Bittersweet Symphony J.L. Beck

Bittersweet Symphony
A Bittersweet Novella
Book Four
By: J.L. Beck
More by J.L. Beck
The Bittersweet Series:
(New Adult Contemporary)
BITTERSWEET REVENGE
BITTERSWEET LOVE
BITTERSWEET HATE
BITTERSWEET SYMPHONY
Copyright 2014 by Josi Beck
Cover design by Sprinkles on Top
Studio LLC
Cover photo by Shutterstock
Editing by Tina Donaldson
Formatting by (Bad Ass Bitch)
Angela Shockley
All rights reserved.
All rights reserved. No part of this
book may be reproduced in any
form or by any electronic or
mechanical means- except in the
case of brief quotations embodied in
articles or reviews- without written
permission from its publisher.
The characters and events portrayed
in this book are fictitious. Any
similarities to real persons, living or
dead is purely coincidental and not
intended by the author.
If you pirate my book I will find
you and hope that crabs bite at you
for the rest of your life. Moral of
story pay for the book don’t be an
asshole.
Copyright 2014 by Josi Beck
All rights reserved.
Dedication
To my fans. Without you, I would be
nothing. Thank you. Xoxo.
Table of Contents
Dedication
Prologue
Kennedy
Ryder
Kennedy
Ryder
Kennedy
Ryder
Kennedy
Ryder
Kennedy
Ryder
Kennedy
Ryder
Kennedy
Epilogue
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Prologue
One year earlier
“Why can’t we be together
Kennedy?” Sam asked, his voice
just above a whisper. How I had
allowed myself to be trapped in a
corner by him yet again was starting
to make me second guess my
choices.
“Because I don’t like you
like that,” I retorted, smashing my
lips together and giving him a dirty
look. His hands pushed into my
shoulder blades, forcing my back
against the brick wall. A fury was
igniting within me. Why do I allow
myself to be treated like this?
“But you do. The proof is in
your panties,” he said, growling in
my ear as his hands headed south.
He was fast, but I was faster. I
pushed his hands away with a
strength I wasn’t aware I possessed.
“There is no proof in my
panties; you’re disgusting,” I spat at
him. My eyes met his, and I was
startled by the anger that reflected
back at me. It sent a zing to my
brain warning me that this could get
ugly really fast.
In an instant, his hand
reached up, his fingers threading
deeply into my hair. There was a
pulsating pain at my scalp as he
pulled harshly. Gritting my teeth, I
pulled away; pieces of my precious
hair fell from my head into his
hand.
A cruel smile showed on his
face as he examined the blonde
strands in his hand. He was sinister
and evil. There was a special place
in hell for someone like him.
“You think telling me to stop
will… stop me? You think telling
me no will end this? If so, you’re
wrong… so wrong…” His finger
trailed over my cheek, and the need
to reach out and bite it off was
strong.
“See, your little tirade of
saying no just makes me want you
more. You pushing me away and
telling me to stop makes me push
harder. You might not want me now,
but someday you will. When that
time comes, you’ll beg and plead to
be mine.”
The light in his eyes
evaporated, leaving the shell of a
person I had known my whole life.
We used to be best friends; we used
to hang out every summer and go
swimming and camping together.
That all changed once we hit our
sophomore year of high school, and
he admitted to having feelings for
me.
That’s when it all went to
shit: when I had to tell him I didn’t
love him like he did me. Since then,
I had lost touch with who Sam was.
“I will never want you.
You’re dark and evil, and if you
keep down this track, no one will
ever want you.” It was a low blow,
and even though I knew better than
to say such harsh things to him, it
was true.
How telling someone the
truth could result in not only losing
your best friend, but being bullied
and harassed, was beyond me. I was
lost, lost at how being honest could
cause a roller coaster of emotions to
occur.
His fingers dug into my
cheek, and I cried out in pain. My
eyes were begging to see something,
anything, in his when it happened: a
flash. I couldn’t tell if it was anger,
sadness, or guilt, but it was there,
and then it was gone.
“Kennedy, I promise you
that one day, when you realize no
one wants your pitiful ass, I will be
there to pick you up and be the man
you need.” And just like that, he
released his hold and turned away
from me.
Even if I had tried, I couldn’t
stop myself from responding. “What
did I ever do to you? What made
you such a dark, horrible person?” I
could feel tears streaming down my
face. I didn’t even care that I was
showing that I cared; I didn’t care if
he could see how much it hurt me to
go through this with him. I was
done.
His footsteps faltered as he
turned around, staring at me. His
face didn’t have an ounce of
emotion on it. Right then and there I
knew- I knew there was no saving
him. There was no saving someone
who didn’t want to be saved.
“It’s not about what you did,
Kennedy, but more about what you
didn’t do.” My head was spinning
with how many different directions
that could go in.
Then he let out a laugh, a
dark, quiet laugh. It sent shivers
down my spine, and made my heart
beat faster.
“What’s meant to be will
be… I’ll make sure of it.” He
walked away from me, leaving me
with my heart in my hands. Anger
raged through me, far more than it
ever had. Someone like him
couldn’t hurt or hate me for
something that I didn’t do. He was
wrong, and I was certain of it. I
would never bow to him. Ever. I
would never bow to anyone. I
walked down the front steps of the
school, knowing there was no going
back from what just happened.
Kennedy
You know what I hate more
than being late for class? Assholes
who make me late for class. Sam
Wickes knows he is an asshole; he
is the epitome of assholes. Once
upon a time, he had been my best
friend; now, he is the biggest
mistake in my life. Simply saying I
know him at all bothers me.
I push my glasses up the
bridge of my nose, willing myself
not to lose my shit. Literally and
figuratively. My pens and papers are
sprawled across the floor in what
seems to be a mile radius. Yup.
Late. That’s what I am going to be
because of him.
I glare up at Sam who is
obviously still a bully. I never
would have thought that in college,
people can still be so immature and
self-centered that they feel the need
to hurt others. Turns out some
people never grow up; sometimes
they let their black hearts swallow
them whole.
“Looks like you made a
rather large mess here, Kennedy.”
Sam’s voice is menacing, like nails
on a chalkboard. All I can do is talk
myself through this as I cautiously
pick up my stuff.
I follow the strategic rules
that I always have in place to avoid
drawing attention to myself. Sam
plucks one of my pens up off the
floor and examines it.
“These are rather nice pens.
Where did you ever get the money
to buy such a nice pen?” I almost
roll my eyes, almost. For someone
like him to get accepted to Berkeley
and not use it to his full abilities
just doesn’t make sense to me. Hell,
I don’t even understand how he got
accepted. He is about as dumb as
dumb got.
All he has going for him is
that his family has money, and he is
halfway decent looking. However,
to me, he just looks like a sad
excuse of a human being. Looks will
only get you so far, so when you are
an asshole over and over again…
Yeah, that is a major turn off.
“They’re just pens. I need
them for school so give them back.”
I’m not above begging. I do what I
can to get by. In the end, I will be
far more advanced in life if I do so.
It doesn’t matter what you do in life
or where you go; there are people
like Sam everywhere. Grin and bear
it.
“Are you already giving into
me?” He chuckles as he advances
toward me. His shiny, new shoes are
directly in front of my face in a
passing second. I reach out to grab
the remainder of my belongings.
Just as my fingers circle around the
point of a pen, Sam’s foot comes
down hard on my fingers. I stifle a
cry of pain by biting my lip, willing
myself to not give into his shitty
behavior.
He isn’t above physically
hurting me; he isn’t above doing it
to anyone, male or female. He
probably kicks dogs in his free time
just for fun.
Here I am, on my knees, in
the middle of the hall, and Sam
steps on my hand. “Now, now,
Kennedy,” he says, gripping my
chin in his hand. I look at him with
so much disgust that as he registers
the look on my face, his smile
grows larger and his foot presses
harder onto my hand. Tears prick at
the back of my eyes, and I blink
them away, praying they won’t spill
over. I refuse to allow him to see the
hurt and emotion he invokes in me.
Pain shoots up my arm, and I
let out a tiny whimper attempting to
alleviate some of the pain, but it
does me no good.
“Don’t be a baby, Kennedy. I
know you like it rough. I know you
dream about me.” If I could bite
Sam, I would; if I could puke all
over his stupid brand new shoes, I
would. His eyes scan the halls,
looking for someone I’m sure. His
foot eases off my hand as he notices
someone coming down the hall. I
hear laughter and know my day is
about to get fifty times worse.
“Pick up your shit and get
the fuck out of my way!” Sam yells
at me, annoyance heavily lacing his
words. I wiggle my fingers back and
forth as the laughter grows closer.
College is no different than high
school, and I am dumb to think that
I could get away from people like
him. They are everywhere, lurking
in all the deep corners of the world.
“Well, well, what do we
have here?” A voice that sings to
my blood, that has me feeling things
I shouldn’t, sounds behind me. I
tuck some loose strands of my
blonde hair behind my ear and
shuffle my papers back into their
folder, ignoring the conversation
that is about to take place.
“Just another girl throwing
herself onto her knees for me,” Sam
says smugly. As the fuck if. Never,
ever, will you find me on my knees
giving him a blow job; and if you
do, I won’t be giving him a blow
job, I will be biting his dick off and
feeding it to the sharks.
“I can see that. At least this
one is pretty.” I turn around to take
in the sight of the man whose voice
I know that belonged to: Ryder
Winchester. He is Berkeley’s most
profound player and manwhore. He
can have you out of your panties and
panting with need faster than you
can say “Give it to me hard!”
because that’s all he knows. Less
than six months here and he has
become the king of pussy. Men want
to be him, and girls want to be with
him.
His eyes are a brilliant
green, almost like the forest. His
hair is a dismantled mess, but he
always has this calm, cool, and
collected attitude. He is intense and
scary and way out of my league, but
I still want to lick his jaw line that
is so clenched sometimes, I wonder
if the touch of my tongue would
loosen some tension.
I stand, fixing my sweatshirt.
I’m not anything to look at, so when
I turn to walk in the direction Ryder
just came from, I freeze. His eyes
assault mine as he looks over every
inch of my body. For a second, for
one tiny little second, I think I can
see him putting the puzzle pieces
together as he looks between Sam
and me.
“If I need anything from
you, I’ll come find you,” Sam says,
his voice filling my mind. Don’t go
there, Kennedy, he’s probably a user
and abuser.
I’m still not moving; my
body needs to catch up with my
mind quickly because I can feel the
anger radiating out of Sam. Just as
I’m about to take my first step away
from him, I feel a hard push on my
lower back. Shock courses through
me. Did he just push me?
I turn around, glaring at him.
I put every ounce of hate into my
stare.
“Get moving. You’re no
longer needed here.” My mind fills
with so much irritation, I am
surprised I can form a coherent
word.
“Do not touch me,” I ground
out. I never had the balls or time to
reply to anything he said to me
before. But this pushing thing, if I
allow it to slide, he will just turn
around and do something worse.
“Whoa, dude, you don’t push
women. I don’t care how shitty the
blow job was,” Ryder jokes. He
sends me a panty dropping smile.
His teeth are a brilliant white, and I
can’t tell if his smile is to comfort
me or not.
“She likes it rough, dude.
Plus, if I tell her to do something,
she should be fucking doing it.”
Sam is pissed, more than pissed. His
eyes are black, and I know that I
have just made a horrible mistake.
Ryder takes a step and
another and then another until he is
in between us, facing Sam. Ryder
stands a good two inches taller than
Sam and a good foot above me.
“I know when ladies like it
rough, dude. I’m not one to step in
to this kind of shit, but if you push
her again, I will bury you ten feet in
the fucking ground. Understand?”
He sounds calm, too calm. But as I
peek around them, I can tell he is
anything but. They stare at one
another, and I have known Sam long
enough to see him contemplating
his next move.
“Yeah,” he says hesitantly as
he watches me over Ryder’s
shoulder. His eyes hold a look that
tells me I should be running and
hiding. I never needed a knight and
shining armor before, and I sure as
hell don’t need one now either.
I am still rooted to my spot
when Sam turns around and walks
away. I’m in awe of Ryder. No one
has ever stood up to Sam like that.
“Does he do that often?”
Ryder asks curiously as he turns
around. I don’t realize how close we
are to one another until I feel the
fabric of his shirt rubbing against
my nose, his delicious smell
surrounding me.
“Huh?” I ask, completely out
of it. I would love to say that he
doesn’t have an effect on me, but he
does. Anyone with a vagina within
fifty feet of him is affected, I’m
sure.
A smooth smile creeps onto
his face, and the tension in his jaw
slips away. He is beautiful,
magnificent. He is every girl’s
dream and most definitely will be in
mine for days to come.
“You’re kind of cute,” he
replies teasingly. His finger traces
the edge of my glasses as he pushes
them back up the bridge of my nose.
I need new glasses…or maybe not.
Maybe I could get him to push my
glasses onto my face more often
or… Wait, did he just say I am
cute?
“I’m not kind of cute. I’m
damn cute. I’m way out of your
league cute.” What possesses me to
say those words to him I have no
clue. Guess it just seemed like a
good idea at the time.
“And sassy. Cute and sassy,”
he mumbles, as if to say it to
himself. Sassy, yes, I sadly am. Not
many people get to see that side of
me though. I hide many things from
people. It is easier to be undetached
when it seems like everyone is
willing to throw you under the bus
to get where they need to be.
“Don’t think I owe you
something because you stuck up for
me against Sam. He will be back
with a vengeance, I’m sure,” I fire
back.
Ryder looks at me sideways
as his smile grows wider. I back up
but am stopped as his hand snakes
around my back. He pulls me closer
into his body, and I refuse to allow
myself to be his next victim. He’s
like a spider who builds its web,
hiding and waiting for you to come
to him. Once you step in to see if
the web will hold you, you think it’s
safe to sneak in and claim him. I
mean, come on, without a spider in
sight, you’re safe, right? Suddenly
you get too comfortable with where
you’re at, and out of nowhere, the
spider strikes, leaving you paralyzed
as he injects his venom into you.
Ryder is a spider and no way
in hell do I want to get caught up in
his web.
“Let go of me. I’m sure I
have had enough assaulting for one
day.” A sadness seeps onto his face,
and I watch as he goes through a
wave of emotions.
“You think I would fuck
with you like that dick did?” he
asks, his voice rough. But it’s also
like honey as it warms me makes
me want to melt.
“Not really, but who’s to say
you’re any better than him? I know
guys like you, Ryder. Sam might be
a gigantic ass, but he would never
swoop in and give me love and a
false sense of hope just get himself
into my panties.”
In the next moment, he
releases me like I am a disease, a
look of disgust evident on his face. I
didn’t say what I said to piss him
off. It is the honest to God truth, and
I am making it clear that I don’t
blur lines with him. When, and if, I
ever look for love, I want the
happily ever after kind, the kind that
keeps you coming back for more. I
want it to be raw and consume me.
Ryder doesn’t offer happily ever
afters, and I can tell that just by the
way he looks
“I’m sorry, I must’ve
mistaken you for a real lady, my
bad. Now that we have made it
clear, are you ready to drop your
panties so I can fuck you against the
wall and give you that false sense of
hope? I can show you love for all of
ten minutes while I’m pumping in
and out of you, while you’re
screaming my name when you
climax. That what you want,
Blondie? Because clearly that’s all
I’m good for,” he seethes as he
mocks me. I feel my face growing
red as I take small steps backward.
He advances toward me, and in all
of thirty minutes, I have been
bullied and assaulted twice.
My back hits the wall and I
shy away from him, turning my face
away. I won’t look at him as if he’s
a god anymore. I will look at him
the same way I look at Sam: like the
asshole he is.
“That what you want,
Blondie? You want me to bury
myself balls deep in you?” He is so
crude, and it disgusts me even more.
I’m not particularly afraid of him,
but I am nervous about what he’s
capable of.
“No. I want you and every
guy like you to leave me alone. I’m
sorry if I assumed something about
you that you don’t think is true, but
it is, and ninety nine percent of the
female student body would tell you
that. You don’t do love, and we all
know that.” My matter of fact tone
must push him over the edge
because he turns around and stalks
away from me. I can practically see
the steam rolling off of him.
For the first time, I am left
utterly speechless. I have not one,
but two Sam’s to contend with this
year. Fantastic.
Ryder
I am seething; no, I am
pissed. How a little girl about five
foot tall with blonde hair and
piercing blue eyes has wiggled
herself under my skin, I don’t
know. All I can think about is
finding a way to crush her, to
obliterate her from getting any
closer. Blondie sees underneath my
armor, and I need to pull my shit
together quickly. I guess that’s what
I get for sticking up for her. Funny
she can tell me to take the high
road, but she can’t put asshole Sam
in his place.
I want to punch something,
to kick something, anything, to
alleviate the anger stirring in my
veins. Who does she think she is,
telling me that I don’t do happily
ever after’s and fairy bullshit? Of
course I don’t fucking do that; I do
nothing but fuck; mindless, no holds
barred fucking that little, innocent
girl has no clue how to do.
Since leaving her in the hall,
all I can think about is the way her
dark, blue eyes looked into mine
when Sam pushed her and how her
plump lips will look in between my
teeth. She doesn’t dress to show off,
so I have no idea what she is
packing underneath her clothes. But
that doesn’t matter to me; her
feistiness makes up for that just
fine.
Her silky, smooth skin will
be as soft as satin; her hair will flow
in blonde, endless waves... God, my
dick was getting hard thinking about
all the ways I can take her against a
wall.
I need to stop, and I need to
find a way to keep her at bay. Fuck,
I need to find a way to keep myself
at bay.
“You look angry. Something
happen to you?” Landon, my
roommate, asks as I slam the door
to our apartment. Since Rex and
Jenna… God, just the slip of her
name drives me insane sometimes.
Since they moved in together, and
Corey and Mimi finally stopped eye
fucking and actually started fucking
one another, I was forced to get a
roommate. Not that Landon is bad
or anything, but I prefer solitude.
We are the same side of a coin, and
we get each other; that’s all that
matters anyway.
“Not something, more like
someone. Do you know a guy named
Sam?” I ask, stalking into the
kitchen for a bottle of water. I need
to work out or fuck someone
because I can’t deal with the ache,
the burn, within me.
“I think so. Kind of has the
face of an ass crack, walks around
like he owns the place, smug, total
douche? Of course. W...