closer and let him dominate my mouth. He makes a sound of annoyance when I pull away, but I’ve got what I want in my hand and I mean to have it. Sliding down the seat, I get to my knees on the floor. His fingers slide into my hair and his nostrils flare as he looks at me. “When I said Vitamin D, I meant you could bounce on top of it like a good little girl,” he groans. “I’d fill you up with all of the D you need.” Leaning forward, I lick the tip of his dick as I stare at him. When I pull back, I give him an innocent smile. “I’ll be bouncing on it later,” I promise him. “But right now, I need to take my vitamins orally,” I murmur. Sticking my tongue out, I start licking up and down his length as I revel in the sound of his heavy breathing. In the time we’ve been together, I’ve learned how much he loves eye contact when I give him head, so my eyes stay on his as I work his shaft. “Such a good little cocksucker,” he says huskily. I hum my appreciation of the compliment as I raise my head until only the very tip of him is in my mouth. The vibration from my hum against his most sensitive spot makes him shudder. I vary my speed, taking him deep and jerking the lower portion of his cock with my hand. Throwing his head back, he lets out a harsh sound as he thrusts his dick into my mouth. When he lifts his head up and our eyes meet again, his are wide and feral with longing. “Teeth,” he says pleadingly. “I’m so close.” I nod my head before gently scraping the underside of his cock with my teeth as I pull up. His hands hold my hair firmly as he bucks into my mouth with a long groan. “Devon,” he whimpers. “So good.” I use my upper teeth on the way down, giving him a different sensation. I know he’s there when his eyes roll back and he lets out a harsh yelp. “Fuck!” As always, I stay on him until I’ve swallowed every drop. When I’m finished, I pull off and lightly

swirl my tongue against the tip, causing him to shiver. “So good,” he sighs. “One of these days, I think I’m going to leave my body mid-suck.” I giggle as I tuck him back into his briefs before pulling his zipper up and buttoning his jeans. “I need you too much for you to go anywhere,” I say huskily. “Plus, I don’t think I could survive without your Vitamin D.” He goes from being near boneless to pretty damn tense within seconds, and I look behind my shoulder in alarm, hoping the driver didn’t put the partition down while I had a mouth full of Cole’s dick. Seeing that it’s closed, I swivel my head back toward Cole. He’s got a far away look on his face, and I get the impression he’s not really seeing me at all. “What is it?” I ask as I get off my knees and sit down next to him. “What’s wrong?” He blinks a few times as his eyes re-focus on me. Lifting his hands, he runs them through his hair and shakes his head. “Nothing,” he answers. “I’m good. Don’t worry.” I wouldn’t worry—if he weren’t lying. He looks like he’s seconds away from jumping out of the moving limo just to get out of here, and away from me. “No,” I insist. “You just went somewhere not good. What’s wrong?” Turning his head away from me, he looks out the window. “It’s nothing,” he says. “Just let it go. I’ll be fine.”



I want to blame the anxiety I’ve been feeling on the tour, but that’s not it. Yeah, the circumstances aren’t ideal and yeah, I’d rather be home taking care of my grandparents and Todd, but that isn’t why I’m sketching the fuck out. We’re a few weeks into this thing and I’m ready to rip my fuckin’ hair out. I know I need to talk to someone—Flynn would be my choice—but he’s so fucked up about what’s going on, I just can’t unload on him like that. Even though he’s asked me at least ninety times what the fuck is up my ass, I just keep telling him not to project his bullshit on me. I figure I’m going to ride that wave until the threat surrounding his sisters is resolved, and then he’ll be getting in my face. Other than my anxiety and that family stuff, everything is good. Every show thus far has been sold out and there have been no fuck-ups because we sound better than ever. The fans are eating this farewell tour up with a spoon and it feels good to give them what they want—and to be going out at our best. Of course, I know exactly why I’m so fucking anxious. Ever since Devon made her offhand remark about not being able to survive, I’ve been tighter than a guitar string on the verge of snapping. She’s not fucking dumb, either. She knows there’s something up even though I am trying my hardest to act like nothing is wrong. I’m the one that was short-sighted enough to get into this thing without Ian or someone else already in place, and it’s not fair to Devon that I’m having serious issues with it. At night in bed, after she falls asleep, I just lay there and wonder if I should let her go. I’m not cut out for what we’re going to become if I don’t end this—but so far I haven’t had the balls to do it. A little voice in the back of my head likes to point out that I can’t because I’m in too deep, and I can’t say I disagree. Devon and Flynn’s girlfriend, Tessa, have been out for hours having an afternoon of beauty in the hotel spa (completely unnecessary for either of them in my opinion) and I’m so keyed up without her here, I could scream. Picking up my cell phone, I place a call to Flynn. “Hey, do you and Tessa want to go out to dinner with Devon and me tonight before the show?” “Dude, I love you, but you’re fucking high. My girl’s been getting massaged and primped for hours and you think I’m going to ignore that to go eat dinner with you? I’ll be locked in my suite until show time, fucker.” “Right,” I answer. “I should’ve known.” “You could be getting some of your own if you weren’t such an asshole,” he chides. I grimace guiltily, glad he can’t see me through the phone. Little does he know, I get it every fucking day, several times a day, and it’s the best I’ve ever had. I’ve done nothing to change Flynn’s opinion that Devon and I aren’t doing anything sexually because we don’t have a third. Since I’ve always adhered adamantly to that edict, it’s understandable that he believes I haven’t wavered. Tyson and Gavin know, but Flynn is so fucked in the head right now he’s not picked up on it. “Cats got your tongue, yeah?” I grunt a non-verbal response. “Dude, I’ve been trying to keep it cool but seriously, it has to be said. You’re being a fucking pussy

about this and it’s damn disappointing,” he says. “You really like her, so I don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. She sleeps in your goddamn room and you’re attached at the hip. Stop waiting for Ian to decide he wants to join in and make what’s really there with Devon a reality already.” “I don’t want to be in a one-on-one relationship,” I remind him tiredly. It sounds weak even to my ears. Flynn lets out a harsh laugh. “C’mon, fucker. I’ve known you my entire life and I know when you’re avoiding shit. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how shady you’re being.” “I know,” I admit. “I’m not ready to talk about all this.” “Sucks for you,” he quips, “Cause I’m ready. For all of these years I thought that you needed both in order to be happy, but now I think you’re busting ass to avoid a one-on-one relationship because you’re afraid of what it means. It’s okay, man. You can see that I’m happier with Tessa than I’ve ever been in my life. You could have that with Devon. I really don’t get how you’ve got all these great examples of relationships around you but you act like commitment to one person is garlic water and you’re Dracula. Think about your role models. It’s all good, man.” My chest gets tight as the air in the room seems to grow thick. I can’t talk about this with him right now. Once I admit what the problem is, there’s no going back. I’m just not ready so I need off the phone immediately. Without thinking I blurt, “Yeah, I know. Listen, I gotta go run the vacuum. See you tonight.” I hit end on my phone before he can say anything else. Seconds later it lights up with a text. Flynn: We’re in a hotel, asshole. You don’t even HAVE a vacuum. Tossing my phone across the room toward the couch I start pacing back and forth in an attempt to get myself together. I need to get ahold of myself, and soon. If I don’t, Devon is going to wind up getting hurt. I start like a scalded cat when I hear the door to the suite opening. Spinning around, I feel my heart take up residence in my throat when I look at Devon. She’s so fucking beautiful, it’s almost unfair. The sudden need to touch her is so strong, I can’t keep myself from crossing the room and pulling her into my arms. “Hey,” she says softly. “You okay?” “Better now that you’re here,” I admit. “I missed you.” She hugs me tightly as we rock back and forth. “I missed you too,” she murmurs. For the first time since she left earlier this afternoon, I relax. It’s always easier to breathe when she’s with me. She melts into me farther, sliding her hands into my back pockets. I love this about her—the way she can just be and let things happen. Anyone else would be jabbering about the spa visit or trying to get me to sit down, but Devon isn’t that girl. I think she’d stand here with me all day if I asked her to. Minutes pass in silence. When her stomach lets out a growl, we separate with a laugh. “Hungry?” I ask. “Starving.” She giggles. “They fed us finger sandwiches at the spa. Finger sandwiches! Cucumber and bread just isn’t filling.” “I called Flynn earlier to see if he wanted to join up and go to dinner, but they have plans,” I share. “We could go down to dinner with the rest of the band or we can order room service. It’s your call.” She heads right for the desk and grabs the menu. “We’re staying in,” she declares. “After dinner settles we can raid the mini bar and eat snacks while we watch movies in bed.” “You can eat the snacks,” I reply. “I’ll be eating you.”

After dinner is over, we each get naked and put on robes before making a bed cocoon and climbing in. Devon started this ritual at the first hotel when she found the insanely plush robes in the bathroom suite. I didn’t have an opinion at first, but I’ve quickly become a big fan. Routines are nice, when they’re with her. It’s her turn to choose the movie and she picks Pineapple Express. She’s a little obsessed with comedies, which is awesome. Normally, I’d be trying to at least pretend to watch the movie, but right now I’m not even bothering. In fact, I’m facing away from the TV. Being at the spa today left her silky smooth from head to toe, and I’m enjoying running my hand up and down her legs. She hums appreciatively as I knead her left calf and then her right. I continue my journey down her right leg, lifting her freshly manicured foot into my lap and massaging it gently. Her pale pink toes are too inviting to ignore, so I lift her foot up to my mouth and run my tongue along the bottom before pulling her big toe and biting down gently. She gasps and wiggles as her eyes meet mine. “Wow,” she whispers. “I had no idea that could feel good.” I wiggle my brows suggestively before pulling the next toe into my mouth and swirling my tongue against it. She lets out a surprised sounding moan as I do. When I take my mouth off of her toe, I look up at her and smile. “New erogenous zone?” I question. Her cheeks are flushed as she nods. “It’s like a direct line,” she says softly. My eyes travel up her legs, but my vision of her is blocked by the robe. “Open the robe,” I instruct. “I want to see your pussy.” She does it fast, untying the belt and spreading the robe open. I make an appreciative noise as I lift her foot and lick the inside of her arch. She whimpers several times while I give special attention to each and every inch of her foot. When I set her leg down, I do so in a way that leaves her more open to me. The sight of her wet pussy entices me to get my tongue in there, but I steel my resolve and lift her other leg instead. I give her left foot the same attention her right got, and as I do, I get to watch as she grows wetter and wetter. Setting her left leg down, I leave her spread open even more. “Spread your lips and show me how wet you are.” Her hand glides down, passing over her abdomen slowly as she works towards her slick sex. I know she’s taking her time to make me crazy, and I love it. When she gets to her pussy, she lets out a choked groan as she spreads herself open for me. Her clit is peeking out at me, almost begging to be licked and sucked. Ripping off my robe, I lean in and inhale. “You always smell so fucking good,” I tell her. Without waiting for a response, I wiggle my tongue up and down between her fingers. Her throaty gasp makes my dick throb. Getting into position, I put her legs over my shoulders and get to work. Lashing my tongue against her clit, I revel in the sound of her moans. I work my tongue up and down and from side to side, savoring her taste on my tongue as her arousal comes faster and faster. Dipping my tongue inside of her, I wiggle it around and around, slurping her up as she bucks against my face. “Oh God, that’s so good,” she whimpers. Taking my tongue out, I replace it with my fingers and start lapping at her clit again. Her arousal makes it easy to slide around, which I love. My dick is like an iron fucking bar right now, and I want to pound her through the goddamn mattress. The way she fucks my fingers is mesmerizing. I could watch it all day, if I weren’t so desperate to keep eating her out. When I latch onto her clit and tug it into my mouth, she lets out a shriek. “Cole,” she cries. “Cole!” Letting go of her clit, I look up at her. She’s got her head thrown back and there’s a flush of color on her cheeks and her chest. This woman looks like a fucking goddess when she’s turned on.

“You want me to fuck your clit with my tongue?” I ask. Her head snaps forward frantically as she nods. “Yes!” “Are you going to be my good girl and come all over my tongue?” She nods as she thrusts up toward my mouth, desperately trying to get it back on her. I let her need build as my fingers thrust inside of her. “Please,” she gasps. “Please!” “Your wish is my command,” I answer. When I slide my tongue back onto her clit, she rocks against me frantically. Her pussy clenches around my fingers as her arousal works its way down my fingers and onto my hand. I fucking love how wet she gets, love the sound of it when I’m thrusting deep. Putting my mouth over her clit, I bite down gently and then suck it into my mouth. I do this several times in a row, and my reward is that she’s dripping wet. Covering her clit again, I suck it in and swirl my tongue around right where she needs it most. She flies apart beneath me, arching her back and thrusting her cunt up against my tongue as she wails my name. Nothing on earth sounds better than the sound of her calling out to me when she comes. If I could, I’d make it my fucking ringtone. Desperate for her, I pull my fingers out while she’s still coming and position myself over her. Wrapping one arm under her hips, I get her into position. With my free hand, I guide my cock to her. She’s still whimpering and shivering as I thrust into her, letting out a loud yell when her cunt squeezes at me as her orgasm continues. Going deep, I lean in and cover her mouth with mine. Her arms wrap around my shoulders as her tongue meets mine, and we kiss frantically as I fuck into her like a battering ram. I’m just aware enough to be thankful we’re in a suite. If we weren’t, the whole hotel would be banging on our door right now. I groan when she wraps her legs around me and holds me closer as I thrust. Each desperate stroke is so fucking good I want nothing more than to come now, but I’m not going to. No, tonight, she’s going to be well and truly fucked. More so than usual. Putting my hand between us, I start rubbing at her clit. She breaks the kiss and lets out a yell as I circle just the way she likes. Biting her lip, she looks up at me wide-eyed. “I’m going to come again,” she cries. “Fuck me!” I cry out when she shifts and bites down on my shoulder as her body starts bucking wildly. Her wet cunt pulses against my dick as I pound into her, the feeling of her warm honey coating it almost too good. I fuck her through it and then pull out. Flipping her over, I get her face down, ass up. I thrust back in deep, pushing down on her lower back as I hold her in place. She lets out a series of sounds that make me fuck her harder, almost like they’re some kind of siren’s call to my dick. Her ass jiggles with each thrust, and I lift a hand from her back to smack down on it. She thrusts back against me desperately, arching her hips as she does. Watching her ass move is making me nuts. Putting my hand beneath her, I rub at her soaked pussy, gathering what I need. Coming back up, I slide my hand between her ass cheeks and circle her rear entry with my finger. She shrieks into the pillow when I do, and I reward her by doing it a dozen more times. When I know she’s ready, I work my first finger inside of her, letting her take it all before I start moving it in and out. She takes it so damn good, moaning and arching against me as I fuck both of her holes. Pulling my finger out, I work it back in with a second finger. Her hips slam back against me as I start fucking her faster, and she wails my name into the pillow. “Such a sexy fucking ass,” I murmur. “It would look even sexier with my dick inside of it.” She full body shudders, her cunt squeezing my dick to the point of pain. Realizing she’s ready to take that step, I pull out. She stays still as I frantically paw at the drawer next to the bed, pulling out a small dildo and a bottle of lube. I drizzle the lube at her opening, enjoying the sound of her whimper as I do. Taking the dildo, I insert

it into her cunt. “Reach back and hold it in place,” I instruct. She does, her hand coming up from below to hold it inside of her. I lube my dick as I watch her start to pull the dildo out before sliding it back in. With my non-lubed hand, I spank her ass. “I said hold it, not fuck it,” I remind her. “I’m doing the fucking here.” She whimpers as she shakes her ass suggestively. Spreading her ass cheeks, I move forward. I groan when the tip of my cock touches her asshole, and a bead of pre-come dribbles onto it. Letting go of her cheeks, I use my left hand to hold her down while my right hand guides me in. My whole world stops when she lets out an animal like sound and pushes back against me, allowing me inside. I sink in, inch by slow fucking inch, loving the sounds of her gasps as I do. When I’m in all the way, she reaches back with the hand not holding the dildo in place and grips my upper thigh, like she’s trying to hold me there. “So full,” she chokes out. “It feels so good to be so full. Fuck me,” she moans. “Fuck me now.” I don’t need to be asked twice. My hips start slamming back and forth as my cock works in and out of her tight ass. She’s not fucking kidding about it being tight—I can feel the toy inside of her cunt, pushing against my dick through the thin wall between her ass and her pussy. I’ve always enjoyed this feeling, but here with Devon, just the two of us and a rubber toy instead of another body—it’s so much better than it’s ever been. One hand stays on her hip as I raise the other to her throat. With a firm grip—enough for her to feel but not enough to choke her—I really start fucking into her. “Oh fuck, Cole,” she cries. “I need to come! Please… make me come.” That’s good since I’m about to fill her ass full of come. “Such a dirty girl,” I groan. “Letting me fuck your ass, coming all over that toy…” She locks up against me, her entire body shaking as she comes with a shriek. The dirty words get her every time. My dick can’t withstand the pressure of her clenching, and I yell her name as my dick unloads in her ass. When we’re both completely wrung out, I just barely refrain from falling on top of her like a dead tree. Instead, I roll us to the side and pull my dick out. We stay like this for quite a while. I stroke her sweat-damp hair and kiss the side of her face while she runs her hand up and down my arm. “Song?” “Faithfully,” I admit. She makes an appreciative sound but says no more, which I appreciate. The songs I hear tell their own story—and I’m realizing more and more what it means. After about ten minutes she murmurs, “Shower.” I wouldn’t have thought I had anything left to give, but once we were clean and she dropped to her knees, I didn’t last long before coming down her throat. This woman has completely wrecked me and I don’t know how I could ever live without her.



“You’ve been avoiding me.” Looking up from tuning my guitar, I sigh. Reckoning day is here. Flynn and I are here early because our women are both out in the stadium setting up their equipment for the show. Without Gavin and Tyson being here yet, it means Flynn and I have the room to ourselves. I should’ve known he would use this opportunity to get real. “I see you every day, several times a day,” I answer. Crossing his arms over his chest, he gives me a tough look. “You can see someone every second of each day and still avoid them, if you want to. Don’t be a dumbass,” he says. “After what went down at the bowling alley, you know we need to talk.” Ah, yes. The bowling alley where I somehow wound up with a wicked case of diarrhea mouth and spouted off about my issues to Flynn and the guys. “I thought maybe we’d had all the discussion we needed to have that night,” I answer. I’m lying, of course. Flynn and I have been best friends literally since birth. The chances of him letting me get away without a real talk were zilch. Taking a seat on the couch next to me, he lets out a snort. “You really are a dumb asshole if you believed for one second this conversation wasn’t coming.” “You’ve been a little busy,” I remind him. “And you were hoping I forgot?” I let out a heavy sigh. “Figured with all the other shit going on, it was possible you could have forgotten.” “Uh-huh,” he says dryly. “You’re my fucking brother. No matter what happens in either of our lives, you always will be. You dropped a few breadcrumbs the night at the bowling alley, but it’s time to give me the full loaf. Yeah, shit has happened between then and now that delayed this conversation, but it was always coming.” Setting my guitar down, I nod. “I should’ve known I wouldn’t be so lucky.” Tapping on his watch, he gives me a cut the shit look. “Quit stalling. Take me through what’s going on. When did this whole thing start?” Reaching up, I run my hands through my hair. He’s right. It’s time for me to come clean. “When your mom died,” I admit. “I put it out of my mind for a long time,” he says. “And then Dad told me about Delilah and Dominique, I remembered it all. What I remember is how he disappeared and went a little off the rails for a while. But he came back,” Flynn reminds me. “He was one hundred percent there after that. I’ve never blamed him for—” I cut him off. “I never blamed him either,” I assure him. “That isn’t what this is.” “Okay. Then what is it?” “I thought he was going to die,” I admit. “Things just got all jumbled up in my head and as the years went by, it got worse as life happened around me.” “Gavin’s parents,” he mutters. “They would make anyone question commitment.”

“Yeah,” I confirm. “And then when Tyson felt comfortable enough to tell us the truth about everything, it just made it worse.” “Those two situations are basically the worst possible examples. There’s another side though. We’ve had good examples too,” he reminds me. “Your parents. Gram and Pop. My parents loved the fuck out of each other. What happened to them wasn’t some dramatic toxic bullshit. I hope you see the difference.” “I do. Of course I do,” I assure him. “I’ll never forget how in love they were. That’s part of what made it so hard at the time. I thought he couldn’t live without her, that love had left him weak. The thought took root and once it was there, I never tried to get rid of it. Years passed and other things got added on top of it. Maybe if we’d had a normal life and hadn’t spent the last ten years on the road, I’d have made peace with it earlier. I don’t believe that though. Honestly, I think until I met Devon, I never would’ve wanted to try.” “Because she’s it for you,” he says. Leaning my head back against the back of the couch, I stare at the ceiling. After a long pause, I lift my head back up and look at him. “I think so, yeah.” “Dude. You don’t just think so,” he chides. “You know so. I suspected a while ago—and I should’ve said something then. Only the drama of what’s been going on kept me from cluing the fuck in to just how serious this is. Now that I’m looking with a clear head, I see it. She’s your forever.” “You never let me just ease into shit,” I grouse. “Give me five seconds to adjust.” He waves me off. “Fuck that. These months of me being pretty goddamn oblivious were your time to adjust. You need a kick in the ass.” “Consider me kicked,” I retort. “Not yet,” he says dryly, “but you’ll get there. I guarantee it.”

I’m not even a little surprised when I open the door to my room a few days later to find Pop standing there. His timing is impeccable, which is how I know Flynn’s fingerprints are all over this. Devon is out with Tessa shooting with Gavin at rehearsal right now, so I’m alone. Pop hugs me tight when I let him into the room, and then announces I need to sit my ass down on the couch. No matter how old I get, he’ll always be my elder, so I comply without a peep of dissent. “You know why I’m here,” he announces. I nod. “Flynn,” I say simply. “Flynn,” he confirms. “I had no idea you felt this way, Cole. I wish you’d told us this years ago. We could’ve cleared it up then” My throat constricts as I swallow and look away. “I don’t think I was ready to talk about it back then,” I admit. “What happened with Todd after Rachel died—that was bad. My son lost himself, no question about it. But in the aftermath, he came back strong. You completely ignored that part of the story and focused on the fear,” he tells me. “I remember everything that happened and I’m so sad to know you were going through that and we didn’t realize. I know it was scary and I’m sorry we failed you when you needed us to help you through it.” I wave my hands at him frantically. “Pop! No. It isn’t like that. I was just a kid and the way he shut down after she died…I really thought he was going to die.”

Pops face is sad as he nods once. “I won’t lie to you. After Flynn said he knew his dad didn’t want him anymore, I was as scared as you probably were. I was also angry at, and ashamed of, my son. That night after you kids went to bed, I went to his house and let myself in. Found him drunk and holding on to Rachel’s wedding dress in the living room, bawling his eyes out. He broke my heart, Cole, but I knew I couldn’t let him get away with what he was doing a second longer.” My eyes go wide at his description of Todd. The idea of him crying into her dress is fucking heartbreaking. “I’m going to tell you now what I said to Todd that night. He gave me permission, so don’t feel like he wouldn’t want you to know.” “You don’t have to—” “I want to,” Pop says firmly. I nod. “Okay.” “I told my son he had a choice. He could tarnish the memory of the woman he loved by being a twobit pansy, or he could man up and honor her by showing she chose right the day she took her vows with him. I reminded him of how much she loved their son, and told him how disappointed she had to be, watching him fail as a father when she couldn’t be there to take care of him anymore. What I said was harsh, but true. Broke my heart to give it to him like that, but it needed to be done. We always have a choice,” Pop says. “You can run from life, or face it.” “While my son cried, I asked him one question. If he could turn the clock back knowing how it would end, would he marry Rachel again? He was horrified. Told me that even as she was taking her last breaths, getting to spend those last few minutes with her was better than any moment he’d had since she’d died.” “I live for your Gram,” he tells me. “The idea of living even five minutes on earth without her is awful—but, if the time comes and she goes first, I’ll do it. And if I go first, she’ll go on without me. Pain is temporary, son. Love is forever. We make choices in life, each one of us. Choose love—always. The idea of losing someone terrifying you is a good thing. It means you feel it deep. The highest high can bring the lowest low—but if you walk in faith, it will always get you by. Take every moment as the gift it is and live. That’s all any of us—Rachel included—ever wanted for you boys. Honor her memory by living life fully.” I’m not even ashamed when I fall into my grandfather’s arms like I’m still a snot-nosed little kid. I shed a few tears and so does he. He stays with me for about an hour, asking questions about Devon and telling me stories about what life was like when he and Gram started dating. When he leaves, I feel like he’s taken the weight of the world off of my shoulders. If we didn’t have a damn show tonight, I’d be ordering flowers by the dozen and leaving a trail of rose petals to the bed. I’m in love with Devon and now I need to find the perfect way to tell her, as soon as possible.



Tonight we’re hanging out with Tyson, and I have to say, I’ve really come to like him. He doesn’t even realize how great he is, but everyone else sees it. I’m hoping someday he’ll let down his guard enough to let someone in. We’re just about finished eating our after-show snack when there’s a knock at the suite door. Cole gets up and crosses the room to look through the peephole. When he looks back over his shoulder at us, I see he looks unsettled. I get why when he opens it and I see Ian standing on the other side. Things between the three of us have been tense for quite a while. I’m not even sure why. Ian said he wanted us to wait, but since then he’s avoided us both like the plague. “Hey,” he says as he walks in and shuts the door behind him. Looking at the table, he nods at me and Ty. The way he’s walking and the slur to his words suggest he’s drunk. Crossing his arms over his chest, Cole stares at him. “What’s up?” “Wanted to talk to you both,” Ian announces. “As you can see, we’re hanging out with Tyson right now,” Cole says. It couldn’t be more obvious how not thrilled Cole is about Ian being here right now. For the record, I feel similarly. “But I need to do this now, while I’m… Look, it’s about…you know,” Ian stumbles. “Things have been awkward, and I know it’s because you two are mad I’ve taken so long to come around.” Now it’s my turn to be uncomfortable. I look at Tyson in horror, but he waves me off. “Don’t worry,” he assures me quietly. “It’s fine.” My eyes dart to Cole, only to find him glaring at Ian. “It’s been uncomfortable, but now isn’t the time,” Cole replies calmly. Ian hangs his head as his shoulders slump. “You don’t understand,” he slurs. “Has to be now. Just has to be. This… all this, it’s been a lot to take in,” he explains. “I wasn’t sure—I’m still not sure… But, I feel like if I don’t just confront it and get it over with, I’ll always wonder.” My stomach rumbles uneasily. “What are you trying to say?” Cole asks. “I’d like…to be with you,” Ian answers. It’s like being in a bad movie and everything seems to be happening in slow motion. When he makes his announcement, he addresses the words to me. I shake my head frantically as I rise from the table. Before I can say anything, Cole grabs him by the collar. “Are you for real right now, coming into my room, telling my woman you want to be with her and doing it in front of an audience?” “No! I came here to say that to you both,” Ian slurs. “Tyson shouldn’t even be here. This is what you wanted,” he reminds Cole. “You said the three of us—” “I fucking said that bullshit months ago,” Cole counters angrily. “A lot has happened since then.” Ian gapes at him stupidly as his face turns red. “So what?” he questions aggressively. “You found someone else to join you? You just went and did it

without talking to me first?” Cole is practically on fire as he steps closer to Ian. “It’s none of your business what she and I do,” he hisses. “It fucking is my business,” Ian insists. “You said you would wait!” “Months ago!” “Who is it?” Ian demands. “Who did you choose over me?” Enough is enough. This isn’t going anywhere good. “No one,” I answer. “You need to go.” Looking over at me, he scoffs as he stumbles before finding his balance again. “I call bullshit. He doesn’t care enough about you not to have someone else around,” Ian babbles drunkenly. “Its fucking Tyson, isn’t it? Dammit! I bet I’m right. Everyone knows this pussy can’t be with anyone unless there’s three—” Cole’s fist smashes into the side of Ian’s face without warning. I let out a shriek as I scramble forward and yell, “Stop!” Completely ignoring my yelling, Ian punches him back. The two of them start throwing blows as I yell at them to knock it off. Only when Tyson physically pulls Cole back does he falter. “Dude,” Ty says dryly. “This isn’t Fight Club and your woman doesn’t need to see this shit. I’ll take care of Ian.” Shaking his head as if to clear it, Cole turns to me with a worried expression. “You okay?” I raise my shoulders. No, I’m really not. This isn’t good. Stepping forward, Cole grabs my hand and pulls me against him protectively. Ty takes control, pulling Ian away when he tries to reach out and grab Cole to get his attention. “That’s enough,” Cole snaps. “Get the fuck out of our room. And if you know what’s fucking good for you, stay far away from me and my goddamn woman. It’s one thing to insult me, but you do not fucking talk shit to her, ever.” Ian’s dazed eyes dart back and forth between us. “This is real?” he asks, like he cant believe it. “This is fucking real,” Cole answers. “I love her and I’ll die before I share her with anyone.” I suck in a shocked breath and struggle to contain a big smile. I’m dealing with warring emotions of elation at Cole’s declaration and anxiety over Ian’s behavior. “It would’ve been really fucking great if you’d told me that before,” Ian yells. Ty starts hustling him toward the door. “Dude,” he says calmly, “knock that shit off. Let’s go get some coffee into you and maybe a bagel or an entire loaf of bread. You need to soak up whatever the fuck you’ve been drinking.” As Ty starts to get him through the door and out into the hall, Ian tries to shove his way back in. “But I need to talk to them,” he says frantically. “You don’t understand!” There are the sounds of a tussle in the hall as the door closes, followed by some thuds and then the sound of banging on the door. Cole looks through the peephole and then over his shoulder at me. “It’s like Ty’s trying to wrangle cats,” he groans. “This is bad.” “Goddammit,” he continues. “Now Morris is here. Great. This couldn’t be a bigger scene.” Spinning around, he looks at me. “I’m so sorry, babe, but we’re going to have to go to a different hotel for the night. I’m afraid if we stay, it’ll get more out of control.” I nod. He’s right, but I hate it. He just told Ian that he loves me—but now I want him to say it to me. The moment is being ruined. Biting my lip, I stare at him as he walks closer. When he reaches me, he plants a soft kiss on my lips and then drops to his knees and wraps his arms around me.

“I’m sorry that just happened,” he murmurs. “I hate that I just blurted it out while he was here—” I run my hand through his hair soothingly as I ask, “Did you mean it?” His blue eyes flash as he looks at me. “Never doubt it, Devon. There’s only you, and I only ever want it to be you. I tried so hard not to because I was so afraid, but you made it impossible for me to do it just by being you. I was going to tell you tomorrow—don’t be surprised when you wake up to a room festooned in roses—but Ian just ruined my plan. I love you, Devon. I’m devoted to, crazy and completely wild for, you baby. Someday, I hope you’ll be able to say you love me back.” I dash at the tear that escapes my right eye as I stare down at him. “I love you, too, you idiot.” He jumps up from his knees fast, wrapping his arms around me and swinging me around in a circle as he rains kisses on my lips. “This feels fucking amazing,” he whoops. When he sets me down, I cup his face. “Why were you so afraid?” “I’m going to tell you everything, but first, we’ve got to get out of here. Let me talk to security real quick and get us hooked up in another hotel. I promise once we’re settled, we’ll talk.” I nod my understanding, knowing he’s right. The situation will only get worse if Ian comes back and says more. Our best option is to leave so that doesn’t happen. It takes just under ninety minutes to pack and move to a hotel down the street. As soon as we got into our new room, Cole took my hand and guided me to the couch. After sitting down, he pulls me right up against him and starts talking. By the time he’s finished explaining why he has never wanted a traditional relationship, I’ve shed more than a few tears. He kisses me softly as he wipes the remainder away. “It’s okay,” he assures me. “Together, there is nothing we can’t conquer. We love each other, which is all that matters.” I kiss him back, melting into his arms, happier than I’ve ever been. The rocker who was so afraid to settle down is now officially mine—and mine alone.

The sound of my cellphone ringing wakes me up. Reaching across Devon, I pick up the phone and bring it up to my ear. “Hello?” “Hey, it’s Lacey. You and I need to talk.” Looking over Devon’s head to the bedside clock, I groan. “It’s really fuckin’ early,” I grumble. “Well, we’ve got a situation,” she answers. When she explains what the situation is, I know I’ve got some work to do. I feel Devon shifting against me as Lacey and I talk, and I know she’s getting the idea of what’s happening. Hanging up the phone, I let out a sigh. Turning in my arms, she looks up at me. “Did he really quit?” “For the most part, yes. He told them he has all he needs to write his book, but you and I both know he doesn’t. He’d be missing the whole end of the tour, and it’s important.” “What do you want to do?” she asks. We talk it over for a while before coming up with a course of action. Once it’s decided on, I feel better.

Ian answers the door with a shocked look. “Shouldn’t you be in Kansas?” he asks. “The show is tomorrow,” I answer, “so this was the perfect time to come see you. I was a dick the other night and I owe you and apology. Can we talk?” His head rears back and his eyes go wide. “Okay then,” he says. “I really didn’t expect this.” Stepping back, he gestures for Devon and me to enter his house. Closing the door behind him, he gestures to where his couch is. I’m a little startled by how pristine his home is. It’s done in whites and creams, and nothing is out of place. For some reason, I’d expected surfboards and Buddha posters or something. Clearly, I was wrong. “You want anything to drink?” he asks. Devon and I both shake our heads as we take seats side by side on the white sofa. “Nah,” I answer, “but thanks for offering.” He nods as he drops down into a cream-colored chair across from us. “I’m sorry things got out of control the other night—” I hold up my hand to stop him. “You don’t need to apologize,” I assure him. “It’s all on me. I should’ve been man enough to admit long before now that I’m in love with her, and that I only want to be with her,” I admit. “It was wrong of me to have let it get to this point,” I continue. “I’ve got issues and I let them cloud

my judgment because I’m a moron. It was obvious you weren’t feeling it, and—” “I have to take some responsibility for that, too,” Ian asserts. “I’m the one who threw my hat in and said I wanted you to wait for me, when I wasn’t sure that’s what I really wanted.” “I kinda pressured you though,” I counter. “Nothing that happened is on you.” “It would be great if that were true,” he says dryly. “But it isn’t. Like I said, I’m the one that announced I wanted in. And I’m the one who turned up in your hotel room drunk as shit claiming I was ready. For the record, I wasn’t. That was the vodka talking. I’d just decided I needed to get it over with.” Clasping my hand, Devon leans forward and looks at Ian. “I was wondering what brought that on,” she admits. Ian’s face flushes as he looks away nervously. Looking back to Devon, he runs his hand through his hair and stares at her. “This is so fucking embarrassing,” he murmurs. “What is?” Devon prods softly. “I’m… a virgin,” he croaks. Jesus. If I didn’t feel like a giant asshole as it is, that would’ve done it. “Oh sweetie,” Devon says sympathetically. “That’s not embarrassing!” His head snaps up and he stares at her in confusion. “You don’t think being a twenty-three-year-old male virgin is just a little pathetic?” “No,” she assures him firmly, “I most certainly do not. You have your reasons.” He swallows as his eyes dart between us. “It’s cool,” I second. “Even if you were fifty, that’s your business. I feel like a real fucking dick for coming on so strong—” “You were a dick,” he agrees quietly. His tone is not combative or hostile, so I don’t take offense. Not that I could—I’ve completely bungled this to hell. “But really, most of this is about me,” he continues. “I’ve never really felt… attracted to anyone who came back at me strong. It forced me to step outside my box. I know it probably hasn’t looked like that to you, but this has changed me. I’m just sorry because I knew I didn’t want to do anything with either of you since my heart wasn’t in it—but my head is a jumbled up mess and I just completely freaked.” “I have some, uh, issues,” he mutters. “My parents were too young when they had me and my mom wasn’t about having baggage. My dad got it together when I was about three and he realized my mother was a monster. He kicked her out, but by then the damage was done. The next year, I was diagnosed with reactive attachment disorder. I went to therapy until I was ten, but it only got me so far. Even now, it’s hard for me to let people in. I don’t even have any real friends. You two are the first ones to ever make it into my apartment. I can’t relax, which is why I’ll always be a virgin freak.” Letting go of my hand, Devon gets up and goes to Ian, pulling him in for a hug. “You’re not a freak,” she says sternly. “Stop saying that.” Pulling back, he lets out a joyless laugh. “But I am, don’t you get it? I could only say I wanted to be with you guys if I was either drunk or hung over. It’s not that I don’t want to have sex, it’s that every time I get the opportunity, I’m crippled by anxiety. I self-medicate with the alcohol but then I get sloppy and angry. It’s a shitty cycle. Most people just disappear from my life, but with the tour, you guys couldn’t go anywhere. I hoped if I did it, something big would change, and I’d be able to have some normal relationships going forward.” “You can,” Devon assures him as she comes back and sits next to me. “Aside from this thing with us, which understandably made you anxious—you have to know you’ve been amazing these last few months.” When he looks at her, I see a glimmer of hope in his eyes. “Do you really believe that?” “With what you just told us, I really do,” she says firmly. “You don’t need sex right now,” she

continues. “You need friends.” I agree. He needs help, and I have a good idea of what the first step is. “You’ve been getting along great with so many of the people on the road with us,” I point out. “You’re making friends and this tour has been good for you. It’s gotten you out of your comfort zone. Don’t quit, Ian. You need to come back and see it through.” “You don’t think it would be… weird?” he asks. I shrug. “It might be for a few days, but that will fade. We all know what we are now. You can trust us, Ian. If you open yourself up and let us really know you, I think we can really be friends. Come back. Give it a try.” He looks between the both of us nervously, but with hope, I think. “Okay,” he says after a few seconds. “I’ll do it.”

Devon yawns as she rubs her head against my shoulder. “This worked out really well,” she murmurs. Glancing across the plane to where Ian has nodded off on the sofa, I nod. “It’s you,” I tell her. “No,” she counters, “it’s you. You’re the one who made this all happen. I’m proud of you.” Looking down and seeing her curled up against me, I smile. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted. “It is you,” I insist. “Loving you has made me a better man. You’ve changed everything.” The look of adoration on her face when she lifts her head makes my breath catch in my throat. “You’ve changed me, too,” she says. “I wouldn’t trade this for the world.” I drop a soft kiss on her lips before hugging her tight. “I never knew I could be this happy,” I say. I can’t even try to contain my massive smile. She hums softly as she nods her head. “Me either, and I know there are even greater things to come.” I’m hers forever—and only hers. Between us, there’s nothing we can’t do.

“Babe! Wake up! Wake up!” Cracking an eye open, I lift my head from my desk and look at Cole. “Sorry,” I murmur as I yawn. “I was editing and wanted to shut my eyes for a second.” “Baby,” he says as he crouches down next to my chair, “you slept through the announcement.” My mind chugs sluggishly as I try to figure out what he’s talking about. Nothing comes to mind. That might be because I’m working on editing a new project, so I’m in the zone. Shaking my head I say, “Huh?” He smiles at me like I’m adorable. “Babe. The Golden Globe nominees were announced this morning. You’re up for best documentary!” My jaw drops as I gape at him in shock. “What? Oh my God! What?” He nods excitedly. “Yes! You’re nominated for that and we’re nominated for the best song!” Jumping from the chair, I let out a squeal as I clap. “We did it!” It was such a long shot because documentaries about celebrities are notoriously overlooked. Even though I doubt I’ll win, being nominated is something I never expected. He rises with me, hugging me tight as he tells me how proud he is of me. When he steps back, he looks at me nervously. “Oh, and,” he murmurs, “this came for you.” I look down as he pulls a black jewelry box from his back pocket, and my heart skips like fifteen beats. It’s a ring box. I repeat. It’s a ring box. Everything stops as he drops to one knee and opens the box. “Will you marry me—” As he’s saying the words all I can think about is how excited I am. I’ve wanted this moment so badly —but I kept telling myself it was going to take years and years for him to get to this point. Dropping down to my knees, I throw my arms around his neck. “I will! I will!” “I wasn’t finished,” he laughs. Pulling back, I look at him in confusion. “Huh?” “Will you marry me next weekend,” he asks. “I—wait, why?” “’Cause your parents can fly in,” he answers. “I know it’s short notice but someone was willing to takeover for them and it’s the only time they can get off for at least six months—” I burst into tears immediately. “Yes,” I whimper. “So much yes.” “Phew,” he laughs. “I was really nervous you were going to make me wait until they could come again.” I kiss him several times before pulling back and laughing. “I’d marry you tomorrow if they could get here that fast,” I assure him. “Baby,” he says huskily, “We’re going to have such a great life.” And we do.

Special Note: If you enjoyed BETWEEN US, please consider leaving an honest review on Amazon or Goodreads. Without reviews, books die on the vine. YOUR WORDS make the difference between fading into oblivion and being seen. Please review- it means the world.

Special thanks to Kristi Webster and Rochelle Paige for the hand holding and talking me off the ledge. It was appreciated more than I can ever possibly hope to explain. Special shout out to the girls in Ella Fox’s Book Babes. You are all amazing and I love our little group! Thank you to Nancy Miller, Dena Marie, Joni Leonard, Nikki Cole, Dawn Cipressi & Sian Davies for being babes. As always I’m beyond thankful—in a way I can never fully express—to ALL of the bloggers who do what they do. YOU ARE IMPORTANT! What you do has tremendous value and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. Without you, there would be no this. Period. Very special thanks to my COPA ladies. Thanks for keeping it real & being so funny. And finally, thank you to my mom and my nephew.

Copyright Ella Fox 2016

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by an information and retrieval system without express written permission from the Author/Publisher.

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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Cover Design: Sommer Stein of Perfect Pear Creative Covers Cover Photo: Wander Aguiar Cover Model: Lorenzo C. Editing: Gemma Rowlands Proof: Judy Zweifel of Judy’s Proofreading Service Formatting: Champagne Formats Blog Tour: Lisa Hintz, The Rock Stars of Romance Promotions Teasers: Monark Design Services Blurb Assistance: The Blurb Bitch Prologue Edit Assistance: Vanessa Bridges, PREMA Editing

This is for everyone who came on this Renegade ride with me. Thank you for caring about these characters! I can never fully express how truly grateful I am for all of you. Your messages and emails have pushed me forward and it means the world. Never doubt how much YOU mean to me. It’s everything. A million thanks Xo Ella

Rock bottom was an alley in New York City where I, a strung out junkie asshole, pissed myself and twitched like a bitch as I lost control of my body. It seemed fitting considering how I’d lost control of everything else. My path had always been leading me to a busted piece of concrete beside a filthy dumpster of rank smelling garbage. For me, being a junkie was all about one thing—the fucking sound that defined my life. It was a return to home, but getting there was a raging bitch with sharp claws and razor-like teeth. It hurt like a motherfucker and broke what was left of my spirit piece by miserable piece, but I did it anyway. Pay to fucking play, I reasoned. Honestly, back then I’d have shot up battery acid if the end result was five goddamn seconds of peace. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. I could feel my heartbeat of course, but when I was high, I could hear it, too, thump-thump-thumping in my ears. It was a steady series of bass notes that reminded me of better times. Of home. Of safety and laughter. Later my home became the stuff of nightmares, a prison of terror and mind-fucking cruelty that could never, ever be forgotten. That part of my life I was able to tap into without drugs, since it lived and breathed inside of me every minute of every day—until I started shooting up. Once that shit hit my veins I’d cruise to numb before floating off. It fucking sucked, especially the aftermath, but those few seconds of nothing were like an oasis in the desert of my life. It was killing me, but I didn’t care. Of course, I’d been banking on my lifetime not being very long at all. Which is why I wasn’t even a little upset as I twitched on the sidewalk and sensed death hovering over me. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. I hadn’t just raced toward my own demise; I’d also been busy inviting it in. Hell, I’d all but sent out engraved invitations and by my estimation, death had been passing me over for far too long. As I twitched on the pavement, ready to have it all be over, I felt something around me shift. I knew she was there because I’d smelled her Loves Baby Soft perfume. When she spoke, she was right next to me, close enough for me to feel the warmth of her hand on top of mine. I also felt her head as it set down on my chest, just over my heart. “I love this sound,” she murmured. For a moment, her sweet voice warmed the coldest place inside of me. My eyes were at half-mast as I tried and failed to let her know I remembered how much she loved the sound of a beating heart. It wasn’t something I could ever forget. “Dad always said the rhythm of the heart was musical.” My heart, which I imagined was like a sandbox made of broken and worn down glass, cracked in my chest. I wanted to respond, but words were too difficult to form. My tongue wouldn’t cooperate. “I know what you’re doing, and you have to stop,” she whispered. “This isn’t okay. It’s almost too late.” God, I hoped so. Ba…dum. Ba…dum. Ba…dum.

“It doesn’t sound good.” She was right. The sound was slow and unsteady. I heard the concern in her voice, but couldn’t find it in me to care about the state I was in. She expelled a heavy sigh. “What’s coming is going to hurt,” she warned. I dealt in hurt the way some people dealt cards, so threatening pain was laughable. I was on a first name basis with it, which meant it didn’t scare me in the least. It had been years since I’d felt anything consistently other than agony. I tried to fake it sometimes, tried to pretend I was experiencing happiness— but when I was alone, all of the subterfuge disappeared. I wasn’t happy and I didn’t see how I ever could be. Not with what I’d seen. Not after what I’d lost. Ba. Dum. Ba. Dum. Ba. Dum. The rhythm of the beat was gone. In its absence was a series of discordant thumps without rhyme or reason. Suddenly, light surrounded me. I was relieved because it surely meant my hell was almost over. I wasn’t even a little bit sad. The light brought no warm feeling with it, and I thought I heard terse sounding voices, but I didn’t let it upset me. Everyone knew when you saw the light, you were meant to go toward it. Finally, I thought, I was going home. “It doesn’t work this way,” she told me. “Doing this—you don’t get to go where you want to go. It’s not your time.” I wanted to answer, but I couldn’t open my mouth. Why wasn’t it ever my time? Why couldn’t I make the choice? “Nothing can change what happened,” she said firmly. “Stop trying to check out of life, Tyson.” My mind was screaming in agony and I wanted to tell her she didn’t know what it was like to have gone through what I did. She didn’t know how it felt to be so horribly alone. “I’m always with you,” she assured me. “We all are. Stop chasing death and start living—if not for yourself, then for me. For us.” I think I whimpered then, like a small boy hiding from monsters beneath his bed. “Help is here,” she announced. I felt her lips against my cheek, and it made me want to cry. I didn’t want help—I needed it all to be over. It felt like the end was close—I couldn’t hear my heartbeat anymore. “You’ll never see me again if you don’t fight,” she told me. “Stop trying to kill yourself and realize that life is a gift.” If I’d been able to, I would have cursed. It sure as hell didn’t feel like a gift to me. “Because you’re letting the pain win,” she said sadly. “This is your last chance. Take it.” I wondered how she knew that, but then I lost the ability to form coherent thoughts since my body felt like it was on fire. Pain slashed through my veins like razorblades being chased by molten lava, and no area of my body was immune. Even my eyelids felt dry and scorched. I wanted to scream my lungs out, to beg for it to end, but I couldn’t move. The Loves Baby Soft smell of her faded away, replaced by an acrid stench that burned my nostrils.

I thought I was in hell. Regardless of whether I could go home or not, I didn’t think I had the wherewithal to withstand the amount of pain ricocheting through my body like a thousand bullets. My ribs and chest hurt so badly, I wished I could just stop feeling. I’d foolishly believed my utter lack of care or concern about my life meant death would be easy. It wasn’t. Death, I found, was brutal business. The torture seemed to last an eternity and through it all, I was unable to communicate. My eyes stayed closed, and my mouth wouldn’t form words. I couldn’t even lift a hand. If I’d been able to, I would’ve shoved whoever was touching me far, far away. Being fried from the inside out was hell on earth and I wondered why the fuck it wasn’t stopping. How the hell could she have called what was happening to me help? Right then the only thing I knew for sure was that if being helped hurt that much, I preferred to go without the aid.



“I can’t believe you’re really going,” my sister sniffled, the emotions practically pouring off of her. She’d said this from her position at my side while I zipped up my last piece of bright purple luggage. I was proud of her for having held back her tears for as long as she had. Her lower lip had been quivering on and off for nearly half an hour, and the hem of her white blouse had been twisted and pulled so much it was never going to lay the way it should. I chuckled inwardly, thinking about how similar her twisting movement was to something our mom used to do. Normally I’d have pointed this out in a teasing way, but I didn’t want to spike Vi’s anxiety any more than it already was. We both loved our mom, but it was a strained relationship with a lot of eggshell walking happening on our side. It certainly wasn’t what either of us would have chosen. Turning to my sister, I pulled her into a hug, squeezing her affectionately. “Vi,” I teased, “you’ve simply got to learn to be more emotional. I can never tell how you’re feeling about anything.” “Oh hush,” she sniffled against my shoulder. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m so happy for you, and I’m proud as all get out. I’m just really going to miss you. The kids are going to be driving me crazy to Skype with you. They need their Aunt Daisy time.” “And I need them time, too,” I assured her as I hugged her to me tighter. “I’ll be so in touch; you won’t even get to miss me.” Violet and her husband Ryder had made me an aunt three times over, and I adored their little munchkins. There was no way I’d last even three days without seeing those sweet little faces. Whether I lived in LA, on their ranch, or in Timbuktu, I would always be connected to my sister, my brother-in-law and their children. Skype meant we were always able to see and speak to each other, and it was worth its weight in gold. Pulling back from our embrace, Violet wiped at her eyes. “I’ll miss you like crazy no matter how in touch you are,” she said as she ran a hand over my packed bags. “I’ll miss you too. I hate making you sad—I wish you understood why I’m making this choice.” She sighed heavily before giving me a small smile. “I get why you’re going. I’m just being an idiot because I’m going to miss you so much. There’s no way you could possibly pass this up—it’s too great of an opportunity.” It was. Since around the age of ten, I’d known I wanted to work in the music business. I lived and breathed music—the lyrics, the sound, the feeling I got when a particular song instantly transported me to a different time. To me, music was magic. I couldn’t play an instrument, unless you counted air-guitar, or carry a tune, but it didn’t matter. I’d always wanted to work behind the scenes. Thanks to several years spent doing grunt work, it was finally happening. I was somewhat of a gypsy, a born traveler. I’d lived down south, New York City, Texas and Los Angeles. While in LA I’d connected with a really great guy named Ben Roth. Ben was a friend and former coworker, one I’d worked with side-by-side at an Indie rock label in LA for eighteen months. Our company wound up being bought out by a bigger label, and he and I had been among the five dozen or so to be

jobless. Ben moved on to another job within two months. I, on the other hand, did not. With so many people out of work and interviewing for the same jobs, my assistant credentials weren’t getting me anywhere. No one who isn’t flush with savings can afford to live in LA without a job for long, and my savings had been completely depleted the year before. After three months of lots of interviews but no job offers, I’d gone home to stay with my sister and her family to recalibrate. I feared leaving LA meant I’d never be able to get back. Life works in mysterious ways. Three weeks after I arrived on the farm, Ben called and told me his girlfriend Lacey needed an assistant. Lacey is in charge of all of the day-to-day operations for the Renegade Saints. We clicked immediately, and she offered the job the following day. Now she’d be training me to take on a lot of her job duties. The best part was that my job was starting while they were on their world tour. I was giddy with excitement. I was going to see more of the world, and I couldn’t wait to start. “I’m going to miss you, too,” I assured her. “We’ll still talk every day, I promise.” She hugged me again tightly before kissing me on the cheek. “That’s a promise I’ll hold you to.”

It felt like the absolute most perfect job ever, like it had been tailor-made specifically for me. After having spent several hours with Lacey at the hotel in her traveling office we arrived at the concert arena. Finally, it was time for me to meet the band. I was, naturally, ridiculously excited. Although I was a country music girl to my bones, there were a few rock groups I liked almost as much as I loved country music. The Renegade Saints were in the top five of the rock ‘n’ roll list. Ben told me before I even interviewed for the job that Lacey adored the band and said they were incredible to work for. Once I started talking directly to her, she reiterated his statement many, many times. “You’re going to love them,” she assured me happily. “Nicest bunch of guys ever. So down to earth. Flynn is an absolute doll, Cole is always there if you need a hand, Gavin is the smartest guy in almost any room, and Tyson will have you laughing for days. They’re everything you’d ever want them to be and more.” I couldn’t have been more thrilled to hear it. It sounded like I was going to love my job and the people I was working with and for. Lacey was so definitive about it, I didn’t even question it. The band members were going to be great, end of story. When we got into the backstage common area where the entire band had assembled, I was excited. I met Flynn, Gavin, and Cole first and they couldn’t have been nicer. When it came time to meet Tyson, everything changed for me on a dime. Before him, I didn’t believe in being thunderstruck by anything or anyone at first sight, which meant my response to him was an anomaly. I wasn’t prone to flights of fancy, but when I saw him, everything changed. I wanted to spend an infinite amount of time with him starting immediately. I had to force myself not to fidget when he got up out of his seat and made his way over to me, his eyes locked onto mine like I was the only person in the room. I’d known he was handsome—anyone with eyes knew—but I didn’t know he was breathtaking. My hands twitched at my sides, anxious to touch his face. I wanted to feel his five o’clock shadow beneath my palms and run my fingers through the dark hair hanging near his eyes. When he reached me and took my hand in his, the warmth of his hand felt like coming home.

The way he looked at me made me breathless as my skin prickled with awareness. His eyes were striking, a hazel color that had a yellowish accent. They reminded me a bit of wolf eyes, beautiful, penetrating and utterly enthralling. I felt as though I could’ve stared into them for hours and never gotten bored. The way he was looking at me indicated he was feeling the connection too. Life was really looking up.



“You hiding from me, motherfucker?” I looked up from the well-worn copy of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets I was reading and watched as Gavin came into the backstage dressing room area and dropped down on the soft gray couch next to me. “Did you want me to join you in your room?” I asked dryly. “’Cause odds are you and Leah were busy.” When I said busy, I meant sexually busy. Gavin threw back his head and laughed. “You know we always make time for you.” “You know, I can be alone,” I reminded him. “I know you can,” he assured me. “I guess I’m just… checking in. This is the final tour and there’s bound to be some anxiety attached to it at some point.” I inclined my head in acknowledgement. “There’s some,” I admitted. The choice to retire had been unanimous. But there was a difference between a concept and the reality. In a matter of months, a major portion of my life would be coming to an end. After the tour was over, for the first time in a decade, I’d be stationary. I hadn’t fully realized what it meant until the guys started getting into relationships. Watching them pair off and seeing them happy was a mixed bag. As happy as I was for them, I was also a little apprehensive about what it would be like going forward. Once we got back to LA and were in our home bases, I imagined I’d be alone more than I ever had been. The idea bothered me more than it should have. “You know we’re always here for you,” he said firmly. “There’s nothing to be anxious about. You have a support system—always.” Before the overdose, even with the band at my side, I’d felt alone and isolated. One of the biggest takeaways from dying was finally being able to accept other people caring about me. “I appreciate it more than you know,” I told him. Leaning back into the couch, I stretched my legs. “Gotta say, if for no other reason than sleeping on my own fuckin’ mattress, I’m looking forward to being in my house full time. Also pretty excited about reading by my pool.” Gav rolled his eyes as he gestured down to the book in my lap. “You mean reading your one approved series. Dude, what’s this? The fifth time you’ve read it?” “More like the tenth, and don’t make fun of my Potter books, assface. I read other stuff, too. At least I read something besides Penthouse Forum.” Gavin threw his head back and laughed out loud. “Shut up, dick. I read regular shit and you know it. I doubt Penthouse even has a forum anymore,” he said smugly. “You just dated yourself.” “That’s me,” I answered dryly. “Just another old bastard.” He rolled his eyes at me as he kicked his feet up onto the table. “Wanna play some Call of Duty?” Setting Potter aside, I cracked my knuckles dramatically. “I’m always down to kick your ass.” We got about twenty minutes of gameplay in before everyone else started trickling into the room, which was par for the course. We’d more or less developed a pre-gig ritual so we’d known going in

roughly how long we’d have to play in silence. Gavin had always been one to arrive to sound check early, whereas I’d taken to doing it after I got sober. It started out as a way of making penance for being so fucked up for the previous tours, but it quickly became an ingrained habit when I discovered I enjoyed the quiet before the chaos. As soon as Cole and Devon walked into the room, she made a beeline for the sofa Gavin and I were sitting on. “Sweet,” she said excitedly. “I’m playing whoever wins.” Gavin laughed as I groaned. I was winning, which meant she was going to be taking me to pound town. The girl was ridiculously good and she didn’t mind mopping up the floor with us. “I got a sign over my head or on my body saying I feel like losing today?” I asked as I pretended to feel and look around for one. She squinted and scrunched up her nose while she looked me over. Reaching out, she tapped me on the forehead. “Yep,” she joked. “It’s right there, large as life. I want to be Devon’s bitch… again.” “Real mature,” I laughed. “You’re such a gracious winner, Dev. Just wait, one day one of us is bound to beat your ass in this game.” “Hasn’t happened yet so I won’t hold my breath,” she retorted smugly. She was right it hadn’t, and not for lack of trying, either. “I gotta tell you, I think Devon serving you virtual ass kickings is pretty fuckin’ great,” Cole boasted. “You’ve more than earned it.” “Huh,” I grunted. “How do you figure?” There was a chorus of laughter from nearly everyone in the room. “Let’s see,” Flynn chimed in. “Remember my twenty-first birthday when you had twenty-one enormous clear bags of neon colored dicks delivered to me during my interview with Barbra Walters?” “Or the time you filled all five of my cars with buttered popcorn. I swear the damn garage still smells like butter,” Cole added. “That’s nothing compared to him wallpapering my fuckin’ bedroom with pictures of his dick wearing different costumes while I was in Cancun,” Gavin laughed. “I came home from vacation to a nightmare.” I waved him off. “You came home to art. Senõr Fuentes, Mrs. Mayonnaise, and Harvey Hardcock were excellent and original characters,” I argued. “You had hats and outfits made for your junk. It might’ve been original, but it wasn’t art,” he smirked. “There are literally millions of girls who would’ve loved that wallpaper. I was hurt when you took it down.” “Yeah, it really seemed like it while you were pissing yourself laughing at my expense,” Gavin pointed out. Our conversation was interrupted when Lacey, our coordinator, came into the room. “Oh good,” she said cheerfully, “you’re all here, right on time. I want to introduce you all to my new assistant, Daisy.” My attention diverted from Lacey to the girl standing at her side. She had long auburn hair and plump lips that immediately made me think of hot, wet kisses. Although she was on the tiny side—I normally went for real subtle attributes like watermelon shaped tits—something about her drew me in. Wearing black leggings, an emerald green top and some brown boots that stopped just below her knee, she was the stuff of wet dreams. When she looked up, her dark eyes connected with mine. For a few seconds there was nothing, just the two of us. It felt as if something monumental had just occurred. I was so astounded by my reaction to her I couldn’t form thoughts. It was a first for me. I’d never had any such issue before. Not even close. “… Be really great if you would say hello, Tyson.” Realizing I was being spoken to, I pulled my eyes away from Daisy and looked to Lacey. “Huh?”

Lacey rolled her eyes as she looked at me with visible exasperation. “I was introducing you to my new assistant, Daisy. Remember I told you she was going to be helping me for the rest of the tour so I’ll be able to shift my focus to the record company?” Her expectant look and the tone of her voice both indicated I was supposed to have retained the information. In the moment, I was so busy staring at the new addition that nothing I’d previously known was readily available in my memory. “Oh yeah, right,” I said unconvincingly. “I remember. Sure.” What I remembered was vague at best. I sure as fuck hadn’t been told the new assistant was gorgeous. Nor had I been warned that I would be drawn to her lips like they were pots of gold at the end of a rainbow. I was surprised when I realized I was up from the sofa and crossing the room toward Daisy. I hadn’t intended to move. When I got to her, I stuck my hand out to shake hers. She was even more beautiful close-up. There was a smattering of freckles across her nose and she had the longest natural lashes I’d ever seen on a woman. My gaze dropped down to her full and plump lips, and all I wanted to do right then was trace them with my tongue and nip at her bottom lip with my teeth. Near as I could tell, she was wearing almost no makeup. She didn’t need to since she was beautiful without it. She had not even one similar characteristic to any woman I’d ever fucked. Tits that could operate as a flotation device? Negative. Ass that could be used as a table? Nope. Lips so full of collagen they looked like they might explode? Not even close. False eyelashes? No to them, too. She also wasn’t that weird orange color fake tanners had. From head to toe, everything about her was authentic and I’d only ever been with the exact opposite. When her hand connected with mine everything inside of me ground to a halt. “Tyson,” she murmured. Hearing her say my name was like coming home. It shined a light into my darkest places and warmed me from the inside out. She felt so damn warm and solid, an anchor in a raging sea. My gaze dropped to her lips just as she licked them, and my groin tightened. I blinked down at her in shock as I realized two of my fingers were over the pulse point on her wrist and I could feel it racing. And then, I heard it. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Every hair on my body stood on end. I let out a panicked sound as I yanked my hand away and took a step back. The only reason I didn’t lose my shit was because as soon as the connection to her was severed, the sound went away. When I realized people were looking at me funny, I covered for my odd behavior by putting my hand over my mouth and coughing dramatically. “Sorry,” I said after I finished pretend hacking. “These dressing rooms are always so dry.” “Seriously?” Lacey asked incredulously. “With the four humidifiers spread around, so Flynn’s voice doesn’t dry out, I think it’s so humid in here it feels like a tropical island.” Goddamn my rookie mistake. I’d forgotten about the humidifiers. What the hell was wrong with me? I was normally a lot more alert. “I meant the hotel rooms,” I covered as I coughed again, forcing myself to look to Lacey instead of continuing to stare at Daisy. “It makes me all dry, and then I get here, and the humidifiers are going, and I start coughing.” “Huh,” Lacey said with a shrug. “I never noticed. If you want, we can start having a humidifier put in your room each night. That should even things out. Daisy, can you make a note, please?” I wanted to tell her I didn’t need a humidifier, but doing so would only draw attention to my odd behavior. Daisy nodded before pulling out her cell phone, and I watched as her thumbs moved at lightning speed while she made the note. Her nails were painted a shiny purple color, and I couldn’t help checking out her ring finger. I felt something in my chest relax when I didn’t find one. It seemed she wasn’t engaged

or married. Realizing that alone didn’t mean she didn’t have a serious boyfriend, I grimaced. If she was in a relationship… I put the brakes on that line of thought and tried to remember to breathe. What the fuck was wrong with me and why did I care? When she lifted her head, her eyes met mine again, and I felt fuckin’ poleaxed. The panic hit me hard, damn near taking my breath away. Once again, I heard the fucking sound. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. Ba-dum. I almost lost my shit right there. Something was seriously fucked to have me hearing things and it wasn’t okay. Not in the goddamn least. The girl was fucking with my carefully regulated emotions just by being in the room with me and apparently looking into her eyes or touching her caused me to hear shit. My fight or flight response kicked in hard and I was desperate to get the fuck away from her. Forcing myself to look away, I turned and went back to the couch and plopped down like I didn’t have a care in the world. I pretended to play Call of Duty as the rest of the band chatted her up and tried to make her feel welcome. “We’re happy to have you joining our team,” Flynn said kindly. Gavin and Cole both concurred and made small talk with Daisy. Naturally their women joined in, and for the next ten minutes Devon, Leah and Tessa peppered her with questions and made jokes with her. I didn’t join in, instead focusing like a laser on the television as I continued playing. It didn’t matter because I was as affected by Daisy’s voice as I was by her face. It was melodic and soothing as the sound of wind chimes, and in it, I could hear the rhythm. My knee jerk response was a desire for her to read something to me. Like the phone book or even War and Peace. It didn’t matter as long as it was something long with lots of words. I could’ve listened to her all day. There was a hint of the south in her voice, and I was enthralled by it. I was also freaking the fuck out as I dead-stared at the TV and tried to calm my pounding heart. I’d never given two fucks about a woman’s voice or the number of freckles she had on her goddamn nose before, and I sure as fuck had never met anyone who made me hear that sound. I wasn’t dealing with the sudden interest in Daisy at all. Every cell in my body was clenched and on high alert as I fought to stay in the room. “You’re acting weird and your stats are horrible,” Devon announced when she sat down next to me. I was so keyed up I had no idea what the hell she was even talking about. I glanced over at her in a daze. “Huh?” “You’re clutching the controller like it’s a lifeline, but you haven’t opened fire even once the whole round,” she murmured. I stared at her blankly as I tried to formulate a response. “Shit connection,” I said finally. “I keep lagging.” “Connection looks fine to me,” she teased. “No, you’ve been over here ever since you ran away from Lacey’s new assistant like she had some weird fungus.” I shook my head in denial. “I didn’t run,” I mumbled, “I’ve got a headache.” She let out a snort. “Which is it? A shit Internet connection, or a headache? You’re not fooling me, Ty. Your head might be about to explode, but it isn’t why you’re sitting over here. You’re specifically avoiding her. Why?” Beads of sweat broke out across my forehead. “I’m not,” I answered gruffly. “Tyson—“ “Fucking drop it, okay?” Her head reared back in shock. “I’m sorry—” “No,” I said through my clenched teeth. “It’s not you who needs to be sorry, it’s me. I was rude.” She waved me off before patting my knee. “Whatever is going on with you right now, just remember

I’m always here if you need to talk.” My shoulders instantly relaxed. Devon was good people, and she knew when to stop. I appreciated it more than she knew. Whatever the fuck was going on with my reaction to Daisy, it wasn’t acceptable. I planned to stay as far away from her as possible. I didn’t want to be genuinely interested in any woman, and I meant to maintain the status quo. Did it make me an asshole? Sure. Did I give a fuck? No. I knew my limitations and being in a relationship was never going to happen. I didn’t just accept my fate; I embraced it. Therefore, someone who interested me in the way Daisy did was downright dangerous. Ridiculous as it may sound, I felt she was a threat to me, and I decided right then and there to avoid her like she was my personal kryptonite.



I was on my way to Tyson’s room to give him the daily tour brief. Normally Lacey would’ve been the one to deliver it, but now the job belonged to me. I’d had no problem dropping the same thing with Flynn, Cole and Gavin, but I was shaking as I stepped up to Tyson’s door and knocked. My anxiety was annoying, and I detested the way my nerves went haywire when I was around him. I’d fought for years to be as calm and unflappable as I could, but Tyson Allen frazzled the heck out of me. He made me feel like a mixture of complete incompetence and total stupidity. I kept hoping some miracle would occur, and he’d lighten up around me, but it wasn’t happening. The worst part of it was I liked him, and by that I mean I had a crush on him. He all but ignored my presence on the planet, yet I found myself pining over him. I knew my sister would be worried if she knew, given my history of atrocious choices in men. I thought I’d outgrown my inherent need to chase after inappropriate men, but apparently I was dead wrong. When he swung the door to his hotel room open, there was absolutely no doubt in my mind he was annoyed I was there. His entire demeanor was hostile. “Goddammit, where’s Lacey?” he barked, confirming my assumption he wasn’t happy to see me. “She’s meeting with management. I’ve got your daily brief,” I answered as I held it out to him. I cursed myself silently when I noticed my hand was trembling. He snatched it out of my hand like it was contaminated. “This is Lacey’s job,” he stressed angrily. “Why are you doing it?” I was torn between the desire to skitter away and hide or knee him in the nuts. He acted like I was toxic and it was embarrassing, which meant I could barely string two words together. “I’m, like, um, uh, from now on… it’s like, my job?” I squeaked. I wanted a portal to open and suck me out of the hallway. I’d ended a statement with a question, which was bad enough, but even worse, I knew my face was purple with embarrassment. I didn’t need to worry since he focused like a laser on a spot over my head. It seemed setting eyes on me was somehow offensive. “Then from now on you can just slip it under my door,” he decreed like a giant fucking prick. My mouth opened, lips forming a perfect O as my eyes went wide. What were we, eight? He was acting like I had cooties. Maybe he really believed I did. “Lacey says I have to hand it off to you all personally,” I said once I stopped staring at him with my mouth open. “It’s part of my official duties to make sure—” The hand he used to hold the daily brief waved dismissively. “I’m Lacey’s boss which means I get to make the rules. I don’t want to be disturbed by you,” he said flatly. “You just slide it under the door each day and go on your way.” Feeling the prickle of tears in my eyes was mortifying. I’d done enough crying in my life, so it didn’t sit well with me. I loved my job, and wanted to keep it, but I was at the end of my rope with him. He treated me like I was a complete idiot and he made it patently obvious he detested me. “Why do you have to make this so damn difficult?” I questioned angrily. “You’re downright rude to me and there’s no reason for it.”

His head reared back as his eyes went wide. He seemed stunned as he stared at me. For the fraction of a second, I thought he was going to soften. When his jaw clenched and he crossed his arms over his chest, I knew he was shutting down. “If you can’t handle me then I suggest you quit,” he said snidely. “This is a job, and I expect you to do it professionally. Just slide the daily briefs under my door and be on your way.” With that, he turned around and went back into his room, closing the door behind him without so much as looking in my direction. I wanted to cry and then bang on his door so I could slap him when he opened it. Although Tyson Allen was easily the most good-looking man I’d ever set eyes on, he also had one of the ugliest personalities I’d ever come across. Personality trumped looks for me every day of the week. I vowed to stay as far away from his miserable ass as humanly possible.

“And everyone else says he’s one of the nicest guys ever?” my sister questioned. Our FaceTime session was a little blurry, but there was no mistaking the concern on her face. “Yes! The worst thing is people are noticing how dismissive and standoffish he is to me, and it’s embarrassing,” I admitted. “Dais, honey, come home. You don’t need to put up with this. Ryder and I always have a place for you.” I looked away from my phone and tried to keep myself from crying. “I can’t,” I said forcefully. “This is my big chance, and I can’t let one asshole ruin it for me. I’m not a quitter, Vi.” “No, you’re not,” she agreed. “But if the choice comes down to taking shit and quitting, then you know what you need to do. If this keeps getting worse…” “It won’t,” I assured her. Even as I said it, I knew there was no way I could be certain. Tyson was, for lack of a better descriptive, a dick. “Mm-hm, sure,” she said. “If he keeps this up and you won’t throw in the towel, Ryder’s going to be flyin’ in for a visit to resolve it one way or the other.” I didn’t doubt it. My brother-in-law was amazing, and I knew he had my back. “Don’t stress me out,” I pleaded. “I’m having a hard enough time.” “Humph.” It was clear she wanted to insist I quit. Violet took her job as big sister very seriously. She always had, but a few rough years in our lives had strengthened our bond to something stronger than steel. My sister would walk through fire for me, as I would for her. “All I want you to know is this,” she said finally. “Just because once upon a time you made a bad choice—” “Violet,” I interrupted in a warning tone. “Don’t go there.” “I’m sorry,” she mumbled. “I’m not trying to make you feel worse. I just love you so much, Daisy. I hate to see you unhappy about anything.” “I’m not unhappy,” I assured her. “I’m only anxious about Tyson. Everyone else is great. It’s the dream job with one teeny-tiny flaw. Everything has one drawback. In this job it’s him.” What I didn’t tell my sister was that dealing with him was so much more than a drawback. It was a constant source of anxiety for me and I wasn’t certain I would be able to withstand it for the rest of the

tour. My stupid heart wanted something different than the reality, which meant it hurt like hell to have him dislike me the way he did.



“How come you didn’t get us set up for tonight at the Fifties Burger Bar? We love that place.” I shrugged and avoided looking Flynn in the eye. “Didn’t think of it,” I lied. “We’ve gone there every time we’ve been in town for almost a decade. Even high as a kite you never once forgot. It’s your favorite burger place,” he pointed out. “Slipped my mind,” I said dismissively. I wanted to tell him to fuck off, but we were in the back of a car together heading to pick up some lingerie for Tessa, so it wasn’t like I could walk off. I was tagging along purely because I didn’t want to hang around the hotel in case I ran into anyone, specifically Daisy Hammond. If I’d known he was going to get up my ass, I’d have taken refuge in my room. “Kind of like how the create your own pizza place slipped your mind last week?” It was right about then that I regretted getting into the car with him. I thought I’d been escaping Daisy. Boy was I fucking wrong. “Yeah,” I said defensively, “like that. I’ve got shit on my mind.” “Enlighten me,” he said as he turned in his seat, putting his full attention on me. “What’s on your mind that suddenly means things we’ve always done are slipping through it like a sieve?” “Business,” I said firmly. “This record company stuff is no joke.” “Didn’t say it was. I just find it interesting how suddenly you’re Mr. Forgetful.” “Yeah, well—” “What’s even more interesting,” he continued without letting me finish, “is how I know for a fact you had already booked both things months ago. You didn’t forget, you straight up canceled them but paid for the full nights. We should stop at a lamp store because you’re being shady as fuck.” I gritted my teeth and tried to bite back my anger at our manager’s assistant. I’d specifically instructed her not to tell anyone I was canceling. “Dude—” “Don’t dude me, Ty. I’m far from fucking stupid, and I know something is up. You’re a goddamn recluse lately, and it isn’t sitting well. Be straight with me—do we need to get your old sober coach out here? We’re here for you, whatever it takes. There’s no shame in needing help, man.” “I’m not on drugs,” I said firmly. “I haven’t touched that shit in years, and I don’t plan to ever again.” “If it’s not drugs, then what is it?” I closed my eyes, dropped my head back onto the rest, and wished I could erect a privacy screen between us so I could ignore him. I made a mental note to find someone to make one for me. It was definitely a million-dollar idea. The silence stretched and even with my eyes closed, I could feel him staring at me expectantly. “It’s stupid, not even worth talking about,” I said. He exhaled a sound of annoyance. “You’re acting weird so fuck yeah it’s worth talking about. What the hell is going on?” I kept my eyes shut and didn’t look at him. “When I said it wasn’t worth talking about, it was code for I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Too fuckin’ bad,” he retorted. “That’s funny. When you were on the outs with Tessa and having problems, you didn’t want to talk, and you wouldn’t budge. Are you the only one allowed to have privacy these days?” “Tyson.” Just my name, nothing more, but in those two syllables, I knew he was getting pissed. Opening my eyes, I looked over at him. “What?” “You got a girlfriend I don’t know about?” “Fuck no.” “Then your argument is invalid and my question stands. What I was dealing with was relationship shit. You just confirmed you don’t have a girl hiding somewhere which means it’s time for you to tell me what the fuck is going on.” “Can’t explain it,” I said gruffly. I wasn’t joking. I really couldn’t explain it. “Okay, I guess I’ll take a shot. Does this have anything to do with Daisy? Because ever since she came on the scene you’ve been a fucking ghost.” I wasn’t thrilled he’d guessed right. I don’t know why I ever expected it to be any other way though considering the length of our friendship and how much time we spent together on the road. My band mates could read me like a fuckin’ book. Gavin had already guessed what I was uptight about but every time he brought it up I dodged like a bitch. He was cool enough to let me, Flynn not so much. “It’s nothing,” I assured him. “She rubs you the wrong way?” I grunted a non-committal noise. “I think she’s cool as shit as does everyone else, but this is a group thing, and if you can’t stand her then she’s gotta go. I’ll tell Lacey to get her gone. All you ever had to say was—” Something akin to panic fluttered in my chest. “No! Goddammit, this is why I didn’t say anything. This isn’t about her. It’s about me. I don’t need her losing her fuckin’ job because…” “Because?” “Just fuckin’ because,” I snapped. “It’s nothing major. I just don’t feel like talking about it.” I thanked fucking God when we pulled up outside the lingerie store because it meant he’d shut the fuck up. Or so I’d thought. When we walked into the store, the salesgirl just about hit the fucking floor. I’ll give her major credit for keeping herself together, but there was not one bit of doubt she was a big fan. “Mr. Rand,” she said breathlessly. “Mr. Allen. What can I help you with?” “If it’s cool with you I’d just like to browse for a few minutes,” Flynn answered. “When I see what I want, I’ll come up to the register.” She nodded, eyes wide, as she took a step back and let us have our space. I appreciated it because aggressive salespeople were not cool. Flynn was on a mission to find just the right thing for his woman. Normally I’d have been fucking around and throwing bras around or some shit, but I was too keyed up to be funny. Instead, I stood at his side quietly as he went through the racks and pulled a few things out. “Hmm,” he said as he walked toward a wall display. “No jokes from you today and you’re quiet. You haven’t even tried to be inappropriate. Either you’re dying, or something is really up.” “Still kicking,” I assured him. “Plan to be kicking for a long time. And nothing is up.” When we got to the display, he pulled a see-through yellow lace nightie off its hanger. Turning my way, he held it up. “You should get it for Daisy ‘cause you’ve clearly got a major fuckin’ thing for her,” he said dryly. My eyes went wide and my mouth opened. For countless seconds, I had no retort. All the while Flynn looked at me like the cat who had just cornered the canary. He knew he had me dead-to-rights.

“I don’t… she isn’t… I don’t have a goddamn thing for her!” I yelled the last part, which meant the few people in the store turned our way. “Sorry,” I called out with a fake laugh. “Just joking around.” Everyone smiled and looked away as they kindly accepted my excuse. The great thing about being a rock star was the way people wrote off weird behavior as being normal. Turning back to Flynn, I frowned. “I wouldn’t ever buy someone underwear, asshole. I don’t want a girlfriend. Not now, not ever. I can barely have one of you in the room when I sleep,” I reminded him. “I can’t do the whole relationship thing. It wouldn’t work.” “No one is saying you have to jump right in with both feet, but I bet it would work just fine if you let it happen.” “Based on what? My stellar history and track record?” He pinned me with a look. “When you tackle something head-on, you conquer it. You’ve never tried to sleep in the same room as a woman before. We all know what the issue is, but it’s—” “A big fuckin’ deal,” I reminded him. “It is,” he agreed. “But it can be addressed. You’re stronger than you give yourself credit for.” He was one hundred percent serious; I could tell by the expression on his face. It wasn’t like I could be pissed at him for being a friend. “She makes me uncomfortable,” I said after a few seconds. “It would never work.” “She makes you uncomfortable because you like her. Maybe if you stopped treating her like she was a chemical weapon you’d be able to start something.” “Yeah,” I said, “maybe.” “That’s classic Ty for fuck off, I don’t want to talk about this,” he laughed. “Yep,” I admitted. “So let’s do what we came to do and put this issue way on the back burner. I’m getting anxious.” He finally let it drop, and I was grateful. I didn’t want to talk about Daisy, feelings, or trying to change anything. I’d learned to live in my bubble, and I liked it there. I was content and didn’t want for anything. At least, I hadn’t. Before she came along. Daisy was like the smell of freshly baked cupcakes calling out to be eaten. You couldn’t fucking ignore it no matter how badly you wanted to. When we got back to the car, Flynn tossed a small bag at me. “For Daisy, when you get up the balls to be nice to her.” I didn’t even have to look inside to know I was in possession of the yellow lingerie. “Look, I’ll be nicer, but I’m not fuckin’ giving her a nightgown, asshole.” “You better fuckin’ keep your word,” he said. “It’s not cool the way you’ve been acting. Enough is enough.” “I’m on it,” I assured him as I tossed the bag back at him, “but I don’t need this.” He tossed it right back. “You keep it,” he said. “Maybe you’ll change your mind.” I very much doubted it. I stared at the bag like it held nuclear weapons, silently willing it to disappear. Of course, it didn’t. “Why yellow?” I asked after a few minutes of silence. Flynn didn’t say anything until I looked up and met his gaze. “It seemed fitting.” I cocked my head to the side and looked at him quizzically. “How?” “Daisy could be your sunshine.”

“Fuck, Flynn—” “I see what I see, Ty.” I rubbed my suddenly sweaty palms against my jeans as I turned away and looked out the window. “Might be time to get some new glasses,” I said gruffly. “Or it might be time for you to come out of the dark for good,” he murmured. I didn’t have a response. When I got back to my room I threw the lingerie in the garbage.



After I finished talking with Violet, I set myself up in bed to watch the Harry Potter marathon on TV. It was far too early for bed, but since it wasn’t a show day I had nothing to do. There were nightly dinners in the hotel, but I avoided them after the first couple of days. I did so because whenever Tyson showed up, he sat so far away from me it was like we were having our own version of the east coast west coast rap war. I couldn’t handle the level of discomfort I felt so I tapped out of the dinners. Between the lack of outside entertainment and my anxiety about going to dinners, I spent a lot of time holed up in my room. I’d heard word of Tyson’s mythical theme nights, but since I’d started, there had been very little fraternization. I was afraid to ask Lacey if the fun nights out stopping coincided with my arrival since I was all but positive it did. I figured she’d probably lie and say it wasn’t true, but I’d still know and be mortified. I was already struggling with my self-confidence because of Tyson; I didn’t need to go looking for reasons to make it worse. I assured myself it didn’t matter. Chilling in my bed was just as fun as going out. Okay, obviously it wasn’t. It was, however, better than being glared at by the asshole I was attracted to in spite of myself. I decided when I got hungry I’d order room service and maybe get a big ass bowl of ice cream to make myself feel better. Pre-tour it would’ve been a treat, but to be honest after a mere ten days on the road I was already losing interest in hotel food. Those silver dome covered plates were less and less exciting with each order, and I was fairly sure I consumed a yearly sodium quota with each meal. The Chamber of Secrets had just cut to commercials when there was a knock at my door. Confident it would be Lacey, I hurried to answer it. “I’m so happy you came,” I exclaimed as I flung the door open. “I told you I’d be more fun than Skype sex…” My words trailed off as it dawned on me that Lacey wasn’t the person at my door. No. It was a sixfoot-two male-model-looking rock god. I knew Tyson would only be at my door for something negative, so I mentally prepared myself for something shitty. Like being fired, or drawn and quartered in the underground garage. I licked my lips nervously as I crossed my arms over my chest defensively. He looked pissed, which had me leaning toward being fired. His eyes flared as he looked down at me and I swear it made him even sexier. Still, I reminded myself, he was a prick—and very likely about to give me the ax. “Skype sex?” he barked. “Who the fuck did you think I was?” My eyes went wide as I gaped at him. “What?” “Who did you think was at the door, Daisy? You were clearly expecting someone.” I was mortified. “I um, wanted Lacey to watch Harry Potter with me? But she said Ben wanted to Skype with her? We all know what that means,” I babbled. For half a second I thought he might actually crack a smile in my presence. He didn’t, but I believe it was close.

“Skype sex,” he answered after a pause. I nodded my head and tried hard not to stare at his lips while I waited for him to enlighten me as to why he was at my door. “A bunch of us are going to go to a fifties-style burger joint,” he announced. “You can come if you want.” It wasn’t the most effusive invitation I’d ever gotten, to be sure. But it came from Tyson, and a nonglaring-at-me Tyson, which was huge. I stared at him in shock, no reply immediately forthcoming. Tyson avoided me like I was dog crap on the sidewalk yet suddenly he was borderline friendly? “For real?” I squeaked. “I’m fuckin’ standing here aren’t I?” he asked gruffly. Far be it from me to reject an olive branch, even though I immediately suspected he’d been forced into it. I told myself if I said no, he’d probably never ask again. I wanted out of my hotel room. “Well alrighty then, I reckon I’ll go,” I said. I cringed at the southern twang in my response. My accent was far more pronounced when I got nervous. “I just need to change real quick,” I told him. “I’m sure no one wants to see me in this stretched out Hogwarts shirt.” I immediately regretted calling attention to my well-worn Hogwarts Alumni tank top when Tyson’s eyes dropped down to my chest. My nipples pebbled as goosebumps broke out on my arms. “Where are we meeting?” I asked, hoping he’d stop looking at my boobs. If he didn’t, I was pretty sure I was going to combust. His eyes came back to my face. “Lobby,” he murmured. “Ten minutes.” “I’ll be there.” “Wonderful,” he said unenthusiastically. He might’ve been less than thrilled, but I was over the moon. I was getting out of my room and the hotel to eat burgers that didn’t come from room service. I hoped Tyson’s mini-thaw was a good sign of things to come. I spent a few minutes choosing an outfit before deciding on a pale coral dress I paired with some cute white sandals. I didn’t have time to do anything other than put on lip gloss and toss my hair up into a messy bun, but since we were going for burgers, I was sure it was okay. When I left my room Lacey was coming out of her room across the hall. “How great is this?” she asked excitedly. “I’ve been dying to get out and do fun stuff again. I can’t wait for you to see this place. You know how I love the fifties!” I sure did. It was a casual night, and we were going for burgers, but she was wearing a poodle skirt with a pink cardigan belted at the waist. With her perfectly coiffed hair and dark red lipstick, it looked like she’d just stepped out of a fifties magazine. I loved her style. I smiled at her as we stepped into the elevator. “Are the burgers as good as the place or is this more about the ambiance?” “It’s not just the ambiance,” she said with a grin. “The burgers are unreal. They’re more than just regular burgers, too. There are bison burgers, venison burgers, and turkey burgers. The turkey is my personal favorite. I get mine with Swiss cheese, coleslaw, and thousand-island dressing. It’s the best thing ever.” “I’d go for the venison or the turkey in a second but the bison burger doesn’t sound appealing at all.” “I agree, but Flynn says it’s delicious.” I made a face. “To each his own, I guess.” Everyone was lining up to get into different cars as we arrived in the lobby. Lacey and I wound up in the back of a Suburban with Gavin and his girlfriend, Leah. They were an adorable couple—so laid back and always together. He stayed at her side like a bodyguard, always watching. As for Leah, she was an absolute angel, so sweet and personable.

Walking into the restaurant was like stepping back in time. All of the waiters and waitresses were in fifties attire, right down to their saddle shoes. The walls were covered in movie posters and memorabilia, and each and every table had a mini jukebox on it. There was even a sign that advised that cell phone use was prohibited. Next to the sign was a giant arrow pointing to two walk-in wooden phone booths. I loved every bit of it. I’d been to some dive fifties themed places before, but this one wasn’t like that at all. There was nothing uncool or tacky about it. I grinned like a dork as the hostess walked us to our booth. We placed our orders—I went with a regular cheeseburger and onion rings, no bison for me—and a black and white milkshake. Closing my menu, I looked around the room. As soon as I turned my head to the right, I found myself meeting Tyson’s gaze. I blushed when he inclined his head in acknowledgment. Before I could do the same, he turned away. I figured it was par for the course and did my best to push down my disappointment. It seemed like he went out of his way to ignore me during dinner, so I tried to do the same. When everyone was finished eating, people started migrating down a set of stairs at the back of the restaurant. I turned to Lacey and asked what was up. “So cool!” she exclaimed. “They book the downstairs for private parties. There’s a dance floor, pinball machines and two old-fashioned photo booths down there.” When we got downstairs I grinned from ear to ear as I took it all in. The room was the bomb. The dance floor had a classic black and white checkered pattern and Elvis was blaring from the speakers. Everyone was spread out—some on the dance floor, some at the pinball machines, a few in the photo booths and then a bunch were at some tall chrome tables. Against one wall there was a fully functioning old-fashioned soda fountain which Leah and I made a beeline for. We laughed as we got our Shirley Temples, clinking glasses before heading to the pinball machines. Ninety minutes and two Shirleys later—plus a few stops in the photo booth, three games of pinball and a wild dance with Rodney, one of the sound guys, to Chubby Checker’s The Twist—I was sweating, out of breath and in need of the ladies’ room. I was also feeling lighter and happier than I had in longer than I could remember, which was incredible. It felt amazing to let loose and have fun. When I came out of the bathroom, I found Tyson leaning against the wall just outside the door. I’d just gotten my heart rate down from dancing but one look at him jacked it right back up. It was shameful how sexy he was, really. His back was against the wall, and his sculpted arms were folded over his droolworthy chest. “Is there something going on with you and Rodney?” The abrupt nature of the question took me by surprise. Rodney was really sweet and fun but we had zero chemistry. Anyone with eyes and a brain would’ve known that. “Huh?” “You were dancing with him,” he said. “Why?” My hackles rose as I let out a huff of breath and planted my hands on my hips. He had a nerve treating me like an Ebola patient one second and asking me if I was involved with someone the next. I thought he was a nosy bastard. “I fail to see how who I dance with is any of your concern,” I answered icily. In a flash, he stepped forward, guiding me backwards in the process. I didn’t realize we were in the bathroom until he kicked the door shut behind him before turning to lock it. He then continued coming toward me until there was nowhere left to go and my hip touched the sink. My lips parted as I stared up at him in shock. “Are you insane?” I snapped. “Apparent-fucking-ly.” And then, he kissed me. When I gasped, he touched his tongue to mine and I instinctively kissed him back. It was the equivalent of lighting a match next to a container of gasoline. Our kiss wasn’t a soft and

gentle exploration. It was teeth and tongue, heavy breathing and absolute carnage. Tyson’s lips, tongue, and taste were a heady combination created to rock my world, obliterating anything that had come before. My hands went to either side of his head, my fingers grasping his hair while I kissed him with a hunger I’d never experienced. We were lightning in a bottle, an explosive force that wiped thoughts of anything or anyone else in the world out. I whimpered when he grabbed my ass and pulled me closer. Feeling his erection pressed against my stomach through my dress made me wet and desperate. A growl rumbled from low in his throat as I rubbed against him. Using his hold on my ass, he lifted me up and turned. My legs instinctively went around his waist in the second before my back was against the bathroom door. I shuddered when I felt him yanking my dress up, bunching it at my waist before settling his hands on my bottom again. All that separated us from heaven was his clothing and the pair of tiny white lace underwear I was wearing. I squeezed tight as he started rubbing his erection against me, the roughness of his jeans against the lace of my panties making me want him more than ever. I trembled as he slid one hand over my dress and cupped my right breast firmly. Desire had such a hold of me; I didn’t even care that we were in a tiny bathroom at a work event. I wanted him, desperately. My hips moved up to meet his thrusts against my core again and again. We kept right on kissing. The way we were going at each other was savage and animalistic. I didn’t care—I’d never felt better. When he started pinching my nipple, I damn near lost it because I wasn’t just wet for him; I was drenched. The grip he had with his free hand on my ass was so firm there was no doubt it would leave a mark. I didn’t care. I ground myself on him faster, desperate sounds coming from my throat as we kissed like we were being reunited after he arrived back from a two-year submersion on a submarine. My heart banged against my ribcage furiously as I got closer and closer to orgasm. I wasn’t just reaching for it; I was galloping. When I got there, I ripped my mouth from his and threw my head back, banging it against the door. I barely noticed because as it happened Tyson’s mouth locked onto my neck and the hot wet suction intensified my pleasure to such a degree I was practically putty in his arms. He bucked against me over and over again, the friction keeping me in orgasmic orbit for longer than I’d ever experienced. When it was finished, I was a trembling mess. Tyson dropped his head onto my shoulder, his breath fast and hot against my neck. Opening my eyes, I un-fisted my hands and ran my fingers through his hair. I realized I could see us in the wall mirror over the sink, and I bit my lip as I took in the sensual visual. My legs locked around his waist, and his face was buried against my neck. My kissed swollen lips were a sight to see. I couldn’t believe I’d just dry humped my way to a massive orgasm with the guy who earlier in the day couldn’t even look at me. Tyson went from relaxed to stiff as a board the instant someone banged on the bathroom door. “Yo,” a familiar sounding voice I couldn’t quite pinpoint yelled, “what’s going on in there?” I was rigid, my eyes wide with shock. Tyson lifted his head and shook it before mouthing the word quiet at me. I nodded my understanding. “I’m in the bathroom,” he answered. “Doing what?” “Fucking bathroom stuff!” Ty bellowed. “Open the fucking door, Tyson,” the voice demanded. I realized it was Cole and he sounded worried. Setting me down, Ty stepped back and glared at the door. If looks were fire starters, it would’ve been in flames. “I’m not opening the fucking door, asshole. Chill your tits before you have a goddamn rack attack. I’ll be out in a second.” “Open the door or I’m kicking it down,” Cole answered. There was no doubt Ty was frustrated. His jaw clenched as he ran a hand through his hair before

shuffling me to the side. Undoing the lock, he opened the door a crack. “What the fuck, Cole?” Cole wasn’t about the cracked door. Completely ignoring Ty’s obvious desire for him to stay out of the bathroom, he pushed his way in. He stopped dead when he saw me standing in the corner. “Well, shit,” he said. “Wow. This went down quicker than I thought it would. Interesting. To be honest, I wasn’t expecting to find you in the bathroom doing this.” “As opposed to what?” Ty asked stiffly. “Drugs?” Cole winced as he turned back to Ty. “You’ve been acting weird. I had to check, man. You’d do the same for me if the situation were reversed.” Ty sighed and nodded once, letting Cole off the hook. “So now that we’ve established I’m not in here shooting or snorting something,” he said calmly, “it’s time for you to move along.” “Right,” Cole said as he backed toward the door. “Of course.” “And you won’t run your mouth, correct?” Cole gave Tyson a wry look. “I’m not a talk show host.” Ty snorted. “You sure? ‘Cause if Sylvia calls me tomorrow I won’t even be a little bit surprised.” Instead of reassuring him, Cole threw his head back and laughed. “I didn’t know you meant I couldn’t tell Gram. We both know I probably will. Maybe not tomorrow, but I can’t promise it won’t come up,” he teased before opening the door and walking out. No sooner had the door shut behind him than it swung open again. Leaning his head in he looked at me and wiggled his eyebrows. “I forgot to say—nice hickey.” I gasped at the same time Ty let out a tortured sound. Rushing to the vanity, I turned my neck and looked in the mirror, letting out a squeak when I saw it. I was twenty-five years old, and I’d never had a hickey until Tyson Allen took me into the bathroom and made me forget there were other people on the planet. In the aftermath, I had a mark forming on the lower portion of my neck. “How wonderful,” I mumbled. I turned around to say something to Ty, only to be completely dumbfounded as I realized he was leaving. Without. Saying. A. Word. I sprang forward before the door could shut all the way and grabbed the back of his shirt, yanking him back into the bathroom. “Are you kidding me right now?” I shrieked. For a second I thought the expression on his face looked a lot like fear, but then his eyes went cold and he looked at me as though he’d never laid eyes on me before. “What?” he asked. I couldn’t believe what a douchebag he was being. “I’ll tell you what, buddy! Am I supposed to say nothing while you bail after what just went down? Because it’s not happening,” I sniped angrily. He shrugged. “You have any idea how many chicks I’ve fucked around with against bathroom walls or on tour busses? Hundreds. Don’t make such a big deal out of it. It was a moment of temporary insanity. Nothing more, nothing less.” I felt the color leeching from my face as I gaped at him. I’d just had an orgasm in his arms, and he was acting like nothing unusual had happened. I guess because to him; it hadn’t. “You’re a real asshole.” He flinched and looked away. “Does anything I do really come as a surprise to you, Daisy?”

It did. Even with what a standoffish prick he’d been, while I was in his arms I’d never once considered he’d be so dismissive afterward. I should’ve known better. “I guess not,” I conceded angrily. I stood up straight and threw my head back proudly. He thought he was King of the World, but he wasn’t. I deserved more than to be treated like I was nothing more than garbage. It took everything I had to maintain eye contact as I took two steps forward toward the door. When I got there, I gestured with my hand for him to step aside. He watched me like I was a ticking time bomb as he moved. I left the bathroom without another word and didn’t look back over my shoulder. As I walked back to the table, I made myself a promise. Tyson Allen would not break me. I was strong enough to make damn sure he never saw how much his attitude hurt me. He wasn’t worth it, not one little bit. I had wanted him to stop ignoring me, but after what happened in the bathroom, I hoped he never acknowledged me again. He could crawl back to hell as far as I was concerned.



I hated the way I felt. Out of control, desperate and, fuck, even scared. I’d heard the sound again when she was in my arms the night before and it was completely screwing with my head. I spent so long avoiding the sound I’d become frightened of it. There was no middle ground for me. Early in life it had meant something positive, but after the New York sidewalk dead man seizing experience, I’d come to despise the sound. The first day I met her and I heard the beat twice, I was shaken. Then in the bathroom when we were together and I heard it, for a fleeting second it felt like I was home. The thought shook me to my fucking core. I didn’t have a home anymore, not really. I had a place to lay my head and invite people to hang out in, but it wasn’t a home. If drugs had still been my go-to coping mechanism, I’d have pulled out my trusty kit to use the needle to take everything away. Instead, I channeled the need to escape by deciding to work out. I got up early— don’t laugh too hard that ten in the morning is early to me. I normally slept ‘til noon, but sleeping after what happened in the bathroom was a wasted effort. Once I was awake and had some coffee and eggs in me, I got my ass into the gym and worked out like I was training for a triathlon. I was coming to the end of my second hour of working out in the hotel gym when Cole and Gavin came in. The way they were dressed—jeans and T-shirts—said they weren’t there to get their cardio on. Sweat poured off of me as my feet pounded down on the treadmill. I gave them both the evil eye, hoping they’d take the fuckin’ hint and leave. Not only didn’t they leave, Gavin had the balls to hit the emergency stop button on my machine. I let out an annoyed noise and went to turn it back on, only to realize it no longer had power. Looking over my shoulder, I glared at Cole as he held up the power cord and smirked at me like a giant prick. I stepped down from the machine, elbowing Gavin out of my way as I crossed the room and grabbed a hand towel to mop the sweat off my face and neck. My breath was coming in bursts as I spun back and faced them both. “Seriously,” I huffed, “you’re fuckin’ tag-teaming me today? I’m not ready for this, man.” “We all know the only way to get answers when you shut down like this is to corner you,” Gavin said dryly. Cole nodded his head in agreement. “Answers about what?” “Don’t play dumb. You know very fuckin’ well what,” Cole retorted. I wasn’t in the fucking mood. I didn’t think I’d ever be in the mood, but right then I wasn’t even in the vicinity of being chill enough to deal. I’d been running for over an hour and the supposed runners’ high hadn’t kicked in. So much for the endorphin rush making me feel better. I narrowed my eyes as I addressed Cole. “Thought you weren’t a talk show host,” I lashed out defensively. “Looks to me like you couldn’t wait to go rat me out.” He crossed his arms over his chest and rolled his eyes. “I wouldn’t have said shit, but Daisy walked back into the downstairs area looking like her blood had turned to ice and you stomped out of the

bathroom after her like it was on fire. You had to know Gavin of all people was going to pick up on it. When he asked me, it wasn’t like I could lie.” “That’s fuckin’ rich,” I sniped. “When you were keeping Devon a secret you had no problem lying. Why did you have the option and I don’t?” He had the wisdom to look chastised. “You’ve got a point,” he conceded. “But we both know I was wrong in that situation. I should’ve said something earlier.” His agreeing with me mostly took the wind out of my sails, argument wise. I couldn’t very well make it about him if he was taking responsibility. I took a few deep breaths and rolled my head back and forth to release some tension. I was so keyed up and tense my shoulders were damn near meeting my ears. “Fine,” I said as calmly as I could. “What is it you want to know?” “What is it you want to tell us?” Gavin countered. “I want to tell you nothing,” I said honestly. “I’d love to shove it all down and bury it deep.” “’Cause we all know how well that works,” Cole interjected. “I get you,” I assured him. “The truth is I don’t know what the fuck to say. I knew from the moment I met her my reaction to her wasn’t normal. I’ve done my best to stay away from her. Obviously, last night I fuckin’ blew that to hell,” I ground out. “It’s not a crime to like someone,” Gavin said calmly. “You know how I—” He cut me off. “Yeah, I do know. But I also know something is different about Daisy for you. I’ve known since day one. The way you look at her, man. It’s like how Cole looks at Devon, Flynn looks at Tessa, and I look at Leah. You want her. And I don’t mean you want her like you’re going to fuck once and roll out. If that were the case, you wouldn’t be so amped up.” “Different isn’t good for me,” I countered. Cole’s hand slashed through the air dismissively. “You’re clinging so desperately to an old belief system,” he said. “If anyone gets where you’re coming from, it’s me. I held onto my own like it was a life raft. It was stupid and a complete waste of time. Being with Devon is the best thing I’ve ever done.” “I know what you’re saying, but it’s different for me. What went on with you and Devon isn’t comparable. She never had to put up with you being a complete fuckin’ whack job.” “You’re not whacked,” he said firmly. “There isn’t a damn thing wrong with you.” I twisted my fingers around the towel I’d used to wipe down with. “I’m a grown ass man who can’t sleep in the same fuckin’ room with anyone. That’s pretty goddamn fucked up.” “There’s a real reason though, and it’s valid,” Gavin reminded me. “You can’t do it now, but you can get there. You know about what Leah went through in the past. She thought she’d never be able to be with anyone, ever. Look at her now! She can’t get enough of my Wilde ass.” I half-chuckled. He was right about one thing. Leah had come a long, long way from where she’d started. Maybe he had a point. “I can’t even imagine how the fuck I’d try,” I confessed. “First, there’s the fact that I’ve never even been goddamn tempted. Second, I’m a fuckin’ mess. I feel like shit for being an asshole ’cause fuck knows she doesn’t deserve it, but I can’t pretend I’d be good for her.” “That’s fuckin’ bullshit,” Cole snapped. “Stop acting like you’re a fucking monster or a defective piece of shit. You’re a great guy and any girl would be lucky to have your crazy ass.” I disagreed. “I think in the relationship department, I might as well fucking be classified as defective.” “Sounds like some self-hate bullshit talk to me. Besides, how can you really know if you never try?” My head popped up as I looked at Gavin. He was staring at me in the quiet way he had. “I’m fucked up.” “What’s fucked up is how much resistance you put up to something I think would actually be good for you. Probably even great. You’re self-sabotaging.”

The fucked up thing was, I could imagine a scenario where it was great. But getting there would take fucking work and I’d be far from my comfort zone. I didn’t struggle the way I used to—which was minute by goddamn minute—with my addiction, but it was still there, always lurking. I was very aware of how one false move could send me on a downward spiral which could lead right back to the drugged out hell I’d barely survived in round one. “I don’t know how to start,” I admitted. “Maybe if I just give it time…” “In this case time isn’t your friend,” Cole answered. “You give it too much time and I guarantee you’ll miss the opportunity because you’ll have talked yourself out of it.” “I just don’t know how,” I admitted. “This isn’t some shit I can just snap my fingers and have it resolved.” “That’s true, but not doing anything isn’t going to get you anywhere at all. There’s not a goddamn thing stopping you from apologizing to Daisy immediately, and you damn well need to,” Cole said. “Whatever you said to her after I walked out of the bathroom had to have sucked. I’m not fucking with you when I say she looked wrecked.” My heart constricted in my chest. Hurting her wasn’t okay. “I’ll apologize,” I assured him. “Sincerely.” They both stared at me expectantly, waiting for me to say more. “I want to try,” I admitted. “I’m just… scared.” “I think once you get the dildo out of your ass and stop fucking telling yourself you’re too fucked up to have something good, you’ll be fine,” Cole asserted. “She could be fuckin’ great for you.” Gavin chimed in with a chuckle. “I second that. She’s awesome.” “I’ll think about it.” “For fuckin’ real,” Gavin said firmly. “Don’t just shine us on. Actually do it. Use your head and think.” “I promise,” I said sincerely. “There we go,” Cole said proudly as he came forward and clapped a hand on my back. His face screwed up as he jerked his hand back and made a gagging noise. “Fuckin’ ew, man. You’re wet like you were just swimming. I gotta go wash your sweat off my hand.” “I’m sure you’ve had worse than this jackoff’s sweat on your hands,” Gavin joked. Just like that the mood between the three of us lifted. It had almost always been that way—the only exception being when I’d gone completely off the rails and lost my shit. Other than during my dark time, the entire band followed a pattern and it worked for us. After we dealt with serious shit we always got right back to laughing. It was through them I’d learned to live again, and I was more thankful for it than I could express. The brotherhood was everything. As we left the gym, Cole’s cell rang. He smiled as he stopped walking and announced it was his gram. “I’m gonna go back inside the gym so I can talk to Gram. My signal in the elevators here is shit.” Gavin and I each told him to tell her we said hi before we waved him off and went on our way. Once I was back to my room I headed to the shower and started rehearsing an apology to Daisy.



I stewed about the bathroom incident all night long, barely getting three hours of non-consecutive sleep. That sucked because it was a show night, which meant the workday didn’t even start until three in the afternoon. I needed something to take my mind off of everything, and lounging around in my room after getting damn near no sleep wasn’t ideal. All the unstructured time gave me was more opportunity to overthink things and torture myself. I was mortified to have allowed myself to believe, even for a nanosecond, that Tyson Allen wasn’t the world’s biggest asshole. It galled me to know he had so little respect for me as a person. It had been years since I’d let my guard down for anyone to get so close to me. My string of terrible relationships held me back from doing so many things. How crappy was my luck that the first man I met in forever who attracted me turned out to be the inventor of the douche canoe? The amount of disgust I had in myself for letting him touch me was almost as big as my anger at him. Stomping down the hotel hallway toward his suite, I had the daily brief clutched in my hand like it held the nuclear codes. The highlight of my day was Cole not being in his room when I knocked. The last thing I’d needed was for him to comment about finding Tyson and me the night before. Since the day Tyson had told me to slide the daily briefs under his door, I’d crept down the hallway like a little church mouse to do so as quickly as possible. I wasn’t in the mood for his nonsense anymore. When I got to his door, I banged on it continuously for at least thirty seconds. I startled when I heard a voice from behind me. “He’s not in there.” Spinning on my heel, I came face to face with Leah, Gavin’s girlfriend. I felt a blush creeping across my cheeks, and I ducked my head bashfully. I liked Leah and was ashamed to have been caught out acting like a nut. “Sorry,” I muttered. “I didn’t mean to disturb you.” Leah waved away my concern. “You didn’t,” she said sweetly. “I know Tyson isn’t there because I already tried calling him this morning. I’ve got something going on I wanted his help with, but he didn’t answer. So now I’m on my way to ask Tessa to help me tonight by taking pictures.” I was so embarrassed she’d caught me being a nut I barely made sense of her words. “Sounds fun,” I answered half-heartedly. “You could come with me,” she offered. I shook my head. “No, I’ve got a bunch of work to get done before it’s time to leave for the arena.” “Completely understandable,” she smiled. I headed back to the room I used as an office and tried to lose myself in working on a few projects, which didn’t work. I was too amped up to sit in the hotel room. Taking my laptop and my cell I retreated to the rooftop deck and set up at a table. Being outdoors had always been a balm to my soul, which meant I was able to relax a bit. Eventually, I got so into the work that I was shocked when my phone alarm went

off to remind me it was time to leave for the show. I tucked my computer under my arm and called Lacey as I hurried to the elevator. When she picked up, I was full of apologies. “I am so, so sorry, but I’m going to be late. I got so caught up in making sure the dressing room riders for the next week were received that I completely forgot what time it was. Go ahead without me. I’ll get changed and grab a cab. I should only be about half an hour behind you.” “I figured you’d got all caught up with something,” she laughed. “Don’t worry about it—take your time.” I appreciated her understanding but I didn’t take my time. Instead, I raced around my hotel room like the Tasmanian Devil, pulling clothes off their hangers and tossing them over my head. It should’ve been easy to get dressed, but I was trying to keep Tyson’s stupid hickey covered. I’d been wearing a shirt with a decorative scarf while I was working but when I was backstage, I didn’t like to wear too many accent pieces. With all the running around things tended to get snagged or lost. I breathed a sigh of relief when I yanked my lone short sleeve turtleneck from the closet. It was black, and I usually wore it under a jean jacket, but it was too hot for that. I teamed it with a pair of skinny jeans and my purple converse. As ready as I was going to be I grabbed my purse and slammed the door to my now completely messy room behind me. I raced to the lobby where I was thrilled to find a string of cabs at the curb. I arrived at the arena twenty-five minutes or so behind everyone else, which wasn’t so bad. I held my head high as I walked in, waving hello to my co-workers as I made my way toward Lacey. I relaxed when I realized the band weren’t in the room because they were in their pre-show meeting. Lacey smiled and gestured to the wall of food behind her. “You’re just in time for dinner. Let’s eat before we meet with John.” John was the band’s manager who Lacey and I met with each night. I’d been so worked up earlier in the day I hadn’t eaten anything, so I nodded my head as she led me to the table. I grinned when I saw the massive quantities of Chic Fil A on the table, as it was one of my favorites. The band loved it as well, so we had it as a before show meal fairly often. After choosing our food Lacey and I went to a corner table and sat down. “So,” she said as she opened a container of dipping sauce, “you were quiet all day—so much so I didn’t even see you after I handed the briefs off this morning. What’s up?” I dipped a waffle-cut fry in ketchup as I shook my head. “Not a thing. Just needed some good ol’ fresh air today, so I worked up on the rooftop lounge.” One of her perfectly arched eyebrows went up. “Daisy, Daisy, Daisy,” she murmured, “we both know that isn’t why you stayed off the radar today.” I felt myself blushing as I looked down. She hadn’t said anything to me when I’d seen her in the morning so I’d hoped she didn’t know anything. Obviously, that dream wasn’t realized. “Lace—” “I gave you room this morning because I could see you needed it,” she explained. “But now I have to say something.” “I know,” I sighed. “It was unprofessional and completely out of line. I’m so sorry—” She reached out and set her hand on mine. “No! Nothing like that, Dais. This isn’t a Fortune 500 job,” she laughed. “If it were, Flynn and Tessa and Cole and Devon wouldn’t be together. I’m not talking to you as a manager I’m talking to you as a friend. You looked upset when you came out of the bathroom last night, and I couldn’t have missed that hickey if I tried.” I grimaced and shook my head. “The stupid hickey,” I groaned. She laughed. “Men. Always trying to leave their mark.” “He didn’t mean to leave a mark,” I mumbled. “In fact, he tried to moonwalk out of the bathroom to get away from me. It was like I was Ground Zero for disease and he had to get away before catching it.”

Throwing back her head, Lacey laughed. “Don’t believe that for a second. He’s so obviously infatuated with you—” “Did you smoke a fatty on the ride in?” I asked incredulously. “Because you’re hallucinating. He couldn’t hate me more if he tried.” She shook her head emphatically. “That, my dear, is pure bullshit. First, I haven’t smoked weed since college. Second, he watches you like a hawk—” “Probably to make sure I’m not about to touch anything he’ll use,” I grumbled. “No,” she laughed. “He watches you because he’s attracted to you. Gavin and I took bets your third day here about how long it would take Ty to crack and claim you.” My mouth formed a perfect O as I stared at her. “You’re both imagining things because he made it very clear last night he couldn’t care less about me,” I said bluntly. “Sweetie, if we imagined things, you wouldn’t have on a turtleneck right now. The man is more than interested, trust me.” I shrugged. “Whatever you guys think you saw, the way he talked to me wasn’t the way someone who gave two shits about a girl would.” “I think…” She trailed off and looked around before leaning in closer. “Swear to God, Dais, you repeat this and I will cut you. Do you promise to keep this to yourself?” I wanted to be cool and tell her not to confide in me about anything to do with Tyson because I didn’t care. Instead, I leaned in and nodded. “Of course,” I assured her. “I’ve been with them for years and during that time I’ve seen women come and go. All of the guys have their quirks.” Holding up her hand she raised her index finger. “Gavin used to have women all but waiting on their knees after the shows were over to blow him.” Raising another finger, she continued, “Flynn would take them two by two back to his room. He had a thing about them not staying the night so his assistant spent years kicking girls out after the sex was over.” Bringing up the third finger she said, “Cole would let people stay the night if it came down to it, but it could never be just one person. Always two people—a woman and a man.” My head went back in shock. “He’s bi?” She nodded. “He is. He had this whole thing about not being in one on one situations… until he met Devon. Now he’s all about it just being the two of them.” She lifted her pinky and pointed to it. “And then, there’s Tyson. In all of the years I’ve been here, never once has he had a girl back to his room. We rented him a separate room in the hotel to… well, you know. He’d go in, do whatever, and leave. It used to be an every night thing, but this tour and the last, it was just every few weeks or so. Since you got here, he hasn’t instructed me to rent a room even once, and he’s well overdue if you know what I mean.” I swallowed sickly as I nodded my head. Yes, I knew what she meant, but it made me ill to think of Tyson touching other women. I chastised myself silently for being such a fool. No one had less of a claim on him than I did. “Why are you tellin’ me all this?” I asked, cringing when I realized I’d let a little more of my country twang out. I didn’t mind the twang when I was home because I sounded like everyone I loved, except my mother who had no country in her. She hated the way her children would drop their g’s, amongst other things. Thus, I’d learned not to let it out very much in public. When I did, I heard my mother in my head telling me how redneck I sounded. “Because all that’s happened with the band proves that people change. And, in spite of the impression you’ve been given, I know Tyson is a really great guy. There’s something fragile about him—”

I scoffed. “Fragile? Tyson? That’s crazy. I wouldn’t be surprised to find out his balls are filled with barbed wire and lead paint.” “Sometimes you need to look closer,” she insisted. “Agree to disagree,” I said before I took another bite of a nugget. “Speak of the devil,” she murmured. I swallowed uncomfortably as my stomach dropped. Grabbing my cup, I guzzled half of the iced tea in it and forced myself not to look over my shoulder. “He’s coming this way,” she hissed. My eyes went wide as I shook my head. “Tell me you’re kidding,” I whispered frantically. She shook her head once before I felt the warmth of him directly at my side. He was close, I thought. Too fucking close. “Lace,” he said, “would you mind if I borrowed Daisy for a few?” I shot her a glance, silently imploring her to say no. “Sure,” she said cheerfully. “Go right ahead.” I narrowed my eyes and glared at her as she stood up, grabbed her plate and left me alone with him. Traitor. Turning to Tyson, I looked up and found him staring down at me. “I’d rather not,” I said stiffly. “Daisy,” he began, “I want to apologize—” Before he could continue, there was a commotion in the room. Gavin, who was one of the most laid back and quiet people I’d ever known, let out a whoop. “Ty, look! She’s here! She’s fuckin’ here!” I saw Ty’s face when he looked to see who it was, and I wanted to puke when I saw his reaction. His eyes lit up and his smile spread from ear to ear. He grinned as he turned back to me. “Hold that thought and give me five minutes,” he said excitedly. “I’ll be back.” “B!” he exclaimed as he damn near sprinted away from my table. I turned in my seat to see the she Tyson was so excited about. My jaw hit the floor when I saw who it was because I knew her. I’d met Gabrielle at a support group about eight months before for families and friends of people who committed suicide. We weren’t best friends or anything, but we’d gone out a few times after the meetings with a small group of people. I’d liked her a lot, but I obviously stopped going to meetings when I moved in with Violet and Ryder. I had no idea why she was here, but clearly she somehow knew the band. Everyone looked thrilled to see her. I felt sick as I watched Ty lift her in a bear hug, spinning her around as they both laughed. I’d never seen him so enthusiastic or affectionate before and I was beyond jealous. She smiled at him like he meant the world to her and my heart dropped. Anxious to get away before she saw me, or worse, they started making out, I grabbed my purse and hurried from the room. I had, I decided, the worst luck in the world. In addition to being gorgeous, Gabrielle was an absolute sweetheart. I left the arena like my ass was on fire, calling for a cab from the parking lot. I texted Lacey and let her know dinner hadn’t agreed with my stomach so I had left sick. I didn’t answer when she texted back and asked if everything was okay. Instead, I sat next to an overhead light and waited for my cab while I thought about the things I knew about Gabrielle from group. The number one thing that came to mind was her confiding that she had strong feelings for someone who had commitment issues. Looked to me like the guy in question was Tyson Allen and I felt like an even bigger fool than I had the night before.



My anxiety about what a cocksucker I’d been to Daisy weighed on me, like a five-hundred-pound set of shoulder weights. I owed her an apology, immediately. Not being what one would call an overly emotional guy, I was surprised by the insistent need I felt to make it up to her. Then again, my response to her was what was fucking me up to begin with. Every damn thing about Daisy and the way I felt around her was completely fucking my head. I’d gone to the room she used as an office three times to apologize before leaving for the arena, but she was never there. I tried her hotel room twice, but she didn’t answer. I’d started to panic a little when she wasn’t with everyone in the lobby as it was time to go to the show. I’d wanted to ask Lacey what was going on but Cole was busy keeping tabs on me, and I didn’t want to draw his attention to my freak-out. When I got out of the pre-show meeting with management and the band, and I saw Daisy sitting at the table with Lacey, I was relieved. By then I’d been assuming the worst, wondering if she had up and quit. The thought alone made me feel sick which was a shock to my system considering I’d spent so much time avoiding her while hoping she’d quit or disappear. It was all bullshit. Somehow, against my natural instinct to avoid her, I wanted her around. I went to her table to talk and was ready to grovel when Gavin yelled out. Looking over my shoulder, I lit up when I saw his sister in the room. Of everyone in my life, I was closest to Gavin and Bree. It had always been that way, but after their father killed himself, tragedy forged an even closer bond. The two of them were my family, and I’d been worried about her for several weeks because she sounded so off on the phone. I hugged her and told her how happy I was she was there. The happy feeling grew when she announced she intended to spend the rest of the tour with us. Having Bree around would be good. It also meant I could go back to Daisy without being rude since Bree wasn’t just doing a cameo visit. I hugged her once more and told her there was something I had to do. Turning around I went to walk back to Daisy’s table, only to find she wasn’t there. I looked around the room and searched for her, but didn’t spot her anywhere. I left the area and walked out into the hall but didn’t see her there, either. I headed to the private room we’d had our management meeting in, but all I found was Lacey. Sure she would know where Daisy was, I walked over to the fax machine she was using. “Hey, where’s Daisy?” I knew something was up when she glared at me like I’d pissed in her Cheerios. Lacey was typically cool as hell, but right then she looked like if she had the chance, she’d kick me in the taint. Looking down at her pointed toe heels, I grimaced. A taint kick would fucking hurt. As casually as possible, I put my hands in front of my twig and berries. “I’m disappointed in you,” she said angrily. “Whatever you said to her must’ve been a real shit show because she took the rest of the night off sick.” My eyes widened as I held up my hands before realizing I needed to take a step back. Hands up meant my junk was uncovered and she really looked ready to kick my dick. “Whoa, Lace, I didn’t even get to talk to her.” Her brow wrinkled in confusion. “You didn’t?”

“No. Right after you left the table, Bree showed up.” It was obvious she was surprised. “Bree’s here?” she asked excitedly. “Yeah. I guess only Leah, John, and the travel team knew about it. Gavin’s been on her about coming on tour, so she’s here for the remainder. Forget that, though. What do you mean Daisy took the night off sick?” Lacey shook her head. “She texted and said dinner disagreed with her. I texted her back, but she hasn’t answered. Honestly, I assumed you’d said something shitty enough for her to take a runner.” “I planned to apologize to her. Nothing I was going to say would’ve caused her to bounce,” I assured her. “Fair enough. Just… when you do see her, go easy. Daisy is a sweet girl,” she said as she pinned me with a firm look. “She’s good people, and she deserves to be treated with respect.” I nodded my agreement as I spun on my heel and headed for the door. “I’m on it as soon as the show is over, I promise.” I paused when she spoke from behind me. “I think you’re good people too, Ty. Stop running.” I stopped dead in my tracks but didn’t turn around. “Do you really think so?” I startled when I felt her hand squeeze my shoulder. “I know so.” I turned and gave her a quick hug, thanking her for what she said. Once I left Lacey, I headed back to the common area to eat and prepare for the show. For the rest of the night, I was distracted and irritable. I was worried about Daisy being sick, while also being pissed off at myself for deleting her phone number to keep myself from texting her the night before. I was batting a fucking thousand where she was concerned. The second the show was over, I left. Normally we hung out a bit after and did some meet and greet stuff, but by then I was worked up. It was evident Daisy loved her job, and I couldn’t imagine she’d have left if she didn’t feel like shit. I jumped out of the back of the Suburban I was in as soon as it stopped in front of the hotel. I smiled and waved at the group of assembled fans who were there, but only stopped long enough to shake a few hands and take some pictures. I’d have walked past them entirely, but I knew if Flynn and Cole’s gram found out I’d dissed fans she’d have my ass. I hurried through the lobby and into the elevator, pressing the button for Daisy’s floor repeatedly as I waited for the damn doors to shut. When I got up to the level she was on, I didn’t hesitate. As anxious as I was about apologizing, my worry about her being sick took precedence. I knew she was awake because when I knocked on the door, I heard her moving around in the room. I was also pretty damn certain she was listening to music. My nerves felt taught when I realized she’d looked through the eyehole and knew it was me at the door. I knew this because she muttered to herself about me having brass balls a second before she flung the door open. “What?” she snapped. The first thing I realized was she wasn’t sick. Next, I knew I’d been right about the music because ABBA’s Dancing Queen was definitely coming from somewhere in the room behind her. Then, I lost my train of thought when I noticed she only had a T-shirt on. Her golden and silky smooth legs, the ones I’d had wrapped around me the night before, were bare. I stifled a groan when I looked at her feet and realized even they were fucking sexy. Her toes were painted purple, a match to the nail polish I’d noticed on her fingers the night before. Her toes were sexy and I wanted to touch them and find out if she was sensitive there. It was in that very instant I made the decision to take Flynn, Cole and Gavin’s advice. I wasn’t going to be able to stay away from her, which meant I had a choice. Either I could behave like a fucking douchelord or I could make a play for it.

My head popped up when she snapped her fingers in front of my face angrily. “Hey, asshole, are you going to tell me why you’re here or will you be staring down at the carpet for the rest of the night? If so, you can do that on any other floor of this hotel.” My eyes widened as my lips curled up in a half smile. I actually liked how she didn’t take my shit without a word. Even watching her stalk out of the bathroom the night before had been a revelation. Daisy wasn’t a doormat, nor was she afraid to give me shit. Apparently pissed off country girls did it for me in a big way. “I’d like to talk to you about something,” I told her, “but first, I need to apologize about—” “For which thing?” she questioned aggressively. “Getting me off in the bathroom last night and being an asshole after, or for cheating on your girlfriend?” “My what?” I sputtered. The look she gave me could’ve frozen an entire village. She put her hand on her hip and gave me a look of disgust. “Gabrielle,” she huffed. My jaw fell open as I gaped at her. “You think Bree and I have something going on?” The way she crossed her arms over her chest and glared at me was a clear indicator she did. I got waylaid for a few seconds by the way her tits pushed up in the tee she was wearing. I then noticed the hickey on her neck and felt a kick of pride. I’d been there, I thought, and marked my territory. Holy shit, I’d marked her. And what’s more, I knew I’d done it on purpose. Instead of scaring me, it made me feel something good. My gaze wandered down and I saw the hem of the tee had also come up an inch or so on her thighs. Put bluntly, I was transfixed. She had really great legs. Only when I realized the hostility was rolling off of her in waves did I force myself to look up to her face. “Uh, sorry about that. Anyway, you obviously know Bree is Gavin’s sister,” I said. A look of surprise had flitted across her face before she shrugged. “I didn’t, actually.” “Okay… well, I assumed… She is. No one calls her Gabrielle, though.” “That doesn’t mean nothing is going on,” she pointed out. “She’s a beautiful girl and the way you ran to her—” “She’s like my sister, too,” I answered honestly, imploring her with my eyes to listen and give me the benefit of the doubt. “Gavin and Bree are my family. I was happy to see her because I know something’s up with her lately, but it wasn’t because anything is going on with us. There isn’t and there never will be.” She shifted in the door as she eyed me suspiciously. I could tell she wasn’t certain if she could or should take my word for it. “I’m an asshole,” I admitted, “but I’d never fuck around with anyone else if I were in a relationship. Until, uh… right now… well…” I floundered before blurting, “I’ve stayed as far from that crazy ride as possible.” Her brows shot up in surprise. “What does that mean?” I hated my stupid fucking mouth for writing checks I had no interest in cashing. I had most definitely not intended to open that can of worms, especially not when I was about to ask her to give me a shot. The bare minimum of detail would have to do. “To this point I haven’t ever done commitment,” I said gruffly. “It’s not been… my fuckin’ bag.” “Ohhhh,” she drawled acidly. “Not your bag. Of course you’re a typical celebrity jerk. Too much ass to ever settle down with just one, am I right?” I stared at her in shock. She was hardcore when she was pissed. It was kinda hot. “It’s not that, I swear,” I asserted firmly. “Look, there are reasons and it’s not what you think. That’s why what went down in the bathroom made me freak out. I normally hook up with random chicks I’ll never see again. You and I see each other every day—” “Not really,” she countered. “Aside from our tongue tango last night, you’ve managed to avoid me or

treat me like shit since day one. There’s no reason for the way you’ve acted,” she pointed out. I silently applauded her for calling me out, even though I hated being put on the spot. Kitten had claws and she wasn’t afraid to use them. “Which is really why I’m here,” I admitted. “I owe you an apology for being a prick in the bathroom and in general. Also, I have something I’d like to run by you.” The look she gave me wasn’t encouraging but I was set on seeing it through. I had to. “Okay,” she said after a moment’s hesitation. “Go ahead and start with the first thing.” I stared down at her stupidly. “First thing?” I questioned. “You said you wanted to apologize,” she retorted. “I’m waitin’.” “I just did,” I sputtered. “Nope,” she said with an emphatic shake of her head. “You said you owed me an apology but you never actually gave it. Saddle up and get it together or ride your ass right on back to your room.” It was kinda hilarious that I’d assumed she was a timid little thing. I couldn’t have been more wrong. Daisy wasn’t a doormat—far from it. “You’re right,” I admitted. “This is my official apology for being—” “An uptight, arrogant, smug, douchebag asshole prick,” she supplied before I could. “Uh,” I coughed, “yeah. All those things.” “How about being a hostile and downright rude egg-suckin’ dog?” I’d never heard that one before, but I knew if I laughed, she’d probably kick my ass so I bit the inside of my cheek and nodded my head. “That too,” I assured her. “Are you going to be more personable from here on out?” “Yes,” I answered firmly. “I will be. Scout’s honor.” She cocked her head to the side and snorted in disbelief. “Were you even a Scout?” “Actually, yes.” Her eyes widened in surprise. “Well alrighty then.” “I’ll be nothing but nice from here on out,” I vowed. “So we’d be starting fresh?” she asked. “Yeah, which brings me to my next point—” She completely ignored me and plowed right on. “Of course. You want us both to write off the whole bathroom thing as a giant mistake. I agree. In fact, it’s a relief.” My eyes damn near bugged out of my head. “It is?” “It’s not like it was memorable or meaningful,” she said. My head snapped up and I stared at her in disbelief. Not fucking memorable! Was she out of her mind? “That’s bullshit,” I said. “We were together every step of the way. I fucking wanted you then and I want you now.” Her eyes widened as she stared up at me in surprise. “What?” she squeaked. “That’s the second reason I’m here. I’d like us… well, first, I’d like us to be friends. No matter what you say after this, I swear to you that I’m going to be nice. But I was thinking…” I trailed off, uncertain of how to continue. How the fuck did one ask someone to see where things went? I mean seriously. I hadn’t ever had a goddamn girlfriend so it wasn’t like I had a clue. “You were thinking?” she prodded. “Maybe we start by being friends and then… see where things go. I…” I swallowed thickly as I stared at her. Taking a breath, I blurted, “I like you.” Her smile was instantaneous and damn near blinding. “You do?” she questioned softly. “It’s why I’ve been so insufferable,” I admitted anxiously. “This isn’t something I know how to do,

but… I want to try, if you’ll give me a chance. I’ve got more baggage than a fuckin’ luggage store, but I want to see where this goes. This chemistry we have can’t be ignored.” Her expression changed as she took in my words. “I’m not sleeping with you tonight,” she said stiffly. “I swear to God if that’s why you’re here—” “No! No, no, no,” I assured her. “I’m being for real. We’ll be friends and just see where this goes. I do best with small steps. Of course, this is all contingent on whether you’re willing.” The wait was awful. It felt like it went on for an eternity, but I think it was really only a second or so. “Obviously I’m attracted to you,” she said breathlessly. “I don’t make it a habit of going into bathrooms with people I don’t like.” I chuckled. “I didn’t think so.” “I’ll agree to starting as friends and seeing if something naturally happens. You’ll have to prove yourself. I feel like this has been all over the place since I started so I’m almost afraid to believe this is going to go well.” “It will,” I vowed. “I’m not running anymore.” “Then we’ll give it a go,” she agreed. “Okay,” I said with a relieved exhale. “But,” she cut in, “you should know that if you decide to be a shithead tomorrow, I’m not taking it.” “I’m not going to be a shit—” “And from now on,” she continued, “I’ll be knocking on your door and handing the daily brief directly to you, the way I do with the rest of the band. You will be polite and take it from me without any lip.” “Yes ma’am.” “Darn right,” she said with a smirk. “I was fixin’ to fight for that one. You and your rudeness have had me madder than a hound dog trying to shit a peach.” I chuckled and nodded my head. Her southern accent was a-fucking-dorable. There was something so alluring about her. “Now that we’ve got everything all cleared up I’m going back to coloring and listening to music,” she informed me. I wasn’t in a big hurry to rush off. I stepped closer to her and looked over her shoulder. Sure enough, there were coloring books and two clear plastic containers full of colored pencils and markers sitting on the table behind her. “Coloring?” I questioned. She shrugged. “Yep. Believe it or not it’s really relaxing.” “Huh,” I said thoughtfully. “I never would’ve guessed.” I had the crazy urge to ask if I could color with her. Even though I wanted to stay, I quickly squashed the idea. She needed to see I was being sincere. If I asked to hang with her in her room right then, she’d have thought I just wanted to fuck. Which, honestly, I did. But I also wanted something more. “I’ll leave you to it then,” I said as I stepped back. “We’re going to have fun together like normal people. Get excited because I’m pretty fucking awesome,” I boasted. She arched her eyebrow and cocked her head. “You’ve got your work cut out for you since to this point you’ve been awesomely awful. I’m looking forward to seeing the other side of you. Every person who’s part of this tour raves about what a great guy you are. It’ll be nice to see that.” “Oh, you’ll be seeing it,” I teased. I damn near groaned when she smiled up at me hopefully. She was stunning. “I’m counting on it,” she murmured. Knowing I’d dodged a major bullet by getting her to forgive me, I decided to leave while I was ahead. “Cool. I’m going to head up to my room then. I’ll see you… soon.” “No,” she disagreed.

I cocked my head to the side, confused. “You won’t just see me soon,” she chided. “You’ll see me tomorrow when I knock on the door with the daily brief and you will be happy to see me.” I laughed as I stared down at her. “I’ll be more than happy to see you,” I assured her. She grinned. “See you tomorrow.” “Tomorrow,” I confirmed. “Have a good night.”



I barely slept a wink. I couldn’t believe Tyson had admitted to liking me and had opened the door to something happening between us. Half of me was giddy, while the other half was scared shitless he’d revert to form at some point. I lit up inside when he was around and I wanted nothing more than for him to thaw around me permanently. I kept my fingers crossed but repeatedly told myself to hope for the best, while being prepared for the worst. My first order of business upon closing the door when he left was to open my laptop to write a long email to Violet. I told her everything—from the bathroom to his apology and everything in between. I knew she’d give it to me straight, and I was very interested in her take. When I got up the next morning, I had a response email from her. It was full of exclamation points because she was so excited. “I so totally knew you liked him,” she wrote. I grinned like a fool as I wrote her back and told her I more than liked him, but I was scared to hope he’d really turned the corner. She texted me and said to have a little faith, but to keep my guard up until I felt confident. True to his word when I knocked on his door he opened it with a welcoming smile. “Good afternoon, Daisy,” he said cheerfully as he took the brief from me. Like a fool, I focused on his mouth as he spoke. The man had lips to die for and staring at them set me back to the bathroom incident. The sensory memory hit me like a wave. He’d kissed me so stupid I was still reacting. “Daisy?” I knew my face was beet red as my eyes darted up and met his. I shifted nervously as I stared at him. “Sorry,” I mumbled. “I just remembered I have a call to make about…” I trailed off, unable to pull something out of my brain. Dammit, I needed to learn to come up with stuff on the fly. I desperately tried to think of a call I needed to make. Certainly I knew I had things to do, but in the moment I couldn’t remember even one. “About?” “Drumsticks,” I blurted. “Gavin doesn’t like the weight of the sticks from his new shipment so I need to call the company and have them replaced. I was just working out in my head how to explain it all to the manufacturer. You know how it is.” The corner of his mouth quirked into a half grin. “Yep, I know what’s up.” I was positive he didn’t buy my excuse, which meant he probably suspected I’d been staring at his lips remembering. We’d agreed to take things slowly and see if maybe something might develop, which meant I needed to chill and act normal. “Well,” I said breezily, “you’ve got your daily brief and I’ve got calls to make. Smell ya later.” Spinning away, I rolled my eyes as I mouthed the last words I’d said to him in disbelief. Smell ya

later? Wow. How cool was I? Answer: not even a little bit. I cringed when I heard his chuckle. “Have a good day,” he called out from behind me. I raised my hand in acknowledgement and called out, “You too,” over my shoulder. Once I was in the elevator and I knew he couldn’t see me, I sagged against the wall and put my hand against my chest. My heart hammered and I let out a hoarse sounding laugh. I was definitely going to need to work on being cool because Ty was way too damn sexy for my own good. He completely addled my brain.

I looked for Gabrielle, or Bree as I now knew she was called, throughout the day but never ran across her. I wasn’t sure who knew anything about the group she attended so it wasn’t like I could flat-out ask Gavin where she was when I handed him the daily brief. Turned out I didn’t need to ask because he volunteered that Bree and Leah were shopping. I never came across either of them for the rest of the day. I’d been pretty good at avoiding band dinners for the majority of my time on the tour, but with no more angst between me and Tyson, I was in the clear. And, because I love soup the way some people love pastries, I was super-psyched about dinner. There was a massive salad bar and ten different kinds of homemade soup set out for us in a buffet style. Since I’d seen the contracts and talked to the vendors, I knew what the food choices were which means I was one of the first people to get there. Yeah, I was the equivalent of a retiree strolling in for the early bird special, but I didn’t care. I planned to try at least four or five of the soups so getting there early was essential. A handful of the sound crew were arriving just as I was, so we went through the salad line together making small talk. After they took their seats I made my way to the soup line to make the first two of my soup choices. As I was waiting for the soups to be added to my tray, I felt a tap on my shoulder. “Daisy? Is it really you?” Turning around, I found myself face to face with Gabrielle. After making sure my tray was secure on the counter, I looked back at her and smiled. “Hey! It is me,” I laughed. “I’m Lacey’s new assistant. I had no idea you and Gavin were related! I saw you last night and wanted to talk to you but I was sick. I looked for you today but you were out. If you don’t like people knowing about group, no one needs to realize we know each other—” “Are you kidding? I’m so excited to have a friend here! This is like the cherry on top of my sundae,” she assured me. “You’ll have to start calling me Bree, though. I used my full name at group because I’ve found it helps cut down on the amount of people who realize who my brother is. He tells stories about Bree, not Gabrielle, which is a help. I’ve had some issues in the past with people trying to use me to get to the band. It’s easier to avoid all of that. I hope you understand why I never said anything.” “I totally get it,” I assured her. “It’s not like we were super close and there were always other people with us.” “Thanks, Dais,” she said with a smile. “How about I make my soup order and we grab some seats and catch up?” I agreed and stood with her while she got her food. Once we both had our trays in hand, we headed to a table and sat down across from each other. I let out a happy sigh after I took my first mouthful of the cheddar and cauliflower soup. “So, tell me,” she chuckled, “how do you like tour life? Not as glamorous as one might think, am I right?”

I dabbed at my lips with a napkin and nodded. “It’s an amazing job, but you’re right, it’s far from glamorous. I think it would be more so if we were stationary but all the moving around is brutal. I’ve only been here a few weeks but I’ve already forgotten where I was in the country twice. And don’t even get me started on the time changes. My body is all over the place with that.” She nodded her agreement as she finished chewing a piece of her French roll. “It’s really something. By the time it’s over everyone will be completely fried. Gavin normally comes home and refuses to leave the house for at least a week. He says he needs the transition time to get his head around being normal again. It’s part of why I’ve always chosen to do a week or two here and there instead of prolonged periods. At least until now. I’m staying indefinitely.” I swallowed my spoonful of French onion soup and raised a brow in confusion. “What about your job?” I didn’t know her well enough to detail exactly what she did, but I knew she loved the office she worked in. I couldn’t believe she would just up and leave it, so I assumed she’d been let go. Her eyes darted away before she looked down at her soup, stirring it mindlessly. After a lengthy pause, she looked back up. “I quit.” The way she said it was almost robotic. Had I not seen the sheen of tears in her eyes, I might’ve assumed she didn’t care at all. “Gab—erm, I mean Bree,” I murmured, “are you okay?” Taking a deep breath, she sat up straight. “I’ve had a rough few months, but I’m not ready to talk about it just yet,” she explained. “For now, let’s just pretend this is an extended vacation for me.” “Of course,” I assured her. “Whatever you want.” Looking up at me, she smiled. “You really are the sweetest,” she said softly. “I’m so glad you’re here. It’s like fate knew I needed someone who would understand.” Reaching across the table, I squeezed her hand. “I’m here whenever you want to talk.” “Do you two know each other?” My eyes widened as I looked up and found myself staring into Tyson’s eyes.



When I walked into the room where dinner was being served, I was happy to see Daisy and Bree sitting together. Bree needed friends and Daisy was sweet to everyone, which made her a good choice. It wasn’t like I’d tried to stay away from her because she was an asshole, quite the opposite in fact. As I crossed the room toward them it dawned on me they didn’t look like strangers. It wasn’t like they appeared to be lifelong friends or anything, but they definitely seemed to know each other. “Do you two know each other?” I asked. Daisy’s eyes widened a fraction as she immediately turned to Bree, who nodded her head. My antenna went up as I wondered why my question had made her uncomfortable. It wasn’t as if I’d asked anything unusual. “Daisy and I know each other from group,” Bree explained. “It’s a small world.” She didn’t need to elaborate, since I knew exactly what group she was referring to. It was a suicide bereavement support group she’d been attending for the last few years. Daisy coughed uncomfortably as her eyes flew up to meet mine before she dropped her gaze back down to the table. Bree noticed and reached across the table to take Daisy’s hand. “It’s okay,” she assured her. “Tyson understands.” A look of relief crossed Daisy’s face. “It’s been my experience that some people get uptight when suicide comes up,” she said softly. “It’s like a dirty secret, something people don’t talk about.” I nodded my understanding. It had taken a couple of years to talk Bree into getting counseling. From there, it took the counselor almost six months to talk her into joining the support group. More than most people, I got how certain tragedies made people uncomfortable. In my case, the shame of another person’s actions had weighed almost as heavily as the acts themselves. “Trust me, I get it,” I assured her. I wanted to know exactly who she lost, but I could see she wasn’t super comfortable so I decided to let it drop for the moment. Figuring she probably wanted the subject changed, I moved on. “You mind if I sit with you?” I asked. I addressed it to both of them, but it was Daisy I was looking at. She nodded. “Of course.” “Cool. I’m going to go load up on salad and soup. Don’t let any other fuckers steal my seat.” When Daisy chuckled, I winked at her. I walked away completely stunned at my own behavior. I didn’t wink at chicks, ever. It was so unlike me I could hardly comprehend that I’d done it. From controlled man to creepy winking fuck in the blink of an eye. Daisy was getting under my skin in a huge way. I silently assured myself that I had everything under control. I didn’t believe it for one hot second. I was proud of myself for being able to sit directly next to her at dinner and act kind of normal. Ian came over and sat with us as well. I’d been reticent to open up to him at the beginning, but I’d misjudged him entirely. Like me, Ian was dealing with his own issues. I got that. He already got along well with Daisy and within five minutes of being at the table, he and Bree were like long lost best friends. I was

pleased with him for being so outgoing. It was almost like he could see that she needed kindness, and he gave it to her in spades. Gavin and Leah joined us a few minutes later, and the mood at the table went up that much more. Gavin was thrilled to have his sister there, meeting his girlfriend. I could see he was proud as fuck. Still, he took the time to gesture to Daisy with his neck before giving me the thumbs up, which I took to mean he was also proud of me for actually apologizing. Cole also gave me an approving nod, while Flynn chose to text. Flynn: Glad to see you lost it. Me: I’ll bite. What’d I lose? Flynn: The giant stick up your ass. I snorted when I read his response. Looking across the dining area to where he was sitting with Tessa and our manager, I flipped him the bird. He blew me a kiss in response, which was typical Flynn. Flynn: Seriously, she’s perfect for you. I shook my head before turning my phone upside down on the table so I couldn’t see if he texted again. I was trying to be her friend first so she would learn to trust me, but Flynn was acting like I had just given her a ring or some shit. The fucker was always putting the cart before the horse. If, and only if, I could handle baby steps with Daisy, and she could deal with me, then maybe something more could happen. Maybe. While Gavin was busy telling Leah something about Bree, I felt Daisy watching me from out of the corner of my eye so I turned and looked at her. Leaning in I asked, “What’s up?” “You’re doing it,” she said with a warm smile. “You’re being friendly.” I damn near told her I was ready to be a lot more than just friendly, but I held my tongue. I needed to gain her trust so I wound up asking her if she wanted to go with a bunch of us to the movies after dinner. When her eyes widened in surprise, I felt a twinge of conscience. Daisy didn’t know me as the guy who liked to hang out and do fun shit. In fact, she’d met a side of me no one else ever had because I’d never been so threatened by anyone before. I was determined that she would get to know the real me. “Sure,” she answered enthusiastically. “What’re we seeing?” “The new Fast and Furious movie,” I answered. For one second I thought she might change her mind about coming, but that was squashed when her face lit up. “Yes! I love those movies. I always knew I wanted to work in the music business but my backup dream job was to be a defensive driving instructor and racer.” I was shocked enough that I could only blink at her like an idiot. “Really?” I asked incredulously. She gave me a cheeky grin. “What, you don’t think a girl can drive fast?” “No, no,” I assured her emphatically. “I just… can’t imagine you being a speed demon.” “Well, friend,” she teased, “if you’re not chicken, I’ll take you for a drive at some point. Trust me, you’ll have no doubt afterward about how much of a speed demon I am.” “You’re on,” I chuckled. After dinner we stayed in the same group we’d eaten with and got into two of the giant SUVs we had for the tour. A few other people joined us but since it wasn’t an official event, a lot were taking it as a night off. Lacey had bought out the theater, which meant we had it all to ourselves. We raided the fuck out of the snack bar, racking up a bill that probably cost more than booking the entire theater did. Daisy surprised me, once again, by ordering a shitload of crap. As petite as she was, she had no problem damn near consuming double her weight in food. She’d eaten a huge salad and at least four different kinds of soup at dinner, but it didn’t stop her from asking to share a tub of popcorn with me.

She also ordered herself a large soda and pretzel bites. Once she had the popcorn in hand, she loaded it up with what had to be the equivalent of an entire stick of butter. I was on board because I was a butter junkie. When we got into the theater we sat next to each other without question. It felt like a date, which panicked me a little bit, but not enough to make me run. I took that as a win. The movie could’ve been the best or the worst thing in the world and I wouldn’t have known. This was because I spent the majority of the movie watching Daisy. She lit the fuck up once it started, and I swear to fuck she wore a permanent smile through the whole thing. Which, naturally, meant I had a permanent hard on. Every time she leaned in and took a handful of popcorn—I’d strategically placed it in my lap to cover the hard on situation—I got a whiff of her fruity scent and got even harder. At one point I wondered if ripping off the bottom of the popcorn container and shoving my dick into it so her hand would find me the next time she reached in for a handful was a viable option. There was no doubt about it. Daisy was the goddamn definition of different. I’d fucked my way around the globe and never once had I felt even a scintilla of the attraction I had to her. A part of me was screaming internally that I should do what I did best in situations I wasn’t in absolute control of, which was run like a pussy. Instead, I gave the voice the finger and put my arm on the back of Daisy’s chair. When she looked over at me, she was smiling. I smiled back before using said arm to pull her a bit closer, at which point I dropped a kiss on the top of her head. As loud as the movie was, I still heard her happy sounding sigh. It soothed me in a way nothing else ever really had. I wanted to hear it over and over again. It was, I thought, a good addiction to have.



True to his word, Tyson was the epitome of friendly. For each of the ten days after movie night we hung out almost all the time. He also liked to text me to check in at regular intervals. Each day, I relaxed around him a little more, and he definitely seemed to be feeling more and more comfortable around me as well. The more we relaxed around each other, the more the sexual tension ratcheted up. It was the best kind of torture. I was wrapping up my work for the day when the phone rang. “How would you feel about spending the rest of the day with me?” I was happy he couldn’t see me through the phone since I grinned like a complete dork. “Sure,” I answered happily. “Are we doing anything specific, or?” “Something specific. You wanna go with me to the mall?” he asked. I chuckled as I leaned back in the office chair I was occupying. “The mall?” I questioned. “What’s at the mall?” “Daisy, Daisy, Daisy,” he joked, “what isn’t at the mall?” “Uh, anything cool, I would think,” I chided. He made a buzzer noise. “Wrong. We can’t be here in Minnesota and not go to the Mall of America. It would be un-American.” I scrunched up my nose. “It would?” “Yep. Also, I really need something I can only get at the mall and I really want you to come with me.” I grinned and shook my head. “You realize there’s literally no way you won’t be recognized, right?” He chuckled. “Oh ye of little faith. I guarantee I won’t be recognized.” “You feeling confident enough to make a bet?” “Hell yes I am,” he boasted. “How about fifty smackers?” “I’ll take that action,” I laughed. Then, a thought occurred to me. “Wait a minute,” I said suspiciously. “Did Lacey get the mall to close down just for you?” “Nope. It’s going to be crowded as fuck. In fact, it’ll probably be wall-to-wall Renegade fans who would definitely want to tickle my pickle.” “There’s something so wrong with you,” I laughed. “Most definitely,” he agreed. “Meet me in the lobby in ten minutes. Don’t be late.” I hurried to tidy up my desk in the makeshift hotel office—a situation where more and more I was starting to yearn for a permanent desk—before leaving the room and heading down to the lobby. A quick scan of the area showed Ty wasn’t there yet. Taking a seat in the reception area, I picked up a magazine and started flipping through the pages. Every few minutes I’d look around for him again, only to be disappointed. After ten minutes of waiting, I started to get cranky. He’d told me not to be late, but then he couldn’t be bothered to show on time or text me to let me know where he was? Letting out a frustrated sigh, I pulled up my phone to check and see if I had service. Seeing full bars, I gritted my teeth. And then, I let out a yelp when something smacked into my elbow. Turning to where I’d been hit, I realized the elderly man who’d been sitting next to me for the entire time I’d been in the lobby

had gotten up and banged my elbow with his walker. “I’m so sorry, young lady,” he mumbled. “Need to get my damn eyes checked again. I can’t apologize enough.” I smiled at him as I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it at all,” I assured him. “No harm, no foul. I barely even felt it.” “That’s what the misses says when I bang into her,” he joked. “Course, she used to get around, so it’s not like she can blame me. It’s like a coal mine in there.” “Um, okay,” I laughed uncomfortably. Grabbing my purse, I stood up. “I’m going to go look for my friend.” “Ow,” he hollered as I tried to step around him. I stopped on a dime and looked at him with concern. “Oh my God, what is it? Are you okay? Should I call someone over?” “You walked right into one of my balls,” he groaned dramatically. My eyebrows shot up as I stared at him in shock. I was nowhere near his groin. “Uh, um, what?” Even as I was asking what he meant, I was taking a few steps back from the old pervert. Clearly he needed supervision. I felt really dumb when he pointed down and I saw tennis balls attached to each of the four feet of his walker. “Oh! Sorry,” I said sincerely. “I didn’t mean to—” “Touch an old man’s balls? Don’t worry, sweetie. These old things still got a little oomph in them. Wanna cop a feel?” My jaw about hit the damn floor. “What the hell?” I hissed. “Daisy,” he laughed, “it’s me.” I didn’t know any elderly perverts. Crossing my arms over my chest, I glared at him. “I oughtta hog tie you to a chair you— wait, how do you know my name?” “It’s me,” he whispered dramatically. “Tyson.” I looked him up and down in shock. Even his hands had wrinkles and they were also covered with age spots. He was wearing a pair of khaki pants, thick black shoes, a collared yellow shirt and a gray Members Only jacket. He looked ancient. Only when I looked into his eyes was I sure it was Tyson. Those, he hadn’t covered. He grinned at me cheekily when he saw I believed him. “I gotcha, didn’t I?” he asked smugly. I smacked him on the arm, which wasn’t a great move since the women who’d been sitting in chairs a few feet away let out angry sounding gasps. “Well I never,” one of them exclaimed. “Smacking an elderly man! The youth of today is going to hell in a hand basket.” Ignoring them, Tyson winked at me. “Ready to go?” I nodded then laughed as he lifted up his walker, grabbed my hand and sprinted for the door. We were hysterically laughing by the time we got to the curb. I was surprised that one of the giant SUVs we were typically driven around in was nowhere to be found. The mystery was solved when Tyson pointed to a new looking shiny white Cadillac. “I’m driving today,” he announced cheerfully. I couldn’t stop looking at him. He really didn’t look anything like himself. It was bizarre. “What about security?” I asked in a low voice. He gestured back over his shoulder. “We got two of the guys in a kick ass Camaro on our six. They’ll stay out of our hair unless I’m recognized.” “Let’s go do a mall crawl then,” I laughed.

“Ah, there’s your enthusiasm,” he chuckled as he stowed the walker in the trunk. “I knew you were just busting my balls earlier. Everyone loves the mall.” “I was raised between New York City and a teeny-tiny town in the south. There wasn’t much in the way of malls in the city and there darn sure aren’t any malls in Harmony,” I explained as he held the door open while I settled into the passenger seat. “I just never got the why of dealing with malls.” After he got into the car and turned it on, he looked over at me. “The why? Daisy! I’m shocked. There is no why. It just is. The mall is like canned meat sticks. They’re terrible to look at and you know they’re gross, but you can’t help yourself.” I giggled as he pulled away from the curb and got us onto the road. “You’re pretty passionate about malls,” I joked. “I was a mall rat when I was in junior high,” he answered. “Used to get there early and leave when it closed. It was like a pre-teen rite of passage in the valley.” “In New York the rite of passage was being able to hang down in the Village. In Harmony, it was being able to go to the Saturday dances at our church.” He glanced over at me and raised a brow. “Church dances? Like you had dances inside the church and danced on the pews and in the aisles?” I shook my head and let out a snort. “No! Our church has a social hall attached to it for wedding receptions and such. Any Saturday that there weren’t weddings, they’d set up the room for dancing. You know—punch, a DJ, maybe even some live music from time to time. The boys would dress up in their good jeans and cowboy boots and we girls were permitted to wear skirts that rested just above the knee.” He burst out laughing. “I know it was meant to be pure and shit but thinking of you in some country girl skirt just hitting you at the knee is fuckin’ hot.” It was so weird hearing him say it but having it come out of his grandpa-looking mouth, and I threw my head back and giggled like an idiot until I could catch my breath. “You’re a creepy old letch,” I admonished. “Keep talking like that and I’ll paddle you with my cane,” he teased. “You don’t have a cane, you have a walker,” I reminded him. “Nah. There’s a cane in the trunk too.” I could barely contain my laughter. “You really went all out on this disguise, didn’t you?” “Damn right,” he said proudly. The mall wasn’t far from the hotel so it didn’t take us long to get there. Once we parked and got out of the car, he looped his arm through mine and started walking with great purpose toward the entrance. “Don’t you want your walker or the cane?” “Uh-uh. I just got one to make you laugh. I don’t need it for the disguise.” I smiled but couldn’t respond verbally because my eyes were misting over with tears. I was touched that Tyson had set out to make me laugh, but it also reminded me of my brother. There were times when Dusty had gone out of his way to be funny, and it was those times I always tried to remember when I thought of him. Not the end. Never the end. Apparently I didn’t do a good job of hiding my reaction because Ty slowed down and turned to look at me. “You okay?” I shook off the memories of Dusty and forced myself to smile. “I’m fine. Sorry—just had a moment there.” He stopped entirely as we stepped up onto the sidewalk leading to the mall. “It was a sad moment,” he commented. I nodded, swiping beneath my eyes with my free hand. “It was, but I’d rather not think about it right now. I won’t be fit to walk the mall if I’m crying.”

“Fuck the mall,” he said without hesitation. “If you’re upset, we’re out of here.” I stood my ground. “No,” I said firmly. “I’m really, really fine. We’re here and I want to go in.” He studied my face, probably looking for some indicator that I was pretending. Since I wasn’t, he had to take me at my word. “Okay,” he agreed. “But if you want to leave, we go.” “You have yourself a deal.” He kept me close as we entered the mall. From time to time people would stare at us and I’d start to panic thinking they were in the process of recognizing him. Instead, each time I’d hear someone saying something about how sweet it was to see “a granddaughter” (me) spending time with her grandfather. Ty definitely got a kick out of it. The mystery of why he’d wanted to go to the mall was solved when he pulled me into the Hot Topic store. I about died when he told the clerk he’d made a special trip from his old folks’ home to buy some stuff from the Harry Potter collection. I pulled away from him and clapped my hands together excitedly. “Why didn’t you tell me this is why we came? I would’ve thrown you into the trunk on top of the cane and the walker to force you here if I’d known.” That got a laugh from Ty, but the clerk who was walking us through the store looked really perplexed. I made an apologetic face at him as I mentally scolded myself for not remembering Ty was in disguise. To the women in the lobby and the clerk in Hot Topic, it definitely seemed like I was being way too aggressive with an elderly man. I was positive I hadn’t made a very good impression when the clerk lingered not too far from us after we got to the Harry Potter display. “You like Harry Potter too?” I asked. “Fuck yeah I do,” he said definitively. “It’s the best fuckin’ thing ever written. I’ve read those books nine billion times.” I smiled like a big goof. He didn’t just like the movies; he’d read the books. As I watched, he started going through everything, pulling things out and handing them to me to hold as he went. “You like this shirt?” he asked as he held up a Dumbledore’s Army tee. “Love it!” “You wear a small, right?” “Medium in tees,” I answered. “I like them on the bigger side.” He went on like that for a few minutes before he threw his hand in the air and announced he’d hit pay dirt a few minutes later. “This is it, Dais. The reason I had to come today. Are you ready to be amazed?” I didn’t think I could be more amazed since by then the clerk had taken two enormous armloads full of stuff from me to the register. So far Ty had grabbed T-shirts, hats, socks, leggings, cardigans, scarves, earrings, hoodies, over the knee socks and even a backpack. “I’m ready.” “Do you solemnly swear you’re up to no good?” he asked in a very serious tone of voice. I grinned and nodded. Lifting his hand, he held up a Marauder’s Map bowtie. It was awesome, but I totally didn’t get why he’d had to go to the mall specifically to get it. “Why did you need this specific thing?” I asked. “You like Harry Potter,” he pointed out. “I know because you were wearing a Hogwarts Alumni shirt the night I came to your room, and you said you were watching one of the movies. Plus, you wear the time turner necklace sometimes. As soon as I saw this online, I knew I had to have it. I have a very important event coming up,” he informed me, “and this is the icing on top of the Ty sundae.” I was so enamored of him I almost floated up and away. He remembered what I’d been wearing the

night I opened my hotel door. For some reason, that really touched me. Forcing myself to get my head out of the clouds, I mentally ran through all of the upcoming events I knew were on his schedule. I came up with nothing that required a bowtie. “Uh, you do?” “I do. And to that end, I have a question for you.” “Okayyyyy,” I drawled as I waited for him to explain. “Daisy. Will you go to prom with me?” In an instant I was transported right back to my teenage bedroom as my mom screamed at me that I needed to go to prom like a normal girl. I’d refused because her timing had been shit. It was the biggest fight we’d ever had, and our relationship had suffered terribly. A few months later I packed my crap and left, dropping out of high school along the way. I swallowed past the boulder of emotion in my throat as I tried to keep myself from getting weepy. I knew he had no idea about the can of worms he’d just opened for me emotionally, and I wanted to keep it that way. “Prom?” I croaked. He frowned as he looked me over. “Yeah, we’re doing an ’80s prom night when we’re in London. I’m stretching it with the whole Harry Potter bowtie but I have to represent. Everything else will be true to the era though.” I forced the memories from that dark time way, way down. I wasn’t in high school anymore and my life wasn’t in crisis. “Is it weird, me asking you to go to this? I thought—” “I’d love to go with you,” I assured him. “You just caught me off guard.” “You sure?” I crossed my heart. “I’m sure.” His eyes lit up as a smile spread across his face. Of their own accord my lips formed a smile in return. In that moment I forgot where we were, while also forgetting he looked like he was ninety years old. Our eyes stayed locked as he leaned closer, wrapping his arm around my waist so he could pull me towards him. I met him halfway, our lips meeting in a sensual kiss. “Holy shit, look at Grandpa gettin’ that sweet young beaver,” someone yelled. We sprang apart as someone yelled, “That’s nasty, Anna Nicole. We all know you’re doing him for the money, you skank!” Ty roared with laughter while I hung my head in shame. “This is so embarrassing,” I mumbled. Throwing his arm around my shoulder, he started guiding us toward the register. “Fuck it,” he advised with a laugh. “No one here fuckin’ knows you. Let ’em think you’re giving an old man a piece of ass. What’s the harm?” The way he said it helped me find the humor in it, and I was giggling like an idiot as we got up to the register. I asked the clerk to separate my stuff from his, but was quickly shot down by Ty. “I’m buying all this shit,” he said firmly. “I have money,” I assured him. “Didn’t say you don’t. I’m paying and that’s that. Now gimme some sugar and say thank you.” The mischief in his eyes was a challenge. I could tell he didn’t think I was going to play along, but he was wrong. Reaching out, I grabbed his ass. “Thank you for my things,” I said in a high-pitched baby doll voice. “When we get back to your room at the home, I’ll play dress-up for you. We’ll just need to make sure you take your heart pills first, sweet buns. You know how your ticker can get crazy when all the blood flows down to your little ding ding.” He was so shocked he sputtered before throwing his head back and damn near howling with laughter. “Fucking amazing,” he choked out. “You’re fucking gold.” “That’ll be seven hundred and eighty-four dollars,” the clerk announced. His voice dripped with

disgust, which only made Ty laugh harder. He paid the bill with a black Amex card that damn near made the guy’s eyes bug out of his head. Too bad he didn’t look at the name on the card. He was so anxious to get us out of the store he did the end of the transaction at hyper speed. We laughed the entire way to the car, our arms loaded down with bags. When we got back to the Cadillac and Ty popped the trunk, I realized there was a bumper sticker on the back. After reading it I laughed so hard I damn near peed my pants. It read My Other Ride is Your Mom. “You put a bumper sticker on a brand new car. It’s ruined, you dork!” He rolled his eyes and reached out, pulling it off the back of the car. “There’s this amazing new invention that allows for bumper stickers without fucking the paint sideways. You may have heard of it— it’s called a magnet.” “You travel with a magnetic bumper sticker?” “Ever heard of Carrot Top?” My brows knitted together. “Uh, yeah.” “I’m like a way cooler version of him. I’ve always got props, love.” “You know what you are?” I asked. “A fuckin’ weirdo?” he guessed. I waved his comment off. “Nope,” I answered. “You’re a really great man.” His eyes widened as he stared down at me. “Not sure I’d go quite that far—” “You don’t have to, I did. Take the compliment, Tyson. It isn’t going away.” His smile almost seemed shy. “Thank you.” I could see praise made him uncomfortable, which was interesting considering what he did for a living. People genuflected in front of him constantly. He could’ve acted like it was par for the course or like it was somehow his due, but he didn’t. It was just another reason I thought he was a good guy.



When we got back to the hotel, I took Daisy up to my suite. She had no way of knowing quite how monumental that was. A very small handful of people were ever allowed in my rooms because, as a general rule, it made me really fucking uncomfortable. Having her there did give me some anxiety, but it wasn’t debilitating. I fuckin knew she wasn’t a threat, but I’d spent years doing things a certain way which meant my behaviors were firmly entrenched. I knew it was past time for me to start changing. “So,” I asked casually, “do you mind chilling here and watching some TV while I take this makeup off? Afterward we can order some dinner.” “Of course not,” she assured me. “It’d be nice to see your face again instead of Grandpa Ty anyway.” I gestured to my ridiculous getup. “You’re telling me all this didn’t do it for you?” She made a hmm sound and tapped her index finger against her chin as if she was considering it. “Well, the Members Only jacket is pretty hot, but you lost me with the big chunky shoes.” I loved that she had a sense of humor. I’d spent a lot of time with chicks who didn’t get jokes. The more time I spent with Daisy, the more I realized what I’d been missing. Namely, her. Getting off the makeup and plastic shit the makeup crew used to get my disguise on point was a bitch, so I was in the bathroom a lot longer than I’d have liked. When I opened the door from the bedroom to the open area of the suite, I saw Daisy standing in front of the window talking on her cell phone. I could tell from her stiff body language the conversation wasn’t giving her a warm fuzzy feeling, which raised my antenna. I got the answer pretty quickly. “No, Mom,” she said with a heavy sounding sigh, “I don’t think I need a real job, since I already have one.” I was surprised, even though I probably shouldn’t have been. It wasn’t like parental issues weren’t common. Unsure of whether or not I should walk out and alert her to my presence, I stood in the doorway and watched her in silence. “I’m far from homeless, Mom. I’m on the road in safe and sound hotels every night.” “I’d hardly say I think I’m Peter Pan.” She was rubbing at her forehead when she turned and saw me watching her. She grimaced and mouthed sorry. I shook my head and waved her off as I crossed the room to her. She looked sad and alone, which bothered me. Stepping behind her, I laid my hands on her shoulders and began rubbing gently. She relaxed against me, which made me smile. “No, they can’t reschedule dates around your vacation plans.” “Of course I’m sorry I won’t see you when I’m in New York. But the shows are when they are. It’s not like you had planned to do this trip. You could’ve waited to go until after I was there.” “No, I’m not calling you selfish,” she sighed. It went on and on like that for another few minutes before she took a deep breath and blurted, “I’ve got to go, Mom. I’ll talk to you later. Love you.” When she ended the call, she set the phone on the windowsill. “Sorry,” she sighed. “My mother is a force of nature.”

“Sounded like it,” I agreed. There wasn’t much point in arguing it. From my one-sided take on the conversation, her mom sounded like an asshole. “I love her,” she said softly, “but I don’t really like her, I guess. She’s very… cold.” I continued massaging; interested in what Daisy would reveal the more we talked. It felt good, having her open up to me. “Was she always cold?” I asked. She shook her head. “Not this bad. She had a really hard time being married to my father and it made her bitter.” “They divorced?” Her shoulders tensed up. “No,” she murmured. Seconds passed before she spoke again. “My dad was mentally ill and he took his own life. Dealing with him—it changed her. I get it, I do. But I also resent it. The rest of us didn’t zip up our emotions and detach the way she did. We needed her and she just… couldn’t. I’m not sure it would’ve changed anything, but I’ll always wonder.” “You say we. I guess you have some siblings?” She let out a gloomy sound and stepped away. “You really don’t want my whole sad story,” she said with a brittle sounding laugh. “How about we decide what we want for dinner?” I followed along behind her as she went to the desk and grabbed the room service menu. When she sat on the couch, I sat beside her. Taking the menu from her, I set it down on the coffee table. Putting my hand under her chin, I turned her toward me. “You’re wrong,” I told her. “I do want to hear your story. Clearly talking to her upset you. I’m here, Dais, and I have a pretty awesome shoulder if you need to cry on it.” “You really don’t have to. Don’t worry about it.” “I know I don’t have to. I want to,” I assured her. “If it upsets you, I’m going to worry about it. Better we just talk about it like normal people than bottle it up. I can tell you from experience it doesn’t work.” I damn near couldn’t believe those words were coming out of my mouth. I’d spent a long fucking time pushing everything below the surface, trying to box it up so it never affected me. In therapy one of the first things I learned was that ignoring it had only allowed it to fester and grow. Funny how that works, isn’t it? The more you run from something, the more ground it gains. “Are you sure?” The look on her face told me she expected me to change my mind. “I’m positive.” Sighing, she picked at the knee to her leggings. “I don’t know how to start,” she said after a few seconds. “The beginning is normally the best.” That got a small smile from her. “My dad was from the tiny town I spent half of my childhood in,” she began. “The best way I can describe Harmony is that it’s an icicle frozen in time. I mean that in a good way. Old-fashioned values, love thy neighbor, everyone pulling for each other. It’s close-knit. Everyone knows each other. We’re there for births, christenings, weddings, anniversaries, sickness, death—it’s just how things are done. For some people, it’s like a warm blanket. It’s the steady in a stormy world. For my dad, it was a lead blanket.” I had the feeling that for her, it had been the former instead of the latter. “Instead of staying and working on the family farm like he was expected to, he ran off to Jersey City and got a job in construction. He met my mom and according to all accounts, the attraction was immediate. Her dad owned the company my dad worked for, so when my parents got married a few months later, Dad got a raise and a promotion. My parents had my brother, Dusty, the following year.”

The way her eyes filled up made my stomach clench. I had the strong sense that Dusty either wasn’t in good condition or wasn’t around at all. “Two years later, they had my sister, Violet.” She smiled when she said Violet’s name, which told me they were close. “Three years later, they had me. Two years after I was born my mom’s father died and my dad took over the business. Construction was up and down, and money got tight. We had to move from our place on the Upper West Side to Brooklyn, and my dad was devastated. I don’t remember much of that time other than fights and yelling. My mom was, surprisingly, supportive. But my dad couldn’t be reasoned with. He went on and on about being a failure and would spend hours in his recliner crying about how awful life was. I think he started drinking not long after I was born and it went downhill fast. My mom would send the three of us kids to my grandfather’s all summer, out in the country. I thought it was so we could have a vacation,” she said with a dry laugh. “Turns out either my dad was in rehab or being committed to mental health facilities.” She trailed off, seemingly lost in a memory. After a few seconds, she shook her head. “He’d gotten into hardcore drugs and it just spiraled, to the point where he was hearing voices and hallucinating. I remember him locking the three of us in the bathroom and barricading the door shut because he said we were aliens. Another time, he locked us out on the patio in the rain and wouldn’t let us in because he said we were trying to rob him. It was the final straw for my mom, because she knew we weren’t safe with him alone. She needed help taking care of him, and no matter how many different doctors he saw, no one would commit him for longer than thirty days. That was great, but once he was out, he never stuck with the medication. She had no choice but to take my grandfather up on his offer for us all to move in with him.” My heart was like a brick of ice as she spoke. I’d never have expected her to have felt terror as a child, but she had. As fucking awful as it was to listen to her, it made me feel less alone. “We moved in the year I graduated elementary school. It never got any better with him, not really. He hated being in Harmony, he hated having kids, he hated being married, basically he just hated everything. He was in and out of hospitals, saw half a dozen more doctors, tried at least a dozen more medication regimens, and nothing ever changed. One day…” She swallowed hard and looked away as she rubbed at her eyes. Hearing her sniffle, I wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “It’s okay, Dais. I’m here.” She nodded as she leaned into me. I wasn’t sure she would finish, and I wasn’t about to push her. “He got this crazy notion in his head that when Dusty was born, part of his soul was stolen. Dusty was a junior, Dad’s name was Dustin,” she explained. “So my dad was convinced his good stuff was in my brother. He started hitting him and terrorizing him, and nothing would make him stop. My grandfather was done with him by then. He wouldn’t get help anymore and he just went more and more off the rails. Violet and I were scared shitless and Dusty was depressed because my dad kept saying how much he hated him. My mom and my grandfather sat my dad down and told him he had to leave because they were done. He didn’t put up a fight, and told them they were shit for choosing the kid who took everything from him. Three mornings later, Dad pulled up to the end of the driveway where Dusty was waiting for the bus. Dad turned off the engine and then shot himself.” She stopped as her lower lip quivered and she took a few deep breaths. “You don’t have to keep going,” I told her. “I never wanted to hurt you. I didn’t know. I didn’t know.” She shook her head. “It’s not your fault, Ty. It’s just a really sad fucking story. I’ve come this far—if you want to hear the rest, I’ll finish.” “I want to hear it,” I answered honestly, “but I fuckin’ hate seeing you upset.” “I’m okay. It’s almost over anyway,” she murmured.

I had to admit, I was curious. “About a year later, my mom moved Dusty and me back to New York City with her. Three months after that, she married my stepfather, James. Violet got to stay in Harmony to finish high school, but my mom insisted she needed to get Dusty and me out of there so we didn’t go crazy, too. She was so focused on us being crazy that it was actually making us nuts. It was a terrible choice, moving us out there. My grandfather had been so great with us, and Dusty had been doing better. But setting a depressed kid loose in New York City took away all of the progress he’d made. By the time he was in high school Dusty was drinking, smoking pot and, later, doing meth. My mom was intolerant and angry about the whole thing. She would yell and scream about him being a disappointment and how he was just like our dad. She was just exhausted by then, I think. If she knew… I like to think she’d have been different.” “If she knew what?” I asked. She looked away and rubbed her hand across her forehead. “My sister came to college in New York so she could be with me and Dusty. She lived in a dorm, but she was around as much as she could be. She and I spent a lot of time with Dusty trying to perk him up. My sister’s boyfriend, Ryder, who’s now her husband, would drive up from Harmony all the time to help too. We all tried—but Dusty only wanted my mom to pay attention. He told her he was depressed and that if she didn’t spend some time with him, he was going to end it all. She saw it as just another cry for attention. In her defense, my dad threatened to kill himself hundreds, if not thousands, of times before he did it. Dusty’s behavior was off the rails, and instead of dealing with it or trying something new, Mom and James went off to Europe on a shopping trip.” She paused, smacking her hand against her leg. “A fucking shopping trip! Like anyone gave two shits about antiques or clothes. She just wanted to escape my brother. She didn’t care that she was leaving him in crisis—she just went. The next day…” The silence was deafening as I waited for her to tell me what happened. “The next day I came home from school and found he’d let himself into the apartment. He hung himself from the stairs.” I felt sick to my core and I was fighting the urge to start screaming about what a goddamn selfish cunt her mother was. No matter what excuses were made, that bitch had let her children down. I didn’t even know her and I already hated her. “You were alone?” I questioned tersely. She nodded. “Violet was staying with me while my mom was in Europe, but she was at school. I called her and she was there within minutes. She walked in while they were taking him down. As long as I live, I’ll never forget what that felt like. On one side of the room, my dead brother was being set into a body bag. On the other side, I saw my sister’s heart shattering into a million tiny pieces.” “And you? Who saw you break, Daisy?” “Violet,” she said softly. “We were always close, but seeing each other break in that moment changed everything. My sister isn’t just my family. She was the only thing that kept my heart beating in a moment when it desperately wanted to stop. Without her, I wouldn’t have been able to go on.” “But you did,” I reminded her. I think I was also reminding myself. She was right in front of me and I knew she was okay, but I felt shaky. “Somehow, you found the strength and you kept going,” I murmured. “It didn’t come naturally,” she answered. “Quite the opposite. I was devastated. Beyond, even. And my mom just… she wasn’t ideal.” “Wasn’t ideal?” “I thought my mom was uptight before then, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. Losing my brother turned her into a brick of ice. She never cried. Not once, at least not that I saw. I started having panic

attacks being in the house, seeing the stairs… and she would flip out. You don’t give up a prime piece of real estate because your son is selfish enough to hang himself in it, Daisy. That’s what she said. That he was selfish.” Someone in Daisy’s family was definitely selfish. I didn’t think it was her brother. “Then she focused on me like a laser. Everything I did was wrong. She’d scream and yell about how I wasn’t behaving like a normal teenager, which to her meant I was probably as crazy as my dad and my brother. I wasn’t crazy; I was fucking scared and heartbroken. She refused to see it. I didn’t want to go to prom and she grounded me. I started staying out to avoid her and eventually, I met an older guy who seemed to know it all. All I knew for sure at the time was that I couldn’t stay with my mom another second, so I threw caution to the wind. I dropped out of school and left home, and I haven’t lived with my mom since. Our relationship is… par for the course, I guess. She’s pretty chilly with Violet and me both. We’ve just come to accept it. It’s not that she doesn’t love us, not really. I know she does, I can see it. But she’s too far gone to be able to let herself be vulnerable to anyone, including her children.” “You’re far more forgiving than I would be,” I admitted. She shrugged. “When I got my shit together, I realized something important.” “What was it?” “If I shut myself down, blamed her, and didn’t find it in my heart to forgive, I’d end up just like her. I also realized if I focused on the negative, I was bound to will it into existence. It’s all a self-fulfilling prophecy. What you believe is what happens. My dad was a victim of mental health and my brother was a victim of my parents acting like lunatics. There’s been enough pain in my family. Through it all, I had Violet, and we had my grandfather. Every life needs glue—he’s always been ours. Then he taught us how to be that for each other. It saved us both.” “Sounds like your grandfather is cool as fuck,” I mused. She laughed. “My grandfather is the bomb. You would die if you met him. He’s pure in-your-face country old man, and I worship him. He’s a straight shooter with the biggest heart ever.” “Like his granddaughter,” I pointed out. Her smile was radiant. “All the happiest times of my childhood were spent with Granddaddy. He taught me how to ride a horse, and later how to drive.” “Does he approve of your supposed lead foot ways?” I questioned jokingly. Since I hadn’t witnessed her driving yet, I still wasn’t sure she was serious about being a speed demon. Throwing back her head, she laughed. “He doesn’t just approve—he taught me everything I know. Violet was all but born driving a minivan that’s perpetually going five miles below the posted limit. Granddaddy and I were born to ride fast. He’s eighty and still drives like he just robbed a bank and has the law right on his tail. Vi can barely handle being in the car with him because it makes her anxious. I find it relaxing. He’s still kicking ass and taking names, and I love it.” The description made me laugh. “I hope when I’m eighty I’m half as fuckin’ cool as he sounds.” She gave me a cheeky grin. “You’d have to start by driving like a man instead of a grandma,” she joked. “What? I drive totally normal!” “Nope. I didn’t want to hurt your feelings in the car because I wasn’t sure if you were driving old man speed to be in character or not. But you drive reallllllly slow,” she teased. I threw my head back and roared with laughter. “I don’t normally drive so slow,” I admitted. “I just wanted to spend more time with you.” Her eyes lit up, and I knew I’d made her happy. “I like that answer,” she said huskily. “Yeah?” “Definitely yeah.”

I was leaning in to kiss her when someone knocked on the door. We simultaneously let out frustrated groans. “Crappy timing,” I sighed as I stood up. I opened the door to find Ian and Bree on the other side. I gave Bree a quick look of surprise. Seemed she and Ian continued to grow closer by the day. I’d continually seen them together since she’d arrived the week before. She blushed and looked away. “Hey, dickface,” Ian joked. “You want to eat with us?” I definitely didn’t, which surprised me. “Um, no,” I answered after a pause. “I’m hanging with Daisy. We’re going to order room service.” Bree’s eyebrows rose up almost to her hairline. “Wow,” she said after a few seconds. “So, yeah. You guys go ahead and eat whatever. We’ll catch up tomorrow, cool?” They both nodded, and Ian announced they’d go back to his room and order dinner. Normally I’d have given them shit, but I wanted to be alone with Daisy. When I closed the door and turned around, she was beaming at me. I knew without a doubt my answer had pleased her, which made me feel like a goddamn king.



Dinner alone with Tyson was the highlight of what had been a great day. Yes, it had been difficult to share my past with him, but it also made me trust him more. He’d been there for me, and that mattered. It mattered a lot. The whole thing had me feeling closer to him than ever. There was no question in my mind about it. We were really in it together. When he told Ian and Bree that he wanted to eat with me alone, I was overjoyed. Our dinner choice was a little unusual. Instead of ordering entrees, we wound up getting every appetizer and dessert room service offered, along with two glasses of chocolate milk, two bottles of water and a few cokes. I’m pretty sure the people who delivered the food to Ty’s room thought we were nuts, since it took two delivery carts to get it all in—and there were only two of us eating. Ty waved off their effort to set the table for us, so we got to uncover all of the plates ourselves. We made a little game of it, trying to guess what was under each of the silver domes. Some of it was great, but some of it wasn’t appetizing at all. It was fun to test things out I normally wouldn’t have bothered with, and I had a fantastic time hanging with Tyson. We were so full after trying all of the appetizers we decided to hold off on dessert. Instead, we watched TV in the living room of his suite. We were both fans of The Food Network so it was an easy choice to watch a few episodes of Chopped. The more time I spent with Ty and what I now knew was the real him, the more I liked him. He was known for being funny, so of course that aspect of his personality stood out. But it turned out he was so much more than that. Smart, thoughtful, considerate and downright sweet were all words I realized I could use to describe him. Of course, the very first word I’d have used is sexy. The perpetual five-o’clock shadow covering his chiseled cheeks was to die for, and don’t even get me started on his eyes. Any time we connected eye to eye, I had to remind myself to look away before he figured out I was a little obsessed with them. Inevitably that would lead to my looking down to his lips, and that was a whole other issue. It was ridiculous how beautiful he was. From time to time a few stray locks of his hair would fall into his eyes and I’d have to force myself not to reach out and arrange it the way it belonged. In addition to his gorgeous face and drop dead sexy body, he also smelled amazing. It was fresh and clean with just a hint of something a little spicy that made my mouth water. Sitting side by side on the sofa was excruciating because we were close, but not close enough. At least not for me. I kept fidgeting around and trying to find a good position, but it was like my body wouldn’t accept anything that didn’t involve some form of contact with him. We were well into the second episode of Chopped when he reached out, pulled me to his side and slung his arm around my shoulders. My muscles loosened as I set my head on his shoulder, sighed in contentment and curled one of my hands on top of his knee. “You good with this?” he asked huskily. I nodded. “Mm hm.” Over the next thirty or so minutes, it felt like the air in the room started getting thicker. Being that close together was a spark that lit a fuse. My nipples had hardened into tight peaks and I kept clenching

my core. I wanted him badly, but he hadn’t yet made any moves so I resigned myself to follow his lead. That lasted until I shifted against him and he let out the tiniest sound, almost like he was in pain. My female antenna went way up and I just knew he was feeling much the same as I was. Mainly, turned on. My gaze dropped from the TV down to my hand on his knee, and that’s when I saw it. He was hard and I could see the very clear outline of the impressive erection through his jeans. One small shift and my arm would be touching it. I bit my lip as I thought it through, making a dozen cases for and against. I’d spent the previous few years not allowing myself to get close to men because I was scared. With Tyson, I didn’t think there was really anything to be afraid of. It wasn’t like he was hard because he didn’t find me attractive. Decision made, I started trailing a finger up his knee. He inhaled harshly as I moved up and it became more and more obvious what my ultimate destination was. His breath stayed locked in his chest until I reached the outline of his denim-covered cock and traced my finger over it. The second my fingers touched him he let it all out in a whoosh. “Fuck,” he groaned desperately, “Daisy.” The way he said my name was part awe, part prayer. I smiled when I saw him lifting the remote from its position at his side. After he hit the power button and turned the TV off, the silence in the room was only broken by the sounds of our breathing. My hand now firmly on his erection, I began gently rubbing it in a circular motion up and down the length. His arm around my shoulder tightened as he brought his other arm around and cupped my jaw. “Look at me,” he growled. My heart sped up when I looked up and met his electric gaze as his hand slid down my neck, stopping at the back to hold me in place. He stared at me like I was something magical and unexplainable. I expected him to kiss me, but he didn’t. Instead, our eyes stayed locked together as I continued moving my hand. Our mouths were close enough together that I could feel each breath he took feathering across my skin when he exhaled. The erotically charged moment was the most intimate I’d ever experienced. We exchanged a thousand words and had to say one aloud. Without question, I understood we both wanted the same thing, desperately. His breath shuddered when I squeezed him through his jeans before moving up and touching the button at his waist. The hand he’d had at my neck came down and we worked together to open them. Little sounds erupted from the back of his throat as the zipper gave way and he was finally able to reach in and pull himself out. I let out a noise of my own when I saw his gorgeous cock standing at attention for me. Lifting my hand, I held two fingers up and traced his lips. “Lick them,” I murmured. His eyes were like fields of fire as he sucked my fingers into his mouth, running his tongue around them reverently. When I pulled them from his mouth, he whimpered. “God, Daisy.” With his eyes on me, I brought the two fingers to my lips and licked them just as he had. I pulled them out slowly before taking them down and rubbing them across the tip of his cock. He shivered and squeezed my shoulder with the hand he still had on me. “Work with me,” I said huskily. “Show me how you like it.” He held his hand up to my mouth, and I wetted his palm with my tongue. When I was finished, I looked down to watch as he wrapped it around his cock and started moving it up and down. His actions were firm but slow. As he worked, I traced circles around the head, the lubrication from my fingers now mixing with some pre-cum that was leaking from the tip. I licked my lips as I watched our hands working together to stroke and tease him. I couldn’t watch and not taste. Another time, maybe. But right then, I needed to feel him with my tongue. Pulling away from his hold, I slid off the couch and down to the floor. Once I was on my knees, I

turned and faced him before nudging his legs apart and taking position between them. “Fuck,” he groaned. “You’re so beautiful.” I smiled softly as I ran my hands up his jean-covered thighs. As I went up, I felt his muscles rippling with tension beneath my hands. When I reached the top of his thighs I stopped, using them to steady myself as I leaned forward, stuck out my tongue, and licked the head of his cock. We moaned in unison. I loved the slightly salty and musky flavor of him spreading across my tongue. He let out a series of desperate sounding unh noises as I feathered my tongue around the head, getting it nice and wet. As I did, he continued working his fist up and down his shaft, stopping again and again just before he reached my face. He kept it up until I opened my mouth and sucked the tip of his cock into my mouth, at which point his hand dropped down to his groin and he let out a strangled aah. I kept my hands resting at the top of his thighs as I began to bring my head up and down his shaft. I stayed slow and steady, letting the moment last and last. Beneath my mouth his hand grew wet from my saliva and he used it to jerk the part of him I couldn’t fit into my mouth. “I love seeing your mouth stuffed full of my dick,” he moaned. Opening my eyes, I looked up at him. The way he watched me was feral and possessive. “You like sucking it, don’t you?” I nodded, moaning around him as I shuttled up and down. His hands threaded their way into my hair, gripping me firmly as he pushed his hips up. I didn’t need to bob up and down anymore once he took control, holding me in place as he worked his hips up and down so that he was fucking my mouth. I slobbered and moaned as he worked me back and forth on his cock. “Daisy… Dais… Daisy,” he whimpered. His praise had me using more suction and tonguing every bit of him I could with each in and out motion. We kept up just that way for a long while before he pulled me up and off. When I immediately tried to take him back in my mouth, he held me steady and shook his head. “Stop,” he groaned. “Give me a minute.” “I want it back,” I whimpered. “I’m going to give you something better,” he promised breathlessly. “But not out here.” It should’ve been ridiculous when he stood up with his erection bobbing all over the place, but it wasn’t. Instead, it was so sexy I swear I had a mini orgasm. I let out a little squeak when he helped me to my feet and then lifted me up and into his arms. When we got into the bedroom, he deposited me on the bed and then flipped on the light. As soon as it was on, he whipped his shirt off. I thought I was aroused before, but I’d just been getting started. His bared chest, and the jeans hanging open with his hard cock pointing right at me, were so hot I had to fan myself. He smiled at me as he kicked off his shoes and then turned his back on me. He shook his butt back and forth in front of me a few times, looking back over his shoulder with a sultry look. “You like that?” he asked jokingly. “I like it very much,” I giggled. I stopped laughing after he pulled his jeans and boxers off and pulled off his socks, leaving him facing away from me completely naked. Ty’s back was incredibly muscular and ripped, and it gave way to an ass that literally made my mouth water. He looked like a warrior, perfectly proportioned and muscled in all the right spots. I couldn’t look and not touch. Standing from the bed, I took the few steps between us and set my hands on his shoulders before trailing them down his back and then around to his stomach. From there, I slid them up the warmth of his stomach, appreciating the way his muscles rippled beneath my hands. I kept going until I got to his chest, one hand resting over his heart, the other just below it. It was a moment I’ll never forget. When his hands covered mine, I laid my forehead against his back

and sighed, enjoying the sensation of his pounding heart beneath my hand and the rise and fall of his back with each harsh breath. We stood like that for almost a minute before he let go of my hands and turned in my arms. He cupped my face and studied me like there would be a test later. “What’re you doing to me?” he asked. “Whatever you’ll let me,” I answered honestly. Tilting my head back he leaned in and kissed me. My hands went up his torso, stopping on his shoulders as I held on to him. He traced my bottom lip with his tongue, sliding it back and forth again and again. I slowly parted my lips and just barely touched my tongue to his. He groaned and met me halfway, taking the kiss deeper. The night of the bathroom incident we’d kissed frantically, almost like we were afraid we might be pulled apart. The kiss we shared in his bedroom wasn’t like that at all. It was deep, slow, and wet. While our tongues danced, my body all but melted into his. By the time he raised his head I was breathless. He gripped the bottom of my shirt with both hands and tugged. “You with me?” “I’m very, very with you,” I assured him as I lifted my arms. He lifted my shirt up and over my head in one smooth movement. When it was off, he lifted his hand and traced a finger from my collarbone down to the center of my chest, just above the middle of my bra. “Beautiful.” I grinned as I glanced down at my periwinkle bra. “Victoria’s Secret is really good stuff.” He stepped in closer and reached around with both hands to undo my bra. His eyes stayed on mine as he shook his head. “I wasn’t talking about the bra, I was talking about you. You’re beautiful.” I knew I was blushing as I beamed up at him. “I was just thinking the same thing about you,” I admitted. We kept right on staring at each other as the clasp to my bra gave way. My skin felt super sensitive as he brought his hands around and took hold of my bra straps, bringing them forward and pulling it down. Although my nipples had been hardened peaks for quite a while, they felt even more swollen when he dropped the bra on the floor and stared down at my naked breasts. “Goddamn perfect,” he muttered. I felt like I was glowing from the inside out. I was far from perfect, but he made me feel as though I was. I let out a squeak when he grabbed me by the waist and lifted me up before depositing me down on the bed. I settled back and smiled as he lifted up first one leg and then the other to take my boots and socks off. With them out of the way, he lifted my left foot and ran the tip of his finger along the bottom. I humiliated myself by laughing like a hyena and kicking his leg with my right foot as I wiggled wildly. “Stop!” I squeaked. “I’m crazy ticklish.” Ty grinned as he let go of my foot. “Just your feet, or other places?” “My stomach is ticklish but not in the way my feet are.” He leaned over me, dropping a soft kiss on my lips. “I’ll keep that in mind,” he murmured. As he spoke, his hands went to my waist. Gripping the sides of my leggings, he peeled them off of me. When they were off, he pulled me to the edge of the bed and put two pillows under my head. Once he was satisfied with my position, he dropped to the floor. “Bend your knees.” Goose bumps broke out across my flesh as I complied. I let out a breathy squeak as he took hold of my ankles so he could place my feet where he wanted them on the mattress. When he was satisfied, he leaned in and nuzzled his face right at the heart of me through my panties. I blushed when he let out a groan. “You’re burning up for me.”

I started to respond, then lost the ability to say anything when he gripped either side of my underwear and started pulling them down my legs. After lifting one foot and then the other, he put them back on the bed the way he wanted. I forgot how to breathe for countless seconds when he leaned in and I felt the warmth of his breath on me. I remembered to breathe again when he traced his tongue against my pubic bone. I loved the feeling of the tickle of his stubble as it rubbed against me when he ran his tongue over every inch of me. Using his fingers to spread the lips of my sex open, he slowly licked right up the center, causing me to whimper. “Tyson.” The pillows he’d put under my head had me in a position that allowed me to watch what he was doing, so I saw him grin. His eyes fluttered shut a few seconds later, but I kept watching him. Somehow seeing what he was doing made me feel just as good as feeling it. Talk about sensory overload. I felt myself getting closer to what I knew was going to be a spectacular orgasm, and my hands went to either side of his head as I moved against his tongue. I was right there, hovering on the edge, when his eyes opened and met mine. The expression of pure animal lust in his wolf-like eyes was everything, and it sent me over. I called out his name as I came, and he growled against my clit in response as he continued to lick and suck. When it was over, I continued to tremble with aftershocks as he stood up. My eyes were drawn to his cock, which was rock hard and pointed right at me. Ty opened the drawer next to his bed and pulled out an enormous box of condoms, which made me frown. The thing was darn near industrial sized and I imagined some assistant somewhere buying in bulk. Lacey had said he didn’t have women in his room, but those condoms said otherwise. It was almost as if he could hear my thoughts. He shook his head emphatically as he watched me. “No one’s ever been in any of my beds before, ever, until now. Until you,” he assured me. I smiled like an idiot and then let out a giggle when I realized he was having trouble getting the box open. There was plastic wrap around the unopened box and he was near frantic because it wouldn’t come off. He finally gave up trying to do it correctly and twisted and ripped the damn thing to shreds, condoms flying everywhere as he did so. He grinned as he dropped what was left of the box and grabbed a condom from where it had fallen—right next to me on the bed. He pushed the rest of the condoms that had landed in the area onto the floor without giving them a second glance. After ripping the wrapper open, he rolled the condom on and then climbed onto the bed between my legs. I let out a little moan as I spread my legs wider and he rested his cock right against my cleft. Balancing on one arm, he leaned forward and took one of the pillows under my head away. Once he was satisfied that I was positioned appropriately, he came in close and traced his tongue across the seam of my lips. I parted them with a rush of breath and touched my tongue to his. He kissed me until I found myself lifting my hips and rubbing up against him, desperate to feel him inside me. Pulling away from my mouth, he held himself over me. “You want me inside you?” When I nodded almost frantically, he grinned. “Guide me in,” he instructed huskily. His eyes held me captive as I reached between us and fisted his shaft, rubbing the head of him against my clit. His jaw clenched and he made a tortured sound. “Don’t tease,” he whimpered. If I hadn’t been desperate to get him inside, I’d have held out for at least a few more seconds. Instead, I guided him down until he was just where he needed to be. I’m not sure if I expected him to just thrust in or what, but I know I didn’t expect him to go as slowly as he did. “Look at me,” he ground out as he sank in. When I looked up, our gazes locked as he continued moving forward. As ever, I was entranced by

those beautiful eyes. I felt full and stretched, but so damn good. Everything seemed new to me somehow, like being a virgin again. Granted, I hadn’t had sex in almost two years, but I had no recollection of it ever feeling the way it did with Tyson. I let out a whoosh of air when he bottomed out, as deep in me as he could possibly go. He leaned in and kissed me before pulling back and looking down at me with an expression of wonder. “You feel fucking incredible,” he whispered as he drew back and then pushed in again. “God, Tyson,” I gasped out. “Please.” He kept up that rhythm, a slow and steady back and forth that rocked my world. I let out whispered pleas for more as he kept the pace. “Touch your clit,” he instructed. I nodded my head as I slipped my right hand between us, my middle finger dancing over my slippery clit as he worked in and out. “Feels so good,” he groaned. “So good, Daisy.” “Yes,” I cried as I arched up to meet his thrust. “Tyson!” He let out a harsh sound as he dropped down until our chests were touching, rubbing against each other as he moved. Balancing himself with one hand, he grabbed the remaining pillow under my head and tossed it up on the bed. When he was finished, he dropped his nose down to mine and gave me an Eskimo kiss. It felt like there was no part of either of our bodies that didn’t touch in some way. My nipples were swollen and hard and the feeling of his chest rubbing against them was heavenly. I moaned and clenched around him as he continued rocking in and out. “Tell me you love my cock in you,” he whispered against my mouth. Instead of answering right away, I gently bit his bottom lip before running my tongue over it. He growled and thrust harder, punctuating each thrust with a swivel of his hips. “I love you in me,” I breathed. “Show me how much you love it,” he growled. “Come all over my dick.” The way he talked was way, way more graphic than I was used to—and I loved it. He was filthy, and it made me tingle. “You like my dirty fuckin’ mouth,” he chuckled. “I can tell by the way your pussy clenches.” “Mm,” I whimpered. “Rub your clit and squeeze my dick until you come.” My finger flew over my clit as I rubbed faster. As Tyson thrust harder, he dropped kisses on my right cheek until he got to my ear. “This is the most perfect cunt I’ve ever been in,” he whispered, “and I’m going to fuck it again and again and again. You and your pussy belong to me now.” My body went taught as I locked my legs around his waist and came with a silent scream. As I did, his thrusts picked up speed and he went hard. I whimpered as his back and forth made the end of my orgasm go on and on. As I was finishing, he yelled my name seconds before I felt the heat of his release through the condom. “Daisy, fuck, Daisy!” He kept rocking in and out until he was completely spent. When he was finished, he pulled out of me and rolled onto his back. I let out an ah sound as he did, and he rubbed my arm soothingly. After pulling the condom off and tying a knot at the top, he tossed it toward what I assumed was a trashcan. I missed having him in me already but it wasn’t like I could say anything about it. I had nothing to worry about. As soon as he got rid of the condom, he reached over and pulled me on top of him. His fingers trailed lazily up and down my left side as I nuzzled against his neck. “You just rocked my fuckin’ world, Freckles.” I lifted my head up and raised my brow as I looked at him.

“Freckles?” He touched my nose with the tip of his finger. “You’ve got the sexiest series of freckles on your nose I’ve ever seen.” I shook my head at him before I set it back down on his shoulder. “Freckles aren’t sexy,” I grumbled. I felt the rumble of his chest as he laughed. “The fuck they aren’t,” he argued. “You’ve got a few freckles on your tits that I can’t wait to get on a first name basis with.” I was glad he couldn’t see my face because I knew it was fire engine red. “You’re weird.” “Weird for you,” he answered. His words made my heart beat funny, and I smiled softly before letting out a yawn. “Feelin’ that smile, Freckles.” “I’m not smiling,” I lied. “That’s two smackers,” he said. “I’ll add it to the fifty you owe me from earlier when you didn’t believe I could get in and out of the mall without being recognized.” “You want money?” I asked incredulously. “No,” he chuckled. “Smackers are kisses. I choose when and where, and you’ve got to pay up. Fiftytwo smackers, Freckles. That’s a whole lotta mackin’ down.” There was nothing I could do but laugh. “I never knew I was bargaining kisses,” I pointed out. “I thought we were talking cold hard cash.” “I bargained for something worth far more. Your kisses are priceless.” I smiled against his shoulder. “You’ve got some smooth moves.” I expected him to laugh, but he didn’t. Instead, he let out a heavy sigh. “Freckles, I’m the furthest thing from smooth.”



I felt the exact moment she dozed off on top of me. Regardless of the fact that I’d just had the most connected and earth shattering sexual experience of my life, her falling asleep made my anxiety level spike. I tried to breathe through it, tried to remind myself that there was nothing to be anxious about, but it didn’t work. I stayed for as long as I could stand it, but eventually I lost the battle. I gently maneuvered Daisy until she was lying on the mattress instead of me before I covered her up and went to the bathroom. When I came out I attempted to get into the bed and couldn’t do it. My shoulders sagged as I accepted that I was failing. Mentally berating myself for not talking to her about the biggest of all my issues, I left the room and made my way into the second bedroom on the other side of the living room. There with the door safely locked behind me, I should’ve been able to settle. The problem was I didn’t calm down at all. If anything, I was even more agitated. I was desperate to be in bed with Daisy and not being able to just bite the bullet and do it was killing me. Being behind a locked door in a room across from the girl I had feelings for didn’t fuckin’ sit well with me at all. I felt like a giant goddamn pussy and my self-hate was rising fast. Finally accepting that I needed help, I picked up the phone and called Ian. The second I told him I was freaking out, he told me to come to his room to talk. I went into my room to check on Daisy and throw some clothes on. She slept deeply, the sleep of someone who didn’t have trust issues. As I dressed, I watched her and wished I had her ability to be so trusting. The irony of the fact that a few months prior Ian would’ve been the last person I’d ever have gone to when I needed a shoulder wasn’t lost on me. When we’d first met we hadn’t gotten off to a great start and I’d wrongly thought he was a ladder-climbing asshole. After some shit went down between him and Cole one night, I had to step in to take care of him. That night, he told me his whole story and for some reason I found myself telling him mine. We’ve since become good friends. I could’ve talked to anyone in the band about how depressed I was feeling about not being able to sleep in the room with Daisy, but I chose Ian for a very specific reason. Ian could personally understand what it felt like to want to be close to someone without really being able to make it happen. I left the suite as quietly as possible, the door making the faintest sound behind me as the handle latched. When I got to Ian’s room, the door was propped open. I found him sitting in one of the two chairs in front of the TV area. Closing the door, I headed over and took a seat. He watched me like a hawk as I got comfortable and I knew he was trying to get a read on my state of mind. “What’s going on?” he asked. I took a deep breath and blurted, “I really fuckin’ like Daisy.” He snickered. “Yeah, I had picked up on that.” I nodded and bowed my head. “Just left her upstairs sleeping in my bed because I couldn’t fuckin’ stay in there with her. I want to, I just can’t do it.” “Is this the first time?” I looked up in confusion. “Dude, I told you before I’ve never slept with a woman in my bed or in my

room.” He shook his head. “No, I meant is this the first time you’ve been with her?” I nodded as understanding of his meaning sunk in. “Yeah. It was perfect until she fell asleep and I started having a panic attack. I was maybe two seconds away from pulling a Linda Blair and painting the room with vomit. Felt like the fuckin’ walls were closing in on me.” “Did you talk to her about what your deal is before all this went down?” I gritted my teeth as I shook my head once in the negative. “It was going so good I convinced myself it wouldn’t even be a problem. She’s different and I feel good with her. Why the fuck can’t I just be a man and deal with it? Why does it have to be a whole fuckin’ thing?” He reached over and squeezed his hand on my shoulder encouragingly. “First of all, don’t tell yourself you aren’t a man. You know you can’t be thinking this kind of negative crap. Let’s be real here—you’re twenty-nine and you just did something you’ve never done before in your entire life. Something that before Daisy came along, you had said many times you would never do. How about you give yourself some credit for that? Right now a beautiful woman you’ve got real feelings for is asleep in your bed. That’s awesome, but you can’t expect to just snap your fingers and have a lifetime of conditioning go away.” I dropped my head back on the chair as I let out a heavy sigh. “It’s true,” I conceded, “and that one thing alone was huge for me. I guess I just thought that because I was able to do that… I could do it all.” “One step at a time.” I spent about half an hour in Ian’s room talking before heading back up to my suite, which I entered as silently as I’d left. When I got to my bedroom, Daisy was still fast asleep. She was so beautiful it made my mouth dry. She was in a class all of her own and I knew I’d never meet anyone like her again. Hell, I’d met thousands upon thousands of people over the last decade and not one made me feel the way she did. I promised myself I’d do whatever I had to do to get myself to a place where I could have a real and normal relationship with her. No matter how much work it took, I knew she was worth it. I wrote out a quick note for her on the hotel stationary, placing it on the nightstand before I went back across the suite to the other bedroom. Ian was right—I needed to take it one step at a time. As long as she was willing to work with me, everything would be okay.

I was seeing stars through my eyelids from the bright sunshine. Confused, I opened my eyes and shielded my face as I looked around to see where I was. My heart squeezed painfully in my chest when I realized I was sitting on the shore of a lake. The water lapped up against the green and white boat tied to the dock and the scent of the trees and flowers that surrounded the area wafted up to my nose. “It’s been a long time since you were here.” My eyes went wide as I turned and found Alexandra sitting next to me. Her long blonde hair was styled in a French braid, just like she’d taught me to do for her years ago. Clad only in her bright pink bathing suit she sat on a towel that had a picture of the band No Doubt on it. She was obsessed with Gwen Stefani and listened to their music on permanent repeat. I wanted to hug her, but I knew from experience it wouldn’t work. The second we touched I would wake up. The one and only time she’d been able to touch me since she died had been the night I overdosed. She told me later the only reason she’d been able to was because I’d been in between the two worlds of the living and the dead. “Someday,” she smiled. “And on that day, it’ll be the biggest bear hug you’ve ever given. I won’t

let you go for an hour.” The prickle of tears in my eyes stung, and I sniffled to get myself under control. These meetings came with less and less frequency as the years went by. Most people told me they were just dreams. I knew better. “Where have you been?” I asked. “I was starting to think you were never coming back.” “Tyson,” she scolded, “you know good and well I’m always around. It’s just—” “Just what?” “You can’t use me as a crutch and when I came too often, you did. Life is for living. I’m dead and you’re alive. Our worlds aren’t exactly aligned.” It would never hurt any less. Never. Every time I thought of her, of them, being dead, it shattered another little piece of me. “Why now?” I asked. She reached out to poke my side but quickly yanked her hand back before she connected. “Sorry,” she said with a soft chuckle. “I almost forgot.” I swallowed past the lump in my throat as I looked around. Everything in front of me was just the same as I remembered it. I couldn’t bear to turn around to see if what was behind me was, too. “I came because you need me,” she said. “If you came when I needed you,” I argued, “I’d see you all of the time.” “No, you’d see me all the time if I came when you wanted to see me. You don’t need to, Tyson. Not anymore. Not really.” “How can you say that?” I asked incredulously. “Because it’s true,” she answered firmly. “And there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. I’m proud of how far you’ve come and all the things you’ve done. We all are. You’re living, and that’s all any of us have ever wanted.” God, it fucking hurt to hear that. Every time she said it, I wanted to crumble. The reminder that I was living and they weren’t carried the weight of the world with it. “You attach that weight,” she murmured. “All of us are happy for you. We want you to live a long and happy life. Every time you feel guilty, you need to stop and realize the guilt is all in your mind. No one here feels that way. Not even for a second.” Sometimes the most difficult part of seeing her in my dreams was that she could read my mind. There were no secrets. “Are they… are they here with you right now?” She smiled brightly and nodded. “Of course! We were listening to Jaco Pastorius and dancing when I felt you coming my way.” Her words created a vision in my head of exactly what that looked like, and I smiled. “There!” she squeaked. My heart rate kicked up as I turned to her in confusion. Was someone coming? “There what?” “You smiled,” she answered. “A real honest to God smile. You’re as happy as I’ve seen you since we left.” Her words took away my smile. “You didn’t leave, you—” “You’re being a pain in the butt,” she interrupted. “The point is you’re happy and that happiness brings us joy. Don’t get derailed by negativity.” I breathed deeply and exhaled before nodding. “I like her a whole lot,” she said. “Yeah?” “I don’t think she likes No Doubt very much,” she giggled, “but other than that, she’s super cool.”

Her words made me laugh. “Only you would care if someone likes Gwen and the guys.” She looked over my shoulder and sighed. “Time’s almost up so we have to talk fast. You know why you needed me tonight?” I nodded. It was because I’d been having a freak-out about Daisy and not feeling like I was man enough for her. “You have to talk to her,” she said firmly. “Don’t push it down and don’t hide it. You know that won’t work. For this to work you need to face things head on. Tell her why you’re afraid. Open yourself up and let it all out. Only light can banish the darkness.” Things were starting to get a little crinkly around the edges and the lapping of the waves was picking up speed. I knew I was seconds away from waking up. “Please don’t wait so long to come see me again,” I pleaded as I got up. As she stood, she picked up her towel and began shaking it out. “I think I’ll see you soon,” she said happily. I was glad to hear it. Turning, she began walking away. For some reason I turned to watch as she did. It was the first time I ever had. My breath lodged in my throat as the house came into view. The hunter green shutters stood out against the white siding and the American flag hanging at the corner of the deck waved in the breeze. It all looked the same. The sight overwhelmed me and I started to turn away, only to spin around again when I heard a sound. He stood just outside the sliding glass door with a baby in his arms and he was tap-tapping a rhythm affectionately against her back as he rocked back and forth. I knew it was a little girl because her outfit was yellow with little flowers and a series of ruffles across her bottom. I shook my head in confusion, wondering who she was. Just as quickly, I lost the question when I saw a curly head appear at his side. My heart squeezed painfully as I stared at the little boy. I looked between the boy and the man, drinking in as much of them as I could. They both smiled as I stared up at them. And then, the man raised one of his hands from the baby’s back and waved. I smiled when I saw the word bass on his shirt just under her feet and I realized he was wearing his I Like it With Bass T-shirt. I raised my hand in return and stepped forward to say something, but before I could, everything faded away.



I awoke to the scents of fresh coffee and bacon. I yawned as I sat up and stretched my arms out. The sound of a male groan had my eyes flying open. I blushed furiously as I realized several things all at once. First, I wasn’t in my room. Second, Tyson was standing next to the bed watching me wolfishly. This was because I was naked and had showcased my boobs when I stretched. Grabbing the sheet, I yanked it up as I let out a squeak. I didn’t have a stitch on, but he was wearing a pair of gray sweatpants. “Don’t cover up on my account,” he laughed as he bent over and brushed a kiss across my lips. “As far as I’m concerned, you can burn everything that could be used to cover you when we’re alone together.” I giggled as the tension melted away. “Just when we’re alone?” I asked. “Fuck if I’d let anyone else look at you naked,” he said gruffly. I beamed at him as he turned away and busied himself with what I realized was a room service cart. That explained the smell of bacon and coffee. My eyes widened as I realized there were actually three carts lined up one after the other. Clearly, he’d ordered a lot of food. “You want coffee, tea, orange juice or milk?” he asked over his shoulder. “Half milk, half coffee with three sugars.” “You’re very particular,” he jested. Dropping the sheet, I got out of the bed to go stand next to him. Taking the coffee when he was finished, I took a sip and let out a sigh of pleasure. “You did good, handsome.” I took another quick sip before setting the mug down and gesturing with my head to the closet. “You mind if I grab a T-shirt to wear? I also need to brush my teeth and take a shower. Actually, maybe I should go back to my—” “You aren’t going anywhere without me today, Freckles,” he laughed. “For now throw on a shirt and get over here to eat. Once that’s done you can take a shower here, use my toothbrush and even use my face as a seat if you want. When you’re all ready to go, we’ll go to your room and grab some clothes.” I sputtered stupidly for a few seconds before I burst out laughing. “What is wrong with you? Why would I use your face for a seat?” I teased. He shrugged innocently. “What? Don’t act like you weren’t thinking you wanted to sit on my face. I saw you eying up my stubble.” I was still laughing as I walked into the closet and pulled a T-shirt off a hanger. When I came out I saw he was loading up a plate with food and I held up my finger. “Give me two minutes,” I called as I headed into the bathroom. I grimaced when I saw myself in the bathroom mirror because my hair was a poofy mess. I damn near danced a jig when I realized Ty had a real live hairbrush on the vanity. Every other guy I’d been with had relied on combs, but Ty had a really great brush that got out all my tangles. After using the toilet and washing my hands and face, I headed back into the bedroom. Tyson was reclined on the bed with a heaping plate of food. Gesturing to the room service carts he

said, “Grab a plate and load up. I pretty much ordered everything.” A glance at the clock showed that it was after eleven in the morning. I knew for a fact the hotel stopped serving breakfast at ten sharp. Raising an eyebrow, I turned back to him and grinned. “Perks of being a rock star,” I laughed. “If Joe Regular called down there, they wouldn’t be getting anything that looked like breakfast after ten in the morning.” His hair fell into his eyes when he shrugged. “I have to admit, it’s a pretty fuckin’ rad perk. I could eat breakfast any time of the day. If I’ve got some eggs benedict, some bacon and a serving of hash browns, I’m good to go.” I was an eggs benedict lover as well so that was the first thing I put on my plate. Next I drizzled syrup over a fabulous looking waffle then added a piece of sausage and two pieces of bacon. I climbed on to the bed next to Ty, laughing when I saw he’d made us pillow tables for our plates. “This gives a whole new meaning to breakfast in bed.” He chortled as he took a bite of his hash browns. We spent the next few minutes eating our food. We critiqued the benedict—three out of five stars, we agreed—then talked about how good the crispy bacon was. Mostly we just chatted about world events and general stuff and enjoyed our food and our coffee. When we were both full, he stood up and took both of our plates over to the service carts. “In the future I’ll know to order what we had today,” he noted. “I wasn’t sure what you wanted so I went a little crazy.” I shook my head as I gestured to the carts. “A little? That’s a lot. I feel bad wasting so much food, but I can’t eat another bite.” Ty laughed as he rose from the bed. “I promise I won’t make a habit of it,” he assured me. We worked together to push the three carts out to the living room, him taking two and me rolling one. Since I wasn’t wearing anything but his tee, he shut me down when I tried to roll the cart I’d been in charge of out into the hall. “No one’s setting eyes on you while you’re not wearing underwear,” he growled. “I don’t think anyone would notice or care,” I laughed. “It’s not like I’ve got a sign on my chest that says I’m nude under the shirt.” “You might as well,” he answered. “All I’ve been able to think about for the last half hour is getting that shirt back off of you so we can burn off breakfast.” My face got hot as a dozen different scenarios for how we could burn calories came to mind. I bit my lip and considered him as I tried to control my urge to climb him like a jungle gym. “You’re fuckin’ killing me, Freckles. Now I have to wheel this thing out sporting wood. Let’s just hope no one sees how big of a tent I’m pitching right now.” Of course his words made me look down and I gasped when I realized he wasn’t joking. Sure enough he was so hard his sweatpants were tented. I laughed as I stepped back and let him wheel the cart out. After closing the door behind him and without any warning of his intentions, he picked me up and threw me over his shoulder. “Tyson!” His booming laughter was the only response. When we got back into the bedroom, he stood me up next to the bed, pulled my shirt off and told me to sit on the bed. Standing up straight, he began taking his clothes off. “I need to shower,” I squeaked. “Let’s get filthy first and then shower,” he answered. “We’ll make it quick and dirty.” “At least let me brush my teeth—” He cut my protest off by kissing me. Fortunately, we’d both eaten and had coffee so our kiss wasn’t ruined by morning breath. He dominated me with his tongue, the gentleness of the night before replaced with an intensely sexual experience. Wrapping my arms around his neck I let myself go and enjoyed it.

When he finally pulled his lips from mine, we were both out of breath. He guided me back until I was lying on the bed instead of sitting. As he hovered above me he grinned devilishly before leaning in and gently biting my right nipple. “Holy wow,” I breathed. He grinned up at me as he let up the pressure and followed up with several swirls of his tongue. “Your nipples are sensitive.” I nodded then sighed as he cupped my left breast in his hand and ran his thumb over my nipple. “Yes.” He continued on like that, biting and sucking at my breasts, making sure to switch back and forth between the two in order to give them equal attention. I could feel his hard length against my thigh and each lick and suck was making me wetter. I wanted to tell him to hurry up but I was enjoying the attention he was giving my nipples. When I looked down, I saw that he’d left several hickeys behind. “You’re leaving marks,” I said on a gasp. He nodded and grinned up at me proudly. “I’m mapping you, Freckles. Every time I get my mouth on one of these freckles, I have to mark the spot.” It shouldn’t have been as hot as it was. Instead of being annoyed with him for the trail of hickeys, I was unbelievably turned on. “Do I get to leave marks on you?” I asked teasingly. His answering grin told me he liked the idea. “Feel free to mark me anywhere and everywhere, Daisy.” I whimpered and rubbed against him wantonly. He chuckled as he reached between us to run a finger between my legs. “Mm,” he said huskily, “someone’s ready.” I’d been ready since he slipped his tongue into my mouth and kissed me like I was his oxygen. “Very,” I admitted. Sitting up, he reached into the nightstand and grabbed a condom. Only then did I realize he must’ve cleaned up from the condom explosion the night before. The memory of how frantic he’d been in the moment made me giggle. “Really hoping you aren’t laughing at my junk,” he teased. I shook my head and snorted. “Of course not. I was laughing remembering the condom rain from last night.” His eyes were alight with humor as he ripped open the wrapper. “You make me a little crazy,” he said. “Samesies,” I admitted. I then forgot how to put words together as I watched him roll the condom onto his shaft. He was the most perfect man I’d ever seen in clothes, but naked I swear he was a god. Never in my life had I been attracted to or wanted someone in the way I did with him. It was all-consuming, like a fever that spread from the pit of my stomach throughout my entire body. Climbing up onto the bed, he rolled over onto his back and looked at me. “Ready to ride, cowgirl?” I swallowed hard and nodded. “Climb on, Freckles. I’m ready to watch my cock disappear into your tight, hot pussy.” I whimpered as I sat up and straddled him. “Give me your mouth first,” he instructed. I complied immediately, kissing him desperately. While we kissed he fisted his cock and started rubbing the head all around my opening. I moaned and bucked on top of him, breaking the kiss in order to beg. “Put it in,” I panted. “Sit up nice and high like a good girl,” he said.

I complied, rising up on my knees. When I was at the right height, he stopped me. “Slow,” he commanded huskily. “I want to watch you take every fucking inch of my dick.” I moaned as I took the head of his cock inside. I wanted nothing more than to seat myself on him fully, to hell with going slow, but his hands at my waist held me. “Tsk, tsk, Freckles,” he chided. “What did I tell you about going slow?” I felt on fire for him. My clit throbbed and my breasts felt heavy as I undulated on top of him, working the head of his cock. “More,” I breathed desperately. “More.” “Take your time,” he groaned. When I nodded my compliance, he smiled and let me take the lead. His eyes were locked at the spot where we were joined as I slid down ever so slowly. As anxious as I was to have all of him, there was something about the rapt expression on his face that gave me the strength to pace myself. “Jesus fuck that’s fuckin’ hot,” he croaked. “Watching your little cunt taking my dick should be illegal. I can’t believe the way you feel, Daisy. So fuckin’ good.” I cried out as I finally took the last inch of him. Like the night before, the fit had a hint of pain, but in a good way. I loved being full of him. Bracing my hands on his chest, I started to ride. Back and forth and up and down, I squeezed his cock with my inner muscles, bringing us both pleasure. Our eyes locked and held as I let out a cry of pleasure when he started rubbing at my clit with his thumb. “Ride me, fuck, ride me,” he said desperately. My breasts jiggled and my thighs clenched as I rode him harder and faster. When he pinched my clit between his thumb and index finger I yelled his name as my orgasm hit me at warp speed. He worked my clit until I couldn’t bear it another second and then he gripped my waist with both hands and started frantically fucking up into me. The sound of him pounding away at me was everything. I held on tight and squeezed his cock as he came apart, yelling my name loud enough that I’m pretty sure anyone in a neighboring room heard him. I didn’t care one bit since I loved watching and listening to him lose his control. When he was finished, I slumped over on his chest as we both caught our breath.



Instead of getting my head out of my ass and telling her what was up with me, I avoided it. I did this by keeping us busy. Busy meant we went at each other for a quickie like wild animals in the shower, so much so there was water all over the floor when we got out. By the time we finished cleaning that up and got to her room so she could get dressed, it was time for her to start work. I suggested she take the afternoon off and hang with me until it was time to head to the sound check but she was having none of it. I then tried to go with her, but she shut that down as well, citing how difficult it would be to keep her mind on work if I was staring at her. Bored as fuck, I sent a group text to the rest of the band and asked what they were doing. I got no word back from Flynn, which likely as not meant he was busy doing Tessa. Gavin was out with Leah and Bree shopping for shoes. He invited me to have a car take me to where they were, but I turned that shit down lightning fast. Shoe shopping with women who weren’t Daisy sounded like a dud. Fortunately, Cole was free since Devon was holed up in a hotel room editing. After Cole and I firmed up our plans Devon sent me a funny text thanking me for getting him out of her hair so she could actually work. We decided to go get ice cream and wound up at a specialty dessert shop where everything was homemade. Since it was the middle of the day, we were pretty much in the clear. Most people were either working or at school. The people who were there were all a bit older than us so they didn’t even notice the two men in hats ordering sweet shit. Hoping to keep the not being recognized streak going, we sat at the most out of the way table with no one else around it. Our security team knew the drill and they sat a reasonable distance away to give us our privacy. After a few test bites of our ice cream—cookies and cream for him and brownie batter for me—we got talking. “You’re a tad keyed up,” he mused. I considered his words as I ate a spoonful of my ice cream. “I wouldn’t say I’m keyed up,” I said finally. He gave me a wry look. “Semantics.” I spread my hands and shrugged. “Guilty.” “Stop stalling and tell me what’s up with you and Daisy,” he ordered. “How did you know…” I trailed off, putting a stop to the question because it was stupid. Of course whatever I had on my mind was Daisy related. “Last night I had Daisy in my bed,” I said. Cole’s eyes widened before he quickly schooled his expression. “I can’t believe you’re surprised. You fuckin’ know I like her and you’ve been cheering me on. Now you suddenly think it’s weird?” “Not at all,” he laughed. “I think it’s great, asshat. You caught me off guard with the whole in your bed thing. I thought that might take a really long time. Truth—I’m proud of you for plowing ahead.” He paused and snickered. “Heh heh, I just said you were plowing.” I balled up my napkin and tossed it across the table at him, hitting him square in the middle of his

forehead. “You’re an idiot,” I said dryly. “What’s next, a fart joke?” “Nah, I leave that level of immaturity to you,” he said pointedly. I had to take that one on the chin. “Touché.” “Now continue,” he pressed. “Anyway, don’t get too excited about me having her in my bed. ’Cause even though that happened, I couldn’t stay. I had a panic attack and had to leave the room. Went down and talked to Ian for a while and when I got back to my suite I slept in the other room.” “Don’t downplay it,” he replied firmly. “You even being in the same suite as her was a big step for you. How was she with the whole sleeping in separate rooms thing?” I looked away guiltily. “She doesn’t know,” I muttered. “How the fuck is that even possible?” “She fell asleep.” He ate a spoonful of ice cream as he considered what I’d told him. “You realize you have to say something to her, yeah? You got lucky this time but if it happens again and she wakes up to find you missing, it could get ugly. Face it head on and everything will be fine. Keeping important shit to yourself won’t go well. Trust me on this.” “You keep a lot of secrets from Devon?” I prodded. I knew damn well he didn’t. The biggest thing he’d ever kept from her was the reasons he was afraid to be in a one-on-one relationship. Other than that, the fucker was an open book. “Fuck no,” he said with a choked laugh. “I’m not stupid. Devon probably knows more about me now than I do. Whatever she doesn’t know from me, she’s picked up from you assholes and the rest of the family as she’s filming. When I said keeping shit wouldn’t go well I was talking about Flynn. Remember how freaked he was when Tessa stopped talking to him because she thought he was having a baby?” “Uh, yeah I remember. He was on a plane out of LA so fast I thought he might’ve broken a land speed record.” “Wouldn’t have gone down like that if he’d kept her in the loop,” Cole pointed out. I let out a long sigh as I nodded. “True. I’ll talk to her about it tonight after the show. The truth is I’m scared she’ll be disgusted.” He cocked his head to the side and looked at me as thought I were a few screws short of a set. “Daisy’s cool as hell. I can’t imagine any scenario where you tell her your issue and she throws up her hands and bails. Stop borrowing trouble.” I hoped he was right.

As much as I’d resisted her at the beginning, I’d always found pleasure in watching her work. She was sweet down to her core and it was obvious the gang was fond of her. She took time to talk to everyone, stepping in and helping wherever she could. She worked hard and if I hadn’t been able to deduce it just from seeing it up close and personal, Lacey had told me Daisy was the best employee she’d ever trained, bar none. I was distracted during sound check because I could see Daisy out at the soundboard with some of the crew helping out with something. She’d become the go-to person and I couldn’t help being proud of her. It was obvious she loved her job.

After sound check, I climbed down from the stage and walked up the aisle to where she was working. As I was walking I noticed one of the roadies, Chad, kept checking her out. I gnashed my teeth together as I glared at his oblivious ass. I didn’t even question how territorial I was feeling. Cavemen were probably less obvious than I was about to be. Bottom line, she was mine. When I got to where they were, I gave the motherfucker a pointed look as I put my arm around Daisy and brought her against me. Her lips parted and she flushed as she licked her lips and looked up at me dazedly. “What’re you—” I silenced her by kissing her. I kept it cool by not taking it to Def Porn 4, but I did swipe my tongue against hers twice because I couldn’t be that close to her without tasting her. When I pulled back, everyone in the area was looking at us. Realizing I’d just caught them, they all had the good sense to look away. Chad was smart, swallowing nervously as he backed away. I barely contained the urge to smirk at him, but I stopped myself because I realized I didn’t need to. Daisy was with me. She’d chosen me. Chad could make goo-goo eyes at her all day, but it was me she’d be going home with after the show. Her eyes were wide as I traced my thumb across her bottom lip. “I guess we’re not trying to keep what’s going on between us secret?” she asked softly. I shook my head at her as I laughed. “Hell fuckin’ no we’re not.” The way she beamed at me indicated she was feeling my answer. I positioned myself at her side, slinging an arm over her shoulders as I started walking us toward the backstage entrance. “So how’s work?” I asked teasingly. “Better than spending the day on my dick?” She giggled as she elbowed me in the side. “Definitely not better, but it’s been good. I’ve gotten a lot done.” “I saw that since I was watching you during sound check,” I told her as we made our way down the long hall to the backstage sitting area. “You were?” “I was,” I admitted. “See anything you liked?” she asked in a sassy sounding voice. “Fuck yeah I did. Tonight after the show, I’ll be cataloging all those areas by touch.” “Tyson,” she murmured breathlessly. “You make me crazy.” I stopped just outside the sitting area door and turned her so her back was against the wall. Sliding a hand over her hip, I stepped in close and smiled down at her before I covered her mouth with mine and kissed her deeply. As we kissed, she wrapped one arm around me and set the other against my stomach. I’d meant to kiss her gently but it quickly went further. I forgot where we were and just went for it, kissing her deeply as I ground against her. Her little moan as I did made me so hard I wanted to fuck her through the wall. It was all going perfectly until someone smacked my ass. “Should I have Tessa grab the camera and take pictures?” Flynn asked dryly. I groaned as I separated from Daisy, looking over my shoulder to glare at him. “I interrupt you when you’re mackin’ down on Tessa?” “No,” he laughed, “the difference is I generally don’t do it in the hallway where everyone can see it. I would’ve stayed quiet, but people were starting to watch.” Daisy buried her face against my chest as she let out an embarrassed chuckle. “Perverts,” I said with a roll of my eyes before I dropped a kiss on the top of her head. “It wasn’t pervy voyeur shit,” Flynn assured me. “You had to know people were going to notice you flat out claiming her.” I shrugged as I turned, keeping my arm around Daisy. “Makes sense.” It also made sense because I wanted people to know she was mine. For once in my life I was proud, and I wasn’t hiding jack shit. Once we walked into the backstage lounge, Lacey called Daisy over to talk

and I grinned like a fool as I watched her walk away. I was feeling damn good about her and what was going on with us, but a part of me was still feeling anxious about the conversation I knew I needed to have with her after the show. My biggest fear was that she wouldn’t want to deal with my shit. If that happened, I didn’t know what the fuck I’d do.



“I’ve never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.” I was standing at the side of the stage as the houselights went down and the crowd started clapping and cheering. Turning, I found Bree at my side. I blushed as I smiled at her. “Really?” She nodded emphatically. “God yes. I always hoped he had it in him, but with his history I couldn’t be sure. It’s not like he doesn’t have real reasons for his issues.” I wanted to ask her what his issues were, but just then the chords of the opening song started up and the lights started flashing as the band took the stage. By then I’d seen them live almost thirty times. I didn’t get to sit through the entire show each night—too much running around toward the end—but I was always fascinated by the way it all came together. I’d liked the band for years and had always thought they were phenomenal, but on this tour there was no doubt they were at the absolute top of their game. They were flawless and absolutely on fire as they played. Even when Tyson was busy treating me like I was a leper, I’d had a wicked fascination with watching him on stage. He was a natural performer who seemed very comfortable with thousands of people in front of him. I wanted to get back to my conversation with Bree, but it didn’t happen. Twenty minutes into the show Devon and Ian came to ask her to help them with something for a few minutes and she wandered off with them. Five minutes after that, I had to leave the side area to do some work.

I got back in time for the end of the show, which I tried to catch every night because each member of the band had a solo. I loved experiencing Ty performing by himself, loved the way he commanded the crowd with his music and presence. He was mid-solo when he looked over to the side of the stage and connected with me visually. When his solo was over and the spotlight switched from him to Gavin, Ty turned and faced me, our eyes locking for countless seconds before I had to turn away because I knew I was blushing like a school girl. After the song was over and they came off the stage, he grabbed me, pulled me aside, and kissed me like he hadn’t seen me in forever. It went on and on, both of us oblivious to anything around us. Eventually Lacey had to tap him on the shoulder to tell him that it was time to go back on stage for the encore. I gasped when he gestured down to his jeans and I saw how hard he was. “Thank fuck I’ve got a bass to cover this shit,” he groaned. “I’m so glad no one can tell how turned on I am right now,” I admitted. He swallowed hard and let out a strained laugh. “You’re killing me, Smalls!”

I laughed and smacked his ass as he walked back out to the roar of the crowd. After the show there was a fan meet and greet. Everything was all set up for it so there wasn’t anything for me to do but watch. I was standing in the corner of the room watching the goings on when Ty waved at me to get my attention. “I have a paperwork problem,” he announced, loud enough for anyone near us to hear. I stared up at him blankly, trying to figure out what kind of problem he could have. As far as I knew, there weren’t any loose ends. “You do?” “It’s super hard and needs to be addressed right now,” he said dramatically. “Come down the hall with me and work it out.” He guided me from the room and started walking with great purpose down the long exterior hallway. “Want to tell me what the issue is?” I asked as we walked. Instead of answering, he opened a door to the smaller group area where they’d held the band meeting earlier. He guided me through the room until we got to the entrance to the private bathroom. When we stepped inside, he locked the door and then smiled at me devilishly. “There’s no paperwork problem is there?” I giggled. “Nope,” he said happily. “But I do have a very hard problem that only you can address.” I answered by pulling his head down to mine and laying one on him. Kissing Tyson was everything. It was wicked but pure, erotic but also romantic. I wanted him to take me hard, but more than that, I wanted him to hold me and never, ever let me go. His moan as we kissed made me ache, and the way he held me to him like he couldn’t get enough had me more than ready to do whatever he wanted. I tore my lips from his and gasped for breath as I stared at him. “This is crazy,” I said as I stared up into his eyes. The way he looked down at me made me think of a lion looking at its prey. It was more than obvious he wanted me, badly. “Crazy enough not to do it?” he asked. “What do you want to do?” I whimpered. He grinned at me as he spun me around and guided me toward the sink area. When we were almost in front of it he leaned in and spoke against my ear. “I want everything,” he answered huskily. “I want to pull these sexy fucking leggings down around your knees before I bend you over and fuck you while three hundred people wait for us down the hall. I want to slam into your tight cunt and watch your face in the mirror while you come all over my dick. I want to listen to the sound of my skin slapping against yours when I come.” He had me the second he said he wanted to pull my leggings down. That’s how little it took to make me crazy. Biting my lip, I looked at him in the mirror and nodded. “Take off your shirt,” he instructed. I pulled it off and handed it back to him, watching in the mirror as he turned and hung it from a hook on the back of the bathroom door. When he was finished he stood right up against me and held my gaze in the mirror as he reached around and cupped my breasts. They were already swollen and needy for him. I whimpered softly as he pulled the cups down and tweaked my nipples. “So fucking hot seeing my marks on you,” he murmured. It was pretty hot that my tits were covered in little love bites. “We need to be fast,” he growled. “You pinch your nipples while I fill you with cock and rub your clit.” I loved how demanding he was, and especially enjoyed the way it amped up my level of arousal to stratospheric levels. Gripping my leggings and the sides of my thong underwear in his hands, he peeled them down my legs

to my knees and then bent me forward. I gripped either side of the sink and wiggled my ass, enjoying his harsh inhalation as I did. The sound of his zipper coming down made me shudder with longing, and when he slapped his cock on my ass, I let out a slutty little moan. “Are you wet?” I nodded. “So, so wet,” I confessed. He reached around and slid his hand over me, cupping me intimately. “Mm,” he rasped, “you aren’t kidding. You’re dripping, Freckles.” I looked back at him over my shoulder and licked my lips seductively, appreciating the way his eyes widened as he watched. I’d never felt so attractive. “Fuck me,” I whimpered. “Just fuck me.” I wiggled against him as the head of his cock rubbed against my opening. “Please,” I begged. “Don’t make me wait.” He didn’t move. My eyes flew up to his to see why and the look on his face was one of pure frustration. “Fuck,” he said angrily. “I don’t have a fucking condom with me.” I had like two seconds of coherent thought but all I really cared about was having him inside of me. “Are you clean?” He nodded. “Yes, but—” “I’m clean too,” I told him. “When was the last time you were tested?” “Right before the tour and I’ve never not used a condom.” I did the math in my head and decided it was worth the risk. My period had ended four days before which meant I wasn’t ovulating yet. As we spoke, the head of him was rubbing against me, tempting me and making me want him even more. “Are you on the pill?” I shook my head. “No, but I just finished my period a few days ago. You’ll need to pull out.” He swallowed heavily as his eyes went down to where we were almost joined. When he looked back up at me, he nodded. “If anything happens, I’ll take care of you,” he said. And then, he thrust forward. One solid push had him seated all the way inside of me and I yelped as I felt every goddamn inch. Not having a condom shouldn’t have made a difference, but it did. The heat of him was almost too much, the skin-to-skin contact more than I ever could have imagined. His hips anchored to my waist when he started thrusting in and out. “Tits,” he reminded me. “Play with them.” I leaned back against him as I pinched and pulled at my nipples, moaning like a bitch in heat as he completely destroyed me. I’d thought it had been good before, but this was different. When he slid one of his hands off of my waist and onto my clit, I cried out. “Tyson,” I cried. “I’m going to come!” “Do it,” he growled. “Come for me, Daisy.” I came hard, so hard that I saw stars and maybe even a few rocket ships behind my eyelids. As my orgasm rolled on, I thought I heard him mumbling something about hearing a sound, but when he didn’t stop I figured it was nothing. I huffed and gasped for air as he pounded in and out of me at warp speed, and the sound of him whimpering had my womb clenching hard. “Fuck!” he roared. I groaned when he pulled out and then sighed when I felt him coming all over my ass. As he did, he wrapped his arms around me from behind and bit the spot where my neck met my shoulder. When he was finished coming, he let out a harsh groan.

“You have no idea how hard it was to pull out right then. You felt so fucking good all I could think about was how badly I wanted to fill you with my come,” he whispered. I nodded my understanding but said nothing because I was completely destroyed. He’d just fucked me hard enough that my legs were like limp noodles. I’d wanted him to come in me, too. Since we were in the bathroom at the arena, we had no time to enjoy the aftermath. After a minute of both of us getting our breathing under control, he wiped his come off my ass with a paper towel and then pulled my panties and leggings back up. When he was finished, he helped me put my top back on before he washed his hands in the sink. As we left the office, he took my hand in his and held on. “Lookin’ forward to our next bathroom encounter,” he said with a grin. “You’re a madman,” I joked. “Mad for you,” he countered. I smiled at him like a pageant winner. When we got back to the area where the meet and greet was being held, the line was almost at the end. Ty dropped a quick kiss on my lips before taking his place with the rest of the band and finishing up the night. I busied myself gathering my stuff together and making sure I had everything I’d come with. Lacey came over to tell me the meet and greet was almost over so the SUVs had pulled up outside the exit doors. I nodded and turned as I slung my backpack over my shoulder, but then came to a halt when she let out a hoot of laughter. “What?” I asked. She laughed before answering, “Tyson is really taking this whole marking his territory bit seriously.” “Ah. You meant the whole kissing in public issue.” “Uh, no. I mean the whole you’ve got another hickey thing.” I smacked my hand against my forehead as I mentally played back the bathroom incident and realized he’d been sucking on my neck when he came. “I’ll talk to him,” I assured her. She waved me off. “I’m just rubbing it in,” she quipped. “Rubbing what in?” “How you should have listened to me to begin with. Remember when I told you he liked you?” “Who likes her?” Ty asked in a stressed sounding voice. Lacey shook her head and laughed. “Sometimes you men are so daft. I was talking about you.” “You were wrong though,” he argued. “I don’t like her.” My face fell. What? “Like is such a weak word for what I feel about Daisy.” Andddd my frown quickly turned upside down as I damn near swooned. “Something is definitely in the water around here,” she teased. The three of us laughed as we walked out together and got into one of the massive black SUVs. I sat in the middle and Ty put his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him. Lacey smirked and shot a told you so look at me. I nodded once and smiled in response. She totally had.



I started getting anxious on the drive back to the hotel because I knew I couldn’t put off talking to her. I had one chance to explain my issue and hope it wouldn’t upset her or make her walk away. If I didn’t I was playing with fire. Cole had been right—the longer I waited, the better the chance shit would get ugly. When we arrived back at the hotel, I quickly took Daisy’s hand and took her up to my room before she could say a word. I was anxious that she’d ask to go back to her own room and that couldn’t happen before I talked to her. I opened the door and switched on the lights before guiding us to the couch. She let out a sound of pure pleasure as she kicked off her chucks and plopped her feet on the coffee table, crossing one ankle over the other. Leaning her head back against the couch, she yawned before lifting her left arm up to check her watch. “Ugh,” she groaned. “I can’t stay long. I need to go pack since we’re up and out of here at noon.” I frowned as I considered her words. I hadn’t even thought of it, to be honest. I was lucky—I didn’t even have to look to know my dirty laundry had been taken care of and all of my shit was packed except for what I’d wear on the plane and my toiletries. I contemplated using her need to pack to put our talk off before realizing all I’d merely be doing was kicking the ball down the road. “Listen, before you go, we need to talk.” Her eyes widened as she looked over at me apprehensively. “That sounds ominous.” “I hope not,” I answered, “but I do need to tell you something I really wish I didn’t.” She sat up straight and swallowed hard. “Jesus, Tyson. If you don’t want to do this anymore or if you want to fuck other—” “No! No, Daisy, it’s not that at all,” I assured her. “I want to fucking be with you and only you.” I wanted to punch myself in the nuts for bungling shit so badly before I even got started. “Okayyyy,” she drawled. “If it’s not that, tell me what’s going on.” I took a deep breath and rolled my neck on my shoulders before I threw a fuck it and dove in. “I’ve got some anxiety issues and because of them, I can’t sleep with other people in my bedroom. I can only sleep if I’m locked in and by myself.” I don’t know what I was expecting, but her reaction wasn’t it at all. Instead of flipping her shit, she expelled a long breath and shook her head at me. “You just scared the bejesus out of me,” she chastised. “I was prepared for something awful.” “It is awful,” I insisted. “It’s also really goddamn embarrassing. It took forever to get to the point where I could have the guys in the room when I slept and even that was always questionable. I never even considered having a woman in my bed, until you. I want you there, Daisy. Believe me, I do. I just can’t right now and it fuckin’ kills me because I can’t give you that and you might say fuck it and move on.” She reached over and took my hand in hers. “Tyson, you telling me you have anxiety about sleeping with people in your room isn’t a reason for me to say fuck it. This isn’t a deal breaker.” I thought I knew how much I didn’t want her to bail on me, but I’d barely cracked the surface. Only when she said it wasn’t going to happen did I realize how truly gutted I’d have been if she told me to grow up and go fuck myself.

“Fuck me am I glad to hear you say that,” I answered. “You never need to be afraid to talk to me about anything,” she said. “Besides, we’ve just started—” At a loss for words, she waved her hand. “Whatever it is we would call this,” she finished after a pause. I shocked the hell out of myself when I said, “I’d like to call this a relationship.” Sure, I’d been feeling it, but actually having the balls to say it was a feat and a half. She looked surprised in the few seconds that passed before she smiled. “Yeah?” she asked softly. “Hell yeah,” I answered firmly. As we smiled at each other like two lovesick fools, I threw my head back and laughed. “What’s so funny?” she asked. “I’m almost thirty and I’ve never had a girlfriend before. This feels monumental.” “I wish I could say I’d never had a boyfriend before,” she admitted. My curiosity piqued, I asked, “Why?” She answered simply, “I made bad choices.” Ah, I thought, she’d been cheated on. “So your exes weren’t faithful?” She grimaced. “If only that had been the issue,” she said flatly. “What did they do?” I asked, mentally wondering how much work I’d have to do to find the fucks who had hurt her. When she didn’t immediately respond I pressed. “I really want to know.” She wrinkled her nose and made a face before she laid it out. “Here’s my history in a nutshell. When I dropped out of high school and left home at eighteen, I moved in with my boyfriend. He was twenty-four and told me he was a club promoter. Several months later I found out he worked for the strip club his dad owned when he brought me in for a job interview.” My jaw was clenched so tight I thought it might shatter. “He made you strip?” She shook her head firmly. “Nobody makes me do anything. He tried, but I wasn’t having it. I went back to his apartment, packed my shit and moved in with one of Dusty’s friends. She helped me get my GED before I moved back to Harmony for a few months to regroup.” “You said relationships as in plural,” I pointed out when she didn’t immediately continue. She sighed and fidgeted on the couch before carrying on. “I wound up going to LA and enrolling in community college for a business degree. Two years later I met a guy and we started dating. He was the exact opposite of the club promoter, so I thought I was in the clear. He worked a regular office job and seemed to be the straightest of arrows. Turned out that wasn’t the case at all. We were five months into our relationship when he took me out for Valentine’s Day dinner. Right in the middle of dinner the FBI showed up and arrested him for hacking into government servers and selling the information to a militant group that was planning to crash the US market.” I gaped at her in shock. That was some seriously fucked up shit. “I spent the following three months being hounded by the FBI and Homeland Security as they went through my life with a magnifying glass. Every job, every place I’d lived, every dollar in my bank account, my emails, my phone records. It was beyond invasive and completely humiliating. Worse than that, they also gave my family the same treatment. My mother was mortified and is still angry. Everyone else was supportive of me, but… it was embarrassing. The icing on the cake was being forced to run up a ton of attorney fees to deal with it. It took me a year to pay that all off.” “Jesus, Freckles. I’m so fucking sorry. You didn’t deserve any of that.” She shook her head. “No one deserves that. Anyway, after enduring those two disasters I’ve been off the dating circuit for two years. And now,” she grinned, “I’m with you.”

I needed physical contact with her so I reached out, lifted her up and pulled her onto my lap. “I’ve got issues a mile fuckin’ long,” I told her honestly, “but I can promise you a few things. One, I don’t hack shit. Two, I’d kill a motherfucker before I let them see you naked. I’m not going to lie, cheat or steal. I’m in this and I’m not going to fuck it up. You’re safe with me.” She cupped my cheek, rubbing her thumb across my stubble. “You’re safe with me, too,” she vowed. I had to hug her tight so I could hide how affected I was by her words. When we pulled apart, she looked at me and grinned. “However,” she said in a joking tone, “if you persist in leaving hickeys for everyone to see, I’m going to have a dyin’ duck fit.” I sputtered out a laugh. “What the heck does that mean, woman?” “It’s a Southern-ism,” she answered, like it made all the sense in the world. “Okay then,” I chuckled. “I’ll try not to do it where people can see it again.” “Try hard,” she retorted cheekily. As I laughed she lifted her arm and checked the time. “I really have to go,” she announced. “If I don’t get packing I’ll be up all night. Trust me, a sleep deprived Daisy is not a party.” I quite literally detested the notion of her sleeping what felt like a million miles away from me on a completely different floor, but there was nothing I could do about it. It just felt wrong. I walked her back to her room and reluctantly said goodbye after kissing her until we were both breathing heavy. I was ready to fuck her into next century but forced myself to pull back because I knew she really did need to pack. When I got back to my suite, it felt cavernous and lonely. I found comfort in holding the pillow Daisy had slept on the night before because her scent was on it. Still, it took me forever to fall asleep.

I was yawning as my friend’s mom pulled up in front of my house after a day spent with Robbie and his family riding jet skis and kayaking. It had been a blast and even though I was a little sunburnt and a lot exhausted, I was happy. Summer had gotten off to a rocky start but now, six weeks later, things were finally going well. I got out of the car and closed the door behind me, then leaned in Robbie’s window to talk to his mom. “Thanks for the ride, Mrs. McCleary.” “It’s no problem at all,” she said kindly. “We loved having you. Tell your dad to call me if he needs any more help with your brother. I’m always around and more than happy to lend a hand whenever and wherever I can.” “I will. He’s really thankful for all you’ve done since Margaret went away,” I said. “That’s the beauty of lake life,” she laughed. “We’re all for one and one for all.” As I walked to the front door, I thought about how much I wanted to stay at the lake house with my dad. I didn’t like living in New Jersey with my mom and her fiancé Laird, but she refused to let me live with Dad full time as long as “that woman” was in his life. With Margaret finally out of the picture, I was hoping I’d be able to talk my mom into letting me stay. It wasn’t like she really cared if I was around or not. I was feeling really hopeful about my chances as I opened the door. Turning around, I waved at the McClearys and watched as they drove away. Stepping inside the house, I flicked on the living room light and wondered why my dad hadn’t left it on for me. He was normally right on top of that.

I shrugged it off, certain he’d probably fallen asleep when he put my brother, Jason, down for bed. Working full time, dealing with a toddler and keeping track of my sister, Alexandra, and me all by himself had to be exhausting. Still, in the past few weeks he’d been able to relax more than I’d seen him do in forever. He was no longer as keyed up as he was when Margaret first left. Once I’d locked the door, I headed down the hall to the bathroom to put some after sun lotion on my burn. I hit the switch as I entered the bathroom, then stopped dead in my tracks. I blinked several times, telling myself I couldn’t possibly be seeing what I thought I was. Every time I opened my eyes, everything was still the same. I screamed as I dropped to my knees and yanked my brothers tiny body from the bathtub full of water. The water was cold and so was he. I knew immediately that he was gone—there was no question about it, not really—but I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. “Wake up, Jason! Wake up!” Water soaked my clothes as I tried to get him to wake up, to no avail. I rose from the floor on shaky legs with him still in my arms, jostling him into one arm so I could grab the door handle to get us out. Flinging it open, I raced down the hall screaming for my father. “Dad! Help! Dad, Jason—something is wrong! Daddy! Help me! Please, help me!” I was twelve years old, terrified, and screaming for my daddy. I’d never needed him as badly as I did in that moment. The door to his room was cracked and I kicked it open with one foot, screaming his name as I did. “Dad, wake up! Wake up!” I barely stopped to hit the switch on the wall with my elbow as I continued running toward his bed. I thought things couldn’t get worse than finding my two-year-old brother dead in the bathtub. I was wrong. My father had been shot in the head while he slept. His skull wasn’t intact anymore and there were chunks of brain on the white pillowcase he was lying on. Like with Jason in the bathtub, I knew he was dead. There was no question, but the mind is a strange place when you’re in crisis. My synapses were misfiring as I ran to the bed and laid Jason down on it as gently as I could. I ignored the utter lack of color and weird bloated quality of his skin as I patted his arm. “Hold on, buddy, please, just hold on for me.” I ran around to Dad’s side of the bed and pulled the sheet back so I could see if he had a pulse. That’s when I saw the knife. He hadn’t just been shot. He’d also been stabbed, multiple times. His chest was practically one giant open wound. Still, I checked the pulse at his neck, praying for a miracle. There were no miracles to be had. “This isn’t happening,” I wailed. “This isn’t real, this isn’t real, this can’t be real. It’s only a dream. I just need to wake up.” I chanted it over and over, but nothing changed. I was still standing over my fathers body and my brother was still lifeless on the end of the bed. It was a nightmare, but not a dream. It was right then I realized with all the screaming I’d been doing, my sister hadn’t woken up. We joked she was a heavy sleeper, but I knew if she was able, she’d have come to help me once she heard the noise. The walk back out of my dad’s room and down the hall to Alexandra’s felt like it took a hundred years. Each step felt like I was taking it with lead weights on my feet. As I got closer to her room, I realized the door was open and the light was on. I was relieved. Maybe she’s not even here, I thought. The last of my hope died a painful death when I walked in and found my ten-year-old sister on the floor, lying in a pool of blood. Enough blood that I knew beyond the shadow of a doubt that she wasn’t alive, either. Still, I checked. As I got close to her, I noticed there were bloody handprints on the carpet and her dresser. I realized she hadn’t died quickly.

I turned her over to check for a pulse and let out a scream of absolute fucking terror when I did. Her throat had been slit and one of her favorite polka dot socks had been shoved into her mouth as a gag. There were multiple slashes on her arms and hands. She’d fought whoever had done this to her. It finally hit me that I needed to call the police. I looked around Alexandra’s room but didn’t see her cordless. Standing from the floor, I made my way down the hall to the kitchen. I started to tiptoe as I did, afraid the killer was in the house with me, but then I got furiously angry. If he was in the house, I was going to kill him myself. With great purpose, I picked up speed and raced toward the kitchen, anxious to get a big knife and the telephone. I’d defend myself and call the police. That plan went out of the window when I walked into the kitchen and found Margaret and what little was left of her head, at the table. A knife was in front of her and a gun was right next to her on the floor. The back of her skull was open from where a bullet had exited. That was when I knew it wasn’t a burglar or some stranger who had killed my family. It was my stepmother. In front of her on the table was a half eaten plate of her favorite food, chicken parmigiana. Next to it was a plate with remnants of apple pie. My eyes darted disbelievingly back and forth from the food to what was left of her head. She’d killed my family and then sat down for her last meal. She’d murdered and then shrugged it off to eat. I cried then, great big gasping sobs that physically hurt. I couldn’t get the visions of my family out of my head, not even for a second. I ran to the sink and threw up until there was nothing left but bile. She’d killed my family. I’d known she was crazy but never once had I imagined she’d murder her children or my father. I don’t remember calling 911 but I’ll never forget watching as one of the detectives ran out of the house to throw up on the front lawn. I heard the officers talking about skin being under my brothers nails, which meant he’d struggled, too. They said the only person who hadn’t known what was happening was my father. Him, she’d killed in his sleep. It was the children she’d forced to suffer the most. I remember listening to a social worker on the phone with my mother as she told her she needed to get to the Poconos immediately. My mother never asked to speak to me so she could make sure I was okay. The only parent I had who’d ever truly loved me was dead, along with the rest of my family. It was in that moment I realized Margaret’s final act had been another bit of cruelty. She’d known I’d be the one to find them, knew she’d taken everything I loved away from me. I was totally alone, left behind in a dark world that offered only pain.



I hadn’t slept through the night in days and I knew it was because I was stressed about dropping Daisy off in her room each night. I talked to Ian and Bree about it, and both went out of their way to tell me I wasn’t doing anything wrong. Daisy and I were committed and dating but we weren’t married. It was absolutely the norm for couples to live apart while dating. I respected the argument and totally understood the point they were trying to make, but it didn’t help. Not really. It wasn’t like Daisy and I lived in separate houses. We went to bed every night in the same goddamn hotel. Sometimes she’d been on the same floor as me, others her room would be a few floors down. The level of guilt and failure I felt sucked ass. Of course, Daisy did nothing to make me feel that way. As far as I could tell, she was absolutely fine with the arrangement. We spent as much time together as possible every day, had sex every night, and then I’d walk her back to her room so we could sleep separate. Flynn’s opinion was that I hated leaving her each night because it was just like what I’d done with every single other sexual partner I’d ever had. I knew there was some truth to that. Granted in those situations I’d been the one leaving to go back to my room, but other than that it was the same. Before Daisy, I didn’t give a shit. I liked to fuck, often. In retrospect, I can also see that I liked to leave. That was the biggest difference between my past and what was going on with Daisy. I didn’t want to leave. Everyone had advice, but I felt I needed something else. Cole was the one who finally suggested I call his and Flynn’s gram to ask her advice. I often thought of Sylvia as being the barometer of the line between right and wrong. There was nothing you couldn’t say to her and she was always there to propel you forward. I valued her opinion very, very highly, so I took Cole’s advice and called her. “Hi sweetheart,” Sylvia said sweetly when she answered the phone. “My grandsons tell me you need some straight talk.” I shook my head and let out a choked laugh. Of course those assholes had gotten to her first, probably to make sure I actually followed through. “They interfere, “I teased. “Absolutely,” she laughed, “but it’s always done out of love.” I knew she was right. They wouldn’t be so up my ass if they didn’t care. “So,” she prodded, “the boys tell me you’re upset because you aren’t able to have Daisy stay over in your room.” I talked to Sylvia every few days without fail, so she already knew I was serious about Daisy. The only thing we hadn’t talked about was the whole sleeping issue. “I feel like a failure,” I admitted. “You’re not a failure,” she answered forcefully. “You aren’t giving yourself any credit for how much

progress you’ve made. In a relatively short amount of time you’ve come a very long way. Six months ago you believed you would never have a girlfriend or be in a relationship. Today, you’re with a girl you care about very much and you want to have her with you all the time. Take a minute to reflect on your accomplishments instead of the things you still need to do.” I grinned and let out a happy noise. “Everyone else has been saying the same thing, but somehow hearing you say it makes me realize it actually is a major feat.” “Listen to me and you’ll go far,” she joked. “I’ve come a long way, but I want to go farther. I’m afraid…” I hesitated, unsure of how to explain. “You’re afraid you’re not going to be able to go further,” she supplied. “Yes. That’s it exactly. What if this is as good as it can ever be?” She made a tsk sound. “There’s a reason people say you have to start with baby steps. Although you’re not suddenly going to be able to sleep in the same room with her, I truly believe it will happen if you work at it. Let’s talk through the problem and break it down.” “I’m ready.” “From what you and the boys have told me so far, you don’t have a problem having her in your bedroom.” I was glad she couldn’t see me because my almost-thirty-year-old ass turned bright red. Sylvia was a grandmother and in a roundabout way I was talking to her about my sex life. “Correct.” “Does having her in your suites and in your bedrooms cause you any angst at all?” I shook my head. “No. Not until it’s time to close my eyes and try to sleep. I one hundred percent know she would never, ever do anything to violate my trust in her. She isn’t…” “Margaret,” Sylvia said softly. “You’re right honey, she isn’t. That witch was a special case and I believe she’s rotting in hell right now.” I was pretty sure she was, since I’d asked Alexandra dozens of times if she was with them in heaven. She wasn’t, and I was both angry and petty enough to be glad. In my opinion, hell was probably too good for someone as evil as she had been. “It’s time to stop giving her power,” Sylvia continued. “You need to make a choice and put your mind to it, just like you did with drugs when you went to rehab. You’re not going to let her horrific actions dictate your life anymore. ” “I want to,” I answered honestly, “I just don’t know how.” “I think I might have an idea.” “Tell me,” I pleaded. “Well, you don’t have a problem having her in the suite. And your suites always have at least two bedrooms. The solution seems simple. Start by having her stay in the suites with you, just in the other bedroom. From there you can work on having her stay in your room with you.” The relief her suggestion gave me was staggering. Hell, just knowing Sylvia believed the problem wasn’t insurmountable meant everything to me. “I love this idea,” I said enthusiastically. I was all for it until a niggle of doubt crept in. “Unless it’s too soon or somehow weird for me to ask her to do this. Should I wait?” “My boys tell me she’s the real deal. You’ve seen how they are with their girls. Did length of time affect the way they went for it?” “No,” I laughed. “Especially in Flynn’s case.” “Exactly. And not for nothing, but Mason and I slept together within forty-eight hours and we’ve been together for nine thousand years. When it’s meant to be…” I snorted at her forwardness. Sylvia and Mason Rand had been married for more than fifty years and

were still all over each other. Neither was shy about the way they felt for one another, but this was the first time she’d ever told me they’d gotten intimate so quickly. I couldn’t say I was surprised to hear it, though. “I’m going to do it,” I blurted. “I can’t let her go.” Her voice was thick with emotion when she answered. “I’m so proud of you, Tyson. All these years, I’ve prayed for you to find your peace. I think it’s finally happening.” I had to swallow past the lump in my throat in order to speak. “Thank you, Sylvia. You’ll never know how much you mean to me.”

It took incredible patience for me to wait for Daisy to get off work to talk to her. I had to remind myself a thousand times that she loved her job and wanted to work. It wasn’t a show night so we’d planned to stay in the room to eat dinner and watch some movies, but I was upending that by surprising her with a little outing after dinner. She was on the phone when I opened the door to my suite for her after work. Smiling up at me, she gave me a quick kiss before continuing into the room and sitting on the couch. “I don’t think that’s true, Vi.” I grinned as I shook my head and walked to the mini bar, pulling out a vanilla coke for her. She and her sister were in near constant contact and I thought it was sweet. I’d once been jealous of people who had a tight sibling bond since mine had been taken from me, but over time I got used to it. Gavin and Bree were super tight as were Leah and her brother Dillon, and Flynn had gotten unbelievably close to his recently discovered sisters. I wasn’t jealous anymore—I was happy for them. I knew if Alexandra were still alive she’d be one of my best friends. “Violet,” Daisy said in a scolding voice, “you are not getting dumpy. You’re beautiful” She mouthed a thank you to me when I handed her the open can of vanilla coke. “I’ll call Mom myself and tell her to put a sock in it. The woman is meaner than a wet panther sometimes. Just ignore her.” I took a seat on the couch, grinning when she leaned against me. “Vi, I’m two thousand percent positive Ryder has never once thought your boob stretch marks are a turn off. We both know he’d bang you sideways in a hurricane. I can even prove it.” There was a pause as her sister answered her. “I’ll tell you how. Once the kids are in bed, walk into your bedroom and take off your bra. You ask Ryder if he thinks stretch marks are a turn off. Call me tomorrow after the bedroom rodeo is over.” I had to cover my mouth to keep from laughing out loud. Daisy’s country-isms always got a great workout when she talked to her sister. “Okay. I love you too!” She sighed when she hung up and tossed the phone onto the table in front of her carelessly. “Your mom startin’ shit?” I asked. “My mom had her boobs done after I was born and then had her first tummy tuck at thirty. She didn’t breastfeed any of us because she didn’t want to get saggy. Vi’s had three beautiful babies and breastfed them all. My mom called her earlier to offer to pay for much needed surgery for her boob situation,” she explained angrily. Every time Daisy told me a story about her mother, I struggled not to tell her to cut the bitch off. The

snide little offhand comments she threw at her daughters disgusted me. I knew the best thing for Daisy would be for me to diffuse the situation. Thinking about her mother too much only made her mad. “I hope it’s okay to say this,” I laughed, “but now that I’ve seen pictures of your sister I can say with some authority that she has nothing to worry about. You two look pretty fuckin’ identical. Basically, you’re both hot as fuck. Ryder and I are lucky guys.” Our conversation was interrupted by a knock at the door. I dropped a quick kiss on top of her head and then jumped up to answer it. Daisy clapped excitedly as dinner was wheeled in. “I’m so glad you ordered dinner already. I could legit eat an entire cow and two orders of fries right now,” she announced. My girl was not fucking around. Daisy could seriously house some food. Eating with her was a trip. We sat at the table and took the lids off our entrees. Having discovered early on that we liked the same food, we’d taken to getting two different things that we could share. She moaned appreciatively when she saw the dinners I’d chosen for us that night. A massive New York strip steak and an order of fettucine alfredo. After we finished, I told her we were going to find some dessert. We got down to the lobby and I walked out to where a giant SUV would normally have been waiting for us before stopping. Instead, there was a jet black Shelby Mustang GT350. “I think it’s time for you to show me what a speed demon you are, Freckles.” She gasped as her face lit up. “Are you kidding?” “I’m so not kidding,” I laughed. “You ready to give me a thrill?” “Get ready to hold onto your ass,” she boasted. She climbed into the car and I followed suit, both of us belting in. She grinned over at me devilishly and revved the engine before pulling away from the curb at a reasonable speed. As we made our way down the street and she didn’t gun it, I thought maybe she’d overstated her driving ability. That wasn’t the case at all. In fact, she was totally messing with me. I figured that out when she suddenly took a corner like we were on rails and opened up the engine. The next thing I knew, she was gunning it like the devil himself was on our tail. At one point I let out a hoot as she weaved in and out of what little traffic there was. Not gonna lie, watching my girl operate that car like a driving master was as exhilarating as it was hot. She drove for about thirty minutes before we wound up on some country ass back road, at which point I figured out she’d still been holding back. Once we were out on the open road, she drove like the car was an extension of her. As fast as she was going, I never once felt like I wasn’t safe or she wasn’t in total control. The faster she drove, the harder I got. Daisy was lightning in a goddamn bottle. When we’d gone at least ten miles on the back road without seeing anything but trees and a few cows, I asked her to pull over. Even that she made into something wild, slamming on the brakes and executing a perfect three hundred and sixty degree turn before coming to a dead stop. She grinned over at me proudly before pulling over to the side of the road and putting the car in park. “Nerves getting to you?” she teased. I shook my head as I leaned over, cupped the back of her head and kissed her like a madman. We were all teeth and tongue, the kiss damn near brutal we were both so desperate. She pulled away just long enough to turn off the engine and unhook her seatbelt. As soon as she was finished, she went back to kissing me and started clawing at my jeans, rubbing her hand over my cock as I groaned into her mouth. After a few desperate minutes of kissing me wildly, she ended it and took total control. I gave it up without a peep as she first unhooked my seatbelt and then unzipped my pants. When she got my cock out, she licked her lips before getting on her knees in her seat and bending over the console to take me in her mouth. The hot wet heat of the inside of her mouth was fucking everything. It took some doing as far as maneuvering went, but I managed to get my arm out so I could grab the

hem of her skirt to pull it up over her ass. She moaned around my dick as I slid my hand into her bikini panties. I growled low in my throat as my fingers slid over her wet heat. The undeniable proof that my girl liked to suck cock was a serious turn on. I’d never realized how fuckin’ hot it would be to have a woman get off on having a mouth full of dick. Her position over the console had to be uncomfortable but she didn’t seem to give one bit of a fuck. She slurped and sucked at my dick like it housed an elixir she desperately needed and her fingernails scraping gently over my balls made me want to fuck her into oblivion. As she was giving a blowjob for the ages I was busy rubbing her clit, loving how wet she was making my fingers. When she popped her head off my cock and sat up, I growled low in my throat. “Get on my dick,” I ordered. “Condom?” she asked breathlessly. I shook my head, wanting to punch myself in the face. I should’ve had a goddamn pocketful. “I need you in me,” she whimpered. “I can’t not ride your dick right now. Will you pull out?” We both knew we were playing Russian roulette. Neither of us cared. The need for one another was too primitive and overwhelming to ignore. If I didn’t get inside of her, I thought I’d explode. “Yes,” I assured her huskily. She climbed into my lap and faced away from me as she set her hands on the dashboard. “Fuck me,” she whimpered. I guided my cock into her with one hand as I used the other to hold her waist. We cried out in unison as she sank down, soaking my cock with her wetness. The hand I’d used to guide into her went up to her throat as I gripped her and pulled her back so she was right against me. “You have to get on birth control,” I murmured. “Nothing feels better than being inside you without anything between us.” Her tight cunt squeezed me as she started undulating on my lap. “Yesss,” she drawled breathlessly. “I want you to be able to come in me every day.” The very thought of filling her full of come every time we had sex made me crazy. I wanted to come in her and on her, wanted to mark my territory. We made the confined space of the car our bitch as she rode me like a fucking champ. Up and down and up and down she fucked me frantically, clenching around my cock as my mouth spewed filthy talk to turn her on more. “Your tight little cunt is so wet I can feel it dripping down onto my balls,” I groaned. “Fuck me, Daisy. Fuck me.” She shook and cried out as she continued bouncing on my lap. “Tyson,” she cried, “I can’t hold on!” I reached around her with one hand and repeatedly smacked her clit with the palm of my hand. “Do it,” I commanded. “Come on my cock. Be a good girl and get me all wet.” ‘’Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck,” she chanted. “Oh fuck!” She seized up on me so hard as she came that sweat poured down my face as I forced myself not to let go. I endured it for as long as I could, but it was too much. She had me crazy, and with no barrier between us, I couldn’t hold my orgasm off. I took my hand from her clit and put it on her waist, using both hands to lift her up. She stopped me with a screech, her hands going to the roof of the car as she pushed down on me and started rocking back and forth. “Shit, baby,” I whimpered desperately. “You have to let me out or I’m going to come in you!” Her pussy squeezed harder as she wailed my name. “Don’t stop, don’t stop, just do it,” she begged. “Come in me.”

I was so fucking done there was no way I couldn’t. We’d missed the window for pulling out by like a mile. Throwing my head back, I bellowed her name over and over again as I filled her tight cunt with a flood of my come. It was, bar none, the hottest, strongest and motherfucking longest orgasm I’ve ever had. It felt like it went on for an eternity. I was lost to everything but the two of us being joined and how fuckin’ hot it was to spill myself into her. She was the first woman I’d ever not used a condom with and now she was also the first I’d come in. I knew right then and there that there was a reason for that and it was that I only ever wanted to be with her. A van full of the world’s best strippers and porn stars could’ve pulled up next to us for a live show and offers of unlimited sex and I’d have flipped them the bird and told them to get the fuck out of my face. Not only could they not hold a candle to her, Daisy wasn’t just some girl I was trying to date. She was my world and I knew it was only going to continue to get stronger with each passing day. When we were both completely spent, I went to lift her off. She stopped me by putting her hands up and pushing down again. “Feels so good,” she whimpered. “Just give me one minute to enjoy it.” She wasn’t kidding. It felt fuckin’ amazing. Even as I felt myself softening, and as come started sliding down my dick as it slid out of her, I loved it. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her back against me with a sigh. “My swimmers are probably racing right for your eggs,” I mumbled, “since every part of me would naturally try to claim you.” Her pussy squeezed me again as she shuddered. “That shouldn’t be so hot,” she answered, “but holy crap it really is.” My softening dick twitched and I groaned as a vision of her body swollen with our child flitted through my mind. I’d never even wanted kids and suddenly the idea of her pregnant was making me want to fuck her until we made it a reality. It scared the fuck out of me in a big way, but it also made me want something I’d never considered, and in the moment the need for her outweighed the fear. “Jesus,” I groaned. “We’re out of our minds.” She let out a little chuckle. “It’s okay,” she assured me. “I’m not due to ovulate for a few more days, maybe even a week. I didn’t plan to do what I did. I just wanted it so badly in the moment I went a little crazy. I’m sorry—” I kissed her hair gently as I chuckled. “It’s okay, Freckles. I should’ve known you’d be powerless against my come. Who wouldn’t want this jizz, am I right?” She snorted out a laugh. “You’re whacked.” “Says the woman who couldn’t wait for me to fill her up.” “Ugh,” she grumbled, “when you put it that way it sounds so bad.” I kissed her hair again as I held her close. “It wasn’t bad, it was fucking hot. On a more serious note, when can you get on birth control?” “I’ll talk to the road doctor and see if he can prescribe the pill. I’ve been on it before but until you I hadn’t had sex in two years so I didn’t want to keep taking all those hormones. If he can write the script, it’ll be easy. If not, I’ll make an appointment in one of our upcoming tour stops so I can start after my next period finishes.” It probably seemed like it was an odd moment for us to have the conversation, considering we were still joined and my come was dripping out of her. To me, it wasn’t weird at all. That right there was the moment for me. The one where I realized I more than liked her. I was falling in love with her. Every second we spent together made me feel more and more alive. I trusted her and was able to let my guard down because we had each other. There was nothing I couldn’t talk to her about, and vice versa. For the first time, I really and truly understood what Flynn, Gavin and Cole had with their women.

Daisy didn’t know it, but right then I decided to do whatever I had to do to keep her. I silently vowed to fight my demons and find a way to be the man she deserved.



I thoroughly enjoyed driving the Mustang and loved that Tyson had put so much thought into doing something I enjoyed so much. It was probably the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. It certainly wasn’t the first time he’d done something so sweet. Being a good boyfriend seemed to come naturally to him, which I suspected was a surprise to him. Truth be told, it was a revelation to me. He’d been insufferable when I first met him and I hadn’t seen any hope for even the most basic of pleasant interaction. Almost overnight we’d become a unit, and I couldn’t imagine being without him. We walked into the lobby holding hands and leaning into each other. When we got to the elevator, I pressed the buttons for my floor and his. As much as I wanted to go up to his room to spend more time with him, the sticky situation between my legs needed to be addressed and I couldn’t put it off no matter how badly I wanted to. The elevator dinged when we arrived on my floor, but Ty stopped me as I went to step out. “I don’t want you in there,” he said gruffly. I sighed as I shook my head at him. I didn’t want to go back to my room, either. We’d not been together for long but I felt we were in to something real and it did bother me that we couldn’t sleep together. I repeatedly assured him I was okay with it and to an extent I was, but of course I wanted more. With Tyson, I wanted everything. “I have to,” I told him softly. “I need to get changed and—” He covered my mouth with his hand and pulled me to him, staring at me silently as the elevator doors slid closed. “Give me five minutes.” When he took his hand off my mouth I answered, “Okay, but—” He cut me off with a kiss that melted my brain and turned my legs to jelly. The elevator dinging when we arrived to the suite level is what finally pulled us apart. He took my hand again and guided me to his room. Entering the room, I’d assumed we would be going to his bedroom, but he walked past it and instead guided me to the unused second bedroom. I let out a gasp when he flicked on the light and I saw my laptop and iPad on the desk, my lotion and a paperback I was reading on the nightstand and my robe draped across the bed. “What is this?” I asked. He turned me to face him and lifted my chin so we were looking right at each other. “I had you moved in while we were out because I want you with me all the time. I hate walking you back to your room, hate the fuckin’ space that separates us. We belong together in one goddamn room. I can’t sleep in the bed with you yet, but I’m going to get there. Just give me time. No matter what it takes, I’ll conquer this.” I’d never in a million years expected him to be so proactive so quickly. It touched me at the deepest level to realize he was as affected by me as I was by him.

“Wow,” I breathed softly. “This is okay, right?” he asked worriedly. “Fuck. I didn’t go too far, did I? Goddammit, this is presumptuous—” It was my turn to cover his mouth. “I’m very happy,” I assured him. “I don’t like leaving you at night either.” I barely had time to take a breath before he was on me, kissing me until I was breathless. In short order we were tearing at each other’s’ clothes and rubbing against one another like we were in heat. I squeaked when we were both naked and he tossed me onto the bed. Before I could protest, he buried his face between my legs and he was tonguing me like he couldn’t get in far enough. “Your come,” I squeaked. He rolled his head back and forth as he tongued my clit and groaned. “This is us,” he growled, “and we taste fuckin’ perfect together.” His words made me wetter than ever. My thighs clenched as I arched against him and moaned, riding his tongue as he licked and sucked on my clit. I let out a loud yell when he thrust two fingers inside me, twisting them back and forth as he fucked me with them. He was a frenzy of fingers and tongue, and he didn’t hold back. I came fast, letting out a little scream as he rubbed against that magical spot inside of me that lit me up and made me breathless. “Oh, Jesus, Tyson,” I moaned. He pulled his fingers out and rose up over me, and all I could think in the moment was that he was so beautiful it hurt. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he stopped before he ever got to my mouth. Instead he devoted his attention to my breasts, licking and nipping at them as only he could. He explored every inch of my breasts, my nipples, and the underside of each breast as well. I gasped for air as I hung onto his neck with one arm, the other carelessly thrown over my head. My broken pleas for him to make me come were met with a deep chuckle. I was so wet by then it was painful not to be coming. Grabbing him by the back of the hair, I forced him to look up at me. “Let me come,” I begged. His whole face lit up in a smile as he positioned himself over me to rub the head of his cock against my clit. “You want this?” he asked. “Yes,” I whimpered. “Please, baby.” Placing his hands behind my knees, he pushed my legs back and thrust in. Hard. Deep. I cried out as he pulled away and then yelped when he slammed back in. It was savage and primal, two people completely in tune with each other’s bodies who were bound and determined to give and get pleasure. Tyson pounded into me like a madman, little drops of sweat trickling down his neck and chest as he thrust. He never once complained about my fingernails being imbedded into each of his perfect ass cheeks as he continued fucking me. I came again, and then again, but he still didn’t stop. Letting go of his ass, I scratched my nails down his chest. “Come for me, baby,” I whimpered. “Come.” He didn’t. Instead, he stopped, flipped me over and helped me get onto my hands and knees. He pressed my knees together and stood on his feet over me, getting the angle just right before he thrust back in. I screamed so loud, I’m surprised security didn’t start banging on the door. We’d been having sex every single day for almost two weeks and nothing compared to the way he ravished me that night. I was a sweat covered shaky mess when he pinched my clit and made me come again. I was a mess, tears running unchecked down my face as I cried into the comforter. Not because I was in pain, but because I’d never experienced pleasure like that. It was too high, too much. I hadn’t known my body could soar so high. As I bucked against him and mindlessly rode it out, his grip on my hips tightened as he pounded into me frantically. He came with a yell, and I groaned when I felt the heat of

his release deep inside of me. It set off another mini orgasm through me, one that made me feel fluttery and dizzy all at the same time. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as I clawed at the sheets and thrust back against him until we were both completely spent. He pulled out and dropped down onto the bed beside me, great gusts of air leaving him as he tried to get his breath. I collapsed in the spot he left me in, shivering as his hand reached out and took mine. We stayed side by side for countless minutes, staring at each other without saying a word. When I could finally speak, I squeezed his hand. “We really need to have condoms everywhere,” I breathed. He shook his head and frowned. “Fuck. I’m sorry, Freckles. I didn’t mean—” I waved him off. “Considering we’ve already been bad today, I’m not going to cry over spilt milk. We just need to be more prepared.” “I’m on it,” he vowed. “And if anything happens, you know we’re in this together.” I nodded and yawned as I sat up and stretched. “I need to go to the bathroom,” I announced. He wiggled his brows at me suggestively. “Shower sex?” he teased. I shook my head. “I’m not even sure I’ll be able to walk tomorrow,” I admitted. “I think if we do it again, you’d be pushing me around in a wheelchair.” He laughed long and hard before answering, “Holy shit, what a story that would be. Could you imagine trying to explain that I fucked you so hard you literally couldn’t walk for a day?” I snorted. “I can imagine it, which is why there’s no more sexy times for the rest of the night.” He made boo-boo eyes at me and frowned before he burst out laughing again. “Don’t take away my man card for admitting this, but in all seriousness I’m not sure I could go again tonight.” Instead of shower sex we relaxed in the massive tub together, only getting out once we were thoroughly pruned. After drying me off and brushing my hair, Ty put me to bed with a soft kiss and then left. We weren’t sharing a room yet, but I believed that soon we would be. I was still smiling as my eyes drifted shut. What I didn’t know was that Tyson started conditioning himself that night. He would return to my room each night after I slept to lie on the bed next to me until he was about to doze off. Only then would he really leave.



It was happening and I was crazy fucking nervous. Daisy was over-the-moon excited because Violet, Ryder and their three kids were all coming to New York for the night. For the first time in my life, I was going to be meeting the family. I worried her sister would be against us sharing a room even though we didn’t share a bed. It wasn’t out of the realm of possibilities that they could’ve been super religious and found it offensive. I’d asked Daisy if she wanted to sleep in a room by herself for the night. She laughed so hard I thought she might actually bust a gut. “Aren’t you precious,” she teased. “My sister isn’t some weirdo, you know. She and Ry have been bandicootin’ since forever. Sex before marriage isn’t an issue for them.” I choked out a laugh. “What the hell is bandicootin’?” “Ugh. My country was coming out,” she giggled. “It means sex.” I dropped a kiss on her nose. “It’s fuckin’ adorable,” I assured her.

I thought I was prepared for Daisy’s family—particularly the kids—but seeing the way they ran for her was way more emotional than I’d have thought it could be. Security had radioed up that morning at around eleven to tell us her family had just been put in the elevator. Daisy ran into the hall to greet them as they came off. I wasn’t too far behind her as two little munchkins came running toward her at high speed, their faces lit up with absolute joy. Since she’d moved into my suite I’d heard her talking to them on the phone several times, and had even been around for a Skype session. That was all experienced just from her view, though. When they came up that hallway for her, it hit me like a brick to the face. Those children didn’t just like Daisy, they adored her. I remembered how Jason would act when he was around his people, the way he would smile and hold onto us. That was exactly what Daisy’s niece and nephew did. They held onto her and wouldn’t let her go. “Daisy, I didn’t have no accidents on the plane,” the little girl boasted proudly. “Kept my underpants dry!” Daisy smiled at her like she’d just told her she figured out how to achieve world peace. “I’m so proud of you Ryley! You’re such a big girl now.” The older of the two kids, a little boy, poked at Daisy’s shoulder. “I been ridin’ horses with Granddaddy,” he said proudly. Holding up two fingers he continued, “He says in this many years I’ll be ready to learn ropin’.” “Oh my gosh, Wyatt! Granddaddy must think you’re super good. Your momma and I didn’t get to rope until we were at least eight. Actually,” she joked, “I think your momma might’ve been nine or ten.”

Wyatt nodded at her seriously. “Granddaddy said she ain’t so hot at ropin’.” Everyone burst out laughing as Violet tickled her son’s neck. “Hey,” she teased, “I roped your daddy, didn’t I?” The way Ryder looked at his wife was educational. Daisy had told me they’d been together “longer than fleas have been makin’ homes on a dog’s ass”, but you could tell he was madly in love with her. “Daddy said you didn’t even have to try to catch him,” Wyatt joked. As everyone laughed, the little girl in Violet’s arms started squawking and reaching for Daisy. I knew she was fifteen months old and her name was Maya. Ryder pulled the other kids off of her mere seconds before Maya dove into her arms and hugged her tight. “Day!” she yelped. “Day, Day!” The way Daisy interacted with the children was effortless and completely genuine. She was more than comfortable with them, fully at ease and confident in their love for her and hers for them. She turned toward me with a smile and walked up the hall to where I was standing. Her little fan club had wiggled down from their father’s arms and switched to holding onto her legs. She stopped in front of me and grinned. “Ty, this is my brilliant and handsome nephew Wyatt, my gorgeous and genius niece Ryley and my beautiful brainy love muffin, Maya.” You could’ve knocked me over with one strong breath when Wyatt held out his hand to shake mine. Eyes wide, I held mine out and took his. The kid had a hell of a grip. “Nice to meet you,” he said proudly. When he let go of my hand, Ryley waved up at me. “You’re as tall as my daddy,” she giggled. Maya was the last one to say hello, and she did so with her face buried against Daisy’s neck. Holding up her chubby little hand she blurted, “hi,” before turning her head shyly. I met Violet and Ryder next. I’d known they were funny from listening in to some of their conversations with Daisy, but meeting them in person really brought that home. Violet was just an older version of Daisy—sweet and down to earth, not a trace of attitude in her. Ryder was a cowboy through and through but he was also fuckin’ hilarious and it was clear he adored his family, including my girl. We walked up the rest of the hall as a unit piling into the suite noisily. Daisy had the forethought to have put in the Tom and Jerry DVD she’d ordered for the kids. She said it was their favorite show, but I’d have been able to figure that out by the way they sat on either side of Daisy and snuggled in to watch. Even the little one who sat on her lap watched happily. That left Violet, Ryder and me to our own defenses. I wound up sitting at the table with them while they drank the pitcher of sweet tea we’d ordered for them. We shot the shit, talking about the tour and how Daisy was doing, and I listened in rapt attention whenever they dropped little tidbits about Daisy’s preme life. It was fascinating to hear about the time she hogtied a bully to a tree and her stint competing in junior rodeos. It made sense though—Daisy was a fuckin’ spitfire and it had clearly come from somewhere. The entire time we were at the table, all three of the kids completely ignored us. This was because they were wrapped up in Daisy, and only wanted to spend time with her. She got up from the couch at one point to grab Maya’s diaper bag, and the kids followed her to her room where she changed her. When they came back, they retook their seats on the couch, tucked up right against her. Even blind it would’ve been impossible to miss how deep that bond ran. Seeing the way she loved them made me fall deeper in love with her. The heart she had was worth its weight in gold.

It was the perfect day for them to have arrived for a visit since almost a dozen people on the crew were from New York City or the surrounding area. We’d rented out an indoor trampoline park for all the kids and families, and there was a barbeque on the rooftop deck of the hotel that night. I’d rented the indoor trampoline park for the adults before. We all enjoyed the fuck out of it, so it was a no brainer to have the families come in. I jumped and did flips with Daisy and her niece and nephew while Violet and Ryder jumped around with little Maya and kept her from getting hurt. After an hour of jumping, she’d had enough of her parents and was demanding Daisy take her. It was adorable. The three of us went and played together in a massive ball pit together for quite a while. I’d been running ten miles at least four days a week for five years. I also ran back and forth on stage for three hours four nights a week and I had been fucking Daisy every day, most times at least twice if not three times, like a maniac for weeks, but those few hours of jumping around with the kids took it out of me like you wouldn’t believe. By the time we got back to the hotel, I was nearly comatose. It was late afternoon by then and we had about two hours before dinner. Much to the kids’ chagrin, Violet and Ryder forced them to go down to their room to take baths so Daisy could have a break. I thought little Wyatt was going to have a fuckin’ meltdown and Ryley wasn’t any happier. Maya flat out cried as they walked out the door. After grabbing two bottles of water and two vanilla cokes, Daisy and I collapsed on the couch. I kicked up my feet on the table, crossing one over the other as I guzzled my water and enjoyed the way she relaxed into me. I smiled when she held out her hand and wiggled her fingers until I clasped mine to her. “You were great with the kids,” she said happily. “I like them,” I admitted. She nodded. “I can tell.” I wanted to tell her about my little brother, but stopped myself short. Her family was in town for one night and I wasn’t going to burden her with that while they were there. We nodded off on the couch for about an hour, only waking up when her phone rang. It was Violet calling to tell her the kids were done with Daisy-free time. I’m pretty sure I was strutting around the room like a fuckin’ peacock as we waited for Daisy’s family to come back. I’d let down my guard and fallen asleep with her at my side and it had been fine. I’d survived. It was just one more step closer to where I wanted to be. After dinner, the kids flat out refused to go with their parents back to the room. Everyone laughed like they’d expected as much. I knew Daisy was a safe person for them, knew she would never harm one hair on their heads, but I was still surprised when Violet and Ryder brought their pajamas down and then left without any anxiety. The kids climbed into bed with Daisy like it was the most natural thing in the world. Curled up together, they watched the Disney channel. I sat on the chaise lounge next to her bed and watched with them, but I have to admit I was far more interested in watching Daisy and her little people. During one of the commercial breaks, Ryley looked over at me. “Hey Ty?” “Yeah?” “Is that where you sleep?” she asked as she pointed to the lounge I was on. I shook my head. “Nah, my room is across the hall.” “So you and Auntie Daisy live in the same house?” I looked to Daisy for an assist, only to find she was silently laughing. “Uh, yeah,” I answered after a pause. Ryley nodded her head, real serious like. “Daddy says I can’t never live with a boy. Not ever.” At that point I started laughing. “Oh yeah?” “Yeah. Him says me and Maya are gonna be nuns.” I laughed so hard I almost cried. “Nuns?”

“Momma told him he’s crazy,” Ryley giggled. “I don’t wanna wear no black outfit. I wanna be like Daisy and travel.” Wyatt shook his head. “I don’t like Daisy traveling. We like her at home so she can be close to us.” She kissed the top of his head sweetly. “Wyatt, you know right now my home is in California and not Harmony, but that doesn’t mean we will ever be less close than we are.” “But you were living with us for a long time before you started traveling,” he pointed out. “I was, but even when I lived in California I came to see you every three months. You just got overloaded with Aunt Daisy love once I moved in. I can’t be there every day in person, but I’m always there in your heart, just like you’re in mine.” He hugged her tight and beamed up at her. “I love you bein’ in my heart,” he said sweetly. When the show came back on the conversation ended, but I wondered if Daisy wanted to stay in California forever or if Harmony would pull her back. If I had anything to say about it, and I damn well planned to, she wasn’t ever going anywhere without me.



I’d gotten up early with the kids and headed down to my sister’s room. We ate breakfast together as a family before heading up to the rooftop deck to splash in the pool. I’d wanted to spend as much time with them as I could since they had to leave to catch their flight mid afternoon. After we tired the kids out, Ryder took them back to the room for a nap, leaving Vi and I to hang out on the pool loungers for sister time. “Lay it on me. Tell me what you think of him,” I instructed. The soft smile on her face was a relief. “He’s a doll. Ry and I were a little afraid, to be honest. I mean he’s famous and rich, which might have meant he was a giant dud with a terrible attitude. I’m so happy that isn’t the case at all. He’s great with my kids and anyone with two eyes can see how much he loves you.” My heart slammed against my chest hopefully even as I shook my head. “He hasn’t said—” “He doesn’t need to,” she said firmly. “It’s in the way he looks at you, the way he treats you. If Ryder never told me he loved me, I’d still know by his actions. That’s what I see with you and Tyson.” “Yeah?” I asked hopefully. “Um, yeah. I know darn well you haven’t told him you love him, either. Even though you do,” she teased as she reached out and poked my arm. “I’ve definitely fallen,” I admitted, “but I worry because he hasn’t confided in me about anything. I know he was a drug addict and that he died for a few minutes purely because of Wikipedia. He doesn’t talk about family or anything other than the band and the extended family from them. I feel like…” “You feel like what?” she prodded. “I know he’s keeping something from me and I worry it means he doesn’t trust me.” “I’ve only seen you together for a few hours but I have to say I highly doubt it. Remember when I left Ryder before our wedding day?” I grimaced. “It’s not like I could ever forget. You were a mess and so was he. It was terrible.” She sniffled and wiped below her eyes. It had been years but the memory still affected her. “I hate thinking about what went on during that time and how bad I felt, but I think it’s a good parallel here. I didn’t tell Ryder what was really going on because I was trying to spare him.” I swallowed hard as I considered her words. “You think he’s trying to protect me from something? That what he’s not telling me is bad?” Vi turned my way and focused on me with laser like intensity. “Most people don’t turn to drugs unless something in their lives triggered it. I think what you told me about his anxiety issues and sleeping in the room with you is a clue. I didn’t run from Ryder because I wanted to—I ran because of what happened to Dad and Dusty, and because Mom had me convinced I was going crazy.” Her words gutted me because I sensed she was right. Something had happened to Ty and whatever it was it had scarred him. Once Vi pointed me to it, things came into focus. His staunch refusal to be in relationships until I came along, his inability to sleep in the same room, the horrific addiction to drugs that almost cost him his life.

“Do I let him come to me, or do I bring it up first?” After taking a sip of her water, she sighed. “If the opportunity presents itself you’ll feel it. You and I both know the worst thing to do is force it. Let things happen naturally and I bet money you two are going to go the distance.” I climbed onto my sister’s lounger and hugged her tight. “I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you to be my guide.” She chuckled and kissed my cheek. “I feel the same way about you.”

When Tyson met us for lunch, I took the time to really appreciate how great he was being with my family. They hadn’t at all been exposed to the giant asshole I had seen when I first met him, and I was glad. I didn’t realize it until they arrived but I’d been a little worried he wouldn’t be able to be himself around them. I had nothing to worry about—he was open and kind to them and my nieces and nephew had taken a shine to him lickety-split. The kids weren’t happy to be leaving and I wasn’t happy to watch them go. I promised them that as soon as I was back in the states I would visit Harmony for at least a week and we’d ride horses and spend time at Granddaddy’s. That promise got them to stop crying, which made me feel a thousand percent better. There was nothing worse than looking down into their sad little faces. We kissed and hugged a hundred times on the curb outside the airport. We’d probably have kept right on going for another few minutes but things got weird fast when someone recognized Ty. He’d been standing talking to Ryder and once the first person noticed him, it was like a domino effect. My sister and Ryder grabbed the kids and hauled ass into the airport as a crowd started to grow around Ty. The security guard driving the Suburban got out and stood next to him as he signed autographs, mostly on T-shirts and the back of plane tickets. I turned to get back into the car, but Ty’s hand shot out and grabbed mine to keep me there. I shifted nervously as some of the attention was turned toward me. “Hey, Ty,” someone yelled, “Who’s the girl?” I fully expected him to say I was an assistant, but he didn’t go down that route. He looked toward the person who had voiced the question and smiled. “This is my girlfriend.” A ripple of surprise went through the crowd, but the biggest case of shock was mine. Having him claim me publicly was like a warm hug. I leaned into him proudly and smiled at the fans as he finished signing. It was clear he had a system down because seconds after I noticed him giving the security guard the signal we were climbing into the car. I beamed up at him like a complete goof as the car pulled into traffic and headed for the arena for sound check. “I hope you don’t mind me saying who you were. That’ll be everywhere within a few hours,” he said. “I’m sorry if it upsets you—” I raised my hand and put it over his mouth. “I’m not upset,” I assured him. “This is us, and it isn’t going anywhere.” He grabbed the hand covering his mouth and kissed the palm before linking our fingers together. “Damn straight,” he agreed.

I was so tired from being in the pool with the kids that morning I wound up falling asleep in the dressing room lounge for almost two hours during sound check. I woke up to Ty kissing me and laughing. “Wake up, sleeping beauty.” I wrapped an arm around his neck and hugged him, which made him laugh more as he covered my body with his and snuggled against me. “I was exhausted,” I murmured. “Don’t fire me.” “I’d never let you go, Freckles. You’re my happy place.” The sound of several voices saying ah or how sweet broke through my sleep-induced fog. Opening my eyes, I turned and found Devon and her crew filming us. I buried my face against Ty’s neck and laughed before pushing him up so we weren’t taking up the entire couch. Instead of sitting side by side, he pulled me onto his lap and cuddled me against his chest. Eventually we had to separate to eat dinner and after we finished eating I went back to work. The show was amazing, as usual. Fortunately by then I had my second wind, so running around was no problem. Once the meet and greet was over, we headed back for the hotel. Tyson and I walked into the lobby holding hands and laughing about how excited I was about the next portion of the tour. We were leaving the following afternoon for France, and I couldn’t wait. It’s safe to say we were in our own little bubble until someone stepped in front of us and blocked our path. “Hello, Tyson.” He schooled his face quickly, but there was no missing that he was not happy to see the woman standing in front of us. Not one little bit. I looked the tall woman with dark hair over and wondered who she was. My guess was she in her mid-forties, which ruled her out as a former lover. “What do you want?” he hissed. “I’m your mother,” she said tersely. “I don’t need a reason to see my son.” My eyes widened as I stared at her. I’d never heard him mention her even once. Then again, I’d never heard him mention any family. Before Tyson could say anything, Gavin stomped forward with Leah to stand right next to us. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to see he was pissed. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he snapped. “You’ve got nerve showing up here to bother him—” “I’m sorry, did I indicate I wanted to speak to you?” she spat. “The business I have here is with my son. Stay out of it.” “Bitch, I’d love nothing more than to throw you out onto your fucking ass,” Gavin said coldly. “Keep talking and it’ll happen.” My jaw would’ve been on the floor but I was too worried about Tyson to react to Gavin. Ty was like a brick of ice next to me, and people were starting to notice that something was off. I could hear the murmurs as they tried to listen in and figure out what was going on. Leaning into Ty I whispered, “People are watching.” He squeezed my hand and let out a heavy sigh before looking to his mother. “If you insist on talking follow me,” he barked. She followed alongside him as he went for the elevator. Gavin and Leah stayed with us as well. Gavin was clearly unwilling to leave while Tyson’s mom was around. Almost more than the tension I could feel radiating off of Ty, the anger I saw from Gavin scared the shit out of me. Gavin was Mr. Calm. I’d never seen him riled or angry until Ty’s mom showed up out of nowhere. I clung to Tyson and watched Gavin as he ground his jaw and glared at her. As we entered the elevator I looked over at Leah to see

what her reaction was, only to find she looked almost as angry as he was. It was obvious I was the only one in the elevator not in the loop. When we got up to our floor, Ty stalked to the door before sliding the key card through it angrily. The second the light turned green, he flung the door open and we all piled in. He held onto my hand like I was his anchor as he watched his mother warily. None of us sat down. “What. Do. You. Want?” She rolled her eyes at him like he was stupid. “You know damn well I’m here because I didn’t get my quarterly check.” If I thought Gavin was mad before, I was wrong. Leah actually had to grip his arm to hold him in place. Tyson, on the other hand, laughed. Darkly. “No more checks. I’m done with that shit,” he declared. “Done? Done!” she squawked. “There’s no done, Tyson. You owe me everything.” “I owe you nothing,” he growled. “You’ve been extorting me for years and I let you because I didn’t want anyone to know the truth. Those days are over, Shelly.” Her eyes went wide as she gaped at him. “What?” “You heard me. Fuck lying and fuck you. I’ve already given the interviews and let the story out. You can’t blackmail me now that there’s nothing to hide.” She exploded angrily, spittle flying out of her mouth as she screeched at him. “You’re ruining everything. How can you do this to me? I’m your mother!” “That’s not how I see it,” he said dryly. “You’re just a selfish woman who didn’t give two fuckin’ shits about her son until he was rich and famous. It was you who told me if people knew they’d judge me. It was you who told me it needed to be a secret. And it was you who made me pay for the last decade for you to keep it. What the fuck kind of message did you think you were sending me about how much you cared?” She shook her head at him angrily. “I kept it a secret for you,” she argued. “You would’ve been a joke if people had known what happened in that house. People would’ve felt sorry for you and you’d never have gone anywhere! I’ve done the best job I could supporting you.” “That’s bullshit. I lived in hell and it damn near killed me!” he bellowed. “Where the fuck were you when I was dying? Where were you when I couldn’t sleep at night? Where were you?” “I’ll tell you where I was,” she spat. “I was saving us from the humiliation of having people know what went on in that house. I was covering for your tears and your temper tantrums so people didn’t realize you weren’t wrapped all that tight. I did whatever I had to do to keep from being judged because of you and your pussy of a father!” I felt the rage in him and it scared the shit out of me. I was sure he was about to go off, but I was wrong. Instead, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before opening them again and nailing her with a look. “Get out and don’t you ever, ever come back. I haven’t said much about you in the interviews but if you piss me off, I will. I’m sure your little country club cunt friends would love to hear about what a lying sack of shit you are.” “Don’t you dare talk to me like that! I don’t know who you think you are you crazy piece of—” I let go of Ty’s hand and got ready to rumble. Gavin stepped forward as I did, and I waved him off. The bitch was through insulting Tyson and I was going to deal with it personally. “You need to giddyup on outta here because I’m fixin’ to lose my temper and it’s not going to be pretty,” I drawled. “Your son doesn’t need your attitude and I won’t listen to it.” Her head reared back as she glared at me. “Just who in the country fuck do you think you are? My son

owes me money and it has nothing to do with you.” I stepped closer and got right up in her face. “You have five seconds to get the hell out of this room before I cream your corn.” She looked over my shoulder at Ty incredulously. “You’re going to let this… this trash talk to me like this?” “My woman isn’t trash and she can talk to you any way she wants. I won’t lift one finger to help you if she decides creaming your corn is in order. I’m not giving you another cent, ever. No matter how angry you get or what insults you throw at me, I’m done. Get out and don’t come back.” I think she’d have taken her chances with me if Gavin hadn’t stomped past her and opened the door. Within a matter of seconds two of the tour security guards were entering the room to escort her out. She fought at first, but then seemed to realize Tyson was serious and she wasn’t going to get her money. “I always knew you were garbage,” she spat. “And I always knew you were a bitch,” he retorted. “I wish you’d never been born,” she screeched. I could tell by the expression on her face she’d meant to hurt him with her words. Before I could slap her silly, Ty wrapped his arm around my waist and held me to him. “She isn’t worth it,” he murmured. She went without another word. After the door closed behind her and the security guards, Tyson relaxed his hold on me and spun me in his arms. “You okay, Freckles?” I gaped at him. “Am I okay? Who cares about me! It’s you I’m worried about.” He kissed me then, softly and reverently. We only pulled apart when Gavin cleared his throat. “She’s right,” he said when we turned to face him. “Are you cool with what just went down?” Ty took my hand in his and traced his thumb over the palm of my hand as he nodded. “We both know that was a long time coming. Did it suck? Yeah. But I set this into motion the day I told Devon the story. If that didn’t do it, calling my accountant last month and telling him not to cut her any more checks did the trick. One way or the other, this was going to happen.” “It shouldn’t have,” Gavin said tiredly. “She’s an asshole.” “That she is,” Ty admitted. “I appreciate you being here and having my back. It means everything.” “I’ll always have it,” Gavin answered. Ty let go of me for a few seconds then, just long enough for the two of them to do one of those weird man hugs where pounding on the back was apparently part of the protocol. I liked Gavin a hell of a lot before that night. But seeing the way he had Ty’s back made me feel nothing but love for him. I loved everyone who stood by Tyson. He deserved it. We stood together, my head resting on his chest, as Gavin and Leah said goodnight. After locking the door, he pulled away and turned to me. “It’s time for me to tell you about my past.”



I guided her to the couch and let her get comfortable while I grabbed us two waters. On the way back, I surreptitiously grabbed a box of tissues as well. I’d known what I was about to divulge to her was going to be painful for us both. When I sat down, I faced her nervously. “What I’m about to tell you is something I’ve kept a closely guarded secret since it happened. Only a very small handful of people have ever been told, and I thought it would always stay that way.” “Everything started to change about eighteen months ago, around the time we started talking about retiring. It hit me that I’d been living a lie since I was twelve years old. Worse than that, I finally realized that by keeping everything secret, I was denying the best parts of myself. By letting the story out I’m hoping there’s a chance to make a difference in someone else’s life.” She took my hand in hers and rubbed it encouragingly. “I’m here for you,” she assured me. “Take your time.” I nodded, rolling my head from side to side on my shoulders as I chose my words carefully. “My dad was the boyfriend of one of my mother’s roommates after college. There were four of them sharing an apartment, and of the bunch, the only person my mom didn’t like was Dad’s girlfriend, Margaret. I think it was because she was jealous. Dad played in a band—bass, of course—and my mother had a crush on him. She always told me how impossible it was to believe he was with Margaret when she was right there. About a year later, Dad and Margaret were on a break. Mom saw her window and decided to go for it. They slept with each other for about a month before they agreed they had nothing in common. Mom was a little slow on the uptake and didn’t realize for quite a while that she was pregnant. By the time she had it confirmed, Dad and Margaret were back together. She’s never admitted it, but I think the primary reason my mom kept me is because she wanted to stick it to Margaret. It damn sure wasn’t because she had maternal feelings.” I thought back over the circumstances of my birth and had to force myself to hold my temper. My mother had always been a piece of work. “When Mom had me she didn’t give me my father’s last name. He wasn’t even listed on my birth certificate. Allen is her maiden name. She was a complete bitch, only letting him see me when Margaret wasn’t around. I give him credit—he could’ve walked away in disgust and written me off, but he didn’t. He fought hard, and when he finally started making some money to give to her, Mom started letting him see me more often. I was just a toddler when Dad and Margaret had a baby of their own, my sister Alexandra.” I could see the surprise as it flickered over her face. If she’d looked into me at all, she’d seen the bullshit bio that said Mom’s husband Laird was my father and I had no siblings. “My mom and Margaret never got along. Not even for five minutes. Having met my mom I’m sure you’re thinking it was her but in reality, it wasn’t. Margaret was…” I trailed off, trying to choose my words. There were a million and five things I could say about Margaret, and none of them were kind.

“Insane,” I said finally. “I don’t mean it like she heard voices or was bipolar. I mean she was a goddamn crazy cunt who was created in the bowels of hell.” Daisy’s eyes widened as she stared at me in shock. “She was?” I nodded. “She was a fucking nightmare. Back then shit like I’m about to tell you wasn’t discussed so no one knew what to call it. Her moods were all over the place and she was the world’s biggest control freak. My dad had to cater to her every whim, and she constantly berated him. She was hostile and aggressive—stealing his car keys, letting the air out of his tires, locking him out of the house if he was five minutes late from work, checking his emails, breaking his phones, following him around… it was insane. He’d get fed up and decide to leave, and suddenly she’d turn into an angel. The cycle was vicious and it went on for years. Most people don’t realize men can be victims of domestic abuse. It’s underreported because of the shame, and that’s how people like Margaret get away with it. She frequently got physical with him and she wasn’t a good mom to Alexandra, either. My dad wanted to leave but she’d always threaten to keep Alexandra and he couldn’t just leave her there. At one point they broke up and it seemed like it was going to stick, but she came crawling back with some bullshit story about therapy and being a family. That lasted for two weeks, and during that time, she got pregnant.” Dad had really had it by the time Jason was a year old. I didn’t live with them—they lived up in the Poconos and I lived in New Jersey with Mom and her fiancé Laird. They’re married now. I went to Dad’s every weekend and for the summers. The last summer I was there, I was twelve, Jason was two, and Alexandra was ten going on eleven. My dad had finally kicked Margaret out of the house and filed for divorce. She’d been gone for months and things were looking up. I was hoping I’d be able to move in with him permanently with her gone. My mom’s only reason for not allowing it before was because of Margaret. Everything was good, and then…” I swallowed sickly as I prepared myself to finish the story and then had to force the words past the lump in my throat. I told Daisy everything, even though it fucking killed me to do it. She bawled her eyes out as she listened, her shoulders shaking with the force of her sobs. When I was finished, I was crying, too. She climbed into my lap and held on like she’d never let go. The two of us rocked back and forth and cried for what felt like an eternity. By the time we were finished almost the entire box of tissues was wadded up around us. I took my phone from my pocket and unlocked it before pulling up the photos I carried with me everywhere. “This is my family,” I said proudly. She took the phone from me and began scrolling through, gasping when she saw my dad. “He could be your twin,” she noted. I let out a choked cry as I nodded. “His name was Jason Alexander McCafferty. Now that I’ve gotten to the point where I’m talking about him, I’m going to do what I should’ve done years ago. It’s time to change my last name to his. My mom was never a parent and it isn’t her name I want to pass on.” She wiped the tears from my cheeks lovingly. “I think that’s beautiful.” We scrolled through more pictures of my dad with me as a baby and then we got to my sister. Daisy cried when she came to the first picture of Alexandra and me, then cried more when she saw Jason. “You all have the same eyes.” I let out a dry laugh as I nodded. “Yeah. People used to joke that my dad must’ve been descended from wolves.” It felt cathartic to go through the pictures with her. I told her stories about Alexandra’s obsession with No Doubt and Jason’s larger than life personality. I talked about my dad and how he found rhythm in

everything, teaching all of us kids to listen to the heartbeat to find peace. “Jason had this ugly little bear that played the heartbeat sound for hours every night,” I chuckled. “At first it was annoying but then, I got used to it being there, like some kind of a metronome. Dad said he fell in love with each one of us the first time he heard our hearts beating, because hearing the rhythm made him feel connected.” I then told her all about why I’d started doing drugs and why I’d almost killed myself with heroin chasing the sound. “That’s so sad,” she whimpered. “I was scared as fuck of the sound after that,” I admitted. “And then, I met you.” She cocked her head to the side and furrowed her brow. “What about me?” she asked. “When I took your hand in mine, I heard it. That’s really why I freaked the fuck out and was a miserable prick to you at first. I was scared.” “You—you heard it? How?” I shrugged. “I don’t know how, I just know that I do. It happens every day with you at some point. I’m not scared of it anymore though. Now, I look forward to it. I know it means we’re meant to be together. You’re my person.” Her lips trembled when she smiled at me. “Can I tell you something?” I nodded. “Of course, Freckles. Anything.” “I—I love you.” I’d been around people who swore those three little words changed their lives and I’d always written it off as being bullshit. I. Was. Wrong. Daisy telling me she loved me wasn’t just a gift, it was an anchor, a solid weight that I knew I’d be able to rely on forever. “I love you too,” I croaked before pulling her in close so I could kiss her. When we finally broke apart, she rubbed her hands over my cheeks reverently. “I get it now,” she said. “I understand why you don’t want to sleep with anyone in the room and I’m okay with—” “That ends now,” I said firmly. “We’re going to try it tonight, and every night after, until it just is. If I need to go back to therapy to make it happen, so be it.” “I don’t want you to feel like you have to,” she murmured. “I do have to,” I admitted. “I have to know that I can move on. I’ve come so far. I can’t stop until we go all the way.” That night, we slept together in the same bed. I got one hundred and fifty-three minutes of sleep before I woke up in a panic. Instead of leaving, I stayed. And I continued to stay every time I woke up in a panic after that. It didn’t happen quickly, but over time I let go of my fear and let love in. Within five weeks, we were sharing a bedroom and I was sleeping through the night. Love did that for me. It shone a light in my darkest places and thawed the ice block I’d built around my heart. With her at my side I enjoyed every second of the last tour. Whether it was at the ‘prom’ party we had in England or the walking expedition we took in Italy, I was truly and blessedly content and in the moment.

With Daisy, I’d found something I never thought I’d have. Love and happiness.



After the whirlwind adventure of being on tour for months, Tyson took me to Harmony so we could spend time with my family. I wasn’t sure what to expect from him once we got there, wasn’t sure how he’d acclimate to it even for a brief time. Harmony was tiny and Tyson’s life was huge. I had nothing to worry about. He loved the small town feel, and he and my Granddaddy got along like two peas in a pod. I have to admit, I was surprised. Granddaddy could be a stubborn old coot when he wanted, but he took to Tyson within minutes. Next thing I knew those two fools were driving around the back roads raising hell. The premiere of Devon’s documentary was set for the following week and my entire family had agreed to go. I couldn’t believe Granddaddy was going into the big city willingly, but he was hell bent on supporting Tyson. I couldn’t have asked for anything more. The only bit of familial discomfort came from my mom. I’d forced a meeting between she and Ty on the way to Harmony and it hadn’t gone well. She was her normal uptight self and Tyson wasn’t okay with the little barbs she took at me about my hair, my clothes and, as ever, my tendency to lapse into southern talk. As with all things related to her, I had to accept it and let it go. Nothing was going to change. I had made my peace with it. She was the only cloud in a sky full of rainbows, and that was just the way it was. Having Ty in Harmony and seeing him interact with the rest of my family was everything to me. We’d been enjoying our last night there when my world changed again. Rocking back and forth on Vi and Ry’s porch swing with the kids running around being silly and my entire family (except Mom) standing there, Tyson got down on one knee. “You ready to make an honest man out of me, Freckles?” he asked huskily. Giant tears streaked down my face as I stared at him. “Really?” I asked breathlessly. “Really,” he assured me. “You’re my forever and I’m yours. Just say the word.” “Yes,” I yelped excitedly. “Yes, yes, yes!”

Hours later, I was flooring it down a back road in the Camaro Ty had bought for us to keep on Granddaddy’s farm for visits. I laughed happily as I tore ass through rural Harmony with my man at my side and his ring on my finger. He didn’t know it, but I had a destination in mind. When I saw the turnoff I gunned the engine and went full throttle, racing down the tiny road before coming to a screeching halt at the bottom. He was laughing himself silly as I turned the car off. “Driving with you will never not be an adventure,” he teased. I wiggled my eyes at him before climbing out of the car. I walked around to the back and grabbed a blanket from the trunk, urging him to follow me as I headed down to the edge of the stream. The silence was broken by the sound of cicadas and the water as it flowed lazily over rocks. I spread out the blanket

before pulling my dress over my head and peeling off my panties with a cheeky grin. Realization of what I wanted came quick, and he wasted no time getting naked himself. I stopped him when he tried to come and sit on the blanket. “No,” I murmured. “Stand right where you are.” I crawled the few inches to the edge of the blanket and then sat up on my knees so I was perfectly positioned to rock his world. “You’re hard,” I grinned. “Always,” he admitted. He wasn’t joking. The man was perpetually ready to take me to pound town. It worked out well since I always wanted to go. I fisted the base of his cock in my hand, enjoying his ragged inhalation from above me. I chuckled before leaning in close and tracing my tongue around the sensitive tip. He threaded his hands into my hair with a groan as I licked up and down the length of his shaft, getting him nice and wet. I drew it out, driving him wild before I opened my mouth and took him in. His harsh breathing was music to my ears as I licked and sucked him. He only got more desperate when he realized I was stroking my clit. “Please, Freckles,” he rasped. I knew what he wanted. Pulling my hand from my soaked core, I held it up to him. He licked my fingers desperately, moaning low in his throat as I gagged on his dick. Something about that noise always turned him on. “I need to fuck you,” he ground out. I let his cock out of my mouth with a loud popping noise and held my tongue out so I could slap the head of him against it. His breath was harsh and labored as he stared down at me. “Yes,” I whimpered when I pulled back. “Fuck me.” He grinned devilishly as he dropped to his knees and shook his head. “Not before you come all over my tongue,” he growled. He spread my legs with his shoulders as he positioned himself and began tonguing me. I rocked against him as he spread me first with one finger, then two, and finally, a third. I could hear the wet sounds of him thrusting in and out of me, my core running hot as he nipped at my clit and made me gasp. Knees thrown over his shoulders and legs spread wide, I cried out as he matched his tongue movements to his fingers fucking me. “Please,” I begged. “Let me come.” He wiggled his tongue from side to side until I came with a scream. I was breathless as he came up over me and ran his thumb over my lower lip. “There’s almost nothing better than the taste of you coming on my tongue, Freckles.” “Almost?” I questioned breathlessly. “Yeah,” he confirmed. “Almost. This is better.” This was his positioning his cock at my entrance before impaling me with one firm thrust. My hands gripped his shoulders as his held my ankles and pushed them back toward me as far as they could go as he hammered in and out. He leaned in close as he fucked me and started kissing me desperately. Every single time he kissed me, I felt butterflies in my stomach. I could’ve lived on his kisses for an eternity. I loved the way he made me feel with each one. Loved, desired and absolutely worshipped. “You’re so wet,” he whimpered when he broke the kiss. “I fuckin’ love the way you feel on my dick, Daisy. You drip all over it, just the way you know I like.” I couldn’t do anything else. I loved it too much. “Fuck me,” I begged. “Fuck me!” He hammered in and out at top speed, hitting places inside of me only he ever had, or ever would. “Tyson,” I cried. “Tyson!”

I clawed his shoulders as my pussy clenched and my orgasm arrived. He threw his head back and bellowed out a yell as his hot come filled me, each burst causing me to come harder. When it was over he rolled to his back and took me with him. I relaxed on top of him with a happy smile as we both caught our breath. Once my breath was back to normal, I sat up and looked down at him. “So you know how I couldn’t tolerate the pill I was on and we’ve been throwing caution to the wind?” I asked teasingly. His brow furrowed as he nodded. In his eyes, I saw a flicker of hope. Any doubts I had about how he’d react disappeared. “Holy shit Freckles… are you pregnant?” “I totally am,” I grinned. “Your swimmers caught up to one of my eggs and got down to business. We’re having a baby.” He placed his left reverently on my stomach. “You’ve got our baby in there. Holy shit! I’m going to be a dad.” I leaned in close and wrapped an arm around his neck. “I can’t wait to watch you be a daddy,” I choked out emotionally. “This is the best fuckin’ day of my life,” he announced. “You’re knocked up and we’re engaged. I love you like crazy, woman. You’ve given me everything.” “Just like you did for me,” I answered.

I couldn’t believe I was a father. It was so much more than I ever could have hoped for, so much more than I’d ever dreamed. Just like my dad had said, the first time I heard my baby’s heartbeat, I fell in love. When my wife pushed her out into the world and I held our daughter for the first time, my entire world shrank down to the two girls who made it worth living. The tsunami of love I had for them was all-consuming. We named her Harmony Alexandra, and I thought she was the most perfectly beautiful little person I’d ever seen. When she opened her eyes for the first time and I saw that she had the same eyes I did, I bawled like a baby. In them I saw little echoes of my father, my sister and my little brother, living on inside of my child. Every sound she made and each little kick of her feet entranced me. Seeing her tiny mouth latching on to my wife’s breast to feed hit me right in the heart. It wasn’t just the two of us anymore—we’d become a family. Introducing her to the band and Daisy’s family was like a dream come true. I’d never felt more pride than I did as I showed off the child Daisy and I had made in love. It just didn’t get any better.

We were getting ready to leave the hospital to take Harmony home for the first time and I was crazy excited. I’d hated being away from Daisy for two nights, and hadn’t slept more than an hour at a time. I’d come a long way since the days of not being able to share a room or a bed. “Baby, grab me Harmony’s going home outfit. It’s in the diaper bag right on the top.” Everything seemed to happen in slow motion as I opened the zipper and pulled it out. My mouth hung open as I held the outfit up and stared at it. Closing my eyes, I remembered seeing my dad holding the dark haired child in the yellow outfit with the white flowers. Opening them, I looked back down to the outfit. It wasn’t just close—it was spot on, right down to the ruffles on the butt area. “Tyson? Are you okay?” I knew there were tears in my eyes when I looked up at my wife. “Where did you get this outfit?” She shook her head in confusion. “I was shopping with Vi in town the last time we were in Harmony. There’s a store there called Dusty’s Creations. It’s been there for a few years, but I’ve never been in. I’ve always been curious but never made it through the door. When we passed by I saw this outfit in the window and… I know it sounds silly but Dusty’s Creations? I felt like it was my chance to include my brother in the first few days of her life.” And she had. I knew she had. It was a sign. “Why are you crying?” she asked frantically. “I’ve never been so happy,” I answered. “Not ever.” I told her about my dream, specifically the part about my father holding the baby.

“For you to have found this outfit in a store called Dusty’s Creations ties it all together. They sent her to us, Freckles.” We both cried then, but they were tears of joy.

We’d been together for long enough that I just knew when my husband was dreaming about his family. Each time I’d wake up, careful not to disturb him. It didn’t happen often, but at least once or twice a year, there was a visit. Three years after having Harmony, we had another little girl, Lyric Rebecca. When she was six months old we made a big change. It was a difficult decision but in the end we’d realized we didn’t want to live in LA full time anymore. We lived in Harmony about seventy percent of the time, going out to LA every few weeks for business meetings having to do with the record company, which was wildly successful. Within a year of us making the change, all the guys had houses in Harmony to use as vacation homes. Something about the small town life appealed to them, too. The bond they’d formed was for life, and the brotherhood was as strong as ever. Nothing made the guys happier than to watch all of their kids playing together, the next generation already bonded at the hip. Even their extended families spent time in Harmony, enough that I suspected in the coming years a few would make the move permanent. I imagined Gavin would be the first one to take the leap. Life wasn’t just good. It was great. When Harmony was six and Lyric was three, we decided to try to get pregnant again. Unlike when we tried for Lyric, this time getting pregnant hadn’t been a snap. The girls were now seven and four and it hadn’t happened yet. As Tyson continued dreaming, I crossed my fingers that he’d wake up and tell me his dad had been holding a baby. It had happened with Harmony and Lyric, so I was waiting for that sign again. It felt like an eternity passed before he finally woke up. When his eyes opened, he looked at me and smiled. “This time he was holding a boy.” Eight months later our son, Jonah Jason McCafferty, named for my grandfather and Tyson’s dad and little brother, was born. With him, our family was complete. Together Tyson and I greeted each day with hearts full of love. What we had together was everything, almost an embarrassment of riches. We could never erase the pain we’d each endured, but our love for each other gave us something to believe in and hold on to during good times and bad. It was the best feeling in the world. The End

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No book is every finished without acknowledging all the people who got you across the finish line. No author gets there alone. I know that without my support team, I’d be toast. Books bring people together in a way that has changed my life. There are people who have stood by me and pushed me forward and I owe them a tremendous debt of gratitude. To Rochelle Paige, Kristi Webster, Jay McLean, Aurora Rose Reynolds, Kate Canterbary, Tessa Teevan and the rest of the COPA group, thank you will never be enough. You make me laugh when I want to yell (thanks for the memes, Elle Jefferson) and focus when I need to get to work. I avoid a lot of things on social media but I always vist our COPA group for a smile. My Book Babe admins are also key. I can’t thank Dena Marie, Nancy Miller, Dawn Lynn, Tara Lynn, Nikki Cole, Dawn Cipressi and Joni Leonard enough for their help in keeping the group running. And then, there are the Book Babes themselves. I love our group! Thank you to Gemma Rowlands, Judy Zweifel and Stacey Blake for all of their work on this book. You’re AWESOME Many thanks to Lara Petterson, Sian Davies, Christina Gobin, Dawn Gorwell, Jennifer Inglehart, Yahaira Cintron and Colette Ricketts, all who have pushed me forward with their enthusiasm and friendship. Finally, thanks to my mom and my nephews for helping me make it across the finish line. You guys rock!! Without you, this book wouldn’t exist.

Ella Fox is the USA Today Bestselling Author of Consequences of Deception, The Hart Family series & many other sexy and exciting books. Ella loves music, photography and comedy movies. She’s an all around goofball. She grew up loving to read, especially romance. That’s not surprising considering the fact that her mom is USA Today Bestselling Author Suzanne Halliday. LIKE me on Facebook & you’ll never miss a release or any of my fabulous giveaways!







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Other books by Ella Fox The Hart Family Series: Broken Hart Shattered Hart Loving Hart Unbroken Hart Missing Hart Finding Hart The Renegade Saint Series: Picture Perfect Twist of Fate Between Us Something to Believe In The Temporary Series: Strictly Temporary Volume One Strictly Temporary Volume Two The Catch Series: Catch My Fall Catch and Release The Deception Series: Consequences of Deception All That’s Left to Hold Onto Writing as Evie Harrison Sin's Temptation Sweet Like Candy