Off Limits Alexandra Vos AmazingBooks © Alexandra Vos 2015 All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any ...
8 downloads
17 Views
996KB Size
Off Limits Alexandra Vos
AmazingBooks
© Alexandra Vos 2015 All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Also by Alexandra Vos: Young Adult Novels The Reluctant Assassin Young Adult Novellas The Kissing Ban New Adult Novellas Hunting Him
Contents: Chapter One Chapter Two Chapter Three Chapter Four Chapter Five Chapter Six Chapter Seven Chapter Eight Chapter Nine Chapter Ten Chapter Eleven Chapter Twelve Chapter Thirteen Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen Chapter Sixteen Chapter Seventeen Chapter Eighteen Chapter Nineteen Epilogue
Chapter One Luke was doing his absolute best to make everyone’s mood miserable. “I swear she hates me,” he continued to whine, waving around his test score as if anyone actually cared. “Another E, really? I’m sure I can’t have done that badly.” “It’s a standardized test. If you got that mark it’s because you sucked at the test. End of story.” I was in a bad mood, too, and it definitely wasn’t helping to resolve the situation. I just wanted to get
home to say goodbye to my dad, not have to listen to perfect, intelligent Luke whining about how he failed something because he chose not to revise for it. Phoebe, his girlfriend and my best friend, was far more compassionate. “Your grade will improve,” she squeezed his hand, “I’m sure you’ll have mastered it by the end of the year.” “Can we just get going? It’s his own fault he failed. Normal people do actually have to revise for things if they want to get a good grade.” Luke had always sailed through school without a single problem. It was part of the reason I was so opposed to him. Working my
ass off to get the same results made me incredibly bitter. Unfortunately, I was forced to put up with him on a daily basis since he’d started dating my best friend. Realisation seemed to dawn on Phoebe’s face and I almost sighed in relief. Finally. I wasn’t going to even catch my dad if we kept dawdling around. “You’re good at German, right?” German was the only thing about school I genuinely enjoyed and whilst it didn’t come naturally to me like everything else did to Luke, I was quite good at it. “I guess,” I admitted. I knew
where this was going and I didn’t want any part of it. It wasn’t just my distaste for Luke’s natural ability that got on my nerves; we’d always been at odds with each other. Since I could remember Luke and I had play-fought in the playground, one of us always ending up getting genuinely hurt. We’d sabotaged each other’s relationships, engaged in some incredibly messy food fights and got each other more detentions than was really acceptable. My mum definitely wasn’t a big fan of the name Luke, even if she’d never actually met him. Our bickering was odd. Sometimes
it ended in laughter and sometimes my bad mood extended for days afterwards. “You could tutor him!” It was like Phoebe had finally found the solution to all her problems. Our bickering always annoyed her, even if I secretly revelled in it. There was something about Luke, even with all the shit he caused me, that had me daydreaming about the possibility of him going out with me instead. It wasn’t often and I really tried to avoid it, but sometimes, the idea was too tempting to resist. He was attractive, with his mess of black, unruly locks and there was no hiding the fact he worked
out. I liked to think I knew that because he punched me in the arm so often, rather than because I sometimes couldn’t stop myself checking him out. It was silly and I almost loathed it, but there was phases when I fancied Luke so much I could hardly look at Phoebe. “I really hope you’re joking,” I spared her a sideways glance, speeding up my pace and wanting to get away from this conversation as quickly as possible. “I just want to go home and have as much Luke-free time as
possible.” Luke fired me a grimace. “Don’t think I’m loving this idea. Come on Pheebs, I’m sure I can manage a bit of French without being stuck with the short-arse.” But Phoebe had come to a complete standstill, forcing us to stop as well. “Nope, I’m serious about this. You two need to stop arguing so much, it’s silly. I’m sure you’d get on if you just got to know each other.” I did know Luke. I knew every relationship he’d ever been in and why it failed, I knew all his friends and all their
drama. I knew how good he was in school and, when I’d been forced to sit next to him in history last year, he’d blurted about how his grandma was dying of cancer. I knew he’d regretted it almost instantly and I’d never mentioned it again. I knew Luke and I knew I didn’t want to be spending any more time with him than I had to. “I really don’t want to do this.” “Well, we’re not going anywhere until you do,” she was much less of a genius than the smug smile suggested.
Luke frowned slightly. “Don’t you think that’s taking it a bit far?” Phoebe sighed. “I know you both don’t want to, but if you were actually friends just imagine how awesome it would be.” I was ashamed to admit Luke and I had ruined plenty of Phoebe’s plans by falling out. It wasn’t too surprising she wanted to stop us being at each other’s throats all the time. “Fine, whatever. I just want to go home.” Phoebe grinned. “Awesome. Why do you want to go home so badly, anyway? I thought you were all up for
avoiding your possible.”
mum as
much
as
I blinked. So all I’d needed to do was remind her and she’d have let me go without this palaver. “My dad’s leaving today.” Phoebe’s eyes widened. “Oh, shit, I didn’t realise. I’m so sorry. Why didn’t you just say?” I scratched the back of my head. I couldn’t really admit I thought she might actually have been playing on it to get me to accept. “I don’t really know.” “I’m really not that much of a
dick,” pulling out her car keys, the door unlocked. “Well, let’s get going, then. I’m really sorry I forgot. I had it in my head it was next Monday, for some reason.” Luke, for a change, shook his head. It wasn’t often I saw anything even slightly negative towards Phoebe from him. Their relationship had been going quite perfectly so far, even if it had only been three months. I was kind of certain their loveydovey behaviour had made me even more bitter. In fact, I was generally just a bit of
a mess right now and I just wanted it all to go back to normal. My parents were divorcing and it had thrown me completely off-balance. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with anything or anyone, almost permanently. “Does this mean you’ll undo the forcing her to tutor me pact?” Luke tried to bargain when we were safely on our way. He wrapped a finger around one of her long dark brown ringlets and managed some extreme puppy dog eyes. Luckily, this wasn’t one of the phases I was head over heels for him. “No way. You and Carmen need to start getting along, I mean that. This will
help, I’m sure.” Luke’s expression fell immediately, into something exasperated and annoyed, but he reigned it in. “Fine, I guess.” At least Luke and I were agreed this was a terrible idea. Maybe he could bring his laptop and we’d agree to sit with our headphones in for a few hours and not talk. That could definitely work. When we pulled up outside my house, I was forced to recall the misery of my parental situation. My dad was sat on his suitcase at the end of the front garden, staring into the road with such a forlorn expression that he must have
really thought I wasn’t going to make it. I hopped out of the car, not bothering with my bag, and enveloped him in a hug. “Sorry I’m late,” I didn’t have the motivation to explain anything else. I just wanted him to stay and her to leave. “How are you?” “I’ve been better, but I’m sure it’s all going to be fine. I’m glad to be leaving.” His voice caught and his arms tightened around me, but there were no tears. At least not on his part. My eyes were watering and when I caught a glimpse of my mother watching from the
window, it almost sent me over the edge. “I’m going to really miss you.” My parents had been separated for many months, but that hadn’t been so bad because it was amicable. They’d both been muddling through a divorce they knew needed to happen within their tight monetary constraints. Up until my mum had been caught with another guy in the bed they were forced to still share, anyway. Then it had all gone downhill. My dad had said he was leaving straight away, throwing away the agreement they had to wait until it was financially viable for him to move out. He had been
put in the most awful situation and it was all my mum’s fault. “I’ll miss you too, sweetie,” he squeezed extra hard before pulling back, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “But I’m sure I’ll still see you a lot. You’ve got my number and I’ll let you know when I’m settled in.” “Okay. Love you, dad. See you soon.” He picked up his case and shoved it into the boot and my throat burned. I needed so desperately to cry, but I refused to let my mother see it and I didn’t want Luke and Phoebe to see,
either. Instead, I wrapped my arms around myself and attempted to stay stoic. When he was gone, I stood still, staring at where his car had been. My mum had disappeared from the window. Avoiding the bitch was my new top priority.
Chapter Two I snatched my bag from the back seat, hiding my head in case I’d managed to smudge my make-up. “Thanks for the lift, you really didn’t have to wait around.” “Are you okay?” “I’m fine, really. It’ll all seem normal pretty soon, I guess.” I highly doubted that. I wanted to live with my dad and not be stuck in the house with the whore that had made this all happen, but it was impossible. My dad didn’t
even know if he’d got anywhere to stay, yet. He hadn’t really got any friends and he didn’t work to have any colleagues. His family lived out of the country. If he ended up on the streets I’d never forgive my mum. “Try not to be too harsh on your mum, I’m sure she’s upset, too.” I raised my head and shot her a harsh glare. “Please don’t sympathise with her, I really can’t deal with it right now.” Phoebe opened her mouth to try and argue, even looking to Luke for help, but coming up with nothing. “You could tutor
Luke tonight, if you wanted. It might help get your mind off things.” I wanted to snap that she was being ridiculously selfish, but had to admit that she was right. Putting my mind to work coming up with snarky comebacks would probably be a very good distraction. “Sure. May as well get it over and done with.” “You’re sure? You really don’t have to,” Luke actually sounded quite uncomfortable about the whole thing. I couldn’t blame him for worrying that I might break down and he’d have to deal with it.
I slammed the door and called over my shoulder that I was positive. Luke was forced to scramble to catch up with me. My mum was waiting just inside the door, but I strode past her and straight up the stairs, expecting Luke to follow. “Carmen!” She called after me. “I need to talk to you. Who is this? I don’t want you upstairs alone with a boy. Keep the door open.” I slammed the door, not feeling the need to explain that this was Phoebe’s boyfriend, the notorious Luke she already hated through hearsay. I’d let her stew on it for a while. Maybe I could convince him to bash my bed into the wall for a while and see what happened.
“So. German. Are you really that bad? Because I’m not that great myself.” My room was tiny: a single bed pushed against one wall, my desk cramped into the other side and a tiny walkway to get from one to the other. Luke took an awkward seat perched on the end of my bed. For once, he looked like he had no idea what to say to me. “I got a load of E’s, how bad do you think I am?” Grimacing, I took a seat on my desk chair. “I guess I’ll be able to manage if I start at the basics. How are you even going to get home? I’m going to have to
drive you,” I made a noise of discontent. “This was all such an awful idea.” Luke chuckled, making himself comfortable on my bed just to annoy me. My bum was already starting to go numb from my hard chair. “I have to agree. But, I really do need to get a better grade to get into the uni I want, so hopefully you’re not completely hopeless.” “You’re the hopeless one, so shut up and listen to what I’m saying. I’m the one passing here. Please actually concentrate, I want this to be as quick as possible.” Luke smirked and watched smugly
as I attempted to figure out the best way to teach him the vocabulary. It was embarrassing, more than anything, staring at my notes and wondering how to teach the guy who was a prodigy at everything else in the world. Eventually, I sucked it up and got on with it and Luke was nice enough to keep any sarcastic comments to himself. Part of me knew he really did need this and I revelled in the knowledge I outperformed him in something. Halfway through, the sound of my mum’s loud laughter came floating through from downstairs. My mood, which had been slowly been improving
as I got lost in explaining the German grammar rules, dropped straight back down. I grimaced, standing up and excusing myself. Luke put his foot against the door to stop me. “What happened with your parents?” “It’s none of your business,” I snapped, attempting to wrench the door open. His leg was stronger. “Now let me go and talk to her.” “My parents went through a messy divorce. You should talk about it instead of shouting at her. It’ll make you feel better.”
He was sincere, but my first reaction was to snap, “and why would I ever talk to you about it?” Luke didn’t look too offended. “Ring Phoebe up then, but you should talk to someone.” I retook my seat at my dressing table and gave in, explaining everything. He’d done this to me once, I could repay the favour. I’d probably regret pouring my heart out, too, but for now, I couldn’t stop focusing on the fact he actually looked like he cared. “So yeah, now you understand why
I hate that bitch and why the fact she’s downstairs, no doubt talking to that piece of shit that she slept with in my dad’s bed is slightly irritating.” I was on the verge of tears and I couldn’t hide it. I swiped at my eyes and couldn’t look up. “And that’s that, really. I don’t feel better for having told you, just so you know.” Part of me wondered what it would be like if Luke hugged me, but I didn’t move a muscle and neither did he. “I bet you feel better than if you’d gone and shouted at your mum. Avoiding her is probably better.” “You’re not of the opinion that I
should forgive and forget because she’s my mum, then?” I’d thought Luke and Phoebe were some kind of single-entity at this point. Luke chuckled. “I do have my own opinions, you know,” he scratched his head and thought about it. “I don’t think what she did was completely abominable, but I can understand that it’ll take you a while to get over it. Just don’t mess your relationship up beyond repair.” Part of me knew I didn’t want to do that anyway, but right now I was just so angry with her that it was difficult to remember that eventually we’d be okay.
“I’ll really try my best, but I’m not very self-disciplined.” “Yeah, you don’t have to tell me that.” Remembering all the times I’d taken out my frustrations at Luke in petty ways did serve to make me feel a little bit better. I was dying to ask Luke about his parents, but resisted. We definitely weren’t close enough for that. “Do you think we’re done for the night? I just want to go and buy some ice cream before the shop closes and see if I can get away with buying wine without them asking for ID.”
“I’m not eighteen either, otherwise I might have been kind enough to offer some help. But yeah, I’m definitely done with this shit. I don’t even know why I took it in the first place. I could have passed anything else just fine.” I rolled my eyes, double-checking my make-up was okay before grabbing my car keys. “Why didn’t you, then?” “I needed a language to stand out from the crowd. That’s why I’m doing as many A-levels and extracurricular stuff as I can.” Luke was, of course, the only person doing five A-levels in our entire school. It was quite ridiculous.
“You’re going to get immaculate grades, well, apart from maybe the German. I’m sure you’ll be fine.” He waved me off, clearly unwilling to explain. “Let’s just get out of here. If I spend any more time with you I might go insane. Then I’ll not pass any of my exams.” I threw my bag of face wipes at him. “Thank God. I never thought a day would come where I’d have to spend this much time just with you. I really hope you learn this stuff quickly.” “Phoebe’s going to be so sad that we’re not best friends already.”
“Maybe you should give her a ring and get her to pick you up. I’m sure she’d be more than happy. I really can’t be bothered to drive right now.” I’d remembered that there was still a tub of ice cream in the fridge and, if I was lucky, I’d find some alcohol from rummaging around in my cupboards. “Or you could just walk.” Luke had gotten up to grab his bag and I threw myself onto the bed. “It’s not that far to mine. Like twenty minutes or something.” Luke tugged on my long red hair, trying to drag me up. I groaned, refusing to move.
“Get your mum to pick you up.” “She doesn’t drive.” I continued to just lay there, quickly becoming comfortable and knowing I’d made the wrong decision. Getting up now was going to be impossible. Luke didn’t give me much choice; grabbing me as if I weighed nothing, he hoisted me over his shoulder. I shrieked, unable to stop myself as I wobbled. Luke secured his grip easily, hand over my hips and dangerously close to my bum. “You’ve still got your car keys, right?” “Put me down, idiot,” I hissed,
really trying hard not to react to the physical contact. He wasn’t exactly gentle, with fingers digging into my skin, and I wasn’t having the most innocent thoughts. “I’ll give you a stupid lift home if you tell me where you live.” I could practically hear the grin in Luke’s voice as he explained that it would be more fun to piss my mother off by bringing me downstairs like this. I continued to bang on his back as if it would do something and when he bent down to go through my door, I couldn’t stop the small scream that left my mouth. I’d never been good with heights.
My mum had opened the door the second she heard us on the stairs and she could only grimace up at our position. “What do you think you’re doing, young lady? I expressly said I wanted that door kept open.” “Sorry Mrs. Slater,” Luke’s voice was full of cheek and even I blushed at the arrogance. “I’ll try and keep that in mind next time.” His step didn’t falter as he whisked me past my mother and she was staring, almost open mouthed. I’d had plenty of boyfriends in the past, but I’d always made an effort not to bring them home. No doubt our position wasn’t giving my mum impressed thoughts.
“See you later, mum,” I called, deciding to just roll with it and loving the angry expression on her face. I’d explain that Luke was as far from a boyfriend as could possibly be later, but for now this was too amusing to pass up. At my car, Luke placed me down and his hands lingered on my hips for only a second. “I hope she doesn’t ground you or something.” “I wouldn’t listen, so it doesn’t matter. Her expression was priceless.” Luke rolled his eyes. “You know where I live?”
“Nope. Is it someone I’ll know?” He gave me the address and I chucked him my keys, not recognising the street name at all. “If you hurt my car I will kill you.” We were heading in the opposite direction to school, so Luke must have had one hell of a drive every morning and afternoon. The days he wasn’t staying at Phoebe’s, anyway. “I really need to ask for your help with something,” Luke turned down the music I’d been blasting out. “It’s kind of important.”
I frowned. That wasn’t the insult or joke I’d been expecting. “What’s up?” “I have a job that I’m supposed to be working in the evenings starting next week, so I can’t really practice the German after all.” I stared. “Well, why didn’t you just tell Phoebe that, then?” He scratched the back of his head. “I don’t want to tell her about it at all. I’m working at a fish and chip shop and you know how all her family is. I don’t want her looking down on me or anything.”
“I can’t lie to her. And you know she’s not like that, anyway. Did you see the house I just came out of? And we’ve been best friends for years.” He was being completely ridiculous. “Just tell her and it would be fine.” “I’m not telling her. It’s more complicated than that,” he took a deep breath and spilled everything. “When my parents divorced, my dad spent loads of money in my mother’s name and we still haven’t paid it off. He’s been gone to who knows where for two years now. I need this job and I don’t want to have to explain why.”
“So, you want me to lie to Phoebe and tell her that you’re practising German with me when you’re actually working.” “I would really appreciate it,” he was pushing his luck so much. No wonder he’d been so eager to aid my quest of pissing my mum off. “I just need to have this job to help out my mum.” I really weighed this up, and wasn’t sure why I was on the verge of accepting. “She’s my best friend,” I repeated. “Doesn’t she know anything about your financial problems?” “No, she doesn’t and she doesn’t
need to. It’s embarrassing, okay? I just want to put it all behind me.” “Fine.” I wasn’t even sure what made me do it. Probably because I was feeling so miserable about my own parents that if Luke could solve his parental problem then at least someone would be happy. Maybe it was because he’d managed to cheer me up a bit and so I was feeling rather impartial towards him at the moment. Either way, it was probably the wrong decision. Phoebe and I didn’t lie to each other and I was being an idiot.
“I can still tutor you a bit, too, if you want. If it would help, I mean.” I wasn’t sure what possessed me to do that, either. Maybe it was that this way it would be a direct lie when I told Phoebe I was helping Luke. “That would be really helpful, thank you.” We stopped speaking after that, but I stared out the window with the smallest of smiles. This was definitely an interesting turn of events. One that I was letting supposedly buried feelings dictate in a beyond stupid gesture.
“Hey, erm, I think we’re being followed,” Luke adjusted his mirror and I turned in my seat. It was a rundown blue Ford, travelling at an acceptable distance behind us. It was too dark to see who was in the driver’s seat. “Are you sure? He’s probably just going the same way as us.” At the next street, Luke made the turn-off at the very last second, bashing my forehead against the window and making me swear. “Couldn’t you have warned me?” There was a very smug “no,” in response.
“See, it was nothing,” I muttered, seeing the empty road behind us. Luke’s hands turned white on the steering wheel. “Check again.” The car was speeding to catch up with us and my heart beat made a rapid incline. “What do you think he wants?” I stared out the window, trying to get a glimpse of the person inside, but it was no good. We were being chased down by some unknown creep who knew exactly how far away he needed to be to remain anonymous. “Do you think he’s going to hurt us?”
Luke kept his eyes on the road, gnawing on his lip. “I think I’ve got a plan.” He didn’t sound confident enough for any relief to hit me. Instead, I concentrated on the worst possible outcome and sent myself into a nervous mess. “I hope it’s a good one.” When he pulled up outside a large, detached house I fired Luke a grimace. “You’re complaining about money issues and you live here?” “Of course I don’t live here,” Luke rolled his eyes, cutting out the engine. “I wasn’t going to just drive home and let
that creeper know where I live. Now, get out of the car.” I really tried my best not to stare at the car which had pulled up just a way down on the other side of the street and focused on wondering what it must be like to live somewhere like this. It was comparable to Phoebe’s house and Phoebe’s family was practically perfect. Perhaps if they’d had money it would have saved my parent’s relationship. Luke started walking up the drive and I tried to resist gluing myself to his side. I felt safer next to Luke than anyone I could think of, I had to admit. “What are we doing?”
“You’re going to say goodbye to me and then he’s going to drive off. Well, hopefully. If he’s just after a house to rob or an address then he’ll drive off when he thinks I live here.” I tugged on the ends of my long, red hair. “And what if he doesn’t drive off?” “Then I’ll go over there and ask him what the fuck he wants,” Luke muttered, continuing up the unreasonably long driveway. Neither of us wanted a confrontation. I just wanted to go to bed at this point. I’d never been followed before and
there was the horrid, nagging feeling at the back of my brain telling me that this was personal. It was like I tried to make everything as awful as possible for myself, but I couldn’t banish the thought. This would shake me up for weeks, I was sure. At the door, the car had shown no signs of moving. “What do I do now?” “Give me a hug, then he might know we’re leaving,” Luke instructed. It was pitch black where we were; no outside light had come on and the streetlight was too far away to really help. “Do I really have to?” It was almost
an attempt at a joke, but Luke ignored me and wrapped his arms around me. It was a hug I hadn’t entirely realised I’d needed, but as I reciprocated, I found my cheek resting on his chest. I probably wouldn’t be getting another hug for ages, with my dad gone. Luke was warm and his hands were relaxing on the small of my back. Maybe this was something else I could add to the list of things I envied Phoebe for. “Is he gone?” I mumbled, resisting the urge to tighten my arms around him. I didn’t need to make this weird.
“No, he’s not. You’re going to have to walk back to your car.” My hands were starting to get clammy and there was a layer of sweat under my bangs despite the chilly wind. “Are you sure?” “I’m still close enough to do something if he makes a move. It’ll be fine. I’m just going to pretend to stand here and watch you leave.” I sighed. “Okay then, Romeo. I really hope you’re right about this.” “When am I ever wrong?”
I did give him a quick squeeze before letting go, I couldn’t help myself. Then, I took the agonisingly long walk back to the car. My steps were slower paced than normal and I tugged on my hair so much that I was probably going to have a bald patch. When I reached the large shrub at the end of the driveway, the car sped off. I turned back to Luke, who was already coming down the driveway in a light jog. “He’s gone,” I stated, blinking rapidly. “I can’t believe that worked.” “Don’t sound so surprised that I had
a great idea,” there was more relief than humour in his voice, though. “Come on, we should get going, in case he comes back.” Inside the car, I really tried to calm myself down. That was that and it had been a minor scare, nothing to become paranoid over. Everyone was followed at some point in their life, probably. “You know I’ve got no idea how to get home now.” We’d taken so many quick turns around small backstreets that I was completely lost. I’d never driven around this area before. “You’re kidding? Well, whatever, I’ll have to draw you a map or
something when we get in. I have awful signal at my place, it’s near a forest and stuff.” The thought of driving myself home made me feel quite ill, hopefully that would have passed by the time we got there. We pulled up outside a house that was almost identical to my own. It was like we’d never left. The only difference was that the tiny front garden Luke had was perfect. It was still freezing February at the moment, but I knew in summer it would be even more gorgeous. Our garden was always an overgrown mess, impossible for sun
bathing in on the couple of sunny days we got a year. There was no hiding the fact we both rushed into the house and I didn’t look back over my shoulder. “Hi mum!” Luke called out, kicking off his shoes and gesturing for me to do the same. His house was old-fashioned but beautiful inside. It was obviously cheap furniture, but there was something about the way it was arranged that made it look incredibly cosy. Vanilla was a soothing welcome. Luke embraced a small, greying woman when we left the cramped
hallway and entered the lounge. “Hi, honey. How was your day today? Oh, hello!” She stuck her hand out in welcoming to me. “You must be Phoebe, right? Just as pretty as Luke always described.” My cheeks flamed, as was the curse of being ginger. “That’s not Phoebe,” Luke chuckled at my face. It wasn’t even anything to get embarrassed about, but my body never seemed to realise that. “This is Carmen.” “Oh,” there was a recognition on his mother’s face that couldn’t possibly
have been good. “It’s nice to meet you, Carmen. I’ve heard a lot of different things about you.” I laughed. “I really do hope it was Luke whining because I’d managed to terrorise him effectively.” His mother grinned. “Something like that,” she turned to her son, “what are you both doing here?” “Carmen’s helping me out with my German and I didn’t have my car. I need to draw her a map or something. Is the Wi-Fi working?” His mother sighed. “Not this month.
I’ll have it sorted soon.” “No problem, do you guys want me to get you anything to eat?” I shook my head, my appetite was severely lacking right now. “No, thank you.” “Come and help me look for a pen and paper,” Luke beckoned for me to follow him. In the kitchen, I figured I’d save him the pain of having to explain an entire twenty minutes of driving to me. “I really don’t want to drive home by myself.”
“The person following us was a one-off thing. You don’t have to be scared about it.” The thought of going around the back roads, when I wasn’t entirely sure where I was going and it was pitch black, had me sick to my stomach. “But what if it wasn’t?” Luke didn’t look completely relaxed. “I know, I think you probably shouldn’t drive home by yourself, either. I mean, you can have my sofa, if you want. Or I can drive you home and then I’ll bring you back tomorrow when it’s not so weird to pick your car up.”
“Wait,” I cut the conversation short, his mother’s comment dawning on me. “Phoebe’s never been here?” “No.” “Why not? Have you actually be lying to her straight out about your financial situation, or something?” It was all a bit bizarre, to be honest. “I never lied, I just, don’t really mention it. I mean, I have to tell her I can’t afford to do stuff sometimes, but that’s it. I’m just not finding any reason to bring her home yet.”
“Phoebe’s not the kind of person to just accept that you don’t want to bring her home. She must be pestering you to meet your mum.” I knew Luke had met her parents within a week of them starting dating. He shifted on his heels, pouring a glass of water. “I just don’t want to, okay? I will do at some point, but not now. We’ve not been going out for ages yet, anyway. It doesn’t even matter,” he scowled suddenly. “And it’s really none of your business.” “It’s none of my business, apart from the bit where you’d probably rather I didn’t mention the fact I’d been here
and how you want me to lie to her about your job?” “Yes, pretty much,” Luke grimaced, putting down the glass. “I’ll drive you home.” It worked out better this way, I supposed. It was none of my business, really. I should stay out of their relationship. All Phoebe wanted was for us to get along, not to become slowly more and more engrossed in her boyfriend. The fact I was lying to her for him didn’t bode well. I needed to sort my priorities out.
In the room, I offered Luke’s mum a small smile and she expressed the pleasantry that it was nice to meet me. “Nice to meet you too,” I trailed off awkwardly. Going by what Luke had told me about his dad, calling her Mrs. Foster would have probably been a mistake. “It’s Angela.” “Nice to meet you, Angela,” I repeated, smiling as Luke hugged his mother and explained he’d be back later. It was a little bit cute that he didn’t care about showing her affection in front of me.
“Catch you later, mum.” I practically sank into Luke’s car seat. “How is this so much comfier than mine? Can we switch cars?” “You’ve got no chance. This thing is my pride and joy. We can’t really afford it at all, but it worked out cheaper than the bus to and from school every day would have been. My mum stopped driving so I could have a car since she can walk to work.” He played with the dials on the front. “Besides, the heating kind of sucks. It’s unbearable in the summer when it takes half an hour for the air-con to get going.”
“Yeah, I shouldn’t be able to afford mine, either, but my mum sets aside the child support for me to have it. My dad doesn’t work, that’s another reason it’s been so rough for him to move out.” Aside from being in maths that one year, Luke and I had never needed to have a real conversation before. I wouldn’t have said we’d bonded over what happened to our parents, but I certainly felt more comfortable talking to him about it than Phoebe. Her family was just so perfect all the time that she couldn’t possibly understand. That much was obvious when she insisted I should forgive my mum.
“Yeah, that sucks.” It would have sucked less if he’d been able to swallow his pride and just get a job that was below his qualifications. We didn’t really talk much more, other than to jab a few insults around and explore more of what made our parents’ divorce so shitty. Mine was nothing compared to Luke’s. He’d had it beyond difficult and it made me feel bad for sounding so over the top about how miserable I was. I probably couldn’t have coped in his position.
“I’ll pick you up for school at like half eight,” Luke instructed when we were back outside my house. “Please don’t be late. I’m quite sure it can’t take you that long to get ready considering the end result, anyway.” I fake laughed and gave him the finger as I hopped out of the car. “Thanks for the lift though, seriously. I really didn’t want to have to drive that.” “It’s no tomorrow.”
problem.
See
you
Back in my own house, I was forced to deal with my mother. She turned off the TV the moment I walked
into the house – we didn’t have a nice little hallway, so I couldn’t sneak upstairs without someone seeing me. My front door opened straight into the living room. “Sit down,” she ordered, fixing me with a withering glare. “We need to talk.” “I really don’t want to talk,” I denied, taking the seat anyway. Maybe we just needed to have it out with each other and we could move on with limited contact. “There’s nothing to talk about.” “Who was that boy?”
“That was Phoebe’s boyfriend, Luke. I’m just teaching him German.” “Luke, Luke?” “Yes.” “Your relationship has drastically improved since the last time you talked to me about him, then?” She raised a sceptical eyebrow. “Are you sure you’re not trying to hide that you’re really in the relationship?” “Do you want me to go on Facebook and show you their relationship status, or will you actually
believe what I’m saying? I definitely don’t like Luke.” She sighed, “I really don’t want to fall out with you, I just don’t want you having a boy upstairs that… that you’re intimate with. That’s the rule and it always has been.” She’d never met my boyfriends and she had no idea how intimate I’d been with any of them. I hid my birth control pill well. “You don’t have anything to worry about. You know I hate Luke, I’m making sure he doesn’t fail for Phoebe’s benefit and even that was through blackmail.”
“Well, that’s okay, then, but we still need to talk – about your father.” I sat in silence, really weighing up whether I wanted to do this or not. “I know that you’re angry with me, but you have to understand-” “No, I don’t have to understand,” I stood up and ran a hand through my hair. “I don’t have to understand at all. Goodnight, mum.” Maybe one day, but right now I didn’t want to hear excuses. My dad had left less than six hours ago and I wasn’t ready to forgive the bitch that had kicked
her out quite yet.
Chapter Three I cursed when my tights caught on a floor tack stuck in the stairs. I’d ruined so many pairs of tights this way and given myself plenty of cuts, too. I almost regretted never starting a tally when I was younger. Still, I was running late and so I’d have to hope the ladder didn’t get too big. If I was sent home for bad uniform, then I’d be mightily pissed off. The wings on my eyeliner were less than even and I was quite sure I’d stained my blouse with toothpaste, but
that was what happened when you drank on a school night. Especially when you drank on a school night because of something miserable happening. My head was pounding and I just wanted to go back to bed. Dealing with Luke was the last thing I wanted right now. I’d given myself enough time for breakfast, though. Sacrificing my appearance for a bacon sandwich would have been completely worth it. My mum was bustling around the kitchen herself and I was beyond tempted to ask her to make me one. My
mum made the best bacon sandwiches I’d ever had. It was her appearance that really stopped me. “Going somewhere?” I asked bitterly, taking in the over the top necklace and attempt to curl her thinning hair. “Just in to town to pick up some stuff.” “You really don’t have to lie to me. Believe it or not, I’m actually not an idiot.” She was going to meet her fella and she had the audacity to lie to me about it. I could at least have respected her if she’d admitted that she was going to
meet the guy who’d caused my dad to leave. “I’m going on a date with Graham. We’re going to a lunchtime performance at the theatre.” “Well, I really hope you enjoy yourself whilst my dad’s trying to find somewhere to live.” I stalked out of the room with my backpack and an apple, unable to converse with her any longer. Slamming the front door, I took a seat on the kerb. And now I had to sit and wait here for fifteen minutes before Luke got here. I was surprised my mum hadn’t asked about the lack of car, but I probably
hadn’t given her a chance. Sitting by myself hadn’t chilled me out. If anything, it had made everything even worse. My anger had festered into a god-awful mood and I really wanted to kick something. It was all so horribly unfair. Luke fixed me with a questionable look when he pulled up. “I’m not late.” “Yes, I was early. I didn’t want to be in the house with her anymore.” “Ah, fair enough,” and that was the end of that conversation. I turned the music up to full blast and didn’t care that
it made my pounding headache a thousand times worse. At least I wouldn’t really fall out with Luke this way. Luke didn’t try to talk to me, either. Silence was the most effective. At school, Luke noticed my tights. “You’re going to get sent home for uniform, I’d bet you anything.” The ladder had already climbed to the back of my knee. “Whatever. It’s not like my mum will be in, she’s going to the theatre.” I pulled out my mocking posh voice. “If I ever see them together, I’ll probably
flip.” Luke rubbed the back of his head, grateful when a football came whizzing towards him. He caught it with ease, kicking it back to the red-headed guy walking our way. “Are you playing in the match tonight?” Jamie asked, narrowly swerving the ball out of the path of a car. “Nope, can’t do it tonight. Next week, though, for sure.” “Damn, that sucks. It’s a lost game, anyway, we’re playing the top of the league. Oh, hey Carmen.”
I gave him a small wave whilst retrieving my backpack from the car and allowing Luke to lock the door. “I hate playing the games that are a guaranteed loss. It always seems so pointless.” “What are you doing together, anyway? Managed to get over being at each other’s throats all day long?” I smirked, “I realised Luke isn’t the same self-obsessed, idiotic jerk I always knew.” Luke wrapped an arm around my shoulder, dragging him into my side.
“Yeah, and I realised Carmen isn’t the same moody, sarcastic bitch that I always thought she was.” “Ah, I’ll take that as a no, then.” “Phoebe’s making me teach him German because he sucks so bad at it,” I explained, taking a step away from Luke before I got too comfortable. “Ah, well, I guess that sucks for all parties, then. Oh, shit, got to go and hand in an assignment before the bell rings. I was already late handing it in. Catch you later, mate. Good to see you, Carmen,” he flashed me a toothy grin before jogging off in the other direction.
Luke blinked. “I didn’t realise you had some kind of man-eater charm I’m apparently immune to.” My cheeks burned, much to my distaste. “I definitely don’t. He was just being friendly.” “Yeah, right. He’s my best friend, I think I know.” “Wait,” my face lost all colour in an instant and the meagre contents of my stomach swirled unpleasantly. “Please tell me that’s not the same car.” I didn’t even want to point at it, but
Luke followed my line of sight and his own teasing smile faded. “I think it is. It’s at least very similar. I mean, it’s probably just very similar, right?” Maybe my paranoia hadn’t been so unfounded after all. “We should take its number plate,” Luke managed a rational thought whilst I panicked. “Read it to me.” I did, barely able to see the numbers considering the distance. I still couldn’t see whoever was inside, but it was definitely a guy. Or, a girl with really short hair and a big build.
“It’s the same car, I’m sure it is.” There was no way this was a coincidence. A rundown blue Ford following us last night and then one turning up outside school. “He really wants something with us. What are we supposed to do?” Luke was fidgeting and really trying not to turn around to outright stare at the car. “I really don’t know. I should go over there and demand to know what the fuck he’s doing.” “Should we go to the police?” “He really hasn’t done anything yet, we don’t even know if it’s the same car.”
Our conversation was interrupted by Phoebe, but she had no idea as to the tension. “Hi guys. Best friends already, I can see?” I was in the mood to only grunt a response and give some excuse about how I needed to hand some work in before school started. Jamie’s appearance had been useful, at least.
Chapter Four I’d just about calmed down by the end of the school day – the distractions of general school life were enough to keep my mind occupied. As soon as the bell ran, though, my uneasy paranoia had returned. If the car was there, I probably wouldn’t have been able to keep my cool. Thankfully, it wasn’t and I could listen to Phoebe’s ramblings about the people in her dance class that I’d never met. It was easy to just nod along and I
welcomed not having to actually think up a response. “That’s really terrible,” I agreed, hoping I’d heard right. “Cheating on her boyfriend like that.” “I know!” Phoebe agreed, throwing up her hands. “I couldn’t believe it when she told me. She sounded so pleased with herself, too. Proper fucked up. Are you in your own car today?” “Erm, no Luke gave me a lift. Do you know where he is, by the way? I think we’re doing more shitty German today.” Phoebe blinked, “wow, you really did click, then?” There was only the
tiniest hint of suspicion in her voice. I’d known Luke longer than she had and we’d always had a relationship, even if it was a poor one. “Yeah, it was all dark and stuff and I didn’t know the way back to my house. We figured it was just easier this way.” Phoebe snatched the sleeve of my blouse, eyebrows having shot up. “Are you saying you went to his house?” I cringed. Of course I’d been stupid enough to screw that up the day after he’d told me. Luke wouldn’t want to look at me ever again. “Ah,” I dragged the word out. “Not really, I just dropped
him off outside. I didn’t go in or anything.” That might have been a suitable lie. Or it might have been suitable to just go with the truth and stop Luke’s ridiculous lies in their tracks. He was being stupid about the whole situation – Phoebe was my best friend as I wasn’t the wealthiest woman in the neighbourhood. It didn’t stop Phoebe’s shoulders slumping. “I don’t even know where his house is. I don’t know why he’s been so secretive about it all.” I shrugged, trying desperately to think of a way out of the situation. I should have just outright lied, now Luke
was going to have to put up with so much rubbish. Not that I should ever care what happened to Luke over what happened to Phoebe. The fact Luke was making me feel better about my current problem didn’t just erase the years of friendship I’d had with Phoebe. She was my best friend and he was a temporary comfort. At least, I attempted to drill that into my brain. “I don’t know either, I’m sure he has a reason, though. He’ll probably take you there soon.” “I’ll just have to pester him some
more,” she decided resolutely and I could only groan mentally. Of course she would. “Anyway, I’ve got to head off to dancing so I’m glad you don’t need a lift from me. Luke had PE last, so I’m sure he’ll be a bit late.” “Right, thanks,” it would be best to just wait by his car, then. “Have a good practice.” I couldn’t stand still waiting by Luke’s car. I should tell him now so that he didn’t get Phoebe’s badgering dropped on him later. But then the entire car ride would be painful. Luke had appeared before I’d made
up my decision and I’d apparently not controlled my expression very well. “What have you done?” There was no point in lying now. “I kind of told Phoebe that I’d been to your house. Well, actually I told her that I’d dropped you off, I didn’t mention that I’d met your mum or anything.” I looked up at him with a wince, really hoping he wouldn’t be too mad. Then I wondered why I cared. This was the kind of thing I’d have done without a second thought if it wasn’t Phoebe – sabotaging Luke because it was the way our relationship had always worked.
Either my opinion towards Luke that had changed, or I was too much of a mess to be thinking coherently. It wasn’t wrong to have changed my opinion because we now shared a messy family life, was it? I was sure it would be back to normal and we’d be at each other’s throats in no time. “Please tell me you’re joking,” I was dragged from my weird thoughts by Luke’s angry figure looming over me. “I expressly said not to.” “I didn’t mean to! I’m not good at
lying to my best friend, I don’t exactly have a lot of practice with it.” He waved a dismissive hand. “Whatever, let’s just get you home. I really want to spend as little time with you as possible. Telling you anything was such a horrid idea.” I slipped into the passenger seat and felt incredibly guilty. Or maybe I just felt sad that I was going to have to suffer silence for the next half an hour. And silent it was. Luke didn’t even put on the radio, he just drummed his fingers in an irritating tune against the steering wheel and forced me to stare
out the window apologising again.
and
consider
“Right, you can find your way back now, then?” I’d been too pre-occupied with deciding what to do about the awkward atmosphere that I hadn’t paid any attention to the route. “Whereabouts is the chippy you’re working at?” I asked instead, putting off the second berating at my inability to memorise a few roads. “Chesterfield, though I really don’t know why you’re asking. Just hurry up and go away, please.”
“Look, do you want me to help you out with your German, or not? I need to go and buy some mascara, so just let me come with you and I’ll help you out during the drive. Cool?” Luke was really loathed to accept my offer, but he sighed and turned his engine back on. “Fine. I really wish I didn’t need your help. What did Pheebs say, anyway?” I winced. “She just said she was going to pester you and stuff. I’m really sorry about that, she was being all weird and kind of jealous about it and I was being defensive, it just kind of slipped out.”
Luke rolled his eyes. “She’s always like that. Whatever, I’ve deflected her a thousand times before. Let’s just get on with the German.” The ride went significantly quicker when we were actually communicating and it almost irritated me how quickly Luke picked up on what I was telling him. Maybe he’d just skived off in German to the extreme for all these years or something. “Okay, I’m going to come in and be your first customer because I’m starving. If I order in German I guess that’ll be okay.”
“This entire thing is horribly embarrassing,” he grimaced. “I really wish it was anyone but you that was here, I mean, seriously.” “To be fair, I haven’t made fun of you. I could have been really cruel,” and I’d been on the verge of it many times. “Anyway,” my stomach rumbled and interrupted us. “Let’s go.” Luke’s boss was incredibly weird looking. I couldn’t quite place what it was, but I felt uncomfortable whenever he smiled. “Luke, it’s going to be a busy day today. Your colleague has handed in their notice unexpectedly.”
I hovered in the corner. “No problem,” we were both pretty sure this wasn’t going to take much learning. “Are you wanting to order something?” He checked with me. “I’m not sure what you’re going to do for the four hours I’m working. The car will be cold and dark.” His boss’s eyes lit up. “If you’re free then I’m sure we could use some help for the night. Is cash in hand okay? Thirty pounds for the four hours?” I spared Luke a glance, but he didn’t look offended by the arrangement. “Sure, that would be cool.”
The fish and chip shop was ridiculously easy to run. Luke took the orders and I dealt out the food for the most part. It was only the hairnet that really got on my nerves. “This is so funny,” Luke exclaimed, grinning ear to ear as I attempted to fit my excessively long hair into the thing. It normally sat to the dip in my hip and I felt almost bare without it. “Maybe this was a bad idea after all.” Luke’s boss – Tyler, he’d later revealed – hung around in the
background for about an hour until he knew we were sorted. After that, he went into the back room and didn’t come out. I felt more at ease when Luke and I could just do our thing without a watchful eye staring us down. We didn’t make a single mistake, as far as I was aware, and there were a few lulls where we actually got some German practice done. Tyler reappeared when the shift was over and put the closed sign across the door. “Good work, both of you.” We nodded, unsure what else there was to say to that.
“And so, Carmen, I’d like to offer you the more permanent job, if you’d be interested. It would be the same contract, hours and wages as Luke and starting immediately.” I glanced up at Luke once more, but he was impartial. It was my decision. “Sure, that would be really great, thank you.” This way, we could get the German done and I’d actually have some money coming in. I could be less reliant on my mother for everything. “Excellent,” he shook my hand and went to fetch a piece of paper. He’d clearly been preparing this whilst we’d
been working. “Just sign here and we can sort out all the bank details and stuff later.” He’d said it was the same as Luke’s so, probably stupidly, I just signed it. “Well, that’s all sorted then. I’ll see you tomorrow at the same time.” He handed me the thirty pounds as promised. My regular wage worked out as slightly less than that, but it was still more money than I’d ever had before. “Is anywhere even still open at this time?” Luke asked as we left the shop and braced the cold. “Well, anywhere that sells mascara.”
I was too busy shivering to really register what he was saying. I’d been working in my school uniform with an apron on top and whilst the chippy had been boiling, the outside weather at nearly nine o’clock wasn’t so pleasant. “I think that Tesco’s will be open. I’m pretty sure they close at ten and they always have some make-up.” “Okay, cool, I hope you didn’t take the job just because of the German thing by the way. You didn’t have to do that.” I smirked, “I’m really just after the money, don’t worry. I’m not that generous at all.”
“Well, that’s good, then. Hey, are you cold? You can have my jumper if you want.” He shrugged out of the big, black fleece I’d been ogling. It did look awfully cosy. “Nah, it’s cool. I’m sure it’s not that far to the shop,” I had to hope, anyway. I’d only been to Chesterfield a few times and really hoped I was remembering the way correctly. I wrapped my arms around myself and wondered if Luke and I could have always been this civil if we’d given each other the chance. It was surprisingly nice.
He draped the fleece over my shoulders. “I really try to be a gentleman sometimes.” Pushing my arms through the sleeves, I buried my face in the material that swarmed my small frame. It smelt like Luke. “Thank you.” But he couldn’t hide the fact he was freezing almost as soon as he’d relinquished his fleece. I couldn’t help but feel a little bit guilty, but my comfort cancelled it out. Inside the shop, I picked up the cheapest mascara and took it to the till. Luke hovered in the warm blower at the
entrance and rubbed his hands up and down his arms rapidly. I couldn’t resist the mental smile. I’d definitely never expectedly gentlemanly Luke to be shown to me. He’d obviously forgiven my goof with Phoebe earlier. Back outside, I shoved my mascara in his pocket and handed him back the fleece. “I think we can call it a truce if you have it for the walk back to the car. You are driving, after all. And I’ve just crashed your whole job thing.” He accepted the sweater reluctantly, before holding out the unzipped front. I
raised an eyebrow at him. “Get in,” he reiterated, shaking the jacket once more. I hesitated for only a second before aligning myself against Luke and letting him zip up the jacket. My back crushed against his chest, I was definitely nice and warm. Heat flooded me almost unexpectedly. “Warm enough now?” I nodded, not sure I could manage to speak without sounding husky. It was a jokey thing from someone who was apparently trying to be my friend, but my cheeks were burning in the darkness and nothing could stop my heart pounding. It appeared there was going to be
another phase of me desperately wanting to bang Luke coming on. We reached the car in three times the time it should have taken, but we were in fits of giggles and I’d almost fallen over at least twelve times. Luke undid the jumper and I stepped out, really trying not to act weird. I didn’t want to be too friendly, but I didn’t want to be obscurely shy, either. Just normal would be fine. “I’ll remember to bring my own jumper next time, I promise.” Luke chuckled and unlocked the car,
running a hand through his unruly black hair. “That would probably be a good idea. Now let’s get home, because I’m really starving. We should have just grabbed some chips before we left.” I’d been hungry for a good four hours now and the thought of food was very appealing. I slid into his passenger seat and rummaged through my bag, pulling out a bag of crisps. That would at least put us both on. It was when we were halfway back that I spotted a familiar car. The smile I’d been wearing as we joked about Phoebe’s awful taste in music dimmed and I stared in the rear-view mirror.
“Pass me your phone.” When he hesitated, I reached into his pocket and grabbed it myself. “Where did you save that number plate?” Luke told me where, his own eyes glued to the car I’d seen now, too. This was going to be the confirmation we needed. And as I compared, my humour slowly drained and became fear. “It’s the same one,” I clasped Luke’s phone so tight that it was probably on the verge of breaking. “He really is targeting us.”
Luke slammed the accelerator on and I felt my stomach drop. I’d never been entirely comfortable in speeding cars, but for once I could accept it was better than being followed by that creep. Surprisingly enough, the blue car didn’t follow. Knowing they were too scared of a speeding ticket to catch us up was something, I supposed. “What do we do now?” “I have no idea,” and there was no way either of us could know what to do. “Maybe we should go to the police now and tell them what we know. They might check it out or something.”
“Maybe,” I wasn’t sure what they would do other than explain how we were paranoid about the fact we’d seen a car that happened to have the same number plate twice in one day. We couldn’t prove that it was the same car that had followed us before. “I bet they wouldn’t even look into it, though. Don’t we need some proof or something?” “I guess you’ll have to google it and let me know or something. I’ve got no internet access at mine.” I made a mental note to do that, but it would be on my mind so much there was no chance I’d forget. Having an apparent stalker wasn’t something I was
likely to just forget about. “Sure.” At Luke’s house, my nerves hadn’t completely calmed. I still found myself staring around before getting out of the car and my hands were permanently clammy. How was I supposed to ever feel safe again after this? Inside, Luke greeted his mother and we all sat ourselves down in the living room. “Do we have any chips?” He checked. “I need something quick to put in the oven for us to eat.” “Yes! And some fish fingers, too, and I bought a gorgeous loaf of bread this morning. That’s a good tea right
there.” He excused himself and I was left alone with this mother. It was probably awkward enough already, but I only made it worse by saying something stupid. It had been occupying my mind ever since I’d been offered the job, though, and I really just wanted to help. My parents were fucked, but at least Angela and Luke could be happy. I might resent him for it sometimes, but he most definitely deserved better than a chippy. And his mum seemed nice enough, too. “They offered me a job at the same place Luke worked today,” I was rushing
my words and my fingers were white from clasping them together so hard, but I needed to say this before Luke came back. “And Luke told me about all the stuff you’re going through and… well, I wanted to offer you half my pay check. And I’m really not trying to be like charitable or anything like that, I don’t know if Luke said anything, but my parents are going through a messy divorce right now and there’s really nothing I can do about that, but well… I really, I really kind of like Luke and I think he deserves not to have to worry about this so I’m just offering for him. If that makes sense.” Angela was watching me with wide
eyes and her mouth opened and closed once in silence. “I really can’t take money from you, I’m sorry.” It was of course the first response, it had to be to be polite, but I really wanted to do this. My mother spent her spare cash on fancy clothes and stupid furniture that didn’t fit in our house. It was almost a blessing if she had to spend some of that on petrol and my insurance. Whereas Luke, he was nice and I was in the stupid phase where I fancied the pants off him. I just wanted to help someone out. “I know that you think I’m probably
being weird or something, and I’m really trying not to be patronising, I just want to help. It would only be half my pay check, it probably wouldn’t even be that much money.” Angela couldn’t even look at me, but I knew she was dying to say yes. It was an irresistible offer and I was genuine. I hoped that came across. “I would pay you back every penny, with interest, if you wanted.” “There’s no point in putting you in even more debt. Just take the money.” I’d never really done anything genuinely nice for someone before. I
mean, minor things, of course, but I’d never given to charity or volunteered or gone out of my way to do something. This took limited effort and it made me feel incredibly good about myself. I was consumed in a hug. “I’ll never be able to repay you for this.” “I don’t want you to, and I don’t want you to tell Luke, if he starts acting all soppy then I’ll be really sad. I just want things to stay the same, but for him to not have so much of a burden, you know?” “Thank you,” it was a teary hug that went on almost uncomfortably long. I
really didn’t want to end up sobbing myself. “And I’m sorry about your parents. I know it’s hard right now, but you can always talk to me.” Giving someone money was a way to buy instant friendship, I supposed. I wasn’t even entirely sure what I was doing here, doing this. Phoebe would probably hate me if she ever found out I not only knew about this, but was actively trying to help and hiding it from her. Luke came back into our hug and fixed me with an uncertain look. I just shrugged. “I told her about my parents.”
“Ah,” and then the conversation turned to the stupid things that had been happening in the news recently. It was easy and light conversation that I missed having with my own parents. Even though they’d been technically separated for months, they’d always been civil and that was all I’d cared about. I munched on my food contently, finally not having to worry that my stomach would make an embarrassing noise. I really wanted to avoid feeding Luke ammunition. When it was time to leave, I hovered in his hallway and could barely
bring myself to look outside into the darkness. There was no way I could drive home tonight, both Luke and I knew that. “You should sleep on my sofa and then drive home in the morning. We’ll drive to school together.” “Thank you,” I kicked off the one shoe I’d managed to put on. “I really just didn’t want to drive tonight.” He smirked, “yeah, I really wouldn’t have fancied it myself. And I probably wouldn’t have forgiven myself if this creepy stalker man tried to nab
you. This is probably the best solution.” I ignored the slight fluttering in my stomach. The same would apply to anyone. “Yeah, I think so too,” I decided to just avoid any kind of emotional response to his last sentence. Maybe I was coming up to my period if I was this sappy. “Well, I guess we can watch a film or something,” he checked his watch, “my mum will be heading to bed in a few minutes. She has to start work at five in the morning.” He explained what was happening to his mum and she gave me an odd sort
of smile, just warning us to keep the noise down. “Let’s go get pyjamas and a duvet whilst my mum’s still up and then we can come pick a film,” Luke suggested, following his mum up the stairs. “I don’t think either of our pyjamas will fit you, I’ll see if I’ve got an older, smaller pair or something.” I disappeared into the bathroom with the threadbare pyjamas he handed me. “I would offer you some boxers, but that might be a bit too weird,” he smirked as I shut the door. They were too big for me and I
looked completely ridiculous. The shirt came down to my knees and I had to pull the string incredibly tight to keep the gingham bottoms up around my waist. I was definitely going to trip over the excessively long trouser legs. After washing my face and noting how pale and ill I looked without my make-up, I made my way downstairs. Luke had already draped a quilt and a pillow over the sofa and was crouched down by the DVD cabinet. “Kick Ass okay? I’ve had a bit of a craving to watch it for the past few days. I’ve got popcorn in the microwave.” Cuddling down under the covers
and snatching the pillow for myself, I agreed that was cool. I loved that film and popcorn was always welcome. When the opening began, I really tried to concentrate, but I had to ask the question. “Which one of us do you think that weirdo is after?” Luke sighed, huddled up under the covers on his own side of the sofa and looking like this was the last thing he wanted to talk about. “I really don’t know,” knowing would have probably been worse, really. At least this way we were completely in it together. “I don’t think I’ve ever done anything that would piss someone off so much they’d ever
stalk me.” “I guess I’m a girl. Girls have to put up with creepy stalking stuff sometimes, right? Then again, I’m sure guys do, too. I don’t think I’ve ever pissed anyone off. I tend to stay out of people’s ways most of the time. I mean, I don’t like Phoebe’s friends that much, but I’m pretty sure I’ve never shown that to anyone.” “I really don’t think we’ll know until he wants us to.” I supposed we’d mentally agreed this was a man. His silhouette had definitely looked manly. “And I don’t want to know what will happen then. We need to figure something out, really, instead of hoping
he just pisses off one day and gets bored.” I gripped the covers and lost my appetite for the popcorn that was sitting between us. “I’ll google the police thing tomorrow and see what it says. There must be something they can do.” “I hope so, because we’ll never get near him. Maybe we can do a search on his number plate and see what that brings up. It might be online somewhere who it’s registered to.” “That could work,” my hopes weren’t exactly soaring, but talking about it with Luke when he managed to
remain calm definitely had me feeling better about everything. I would have sent myself mad if I was by myself. Staying over had been best for me, even if it was a bit of a nuisance for Luke. “I’ll try and stop thinking about it now, I promise.” He chuckled, “probably for the best. It’s difficult to keep my mind off it, though. I’m hoping some sleep will do me good.” It didn’t take long for said sleep to take over Luke at all. Only half an hour in, he was slumped on my shoulder and taking liberties with his hands. Part of me knew I should have removed the
hand which slipped onto my upper thigh, but waking him up seemed cruel. It was innocent enough, really. I munched on the popcorn and tried to think no more about it. *** When I woke up the next morning, Luke was fully crushed against me. I had no memory of getting into this position and I really hoped it was all done during our sleep. My head was resting in Luke’s lap and his tented pants prodded into my cheek. I sat up without hesitation, cheeks burning a bright red.
Controlling my breathing was definitely difficult as I took in Luke sleeping form. He didn’t take well to me moving, though. The hand which had been gripping my hip only held on tighter and I was smushed against him, practically sat in his lap now. He groaned out an almost incoherent, “stop moving Pheebs, I’m trying to sleep,” and pressed a kiss to my neck. I felt a prod from beneath. Beginning to feel like it was taking a turn for the too weird, I worked my way out of his grip. It was still a bit
early to be getting up, but I definitely couldn’t stay there. Luke would be horrified when he woke up and I was kind of horrified that my entire body was still flushed. I went into the kitchen and found that Luke’s mum had poured us a bowl of cereal each before going to work this morning. I smiled to myself and added the milk, taking a seat in his quaint kitchen and taking in the pictures which littered the walls. They were almost all of Luke. Some school pictures, some of him skateboarding, some of him in football gear and there were a good number of
trophies and certificates littered around the place, too. I picked up the class photo from when he was ten. We were stood next to each other – it was the only year we’d been the same height. Luke had shot up after that and I’d continued to grow at a sluggish pace. I noted smugly the big red blotch on Luke’s polo shirt. I’d had especially good aim with the ketchup bottle that day. I put the picture down the second Luke walked through the door scrubbing his eyes. When he stretched, I ignored
the contours in his arm muscles. “Why are we awake so early?” “You molested me in my sleep, so I figured I should probably get up.” He raised a disbelieving eyebrow at me. “I don’t think I believe you.” “Pheebs,” I mocked, smooching the air, “come to bed. I’m just trying to sleep.” I gave a look towards his trousers. “And I had to deal with your morning wood. I consider myself completely violated, to be honest.” I laughed when he shook his head with a horrified expression. “Sorry
about that.” “I suppose I can forgive it,” I allowed. And hopefully not spend the next few days wondering what would have happened if I was actually Phoebe.
Chapter Five “Nice shirt,” Jamie commented as I stepped out of my car. I’d followed Luke to school so I should be able to find my way back from him from now on, even if it was a long way around. “I’m sure everyone has one, though. Luke definitely does.” This was Luke’s band shirt and it smelt like him, too. It was a good job no one would be coming close enough to me to find that out. “Thanks, I really like them. I was lucky enough to get to see
them last year. Best concert ever.” Having Luke decide on whether this shirt looked too big and having the audacity to undo my jeans to tuck it in this morning had been kind of strange, but not altogether unenjoyable. Luke had agreed it looked best when the logo was spread tight across my meagre chest. He’d said I could keep the t-shirt and I thanked him profusely. I hadn’t been able to buy the shirt when I saw them live. “I’m definitely jealous. So, hey, are you going to Phoebe’s party in a couple of weeks? She handed me an invite the other day.”
The pink envelope was on my own dressing table, too. Phoebe’s starstudded eighteenth birthday party was definitely going to be an evening to remember. Her parents had agreed to go on holiday for the whole weekend, so she was throwing a massive party that was going to involve far too much alcohol. “She’s my best friend, of course I’m going to her eighteenth,” I laughed, locking the car and starting the stroll towards my lesson. “But yeah, it should be fun. Phoebe’s had a few good parties over the years for sure.” “Ah, cool. I can’t say I’ve ever
been. We never spoke before her and Luke started dating,” and their starting dating had been weird and sudden enough. Phoebe had admitted after a few weeks that they slept together at a party and got together after that. I wasn’t sure they knew each other all too well, really. “I’m sure you’ll have fun.” Jamie sighed. “I’m not even sure I can go yet, my grandparents are coming up and so I’m supposed to be staying around the house most of the time. I just want to chill and party.” “You should be grateful they’re still around to visit,” I muttered,
remembering all too well the four funerals I’d been to in my lifetime. I had older parents and that meant I hadn’t had grandparents for long. “Parties happen all the time.” His face turned scarlet and I couldn’t help but appreciate my fellow ginger’s problem. “Sorry, I know, I’ve just been looking forward to it I guess.” “I’ll make up some stories about how shit it was for you, don’t worry. You won’t feel like you’ve missed out at all.” Jamie grinned ear-to-ear. “You’ll probably need my number for that.”
It wasn’t the direction the conversation had been going in at all, as far as I was aware. I’d just been teasing in my normal, friendly manner. Still, I handed him my phone to put his number in. That way when I just didn’t text him I’d have conveyed my message and wouldn’t have to deal with anything now. It was possibly the most passiveaggressive assholey thing I could have done. But I did it anyway. Besides, I barely knew Jamie now, but he did seem nice enough, really. Maybe if he did turn up at Phoebe’s
party we’d both be drunk and something along the lines of Luke and Phoebe’s relationship could blossom. That seemed to be going well enough for the both of them. “Okay, I’ve got to run, but getting that is going to make my next lesson significantly more bearable. Thank you. I’ll see you around.” Maybe something good could come of this. Maybe. *** I wrapped my blazer around myself with little effect, but Phoebe didn’t have
to. She was snuggled into Luke’s jacket as we both suffered the bracing winds. There hadn’t even been any reason for us to eat lunch outside, other than to avoid Phoebe’s friends. Phoebe liked to spend time away from them, but keep them close enough that she was invited to the majority of parties, I was pretty sure. Sometimes I was sure she wouldn’t have minded ditching me to spend time just with Luke, but I never offered it up. Today had been tempting, though. The library sounded awfully comforting right now. “I’ve already decided what alcohol
I’m getting. I convinced my parents to buy me ten bottles of champagne for midnight. Only the cheap stuff, don’t get me wrong, but that’s going to be awesome. And almost everyone I invited has sent their replies. I always dreamed of doing something really extravagant, but I think this is going to be even better. I’m going to get a load of banners, balloons and party poppers tomorrow. You’ll come, right?” She looked up at Luke with sultry eyes and he caved straight away. “Of course.” She went back to cuddling into his chest and sent me a glance. “How’s
things holding up with your parents? Have you seen your dad or spoken to your mum yet?” “Neither. I’m going to see my dad in a couple of days, though. I really want him to know that I miss him and stuff.” In reality, our apparent stalker and my sudden infatuation with Luke had meant that my dad hadn’t been on my mind all that much, but I didn’t want him to know that. Besides, seeing him might be a bit of a reprieve. “You should really speak to your mum,” Phoebe insisted for the thousandth time since I’d found out what had happened.
“I’m sure she will eventually, something like that isn’t easy to deal with,” Luke interjected with a downturned lip. “You still haven’t told me anything about your parents’ divorce,” Phoebe looked up at him hopefully and I swallowed down the realisation he’d told me straight away. We related in a way he and Phoebe never could. She stuck her hand in the jacket’s pocket when he didn’t respond and the scowl which overtook it was immediate. “What the fuck is this?” It was my mascara that she held up,
tears already brimming in her eyes. “Who the fuck have you been seeing? You know I’d never buy this tacky brand.” I snatched it from her hand, my own scowl forming. “It’s mine. I just made Luke drive past the shop to get me some before we started tutoring yesterday and I didn’t have my bag on me. It’s not a big deal, stop overreacting.” But the tears were making large trails down her face and she sniffled. “Oh, ah, I’m sorry,” she directed it towards Luke, despite the fact I was still mildly offended she’d called my mascara tacky. “I don’t know why I’m
like this so often.” Phoebe had always been like this, in every relationship she’d ever had and I was certain it was a contributing factor as to why they never lasted very long. Luke just shook his head. This obviously wasn’t the first time in their relationship. “I’ll catch you after class.” He stood up, didn’t bother taking back his fleece, and left us alone at the picnic table without a glance backwards. Phoebe snivelled once more, wrapping her arms around herself and going as far
as to sniff Luke’s jacket. “I don’t know why I always fuck this stuff up.” “Me neither. You’re gorgeous Phoebe and Luke really likes you. You have to reign this stuff in.” I made myself take Luke’s seat and wrap an arm around her. “I know,” she was wailing and it annoyed me more than I cared to admit. I’d always been so jealous of everything Phoebe had, but she managed to be so insecure in all her relationships. It was frustrating. I loved her, but I just couldn’t understand it at all. “It’s just all so stupid, but part of me collapses whenever I think about him with
someone else. I don’t know how to stop it.” I of course had no idea, either. “Have you tried looking online about stuff like this? I’m sure people have the same problem, it might help.” She shied away from the suggestion. “I haven’t, I guess I should, though.” I still hadn’t been home to search the things I needed to find out about, but I wasn’t optimistic about either. “I’m sure Luke really cares about you, you don’t need to worry. Just talk to him about it, I’m sure he’ll understand.”
Phoebe sighed, resting her head against my shoulder. “I will do, I promise. I’m just so scared of pushing him away. I think I really like him. I mean, more than really like and it’s making this stupid jealousy thing ever worse.” “Talk to him,” I reiterated. Maybe expressing something akin to love wasn’t exactly the right thing to do, but they definitely needed some kind of communication. Luke was practically lying to her and Phoebe was scared to have a real conversation with him. That couldn’t really make a good
relationship, could it?
Chapter Six “Plant road,” I told Luke again, the irritation really growing between us at this point. “He definitely said Plant road. I’d remember that.” “Well we’re here and there hasn’t been a single hotel,” Luke had insisted on coming with me to visit my dad tonight because the road I’d mentioned was in such a rough area. That, and we’d decided being alone in the car probably wouldn’t be a very good idea for either of us right now.
So, here we were, arguing about the fact that my dad might have lied to me. “Just ring him,” Luke pulled up at the end of the road. “And find out what the address really is.” “But it was meant to be a surprise,” I whined, looking at my phone with lamentation. “I’m sure he’d rather you rang and found out whereabouts he is than you turning back before seeing him at all. There definitely isn’t a hotel around here.”
I sighed, knowing he was right. “Fine. I suppose I’ll have to, then.” I turned down the radio and grabbed my phone. “Hey, dad. Where is it that you’re staying again?” “It’s a place on Plant road,” I knew I’d heard him right before. “It’s maybe not the best place for you come, though.” That much was obvious just from driving up and down. Luke’s concerns had been validated going by the number of boarded up windows and trackies I’d seen. I couldn’t stop my relief at having his tall, well-built figure beside me. “I’m already on the street now, just give me the number and I’ll be there in a
few minutes.” He did so with slight reluctance and that just made me feel more nervous. I gave Luke a sideways glance and he shrugged, setting back off again. My phone was so obnoxiously loud that he’d heard what my dad had to say. “I’m sure it’ll be fine.” But my stomach clenched at the thought of my father living in one of these places whilst my mum was safe and sound wrapped in the bed she’d defaced with another man. It wasn’t fair at all. This was probably going to send my rage levels all the way back up.
The house we pulled up at was even at the bad end of the street and I tugged and the ends of my hair compulsively. “It’ll be fine,” Luke urged me to get out of the car. “I’m sure I could fend off anyone with these muscles.” I could only shake my head and laugh as he flexed. There was no denying the power in that arm. I stuck close to his side when knocking on the door. My gaze was glued to the boarded up window on the top floor. How had my dad even found this place? There was no way he could afford to rent an entire house, even something this grim.
A pot-bellied man opened the door and I put him at about the same age as my dad. Perhaps they’d been at school together. “What can I help you with?” He eyed us both up and down blatantly, chewing gum with an open mouth. “If you’re ‘ere for the powder then we’re all out. Check in next week.” My eyes widened, and Luke stiffened beside me. “My dad’s staying here, I think. I was just wondering if I could go and see him.” “Oh, shit,” he ran a hand over his bald head. “Maybe don’t mention that I just said that to you if you don’t mind,
told ‘im I wouldn’t y’see. Just go right on up the stairs. First door on the right.” The boarded up room, I guessed from the position of the staircase. “Thanks.” Luke was almost uncomfortably close behind me as we climbed the stairs. I was engulfed in a hug when I entered the room and my dad squeezed so hard it hurt. “Hi honey, it’s so good to see you.” “You too, dad.” When he pulled back, he eyed Luke suspiciously, before sticking out a hand.
“I’m Charles. It’s nice to meet you.” “Luke,” he shook back with an almost awkward expression. “This is Phoebe’s boyfriend.” It was the best way to clear up our relationship when it came to my dad. “We’re working together and I’m helping him out with some German.” “Aha, well I’m sure your grade will be propped up in no time. My daughter has always been a clever one,” that was a blatant lie if ever I’d heard one, but it still made me smile. We took seats on the battered sofa
and my dad was forced to perch on an upturned crate in the middle of the floor. I was really dying to ask him about why he was staying here and how he knew about it in the first place, but the mood was good right now. “How are things going with you?” “They’re going, slowly. I know this place is horrid, but it’s better than the streets and that was the alternative,” there was a bitter hatred in his voice and I knew it was aimed at my mum. “How is she holding up?” “I don’t really know. I haven’t spoken to her very much. I’ve been employing awfully good avoidance
tactics.” I suspected Luke didn’t feel overly comfortable here, but I really appreciated him tagging along and I knew he’d be glad he had too. My dad ran a hand through his hair. He seemed so much greyer and haggard than before, even if it had only been a week. The small, single bed in the corner was little more than a mattress on the floor and it couldn’t have been comfy for sleeping on. “You said you were working?” His eyes had darkened against and I resisted the urge to sigh. I knew where this conversation was going.
“Ah yeah, just at a chippy for a few nights a week. Definitely nothing impressive. For petrol money more than anything.” That would soothe his mind, hopefully. He’d never be able to make himself work in a fish and chip shop, no matter how much he needed the money. “Oh, I see. That’s nice, then. I’ve been job searching since I left home even more,” he tapped his foot impatiently. “Some money would be nice.” It was the least subtle thing I’d ever heard and for a moment, I really considered giving him my other half. I really didn’t need the money, but my
father almost didn’t deserve it. There were plenty of retail jobs that he could have walked into with his previous experience, but he was just unwilling. Luke would never have accepted my money even if I’d begged him to take it. “I know, I’m sure something will come up soon, though,” I managed a small smile. “Have you seen him, yet? Met him?” My dad had seen him the one time he’d caught them in bed, but from my understanding they’d both left the house relatively quickly. I doubted either had
even gotten a good look at each other. “Neither. Hopefully I never will.” He chuckled. “I’m sure you’ll be forced to eventually. Some kind of horrible dinner to get to know him, or something.” “Like she’d ever be able to convince me to do that.” A quick rapping on the door interrupted the conversation and the guy I’d met downstairs popped his head in without waiting for a response. “You kids need to get out of ‘ere, someone is coming over. Sorry ‘bout the short time,
but this is something big. You’ll ‘ave to come back some other time.” My dad grimaced, but there was nothing he could do about it. I’d have to find out about his connection to this guy next time I came to visit. “It was really good to see you dad,” we all stood up and I embraced him in a tight hug. “I’ll come and visit again soon, I’ve really missed having you around.” “I’ve missed you too, honey, but maybe it would be better if you didn’t come back here again. Wait until I’m more sorted, or come and meet me in a coffee shop. And if you do insist on coming back here, bring him with you,”
he stuck his thumb towards Luke before releasing me. “I will, don’t worry. I’m not just not going to see you because my mum’s forced you into this situation, though.” “I’m sure we’ll work something out,” he turned to Luke and shook his hand once more. “Good to meet you. Make sure you look after her while I’m not around.” “Dad.” Luke was quite clearly on the verge of making an uncomplimentary remark, but the sentence had clearly struck closer
to home than either of us would have liked. We needed to be looking out for each other for sure, because this stalker thing didn’t look like it was going away any time soon. “I will do.” “You really need to go,” the guy at the door stressed once more, apparently not moved by our goodbyes. “You two should head off. Stay safe and I’ll see you again soon.” I gave a sad wave before exiting the door and starting down the stairs. It looked as though we’d not been quick enough because the door opened just as I reached the ground floor. The bald guy
who was trailing us pushed his way through and quickly shook the hand of the man at the door. “’Ey up, mate, good to see you, sorry about these, they’re just leaving,” he ushered for us to hurry up and leave. The man at the door gave us a once over and I realised he had a glass eye. I tried desperately to stare, keeping my gaze glued to my scuffed up converse. “It’s no problem, I feel better in your business model if you’ve actually got customers at the house.” “Right, right, yes,” my dad’s landlord coughed awkwardly and stared us down, letting us know that we still
had to leave straight away. I wanted nothing more than to get out of this building as fast as possible. “Still, they were just leaving. We can talk alone.” “Excellent,” he took a step forward so the exit was free and I went straight for it, keeping my eyes completely downcast. I almost jumped when I felt his gloved hand on my arm. “Just know that if you ever need anything straight from the source, you can always find me here,” he handed me a car with a number on and I stared at it in horror. I definitely didn’t want anything to do with that.
Luke gave me a slight push from the other side and we exited together, both with pale faces. “I don’t want to go back there again, no matter what I said,” I stuck close to his side even when we were back on the street. “I don’t know what the fuck he’s doing in there.” “I’m not letting you go back there, whether you like it or not,” Luke even looked slightly annoyed by the entire thing. “So I’m glad that’s your opinion. What a bunch of sleazeballs. Your dad seems nice enough, anyway.” I chuckled, but held up my finger when I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket. It was an unknown number,
which instantly had my guard raised. What a sweet family reunion. Just be aware that I know all about your dad’s illegal residence if you were feeling inclined to go to the police about me, Love, your friend in the Ford. I passed the phone to Luke with a quivering hand and my gaze found the car in no time at all. Parked down the street, facing the other way, there was still no chance I could see his face. Luke followed my line of sight and began striding towards the car, fists
clenched by his side. “That piece of shit, I’m going to go and show him exactly what he gets when we threatens us. That piece of absolute shit.” I had to jog to catch up, and I tugged on Luke’s arm. “Stop, there’s no point. This isn’t going to accomplish anything.” Other than perhaps get him to spill the beans on my dad, of course. Luke didn’t listen, but the car had sped off before he was even halfway there. I knew if we hadn’t been stood in the middle of the road, then he would have lashed out at something. “What a dickhead. Who does he think he is to just threaten you like that and drive off like
some kind of coward?” My fist was still wrapped in the arm of Luke’s jackets and I pulled once more. “There’s nothing we can do about it, come on we just need to get home. We’ll figure something out then.” Luke rounded on me. There was something to lash out at after all. “How can you just be standing there so calm? He’s threatening your family, not mine, and I’m on the one going over there to do something about it. How does that work exactly?” I wanted to back down, but his tall stature dominated mine anyway. “I’m
just trying to be rational. He could have a knife or a gun in there or anything. He’s not exactly looking sane, is he?” The blaring of a horn made me jump and Luke and I had to scoot backwards to avoid being hit by the car that sped down the road. The driver shot a less than complimentary gesture at us. The metal of Luke’s car was cold at my back and Luke hovered close to me, still kind of in the road. “You okay?” “I’m fine. Look, you were trying to protect me and I was trying to protect you. This is the way this whole thing is going to have to work, I guess. I didn’t
want you to get hurt.” I looked up at him with eyes pleading to understand. I just wanted him to calm down so we could go home and figure this thing out. Not that there was much to say other than “well, I guess we’ll just do everything he says from now on.” But Luke returned my gaze with a look of utter helplessness. “I don’t like being in this situation. I don’t know what to do to solve it and keep us both safe.” I managed the smallest of smiles. “I’m sure we can figure something out together.”
“I just want it to be over and done with already,” he sighed and didn’t look away. “Hey, are you okay?” I couldn’t really say that I was. “I’ll be all right, at some point in the near future hopefully.” When he tucked a piece of hair behind my ear, my eyes widened and I swallowed. Well, that was completely out of the blue and my stomach reacted with a flip. “I hope so too. This really isn’t fair on you.” My hands hung limp by my side as I strongly considered lifting them to his school tie. This was suddenly far too
intimate, but I only wanted it to get worse. “Thank you for going after him. It… really means a lot that you would, you know?” I sucked in a breath when he leant forwards. He was leaning into kiss me and I wasn’t going to do a single thing about it, other than to accept his lips with a burning lump in my throat that tried to warn me I was doing the wrong thing. Only, he redirected the kiss at the last minute and it landed on my cheek. “We should go home,” he muttered, breath tickling my ear and still causing
my eyes to slip shut. My crushes on Luke were something I’d endured on and off for longer than I liked to admit, but the closest I’d ever been to him was when we’d wrestled each other to the floor when we were younger than ten. This was something else entirely and my heart pounded against my chest with a desperate longing. I’d dreamt about this moment for so long, even when we were being absolute dicks to each other during the day time. Of course it was when he was going out with my best friend that some
attraction would rear its ugly head. And I hadn’t even been the one to initiate this. At least, I didn’t think I was. Luke was gone, disappeared into the car by the time I pulled myself back into an even slightly normal mind-set and I slipped into the passenger seat with a stony expression. This was the end of even an amicable friendship. It had lasted surprisingly long. The drive was in silence and I knew Luke was going to drop me back off at home rather than taking me to his
like the past few nights. Maybe I had missed that he’d started finding me attractive somewhere in that time, or maybe it had just been a completely spur of the moment thing. At least spur of the moment would mean it was unlikely to happen again. And that was definitely best. For Phoebe’s sake. Because I wasn’t even going to be able to look at her for days. Sure, I’d daydreamed about being with Luke whilst he’d been with Phoebe, I’d even imagined him cheating on her with me, but if it happened in real life? That would be unbearable and I’d be the
biggest bitch in the world. She was my best friend. “My dad had a drug problem,” Luke spoke when we were five minutes away from my house. “It was part of the reason his debts were so high. My mum had known about it for years and never said anything, I think she might have been scared of him. Being there today, it just made me all stressed out. I’m sorry for being an idiot. I’d really rather you didn’t mention any of this to Phoebe.” It was a formal apology, at least in the words, but his tone quivered. Being in that house and seeing everything going on must have really messed with him and
it was no wonder his emotions had been all over the place. It wasn’t attraction, it was some kind of trauma. At least that stopped me having to over think it and lead myself into a delusional thought process anymore. That solved that easy enough. “It’s fine. I won’t say anything. I hope you’re all right. I wouldn’t have asked you to come if I’d have known, about you or my dad.” He didn’t respond and I hadn’t been expecting him to. We said our goodbyes
in an awkward fashion and I disappeared into the house with a heavy heart. I’d no doubt spend the rest of the evening imaging all the possible outcomes if we’d actually locked lips rather than feeling guilty about lying to my best friend again.
Chapter Seven My mood was still sour from witnessing Luke and Phoebe all over each other at lunch, even if it was unreasonable and unfair. Of course they were all over each other, they were in a relationship. I was the outlier in this situation. Luke didn’t care about me and I shouldn’t care about him. It made work incredibly difficult because trying to keep a smile on my face was becoming harder and harder. Luckily, Luke was feeling quiet so there
was no need for me to make rubbish small talk. I simply took orders and shovelled chips and loathed my hairnet. “You know my grade actually went up to a B last test,” Luke commented out of the blue near the end of our shift. “I thought you’d enjoy some ego-stroking.” I smiled to myself. There was nothing like it to lift my mood a little bit. “I’m glad to hear it. I always knew I was a good teacher.” “You feeling okay today? You’ve been a bit down, I think.” I scowled. Of course he’d picked
up on it. “Fine. Just had a bit of a run in with my mum, as always. Nothing really important. I thought work would keep my mind off it.” Of course he knew our almost incident yesterday was going to have an impact, too, but I wasn’t going to mention it again. “I’m sorry for asking you to lie to Phoebe. I should tell her, I know.” I hung my head. “It’s fine. It was a mistake that came out of a completely weird situation, it’s not going to happen again and we’ll forget about it.” It only made me feel guiltier that my best friend wasn’t even the thing bothering me the most. I was so pathetic. “Whatever,
anyway. I’d rather talk about something else. How are your multiple extracurricular activities going? I don’t know how you’re fitting anything in around working and school.” “I do hobbies that don’t require a lot of time commitment mainly. Like, I play the piano and I do this creative writing group and then I play football. Apart from football, I meet like once a week with the writing people and practice with the orchestra for that amount of time, too. But yeah, it’s been good.” “How long have you been playing the piano?” I’d noticed the instrument in
the corner a number of times, but I kind of assumed it was a decoration in-fitting with the rest of Angela’s décor. “That’s pretty cool. I played the flute for like three months before I couldn’t be bothered to practice anymore.” “Since I was about ten I think. My dad always pushed me to play, I haven’t really felt like playing since he left.” That was sad. “I always really liked piano music, you should play just because it sounds really awesome.” He grinned and I was sure his cheeks were tinged pink. “I do still try.”
“I’m glad.” Tyler popped his head out of the door to let us know it was time to leave and I ripped my hairnet off with a sigh of relief. “I really hate this thing.” My hair tumbled back down to the dip in my hips and I fluffed it out. The natural curve came back when it was tied up for that long. “Anyway, let’s get going.” Luke blinked and nodded. “Sure. You said you had a run-in with your mum, were you wanting to come back to mine for a bit? My mum’s put a lasagne in and she says you’re more than welcome.”
I couldn’t stop the smile. I wished me and my mum were like Luke and Angela. Now I had another parent-child relationship to be jealous of, but Angela had taken me under her wing more than Phoebe’s parents ever had. Then again, I was giving her money so there was no way of knowing how genuine that was. I still accepted his invitation. We dug into the food almost as soon as we got back to Luke’s and the food was gorgeous. It seemed like forever since I last had a cooked meal – my dad did the cooking and my mum did the cleaning. There had been a lot of instant noodles recently.
“I was thinking we should go through the finances tonight,” Angela explained in between mouthfuls. “It was the month end a couple of days ago.” Luke raised an eyebrow, glancing at me only once, before nodding. “Sure… we can do it now if you want.” “I thought you’d want to wait until Carmen had gone,” her gaze flicked to me for a moment now, but Luke only shrugged. “I don’t care. I told Carmen everything, anyway. May as well get it over and done with.”
I felt slightly awkward as Angela got up to go and fetch her paperwork. Hearing about it was one thing, but sitting in on their financial discussion did feel a little bit awkward. It felt like I was a part of their family already even though Luke had only introduced me a few days ago. I kept my gaze in my pasta and tried not to look like I was intruding. “It’s looking a lot better with your wage coming in.” Luke nodded, taking the bank statement off her and checking the numbers himself. “What’s this from?” He placed the sheet of paper back on the table, and pointed to a number. I knew
that it was going to be the money I’d given. We’d only gotten money for the couple of weeks we’d worked so far this month, but it was still a pretty substantial amount as far as I was concerned. I hoped Angela had come up with a decent excuse. “They started paying me in a separate payment for my overtime,” she explained, voice steady and believable. “Weird, but apparently that’s the way the new system is going to be.” “You didn’t work that much overtime this month, and your normal work total is practically the same as
normal,” he folded the paper. “Mum, I hope you’re not doing anything different to normal. You know we have this under control now.” “I’m not, I wouldn’t lie about something like that. The numbers just worked out weird this time. We had some mandatory meetings that were given as overtime and the rate went up a tiny bit. It’s just been a weird month at work.” “A weird month you didn’t mention until now?” She shrugged, staring at the folded paper without very much confidence. “I
just didn’t want you to be stressed with any of it.” “Mum, you always tell me this stuff. What’s going on? You know we got into this mess by my dad doing stupid stuff… I don’t want you to get into anything bad either.” “I never would!” I listened to their argument with guilt weighing on my conscience. Angela was doing everything to stop me being dropped in at and having to listen to her son’s doubts. I tugged on my hair and was forced to admit that “the money’s from me.”
Both gazes snapped to mine, Angela’s guilty and Luke’s surprised. “What?” “I just, wanted to help out since my parents are kind of screwed.” I looked up at him hopefully. “I don’t want you to be annoyed or anything.” Luke sighed, standing up and beginning to pace. “Mum, can I speak to Carmen alone for a minute?” “Of course,” she hurried out of the room with an apologetic look in my direction.
I stood up, too, clasping my hands in front of myself. “I didn’t want you to find out in case you thought I was just being a dick or something, and I figured if you got rid of your debt problem quicker then yours and Ph-” I was stopped from saying his girlfriend’s name by lips on mine. Luke had swooped in, hands cupping my face and lips pressing against mine in a surprisingly soft embrace. My eyes slipped shut, even though they should have widened in horror, and I stood on my tiptoes so Luke wasn’t having to break his back, fitting my body against his.
When my hands curled into his hair, my heart pounded and I really tried to shove Phoebe from my brain because this was the most emotional kiss I’d ever had. Eventually, reason won out. We’d broken away from an openmouthed kiss to breathe, our bodies moulded perfectly and our noses brushing together, when Luke let out a shuddering breath and told me I had to leave. “I know,” I stepped away, shoving my hands in my pockets to stop them doing anything stupid. “I know, I’m so
sorry,” even though it was him who had kissed me, I felt the tears welling in my eyes. I’d done this entire thing because I fancied him and it had worked. He’d kissed his girlfriend’s best friend. I fled the room, shoving my feet into my shoes and opening the door with blurry vision. I felt a hand on my arm and jumped. Angela’s sad expression met mine. “I just want you to know that you’re better for him than she ever could be.” It was cheesy and stupid and I didn’t want to hear it. I couldn’t be
better than Phoebe, because Phoebe was his girlfriend and that was all that mattered. I slammed the door behind me without another word. I didn’t want Angela to think I was mad at her, but I didn’t have the willpower to speak to her either. I just needed to get home and sit in my self-loathing whilst I attempted to figure out what I was going to tell Phoebe. Because she something, really.
had
to
be
told
It was only fair, when I’d done something like this.
I wrapped my arms around myself, suddenly realising that the wind was whipping at my exposed arms. I’d left my jumper in Luke’s car. Tears streamed down my face. When a car pulled up beside me, I jumped and feared the worst. I’d been stupid enough to walk into the streets when some madman was after us. Thankfully, it was only my mum. “What are you doing out here?” I stared past her at the man in the passenger seat. He looked like my dad. “I was walking home from Luke’s.”
Maybe she hadn’t noticed the tears yet. It was incredibly dark outside. “Get in, I’ll give you a lift home.” I wiped my eyes on the way to the back seat, knowing it probably hadn’t done much more than smudging my make-up. “What’s happened? Is there something wrong?” “Nothing’s wrong, just the wind making my eyes water.” As good an excuse as any, I supposed. I tried to get a good luck at my mum’s new boyfriend, after confirming that it definitely wasn’t my dad sat in the passenger seat. “I’m Carmen, nice to meet you.”
“Richard. I would shake your hand, but it’s a bit awkward in the car,” he chuckled, obviously uncomfortable. My mother probably hadn’t skimped on the details of how angry I was. I forced out a laugh, before going back to my sulking. Pleasantries were over and done with and I wasn’t affected by the awkward silence that took over the car. It was when I sniffled that my mum turned around. “Oh, tell me what’s wrong.” I could see her eyebrows had knitted together, even in the near darkness. “Why were you walking home alone?”
“I just had an argument with Luke, it’s not even a big deal.” When she reached back and took my hand in hers, I resisted the urge to flinch. I hadn’t touched my mother in over two weeks. “You can always talk to me. I’m sure whatever you’ve fallen out about isn’t worth your tears.” And that was when I really burst into tears. I scrubbed at my eyes to shield my face, but my mother looked utterly forlorn. “It’s really nothing,” I repeated, voice broken. “Nothing important. I’m just overreacting.” There was no way I could tell her what I’d just
done when I continued to blame her for my dad leaving. I supposed we were both just bad people. “You can always talk to me,” she repeated, squeezing my knee now my hands were out of reach. “I’ll always be here.” “I know. Thanks. I think I just need some sleep. It’s really not a big deal.” I felt my phone vibrate against my thigh a few minutes later and saw Luke’s name on the display. Please let me come and pick you up. You can’t walk home alone.
I really tried not to let myself smile, but the corner of my lips still turned up. I let him know my mum had picked me up in the shortest number of words, but clung tight to my phone and wished there was an easy solution to this. My lips shouldn’t have still been tingling and I shouldn’t still have been focusing on it, but I had to have tonight before I was completely consumed by guilt. I’d finally gotten to kiss Luke, and it was as good as I could have imagined.
Chapter Eight It was with a stony expression that I pulled into the school car park the next morning. I wasn’t prepared to face Luke at all, and I definitely wasn’t capable of having a conversation with Phoebe. I had my day all planned out – I wasn’t with either of them in lessons today and at lunchtime, the library would be my safety zone. It was foolproof. I could avoid this problem until it
just went away, was what I attempted to tell myself. There was no point in remembering that I was supposed to be working with Luke tonight, and nearly every night after that. Getting through the school day was my only priority right now. I’d gotten to school later than normal to further this plan. Unfortunately, it had left me stuck parked next to Jamie. He was sat in his car, scribbling something into his school diary, but the moment I stepped out of my car, he opened his passenger door and invited me in. “Forgot to get my mum to sign it this week. I don’t even know why
we still have to do this at nearly eighteen. I thought it would stop after the age of ten.” I chuckled, leaning over to check out his poorly forged signature. “Yeah, it’s pretty stupid. Loads of schools don’t even bother with school uniform for sixth form anymore, but we get sent home if our tights have got a rip in.” There was no way this was preparing us for university. “I know, right? My cousin doesn’t even call his teachers miss and sir, just their first names. Our school really messed this whole adult thing up. Anyway, I pulled you in here because I
wanted to ask you something. The other day you were saying about my grandparents and stuff and I just wanted to say that I did have a reason for really not wanting to stay in this weekend.” I raised an eyebrow. I already knew where this was going. “Go on.” “I was hoping to ask you out somewhere. My grandparents decided they’re going out for dinner by themselves on the Friday anyway, so I’m actually free, if you did want to do something.” He sent me an impish smile and I hoped he couldn’t tell mine was fake.
Jamie was nice, he was a nice and available guy and I should have been all over him. “I’d love to.” It was one date, that wasn’t enough to string him on, but it was enough to see if maybe I could transfer my affections for Luke onto him instead. Nice and available. That was what I needed. Jamie beamed, shoving his planner back into his back and tapping his feet. “That’s awesome. I’ll pick you up at seven. It’s nowhere fancy, just a little Italian, that all right?” He’d obviously planned it all out before asking me.
“That’s great.” “Okay, well, we should really dash. I think we’re seriously late now, but it was definitely worth it.” I chuckled and got out of the car, trying to hold back any kind of depressing emotions. This was a good thing; I had a date, which was something I hadn’t done in forever. My one real relationship hadn’t been great and I’d not had much luck since then. This was a great development in my love life. I practically walked into Luke when I stood up and it caused me to jump, stepping backwards automatically. “We
need to talk.” It was a monotone statement, but Luke’s expression gave away all the distaste he felt. “Now.” Jamie grinned as he stepped out of the driver’s seat and I cringed. If he mentioned our date I’d die inside. “Hey mate, I’m gonna head to class. Guess we’re all late today.” “Sure thing, see you later, then.” “See you Jamie,” I called, praying that was it. He continued to grin at me, but that was all. Luke made a noise of irritation, before pointing to a café over the road.
“Come on, let’s get this over and done with.” I nodded and followed, trailing slightly behind and staring up at the back of his head. I really didn’t want this, it was everything I’d been hoping to avoid. What was even the point in talking about it? It was in my head, running on replay, I didn’t need to say anything out loud. I needed to stay as far away from Luke as was humanly possible. We slid into a booth in the corner, sitting opposite each other. It was a quaint little café, with only a few tables and classic gingham table cloths. I stared at the gathering of flowers at the centre
of the table and resisted the urge to check whether they were fake. “What is there to say about it?” Luke didn’t get time to respond, because an older lady had approached our table with pen and paper in hand. She eyed our uniforms suspiciously, but it couldn’t have been too surprising. We did have free periods and this café must have been a frequented destination. “What can I get you two?” “A cappuccino, please,” Luke had only glanced at the menu, whilst I studied it in detail. I pulled a face at his choice. I’d never been able to stomach coffee.
“Just a hot chocolate for me, please.” She took note and whisked herself behind the counter to get the drinks ready. Hot chocolate was normally hit or miss, so I hoped I’d made the right choice. “Do you think we should tell Phoebe?” Luke brought our conversation right to the topic at hand. “Of course we should tell Phoebe. We did a really shit thing.” It was the obvious answer and we both knew it. Telling Phoebe was the only real option. Luke frowned and nodded. “I guess
that’s settled then. There isn’t really much to talk about.” The woman placed down our drinks and we both thanked her with a false smile. “How long have you been friends with Phoebe?” Luke sipped on his drink and burnt his tongue. In any other situation, I would have laughed loudly. I pretended to think about it. “Ten years. Ever since she moved to Sheffield. We sat together in all our lessons.” “You can’t tell her. I’m going to
break up with her and that’s that. It’ll all be forgotten about and you can stay friends. I think that’s fair.” I was expecting it to be painful for Luke to say that, but he just looked despondent, staring into his drink. “It was my fault. I kissed you. I’m going to break up with her, but you should get to stay friends.” “I can’t-” “Yes, you can. I guess there wasn’t really much to talk about, huh?” I finally tried my drink, glad for the distraction, and found it was one of the bad ones. She’d just used water and no milk. “What about us?”
“There is no ‘us’.” “You know that’s not what I meant,” I snapped. I didn’t expect there to be an ‘us’ just because Phoebe had moved out of the picture. “I meant that we work together, and that I’m supposed to be helping out with your German.” “I can’t quit my job.” He was still staring at the cup, either unable or unwilling to look up at me. I was being so selfish here, getting to keep Phoebe whilst Luke gave her up. I should explain exactly what happened and get it over and done with. She could start university next year with a clean slate;
without a cheating boyfriend and best friend. I gripped my cup until it was painful. “I’d quit, if that was what you wanted.” “It’s not. I don’t want any of this, at all.” I sighed, trying to fish out a marshmallow. “I don’t want any of this either. I’ll keep my job and see how it goes. I still want to give you half my pay check.” “I feel awful taking your money.”
“Why? I’m offering it. I don’t need it, I just want to help. It’s not really a big deal.” I couldn’t play the excuse that I was doing it for the benefit of their relationship anymore, anyway. Luke finally looked up, giving me a small, real smile. I smiled back automatically. “Thank you. I really, really appreciate it.” “It’s fine, really.” We lapsed into a weird silence and I felt tears prickling at the corner of my eyes. I wondered when the next time I’d have a normal conversation with Luke would be. It had just been getting good;
we’d figured out a good relationship with actual conversation and playful jabs rather than mean ones. Now, work would be awful and seeing each other in school would be non-existent. Especially if he found out I was going out with Jamie, which was inevitable when they were such good friends. I should tell him now, rip the band aid off and get it over and done with. I stared and his downcast expression, ready to open my mouth, before deciding I was being an idiot. I was thinking of telling him because I thought he’d be annoyed or angry, but he was mourning
the loss of Phoebe, not me. I’d been a stupid mistake that had cost him his girlfriend. The tears came back, but I blinked them away as best as possible. “We should go,” I ground out, leaving half my drink and standing up. “There’s no point in sitting around and talking about this stuff anymore. We’ve figured everything out, right?” I was bitter and not good at hiding it. It didn’t matter what Luke thought of me. He probably loathed me, or would, in the near future. “Oh, sure. I guess so.” He stood up, leaving half his drink, too. “I guess that is everything.”
I pulled out my purse and tipped far too much, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to get out of here and being forced to talk to the owner wasn’t part of that plan. “Well-” I was engulfed in a hug, my face smushed into Luke’s chest. His arms were so tight around me it was almost painful, but I revelled in it. He pressed a gentle kiss to the top of my head. “I think it would have been better if you taught me German a few months ago,” he whispered with a choked voice and a tear slipped down my cheek. If Phoebe had been removed from
the equation, maybe Luke and I could have actually worked something out. Maybe we could have been happy.
Chapter Nine Tyler had already commented on how sullen we looked once and that it was off-putting to the customers, but keeping a fake smile on my face was incredibly difficult. I was sure it still looked more like a grimace. Tyler had probably just given up on telling us now and had shut the door to his office. I couldn’t blame him, the tension in the air was unbearable. I’d never wanted to leave somewhere so badly.
Luke and I had been completely silent towards each other, the extent of our conversation being orders that needed filling. I wanted desperately to make conversation, but my mind was blank. Our heavy mood hung over the entire room and I just wanted it to go away. I needed some reprieve. “Carmen?” I blinked, looking up from where I’d been shovelling chips to the woman Luke was serving at the counter. “What are you doing?” “Ah, working, I guess.” I pulled a sheepish face and took Luke’s place at the counter, facing my mum. She looked torn between looking aghast and proud.
She was beyond offended I hadn’t told her. “You didn’t think to mention this to me?” She folded her arms, eyebrows knitted. Our relationship had gone so downhill that I hadn’t even thought to tell her I had a job. “I don’t know, really. I didn’t think about it.” I looked at the till awkwardly. “Did you want to order something?” She shook her head in exasperation, barking out her order for two. Richard was probably in the car outside.
“I’ll tell you when I get home, if you’ll be in,” I offered. Luke had been right, when we’d talked on the first night. I didn’t want to let things get so out of hand that our relationship was irreparable. I still loved my mum and following recent events, I really needed someone I trusted in my life. I was ashamed to admit that I was beginning to understand her position. “Okay, I’ll be in.” Luke handed me the order without looking at me, and I handed it to my mum. “Catch you later mum.”
I turned to Luke, but his face told me he wasn’t planning on offering an opinion. I hung my head and memorised the order of the till buttons. It had to get better eventually. *** The vibration from a text message put me on edge. If it was from Phoebe, I wouldn’t want to reply and if it was from Luke, something had to be horribly wrong. There was no one else who ever text me to get in contact. No one apart from the stalker, I realised, when the withheld number lit
up my screen. I hadn’t read the message yet, but I could see the attachment. I opened it, wanting to punch something. It was Luke and I, locked in a pixelly embrace in his kitchen. I had to take a few deep breaths before bringing myself to read the message. If he’d got us in a choke hold before, now were rendered completely useless. I’d have done anything he said, including meeting him at school with Luke, which was what his message required. There was no indication of what he
wanted, other than for us to meet him there. I should have gone alone; manned up and taken the fall so that Luke didn’t have to get involved, but I was too chicken for that. Besides, openly disobeying one of his commands when he’d got that picture on his phone probably wasn’t the best idea. So I dialled Luke’s number with a knot in my stomach. He’d be angry. “What’s up?” I could hear Phoebe talking in the background and knew it couldn’t have been worse timing. His tone and words did a good job of being normal. “He text me, he has a picture of us,”
there was no point in beating about the bush. “He wants us to drive to the school.” Getting off the phone whilst he was still with Phoebe was probably the biggest priority. Luke paused for a long moment. “Okay, I’ll be right there. See you later mum, love you.” His tone was terse and there was just a hint of fear. Phoebe was going to know something was wrong. I sat in my car, parked outside my house, and waited for Luke to call me back. Tapping my steering wheel didn’t offer any of the normal stress-release and I couldn’t bring myself to turn on the radio. My mind was filled with the
possibilities of what he might want. It was bound to be something awful, something that keeping my relationship with Phoebe probably wasn’t worth. The phone buzzed and I put it straight to my ear. “Hi.” “I need you to take me to Luke’s house, it’s urgent,” Phoebe rushed her words and it sounded like she was pulling her shoes on. I really didn’t need this right now. “Why, what’s happened?” “His mum was on the phone and he had to leave straight away. There’s
something wrong, I know it. I need to be there for him.” I wasn’t sure why she couldn’t see that if he needed her there, he would have just given him a lift herself. “How do you know he’s even gone home?” “He said he was.” “If he wanted you there, I’m sure he’d have said. He probably wants to just work this out himself and then tell you about it, or something.” Phoebe wasn’t convinced. “I can help make whatever the problem is better,” I heard her front door shut.
“He’s just too proud to ask me. I should be there.” “You don’t even know what’s wrong. It might be nothing important, it might be something private within his family. You can’t just turn up.” “Carmen please, I really need you to do this for me.” “I’m sorry, I really can’t give you a lift. I need to go, anyway. I’ll talk to you later. I’m sure Luke is fine.” I winced when I hung up and saw the dozen messages Luke had sent me and even more missed calls. There was no point in reading whatever expletives he had
for me now, I just returned his call instead. “Phoebe rang me,” I cut off whatever he’d been about to say. “Asking for a lift. You know how persistent she is.” “Well, whatever. Just meet me at the garage around the corner from school.” “Okay,” I hung up and sped off, knowing he’d probably already be there. Phoebe lived close to school. I pulled up beside him, climbing out of my own vehicle and joining him in his. The heat blasted into my face, but I still felt pale and cold. I handed Luke the phone to let him see the picture and the
message. “You can kind of tell it’s us.” Luke nodded slowly, hand curling into a fist. I jumped when he hit his steering wheel. “What the fuck? As if I needed this right now.” My eyes remained downcast whilst he worked his anger out. “I know. We have to do what he says, don’t we? Or, at least go and find out what he wants.” “Yeah, we do. Come on, let’s get it over and done with.” He drove at a sluggish pace, taking my hand in his and squeezing once just as we turned the corner. “He’s not going
to hurt you, don’t worry.” I tried to let that settle the nerves, but all it did was make my cheeks heat up slightly. Of course he would protect me if he could, just as I’d protect him. The hand squeeze… that was perhaps more questionable. I tried not to think about it. We parked up and were met by the familiar blue Ford, parked in front of the school gates without a care in the world. I tugged at my hair, glancing at Luke. He cut the engine and opened his door with an attempt at a reassuring glance. The man stepped out of the car
wearing a balaclava and he had such a generic stature that it was impossible to identify him. Maybe his voice would give him away. The computerised voice coming from his mobile meant there was no way I could tell who he was. He just still just the madman in the rundown car that had some kind of vengeance against us. “You’re here, together, how adorable.” If it had been any other situation, I would have found the clunky pronunciation of the computer hilarious, but I was too on edge for that. Instead, I just inched closer to Luke, really trying not to hide behind his tall stature. “Now, I’m sure you saw the picture. It’s not quite as
clear as I’d have liked. I think we need to take a new one.” Luke and I glanced at each other uneasily. “You want us to kiss again?” The man produced a camera and grinned. “Exactly. If you refuse, I could of course just send the lovely Phoebe the picture I already have, but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to risk that.” The phone pronounced Phoebe’s name so awfully it took me a moment to realise what it was saying. It was a much less horrifying request than it could have been and part of me was even excited – I couldn’t help
it. A minute ago, I’d never been going near Luke again and now we got to lock lips, even if it was under duress. I wondered if Luke felt that streak of excitement, too, or if his brief attraction to me had already waned. Either way, we were forced to face each other and the man held his camera up expectantly. Luke opened his mouth and his lip quirked, but he held in whatever joke he’d been tempted to say. Instead, I had to stand on my tiptoes and Luke placed the quickest kiss I’d ever experienced on my lips. The
flash
broke
through
the
darkness, but there was no way he’d managed to capture the moment. “Don’t mess me around,” he snapped it out in his real voice this time, even though it had been several tones lighter than his real voice could have possibly been. I felt sure I should have recognised it, but nothing clicked in my head. Luke cleared his throat and my attention was drawn back to him. Pushing our luck again would be a stupid move. So we’d have to really kiss this time. Our lips touched without softness. It
was a hard kiss that gave our stalker exactly what he wanted, but also satisfied the desire that swam through me whenever I laid eyes on Luke nowadays. My hands didn’t have time to move and run through that thick black hair, but Luke’s fingers dug into my hips almost painfully. The flashing of the camera broke our embrace, and I hated the deep breaths that echoed into the silence. I wanted to be able to do that every day, whenever I wanted, not because a stalker was blackmailing us into it. “Thank you so much,” the robotic voice was back as the man flashed his
teeth at us once more. “I’m sure that will be enough to keep me happy for now. I do hope it wasn’t too awful for either of you. I’ll be seeing you at some point, I’m sure. Ta-ta for now.” He sped off in the car that haunted my dreams and let Luke and I standing far too close to each other, each unsure of what to say. I jumped when Luke pressed his hands to my arms. “You okay?” “I’m fine,” it wasn’t exactly a lie. That was far less traumatic than it could have been. “Just… I don’t know, really. Sad, I guess.” Luke wrapped his arms around me
in a tight hug. “We’ll figure some way out of this,” he attempted to promise. “There has to be something.” I didn’t want to listen to what he was saying, I just wanted to revel in the feeling of his arms around me and block everything else out. “We have evidence,” I muttered instead, resisting the urge to bury my head in his chest and never come out. “If we went to the police we could prove it. If only my dad hadn’t messed up where he was staying.” And if only I hadn’t thought it was acceptable to fall for my best friend’s boyfriend. Then maybe this entire thing could
be over. “We’ll work something out,” Luke repeated, not giving either of us hope. This hadn’t been too bad, but he surely wasn’t going to stick to making us kiss in the future. There was some purpose behind this and it would be revealed to us soon enough. He pulled back and I hung my head, avoiding his gaze. There wasn’t even any reason to be crying. I was just being pathetic. Luke and I had kissed once off our own backs, it didn’t mean I should be wildly into him. It was Phoebe I should be upset about, it was hating myself that should be bothering me, not
the fact that I already missed Luke’s embrace. “Let’s get going. I’m guessing you’ll have a lot of missed phone calls from Phoebe, she was pretty persistent when she rang me earlier.” Luke grimaced. “Right. I decided I couldn’t break up with her until after her birthday, but after this weekend we won’t be together anymore. Then at least I won’t have to feel guilty every day for not wanting to talk to her about my family and stuff.” “Yeah,” I didn’t really want to talk about their relationship. Getting out of here was the main thing. I slipped into Luke’s passenger seat, after considering
just walking around the corner to my own car. “Well, whatever. Let’s just get gone. I need to explain this stupid job situation to my mum and then I want to hide in my room and drink a lot.” Luke started up the engine and grimaced. “That does sound quite appealing. I might join you, in spirit.” I couldn’t stop the small smile. The entire situation was ridiculous. He pulled back up next to my car less than a minute later and sent a worried glance in my direction. “You’ll be okay getting home?” “Of course. I’m really not that
pathetic.” Luke chuckled, but held his hands up. “I was just checking. This whole thing is scary.” It was, and the pressures from Luke and I and my parents definitely weren’t helping. It had all come at absolutely the wrong time. I might have been able to deal with each one separately, but there was never a spare minute in my brain. “Yeah, it is. Everything is just kind of fucked up.” I opened the door and resisted the urge to ask him if I could just come back to his. Sitting with Luke, watching a movie, maybe I could do something enjoyable for a change. “I’m
going to head off. I guess we’ll see each other at work tomorrow.” I once again had the urge to tell Luke about my date with Jamie, but held off. It was a stupid impulse and I’d only end up feeling disappointed. “See you later,” he gave me a small wave and I got into my own car. I’d been planning on sitting and ruminating for a while, but Luke was waiting for me to set off first and so I had to drive. Of course it would be my house that Phoebe was actually outside of, sitting in her car and waiting for me to come home. I didn’t have any excuses as to
where I’d been and I didn’t have the mental stability to have a stable conversation with her right now. Part of me was tempted to do a quick reverse and drive until I’d forgotten about everything. Instead, I put on my best false smile and pulled up, knocking on her window and grabbing my keys. My mum still wasn’t home, so she couldn’t have mentioned my job, or anything about Luke, at least. “Hi,” I greeted her awkwardly. I really hoped she wasn’t here to continue the argument from earlier.
She stepped out of the car with a sheepish expression. “I thought I should come and apologise since you didn’t answer your phone. I didn’t want you to think I was mad at you, I was just overreacting, again, I know.” “It’s no problem. You want to come in? My mum isn’t home yet.” “Sure.” I walked up the driveway ahead of her, letting the grimace settle on my face. I just had to be normal; it was just me and Phoebe, as we’d always been. I had to not think about Luke.
“So, how is tutoring Luke, anyway?” Phoebe inquired as I unlocked the door. “Feels like I haven’t really spoken to you in ages.” I shrugged. “I’m sure he’ll have told you it’s fine. He hasn’t grown on me, if that’s what you’re asking, but I have improved his grades.” Phoebe grinned. “It’ll come, don’t worry. You’re just too stubborn to admit that you could actually be friends.” I debated sitting on the sofa, before deciding I’d rather not have to face my mum whilst Phoebe was here. I plodded
up the stairs. “Maybe, but I really don’t think you’re right.” Friends wasn’t something Luke and I could accomplish – we’d managed less than two weeks of that. “So, what’s going on with you? How are rehearsals?” Phoebe’s face faltered. “I’m starting to get really nervous.” They had a big performance in Scarborough coming up and Phoebe was the lead lady. I’d never really been to her shows before, but I knew this was a special occasion. I’d have to be there. “I know I’m just being silly, but I’m so worried I won’t be able to do it. There’s been so many mistakes in practice and everything.”
I perched on the edge of my bed whilst Phoebe got comfy. “You’re worrying too much, your shows have always been great before. They wouldn’t have given you the lead role if they didn’t think you could do it.” She smiled. “I guess so.” Sometimes I wondered if she just did it for the attention, but it was so regular it couldn’t have been. “I’m sure I’ll feel better closer to the time.” “Of course you will.” “It’s just Luke and I have been kind of weird recently,” she sat cross legged, picking at my threadbare blanket. “He
hasn’t kissed me for at least three days. On the cheek and stuff, sure, but when he’s out my house he’s just not interested. I try and he deflects. We haven’t been… together in even longer.” She shifted, meeting my gaze. “Something is definitely wrong.” Yeah, he’s going to break up with you, is what I wanted to say, but I held my tongue. Encouraging her that everything was all right seemed like a bad thing to do, too. Everything in this situation was wrong because Phoebe should have actually been screaming at me for betraying her friendship. “If something happened today, maybe he’s just distracted by family stuff. I know
that can be difficult.” She looked utterly unconvinced. “Why won’t he tell me about it, though?” I wished away the slight heating of my cheeks. He’d told me everything and I hadn’t even asked for it. Maybe him and Phoebe just weren’t meant to be. Kissing me definitely wasn’t good, but breaking up with Phoebe might have been for the best anyway. “Telling people about this stuff is difficult. I don’t like talking to people about it, I haven’t told you even close to everything I’ve been going through and you’ve been my best friend for ages.”
She actually looked surprised and I realised I’d told Luke more than anyone. We just had this in common and so it was easier. “I suppose. I didn’t realise. Are you okay? I probably haven’t asked enough.” I managed a small smile. “I’m fine. It’s just weird and pretty difficult. I miss having my dad around and I miss not thinking badly of my mum. I think it’s getting better, thank you.” “I’m glad,” Phoebe picked at her nails. “And you’re probably right about Luke. I’ll try and talk to him about it tomorrow, because this is too weird. I feel like I’ve done something wrong, or
that,” she cleared her throat. “I know it’s stupid, but I can’t help but worry he’s cheating on me. I’m not going to mention that to him, of course, but it just bugs me so much.” I couldn’t look at her, but she was staring at the blanket anyway. “Just talk to him about it.” Maybe Luke would decide he didn’t even need to wait until after her birthday. Her birthday might be a good way to feel better after the breakup, anyway. “If it’s only been a week it could be anything.” “I guess, and I will do. Anyway, tell me something interesting. You and Jamie. Surely I’ve pestered you enough
to make a move by now.” I forced out a smile. A slightly better conversation topic than Luke, I supposed. “He made the move, not me, but yeah, we’re going out on Friday.” Phoebe grinned ear to ear. “That’s awesome! I knew you’d be good together, so, where are you going? What are you doing? What are you wearing?” I groaned, lying on the small bed sideways so my bum just hung off the end. I hated having this conversation. I was just planning on wearing normal clothes, jeans and a t-shirt or something. Maybe I’d attempt to find a necklace that
looked a bit fancy. It wasn’t the exciting event Phoebe always seemed to see. “He said we’re just going to a restaurant that’s pretty casual. I was just going to wear jeans and a blouse or something. Maybe those shoes I bought for when we had to visit court with school.” Phoebe, now invigorated, got up and started flicking through my wardrobe. She pulled the same face she always did and I rolled my eyes. We had a very different fashion sense. “I guess that could work,” she conceded. “Curl your hair though, please, it’s so gorgeous curly.” I ran my fingers through my long,
straight hair. “Maybe,” I conceded. It was far less effort to straighten it, which I prioritised highly. I heard the front door open and close and sighed. “I have to just go and talk to my mum. Be right back in a few.” I stuck my head around the bottom of the bannister after sneaking down the stairs and my mum jumped. I smirked. It never failed to amuse me, even when I was in the worst of moods. Thankfully, she was alone. “Hi, mum. Sorry about earlier, I know it was weird,” I moved away from the staircase so Phoebe wouldn’t be able to overhear. “Phoebe’s here now, though, so can we chat later?”
My mum watched me with an exasperated expression. “I guess I can wait a bit longer,” she looked incredibly sad for some reason and the guilt flowed through me. “Just come down whenever, I’ll be awake.” I nodded, slipping into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, and hoping Phoebe would choose to leave soon. Exhaustion was beginning to slowly take over. Tiredness had taken Phoebe, too, when I opened my door and she was sleeping soundly. I closed the door as quietly as possible and tiptoed back down the stairs. “Phoebe’s asleep. It’s
cool if she stays here tonight, right?” “Of course.” I took a seat opposite her armchair and weaved my hair through my fingers. “Basically, Luke got a job at that place and the guy offered me a job, too. I accepted. That’s it, really.” My mother floundered, trying to think of a way to question my statement. Eventually, she sighed. “I didn’t ever want you to hate me. I made a stupid decision, I know, but your father overreacted, too. He’s not an angel, you know?” She shook her head. “That’s not what I mean, retract that statement. I just
wanted to apologise, for everything that’s happened. I really never intended to hurt anyone.” I moved over and sat on the arm of her chair, resting my head on her shoulder. “I don’t hate you, mum. I was really angry and I’m starting to get over it. I’m glad you found someone to be happy with, I just wish my dad wasn’t stuck in this situation.” “Have you visited him?” “Yeah.” I felt bad for not going to visit him again, but my desire to go back to that house, especially after the threat from our stalker, was practically nil. I’d
have to remember to call him and ask if he wanted to go for coffee soon. My mum shifted slightly, rocking my head. “Is he staying somewhere all right? I really tried to convince him to stay.” I considered lying, but decided that wasn’t going to help our relationship go back to normal. “Not really. He’s staying in some druggy house. I don’t think I really want to go and visit him again there.” She hung her head and I was sure I saw tears glistening in her eyes. “I knew this was going to happen. I should have
just let him have the house.” “It’s not your fault. He overreacted, and he’s always too stubborn to get a job. It’s his own mess, really.” My mum had wanted to be happy and she and my dad had broken up; I’d done something far worse than her and wasn’t even facing any consequences. I wrapped a hand around her shoulders and squeezed. “It’s really not your fault. He’ll sort himself out.” She sniffed. “I really hope so. I’ll ring him and ask if he wants to come home, tomorrow. I can’t stomach the thought of him staying somewhere like that. I don’t even know how he still
knows that kind of person.” That was still my question, too. What exactly didn’t I know about my dad that he’d been able to ring someone like that up and ask if he could stay with them? I’d hoped it was an old school friend who’d chosen a bad path, or something, but my mum’s statement suggested otherwise. I didn’t move and I didn’t ask. Now wasn’t the time. “It’ll all work out okay.” “I hope so,” she repeated the sentiment, too, taking a shuddering breath. “How are you enjoying working,
anyway? It’s a bit of a chore, huh?” It had actually been relatively fun up until the point where mine and Luke’s relationship was ruined. We’d chatted, practised German, and always had fun on the ride home. Any smile on my face faded. I’d stop feeling miserable about Luke soon, surely. I’d spoken to him for such a little amount of time before we kissed that it felt like I was completely overreacting, but I’d crushed on him for so long before, that I was just in way too deep. “It’s okay,” I settled on, letting out the smallest of sighs. “Could be better, I suppose. Luke and I never really made
up.” My mum frowned; this time it was her turn to wrap an arm around my shoulder. “That’s unfortunate. I’m sure you can work it out eventually. Was it really something that big? You became friends quite quickly, anyway. You’ve spent about fifteen years hating each other.” I chuckled. Luke and I had so many memories. “Yeah, it kind of was a big deal. Oh, I’d rather you didn’t mention any of this to Phoebe. Luke has this weird thing going on where he lies to her about his financial situation and won’t let her go to his house, so it’d be better
if you just didn’t say anything at all to her about me and Luke and our job and stuff.” “That’s pretty weird. You’ve been to his house and you know everything, though? Shouldn’t you really tell her?” There was the smallest amount of judgement in her voice and I flinched away from it. She was right, of course. “I just don’t think it’s my place. It’s their relationship, not mine.” “You’re lying to her, though.” True, again. I was actively keeping her in the dark about something, working
with Luke and not telling her wasn’t acceptable. It wasn’t what a best friend would do. It wasn’t what a good person would do. “I guess.” “Honey…” she trailed off and ran fingers through my hair. “He’s just a boy. Phoebe’s been your best friend for so many years. Don’t throw that away.” My stomach clenched. She had no idea how much I’d fucked everything up. “I know. Luke said he’s going to break up with her,” I didn’t know what persuaded me to tell her this. I’d been so sure I’d be taking all these secrets to the grave. “And then I’ll tell her things, as though they’ve happened afterwards. If I
tell her now, she’ll hate me. If I tell her just after they’ve broken up she’ll hate me, too. I’ve already ruined everything.” “You can’t just keep lying to her forever,” my mum plaited the ends of my hair with messy braids. “If they’re going to break up, then cut your losses and explain that you’re working with Luke and that it’s not been going on for very long, or something.” I thought about going upstairs and explaining everything, minus the kiss, of course. Maybe she would hate me. Maybe it would make her even more insecure than she already was. Maybe it would all be all right. “Maybe,” I settled
on. I should talk to Luke, make sure he wouldn’t hate me if I did that. I should wait until after her birthday, too. “Oh, honey, what a mess. I’m sure it’ll work itself out.” I wasn’t so sure, because my feelings for Luke weren’t just going away. I wanted him and thought about him all the time; I cared more about him than my guilt over betraying my best friend and that was a problem.
Part of me wanted to just tell Phoebe and face the consequences. It was what I deserved. If Phoebe did something like that to me, I’d never forgive her. If I stayed her best friend then I was a horrible person. If I told her everything, it would be in the hope that Luke and I could try and make things work and that made me a horrible person. Maybe there was something I just needed to accept about myself.
Chapter Ten I smoothed down the blouse and toyed with my ringlets. I wasn’t excited and I wasn’t nervous. I was just, feeling weird about the entire thing. Luke had spoken less than a dozen words to me since Phoebe had stayed at my house and he’d obviously spoken to Jamie. I’d expected his reaction to finding out about mine and Jamie’s date to make me feel good, but instead I just felt like a jerk.
I really shouldn’t be doing this. Jamie opened the door to the restaurant and I walked ahead, really having to force my smile. This had been a stupid idea and I was an idiot. I should have just let him down like I’d wanted; this wasn’t going to help me get over Luke, it had just sent him the message that I didn’t care about him that much. Our reserved table was a cute little corner booth, where I had a nice view into the car park and surrounding woody area. Jamie offered me a nervous smile. “This seat okay?” “Yeah, great.” I once again loathed
my lack of adult-status when I was forced to order a coke rather than something alcoholic. “This restaurant is cute.” That obviously put his mind at ease and I settled into the comfy seat, checking out the menu. It was Italian, so I’d already decided I was having pizza, but I pretended to take the entire thing in so we didn’t have to talk. “What are you thinking looks good?” “Maybe just a margarita. Can’t beat something classic. You?” He continued to flick. “Seafood risotto, I think.”
We lapsed back into silence until the waiter came and took our orders. He took our menus and I was forced to make eye contact. I guess now was when I saw whether we were more compatible than I thought. “How have the university offers been going? You’ve applied, right?” He might always be behind on his deadlines, but Jamie seemed clever enough. And most people went to uni now, really. “Yeah, teaching, hopefully. The offers have gone pretty well. Got four out of five. I was expecting to get the rejection, though, so it’s no big deal. And you?”
“Philosophy. Probably not the best for getting a job, but I do find it really interesting. We’ll see how it goes. I got all my offers back.” “Pretty cool,” he agreed. “I guess it’s just about the grades for the both us now, then.” “Definitely.” I sipped on my drink and wondered why I couldn’t think of a single thing to say to him. If it had been Luke opposite me, one of us would have said something that caused a fit of giggles by now. “I guess I don’t actually know anything
about you,” he realised. “I mean, I just think you’re funny and cute, that’s why I asked you out.” His cheeks turned pink. “What kind of hobbies and stuff do you have?” I shifted in my seat. “Not much of anything, actually. Teaching Luke German is about the extent of my spare time activities. Other than binging on TV.” Jamie laughed, resting his chin on his hands. “I’m quite similar, other than football, I have to spend so much time on homework and stuff I don’t really get much spare time for hobbies.”
We were quite similar, really. “I used to play netball, but I just kind of stopped this year. I’m still not entirely sure why. Maybe I’ll pick it back up at uni.” “You should. Playing sport is so much fun, I’m really glad I got into something early enough to keep up with the school teams and stuff.” I leant backwards when the waiter brought our food and almost groaned with how good it smelt. I thanked him with a wide smile. If this food was as good as it looked then it was going to have been worth Jamie showing me this restaurant.
Our conversation lulled as we dug into our food. “Good?” I checked with him. “Really good. Yours?” “Great,” it was probably more than I was going to feel like eating, but I’d be damned if I was going to leave any of this pizza. It was some of the best I’d ever had. It was when I was eating my final mouthful that I noticed the car in the car park. There was no doubting that it was our stalker, he was parked so that it was impossible to see his face, but I spied
the number plate I had memorised by now. I swallowed another mouthful of my drink and tapped my foot. Jamie was finished, too, and so we’d be leaving soon. “I’m just nipping to the loo. Be right back.” I walked to the bathroom with a stiff step, my gaze so trained on the car that I almost tripped over two chairs on the way there. In the bathroom, I sat on the toilet and rummaged through my bag. “Are you okay?” It wasn’t too surprising Luke
answered his phone with that. There was no other reason I should be ringing him when I was supposed to be on a date with his best friend. “He’s outside, the stalker is outside and I’ve got to walk home.” Luke’s frown was obvious as he paused. “Won’t Jamie walk you home? I’m sure he can protect you.” I flinched and knew that I should just say yes and hang up. I was being mean. I shouldn’t have rang him in the first place. “O-” “I’ll come and pick you up,” Luke interrupted. “Just tell Jamie we’ve got to
go and help Phoebe prep for the party or something. You can’t walk home. He might try something.” I was on the verge of disputing it, but I couldn’t do it. If Luke came to pick me up I’d be safe, I knew it. “Thank you,” it was barely a whisper and Luke hung up without saying anything else. I knew he’d have set off straight away, but that would still be fifteen minutes before he would get here. Sitting back with Jamie, I managed a charming smile, despite my nerves and guilt. “Want to get another drink?” Jamie beamed. “Sure, that would be
great.” “Luke is picking me up after this, by the way. We have to go and help Phoebe set up the house tonight, she’s all excited for the party and you know how she likes to plan.” He might not know that at all, but I was flagging for conversation. My mind had been overridden with thoughts that definitely weren’t related to Jamie. “Ah,” his face had dimmed slightly. “No problem. I was heading out to the cinema after this. I was going to ask if you wanted to come, but it’s no big deal. We’ll just have to do it some other time, instead.”
I gave a small, pathetic laugh and directed my gaze out of the window once more. Luke wasn’t here, but our stalker still lay outside, waiting for me to leave. “Yeah.” Our conversation was boring. We talked about non-things, it was practically small talk, and I didn’t really feel like I’d learnt anything about Jamie by the time Luke pulled up outside. The first time I’d tutored Luke, he’d confessed something to me even his girlfriend didn’t know. “Oh, I think that’s Luke,” I pointed out where he’d just pulled up and down
the rest of my drink. The stalker had pulled out of the car park the second Luke had pulled in and I winced. Now I looked even more stupid. “I guess I’d better go.” I put in half for the bill after much deliberation. If I wasn’t going to be doing this again, it wasn’t like I could promise to pay next time or something. We really had to go halves. We walked out together, but thankfully we weren’t holding hands. I couldn’t see Luke’s face well enough to see how angry he was. Angry or hurt. I didn’t really know what he was feeling anymore. “I had a really great time
tonight,” Jamie brought my attention back to him. “Thank you for agreeing to come out with me.” I smiled. “I had a great time, too.” My face turned back towards Luke, but Jamie placed his hand on my cheek and his pressed his lips to mine before I could dodge. It was only a peck and it didn’t incite any reaction in me, but Jamie was blushing wildly when he pulled away. “I’ll let you go. I’ll see you at the party tomorrow.” I nodded dumbly, wishing Luke hadn’t had to see that. I hadn’t been
expecting it at all, even though it probably should have been obvious. The thought of kissing Jamie just really hadn’t been on my mind. I slipped into Luke’s car with as neutral an expression as I could manage. I didn’t meet Luke’s gaze as he assessed my appearance. Luke revved his car and sped off. “Thank you for coming to pick me up,” I muttered, making my split ends even worse. “I didn’t think he’d kiss me in front of you,” Luke replied, hard gaze still
focused on the road. His fingers were white on the steering wheel. I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything. I kept silent and resisted the urge to shrink away from him. Luke was the last person I wanted to hurt, but our situation required each of us to hurt every day. He pulled up outside my house after less than five minutes. I’d been a complete idiot, asking him to pick me up. He probably thought I was trying to rub it in or something. Undoing my seatbelt, I still couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see those raging eyes on me – they’d hurt and they’d turn me on.
Luke would be intense and something about his dark, angry eyes were utterly arousing. “You look really gorgeous tonight.” My cheeks burned a bright red and I finally raised my eyes to judge his expression. The anger was there, but it was trying desperately to mask the sorrow that swirled in his eyes. I swallowed. “I only did it to try and get over you, you know. I don’t like Jamie and I won’t be going out with him again. I’m sorry for asking you to pick me up.” Luke’s face didn’t soften, he just shrugged. “It’s none of my business what
you do in your love life, Carmen.” I scowled, stopping all my efforts to get out of the car, and leaning towards him aggressively instead. He met my stare, only breaking it when I pressed my lips to his. The heat was instant, flooding through me as my eyes slipped shut. It wasn’t very comfortable, leaning over the gearstick to meet his lips, but it was worth it. I was on fire, longing to be closer as Luke wrapped a possessive arm around my waist, dragging me as close as we could get in the vehicle. I pulled away only when I could no
longer breathe, my nose brushing against Luke’s. “I want it to be your business what I’m doing.” There was indecision shining in his eyes, his fingers still biting into my hips deliciously. I couldn’t make it for him. “You should go home.” I nodded. “I should.” But he was still holding onto me, still begging me to come home with him, still longing to have me properly in his arms, in his bed. “Stay at mine tonight,” he whispered, barely audible. “We can pretend for a night, can’t we?”
I nodded, latching my lips to his again for just a moment. “Yes.” I buckled myself back in, heart racing as Luke sped down the road at double the speed limit. We didn’t speak and I sat with my eyes closed, picturing what was going to happen when we got to his house. My body was warm and the desire was pooled in my stomach. I needed Luke and I couldn’t have cared less about my safety as he sped down the roads at top speed. When we got to his house, Luke’s cheeks heated a bit. “This is going to be kind of obvious, isn’t it?”
I shrugged distractedly. “I don’t really care.” He smirked, linking his hand through mine as he opened the door. “She’s not your mum.” “Hi mum,” he called through to the living room. “I’m just gonna head straight to bed, I’m really tired.” I kicked my shoes off silently, resisting the urge to giggle. It was only eight o’clock in the evening. “Okay honey!” She called back through, completely innocent to the fact I was even here.
I tiptoed up the stairs, silent as a mouse, but as soon as we reached Luke’s room, I was shoved back roughly into the door. His lips were insistent, bordering on desperate, as they devoured mine. One of his hands held mine above my head, the other roaming my body with deliciously rough touches. I groaned and arched into him, desire taking over everything. Luke dragged my legs around his hips, releasing my wrists to support me against him as he walked towards the bed. When he laid me down, our bodies moulded perfectly together and a soft
moan left my lips. I wanted him to be as rough as he wanted with me; I wanted him to show just how desperate he was to finally have me in his bed. Luke grinned, admiring my body as he undid my blouse. “You’d better keep quiet. I want to be able to keep you up here all night without getting caught.”
Chapter Eleven The next morning brought everything back to reality. I was snuggled against Luke’s chest, warm and squashed, but the most comfortable I’d ever been. Guilt flooded me and I brought myself even closer into his side. It was a single bed and I was sweltering, but I’d be damned if I left it before I absolutely had to. Right now, I could just about quell the guilt to enjoy the feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around mine and his breaths sending
ripples down my spine as they caressed the shell of my ear. It wasn’t long before Luke woke up, almost shoving me off the bed as he stretched. He kept his eyes shut, but tightened his arms with a groan. “I don’t want to get up.” “Then don’t. I definitely don’t want to get up, either.” We were both naked and having our entire bodies pressed against each other was incredibly intimate, even if it wasn’t sexual desire that was flooding my body. I was on the verge of saying something incredibly soppy.
“Do you reckon I should try and sneak you out without my mum finding out? I don’t know whether she’d be angry with me or not.” I shrugged, unwilling to make that decision for him. “It’s up to you. Then again, I’m not sure I’ll be able to look her in the eye if I see her today. Maybe sneaking out is the best option.” We debated it further, glad for the excuse to stay in the bed for as long as possible, when Angela’s voice interrupted us. “I’m just heading out, you two! Make sure you wash up your breakfast pots, otherwise I’ll not be
feeling quite so lenient.” Smugness smothered her voice and both our cheeks heated up. I guess that answered that one. We shook our heads, all the tension lifted for a brief few moments as giggles took over. It was such a bizarre, rubbish scenario that it seemed kind of surreal. I had to laugh, just because it was better than crying. Eventually, we sat up and separated ourselves. It felt cold, compared to the scorching heat of being snuggled into Luke’s side, with his fingers tracing soft patterns over my skin. I shrugged on my
clothes with a quickly fading smile. Reality wasn’t completely back yet, but breakfast was going to be awkward and we both knew it. When Luke gave me a lift home it would probably be unbearable. Still, our conversation managed to be relatively neutral over cereal and orange juice, even if our gazes only met for a few seconds at any one time. We talked about homework, about how his German grade was doing okay, about our families. In the car, we were silent. Not a single word was said until we were parked outside my house and even then it
was after a good two minutes of sitting and saying nothing. “I’m going to break up with her tomorrow. After the party.” I shut my eyes for a moment. “Good.” “I shouldn’t have done that last night, and I’m sorry.” I reached across and clasped his hand in mine anyway. “Yeah, me neither, but I don’t regret it.” It was a wide grin that Luke shot me and it was utterly inappropriate. “I definitely don’t regret it, either.”
“I guess I’ll see you later, at the party. Thanks for driving me home.” I stepped out of the car and everything seemed to weigh ten times more than normal. I couldn’t bring myself to turn around, not until I heard him pulling away from the curb. Thankfully, he wasn’t looking. Inside the house, I was greeted by my mother’s tapping foot. “Where on Earth have you been? I rang you a thousand times and you never picked up, I was so worried. I was getting ready to call the police.” I kicked off my shoes, gaze
downcast. “Sorry, I stayed at Phoebe’s last night. I went to help her get ready for the party and ending up dozing off. I didn’t mean to worry you.” She sighed, coming and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “I wish you’d have let me know. I was worried you’d gone home with that boy you went out with.” “No, I definitely didn’t go back with him,” I assured her, willing myself to give nothing away. “Did you have a nice time, though?” I shrugged. “It was fine. I won’t go
out with him again, he’s just a friend. I’ve had a late night though, I think I’m going to go and have a nap if that’s okay.” “Of course, just let me know if you want any food making. I’ll be in all day.” It was with a heavy everything that I trudged up the stairs and collapsed on my bed. I fell asleep in no time – the evening of guilt that lay ahead was enough to tire me right out. *** My phone blared into my sleepy ears and I groaned, slamming the phone
to my head with a scowl. “What?” “Carmen,” Phoebe whined, “why aren’t you here yet? Luke only just got here and nothing has been set up yet. What’s going on?” I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “I’m sorry, I just fell asleep. Late night last night. I don’t think I’ll be able to get there before the guests get there.” She sighed with irritation. “It’s my birthday, I thought you’d be here early to help.” “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep at all. I’ll be there as soon as I can
be.” It was difficult to even make myself speak, never mind forcing myself into the shower, and into a dress and then to Phoebe’s house. It was going to be unbearable. But, I did it. I forced myself into the slinky dress Phoebe and I had picked out for me together, cringing when I had to look in the mirror to fix my hair and make-up. It was a black number that highlighted any meagre shape in my body. Phoebe had insisted on buying me some expensive red lipstick to wear, so I forced it onto my lips with a sigh.
I looked good and I hated it. I couldn’t be around her right now and be okay. I couldn’t be around anyone. I needed to wallow in my misery and figure out what the hell I was going to do. Figure out how I was going to tell Phoebe. Snatching a bag and some trainers, I unleashed a can of hairspray onto my already falling curls and gave myself one more forlorn look in the mirror. I was a bad person. “I’m going out now mum. I’ll be
staying at Phoebe’s tonight so you don’t have to worry about me driving,” I called as I came down the stairs. The bonus of house parties was that my shoes didn’t matter. The days when it came to going around town in heels would be a sad day, even if it’d make me a bit taller. My mother, unfortunately, came to meet me at the bottom of the stairs. I’d been hoping to sneak out without being told I looked nice and without the warnings to be careful. “You look lovely,” my mother smiled, though I noticed her eying the length of the black dress sceptically. The lace around the top didn’t leave too
much to the imagination, either. “But be careful. Don’t drink too much and don’t leave Phoebe’s house.” “I know.” She pulled me into a hug and beamed at me. “Have fun!” I was very late. The party was in full swing when I arrived and, guiltily, I was glad. Phoebe would probably already be drunk and I could linger around in the shadows with a glass of vodka without her noticing or wanting to spend time with me. And then tomorrow, when I woke
up, I’d tell her what had happened and I’d probably never speak to her again. I didn’t knock, but welcomed the deafening music far more than her neighbours probably did. It hurt my ears and gave me a headache, but I revelled in the heavy drum and bass and went in search of the alcohol after kicking my trainers off. I clung to Phoebe’s present too. I was going to have to see her, to let her know I was here, but I wanted to pick a moment when she could be called away straight afterwards. For now, I stuck to the kitchen, going straight for the vodka and pouring myself a strong drink.
I didn’t get to drink very often, but when I did I almost always went overboard. Tonight I just needed to stay sober enough not to ruin Phoebe’s night, but other than that it was all good. Jamie cornered me almost as soon as I arrived, coming up to me with a grin. My mood sank. Another person I was going to hurt. “Hey, Carmen, you look great.” My attempt at a smile wasn’t very successful. “Thanks.” “I was wondering if you wanted to go out again next weekend?”
I shifted uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I really can. I’m kind of in a bad place right now, my parents are divorcing and it’s all a bit weird. I’m not sure I can handle a relationship.” Jamie’s face sank. “Oh.” “I’m sorry, I did have a good time, I just really can’t do this right now.” It was probably the least hurtful way to tell him. I really didn’t aim to hurt people. “It’s no problem,” he turned away to pour himself a strong drink. “Thanks for being honest. I’ll catch you around. Maybe later on you can give me a call
when things settle down.” I smiled, but Jamie wasn’t looking at me and he left the kitchen straight away, not glancing back at me. My throat burned with shame and I found myself blinking back tears. No one in the kitchen was paying any attention to me, but I felt crowded in Phoebe’s massive house. I needed to shut myself away so that I couldn’t hurt anyone else. I gripped the present so hard the wrapping paper ripped. Luke met my eyes when he entered the kitchen and that was enough to spur me on. I ducked away from him and went
to find Phoebe to give her the present. She was laughing loudly with someone I didn’t recognise on the outskirts of her living room and I sidled up with the biggest grin I could manage. “Happy Birthday!” She beamed, accepting my present and engulfing me in a hug. “Thank you! I can’t believe you were so late, but look, Luke managed to get everything ready even without you.” I took in the decorated room and nodded. “Looks good.” “You should tell him that. Compliments are on the path to
friendship,” she turned when someone else approached her and I thanked God for her popularity. “Thank you for the present, I’ll talk to you later.” I slipped away, downed my drink, and returned to the kitchen with the hope that Luke was no longer there. I hoped my stupid idea to go on a date with Jamie didn’t affect their friendship at all. They’d both get over me in no time and their lives would return to normal. My drink was even stronger this time. When my phone buzzed my skin turned cold. If this was the stalker,
making his big move on Phoebe’s birthday, it would be tragic. By the end of the weekend Phoebe and Luke would be over and it would only be my dad’s residence keeping us from going to the police. But if he ruined her birthday it would just be cruel. When the caller ID showed ‘dad’ I breathed a sigh of relief, answering and sticking my finger in my other ear to try and hear what he was saying. The music was still blasting out at an ungodly level in this room. “Dad?” “Where are you?”
“At Phoebe’s, it’s her birthday party.” I must have been shouting, but I didn’t want to turn around to see if people were giving me odd looks. I started out the window into the darkness of Phoebe’s extensive garden instead. “What’s up?” “I just wanted to let you know I’ve-” I couldn’t hear anything he’d just said as the bass dropped. Groaning, I shouted “just text me,” and hung up. Then I text him ‘just text me’ in case he hadn’t heard me. I didn’t turn around when I felt someone behind me. It was bound to be Luke. Instead, I
read the text message my dad had just sent. I found somewhere new to be staying that’s safe for you to come and visit. 23 Osbourne Avenue. I hope to see you soon xxx I hashed out that I’d go and see him tomorrow. I’d let Luke get his break-up out of the way and then I’d explain to Phoebe what had really happened. May as well make the blows fast. At least she had other friends that would help her out and make her feel better. I was forced to turn around and face Luke, who was pouring two shots on the
table. “Your dad?” “Yeah, he’s moved somewhere new. He says I can go and see him. I’m gonna go tomorrow.” We were forced to stand close to hear each other over the music, but I kept my gaze solidly on the shot glass Luke handed to me. Being close felt so natural now, it made my heart race because I had the memories of how good being with him was. “I’ll come with you,” Luke offered, holding up his fingers so that we could down the shot together. We both grimaced as the harsh liquid hit our throats. “You don’t have to
do that,” I denied. “If my dad says I can go visit him, then he must be staying somewhere fine.” “No offence, but I don’t trust that. I’d rather I just came with you.” “You can’t babysit me. I’m supposed to be staying away from you.” The music masked our conversation from anyone else, but I still sent a suspicious glance around the room. “I’ll be fine.” “I’ll come with you tomorrow to make sure it’s okay and then you can go by yourself every other time. Deal?”
I hesitated, bouncing on my heels before giving in. I wanted Luke to come. I wanted him to be a permanent feature who just came with me to do stuff because we both felt like it, but I should have been pushing against any kind of contact with him. “Deal.” “Good.” We stood awkwardly for a second longer, before I pulled away from Luke completely and poured myself another drink. “Do you reckon we’ll get to midnight for the champagne?” Luke inquired, taking the vodka from me and
pouring himself a drink. “I think Phoebe is already out of it.” I shrugged, “I’m not sure champagne would have been my kind of drink anyway.” “What is your favourite kind of drink?” The music had lulled slightly. No doubt it would be blasting again in a second, but for now, I tried to think of how I was going to resist standing close to Luke to be heard again. I couldn’t let myself give in to what I wanted. I considered his question for a
moment. “Rosé wine, I think. It’s nice and fruity. It’s not like I get to drink very often. When I’m finally eighteen it’s not likely to end well.” Luke fired me a genuine grin that caused me cheeks to heat up. He must have drank a lot already to be this comfortable around me, but I couldn’t bring myself to question it too much. I just loved having those real smiles sent my way. Even the constant bickering had been better than the awkward silences we were going to find ourselves in after tonight. “I’m not really keen to be honest. I mean, I like getting drunk, but I just mix spirits with stuff so that it’s like I’m not really drinking alcohol. I cheat
my way through it.” We shared a laugh. And Luke retrieved the shot glasses once more. “I’m not sure I know any drinking games for two, but I’m sure we can figure something out.” “I’m not sure-” the music kicked in halfway through my sentence and Luke smirked, gesturing to his ears and pouring the shots despite what had obviously been a protest. He sidled back beside me so that we were far too close. People had pretty much vacated the kitchen, too, having taken drinks with them. Phoebe’s house
was so massive and she had three rooms dedicated to loud music and dancefloors downstairs. There wasn’t really any need for people to be in the kitchen. Except if you were avoiding all the action, like Luke and I had apparently decided to. “Staring contest,” Luke decided, voice tickling my ear as he stepped around to the other side of the thin counter we were beside. I grinned. I’d always been good at these and Luke knew it; he really must have just wanted to get blackout drunk tonight. After counting down with his
fingers, Luke and I leaned over the counter to look at each other with wide eyes. Luke had no hope. My eyes weren’t even stinging yet. Until he leant forward and placed the quickest peck on my lips. I blinked in astonishment and then outrage and then horror. “Luke.” He shrugged and gestured to my shot. “I never said I wasn’t going to play dirty.” There was no one in the kitchen and Luke must have known it. There wasn’t even a chance anyone could have walked in and seen it considering how
fast the contact had been, but I was still mortified. “You can’t just do that.” We’d had to stand close again just so that Luke could hear my anger over the current track. I pulled a face when I realised it was Phoebe’s favourite song – she’d always loved it and insisted on listening to it even though I despised it. “I know, but it was just so tempting. In an ideal world, I just wouldn’t have pulled back.” My eyebrows knitted together helplessly. “Luke, you’re too drunk for this. I can’t deal with it. I can’t be near you, it’s not right. I’m supposed to be staying as far away from you as
possible,” My eyes were glued to the door in case someone walked in. Luke’s fingers brushed against my hip and I swallowed. I hadn’t expected him to be completely shameless when he was wasted. “This is shit.” I shot him a rueful smile and removed his hand. “Yes. Now deal with it and stop doing this stuff. It’s not fair to anyone, including yourself. I’m going to dance with Phoebe and pretend I don’t hate myself now, please don’t do anything stupid.” It was a bit of a bare-faced lie. There was no way I could bring myself
to go anywhere near Phoebe right now, but I needed to send things home to him. He was being reckless, practically in self-destruct mode, and I couldn’t let that happen. He needed to tell Phoebe it was over when he was sober that would be fine for him. Luke and Phoebe weren’t meant to be together, he could get over it. I walked back into the main room with a fake smile plastered all over my face. I didn’t speak to anyone here and I had no desire to get to know anyone. I just wanted my bed. Phoebe collapsed onto the sofa
beside me a moment later, nuzzling her face into my shoulder and getting foundation all over my black dress. “You okay?” I checked with her. “Having a good time.” “Such a good time,” she sighed in contentment and spilled a bit of her drink on my leg. “I wish Luke would come and dance with me though. He’s being all awkward about it.” “Dancing really doesn’t sound like his kind of thing,” I chuckled, grateful she couldn’t observe my face. Part of me thought I should make the most of tonight, be the best friend I could be, because I wasn’t going to be able to
after this weekend. “It’s definitely your kind of thing, though,” Phoebe urged, removing her head from my shoulder and throwing me what she thought was an enticing grin. She must be nearly ready to pass out. “We always kill it at parties. You have to dance with me at mine. Have you not been drinking?” She waved a hand in front of my face as if it was some kind of test. “Really?” I rolled my eyes, the alcohol definitely weighing on my head, just not quite as much as Phoebe just yet. “I have been drinking,” I assured her, holding up my glass and downing it for effect. “And
I can definitely dance.” It hadn’t ended up being such a lie to Luke after all. She beamed, dragging me into the swathes of people with her and swaying her hips to the pounding music. Phoebe was a great dancer – her ballet skills transferred well into grinding on people on the dance floor too, it seemed. I tried to keep up, rolling my body in time and ending up enjoying myself more than I liked to admit. I had always enjoyed dancing and Phoebe led the way perfectly so that I could just copy her moves and feel good about myself. I left the dance floor in with a grin on my face and tears in my eyes. My
body couldn’t allow complete happiness tonight. This was one of the reasons Phoebe was my best friend. We had fun together. She was my only real friend, but it didn’t matter because even if we weren’t very similar, we complimented each other perfectly. We just enjoyed ourselves. I trudged up the stairs with a heavy heart and went to use the toilet. Upstairs was off limits to the general partygoer, but I knew Phoebe wouldn’t object. The downstairs toilet would have been packed, anyway. No doubt it had reached the stage in the evening when people started throwing up.
When I left the bathroom, having made sure no tears fell, I was met by a solid wall of chest. I opened my mouth to ask Luke what he thought he was doing, but his lips descending on mine prevented any words. He guided me inside the bathroom, shutting the door again before I had time to process anything other than desire. Our mouths were hot and insistent, moulding together like it was already natural for us to be intimate and our hands followed suit, roaming each other’s bodies as much as was possible through the layers of clothes. Luke’s fingers danced up my exposed thigh and I swallowed, trying to break through my
enamoured, drunk haze to remember that I was being a bitch. I managed to make the hands I had laced through Luke’s hair pull him away and I turned away, crossing my arms across my stomach whilst I tried to recover. “I told you to stop.” “Carmen-” “I can’t do this.” “I want to do this,” Luke took a step closer to me and placed one hand on my shoulder. “I just like you Carmen. I don’t want to have to stay away from you. I already know you’re planning on telling
Phoebe what’s happened, I can see it in your face whenever you look at her. It wouldn’t be like you to stay friends with her, anyway. Why can’t we be together after that? If we’re going to be together, what difference does it make if I kiss you now when you look so beautiful?” I swallowed back my immediate responses and tried to think what the right thing to say was. “You’re drunk,” I settled on eventually, shoulders slumping. What he was saying was ridiculous, but not really untrue. If Phoebe hated both of us, why not give a relationship a shot? “I don’t deserve that. I don’t
deserve to get a shot to try and be happy with you,” I let myself turn around and observe his face. “I’ve been the worst kind of person.” Luke didn’t respond in words, but leant forwards and pressed a peck to my forehead. He was buying time to think of something to say himself. “You deserve happiness.” “And you think you’d make me happy?” Luke pulled a face and I cracked, laughter spreading across my face. “I’m sorry, it was just so tempting. Old habits die hard.” I clutched at my stomach and
tried to retain the hope that was filling me. If Luke really wanted to give this a shot, then of course I was going to accept, even if I thought I didn’t deserve it. “Not tonight, though. I can’t, not in Phoebe’s house.” My smile fell. “I meant that, before, by the way. I don’t think I deserve to be happy with you. Our relationship would probably be doomed from the start.” Luke started to lean forwards before remembering what I’d said. “Well, you’re going to tell Phoebe the truth anyway, I think we should try and make this work,” he swallowed and looked almost embarrassed as he tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “I really
like you, as much as I hate to admit it.” “I really like you too,” I beamed back, breaking my own rule and leaning up to lock lips with him. It was impossible to feel bad when Luke and I were like this, bodies fitting perfectly together as we embraced intimately. The reality always came crashing back down eventually, but for now, I was just content. I wanted to be content all the time and maybe, just maybe, Luke could really offer that. Maybe Luke and I, together, for real, could make that happen.
Pulling back with the biggest grin I’d had in a long time, I squeezed Luke’s hand. “Come on, we need to get back downstairs, we’re not even supposed to be here in the first place. Thank you, for following me.” “I’m definitely glad I did,” Luke teased, letting me open the bathroom door and both of us slipping out. The night might not have been perfect, but the fact I was coming out of it with even the smallest of smiles on my face was a miracle. Being optimistic wasn’t normally in
my nature, but every time I met eyes with Luke across the room for the rest of the night, I found myself having the urge to grin uncontrollably. All those years spent crushing on him and he’d been the one who ended up making all the moves. By next weekend, we could be lying on a bed together chatting and watching TV and it would probably seem completely normal.
Chapter Twelve It was with ear-splitting headaches that we all sat around the kitchen table the next morning. Luke and I kept sending each other guilty, anxious glances that Phoebe was oblivious to. This was the day where things went horribly wrong for everyone. And I was ashamed to say that I was almost excited. Phoebe had been my best friend for nearly ten years, but the thought of finally getting to be with Luke
had me giddy in a way I couldn’t remember being for years. It was like the first New Years’ Eve I’d been allowed to stay up until midnight all over again. No doubt it was going to end almost as soon as it had begun, something was bound to go wrong in our relationship, but right now I was positively buzzing with excitement. None of the issues about school rumours or being judged could even bring me down. It was only when I remembered how crushed my ex best friend was going to be that the guilt flooded me, both for what I’d done and for letting my excitement overpower it in the first place.
“What time are you going to see your dad?” Phoebe inquired. I had no member of telling her about that, but my memory was hazy about everything that had happened towards the end of the night. “Erm,” I checked my phone and saw that I had a message from him. “He says, ew, any time before twelve is fine. I guess we’d better hurry up.” “We? We’re coming?” “Oh,” I realised my mistake. “Luke was going to come with me. Last time I went to see him he was staying at a really dodgy place and Luke came and
so he’s horrified I’m going to get kidnapped if I go see him by myself again.” She’d know the truth soon enough, anyway. Coming up with a good excuse was pointless. Phoebe blinked. “Huh, so you really did become friends?” “We learnt to tolerate,” Luke supplied, grimace covering his face. We were all relatively grumpy this morning. “Well, I’ll come too, I haven’t seen your dad in ages. Going out always makes me feel better after drinking, anyway.”
Luke and I exchanged a glance, but there wasn’t any reason I could think of to deny it. “Sure, if you want. It probably won’t be very interesting, though. Last time it was just my dad complaining about not having a job.” “I’m sure my presence will inspire better conversation,” Phoebe chuckled, pouring herself a cup of tea and making a noise. “I don’t think I ever want to eat again.” I, on the other hand, was in the process of scoffing down my fourth piece of toast. “That’s a really shitty way to get a hangover,” I told her for the umpteenth time. We had this
conversation after every night out. “But I’m grateful I get to eat what would have been your breakfast.” My mind was at war, deciding on happy or sad, but it couldn’t find a place to settle. Instead, I got violent mood swings within the space of a few minutes. I was going to miss Phoebe. “Well, I’m going to get changed,” I dropped my plate into the sink. “I’m glad I decided to shower first thing now, don’t be too long, either of you.” Hopefully getting to my dad’s house
wouldn’t be such a fiasco this time around. *** When we’d gotten a few minutes away from my dad’s house, Luke sent me a pointed look through the mirror. The area really didn’t look much nicer than the place on Plant Road, it was just further away and so cost us more petrol money. I let him know that I knew he was right and slumped further down into my seat. For the first time I pondered who on Earth my dad would actually know that had agreed to let him live with them.
He didn’t have friends, so it must have been someone he met when he was staying at the last place, which really didn’t bode well. Nerves began building in my stomach and my mum’s comments from the last time we’d spoken about my dad filled my mind. There was something about his past that I’d been conveniently shielded from until now, that much was obvious. I’d ask my mum, not him about it, though. She’d tell me the truth if I asked directly, whereas I knew my dad wouldn’t mind shame-faced lying to me about it. For now, I’d just enjoy getting
to see my dad. Pulling into the driveway of the house my dad had given, I was left feeling a bit more optimistic. We were just coming out of the rougher area and this place didn’t seem all too bad. It was semi-detached on a relatively quiet road. Definitely not boarded up windows, even if the garden had just been tarmacked over to make way for a driveway. Taking a deep breath, I exited the vehicle and put a smile on my face. Now wasn’t the time to be thinking about mine and Luke and Phoebe’s dilemma. Now was the time to appreciate seeing my
father for the first time in a while. I knocked on the door and waited impatiently, wanting to escape what I was sure must have been an awkward silence between the three of us. Phoebe didn’t know what was wrong, but she must have sensed that there was something amiss. My dad opened it and pulled me into a hug, which I returned happily, even if the urge to ask him about his past was nagging at me. I definitely couldn’t do that whilst Luke and Phoebe were here, anyway. “Hi dad,” I gave him a squeeze before pulling away and entering the house. “Do I need to take my
shoes off?” I’d brought a change of clothes to Phoebe’s for going home in and was once again grateful for the ability to wear trainers to a house party. “No, they’ll be fine. It’s laminated all the way through. Luke,” he shook Luke’s hand and then repeated the gesture with Phoebe. “First door on the left is the living room. There’s a real sofa in this place, you’ll be pleased to know.” I collapsed down onto the thing, but it wasn’t much comfier than his last one. Still, I kept the smile on my face and pretended it was the comfiest thing I’d ever sat on. “This place is nice,” I
appraised, not feeling so guilty for looking down on his previous residence anymore. “Whose is it?” “Just an old school friend. I ran into him the other day, what a blessing that was. He was kind enough to let me in, so this is my temporary arrangement for the mean time.” “Did mum offer you the option to move back in? She said she was going to.” “She did,” my father pulled a face. “But I left for a reason.” I could both understand that and not.
If he’d chosen to stay in the other place I would have questioned him, but this house seemed nice enough. It was, at the very least, legal. I swallowed suddenly, fingers stopping where they’d been drumming on the arm of the sofa. If my dad was legal and Phoebe was going to find out anyway, we could tell the police. Our stalker issue could be gone, just like that. Everything really was turning itself around.
“Sorry, what?” I blinked when I realised everyone was looking at me and tried desperately not to let any kind of relief show on my face. Luke obviously hadn’t realised what I had yet and I couldn’t wait to tell him. Seeing his face brighten with the knowledge would be perfect. “I zoned out.” “You had a very wild party last night, then?” My dad teased, waving his hand in dismissal as to whatever he’d originally said. Phoebe grinned. “It definitely was. Exactly the kind of birthday I wanted.”
“And now you’re an adult. I’m dreading the day Carmen is wanting to do something similar.” “Well, my house is always open for her to have a party at mine and look, we all survived just about it tact,” she teased, grinning wildly. Phoebe had always thrived off family interaction. “Is it okay if I go and get a drink?” I checked, wanting to escape Phoebe’s happiness and knowing I should really be getting as much water down me as possible. “Of course, honey. The kitchen is just out that door and straight ahead. And
I’ll have a cup of coffee, since you so kindly offered.” I chuckled and looked at Luke and Phoebe, who were sat close together on the sofa. “You guys want anything?” “Just water for me, please.” “Same here.” Nodding, I escaped the room and followed my dad’s instructions. It was a small kitchen, but somehow cosy. I put the kettle on and opened various cupboards until I found the cheap brand of coffee. Normal coffee was bad enough, but I couldn’t imagine this being
even close to edible. Shaking my head, I poured our glasses of water and waited for the kettle to boil. Spotting some photos on the window sill, I was unable to contain my nosiness. Maybe they’d give me some idea of the guy who’d miraculously offered my dad a place to stay. I almost dropped the first picture I picked up, skin turning cold as I took in a much younger Angela’s smiling face. Swallowing, I closed my eyes for a moment and called to Luke. “Hey, Luke, would you come and get me something
off the top shelf?” My voice hadn’t wavered and I heard the living door opening. Taking deep breaths, I prepared myself for his reaction. His temper had never been good, but when I showed him this he was going to go berserk. Luke came in and shut the door. “Sure, which cupbo-” I thrust the picture towards him in silence and watched the emotions play over his face. From shock to disgust to burning anger, I swallowed. “That bastard.”
I took a single step towards him, but couldn’t bring myself to reach out just yet. “Luke…” There wasn’t even anything I could say. “I’m going to kill him.” Luke had been wanting to know where his dad was ever since he’d left and I almost didn’t doubt that he might seriously hurt the man who’d ruined his and his mum’s lives. “Luke, calm down.” I really didn’t want him to go to get arrested or something. “Please don’t. I’ve finally found this bastard, no one is going to hold me back from showing him just how much of
a dick he’s been.” I took another step forward and gripped his forearm tightly. “I don’t want you to get into trouble.” “It would be worth it, for this.” I shook my head insistently. “Kicking him about a bit won’t solve your debt issues, but if you get put in jail then you won’t be able to get a good job and it won’t have been worth it.” Luke took a deep breath and put his hands on my shoulders. “Carmen, I’m serious, just stop trying. I know you mean well, but I don’t want to fall out
with you. Just stand back and let me give him what’s coming to him.” “Luke please, you have to listen to me.” I gripped his arms tighter, staring up at him with wide eyes. He was practically shaking, his fingers gripping into my shoulders far tighter than was comfortable. “Your mum would be saying the same thing and she’s just as hurt as you are. You need to calm down.” “It’s not going to happen, Carmen, not even for you.” Luke gave my shoulders one last squeeze before striding from the room
and straight up to my dad. “When is he back?” He gestured to the man standing beside Angela in the picture. “What’s going on?” Luke took a calming breath before demanding again, “when is he back?” When my dad sent a glance in my direction, I just nodded. There was nothing I could do anymore. If Luke really wanted to risk everything doing this, I couldn’t say I really blamed him. “He should be about half an hour. I’d been going to introduce you anyway.” “Thank you,” and then Luke strode
from the room, no doubt to go and pace in peace. I doubted his anger would have calmed at all by the time his father came back. “What’s going on?” It was my dad who asked the question again, but Phoebe’s wide eyes demanded to know the answer as well. “It’s his dad,” I explained, not wanting to give away quite how much Luke had told me about it. “Luke hates him, he was… not very nice,” I avoided swearing in front of my dad. Phoebe stood up, “I’m going to see if I can calm him down.”
I hesitated, tugging on the ends of my hair. “He might rather be left alone.” “No. I need to go and make sure he’s okay.” The cold edge to her voice let me know the anger she was feeling, towards both of us. Luke had confided in me and not her. It was only going to get worse. I retook my seat on the sofa, wanting to go and comfort Luke myself. I wouldn’t make him feel any better, but perhaps I could distract him a little bit whilst he waited for his dad to arrive. My dad fixed me with an anxious look.
“What’s he going to do?” “I have no idea.” “If he’s going to hurt-” “If he’s going to hurt him then there’s nothing any of us can do about it,” I muttered, casting my own gaze out of the window as raised voices came from the next room. Phoebe hadn’t been successful, then “Carmen,” my dad began, pausing with knitted eyebrows. “Is there anything I can do? I had no idea, obviously.” “The guy you’re living with is an
arsehole,” was what I settled on. Luke had said he was into drugs, so the story about my dad just running into him was sounding unlikely. I bet he’d met him at his old accommodation. “That’s pretty much all there is to it. Just let Luke do what he’s got to do.” Phoebe stuck her head back into the room with tears shining in her eyes. “Go and make him feel better,” she muttered, before striding off upstairs. That was what really tore at me. Phoebe cared for Luke, she really cared for him and I’d ruined that. “I’m going to go and see him,” I told my dad, sticking my head into the first door and coming
across a pacing Luke. He sent the harshest of glares my way, but when he saw it was me rather than Phoebe it softened. “Sorry,” he muttered, coming to a standstill for a moment before shaking his head and pacing again. “When was the last time you saw him?” “A year ago.” I swallowed. There was far too much pent up anger here. Part of me knew I was wrong for finding Luke attractive right now, but the fire in his
eyes and the way his taught body strode with purpose around the room did leave me a little bit hot under the collar. Standing up, I intercepted his walking to wrap my arms around his middle. I didn’t really expect him to return the hug, just to give me a quick squeeze and continue his pacing, but I needed him to know I was here and that I cared. I was surprised when he wrapped his arms around me for a good few minutes. His breathing was rapid and his heart beat so fast I began to worry. Could adrenaline last a full half an hour? His hands were warm and hard on my
back and my cheek smushed into his chest. There was nothing I could say. The wrong thing would have probably come out of my mouth if I’d attempted to speak, but just holding him sent the right message. The door cracked open and my dad stuck his head through. “He’s back.” Luke dropped his arms from me immediately and I could only tell him, “don’t do anything stupid,” before chasing after his large strides onto the driveway. Phoebe and my dad were right behind me.
Luke ripped open the doorway and the smaller man on the other side jumped backwards, eyes quickly widening. I had no idea where Luke got his height from, his dad couldn’t have been more than six foot and his mum was tiny. I got the slimy vibe from his father right away as he rang his hands together and hastily retreated from Luke. I exited the house so I could see everything that happened. “What is this?” Luke demanded, continuing to make his father back up until his back was against the wall of a shed on the right of the driveway.
His father didn’t answer, just held up his hands in a defensive plea. “How dare you have pictures of my mother?” Luke spat every word, the hand holding the photo trembling with rage. “He’s going to kill him,” Phoebe whispered, eyes wide and terrified. I watched the scene play out. “He won’t hurt him,” I assured her. Luke’s dad stayed silent still, waiting for Luke to make the first move. We all jumped when he through the frame onto the ground and the glass
smashed. “Answer me, you piece of shit.” “I’m sorry,” there was fear, but not sincerity in the shorter man’s apology. Luke just shook his head. “Just as pathetic as I remember. You’re not even worth it. We’re better on our own, even after what you left us with.” Turning around, Luke took a deep breath and unclenched his fists. “We’re leaving.” Luke’s dad had the nerve to smirk when Luke had turned around, sensing the victory and my own anger grew. I strode past Luke and gave him the hardest slap I could manage. It hurt my
own hand more, I was sure, but the shock on Luke’s dad’s face was worth it. I prayed I left a bruise. “You little bitch,” when he went to grab my arm, Luke socked him right in the face. It was so hard Luke’s dad’s head cracked against the shed all, too. Luckily it was wood and not concrete. He held his bleeding nose and I realised Luke had dragged me behind him, fingers biting into my arm so hard they’d leave bruises. “Don’t touch her,” he spat, practically dragging me away from the scene and back to the car. I sent my dad an apologetic look before opening the
passenger seat door and slipping in. Luke’s hands gripped the wheel so hard they turned white. Phoebe had taken one of the back seats and I didn’t want to know what she was thinking right now. “You okay?” I asked him. “I will be. I’m glad he gave me an excuse to hit him.” It wasn’t a smile exactly that touched my lips, but I just nodded once and Luke started driving. It didn’t take us long to recognise the blue Ford that tailed us, but for today it wasn’t on our minds. Hopefully by tomorrow he’d be in prison, or at least with a restraining
order. Phoebe sat in silence until we were nearly back at her house. “You told her everything,” she accused, voice wobbling. “And you refused to tell me.” Luke considered his response with a guilty expression that Phoebe couldn’t see from the back of the car. “I did,” he answered carefully. “Because Carmen had just been through the same thing. She could relate. It was different.” “I don’t have to be able to relate, I’m your girlfriend. You’re supposed to just tell me so that I can make you feel better. You’re supposed to just tell me
because you trust me. I tell you everything, good or bad.” The tension between Luke and I grew. “I’m sorry.” Was all he could say, guilt weighing on both our consciences. Phoebe just made an unattractive noise of disbelief. “I don’t want to see either of you for a few days. Being betrayed hurts, you know?” She lapsed back into silence until we pulled up outside Phoebe’s house and I cringed when she slammed the door. Luke looked guilty, but altogether not too concerned. He’d never been planning on telling Phoebe about any of
this. “I’ll break up with her when she agrees to speak to me again,” he muttered. I couldn’t even manage a small smile. “I hope she’s going to be okay.” “Thing kind of thing happens to people all the time,” Luke sounded more convinced than I knew he must be. Sure, people lost best friends and boyfriends all the time, but not in rapid succession. “She has her other friends, she’ll be going to university soon. It’ll all work out okay.” I sighed. “Yeah, I hope so.”
Luke grasped my hand and gave it a tight squeeze. “Thank you, for earlier. The fact you were there really helped.” My lips quirked. “It’s no problem. I’m glad I was there. I should get going home, though, and I’m sure you want to tell your mum about what happened.” “That I do. I’m not even sure how she’s going to react. I’d kiss you, but we’re parked in a bit of an awkward place for that.” I nodded and grinned. “Telling me makes me feel good anyway.” “Oh!”
I
exclaimed,
my
grin
suddenly widening to obscene proportions. “If we’re both breaking up with Phoebe and my dad has moved house, then we can tell the police about our stalker.” Luke blinked, taking a moment to take in what I’d said. “You’re right,” his own lips broadened. “You’re right.” Then his eyebrows quirked. “Surely it isn’t that simple? We can’t just, turn him after all this, can we?” I beamed. “Yes, we can.” Luke didn’t care about whether Phoebe was watching and embraced me in a tight hug. “I thought that might have
been something that would break us in the end, if it persisted, but you’re right. We can just tell the police and they’ll get rid of him.” He let of a relieved breath. “You’re always good at cheering me up.” When we pulled back, our faces hovered for just a second, but we didn’t give in and kiss. We didn’t need to, because in a few days we’d be able to kiss whenever we wanted. “I really do have to go,” I remembered, grinning once more and leaving Luke’s car. My own mood was lifted, too.
Everything had fallen into place.
Chapter Thirteen The knock on my door sent a small wave of panic through me. It was eleven o’clock in the evening and I was home alone. A true stalker would know I was here alone and Luke and I hadn’t been able to turn him in just yet. Phoebe hadn’t let up in her vow of silence for Luke to get a look in and so everything was still up in the air. If he somehow knew Phoebe and Luke were going to break up then maybe he was making his final stand before the
police could take him away. Swallowing, I wished we had a peephole. Upon opening the door, I was faced with a distraught looking Luke. I blinked, allowing him entry and feeling my own worry grow. “What’s wrong? Did you break up with her?” “No,” he breathed, scrubbing at his eyes. I could see he’d been crying now he was in the light of my hallway and my heart dropped. Grabbing his hands, I encouraged him to tell me what on earth had happened. “I couldn’t. She’s… she’s pregnant. She rang me up to say she
wanted to speak to me and that’s what she said.” His voice caught, sobs already working their way through his body, but I was too cold to do anything straight away. I just let him stand there and cry for a good few moments before tentatively wrapping my arms around his shaking body. “I don’t believe it,” was all I could manage to mumble against his chest as tears gathered in my own eyes. “I don’t-” I couldn’t even finish the sentence. There was no point in saying anything. I just gripped Luke harder and revelled in what was quite clearly going to be the last contact between us.
Luke was a good guy and Luke definitely wouldn’t leave Phoebe when she was carrying his child. Eventually my sobs stopped. I sniffled pathetically, unballing the fists that had been wrapped in the back of Luke’s shirt and looking up at his face. He hastily wiped his eyes, but we were both too wretched to be embarrassed about and crying. “Come on, we should go and sit down,” I began walking into the living room, hastily turning off the romcom I’d been watching. “Do you want a glass of water or anything?” Luke nodded and I disappeared into the kitchen, trying desperately to gather
myself. Phoebe was pregnant. My best friend was going to have a baby. My best friend, who I’d betrayed, was going to have a baby with Luke, the guy I was head over heels for. I couldn’t deal with that. I got myself a glass of water and lamented my lack of vodka. On the sofa, Luke stared at the TV with unseeing eyes and a forlorn expression. I sat beside him, so close that the sides of our bodies pressed against each other, and handed him his drink. “What are you going to do?” I didn’t want to know exactly what
Phoebe had said to him. I could already picture her smiling face as she revealed the news. Phoebe had always wanted kids. Not now, necessarily, but being a family was her ultimate goal. It might have been a shock and it might mess up a few of her plans, but I knew she’d be over the moon. There was no chance of her having an abortion, that was for certain. “What can I do? I’m going to stay with her, of course. I’ll make up for lost time and be the best partner and dad I can be. That’s what I have to do.” I nodded. It was what I’d expected.
Still, I was selfish enough to argue against it. “You don’t have to do that at all. You can still be a good dad without being with her.” Luke shook his head in a singular motion, his tone and face having lost all emotion. “We both know that having divorced parents hasn’t been good.” “We both know that having parents who didn’t like each other hasn’t been good. If they’d never been together then a divorce wouldn’t have happened.” “I don’t even want kids,” Luke muttered, gaze lowered to his lap. “I’ve never wanted kids.”
I blinked back tears again and rested my head on Luke’s shoulder, discarding my glass of water onto the floor. “I’m so sorry.” Luke put down his own glass and embraced me properly. I pulled down the blanket from the back of the sofa and wrapped us up, me practically on his laps and our arms entangled. If it was going to be the last night, we could afford to accept some mutual comfort from each other. “What are we going to do about our stalker?” I suddenly remembered. Our plans to turn him into the police were
suddenly rendered useless. Luke tightened his grip on me. “I don’t know. I guess… I guess you should just go to the police and risk him showing Phoebe the picture. It’s not fair that you get to live in fear because of something stupid I did.” I shook my head, knowing that wasn’t going to be the way things went. “No, we’ll just wait it out and see what he wants. He’ll get bought and give us the ultimatum eventually.” Luke nodded, the stalker already being put to the back of our minds. He hadn’t been harassing us lately, whereas
Phoebe’s pregnancy was happening right now and all my attention was focused on it. After fifteen minutes of us just hugging in silence, ruminating on the misery of our new situation, Luke brought his hand to the bottom of my chin and directed my face upwards. His lips were desperate; hard and insistent on mine as he dragged my body, if possible, closer to him. We didn’t want to wait around and enjoy each other’s bodies, we wanted the instant gratification of being with each other so intensely that everything else was forgotten.
My hands gripped his hair so tight it must have hurt and his nails were painful as they held my hips. The pain and the pleasure mixing together didn’t leave any room to think about Phoebe. There was just us. Luke and I. Together. Like we’d thought it was meant to be. In my bedroom, afterwards, Luke held me close and pressed soft kisses to my face. “I’m so sorry this didn’t work out.” I turned and met his lips, holding onto his face tightly and never wanting to let go. “Me too.”
Chapter Fourteen “Did you not go home last night?” Phoebe accused when Luke sauntered across the car park towards us the next morning. The stain he’d gotten on his uniform yesterday was still there. We’d woken up late and Luke had been forced to awkwardly sit at the breakfast table with me and my mother when I’d failed to sneak him out effectively. I knew I’d be getting a stern talking to when I got home tonight, but when I explained Phoebe’s pregnancy she’d
understand. I’d thought I’d be having the conversation where I explained that Luke and I were together and she wouldn’t be seeing Phoebe anymore, but everything had taken a very sharp turn for the worse. As it stood, Phoebe hadn’t mentioned her condition yet and we’d been stood chatting for a solid ten minutes. After she’d told me she could move past the issue with Luke’s dad, she’d launched into mindless conversation about drama from the party I didn’t care about. Apparently plenty of people had hooked up that she hadn’t been expecting to.
“My washing machine is broken,” Luke explained with a shrug. “Got to keep wearing the dirty blouse for the rest of the week. “Oh, you can come round and use mine if you want! I’m sure my parents won’t mind.” Phoebe had gone to take her place beside Luke immediately with a wide smile, taking his hand in hers and lacing their fingers together. “Anyway, Carmen, we’re all skipping first period because there’s something I, we, need to tell you.” I really hadn’t expected it to be that quick, but I supposed there was no need to wait around to tell me. So, just like
Luke and I had the day after our first kiss, we traipsed over to the café opposite the school car park. I went for a chocolate milkshake and Luke ordered a coffee. I noted with a quirked eyebrow that the elderly lady had jotted down our orders before we’d spoken. Phoebe went for a hot chocolate, having to be in the middle like always. Phoebe took Luke’s hand in hers the moment we’d sat down and didn’t let go. Her smile didn’t let up, either, and Luke was really struggling to keep his lips curved upwards. His eyes looked dead. Telling me about this again was probably the last thing he wanted to
happen. I’d already made the decision that when it came to leaving for uni I wouldn’t be talking to Phoebe ever again. I couldn’t be around Luke without caring for him and I couldn’t be around Phoebe without feeling horribly guilty. It was only a few months until summer came. Phoebe waited until the drinks came before she let me know what all this was about. She forced Luke to meet her gaze and obviously saw what she thought was a supportive look shining back at her. “Carmen,” she took a deep breath and
cursed when her fingertips touched the hot clay of the mug. After a short laugh, she blurted it out. “I’m pregnant!” I did my best attempt at a shocked reaction. I’d been expecting to have longer to practise not knowing about her pregnancy before I was supposed to be surprised by it. My eyebrows shot up and I forced a smile. “Congratulations!” “You knew,” she accused immediately, turning her accusatory case onto Luke. “You told her.” Luke shrugged and tried to keep his gaze on Phoebe. “I had to tell someone. It was big news, I wasn’t ready for it.”
“And you told Carmen?” I was the one to shrug this time. “You were the one who said you wanted us to be friends.” Phoebe chuckled. “True, that. I am glad you’re closer, even if I did want to be the one to tell you about this. I know it’s unexpected and I know it’s going to be difficult, but it’s a good thing. I know it is.” Luke smiled and nodded, his movements robotic. “I know. I just… I just need time to get my head around it.”
“I know. So do I,” Phoebe assured him. I felt wrong observing this conversation. I desperately didn’t want anything to do with this entire thing. I wanted to run for the hills and try and forget Luke. He was officially out of bounds forever and I was scared I’d never get over him. “But we can work things out. It will all be fantastic.” I sucked on the straw in my milkshake and desperately avoided looking at Luke. I didn’t want to set him off. I knew that meeting his gaze now would send my own misery skyrocketing and I didn’t have half as many things to be sad about as he did.
“Oh!” Phoebe exclaimed, reaching into her bag and almost knocking the hot chocolate over. “And I have your tickets for the Scarborough performance. They came through yesterday. It’ll probably be the last show I do, considering, so I’m so glad you’re both going to be there.” I forced out a smile and accepted the ticket she passed me. “That’s cool. Have you sorted out hotel rooms yet?” Phoebe, if possible, smiled wider. Her cheeks were going to be very painful by the end of this meeting. “My parents are paying for all of the rooms,” she told us both with stern looks. “We’re staying at a nice hotel, and my brother is
coming!” Phoebe’s brother Robert was working in America, slowly climbing the corporate ladder, and so she didn’t get to see him that often. That he was coming back to see her performance was a huge deal for her. “That’s great,” I kept my gaze on the shiny design letting me know the ticket was real, moving it side to side and watching the hologram move. “But I can’t let you pay for my hotel room. I’ll give you half, at least.” “No, no, my mum has insisted. You and Luke are my best friends and I want you to be there in all the luxury. It’s going to be a big weekend. We’re going
to have lots of fun.” I acquiesced, knowing that her parents had more than enough money to pay for us to do this. The guilt weighed on me. When summer came, I’d never see her or her parents again. I’d never see Luke again. We went back to more normal conversation after that, sipping on our drinks and trying desperately not to think too hard. I wished I could care about the mindless gossip Phoebe spewed out. Normally I loved this kind of thing, but my heart wasn’t in it. I just wanted to take everything back.
*** The shift had been a long one. Luke and I had had spurts of conversation that left us in fits of giggles, but they’d always been followed my long stretches of depressed silence. I didn’t know whether it was better to talk about our issues or to just leave them alone. Talking wasn’t going to help anything. Nothing was going to improve the situation. When we finished our shift, we walked wrapped in our own jumpers and braced the cold wind. It was going
to be getting warmer soon and I knew I’d miss these late night walks to and from the chippy. Jumping into the car and turning the heater up to full blast, driving just on the speed limit to reach Luke’s cosy house as quickly as possible. Angela would have put something in the oven for us and the kettle would be time perfectly for when we got in. Today, we kept our gazes solidly on the pavement and made sure that our arms didn’t brush against each other’s as we walked. Our pace was slow. There was no rush for either of us to get home anymore. “I’m going to see Phoebe when we
get back into Sheffield,” Luke declared, scuffing his shoe against the concrete. “How long do you think it’ll take me to like her again? Will I ever like her again?” I didn’t know what to say to that. “Phoebe’s a good person,” was all I could manage. “She keeps trying to sleep with me. I don’t think I can do it.” I knew there’d have been a tinge of pink on his cheeks if I’d lifted my gaze. “Then don’t.” “She’ll know something’s wrong.”
“She just threw your life up in the air by announcing she’s pregnant. I’m sure she can understand that horniness isn’t your dominant emotion right now.” Sad, sarcastic bitterness had become my default the past couple of days. I was perfecting the art of alienating everyone. “I know. I just, I want to like her. I want to be happy with her, but it’s just not there.” “You were happy once. Maybe it’ll get better when I’m out of the picture,” my voice was strained as pictures of a smiling Luke and Phoebe with a new baby haunted my mind for the thousandth
time that day. I felt Luke’s eyes on me. “Are you going to be out of the picture?” “When university comes and I’ve got an excuse, yes. I can’t keep doing this, I’m sorry,” I hung my head lower, burying my chin in the fur of my coat. “I’m not… I’m not trying to abandon you or anything. I just…” I paused and sighed. “I don’t know if I can deal with this if I see you every day and I’m so guilty about Phoebe I just…” I trailed off once more. “I don’t know. I don’t know what to do.” “It’s okay. I understand. I’d be the
same in your position.” “I’m sure it’ll work itself out.” “I’m sure it will for you.” I met his gaze for the first time and blinked back tears. “I’m so sorry, Luke. I don’t know what to say. I wish I could make it go away. I’ll stop talking about it from now on, if that’s better.” “Nothing is better, Carmen. My life is ruined. Nothing is going to make anything better.” I fell silent. I was too hopeless to know what to respond to that with. I’d
never had to deal with cheering people up properly before and it turned out I sucked at it. Luke sighed. “I just want to move somewhere far away where there’s no Phoebe’s and no babies and no debt and there’s just me and you. It would just be nice. There’d be no drama. I’d just be happy.” We’d never have that. I’d been under the illusion it was possible a week ago, but now it was a hopeless daydream that I’d never get to live out. “I really wish that could happen,” I said with a crushed voice, balling my hands into fists to try and hold back the sobs. I
was approaching my record consecutive days spent crying.
for
“You said it yourself though,” Luke had turned his voice around, taking the encouraging tone when he noticed my expression. “It’ll all work itself out. We’ll be fine in the end.” “Why are you the one trying to cheer me up? I’m so useless at this stuff.” Luke chuckled. “Because I’m the strong one and you’re the weak one who needed saving from the scary man.” I laughed, a genuine smile finding
its way onto my face. “I love you.” I blushed and realised what I’d said, too embarrassed to look up. “I love you, too.” I blushed harder when I realised what he’d said. We kept walking in silence, as though nothing had happened, all attention on the floor, but the tension was building to unbearable heights. We’d come in my car tonight and
when we reached the door, I dug into my pockets to search for my keys. I felt Luke behind and me and when his hand dipped beneath my coat to hold my hip I turned to stone. His fingers bit into me, begging there to be something more intimate, and skin flushed with heat when his heavy breaths reached my ear. We stood for a moment like that, before Luke had moved, going around to the other side of the car and waiting for me to unlock. I took a second to recover before slipping into my seat. We’d resisted. I’d told him how I felt and we’d resisted.
It didn’t feel as good as I’d thought it would.
Chapter Fifteen I pulled my tiny suitcase from up the drive behind me and tried to will away the apprehension. It had been two weeks and nothing had happened. Phoebe had been happy, Luke had been miserable, and I had been trying to avoid the both of them as much as humanly possible. Everything ached. I was tired and sad all the time and it was really beginning to mess with me. So, I focused all my efforts into my school work and prayed that when the school year was
over I could begin to put all this behind me. The weekend away I was about to endure didn’t help that one bit. Spending time with Luke and Phoebe together was unbearable, as was spending time with Luke alone, in a different way. It was always fun when he was there. We’d chat and ignore the tension of our bodies accidentally brushing together every now and then due to working in such close quarters. But the come down was agonising. Going home and holing myself up in my room after being happy with Luke led
to some of the worst moods. I spend all day and every day looking forward to going to work and immediately afterwards I hated myself for enjoying it. It was a vicious cycle. Phoebe was the one to answer the door with a big grin. “Come in! We’re just trying to sort out the rooms situation. Everyone is being awkward, of course.” By everyone, it obviously meant her and Robert, because Luke wouldn’t have been speaking out against whatever arrangement her parents had planned. “Why, what’s up?” I left my suitcase in the hallway and followed her through to the lounge.
“My parents wanted us to share a room and Robert to share a room with Luke. I want to share a room with Luke, obviously, but my parents said that you can’t share a room with Robert.” “Which you can’t,” her mother insisted as we entered the room. I shrugged, hovering around in the corner whilst everyone leant over the computer. “I’m really fine with whatever works best for you guys.” “Nonsense. How about you share a room with your brother and Carmen and Luke share a room?”
Luke and I exchanged a glance, but Phoebe waved off the idea instantly. “I just want to share a room with Luke.” Robert, who was standing on the side of the room much like I was, waved us all off. “I’ll just get my own room and Carmen can have her own room. I just got a promotion, so I’m not opposed to spending a little bit extra,” he chuckled and Phoebe grinned at the suggestion. As much as I didn’t fancy knowing Luke and Phoebe were sleeping with each other in such a close proximity, Luke and I being in the same room definitely would not have ended well.
Phoebe begged her mother with her eyes until she gave in. Her dad didn’t look overly impressed by the idea, but his mum had always worn the pants in their marriage. “Fine. I’ll ring up the hotel. We’re paying though, promotion or not. You’ve already paid for your flights.” Robert shrugged and I flushed when my ringtone blasted around the room loudly. Hastily answering it without checking the caller ID, I turned to face the wall in the hopes that would stop me bothering anyone. “Hello?” “Carmen?”
“Dad?” “Yes, it’s me. How are you?” My father had, once again, slipped my mind as I got caught up with my permanent pity party. “I’m fine. I’m sorry I didn’t call or anything, it’s been kind of hectic around here. How are you?” “I’m fine. I was wondering if you wanted to come around this weekend. The last visit didn’t exactly go as planned, we didn’t get to see much of each other.”
“I can’t, I’m going to see Phoebe’s show this weekend, sorry. Are you not still living with Luke’s dad?” “Yes.” “Well, I’m sure Luke wouldn’t want to come back with me to visit you whilst you’re there, anyway.” My dad paused. “I thought you could just come without Luke.” “I’m not coming without Luke,” I replied immediately. It was a lie – if he’d been somewhere else I’d have come without Luke, but I wasn’t going anywhere near Luke’s dad without him
beside me. “Besides, couldn’t you tell I wasn’t exactly keen on him?” “I could make sure he was out,” my dad offered. “And you shouldn’t believe everything he tells you. Harry,” that must have been his name, “told me that Luke’s mum kicked him out when he’d not done anything. He suspected she was cheating on him.” My laugh was sarcastic. “Angela is the nicest woman I’ve ever met. I think I’ll choose to take her story over that monster’s.” I would have mentioned the crippling debt he’d left behind if I was stood somewhere else.
“He seemed very genuine. Do you really trust Luke that much?” “Yes,” hesitation.
I
answered
without
“With your life?” “Yes, I trust Luke with my life and know he wouldn’t lie to me,” I returned, incredulous he was even having to ask me this. Did he not see the part where Harry had tried to manhandle me after I slapped him? “I’m not coming to see you again whilst you’re living there. We can go for coffee instead. I have to go now. Bye dad.”
I turned back to the room with a grimace and saw all eyes were on me. I must have been louder and more annoyed than I thought. My cheeks turned scarlet. “Sorry, my dad was just being an idiot.” Phoebe looked surprised, even after Luke and I having admitted to becoming friends during her pregnancy announcement. Luke smirked, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “With your life, eh?” “Try not to take it with more than a grain of salt. I care far more about proving a point than telling the truth when it comes to arguments.”
We both knew it had been a genuine statement, but for the purpose of appearances, our normal banter was resumed. Phoebe’s mum reappeared with a smile on her face. “Well, we’re all sorted. Let’s get going. Carmen, you and Luke will have to make your own way there if that’s okay. We don’t have enough seats in our car.” Luke nodded, “that’s okay, I’ll drive. I’ve filled up the tank.” “Right! Let’s be off, then.” Phoebe’s mum ushered us all out of the room and
down the driveway. I was leaving my car parked on their property over the weekend, not that anyone would want to steal my old banger anyway. I spotted the blue car on the other side of the road immediately, facing the other way so that we couldn’t see his face. It was something he had perfected. I nudged Luke in the direction and he grimaced. “Great,” he muttered, practically running into Phoebe, who was waiting expectantly to give him a kiss. “I really wanted to travel with you, but I want to see Robert whilst he’s here. Try not to ruin your new found
friendship on the way there,” she teased, kissing Luke on the lips, but keeping it brief for the benefit of her parents. Luke and I were probably both relieved by it. Slipping into Luke’s passenger seat, we put the radio on full blast and used it as an excuse for silence. It wasn’t long before we were both singing along to the cheesy classics in our terrible voices. This kind of thing normally embarrassed the life out of me, but with Luke it was just fun. We didn’t pay any attention to the blue car following us, we just laughed and sang and didn’t think. When the adverts came onto the radio station, we calmed down a bit,
serene smiles on our faces. “So, what do you think of Robert? You’ve only met him once before, right?” Luke nodded. “Can’t say I’m fussed, but I’m only really going by first impressions. You?” “Same here. I knew him before he went to America and it seems he’s only got more and more pretentious since being there. I can’t say I miss him.” “Oh, I guess our stalker dropped off,” I checked behind us and couldn’t see any sign of him. “At least now we know how far we have to drive before he gets bored.”
“And now we can stop off so I can use the toilet,” Luke rejoiced. “I should have gone before we set off.” I chuckled, sharing his sentiment and pointing out some services in less than a mile. It wasn’t such a long journey to Scarborough. Only a two hour drive and we were nearly halfway there already. In the services, we parted ways to use the toilets and for the first time in a long time, I had a natural smile on my face when I checked my appearance in the grimy mirror. I wished the drive was longer.
“Want to buy anything before we head off?” Luke checked, glancing around at all the overpriced stores. “Nah, I’m good. Let’s just get going.” The temptation to say we should get food and add another half an hour to the trip was very real, but I just about resisted. Phoebe would worry if we turned up late and no doubt her parents had plans for dinner. We were almost out the door when a broom was slapped across our bodies. I blinked and looked towards the janitor with outrage, only to see a familiar, smug face looking back at me. “I think
we should talk outside, don’t you?” Luke’s dad looked utterly serene as he walked out of the service station and expected us to follow. Luke and I kept walking, ignoring the path around the side of the building that he invited us to take, but Harry wasn’t having any of that. “If you don’t come and talk to me then I’ll be forced to alert the police as to the assault I suffered on my property three weeks ago.” Luke halted in his tracks and turn to stare at the hateful man who was leaning against the wall of the building. “Go and wait in the car. I’ll be back in a bit. He’s not going to hurt me, he just wants to
intimidate me,” he assured me, eyebrows knitted so closely together it looks painful. “Ah, ah, don’t be silly. She’s got to come too,” Luke’s dad shouted when I begrudgingly accepted his decision and started walking towards the car. Luke was raging, but he sighed and gestured for me to follow him. The service station was quiet anyway, but around the side of the building was deserted. I doubted there’d be any CCTV around here, either. “What do you want?” Luke demanded, keeping me behind him as he
spoke to Harry. “To tell you what I plan to do,” Harry all but sang, the wide grin making him look borderline insane. “Believe it or not, what happened the last time we met didn’t sit very right with me. You’re my son and I won’t let you get away with doing that. So, here we are. A lucky coincidence, really. It saves me having to drive all the way into central Sheffield to confront you.” “Stop playing with me,” Luke snapped, already leaning forwards aggressively. His fingers were white from being clenched into fists at his side. I cowered behind him, resting my hand
on his back in what I hoped was a soothing gesture. “What do you want?” “To let you know that I’m going to hurt you-” he stopped, barking out a short laugh. “Wait, no, even better. I’m going to hurt her.” He pointed a stubby finger right at me. “Your short bitchy girlfriend that had the nerve to slap me. I don’t know how and I don’t know when, but I’ll do it.” My blood ran cold. Now I had two reasons to be constantly fearing going outside. Luke started to quiver and I moved my hand against his back, willing him not to hit his dad again. That was what had started this and even that was
my fault. “Why wouldn’t you just hurt me?” “What would be the fun in that? I get to hurt the bitch and you. Just like how when I hurt your mother it hurt you, too. You were the one who ruined our marriage, you know. Angela was such a good wife before you came along.” Harry shook his head and got back on track. “Anyway, just thought I’d let you know. Have a nice trip.” He sauntered past Luke with a manic grin and when he reached out as though he was going to touch me, Luke wrenched me backwards with such tight grip that it was going to bruise my upper
arms. Luke’s dad only laughed and walked back around the corner to return to his job. Luke punched the wall, so hard that I worried he might have broken something. When he brought his arm back to do it again, I jumped between him and the bricks and encircled his increasingly bloody hand. “Don’t do that,” I chastised, resting my cheek against his chest and hugging him tightly with my free hand. A sob wracked through his body and tears gathered in my own eyes. “I
can’t do this anymore,” he cried, breaking his hand free from mine and hugging me so tightly it hurt. “I can’t let him hurt you, I can’t. I can’t believe I’ve put you in this situation.” I shushed him as best as I could, hugging him back just as tightly. “It was just an empty threat. He just saw us and wanted to make us feel bad. He’s not going to do anything.” “But what if he does? If he hurts you I won’t be able to live with myself.” Tears escaped my eyes, but didn’t get far before they were captured by Luke’s shirt. “He won’t hurt me. It was
just an empty threat, I’m sure,” I repeated, wanting to believe it was true myself. “I can’t do this,” he repeated. “I’ve got to protect you, but try not to love you and I’ve got to be with Phoebe when I don’t love her or her baby. I don’t know how to deal with this.” “You cared for Phoebe once, when I’m out of the way you’ll care about her again. Your dad… he won’t do anything, I’m sure of it. If he did something you’d just tell the police and he’d be arrested. It wouldn’t be worth it. You’ll be okay.” I wanted to believe that he’d be okay. I wanted Luke to be happy more than I
wanted to be happy. Luke deserved it. He pulled back, cupping my face. “I won’t let him lay a finger on you.” I managed a tiny smile. “I know.” Our kiss was tender. Desirous, as always, but filled with something much sweeter. It broke my heart. “Come on,” Luke whispered, lacing his fingers through mine and starting to walk. “Let’s go.” In the car, I pulled Luke’s hand onto my lap. They were only grazes, but the wall had been pebble dashed and so they
were deep enough to have bled quite a bit. Retrieving some tissues and water from the glove box, I tried to clean them up. “Thank you,” Luke said when I was finished, observing my handiwork. “No problem,” I replied, my voice just as robotic. The rest of the car ride was silent. We were lost in our own thoughts, about each other and our stupid situation. We were in some kind of state of shock and words weren’t going to help anything. So it was a tense silence, instead.
The hour of watching unfamiliar scenery whizz past the window went quicker than I thought it would. Neither of us felt much better when we pulled up outside the hotel. It was small, but exclusive and I didn’t feel right here. This was Phoebe’s world, not mine. She had other friends for this kind of thing. Phoebe jumped down the steps from where she’d obviously been waiting for us in the lobby. When we stepped out of the car, his smile died. “What happened?”
“My dad was at the service station we stopped at,” he paused, emotionless transforming into a dark grimace. “He threatened Carmen. I punched the wall, hence the blood.” I hadn’t noticed the stain on his shirt until now. “Why your blood?” Phoebe was staring at my face and I frowned, not understanding what she meant. “Oh,” when Luke had caressed my face. “I went a bit insane, Luke had to try and calm me down.” “Are you both okay?” Phoebe was nervous as she observed our broken faces.
I was finding it easier to pull myself together than Luke, so I nodded and managed a smile. “It was nothing, just an empty threat. I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.” “Why did he threaten you?” Phoebe turned all her attention to me, glad for some semblance of normality in my actions. Luke was practically a zombie and Phoebe was too intimidated by him to know what to do. “Because I hit him.” There was no point in explaining that Luke’s dad thought I was his girlfriend and not her. She’d probably take it the wrong way.
“Oh, I see.” Luke blinked, taking in our conversation from a few moments ago. “Sorry, I should have cleaned your face. I didn’t think, I was too angry.” “It’s fine,” I assured him. Phoebe held out two key cards. “We’ve checked in and everything. Here are the keys to yours and Luke’s rooms. I’m going to go and find my parents and tell them what’s going on, if that’s okay?” “It’s fine,” I assured her, glad to be
rid of her presence so we could calm down by ourselves. Luke grabbed our suitcases from the book and started walking towards the hotel. “I can get it,” I took my case from his injured hand and we got into the lift together. Luke was in a trance and I was beginning to seriously worry about him. I was just as useless as Phoebe when it came down to it. When I entered my room, Luke followed and deposited his case. “I’ll move into my own room later. I want to clean your face first.” I nodded, entering my bathroom and
picking up the novelty sized shampoos and conditioners. “I always loved staying in hotels. We did it so rarely that it was always a massive treat. I don’t like it here, though, it’s too posh. I always liked the family run B&Bs where the owners make a fuss over the fact you’re there.” I hoped that just talking to Luke would make him feel better. “I was the same- am, the same,” He turned on the tap and fetched some toilet paper to wipe the blood away from my face. “Are you okay?” He suddenly asked, not pausing in the dabbing of toilet roll on my face. “I don’t think I ever asked I was feeling too down on myself. You’re the one he threatened,
after all.” “I’m fine,” I assured him. I had to be fine because Luke was so clearly not okay. “Are you going to be okay?” He shrugged, checking every angle to make sure he hadn’t missed anything. “I will be, eventually. I just, I don’t know. Nothing’s ever going to be the same again and I was liking where it was going before all this baby stuff.” I didn’t know what else to do but to embrace him in a hug. My knees dug into his legs, but opening them so he could stand between didn’t seem like a good idea. I rested my clean cheek against his
chest and hoped this did something to help. “I’m scared, Carmen.” I hugged him tighter, tears glistening in my eyes. Luke didn’t deserve any of this. It turned out he was one of the best people I’d ever met, despite all the drama we’d been through before German tutelage. “It’ll be okay,” I whispered, not sure if it had even been loud enough to hear. After a few minutes the door cracked open and Phoebe stuck her head in, nervousness written all over her face. Luke stepped back instantly and we both
wiped our eyes. “I didn’t think I’d ever see the day.” I managed a small smile, but Luke’s attempt was more of a grimace. “What time are we planning on eating?” “Not for a while, you have time for a shower if you want one.” I didn’t feel like doing much more than getting into bed and trying to forget today, but perhaps a shower would wake me up a bit. “Okay.” “I’m going to have a shower, too,” Luke told Phoebe. “I need to get my stuff into our room.”
Phoebe nodded, glad to hear some normal words coming from his mouth. “Okay, cool!” His relief was painfully obvious. “I used the spare key to let myself in here, but I left it on your bedside table.” “Cool, thanks.” They exited the room and I was left to my own thoughts for the first time. Luke’s dad wanted to hurt me. I was in danger, no matter how much I tried to convince Luke it was an empty threat. I really didn’t want to become so
paranoid that I never let the house again. Sighing and stripping off my clothes, I got into the achingly hot shower and hoped it helped. Expensive hotels at least meant really good showers and I welcomed the rough jets pounding on my back. Luke was right, it was all becoming a bit too much and I was scared too. Scared for myself, both physically and mentally. Shrugging on some jeans and a hoody, I went through to knock on Phoebe’s room which was the one beside mine. Luke answered and let me in, going and collapsing on his bed.
“Phoebe’s gone to talk to her family.” I rolled my eyes. As if she thought it was okay to just leave Luke when he was in such a state. “Well, I’m here. You can come and sit in my room if you want, I don’t mind.” Phoebe re-entered before he could answer. “We’re just walking down to the front to get fish and chips tonight, if that’s all right?” I nodded and Phoebe took in my wet hair and make-up-less face. “I might take a bit of getting ready, though. You guys can set off and I’ll catch up if you want.”
“No, that’s okay,” Phoebe still hovered around the open doorway. “I’ll just go let them know we’ll be setting off in a bit.” I waited a few minutes to check whether she was coming back before gesturing to Luke. “Come on, you can come dry my hair. It’s therapeutic, I promise.” Luke hesitated briefly before nodding and plodding after me. Sitting on my bed with cross legs, I took a seat before him and handed him the hair dryer. “Thanks,” I knew he wasn’t just referring to me passing him the dryer.
“It’s no problem.” Luke drying my hair was therapeutic, at least for me. His fingers weaved through my hair gently as the hot air buffeted it and I sat with a lazy smile on my face. After it was dry, I just wanted to lean back against Luke. He could have wrapped his arms around me and we’d just sit in silence, until that became uncomfortable. Then we’d lay down and drift into sleep with entangled limbs. Instead, we he finished and I sat with hunched shoulders and lamented having to get up and plug my
straighteners. “Don’t bother with the straighteners,” Luke read my mind. “I like it wavy.” I tilted my head backwards, hair falling into his lap and gaze meeting his. “Are you sure you aren’t making me look like a fool so you can look at me and have something to laugh about all dinner.” Luke chuckled, his hand going back to my hair and running his fingers through it. “No. You just look pretty, I promise.”
I flushed against grinned, getting up and retrieving my make-up bag. “Thank you. But, whatever you say, I definitely require some mascara.” My make-up didn’t take long and Luke watched me from the bed with a calmer expression. “Okay, I’m sorted. Let’s get going.” Luke made a discontented noise and dragged himself from my bed. “I wish we didn’t have to.” “I know. I was hoping they’d accept my offer to get going and we could have just done our own thing, but I guess no one will want to talk to us anyway.
We’re just the weird outcasts at this point.” “Thank God,” Luke grumbled, pulling on the coat he’d brought through with him and waiting for me to do the same. “I kind of love the cold weather,” I admitted as he exited my room and knocked on Phoebe’s. “Being all wrapped up and cosy and stuff. I always loved being inside when I knew it was freezing outside.” Luke chuckled. “Sharing a single bed definitely helps with the feeling cosy part.” Our minds were sent back to
our first night together and a sad smile graced my face. “Yeah, for sure.” Phoebe emerged with an expectant smile, judging our appearances and then letting it widen. “Let’s go!” Luke and I walked in practical silence down to the sea front. Phoebe’s family walked four abreast and talked animatedly about things I didn’t care about, whilst I took in the rustic, old town and wondered why people would ever choose to live at the seaside. There must have been sand everywhere all the time. It would get on my nerves far too
much. “This place looks good,” Phoebe’s dad gestured to the first fish and chip place we came across. “I hope it’s better than the place we’re working at,” Luke grumbled. Our chippy didn’t have the best food, but we got it for free so that was good enough for the both of us. “What are you having?” I checked with Luke, pulling out my purse and standing in queue. “I’m not really hungry,” he dismissed, seeing Phoebe beckon him
towards the benches we’d be sitting on to eat. “Just get yourself something. I might pick a few.” It seemed like a waste to have a sausage when we were beside the sea, but I’d never been a big fish eater. I piled on the curry sauce, knowing that Luke was just as much of a fan as me. Phoebe, Luke and I crammed onto a bench which overlooked the sand. The tide was coming in, slowly but surely, but it was a long way out right now. I could barely see the black waves tickling the shore. I placed the chips on my lap and gestured to Luke to take as many as he wanted. I had the feeling his
appetite would come back quite quickly when he ate the first one. I was right. After the first chip, Luke scoffed them down with no remorse, giving me a guilty smile when they were all gone. “I’ll get the next lot and I’ll let you eat some of these, I promise.” I chuckled and handed him the empty polystyrene tray to throw away whilst he was going. Phoebe turned to me the second he was out of earshot. “I don’t know what to do, I’ve never seen him like this before.” “Just try and keep him talking, even
if it’s about random stuff. Distraction is nice.” Phoebe tapped her hand against her leg. “I’m just so scared I’m going to make it worse. He gets really angry about these things.” “He’d never take his anger out on you, though.” Besides, he was less angry and more despairing right now. “Why do you know what to do and I don’t?” Phoebe lamented, burying her face in her hands. I was almost at a loss as to what to respond to that. Because we love each
other? “I was just there when it happened, I guess.” “But he tells you things that he doesn’t tell me. He still never explained the whole situation with his dad. He’s so distant. It just seems like he doesn’t want to be with me at all.” I glanced around to make sure Phoebe’s family’s bench was far enough away that they couldn’t overhear. “The baby thing is hard on him.” “When did he tell you about it?” “He came straight to mine after being at yours,” I admitted. Maybe
telling the truth would make her see that this wasn’t all rainbows. Just because she wanted it didn’t mean Luke was over the moon too. “What did he say? What was he like?” “He was crying.” Luke wouldn’t thank me for this and maybe I was just being a bitch, but Phoebe needed to understand. She needed some things putting in perspective if hers and Luke’s relationship was ever going to work. She needed to know what he was really like and what he really thought. Phoebe looked crestfallen. “I knew
he was upset, but I didn’t think he was that upset. I just, he seemed like he’d come around to the idea by the time he was leaving mine.” “Phoebe he had a whole life planned out. Going to university, getting a job.” He had crippling debts, a baby wasn’t going to help that in the slightest. “This is like a bomb has been dropped. He’ll come around and he’ll love the baby, but it’s going to take more than a few weeks to accept that this is the future.” I wasn’t quite sure why Phoebe wasn’t a bit more devastated that her own uni plans had been dashed. She’d
been looking at uni since way before we had to start applying. She had a dancing career if she wanted it. She had everything and it was going down the drain for this baby. Maybe I just wasn’t maternal enough. Phoebe sighed. “He can still go to university. I said I didn’t mind staying at home and stuff while he did that. He’d selected Sheffield as his first choice anyway.” “I know. Just give him time. Try talking to him about it when we get back from the trip.”
Phoebe nodded and rested her head on my shoulder. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” She’d be fine, I told myself. Her and Luke would work out their differences and she wouldn’t need me anymore. Thankfully, Luke returned soon afterwards. Phoebe launched into conversation with him, taking my advice to heart, and there was a smile on his face soon afterwards. I tried not to feel sad and accept that I’d done a good thing.
Luke being happy was my only priority.
Chapter Sixteen My night didn’t involve a lot of sleep. It was two in the morning and I couldn’t get my eyes to stay shut. Lying flat and staring up at the ceiling, I decided a walk was what I needed. Some fresh sea air and exhaustion would hopefully make me more tired. Maybe it would wash away my endless miserable thoughts. Pulling on all my warm layers of clothing, I grabbed my door key and exited the room.
I practically ran into Luke, who was stood outside my door with his fist raised. He must have heard me rustling about trying to find clothes. He was wrapped up in comfy clothing to and I smiled at him, shutting my door and starting the walk towards the elevator. “Couldn’t sleep?” I checked. “Nope, been awake for hours. Phoebe made me push the beds together, so I’ve been sweltering in there as well. I just want some cold air.” I nodded and pushed the button for the ground floor. Scarborough wasn’t
busy anyway at this time of year, but at two in the morning it was deserted. Bleak and empty and I loved it. A grin spread across my face we started our way down towards the beach. The tide had come all the way in now, too. Street lights lit up the promenade and Luke and I walked along in a comfortable silence. I could hear the black waves now they were closer and I revelled in the sound of it. I hadn’t been to the seaside since my parents were actually getting on. I spotted a large rock in the distance that jutted out into the sea and tugged on Luke’s coat. “Let’s go climb it.”
He looked a bit unsure, but indulged me anyway. “We’re not doing it if it looks dangerous when we get there,” he warned. We were walking close enough together that our arms brushed against each other every now and then. I resisted the urge to vacate the warmth of my pocket to hold his hand. The rock was further than I thought, but our small talk made it go quickly. There was no need to delve into the deep problems right now; chatting about our pasts and our families and things we just enjoyed doing was enjoyable enough.
The rock was also bigger than I thought. But, it had the perfect footholds to get on top. They were probably man made. I gestured to Luke and he sighed, letting me go first so that he could catch me if I fell. We were close enough to the promenade that the streetlights gave us enough vision. On top of the rock, I grinned. My heart raced a bit as I walked to the end and stuck my head out over the top. The waves were a threatening black, mysterious and dark and startlingly beautiful. I’d never been to the beach in the middle the night before, but it was definitely gorgeous.
Luke took his stance behind me and wrapped secure arms around my waist. “There’s no way I’m letting you fall in the sea,” he muttered, sticking his head out a bit too. “I don’t know how people stay at sea for days and days. I think I’d hate a cruise.” Luke shrugged. “I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to afford a cruise anyway, so it’s a good job I’m not bothered.” Chuckling, I almost lost my footing. Luke shook his head and dragged me backwards. “Let’s go and sit down. I really don’t want to have the coastguard
out here.” We picked a seat on the sand, our backs against the concrete of the raised promenade. Luke opened his legs so I could sit between them and we fitted perfectly together, Luke tight arms encasing me so that it was impossible to feel unsafe. “I’m going to break-up with Phoebe,” Luke told me, his chin digging into my head when he spoke. I tried to twist and look at his face, but Luke kept me where I was. “Why?” “Because I’ll be miserable for the
rest of my life if I stay.” I kept quiet, wanting to jump for joy, but knowing it wasn’t the right reaction to have. “I just don’t like her that much. I definitely can’t ever love her. She’d have found out about this in the end, anyway. I can’t stay away from you no matter how hard I try,” Luke kissed the top of my head and my lips quirked. “I think you’re doing the right thing.” I’d thought it all along, but there was no point in reminding him of that. “You can still be there for a child without being with the parent. You’re a
good guy, it’s not like your dad at all.” “I know. If I could bring myself to stay with her I would, but it’s not going to work. I’ll tell her as soon as we’re back in Sheffield.” I paused, wanting desperately to ask him the question, but not daring to hear the answer. “I want to give us a shot at working,” Luke confirmed, finally allowing me to turn around so that he could press a kiss to my cheek. “I’ll tell Phoebe everything now and then by the time the baby is born, she’ll have forgiven me enough to let me see it. At
least, that’s what I’m hoping. She can’t legally block me out of its life anyway.” I captured his lips in mine properly, a short kiss that conveyed just how pleased I was by his response. “I really want this to work,” I admitted. At some point I was going to have to decide how much I could really deal with being with someone who had a child, but Luke was would be worth. Luke was worth everything. “Really bad.” Luke tightened me back in his arms and grinned, nuzzling his face into my wild, wavy hair. “Me too. Also I think my mum is starting to miss you, so she’ll definitely be behind my decision.”
“Did you tell her about Phoebe yet?” I couldn’t imagine she’d react well to that at all. Luke practically flinched. “Not yet. I’m hoping to put that off for as long as possible. She’s going to be devastated, I know it.” “She’ll come around. We’ll all come around eventually.” Luke nodded once and prodded me in the side. “We should get going. We’re going to be insanely tired tomorrow if we don’t sleep soon.”
“I think it might be past that point,” I yawned right on time. “But sure. I’m getting pretty tired and, even wrapped up this tightly, a bit chilly too.” Luke offered me a hand and we started the walk back together. We did hold hands this time, our fingers laced tightly together and big grins on both our faces. There was nothing more that could spring itself on us. We’d had the worst and we’d dealt with it. We were going to be okay. I hoped Phoebe could get over it one day. Being pregnant would send her hormones all over the place, but her
parents could help her out when she told them and her other friends would be there for her. She’d be okay. She’d be better than if she and Luke stayed together and it came out he’d been sleeping with me later down the line, that was for sure. At my room, Luke checked in both directions and gave me a peck on the lips. I fell into a contended sleep almost straight away.
Chapter Seventeen Phoebe’s show had been very good. The production value was superb and her actual dancing was great. Luke and I had sat in the front row during it and stood by her side afterwards as though everything was hunky-dory. The guilt had been eating away at us, but the knowledge it wouldn’t last much longer was enough to keep us going. Phoebe was beaming all the way through the weekend and it made me feel better about things. At least she’d got to
be happy in her moment. The ride back was what I’d been looking forward to. Just Luke and I in the car, relaxing and chatting and building ourselves up to crushing Phoebe. As it stood, Phoebe had taken my seat in the front and I was trapped in the back being forced to endure conversation that sent my guilt nearly toppling over the edge. This evening Luke was going to tell Phoebe that he couldn’t be with her anymore. The next day, I was going to go and explain that I’d slept with her boyfriend. We’d debated the best way to do this and
ruled out telling her together. It might have been one blow, but it would have been too harsh. It would have looked like we were plotting together. At least, that was our rationale. Now I came to think of it, though, she’d ring me up the moment Luke dumped her and that wouldn’t work well. I groaned mentally. Luke needed to tell her first, privately, because of the pregnancy thing. That was too intimate for me to be there for, but I had to tell her almost straight away that she couldn’t expect to be leaning on me because I was a bitch of a friend. Luke would let me know as soon as
he’d done it and I’d swoop in and break her heart again. My head rested against the window despite it making me feel queasy and watched the scenery turn familiar. When my phone buzzed, I pulled it out and hoped it wasn’t my father. I wanted to talk to my mum before I spoke with him again. I needed to know everything before I agreed to meet him. It was a private number and I knew what that meant. I tried to meet Luke’s eyes in the mirror, but he wasn’t paying any
attention to me. Swallowing, I opened the message. Pull over in front of the next garage. It’s just on your left in a few minutes. All colour drained from my skin and as much as I needed time to recover before springing this on Luke, I didn’t have time. “Luke,” my voice was hoarse and Phoebe turned round to stare at me in confusion. Luke’s green eyes met mine in the mirror. “You need to pull up at the next garage. It’s on the left in a few minutes.” His hands tightened on the wheel
and he was forced to pay attention to the road. “I have to?” “Yes.” Phoebe’s gaze dashed between our pallid faces. “What’s going on?” “It’s nothing important,” I dismissed, my queasiness growing rapidly. “Just stay in the car, we’ll only be a moment.” “No. You can’t both lie to me like that. I need to know what’s going on,” she stared harder at Luke than me, assuming she had more sway over him.
“Phoebe,” Luke took a deep breath. “I’ll explain absolutely everything to you afterwards if you promise to stay in the car whilst we deal with this. This man we’re going to meet is dangerous and I can’t let you get hurt. Okay?” Phoebe didn’t have time to argue because Luke had pulled the car into the garage our stalker had specified. It was Sunday, so everything was closed. It was just a large piece of tarmac in the middle of nowhere. Surrounded by fields on every side. A blue Ford driven by a masked man joined us a few moments later and Phoebe looked ready to panic. “Stay
here,” I urged her once more as Luke and I left the car. We stood with our sides so mushed together that it was almost uncomfortable. Luke’s warm presence made me feel better, though. Our stalker got out of the car too, and we were left in a standoff. “I am so glad you decided to follow my instructions,” the computerised voice from his phone told us. “What do you want?” Luke demanded, keeping his voice surprisingly controlled. I prayed he was just trying to make it awkward my forcing us to explain to Phoebe what
was going on. Maybe he wasn’t going to do anything. “To finally have my moment, of course,” he was forced to type rapidly into his phone to keep the conversation going. I hoped he made a typo. “This is everything I wished for and more. You played right into my hands.” Our car door opened and Phoebe stepped out. Both Luke and I shot her a glare. “Get back in the car,” Luke snapped, diverting his attention from the stalker for only a moment. “No, no,” the computer stopped her. “I needed her out of the car anyway.
Come and stand beside them. You finally get to be involved in all this. Well, in person, anyway. Yes, yes, closer.” Phoebe chose to stand next to Luke, not that I blamed her. He was definitely more able to protect her in this situation. When our stalker pulled a gun, Luke shoved me behind him and then followed suit with Phoebe. We were crushed together behind his back as Luke leant forwards aggressively. “What do you think you’re doing?” “Playing a game, of course,” the man didn’t approach us. Just stood still, his gun in one hand whilst he typed out his next sentence. “It’s got some very
simple rules.” I didn’t care about Phoebe noticing anymore and grabbed the back of Luke’s shirt, praying it gave me some comfort. If one of us was going to die, I just prayed it wasn’t him. When I made a move to put myself in front of him, he fired me a warning look and kept his arm held out behind him so that I couldn’t move. “This one is all on you, Luke my boy. Quite simple, as I said. Pick one. Pick one to get shot. Pick one to save.” My heart dropped in my chest and Phoebe was staring at me with remorse.
Luke may love me, but Phoebe was carrying his child. He had to save her. “No, shoot me instead,” he responded immediately. “No, no, that’s not the way it works. You have to pick.” He put the phone back into his pocket and stared us down with beady eyes from behind his balaclava. When I heard him take the safety off the gun, I swallowed. It was taking everything in me not to just run away from the situation. If I did that, he’d probably just fire the gun anyway. “Carmen,” Luke’s thick voice broke
the silence and my eyes filled with tears. “It’s okay,” I could only smile. “I understand.” Phoebe had to live over me. She was the good one. “Get in the car,” he continued, his entire body trembling. “Luke-” “Get in the car.” When I met Phoebe’s gaze, she was already sobbing. She knew. That put all the pieces into perspective for her and it was going to be the last thing she found out before she died.
I backed away and to the side of the car with tears flowing freely down my cheek. Even now I was being a selfish, pathetic coward. I couldn’t even make my mouth say the words “take me instead.” I didn’t want to die. The man laughed. It was a real laugh that told us it was exactly what he’d planned on happening. I recognised it, vaguely, but it wasn’t enough to place the bastard who’d caused us so much trouble. “Perfect,” the phone said. “Now, move out of the way.” Luke stood his ground in front of Phoebe and I rubbed my clammy hands
against my jeans. The stalker sighed and continued forwards. He wasn’t tall, but he outmanoeuvred Luke easily and hit him across the side of the head with the butt of his gun. Luke staggered out of the way and I called his name, still not daring to move away from the side of the car. The stalker went straight for Phoebe and a sob left both our throats simultaneously. He hit her straight in the stomach. She collapsed, howling as the stalker stood back with a mad glint in his eyes. “It’s a fake,” the phone told us as he fired the gun. It clicked, but otherwise
nothing happened. Luke lunched for the man, but he was still off balance and our stalker had expected it. I was already on the phone for an ambulance, praying I’d remembered the street we were on correctly. Phoebe was shrieking, collapsed onto her knees and clutching her stomach. The stalker drove off before Luke could get to him and he was left standing, watching the car speed away. “My friend is pregnant and she’s just been punched in the stomach. I need an ambulance.”
Luke stared at Phoebe, at her stomach, and attempted to approach her. She screeched louder, backing away so quickly she fell onto her side. “Don’t you dare come near me. Either of you.” She recovered her position and Luke and I couldn’t bring ourselves to stand next to each other. We stayed on opposite sides of her and just stood, gazes on the ground. The ambulance didn’t take long and I knew how the scene must have looked. Phoebe, crying on the floor and holding her stomach and Luke and I, just watching like ghosts. The paramedics
rushed out. “What happened?” Luke and I looked at each other once more, deciding who would explain. I bit the bullet and did the talking. My voice didn’t sound like my own. “We’ve… we’ve been being stalked and he was blackmailing us and he told us to pull over and then he punched her in the stomach. She’s pregnant.” The paramedic no doubt didn’t need the build-up. “She also… just got some bad news, so she’s a bit… unstable.” My voice cracked and Luke took one step towards me before stopping. The paramedic talked to Phoebe in a soothing voice, but she was completely
unresponsive. Eventually she was coaxed into the back of the ambulance. “Only one of you can travel with us-” “No,” Phoebe’s voice was dead. “I don’t want either of them anywhere near me.” So the ambulance sped off with its sirens blaring. That was when I let myself break. I wrapped my arms around myself and sobbed so hard my chest hurt. Luke was next to me in a few strides, his grip tight around me as he somehow managed to stay quiet. I couldn’t even bring myself to hug him back.
I’d caused miscarriage.
my
best
friend’s
“It’s not your fault,” Luke murmured the mantra against my hair as if it would ever be true. “No one could have predicted this. It’s his fault, not yours.” I shook my head. “There are so many things I could have done to stop it. To stop all of this. It’s all my fault.” “Look,” Luke pulled back and held my face between his hands. “We need to go to the police. We need to ring Phoebe’s parents. They should be there for her, not us. Seeing us again isn’t what
she’ll want.” “I just-” “Carmen,” he held my gaze until my sobs subsided. “It wasn’t your fault. We need to go to the police and tell them everything that happened.” I nodded, swiping at my eyes. “Okay.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead and we both shut our eyes for a moment. “Let’s go.” “Is your head okay?” I realised suddenly, looking up at the side of his
head and not seeing any blood. “Maybe you should go to the hospital or something.” “It’s fine, really. He didn’t actually hit me that hard. I don’t think he was intending to hurt me.” I was beyond relieved Luke had an automatic, it meant he could hold my hand the entire way to the police station. I brought up all the texts he’d sent me and hovered on the one about my dad. “Do I tell them about my dad?” “It’s up to you,” Luke was probably leaning on the side of telling them.
“I’ll tell them. If I hold something back it’ll be found anyway and he’s not living there now. It’s not my problem. I just want this guy behind bars.” “I think that’s the best idea,” he admitted. “But you don’t have to.” “No, it’s for the best.” We pulled into the police station a few minutes later and walked in hand in hand. There was no point in hiding it anymore and I just needed the comfort Luke provided. We awkwardly got to the point that we needed to report a crime at the front
desk and were assigned a uniformed officer to tell all the details to. We got through it together and somehow I managed to hold back the majority of the tears. That was probably because I never got to the part that had just happened. Someone interrupted us. “I’m sorry to interfere, but I’ve been assigned your case,” the middleaged woman stuck out her hand for us to shake. “I’ve just got back from the hospital. I think we need to talk somewhere a bit more comfortable than this.” The interview room was a metal cell that really hadn’t made me feel very safe.
Luke and I followed her to her office, our hands linked together until we sat down. We exchanged a look and waited for the officer to speak. “I think I should tell you what I’ve been told before we get into your side of things. The first thing you should know is about Phoebe,” she paused awkwardly. “I’m telling you this because of your involvement, though she begged me not to. This is a delicate situation.” My eyebrows knitted together and I waited impatiently for the detective to just say it. “Phoebe was never pregnant. She was lying to you both.”
I blinked, but Luke ran a hand through his hair and swore. “That bitch.” “I know it sounds bad,” the detective looked uncomfortable talking about the entire situation. “But the hospital has assigned her a therapist and she’s on the road to recovery. It was just important for you to know that she didn’t miscarry. She’s requested that you don’t contact her.” I nodded, numb. Could I be mad at Phoebe? She’d obviously been suffering some kind of mental health concern that I’d never noticed. I’d been a bad friend once again in not noticing.
Luke frowned. “It’s not your fault,” he assured me for the thousandth time today. “Nobody else realised either.” That didn’t settle my mind that much. I was her best friend. It was my duty and no one else’s to find out that kind of thing. Still, I could deal with that later. The detective continued. “I’m going to have to ask you to tell me everything from the beginning again, if you don’t mind.” I shrugged. At least Phoebe’s miscarriage wasn’t such a sore point
anymore, it had just been replaced by something else. Luke and I went through the story in as much detail as we thought appropriate. The detective didn’t do a very good job of hiding her judgment when we were finished and I couldn’t blame her. “Thank you. We’ll get on the number plate immediately and see what we can do. Are you safe to go home tonight?” “I’ll be fine. He never bothers us at home. He won’t do anything. Besides, he said today was his finale, so I don’t think he’d bother us again anyway.” Luke nodded. We both just wanted to get home to our beds and sleep for a
week. “That’s fine by me,” the woman nodded. “But I do have to make you sign a form to say that it was your decision to drive home. Is that okay?” We exchanged a glance and nodded. “That’s fine.” Probably foolish, but fine. We also left our numbers, so that the detective would be able to contact us with any developments. In the car, Luke and I sat in silence for a good few minutes. “I’m not having a baby,” he murmured, leaning his head back against the car seat and closing his eyes. “I was never having a baby.” I reached across and squeezed his
hand. “It looks like your life isn’t on hold anymore.” It was a sad laugh that left his mouth. “I wasn’t allowed to be happy when she had a miscarriage, but this. Thank God, it’s all I can say. I know, that I was a dick and I must have been the one to send her over the edge and I hate myself for that, but I just, I’ll get over that eventually. I don’t know if I could have ever gotten over having a child.” I leant across and gave him a hug. “I know. I understand.” I understood enough to see his point of view, anyway. “I just… I just wish I could say sorry to her, even if she wouldn’t believe me.
There’s so happening.”
many
things
I
regret
“Do you think we’d have ever been together if I’d not been with Phoebe?” Luke inquired suddenly, weaving his fingers through my hair absentmindedly. I shrugged, my cheeks turning scarlet. “Well, I did kind of fancy you for, erm, quite a long while before you started going out with Phoebe.” Luke smirked. “I’m glad to hear it. I may have also thought you were kind of hot.” Rolling my eyes, I pulled back, but
Luke pressed a kiss to my lips. “I liked you. I wouldn’t have told anyone about my grandma. In fact, I didn’t tell anyone apart from you.” I hadn’t even required Luke to fancy me beforehand. The point was that he fancied me now. It still made me feel good about myself, though. “Do you think that guy knew Phoebe was lying about her pregnancy somehow? Or do you think he really wanted to kill her baby?” Luke knitted his eyebrows and started up the engine. “I really have no idea. I just want to know who it is now,” he admitted, pulling out of the police
station and starting off towards our house. “All this time and we still don’t know which one of us he was actually interested in hurting.” “It’s so weird,” I commented, holding Luke’s hand once more and smiling at the feel of his warm fingers covering mine. It felt so right, even if everything had eventually come crashing down around us. “I still haven’t come up with anyone I think it could be either. I mean, if he’d been a bit fatter, I might have considered your dad, but they aren’t the same build at all.” “I know, it crossed my mind, too. Before I saw him again I thought it might
be a possibility, but now I don’t know.” “Well, I guess we’ll know soon enough. Do you think we’ll have to go to trial? I’ve never been to Court before.” “He surely won’t be able to plead innocent after all this.” “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” My house was relatively close to the station and we pulled up not long after. I undid my seatbelt and practically launched myself at Luke. “I’m kind of hoping we get some kind of compassionate leave from school, but I’ll see you tomorrow one way or
another.” Taking a deep breath, I said the words for a second time. “I love you.” Luke grinned ear-to-ear. “And I love you, too.” Our mouths met in a sweet kiss. “And I can’t wait for you to come round so we can just chill and cuddle and watch some TV.” “Sounds perfect.”
Chapter Eighteen My mum was curled up in a blanket watching TV with a glass of wine when I pulled my suitcase through the front door. Getting out of Luke’s car had burst a bubble as I realised I was going to have to tell my mum what had really been going on. “Hiya honey,” she greeted, patting the seat beside her. “You’re a bit later than I was expecting. How was your weekend?”
I stared at her happy face and found myself breaking down. Taking up her offer, I sat beside her and let the tears flow. “It all got really messed up, mum.” “Oh, what’s the matter?” She manoeuvred the blanket so it was covering me, too, and put down the wine to hug me. “Did you fall out with Luke again?” “I kind of did the opposite.” I told her everything, only choosing to omit the more intimate parts of mine and Luke’s relationship. By the end, I was sniffling hopelessly and even my mum’s eyes were shining with tears.
“Oh, sweetie,” she cooed, tightening her arms. “I’m so sorry. I never realised any of this was happening. You should have come to me earlier.” “I didn’t know how. When Phoebe said she was pregnant I was just trying to forget about Luke and then I was going to stop talking to Phoebe when I went to university. Then it turns out she wasn’t very stable and I somehow failed to notice that. I’ve been a horrible friend and now she’s in therapy. I messed up really bad.” “She didn’t even know until today what happened between you and Luke.
It’s not your fault that she went a bit off the rails.” There was no point in arguing with her about whether or not I was to blame – I was going to continue thinking that I was. “Mum, can I ask you about something?” “Of course,” she replied instantly. “What’s going on with dad?” My mum frowned. “What do you mean?” “You know what I mean. Why is he involved with drugs and stuff?” I’d
never told her about what happened with Luke’s dad and took the time to relay the story to her now. She sighed. “I was never going to tell you about all this and I certainly never meant to send him back towards that kind of thing. During the early stages of our relationship, your dad was hooked on coke. He cheated on me a few times, but we got over it. He gave it up and lost contact with all the people he’d known involved in that world. That was all. I made some passive-aggressive comments when we were speaking that I shouldn’t have done. Our divorce had nothing to do with that stuff.”
I nodded. “Thank you for telling me.” “I hope it’s not going to affect your relationship with him.” “It’s not. I’ll still go and visit him, I just don’t want to go visit him where he’s staying.” “Good,” my mum sounded relieved. “You can ask him about it if you want, but I’m not sure he’d be very happy to talk about it, especially considering his situation now.” “I know,” I cleared my throat. “I’m sorry for being so mean to you when dad
first moved out. I know I didn’t handle it very well. I guess I just didn’t understand.” “That’s okay,” my mum gave me a reassuring squeeze. “I knew that was how you’d react. I did do the wrong thing, but your father overreacted, too. It was poorly played on both sides.” “I’d like to meet Kevin, properly, if you’d like.” My mum twisted in her seat so she could see my entire face properly. “Really?” I chuckled, “yes, really. He seemed
nice enough and you’re obviously happier than before. I want to meet him.” “Well, I can definitely arrange that. We can go out for dinner somewhere.” “I’d like that.” My mum rested her head on my shoulder this time. “I am going to miss you when university comes around.” “I’ll only be half an hour away,” I assured her. “And Luke is studying in Sheffield, so I’ll be coming up here to visit all the time anyway.” “I suppose I’ll have to give him
that,” my mum laughed. “I hope he turns out to be a bit nicer than all the stories you’ve always told me about him.” Grinning, I shook my head in amusement. Luke and I had been complete bastards to each other for so long. “He is, I promise. You’ll have to formally meet him, as well.” “I’d like that, too.” A yawn interrupted our conversation and I’d settled so comfortably into the sofa that my muscles had finally relaxed. “I should go to bed,” I groaned, stretching my arms and wondering what Phoebe was doing.
The detective had said they’d assigned her a therapist, but that didn’t let me know how extreme her condition was. I hoped she was okay. “Yes, you should. Are you going into school tomorrow? Will the police need to talk to me at all?” “I honestly have no idea,” I admitted, unwinding myself from the blanket and cringing against the cold air of the lounge. “I think I’ll see how I feel in the morning about school. I really shouldn’t miss any since we’re nearing the end of the courses now.”
“If you need to talk at all during the night, then just come and knock on my door. I know you’re going to be feeling down for the next few days.” “I will do. Thanks, mum.” I trudged up the stairs, knowing things were getting better from this point onwards, but unable to get rid of the guilt that weighed me down. What I knew for certain was that talking to people made me feel significantly better. I was lucky to have my mum and Luke to keep me propped up until the sadness started to fade.
Chapter Nineteen School was painful. Phoebe wasn’t there, but she’d done a fantastic job of spreading the news that Luke and I were together among her other friends and they’d spread it around the entire school. Even a few people from the younger years gave us funny looks when we were walking through the corridors. “I guess I knew this would happen,” Luke admitted as we took our seats on a picnic bench. It was so cold outside that there wasn’t a soul out here with us. “I’d
been hoping to just keep the fact we were together silent at school.” “I know, me too,” I agreed. “But I knew this would happen, as well. It’s Phoebe’s style.” “Can’t say we don’t deserve it.” “No, that isn’t what I meant. I know I deserve it.” “Jamie isn’t speaking to me,” Luke admitted, rubbing the back of his head with a sigh. “So I guess we both lost our best friends after all.” “I’m sorry.” I would have squeezed
his hand, but we were both holding sandwiches. I just wanted to eat quickly enough that I could stick my hands back in my pockets before getting frostbite. “But this is what uni is for. Moving on and finding new friends. And everyone always likes you.” Luke sent me a gorgeous grin. “That’s true, they do.” “How is your mum? I’ll come around and see her tonight.” I was missing Angela a lot. She was definitely bubbly enough to keep me in high spirits. “She’s doing well, actually. I explained everything to her last night and
I think she was probably so relieved that I’m not having a baby and am with you by the end of it that she’s in a good mood.” “Well, as long as she doesn’t think I’m a bad influence I’m happy.” “There’s something else I meant to tell you.” The words were slightly sinister, but Luke didn’t seem too concerned about what he was about to say. “I went back to the police station last night, after dropping you off, and told them about what happened with my dad. They might want to ask you about what happened. I don’t know if they do anything about it, but I’d really rather he
was kept away from you if it’s possible.” “And they didn’t mention anything about you getting arrested for assault?” I double-checked. We were so close to getting to uni, I couldn’t handle Luke losing that because of some silly notion to protect me from what was probably an empty threat. “Nope, I’m all good, don’t worry.” I grinned, swallowing the last bit of my sandwich between our sentences and hurrying my cold, white fingers to my pocket. “We’re going to have to find a warmer hideout than this. I’ll have
hypothermia by the end of the week.” “Hopefully it might have died down by then,” he dared to hope. I laughed. “Don’t even pretend. Phoebe wasn’t even here today, when she gets back to school we’ve got no hope.” “True,” Luke finished off his own lunch and put the sandwich bag back in his bag. I groaned when I noticed someone walking straight towards us, but it was nerves that grew in my stomach when I recognised our detective. “Sorry to
bother you out here,” she wasn’t wearing nearly enough clothing for the cold weather and was probably ready to arrest one of us for making her walk all the way out here. “But we need to speak to you down at the station. We’ve signed you out of school.” Luke and I exchanged a glance before standing up. We’d both assumed the best case scenario. They’d caught our stalker. My hands were clammy the entire car ride there and I stared out of the window with apprehension swirling relentlessly through my mind. What if it
was someone I knew? Someone I cared about? What if they hadn’t really gotten the right person and someone was still out there looking for us? Luke reached out and squeezed my hand, pulling a face when he felt how sweaty it was to make me laugh. It worked and I pulled my hand back with a grin. “Gotta live with the pros and the cons, I’m afraid.” That managed to quell my anxious thoughts for all of twenty seconds before I was staring out the window with a frown again. Luckily it wasn’t far to drive to the station.
Inside the building, I tried to revel in the warmth rather than the fact I felt sick to my stomach. “It’s okay,” Luke soothed whilst the detective talked to the one of the receptionists. “This is a good thing.” “What if it’s someone we know? What if it’s someone I care about?” I voiced my thoughts again, eyes pleading for some reassurance. I’d never felt nerves like these before. “If it is, we’ll deal with it. I’m starting to think we can handle anything.” He pressed a kiss to my forehead and held my hand when the detective
gestured for us to follow her. She halted us just before the door. “We haven’t had time to check any records to see if you know this man yet, so I don’t want you to get an unpleasant surprise when you walk in there. Tyler Rorka, does that name mean anything do you?” Luke and I exchanged a confused look. “He’s our boss.” The man who’d been paying our wages for the past few months had been stalking us? It didn’t make any sense. There was no motive. There was almost relief at hearing the name. Just an acquaintance. I felt a
bit icky, remembering all the time he’d been sat in that backroom whilst we manned the shop. Why on Earth had he been out to hurt us? The detective nodded. “You can come in and watch his interview, if you’d like. We’re just about to get started. We wanted you to be here to validate things he said.” We slipped in behind her, Luke and I stood with our sides pressed firmly together as we watched Tyler from behind the one-sided window. He was sat, back straight, staring straight into the eyes of the officer conducting the interview. Someone popped their head
in and the officer began. “Tyler Rorka.” “Yes.” “Did you harass Carmen Slater and Luke Foster?” The solicitor sat at the side of him gave a firm shake of the head and Tyler followed suit. “I can’t answer that question. At least, not to you. Send her in and I’ll tell her why I did it.” “Her?” “Carmen. Send her in here and I’ll
tell her why I made her suffer.” My stomach dropped. It was me. It had been me he was targeting, not Luke. Luke grabbed my hand. “You don’t have to go in there.” “I want to.” Whatever his motive, I had to know and if the only way was to go in there and find out then so be it. I’d dealt with so much stuff over the past few weeks that going into a room and listening to someone talk couldn’t be so bad. Compared to all the other things Tyler had done to me, this was a piece of cake.
“We’ll keep the officer in the room, if he’ll allow it.” “And I’ll just be on the other side, listening,” Luke squeezed my hand once more and checked my face for some kind of assurance I was doing the right thing. He must have seen the decision, because he nodded once. “Don’t stay in there if you don’t want to.” I walked into the room with a hardened heart. Whatever he was going to tell me, I could cope with it. If he was just being a lecherous creep, I would tell him what a pervert I thought he was and watch him get sent down. I didn’t think that was what I was about to be told,
though. This seemed far more personal than mere sexual attraction. Slipping into the seat, I crossed my arms and was grateful for the officer standing in the corner behind me. “Why did you do it?” “I’m surprised you haven’t worked it out yet. Didn’t they tell you my last name?” His voice was completely calm as he watched me, fingers drumming against the table. “I don’t recognise it.” Rorka was the kind of name I’d probably remember, too.
Tyler raised an eyebrow, his face twisting unpleasantly. “Kevin Rorka. Not ringing any bells?” The surname didn’t, but the first name is. “As in, my mum’s boyfriend?” “Bingo. Right on the money. Your bitch of a mother’s boyfriend.” So it wasn’t even about me. It was my mum. “What did she do?” “Stole my father away from my mum, the whore. They’d been planning on separating, but they worked through it. Then, just as my dad moved back in, your mum showed up and took him away
again.” Tyler was pushing on thirty and I was surprised he was so affected by that. I’d cursed my mum for leaving with my dad, but this was going way too far. “You killed my friend’s baby,” I told him, voice cold. “That can’t just have been because my mum slept with your dad.” Tyler shrugged, a scary smirk touching his lips. “I knew she wasn’t pregnant. You guys don’t keep your lives very secret, no matter how sneaky you think you’re being. That’s why I had to hurt you instead of her. You were an open field of betrayals to plan on. So
much drama.” “You went through all that trouble,” I shook my head and leant back in my chair, wanting desperately to punch that smug smile right off his face, but holding myself. I knew the final blow would be worth it. “I did. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to hold in the tears right now. Facing the guy who ruined your life. And when your mum finds out, knows I crippled her daughter’s life all because of her, she’ll never recover, either.” I clapped once. “Congratulations.
Such a flawless plan. You’re a very intelligent man.” “Thank you.” “Only… there’s a few things you forgot about.” I rested my elbows on the desk and held my chin in my hands, watching him closely. “You let us know that Phoebe wasn’t really pregnant. She’d obviously been planning on pretending to have a miscarriage to keep Luke snared in for longer, but you solved that problem. Now she’s getting the therapy she needs. Luke and I are together, happier than ever now all the obstacles are out of the way. In fact, we might have never been together if you
hadn’t forced me to stay at his house those few times. I should thank you. In fact, I will.” I stuck my hand out for him to shake, but he sighed, waving me off and staring at the ceiling. He wasn’t shaking or angry, just crushed. I’d expected rage, but this was better. Far better. I stood up and smiled, walking from the room with a serene smile. “I’ll say hello to your dad for you when I go for dinner with him and my mum on Thursday.”
Epilogue “This feels a bit ridiculous,” I admitted, standing next to Luke whilst our parents took pictures. “I think it feels a lot better than if we were doing the real thing.” Luke’s arm was tight around my waist. “Would you please stop talking?” My mother exclaimed, pausing her snapping to glower. “You’ve got all night to talk, but right now I’m taking photos.”
My dad and Kevin both smirked at her outburst and Luke and I were forced to remain quiet. My dress was nowhere near as over the top as a real prom dress and I couldn’t have been happier for it. The puffy style wasn’t really for me and neither was going to a celebration where half the school hated me. The dress I’d ended up with for the evening was special, anyway. It was from a small boutique in the city centre and had been adjusted so it fit my practically non-existent curves snugly. The upper half was lacy and long sleeved, black and see through until it hit the top of my cleavage. Then it was
stuck to my body until it came just below my mid-thigh. Respectable enough for a fancy dinner date, I was sure. Luke definitely seemed to think so. He hadn’t been able to keep his gaze from my hips since I’d come downstairs. As much as I’d longed to dress Luke up in a tux, he’d been having absolutely none of it. I couldn’t blame him. We might be going out for an extortionately priced romantic dinner for two, but it didn’t quite justify a tux. His shirt and tie was plenty sexy, anyway. His muscles strained against the black material and I was sure I wasn’t
keeping my gaze any more chaste than his. I couldn’t wait to get away from our parents so I could ogle him to my heart’s content. “Oh, come on,” I groaned. “We’ve been at this forever. We’ll probably not make our reservation at this rate.” It couldn’t have been more than five minutes in actuality, but posing had never been my strong suit. Luke grinned down at me and his mother laughed. “This is perfect. We can stop now.” She passed the camera around for us to see the picture of me at my wit’s
end and Luke looking highly amused by it. “Perfect,” Luke applauded, handing it back. “Seriously though, we should get going.” I went through hugging everyone, smirking as Luke shook my dad’s hand. I knew my mum had been dying to see me go to prom in a big frilly dress, but things didn’t work out that well. “Have fun guys!” My mum called after us, talking animatedly to Luke’s mum as we drove off. “Your mum makes my mum even worse,” he complained. “She’s never been that fussy before.”
“Maybe she’s just never liked any of your girlfriends as much as me before,” I smirked, gripping his hand and lacing our fingers together. “You don’t think we’re going to be completely out of place at a fancy restaurant, do you? I think I’ll probably get the urge to talk with a really common accent and swear a lot if everyone’s super stuck up.” Luke’s laugh reverberated around the car. “It wouldn’t be the same if you didn’t.” Whilst Luke and I weren’t the topic of much conversation nowadays, we’d certainly not retained any friends for the
rest of the year. Prom wasn’t something I wanted to go to and Luke had readily agreed. Our parents had been saving up for prom stuff, though, so we’d put the money into doing something special after all. We were going out for a fancy meal in our fancy clothes and then staying at a (relatively) fancy hotel. The money only went so far. I was kind of surprised my mum had agreed to the hotel part, but Luke and I had both had our eighteenth birthdays now. I had to admit I was looking forward to the night of sex and cuddling just a little bit more than the meal.
Sitting down at the table, I stared around the room in awe. It was an exclusive little place, just ten or so tables in a rooftop room that looked over the city. I’d never thought Sheffield was pretty, but in the darkness, with just twinkling lights and stars it was significantly more beautiful. The room itself was a swamp of plants. They grew up trellises on the side of the wall and over the ceiling. It was June, so I supposed it could be flowering time for some of them. I convinced myself the gorgeous flowers and the aroma filling the room weren’t fake.
“This is gorgeous,” I whispered, ordering a cocktail for a change and tapping my feet up and down excitedly. “I’ve never done anything like this before.” Luke couldn’t contain his grin, either, as our drinks were placed down before us. “Me neither. I’m going to have big dreams about living the good life after this.” “When do you think we should count our anniversary from?” I pondered. “We could do this kind of thing every anniversary.”
“I would say the day before Phoebe’s birthday, but that might be a bit dark.” “Neither of us are going to speak to Phoebe ever again, I think it works just fine,” I decided, beaming. That was the day we’d agreed to be together, even if there had been obstacles since. “And that means we get to go out for another posh meal sooner, so that’s a bonus.” Luke nudged my foot under the table and sipped on his drink. “I feel like I should have lobster or steak or something.” “Nah, I’m just going to have pizza. I
just want to see what my favourite food tastes expensive-style.” “Can’t fault your plan,” Luke continued to scan the menu with a cute face of complete indecision. “This is so hard,” he whined. “I’m definitely not picking for you.” He flicked back and forth between the two pages for a solid few minutes before slamming the menu shut. “I’m going to have the peri-peri chicken skewers. I need to make sure I’ve left enough room for dessert, because that salted caramel tart looks gorgeous.”
I snatched my menu back up and flicked to the desserts. My sweet tooth was going to be well and truly satiated by this menu. And the food was just as good as I could have hoped for. “Pizza is never going to taste the same again, is it?” I teased, taking the last sip of my cocktail. Luke grinned. “I’m sure we can readjust ourselves to the life of peasantry quickly enough.” We paid the staggering bill with raised eyebrows and left the restaurant hand in hand.
On the way to the hotel, we drove past the prom venue. It was looking quiet now – everyone was inside having fun and I hoped Phoebe was enjoying herself. She’d come back to school a week after us and I’d never had another conversation with her. I kept tabs on her from a distance, of course, but I had no idea what went on behind closed doors. She always seemed fine, but I longed to know that she was really okay. The hotel was something akin to the one we’d stayed at when visiting Scarborough, but somehow different. It was a tiny building in the middle of the
city that looked completely out of place. It had probably been a pub in another lifetime. Inside was old-fashioned and homely, but I could tell straight away why it was so expensive. Every piece of furniture was antique – the ceilings were covered with the most gorgeous paintings with that fancy plasterwork around the outside. The fact that something could be both posh and welcoming surprised me slightly. We took the lift, even though it was only to the first floor, and shared a grin
before stepping out and into the corridor. Luke put in the key card and we slipped into the room we’d booked for the night. It was only tiny, a double bed with mountains of pillows in the middle, a big bay window on the other side and a little room with an en suite. It was perfect. Luke grabbed my hand and dragged me to the bed, lying down and letting me lie on top of him. My fingers drummed against his chest in a way that I knew irritated him and he ran his fingers through my hair with a smirk. My dress was too tight to straddle him properly without hiking it up to my hips.
So I did just that. Luke wasted no time in letting his fingers brush against my now exposed thigh and I leant forwards to kiss him. We only had the room for the night and we both wanted to make the absolute most out of it. Luke flipped us and I lay on my back, admiring his contented face. Fingers brushing against his cheek, I pressed a chaste kiss to his lips. Somehow, we’d made it through, and I wasn’t ashamed to say this was the happiest I’d ever been.
If you enjoyed this book, sign up to my newsletter here to hear about my new releases. I also post about new releases and works in progress on twitter @alexandra__vos and offer writing tips on my website. If you enjoyed the book, you
might also enjoy The Reluctant Assassin: As an orphan, Ilona Woods was forced into becoming an assassin due to her race, the Fae's, customs. Following strict rules and killing innocent people is a life she's never wanted, but there's finally some reprieve when she attends a new school and makes her first best friend. Until Jack Cooke, the black-haired boy from chemistry class, tries to poison her in the school cafeteria. He's determined she should pay for her lifestyle, but as secrets are revealed, neither can deny the attraction that grows between them.
By then it's too late, Jack has started into motion a chain of events no one is ready for. A forgotten race has risen up with a single champion and Ilona is his pawn, blackmailed into consenting to his will. In the final hour, she's forced to make the unbearable choice of who to save: herself, her race, or the humans she's come to love.
If you enjoyed this book, you might also enjoy The Kissing Ban: The Kissing Ban: The first one to lock
lips with another loses. Best friends Aleisha and Adrian think it's going to be a walkover, even with their competitive natures, but neither can guess the challenges ahead. For Aleisha, welcoming her exboyfriend back to town just as Adrian's brother is trying to steal a kiss seems to dash all hopes of winning. For Adrian, going on a date with the first girl he's ever been serious about is almost too much temptation. The competition is on.